All language subtitles for According to Jim - 08x04 - Jami McFame.Unspecified.English.updated.Addic7ed.com

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek Download
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,837 --> 00:00:05,139 HI, GIRLS. 2 00:00:05,173 --> 00:00:07,408 HI, DAD. HEY. 3 00:00:07,441 --> 00:00:12,080 AAH! AAH! AAH! 4 00:00:12,113 --> 00:00:14,048 DAD, STOP TRYING TO GET 5 00:00:14,082 --> 00:00:16,184 ON "AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEOS." 6 00:00:16,217 --> 00:00:17,751 I NEED THAT $10,000... 7 00:00:17,785 --> 00:00:20,488 5 GRAND EACH FOR YOUR COLLEGE FUND. 8 00:00:20,521 --> 00:00:22,156 SORRY, KYLE. 9 00:00:22,190 --> 00:00:25,559 (singsongy) HA HA. YOU HAVE TO GO TO COLLEGE. 10 00:00:25,593 --> 00:00:28,229 OH, YOUR UNCLE ANDY'S COMIN'. 11 00:00:28,262 --> 00:00:31,132 DEMON BOY, BACK IN THE CLOSET. 12 00:00:31,165 --> 00:00:34,202 (chuckles) WHAT'S WITH THE CAMERA? 13 00:00:34,235 --> 00:00:37,238 WE'RE DOING A SCHOOL PROJECT ON MORBID OBESITY. 14 00:00:37,271 --> 00:00:39,740 UH, SO JUST ACT NATURAL. 15 00:00:39,773 --> 00:00:41,775 AH. HI-LARIOUS. 16 00:00:41,809 --> 00:00:44,212 YOU KNOW, GIRLS, WE SHARE SOME D.N.A. 17 00:00:44,245 --> 00:00:46,747 ODDS ARE, ONE OF YOU TWO GETS THESE THIGHS. 18 00:00:46,780 --> 00:00:51,219 (laughs) OH, CRAP! 19 00:00:54,288 --> 00:00:56,157 AAH! 20 00:00:56,190 --> 00:00:58,559 AAH! 21 00:00:58,592 --> 00:01:02,230 THAT IS PERFECT! 22 00:01:02,263 --> 00:01:03,864 GIRLS? 23 00:01:03,897 --> 00:01:07,135 CAN YOU HAND ME MY CANDY? 24 00:01:07,168 --> 00:01:10,204 ♪♪♪ 25 00:01:18,612 --> 00:01:21,749 (snores softly) 26 00:01:29,257 --> 00:01:30,291 (chuckles) 27 00:01:30,324 --> 00:01:32,560 (laughs) (laughs) 28 00:01:37,331 --> 00:01:40,334 (sniffs) (giggling) 29 00:01:55,183 --> 00:01:58,486 COME ON, GIRLS. IT'S $10,000. 30 00:01:58,519 --> 00:02:00,854 THEY DON'T JUST GIVE IT AWAY. 31 00:02:00,888 --> 00:02:03,157 BUT I LIKE THE EFFORT. 32 00:02:03,191 --> 00:02:04,792 YOU KNOW WHAT? 33 00:02:04,825 --> 00:02:07,228 WHEN YOUR MOMMY COMES BACK FROM VISITING AUNT DANA, 34 00:02:07,261 --> 00:02:10,631 WE'LL TRY THE FAKE DOG POOP IN THE BED. 35 00:02:10,664 --> 00:02:13,501 BUT WE DON'T HAVE A DOG. 36 00:02:13,534 --> 00:02:15,135 YOU HAVE A BROTHER. 37 00:02:24,478 --> 00:02:25,813 SCAT! 38 00:02:28,549 --> 00:02:31,719 JIM. JIM. OH, I GOTTA TALK TO YOU. 39 00:02:31,752 --> 00:02:33,521 THIS IS BIG NEWS... 40 00:02:33,554 --> 00:02:36,257 MAJOR LIFE DECISION HERE. 41 00:02:36,290 --> 00:02:40,194 SO I SHOULD MUTE "WHEEL OF FORTUNE"? 42 00:02:40,228 --> 00:02:41,662 YES, PLEASE. 43 00:02:41,695 --> 00:02:44,532 WHAT? 44 00:02:44,565 --> 00:02:48,436 I'M GONNA PROPOSE TO EMILY. I'M GONNA ASK HER TO MARRY ME. BAD MOVE. 45 00:02:48,469 --> 00:02:51,439 SO WHAT DO YOU THINK? WORST IDEA OF YOUR LIFE. 46 00:02:51,472 --> 00:02:53,574 SO YOU'RE ON THE FENCE? 47 00:02:53,607 --> 00:02:56,477 DISASTER. TRAIN WRECK. CAR CRASH. 48 00:02:56,510 --> 00:02:58,246 DON'T DO IT. 49 00:02:58,279 --> 00:03:00,548 OH, "GUNS OF NAVARONE." GOT IT. 50 00:03:00,581 --> 00:03:02,983 DON'T WASTE MY TIME, SAJAK! 51 00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:05,986 I-I-I DON'T GET IT, JIM. I LOVE EMILY. SHE LOVES ME. 52 00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:08,422 I'VE BEEN CARRYING AROUND A RING FOR WEEKS 53 00:03:08,456 --> 00:03:12,726 LOOKING FOR THE RIGHT MOMENT. ANDY, TRUST ME. I AM A GREAT READER OF PEOPLE. 54 00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:15,829 EMILY IS NOT READY. WELL, I AM. 55 00:03:15,863 --> 00:03:17,998 NO, ANDY, YOU ARE A DESPERATE, LONELY MAN 56 00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:20,968 WHO DOESN'T WANT TO DIE ALONE. 57 00:03:21,001 --> 00:03:24,438 DESPERATE, LONELY PEOPLE CAN GET MARRIED, TOO. 58 00:03:24,472 --> 00:03:27,441 YEAH, BUT IF YOU ASK HER TOO SOON, YOU'RE GONNA BLOW IT. 59 00:03:27,475 --> 00:03:30,778 REMEMBER THE TIME YOU PROPOSED TO THAT WOMAN ON THE PLANE? 60 00:03:30,811 --> 00:03:33,914 (gasps) WE HAD A CONNECTION. SHE GAVE ME PEANUTS. 61 00:03:33,947 --> 00:03:37,518 ANDY, SHE WAS THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT! 62 00:03:37,551 --> 00:03:39,787 YOU THINK YOU HAVE A CONNECTION WITH EVERYBODY. 63 00:03:39,820 --> 00:03:42,656 YOU THINK YOU EVEN CONNECT WITH WOMEN AT RED LIGHTS. 64 00:03:42,690 --> 00:03:46,794 OH, REMEMBER THAT ONE? SHE REALLY GAVE ME THE EYE. 65 00:03:46,827 --> 00:03:50,398 SHE WAS A COP, AND YOU WERE DRINKIN'. 66 00:03:50,431 --> 00:03:53,701 WHEN SHE PATTED ME DOWN, SHE LINGERED. 67 00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:55,736 JIM, JIM, NO... ANDY, ANDY, I'M... 68 00:03:55,769 --> 00:03:57,738 I'M TELLIN' YA, EMILY IS THE ONE. 69 00:03:57,771 --> 00:03:59,973 I REALLY WANT HER TO BE MY WIFE. 70 00:04:00,007 --> 00:04:02,776 WELL, THEN DON'T PROPOSE TO HER TOO EARLY. 71 00:04:02,810 --> 00:04:04,678 OTHERWISE, YOU'RE GONNA BLOW IT. 72 00:04:04,712 --> 00:04:06,680 YOU'RE GONNA LOSE HER. YOU KNOW WHAT? 73 00:04:06,714 --> 00:04:09,517 YOU ONLY GET ONE SHOT AT THIS, ANDY. 74 00:04:09,550 --> 00:04:11,685 OKAY. OKAY. THANKS, BUDDY. 75 00:04:11,719 --> 00:04:13,921 GOOD, GOOD, GOOD. DON'T RUSH THINGS. 76 00:04:13,954 --> 00:04:15,689 OH, YEAH. (chuckles) 77 00:04:15,723 --> 00:04:17,958 AND WH-WHEN DID YOU BUY THE RING? 78 00:04:17,991 --> 00:04:20,861 OH, IT'S AN ANTIQUE THAT BELONGED TO MY GRANDMOTHER. 79 00:04:20,894 --> 00:04:22,463 MOM OVERNIGHTED IT 80 00:04:22,496 --> 00:04:25,499 WHEN SHE HEARD I HAD A SECOND DATE WITH EMILY. 81 00:04:27,435 --> 00:04:29,437 HEY, GUYS. 82 00:04:29,470 --> 00:04:31,439 HI. HMM. OH. 83 00:04:31,472 --> 00:04:33,441 ANDY, YOU READY TO GO SHOPPING? OH. 84 00:04:33,474 --> 00:04:35,776 MY ANDYMAN NEEDS NEW UNDIE PANTS. 85 00:04:35,809 --> 00:04:38,879 OH, GOING UNDERWEAR SHOPPING, HUH? 86 00:04:38,912 --> 00:04:40,848 YEAH, WELL, ELASTIC HAS A SHELF LIFE. 87 00:04:40,881 --> 00:04:44,518 I MEAN, I'VE FALLEN OUT OF THE HAMMOCK ONCE OR TWICE. MM. 88 00:04:44,552 --> 00:04:46,520 OOH! 89 00:04:46,554 --> 00:04:48,522 HONEY, BAT IN THE CAVE. 90 00:04:48,556 --> 00:04:50,458 OH, DEAR. OH. 91 00:04:50,491 --> 00:04:52,826 NO, I GOT IT. I GOT IT. (chuckles) 92 00:04:52,860 --> 00:04:54,362 OKAY. BLOW. 93 00:04:54,395 --> 00:04:55,929 (blows) 94 00:04:55,963 --> 00:04:57,598 OTHER SIDE. (blows) 95 00:04:57,631 --> 00:04:59,500 BIG FINISH. (blows loudly) 96 00:04:59,533 --> 00:05:01,602 UP, TUG, WIPE. 97 00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:04,605 OH. (chuckles) THAT IS THE SWEETEST, MOST DISGUSTING THING 98 00:05:04,638 --> 00:05:06,607 I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE. 99 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:09,877 ANDY YOU GOT A MINUTE? I'D LIKE TO TALK TO YOU IN THE KITCHEN. 100 00:05:09,910 --> 00:05:12,980 YEAH. OH, ONE SECOND. UP! 101 00:05:13,013 --> 00:05:14,915 JUST A MINUTE. 102 00:05:16,550 --> 00:05:19,787 WELL, ANDY... 103 00:05:19,820 --> 00:05:21,755 YOU HAVE TO PROPOSE TO THAT WOMAN. 104 00:05:21,789 --> 00:05:22,690 WHAT? 105 00:05:22,723 --> 00:05:25,726 YEAH. SHE'S READY. SHE'S PRACTICALLY BEGGING. 106 00:05:25,759 --> 00:05:27,728 YOU JUST TOLD ME IT WAS TOO SOON. 107 00:05:27,761 --> 00:05:29,830 I DIDN'T KNOW ALL THE FACTS. I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT 108 00:05:29,863 --> 00:05:32,132 THE NOSE BLOWING AND THE UNDERWEAR BUYING. 109 00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:35,135 ANDY, IF YOU WANT ME TO HELP YOU, 110 00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:38,406 I GOTTA KNOW THIS INFORMATION. I DIDN'T THINK IT WAS RELEVANT. IT'S NOTHING. 111 00:05:38,439 --> 00:05:40,541 IT'S LIKE WHEN SHE TRIMS MY EYEBROWS. 112 00:05:40,574 --> 00:05:42,910 (inhales sharply) SHE'S TRIMMING YOUR EYEBROWS? 113 00:05:42,943 --> 00:05:45,145 HOW LONG HAS THIS BEEN GOING ON? 114 00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:46,747 SIX WEEKS. 115 00:05:46,780 --> 00:05:48,482 ANDY, SIX WEEKS. 116 00:05:48,516 --> 00:05:51,819 ANDY, ANDY, DO I OFFEND YOU? HAVE I OFFENDED YOU? 117 00:05:51,852 --> 00:05:54,655 YOU CUT ME OUT OF YOUR LIFE LIKE THIS? 118 00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:56,390 WHAT? 119 00:05:56,424 --> 00:05:58,759 SHE'S BEEN TRIMMING YOUR EYEBROWS FOR SIX WEEKS. 120 00:05:58,792 --> 00:06:04,432 SHE'S... GOD. MY GOD, I-I-I THINK IT'S TOO LATE. 121 00:06:04,465 --> 00:06:06,834 TOO LATE? TOO... TOO... TOO LATE FOR WHAT? 122 00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:09,703 TO PROPOSE TO HER. WELL, YOU'VE BEEN IGNORING HER SIGNALS 123 00:06:09,737 --> 00:06:11,805 FOR SO LONG, SHE'S PROBABLY TIRED OF IT. 124 00:06:11,839 --> 00:06:14,775 YOU KNOW WHAT? I BET SHE'S ON TO THE NEXT MAN. 125 00:06:14,808 --> 00:06:16,944 OH, GOD! OH, GOD! OH, GOD, OH! 126 00:06:16,977 --> 00:06:19,480 I'M GONNA LOSE HER! I'M GONNA LOSE HER! 127 00:06:19,513 --> 00:06:21,749 NOT IF YOU PROPOSE TO HER THIS VERY MINUTE. REALLY? 128 00:06:21,782 --> 00:06:25,453 YES. TRUST ME. I'M A GREAT READER OF PEOPLE. BUT THAT'S NOT TRUE, JIM. 129 00:06:25,486 --> 00:06:27,455 YOU'RE NOT A GREAT READER OF PEOPLE. 130 00:06:27,488 --> 00:06:29,790 YOU'RE JUST LOUDER THAN EVERYONE ELSE. (loudly) ANDY! 131 00:06:29,823 --> 00:06:32,192 (lowers voice) OKAY, JUST LISTEN TO ME. 132 00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:34,762 OKAY? 133 00:06:34,795 --> 00:06:36,930 I DON'T WANT TO SCARE YOU... 134 00:06:36,964 --> 00:06:41,802 BUT THIS IS YOUR VERY LAST SHOT AT HAPPINESS EVER. 135 00:06:41,835 --> 00:06:45,105 (falsetto voice) OH, MY GOD. 136 00:06:45,138 --> 00:06:48,542 NOW GET IN THERE AND PROPOSE TO THAT WOMAN 137 00:06:48,576 --> 00:06:51,645 AND MAKE HER YOUR WIFE. OKAY. NOW I REALLY DO NEED NEW UNDERPANTS. 138 00:06:51,679 --> 00:06:55,849 COME ON. HONEY, I JUST NEED TO HIT THE BATHROOM... 139 00:06:55,883 --> 00:06:58,752 (whispers) THERE'S NO TIME FOR THIS. AND THEN WE CAN GO. 140 00:06:58,786 --> 00:07:01,455 THERE'S NO TIME FOR THIS. OH, BUT I REALLY DO NEED... 141 00:07:01,489 --> 00:07:03,591 THIS CAN'T WAIT. THIS CAN'T WAIT. 142 00:07:03,624 --> 00:07:06,836 I HAVE SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT TO ASK YOU. JIM HAS SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT TO ASK YOU. 143 00:07:06,860 --> 00:07:09,129 (chuckles) 144 00:07:09,162 --> 00:07:11,599 OH! (grunts) 145 00:07:11,632 --> 00:07:14,468 EMILY, I-I LOVE YOU. 146 00:07:14,502 --> 00:07:18,839 PUT THIS RING ON YOUR FINGER AND... AND SAY YOU'LL BE MY WIFE. 147 00:07:18,872 --> 00:07:21,074 OH, MY GOD. 148 00:07:21,108 --> 00:07:23,744 YOU'RE... YOU'RE THE ONLY WOMAN FOR ME. 149 00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:26,547 YEAH, I-I-I-I-I WANT YOU TO BLOW MY NOSE 150 00:07:26,580 --> 00:07:29,182 AND TRIM MY EYEBROWS FOREVER. 151 00:07:29,216 --> 00:07:31,084 YES. 152 00:07:31,118 --> 00:07:33,253 YES, YOU'LL MARRY ME, OR YES, YOU'LL BLOW MY NOSE? 153 00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:35,723 YES, I'LL MARRY YOU, AND I'LL BLOW YOUR NOSE, 154 00:07:35,756 --> 00:07:38,726 AND I'LL TRIM YOUR EYEBROWS, AND I'LL PLUCK YOUR BACK HAIR, 155 00:07:38,759 --> 00:07:42,630 BUT RIGHT NOW I AM ABOUT TO PEE MY PANTS. 156 00:07:42,663 --> 00:07:43,597 OH! 157 00:07:43,631 --> 00:07:46,667 I'VE WANTED TO HEAR THOSE WORDS FOR SO LONG. 158 00:07:48,602 --> 00:07:50,203 (giggles) 159 00:07:50,237 --> 00:07:52,205 OH, MY GOD! 160 00:07:52,239 --> 00:07:54,508 I'M GETTIN' MARRIED! 161 00:07:54,542 --> 00:07:57,611 THANK YOU, JIM. THANK YOU FOR GUIDING ME. 162 00:07:57,645 --> 00:08:00,147 ACTUALLY, YOU'RE MAKING A BIG MISTAKE. 163 00:08:04,585 --> 00:08:06,887 A MISTAKE? YEAH. 164 00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:08,922 YOU JUST TOLD ME SHE WAS READY. 165 00:08:08,956 --> 00:08:11,091 AND... AND SHE SAID YES! 166 00:08:11,124 --> 00:08:14,094 ANDY, TRUST ME. I'M A GREAT READER OF PEOPLE. 167 00:08:14,127 --> 00:08:16,797 EMILY WAS NOT EXCITED ABOUT GETTING MARRIED. 168 00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:18,899 WHEN A WOMAN IS EXCITED, SHE GOES LIKE THIS... 169 00:08:18,932 --> 00:08:21,034 (falsetto voice) "YES! YES! OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD! 170 00:08:21,068 --> 00:08:23,303 "I'M GETTING MARRIED! GREAT, GREAT, GREAT! 171 00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:26,206 "THIS IS THE GREATEST THING TO EVER HAPPEN TO ME! 172 00:08:26,239 --> 00:08:30,043 I'M GONNA CALL MY MOMMY!" YEAH, THAT'S NOT HER STYLE. 173 00:08:30,077 --> 00:08:31,812 (normal voice) YEAH. 174 00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:34,782 SHE'S A 40-YEAR-OLD WOMAN WITH 2 KIDS. 175 00:08:34,815 --> 00:08:36,784 SHE SHOULD BE DOING NAKED CARTWHEELS. 176 00:08:36,817 --> 00:08:39,920 I'M TELLING YOU, MAN... (shouting indistinctly) 177 00:08:39,953 --> 00:08:42,890 WHOO! WHOO-HOO! YES! 178 00:08:42,923 --> 00:08:45,158 THERE'S MY GUY! 179 00:08:45,192 --> 00:08:46,293 THERE'S MY GIRL! 180 00:08:46,326 --> 00:08:49,262 UNH-UNH. WASH YOUR HANDS? YES. 181 00:08:49,296 --> 00:08:51,264 MM. WITH SOAP AND HOT WATER? YES. 182 00:08:51,298 --> 00:08:53,867 THEN COME HERE! MWAH! (laughs) 183 00:08:53,901 --> 00:08:55,736 OH, LET'S GO OUT TONIGHT AND CELEBRATE, HUH? 184 00:08:55,769 --> 00:09:00,307 THIS IS THE FIRST NIGHT OF THE REST OF OUR LIVES. OOH, OOH, TONIGHT'S A BAD NIGHT FOR ME. 185 00:09:00,340 --> 00:09:02,309 OH, REALLY? WHY? 186 00:09:02,342 --> 00:09:04,311 WELL, I HAVE A BUSINESS MEETING. 187 00:09:04,344 --> 00:09:06,013 WITH WHOM? 188 00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:08,081 OH, A-A FRIEND OF MINE. 189 00:09:08,115 --> 00:09:11,719 LET'S MAKE TOMORROW THE FIRST NIGHT OF THE REST OF OUR LIVES. 190 00:09:11,752 --> 00:09:13,721 OKAY, YEAH. WE'LL START TOMORROW. 191 00:09:13,754 --> 00:09:16,023 THAT'S WHAT I DO WITH MY DIETS. 192 00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:19,927 YEAH, THOSE ALWAYS WORK. 193 00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:21,895 MM. MWAH. 194 00:09:21,929 --> 00:09:24,264 OKAY, LATERS. LATERS. OOH, ALMOST FORGOT MY RING. 195 00:09:24,297 --> 00:09:26,734 UH, EMILY? 196 00:09:26,767 --> 00:09:30,070 YEAH? OH, DON'T FORGET TO WASH MY FINGERS BEFORE I PUT IT ON? 197 00:09:30,103 --> 00:09:32,239 (grunts) YOU'RE GONNA MAKE SUCH A GOOD WIFE. YEAH. 198 00:09:32,272 --> 00:09:35,776 WHOO-HOO-HOO! (sighs) 199 00:09:35,809 --> 00:09:37,945 TOO BAD. I REALLY LIKED HER, TOO. 200 00:09:37,978 --> 00:09:40,013 WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? 201 00:09:40,047 --> 00:09:42,015 THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH ME. IT'S HER. 202 00:09:42,049 --> 00:09:43,984 ALL THE SIGNALS ARE WRONG. 203 00:09:44,017 --> 00:09:46,687 AND WHAT ABOUT THIS DINNER THING? 204 00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:48,221 NO, NO. I THINK SHE WANTS OUT. 205 00:09:48,255 --> 00:09:50,991 CAN I BE HAPPY FOR FIVE SECONDS, PLEASE? 206 00:09:51,024 --> 00:09:52,125 FINE. 207 00:09:57,765 --> 00:09:59,867 SHE'S PROBABLY SEEING SOMEBODY ELSE. 208 00:09:59,900 --> 00:10:02,202 DAMN IT! HEY, LISTEN, YOU WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH? 209 00:10:02,235 --> 00:10:05,873 LET'S JUST FOLLOW HER TO DINNER AND FIND OUT THE TRUTH. 210 00:10:05,906 --> 00:10:08,075 NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT. I LOVE HER. I TRUST HER. 211 00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:10,844 I ASKED HER TO MARRY ME. SHE SAID YES. 212 00:10:10,878 --> 00:10:13,113 I DON'T NEED TO KNOW ANYTHING MORE. 213 00:10:17,184 --> 00:10:20,988 ANDY, IF YOU TRUST HER... 214 00:10:21,021 --> 00:10:22,923 I TRUST HER. 215 00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:24,992 (sighs) 216 00:10:26,860 --> 00:10:29,096 DO YOU KNOW HER PASSWORD TO HER E-MAIL? 217 00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:31,932 OHH! COME ON! COME ON. (speaks indistinctly) 218 00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:35,068 ♪♪♪ 219 00:10:48,749 --> 00:10:50,951 I KNEW IT! 220 00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:55,122 OH, EXCUSE ME. 221 00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:58,726 UM, CAN YOU GET THE PEOPLE TO TURN THE MUSIC DOWN? 222 00:10:58,759 --> 00:11:02,963 I'M HAVING TROUBLE EAVESDROPPING ON MY FRIENDS. 223 00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:06,233 TURN UP YOUR HEARING AID, GRAMPS. 224 00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:13,707 ♪♪♪ 225 00:11:55,983 --> 00:11:59,019 I'M SO GLAD WE COULD GET TOGETHER TONIGHT. 226 00:12:01,088 --> 00:12:04,424 I WANT YOU TO KNOW HOW MUCH I CARE ABOUT YOU. 227 00:12:04,457 --> 00:12:07,795 I KNOW YOU DO, AND I CARE ABOUT YOU. 228 00:12:07,828 --> 00:12:09,162 GOD, YOU LOOK GREAT. 229 00:12:09,196 --> 00:12:11,899 THANKS. JERRY? 230 00:12:11,932 --> 00:12:13,433 YEAH? 231 00:12:13,466 --> 00:12:16,136 I REALLY, REALLY WANT TO DO THIS. 232 00:12:16,169 --> 00:12:19,072 LET'S NOT WAIT ANOTHER SECOND. 233 00:12:19,106 --> 00:12:21,909 REALLY? RIGHT HERE IN THE RESTAURANT? 234 00:12:21,942 --> 00:12:25,445 DON'T YOU WANT A LITTLE PRIVACY? 235 00:12:25,478 --> 00:12:29,216 I SUPPOSE WE COULD GO BACK TO MY PLACE. 236 00:12:32,519 --> 00:12:34,788 (speaks indistinctly) 237 00:12:34,822 --> 00:12:36,790 AAH! AAH! 238 00:12:36,824 --> 00:12:39,860 WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE, EMILY? WHO IS THIS GUY? 239 00:12:39,893 --> 00:12:41,461 WHO IS THIS GUY? 240 00:12:41,494 --> 00:12:44,431 I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE CHEATING ON ANDY WITH THIS GUY. 241 00:12:44,464 --> 00:12:46,433 I'M NOT CHEATING ON ANDY WITH JERRY. 242 00:12:46,466 --> 00:12:49,502 I'M TECHNICALLY CHEATING ON JERRY WITH ANDY. WHO'S ANDY? 243 00:12:49,536 --> 00:12:51,438 WHO ARE YOU?! 244 00:12:51,471 --> 00:12:54,541 THIS IS MY HUSBAND. HE OWNS THE PLACE. 245 00:12:54,574 --> 00:12:57,010 YOU MEAN EX-HUSBAND. 246 00:12:57,044 --> 00:13:00,547 UM... N-NO. 247 00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:05,785 THIS IS VERY COMPLICATED. 248 00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:10,924 I SUPPOSE WE SHOULD JUST ORDER. 249 00:13:15,562 --> 00:13:17,898 JERRY AND I SEPARATED TWO YEARS AGO, 250 00:13:17,931 --> 00:13:21,501 BUT I'M NOT ACTUALLY, TECHNICALLY, LEGALLY DIVORCED. 251 00:13:21,534 --> 00:13:24,571 AND THEN I MET ANDY, AND I REALLY LIKED HIM 252 00:13:24,604 --> 00:13:26,907 AND KINDA, SORTA, MOSTLY LIED 253 00:13:26,940 --> 00:13:31,078 ABOUT BEING ACTUALLY, TECHNICALLY, LEGALLY DIVORCED. 254 00:13:31,111 --> 00:13:33,446 SO DOESN'T THAT MAKE YOU 255 00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:36,984 KINDA, LEGALLY, TECHNICALLY SKANKY? 256 00:13:37,017 --> 00:13:39,119 I KNOW IT LOOKS BAD, 257 00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:40,520 BUT I'M HERE TONIGHT 258 00:13:40,553 --> 00:13:43,456 TO FINALLY MAKE JERRY SIGN THE DIVORCE PAPERS. 259 00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:46,093 WELL, THEN WHAT'S STOPPING YOU? 260 00:13:46,126 --> 00:13:48,361 I DON'T LIKE TO HURT PEOPLE'S FEELINGS, 261 00:13:48,395 --> 00:13:50,363 AND HE'S GONNA CRY. 262 00:13:50,397 --> 00:13:51,564 GONNA CRY? SO WHAT? 263 00:13:51,598 --> 00:13:53,566 OH, IT'S NOT JUST CRYING. 264 00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:56,303 IT'S SOBBING, CONVULSING, CAN'T-CATCH-YOUR-BREATH, 265 00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:58,906 I-MIGHT-THROW-UP WEEPING. 266 00:13:58,939 --> 00:14:01,474 LOOK, HE JUST NEEDS A MAN TO TALK TO. 267 00:14:01,508 --> 00:14:02,609 (sighs) 268 00:14:02,642 --> 00:14:07,314 HE'LL BE FINE. TRUST ME. I'M A GREAT READER OF PEOPLE. 269 00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:10,850 (sobbing) 270 00:14:15,055 --> 00:14:19,392 (continues sobbing) 271 00:14:19,426 --> 00:14:23,463 LISTEN, WHY... WHY DON'T YOU JUST SIGN IT AND DATE IT RIGHT HERE? 272 00:14:23,496 --> 00:14:25,398 (sobbing loudly) 273 00:14:25,432 --> 00:14:28,101 LISTEN, I CAN TELL THAT YOU'RE UPSET, MAN. 274 00:14:28,135 --> 00:14:30,270 YOU ORDERED SOME FRIES? YEAH... 275 00:14:30,303 --> 00:14:31,939 TAKE THOSE AWAY! 276 00:14:31,972 --> 00:14:34,908 (continues sobbing) 277 00:14:34,942 --> 00:14:38,278 LISTEN, LISTEN, YOU ARE A MAN. YOU GOTTA START ACTING LIKE ONE. 278 00:14:38,311 --> 00:14:40,547 I KNOW, BUT I JUST CAN'T. IT'S TOO HARD. 279 00:14:40,580 --> 00:14:44,384 I'M A MIDDLE CHILD. 280 00:14:44,417 --> 00:14:47,520 SURE YOU ARE, SURE YOU ARE, BUT YOUR JOB RIGHT NOW 281 00:14:47,554 --> 00:14:50,390 IS TO SUCK IT UP AND DO THE RIGHT THING. 282 00:14:50,423 --> 00:14:53,260 AND THEN YOU KNOW WHAT? WE CAN CELEBRATE. 283 00:14:53,293 --> 00:14:55,495 WE COULD HAVE SOME FRIES, MAYBE A SHRIMP BASKET. 284 00:14:55,528 --> 00:14:58,598 YOU'RE RIGHT. I SHOULD BE MORE OF A MAN. THAT'S IT! 285 00:14:58,631 --> 00:15:00,600 I'M GONNA FIGHT FOR MY WOMAN! 286 00:15:00,633 --> 00:15:02,602 AND... AND SIGN THE PAPER? 287 00:15:02,635 --> 00:15:06,506 NO! I'M NEVER GONNA LET HER GO! 288 00:15:08,675 --> 00:15:12,045 YOU OWE ME $1,200 FOR THE SCREEN! 289 00:15:12,079 --> 00:15:14,314 (sobbing loudly) 290 00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:20,420 (sobbing) 291 00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:29,096 OH! LOOK AT YOU TWO, THE HAPPY COUPLE. 292 00:15:29,129 --> 00:15:32,165 (laughs) I NEED TO TALK TO YOU. 293 00:15:32,199 --> 00:15:35,035 I NEED TO SPEAK YOU. AND I NEED TO SPEAK TO YOU. 294 00:15:35,068 --> 00:15:38,071 OH, AND I NEED TO SPEAK TO YOU. I WOULD LIKE TO SPEAK TO YOU FIRST. 295 00:15:38,105 --> 00:15:41,084 I'D LIKE TO SPEAK TO EMILY FIRST. AND THEN I'D LIKE TO SPEAK TO YOU, THEN EMILY, THEN YOU AGAIN. 296 00:15:41,108 --> 00:15:43,143 I CAN GO FIRST OR THIRD, BUT I CAN'T GO SECOND. 297 00:15:43,176 --> 00:15:45,078 EVERYTHING OKAY? YEAH, GREAT. 298 00:15:45,112 --> 00:15:47,580 FINE. FINE. YOU OKAY? OH, I'M TERRIFIC. 299 00:15:47,614 --> 00:15:51,384 (laughs) HEY, WHY DON'T YOU WAIT IN THE KITCHEN? WHY THE KITCHEN? 300 00:15:51,418 --> 00:15:55,022 YOU WANT A BEER. OH, YOU'RE RIGHT. I DO WANT A BEER. 301 00:15:55,055 --> 00:15:58,458 EVERYTHING'S BETTER WHEN YOU'RE ENGAGED. 302 00:15:58,491 --> 00:16:01,461 EMILY, WE GOT A PROBLEM. I TALKED TO JERRY FOR HOURS, 303 00:16:01,494 --> 00:16:03,463 AND I COULDN'T GET HIM TO SIGN IT. 304 00:16:03,496 --> 00:16:05,398 OH, POO. 305 00:16:05,432 --> 00:16:08,168 POO? POO? 306 00:16:08,201 --> 00:16:10,170 YOU ARE ENGAGED AND MARRIED. 307 00:16:10,203 --> 00:16:12,372 I THINK IT WARRANTS MORE THAN THAT... 308 00:16:12,405 --> 00:16:14,374 MAYBE A "CRAP" OR A "HOLY CRAP." 309 00:16:14,407 --> 00:16:17,110 EMILY, YOU HAVE GOT TO TELL ANDY ABOUT THIS. 310 00:16:17,144 --> 00:16:19,779 OH, BUT THAT WOULD CRUSH HIM, 311 00:16:19,812 --> 00:16:22,791 AND I DON'T WANT TO HURT HIS FEELINGS. LOOK, EITHER YOU TELL HIM, OR I'M GONNA TELL HIM. 312 00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:26,353 AND JERRY SAID YOU OWE HIM $1,200 FOR THAT SCREEN. 313 00:16:26,386 --> 00:16:29,356 I DON'T CARE IF IT'S NOT MY TURN TO SPEAK. 314 00:16:29,389 --> 00:16:31,358 I CAN'T WAIT ANY LONGER. 315 00:16:31,391 --> 00:16:34,194 EMILY, I HAVE TICKETS ON THE NEXT FLIGHT TO VEGAS. 316 00:16:34,227 --> 00:16:35,595 LET'S GET MARRIED. 317 00:16:35,628 --> 00:16:37,597 OH, YEAH, EMILY, WHAT DO YOU SAY, 318 00:16:37,630 --> 00:16:40,233 UH, MAKING ANDY YOUR ONE AND ONLY HUSBAND? 319 00:16:42,635 --> 00:16:44,537 I SAY... 320 00:16:44,571 --> 00:16:47,340 I CAN'T... (sighs) 321 00:16:47,374 --> 00:16:49,542 WAIT TO GET MARRIED! LET'S GO! 322 00:16:49,576 --> 00:16:52,779 YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU TWO DESERVE EACH OTHER. 323 00:16:52,812 --> 00:16:56,249 OH, HE'S RIGHT. HE'S A GREAT READER OF PEOPLE. 324 00:16:56,283 --> 00:16:57,584 AHA! 325 00:16:57,617 --> 00:17:00,587 I FINALLY TRACKED YOU DOWN. IS THIS HIM? 326 00:17:00,620 --> 00:17:02,055 WHOA. 327 00:17:02,089 --> 00:17:05,458 YOU'RE A LITTLE BIGGER THAN I THOUGHT YOU'D BE. 328 00:17:05,492 --> 00:17:07,460 STAY AWAY FROM MY WIFE! 329 00:17:07,494 --> 00:17:10,330 WHO THE HELL IS YOUR WIFE? 330 00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:13,833 UH, I AM. UH, THIS IS JERRY, MY NOT-QUITE-EX-HUSBAND. 331 00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:16,203 HMM. 332 00:17:16,236 --> 00:17:17,837 (flatly) OH, MY GOD. 333 00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:20,240 YOU'RE NOT DIVORCED? 334 00:17:22,109 --> 00:17:23,776 I'M SHOCKED, EMILY. 335 00:17:23,810 --> 00:17:26,579 WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU'RE NOT DIVORCED? 336 00:17:26,613 --> 00:17:28,581 WELL, NOT ACTUALLY TECHNICALLY, LEGALLY, 337 00:17:28,615 --> 00:17:31,184 BUT EMOTIONALLY, THERE'S NOTHING BETWEEN US. 338 00:17:31,218 --> 00:17:33,120 NOTHING BUT MY HEART AND SOUL! 339 00:17:33,153 --> 00:17:37,257 I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, EMILY! (sobbing) 340 00:17:37,290 --> 00:17:39,526 I'M SORRY. I'LL STAY MARRIED TO YOU, 341 00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:41,828 JUST PLEASE DON'T CRY. (high-pitched wailing) 342 00:17:41,861 --> 00:17:44,831 WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. YOU'RE NOT GETTING DIVORCED? 343 00:17:44,864 --> 00:17:48,301 (sobbing) BUT I LOVE YOU! 344 00:17:48,335 --> 00:17:50,537 OH, NO. DON'T, DON'T, DON'T. 345 00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:53,406 I'M SORRY. IT'S OKAY. I'LL JUST... 346 00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:57,210 OH, PLEASE DON'T CRY. I'LL BE MARRIED TO BOTH OF YOU. 347 00:17:57,244 --> 00:17:59,479 IT'LL BE WEIRD, BUT NOBODY WILL CRY. 348 00:17:59,512 --> 00:18:03,483 I JUST CAN'T STAND THE CRYING! (sobbing) 349 00:18:03,516 --> 00:18:06,119 ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. KNOCK IT OFF. 350 00:18:06,153 --> 00:18:08,188 KNOCK IT OFF! 351 00:18:08,221 --> 00:18:11,358 I SAID KNOCK IT OFF! YOU HEARD ME. 352 00:18:11,391 --> 00:18:14,894 (sobbing stops) 353 00:18:14,927 --> 00:18:18,498 NOW LISTEN, THE REASON YOU GUYS ARE IN THIS MESS 354 00:18:18,531 --> 00:18:22,335 IS BECAUSE EMILY HERE IS AFRAID TO HURT PEOPLE'S FEELINGS. 355 00:18:22,369 --> 00:18:26,173 AND THANK THE LORD THAT HE PUT ME ON THIS EARTH. 356 00:18:26,206 --> 00:18:29,509 IT'S TRUE. IT'S HIS GIFT. 357 00:18:29,542 --> 00:18:31,478 ANDY AND EMILY ARE ENGAGED. 358 00:18:31,511 --> 00:18:33,780 SHE DOES NOT LOVE YOU, 359 00:18:33,813 --> 00:18:35,782 AND YOU ARE NOT LEAVING THIS HOUSE 360 00:18:35,815 --> 00:18:37,784 TILL YOU SIGN THOSE DIVORCE PAPERS... 361 00:18:37,817 --> 00:18:42,121 AND ANDY AND EMILY HAVE AGREED TO SPLIT THE $1,200. 362 00:18:43,490 --> 00:18:46,893 IS THIS TRUE, EMILY? 363 00:18:46,926 --> 00:18:48,695 YOU'RE ENGAGED? 364 00:18:48,728 --> 00:18:51,898 YES. I LOVE HIM, AND I WANT TO MARRY HIM. 365 00:18:51,931 --> 00:18:55,335 BUT WHAT HAPPENS TO ME? 366 00:18:55,368 --> 00:19:00,340 WELL, I DON'T GIVE A POO WHAT HAPPENS TO YOU. 367 00:19:00,373 --> 00:19:02,409 LOOK, UH, EMILY. 368 00:19:02,442 --> 00:19:03,810 WE'RE ALL ADULTS HERE. 369 00:19:03,843 --> 00:19:05,445 ENOUGH WITH THE POO. 370 00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:11,784 I DON'T GIVE A HOLY CRAP WHAT HAPPENS TO YOU. 371 00:19:11,818 --> 00:19:13,753 JERRY, JUST... 372 00:19:13,786 --> 00:19:17,924 PLEASE SIGN THESE PAPERS SO I CAN GET ON WITH MY LIFE. 373 00:19:22,429 --> 00:19:24,497 (sniffles) 374 00:19:24,531 --> 00:19:26,466 OKAY. 375 00:19:28,768 --> 00:19:31,338 I GUESS I HAVE TO ACCEPT THAT. 376 00:19:33,740 --> 00:19:35,408 THAT'S IT? NO CRYING? 377 00:19:35,442 --> 00:19:37,477 NO. 378 00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:39,312 I'M A MAN... (sniffles) 379 00:19:39,346 --> 00:19:42,715 AND IT'S ABOUT TIME I STARTED ACTING LIKE ONE. 380 00:19:46,453 --> 00:19:48,455 I'M VERY HAPPY FOR YOU TWO. 381 00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:55,895 NO! (sobbing) 382 00:19:55,928 --> 00:19:58,931 GEE, AND YOU LET THAT ONE GO? 383 00:19:58,965 --> 00:20:00,800 THANKS, JIM. 384 00:20:00,833 --> 00:20:03,403 SO IT'S SETTLED. WE'RE GETTING MARRIED. 385 00:20:03,436 --> 00:20:05,772 WHOA. (chuckles) 386 00:20:05,805 --> 00:20:07,374 HOLD ON. 387 00:20:07,407 --> 00:20:10,643 A LOT HAS JUST DROPPED IN MY LAP HERE. 388 00:20:10,677 --> 00:20:13,246 CAN I HAVE FIVE SECONDS TO PROCESS THE FACT 389 00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:15,882 THAT YOU'RE STILL MARRIED AND YOU LIED TO ME? 390 00:20:15,915 --> 00:20:17,484 FINE. 391 00:20:22,989 --> 00:20:25,358 OKAY, VEGAS, HERE WE COME! 392 00:20:25,392 --> 00:20:27,660 WHAT DO YOU SAY, BETTE MIDLER, THEN MARRIAGE? 393 00:20:27,694 --> 00:20:30,763 WHAT ARE YOU TWO, CRAZY? OH, JIM'S RIGHT. MARRIAGE, THEN MIDLER. 394 00:20:30,797 --> 00:20:32,865 YOU BUILD TO MIDLER. 395 00:20:32,899 --> 00:20:34,867 YES. LET'S GO. LET'S GO! 396 00:20:34,901 --> 00:20:36,969 WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. 397 00:20:37,003 --> 00:20:38,671 BAD MOVE. 398 00:20:38,705 --> 00:20:41,374 WOULD YOU STOP SAYING THAT? I'M GONNA KILL YOU! 399 00:20:41,408 --> 00:20:44,377 LISTEN, I CAN TELL. SHE WANTS TO HAVE A REAL WEDDING. 400 00:20:44,411 --> 00:20:46,413 SHE DOESN'T WANT TO GO TO VEGAS. 401 00:20:46,446 --> 00:20:48,848 REALLY? 402 00:20:48,881 --> 00:20:52,352 JIM'S RIGHT. JERRY AND I GOT MARRIED IN VEGAS... 403 00:20:52,385 --> 00:20:53,753 SEE? 404 00:20:53,786 --> 00:20:55,855 AND CARL, MY FIRST HUSBAND. 405 00:20:55,888 --> 00:20:57,790 CARL? 406 00:20:57,824 --> 00:21:00,960 CARL? 407 00:21:00,993 --> 00:21:04,063 I DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING... 408 00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:06,899 AND I'M A GOOD READER OF PEOPLE. 409 00:21:06,933 --> 00:21:11,270 (Jerry) I NEVER HEARD ABOUT CARL! (sobbing) 29743

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.