Original subtitles

I was wondering if you, by any chance, still had the offer.

Maybe a fresh start would be good. What about taking our finger to a lab?

I mean, if it isn't Jay Flug's, whose is it? There's a secret room in the

building where your husband ran an illegal poker game. I'm more interested

what you're up to, Charles.

You hooked up with a suspect.

I can't find my phone. I might have left it in the minivan. Or Sophia stole it.

Oliver, get your car. We're going to intercept her.

Wait, you just missed her turn. No, no, this is a shortcut.

How do you know that? I grew up here. What is she doing in Flatbush? I don't

know, but maybe you could shop for apartments while we're here.

All these invoices are made out to Tommy.

Tommy the Tongue is not a person. It's a company. And that company has worth a

shit ton of money. Except that money was withdrawn.

All of it. First thing this damn morning. By who?

Who would want the money that bad to kill those dudes?

Hype.

They're wives.

what makes a home is it just four walls sheltering the accumulation of a whole

life

or

is it the safe house for all your memories the good

and the bad

After you leave childhood behind, the first home you make for yourself becomes

so much a part of your identity that on sleepless nights it forces you to

wonder, who are you without your home?

And what would you do if it were gone?

when the call came in. That's why I went straight to the airport.

They said it was a short in my electric key kettle.

Oh.

Look, look.

I want you to know one thing. Not everything is gone.

I know. I have you. You have me.

That's really, that's all that matters.

Wow, you really sold that.

Oh, but it's my dad's dog tags from Omaha Beach, you know? And then I only

few little pictures of Dickie, of the baby, before I had to give him up, and

my playbills, and just, you know, all my stuff. It's my stuff.

Okay, come here.

Over here.

So now you have new stuff. Our stuff. Our wedding hall.

Oh, my God.

It's just not, you know, the stuff. It's just... 47 years I was in that

apartment. I just feel like part of me is gone.

Well, part of you now looks like a cabbage tree.

Oliver, only murders in the building season five.

Widows. How good is that? Because the widows have peaked our suspicion.

Different spelling, but we think it plays.

Yes. Hi.

Hi.

Oh, you're a sweetie.

But, you know, I didn't fly all this way for doom and gloom.

Let's talk murder.

Sophia Cacimiglio, seen handing a plaid bag to Lester's widow

after a mysterious bank account.

How do I make accounting sexy? Two scorned women,

black widows, slain husbands.

Swiss account?

Who said anything about Swiss accounts?

Yeah, you want sexy, she's serving sexy.

Okay, we now have two new suspects that we can actually podcast about.

Although, Charles made out with Sophia, who made off with his phone.

Oh, she returned the phone.

She didn't call up, so she doesn't want to see me again. Thank goodness.

She's a murderous mob wife. We hit it. We quit it. We over.

I've had the entree. And now I'm back to the app.

The dating app.

I was all over the app before I met you, Ollie.

I also dabbled, you know.

Last gasp.

Old gasm.

Silver shrivel.

Help. I've fallen in love.

And I can't get it out.

Hey, guys. Hey, guys.

Let's... Let's focus on Rainey, because where was she the night of the murders?

And what did Sophia give her in the plaid bag?

You know, Oliver, since you're from Brooklyn. Oh, sure. Send the Brooklynite

Brooklyn. I thought you young people were against profiling. Anyway, Rainey

hates me.

But she doesn't know me.

Or Emily Lawler.

Kimberly Law, the detective I played on SVU. Oh, yes, yes.

It was a small part, but, I mean, she had a great chunky Cajun drawl, you

and she had a great backstory.

She fell down a well as a child.

Her backstory was that she was in a well?

She fell down a well as a child. She was down a well three days, just hung on

the gator.

I had a whole monologue about it. It was going to be my...

breakout, I thought, but then they cut it and they just pulled the whole

and, you know, who knows why.

Is it too long? Maybe.

But what is long?

I think this may be too long. Okay. But I just wanted to be Emily Lawler because

I've had a really bad day and I don't want to be me.

I don't.

Let's go to Brooklyn. You show me your hometown, okay?

Okay. Okay.

And do you still have the trench coat from Death Rattle Dazzle? Because I

Emily would feel buck naked without her trench coat.

I love that we can share clothes.

Corky.

I'm here for a finger.

Charles! Finally. I hate having a body part in my freezer. I wake up for a

midnight snack and it's Haagen -Dazs finger, Haagen -Dazs finger.

Damn. I know.

But out the head, it looks kind of lonely.

No, I mean, damn it. This is just ice.

What? Someone fingered your finger.

But there's no signs of forced entry.

How's it looking there?

Anything out of place? Anything missing?

Not everything seems the same.

Oh, shit, y 'all got the big, nice ice cubes. I love the big, nice ice cubes.

Makes me feel rich. Well, it's the little things, I guess.

Wait a minute.

What's that?

Maybe the finger thief left it? Oh, wait, no. I might have. I'm trying

new.

Boots with rubber soles are very cool.

Housekeeper must have overlooked this. Take a photo. She appreciates the visual

feedback. Don't we all?

Charles, when was the last time you laid eyes on a finger?

When we put it in the freezer. Great. So it could have been stolen any time in

the last week.

Mm -hmm.

Oh, last gasp notification.

Talking to someone very nice. Oh, yeah, and what's her kinks, huh?

Murdering, dealing, hitting and running. You know what? I deserve that, but

that's why I'm trying online dating to meet someone good for a change.

And have you?

Okay, you're being cute.

Let me see your pic.

Yeah.

That's just a chin.

Yeah, it's a chin.

Come on. We're doing a little game where we exchange body part photos very

slowly, and I kind of roll it out, you know?

Holy wow.

No. No, you're not wearing an earring.

Yes. No, you're not.

Priscilla liked it. I don't care what she says. Okay, I'm taking it off. There

you go. Stop. How can I get access to the treaty cameras in the building?

Howard's Robot BFF.

They're in the lobby. There we go.

Okay.

Let's test my Oliver lore.

Yes. Flatbush.

Yes. You lived here.

From 9 to 12, with your second set of foster parents, Sue and Al. Sue had the

sick cat. Al had the drinking problem. No, no, no, no, no. He had eight cats,

and he called it a drinking opportunity.

Oh, what I'd give to see you play stickball in a purple scarf with those

preteen gams sliding right into home.

Ali?

I'd say I missed those gans, but who are we kidding? I still got them.

Yeah, it's true.

Ooh,

okay. Rainey kills her husband and instantly puts her place up for sale.

plaid bag is in there. I feel it.

I feel it. And every lawless instinct's a little wrong.

Got listening to your own song, right?

Yeah, it's so cool.

Let me just... Girl,

this is you. This is a bar.

Thank you. I know, right? But I just can't figure out how to turn it off.

Not that button.

Don't you wish that you were me.

Don't you wish that you were me.

Okay, there we go. Yeah, it's still on.

Wait, are you, are you guys on a case? Yeah, there's a break -in. No. I mean,

no, there's nothing. No. A break -in?

Wait, you're on the 14th floor, right?

I wonder.

Okay, so last night Gaga calls me.

And then after I run into Seth, Rogan, and we end up back at my penthouse doing

shrooms. And we're looking out the window and we're just like tripping.

on this little light that keeps moving around the 14th floor on the East Tower.

You think there was someone in my apartment?

Or she was just hallucinating.

That is what Seth Rogen said.

You could just call him Seth.

No, I think it might be confusing because I'm also really good friends

Meyers. Oh.

So anyway, Seth Rogen and I, we end up going to an apartment, and sure enough,

there is a little light moving under the door.

Wait, hold up. Do you remember what the apartment was?

14 C. And I thought that the C, it looked like a little person wanting a

But no one was hugging it back.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. C, I love you so much. Can we take a picture?

Maura, I'm going to need you to talk to her to get some more information.

Yeah, I clocked it.

Middle school besties did everything together until you had some nuclear

friendship blow up.

Wow. You are a great detective.

No, I was just a teenage girl.

But then I got titties, and so did you. So we grow up, we get over it, and we

move on, yeah?

Hello there.

Feel free, the flies are there for your perusal.

Why, thank you very much.

Okay.

What's that?

Oh!

Hello. Hello. Welcome. Thanks.

Have a look. Oh, the exact layout is the place I grew up in.

Oh, good. You kept the original floors.

And the tuberculosis.

This room is off limits.

I'm so, so, so sorry to scream out like that.

It's PTSD from the well, but I won't bore you with the whole story.

Name's Emily Lala, just up here by way of Natchitoches.

Big change for a little swamp girl like me. I was heading up the stairs and I

heard Vicky Doughty. You know Tosca?

Do I?

I played the Maria Callas part in my senior year at Lafayette.

Is that Floria Tosca's dagger?

This is the same one Maria Callas used in her final performance of Tosca at the

Met.

Oh. Isn't it wonderful?

My husband came across it at a police repo auction on our 10th anniversary. It

was perfect.

He died.

This month.

My condolences.

I lost mine this past year.

In a fire. Lost everything.

Is this your lucky fella?

No, no, no. I was his lucky gal.

And we were married for 30 years. And every night, he would come home and kiss

me on the head.

And then one night, no kiss. And he was gone.

Yeah, he fell into the fountain of the courtyard where we married.

Look at that woodwork.

You don't see moldings like that no more. Oh, my God. 100 % pine.

Are you serious? I would not lie to you, my friend.

Listen,

not for nothing, what's your credit score?

Welcome to my past.

Pardon me. Jesus Christ.

There are the bags.

Look at them.

Come on.

I'm asking you.

Please. The plays are a waste of time. I think you'll like it. Look, enough of

this. We're not going to any play and neither are you.

We took him in. If he's got any free time, he can work at the goddamn store.

Oh, it'll be difficult now.

And it'll feel good for you to contribute to this house.

If I may.

Why are you selling?

I would give anything to at least have my home and my stuff back.

Yeah, I thought I'd feel the same way, but... You know, I look around and...

Honestly, I... I don't want any of this.

I want him.

Yeah.

Well, anyway, it's not like I can afford to stay here. I'm even selling the

dagger. My son thinks I can get $500 for this on eBay.

Yeah.

You wouldn't want this, would you?

So you didn't find the bag, but you gave our suspect $500 to keep a weapon?

You didn't find the bag either.

Signed out. How much cash do you carry? You know I don't trust banks.

Oh, and I do.

I don't care about my stuff.

I'm so glad you're in my life.

And that woman, that woman didn't kill her husband.

She's barely hanging on.

Loretta, look.

The daily meeting of the Innocent Wives Club.

And that's the mobster's wife. And that is a plaid bag full of money, I'm

guessing. She played me.

She played me like a fucking fiddle.

We're in pursuit, Putnam.

We need Robot Lester's help. He prefers Lester?

You can use human Lester for the dead one.

Oh, speaking of, I've styled new Lester up a bit more dashingly than the last

one. So what do you need?

Lester can do anything, except clean up spills. We're still shy around water.

I got killed by water yesterday.

Shh. Shh.

Howard's going to keep you dry.

You're safe with Howard.

I don't feel safe at all.

Howard, we need to see footage of Charles' front door from last night

What time were you creeping around with Seth Rogen?

Around 2 .30.

Oh, I'm so excited. I did a clue.

Lester, 2 .30. You got that, babe? Gotcha, daddy.

Is that grooming?

Now, at the academy, they prepared us for a lot of stuff, but I ain't never

no shit like this. I'm shook.

Okay, this is 1 to 3 a .m. Let me know when to stop.

Okay, I was wearing my red feather cape, couture gifted by Donatella. She

raises, plucks, and slaughters the birds humanely, of course. So just look for

plumes. I'll pop.

Yeah, I don't see any feathers.

Are you sure this is the right time?

Lester doesn't make mistakes.

Well, I think he did, because I was there. Were you, though? I mean, maybe

were just telling a story about your celebrity friends and pretend you saw

something that you didn't see just because you have to make it all about

Maura! Oh.

Okay, yep, right there. See, look.

Can't go back to it again, but just go slower. Here you go.

What's that?

Humane fucking feathers.

Someone cut a chunk out of the footage. They tampered with it.

I'll bet that's when they took the finger.

Which means?

I'll say I was telling the truth.

Yep.

Well, Charles and I are going to go to the precinct because if the cops have

footage of Lester falling into a fountain, I want to see it. What about

need to go and apologize to that girl.

No, no, no, I don't want them to see it.

Also, the bots are a little bit tight now. Did you pack a banana?

Hey, how's it going today? Do you care about dogs dying?

Well, obviously, yeah.

Well, I'm collecting signatures to stop New York City from opening its first

ever casino. Right now, there's a few competing bids. They're all just

for the city.

Well, I'm sorry. What does that have to do with dogs?

Oh, nothing. I just find it's a helpful way to get people to stop. You know what

I'm saying? Oh, my God, they're gone.

Oh, jeez. Stop it. Stop the tour!

Oh, God, where'd they go? We lost them.

Maybe we should head on up to the corner and split up.

Or no, no, we should go back to her house and wait for them there, okay?

Oliver, what are you doing?

I didn't think this would still be here.

What?

Just for a minute. Can I show you something?

Okay.

This is it.

What? The theater that made me love theater.

Oh.

Oh, man.

Yeah, I can see it.

Little Ollie owning the spotlight.

Well, it wasn't exactly like that.

No?

I was a quiet kid.

Yeah. No, it's true. I was.

Bouncing from place to place, you learn quiet is good.

If you make yourself small, maybe a family will let you stay for a while.

So I did, and it worked.

But I never felt at home until one

day I stumbled into here.

There were kids putting on a show, and they were...

Big and loud and unapologetic, and I want to be just like them. Yeah.

They asked me to be in their play, bit part, but being on that stage was a

feeling that I've been searching for my whole life.

I rehearsed my little butt off and my costume, but when I worked up the

to invite Sue and Al, they...

I quit the play.

But on the night of the show, I couldn't stay away.

I snuck out, dressed in that costume, just in case you still needed me.

And I watched Pat Rafferty say my line.

In my whole life,

I've only really felt like myself in two places.

I think being back here today, I finally understand

why I'm so afraid to leave the Arconia.

I got an offer on my place.

It's big.

How big?

Late career Brando big. Oh, boy.

Yeah. A cushion.

It would be nice.

Yeah.

What am I saying?

But, and again, you know, you... What are we doing?

I just...

I

want you to say you lied.

My what? Ollie.

You took this awful life you were given and you turned it into something

beautiful. I refuse to let you think there's any place on earth you can't be

happy, starting right here.

Okay? All right. Okay.

But only if you do the never -performed Emily Lawler

monologue first.

Oh, no.

I'm not going to. No. Get up. Come on.

I can't possibly.

I haven't even thought about that. Mr.

Thibodeau, you must think that I'm some damsel in distress. Or maybe you think

that I'm still that little girl stuck down in Bob Turley's borehole, begging

help.

But I'm not that little girl anymore, Mr.

Thibodeau.

One night, you're going to be lying in your bed, warm and safe,

and I'm going to find you.

And with Pa's gun delivered straight down from heaven above, I will put you

my sights like that gator.

I can't wait to lower that gun and tell

you no.

Y 'all ain't even worth killing.

Bravo.

Spectacular. Now, you.

Okay.

Heisigen.

These sausages are moldy.

That was the line.

That was it. That was it. The other one.

Well, if it ain't the crybaby carnal that thought you could fool me, bitch.

You can drop the accent. Okay.

Drop this.

We know about the emptied accounts.

We know about the bags of cash passed between bloodthirsty broads. What the

is going on here? Did you follow me after my date with... Where's Charles?

off, Sophia.

He's fragile.

I think we were both in a fragile yet slightly horny... Don't

change the subject. Fine.

My husband ran...

A few businesses in the Arconia, and Lester worked for them. I was bringing

Rainy Lester's cut.

Yeah, money you killed your husband's. Right. Wait, nobody killed my husband.

died by accident.

You think somebody killed my husband?

Who the fuck killed my Lester?

You did.

Wrong. Give me names. I'm scared now. I can't remember.

There was a card game in the Arconia the night of our wedding. Nobody.

He wouldn't work for Nicky that night so he could go to your wedding.

Oh, my God, why wasn't I there?

Oh, because I was here. We had rehearsal.

Well, can anyone corroborate that?

Yeah, 23 tone -deaf kids.

They'll be here in a minute, you know.

I teach musical theater. I teach opera.

The money is to help keep the lights on.

Did you have any idea who could have killed your husbands?

Did they have any enemies?

No. Everyone.

Well, Lester didn't want to tell me much about what he did. He didn't feel good

about the job, but he was hoping to save enough for our big dream, a place in

the Arconia.

It's where we met.

It's the last thing he ever said. Look.

It's beautiful.

Yeah.

You got that right.

Okay, you're off my list because you made me feel things.

You!

Why are you here?

Relax. It's one of my dumb son's toys.

Craney's borrowing it for her production of Newsies.

Thank you

for caring about Lester.

If this helps, the police found it on him.

It's one of his bird whistles.

I've carried it ever since.

Well, thank you.

Come on.

Who's playing Cowboy Kelly?

Althea?

Mabel?

Look, I came to talk... Oh!

What?

My name is V!

Oh, ow!

Jesus Christ!

V! Why are you throwing shoes at me? Oh, did it hurt your feelings?

No, but it hurt my arm. Good, because you know what? I'm a famous pop star now

who lives above you at the Arconia, so I have about a billion other free shoes

with very spiky heels! What? Not one! You're probably... Stop it! I'm trying

apologize if you're acting like a fucking baby!

I'm the... fucking baby you're the one that embarrassed me in front of my new

neighbors well you're the one that made me afraid to be myself and be silly with

girls wait what

sunny and cloudy

That thing we used to do before you changed.

I changed?

Yeah, you dyed your hair pink and made everyone call you the Earth. You know

what? Only after you ghosted me. I didn't ghost you. My friend died. I was

depressed. Well, nobody told me that, so I was depressed, too. I had to double

my Lexapro. Well, I doubled my Lexapro.

Honestly, thank God for Lexapro. Honestly.

I don't know if you know this, but I wrote this song about you.

Yeah, the artwork kind of gives it away.

The sound and cloud clued me in.

But you're wrong.

I never wished I was you.

I know that.

Because I wished I was you.

Oh, Mabel.

You ditched me for your city friends. And every time I came to visit you, you

made me feel so lame. And in my head, the Arconia was like the coolest,

fanciest place.

And that is why I wanted to live here.

You made it my dream.

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to make you feel lame.

You're objectively not.

I mean, you're friends with Seth Rogen.

And Seth Meyers.

But, you know, I really, really could use an old

friend.

You think we could start over?

Can I keep these shoes?

Are you still a size 8?

Oliver, we got the courtyard security footage.

This is it, Oliver. Where's your laptop?

In my office.

Uh, young one, a word.

Uh, ooh, I love your boots.

Thanks, they're all theirs.

Oh, did you drop a house on her?

Actually, though, which is made up.

Ah.

Well, speaking of houses... Hmm, are you really leaving?

I want to tell you first.

Okay.

I'm okay.

Are you going far?

Are you kidding?

Who is Oliver Putnam if he's not in the Upper West Side?

Ollie, can you come help me? Oh, I've got to send my new roomie back to the

unit.

What?

Oh, sorry. It's just Priscilla. She's so funny.

Look, Charles, I'm happy for you, but if she starts asking for money or your

mother's maiden name or childhood pet's name, just let me know.

You don't have to worry about that. She's just interested in my day. When I

her about the break -in, you should have seen her face. Well, actually, I didn't

even see her face because the Wi -Fi in Portugal is so iffy.

You told her about the case?

Well, just a little tidbit.

I mean, she had a thousand questions about our plan, and the conversation was

slowing down.

You know what? Give me your fucking phone. You're being catfished, Charles.

Okay, play the footage.

Oh, my God.

What? So he was alone?

No, look.

Oh, I knew it. I fucking knew it. Okay, so if you look right here, this glitch

is from the same footage as Dee and Seth Rogen's.

Somebody has fucked with this shit, too. Something has been cut out.

Um, why is the last gasp peach logo the same as on the security footage?

It's the same company.

So who owns the company that edited our footage and is pumping Charles Franco

about our case?

Hold on, I'm looking.

What? So, do we look for another two bedrooms so we can still use all my

furniture? We could.

We could, or we could start over.

I could do a Pinterest board, which is kind of like a murder board, but for

finding our style as a couple.

Right, that would be great.

It takes bravery to build a new home, and it's easier to be brave when you're

the arms of someone who makes you feel safe.

But even for those who do build anew, there remains a fear, for they know that

danger is always lurking.

And that no home is safe forever.

That's who's been messaging me?

Yep. And took the footage.

And maybe killed Lester.

What does it say?

You're such a smarty -pan.

Now I need to come hunt you down?

Wish that you were me Bet you wish that you were me Wish that you were me Bet

you wish that you were me Must be tough To keep me in a past life

When you wake up And see me in the headlines Ten times a month And

that's within my downtime No, it's true You'd kill to have it too

I bet you wish that you could have even heard from my head.

And I know you're watching, so go ahead, read my lips.

Baby, I know you don't see me in your dream.

Singing this song that's in your head when you go to sleep.

Wish that you were me, but you wish that you were me.

Wish that you were me, but you wish that you were me.