All language subtitles for The.Only.Way.Is.Essex.S05E08.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-SLAG_track4_[eng]

new gnashers and loads of ag.

The tans you see might be fake,

but the people are all real,

although some of what
they do has been set up

purely for your entertainment.

Previously on The Only Way Is
Essex.

- This is Rami.

- [All] Rami!

- So how long have you been
together?

- We aint together.

- We was together, we broke up,

and then recently we just
started seeing each other again.

- What's happening with
texting...

- [Tom] Texting what?

- You know who.
- It's all right, you know.

It's awkward though innit.

It's an awkward situation.

- So you're gonna come out
on another date with me.

- You've done well.

[upbeat music]

- Just sorta said after the date

are we gonna do something again,

and she was like yeah cool,

like maybe maybe tonight sorta
thing.

But I ain't spoke to her since
so I dunno.

I was thinking about
maybe sending some flowers

or something but is that too
keen?

I'd say hope you enjoyed the
date.

I'm thinking it looks a bit
cringey,

I wouldn't normally do
it but I do like her

and I think she would like it.

- Mm dunno man, quite cringey.

Do you know what, I think
you should send her flowers

if you do something wrong.

- Does that mean you're
gonna send Sam some flowers?

- Nah 'cause I ain't done
anything wrong.

[phone chimes]

[sighs]

Mate, he's fuming mate.

- Diag shouldn't have told him
should he.

- The thing is I always say to
Diags,

when you get drunk just try and
keep

your mouth shut a little bit,

and he always, always lets
something go.

- Here he is look, sugar tits
over there.

- You're such an idiot man.
What exactly have you told Arg?

- That Tom Kilbey's been texting
Lydia.

- Why?

Why did you say that?

- Pissed!

- [Joey] We was gonna tell him.

- Yes I know that, but--

- I was gonna tell him, and
nicely,

you told him when you was
pissed.

- You know I spoke to you about
it,

and then I got drunk and
then when you're drunk

you just say stuff don't ya.

- One of our own mates has just
gone

behind one of our mates backs.

It's so bad man, what's he doing
man?

Tom Kilbey come into the group
right,

and he's getting with one
of the group's ex birds.

Would any of yous ever do that
to me?

- No.
- Obviously not.

- But yeah, but why?

Because we've got respect for
each other.

He's wrong, he's literally
100% wrong, there's no like...

- He must know he's wrong as
well though.

He's obviously chosen that over
his mate.

So he's made his decision
already.

- He's chose that over all of us
lot.

- I dunno why he's done this
actually.

- It's actually ridiculous, he's
so bad.

I dunno what to do mate,
'cause I do like him

and I wanna be his friend,
but...

- [Tom] He's got a lot of
explaining to do, 'ent he?

[phone ringing]

Who is it?

- Arg.

Arg?

Yeah, it's just me, Tom
and Diags in the cafe.

Yeah me and Diags are gonna come
round,

come round in a bit yeah for
an emergency meeting, yeah?

You all right mate?

All right mate, I'll see you in
a bit.

Ta-ta, bye mate.

- This is like the most boring
thing

I've ever done in my life.

- Oh Gem cheer up.

Ooh look at these snowflakes
Gem.

They're crying to come home with
me,

wanna be tucked into
bed, the little darlin's.

These last actually forever.

- I wonder if me and
Rami will last forever.

We went to Sam's dinner
party the other night

and it was just so nice to sit
there

with actually someone
who's bang on good looking.

Joey went to me, "Oh he's proper
smart,"

and it's just really nice,
do you know what I mean?

- Yeah as long as you're happy
Gem, that's the main thing.

I want you to be happy.

- We are like the Dodie and
Princess Diana of Essex.

What do you think?

- Are you sure Gem?

Are you sure?

You're not dreaming, are ya?

- No, I feel it.

- That's good.

If it makes you happy.

- Do you know what I mean,

he's like always on about
the boom boom, and you know.

- What's boom boom?

- Like passion and like the boom
boom.

- Like when he met you and
his heart was boom booming

'cause you was so beautiful.

- Yeah.

- [Joan] Is that what he
thought?

- Something like that yeah.

- Yeah, oh well.

- [Gemma] You need a bit of boom
boom mum.

- Yeah a bit of excitement.

- You need some excitement in
your life.

But when you meet Rami I
think you will like him.

- Is he like, good at helping?

'Cause I really need my
bushes cut in the garden.

- As if I'm gonna say to Rami,

"Hi Rami, can you come round
and help my Mum trim her bush?"

- Well if he's like family I'm
sure

he wouldn't mind helping.

No pressure, if he fancies it.

- [Gemma] Okay.

- Yeah, shall we see
if there's any pansies

'cause that's what I really
love,

there's some up here I think.

- Why don't you get Bobby round?

- What are you doin' out here?

- Hanging, that's what I'm
doin'.

- [Cara] What?

- I'm hanging.

- [Cara] What time did
you get in this morning?

- Seven,30.
- Seven o'clock?

I know, dirty stop out.

- Some people go to work at
that time and you're rolling in.

That is bad, Tom.

- [Tom] I know.

- Not that I don't do it.

What are you doing tonight?

- Tonight, I think I'm gonna
go see the boys actually.

- You haven't seen the boys
for a little while though

have ya?

- No I haven't.

I think, I dunno about, whether
Arg has been talkin' to 'em.

- [Cara] I hope not.

- Well he would of, obviously
about the situation,

about, 'cause I've spoke to him.

- Yeah but something that's
going on

with me and Billi shouldn't
have an effect on you.

- I know, but like it
will have an effect on me

if someone's like talking about
you.

- [Cara] Yeah well obviously,
that's a bit different.

- In the wrong way, I'm gonna
put my back up a bit ain't I?

- He makes me so angry.

So angry.

- You gotta laugh about it.

- I ain't laughing 'cause it
isn't funny.

- You gotta laugh about it,

if you don't laugh about it
then--

- No because he's caused
so much dramas from it all.

He's caused so much dramas from
lying.

- Course.

- Lauren, are you supposed
to talk in saunas?

- No, shh

[laughs]

- But I wanna know the gossip!

- What gossip?

- Did you tongue him, yes or no?

- I may have done a little bit.

- Did you give him a full on
snog?

- Maybe.

- You did didn't you!

- He'd gone to so much effort.

- Yeah I bet he really
planned that date well.

Get her pissed, and
then get a full on snog.

And then did he ask you on a
second date

while you was drunk?

- Yeah and then I think
I kissed him again.

- No way.

Okay, you got two for
the price of one babes.

- Well I haven't had a
good kiss for a while

so I thought fuck it, just get
in there.

[laughing]

- What was the cab like
on the way home then,

like when you was both
drunk and you'd kissed,

was it awkward or all right?

- You know when you're like a
bit drunk

in a cab on the way home,

I just slumped in the corner,
like this,

and then he come and sat like
literally here next to me,

and then he was like, he kept
kissing me in the cab as well.

- So he absolutely violated you
then.

- Yeah I was totally violated
in the cab on the way home.

- And once you give
'em one kiss they think

that's it then, they
can just take liberties.

Do you reckon like you
would sleep with him though,

or not really?

- Now I know he's a good kisser,

I could imagine he'd be quite
good in bed.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- Well, all I'm gonna say is,

me and you have got summer plans

so don't go fallin' in love with
him.

- No no no no no.

- 'Cause I'll be sittin' all
dateless,

I'll be sittin' in the
sauna on my own next

'cause you'll be off with him.

- Oh Pops, we need to get
you back out there don't we?

- [Male] Sorry.

- I've obviously known Tom for
years,

but I've got close with
him a lot recently.

- Oh yeah.

- Like me and Tom, like
just me and Tom together,

we've gone shopping together
just us two,

he's come round my house
countless amount of times,

we've all gone out as boys,

we were even planning a
holiday the other week.

While he's been spending
all this time with me

and like making out he's
one of my close friends,

he's been texting Lydia behind
my back.

- This is what we don't get,
this is what we don't get,

but obviously what we're trying
to say is,

what we gonna do, where do we go
from now?

- The thing is, I need to find
out exactly

what the text messages saying
and whether

there is something really going
on.

- We said this, we said the only
reason

he's probably not told ya is
because he does feel guilty.

Because if there was not a
problem with it

and he wasn't embarrassed
and he wasn't feeling guilty,

he'd just say it straight to
you,

"I've been talking to
Lydia," blah blah blah.

- And also Lydia, like I was
the girl for like a long time,

and I think, I dunno if you
agree,

but I think there's nothing more
hurtful

that you could ever do with
someone

than break up with
someone and then go with

one of your ex's friends.

I think that's literally one
of the most hurtful things

you could ever do to someone.

- But it's not about Lydia, Arg!

Fuck.

- It's not about Lydia mate,
it's not Lydia's fault.

- Course it is.

- [Both] Lydia can do what she
wants.

- But she knows that
Tom's my close friend.

She's out of order!

- Yes, but Tom is your close
friend.

You're not understanding this,

Tom is your actual close friend.

- Tom's your friend, man.

If one of my mates got with Sam

I'd be pissed off with my mate,
not Sam.

- What you're saying you
wouldn't
be upset with Sam as well?

- Yeah obviously I
would, I'd be upset Arg,

but there's nothing I could do
about it.

Right I think you know
what you need to do,

you need to ring Tom,
you need to sort it out

and just go meet him and just
get it over and done with.

'Cause that's the only way
you're gonna get the truth,

'ent ya?

[upbeat music]

- Ooh I'd like to have a
new set of teeth, really.

Because these keep breaking on
me now.

I'm frightened to eat
anything hard or anything.

I'd like to have 'em a little
bit bigger than what they are.

- [Doctor] Little bit bigger,
yeah.

- Because they've worn
down like, haven't they?

- She wants a Hollywood smile.

- Hollywood smile.

- I want, yeah.

- She does.

Hollywood.

- No I want a nice set.

- Okay, and do you want them a
bit whiter?

- Bit whiter, please, yeah.

- Okay, these are darker and
they come

all the way this way to white.

- [Pat] Yeah no I like that.

- [Doctor] This is really
the white ones, okay?

- That's it, yeah.

- And you tell me which is your
favourite.

All right, this is the darker
one.

Have a look.

That's the more natural one.

And that's the more Hollywood
one.

- [Carol] Hollywood or Essex,
mum?

- Yeah I'll have that one,
I want the natural one.

- [Carol] Essex one.

- Good choice.

The other bonus by the
way is I'll give you

the correct amount of
fullness and support,

and what that's gonna do
is you see these wrinkles,

they'll go away, a fair number
of them.

- Yeah?

- Yeah, that's a bonus.

- [Carol] You don't have
to have a facelift now.

- I can have a face lift and
all.

[laughing]
- I don't know about the face,

but I'll certainly get
the lips right for you.

- Very good, thank you.

- [Sam] Absolutely fuming
like you cannot believe.

- I've shut the shop and
just come straight over.

What has actually happened?

- Basically, like I've
woke up this morning

to find out Joey went home
last night with another girl.

- What?

- [Sam] Yeah.

- Are you joking?

- Like everyone saw it.

He was with her all night,
he went home with her,

he walked out the club holding
her hand,

got in a cab, just the
two of 'em, went home.

Like it's so blatant, it's
like he's done it on purpose

for me to find out.

- For a reaction 'cause yous two
aren't

official boyfriend and
girlfriend?

- I don't know.

In a way I'm glad because
everyone thinks

that he's so innocent and lovely

and when I broke up with
him, bad Sam, poor Joey.

It's bollocks, everyone knows
now what he's really like.

He's the same as Mark, same as
Arg,

he's the same as every boy in
Essex.

- He's just blatantly taking
the piss out of you, isn't he?

- This is what I'm saying.

Like, if, okay yeah we're
not boyfriend and girlfriend

but we are seeing each other.

I wouldn't do that to him.

I certainly wouldn't walk out a
night club

where all my friends are
holding someone's hand.

It's embarrassing.

- The thing is like, kind of,

the Joey who you was with before

I would never have
thought would done that.

- He's changed.

I'm sorry, he goes out all the
time,

he goes out every night of the
week,

yeah he's young let him do what
he wants,

but don't act like you wanna be
with me

and tell me you love me
and come round and like...

The most annoying thing about it
all is,

is that he knows full well
what he's done is wrong

and obviously whenever I
see him or speak to him

he's gonna try and defend it
and be like nothing happened.

- So there's no doubt that you
think

they didn't sleep together.

- No I think if he tried to tell
me

he didn't I think it's bollocks.

- I can't understand it.

He's let himself down.

[upbeat music]

- I've got lots of nice little
bits.

- Did you?

- Oh yeah.

- Never have too many clothes,
girls.

- Suns out, shorts are
out, dresses are out.

- Boobs are out.

- We get like a tiny little
bit of sun and that's it,

we've all gotta get everything
out.

[laughing]

- And everyone looks at you
like why have you got shorts on?

- But it's never actually warm
enough

for us to be wearing it.

Like now, I could do with
some jeans on really.

- I'm freezing.

It's all right, as long as we
look good.

[upbeat music]

- So here it is, after all the
hard work.

- This is actually amazing.

- Do you like it?

- Yeah, it's quality.

- [Mitch] Do you reckon
the boys'll like it?

- Yeah I was with them all
earlier mate, they'd love this.

- Yeah?

- This is amazing.

- Yeah this is it, the
Gentlemen's
Club of the White Hart.

That's what we call it.

- I like it.

- Yeah.
- I proper like it.

This place is called The
White Hart not The Sugar Hut.

You used to have The
Gentleman's Club in the 1700s.

- I think it's wicked.

So literally this is only for
men only.

- Well men only but you
can let women come in here

to like serve us drinks and what
have ya.

- I like it.

- Is that all right?

- I like it, yeah it's like
being at home.

- So it's like wait on us, we do
that.

- [Mario] It's just like being
at home.

- Oh you do that?

- Fuck no.

[laughing]
- Do you want a drink?

- Oh yeah, go for it.
- [Mitch] Look at this.

This is a gentleman's
travelling companion set.

Look at that.

- It's amazing.

It's like an antique?

- Very much so.

There you go, look have this.

Used to take this with
'em on the Stagecoaches

when they was travelling north.

- Will this put hairs on my
chest, mate?

- [Mitch] This will definitely
put hairs on your chest.

This brandy is as old as the
room.

We'll just drink to the room,
all right?

- It's only about a month
old, the room, innit?

[laughing]

- No I mean it's old.

Bits of it are old.

So the brandy's as old as the
chest.

- Drink to the gentleman's room
then.

- The gentleman's room, cheers.

- [Mario] Jesus Christ.

[upbeat music]

- These things take time,

like going through a breakup is
like--

- The hardest thing.

- Oh my God, the hardest thing
in the whole entire world,

like for any person.

But it just takes time.

Time is the best healer,
and I really believe that.

- Even now though, like the
other day,

like two days ago someone
said like how are you both

and I just went, "Yeah, we're
great."

Like I still couldn't bring
myself

to say no I'm not with him.

- Can you imagine looking
your partner in the face

after doing some of
the stuff that our exes

has put us through, and sit
there and go,

"Oh I really love you baby."

- Yeah.

Not only has he now left me at
24

and I'm now single and can't see
a future,

he actually told me we
was gonna get married

and we were gonna have kids

and we were gonna have a lovely
house

and I was gonna have a Bentley.

Well.

- Bet she was gonna call
her kids the worst names.

- No they weren't the worst
names.

- [Lucy] Tell me.

- I threw up when she told me.

- You're so mean.

- I said you cannot call
your kids these names.

- Right, what are they?

- Right, she wanted a boy and a
girl

and she was gonna call
them Carter and Cartier.

[laughing]

- Luce, that face aint saying a
lot.

- Do you think that's all right?

- No, that not is all right.

- [Lydia] You can't call
them Cartier and Carter.

- Isn't that a word though, like
a name?

- Yes, for a watch, a designer
watch.

- [Lucy] Well Mario
wants to call our kid MJ.

- For Michael Jackson?

- No, for Mario Junior.

[laughing]

- Oh, I'm sorry.

MJ, okay, I get it.

- Obviously Tom Kilbey's in the
wrong

because Arg definitely still
loves Lydia,

we all know that yeah?

- Jeez I like Tom but it
makes this whole situation

so awkward like between all of
us.

- I'm not gonna take
sides or nothing but...

[phone chimes]

Sam's just text me.

- What?

- I know what you did last
night.

- [Diegs] Shit.

[sighs]

- I'm gonna have to go see her
now mate.

I'm gonna have to go and explain
myself.

- This is actually just pure ag.

- Shopping's so tiring, innit?

All that walking around.

- Thanks chick.

Cream crackered.

- At least we're a bit
sorted now for Marbs.

- Yeah I know.

I just wanna stand out and look
different

to everybody else in Marbella.

- Yeah it's because we're
gonna know everyone there

and it's like one big fashion
parade.

We've really gotta up our game
this time.

- It's so competitive innit?

And I don't even wanna get
caught up in

that little rat race but I'm in
it.

- [Lauren] You can't help but be
in it.

- Do you know what I mean,

like I'm practically Dorian
from Birds of a Feather,

chilling in Chidwell right now.

- Yeah I love how you just
come round to like hang out

and you're in like your
jewels and your tracksuit.

- I just can't lose, I
have to be the winner.

- You know you can take dogs on
holiday

but they need a passport.

When we go Marbella, do you
reckon I can take Elvis?

- Billie, stop this.

You want Elvis to come Marbella
with us?

- [Billi] Yeah.

We'll have to take him
and get his pictures done.

- You're gonna have to wind the
chair

so far up to hit the thing.

- I know, imagine.

- You're not seriously
thinking of taking him.

- Elvis, do you wanna come to
Marbella?

I think he'd like Marbella,

but d'you know what,
he'd probably get burnt,

that's what I'd be a bit worried
about.

- You're gonna have to
get him some sunglasses.

- I had to put cream on his head
before

so he didn't get burnt but
I used that human factor 50,

but I don't know if they do dog
suncream.

If not, I'll just get him a
visor.

This poor dog, he must think
the things you do to me.

- Listen, I don't think
he'll be complaining

that he'll be having a
holiday, that's for sure.

- Yeah.

Quite lucky really, 'ent he?

- I'm off out now girls.

- [Cara] Where you going?
- Going to meet up with Arg.

- Are you?

- To meet Arg?

- Yeah.

Is that all right?

- Well yeah if you want.

- See you later.
- See you later.

- See you later.

- So what look are you
gonna go for in Marbs?

'Cause I mean like you're Dorian
now,

you don't wanna be Dorian in
Marbs.

- I don't wanna get stuck
with the Dorian label,

that was a joke.

- I think we need to leave
Dorian at the airport.

[laughing]

- [Chloe] She's so getting
left at the airport.

- Let's wave her off on the
plane.

[doorbell rings]

- You expecting anyone?

- [Lauren] No, your 'ere.

[laughing]

- Who is it?

- [Lauren] I dunno.

- You alright babe?

- [Lauren] Hi!

- [Tom] How's it goin?
- All right, how are you?

- [Tom] Yeah, what's going on?

- They for me?

- Course they are, just thought
I'd come and surprise ya.

- Aw wow, thank you.

They're massive.

- Guess where else I've been
today.

- Where?

Oh my God, you got it!

- [Tom] Got your favourite one.

Is this the right one?

- Aw, yeah.

Aw thank you.

Wedding wine, you trying
to tell me something Tom?

- [Tom] Mm-hmm.

- [Lauren] What you doing
tonight, you going out?

- I'm not sure yet. Might go
and see the boys or something

but I ain't got anything
planned.

I'm knackered

- I would invite you in
but I've got Chloe round.

- No room for one more?

- Um.

- I'm only joking.

All right I'll leave you
to your night anyway.

Give us a kiss.

See you later.

- Bye.

[laughs]

O-M-G.

- They're so nice.

They're so gorgeous.

- How big?

- They're lovely.

- [Lauren] I know.

- [Chloe] What did he say,
just turned up with flowers?

- Yeah and this wine.

- That's like really brave
though,

like to come to your door and
give you flowers and wine.

- This is what we drank
when we went on that date,

but I said I really
like it and he actually

remembered which one it was.

- Oh my god that is the cutest
thing ever.

If this is the kinda treatment
you get

by going out with younger guys

I'm totally getting involved.

- It's all about younger guys.

[laughs]

- Do you know, like it was
like only the other day

that he was round here saying
I love you, do you love me?

Being all lovey dovey,
like non-stop touching me

and kissing me.

It's just, I dunno.

It's just completely thrown me,

I'm so angry and so pissed off.

That could be Joey.

- So does he know that you know
now?

- I just text him saying that I
knew.

- Oh my god, he's come
round here to confront it.

- Go get the door.

- Shall I answer it?

- All right?

- Hello.

- Yo.

Sam.

- Shall I go upstairs?

- Yeah.

- Okay.
- Bye.

- [Joey] You all right?

- I'm all right, you?

- [Joey] Yeah.

What's going on?

- So have you got anything
to say about last night?

- Sam, listen.

Last night was nothing.

I go out with my mates and we're
with girls, it was nothing.

What's that?

- Everyone that we know have
seen you

in the club with this girl,
leave the club with the girl

and get in a car, just the two
of you,

going home.
- [Joey] That's a lie.

- It's not a lie.

- [Joey] Well it wasn't
just two of us either.

Tom was in the front.
- It's not a lie.

- Really?

It doesn't matter, it
does not matter okay.

You've got guilt written--

- What are you talking about?

I haven't got guilty written on
my face.

Yeah I know, fair enough.
- You have.

- [Sam] I don't know why you
just lie,

why don't you just tell the
truth to me?

- Listen to me.

- Okay, right.

- [Joey] So what do you
think happened last night?

- Okay, you went home with a
girl, end of.

- No.
- Yes you did.

- No I did not.

- You've got guilt written
all over your face.

Don't lie to me.

- Sam, listen to me.
- Don't lie to me.

Listen to me, right.

Can't you just let me speak
right?

The girl last night means
nothing to me.

Right you mean something to me,
Sam.

You mean something to me right.

- Put yourself in my shoes
right.

If you see me walking out of a
club,

okay you're not holding, but
what is that,

you're doing something
you're holding a girls hand.

Getting in a car and then
hiding.

Joey it's all wrong.

You would think exactly the
same,

if not you'd be going worse than
me.

- Well Sam, why'd you go
about telling everyone

you're single all the time?

- Well I'm sorry but we've
seen each other a few times.

We haven't sat there
and had a conversation

and said are we boyfriend and
girlfriend 'cause we haven't.

- Before last night did you feel
like

you wanted to be with me?
- But what I'm saying is--

- Did you feel like you
wanted to be with me?

- I've been seeing you
for the last four weeks,

you've been in my fucking
house nearly every night.

How much time have we spend
together?

So you're trying to tell
me I don't even like you.

- No, I'm not saying that.

Sam, I love you Sam.

I love you so much.

Do you love me?

- You don't even know what
love, you don't even--

- [Joey] Do you love me?
- Course I love you.

I've done nothing but
speak to you recently.

- You've never told me that,
you've never told me that.

- Well you don't tell me it.

Apart from the other day
when you're messing about

and then you're out last night
doing that.

I don't even know what to say to
you.

- Sam listen, I love you
babe but I just don't,

I just don't feel like you love
me.

- I don't know why you're
trying to turn it round,

trying to make it like--

- I'm not trying to turn it
round Sam.

I'm not.

For fuck sake.

- I'm just pissed off, I just
need time

to think about everything.

So.

- I don't know what to say.

Sam, I want it to work babe,
obviously I want it work.

I just feel like, I
just, I just always get

this hint feeling that, that's
it's just,

I just feel like we're
both just stringing it

and it's just, I dunno.

I feel like you don't wanna be
with me.

I think maybe we should
just finish it now.

- Fine.

- [Joey] All right.

[upbeat jazz music]

- Cha-ching boys.

- [All] Chin chin.

- Saluto.

So is this what a gentleman's
club'ss meant to be about?

Like just chilling out.

- Yeah.

- [Chris] Very prim and proper.

- What were you hoping for
Chris?

- I wasn't expecting this
but it is really nice.

I love it, how it's done.

- So you were expecting like
maybe

a lap dancing club, weren't you?

- I'll be honest--

- Sorry to disappoint ya.

- He's like the most un-classy
gentleman in the world.

- Mate I wore my best socks
today.

- You wore your worst dickey
bow though didn't you?

[laughing]

- I like this dickey bow,
what's wrong with it?

- Does it un-tie and just like
hang down it down as well?

- It's a pin on Mick.

[laughing]

Like I don't know how much
like must have cost you Mick,

but I'm sure it was a
fair old bomb wasn't it.

- It was a few quid, yeah.

I've been collecting all the
antiques

and bits and pieces along the
way.

- Don't lie, you nicked it
all from Nanny Pat's house.

[laughing]

- Lyds, you're looking really
pretty and different today.

- Thank you.

Well, I've decided not
to where lashes tonight.

- You look so much better.

Your eyes look about 10 times
bigger.

- Bit of guy candy around us,

and you can sit there
and check 'em all out

with your fresh eyelashes.

- [Danielle] You can see 'em.

- I can see 'em, yeah.

I can see 'em now can't I?

- No excuse for ugly men now.

[laughing]

- Danielle.

- Saucer of cream for Danny.

[laughing]

- Are you looking for anyone?

- I am 100% looking for someone.

- What's your type?

Like, what do you like?

Do you like the tall, dark and
handsome,

or do you like...

- We've all got something
that floats our boat,

'ent we Dan?

And what floats my boat is I
like a guy

that's got a bit of muscle,
dark hair, dark eyes,

and just a tiny bit of
designer stubble for me.

- Sounds a little bit like
Charlie.

- Oh my God, I was just about to
say.

I know Charlie's straight
but that is like Charlie.

- I was gonna say, Charlie is
straight.

- Charlie is a gorgeous man.

- Would you go there if he was
gay?

- If he was on my bus,
I'd be buying a ticket.

[laughing]

[upbeat music]

- Hey mate, you all right.

- [Arg] All right.

- Just gonna grab a drink.

[upbeat jazz music]

- What's this we're drinking
then, Mick?

- This is a fine malt.

I'd just like you to try it,

'cause that's what this
room's all about obviously

is fine things.

- [Charlie] Thank you very much.

Smells good.

- It burns on the way down.
- Burns the chest.

- This is like living the life,
Mick.

Like you've got beautiful
girls around you,

sipping fine whiskey in
a beautiful environment.

This is it.

- That's how I roll I'm afraid.

- [Charlie] This is the one,
this is why you are the don.

- Yeah, this is how I roll.

- We see you as a bit of a
smooth guy

and obviously with the girls,

like the kind of Hugh Hefner of
Essex.

Everyone comes to you for
advice,

so like literally we're
coming to you for advice.

Like how do you get the women?

Like for me, I don't know where
I'm going wrong, personally,

and I think Charlie also feels
like

we should be asking you as well.

- Do you believe in the
old chat up line situation?

- No, no, the chat up
lines, that's cheese mate,

you don't need to do that.

- So what would you say, like if
I was--

- I think you've got
to compliment the girl

in what she's wearing, say
how beautiful she looks,

and your friends look lovely
this evening.

Start on that one.

Straight away--

- Bring the friends in, Chris.

- [Chris] Will they not feel
like

you're hitting on the whole
group then?

- No. The old one to one
thing could be really stale

if you walk up, do your little
chat up

and you're left there
standing on your own.

- I like that actually.

- Bring the little crowd in.

Can't let all my little tips
go here but I can let a few...

- I feel like we're stealing
them.

I feel like we're stealing 'em.

- Yeah but we're in a
gentleman's club

so what goes on in here,
we'll just keep it quiet.

- To the gentleman's club.

- [Charlie] To the gentleman's
club.

- And to women for the future.

- Yeah, for the future. And
for you as well my friend.

- Thank you, yeah absolutely.

- What's happening mate?

- [Arg] Tom.

- [Tom] All right?

- Yeah.

Me and Diags had a night
out the other night,

both of us drunk.

He comes up to me and goes,

"Arg I don't know how to tell
you this,

"but Tom's a dog, Tom's a
snake."

I was like, "Why?

"He's my mate."

And he was like, "Well
he's been texting Lydia

"behind your back."

And I was like, "No, Tom kilby
text Lydia behind my back?

"No way in a million years,
Tom would never do that to me.

"What are you talkin' about?"

- Well, the thing is Arg,
like I have text Lydia,

but friendly, nothing more than
that.

I haven't been texting
her saying, "Lets meet up,

"let's go dinner, let's
go blah blah blah."

I haven't done that, I wouldn't
do that.

But obviously you recently--

- But all I'm saying is to you
Tom,

I would never in a million years

do what you have done to me.

- But I don't know if you would.

I wouldn't never in a million
years think

you would go behind my sister's
back

and say stuff to someone else

that you think she said that.
- So you're trying to justify,

me having a little row with your
sister

to you texting my ex-girlfriend.

- It's not justifying, it's
not justifying anything.

- So what are you trying to say
then?

- I'm trying to tell you the
facts,

that is what you have done.

And yes I have been texting
Lydia,

I'm not gonna lie about
it. I have text Lydia.

- You know more than
anyone what I went through

when I broke up with that girl
don't you?

- Yeah and I know what you
did to her as well mate.

- No, no, you know more than
anyone what I went through.

- No, I don't know more than
anyone.

- You do because I confided in
you,

and I talked to you about it.

- Around the time, okay all the
girls

you say you slept with as
well, when'd you say that?

- What, when I was with her?

I don't understand what you're
getting at.

Your trying to say, now you're
turning it

from you're texting my
ex-girlfriend,

we become close friends to oh

but oh you used to treat her
badly.

What's that got to do with
anything?

- I'm trying to tell you the
facts.

- Tom you're just playing the
card of

we're not that close friends

so it doesn't make you look as
bad.

- What do you mean, we're not,
what are you going on about?

- Have we been to meals and
lunches, just you and me?

- I've done that with loadsa
people.

- Have we sat around my house
just planning a holiday,

you and me, to go away together?

- That's irrelevant mate.

- No it's not irrelevant.

All I'm trying to say is to my
face

you've made out that you
are a close friend of mine,

yet behind my back you've
been texting my ex-girlfriend.

- I've been talking to your
ex-girlfriend,

it's not like--

- One minute you're saying
you text her in a friendly way

and then you're saying oh
but now it's more than that.

- Now, yes recently, over the
past week,

I'm not gonna lie to you, yeah.

- [Arg] That's fine,
you carry on doing that.

- But that's why I'm here now
telling you.

It's not that I've done
it behind your back,

'cause I'm telling you now.

- You ain't my pal, you never
will be.

I can't trust you, you are a
snake.

- Why you calling me a snake
for?

- Tom and all the boys,

no one wants nothing to do with
you mate.

- If I'm a snake mate, then why
the hell

would they be sitting in a bar
telling me,

in new bar yeah, saying,
"Yeah go for it mate."

- What you're telling
me my friends told you

to go for it with my
ex-girlfriend.

- Tom Pearce, course.

I guarantee, like I'm
not here to bitch mate,

he would say it here now.

Like I love Tom Pearce, I
love all the boys to bits,

but you can't tell me that I'm
the snake

when all the boys do stuff like
that.

[upbeat music]

- [Bobby] Chin, chin.

- [Lydia] Chin, chin.

- It's cocktail night.

- Bob, you love a cocktail don't
ya.

- I do love a cocktail.

[laughs]

- [Danielle] You're so rude.

- I just wanna put it out
there that I am so happy

and I'm so content with myself
right now

and I'm so glad that I'm in this
place.

- Yeah.

- And I'm really enjoying being
single

and I'm really just
enjoying being by myself,

but I have got a little bit of a
secret.

- What?

- [Bobby] Who's caught
your eye in Essex now?

- Well I'm kind of talking to
someone,

but it's nothing like majorly
serious.

It's just like...

- Who?

- Like...

- [Danielle] Who?
- I can't say it, I'm sorry.

- Tell me.

- No because yous are gonna be
like

where the hell has this come
from?

- No I think I know where it's
come from.

- Okay, you tell me then,
who you think it is.

- Tom Kilbey.
- [Lydia] How do you know?

- Because I'm physic.

- Shut up!

Shut up.

- I told you I'm physic.

- How did you know?

- 'Cause I know you well,
you're my best friend.

- Babe, he's fit.

Let's talk.

- You know what, it's nothing
like, like majorly, majorly.

But like we've known each
other for ages and whatever.

Whenever we've been at places,

like it was like a little bit
like,

like I don't know, I just kind
of,

we just kind of had
some... Like I don't know.

But anyway, right, we're
talking,

there's nothing serious.

- You got that smile going on.

- I have, because I feel really
happy

because he's such a nice guy.

- Chin, chin to that.

- Chin, chin.

- I feel like a big weight's
been lifted from my shoulders,

I do feel relieved but if I was
with her,

if I was boyfriend and
girlfriend with her

I would never ever go near any
girl.

- [Diags] Course, and I
believe that, I know that.

- Not anyone.

- She's saying you're seeing
each other,

then she's saying she's single,

then now she's saying she loves
you.

You can't, what is it?

- That's what I'm saying, I'm
getting mixed signals mate.

I just wanna know, I wanna
say to her, what do you want?

And if she loved me and she
liked me

and she have a lot of
respect for me and trusts me,

she would say, "I want you."

- She didn't make it clear last
time

she's not making it clear this
time.

She needs to make it
clear, and that was what...

You've done nothing wrong.

- James, but I'm not gonna lie
mate,

I'm in love with her,
I'm in love with her.

- [Diags] I know you are.

- And when I walked out
the door I just felt like,

I didn't know whether to
think does she actually,

actually really love me that
much,

and I think she does man.

Like why would she be so
annoyed about a stupid girl?

- But why would she never
say it in the first place?

- I don't know, I just
think, I just think...

I don't know what I think man,

I'm so confused right now.

I'm so confused.

I don't have a clue what to do
James.

- You need to talk to her about
it mate.

Does Sam actually make you
happy?

- The way I'm around her,
yeah she does make me happy.

I think we're perfect.

- Clearly not mate.

- Why do you think that?

- 'Cause, all right when you're
with her

you might be happy and
everything yeah,

when youre with her, but
when you're away from her

and you don't know what she's
doing

and you don't know what you're
doing

and everything's not clear,

it messes with you badly,

you can tell, the whole time
you're just thinking about it.

You can't be like that.

- I don't know if I made
the wrong decision mate.

- Do you know what, I need
to get my own girlfriend

and get out of everyone
else's relationships

'cause this is getting
ridiculous.

[sighs]

- Mate, I really hope
I've done the right thing.

- Listen, I wanna know where
we're gonna go from here.

Are you my mate, are you not my
mate?

- It's not about that,
I'm telling you the facts.

This is what's happening now.

- So what are you doing from now
on then?

What are you telling me?

- I'm texting, I do like
Lydia and I know she likes me,

and something might happen.

- Ain't it a bit weird
for you knowing that

I'm someone you know very
well and a friend of yours

and I've been sleeping
with her for four years

and now you're gonna try
and crack on with her.

- Of course, but it's not about
that.

I don't think in my head, hang
on--

- You don't think in your head
like

you like my sloppy seconds
sort of thing, like that.

- That's exactly why you're
not with her anymore,

'cause you say stuff like that
about her.

- But I'm saying to you Tom,

why would you wanna go with a
girl

that's been with one of your
friends?

- Because I don't, mate,
that's not relevant.

I don't look at it like
that mate, honestly.

- Well obviously, you know--

- I don't look at stuff like
that.

You might stuff like that,
and that's how you are,

but we're completely
different people obviously.

- Tom, whatever mate.

Tom, we're not friends,
Lydia ain't my girlfriend.

- All right, sweet.

- I don't wanna carry
on talking about her.

- That's sweet mate,
that's not a problem mate.

- You've made it crystal clear.

There's nothing else to
talk about Tom, is there?

- All right sweet.

- The last call I have got
is him saying that to me,

but that's a terrible--

- But ain't you proving him
right?

[phone rings]

- [Lydia] Aw, it's Tom.

- Ooh.

- Shut up.

Answer, answer.

- Hello.

Are you all right Tom?

- All right?

Yeah I spoke to Arg.

I told him everything.

[sighs]

- [Narrator] Next time
on The Only Way Is Essex.

Is there any way back for Sam
and Joey?

- I think maybe we should
just finish it now.

- All right fine.

- [Narrator] Will Diags ever
be able to keep a secret?

- Why?

Why did you say that?

- Pissed.

- [Narrator] And who is
that buff headless stranger?

Who knows, these people are
real,

and anything can happen
on The Only Way Is Essex.