All language subtitles for The.Only.Way.Is.Essex.S04E05.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-SLAG_track4_[eng]

a carpet-burned nunny, and
some hotties in a hot tub.

The tans you see might be fake

but the people are all real,

although some of what
they do has been set up

purely for your entertainment.

Previously on "The Only Way Is
Essex."

- One thing good come
out of the relationship.

- What?

- I lost my virginity to Lydia

- Four years somebody
was so deceitful, right?

I literally feel sick.

- We were just gonna leave,

'cause yous look like you're
having a really good time.

- [Lydia] What's the matter?

- Just got a text from Mario.

[upbeat music]

- [Joey] One, two, one two
three.

[drumming]

[recorder playing]

That's well annoying, mate.

[laughs]

[cymbals clang]

- Let's have a look at some
other stuff

apart from drums and recorders,
mate.

- I wanna learn the guitar, man.

- Why?

- 'Cause they look good, don't
they?

I wanna be like a guitar man,

like I think it's quite
romantic for girls.

- I know exactly why you
wanna learn guitars, mate.

- Why?

- You wanna impress
Georgina with your guitar.

Like Romeo and Juliet.

She'll be sitting at her window,
she'll open her curtains,

and you'll be outside
with your guitar goin'

"I love you Georgina."

[laughs]

- Mate, I told you it's not like
that.

Do you know what I think?

That she's tryin' to play
Mrs. Tough Cookie, yeah?

Cookie monster, and it ain't
happening.

- I thought you was having a bit
of fun.

I was enjoying myself.

- I think she wanted me to
take her somewhere really nice,

but that didn't happen,
do you know what I mean?

- What, so she, so she wants to
date you?

- No, I think that's
what I'm trying to say.

They wanna date me, trust me.

They want to date.

- I don't know if they do.

- [chuckles] They do.

- What do you think about
Mick's caravan thing tonight?

- It won't be a proper caravan.

It'll be like a 10 out of 10,

five-star caravan or something.

- I went caravan holiday once.

Literally got sick.

Went to a bee farm and then went
home.

[chuckles]

[knocking]

- Oh hello.
- A'right, Sam?

- What are you doing here?

Mwah.

- Just come for a chat
really, a bit of advice.

- Come in.

This is the lounge.

- God, it's a nice house, innit?

- Yeah, I've got a lot to do.

I've only literally just got the
sofas.

And you want a tea, yeah?

- Yes please.

- So, I kinda know why you're
here then.

- Yeah, I'm gettin' all
these mixed signals,

and you know, I'm finding
it really hard, do you know?

I just think it's all
[beep] at the moment.

- Have you cheated?

- No of course not, you know I
haven't.

You know, obviously me and
Lydia,

we have had a few breaks, you
know?

In between our relationship.

I mean, we've been together
what, nearly four years.

And there has been a few times

where there has been little
breaks.

And you know, I had gone on a
night out,

I might have snogged a girl,

but most of the time, she'd
know about those girls.

You know, she'd find out, I'd
be honest with her about it.

- So did she know like
about every single girl

that you've ever done anything
with in between those breaks?

- Pretty much, there might be
some stuff

that might have been
like, well there's no need

for me just to go out and tell
her.

- 'Cause at the end of
the day, she will find out

and it'll be sooner rather than
later.

It's gonna come from someone.
- Yeah.

No, I know that.

- And it will sound so much
better

if it would come from you.

- I don't know.

I don't know what's going on in
her head.

- Well whatever it is, you know

sooner or later you're gonna see
her.

You're gonna cross paths.

So you need to speak to her,

and if anything, you need to be
truthful.

You need to be honest with
Lydia.

- I will be truthful.

- Want a biscuit?
- No, I'm all right.

- Come on.

- I'm on a diet.

- Oh yeah?
- No.

- So you're gonna come to party.

I'm doing a housewarming party.

Food, drink, I've got a hot tub
now,

so I want everyone in bikinis
drinking.

- Lydia's not going to
be there, isn't she?

- I don't want it to be awkward,

but I really wanna invite her.

- Yeah I know, but you
know what the situation

is at the moment, and
you're more my friend

than you are Lydia's, ain't ya?

I can't be here if Lydia's here,
can I?

- I feel really bad 'cause I
do wanna invite her as well.

- Well, it's up to you, you
know.

And I know it sounds pathetic,

but I do not want her comin'
round here with other boys,

gettin' in her, whatever.

Gettin' in a swimming costume
or gettin' in a bikini.

- Don't be so ridiculous.
- It's true.

- You should come.

Look, you know what?

Go and see her, clear the air,

so you can both come and just be
civil.

- God, I'm scared.

- She won't bite.

[chiptune music]

- I don't know if it's
housewarming,

but I heard it's swimwear party.

- A swimwear?
- What?

- Yeah, but no, you can't in
this weather.

- [Lauren P] Indoors?

- It's gonna be indoors, but
it's freezing, we'll catch--

- What, so like heels and a
bikini?

- [Lauren G] Assume so, or
people might wear Uggs, I dunno.

- What?

- Uggs and a swimsuit.

- We're like the Playboy
mansion.

- Yeah, I'm not feeling
that at the minute.

- [Lauren P] No, me neither.

[laughing]

I'm so pasty.

- I don't wanna wear a bikini.

I just don't feel comfortable,

and I just don't wanna
expose my body, and no.

That's a big subject for me,
isn't it?

- [Lauren P] Yeah, I can see
why.

Like everyone, I think every
woman has issues with her body.

So like, a swimwear party
I think will fill everyone

with a little bit of fear.

- I will not feel confident.

I'm very curvy, could you
imagine?

Next to the other girls it'll
be like, "oh god, you're big."

And it's like, not really.
- You ain't big.

- You are not big, you're curvy,

you should be proud of what you
are.

- [Lauren P] I think people just
see,

when they see weakness in
someone

- And I think everyone'll
feel uncomfortable.

Even girls that aren't curvy.

I think they will still be like,

"Oh god, my legs," you know?

- [Georgina] Yeah, definitely.

- And that's normal.

But I don't know, I just
feel a bit under pressure

with it at the minute.

[upbeat hip-hop music]

- I basically just feel
like so down about my hair.

- Then why is it so short?

- The last set of extensions I
had in

was so heavy on my head.

So I had 'em taken out, so now
I'm left

with like rat-chewed hair.

Look how short it is, it
is just so depressing.

I feel like a man.

Who the hell would have hair
this short in Essex? No one.

- Like, I know that
everyone loves long hair,

but sometimes it looks quite
classy short,

and it actually does look quite
nice.

- I know, I feel like Rod
Stewart gone wrong though,

because look at these short bits
on top.

I'm like a punk rocker.

Like, I've had to go and buy
wigs.

I mean, this is the wig
that I've had to wear.

- [Jess] Oh my God, it looks
like a mane.

[laughing]

- If people actually saw
what we really look like

when we woke up in the mornings.

Let's be honest about it,
none of us are perfect.

- Speak for yourself,
Gem, speak for yourself.

- Well, I'm definitely not
perfect.

Shall I show you how it goes in?

- Yeah, go on.

- You just basically take
your front fringe up there,

and it's like a full piece,

so you would clip it in at the
top.

- Don't.

- It's so good, like unless I
told you,

like, you wouldn't have known.

Like, you brush it out at the
back.

- [Jess] It actually
does look quite natural.

- Which just gonna make do
whilst I've got this hair
crisis,

do you know what I mean?

And then you whack the headband
in.

Like who would actually know?

- [Jess] It actually
does look really good.

That was so easy, how quick
you got that in as well.

- Like quick, obviously it's not
perfect.

I'm just giving you a
demonstration, but.

- [Jess] Voila.

- No one would know
it's like not real hair.

It's perfect colour match.

- It does look really, really
good.

[upbeat music]

[laughing]

- She was a nice lady.

- She's lovely, but some of
the things she come out with,

like I was gonna meet a sailor
on a beach?

- If they've actually
got these psychic powers,

you splitting up with Arg
has so, like, completely

taken over your life at the
moment.

If she's gonna pick up anything,

why wouldn't she pick up that?

- She was saying that she
picked it up off your energy.

- Maybe Arg just drained all
your energy.

- Deep down, I kind of knew
that James was cheating on me,

but I used to block it out,

because I never wanted to
believe it.

- Do you really think he has
though?

- Yeah, I do, although I
think that he actually thinks

it's a game and we're actually
gonna get back together.

- But I don't think you should
just like

rule out any other man because
of Arg.

- I mean if the right
Prince Charming came along,

I shouldn't put my guard up.

I feel young, free, single, and
alive.

- You are.

- That's the good thing
about being single.

- Sexy.

Let's rock and roll.

- Billi's gagging for it.

[laughing]

[upbeat rock music]

- So you're taking this with
you?

- Yeah.

Learning guitar, ain't I?

- Yous lot must be absolutely
crazy.

You are gonna be freezing.

- What else are we gonna do?

We ain't gonna go to Sam's.

- Where would you rather be?

Freezing cold aggy caravan,

or warm, cosy new house with a
hot tub.

- I ain't been invited anyway.

- Well I suppose 'cause she's
gonna have her boyfriend there

so it would totally be awkward.

- That's why I was going with
Mick.

- Mick's like a cool guy,
but he's a bit boring guy.

He likes doing things
like fishing, driving to--

- Bird watching.
- Caravans.

- There could be like, weirdos
down there,

do you know what I mean, nutters
and that.

- Joe, 100% gonna be
nutters, are you joking?

Anybody who's a caravan
site, with snow, mental.

- [Joey] I know. No I think
it'll be good.

I think it'll be all right.

- So who else is going?

Yous two, Mick.

- Mario, and we think Arg.

- All boys.

- Dunno about Arg, he
thinks he's gonna come

to Sam's party with you, dunno
yet.

- That'd be awkward.

- He's gotta come with
us really, ain't he?

He can't do that again.

He's just gonna make it worse
for himself.

- He'll have a laugh with yous
two anyway,

you'll cheer him up.

Anyway, I've gotta go to
Beaus and Belles in a minute.

I'm going to have my
first ever bikini wax.

- Why, have you got hairy
fangita?.

- No, I shave.

- Why'd you call them fangitas?

- Fannies.

- Vagita. Fangita.

- What do you call it when
you're getting down with a girl?

Like, what word do you use?

- A pussy.

[laughing]

- Joe, where did you get him
from?

You are the funniest guy I've
ever met.

But not in a good way. [laughs]

- [Lydia] Didn't the girls
look lovely in their dresses?

- They did, they looked really
lovely.

- [Lydia] Anyway, I've
gotta go to the banks.

Pass my bag.

Do you want anything?

I'd like a nice cup of coffee.

And I want a surprise, a cake.

- Okay.

You've got a cake shop here!

- Oh, yeah. [laughs]

Bye!

- Bye!

- [Debbie] A different cake,
Lyd.

- [James] Lyd?

- James, I don't wanna
talk to you, thank you.

And please stop talking
about me so disrespectfully

to people, it's not fair.
- Lydia, I didn't mean that.

I was drunk, I didn't mean
what I said, Lydia, come on.

- No, thank you.

No thank you.

[mid-tempo techno music]

[cell phone ringing]

- Hello?

Arg?

- [James] You a'right, Sam?

- Hello, you're on speakerphone.

Sorry, my hands are wet.

Are you okay?

- [James] No, not really.

It didn't really go to plan.

- [Sam] Oh, what, did you see
Lydia?

- [James] Yeah, well, I
dunno, she's upset with me.

I just thought ah, you know
what,

I just got her on a bit of a
downer,

so I'm just gonna leave it.

- [Sam] Well yeah, she
obviously still just needs time

and stuff, but you know,
maybe it is a good idea, then,

you going to Mick's caravan
and just getting away from it,

and just having some time
with the boys, you know?

- [James] Yeah, maybe, but
I don't like the thought

of, you know, me going away in a
caravan

while she's 'round yours
having a big party,

gettin' in her, like, swimming
costume

and bra and knickers
with all boys around her,

do you know what I mean?

Sam?

- Yeah?

- [James] Will you keep
an eye on her for me?

[upbeat dance music]

- [James] I've just got this
vision

of Lydia in her bra and
knickers or in a bikini

in this hot tub with boys 'round
her.

- [Mario] Mate, it's
like minus one outside.

Trust me, I don't think you've
got that much to worry about.

Seriously, I mean Lucy's going,
and like,

I'm not fazed by it at all.

- [James] You know, I haven't
had it for what, two weeks?

And thinking of Lucy and Lydia
in bikinis

is making me want to do this.

[laughing]
- Stop, get off me!

- Save all that 'til you
get down the caravan.

[laughter]

[horn beeps]

- Here they come.

- Hey!

- [James] Yes, Joey!

- [Mick] What the fuck's that?

- [Joey] Guitar!

I'm learning to play the guitar.

- No way!

- [Diags] James, how
you doin' mate, a'right?

- [James] That is sick, we
could be like a boy band!

- What do you reckon, like
a Justin Bieber turnout?

- [James] No, One Direction.

- [Mario] Joey Bieber

[laughing]

- Shall we get on with this
then?

Let's get on our way, yeah?

- [Boys] Yeah, come on, let's
go.

[boys whooping]

- Whoo, road trip!

- [Boys] Yeah, road trip!

- [Daigs] When Mickey said let's
get away,

I was thinking Ibiza, Dubai,
maybe Mexico.

Not fucking Baldon.

- Isn't everyone just wearing
bikinis?

- Well I'm gonna wear just
like a little red crochet

swimsuit cutout thing.

And I'm just gonna put like
some kaftan over the top.

- Nice

- [Cara] I'm not gonna parade
about in my bikini all night.

- Oh, I am.

- Actually, it depends
what boys are there.

[laughing]

Joking.

- Miss Lucy Mecklenburgh?

- Yeah?

- I've been sent with a
message from an admirer.

- How about me?

[laughing]

How cute.

- [Lucy] "To my little Lucia"

- [Cara] Lucia?

- Mario calls me Lucia.

- So it's from Mario.
- It's Italian for Lucy.

- "I think you're amazing, baby.

"Please let me take you on
a first date for Valentines?

"Love you with all my heart,
Mario."

- [Cara] How do you feel?

- Like a little girl, like all
gooey like.

- [Cara] Do you?

- Yeah.

- Does he always do this cringy
stuff?

- He loves a bit of
cringe, but I love it, so.

- [Cara] Has it worked?

- I wanna go.

- I bet you do.

Don't make that obvious.

Much.

[laughing]

- You're just jel!

- That would definitely
not work on me, though.

- You're joking!

- No, I'd be like, "See you
later!"

Never.

- You're so cold!

- So cringe.

[laughing]

[mid-tempo guitar music]

- On a scale of like, one to 11,

11 being really, really painful,

what would you say?

- I'm not gonna lie to you,
Chlo.

- Don't say 11.

- No, about, like, a nine.

- Shut up.

It's that painful?
- It really hurts.

- But you know like afterwards,

does it hurt or does it
just go back to normal?

- No, no, it's just fine,
it'll be a little bit red.

And the red goes, and then
it's just like nice and smooth.

It's a bit like a bald chicken.

- I'm well scared.

- You'll be fine!

And it's better than going to
the party

and having a big bush
hanging outside your bikini.

- I don't have a bush!

I don't have a full on bush
ever.

- No, not bringing the bush back
yet.

- Not that it really matters,

not that I've had any action for
a while.

- Not had a little bit, Chlo?

- [Chloe] Not a little bit.

Can't just be like having
action with anyone, can you?

- [Beautician] Right, I need
you to turn your leg out.

[girls laughing]

- Oh my god, I feel a little bit
faint.

[Chloe screams]

- Oh, she nearly flicked it on
me!

[Chloe screams]

- Have you done it?

You freaked me out!

- You're making me laugh!

- It'll just feel a little bit
sensitive,

so having a hot bath
will just make it feel

hotter than it normally is.

But apart from that, you're
fine.

- I feel like I've fallen
down the stairs on my nun

and got like a carpet burning.

[laughing]

- Carpet burn nun!

- Ow!

Or like I've slid down the
bannisters

and like burnt all me nun,
that's what it feels like.

- You've obviously done it
before then.

[laughing]

[western music score]

- [Joey] This is it, this is it.

God, this is such a bad area.

What is this?

- [Diags] Is this his cab?

- [Mick] Here we are.

Welcome, welcome.

- [Joey] Liking it, Mick.

- [Mick] Welcome to Naze Marine.
[laughs]

I ain't sure whether you's
taking the piss or not, yous
lot.

- [Joey] It's bigger than my
apartment!

[laughing]

- [James] We've gone to a
holiday camp

in the winter when no one's
here.

- [Boys] Yeah, all right!

- [Joey] Mate, this is reem,
innit?

This is reem, innit?

- [Mario] Pretty sweet.

- [Diags] It's not
really a caravan, is it?

I wouldn't call it a caravan.

- [Mick] It's a lodge

- [Joey] More like a chalet.

- It's nice

- [Mario] I was expecting
it to be a right piss hole,

if I'm honest.

[laughing]

But it's actually all right!

- Have a look 'round, choose
your bedrooms and all that.

No arguing about who's sleeping
where.

- [James] Do we have to share
beds?

I ain't sharing a bed with Joey,

because his breath's bad enough
as it is,

I know his morning
breath will be even more.

[laughing]

[upbeat pop rock music]

- [Billie] It's gonna be
like, food up the walls, wine.

- There's not gonna be food up
the walls!

- It is, everyone gets so out of
control

when there's a party, you
know what it's gonna be like.

- Look, well, if someone
does, they'll be out,

I'll be chucking them straight
out.

- Put 'em out in the snow.

- Yeah.

There's now like loads of single
girls,

loads of single boys.

- Oh there's gonna be so
much flirting going on.

- [Sam] It's gonna be flirting!

- There's probably definitely
going to be

a few sneaking off into
the jacuzzi together.

- [Sam] Yah, exactly.

It's nice to have a
little flirt, isn't it?

- Yeah, of course!

- I go through stages
of feeling really good,

trim, sexy, and I go through
other stages

after being out, going
out for all them months.

And I'm just like bloated in the
face,

bloated in the arms, legs.

- Why don't you stand up, right.

Show me what it is you don't
like.

- I think I've got really big,
like legs.

My waist here I don't mind.

- [Lauren P] Your waist is tiny.

- It's not that, I think, it's
more like

my legs and stuff, like, they're
so built,

do you know what I mean?

- I don't think they are.

Like, you look good in
a pair of little shorts.

- And I'm very muscly, like
I'm very muscly and stuff.

I've always been like that,

since I was probably about 18,
19.

- You have not got big legs.

- [Lauren G] I've got big legs,
I have.

- You have not!

- They're built like Rihanna!

- I think Rihanna's hot.

Like, men think Rihanna's sexy.

What's the plan then, like
are you gonna get a trainer?

- I have been training,
it's not really doing much.

It's making me more hungry,
training.

Builds me up.

- 'Cause you're using up
more energy, aren't you?

You ought to see, like, a
nutritionist.

- I need some help, I
need something to help me.

- What annoys me is that people

really overthink about your
weight.

- Yeah, they do.

- You get it all the time.

Like, it annoys me, so I can't
think

how annoying it must be for you.

- Yeah, and I think I've
always kind of brushed it off.

I'm always like, "no," and
I think actually some days

I think, "fuck sake, I can't
be bothered with this."

- Because everyone's telling you
that.

It's almost like they're
bullying you

into thinking you're
bigger than what you are.

Don't be silly, just don't
listen to people like that.

You're a beautiful girl and you
know that.

It upsets me seeing you upset.

Don't worry, you're still okay.

- Oh god, okay.

All right.

- I didn't realise how
much it really upsets you.

- I don't really think about it,

I just, like, block it out.

- [Lauren P] Maybe that's a
problem.

- Is my makeup running down my
face?

- [Lauren P] No, it's not at
all.

- God, it's so stupid.

- [Lauren P] It's not stupid at
all.

It's something that bothers you.

- God.

[upbeat music]

- [Mario] I think it's mad to
think

that this is actually
part of Essex as well.

- Yeah, well it is, it's Essex.

This is Essex by the sea.

- Yeah, I been talking to Luce
lately.

And she's actually been talking
to me.

Only over the phone, but
yeah like I said to you,

I've been trying to win her
back.

- You been missing her, have
you?

- [Mario] Oh mate, unbelievably.

- Have you?
- Seriously.

But I've arranged a surprise,
which I hope's gone well.

- Have you?

- Yeah.

- What've you done?

- I've ordered a sing-a-gram.

- Well that is romantic.

Well done, well done you.

- Exactly, what can I say?

What about you though,
any ladies on the go?

- Nah, not really.

Mrs. Right ain't come along yet.

I always think to myself,
she'll come along one day,

and that'll be it, and away
we'll go, but I been thinking

that for a few years now
- She'll find you.

- Well, maybe, yeah, maybe.

[fast paced rock music]

[cheering]

- We're flying, we're flying!

Oi, boys, seriously,
my cock's gone inside.

I can't even feel it.

- Boys, how you gettin' on?

- Been worried about yous.

- Mick, ain't you cold here?

It's freezing!

- Boys, you know what?

- [Boys] What?

- [James] We are gonna
get in our boxer shorts,

and we are gonna run right
in that sea, right now.

- Fuck off.

- Boys, I'm doing it, who's
joining me?

- Let's do it.

- Come on, who's doing it?

Come on!

- [Joey] We are the ultimate
toppers, let's do this.

- [Mario] Toppers, you are
crazy.

- [Joey] No one's topping me!

- [Daigs] I'm ready, mate.

- [James] No, wait for me!

- [Mario] Ready?

[screaming and laughing]

- [Mario] Fuck that, fuck that

Oh my god.

- Oh, my balls!

[upbeat dance music]

- [Mick] It's all right,
that chip shop, innit?

- Oh, lovely chip shop, innit?

- [James] I've always heard fish
and chips

are better when you're near a
seaside.

- Always.

- [James] If they got
caught from the same place

why should it be better if you
buy--

- [Mario] Don't talk with your
mouth full, it's disgusting.

[laughing]

[upbeat dance music]

- Hi!

- Hi honey, you a'right?

- [Georgina] Can I just
talk to Lucy for a second?

- Yeah, of course.

- I just wanted to clear the air
with you.

Because I just want you to know

that I'm not interested in
Mario.

Whatever you wanna know, you ask
me.

I'll be outright honest about
it.

Like, I've got nothing to hide.

He's texted me a few times,
Lucy,

and every time, I've been like,

"You've got a girlfriend."

- If I knew a guy had a
girlfriend, I wouldn't reply.

- No, I get that.

But at the time, I didn't know
you,

so I didn't owe you anything.

- It's not about owing me,

you knew he had a girlfriend,
didn't you?

- Well.

- I know Mario's in the wrong.

He's the one that's in
the wrong, you're single.

- But you just don't understand
why.

- But I don't understand, if
I knew a guy had a girlfriend,

I wouldn't even risk it by
replying.

- I didn't want to create
dramas with you two.

As far as I was concerned,
Mario was a friend,

so I thought when he was
coming to me, talking to me,

I thought it was genuinely he
wanted a bit of girl advice.

- Thing is, he shouldn't ask a
stranger.

He should ask one of my mates.

He should be texting one
of my mates, shouldn't he?

- But then maybe he was worried
that you was gonna find out.

But it turns out you found out
anyway,

and it's gone back in his face.

But literally, I don't want you
to think

that I'm out to create trouble

or anything like that, because
I'm not.

- [Joey] Cheers, boys.

To a good trip and a good
turnout.

- I like it down here.

It seems like you're
away from all the city

and the bright lights, but I
like looking

at the stars and the moon.

- [James] Mick, there's fuck all
there.

[laughing]

You better get your money back,
mate!

There's not a fucking star up
there, son!

[laughing]

- [Daigs] Not one star at all.

- [Joey] Find the star.

- [Mick] All right, so
there isn't tonight,

but normally there is,
it's a really bright place

for stars, and it's nice.

- [Sam] I've had so
many, like, phone calls

and texts from Arg.

- [Lydia] From him? Do
you know where he is?

- Mick's caravan with the boys.

- They'll sniff out some girls.

- But there is other
single guys here tonight.

- I wouldn't wanna get
into another relationship,

but I'm not gonna hold back.

If someone right comes along.

- [Chloe] Whoo, girls!

Let's have a photo!

- [Girls] Whoo, yay!

- You having a good night?

- [Lydia] We are having a
fantastic night.

- Such a good party,
I'm really enjoying it.

- Aw, thank you!

- I think we should have a
photo.

- Let's do it.

- Will you take a photo
of us please, Jake?

- Come on girls, cheese!

- [Joey] Honestly, I've
really, really enjoyed myself.

- [James] Yeah, it's been
good to get away, you know?

- I've never done this,
like all five of us.

I think it's been quite good.

Like, we've all got on,
do you know what I mean?

[phone dings]

- [Mick] What was that?

- [James] Oh, text.

- [Joey] Wait, wait, wait.

- [Mick] What's up?

- [Joey] It's Chloe in
like some random bikini.

Lydia, Sam.

- [Daigs] Oh right, I can see
it.

- They ain't having as good a
time

as what we're havin' anyway.

- Not at all mate, we're around
a bin.

- They ain't even smiling,
they ain't even got a drink.

They ain't even got a drink,
man.

- [Daigs] Their party's a
Hawaiian party in the winter.

What's the point?

How pointless.

- [Mick] Yeah, it's nearly as
good

as going to the caravan in the
winter.

[laughing]

- [Daigs] Going to the
beach in the winter,

what's the fucking point?

- You all right, Arg, yeah?

- Yeah, course.

- [Joey] Don't matter.

- [Mick] Ah, it don't matter.

[upbeat pop music]

- [Lydia] Hey, girls!

- [Girls] Hi!

- [Lydia] Is it warm?

- [Girls] Yes. Very.

- [Lydia] Oh my god, it's so
hot.

- [Jess] It doesn't even feel

like it's cold outside, does it?

- [Lydia] It doesn't!

No, I feel like I'm in Africa.

- Have you got your chicken
fillets in that bikini?

No you haven't.

- Nope.

- [Jess] [screams] You put
chicken fillets in your bikini?

- [Cara] Oh, it's like so cute!

- [Billi] It's quite nice having
a bit of eye candy tonight.

A few boys are boys that
I've not seen before.

Who's that boy Ricky who's here?

- [Cara] He's lovely.

- [Lydia] He's such a nice guy!

I've known him since I
was literally about seven.

- Well I think that Ricky
is an absolute sort.

- He's the nicest boy ever,
Cara!

- He's lovely.

- [Lydia] Cara, he's such a nice
guy.

- Easy love, you got a
thing for him or something?

- No, no, no, no, not like that
at all.

I've known him for absolutely
ages,

but I've only ever got
on with him like a mate.

He's such a sweet guy, though.

- He's quite good looking as
well.

- He's nice, I think he's
lovely.

- [Billi] He's not really my
type.

He is good looking, but
- He's Italian Stallion, Cara.

- [Jess] Is he Italian?

How do you know he's a stallion,
Lydia?

- I don't know.

Ricky Raymond.

- [Cara] I think we've
established

that Ricky's a bit of me.

- [Billi] Do you like Ricky?

- I think he's nice.

I'll be like, "Oh, Ricky!"

- [Girls] Ricky!

- Ricky!

[upbeat pop music]

- I'm gonna go in anyway, yeah?

- I'm freezing, I'm going in as
well.

- See you in a bit, see you in a
bit.

- [Mick] Just the three men,
then.

You a'right, Arg?

- Yeah, course.
- Yeah, sure? Good.

Thanks for coming down the
caravan, I've enjoyed that.

- [Mario] Thanks for having us,
mate.

- No, it's a pleasure, it's a
pleasure.

Gets me away from the
kids and I really love it.

- [Mario] Things we can't relate
to yet.

- Like to have kids would you?

- [Mario] I can't wait.

- Really?
- [Mario] Can't wait.

- Family man, yeah?

- Can't wait to be a dad, yeah.

Obviously it's still early days,
and that,

and obviously at the minute
things aren't quite 100%.

But if things were to go well.

I'm still young, but in a
couple years' time, who knows?

- I think that's special,
to have children.

- Man, I can't wait, I love
kids.

- [Ricky] So when was it, the
last time we seen each other?

- Ibiza, I think that was
the last time I saw you.

- Yeah, but that was a
good time, wasn't it?

- When was that?

- August. I think we should
go back for openings.

It's in May.

- Is it?
- Yeah.

- Oh, I'd so be up for that.
- But do you know what?

I wanna go a few places, I wanna
get away.

I wanna go to Thailand, I
wanna get away to New York.

Have you been to New York?
- Oh my god, I love New York!

- We should go!

As friends.

- Yeah, exactly, because
James was always really funny

about me having guy mates.

- Yeah, I don't want
him to suddenly think,

"Oh god, look, Rick's come on
the scene."

It's not like that, we've been
friends

for years and years,
it's not like it's new.

It's just like, you've got the
freedom

to now rekindle it, sort of
thing.

- Yeah.

- 'Cause you know what?

You've been held back since like
what, 17?

Since you was with Arg?

- Yeah, I was with him,
yeah since I was 17.

- Three, four years that?

- Four years.

- I think it's about
time you let yourself go

and have a bit of fun,
do you know what I mean?

- You a'right, Arg?

- Yeah.

- Been a bit down since
that stupid picture.

- No, the picture's not
the end of the world.

But, you know, it's just
hard innit at the moment?

Because obviously, you
know, sort of missing Lydia.

And it's not the best of
circumstances.

All sorts of thoughts enter your
mind,

like what's she getting up to,

god knows what she's doing.

- You are jealous though, ain't
you?

Get a lot of jealousy, didn't
you, running through you?

- [James] No, I'm not jealous.

There's nothing to be jealous
of.

It's just hard looking at photos
of her

and knowing, you know,
it's just hard innit?

- Well, she ain't draped
over another bloke

or anything like that,

or scantily dressed like
you was worried about,

so you ain't gotta worry about
that.

She's a proper girl anyway,
mate.

- Hope so, mate.

- She has got class, mate,
you know that as well.

That's what makes Lydia
Lydia, she's got class.

- Come on, cheer up,
the night is young yet.

- [Mario] What's that mean?

- Might get a knock on
the window, who knows?

- [Mario] [laughs] You might get
lucky!

- [Narrator] Next time, on
"The Only Way is Essex."

- Feel like I've fallen
down the stairs on my nun

and got like a carpet burn or
something.

- [Narrator] Is Arg
completely out of the picture?

- You're a'right, Arg, yeah?

- Yeah, course.

- [Narrator] Will Lucy ever
have a more satisfied customer?

- Miss Lucy Mecklenburg?

- Yeah?

- I've been sent with a
message from an admirer.

- [Narrator] And will Ricky
continue to make a splash?

- Cara, he's such a nice guy.

- We've established that
Ricky's a bit of me.

- [Narrator] Who knows?

These people are real,
and anything can happen

on "The Only Way is Essex."

[upbeat music]