Original subtitles

a carpet-burned nunny, and some hotties in a hot tub.

The tans you see might be fake

but the people are all real,

although some of what they do has been set up

purely for your entertainment.

Previously on "The Only Way Is Essex."

- One thing good come out of the relationship.

- What?

- I lost my virginity to Lydia

- Four years somebody was so deceitful, right?

I literally feel sick.

- We were just gonna leave,

'cause yous look like you're having a really good time.

- [Lydia] What's the matter?

- Just got a text from Mario.

[upbeat music]

- [Joey] One, two, one two three.

[drumming]

[recorder playing]

That's well annoying, mate.

[laughs]

[cymbals clang]

- Let's have a look at some other stuff

apart from drums and recorders, mate.

- I wanna learn the guitar, man.

- Why?

- 'Cause they look good, don't they?

I wanna be like a guitar man,

like I think it's quite romantic for girls.

- I know exactly why you wanna learn guitars, mate.

- Why?

- You wanna impress Georgina with your guitar.

Like Romeo and Juliet.

She'll be sitting at her window, she'll open her curtains,

and you'll be outside with your guitar goin'

"I love you Georgina."

[laughs]

- Mate, I told you it's not like that.

Do you know what I think?

That she's tryin' to play Mrs. Tough Cookie, yeah?

Cookie monster, and it ain't happening.

- I thought you was having a bit of fun.

I was enjoying myself.

- I think she wanted me to take her somewhere really nice,

but that didn't happen, do you know what I mean?

- What, so she, so she wants to date you?

- No, I think that's what I'm trying to say.

They wanna date me, trust me.

They want to date.

- I don't know if they do.

- [chuckles] They do.

- What do you think about Mick's caravan thing tonight?

- It won't be a proper caravan.

It'll be like a 10 out of 10,

five-star caravan or something.

- I went caravan holiday once.

Literally got sick.

Went to a bee farm and then went home.

[chuckles]

[knocking]

- Oh hello. - A'right, Sam?

- What are you doing here?

Mwah.

- Just come for a chat really, a bit of advice.

- Come in.

This is the lounge.

- God, it's a nice house, innit?

- Yeah, I've got a lot to do.

I've only literally just got the sofas.

And you want a tea, yeah?

- Yes please.

- So, I kinda know why you're here then.

- Yeah, I'm gettin' all these mixed signals,

and you know, I'm finding it really hard, do you know?

I just think it's all [beep] at the moment.

- Have you cheated?

- No of course not, you know I haven't.

You know, obviously me and Lydia,

we have had a few breaks, you know?

In between our relationship.

I mean, we've been together what, nearly four years.

And there has been a few times

where there has been little breaks.

And you know, I had gone on a night out,

I might have snogged a girl,

but most of the time, she'd know about those girls.

You know, she'd find out, I'd be honest with her about it.

- So did she know like about every single girl

that you've ever done anything with in between those breaks?

- Pretty much, there might be some stuff

that might have been like, well there's no need

for me just to go out and tell her.

- 'Cause at the end of the day, she will find out

and it'll be sooner rather than later.

It's gonna come from someone. - Yeah.

No, I know that.

- And it will sound so much better

if it would come from you.

- I don't know.

I don't know what's going on in her head.

- Well whatever it is, you know

sooner or later you're gonna see her.

You're gonna cross paths.

So you need to speak to her,

and if anything, you need to be truthful.

You need to be honest with Lydia.

- I will be truthful.

- Want a biscuit? - No, I'm all right.

- Come on.

- I'm on a diet.

- Oh yeah? - No.

- So you're gonna come to party.

I'm doing a housewarming party.

Food, drink, I've got a hot tub now,

so I want everyone in bikinis drinking.

- Lydia's not going to be there, isn't she?

- I don't want it to be awkward,

but I really wanna invite her.

- Yeah I know, but you know what the situation

is at the moment, and you're more my friend

than you are Lydia's, ain't ya?

I can't be here if Lydia's here, can I?

- I feel really bad 'cause I do wanna invite her as well.

- Well, it's up to you, you know.

And I know it sounds pathetic,

but I do not want her comin' round here with other boys,

gettin' in her, whatever.

Gettin' in a swimming costume or gettin' in a bikini.

- Don't be so ridiculous. - It's true.

- You should come.

Look, you know what?

Go and see her, clear the air,

so you can both come and just be civil.

- God, I'm scared.

- She won't bite.

[chiptune music]

- I don't know if it's housewarming,

but I heard it's swimwear party.

- A swimwear? - What?

- Yeah, but no, you can't in this weather.

- [Lauren P] Indoors?

- It's gonna be indoors, but it's freezing, we'll catch--

- What, so like heels and a bikini?

- [Lauren G] Assume so, or people might wear Uggs, I dunno.

- What?

- Uggs and a swimsuit.

- We're like the Playboy mansion.

- Yeah, I'm not feeling that at the minute.

- [Lauren P] No, me neither.

[laughing]

I'm so pasty.

- I don't wanna wear a bikini.

I just don't feel comfortable,

and I just don't wanna expose my body, and no.

That's a big subject for me, isn't it?

- [Lauren P] Yeah, I can see why.

Like everyone, I think every woman has issues with her body.

So like, a swimwear party I think will fill everyone

with a little bit of fear.

- I will not feel confident.

I'm very curvy, could you imagine?

Next to the other girls it'll be like, "oh god, you're big."

And it's like, not really. - You ain't big.

- You are not big, you're curvy,

you should be proud of what you are.

- [Lauren P] I think people just see,

when they see weakness in someone

- And I think everyone'll feel uncomfortable.

Even girls that aren't curvy.

I think they will still be like,

"Oh god, my legs," you know?

- [Georgina] Yeah, definitely.

- And that's normal.

But I don't know, I just feel a bit under pressure

with it at the minute.

[upbeat hip-hop music]

- I basically just feel like so down about my hair.

- Then why is it so short?

- The last set of extensions I had in

was so heavy on my head.

So I had 'em taken out, so now I'm left

with like rat-chewed hair.

Look how short it is, it is just so depressing.

I feel like a man.

Who the hell would have hair this short in Essex? No one.

- Like, I know that everyone loves long hair,

but sometimes it looks quite classy short,

and it actually does look quite nice.

- I know, I feel like Rod Stewart gone wrong though,

because look at these short bits on top.

I'm like a punk rocker.

Like, I've had to go and buy wigs.

I mean, this is the wig that I've had to wear.

- [Jess] Oh my God, it looks like a mane.

[laughing]

- If people actually saw what we really look like

when we woke up in the mornings.

Let's be honest about it, none of us are perfect.

- Speak for yourself, Gem, speak for yourself.

- Well, I'm definitely not perfect.

Shall I show you how it goes in?

- Yeah, go on.

- You just basically take your front fringe up there,

and it's like a full piece,

so you would clip it in at the top.

- Don't.

- It's so good, like unless I told you,

like, you wouldn't have known.

Like, you brush it out at the back.

- [Jess] It actually does look quite natural.

- Which just gonna make do whilst I've got this hair crisis,

do you know what I mean?

And then you whack the headband in.

Like who would actually know?

- [Jess] It actually does look really good.

That was so easy, how quick you got that in as well.

- Like quick, obviously it's not perfect.

I'm just giving you a demonstration, but.

- [Jess] Voila.

- No one would know it's like not real hair.

It's perfect colour match.

- It does look really, really good.

[upbeat music]

[laughing]

- She was a nice lady.

- She's lovely, but some of the things she come out with,

like I was gonna meet a sailor on a beach?

- If they've actually got these psychic powers,

you splitting up with Arg has so, like, completely

taken over your life at the moment.

If she's gonna pick up anything,

why wouldn't she pick up that?

- She was saying that she picked it up off your energy.

- Maybe Arg just drained all your energy.

- Deep down, I kind of knew that James was cheating on me,

but I used to block it out,

because I never wanted to believe it.

- Do you really think he has though?

- Yeah, I do, although I think that he actually thinks

it's a game and we're actually gonna get back together.

- But I don't think you should just like

rule out any other man because of Arg.

- I mean if the right Prince Charming came along,

I shouldn't put my guard up.

I feel young, free, single, and alive.

- You are.

- That's the good thing about being single.

- Sexy.

Let's rock and roll.

- Billi's gagging for it.

[laughing]

[upbeat rock music]

- So you're taking this with you?

- Yeah.

Learning guitar, ain't I?

- Yous lot must be absolutely crazy.

You are gonna be freezing.

- What else are we gonna do?

We ain't gonna go to Sam's.

- Where would you rather be?

Freezing cold aggy caravan,

or warm, cosy new house with a hot tub.

- I ain't been invited anyway.

- Well I suppose 'cause she's gonna have her boyfriend there

so it would totally be awkward.

- That's why I was going with Mick.

- Mick's like a cool guy, but he's a bit boring guy.

He likes doing things like fishing, driving to--

- Bird watching. - Caravans.

- There could be like, weirdos down there,

do you know what I mean, nutters and that.

- Joe, 100% gonna be nutters, are you joking?

Anybody who's a caravan site, with snow, mental.

- [Joey] I know. No I think it'll be good.

I think it'll be all right.

- So who else is going?

Yous two, Mick.

- Mario, and we think Arg.

- All boys.

- Dunno about Arg, he thinks he's gonna come

to Sam's party with you, dunno yet.

- That'd be awkward.

- He's gotta come with us really, ain't he?

He can't do that again.

He's just gonna make it worse for himself.

- He'll have a laugh with yous two anyway,

you'll cheer him up.

Anyway, I've gotta go to Beaus and Belles in a minute.

I'm going to have my first ever bikini wax.

- Why, have you got hairy fangita?.

- No, I shave.

- Why'd you call them fangitas?

- Fannies.

- Vagita. Fangita.

- What do you call it when you're getting down with a girl?

Like, what word do you use?

- A pussy.

[laughing]

- Joe, where did you get him from?

You are the funniest guy I've ever met.

But not in a good way. [laughs]

- [Lydia] Didn't the girls look lovely in their dresses?

- They did, they looked really lovely.

- [Lydia] Anyway, I've gotta go to the banks.

Pass my bag.

Do you want anything?

I'd like a nice cup of coffee.

And I want a surprise, a cake.

- Okay.

You've got a cake shop here!

- Oh, yeah. [laughs]

Bye!

- Bye!

- [Debbie] A different cake, Lyd.

- [James] Lyd?

- James, I don't wanna talk to you, thank you.

And please stop talking about me so disrespectfully

to people, it's not fair. - Lydia, I didn't mean that.

I was drunk, I didn't mean what I said, Lydia, come on.

- No, thank you.

No thank you.

[mid-tempo techno music]

[cell phone ringing]

- Hello?

Arg?

- [James] You a'right, Sam?

- Hello, you're on speakerphone.

Sorry, my hands are wet.

Are you okay?

- [James] No, not really.

It didn't really go to plan.

- [Sam] Oh, what, did you see Lydia?

- [James] Yeah, well, I dunno, she's upset with me.

I just thought ah, you know what,

I just got her on a bit of a downer,

so I'm just gonna leave it.

- [Sam] Well yeah, she obviously still just needs time

and stuff, but you know, maybe it is a good idea, then,

you going to Mick's caravan and just getting away from it,

and just having some time with the boys, you know?

- [James] Yeah, maybe, but I don't like the thought

of, you know, me going away in a caravan

while she's 'round yours having a big party,

gettin' in her, like, swimming costume

and bra and knickers with all boys around her,

do you know what I mean?

Sam?

- Yeah?

- [James] Will you keep an eye on her for me?

[upbeat dance music]

- [James] I've just got this vision

of Lydia in her bra and knickers or in a bikini

in this hot tub with boys 'round her.

- [Mario] Mate, it's like minus one outside.

Trust me, I don't think you've got that much to worry about.

Seriously, I mean Lucy's going, and like,

I'm not fazed by it at all.

- [James] You know, I haven't had it for what, two weeks?

And thinking of Lucy and Lydia in bikinis

is making me want to do this.

[laughing] - Stop, get off me!

- Save all that 'til you get down the caravan.

[laughter]

[horn beeps]

- Here they come.

- Hey!

- [James] Yes, Joey!

- [Mick] What the fuck's that?

- [Joey] Guitar!

I'm learning to play the guitar.

- No way!

- [Diags] James, how you doin' mate, a'right?

- [James] That is sick, we could be like a boy band!

- What do you reckon, like a Justin Bieber turnout?

- [James] No, One Direction.

- [Mario] Joey Bieber

[laughing]

- Shall we get on with this then?

Let's get on our way, yeah?

- [Boys] Yeah, come on, let's go.

[boys whooping]

- Whoo, road trip!

- [Boys] Yeah, road trip!

- [Daigs] When Mickey said let's get away,

I was thinking Ibiza, Dubai, maybe Mexico.

Not fucking Baldon.

- Isn't everyone just wearing bikinis?

- Well I'm gonna wear just like a little red crochet

swimsuit cutout thing.

And I'm just gonna put like some kaftan over the top.

- Nice

- [Cara] I'm not gonna parade about in my bikini all night.

- Oh, I am.

- Actually, it depends what boys are there.

[laughing]

Joking.

- Miss Lucy Mecklenburgh?

- Yeah?

- I've been sent with a message from an admirer.

- How about me?

[laughing]

How cute.

- [Lucy] "To my little Lucia"

- [Cara] Lucia?

- Mario calls me Lucia.

- So it's from Mario. - It's Italian for Lucy.

- "I think you're amazing, baby.

"Please let me take you on a first date for Valentines?

"Love you with all my heart, Mario."

- [Cara] How do you feel?

- Like a little girl, like all gooey like.

- [Cara] Do you?

- Yeah.

- Does he always do this cringy stuff?

- He loves a bit of cringe, but I love it, so.

- [Cara] Has it worked?

- I wanna go.

- I bet you do.

Don't make that obvious.

Much.

[laughing]

- You're just jel!

- That would definitely not work on me, though.

- You're joking!

- No, I'd be like, "See you later!"

Never.

- You're so cold!

- So cringe.

[laughing]

[mid-tempo guitar music]

- On a scale of like, one to 11,

11 being really, really painful,

what would you say?

- I'm not gonna lie to you, Chlo.

- Don't say 11.

- No, about, like, a nine.

- Shut up.

It's that painful? - It really hurts.

- But you know like afterwards,

does it hurt or does it just go back to normal?

- No, no, it's just fine, it'll be a little bit red.

And the red goes, and then it's just like nice and smooth.

It's a bit like a bald chicken.

- I'm well scared.

- You'll be fine!

And it's better than going to the party

and having a big bush hanging outside your bikini.

- I don't have a bush!

I don't have a full on bush ever.

- No, not bringing the bush back yet.

- Not that it really matters,

not that I've had any action for a while.

- Not had a little bit, Chlo?

- [Chloe] Not a little bit.

Can't just be like having action with anyone, can you?

- [Beautician] Right, I need you to turn your leg out.

[girls laughing]

- Oh my god, I feel a little bit faint.

[Chloe screams]

- Oh, she nearly flicked it on me!

[Chloe screams]

- Have you done it?

You freaked me out!

- You're making me laugh!

- It'll just feel a little bit sensitive,

so having a hot bath will just make it feel

hotter than it normally is.

But apart from that, you're fine.

- I feel like I've fallen down the stairs on my nun

and got like a carpet burning.

[laughing]

- Carpet burn nun!

- Ow!

Or like I've slid down the bannisters

and like burnt all me nun, that's what it feels like.

- You've obviously done it before then.

[laughing]

[western music score]

- [Joey] This is it, this is it.

God, this is such a bad area.

What is this?

- [Diags] Is this his cab?

- [Mick] Here we are.

Welcome, welcome.

- [Joey] Liking it, Mick.

- [Mick] Welcome to Naze Marine. [laughs]

I ain't sure whether you's taking the piss or not, yous lot.

- [Joey] It's bigger than my apartment!

[laughing]

- [James] We've gone to a holiday camp

in the winter when no one's here.

- [Boys] Yeah, all right!

- [Joey] Mate, this is reem, innit?

This is reem, innit?

- [Mario] Pretty sweet.

- [Diags] It's not really a caravan, is it?

I wouldn't call it a caravan.

- [Mick] It's a lodge

- [Joey] More like a chalet.

- It's nice

- [Mario] I was expecting it to be a right piss hole,

if I'm honest.

[laughing]

But it's actually all right!

- Have a look 'round, choose your bedrooms and all that.

No arguing about who's sleeping where.

- [James] Do we have to share beds?

I ain't sharing a bed with Joey,

because his breath's bad enough as it is,

I know his morning breath will be even more.

[laughing]

[upbeat pop rock music]

- [Billie] It's gonna be like, food up the walls, wine.

- There's not gonna be food up the walls!

- It is, everyone gets so out of control

when there's a party, you know what it's gonna be like.

- Look, well, if someone does, they'll be out,

I'll be chucking them straight out.

- Put 'em out in the snow.

- Yeah.

There's now like loads of single girls,

loads of single boys.

- Oh there's gonna be so much flirting going on.

- [Sam] It's gonna be flirting!

- There's probably definitely going to be

a few sneaking off into the jacuzzi together.

- [Sam] Yah, exactly.

It's nice to have a little flirt, isn't it?

- Yeah, of course!

- I go through stages of feeling really good,

trim, sexy, and I go through other stages

after being out, going out for all them months.

And I'm just like bloated in the face,

bloated in the arms, legs.

- Why don't you stand up, right.

Show me what it is you don't like.

- I think I've got really big, like legs.

My waist here I don't mind.

- [Lauren P] Your waist is tiny.

- It's not that, I think, it's more like

my legs and stuff, like, they're so built,

do you know what I mean?

- I don't think they are.

Like, you look good in a pair of little shorts.

- And I'm very muscly, like I'm very muscly and stuff.

I've always been like that,

since I was probably about 18, 19.

- You have not got big legs.

- [Lauren G] I've got big legs, I have.

- You have not!

- They're built like Rihanna!

- I think Rihanna's hot.

Like, men think Rihanna's sexy.

What's the plan then, like are you gonna get a trainer?

- I have been training, it's not really doing much.

It's making me more hungry, training.

Builds me up.

- 'Cause you're using up more energy, aren't you?

You ought to see, like, a nutritionist.

- I need some help, I need something to help me.

- What annoys me is that people

really overthink about your weight.

- Yeah, they do.

- You get it all the time.

Like, it annoys me, so I can't think

how annoying it must be for you.

- Yeah, and I think I've always kind of brushed it off.

I'm always like, "no," and I think actually some days

I think, "fuck sake, I can't be bothered with this."

- Because everyone's telling you that.

It's almost like they're bullying you

into thinking you're bigger than what you are.

Don't be silly, just don't listen to people like that.

You're a beautiful girl and you know that.

It upsets me seeing you upset.

Don't worry, you're still okay.

- Oh god, okay.

All right.

- I didn't realise how much it really upsets you.

- I don't really think about it,

I just, like, block it out.

- [Lauren P] Maybe that's a problem.

- Is my makeup running down my face?

- [Lauren P] No, it's not at all.

- God, it's so stupid.

- [Lauren P] It's not stupid at all.

It's something that bothers you.

- God.

[upbeat music]

- [Mario] I think it's mad to think

that this is actually part of Essex as well.

- Yeah, well it is, it's Essex.

This is Essex by the sea.

- Yeah, I been talking to Luce lately.

And she's actually been talking to me.

Only over the phone, but yeah like I said to you,

I've been trying to win her back.

- You been missing her, have you?

- [Mario] Oh mate, unbelievably.

- Have you? - Seriously.

But I've arranged a surprise, which I hope's gone well.

- Have you?

- Yeah.

- What've you done?

- I've ordered a sing-a-gram.

- Well that is romantic.

Well done, well done you.

- Exactly, what can I say?

What about you though, any ladies on the go?

- Nah, not really.

Mrs. Right ain't come along yet.

I always think to myself, she'll come along one day,

and that'll be it, and away we'll go, but I been thinking

that for a few years now - She'll find you.

- Well, maybe, yeah, maybe.

[fast paced rock music]

[cheering]

- We're flying, we're flying!

Oi, boys, seriously, my cock's gone inside.

I can't even feel it.

- Boys, how you gettin' on?

- Been worried about yous.

- Mick, ain't you cold here?

It's freezing!

- Boys, you know what?

- [Boys] What?

- [James] We are gonna get in our boxer shorts,

and we are gonna run right in that sea, right now.

- Fuck off.

- Boys, I'm doing it, who's joining me?

- Let's do it.

- Come on, who's doing it?

Come on!

- [Joey] We are the ultimate toppers, let's do this.

- [Mario] Toppers, you are crazy.

- [Joey] No one's topping me!

- [Daigs] I'm ready, mate.

- [James] No, wait for me!

- [Mario] Ready?

[screaming and laughing]

- [Mario] Fuck that, fuck that

Oh my god.

- Oh, my balls!

[upbeat dance music]

- [Mick] It's all right, that chip shop, innit?

- Oh, lovely chip shop, innit?

- [James] I've always heard fish and chips

are better when you're near a seaside.

- Always.

- [James] If they got caught from the same place

why should it be better if you buy--

- [Mario] Don't talk with your mouth full, it's disgusting.

[laughing]

[upbeat dance music]

- Hi!

- Hi honey, you a'right?

- [Georgina] Can I just talk to Lucy for a second?

- Yeah, of course.

- I just wanted to clear the air with you.

Because I just want you to know

that I'm not interested in Mario.

Whatever you wanna know, you ask me.

I'll be outright honest about it.

Like, I've got nothing to hide.

He's texted me a few times, Lucy,

and every time, I've been like,

"You've got a girlfriend."

- If I knew a guy had a girlfriend, I wouldn't reply.

- No, I get that.

But at the time, I didn't know you,

so I didn't owe you anything.

- It's not about owing me,

you knew he had a girlfriend, didn't you?

- Well.

- I know Mario's in the wrong.

He's the one that's in the wrong, you're single.

- But you just don't understand why.

- But I don't understand, if I knew a guy had a girlfriend,

I wouldn't even risk it by replying.

- I didn't want to create dramas with you two.

As far as I was concerned, Mario was a friend,

so I thought when he was coming to me, talking to me,

I thought it was genuinely he wanted a bit of girl advice.

- Thing is, he shouldn't ask a stranger.

He should ask one of my mates.

He should be texting one of my mates, shouldn't he?

- But then maybe he was worried that you was gonna find out.

But it turns out you found out anyway,

and it's gone back in his face.

But literally, I don't want you to think

that I'm out to create trouble

or anything like that, because I'm not.

- [Joey] Cheers, boys.

To a good trip and a good turnout.

- I like it down here.

It seems like you're away from all the city

and the bright lights, but I like looking

at the stars and the moon.

- [James] Mick, there's fuck all there.

[laughing]

You better get your money back, mate!

There's not a fucking star up there, son!

[laughing]

- [Daigs] Not one star at all.

- [Joey] Find the star.

- [Mick] All right, so there isn't tonight,

but normally there is, it's a really bright place

for stars, and it's nice.

- [Sam] I've had so many, like, phone calls

and texts from Arg.

- [Lydia] From him? Do you know where he is?

- Mick's caravan with the boys.

- They'll sniff out some girls.

- But there is other single guys here tonight.

- I wouldn't wanna get into another relationship,

but I'm not gonna hold back.

If someone right comes along.

- [Chloe] Whoo, girls!

Let's have a photo!

- [Girls] Whoo, yay!

- You having a good night?

- [Lydia] We are having a fantastic night.

- Such a good party, I'm really enjoying it.

- Aw, thank you!

- I think we should have a photo.

- Let's do it.

- Will you take a photo of us please, Jake?

- Come on girls, cheese!

- [Joey] Honestly, I've really, really enjoyed myself.

- [James] Yeah, it's been good to get away, you know?

- I've never done this, like all five of us.

I think it's been quite good.

Like, we've all got on, do you know what I mean?

[phone dings]

- [Mick] What was that?

- [James] Oh, text.

- [Joey] Wait, wait, wait.

- [Mick] What's up?

- [Joey] It's Chloe in like some random bikini.

Lydia, Sam.

- [Daigs] Oh right, I can see it.

- They ain't having as good a time

as what we're havin' anyway.

- Not at all mate, we're around a bin.

- They ain't even smiling, they ain't even got a drink.

They ain't even got a drink, man.

- [Daigs] Their party's a Hawaiian party in the winter.

What's the point?

How pointless.

- [Mick] Yeah, it's nearly as good

as going to the caravan in the winter.

[laughing]

- [Daigs] Going to the beach in the winter,

what's the fucking point?

- You all right, Arg, yeah?

- Yeah, course.

- [Joey] Don't matter.

- [Mick] Ah, it don't matter.

[upbeat pop music]

- [Lydia] Hey, girls!

- [Girls] Hi!

- [Lydia] Is it warm?

- [Girls] Yes. Very.

- [Lydia] Oh my god, it's so hot.

- [Jess] It doesn't even feel

like it's cold outside, does it?

- [Lydia] It doesn't!

No, I feel like I'm in Africa.

- Have you got your chicken fillets in that bikini?

No you haven't.

- Nope.

- [Jess] [screams] You put chicken fillets in your bikini?

- [Cara] Oh, it's like so cute!

- [Billi] It's quite nice having a bit of eye candy tonight.

A few boys are boys that I've not seen before.

Who's that boy Ricky who's here?

- [Cara] He's lovely.

- [Lydia] He's such a nice guy!

I've known him since I was literally about seven.

- Well I think that Ricky is an absolute sort.

- He's the nicest boy ever, Cara!

- He's lovely.

- [Lydia] Cara, he's such a nice guy.

- Easy love, you got a thing for him or something?

- No, no, no, no, not like that at all.

I've known him for absolutely ages,

but I've only ever got on with him like a mate.

He's such a sweet guy, though.

- He's quite good looking as well.

- He's nice, I think he's lovely.

- [Billi] He's not really my type.

He is good looking, but - He's Italian Stallion, Cara.

- [Jess] Is he Italian?

How do you know he's a stallion, Lydia?

- I don't know.

Ricky Raymond.

- [Cara] I think we've established

that Ricky's a bit of me.

- [Billi] Do you like Ricky?

- I think he's nice.

I'll be like, "Oh, Ricky!"

- [Girls] Ricky!

- Ricky!

[upbeat pop music]

- I'm gonna go in anyway, yeah?

- I'm freezing, I'm going in as well.

- See you in a bit, see you in a bit.

- [Mick] Just the three men, then.

You a'right, Arg?

- Yeah, course. - Yeah, sure? Good.

Thanks for coming down the caravan, I've enjoyed that.

- [Mario] Thanks for having us, mate.

- No, it's a pleasure, it's a pleasure.

Gets me away from the kids and I really love it.

- [Mario] Things we can't relate to yet.

- Like to have kids would you?

- [Mario] I can't wait.

- Really? - [Mario] Can't wait.

- Family man, yeah?

- Can't wait to be a dad, yeah.

Obviously it's still early days, and that,

and obviously at the minute things aren't quite 100%.

But if things were to go well.

I'm still young, but in a couple years' time, who knows?

- I think that's special, to have children.

- Man, I can't wait, I love kids.

- [Ricky] So when was it, the last time we seen each other?

- Ibiza, I think that was the last time I saw you.

- Yeah, but that was a good time, wasn't it?

- When was that?

- August. I think we should go back for openings.

It's in May.

- Is it? - Yeah.

- Oh, I'd so be up for that. - But do you know what?

I wanna go a few places, I wanna get away.

I wanna go to Thailand, I wanna get away to New York.

Have you been to New York? - Oh my god, I love New York!

- We should go!

As friends.

- Yeah, exactly, because James was always really funny

about me having guy mates.

- Yeah, I don't want him to suddenly think,

"Oh god, look, Rick's come on the scene."

It's not like that, we've been friends

for years and years, it's not like it's new.

It's just like, you've got the freedom

to now rekindle it, sort of thing.

- Yeah.

- 'Cause you know what?

You've been held back since like what, 17?

Since you was with Arg?

- Yeah, I was with him, yeah since I was 17.

- Three, four years that?

- Four years.

- I think it's about time you let yourself go

and have a bit of fun, do you know what I mean?

- You a'right, Arg?

- Yeah.

- Been a bit down since that stupid picture.

- No, the picture's not the end of the world.

But, you know, it's just hard innit at the moment?

Because obviously, you know, sort of missing Lydia.

And it's not the best of circumstances.

All sorts of thoughts enter your mind,

like what's she getting up to,

god knows what she's doing.

- You are jealous though, ain't you?

Get a lot of jealousy, didn't you, running through you?

- [James] No, I'm not jealous.

There's nothing to be jealous of.

It's just hard looking at photos of her

and knowing, you know, it's just hard innit?

- Well, she ain't draped over another bloke

or anything like that,

or scantily dressed like you was worried about,

so you ain't gotta worry about that.

She's a proper girl anyway, mate.

- Hope so, mate.

- She has got class, mate, you know that as well.

That's what makes Lydia Lydia, she's got class.

- Come on, cheer up, the night is young yet.

- [Mario] What's that mean?

- Might get a knock on the window, who knows?

- [Mario] [laughs] You might get lucky!

- [Narrator] Next time, on "The Only Way is Essex."

- Feel like I've fallen down the stairs on my nun

and got like a carpet burn or something.

- [Narrator] Is Arg completely out of the picture?

- You're a'right, Arg, yeah?

- Yeah, course.

- [Narrator] Will Lucy ever have a more satisfied customer?

- Miss Lucy Mecklenburg?

- Yeah?

- I've been sent with a message from an admirer.

- [Narrator] And will Ricky continue to make a splash?

- Cara, he's such a nice guy.

- We've established that Ricky's a bit of me.

- [Narrator] Who knows?

These people are real, and anything can happen

on "The Only Way is Essex."

[upbeat music]