All language subtitles for The.Only.Way.Is.Essex.S03E14.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-SLAG_track3_[eng]

surprise snogging and a fond
farewell.

The tans you see might be fake

but the people are all real
although some

of what they do

has been set up purely
for your entertainment.

Previously on The Only Way Is
Essex.

- Your morals are way
off, it's over, seriously.

- The only way I can relate

with gay people is that I'm
a huge fan of Will Young.

- Bloody mugs will have you
back.

- Shut up will Lauren you're
embarrassing yourself.

- Shut up, you fucking shut up.

You're meant to be my friend.

- I'm your friend?

- [Lauren] Yeah.

- Fucking wanker.

- Oh my God.

- Fuck off.

[upbeat electro music]

- Aw, thanks Frank.

- My two favourite girls.

- Arg.
- Arg.

- Right, come on, let me get in.

- Oh god.

- Let me in the middle.

- Falling off the bed,
falling off the bed.

- Ah it's cosy.

James, you can't be
sitting in here all day.

- I just need to rest.

- I've heard all about
the dramas last night.

- I was in the toilet
when it all kicked off.

- What, was you doing a number
two?

- Yeah, I was doing a poo

and then while I was doing
that it was all kicking off--

- It's not interesting, James.

- He was doing a poo.

- It's nothing interesting, it's
boring.

It's the same thing.

Did Mark say anything to you?

- No, that's why I can't
stay in bed for too long

because I'm gonna go and
see Mark in a minute.

- Noo.

- No we don't want you,
we don't want you to,

Lydia don't be romantic.

We don't want him to be
staying in bed with us all day.

- I want a duvet day.

- No.

- Us three together forever.

- Oh listen,

I wouldn't mind a duvet day
with Mario but not with James.

- Actually you know what?

Everyone's saying you're
turning into a bit

of a MILF at the moment.

- I really am.

[laughing]

- Cheers.

Why do Essex parties always
have to end in drama?

- Always ends in tears.

- What was all that shouting
about?

Girls are supposed to stick
together,

we're meant to be, like we're
all friends,

you meant to be their
for each other and like,

not like start to call each
other names,

and shouting out peoples
dirty laundry across the room,

do you know what I mean?
- It's your birthday,

- Yeah.

- take your drama elsewhere.

Do you know what I mean?

Take it around your own house,
to your own bloody birthdays.

I think Lauren is just all
over the place at the moment.

- Yeah.

- And was probably thinking
like,

you forget like she was
engaged, know what I mean?

she had an engagement party

and you were the one in the
wedding dress.

She was probably thinking
that could have been me.

I feel sorry for her.

- I feel sorry for her.

- Are you hungover?

- Yes, I feel like this is our
life now,

just one big hangover.

- Just one big hangover.

I've actually forgotten

what waking up feeling sober
feels like without a hangover.

- How did that all kick off?

- I don't know.

The thing is right, I didn't
even look at Mark or Sam,

you know, kinda kept my dignity,

and then towards the end of
the night it all kicked off.

I was so angry with Mark,

the fact he just comes over and
is like,

well, if you are moving on,

you are going round telling
everyone you are moving on.

- I've never seen you like that
before.

- I was so angry, and
I'd had enough of it.

And I just spoke to Mark and I
said,

oh, listen, go on then, see you
later,

only mugs will have you back.

- I think it was the mug
thing that really got Sam,

because as soon as you said

that she literally turned
round and was like what?

- She was like dun dum, eyes
were on me,

my eyes were on her,

and I was like there's no need
for it.

Do you know what I mean?

My issue is not with
Sam, it's more with him.

He said I'll apologise for
this, I was like no, shut up.

- Are you genuinely gonna forget
Mark?

- I will never get back
with Mark, and I mean that.

- Did you see Mario at the
party?

- Mmm.
- Did you see his new haircut?

- Mmm.

- What?

- I was just asking what you
think of Mario's new hair.

I think it looks better.

- Yeah, it does look a lot
better, a very good looking boy.

- Him and Lucy are no more.

- Really?

It's not nice is it?

Being cheated on.

[upbeat music]

- Hey, Sam.

- Hello, how are you?

- I'm alright, you?

- Are you okay?

I haven't seen you in ages.

You look really sad, tell me
what's wrong.

- I've just fucked everything
up.

- What with Mario?

What?

- Everything's over basically
and--

- What, he's not speaking to you
at all?

- I don't blame him for
breaking up with me,

I was an idiot, I just,

I've just gotta come up with
something to get him back.

- Yeah.

- I know this sounds
mad, he's my best friend,

I tell him more than anyone,

and he knows every single thing
about me,

down to my crusty feet.

- Even I know, actually I know
that

because I've known you so long.

- Ah god.

- I think, you know,
this is so fresh, Lucy,

this has just happened.

Like, he's a man, he needs
time, do you know what I mean?

Any man would need time after
this.

For him it's a pride thing,
he's got mates around him.

- I just hope it's not too late.

- What, so the reason why
this has all like blown out

of proportion and whatever,
is because Mark said it,

and then was accused of lying,
and then wanted to prove it.

- Basically, Mark didn't
want to be a liar.

- That's Mark for you, isn't it?

[upbeat rock music]

- Do you know the history
behind firework night?

- Like, this is what Guy Fawkes
done, he created fireworks.

- Yeah, but do you know,

like really why we celebrate the
night?

- No, not really,

he died on the cross or
something
didn't he, on the bonfire.

- That's Jesus.

No, I think basically, this man
tried

to like blow up the Houses

of Parliament years and years
ago.

- What's the Houses of
Parliament? Like important
people?

- You know like where Big Ben is
in London

with all them like where
the government are and that?

- Where the queen is and that?

- No that's, the Queen
lives in Buckingham Palace,

basically this Guy Fawkes guy
tried to like blow it all up.

- Why?

- I don't know, I can't
remember.

- So why do we celebrate it
then?

- I don't know.

- Mark said to me,

do you mind if I go and speak to
Lauren.

And I was like course not.

Then he went and spoke to Lauren
then

as Mark was walking out, she
was going, yeah, go on then,

go back out with another mug.

The mug that you used to go out
with,

like sitting behind me.

And then it literally went
mad, like this massive row,

but like I couldn't hold it in.

Do you know what annoys me the
most?

For the last two months she's
been going

around saying Mark's
scum, I don't want him,

he's not for me, I can't wait to
move on,

that's all she said,

clearly not the way she
acted the other night.

- I don't know the girl,

but I know when I was with
him she made my life hell.

- Yeah, she is jut like a woman
scorn,

is that what it's called?

- Bunny boiler.

- Anyway,

after all that now I think I'm
dreading this firework party.

- God, I hadn't even thought
about that.

- Everyone's gonna be there,
do you know what I mean?

Lauren's gonna be there,

I've got to at some point
speak to Mark about everything

and all the dramas that are
created around that boy,

it is just like ridiculous.

- Yip.

- You know we went shopping
the other day, Right?

- Yeah.

- I said to you you've gotta
start buying some new garms,

start looking nice, you go out,

you got no pride in your
appearance.

Your pants are about ten years
old.

They're meant to be
black, they're like white

where they are faded that much,
seriously.

And they are the only pants you
ever wear.

And they're about ten sizes too
small.

[laughing]

- What happened last night,
mate?

- I wanted to go and speak to
Lauren,

and she just started getting
more angry and more angry,

so I just got up and walked off,

and as I'm walking off

she's like shouting verbal
abuse, but mainly about Sam.

- It's like Jerry Springer or
Jeremy Kyle.

- I am just getting to
that point now where Arg,

where I just I don't even know
what to do.

- Now I think she's sort of
realised that you have sort

of moved on a bit, she
is finding it hard again,

she's gone back to square one.

- Look, enough of that anyway,

because it's just all getting
on my nerves at the moment,

everything that's going on,

I don't know what to do about
things.

So you are gonna get on the
sunbed

and I am gonna give you this
cream,

because this stuff here makes
you golden,

makes you brown, you will
come off looking like,

who do you used to say
you used to looked like?

A young Dustin Hoffman?

- A young Dustin Hoffman.

- That will be you straight
after that.

- Really?

'Cause the thing is I've
heard you look slimmer

when you're are brown.

- Well, if you say so yeah.

The browner you go,

the darker them burger
nipples are gonna go.

[laughing]

- So I'm just gonna ask you some
questions

'cause I know you're not stupid.

What do you do if a Policeman
flashes you?

- You've gotta move out of the
way

for him to let him go past.

- But you must pullover as well
sometimes,

because he might want to come
out

and have a little chat with you.

- Yeah, definitely.

Why can't the world just get a
bus?

- I don't think anyone
is Essex gets on a bus,

they're embarrassing.

- Yeah, no.

I've never been on a bus.

- Does your boyfriend drive?

- Yeah.

- What cars he got?

- I dunno, it's like granny
mobile.

Yeah.

- Don't worry about it.

How are you getting on with him?

- I am really happy being with
him.

- From experience in my life,

you must always be comfy with
someone,

definitely 100%, because if
you're not

then it just ain't gonna last.

But when I look at you next to
him,

and I've gotta say this,

and I hope you don't mind me
saying it,

but when he dances I
think you get embarrassed.

- What do you mean?

- I just think with him,

he just wants to get down to it

with his sexual dancing faces.
- It's like that, isn't it?

- His teeth come out, do the
teeth, Harry.

- I was standing there going.

- You're dancing like all girly
and that

and he's giving it, yeah want my
cock?

[laughing]

- I know what you mean.

- I was like, pack that dancing
up.

I couldn't say anything Harry,

because I didn't wanna be rude
to him,

but I was like Harry, to me
you're innocent in my eyes,

and I just think he is a bit
of an experienced person.

- Yeah.

- And just say to him, babe,

stop pulling them faces
when you're dancing.

[upbeat music]

- Your boobs are massive.

- Do you think?

I dunno, I think you get used
to them on your own body.

Like some people I look at,

like yours are massive,
yours are bigger than mine.

- Look how pale mine are.

- You need a spray.

- I know.

I can't remember what it's
like having real boobs.

- They are disgusting,
I've never wanted them.

- What, real boobs?

- Yeah, I think they're so ugly.

What's the point?

- So nice to finally chill out--

- And relax, a bit of girl time,

we've not stopped working,
we've been so busy haven't we?

We've not stopped, it's
just nice to chill.

- How's it going?

- I teach yoga now as well,
don't I?

- Do ya?

- Yeah, Bikram Yoga which is hot
yoga.

- When you do yoga do
your boobs get in the way?

- Yeah a bit.

But luckily, when I am teaching,

I mean can you imagine if
you can stand at the front

of the class and say okay,
and everyone go down,

at least when I teach
I don't have to do it.

But like a little bit,
some of the positions

when you have to lay on the
floor, kill.

It's hard, because I suppose

when they're real they like
squish and go out to the side.

- Do blokes like it when you
tell them that you do yoga?

- Yeah, I think blokes do,

because they sort of
think oh, she does yoga,

that means she's flexible,
like as if to say well,

does mean you are better
in bed because you do yoga.

They're always like
can you touch your toes

and like saying stupid things
like that.

- Can you?

- Course I can.

- With your feet flat?

- Yeah.

- Can you get your legs behind
your head?

- Yeah, I think so,

I dunno if I can do it
in here, I might drown.

Actually, I might get my hair
wet.

- She can do it.

- You try!

[laughing]

[upbeat music]

- Mate, that is [beep] hot.

- How do you feel?

- I feel dizzy.

[laughing]

- You sure about that cream,
I am burning all over.

- You're burnt to a cinder!

- I am absolutely aching all
over.

- You didn't even rub it all in
properly,

look at the patches, you
doughnut.

- I'm burning, I feel burnt all
over.

- It's not burning,

it's just the blood coming
to the surface, trust me.

- I look like I've gone on
holiday

and I haven't put enough suntan
lotion.

No seriously, I feel really
dizzy as well.

- Is it stinging?

- You sure this is gonna go
down?

I look like a tomato.

- It might go down, I think
it will to be fair, yeah.

- How long?

- An hour.

- Alright.
- Trust me, you'll be fine.

- I think it's so weird

that we've both got
Chihuahua called Elvis.

- I know, what's the chances of
that,

both having dogs with the same
name.

I think it's quite a strange
name Elvis, for a dog.

He is so cute, what do you think
of him?

- Do you think he's is ugly,
Maria?

- That's really out of order.

He's not ugly, he's
like he's just special.

He's special.

- He's unusual.

It's like he is that ugly
that he is kinda cute.

Can his eyes pop out?

- I don't know.

- Like actually come out, and
hang out.

I think they can.

- He is not like a boggle fish.

But it has become a bit of
like an accessory in Essex,

it's like oh, you've got to have
this bag,

it's like everybody's
gotta have a Chihuahua.

- Do you dress yours up?

Do you?

- Yeah, he's got so many
clothes.

- Do you know what I've decided?

Elvis is like my new boyfriend,

- Dogs are more reliable
than men really, aren't they?

- Yeah, much more reliable.

He likes petting, but
they're a bit like men

as in where they just leave
their mess wherever they want.

Always tired, always hungry.

- Always humping things as well.

- Always humping anything, any
cushion,

any pillow, just like a typical
boyfriend.

- There must be different
guys around here though.

- Where Maria?

Please find them, because
we've been looking

for the last year and we
haven't found any yet.

Elvis is the only man I need
in my life, aren't you Elvis?

Aww, see he loves me,

come on.

Oh, he is weeing!

Elvis!

- Oh, it's bright yellow!

- Oh my god!

- Come on babe.

- What's been going on then?

- Basically, Joey, at the
moment I am going though a bit

of an image crisis, I feel a bit
insecure,

I don't feel confident
with what I look like

and the way I dress.

You know Lydia, always says

to me I love the way Joey
dresses, so I was thinking,

you know, with that in mind I
could do

with a bit of your advice,
a bit of your help.

- I'm gonna to try and dress
you up a little bit now, yeah.

You try on some of my clothes,
trust me,

we'll see how it looks.

- I'm coming today to get some
sort

of advice and some tips

but I don't know if I quite
wanna wear the stuff you wear.

See, it looks good on you.

- You've got to try it
on and see how it looks.

You try on a pair of my shorts
and I'll try on your jeans.

See how we both look.

'Cause you wear more baggy
stuff than me, don't you?

And I can't get with the baggy
look.

I'm always like my willy is
always hurting

with all my tight stuff.

Seriously I've gotta loosen up
things,

I've been trying to go shopping
recently,

trying to buy baggier stuff,

but my stuff is always skin
tight.

- I don't know if I'll ever be
reem,

I don't know if I've got it in
me.

- Yeah you are, you
already are reem, you are.

- I am reem in my own way.

But I wanna know that I am reem

as in everyone thinks I am reem.

- Basically, you want more
confidence.

- Exactly, yeah.

- Right, I'm gonna go get
some stuff from upstairs,

bring it down and see how you
look, yeah?

Ahh, these stairs, it's too
small up here.

- Bloody hell, how do you
even fit up there mate?

You can't even stand up.
- You wouldn't fit up here.

- I certainly wouldn't fit up
there.

Do you ever get a stiff neck

when you are constantly like
that.

- Yeah, sometimes like I've
banged my head a few times

as well, there's a few
cracks in the ceiling,

like there, there.

- And what about if you
wanna take a bird up there,

what do they think?

- Well, I don't, I just tell
them to sleep on the sofa,

I don't even show them up
here, it's embarrassing.

- It's good exercise though,
you're constantly squatting.

- Yeah, proper, [murmurs],
fucking hell.

[laughing]

- I'm sorry.

- All right so I've got some
stuff, yeah?

- What we got here?

These will fit you,

'cause I actually got these
too big for me by accident

- If I was gonna get in to
anything,

it'll probably be these
because they can stretch.

- That's what I'm saying, but
then again,

like, you're saying they're
stretchy,

and these stretch as well.

- Bloody hell, Joe,
they are like hot pants.

They wouldn't even cover
all my private bits.

- Yeah, sometimes you can fall
out,

but you just wear boxers.

This is looking different,
innit?

Like your stuff, I might try
jeans on,

I might go buy a pair now.

- You know what?

You're right, don't knock
anything until you've tried it.

- Do you know what I mean?

- Lovely place, Gem.

- Loving the pad,

bet we're not the first
blokes you've shown around

to be fair.

- Shut up.

You can come here anytime if you
want.

I'll cook you alls a nice
bit of dinner and that.

- And Gemma is such a good cook.

- Can we come round for a roast
then?

- Yeah, course you can.

You'll definitely fall
in love with me though,

why are you flirting with me
today?

You been like really flirty,

you're looking at me like,
alright?

- I'm not.

- This house has got,
like a really nice smell,

spicy, can you smell it?

It's like warm and
spicy, just like you Gem.

- Oh, do you think I'm nice and
spicy?

- Now George is cracking onto
you.

- Can't help it.

- Keep it in boys

- What you been up to, you two?

- We've just been reading a
theory book for my driving test.

- How's it going? Do you know
your lefts from your rights?

- No.

- No.

- You're fucked, aren't ya?

- He's getting there.

He's getting there.
- I am getting there though.

- Well, I suppose your saving
grace

if you do have a crash
you've got a nice couple

of airbags there haven't you?

So you should be alright,

so can you take each one.

Yeah, plenty to go around.

- They are big. Harry loves
my boobs, don't you Harry?

- I love it, I touch
Gemma's boobs all the time

- We can't get away with that,

we'll get a slap, wouldn't we?

- You won't, he will.

Seeing as you feel so welcome in
my house,

go on put the kettle on.
- So fucking bossy, ain't she.

- Let's go.

- Two sweeteners, please.
- Alright, it takes two of us.

- three sweeteners

- And bring the biscuits.

- Whoa, fucking hell.

- Are you having a laugh?

- Ahh, I don't know about this,
Joe.

- I reckon you look reem.

- Mate, they're fucking so
tight.

But the T-shirt ain't that
bad, and the Ugg boots fit,

but these shorts, I mean Joe,
I don't think this is safe.

I think you wear your shorts too
tight.

- Yeah I know, but that's
because that looks good.

- I know it might look alright,

but I mean for safety reasons,

you wanna have kids when you're
older,

I mean I feel that my balls and
my penis

has literally been shoved
back in to my tummy,

that's how tight it is. Well
they actually have done.

I can't feel it, it's quite
dangerous.

I mean we need sperm to sort
of, you know, have babies.

- Apparently, it can kill it.

- Exactly, you are wearing
your shorts so tight,

it might look good for
fashion and stuff like that,

but it could be stopping
you from having kids.

- I'm as safe as you can get in
these

because these are ridiculous.

[laughing]

- Joey, you ain't got not
problem

with your sperm in them, have
ya?

- That's what I'm saying,
in these mate, I'm fucking--

- How far do they pull out?

That's fucking bullshit.

- Look, look at that, I
feel like Father Christmas.

- You feel like Father
Christmas.

They're going down.

[laughing]

Do you reckon you could
fit your whole body in one

of the legs?

- Yeah.

- Go on then.

Lie down and do it.

- They obviously don't
fit me properly, do they.

- Oh, please don't say,

oh my god, he's got his
whole body in one leg.

- I feel like a fucking
mermaid mate. [laughing]

- I love make-up though,

I think it was like the best
thing

that was ever invented
in the whole wide world.

- I just think whoever thought

of that is really educational.

- Yeah, and not only that,

whoever invented it I would
just wanna, what are you doing?

- You were always going
on about how short I was.

Am I tall enough for you now?

- If you was that tall, I swear
to you--

- What the hell?

- I would be so in love with
you, look how lovely you look.

- Do I?

I've been, basically I've
doubled up on the protein
shakes,

I've been working out a bit
more,

put on a bit of height.

I've got a massive dick
between my legs right now.

- I'm in love.

- Pulled!

- I'm in love with you like
that,

why can't you be like that all
the time.

Honestly, you look shit hot like
that,

if you was that tall, I swear
you would be my boyfriend.

- Yeah.

Two for the price of one.

- What's happening?

- I was telling daddy about the
party

when I left the other night,

Chloe's, that Sam and
Lauren was having a row.

- Why are you with Sam and
Lauren and

whoever in the same place?

- Well, this is the point,

- It's an antagonising
situation, you know.

- Lauren's telling everyone I'm
over Mark,

he's the one chasing me,
which obviously I wasn't.

I did believe she was over me.

That's why I was trying
to move on and, you know,

I've started spending
a bit of time with Sam,

which I'm have been
enjoying, but it's now come

to my attention that it's
upsetting Lauren

and I never knew It was gonna.

So I went over to Lauren
before I went just

to apologise to her and she
kicked off.

- Unfortunately, if you
are in the same place

at the same time she's
never gonna move on.

No matter who you're
with, whether it's Sam

or somebody else, it'll get
involved in that situation.

- I just think you need to
keep away from everybody,

just for a little while, just
so that she can move on then,

and then hopefully one day be
friends.

- Well, I am debating going way
for a bit,

you know, it's something I've
wanted to do for a long time.

- When you say going
away, where are you going?

- I dunno yet, I just think I'm,

you know, gonna get out
the circle for a bit.

- How long for?

- I don't really know how long
for,

but just I don't want to contact
anyone,

just leave my phone off,
get away from them girls.

It's more to be fair to
Lauren, because I just want

to go away and just leave her to
be,

you know, and just give
her a chance to move on

with someone, because I'm sure
she will.

- I think it'll do you good to
get away,

and just like take a deep breath
and think

about what you want in life.

- I'll miss you guys like
you wouldn't believe,

I'll miss Arg and I will
probably
still carry on seeing Sam.

But it's just not gonna
be at the group parties

or in front of Lauren, you
know, I'll do it in my own time.

- You need to buckle down now
and do what you've gotta do.

You can't keep having all this
aggravation

with girls or whatever.

At the end of the day--

- Can't help it though, can I?

- You can't help it, but
at the end of the day--

- Mark Wright's like a magnet.

See you later on.

- See you later, bye

- Yeah, I thought that,
but it all changed.

See you later.

Give it a week or two and it
will

be the same scenario again.

- No, I think he's serious this
time.

- Yeah, I'd like a pound for
every time he's said that.

[upbeat music]

- Girls, I'm really, really
nervous about tonight.

- He hasn't, Like it's
not like we're boyfriend

and girlfriend and he's cheated
on me, it's not like that.

Cause that's what happened,

we've been spending a lot of
time together and he showed,

done really nice things like
skiing

and cooking lessons and all nice
things,

do you know what I mean?

Flowers but like I just don't
think for me it's enough,

I just feel like I'm always
looking over my shoulder

and I just feel like,

would he cheat on me and
that's what I always think.

I think the main thing in
a relationship is trust.

- Definitely, without trust
there's no relationship.

I wish I could say I could.

- Yeah the thing is as well,

with Lauren being there

all the time it's gonna
make his life hell.

- And as a easy option,
I do not want Mark Wright

to cheat on me of all people,
do you know what I mean?

'cause I've had a friendship
with, I don't wanna ruin that.

- And you would hate for
everyone

to turn around including Lauren
you know,

to say ha, he done it to me
and now he's done it to you,

that sort of thing and I just,

if you're not 100% then
don't put yourself for it.

- You alright, Mario?

- You alright?

- You okay?

- I've been better.

- Yeah, I heard obviously
you and Lucy broke up.

- I think everyone in Essex
has heard, haven't they?

- That's Essex of you,
everyone gossips, don't they?

How you coping?
- Quite shit to be honest.

- It gets easier, each day it
goes on.

- Really?

- Yeah. It must be really hard
for you

because you feel like you
obviously loved her and stuff,

and to hear that she's
cheated on you, it's not nice.

You stood by her and stuff,
and you believed her and then.

- I think that's the
thing that hurts the most,

is the fact that everybody
else was sort of saying to me,

Mario mate, seriously,
you need to wake up,

but I still trusted her because
of love,

and it fucked me over
completely.

- Same as me.

- Exactly, I don't know
what to do with myself.

I haven't worked all week, been
shopping,

eaten shit which I never do.

I haven't been to the
gym, all the sort of stuff

that I normally do, the pattern
I normally do is broken,

and literally I don't know
what to do with myself.

I was not gonna come tonight at
all.

- Well you've come, and just
enjoy it,

don't let it get to you,
You've got obviously me,

Lauren, we all think you're
lovely,

- The thing is I know I will get
loads

of stick for the whole Lucy
thing

and people calling me a mug.

That really fucks me off,

because through being a good
boyfriend and standing by her,

I am now deemed a prick.

- Yeah, but you're not,
no one thinks that at all.

- That's what will happen
though.

- No, it won't, no way.

Everyone thinks you're the nice
guy,

you're the innocent one,
you're the victim in this.

So don't ever think like that
because no one thinks that.

- I hope so.

If anything I feel like pfft.

- Well, don't, you've not
nothing to lose.

You're good looking, you're a
nice guy,

a good job, nice family,
you know, you've got a lot.

There's not many guys like you
around,

you just need to be happy and
just don't worry about it,

because you're gonna have
loads of girls now after you.

- Hope so.

- You will.

- Ah well, we'll see.

[upbeat music]

- I'm glad you've come round
here tonight,

because I wanted to
talk to you before we go

because, you know, there are
some things

I wanna change in my life at the
moment,

and I think you are the person
I wanna talk to about it,

you know, most.

I'm at this stage in my life now

where the whole situation

with the way my love life's
been in the last year

to 18 months, it's just,
it's almost ridiculous.

Lauren's getting upset,
Sam and Lauren are arguing,

and it's all just getting too
much now

and I just think I need a
change.

And um--
- So what do you mean?

What are you saying?

- Well basically, I'm just going

to go away for a bit and
gonna get out the circle,

and I'm just gonna go
and do my own thing just

to clear my head.

I just feel like Essex is the
wrong place for me right now.

- You know, I had a feeling
that something wasn't right,

and obviously I don't want you
to go,

but I can't be selfish,
do you know what I mean?

I can't hold you back.

You know, even though I'd
love to join you or whatever,

I know it's something you've
got to do by yourself.

- You know when it comes
down to me and you,

I want to you know that...

- So where does that leave us
then?

- Arg, I'm not going nowhere
with you mate you know that,

you're my bestest friend
in the whole world.

And you're gonna be in my heart
forever.

And I promise ya, I'm not gonna
leave ya.

But that's what's so hard
because I know I've gotta go.

I know it's time for me to just,

I've gotta walk away
from everything now Arg.

I've gotta move on and grow up.

- I just can't imagine
doing anything without you,

to be honest.

- You're not gonna do nothing
without me,

I'm going away for a bit and
I'll be back.

- You know what? I don't
blame you and I understand,

I think you're doing the
right thing and you know,

we are all growing up now,
aren't we?

We're not like, you know,
eighteen, nineteen anymore,

we've got to think about sort of

what we want to do with
the rest of our lives.

- That's what I mean.

- Settling down and stuff.

- We've gonna move on

from laying in bed at night
and lighting each others farts.

Give me a cuddle.

Promise you alright,
I ain't going nowhere.

I'll make you reach the stars.

- Oh mine's so shit, this is
the shittest firework ever.

- Watch this, R-E-E-M, reem

- The 5th of November,
this man died in a fire.

- No, I think apparently

he blew up the House of
Parliament.

- Shut up.

Oh well, basically, every
year since he done that then,

they make a dummy and then
they put him on the middle

of the bonfire and everyone
claps.

- Really?

- How pointless.

- Pointless United.

- Pointless Parliament.

[upbeat music]

- I'm really worried about
you at the moment, Mario.

- Why?

- Well, it's your eyes,
your eyes are dead.

I know all this Lucy scenario,
Mario,

feels like it's the end of the
world for you at the moment,

but listen to me,

it's really not the end of the
world.

My motto in life Mario, listen
to me,

is nothing in life is forever.

And if you didn't have
the lows in your life

like you're feeling now,

you wouldn't know you
was happy, would you?

- Yeah, true.

- Life's a rollercoaster
like that, isn't it Lydia?

- Understandable.

- I do miss her though, I
miss, like literally when I go

to bed and stuff at night I miss
her,

I miss being in my single bed

with her literally pushing
me off it and stuff,

I miss all that sort of stuff.

I miss her snoring at night,
I miss all that sort of stuff.

All of those things that used to
bug me,

I now miss, even though
it's only been a few days,

but I am proper upset, proper
cut up.

- I know how much Lucy is
hurting.

And I know that if she
could take back that minute,

that day, she would.

And I know how much loves you,

she absolutely thinks the world
of you.

Like I've had her crying down
the phone

to me saying that she doesn't
wanna live anymore if it isn't

for you.

And I think whatever you do,
just do what ever you wanna do.

- It's all very raw at
the moment, isn't it?

It's really raw.

And the thing is when
feelings are that raw,

it's best just to leave it.

You've both gotta get
through this together and

what will be, will be.

If you are meant to be
together you will be together,

if you're not, you won't.

Okay, but don't listen to other
people,

what have you got to listen to
Mario?

- My heart.

- Your heart.

- She's giving you lessons now.

- But at the same time,

it's whether I can forgive and
forget.

[upbeat music]

- Why is Lucy on the stage?

Why is Lucy on the stage?

- I am really, really sorry
for stopping the music,

I just have a few things
things I want to say.

I'm absolutely petrified
of public speaking

so please bare with me.

There's a few things I've got
to get off my chest tonight.

As everyone has taken such an
interest

in my personal life lately,

I thought I'd get up here
and put you all straight

and hopefully end all the
gossip.

I made a mistake, the
biggest mistake of my life.

I put my hands up, I
admit it, I regret it,

it's the worst thing I've ever
done.

I was selfish, I didn't
wanna hurt or lose you Mario

and I've stupidly now done both.

You did nothing but stand
by me, you was loyal,

you believed me, and I am sorry
I've lied

to you and everyone here.

I don't know if you will
ever find it in your heart

to forgive me.

I can only hope you feel the
same

as me and wanna start
putting us back together.

I love you so much Mario
and I am so, so sorry.

I will do anything to get you
back.

[applause]

- That was horrible.

- You know it happened and it's

because she loved Mark deep
down,

but she loves you now, right.

I think you deserve
each other, definitely.

- And that was really brave.

Really brave.

I think you deserve each other.

- And we all make mistakes.

- That's literally my worst
nightmare.

Literally.

I thought what's the worst thing
I can do,

and the most I can prove
to you that you mean,

do you know what I mean?

- You could have done it naked,
[murmurs].

- But I thought that was the
worst.

You know how much a hate public
speaking

and I knew you'd know how
much it'd take me to do that.

- You know I still love you.

Obviously it's gonna take a lot
for me

to forgive and forget and
also to trust you again.

Do you know what I mean?

- Did you know that the Moon

and the Sun is two different
planets.

- Yeah, the Moon and the Sun.

- Yeah.

Yeah because the--

- I used to think it was the
same thing,

but you just turn it round,

because you know like it's night
time here

and like Australia it'd be
daytime,

I used to think that it just
moved.

- That's what I also think.

- But it's actually two
different things,

because they can be in
the sky at the same time.

- Our Earth spins in a circle,
like that.

- Shall we go and get a drink

because this conversation
is well boring me out.

- How you doing?

- I am good, you?

- Yeah good.

I just want to talk to you
basically

because I just want you
to know a few things.

Every time we argue it gets me
down,

because I can't see you hurt any
more,

and I don't know how you'll take
this,

but I'm telling you this

because I want you to know for
the future.

I love you, but I don't
love you like that any more.

- Like I love you, but I don't
like you.

Obviously it hurts me, it breaks
my heart

to see you with another
girl, it breaks my heart,

but I will never go back
with you ever again.

We both know now it's over,

I think we both agree on that.

Yeah?

Then say goodbye nicely.

- Right.

- You mean the world to me and I
hope

that in the future we can see
each other and be friends,

okay?

- I love you loads.

- Right, love you.

- You know what Lydia?

it's really really nice
just for you and me

to have a bit of alone time,

we haven't had that in ages have
we?

- No.

- You are looking amazing
at the moment, and I think,

you know, with the shop
it's been a huge success.

You know, you're going up and up
and up,

and for me personally I've
been feeling a little bit

insecure recently.

You know, I've lost a bit
of confidence and I dunno,

I just love you, don't I?

I just wanna make you
happy, sort of thing.

- Yeah, but I don't care anyway
like,

I don't care if you're
big, you know I don't.

When I first met you, you were
bigger,

and I know you think ah I'm fat

and I've got a gap in my teeth,

but the reason I love you so
much is

because you are dopey old Arg,

you don't care and you
eat loads and fart loads

and you always look like
you've dressed yourself

in the dark.

But I think that's why I love
you,

because you just like don't
take anything too seriously.

- You sure you wouldn't prefer a
skinny--

- No!

- Smaller nose?

- No.

- Perfect teeth and ears?

- No, I really, really wouldn't.

And I love you for who you are.

- Do you reckon you will always
love me?

- Of course I will.

So don't change,

don't think you've gotta
change yourself for me.

Okay?
- I love you so much.

- I love you too.
- Can I have a kiss?

- Yeah.

- Hi Beautiful.

- Hello.

- You alright?

- Yeah, good.

You?

- You look beautiful tonight.

- Thank you.

- You actually do.

- I've been like giving
this a lot of thought

about what I want in life
and where I want to go,

and I just feel I've just
been going round in circles

and at the moment I'm thinking

that you're the person I
wanna be with and you know,

try and make things happen.

And to spend Christmas with you
and

to be with you and hopefully
go into the New Year and

be a proper couple.

- I can't be with someone that's
gonna

have the somebody like what
happened like the other night,

haunting me, I can't do it.

I've got too much pride for
that.

Like in a relationship I look
for someone that respects me,

I completely trust,

and someone that gives me
attention,

you don't do any of them.

- Have I ever let you down?
- I'm so sorry.

No, you haven't

- So if I've never let you down

why don't you give me a chance?

- 'Cause, I just think
you've got too much going

on in your life to have a
girlfriend.

I just think if you
turned round and told me

that you wanted to settle
down, I don't think you would.

I think it would last two
minutes.

I told you I loved you, yeah?

From my heart because I think I
did.

I did say that because
I genuinely meant it,

but now I just don't know
if it's the same love.

- Alright, that's fair enough.

- Like you're my friend,
like I can get on with you,

we can talk about anything,

you tell me everything,
but I cannot trust you.

- I like you and that's
all there is to it,

and you know that, and I care
for you,

I feel for you, I think you are
beautiful,

I think we've have a
great bond between us.

The way I feel about you I want
it

to go into something more.

And I need you to tell me
now if you don't want that,

because the way you're talking
it seems like you don't.

Just tell me right now
and if you don't want it,

then you don't want it.

- I don't want it.

[gentle upbeat music]

- [Narrator] Next time on

'The Only Way is Essex' it's
Christmas.

- Look at that, I look
like father Christmas.

- [Narrator] Will it be a case

of hit or mistletoe for Lucy and
Mario?

- You know I still love you.

Obviously it's gonna take a lot

for me to forgive and forget.

- [Narrator] Will Jess and Joey

be pulling each others crackers?

And Will Elvis be leaving

another little present on the
carpet?

- Elvis!

Oh it's bright yellow.

- [Narrator] Who knows?

these people are real

and anything can happen
on The Only Way Is Essex.