Original subtitles

fake boobs and Arg's burger nipples.

The tans you see might be fake,

but the people are all real, although some

of what they do has been set up purely

for your entertainment.

Previously on "The Only Way Is Essex",

- I met someone.

- Oh, have ya?

- Possibly boyfriend material.

- Really?

- Do you wanna go out with 'im again?

Yeah, you mean with Kirk?

Maybe.

- She's not my type.

- The only place for us is Boot Camp.

I know it's such hard work, but we've got fat again, Arg.

[upbeat electronic music]

[upbeat electronic music]

- [Joey] Hello.

- All right?

What are you doing drinking at this time?

- We're not drinking, we're doing wine tasting.

Collette's come over from.

- How are you Collette? - Hello there, you alright?

- Obviously we've got the hotel coming on now,

and we just need to expand our wine list.

- Would you guys like a taste?

- [Joey] Yeah, I'll have a taste.

- Yeah? - Wouldn't mind.

- We'll start with this one.

It's an easy drinking wine if you

want something nice and fruity.

[people laughing]

First of all, you look at the wine, okay?

And then you've got nice legs

coming down on the glass.

- Why have I got legs coming down?

- You've got legs coming down

'cause that shows the alcohol.

And how quickly that comes down is how much alcohol

- How strong it is. - Yeah, exactly.

See the legs on that one? - The legs are beautiful.

- Yeah, they're gorgeous.

- Weird innit, wine? - It is.

But interesting, so have a little taste.

Now don't. - Do you have to spit it out?

- I always swallow.

[people laughing]

- What do you do, spit or swallow?

- I'm from Essex, I swallow.

[laughs]

- Cheers.

- What yous doing tonight, you two?

- Nothing we are just being Jirk.

- Just gonna be Jirk?

- I'm Kirk, the other half of Jirk.

- I'm Joey, the other half of Jirk.

- Do you fancy coming to the Sugar Hut,

have a bit of a boys night out?

- Yeah.

- Yeah, only if we do it proper,

because I've not been out in a while.

- Always proper, mate, the champagne will be flowing.

- Champagne popping.

- Champagne popping. - There's table wars

going on here.

- Yeah, I'm on for that. - Yeah, I'm on it.

- Can we bring other people?

- Yeah have a chat with some of the lads.

- Mario will come out. - Yeah Mario.

It'll be nice to get to know Mario a bit better.

- Right, cheers to a boys' night out,

hopefully it is going to be mental.

Cheers United.

Taste it.

- Look at Joey, he is taking the air in.

- Oof, I don't believe it,

- Decent, weren't it?

- I just can't believe how much I have let myself go.

- It's cute though, it's cuddly.

Lydia must like it.

- She must but, I dunno, I just think I can improve.

I mean. - Do one of them.

[Arg laughing]

- A year ago I was near on three stone lighter.

- I think you look fine the way you are, right,

but the one thing I would change about ya,

which I know you can't change,

is your burger nipples.

You can't have them reduced, can ya?

Unless you get someone else's nipples and put them on.

- You're born with them, you can't just.

- That's what I'm saying,

that's the only thing I think you need to change.

[Arg laughing]

- Oh, thanks for the confidence, Mark.

- I think you look absolutely fine,

you've got to stop being hard on yourself, Arg.

- Well, basically I've gotta do something about it

you know Gemma, you know, suggested

that I go back to boot camp.

- Yeah, when you gonna go?

- Well, I'm going later on,

but it's the last thing I wanna do.

- I'm not happy if you keep winging about it,

so it you're gonna keep winging about it,

I want you to lose it, so I'm coming with ya.

- Yeah?

- And I tell you what, we'll bring Jess as well.

So it'll be four of us yeah it'll be nice.

- Not bad idea, me and Gemma could do

with all the support we can get to be honest with ya.

- Why do you always touch your tits?

- Because I am conscious.

- It's like, it's like you feel

like they are girl's tits.

You are always standing there rubbing your tits.

Why? - Self-conscious.

- To be fair they feel like a nut,

like a proper woman.

No wonder Lydia likes them,

you could motorboat them.

[men laughing]

- I'm dreading going back to boot camp.

But I'm happy in a way,

because I know that I'd worked so hard at it before,

and then I've let it all go down the drain.

So now I think why do I keep

putting myself through this every time.

I'm just gonna go and get it all done and over with now

and just really focus on it this time.

- Who are you going with?

- Arg.

- Going with Arg. - Arg.

- Yeah, because the thing is we did the boot camp

in the summer together, we both lost weight,

and then like three weeks down the line

it all goes back on again.

- Some people, the way they are and that's it.

Like he'll never be a skinny guy,

because that's his.

- That's how he is, and I think it's very attractive.

So what have you been up to then?

- I've met this guy called Kurt.

- Harry! - Oh, my god.

- Yeah, I was going to take him out to a restaurant,

but I think, let's play it cool

and stay at home, and cook him a nice meal.

- Me and Lauren are gonna go down Sugar Hut.

- Are you? - Yeah.

- I haven't been up there for ages.

- Yeah, no, we haven't.

We want to go out and just,

because we're single and stuff,

wanna find some guys.

- How are you coping with the whole Mark and Sam thing?

- It's weird, obviously, because it's

still quite fresh to me in a way.

It was a bit like whoa,

it's gone from being friends to a bit of company

to now a date, and then going to round the family.

- Yeah, I think when Carol said to you,

"Oh, it's just friends."

I mean who does just friends?

- No.

Weird.

- Boys and girls ain't just friends really, are they?

- [Harry] No.

- You know, I've got really mixed opinions about the boys.

After we went out we obviously had a really good day.

Apparently Kirk said that I am not really his type.

But why wouldn't he say that to my face?

Why go and then say that to somebody else?

- Then maybe I think maybe you should say something to him.

Have you messaged him?

- I messaged him the other day,

and he didn't reply.

I didn't really hear back from him,

which I think is just rude.

To just reply back is not gonna hurt him, is it?

I will not be mugged off by him.

- Maybe you should go round there then

and say something to him.

- Do you wanna? - I'll come with you.

- You need to speak to Joey though.

- I know, that's true.

[upbeat rock music]

- But honestly, mate, this is so fast,

it's going about nought to 60 in four,

four-and-a-half seconds, quick as a Ferrari.

- What are you seeing?

- Right, this is the clutch.

[alert dings] If you wanna brake,

what you do is,

Who's 'at?

- Please don't be Cara.

- Why, is she texting you a lot?

- No, sort of, but I just don't want it to be Cara.

Oh it's Chloe just about paintin' the flat.

All right.

- Why don't you call her?

She'll keep texting you then.

- No, I thought I sorted this all out.

It's like. - Well, she's texting

- No, it's just, I'm not all that into her, that's all.

You're not getting with Billi,

I don't really wanna get with someone's,

y'know, best friends and then you don't get any.

- Well, yeah, I don't.

See Billi, like, she's funny, she's a nice girl,

but she ain't my type.

But I don't wanna stop you if you like Cara.

- No, same thing as for me.

I think they're funny and that,

it's just I suppose I don't really like 'em.

- Well, you score nil, was it?

- I think that Billi knows that you don't like her.

I think Cara thinks I like her.

- I don't know what to say.

What do ya say, "All right, I don't like ya"?

Or do you just leave it and not say nothin' to her?

- I feel like, I don't know, who you're gonna text

and just saying, "Hello, I don't like you."

- Cheers United.

- What are you saying?

- To Sam and Billie, love you both lots,

Wishing you better soon.

Love, Harry.

- All right, girls?

One for you.

- Ah! - Thank you!

- And one for you. - Thanks.

- Right, I'm going to Boot Camp later,

but before I go, your wish is my command.

And I'll be waiting on you hand and foot.

- Aw, thanks!

Wait, I know what's happened to you.

You've gone into the shop,

and it's buy-one-get-one-free.

[laughs]

- Why can you just be grateful?

- We are, only joking.

I'll leave you two to it,

I'm gonna go upstairs.

Thanks, Mark. - All right, sure.

All right, cool. - See you in a bit!

- She just takes her presents, then goes.

Ah, thank you, they're lovely.

Thanks for the presents.

- You all right, are you?

- Yeah, but since the other day

when you come round, feel so much better.

- I cheered you up. - Huh?

Yeah, the teddy.

So when you go to boot camp,

do you want me to sit home and cuddle it?

- Yeah.

- Aw, so sweet.

- If I was gonna kiss ya, I think I deserve a kiss.

- That why you're buying presents, 'cause you want a kiss?

- No, don't be silly.

- Mark, you want a kiss on the lips?

- Go on just give me a peck.

[smooches]

- That's a all you're allowed.

Good things come to those who wait.

- You made me wait too long.

- Huh? - You made me wait too long.

- Good, too right.

[Mark sighs]

[tense guitar music]

- I can't tell a girl I don't fancy her, man.

- Tell ya, I can't do that. - It'd kill me.

It would kill me if someone said they don't fancy me,

a lot of people probably don't fancy me, but.

- [Joey] That's what I say, a lot of people

don't fancy me but, that's how it is isn't it,

that's how life goes.

- That's how life goes, innit?

[ominous western music]

- Who is that?

- Oh, my god.

- Oh, my god, what?

- [Joey] Are you serious?

- What have they come to my house for?

What, are you serious?

- Oh, my god, don't say nothing.

Do not say anything.

Don't say anything.

- Girls, where are your wellies?

- [Cara] Huh?

- Where's your wellies?

- I know, we haven't really got the right footwear on.

- How did yous get in my house?

- [Cara] The gate was open.

- What you saying?

- What are you saying?

- We've just sort of come

to sorta of like clear the air with yous both.

- What do you mean clear the air?

Have we had a row?

- No, of course not, we just wanted to sort

of have a little chat.

- We just feel like we had a really good time,

we had a laugh when we went out,

and then haven't really heard from yous

anything from you since. - I had a good time as well.

- Things have got awkward for some reason, ain't they?

- Yeah, well awkward.

- Just sort of wanted to see

if there was any problems or not.

- No problems. - No problems.

- I feel like about 12 years old right now.

- I do, too, I really do.

- I do feel, like I feel about, I feel about 11.

- Well, it's just like a little bit of tension,

as you said it's awkward.

- I didn't know there was any tension

until right now, now the tension just happened.

- [Joey] Look, why we all rowing for?

What's the point of that?

- [Kirk] I don't wanna row, I never row.

- [Cara] It's not arguing, it's just,

- It is rowing though, innit.

- If I wanted to clear the air,

like not to clear the air,

I'd ring someone up and say,

"Alright, how you doing.

"I've not spoken to you since the date."

I wouldn't just roll up to someone's house

and say, "What's going on, what's the problem?"

Like I try, I was gonna try and be as polite as I can.

For me it was friends going out on a date,

like not even on a date, friends going out,

going bowling, and now I am having questions

at my fucking house.

Do I look like a fucking doughnut?

- You do actually, talking to us like that.

- Well, you've come to my house and said,

"What is the problem?" - No, we've come.

- Where do you think. - To your house to be polite.

- The problem has come from? - We haven't come

to your house. - Kirk, chill out,

man, slow down.

- [Billi] We've just come to be nice.

- [Kirk] But why do you think there's a problem,

do you know what I mean? - C'mon, let's go.

- It was friends going bowling,

why would she come up and say,

"What's the problem, lets clear the air?"

What air is there to be clear?

That air's clear, I'm in the middle of a field.

Smell the air.

- That is so clear. - That is clear air now.

- That is more clear than see through.

- God help me.

- Good luck, guys.

- [Jess] Oh, no.

You up for it, Arg, get me home to bed.

- New recruits, everyone in line.

Let's get going.

Welcome to the residential retreat.

This is a boot camp not a pamper party.

Everyone's bag down on the floor.

We have got an honesty box just over here,

so if you are hiding anything I will find out.

Yes?

- [Gemma] There is a bit in my bag.

- What is it?

- [sighs] Wine. - Sneak that past me,

I do see that. - Gemma!

- Gemma, you're such a goody two shoes.

- What are you doing, we could have had that.

- There's brandy.

- Gem, we could have had that later on.

- Yeah, but I just feel so guilty,

I'm here to lose weight and we're all gonna not lose it.

- [Instructor] Well done, Gem.

[upbeat rock music]

- [Mario] Alright?

- Alright?

- I'm good, you? - Yeah.

- Yeah?

What you doing?

- Just attempting some bolognese.

- You are taking this cooking thing rather seriously.

- Yep, I am trying to,

trying to take it all very seriously.

- What's that supposed to mean?

- Right, just hear me out before you say anything.

But I've done something that I shouldn't have done,

but I am kinda glad I've done it.

- What?

- I looked at your phone.

- Yeah?

- And I saw messages to the boys.

Like, "As much as I like Lucy, oh, I'm missing the game,"

and all stuff like this.

- I'm not being funny,

but why are you going through my phone?

- No, I shouldn't have, I've just said that.

- No, you should trust me.

- I do trust you, and I don't what it was, I just looked.

I did, and I don't know what it was.

- But with regards to the texts to the boys,

yeah, of course a part of me misses

being who I used to be, playing the game

and all that sort of stuff.

And, you know, a part of me does think oh,

if I didn't have a girlfriend

I wouldn't have all the worry,

the stress and the heartache that I've been though recently.

And I just literally would, you know, have fun.

- If you feel like that, why are we together?

Do you want a break?

Do you want to go out and do what you wanna do?

- Not really.

- I am just panicking that we move in together

and a year down the line, six months down the line,

you're gonna be like I wanna go out, get with girls,

and I wanna go out and flirt with girls.

Like I don't wanna get to that point.

I'm almost like, if you wanna do it,

go out and do what you want.

And then come back to me.

- What, is this an ultimatum or what?

- It's not an ultimatum, I'm just worried and I'm

like, trying to do it the fairest way.

Like you go out and see how you feel when you're out.

- If that's what you want?

- You know that guy I was telling you about, Kurt?

- No way, is he coming round?

- He is coming round, yeah, today so.

- Oh cool, check you out.

I've never seen you do nothing like this before.

- I haven't, have I? - No.

- I think I'm a bit scared, 'cause it's like,

I've made an effort,

and I just hope he appreciates it.

- You must like him.

- Yeah, he seems really nice, he's really sweet.

I think he is like a quarter German.

- German? - Yeah.

- What you gonna cook him?

Something Germany?

- Well, no, I was gonna cook something German,

but then I thought I don't know what German people eat.

Then I thought, oh, I'm gonna cook him

just like normal so he appreciates me.

But then I thought, I can't cook.

- [Ronnie] No, you can't.

- I can't cook, so I am just gonna get a take away.

What do you think, do you think he will notice?

- You can't get a take away, Harry.

- [Harry] I think I should.

- If someone's comin' to your house,

you can't get 'em a take away, you gotta.

- But what would you rather be,

have burnt food or food poisoning, or have a take away?

- Yeah.

- Do you know what I mean?

It's a bit of common sense.

- Yeah, but are you nervous though?

- Really nervous.

- Don't be nervous, you'll be fine.

Proud of ya.

- Thanks Ron.

- Love ya

- All right guys, first of all I wanna pair you up

into two groups, two teams.

- Girls V boys

- Bros V Hoes. - Bros V Hoes.

- Right, on your toes.

Let's get ready.

[screams]

[whistle blows]

- Yes, yes!

- Come on, come on.

- Go, go, go!

- [Instructor] Go on flip, Jess, go on flip, let's go.

- [Jess] If I break a nail I'm gonna kill you.

[upbeat rock music]

- Jessica, under there, come on, get under.

Under, under!

Lets go, let's go.

Cheating, five seconds deducted.

All the way to the end, come on.

Come on, let's move.

To the cone, must go to the cone.

Let's go, lunges.

[screams and whoops] Lunges!

[screaming and whooping]

- How do you feel, bros? - It was a draw,

it was a draw.

It was a draw, good stuff. [Jess whoops]

- [Jess] We won.

- Still got time for a little jog,

so let's head off, have a nice little jog,

All right, let's go.

Come on, push.

Let's go.

- I feel dizzy.

- [Mark] Come on, Arg.

- [Jess] Think of that burger you can have in 10 minutes.

- You alright babe? - You alright?

- Listen, I've made you, a curry.

- Did you really cook this?

- Yeah. - You sure?

- I swear to god I cooked it.

- Okay.

- [Harry] How are you?

- I'm good, how are you babe?

- I'm really good.

- I'll try this.

- You got to be honest with me though.

You've gotta tell me if you like it.

- It's okay.

- It's okay?

- [Kurt] Yeah.

- Alright, I am going to admit it then,

I actually didn't make it.

- Okay, 'cause it's not nice.

It's awful.

- I didn't know if you'd really like a curry

because, I dunno, do German people make their own food?

- Of course they make their own food.

- Because I've done some research.

- You've done some research?

- Yeah, I did some research on Germany food.

- German food. - German food

- Yeah.

- And I saw that you eat frogs in Germany.

- Where did you get this from?

That's France eats frogs and snails.

I don't think I have ever been to Germany and eaten a frog.

That's the French.

So do your mum and dad know I'm round?

- Yeah, course they do.

- Have you spoken to your mum about me?

- Yeah.

- What did she say?

- She said she likes you.

It's 'cause I am really, really close to my mum.

- Well, I am close to my mum as well.

- When you told your mum that you was gay, what did she say?

- At first they didn't like it.

Did I tell you?

That when I first came out my mum and dad were like,

"Oh there is a camp in America,

"and they can cure gays."

And they were thinking about sending me there,

and I was like so you are going to send me

to a camp in America that is all boys,

and they're all gay and you expect me

to come back and be straight?

It's not gonna work.

[laughs]

- So what is your type?

- Young pretty blondes.

- So what would you like about me?

- You're funny, you're not too bright,

but that's not why I like you.

Why do you like me?

- I dunno, because you're sweet,

you're very charming,

handsome. - Charming.

You make me sound like a Disney prince.

- Well, you are to me.

[Kurt laughs]

- Do you know what, I'm freakin' knackered.

- It was hard, weren't it?

- Plus even worse, we've gotta sleep

in the same room together.

- I know.

- Why are you eating chocolate?

- What are you doing?

- Give her one.

- Oh, you're out of order.

- No. - D'ya know how I got it in?

In my underpants.

- [Jess] You're not allowed.

- In my pants, and you touched it.

- Chocolate in his pants, he smuggled it in his pants.

- Why have you gotta do it all the time?

- One little bit of chocolate.

- Arg, what's the point in coming?

You might as well go hone and just eat McDonald's and shit.

- I've just worked my ass off.

I've lost about two or three pounds.

- So, Mark, what's it like to be perfect?

- Gem, I ain't perfect.

Don't be stupid.

I think you look beautiful the way you are.

That's Gemma, you know.

- Thank you. - Arg looks gorgeous

the way he is.

You might think, oh, Mark can get any bird he wants,

and whatever else, but at least Arg

has a girl that makes him happy.

I haven't found a girl that makes me happy.

- So you've got a bit of

although you've got all the looks and that,

you just still feel a little emptiness in your heart.

- Yeah, sometimes I think,

am I gonna find that girl who's perfect for me,

the one I actually love and wanna spend the rest

of my life with.

- Describe perfect, to Mark.

- I don't there is perfect, I don't think.

You know, like, Lauren used to criticise herself

about her weight and whatever.

But I think she's beautiful the way she is,

and everyone is who they is.

I've never have gone out,

well, probably have, couple times, gone out

with skinny, skinny girls

but I like girls that are big as well.

- You like a bit of ass.

- What's the word?

Volup

- Voluptuous. - Voluptuous.

- Voluptuous, I think that's lovely.

Grab onto their ass, love handles.

[giggles]

Get out of the room, so I can put my pants on, please?

- [Jess] No, we're gonna get in the shower.

- [Gemma] I wanna stay see it,

- [Arg] Look, listen, look, Mark.

- Look, it's proper bulgin' through the towel.

[laughs]

- I could show you, but I'm a good guy.

- Right, we'll leave you to it.

- Thank you for coming by, I really appreciate it.

- That's all right, I had a good time.

- Did you? - Yeah.

- When will we see each other next?

- I don't know.

Soon, hopefully.

- Yeah, definitely.

- I'll plan something for you.

- Aw, aren't you sweet?

Lovely seein' ya.

- You too.

- See ya later. - See ya later.

- Bye! - Bye!

[upbeat music]

- You all right Sam?

- Hello, how are you?

- You all right? - Aww, are these for me?

- Yeah.

You alright? - Ah, thank you,

much better today, thank you, yeah.

I was a bit worse the other day.

- So what's been going on then?

Apart from all this stuff happening?

- Not a lot really, I've been working a lot,

- Yeah? - Obviously.

Mark took me out for dinner the other night.

- Did he?

- Yeah, just like. - Did you like it?

- Yeah, it was nice,

like because I've known him so long and that,

like, literally we have just been like reminiscing,

and spending some time together, like,

nothing's happened or anything, so.

- Still got the ring on I bought you.

- Yeah, still got it on, I'm not taking that off.

It's like the nicest present I've ever had.

- [Joey] You know I still care about you, don't ya?

- Yeah. I care about you too.

I do, I always think of you.

- No, but I do actually really care about you,

you know I do, don't ya?

I still love ya really.

You know I do.

- Give me a cuddle.

You're such a lovely boy.

Huh?

- I said I do still love you.

[upbeat rock music]

- It is! - To lad's night tonight.

- To lad's night. - Cheers.

- Ah Gem, do you know what,

I am absolutely starving hungry.

- What shall we do?

- I've got a plan.

I'm gonna order some pizza, alright?

- Yes, will you get extra larges?

- Yeah. - Yeah?

Extra topping?

- Gem, we can't have extra toppings seriously,

we haven't got time, seriously,

we've got to move quickly, alright?

- Alright, alright.

- I'm not being funny, but we've worked

our absolute asses off today.

What is a few slices of pizzas gonna do, really?

I mean look at the likes of Mario and Lydia,

they are both Italian and look how skinny they are.

- Yeah, that's true,

- I mean Pavarotti was probably just a one off, wasn't he?

- Yeah.

[upbeat music]

- We are in singletons town.

[upbeat music]

- There's the two Laurens, look.

- I think I can see, Joey, God,

I think Kirk's down there.

I see Mario, and Mick.

- Why you out on a boys',

like I am out on a boys' night

because I am single, I am ready

to cause damage. - I am single as well tonight.

I've got a hall pass. - Why, have you split up?

A hall pass? - No, we haven't split up,

no, no, no.

Right, what's happened is, she's gone through my phone,

and found a text.

- What is she going through you phone for?

- I know that, oh trust me, I went mental at her.

Bang out of order. - That's bad though

- Especially after everything as well,

I should be going through her phone.

- Because you're only go through someone's phone

to cause an argument, you never go, just,

"Oh, I'll look through your phone."

- Yeah, exactly. - Do you know what I mean?

- But anyway, so she's gone through my phone,

found a text from one of the boys,

and then she's given me a hall pass.

- Have you got Wellies?

- I've got some in the car, yeah.

- We will get like up to our knees in clunge.

Yeah? - Sick.

- Definitely, we will go mad.

We will pick as many girls here,

like there is girls everywhere.

- I am looking around, I ain't spotting no hot men though.

- I just want a bit of eye candy.

- Imagine he didn't have a girlfriend,

would you go there with Mario?

- He is kinda reem.

- You know what, Mario is hot.

And do you know what else I think about Mario,

is that he is almost like the ideal boyfriend,

because from what I can see he is very respectful,

he's intelligent, he's good looking.

- I knew you used to be a player, right,

but how much of a player was ya?

- I was horrible, mate, threesomes,

horrible, foursomes, fivesomes.

- Oh, like it is true, you are like the Italian stallion.

- Yeah, it was good mate.

- I am enjoying being single, you know,

but I am envious of you in a relationship.

- I am envious of you being single, right?

Lucy is the first bird I've been with I haven't cheated on.

That's why I am sort of thinking,

do I take this whole thing seriously?

I'll just have a little flirt with birds.

- Well, maybe you can have sex but not kiss?

- Like Pretty Woman? - Yeah, you know, like,

"No, I've got a girlfriend.

"I can put my willie in ya, but I can't kiss ya."

[upbeat music]

- Pizza.

- [Arg] Alright, shh, keep it down.

What ones have you got?

- [Pizza Man] There's barbecue with barbecue base,

chicken, green pepper and fried onion.

- [Arg] Pass it over or pass it under, hurry up.

- What's going on here then?

- Nothing, I am just going out for a stroll.

- Alright, well, let's get back in the lodge.

You've been rumbled.

[upbeat music]

- Good to have a boys night, isn't it?

- Yeah it is good.

There's a lotta nice girls here.

That's why you're always here, isn't it?

Do you remember that swilling thing looking at the legs?

The the old bouquet.

- It's only wine's that got legs isn't it?

This one's more like.

- [Mick] That's orange juice.

- Arms. - Have a little sniff.

Here we go, look, cracking Joey.

- Hey, you all right? - You all right?

- Yeah, I just had to come over and say hello.

You just look gorgeous.

I don't usually go for the young type but wow.

- Wow. - Wow, I gotta say, wow,

wow, yeah. - Oh, tight.

- Oh are they?

You got me heart going, you know?

- How old are you?

- You don't wanna know.

You looking for a sugar mummy?

- What's a sugar mummy?

- Why are you playing embarrassed?

- That's just a bit random, isn't it?

- It's random. - I didn't expect

this shit.

- I'm gonna leave ya.

Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you.

- And you. - See ya later.

- What's that all about?

Do you know that bird?

- [Chloe] Look at his face.

- Do you know that bird?

- No, who the fuck was that?

- Oh god this is borin'.

- I'm just hungry.

We need to liven this gaff up don't we?

- What have you got?

- The right stuff. - What have you got?

- If you're gonna play the game,

you play it proper. [everyone screaming]

- [Arg] Yeah!

- Get in there.

- [Gemma] Where did you have it?

- You know what?

We are going to play truth or drink.

Onion bargey, Argy, do you want a truth

or do you wanna drink?

- Oh, don't talk about, fed up with eatin' on ya Bargey.

- You know, what I'm gettin' crunk tonight

I think I'm gonna go for the drunk.

[Mark laughs]

- [Jess] Oh you wimp.

- [Arg] Cheers.

- Ask him a question.

- James Argent, he took the drink.

Gem go on.

Do you wanna drink or do you wanna truth?

- Truth.

- I'm gonna ask this question all right?

How do you really feel about Arg?

- I do think a lot of James.

But, I respect the fact that he's with Lydia

and I know that he loves Lydia

and I'm happy for him

but as a person, I adore him to bits.

- [Jess] If he was single.

- If he was single, yes I would put it on him.

[Jess and Mark laughing]

- I love you Gem. - I love you too.

- [Jess] Have a drink any, Gem, go on, love.

- No, I wanna say to you Gemma

that I really feel like you and me have become close

the last few months

and I really do feel like I've made a friend for life

so I love you lots.

- Aw.

- Cheers.

- Toast to that final glass.

- I've got a question for Mark.

Truthfully, how many girls have you slept with in your life?

- Oh please.

- Do you know what right?

I've had me fun but I ain't slept with that many birds.

- Are we playin' truth or dare or

what are we playing?

- Not that many, 20?

- Do you believe that Gem?

[upbeat music]

- And, how's life with Lucy and everything, went alright?

- Yeah, it's good, it's alright.

- She is a lovely girl Lucy. - She is a lovely girl.

We are moving in together.

- Moving in? - Yeah.

- Easy tiger.

You are only young man.

- Well, the thing is, right, everyone says this,

like oh, you know, it's too soon,

but the thing is with most girls

as soon as the boyfriend gets their own apartment,

they are gonna be round here all the time anyway,

she'll be round literally every night.

- You need to back off that man.

I remember I was married at 20 years of age man,

and I made a few mistakes, and then I had another go,

and you make more mistakes and,

you know, and here I am today.

All I'd say is don't rush into it.

- Don't rush into it.

Do you think it's a little bit too soon?

- Not for you I don't think it is,

but maybe to move her in full time,

you know, as much as I think Lucy's a cool girl

and everything else, once they get their slippers

by the back door mate, you've got a little bit

of a problem coming.

- Well, my old man said it is easier

to sort of move someone in

than it is to sort of move someone out.

- I think you should take notice of your old man and of me.

Don't do it alright?

Don't jump in.

- I'll go for a truth.

- Did you sleep with Lucy?

- Look, you know, I'm not gonna lie,

and, yeah, I did, Gem.

- Do you believe him?

- The thing is it's like so hard.

Like I am not saying I don't believe you,

but like you hear so many things.

- I've got proof, so here you go,

we can put an end to all these rumours.

- How have you got the proof though?

- Oh. - Bloody hell.

- You look nice.

- Thank you, so do you. - Thank you.

Got a boys night out tonight.

- Are you behaving yourselves?

- Actually I've got a hall pass.

- [Lauren] Really?

- [Mario] Yeah.

- What's that?

- It means I can do whatever the hell I want.

- Why?

- [Lauren] So you can kiss other girls,

speak to other girls.

- Kiss girls,

fuck with other girls - Shut up, you're lying.

- Shut up. - You are lying?

- I swear to god.

- Have you let her do that?

Is she is allowed to go out and do that?

- No, but you need to give her a hall pass.

- Oi, be nice.

- Do you not think, right, even though

you've never met you two have so much in common.

- Have we?

- Maybe.

- [Mario] Like?

- Ex partners. - Broken hearts.

- My heart's not broken yet.

- Was it not a little bit when you found out

everything that happened?

- Not really, that's if it's true.

- Do you think it's true, or not?

- No.

- Do you really in your heart of hearts

believe it's not true?

- In my heart of hearts I wouldn't

be with her if that was the case, would I?

- We are very complimentary of you.

- Intelligent, sensible, family guy.

- Yeah, I am quite impressed.

You know, I've always been nice about you two.

- We've never spoken before so.

- Yeah, I know, I know.

Actually now you and Lucy have sorted things out,

sort of, and obviously you are not

with Mark anymore, I can tell you,

you are actually very attractive.

- Aw, thank you.

- So are you as well, very attractive.

- You are very different to the other boys here,

'cause you're very, you are quite calm, you're intelligent.

- Yeah, you are, you are very like.

- Yeah, you're like chilled.

You think that's it now, you and Lucy forever?

- I'm not gonna say that, it's a bit optimistic.

I live for like, live for the day,

so if it works out wicked, if it doesn't then.

- [Narrator] Next time on "The Only Way Is Essex".

Will it be a fairytale ending for Harry and Kurt?

- You make me sound like a Disney prince.

- Well, you are to me.

- [Narrator] Will Lucy regret giving Mario the green light?

- I can tell you, you're actually very attractive.

- Aw, thank you.

- So are you as well, very attractive.

- [Narrator] And is it time to finally release mini-Mark

back into the wild?

- Mark, it's proper bulging through the towel.

- [Narrator] Who knows?

These people are real, because anything

can happen on "The Only Way is Essex".

[upbeat music]