Original subtitles

- [Narrator] This programme contains flash boys,

fake boobs,

and some classic, bad karaoke.

The tans you see might be fake

but the people are all real

although some of what they do has been set up

purely for your entertainment.

Previously on The Only Way Is Essex.

- I found a place didn't I?

It's got an upstairs,

everything, but it ain't got an oven.

- Oh I must have the

flattest arse in Essex.

- [laughter]

- Look!

I've got these bad boys on.

[laughter]

- [Mark] Unless you've got something

nice to say to me,

just don't talk to me.

- I won't talk to you then.

'cause I haven't really got anything got

anything nice to say.

[dramatic music]

[funky music]

♪ The only way is up, baby

♪ For you and me now

[thumping music]

♪ Hey son I'm looking forwards

♪ You're aiming backwards, of this I'm sure ♪

♪ Have you had enough?

- God, the last time you was in a ring was

when you bashed Kirk, weren't it?

- Yeah.

Feels good to be back mate!

Maybe there's someone else who fancies a little fight.

Dunno, who could that be?

- Probably Lydia at this rate.

- I mean what happened with you two the other night?

Listen Arg, I didn't want you to

really talk about it with you

'cause I don't want you to get wound up about it,

'cause the last thing in the world I want

is you rowing with Lydia.

- Yeah, but Mark but it's fucking pissing

me off at the moment, mate.

'cause she has been friends with Lauren and Lucy for, what,

the last six months,

and then she has got a bit close to both of them,

she is so brain washed with what

both of them have got to say.

They're saying this about you, that about you and,

you know, she is starting to believe it all.

But at the end of the day she doesn't

know what is going on behind closed doors.

She doesn't know exactly what's gone on and the truth.

And I think she's just proper deluded at the moment.

- I wonder if it is because she is worried

about how close me and you are?

- I don't think it's that.

- Well, maybe me and you need to

stop seeing each other so much.

- No. It ain't that Mark, trust me.

It is a combination of things,

it might be a little bit of that. But..

- But do you think we need to just part for a little while?

- No, not at all!

- Promise me, as a best friend,

you ain't going to go and do nothing silly

and split up with her and be horrible to her.

- I ain't doing nothing silly.

We're not going to split up over this.

But, it's come to the point where, you know,

I am so used to being told what to do by Lydia

and listening to her rules that, at the end of the day,

she's got to prove her love to me

and show me respect sometimes as well,

do you know what I mean?

- Yeah, of course.

[staccato electronic music]

- Oh my God Joe

this is the absolute business.

- What are you saying?

- [laughing]

Can't believe you've got your own pool.

- What's that?

- This is so exciting,

that's your moving in present.

- What is it?

- Happy moving in.

- Can I open it now?

- Course you can, open it.

- [Joey] What is this?

- What are you sayin'?

- What is that, a donut maker?

- Yeah

- [Chloe] Come on then, show me around.

- [Joey] Come on then, let's go.

- [Chloe] Let's have a look.

It's really nice out here though,

it's like being like at a villa or something,

Joey's villa.

- It is. It's like a little apartment, isn't it, look.

- Oh, it's really nice.

- How good is it?

- Yeah, it's really modern isn't it.

- That is pretty much my bed for now,

until I get my futon bed.

- What, is that why you have got all that stuff out?

Is this where you are sleeping?

- Yeah, but it's massive, look,

you can sleep one person there, one person there.

It is like a double bed, but it's not a double.

[laughing]

Have you heard about this Karaoke thing tonight?

Everybody is going to be like singing and all that.

But I am going to sing some proper Gangster song like,

Move...

- [Chloe] Yeah, that is so funny, I like the move,

what is that?

- I don't know, it's like, I think it's called...

- [Chloe] Driving the car.

- Driving the car.

♪ Chasing paper, rates ain't very high, ♪

♪ Or you're just getting by

- I love this, this is so exciting.

- Or that, or you can do it sideways.

- Yeah, can I do my own thing though,

because I don't know if I'll be very--

- Yeah.

- Good at that, yeah.

I am going to go now,

because I've got my consultation about my bum implants.

- Really?

- [Chloe] Yeah.

- Shut up.

- Be good if had them in time for the show, but I won't.

I'll just have to wear the knickers.

So I'll see you later, loving the place.

- Laters.

- [intense rock music]

- Alright?

- Hi ya, Nice car.

- Oh, thank you very much.

- Couldn't you have got yourself a proper colour, like red?

- I didn't wanna be one of them guys, you know what I mean?

Who's is that, yours?

- Yeah.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- I guess it's a bit of a manly car,

it's a good car though, innit?

- Really?

- Yeah, anyway what's your name?

- Billie

- Kirk, nice to meet ya.

- Nice to meet you.

- Where are you from, around here?

- Yeah, I am from local, yeah.

- Well, I feel a bit rude, I've got my pump in me hand

while I am talking to ya.

- No worries.

- What are you doing tonight?

I'm hosting - it sounds silly,

but it'll be fun,

I am hosting a karaoke party at Sugarhut.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- Are you a good singer?

- No, but I am just going to give it a go, ain't I?

- Okay, I love Karaoke.

- Yeah. Well, we will do that tonight,

have you got any other mates?

- Yeah.

- Yeah, bring a mate as well and we will have a laugh.

- Yeah I will do.

- Alright.

- Right, look forward to it.

- Alright, take it easy.

- See you later. - I'll see you tonight.

- Bye.

♪ Better talking, better stick, stick to talking ♪

♪ Better get gone, it's all good ♪

♪ Yeah, it's crazy

- [Mr Berry] So what are you hear to talk to us about today?

- I'm thinking about having my bottom done.

- What do you mean by that, having your bottom done?

- Well, I don't like my bum.

- Can we have a look and just get an idea

of what we are talking about there.

- Yeah.

- Now do you mind if I just lift that, that's it.

Okay.

- Like if I could have a bum I would have it like that.

- You'd have it up there, would you?

- So like it was like that.

- Okay.

- So it went out like...

- Okay, alright.

- Like instead of just like, it's just like nothing.

I feel like I'm at the front

and I've got nothing going on at the back.

- Well, yes, we know about that.

Um, okay, the gluteal or buttock implants

are a fairly solid implant,

so if you think it will feel the same way

as the ones on the front, they won't, okay.

- So will it feel like my real bum,

or will I feel like I have something in my bum?

- You will feel like you have got something in it.

- Okay, but like driving and that you can do?

Like when you feel better.

- You won't be sitting down on it for two weeks.

- What happens if you do sit down?

- Well you could end up displacing

your implants around the corner.

And you don't want that.

- So how do people sit?

- Well, they don't for two weeks until it's settled.

- What do you do then, sleep on your belly?

- Well, you have to sleep on the side

or sleep on your front, yeah.

- That's agg, because I've already got these in the way.

- Well yes, so it is going to be

an interesting sleeping position for you, isn't it?

- Can you sleep on your side?

- Yes, you can.

- It won't make it go lopsided?

- No, no.

I would like to try and get you

as close as you can be to what you want to be,

and we can certainly improve you,

but I don't want to ruin you.

- [Lydia] So let's start with the cake tasting.

- Well.

- [Lydia] What one are we gonna start with?

- Coffee.

- Coffee.

I'm not big on coffee, to be fair,

I think you either love it or you hate it.

And I don't really like it.

- How are you feeling there 'cause I've never seen

you so upset and stressed like the other day.

- I had the argument with Mark and,

and it's just caused big problems.

- But why, why are you letting it get to you like this?

There is so much going on in your life, just let it go.

- Yeah.

- Yours and Marks, I've kept well out of,

because you are really alike in a lot of ways.

You're both stubborn, you're both headstrong.

He wants James, you want James.

- Maybe I do blame Mark too much.

I feel like James is naive and just wants to please people.

- Let's try this one.

Oh God this looks lovely.

How fantastic does that look?

- Pretty fantastic.

- James needs to make choices Lydia, and the problem is

he's not very good at making choices.

My advice to you, darling, is maybe you have got to

put a little bit more effort into getting on with Mark.

[funky electronic music]

- Thank you,

and,

excellent.

Okay, pop that on again.

Come and sit down, and let's have a look at the images.

So as you can see we've got you up here on the screen.

Your consultant will advise you of the whole procedure.

What we're trying to do here, is to help you express better

the direction you want to go.

- Yeah, I just want to like lift it up

and have it come out a little bit.

- Okay, so what we're doing here is

we're just trying to add some, see, volume.

- I wanted it to come out, like higher,

you know like at the bottom of my back.

So it'd have more shape there.

- So a bit more sort of J.Lo-esque?

- Yeah, like what we have done so far

is that quite dramatic or is that quite subtle?

- Uh, well, let's have a look.

This is how we've expanded it.

You can see the volume that's gone in there?

- Yeah.

- Now, to give you another view of this,

I'm going to move the slider so you can see what we've done.

It's not outrageous,

it just adds a little push up to the top.

- Yeah, that looks so much better, don't it?

I like it,

yeah, like a balloon.

I really want it done now [laughing].

[funky electronic music]

[funky music]

- Oh god.

Someone smelt the cakes, Lydia.

- Smell the cake?

- [sighing]

- What is the matter?

- We need a family meeting.

- We're always having family meetings.

But you don't take any notice,

we have family meetings and you agree to everything

and then it goes.

- No, for once I am the one taking notice

and Lydia is not taking notice.

- What do you mean?

- Jessica's turned round

and said that Lucy got Jessica to cover up for her.

Lucy never stayed at the flat with Jessica,

she did stay at the flat with Mark.

So, I don't know whether Jessica is going to tell Lucy,

tell Mario, whatever, but--

- James, you are very stressed.

- [James] I know, I am stressed.

- Take a chill pill.

- [James] Alright, I will.

- Have a cup cake.

- Just tell me the truth, Lyd,

what happened with you and Mark the other night?

- I was just getting upset because I felt like

me and you were taking ten steps backwards.

- Constantly, constantly, you are digging at Mark.

- Because I don't like him.

- Alright, you are digging at Mark,

- [Lydia] I don't like him--

- You are putting him down--

- No.

- Bullying, bullying is not just about being a physical

bully or whatever, you're at the moment you are--

- [Lydia] You think I am bullying Mark?

- At the moment..

- I am sick of arguing about Mark, okay.

- So am I.

- I don't wanna hear about him,

don't want to hear his bullshit--

- Listen, if you had respect for me--

- I don't have respect for you. I don't like, go away.

- Alright, if you have respect for me

and you love me the way you tell me everyday,

then you would make the effort to get on with my best friend

and say sorry, and have a kiss and a cuddle and be civil,

but you haven't done that, have you?

- James, James, James, can I say something?

- Can you go away now please?

- No, no, Lydia, stop it, stop.

- Why, this is our argument, mum?

- But stop it--

- If I want to tell him to go away

and I don't want to talk to him, I can do that.

- Can I just say, before he came in,

me and you had a decent conversation about Mark

and your relationship and I said to her if you want to stay

with James you have to accept Mark.

If you don't want to accept that then walk away Lydia.

And your argument was then no, I don't want to lose James,

- But, I'm not

- I love him.

- Yeah, but I am not having him talking to me like that,

are you kidding me?

I will accept Mark.

I am not having you walk in like that

and sticking up for Mark, okay.

You always, always push--

- Yeah I stick up for you.

- And I don't care anymore, okay.

I am not being with someone like you, I am ashamed, go away,

leave me alone.

Seriously go away and leave me alone.

I want you to get out of my shop now.

- The truth hurts sometimes.

- Go away.

Yeah, the truth hurts. - [James] See ya later.

- Oh, the truth hurts because I am a bully.

- Lydia!

- [Lydia] Shut up!

♪ Here you go, way too fast [engine roars] ♪

♪ Don't slow down, you're gonna crash ♪

♪ You should watch, watch your step ♪

- Are you alright?

- No, I'm shit at this.

- Please don't be nervous Harry,

learning to drive the car is like giving birth.

It's something you've all go to experience

in your life, alright?

- I ain't gotta.

[laughing]

- Right, put down on the clutch.

Ready?

- Yeah.

- Go.

Right

- What the fuck?

- Okay, deep breaths.

Start the car again.

Into first gear.

Perfect, this is perfect.

- [sighs]

- Both hands on the wheel Harry,

stopping touching your hair.

- Why is there a cat in the road?

- Cats from time to time will walk out in the road.

- [hissing]

- Is this your first lesson Harry?

- No this is my sixth.

- Concentrate, concentrate, Harry [screams].

That's it, alright, watch the curbs Harry,

watch the curbs, all right.

Freakin' hell you're gonna make me wet myself.

Clutch and brake, clutch and brake,

clutch and brake, clutch and brake.

- I'm braking.

- I need to stress the importance of braking to you,

'cause you can't, clutch

and brake.

And...

It's clutch and brake.

Clutch and brake, clutch and brake [engine groans]

Right.

- What the fuck?

Let's start again.

- I 100% believe Lucy.

- Good.

- Erm, I mean the facts are there for everyone to see.

- So what is the one thing that

he can say to you to wind you up?

- I've slept with your bird.

- Exactly.

- You see the modern man thinks it's cool to go around

and sleep with loads of women,

and obviously treat women like doormats.

- But you look stupid saying all that Mario.

- For instance, if I turned round to you and said to you,

right, Giorgina I need you to lie for me,

as your brother I am asking you to do this for me,

would you do it?

- Of course.

- Exactly, that's my point.

- So you are both still moving in together and everything--

- Yeah, everything is fine, like, you know, obviously.

To buy an apartment for someone like,

you know 'cos I was never gonna do that,

you know, that wasn't in my plan

and that hasn't been in my plan for ages.

I didn't want to do that until next year.

But, you know, it felt right, obviously.

I have a single bed and stuff,

and mum walks in every single time we have sex.

- [laughing]

- Uh.

- I don't need to know this stuff, I am your sister.

- Yeah, I know, but yeah, she does.

- How are you actually feeling about it?

Like forget Mark, forget Lucy,

like as you, as my brother, how are you feeling about it?

- I am still feeling a little bit down about it all.

I mean it has just literally been

like the hardest fucking week of my life.

I mean, I have never been in this situation before,

where, obviously,

I am trying to believe my girlfriend,

obviously trusting my girlfriend,

but then when you've got everyone else in your ear

giving their opinions, it's obviously hard to not...

- Aw, give me a cuddle.

- [Lydia] Luce?

- Lyds I'm up here.

- Got you a cup of tea, no sugar.

- [Lydia] You okay, anyway?

- Yeah I'm fine.

- [Lydia] How's it been?

- Oh it's all complicated.

- So much drama and commotion going on at the moment.

- I know.

- I just feel so down and shit at the moment,

'cause today I'm standing in the shop,

James walks in, just absolutely crucified me.

- Sayin' what?

- I'm a bully to Mark, um--

- Wait, wait, okay just let me get this straight--

- Apparently I'm a bully--

- You're a size six, five foot five, girl,

and you are bullying a man?

- Yeah.

Apparently I'm a bully.

I just felt sick, and so upset how somebody could,

call me that and not even ask for my side of the story.

And just be so brainwashed.

I can't be with someone that can't put me first.

- [Lucy] So how are you now?

- I'm just frustrated,

I just said that I needed space away from him at the moment.

Another thing is that,

Mark is going to prove that it did happen between you.

- I know, I know what he is doing, I know it.

I can read him now, I can read him now, Lydia, like a book.

I don't give a shit.

I'm sorry, if this is not intentionally trying to break

me and Mario up, I don't know what is.

- I'd never dive in or ask you or anything like that

if it is true or if it isn't true,

because I just think you and Mario, you two deal with it,

and everyone else just not get involved.

- Even Mark must see how happy I am,

can't he just stay out of it?

[atmospheric rock music]

- You ain't cleaning up, are ya?

- What?

- What are you doing?

- I am just cleaning up my new house, mate.

What's happening?

- I've bought you a present.

Do you want it?

There you go, safety first and all that.

- [Laughing] You are such a dickhead.

- These were too small for me, so I just give 'em to you.

- Oh really?

- Look we've got here, it's the real feel.

They're thinner.

- The real feel, extra safe, that's for you--

- Extra safe [mumbles]--

- Use 'em later, can't we?

What you been up to?

- Nothing, I just, ah, bloody,

the first time ever I had a girl come,

in ages had a girl try it on me.

- Shut up!

- Yeah, I was filling up with petrol

and she was there with her big arse car,

like a big Range Rover.

- And what did you say?

- She mugged off my car,

she said you coulda got a better,

she said you should've got a red one.

But I felt like saying, like, I've got a big cock anyway,

I don't need a red car, do I?

- Yeah but, she's just saying [mumbles]--

- Is that flirting then if she's come up and spoke?

- Yeah, obviously

- I told her to bring her mate tonight to the Karaoke Party,

so it's gonna be two girls and two boys.

- So what do you reckon, sort?

- No, she's alright, she's pretty, ain't she?

But her mate could be prettier.

- [laughing]

- No, I'm single, aint I?

- What you talking about?

- She's a good eight, nine, so if her friend comes

and she's a ten, I gotta take her.

- Shut up, you doughnut.

- So fill me in on the latest with Mick.

- Oh my god, where do I start?

- Do you think it is an odd match,

if I was to go out with your ex boyfriend's dad

would you not find that a little bit weird.

- Yeah, but Mick's not like a dad is he?

He's like, a geezer.

- But he is a dad, he's Kirk's dad--

- Do you think he's fit though?

- Yeah, he's a good looking guy.

- So would you, if you didn't know Kirk?

- I don't see Mick in that way, so I'd have to say "no."

- Oh.

- To me, Mick is Kirk's dad.

Like to see you and Mick kiss,

I'd probably find that really weird,

and probably a little bit uncomfortable.

- Do you know what, the only person that's got any right

to say anything about me and Mick, is Kirk.

[slow funk music]

- What have you been up to?

- I have been on a mission today.

- Have you?

- Got hit on by a girl at the petrol station.

- Did yer?

- Told her to come to Sugarhut tonight, so.

- Good, I'm glad you come in for a chat anyway.

- Well, what is it?

One of them father and son chats?

- Well, I think it is a father and son chat,

to be honest with you, mate.

Because, I don't think we've really had

a father and son chat, have we, really?

I just think, you know, maybe there's been

bits missing out of our life where,

when you was growing up,

I wasn't around as much as I should have been.

And, so it's always been a bit hard for me really,

to see where I'm going wrong and where,

where we don't really get on.

- It feels weird, yeah.

I don't know, I just feel like

I miss sort of me father and son time with you,

do you know what I mean?

- I wasn't there enough for you growing up, so,

but all I want to say to you is that I'm here for you now.

- Oh, I know.

- You know, I will be here for you, I want to do the things

that we didn't do, that we still can do.

- Yeah, I'd just like to be a kid with my dad.

- I'm quite a hard person.

And I really, it's difficult

for me to show my emotions and that

It's not, I'm not just like making an excuse,

it is difficult for me.

- Yeah, oh, definitely, I know.

- And it doesn't mean that I don't love you

and I don't want you to be, you know,

around me and all that.

I just put this hard exterior on sometimes.

- Oh, I know, I know you do.

- Any time you're going to get upset with a situation,

let's not end up having a shout match over it,

talk to me about it.

With women, which is something

that really seems to push your buttons,

and that is the last thing I need to do

is push your buttons and wind you up all the time, right?

- Yeah, yeah.

- Unfortunately, for me, doing what I do,

I am surrounded by women from 20 years of age

to 35 years of age, right.

- I understand you're old, you live a young lifestyle,

so the girls that you would go for

are the ones that live that.

But I know what the girls are after.

I see 'em all the time, girls in the club

going for the older guys, the sugar daddies or whatever.

I know you're not that stupid,

but I hate girls that think you are that stupid.

Do you know what I mean?

I know, you are, to me, the cleverest man I know,

and to see a girl try and take advantage of my,

that's, fuck off,

I just want you to get with the right person now.

- Yeah, but really, Kirk,

that's not for you to decide whether it's right,

and I wouldn't make the decision on you.

You know, with me whatever you think,

you know, you might think I'm out having a great time

and all that,

but every night I come home to this house on me own,

live on me own--

- Oh, I understand, yeah.

- There's nothing.

- I understand. - It's empty.

I'm glad we've had this chat though.

- Thank you.

This is what, this is what to me a dad does.

What do we do, hug it out, shake hands or what?

- We might hug it out.

- Alright, come on, hug it out.

That's a dad's hug, isn't it?

- That's a proper man's hug, isn't it.

- See you later, I am gonna do this--

- [Mick] I'll wash up.

- You can wash up.

[dance music]

- [Kirk] Alright?

- [crowd cheers]

Thank you everyone for coming to my Karaoke party.

Everyone give a big cheer.

- [crowd cheers loudly]

I'm like proper shitting myself as it is.

I love you too, Joey Essex.

If everyone can click their fingers, slap heir hands,

give a little wooya, we are gonna try.

- You know what I think about Maria and Mick,

I think it's more of an attraction thing,

more of a fling than true love, relationship--

- It's not love.

- It's definitely a bit of fun--

- I don't think it's love--

- It's lust, it's more lust.

- Lust, 100% lust, that's the right word Bill.

- What about her leaving club with a footballer?

- Yeah, but thing is, like,

she's too young for him in all fairness.

- She's definitely like the young hot chick.

And he's like the old man that loves it.

- It's almost like Hugh Hefner and he's a hot playboy.

- At the end of the day they're like not gonna get married,

that's just silly talk.

- If they get married, I'll shave my head.

[laughing]

- Here are, that's the girl from the petrol station.

Alright?

Talk to them because I get nervous, please.

- Why do you get nervous for?

- I don't know.

Hello, how you doing?

- You alright, how are you, yeah, good.

- Sit down girls.

- Hello.

- Hello, you alright?

- Do you want to get in there.

- You look lovely girls.

- Thank you and you.

- So you too saw each other at the petrol station then?

- [Kirk] We did, but yeah, it was weird, wasn't it?

- We had a brief meeting, didn't we?

- Who was flirting with who, by the way?

- I heard you were flirting with her.

- Well, I was checking you out.

But you come and spoke to me so I was like,

I ain't had a girl flirt with me for ages.

- [Billie] I am polite.

- Yeah, I know.

- I am the sort of girl that would say hello.

- If there was anyone else at the petrol garage,

would you have come over and say hello to them?

- There was only you there, lucky it was you.

[group laughing]

- Joey and Kirk are talking to two old ladies over there.

- Two old ladies.

- Are they old Ladies?

- Sam and Billie and Chloe just looked over.

- Oh shit, haha, you just got caught.

You ain't not done anything wrong have ya.

- Are you not allowed to talk to anyone then?

- Na, she is a div.

- Are you under the thumb, Joe?

- No mate, I'm not with her no more.

- No, you single now?

- Yeah.

- Single and ready to mingle you said earlier.

- [Joey] Yeah, single and ready to mingle, mate.

- Girls, I've been very rude, do you want a drink?

- [Billie] Yes, please

- What would you like?

- I'll have a vodka tonic, please?

- [Kirk] Vodka tonic, what do you want?

- Yeah, vodka and lemonade, please.

- Vodka lemonade.

Are you going to come with me and help me while these talk?

- Yeah I am.

- see you in a minute girls, Ooh, I just kicked that table.

- What do you think of him?

- [Billie] He's nice.

- [Cara] I like him he is cheeky.

I think he is nice looking, he's a bit cheeky.

- I like how he is quite forward.

You know, maybe I'll put him in his place.

- They keep looking over.

- Yeah

- [Kirk] They're fit, ain't they?

- Mate, they are Reem, that's Cara's a sort, mate.

- Yeah, right, flip a coin, heads you get Cara,

tails I get Billie, yeah.

- Mate, Cara is mine.

- Right, heads you get Cara.

Heads you get Cara.

That's it, we are gonna go over there, yeah.

Where we gonna take 'em?

- I wanna take them somewhere like fishing

or something like that.

- Fishing?

- Fishing mate, mate think about it,

two tents, me and Cara, you and Billie.

- Ah cuddles and that.

- What are you saying?

- What are you saying?

- What are you saying?

- Oh, are you cold, do you want a cuddle?

I have caught a fish.

- And I've got, do you know what

I've got one of those heaters, yeah, we can cook there.

- An oven.

- I can even cook eggs for them and shit.

- Thanks.

- I came over to see you,

because like worrying about all this, you know,

drama that is going on.

- Yeah, that's why I am not coming

to the karaoke thing really,

because I just wanna stay out of people's way.

People are like, you know, you have got Lucy and Mario,

obviously, they have got the hump with me

because of what's has happened, but they provoked it,

you know Mario giving me jip.

Lydia has just got herself involved

and she don't really need to.

If it comes to the point where Mario

is calling me a liar and he asks, you know, is it true,

I will show him the text to prove it.

But I'd rather forget about it now,

because they're not even going to split up,

so what is the point in even proving it.

- I can see where she is coming from,

because I don't think it's the sort of thing

that I would actually own up to.

- But she knows it's going to come out,

and at the end of the day he deserves the honesty.

But you know what, mum,

I've been missing like girlie company.

But I ain't looking for a girlfriend.

- Sometimes, you need, as I have always said,

you need a friend as well as a lover in this life.

- Yeah, exactly, and that's,

with Lauren I was never her friend,

but we loved each other to bits,

but that is all I'm missing really,

just being able to sit here, watch a DVD,

have a laugh with a girl.

You know, I love Arg to bits, he's my bestest friend,

but it just becomes,

sometimes you want some girl company, you know.

- Yeah.

- You alright?

- Alright, I didn't realise you were coming.

- You alright?

- Fish lips.

[laughing]

- How is the Karaoke, is it good?

- Wicked, brilliant night, but the most amazing

is like we're just glad that youse two are back together,

and we want it to blossom into something very special.

- A little birdie tells me, listen,

a little birdie tells me you two are moving in.

- Yeah.

- We are.

- [group cheers] Ah.

- [Mario] It should be good, hopefully in a month.

- What's up, Lucy?

- I just feel a bit awkward.

- It's a bit tense, innit but--

- It is a bit strange.

- A bit of tension, but that will go in time, won't it.

- [Lucy] Am I red? - No.

- I feel really hot.

- You're brown, but you're always brown [laughing].

- [Joey] Who asked for a vodka tonic?

- Me.

- Oh, there you go.

- Ah, great memory.

- [Kirk] Cheers girls by the way.

- [girl's together] Cheers.

- Cheers.

- What was youse talking about?

I'm sure you was talking about us.

- Just that youse are pretty-pretty.

- Talking about how cool you was.

- What do you do in your spare time, girls?

- Bikram yoga, can you touch your toes?

- Yeah, look.

- Stand up and see if you can touch your toes.

- No, I won't be able to do that.

- Try.

- I can do that.

- [Cara] Of course you can do that.

- I can do it

- [makes farting sound]

- Joey, I wouldn't in them tight jeans, you might rip them.

- So what is different to this yoga than normal yoga?

Is this like the Karma Sutra, is it?

- Well, it's hot and sweaty, so that's a start, I suppose.

But you have to wear Speedos.

- [Joey] Who says you have to wear Speedos?

- Me, I'm the teacher.

[laughing]

- Is that going to be a first date?

- Is that a date?

- [Billie] What coming to my yoga class?

- Yeah.

- I dunno if I'd call that a date.

- Not, really innit,

what are we going to do for a date, girls?

- Maybe you can come yoga and go on a date after.

- Straight after.

- Where's the double date going to be?

- No, maybe not straight after.

- Are we double dating?

- Yeah.

[girls laughing]

- So where we gonna go on a date then?

- We're going fishing or something.

- Fishing, I'll do fishing.

- Are we going to camp?

It's too cold.

- No, no, I'll warm you up.

- You alright, Arg?

- You alright mate?

- Is it alright to have a quick word with you?

- Yeah, go on, mate.

- Can I sit down?

- Yeah, course, yeah.

- I just wanted to uh, clear the air, mate.

I don't want there, to be like, a tension between us.

- You know, I appreciate you coming over,

it is good of you to do that and, you know,

it shows a lot of respect.

But, you know, it is hard for me

because Mark is my best friend.

You know, we'd all had a few drinks and, you know,

Mark did have his outburst, and I genuinely don't think

Mark wanted you and Lucy to break up.

[suspenseful electronic music plays]

- [Mario] So we are going to move on from this,

we will be happy, that's all that matters to me.

Maybe one day once this has all blown over,

we'll go out again, properly.

I just wanted to come over and sort things out.

- [Arg] No, you know what,

I really appreciate you doing that.

That was good of you, Mario.

- Have a good night, see you soon, alright.

- Same to you mate, I'll speak to you soon, yeah.

[suspenseful music builds]

- [Narrator] Next time on The Only Way is Essex.

Will the latest row be the icing on the cake

for Arg and Lydia?

- I'm not being with someone like you,

I'm ashamed go away, leave me alone.

[Narrator] Will Kirk and Joey fall hook,

line and sinker on their double date?

- So where we gonna go on a date then?

- Fishing or something.

- It's too cold.

- I'll warm you up.

[Narrator] Who knows, these people are real

and anything can happen on 'The Only Way Is Essex'.

♪ The only way is up, baby

♪ For you and me now

♪ The only way is up, baby

♪ For you and me now

[percussive electronic music]