Original subtitles

fake bums and very short shorts.

The tans you see might be fake,

but the people are all real,

although some of what they do

has been set up purely for your entertainment.

Previously on The Only Way Is

- I was with Mark earlier but I feel

like I should go see him, I owe it to him yeah?

- He's scratching his undercarriage with a credit card.

[women screaming in disgust]

- Are you for real?

- I slept with your misses three week ago.

[dramatic music]

[techno music]

- Don't hate the player, hate the game.

[scoffs]

- Hi.

- This is how you do it son.

Tiger Woods eat your heart out.

- [James] Can you believe what happened last night?

- I meant the shot you div, are you thick?

- I know, but I can't get it off my head

- Mad weren't it?

If you ask me, they've come in,

Lydia's probably got a right to have a go at you

because of the way it looked.

But I don't know where Mario was piping up from.

- I can't believe he called us Dumb and Dumber.

I've got eight GCSE's.

- He's came in there tryna to mug me off my game.

Oh apparently you can have Lucy like that can't ya?

And basically the only answer is to say

mate, I can, 'cause I did.

- It's not like you went out of your way,

did it out of spite,

you wasn't even gonna tell Mario but I think, you know,

we all had a few drinks, she was caught up in the moment.

- She might have come onto me, I don't know what happened,

you know she was all, " Oh I've got this Mario boy

"blah, blah, blah, I don't think it's gonna work.

"He likes me more than I like him and all that,

"so I don't know if I'm gonna stay with him for long."

So the end of the day, she's telling me

she don't even wanna be with this geezer.

But the truth always comes out in the end.

[clink]

Get a hold of that, straight down the field.

- Not bad.

- I don't really know where to start.

- [Lucy] Me neither.

- [Mario] Is there any truth in what Mark said?

- You know there's not Mario.

- Well I don't know that though, do I?

- I'm telling you it's not.

- Yeah, but you didn't say anything--

- I know I didn't, I know Mario.

Honestly to God, I regret more then anything,

not standing there and like standing up for myself.

It was embarrassing.

I just felt a bit humiliated

when all of that was going on.

- [Mario] Why do you care what he has to say?

- No, I just felt humiliated.

I know I bolted up, and I regret it I really do.

I wish I'd stood there and gone

you're a lying little prick.

- Yeah, but instead with you saying nothing

it made it look like what he was saying

look like it was true,

because you just looked like you had no response to it.

I just, dunno, literally I want Mark

to be in the past and us to have a future.

- He is in the past, he is in the past.

I want to be with you, that's it end of.

I don't even want to speak about this boy ever again.

- So you've got no feelings for him anymore whatsoever?

- I've got nothing, there is nothing there, it is cold.

He just makes me feel sick.

You know full well, 3 weeks ago I would not

have slept with Mark Wright, you know that.

- Well, fortunately for you, I do believe you.

What I said about the break, I didn't mean it.

It was just a spur of the moment thing,

I don't want to take a break with you,

I'm not that sort of person I don't do breaks.

I'll either break up with someone completely,

or I'm with them, I wanna be with you.

To clarify that, you're not just my girlfriend,

you're my best friend as well,

so I'm gonna look out for you.

- Yeah.

- From now on, I'm not gonna tell you what to do, you know.

Fool me once, shame on you.

Fool me twice and that will be it,

and I mean that. - Okay.

- Be careful Arg, drive sensible, stop!

You can't go on the green, now reverse.

Tell you what, I think

you can get a birdie from the lake.

Get the game and chip out.

- It's gonna be a long, long day for me mate.

- Why?

- I've already tried speaking to Lydia,

she ain't answering my calls.

- To be fair you never done nothing wrong.

- I've done enough God damn wrong [laughing].

I can't deny, went out on a double date

that she organised, and then

just absolutely just douchebagged her,

and left to come and see you, as usual.

- You've come to see me, being a mate, and it looks bad,

but it was harmless, you know,

we weren't doing nothing wrong.

- But do you know what, Mark,

I think the big issue is that she feels

that I love you more than I love her.

- I like Lydia, yeah.

And at heart, deep down, I absolutely love the girl.

But right now, I'm not getting on with her

because she keeps digging me out.

- At the end of the day, I think she's

not showing me respect, Mark.

I think that she knows you're my best friend,

there's no need for her to go all out

like all out, you know what I mean.

It's just [exhales],

she's just such a stubborn cow, isn't she?

- All birds are the same, son.

Anyway, for the minute we're playing golf,

a man's game, so you stop talking about birds

and start talking about birdies,

cause that's what's about to happen right now.

You gotta go get your ball son.

To be fair it didn't hit a reed,

so it can't be too far.

- This is bullshit. - You better find it,

else you're never gonna get to go see Lydia.

Get in there! [laughing]

- Fucking Gucci, this jumper, you bastard!

- Is that cold? [laughing]

[clapping] Arg, Arg, man.

Arg, don't leave me hanging!

[hip hop music]

- [Joey] This is the sort of shop I don't do.

- See, this is what you do.

This is what, when you get your own house,

this is what you have to do.

You have to come to these sorts of shops,

come once a month, see the new gadgets and everything.

- Yeah, so I've found a place, didn't I?

Yeah, it's so good mate, it's got an upstairs.

It's got everything, but it ain't got an oven.

- Are you gonna get an oven? - Well no.

My sister said don't get one

'cause she said, it's dangerous.

- So you're gonna live on microwave food and take-aways?

- Basically disgusting food. - But this here.

- This could cook my chicken.

- This is a multi-functional, contact grill.

You can even do like asparagus and stuff like that.

You can cook a whole meal on that.

- Asparagus? Is that broccoli?

- No, it's a long, long thing

with a little bud on the end of it.

You know you've had asparagus before?

- Yeah, it's good for you innit?

- Makes your piss stink though.

[both laughing]

Oh mate, I need to look after you now, don't I,

now that you're out on your own.

- Yeah, [mumbles].

In my back garden there's a little pool.

I'm gonna have a party soon, I'll call it Zoo Project.

- What, a proper pool party? - Proper pool party.

- Invite the birds? - We're gonna get like,

we're gonna paint ourselves half zebra,

I'm gonna be a zebra.

- Oh yeah, a beefer, yeah.

- Yeah, it's gonna be sick mate, like a beefer.

- Girls can't wear clothes,

it's just a rule, innit?

- You gotta let 'em wear at least knickers man.

- Knickers, yeah, they wear knickers,

but no top on, innit?

- Yeah obviously, yeah. - Yeah?

[laughing]

[Greek music]

- It's a bit of a shame Gemma's

down at the minute, don't you think?

- She's the life and soul of the party usually, isn't she?

I think she gets a tough ride a lot of the time.

Maybe she needs someone else

to take her mind off, you know what they say.

- Do you know what would suit her

is probably a Greek bloke.

Tall, well usually tall, dark and handsome,

but not all the time.

We could invite her to that Greek night couldn't we?

- Do you think she'd be up for that?

- Yeah, loads of dancing.

- Yeah, smashing plates.

Put Maria's face on them, she won't

be smashing them for fun [laughs].

[Greek music]

- Lyd. - Oh my God [exhales]

- Sorry.

- I don't want to take them, and they are disgusting.

- What do you mean they're disgusting?

- I don't like carnations.

What are you wearing? - It's a long story.

- Why have you got no style whatsoever?

- Well I did until I got pushed into a lake!

- Why did you get pushed into a lake?

- It's a long story, I was playing golf.

- Mark push you into that? - What?

- Did Mark push you in the lake, yes or no?

- No I went--

- Oh look it you're so embarrassing.

- I'm sorry Lyd.

- I just think it's just ridiculous Joey.

I'm so stressed out with this shop as it is anyway,

and you're acting like an absolute idiot, once again.

- I wasn't acting like an idiot, I wasn't.

- How can you explain yourself?

- You did put me under pressure going with

Lucy and Mario knowing the situation between Mark.

- Why is that under pressure?

- Because Mark didn't want me to go!

- But what, you have to ask his permission

if you can be friends with other people?

- No, all I know is I made the effort, I did go.

I thought it wouldn't be a big issue

if I went and saw Mark after.

- Right, so who's his bitch? You.

- No, I've been there-- - You're his bitch.

- Mark's my best friend--

Yes, Mark, oh yeah, you're beautiful Mark.

Oh Mark, you're such a dog, oh yeah.

- Never say that--

- You're the only prick in Eessex

that will stand there and do it to him.

I'm not going exactly back to what it was.

- Alright, we won't, calm down--

- We went 10 steps forward again.

We're back to way where we were.

And what, you're going 10 steps back.

I'm crying because I'm so angry with you.

- I know, calm down, I'm sorry alright.

- Listen, look, these shorts mate,

these pull so many girls.

These shorts are reem, mate.

- Do you think this will get me a girlfriend then Joe?

- Yeah. - Or a boyfriend?

- Cos the girls look at us and think,

oh my God, what are they wearing?

And then they think, actually

I might go and speak to them.

And then they come over and speak to us.

- They won't. - They do, trust me mate.

- I want to get a girlfriend, not a boyfriend.

- Mate, these pull so many birds, left, right and centre.

Basically, look, these are vintage yeah.

These are from like the '90s,

these are from like years ago.

- What do you mean, vintage?

They are someone else's.

- These are like well vintage 'cause look,

'cause look at that string, look how dirty it is.

They've been worn.

- I don't know how to stand

either in these, how do you stand?

- Just like this. - Arch your back more.

What if I start chatting up a girl

and I start getting an erection?

- You know what, I'm gonna come to Sugahut in these shorts

and see how many girls I pull.

- That's if I let you in with them.

[both laughing]

- You, are not, ever, doing something

like that to me, ever again, okay?

- Alright, I won't, I would never do that anyway.

- You have one more chance.

Carrying on sticking up for Mark, okay.

- Deep down, you and me both know Mark slept with Lucy

and it's hard to admit I'm sorry, but it's the truth.

- I don't think its happened.

I'm taking my friend's word for it.

- Okay.

- Mario believes it. - Okay.

- Why are you saying it like that?

- No, I'm saying okay, I'm saying okay.

- Why are you saying it to me like that?

- All I'm saying is, Lydia, Mark's my best friend.

He's been my best friend for years.

Why would he lie to me and make it up, why?

[rock music]

[Maria laughing]

- What are you laughing at? - You are such a twat.

- Have you been on a bike before?

- No. - You haven't?

Let's get this crash helmet

on you then, eh?

- What if you crash? - I won't crash.

- Promise?

Least no one will see me, when I've got this on.

- Down a bit, there you go.

You've got a bigger head than me.

- I've got a massive head.

- Just pull that string down.

You pull that as tight as you want to pull it.

On you get. - There's no seat belt?

- You don't need a seat belt, hang onto me.

[Maria screeches] Hold tight now.

[motorcycle revving]

- [Chloe] These brushes moult, by the way.

- [Frankie] What ones are they, your new ones?

- Yeah, every time I do my make-up

I end up with fur down my face.

- Anyway, so why am I here?

- I just need to talk to you about something

that I'm going to do, I've decided to do.

- About what?

- Um, I've decided to have my bum done.

- [laughing] Shut up.

- Yeah, like either bum implants or like something done.

I need to have my bum sorted out.

I know you can have actual implants put in

where they cut the muscles, put the implants in,

and then sew the muscles around it.

- Ohhh, so you couldn't go cinema,

that would be well uncomfortable.

- Right, you tell me what you think

it looks like at the moment, honest opinion.

- Right.

- What do you think of it at the moment?

Like, if you just look at it would you think

she got a good bottom, flat bottom, granny bottom.

What would you think?

- But I know your bottom.

So I know you've got flat bottom.

- Well, I must have the flattest ass in Essex.

Because look, I've got these bad boys on.

- [laughing] Oh my God, but that's

why it looks flat though.

You can take these out, look how flat

my bum is then in real life. massive agg!

- Oh my God, you've got chicken fillets

in your ass, they're so clever.

- Yeah.

After I've got my new bottom,

I'm not gonna have any more surgery.

I'll be really happy when it's all done

and the pains over and then I can think right.

Boobs, bum, teeth, sorted.

- Reem. - Reem.

- Peri. - Oh, hello Sam.

- Hello, how've you been?

- Not bad, not bad, just working all the time.

I like your hair.

- Oh, I've gone darker. - I like it.

- But do you know what, I've had mixed comments.

Some people like it, some people really don't like it.

- So what have you been up to, have you been out?

- Do you know what, I've been working a lot.

I think that's all us girls do in Essex is work.

What have you been up to then, got a boyfriend?

- No. - No, you're single?

- No, I'm single.

Do you know what, the last person I saw was Mario.

- [gasps] You went out with Mario?

- Did Billie not tell you? - Oh, my God, no.

- I didn't go out with him,

I went on a couple of dates with him.

- When did you break up with him?

- Literally, 2 weeks before Marbella.

- [gasps] Wait, so basically,

he had just got with Lucy then?

- Yeah.

- Does Lucy know that you went out with Mario?

- I don't know, maybe.

And then when I heard they was together,

I was like really like, that's really weird.

Because 2 weeks ago, you said that she

wasn't your type and you had no interest.

So I wonder what his motives are there.

Maybe he wants to be the new big-boy in Essex.

- [gasps] Gossip.

- Have you heard from Mark?

- Not really, he rings me and that occasionally.

- Do you not think that he wants

to try and get you back?

- He says he likes me. - But do you like him?

- I do like him.

To be honest, I think that really Mark

needs to clear his head and stuff

'cause when I've spoken to him recently,

he's like oh, you know, like,

I really like you and stuff,

me and you have never given it a go

and things like that, which is true.

- You've just got to be careful.

- Yeah, I don't know.

[soft piano music]

- Hello, how are you?

- I'm alright thank you, you?

- Yeah, you getting your hair done?

- Yeah, I'm going back blonde, Frank,

I can't take the darkness anymore.

- Really?

- I've hit a massive brick wall with like my dieting.

And it's making me really unhappy.

I'm so fed up, I just feel like so down.

'Cause you lost weight didn't you,

you was quite big before and you lost weight?

- I used to weigh 12 stone, when I was like 15, 16.

And then I started a milkshake diet, and I lost 3 stone.

But I lost it really quickly, Gem.

- No one understands it unless you been through it.

So it's like great to be able to talk to you

'cos I just think like this whole body image thing,

I was never ever conscious about myself.

I felt sexy, I would have strutted along

Brentwood high street in a bikini and heels.

[laughter]

Alright, I was overweight, but I loved my food.

I loved going out.

- But have you always been that big?

- I was never fat. - What size?

- I never had a weight problem.

I was like a size 12, 14.

- So how did you get big then?

- I went through a break up, and--

- How long was you with him? = For five years.

And then, 'cause everyone around here sees me

as being a really strong person,

and I can cope with everything, and, I can't.

- So, do you reckon it was more the break up

what made you put on weight?

It was like more comfort food.

Don't, you're gonna make me cry.

You need to be who you want to be.

Changing your hair colour ain't gonna change you.

You need to seriously look at yourself,

what do you really want?

- I'm just really struggling losing weight.

I had a barbecue the other day and I was

too scared to eat a burger in front of everyone.

And I went upstairs, and I cried, and I thought

this is just a nightmare.

You know, if I want to eat a bloody burger,

I should be able to eat one [laughs]

without feeling all this guilt.

- You're eating a burger so I'm eating a fucking burger.

- I know. - Cause I'm eating a burger,

how about that.

[techno music]

- All right, Joe? - Hi Chole.

You all right? - Settling in.

- What's going on?

- Nothing, what's up with you?

- Why was you looking in that mirror

for about 10 minutes?

- [laughing] I was checking my bottom out.

- Why? - Cause you know

I'm thinking about, well I'm gonna have my bum done.

- That's so weird! - It's not weird, Joe.

Know that people on the telly

have got really good asses?

Mines been flat and done.

- What so it's like a boob job

but it's not, it's a bum job.

- If I want's to look young, have perfect boobs,

have perfect bum have perfect face,

it's the pressure, it's the pressure

of Essex, I'm telling ya.

I'm nearly 30, not married, not engaged,

not nothing, no bottom.

I think my new bottoms gonna get me a new man.

[both laughing]

He won't be able to resist it.

- Well, no, so this morning with Kirk,

we went and bought a grill, like a grill machine thing.

It's basically like an oven, but it ain't.

[both laughing]

- Trust you to go get a flat, with no oven.

- Well we're gonna go out tonight I think

on the pool we're gonna try pull some girls.

- So is this like a bromance now, with you and Kirk?

- Yeah we call ourselves Jirk.

Seen Jirk, question mark?

[both laughing]

- We need a good night out, Gem,

we need to go out and just forget about weight.

- Well, the twins text me earlier.

- Oh yeah. - The Greek boys.

- They're Greek? - Yeah.

- Shut up, I never knew they was Greek.

- Yeah, it's so obvious.

- Oh, I don't really look at people like that though.

I just thought they was the twins.

- They're having a Greek party later.

- Are they? - Do you fancy it?

- Yeah, of course, where they smash all the plates?

- Yeah, I'm gonna smash some plates to get my emotions out.

- What are they called, them nights?

The Greek nights are called something?

- Haloumi nights? - Yeah, definitely.

- Alright babe?

You're not looking too impressed.

[Maria chuckling]

Just thought I'd bring you up to the speed

with the culture of this side

of Essex with the old seafood.

What do you think of that?

- What is that, that looks like teeth.

- You ain't looking impressed, are ya, teeth?

- That looks like teeth.

- They're mussels, babe, try one.

- No way. - What do you mean no way?

I really would like you to have a cockle.

Go on, try it, it won't poison you, will it?

- It look absolutely disgusting--

- Go on, just try it. - No, it look like phlegm.

- Just try it, please, try it.

I promise you it won't poison you.

There we go. [laughing]

Was that it?

What about oysters, do you like oysters?

- No, I like chips. - Oh my God.

You're not impressed with this date are you?

Was you expecting me to take ya

to the West End or something like that?

- No, it's nice. - It is nice?

- I'm really enjoying it. - Really?

- I swear, I swear on my life I'm enjoying it, thank you.

- Maybe no-one has ever showed you

a good time like this before.

- Well, no, this makes it better then going for dinner.

'Cause you've thought about it.

- And we've ended up at Leigh on Sea.

- Do you bring all your girls here?

- No, I'm too busy for all that stuff.

It's what makes it very special me being here with you.

Well, I think you're a special sort of lady.

- Am I? - Yeah.

- Ahh, no you're really sweet.

- Am I? - I appreciate it.

[Greek music]

- I hope I look all right, my bum implants

are getting on my nerves a bit.

- [laughs] I can't believe you're wearing them.

- Hi boys! - All right girls, come in!

[all cheering] [Greek music]

- Oh, thanks for bringing us out tonight guys,

to like let us into your world and that.

- [All] Yamas!

- Ugh, that's worse than Sambuca.

- That's like furniture polish.

- So have you had these before?

- No, what I don't like about it is the leaf.

It looks a little bit rotten. - Right.

- And I don't like the inside of it.

- You're pretty much strewthing, aren't you?

- What's your perfect date?

- Pretty much what happened today really.

Just like walking through an old place like Leigh,

and I like looking at old buildings anyway,

'cause I'm a bit boring like that.

- Shut up.

- Yeah, no, I like looking at architecture.

- Did you look at the buildings?

- Well no, I just like old things.

- I like old things.

[romantic music]

- I think we deserve a drink, don't we, Lyds.

All the stress we've been through the past couple of days.

- Oh God. - How are you, anyway?

- Oh, it's been a bit of a tough day, but I'm alright now.

I had a chat with Mario this morning about everything--

- What happened?

- It was horrible, I thought oh,

is he going to finish with me completely or is he,

is he going to, do you know what I mean?

I didn't know how he as going to take it.

But he believed me and he said I think Mark is lying.

And I would never ever dream of cheating on Mario,

it was all, you know it was all rubbish.

So how are you and Arg, have you spoke?

- Well, he came in the shop earlier.

And like I was just, ugh, I was just so angry with him,

so I just laid into him.

He came in with like the crappiest flowers ever.

I was just like surely, you've been going out with me

for 3 and a half years, you should know

I have got better taste than that.

- Did he apologise?

- Yeah, he was like oh, I'm really sorry,

it's just that I felt a bit bad on Mark.

Anyway, Mark has not ruined our relationship,

I'm not gonna let it happen,

yeah, we gotta stick together.

- So we've actually got a lot

of family here tonight as well.

At the end there you've got George,

he's a bit of a dancer

so he'll be showing us some moves later.

- Oh check out George, is he single?

- George, are you single? - Yeah.

- I don't know if I like his hair,

it would all [speaking in foreign language].

[all laughing]

As he's snogging you it's all gonna be ragged, nah.

- If you get together and you fall in love,

I'm sure he'll be able to shave that one for you.

- Did you hear what happened when you left the other night?

- No, what happened?

- Them 3 have walked in, Lydia, Lucy and Mario.

- Oh god.

- Arg and is like look, I ain't doing anything wrong,

yous lot just sit down and have a drink.

And Mario was like I'm not having a drink

with Dumb and Dumber, like piped up.

- What? That's so rude.

- What is wrong with him? - God knows, Nan.

So I sat there and I went "what are you piping up for?"

He was like "You think you can have Lucy

like this don't ya?" - That is so rude.

- He's only just come onto the scene?

Why is he doing all that?

- Yeah, probably wrongly of me,

a few weeks ago I went with her.

And now she's denied it and apparently he's took it.

So now it's all springing back on me like

"oh, hang on, is Mark making this up?"

and that is one thing I ain't gonna let happen.

You know 'cause she text you saying

tell anyone that asks I stayed in your flat.

- Well yeah, the night she stayed at yours,

you know, she did ask me to make out

that she stayed at mine, but I'm not gonna lie.

- And that was all true, that she did sleep,

that she did ask you to do that?

- Yeah.

- Look it takes two to Tango,

and that's what's happened, isn't it?

[all laughing]

Course it has, she's as bad as what he is, isn't she, so?

- You look like you've been Tango'd in that dress, Nan.

[all laughing]

- In this occasion Jess, if Mario asks ya,

you got to tell the truth.

- Well I've not lied all along

'cause I don't want to get involved

and I don't want to lie to anyone.

But you are my brother and, at the end of the day,

I would obviously stick up for you over any of them.

- There is no way I'm letting her

tell people that I'm lying.

- Well, maybe you should just message her I think, now,

and ask her to meet you.

And go through it with her.

If it's not Lauren, it's Lucy, God, dramas.

[Greek music] [clapping and cheering]

- Oh Franks, I have had such a wicked time tonight.

I just feel like I totally forgot all that

bloody dieting crap for one night.

- No more tears, no more crying?

- No more crying!

Gemma is not crying anymore.

And I just want to say it was so lovely

to talk to you in the hairdresser's

'cause I knew you could like feel my pain.

- Like, when I as big, I was big.

And I wanted to be skinny,

I wanted to be the same as everyone else.

So then I started to diet and I lost weight quickly.

And everyone was like "oh my God, Frankie you're so skinny".

But now, I've got all like sag.

If you loose weight quickly, you ain't toning up,

so you've just got, I've got all this skin

and that's why I wear all these

big knickers that suck me in.

So if I've got boyfriend, I'm not happy

with my body in bed, I feel like ugh.

And if they touch my belly I think get off my belly,

don't touch my belly - I hate it.

- Really? - Hate it, I hate it.

- I've never done that, I'm like yeah,

give it a little rub do you know what I mean?

- Na, hate it, don't touch me.

- Do you want a boyfriend?

Are you at that time in your life

where you want a boyfriend?

- I thinks it's always nice to have,

you know, someone to cuddle.

- Cause you do a lot for Joey and your dad,

don't you? - Yeah.

- Like you've become the mum of the house, haven't you?

The cooking the food--

- The mum, the wife, the sister.

- Do you know what though, maybe you're not realising

all this beauty that you're letting off

because I saw Dino checking you out earlier.

He was proper looking you up and down.

- He's like half my height. - They are nice looking.

If only we could stretch their legs and puff them up a bit.

You couldn't go to bed with someone that short.

- No way, they'd got lost in the bed covers.

- Yeah. [both laughing]

- Na, I would like to live with James,

and I do think that we will be ready soon.

But I think he still needs

to get out of his puberty stage.

Like smelling and farting and stuff all the time.

- "We need to meet ASAP.

"Trust me it's in your interest."

- Is it from Mark?

- Fuck off. - Oh my God,

Why would he say that?

- "It's in your interest",

why could it possibly be in my interest.

- Well, what are you gonna do?

Are you gonna call him? - Na.

- You're not gonna call him?

If you're not gonna meet him, Lucy,

literally text him, I'm gonna meet him.

I'm getting really angry, seriously.

- You sure? - Can you imagine?

- What text him, what and say yeah

I'll meet him, but it will be you here.

- Yeah, and it's not even just for you and Mario, Lucy,

it's for me and James as well.

- He's gonna have a shock when you walk in, Lyd.

- I'm probably gonna be the only person

that ever stands up to him.

[clapping and cheering]

[plates shattering]

- Sod the bloody diet.

[plate shattering] [cheering]

[Greek music] [crowd cheering]

- What's your name? - Gemma, how you doing Gemma?

- Really good, thank you, you?

- Yeah, good, good, good.

What do you think of the ol' Greek night?

- I love it honey, I'm just having such a good night.

- Have you tried the Metaxa?

- I love the brandy, is it brandy?

- Yeah yeah, brandy, got have a kick, you know what I mean?

- Yeah, if you've got a kick.

- Oh definitely, definitely.

You know what they say about Greeks, innit?

- No.

- Once you go Greek, you can't walk for a week.

[both laughing]

- Oh my God you've have quite a lot of brandy.

- I have, I have, I have.

[glasses clinking]

- [Both] Cheers.

- Lots of love. - Yeah, lots of love.

[suspenseful music]

- I know you expected Lucy to come,

but she's already upset and messed up

and thought that maybe I should come down

and we should talk about things

'cause we've obviously got

a few things to talk about, haven't we.

- Yeah, cool.

- So, I don't really know what's going on.

But I just don't think I'm willing to see

another one of my friends really upset about you.

- Lyd, I don't want to argue with you, yeah,

I've known you a long time, I like ya,

I love you being with Arg.

The last thing in the world I would want

is for you to end with Arg.

- So what was all that about the other night then?

- The reason why I've asked her to meet me

is because, truth is Lucy slept with a boy

behind her boyfriend's back, yeah.

- So you're telling me it's 100% true?

- One million percent true, I've got proof.

She's asked my sister to lie,

who will also admit it to Mario,

that she stayed at her house instead of mine.

The matter of fact is, there's no way

I'm going about people thinking I'm a liar.

- Well, I don't know if it's true or not and I don't,

I obviously, all I can take is my friend's word for it.

- I didn't sleep with anyone behind

my girlfriend's back, I was single, right.

She's now let her boyfriend talk to me

like I'm a bit of shit, which isn't gonna happen

'cause I'm no mug, right.

Literally, talking down to me in front of my pal,

right, and in front of the rest of the bar.

So I'm gonna let that go that people think that

"oh, Mark made up that he slept with Lucy".

I don't need to brag about sleeping with Lucy.

- Obviously, if it is true,

then it is, then it's not right.

- Do you think I need to lie about

sleeping with a girl, be serious Lyd.

- That's just really arrogant, why would you say that?

- But it's true though.

Do you think I'm the sort of person to just

make up a lie that I've slept with a girl, seriously.

- Well, I don't want to, I don't wanna talk about,

I don't want to say anything.

I don't, I came here to sort out mine and yours differences.

Like obviously I came here after being with Lucy,

so obviously I am kind of involved in that.

But I feel like as soon as you break up with a girl,

you expect James to be there the whole time with you.

And I can't have that again.

I know that you are quite a powerful person,

and you're quite authoritative and you think that

you kind of talk people into doing things.

- Lyd, Lyd, Lyd--

- And I don't want you taking him

away from me like you did before.

- Alright, cool, listen.

You need to be more confident now,

I'm not gonna to take Argent away from you.

He's not gonna dump you, he's in love with you.

It's as simple as that, yeah.

I'm not gonna lead him astray.

I would never ever want you two to split up.

I'm looking forward to the day yous two get married:

I'm over the moon that you twos are happy.

I would never let that happen, right.

I don't like arguing with people.

- You just don't like people telling you the truth.

I just think you're quite disrespectful with girls.

- But Lydia, Lyd, Lyd.

When I see people being, not being treated nicely,

that really upsets me and I have to

stand up for them because I feel

like I should fight people's battles.

- I want to settle our differences,

but it's just everytime we try and do it,

it never seems to get nowhere 'casue it just,

you've told me what you think a thousand times,

I don't need to keep hearing it.

Unless you've got something nice to say to me,

just don't talk to me.

- I won't talk to you then 'cause I haven't really

got anything nice to say about you at all.

[up beat music]

- [Narrator] Next time on "The Only Way Is Essex".

Will Arg put his qualifications to good use?

- I can't believe he called us dumber and dumber,

I have eight GCSE's.

- Will Chloe have the best seat in the house?

- I've got these bad boys on.

- And will Kirk be caught short?

Who knows, these people are real,

and anything can happen on "The Only Way is Essex".

[up beat music]