All language subtitles for The.Only.Way.Is.Essex.S03E04.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-SLAG_track4_[eng]

[Narrator]- This programme
contains flash suits,

boys bitching and babes in the
buff.

The tans you see might be fake
but the people are all real,

although some of what
they do has been set up

purely for your entertainment.

Previously on "The Only Way is
Essex".

[woman yelling]

- Would you like to come for a
drink?

- Yeah.
- You would?

- Yeah.
- Oh, cool!

- Mark Write's coming back trust
me.

- Okay, then do it then.

- Back out there to be me again,

and that's all there is to it.

- Please do it, and go and make
me proud.

- I want you to respect the fact
now,

I'm with Lucy.

Continues like it has done,
then obviously we'll fall out.

Lucy!

Looking smoking by the way.

[electronic dance music]

♪ The only way is up, baby.

♪ For you and me now.

[peaceful guitar music]

- Here you go, look fresh
[mumbles]

Got an earwig on it!

[laughing]

[peaceful guitar music]

- There's a spider in the
basket!

[laughing]

- Ready?

- Fuck, that hit my arm!

[laughing]

My brother!

- Stringys!

- Ah you!
- Stubbys!

[laughing]

- What is this rules that
you're just making up?

- Woo!

- I had Maria come up to me.

- Did ya?

- "Is it all right if
me and your dad go out?"

I was like, yeah go on, it'll be
fine!

Weird though, innit?

- Can't swallow that sort of
thing.

- It's weird, isn't man?

- Does he fancy her, your dad?

- Must do, mustn't he?

Do you fancy her?

Not in that way I mean.

- Well she's a nice girl
but, not really my type.

I only go for 10 out of 10 girls
and--

- That's mean now, 10 out of 10
girls,

sounds horrible but.

- I know, it's horrible isn't
it?

- I love that.
- Nice isn't it?

[Harry]- It looks like my rug.

- Kinda cool right?

- Do you know what I think
you should be wearing?

- What?

- Stuff like that.

- Things like this?

- Things like that.

That's so classy.

[electronic dance music]

[laughing]

I'm so trendy.

[giggling]

- This is my autumn cardigan.

- Am I modelling it again?

- Let me put it on.

You're not a very good barbie.

- Do you know what it is,
it's cause I ain't got boobs.

- Would you like to have boobs?

- No, never.

- Why?

- Everyone says to me,

"Would you ever be a trans-"

- Transvestite.
- No transsexual.

- Would you?

- No.

I wanna be a boy.

[laughing]

- Sam's just spoke to me she
said,

"Yeah, I think we need
to sit down and talk,"

and I was like well I said that
before

but you didn't listen to me did
ya?

- Does she want to talk now?

- She was rude about it,
but now she wants to talk.

I'm gonna do it, I ain't gonna--

- Yeah definitely man.

- I ain't gonna say you missed
the boat or anything cause,

she ain't really, it was
a serious relationship,

and we got, we have pretty
much got to sit down

and talk about what happened.
- Definitely man.

What do you want to happen
though?

- Don't know really, I mean--

- What would you like to get out
of it.

Say you go out on a meal with
her,

or whatever, have a talk.

What would you like the
end result to be after,

after the talk.

- I wouldn't even mind if it was
just,

we're friends, and walk off.

- Your thing with you
and Joey, are you like,

what's gonna happen?

- Like literally, I need to call
him.

I just wanna say, look
do you wanna meet up.

- Yeah.

- Just to chat about everything,
cause not being funny,

I'm gonna see him all the time
aren't I?

- That's it.

The thing that really annoys me

is that everyone thinks you're

the baddy in the relationship.

I just think that's bang
out of order sometimes.

- Yeah, if you got to put it to
bed

and just like clear the air.

- I think that's the best
thing you can do really,

just have that one last meet
up sort things out and then.

- Yeah.

- Sorted.

- It's nice innit?

- Beautiful and it's definitely
better

than doing what I'm supposed to
be doing.

- What are you supposed to be
doing?

- I'm meant to be helping Jess
out

at the lingerie shop, aren't I?

- Doing what exactly?

- They think I'm gonna be
there, getting my hands dirty,

sorting out the paintwork and
the woodwork

to get it ready for the party.

The only thing I'll be
doing towards that party

is judging the underwear

when the models are
walking through with it.

I've seen every type of
underwear.

Every different type of body in
underwear.

I'm the best judge for this sort
of thing.

I'm like the Simon Cowell of
underwear.

[laughing]

- What's up with you anyway?

You seem a bit more yourself.

Bit more perky, bit more--

- You know what I am myself.

- What's brought it on?

- I went and spoke with my dad

and he said to me,

"Mark, you disappointed me.

You walking around, moping
around,

you need to back to your old
self."

and that's exactly what I'm
going to do.

And what a perfect time to do
it?

Ready for a lingerie launch
party.

All models walking down in
underwear.

Celibacy.

[blows raspberry]

I tell you what,

some girls are going to get
some broken hearts again.

[laughing]

♪ Go ahead.

♪ Play that game.

- I can't believe how
nice it looks in here.

- It's amazing, so proud of you.

- Jess, do you know some of
these are different styles.

- Yeah.

- They would be mum,

they can't all be the
same style, can they?

- Well how do I know?

- Don't you wear knickers?

What you wear, bloomers?

- You can have a pair
of them if you want Nan.

- No thank you.

I'd be too cold.

- So have you got all the
models sorted out for tonight?

- Actually Lucy's doing it.

- [Carol] Is she?

- Yeah, she agreed to do it.

Dunno what Mario's gonna
say about it though.

- As long as Mark don't watch.

- [Jess] Well Mark's gonna be
there so.

- [Carol] What about you mum?

- I'm gonna model.

- What you fancy wearing Nan?

- I like that pink one.

- [Jess] Really?

- [Nan] Why not?

- Do you think its your style
Nan?

I don't know.

Hopefully it will go off
well though, won't it?

Champagne, bit of dancing.

Nanny can get her drawers out.

[laughing]

- Anyway, I went to the
gym and I see him in there.

You know Mario, Lucy's new
fellow.

Oh I'm glad I've seen you.

He tell me, I go hold on mate.

What's the problem here?

"I'm glad I've seen you, you
know,

I just want you to stay away
from Lucy."

and I was like,

"Mate, seriously it aint me
whose gotta stay away from her,

its her that's gotta stay away
from me."

- Yeah I suppose in your eyes
you know,

you're single and you're
not doing any thing wrong.

Lucy's the one with the
boyfriend so,

if he's gotta talk to anyone
it's gotta be her, surely.

- And not only that,
I'm sorry to say this,

maybe not now, she might be
loved up

but for the last however long,

if I wanted to be with Lucy,

I would just go like that,

and it was there, you know what
I mean?

[chilled music]

- Hello Micky.

- You alright?

- Yeah, are you?

- Yeah, you're looking lovely
today.

- Just doing the dog duties.

- Little Elvis, he's well
dressed today isn't he?

- I know.

- The old paint balling was
all right the other day,

I really enjoyed it, did you?

- Yeah, it was good.

- Yeah, I had a good time.

Believe you had a little chat
with Kirk as well did ya?

- Yeah, I spoke to him.

I just said to him like,

I just kinda cleared the
air with him and just said,

"you know, I think your dads
cool like."

- Thank you.

- I just told him like the
situation.

Not totally the situation

but I just said,

"Look, like you know I
get on with your dad,

like I don't want it to
be awkward between us."

and he seems cool with it.

- Yeah but no, it's not really
about Kirk anyway is it?

- No exactly, he does what he
wants to do.

- Was you going to go to
Jess's lingerie launch party?

- Tonight?

- Yeah.

- I dunno, I was gonna.

- Really, I was just gonna ask
you out

if you'd like to go
out for dinner instead?

- Oh really?

- Yeah.

- That'd be nice.

- You alright, you up for that?

- Yeah, what time?

- Eight o'clock?

[laughing]

- Okay.

- I don't know, I don't
do this sort of thing,

so I don't ask girls out for
dates and dinners and that.

- I don't believe that for a
second.

- Fact, no I don't.

Cool, I'll see you then.

- Getting really embarrassed.

- All right then.

- All right then.

- See you later.

- See ya.

- Ciao.

- See ya.

This will be nice.

[slow music]

- Yeah, this is a statement.

- This is a bit of me this
is, I don't wanna break that

and it feels nice as well.

- It's nice innit, we'll go
for the patterns on that one.

- Yeah, brilliant.

What you doing, after
you gonna do the suit now

or are ya gonna go out after
work?

- I'm seeing Lucy in
the fashion show later

actually as it goes.

- Are you going to the
party or just taking her?

- Yeah, course I'm going to
support her.

- Is Mark gonna be there?

- I'd assume so, it's Jess's
innit.

- Have you seen him or do
ya reckon it'll be awkward?

- I bumped into him at the gym.

- Did ya?

- Yeah, mate.

- What did he say?

- Well I said to him you know,
stay away from Lucy and me

and you will be fine.

- Yeah, brilliant man.

- So hopefully he'll
have learnt his lesson.

- You gotta be careful though,
cause he's a bit of a dog.

- He is mate, he is the dog of
dogs.

I don't give a shit about
all this celibacy thing.

As soon as that's finished,
even I'd better watch out,

because he's a horrible person.

- Mate, all you gotta do
is rip your shirt off,

get your Hercules body out,
he'll rip his shirt off.

- Pigeon breast.

- Pigeon breast, it's mad innit
mate,

he trains every day don't he?

- Every day, relentlessly.

Strict diet and all sorts,
and he still looks like

a five year old boy.

That's a skinny boy and a
fat boy wants to get out.

- He is a fat boy breaking to
get out.

- Yeah.

- If I go to that fashion show
now

I will stick by ya like
you're my brother man.

- Good man.

- I will, if Mark says anything,

if he tries it on with
Lucy I'll keep my eye open.

- Do you really think he'd be
stupid enough to take me on?

- I don't think he'd be that
stupid, man,

but honestly, man, you
need me you call me, yeah?

- Sweet mate, all over.

Let's get this suit done.

- Yeah, let's get this going.

- All right?

- Oh, he arrives.

- It's looking good, innit?

- Hello Mark.

- Do you like our shop, that's
meant to be a joint venture

that you've done zero for.

- Listen, I'm the money man,

I don't need to be
unpacking knickers and bras.

- Don't mind taking
them off though, do ya?

- [Jess] That's right, Nan.

- Nan, what you doing anyway?

- What am I doing?

Sizing the drawers up.

- Are they your drawers, Nan?

- They're mine, yes.

- What are these models gonna be
like,

are they gonna half decent or
what?

- Listen, the only models
you should be looking at

is them two in the window.

- [Nan] Yeah, because they don't
move.

- Yeah, your celibacy.

- My celibacy is officially
broke.

Mark Wright is back

and tonight it's just absolutely
perfecto.

I'll see you later on.

- [Carol] Right, okay, Mark.
- Don't be late.

- You excited about.

- Yeah, should be good.

- It's probably going to be a
little embarrassing isn't it?

Like being in front of like 200
people,

- Yeah.

- Parading up and down the
catwalk in your panties.

I don't know about you

but when I put a tight
pair of underwear on

it shrivels to nothing don't it?

It shrivels up like a little
walnut.

- Honestly girls its the pants,

its the pants that's doing it.

The pain you certainly have to
go through

to try to look good to
be two famed bastards.

- Do recon it's as bad as child
birth?

- Oh it must be,

I don't know what all these
women are moaning about.

This has got to be way worse.

- All right?
- Hi.

How are you?

- Yeah, I'm all right, you all
right?

- Good.

- You look nice.

- Thank you.

- Nice and green.

- And you in your short hot
pants.

[laughing]

That your new look?

- Yeah.

- You've exchanged the
skinny jeans for hot pants?

- Yeah, nothing's changed,
I still wear them.

- Yeah, so basically, I wanted
to ask you,

what I don't understand, why
did you split up with me?

What was the main reason?

I dunno why you did it.

- I dunno really.

It was just like one of those
situations

where we got together really
quickly,

and don't get me wrong like I
did,

I do still really like you, and
I dunno,

like I just felt like it
wasn't the right time.

- Yeah, I know what you mean.

I think what you are trying to
say is

we did too much in the space
of like two, four months,

sort of thing.

- Yeah, it was like bit of a
whirlwind you know what I mean?

- Yeah, yeah.

- But, and don't get me wrong,

like I was completely wrong to
ring you up

and say to you, oh I feel
like we need to have a break

and stuff like that, cause
that was really out of order,

but it wasn't a situation that
I'd been thinking about it

for ages, like I wouldn't
do that, I wouldn't.

- But the only thing
what was so weird like,

you acted so normal throughout
all that.

Like that morning I woke up in
your bed

and like said see ya later,
do ya know what I mean

and all that, you were
acting completely normal,

and then you left.

You didn't lead into it or
nothing,

you just sort of like bang.

It was a shock, that's why
it was such a big shock.

I didn't expect it.

That's why I was upset.

- I did say, like when
I said it on the phone,

like I did feel really bad,

but then I did say to you like
let's meet up when I get back

and we can talk about it,

and you didn't want to.

I can understand that,
but you didn't want to.

- Why would I wanna talk about
it?

It's like me saying that's it,

it's like me going oh, you're
dumped.

Oh, can I see you tomorrow
and forget I said that.

- Yeah, but I didn't say it like
that.

- You pretty, yeah, you
didn't say it like that,

but you just pretty much what,

that's like to cut a long story
short,

that's what you did, you ended
it with me

and then said ah, actually
forget I said anything,

I'll come and see you tomorrow.

That's why I was like oh, well,

I don't want to see you
tomorrow,

you've already split up with me.

- It wasn't easy.

- Yeah, I know, I know that.

It's just a bit upsetting for
me.

- Have you heard what's gonna
happen?

- No, I haven't, you?

- I have, but I dunno
if your gonna like it.

- What?

- Well apparently Lucy's gonna
be modelling the underwear.

- Really?

- Apparently so.

- Oh god.

- But --

- Shock

- I dunno.

I dunno if it's true,
it's just what I've heard.

- Great.

- How you gonna handle that?

- I've got nothing to say
to the girl, to be honest.

And I don't wanna lower myself.

I don't wanna get into that

cause I feel that I just don't
wanna make myself feel upset,

you know?

- Yeah, you don't wanna like
burst into tears or anything,

but it's also like, I dunno,

sometimes I feel like with
Lucy she's a bit smug with it.

- Yeah, she's very smug, that's
my issue.

It's just that she's
doing it out of spite.

- Attention maybe as well.

- Yeah, she's got too much
front.

- So does it bother you
when you see her like,

are you genuinely that's it,
you're over.

- I haven't seen her.

- Oh, so this be the first
time you've seen her since --

- Yeah.

- All the rumours?

- I cannot wait for tonight.

It's the first time I've
sung to all the friends

and family in ages.

- I think it's gonna be a good
night.

- You know, Mark's gonna be
there, Lyd,

so no awkward moments tonight
and you know, be nice.

- I know.

Well I know he's obviously gonna
be there,

because it's his sisters do,

but I feel like there is
gonna be tension between us,

cause obviously we did
have that bit of a dispute

and I kinda did make him
leave the restaurant.

- Why do you always, always dig
out Mark?

I know it's like girl power and
all that,

but you speak too much.

- I just don't really understand
his ways.

- I don't understand Lauren
and Lucy's ways sometimes.

I mean Lauren's hardly
Florence Nightingale

and Lucy's hardly Mother Teresa,
is she,

and I'm just sick of --

- What the hell?

Why in the hell would Lauren

and Lucy be Florence
Nightingale and Mother Teresa?

- Cause you're always making
out that they're perfect

and they've never done anything
wrong,

when really they've done just
as wrong as what Mark's done.

But yet you always put
girls, as typical girls,

always put the blame on
the boy, always blame Mark.

- I wasn't blaming Mark,
I was just saying --

- Lydia, look all I'm
saying is as my girlfriend

it's important for me that you
get on with my best friend.

- Well, I will try and I will be
civil,

but if I've got something
on my mind I will express it

and that's not because
I wanna cause arguments

or anything like that,

it's just that I just fight
for what I believe in.

- Yeah, well you don't need
to get involved in this fight,

it's not your fight.

- I know, I don't get involved,

but if somebody wants to get me
involved

and come and sit in my meal
and start moping around,

then I will get involved because
you're coming in my space.

- Can't you just keep it to
yourself?

- No, I can't.

- You're too opinionistic.

You're too opinionistic.

- People wouldn't sit back,

if it wasn't for women sticking
up for their rights James,

and sticking up for what they
believe,

we wouldn't be in the society
that we are for today, okay.

Think about all the heroes,
the women, the Suffragettes

and Suffragists and things.

- The what?

- Margaret Thatcher.

They all stuck up for what
they believe in, okay.

You're just being a feminist.

- I'm not, I'm just saying give
--

- You are.

- My mate an easier time.

- This is why I don't like
you being friends with Mark,

because you go on all the
defensive

and then have a big argument
with me.

- I don't want to argue with
you, you're my girlfriend

and we're getting on
really well at the moment.

- So don't.

- You know I really like you,

so if you didn't split up
with me I'd still be with you,

I'd still be with you this
day, 100%, I know I would,

because that's how much I liked
ya.

I never thought that, where we
are now

I never thought we'd be in this
situation,

and that's obviously the
reason why I still like ya

and so I'm a bit upset.

Guess I'm gonna have to move on.

You all right?

Come here, you alright?

You want a cuddle?

- Just makes it harder.

- Mmm?

- It just makes it harder.

- I don't want you to cry any
more.

I just dunno what to do Sam,

cause even if you said right now

"I don't think you should like
me."

which I know you're gonna say
that,

I still have feelings, you know.

I still love you, do you know
what I mean?

- When you say things
like you still like me,

it just makes it harder.

- You wanna go?

- Yeah.

- Give me a cuddle.

- Thank you for coming.

[jazz music]

- [Waitress] Canape's ladies?

- Thank you.

You look very nice.

[jazz music]

- Should be a good night tonight
yeah?

How's the models looking?

- Hot.

- Seems like the perfect night
for me

to be breaking the celibacy then
aint it?

- No.

[laughing]

- I'll see you later on,
have a good night yeah?

[jazz music]

- You all right Arg?

- That geezer, Mario,

he has a big, big, big thing
with Mark at the moment

don't he, cause of Lucy
and stuff like that.

He just let him hard.

- But he's got all rights
to be annoyed with him,

do ya know what I mean,

cause obviously Mark's been
going with Lucy all the time,

so he's got --

- Well, that's, he has got the
right

and he's mugging him off,

saying he's got a chest like
a pigeon and stuff like that.

- What's that?

- Arg, how ya doing?

- Mario, that's a big problem
with him and Mark, innit now?

- I didn't think there was
though.

I thought they like had a chat

and they sorted out their
differences.

- I don't think he can let
it go, I don't think --

- What was Mario saying?

- He was just going,

"Mark's a dog, you can never
trust him."

and stuff like that.

- Yeah, I know.

- I've gotta get ready, I've
gotta sing.

- You going sing now?

- Yeah, I'm gonna go and sing.

- Come on, mate, belt it out for
me.

- Where you going?

- I'm gonna go and sing.

- You've heard him sing, haven't
ya

- Yeah, yeah.

- Smash it, Arg.

- Cheers mate, see ya in a bit.

- Oi, good luck mate, good luck.

- You know he's gonna
go tell Mark, don't ya

- Hopefully.

- That's his best mate,
he's gonna tell him.

- Yeah, course he will.

- You shouldn't get involved,
man,

because it's gonna you don't
need agg man,

you don't need agg.

- All right mate.

- All right man.

- How ya doing man?

You all right.

- Yeah, good stuff.

- Bend me over will ya.

- How ya doing?

- Not too bad you.

- We had fun today didn't we
mate?

- Yeah, it was good.

- Guess what, I was telling Joey

what we was talking about today

when we had a little dig at
Mark.

- A bit of Mark banter.

- Yeah, Arg just popped his
head through what's this --

- You two know though, don't ya,

like Arg is obviously gonna tell
Mark,

you know that don't ya?

- Yeah, that's alright.

- What's been happening?

- Not much, I've gotta
tell you something now,

and I don't like bitching or any
of that,

but it's not a big deal anyway,

but basically like I just
overheard a little bit of Joey

and Kirk talking.

Kirk basically just sort of said
that him

and Mario sort of like
they were both sort of

digging you out a little
bit about the womanising,

and comments about, I dunno,

Mario thinking his body's
much better than yours

and stuff like that.

But Mark, you know what
it's like, it's just silly.

I mean round here the boys
bitch just as much as the girls

or worse, do ya know what I
mean.

And, you know, it probably
is a bit of a jealousy thing.

- Pathetic.

- I dunno

- How you feeling?

- Bit nervous.

- Are you?

- Yeah.

Oh don't be nervous Luce,
you look amazing, seriously.

- Thank you.

There's so many people out
there, Jess.

- I know.

- I'm so exited.

I'm so nervous though.

- Hi Dino

- Hiya

- You look great by the way,
thank you for doing this.

- Thanks very much.

- These pants definitely
suit you, don't you agree?

- They look alright actually.

- Quite lairy, quite out there.

- Yeah, I'd definitely
wear them, yeah, yeah.

- Wicked

- Yeah, they give a bit of a
lift.

- George needs plenty.

- All right, well thank you for
doing it,

I really appreciate it
and you look wicked.

- Cool, nice one.

- Right guys, I'll see you in a
minute.

- See ya later.

- Thank you all for coming
tonight.

I'm really exited to be
announcing
the launch of my new shop

and my clothing line.

♪ I know a place

♪ Where the grass is really
greener. ♪

♪ Such a beautiful body,
now you looking fine. ♪

♪ The way you walk and the way
you move ♪

♪ It's party time.

[cheering]

♪ You got the look

♪ And I know you don't have to
try. ♪

[clapping]

♪ Such a beautiful body,
now you looking fine. ♪

♪ The way you walk and the way
you move ♪

♪ It's party time.

♪ Everybody's looking at you,

♪ It makes you smile.

♪ You got the look and you know
it, ♪

♪ You don't have to try.

♪ Beautiful body.

♪ You got a beautiful face.

♪ You such a beautiful creature,
♪

♪ Oh you really knock me off my
feet. ♪

♪ You got a beautiful body.

♪ You got a beautiful face.

♪ Such a beautiful creature yeah
♪

♪ You know you really
knock me off my feet. ♪

- Aw thanks.

- You alright, you alright,
yeah?

- You look lovely.

- Thank you, so do you.

- Thank you. Would you like
to look at the wine list?

- Are you not a wine man?

- Not really.

I mean I do drink wine
occasionally,

but I'm not really very good
with wine.

- Not a con, what is it conis..?

- I'm not a connoisseur.

- Connoisseur.

- So which, oh they've got
Sauvignon Blanc, I like that.

- Sauvignon Blanc, New Zealand.

Have they got that?

- It's Chile, that one.

- Chile, where's Chile?

- Oh god, where's Chile?

- Is that in Italy?

- Didn't know I was
doing a geography lesson.

[laughing]

whose the current prime
minister?

Gordon Ramsey isn't it?

- I know that one, it
was a hung parliament.

Its David Cameron

and that fit one Nick Clegg.

- It was a hung parliament.

It's now coalition.

- What's that?

- It's the coming together of
two parties.

- I still like him,

there's something there
that I still like about him

but it's not enough, you know
what I mean?

- You're single, I'm
single, you're single.

- Single ladies.

- Are you all right?

- Yeah I'm fine I just--

- How did you end the
conversation?

- I told her, like I still
have feelings for her and that

and then she got a bit upset.

She started crying

and when I saw her crying
I got a little bit upset.

- Aw that's so sad.

It's sad but you're both so
young.

- I'm happy, I'm actually really
happy.

- Give me a cuddle.

- Where's the gorgeous Maria
Fowler?

- She's not here.

- Where is she?

Up to mischief I bet.

- She's on a date with Mick.

- Right.

Are you joking me?

If I'm being honest, I'm
a bit pissed off about it.

- I kinda thought you'd know
that,

cause the whole singles night

you kind of set them up though,
right?

- I set them up because I
didn't think they'd get on.

- Really?

Maybe that's backfired a little
bit then.

- What a bitch.

It's none of my business but
I'm a little bit wounded by it.

I hope they have a nice
date and everything,

but if they get married I
don't wanna go to the wedding.

- You gonna be devo.

- I'm gonna pelt them with eggs.

Anyways though, I'm over it.

Not.

- You should be.

- All right then, see ya later
Lauren.

- Don't worry about it.

See ya.

- Bye.

- You all right?

- Can you believe it?

Maria Fowler has gone on a date
with Mick.

I thought I was over Mick, like
I don't actually fancy him,

well I do a little bit,

but the point I'm making is I
feel like

I've been booted in the heart.

- Listen, I don't think
she's that nice looking.

There's a massive age
situation between them,

do ya know what I mean?

Most men in life are pricks.

- I hear you got Mike a bike.

- I have this big fat
Harley-Davidson,

it's called a Fat Boy,
pretty much me really.

- I was gonna learn to
ride a bike last year.

- Oh were you?

- I don't actually want one,

I just want to learn
to do it just so I can.

Is it really hard to learn?

- No not really.

It's a lot harder now than it
was

I think when I passed my test.

- Before I was born?

- Possibly.

- Oh shut up.

- That puts things into
perspective

when you say it like that.

- Do you think I'm really young?

- No, I'm not looking at age.

It's not an age thing.

You're a human, you're a lady

and we're just getting on.

So what do you look for in a
man?

- Grey hair's nice, like
I fancy Philip Schofield.

- He's really grey, isn't he?

- He's a sort though, isn't he?

- Is he?

- Men get better with
age, women get worse.

- Oh, is that right.

Blimey that's why I'm
dating a 25 year old then.

[laughing]

- Girls, do you mind if
I just have a quick chat

with Lauren is that alright?

- Is that alright?

- Hiya.

Basically I've been really,
really dreading bumping into you

and I'm sure you have as well,

so I thought I'd just come
over and get it out the way,

and, basically, I'm
here just to say sorry.

- Okay.

- I really am.

And I've had time, now that I'm
happy in a new relationship,

to look at it from outside,

and this last year
everything's happened with Mark

and decisions I've made
have been disgusting,

and I really am sorry.

- Yeah, I understand
and I appreciate that,

like do ya know what I mean?

I spoke to you before
like at my engagement

and you came up to me

and told me what had
happened between you and him,

and I forgave him, and
then it happened again

and I feel like that was the
icing on the cake for me.

And that is it.

And that is why, to be honest
with you, it done me a favour

because it made me see
really what he was like.

And I'm glad you've moved on,

cause I've moved on and I'm over
it.

I think he just uses people to
hurt people

and I think he used you to hurt
me.

But now because I'm over it,

I don't care, so I wanna put it
--

- We've both seen the light.

- Exactly.

- Thanks for letting me have a
chat

and being nice about it
and I'll see you around.

- See ya later.

- Did you have a good night?

- No, it was nice to have dinner

with somebody that I can get on
with.

How could I not looking
across you at the table.

- So you gonna ask me out again?

- Yeah I would like to.

- Do you fancy me?

- Yeah, I do, yeah.

- Do you fancy me?

- Is that a yes or just like a
nod?

- That's an noncommittal yes.

- Is it?

- So what we doing then?

- Well I'd like to go on
another date with you.

I think it'll be worth it.

Is this your place just here,
yeah?

- Here.

- Well --

- Bless you.

- I'll say it once again,
I've had a lovely night,

thank you very much.

- Aw thank you, me too.

- Right, see you later.

- Right see ya babes.

- Bye night.

- Thanks very much.

- Do you want me to walk you
into your door, are you okay?

- No, it's fine.

- You're alright.

- Thanks babes.

- See ya later, good night.

♪ And I know that the time is
just right ♪

♪ And straight into my arms you
will run ♪

- Fuck this.

See you in a minute.

What's happening?

Mario, can I have a quick chat?

- Of course.

[laughing]

- Awkward.

- What the hell.

- Listen, yeah, you
pulled me the other day

cause you wanted to talk about
something.

- Yes.
- Yeah.

and I shook your hand like a man

and you approached me like a
man,

if you ask me it was a
man thing to do, right?

- Right cool.

- But what annoys me,

and one thing that I can't take
is people,

if I've got something to say
about someone I'll tell them.

If I didn't like you I'd say to
you,

"Mario, I don't like you"

and when I say to a man
I'm not gonna do something

I won't do it, cause
I've gave you my word,

that's the person that I am.

But then for you to go
and act like a bitch.

- Well it's not a bitch,
what it was right,

I'll just interrupt you
there, it was boy banter.

You must do it with Arg all the
time.

We just have a little bit of fun
--

- No, but it's not boy banter.

Yeah, of course with my mates.

But you don't really like me.

Listen, you don't dislike
me cause you don't know me,

but let's be fair, you aint a
fan of mine

because what you think's
gone on between you

and your missus, yeah.

- Yeah, true.

- We've met each other once,

and in that chat we got on very
well.

- Yeah.

- I walked away from that chat

and didn't just bitch,

now you've gone away
from that conversation

and done the complete opposite
and spoke about me bad,

and I just think it's
disrespectful personally.

- Yeah, okay.

- So you think something's
happened right?

- I don't think something's
happened.

I trust Lucy

- Okay.

- But obviously, you've gotta
see it from my point of view.

- But you obviously don't,

because you're saying to me the
other day

"Will you stay away from Lucy?"

so if you trusted Lucy --

- No, it's that, I don't trust
you, Mark.

- So what, you think I'm gonna
just

grab her up for no reason?

Mario, Mario, be very,
very careful what you say.

- Why?

- Just be very careful what you
say.

- Why?

- Because you're getting it
totally wrong, totally wrong.

What you don't realise is this,

Lucy, yeah, I was seeing her for
ages,

I didn't like her any more,
that's the way it went.

Because she cried over me for
however long

and was still in love with me.

I'm not telling you this to be
bitter

cause you weren't with her
at the time, she's happy

and in love with you now, yeah?

But what I'm trying to say is,

if I wanted Lucy I could have
her.

- [Narrator] Next time on
"The Only Way Is Essex"

Will Maria get to grips
with Mick's hung parliament?

- It's David Cameron and
that fit one, Nick Clegg.

- [Narrator] Has Mario
overstepped the mark?

- He is mate, he is the dog of
dogs.

I don't give a shit about
all this celibacy thing.

- If I wanted Lucy, I could have
her.

- [Narrator] Who knows?

These people are real.

And anything can happen
on "The Only Way Is Essex"

♪ The only way is up, baby.

♪ You and me now.

♪ The only way is up, baby.

♪ You and me now.