Original subtitles

big watches and broken hearts.

The tans you see might be fake

but the people are all real

although some of what they do

has been set up purely for you entertainment.

[upbeat electronic music]

[chill swing music]

- Way!

- Ahhh James!

Aw, James, stop it, oh my god!

- I won't be doing that again anytime soon!

- Right, so welcome to my shop

- Bloody hell, Lyd, is lovely isn't it.

- You liking it?

- I love it.

- So this, just envision it,

this is the cake area.

So it's gonna be like birthday cakes here, cupcakes,

cookies, the lot.

- Free cakes for me all year round?

- No, you are not coming in here unless

you're under my supervision, do you hear me mister?

And this is going to be the gift area.

So it's gonna be little trinkets and candles

and loads of cutesy little girly things.

- Yeah.

- And this is where is all happens,

on the till area bit.

- Ooh, I could kiss you all over.

I'm so proud of you.

- Do you like it?

- I'm so proud.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

- You think it's going to be good?

- Can't wait.

- Because I don't want you just coming down

to eat all the cupcakes, all right?

- Okay.

- Come down, clean the windows, I need a lot of help

at the beginning, a lot of support, yeah?

- Yeah.

- Lip gloss.

- James, What are you doing?

- What are you doing?

- Don't be coming down here snogging,

trying to get hold of my daughter.

If you wanna come down here at all,

you come down to do a bit of cleaning darling.

I have been in the back cleaning

and you two are canoodling outside.

- I thought it was too good to be true.

- Yeah, it is too good to be true.

Mind you, you're looking good, James.

- Thank you.

- You are looking good.

- He's lost some weight. - How much have you lost now?

- About a stone.

- Honestly, you are looking more

like Dustin Hoffman everyday.

- A young Dustin Hoffman.

- You do look amazing.

- Your mother has always said that.

- You do.

- A little bit of Dean Martin as well.

- A little bit, just a little bit.

[upbeat music]

- What do you think?

- Noisy, thought I could hear a roar.

- Do you like it?

- I'm glad you went for that and not the Lambo.

- Why, this is, this is the best, aint it?

- Yeah, but the Lambo's a man's car,

it's a bit hard to drive.

- This is a man's car!

- No, it's a hair dresser's car, mate.

Everyone's got them here, it's all over the place!

- I am over the moon with what I have bought.

- How much you paid for it?

- About 70 grand.

- [Mick] Oh yah, about?

- 70 grand.

- You wanna tell me the truth.

- 74.

- [Mick] Oh really?

- Yeah.

- I thought you was into property, mate?

- Well I am--

- You talk to me about buying property,

next thing you're driving up,

aint a house ain't gonna make you any money is it,

it's gonna lose you money.

- but I've worked hard so I thought

I would buy myself something.

- Yeah, but all that come afterwards

when you make a bit of money out of doing other things.

- No, because I thought when I'm going to view

the properties I want a nice car to drive around in.

- And how do you think you are going to get a deal

out of someone when you pull up in that?

- Are you proud of me though?

- Yeah, I'm really proud of you mate, yeah.

- No, are ya?

- Just drive it slow, mate.

- But are you proud of me, can you tell me you are?

- A little bit--

- I have actually gone out and bought me self a car.

- I am a little bit proud of you.

[upbeat electronic music]

- So where did you get them from then?

- Just from like, the vintage shop.

They'll look much better trust me.

- Don't they sell like vintage jean shorts

that someone already done.

- I dunno.

- It's like them jeans have been about for ages

and you just cut them up.

They're vintage.

That's like getting an antique and then breaking it.

- It was, these were already someones jeans weren't they?

- Joe, what do you think vintage means?

- Like, it's new stuff, but meant to look old.

- No, you go to a vintage shop, it's all old originals.

Like they smell like mothballs and stuff.

That pair nearly done now then?

- I still got to do the other leg yet,

but, looking reem?

- I suppose so.

- What's going on anyway, what are you doing today?

- Just pest control.

- Did you kill anything?

- I don't kill things.

- You just shoot, are you like one of them.

- I just frighten them away, I'm not a very good shot.

- Bozo, come here.

Come here, Mister.

Hello, how you doing?

- He's got a face as fat as you now, Kirk!

- He looks like his name, don't he?

Here Mister, do you like his new collar I bought?

- Lovely mate.

- Didn't Lauren, you and Lauren

get the bling one, didn't ya?

- No she got the pink one, when I got him.

- Has Lauren been to see him yet?

- No, She wanted to see him when we first broke up

and I said it would be awkward at first.

- That's like having children like in a relationship,

you never had children,

but it's the same thing with a pet really.

- You can't compare a dog to custody of a kid.

- I am not talking about custody,

but at least you should let her have look at the dog,

she loves the dog.

- No, I know, no, I am not trying to be horrible,

but it's still upsetting to see her and think about her.

- Yeah, but she doesn't wanna see you.

She wants to see the dog.

As far as I'm concerned I just think it's only fair

that if she asks you should let her see him.

- Well she hasn't asked.

- Well, I think she has.

- She hasn't, I promise ya she's not asked.

- Alright.

- Joey, the little trend setter,

he has got so grown up lately ain't he?

- I know, Chlo, I don't know where it has come from,

all of a sudden like he is telling me what to do.

- I know and me.

He thinks he is like the man now, don't he?

- Yeah, proper taken over.

- What's happening?

- Oh, my god.

- What are you saying?

- Where is the collar?

- Oh, my god.

- What are you talking about, it's tucked in, look.

- Is that the look, tucked in collar?

- It looks alright, don't it?

- Jo, you look like a raving nutcase, honestly.

You are not coming out with us dressed like that

you do know that don't ya?

Ever.

- You wouldn't be able to get in anywhere like that.

I don't even reckon they'd let you in the shop.

- What if I went to a night club,

do you reckon I'll be able to get in like this?

- No way.

- You wouldn't be able to get pie and mash

dressed like that, I think they'd be scared,

start chucking pies at your head.

[laughing]

- Right, well, you girl clearly don't know

what you are talking about, so cheers united.

[laughing]

- Please.

- You know I've loved having you guys move in.

It's been good, he is like my litter Bozo replacement.

- We've loved you, ah good.

- Makes me miss Bozo though.

- I know, are you not seeing him?

- I don't think Kirk will let me.

- Why?

- I dunno, I do not know.

- That's so out of order.

- I know, Mick sends me messages,

like with pictures and stuff,

so I get to see what he looks like.

But it just makes me sad though.

- I dunno if that's worse.

- I know cos every time I see him I'm like oh.

- I don't know if I'd want to see or not,

but yeah, like Mark always wants to see him,

and I'm just like, oh, I don't know, I wouldn't mind,

but I just feel like it's hard,

like when you break up with someone

and you've got like kids, dogs.

- Ties, Yeah, it's like custody battles.

- Baby, my little--

- What you gonna do about his name?

- I'm trying to think of names.

Sit still.

- Cause it is weird, when you're like righty.

- Yeah I know, I don't be cool

and call him babsie don't I?

- He does need a new name.

- Wrongy?

[laughing]

- Perfect name.

- Mr. Wrong, not Mr. Right.

- What's happened to the ring?

I noticed you're not wearing it.

- Yeah, I've still got it

but just at home in a little jewellery box so,

I don't really know.

What do you do with that,

like what do you do with engagement rings?

- Sell them?

- Do you?

- I don't know.

- Am I gonna get much for it?

- I don't know, depends on how much it was.

Do you think it is going to be weird at Jess's party,

though, seeing Mark?

- Yeah, probably.

It is going to be a bit strange for me just

because I have kind of distanced myself

in the last few weeks.

But, you know, I am going to go

and just be sort of kinda of polite to everyone

and just kinda keep myself to myself.

- You are just like whatever, I'm dealing with it!

It's done!

- Yeah, because it's a good thing I think,

it is about us being strong,

do you know what I mean?

You don't need Kirk, I don't need Mark.

I think we are a lot stronger than boys.

To the girls.

[cheering]

- Mark?

- What's happening?

- What's the matter?

- Nothing

- You sure?

- Yeah.

- Promise?

- Glad you asked.

- Go on, what's the matter?

- Nothing really.

- Go on, what's the matter?

- What do you think what's the matter?

- Lauren.

- You know I'm upset about things.

So obviously you know what's the matter with me,

but I got more issues than that as well.

- What?

[sighs]

- Mark, what's the matter?

- Nothing

- You sure?

- Where have you been?

- What?

- Where have you been?

- What do you mean where have I been?

- Can you sit there

and tell me you have been there for me in this break up?

- No, I haven't, not the way I should have been.

I feel like I don't have the right balance between you

and Lydia I suppose.

I'm either always with Lydia,

or I am always with you,

and I don't see Lydia and then she gets upset.

I just feel like I have got to get the balance right,

I haven't been doing that recently.

- At the end of the day,

I think you should have made that choice and said

"Lydia, right now Mark needs me

and I'm going to be there for him."

When you were upset about Lydia

and you came back from Spain,

the first person you came to was who?

- You.

- And what did I say to you?

I put my arms around you

and I told you I'd be here for ya.

And I was, you ain't, and I'm devastated Arg.

- Sorry Mark.

I promise you I will be there for you now though, yeah,

and I won't let you down any more, yeah?

- You know, sometimes I don't blame you.

I might say yeah all right you didn't understand

because they never break up,

so I'll sit here and say

"Oh yeah whatever, I'm fine

and I just wanna make her jealous when I'm out

and cause deep down in my heart

whenever anyone says to me,

"Oh you'll be back together next week."

I know I probably will be

but this time I'm moving on

and I've told ya that I'm never going back ever.

And to say it kills me.

- Come on Mark,

come on mate.

- You are probably sitting here thinking,

"Mark, what are you doing, you are exaggerating."

but I am genuinely cut up to pieces.

- No, I know.

- [Dino] How's that cleaning coming along, George?

- Yeah, getting there, mum's coming over soon,

so we have got to get a shifty on.

- [Dino] Yeah, I know what she is like.

Do you want a protein shake?

- I've bloody had four already today.

- [Dino] Have ya?

- Yeah, can't you tell?

- No, no you definitely need another one, feed the,

feed the swans.

- Fair enough.

- Fancy gyming it up later?

- Yeah hit the gym, what you fancy training?

- Right well looking at your legs,

I've seen more meat on a sparrow.

- Whatever.

- [Dino] I've seen a pigeon with a bigger chest than you.

- You might have the bulk,

but I have definitely got the looks.

- Ah I dunno, I dunno, respect your elders.

- What you playing the eight minute card again?

- Look at me I am the original article,

you are a cheap imitation of the original product.

- You were the practise before they got the perfection.

- Oi oi alright mate?

- Well nice!

- How you doing?

- Why haven't you told anyone?

- I tried to keep it under wraps really.

So what do you think?

- Reem.

- It's 0-60 in like 4.1 seconds,

it's like 485 brake horse power.

- What do you mean horse power?

- You've got little horses inside the back that turbo it.

- Really?

- No.

- Oh my god, like you know the brake,

what are they called?

Brake lights?

We got the exact same ones.

- All cars have got brake lights.

- No but like, yours are red

and mine are red.

- All lights are red.

- But they're both basically the same car though really.

- Is it reem though J?

Would you give it the reem stamp of approval?

- Yeah, definitely

- We gonna go out and get a couple of girls?

Two seater.

- You haven't got a boot have ya?

- Why would you put them in the boot?

- Well, I dunno, where else are you gonna put them?

- Boot's in the front.

Well, do you reckon you can have two girls on your lap?

- Yeah, but it will hurt wont it?

- Well, just don't an erection until we get home.

[laughing]

- Today I woke up in a new light

and I just thought

I have got to stop getting in bed at night on my own

and watching the Notebook,

driving along in the car listening to Lady in Red.

At the moment I'm driving along in the car like that.

and all the tears are falling down.

I've gotta just move on from it

but I don't wanna think about another girl.

I don't wanna text another girl.

I don't wanna have sex with another girl.

- How long?

- I'm not gonna talk to a girl for at least 14 nights.

- Oh come off it Mark.

14 days and 14 nights without being with a single girl.

We're talking texting in a romantic way.

We're talking kissing.

- Am I allowed to spank the monkey?

[laughing]

- You're not allowed to do that,

I don't think you should.

- I genuinely want to do this for myself.

- Listen Mark, I wanna support ya,

I want you to do this.

If I'm honest I don't know if you will,

and I don't think you will,

but I'm gonna support you all the way all right?

[knocking on door]

Let me get that.

- Hello Arg, I've come to get the washing.

- You're not gonna believe this.

Mark sworn to celibacy for 14 days

and 14 nights.

- No.

Oh good grief.

- Are you ready for me?

I'm a bit nervous, because I am rocking a whole new look.

- Oh shut up!

- Wow.

- What do you think?

- Amazing.

- You look absolutely beautiful.

- Stunning, the hair, the figure, look at your hips

- Them hips don't lie.

- They sure don't, what do you think about the ass.

- Oh my god, amazing.

- It's good aint it?

- Big time

- Bootie.

- Do you know what,

I'll be surprise if Mick has a second chance.

- No, I don't fancy him.

- No.

- You don't fancy him any more.

- I was like so obsessed with Mick,

I was like a bunny boiler.

I cannot believe like I was stalking him.

That weren't normal.

I just want the young fitties now!

I just feel like there is this volcano that wants to erupt

and go wild.

- Do you know who you remind me of a bit now?

- Who?

- J-Lo.

- Do I?

- Yeah, you do.

- Yeah.

- What do you think of this 14 days 14 night malarkey?

- Well.

- I can't see what is hard about it, it's two weeks.

14 days, 14 nights, surely I can keep, you know,

keep away from girls for that long.

- God help the next girl then.

- She'll be disappointed, won't she!

- You mug!

[laughing]

- God I can't believe its my birthday party.

- Already excited.

- Its gonna be good seeing everyone.

- Nanny Pat's bought a new dress.

- Good, good.

- She's gonna be swinging her hips.

- Yeah, Nanny Pat's gonna be on the dance floor.

- I just hope there's no dramas.

- There's bound to be.

If you think about it like everyone that was together

a few months ago have split up.

- God, trust you to do a party at this stage.

- I know, trust me to have my birthday on that night.

And when everyone's gonna be there for the first time.

Great.

- Oh god, but you've invited Lauren anyway haven't you?

- Yeah, like in spite of what's happened,

like the other week about me and Mark being incestuous.

- She says these things

but she really must regret it

and I just --

- Well she obviously was drunk,

which isn't acceptable.

Hopefully she's learnt from it

cause she keeps messaging me and stuff.

I did invite her to the party

cause I thought I'm gonna be the bigger person.

- I just hope that's she okay at the party,

I'm sure she will be,

I just hope she doesn't drink too much

cause that's when she gets upset and things.

I think Mark's in an emotional state at the moment

over it all

so I just think I wish they just could get on as friends.

Just hope Lauren's okay.

I'm sure she will be.

- Right, so Gem I've got another black one here

with all crystals there, another option for the party.

- I love a bit of crystallisation, don't I?

- Yeah, it looks lovely, that will look nice on you as well.

- I love it, I love it,

cause the thing is Jess's party

is going to be like a major event.

- I know, I know.

- How do you feel about Joey going?

- I really don't care.

- Don't you, you're over it?

- Yeah, if he's there, he's there, you know,

I'll always say hello and stuff, but to be honest,

like recently if ever I've seen him

he has just been a bit funny.

- Do you think he still fancies you?

- God knows.

- What will Mark do?

Do you think he's gonna

and put it on you again?

- No, that's old news.

- Would you go there --

- I recon he might you know.

- Yeah, buts that just Mark in general.

He'll put it on anyone who walks through the door

with legs and short skirt on.

- That's true.

I think Lauren has got a really great confidence now

about her and I said are you gonna get back together

with Mark and she was like, never.

And like the thing is he use to say she was fat and that.

Can you imagine if I went out with Mark right,

he'd wind my jaw up.

[laughing]

- I've just been invited to a party.

- Whose party?

- Um Jess.

- What, Mark's sister?

- Yeah.

- If Mark's gonna be there you are not going.

- Okay, but I'm friends with Jess at the end of the day,

and I won't talk to Mark.

- Yeah, you said that last time and look what happened.

So, not happening.

Why would you want to go anyway?

You are not going to miss out.

And you can stay at home and have this.

[laughing]

[upbeat club music]

[cheering]

- Happy Birthday.

- I've not been on a date in so long.

- I've given up on dates, I've totally give up.

- I've been on one nice date,

but it turned out he was a bit too short for me.

- You're really tall and you're tall, aren't you?

- Especially with heels on.

- Tonight I am going to check their shoes out first.

- Shoes is a big, big, big thing.

- It's all about the loafers.

- Gotta be tall cause we're all tall.

- Gotta be tall, can't have no

- Gotta have a good bum, a big bottom.

- Really?

I like a real man with a nice big bum.

- I've never gone out with anyone with a flat one.

- I'm excited now.

- The things is, the blokes that have got to takes us on

have got to be big and strong.

Good shoes, good personalities and know the way.

- So what do you think it's going to be like tonight?

- Looks all right.

- There's like loads of fit birds.

- Plenty of, plenty of talent tonight

- Have you checked those ones out?

How could you miss?

That's Sam Fairers.

- Yeah, I think so.

So who's that with her back to us?

- I believe that is her sister.

- Billie, is it Billie?

- She got a bit of a treasure chest on her, so yeah.

- Yeah, definitely got a treasure chest.

- Which one would ya?

- I don't know they are all very attractive girls.

- Shall we hang about here and see what happens,

see if we can like let them come to us, kinda thing?

- Well just give them the puppy dogs,

I'll give them the puppy dogs, have a few more of these,

and when they are ready to come they will come.

- So that's our game plan tonight.

Laid back, there you go, it's working, laid back, reserved.

Let them come to us.

- It's all good, it's all good.

[dancing music]

- You're all right?

- Yeah, you?

- Yeah.

Any sign of Mark?

- No, no sign of Mark.

- He's gotta come right, surely?

- I don't actually care love.

I see him or I don't see him, doesn't bother me no more.

- Do you know what?

I actually see that in you as well.

Like you genuinely seem like whatever.

You're like my little relationship guru I think now.

- Oh good, I'm glad.

Kirk is looking over here.

- He's just given me so much grief

and I think it's gone past the level of being friends

cause he's just

I think he's disrespecting me too much

to even wanna be friends with him.

I've got enough friends.

- Yeah exactly, you got me.

- Another random friend I've got you now.

- What's happening my brother?

- Alright.

- it's a bit weird in here tonight, ain't it?

- Tonight is weird, aint it?

- There is ex's going everywhere,

- I know.

- Lauren, Sam.

- You spoken to her?

- Nah, I sort of looked at her

but I didn't see her look at me once,

so she must be thinking look at that.

- Playing hard to get.

- You reckon?

- Girls are just game players mate, proper game players.

All they wanna do is fuck your mind up, play your mind up.

- Do you reckon?

It's weird, I don't know, I don't like her,

like cause obviously I've split up with her twice now.

But I've not seen her since we split up.

I've seen her once since I split up with her

but then now this is the proper time

I have seen her out.

- Honestly, tell me the truth, are you bothered about her?

Tell me the honest truth, don't lie.

- If I had to answer your question right now, I'd say yes,

but I think it's only because it's the first time

I have seen her in a few of months.

Do you know what I mean?

And I think anyone would feel like that.

But I know I treated her a bit like an idiot,

so she has got all right to tell me to fuck off.

Because I was horrible, I did get her to move in

and then chucked her out.

So I know she will have the hump,

she will have the hump with me, she will.

I'll walk up to her

and she will embarrass me in front of her friends

and say fuck off.

And I do deserve it,

but who will put themselves through that.

- Yeah, fair enough.

- What about you and Sam, did you speak to her again?

- Seriously, I don't have a clue what to do,

because I still do like Sam,

and I know she has moved on and I'm happy for her.

But we've still got a connection, we're still like

there is still stuff going on between us,

we still like look at each other

and like oh, I quite like her.

- Mad though right?

I've not been out for a while

and I come out now and everyone's ex's are out

but I've got birds looking at me,

I'm looking at girls

and I'm thinking

do I dance with a girl if Lauren's looking?

- Yeah but that's what I'm saying.

You do that, it looks like you're just trying

to wind her up someway.

- Or should we go in there now,

hit it hard, get a couple of little Richards on the firm

and just dance away.

A couple of shots.

- That's what I think.

- Yeah?

- Just go in there, get a few Richards,

"How's it going Richard?"

[whistles]

- What's going on Richard?

Richards like.

What's the name short for Richard?

Dick aint it?

- What?

- There is someone called Richard,

short for their name is Dick.

- Richard Dick.

- No, no, no.

If someone called Richard,

like someone called William, their name is Bill for short.

Its weird.

- I thought the short name is Will.

William.

- No, William Bill.

- Bill?

- Yeah and someone called Richard,

there name short is Dick.

- Honestly.

- If he calls William, you call Will

and if you call Billy, you call Bill.

- No I think it is.

If your names William,

yeah no it is.

- That's so weird.

- Weird aint it?

- Good to see ya.

- All right Mark.

- What time do you call this?

- Thank you.

Why you so late?

- I've been building up my confidence to come here.

I've been very very nervous about it.

- [Jess] You gonna talk to Lauren?

- Suppose so.

- Um Mark's here

- Aw, aw,

- Aw.

[laughing]

- I love how you just do not even a give a shit.

- I just don't give a shit.

- Happy birthday Jess.

- Thank you, see you later boys.

- See you later. - See you later.

- [Jess] Keep strong.

- Aw, look.

[laughing]

- The gruesome twosome.

- Do you think I should have come tonight?

- It's your sister birthday,

of course you should have bloody come.

- Yeah, I know that, I just look at her

and I just think fuck.

She looks like she is having fun, she is having a laugh,

and let me drink that and then I'll go over there.

- Oh hun, I need to sit down.

Oh my god, my legs are killing me, all this dancing tonight.

How are you feet, Maria?

- Sorry, I'm not trying to touch you up.

- No, that's fine help yourself.

- Hi boys.

- He's all for touching up. How you doing, all right?

- I'm good, how are you?

- Yeah, not too bad.

- What do you do?

- We do a bit of modelling, underwear stuff.

- Do you?

Have you good bodies?

- Uh, not too bad.

- Are you twins?

- Yeah

- Are you identical? - Do we not look alike?

Well, obviously one of us is better looking but.

- Is everything identical?

- Um well, I suppose you can --

- Maria, are you trying to chat these two up, honey?

Oh, my gosh, shock.

- I should hope so.

- Babe you're sweating.

- I am sweating.

I think its the Greek in us.

- How bout we work up a little sweat in here?

- Are you Greek?

You look like you've got a bit of Greek in you.

- Yeah we part Greek, part Italian.

- She'd like a bit of Greek in her.

- Have you been to Cypress?

- Yeah I have.

- Yeah what part, Napa?

- No, um Aphrodite Hills.

- Did you swim around the rock?

- If you kiss the rock

and basically I really wanted to go there,

because if you kiss it then basically you have eternal love.

- Oh right, did it work?

- I never kissed it, I couldn't swim that far.

I was exhausted.

- Should we get the arm bands on?

- Should we go and have a dance?

- Yeah, let's, let's.

- Come on, then let's party.

I can't wait to dance.

- Oh no.

- Right, let's lose the heels then we go and dance, yeah?

- I ain't losing these heels

- Let's just style this one out and have some fun,

but just don't stand too close to me.

- I feel like a beast next to you!

- A beast?

I'll be beauty yeah?

[dancing music]

- You can do this, come on do it.

- You alright, Lauren's?

- Hi.

- How you doing, you all right?

Do you mind if I have a quick chat with Lauren?

I'll literally be like 2 mins.

- You all right with that?

- Yeah.

- Hey you, you okay?

- Good you?

- Good.

- I just want to say a few things to you alright?

It is very hard for me to do,

I will never ever, ever forget the way that I loved you.

And the reason why this is so hard is

because every time we finish, which has been a lot of times,

I think we can both admit, it's like oh, there's Lauren,

let' make her jealous, or there's Lauren,

I wonder if she will come home with me tonight?

And then we end up getting back together.

But I think you'll agree with me,

and I don't think I'm the only one thinking this,

that this is it now, we both need to move on,

we both need to help each other move on,

you are the most beautiful girl in the world to me,

you always have and always will be,

I don't want you to ever feel unconfident about it,

why you laughing?

- It's just, go on.

- I am just telling you

because this is probably the last time we speak.

Alright?

Whoever you wanted to be with,

just remember that I will love you for the rest of my life.

Okay?

- Mark, it's so sad I gave it my all, I gave it everything.

- I feel like I gave you mine.

- I tried.

After everything you put me through.

It's very, very hard, but I want you to be happy,

and I want you to go out there, do what you've got to do,

live your life and be that person that you wanna be

because you have never included me in your life.

But I want you to find someone

- if you've got any interest in it.

- Yeah?

- I want to let you know that whether you care or not,

I have got no interest in finding anyone right now,

I just wanna be on my own and just find myself.

But anyway, look, it's done now, this chat,

and I love you to bits, alright.

And that will probably never ever change.

Alright?

See you.

- I've just lost quite a lot of weight

and I've still got a hell of a long way to go.

- What kind of stuff have you been doing?

- I'm doing this, I'm doing this, I'm doing bend downs,

jumping jacks, you name it, I'm doing it hun

but do you know what I mean, it's very hard.

- It's hard work, it's hard work,

have you got a personal trainer or do you do it yourself?

- I have got a trainer.

Arg, Oh my god, baby!

- I thought it was Cheryl Cole!

- Oh, I love you babe, sorry honey this is Arg.

- Nice to meet you, how you doing, you alright, you alright?

- Oh my god Arg, check out his muscles right?

- Bloody hell.

- He works out, we struggle, Arg, don't we?

- I just feel like I need to rely on someone else to come in

and be like come on, Arg, you can do it.

- You've just got to stick at it,

I mean I train six times a week,

I go kick boxing twice a week,

I play football so if you're up for it,

come and train with me, come and do it.

The only thing is right?

If you train with me, you train till you drop.

- Well there's one thing I warn ya.

I suffer with really bad asthma.

- Oh here we go.

- And I've got a bad lower back.

I know there is a six pack in there somewhere, somewhere.

It might be quite far away but there is definitely

a six pack dying to come out.

I wanna lose about four inches off the waist.

- Four inches?

- And I wanna lose about six inches

off the man boobs as well

- We are gonna get hot and sexy, Arg.

- Not too sexy, bloody hell!

[laughing]

- What's going on, is there any girls here tonight or not?

- There ain't no birds here, is there?

I saw Sam earlier, she like sort of ditched.

She sorta blanked me, I went and said hello to her,

and I went alright, and she just went,

gave me one of those dirty looks, I was like, what?

- Hello.

- Hello girls.

- Alright Sam?

- How are you, you alright?

- You look lovely.

- What's been going on, Sam?

Your hair looks nice, by the way.

- I've done dark,

- It's nice, ain't it?

It's alright, aint it, Joe?

- Yeah.

- So how have you been?

- Well, do you know what actually,

there is one thing I want to talk to you about,

you know, we ain't actually had a serious talk

about why we split up?

- Yeah, okay, well, I know what you're saying,

like when I was in Manchester I was thinking a lot

and I just thought I was never seeing you, right?

We wasn't seeing each other.

And then I just said, you know, need a bit of space,

a little break, and you was like oh, how sweet.

So was it you didn't care?

- I did care.

- You didn't try and get me back.

- No, because you basically,

pretty much you finished alright,

but you didn't come and see me,

you done it on the phone in Manchester.

That's the reason I had the hump.

- But then I said why don't you come and see me,

no, I'm not coming to see you, what's the point.

- Yeah, but that's the reason I had the hump.

Cos if I rung you up and went, by the way it's finished,

by the way I'm in Liverpool.

- Shush, I said to you on the phone,

right I can't do this on the phone,

we've got to see each other, nah, nah.

- No you did not say that.

- I said that.

- No, you didn't say that.

- Yes I did, yes I did!

- No, you said it after you'd done the whole thing.

You said, actually you know what,

forget I said anything, I'll come and see you in real life.

- Yeah, I said that to you.

- It's like me saying, it's finished, then going

oh, actually, no, I am only joking, I'll come

and see you soon, and I'll finish it here.

- You are just lying.

- Do you still love me?

- You are boring me now.

I'm really sorry.

- See you later then.

- I'm joking, see you later guys.

- What was all that about mate?

- Nothing

- That was a bit awkward, wasn't it?

- Do you fancy her still?

- I dunno, I really don't know.

- [Narrator] Next time on "The Only Way Is Essex"

Can Mark really stay celibate for a whole two weeks?

- No.

- [Narrator] Will Gemma and Arg manage to fight their flab?

- Oh I love you babe.

- I'm right in the middle of this.

- [Narrator] And will all future birthday cakes

have nipples on?

Who knows.

These people are real.

And anything can happen on "The Only Way Is Essex."