Original subtitles

- [Narrator] This programme contains flash cars,

big watches and some bare-faced cheek.

The tans you see might be fake,

but the people are all real although some of what

they do has been set up purely for your entertainment.

Previously on The Only Way Is

- Yes!

- We have heard, didn't we, that Argent has cheated on you.

- You should just sit down and tell me

straight if you're cheating on me, you cheated on me.

- No I haven't, I haven't.

- I asked Sam if she wants to be my girlfriend.

- Awe!

- And I love you as a mother and

I want everyone to support us.

- I don't see where we're doing anything wrong.

- Look at you two slobbin' around

- Shut up its mornin'.

- Put something on or what?

- So Mark when you gonna take us out on your boat then?

- Bad banter once again.

[chuckling]

- Right, its a good day,

yous two are gonna start dieting and eating properly.

- Oh, shut up.

- Right, your thighs and your whole leg,

looks like a doner kebab that's hanging on a spike

in the kebab shop.

[chuckling] You got the worst frame in Essex.

And you, you getting a bit too comfortable as well.

Look, all right.

You wanna be my bride?

- What?

- Walking down that aisle, with some

big mumma like this, right?

[laughing]

I'm not saying you're like it yet, but-

- You like big booties?

- Listen, I got a good idea.

I beat you at tennis the other day.

- Just beat me.

- [shushes] Another game, right but, let have a doubles.

Get you out,

get a little bit toned. - Doubles?

- Tone your legs and ass up.

Me and Lauren so its just you without a partner.

Lydia.

- Well, she certainly won't be coming.

But, I think I've got just the girl in mind.

[chuckling]

- I'm so excited about my party.

- I know its well exciting.

Your gonna have like a big fair in your garden.

- Its gonna be like, my last kids party.

- Do you reckon anyone's gonna show up?

- Hope so.

Will you give me a kiss?

- Yes, I can.

- You got all lip gloss on aint ya?

Can I have some on?

Is your dress playing up?

- Yeah.

[chuckles]

I'll go and get you your present.

Close your eyes though.

- They're pretty closed anyway.

The suns in my eyes. - Don't peak.

Keep them closed!

- Yeah.

- You can open your eyes.

Happy Birthday!

- Thank you so much.

- Don't smush him.

- Hello.

Oh my god I got a bull dog.

- You thinking of a name already?

- Oh my god!

I love you so much.

- Happy Birthday.

- Oh my god.

- Its cute right?

- He's got blue eyes!

- How good was glamping yesterday babes?

- I know it was go good.

Wasn't it a laugh?

- It was so fun. Weren't it?

- Yeah I got some pictures of us.

Look, there's you and Gem.

- [Amy] Its lovely.

- [Sam] Harry in his own little world as usual.

Me and you posing.

- [Amy] Good girl.

- Pink Harry.

What about when he feel back on that chair?

- And his feet was like that.

- [Both] Aww!

- [Amy] Look at the love birds.

- Me and Joey having a little cuddle at glamping.

- He's so lovely though Sam.

He's just such a nice boy,

I just think that you can talk to him about anything.

- Yeah.

- You're laughing, you're really giggling.

- Yeah.

- I just don't think you had that with Mark.

- Yeah no, not at all.

- So, next thing you know, be gettin' engaged.

- No, not yet, its been two weeks.

[giggling]

[upbeat music]

[knocking]

- Hi Chloe.

- [Chloe] Hello, come in.

- So, why am I teaching you how to do Spaghetti Bolognese?

- Basically, then I can make food for Sam.

- Awe, that so cute.

Did you get everything on my list?

- Yeah, I got mature grated cheese.

That's what you wanted, no?

- No, Parmesan, next.

What else did you get?

- I though Parmesan was a potato.

- Parmesan is the one that smells of sick.

You know in Italian restaurants, you have like normally

with a spoon or a big shaker,

it reeks of sick.

Don't matter, what else did you get?

- Burgers.

- Babes, where's the mince meat?

[footsteps]

- Hello, chicken.

- Hello.

- You alright?

- Alright.

- Yeah.

- Hows it all going?

- Good, I feel like I'm about twelve again.

- Excited?

- Can't wait.

- It feels like my last kids party I'm gonna have.

I know I'm not a kid, but.

- Twenty-three.

- Twenty-three.

Everyone wants a fun fair in their garden?

- We not gonna have any fancy food or nothin' like that?

We just have a burger bar and that.

Just like it would be at the fun fair, yeah?

- Yeah that's what I want it too look like.

- And a bar. - At a fun fair.

I can't wait, its gonna be mad.

But guess what Lola's doing with me later?

- What?

- She gonna give me spray tan.

- Oh, bloody, is she?

- Is that a bad thing?

- You do need one though mate,

especially on your party when everyone's coming to see you.

- Well that's what I wanna do.

- I was thinking about bringing somebody with me

to the party and I thought id just run it past you anyway.

- Who ya bringing with ya?

- I knew straight away you'd get defensive about it.

- I know.

- You know obviously,

I've met Chloe over these last few weeks

and I think there's just a little bit more to Chloe

than first meets the eye.

- Was it a date?!

Do you fancy her in that way?

- No, not at all.

Do you know, at the moment

I'm not even thinking like that.

- I think its filthy of you, going for a girl that young.

I really do.

- What's so bad? - I think it's disgusting.

- I don't feel fine even talking about chatting a girl up?

I'm talking about just talking to people

that are like-minded and half intelligent.

- Yeah, brilliant.

Cool, right then.

- That's what that's about.

- But that's not a problem.

But that's not the girls you need to be going for.

- I don't think there's nothing wrong with it mate.

- So, babes, did you know that Kirk is having

is twenty-third birthday, like a

fairground theme?

- What, at his house?

- Yeah.

- Oh my God, is he?

- Sorry darling, but

how old are you?

- Not being funny, but that is like a brilliant,

amazing, over-the-top thing, but that's if you're like

Justine Beiber or...

- Four, four year old.

- Or four.

- Alright, Arg?

- Alright, Amy?

- Alright. - Hello.

- Nice seeing you.

- You look lovely.

- So do you.

- Right, I really, really, really, need your help.

- Doing what?

- Me and Mark played tennis the other day.

- Okay.

- We had a really, really close game.

He beat me like just, just beat me.

It was like nicking it the whole time.

He just runs around the court like a madman

where as I'm more technically great.

The thing is, basically, he's called on

a mixed doubles match.

Him and Lauren versus me and a partner.

And things with my and Lydia at the moment,

she's not gonna be my partner so I need someone

with a bit of tennis experience.

Ie. a previous under 14s Essex Table Tennis Champion

to help me out.

Is that true?

- Very true.

How'd you find that out?

- Well, I've got a few sources.

Obviously, your mum she let me in on a few secrets.

How you used to be good in all that sort of stuff

and that you'd be here.

So, I need your help to be my partner

and help me out.

- 100%

[laughs]

Brilliant idea.

- You've got to turn up

I reckon boobs on show.

- Yes. - Ass out.

So, like basically when he's doing his serves and stuff.

- Arg, I'm not a porn star.

- I didn't say you was.

But so basically, when you're doing a shot

you should be like shaking them about a little bit.

Like putting him off and all that sort of stuff.

- I'll do that anyway, you know what I mean?

We're gonna smash this, you know that?

- I'll see you in a bit.

- Alright.

- Thank you so much.

- Love you lots.

- Alright, see you later.

[door closing]

- Random.

- Awkward.

[Sam laughs]

- When he walked in, for a minute

I thought he was gonna say something to me

about everything. - Yeah.

- And that he'd spoken to Lydia.

But he just completely ignored me.

- Yeah. - He's like,

I need you with your boobs out looking all lovely

and glam and whatever else. - Yeah.

- I'm not being funny, like as much as I like Arg,

isn't he trying, maybe trying to get back with Lydia?

[upbeat music]

[phone ringing]

- Gemma Collins, New York, Paris, Milan, and Rome?

- Hello, Gemma.

It's Kirk.

- I knew it was you.

How are you?

- I'm very good, thank you, you?

- Very good, darling.

What do I owe the pleasure of this phone call?

- Well, I'm just doing the rounds.

I'm having me birthday soon

and I wanted to invite you to it.

It's gonna be in the garden.

It's gonna be like a fun fair, circus sort of

themed party.

- Lovely, well I'll have a go on the Bucking Bronco.

[laughs]

Mick gonna be there?

- Yes, he's gonna be there.

- Brilliant.

I can't wait, Kirk.

I don't know if you know this about me,

but I do like tarot readings.

- You can't, can ya?

- Yeah, at birth my mum like gave me the gift.

It like come out of her ninny and went into my blood

and basically, [laughs]

basically, yeah, I have got a bit of a talent there.

So, I can definitely do it.

- So, you can be Lady Gemma Rose The Gypsy

for the day, couldn't ya?

- Yeah.

Gemma Rose Gypsy Lee is here to read your fortune.

- It's brilliant.

That'd be brilliant if you could do that for me.

- Are you feeling it?

- I'm feeling it babe.

I'm always feeling it when I'm on the phone to you.

- [Chloe] I think that's enough.

Joey!

- [Joe] I'm sorry.

- That's meant to last like a whole year.

No one's put, not even the Italians put

that much in.

- Well it's all bit stuck, shit.

- Take the pan and put it on one of the hobs

that's not on.

- Oh, shit.

Wow. - Shit.

Minute by minute, I'm not looking forward to this.

[knocking]

- Who's that?

- Dunno.

- Boris?

- Soon, find out. - Baris?

I mean, Basil?

- Oh, hello, come in.

- How you doing?

- I'm alright.

- You alright?

- Yeah. - Hi, Mick.

- Cool thanks. - Smell good in here.

You alright, Joey?

- Yeah, it's a funny day to come.

Joey's absolutely mullered my kitchen.

- Oh my God, are you cooking Joey?

- Yeah.

- Done really well, mate.

- Looking forward to tasting it.

- I bet you are.

You look lovely today, anyway.

- Thank you.

- We're having a birthday party

for Kirk's twenty third birthday party.

And obviously, we've been having a little chat

and getting to know each other and I just wondered,

would you like to come with me to the party?

Have a chat with me there and we'll see how we get on.

- Has Kirk invited me though?

- No, it's for me to invite.

I've asked Kirk if it's alright if you're gonna come

and he's cool with that, so.

- Are you sure?

- I'm positive.

100%.

- Yeah, I'd love that.

- Alright then. - Cool, yeah.

- I look forward to it.

- Okay.

- Alright, I thought I'd pop around just to talk about

everything that's going on at the moment.

Seems like there's a tension between

you and Lauren and me and whatever else.

It's almost like one of yous done something

to the other one, like to hate each other.

- We don't say one word to Lauren that's bad.

She's the one who's been smug towards us, like.

- When she turned 'round to you and went,

"Well see I don't think Mark's that close to you."

To be fair, me and you,

have we ever gone out to lunch or gone out to dinner

or seen each other?

You were making a point to her that she's taken me

away from you.

That's what it seems like.

But to be fair--

- It's true, you don't Mark.

When you're with her, you hate me.

When you're not with her,

you're buddy and chummy with me.

- That is such a lie! - That's not a lie.

It's not a lie.

- But have I ever been out to dinner with you?

Lunch or for a drink?

- Yeah!

You have.

- Name one place.

- Loads of times.

You always come out. - Name one place

I've been to dinner or a drink with you.

- Mark, you are a different person when you're with her.

- Right, you're now being brainwashed.

- I don't see you.

What I'm trying to say to you,

I don't see you any less now back with her

than I did before.

- Yes, you do.

Yes, you do. - How?

- You do.

- How can you even say?

Last week, I went to the Indian with you.

But also my mates--

Can I just speak?

- Can we go back to the Indian?

- Can I speak for a minute?

- I was sitting next to you, what did I have to do?

I had to get out of my seat and have her sit next to you.

That is sad.

I'm your mum. - Lauren wanted

to sit next to me.

Your main reason, right, you've never

and this is a famous sound, I've heard it

on a film before, mums are normally jealous

of their boy, their son, being close to another female.

- No. - It is that.

It's gotta be that.

That's gotta come into it.

Well, I'm answering the question.

Okay, I'm answering the question why.

- Never, ever.

Listen. - No one's ever good enough.

- More so the other way around.

- Can't believe you just said that.

- Lauren's jealous of the situation of you

being with her sister and your mum.

- She knows, or thinks, that yous everyday sit there

and think, "We don't want our son and our brother

"to be with Lauren."

- I hope that you two get married

and happily together and finally you can prove

to us lot that you really mean it this time.

- Alright.

- [Jessica] That where I hope it goes.

- I want you all to start getting on cause

I love my family.

I need that.

- I'm nothing but pleasant to Lauren when I see her.

- I need, I love my family.

I need my girlfriend, fiance or wife to be close.

If it ain't it don't work for me.

Alright, I'm going.

I'll see yous later on.

[theme music]

[motivating music]

You ready to be beat or what?

- You've got no chance.

- Right, this is a serious game, yeah?

No lipstick talk.

Nails talk and all that.

This is a serious game.

- Amy, I heard you was table tennis champion of the year.

- Under 14s Essex Table Tennis Champion of the year.

- You still, will never beat me at another sport.

And this time, I'm gonna beat you whilst your dressed

as a big fat banana.

- I tell you what, why don't do forfeits.

Your forfeit, is if you lose Mark, right

you have to go to Kirk's party

for a minute and run 'round streakin'.

Run 'round the rides and the whole fair.

No backing out.

- Alright, that's irrelevant cause I'm not gonna lose.

Yours one, you've got to dress like a bird

wig, everything, the outfit is a bra and a mini skirt.

Alright?

So you can cover your asshole but

you've got a bra on and just a mini skirt, hair

and Amy, has to do a full face of makeup on you.

- Brilliant idea.

- Alright?

- We're not gonna lose though, are we?

- We're not gonna lose so I don't give a shit.

- Come on, let's go.

- Come on then Amy.

- I like your dress by the way, Lauren.

- Oh, thanks!

[footsteps]

- Hey Luc!

- Hi Lyds.

- How are you? - Hi.

How are you?

- I've been good.

What you been up to anyway?

Just work and stuff.

What about you?

You didn't sound yourself, the last few times

I've seen you.

- I know.

Nothing.

Nothing serious, though.

- Oh Lyds!

What's wrong?

- I can't even talk about it.

Let's just talk about something else.

- No, don't you dare go changing the subject.

- No, I don't want to talk about it.

- Tell me. - I'm so embarrassed.

I'm so, so embarrassed.

- Honestly, you've got nothing to be embarrassed

about to me.

- I went out the other night with

like Ellen and the girls.

And James was there.

- Oh, Lyd what did you do?

I think I can guess.

- And I had a drink.

I'm so embarrassed.

- Did you kiss him? - I had a drink

and then he ended up staying the night.

- Oh, Lyd.

Don't worry like it's not like we haven't all done it, but

what did you think when you woke up?

- Well, I'm confused.

I'm hurt.

I'm still in love and

I was like, "I'm embarrassed like."

- Did you say that to him?

- Yeah, I was like, "I'm so embarrassed, like

"this doesn't mean that you've got me back.

"This doesn't mean that I've forgotten about everything."

- You know when we spoke the other day,

about all the rumours about him cheating on you

and stuff, and you went to go meet him,

did you actually get to the bottom of what's the truth?

Did he cheat on you?

Has he been cheating on you?

- Well, I confronted him and

he gave me whole like puppy eye like,

"Oh, Lydia.

"No, I promise.

"I love you, I wouldn't do that."

But, then--

- So do you buy it or not?

- No, cause I've heard it so many times before.

- Try and get to the bottom of how you,

if you actually want to be with him

before you do something like this again.

Cause I don't think you want to be with him right now.

- No.

I can't.

[triumphant music]

- [Arg] Here we go!

[ball hitting racket]

[giggling]

- No!

It's out of there!

You big banana, that's out of there!

[laughing]

Love, 30!

[ball hitting racket]

- Leave it!

- Out!

- Yes, it's out!

- It's out.

Oh my Lord, are you joking?

- That's bullshit!

- [Mark] Love, 40!

[ball hitting racket]

- Oh, shit.

[Amy moaning]

- Oh, shit.

- [Lauren] Oh, Mark.

- Out.

- Ah, shit so close.

- Yes!

- Game!

Marky Wrights!

Game, one-nil.

[hands clap]

- Bon appetit.

[chewing]

[giggling]

- So what do you actually feel about Mick, yeah?

Do you like him?

- I think he's a handsome guy

and like when I've spent time and had conversations with him

like he's quite, like, he's a little bit protective.

You know, that can't do enough for me.

But, feel a little bit dark on Gemma

because like, she told me she really likes him.

Like, I know she really likes him.

She said that's her dream man

and at this moment in time, I wouldn't say that

he's my dream man, so I feel like

I'm squashing in the shit a little bit.

- That's major squashing right there.

Do you know what? - I'm not doing it

in a mean way.

- This is what I think of you and Mick, alright?

I think yous should both go to the thing together,

which is right 'cause he's nice.

He's not said this is like, "Oh I want to get with you,"

has he?

- No.

Speaking about squashing shit.

I didn't think it was possible to make

Spaghetti Bolognese this bad, Joe.

Totally gonna have the shits later.

[laughing]

- Right, remember what I said, yeah?

Flirty dirty tactics, okay?

Use your boobs.

Use your ass.

Just come on, flirt.

Do it.

[cheerful music]

- I dropped my racket!

Sorry.

- Leave it!

Leave it.

- Yeah! - Yes.

[Amy screams]

- [Arg] We won a point, Amy.

- That's the first I've hit the net

and do you know what it is?

You've knocked me over.

You knocked my confidence, once again.

- You shouldn't have hit that.

- Once again, just like your family.

- [Arg] Stop arguing you two.

[ball hitting rackets]

[Amy moans]

[Arg giggling]

- Yes!

- Come on, Argent!

Hurry up!

- One all!

Next game wins.

- Amy's serve.

[ball hitting racket]

- Oh, sorry.

- [Mark] Out, out!

- Yes!

- That was in!

- It was out.

- Are you a fucking idiot, or what?

- Ace, ace!

You got aced.

- Stop being annoying.

- [Arg] Do a dance, Amy.

- You know it.

You know it.

- [Lauren] I'm scared to go near it

in case you have a go at me.

- [Arg] Match point, Argent and Childs.

Let's do this.

[ball hitting rackets]

- Go on, Amy please.

Yes!

And again!

Oh my God.

Yes!

[Arg and Amy scream]

- Are you joking?

- Hang on, she ain't hit it yet.

- Yes!

You have to play again.

That's tennis.

- Those aren't the rules.

- [Lauren] Are you joking?

- [Mark] Google it right now.

- We won, fair and square.

That's the rules, Mark Wright.

Amy, you tell him his forfeit at Kirk's party, please.

- Your forfeit at Kirks birthday party,

you got to be streaking for ten minutes.

- One minute.

Thanks for the game.

Thanks for turning up

It's been a nice occasion.

I'll see you soon.

- You left that one, "I thought it was going in?"

- Do you know why?

Do you know why?

Do you know why?

No, come here do you know why?

- [Lauren Popey] You ready?

- [Kirk] Do I have to do this all the time

if I want to be your boyfriend?

- [Lauren Popey] Yes.

- [Kirk] Try shaking him at the same time.

[spraying]

- [Lauren Popey] See how nice its come out there.

You gettin' choked?

[coughing]

- It's brown!

Actually it feels pretty good, doesn't it?

- What's going on now?

- Oh, man thought something was going on here.

- Full tan session.

- Yeah, that looks good.

- Doesn't it, it looks nice.

- Is that out of a tin?

- Yeah.

- She's having a little pop at you about

being white about being white.

Looks a lot better.

- Oh, no I still don't think it does.

I like the way I look.

- No, it does.

It's a lot better.

- You're now not the whitest person in Essex, quite.

- Fucking David Dickerson, aren't I?

[laughing]

- James?

James!

- Debby!

- Yes.

I need to speak to you, James.

I need to speak to you.

- What's that?

- Well, there's some rumours going around.

My daughter, is absolutely devastated.

She's been crying in bed.

She's not eating.

She doesn't want to go outside the door.

Because somebody has told her that something's going on.

But is there any truth to these rumours?

- No, there's no truth whatsoever.

- But why would people do that, James?

- Cause people talk, Deb.

You know what Essex is like.

- Yeah, I know, love.

I do what it is.

The whole world's like that.

But this is a little bit different to that

because these people in particular,

are extremely close to you.

- [Arg] Yeah, I know.

- So I don't see the reason, at all,

why they would want to spread something.

- I don't know.

Maybe when I'm out cause I'm quite bubbly.

And, I don't know.

- Well, James I'm very like that.

I'm very bubbly and outgoing, but nobody's

spreading rumours about me sleeping with somebody.

- We, we as in me, you, and Lydia,

have to get to the bottom of this.

- I'll make sure it gets sorted out.

- Well, you do that James, right?

No, I'm not.

- Give me a kiss.

[sighs]

[theme music]

[playful music]

- Oh my God.

It's amazing.

Even got a Buckin' Bronco!

- Hey, how are you?

[laughing]

- Gem.

- Mick, you alright?

- You alright?

It all going alright?

- Yeah, really good.

- Yeah?

- Hope to have a good day and that for Kirk today.

How you been, alright?

- Yeah, I'm alright babe.

Yeah not too bad.

- Good.

I love it when you call me, babe, Mick.

- Yeah?

You're a bit of a babe now, ain't ya?

- Well, thanks Mick.

- So what you actually gonna be doing in the tent?

- Basically, well as you know, I've got this

psychic powers, Mick.

- Right.

- And anyone that wants to come and know

their fortune, they can.

- Wouldn't mind a little psychic reading

and see where it's at.

- There's a sign for you there, Mick, "engaged".

That's gonna be me and you.

[laughing]

- Just give me a minute, yeah?

Chloe's here, two seconds.

See you in a minute.

Chloe.

- Hello.

- Looking lovely, you alright?

- Fine. - Yeah, you alright?

- [Chloe] You look so good.

Well, excited.

- You look lovely today.

Really nice.

- Aw, thank you.

- Gonna have your fortune read later on?

- I don't know about doing it with someone that

kind of knows me and probably doesn't like me, now.

- Oh, really?

Think it's like that.

- I don't know.

I would like to think not, but

you know what girls are like.

She might be a little bit, like

pissed off just cause you walked off and left her.

- Yeah, she did seem a bit put out

when I walked over here, but shit happens doesn't it?

- Maria!

[laughing]

- [Lauren] It worked!

- This must be the first time you've seen him since

he stayed over.

- Yeah.

- Has he come over to you?

- No.

[jeering]

- So he spent the night at yours,

and he doesn't even come over?

- He hasn't come over.

- Yeah, go on Arg.

- Oh Lyds, look it's Arg up next.

- Yeah, he's not gonna do it, is he, to be fair?

- Go Arg! - Debbie!

[banging on metal mechanism]

[laughing]

- [Chloe] Hey-a, you alright?

- You alright, Chlo?

Yeah, you?

- Yes.

- You enjoying today?

- Yes, I loved it.

Really good.

- Alright, lets see what the cards say.

[people chattering outside]

Right.

Okay.

I don't see any immediate romance.

I really don't.

But there's definitely interest around you, okay?

It's very short-term, it's not long-term, okay?

This is what the cards are telling me.

- [Chloe] Are you talking about Mick?

- Are you in love with Mick?

- [Chloe] I'm not in love with him, no.

He did invite me, today.

- Did he?

- Yeah, he's lovely but I dunno.

- I think that basically, like you'll have fun

with Mick, but there might be no longevity with it, okay?

[giggling]

- Yeah, it's such a nice day.

We should have done more of the rides.

- I know.

- God, these stupid babes.

- Right.

Well, come on.

There's something really wrong, isn't there?

- I dunno, Leah.

I had a nightmare with him, to be honest, my brother.

- You sounded upset on the phone.

- He's just been really horrible.

He come 'round today and he said to my mum and me,

"Maybe she's right.

"Maybe we're not that close."

- What did you mum say when he said something like that?

- She was devastated.

She just looked at me, as if to day, "What the hell

"has happened to our son, like my son,

"and what is going on?"

Why did he say that?

He doesn't mean that.

We'd die for each other.

I would die for Mark.

I'm absolutely devastated.

I'm fighting away tears all day long.

I don't want him to come near me.

If he comes near me, I swear on my life, Leah,

I would say to him, "I don't want to talk to you.

"Go away.

"When it ends up sour, don't come crying to me.

"And if it ends up good, fine."

Happy for them.

[bouncy music]

[squealing]

- I don't know if I want to do that streaking, Arg.

- You've gotta.

- I don't know if I want to do it.

- You've got to.

If I lost that game of tennis, you listening?

If I lost that game of tennis, you'd be seeing me here

wearing that dress.

- You like doing stupid things like that.

- No I don't! - You like singing

and doing all gay stuff like that.

- What's singing got to do with dressed up as a woman?

- Well, you know, you like being on show

and doing that sort of thing.

- So do you.

- What you're saying is you want me to run butt naked?

- You're the most confident boy I know.

- If it was something like better,

like I had to ride the rodeo bull naked,

I wouldn't mind.

[laughing]

If I've got to run through naked, it's bait, isn't it?

Everyone's gonna be like, "What the fuck's he doing?"

- That's the whole point.

It's not for your actually choice, it's a forfeit.

It's a dare.

- Relationships based on trust.

If you haven't got trust, there's no point

being in the relationship.

- Yeah, that is what I think.

If you can't trust that person, it's never gonna work.

- Yeah.

- You just know there's something in your head

tellin' you.

- You try to trust them but you can't.

- When you've got a boyfriend that gets in the shower

or leaves the bedroom, leaves their phone there

things like that, that's when you know

you can trust them.

- I remember, the other day while at Mark's house,

I took James' phone, like just took it into the bathroom.

He nearly smashed down the door.

- [Lucy] That's a sign.

- [Lydia] I swear on my life.

I didn't even get a chance to look at it

because I thought he was gonna smash down the door.

- Have you spoke to Lydia?

- No, ain't really had a chance to chat, to be honest.

- How's it going with yous anyway?

- I dunno, it's weird.

There's been accusations of me like cheatin' on her.

Rumours and all that.

Well, I mean, it's weird you know, like

Sam and Billie, they've been proper offish with me recently,

and all of a sudden, they're proper close with Lydia.

Like, it wouldn't surprise me if they're the ones

that sort of started the rumours or its come from

them or something.

But I can't understand, Mark,

cause Billie and Sam they're my mates.

They used to be my best friends,

and now they won't talk to me.

- Girls, mate.

Girls stick together you gotta learn that.

You can't trust no one, mate.

Especially girls, trust me.

- Lyd!

Lyd, Lyd, Lyd.

Are you liking single life?

- Well, it's not been very long has it?

It's only been...

- But you're single, ready to mingle?

- [Billie] Yeah.

- Are you?

- I'm not ready to mingle but I'm ready to be single.

[Arg stammers]

- I know it's only a game of tennis, but we had such

a laugh, me and Amy, you and Lauren.

- You were smiling for once.

- I mean, I've had three minutes of fun.

Like three minutes of a laugh with you and Lauren

and Amy, it's been more fun than the last, you know

three weeks.

- You're just friends with Amy, ain't ya?

You don't look at her in any other way?

- No.

I don't think it's anything like that.

- Would ya?

- What would I bang her?

- Yeah.

- She's attractive, so yeah I probably would

sleep with her.

- Hey, my man.

- You alright, son?

- Yeah, honestly it's been amazing.

- Enjoyed it?

- Yeah.

- You've done well putting all this together,

with your dad's help of course.

- Thank you very much for your help.

- It's alright.

- No, honestly, it's been mad.

Everyone's had a good time.

- Alright, give me a minute.

I'm gonna talk to Chloe, alright?

- Alright then mate, see you in a bit.

- See you in a bit.

- See you man.

- Hey babe, here you go.

- Hello.

- You alright, sweetheart? - Thank you.

- You having a good time?

- I've had a great time, loved it.

- Anyway, it was really nice to get to know you a bit better

today.

Cause I haven't really got to know you that well.

- No.

- And sometimes it's nice to have somebody

that you can talk to and bounce off and

you know, have like mindedness really.

- Yeah, yeah.

- I don't really, I never confide in no one.

- Yeah, I know what you mean.

- Sometimes I might need to bounce off someone.

- Yeah, I think when you get older

you start realising, like, how many real friends

you've actually got and like, who you can trust.

- And when I've got to find out that you had

a daughter.

- Yeah.

- Obviously you're a mum and everything else,

it gave me another perspective on you as a person.

- Yeah, a lot of people like that.

Definitely.

- What's it like being a mum?

Do you enjoy being a mum?

- Yeah, to be fair, it has really changed me.

Like, from a young kid.

Teenage years.

I was a bit of a nightmare.

- Oh, was ya?

- Yeah. - A terror, eh?

- Yeah.

- Your poor dad.

- I was a little rascal.

[laughing]

- [Gemma] I need you to shuffle the cards.

- [Lydia] Yep.

- And pick five.

Let's see darling what they're gonna say.

Okay.

- Oh, don't scare me.

- There's a new man coming in for you, Lydia.

- Is there?

What, the prince of cups?

- He's coming in.

- [Lydia] No way, really?

- It's not Arg.

- [Lydia] It's not Arg?

- No.

- So what does it say for him to get in?

- Right, at the minute, where you are,

you've taken about all much that you can take, okay?

You're gonna find something out

that you're not gonna like.

Okay?

It's gonna piss you right off.

This man's not too far away, Lydia.

I'm telling you now, he's not far.

- I feel like I need someone to get me over Arg.

I need someone to wow me.

To make me realise how shit it actually is with James

cause I don't think I honestly,

believe how bad it is.

I need somebody to take me out and wine and dine me

for me for be like "Oh my God.

"What am I doing with this prick?"

[giggling]

[cheering]

[clapping]

[screaming]

- Kirk has pushed the boat out this time.

- [Billie] It's a really, really good party.

- Hey ladies.

- Arg!

- Hello.

- You alright?

- How are you?

You okay?

- Yeah, I'm alright.

I just want to get this off my chest, so it's done

and dusted and hopefully won't have to bring it up again.

Basically, I met Lydia the other day,

she asked to meet me and she basically turned around

and said that there's been rumours that I've been

cheating on her.

She just basically said that someone really close to me

has told her, or at least said to her that there

are rumours about me.

So, I mean, I don't know if you two agree,

but I feel that, you two have been a little offish

with me recently and I know how close you've been to Lydia,

so I've sort of put two and two together

and I'm presuming that possibly,

not saying you started the rumours, but--

- No, we've just said...

- We sort of heard a couple of things.

- I don't, maybe I've got this wrong,

but I'm assumed that you're a lot closer

to me than you are to Lydia.

- Yeah, well I am closer to you, but when you're sitting

in a bar and you're sitting there nearly crying

your eyes out because of how much she loves you.

- Now, listen I'm not trying to make out that

I'm all innocent in all this.

Like, I have made mistakes.

And I have done things that are wrong, right?

- What are the wrong things?

- Well, I have gone on nights out

where we've had an argument.

There have been after parties with girls

being there and stuff like that.

Not necessarily that I've done anything with the girls.

But it obviously it shows a lack of respect

and that's obviously how rumours gonna get started.

- It's so embarrassing. - Listen to me.

A minute, can I speak?

I've got to do this, yeah?

I don't want to do it.

I'm freezing me nuts off.

I ain't shaved me chest and I don't really want to run

through crowd naked, but it's a bet.

Boys don't let people down on bets.

- You get told what to do.

You're gonna run across naked like a complete mug,

once again.

- Listen.

- Once again, Mark's got his willy out.

Right.

- What are you talking?

[laughing]

- Alright, go on and do it then.

- Hold that.

Hold that.

[scoffs]

- What am I engaged to?

[laughing]

- Arg, we're not being bitchy.

We're not being shit stirrers now.

But we genuinely have heard rumours.

- If anyone was to come forward and say

you have with this person, at that place, that time,

then fair enough but that's not the case, Sam.

It's rumours.

- Well, apparently...

I don't even want to say it.

All I can say is it's disgusting.

- Go on.

- Apparently you had sex...

I can't do this.

- It's not me!

It's not me, Billie.

- There's no smoke without fire, Arg.

You need to be truthful.

You obviously not gonna be are you?

- I might be late Argent,

but I don't back out of a bet!

[laughing]

[clapping]

Happy Birthday, Kirk!

- [Sam] I don't think it's funny one bit.

- [Billie] No.

- [Narrator] Next time on The Only Way Is Essex.

Is love on the cards for Mick and Chloe?

[screaming]

Will Arg carry on dodging the rumours?

- You need to be truthful.

You're obviously not gonna be, are you?

- [Narrator] And will Joey cook up a storm for Sam?

- Totally gonna have the shits later.

- [Narrator] Who knows?

These people are real and anything can happen on

The Only Way Is Essex.