Original subtitles

- [Narrator] This programme contains flash cars,

big watches, and glamping.

The tans you see might be fake, but the people are all real

although some of what they do has been set up

purely for your entertainment.

Previously on The Only Way is Essex.

[Mark laughing]

- I feel like I want to move on but

I can't.

- You gotta let go now.

I'm back with Lauren.

- How are you and Arg?

- Well we're like on talking terms but...

- I think that because he thinks that you lot don't like me.

- I never open up about this girl.

- Aw.

- Why am I doing that?

- What is wrong with you?

[ball hitting rackets]

[upbeat swing music]

[laughing]

- Oh no!

- Yes.

Maybe one day.

Maybe one day you'll find a sport to beat me at.

- Least you won't be crying that you lost

like you did at the wedding though.

[laughing]

- Mate, don't remind me.

Awkward before though cause I was sitting there

reading my speech,

Sam walked in, and like wanted a chat.

And she just kept saying like "Just tell me how you feel."

And I was going, "I'm gonna marry Lauren.

"I love Lauren," like that's how I feel.

- I mean, it's hard.

I know at the moment how I'm feeling with the Lydia stuff.

Sometimes you don't really want to accept things are over so

maybe when you know that someone don't love you back

or don't want you, it's hard to take.

- But Arg, what makes you think Lydia doesn't love you?

Right, listen.

The girls have got to realise sometimes that

you come out of the honeymoon period

and you want to start being with your friends again.

And now, it's like you're finding your own feet

you're enjoying hanging around with me,

she's just being too harsh on you.

[upbeat rock music]

[dog barking]

[car door slams]

- Reem.

[car beeps]

Bloody hell, this room is reem.

- Thanks, mate.

Sit over there, mate.

How you doin', you alright?

- Yeah, good.

- How you feeling after last night?

Got a hangover?

- Yeah, a little bit.

Did you take Sam home?

- Yeah, I went home with her, yeah.

- What, home to her house?

- Yeah, of course.

- Yeah?

Nice.

- She got her own place?

- Nah, she lives with her mum and her dad.

- Did you have to be quiet?

[laughing]

- Anyway. What can we do for ya?

- Basically I'm here today to talk about obviously the club.

And I've been promotin' up in London like

doing London clubs and proper smashing it.

Like, proper getting full-out.

Making people happy, obviously, in the club,

and getting big crowds to clubs and stuff

and I was thinking,

I want to start trying to getting obviously

the Essex crowd when I'm already attracting them

to London clubs down to your club.

I'm gonna call it Reem Parties,

but I want to establish it.

I was to establish it in a good, good venue,

good club.

I want to be the face of one of your nights.

And that's why I've come here today

to see if it would be possible.

- Definitely. - Sounds right.

What else have you done Joey, work wise?

- I used to work down Billingsgate fish market.

- Did ya?

Bet they're early mornings, ain't they?

- Yeah, but I hated it down there.

It stunk.

I hated coming back in the morning.

- What did you have to do there?

What would you do?

Portering or something?

- Yeah, no I was the shop boy.

I was sacked in the end, cause I used to go in the freezers

and when I used to go on the sun beds

my lips used to like, swell up.

- You go on the sun beds, do ya?

- Yeah and they sacked me, like.

- Did they?

Cause your lips swelled up? - Yeah.

[laughing]

- That's a bit uncaring ain't it?

So you moved onto club partying, that's your thing is it?

- Yeah.

- Actually heard about you from 'round here.

Like, he's done some good night in London.

- Yeah?

Yeah, I'll do a bit of maths over it

and we'll have a little chat that

and then we'll give you a call.

But I mean, on the basis of what we're just spoke about

I think we've got something going forward.

- Yeah.

- Put it there, well done.

- We were just sitting there have our pictures

and all of a sudden, we heard.

[clicking tongue]

And everyone looked, and all of a sudden, I just saw

Arg like

and Mark just standing there like that.

- Oh my God.

Poor horse.

[laughing]

- Well, Mark's like crying.

Got all emotional doing his speech.

- He didn't? - Yeah.

It was so funny, right?

He was like, "I love this girl so much,

"I really, really, love her."

And everyone was like, "Aw."

And I was like, "My gosh, that Mark is being

"really emotional."

And he's like, "I really love her.

"I've shagged cigar models in Miami."

And I was like, "Oh Mark is back in the room!"

[laughing]

- Oh my God.

- It was a good night.

Really, really good night.

Jess and James, they got up and they sang a song

which was very nice.

- That make you sad?

- Yeah it was, it was a bit sad.

- You didn't talk to him?

- No.

C'est la vie.

- What does that mean?

- That means,

"That's life," in French.

[Mark sighs]

- You alright?

- Alright.

- What's happening?

- Where you been?

- Where do you think?

Do I wear this on day out?

[chuckles]

- Yeah.

Yeah.

- Been playing Arg at tennis

or should I say thrashing him at tennis?

- Who won, you?

- Come one, who od you think?

- So, I just wanted to have a chat with you

just because obviously need to know what's going on

and stuff with the agency?

- You've ain't got nothing to worry about.

I'm not gonna have Sam working for me.

I've realised it's the wrong choice.

I love you, that's all you need to know.

You're just gotta stop doubting me now.

- To be honest with you, if you do wanna do this

and if you want me to be behind you on it

I think I need to get involved in it.

- That's not gonna happen babe.

It's call the Wright Look anyway

so when you're a Wright

then you might be at a chance of working for me.

- That's fine, I don't wanna be a Wright, with your family.

- You shouldn't have said that.

- Jessica said that,

"I wanna know why my brother don't want us

"to come and see him, come near me

"when you're back with him."

Your mom said, "I just want my son back.

"You're taking my son away."

And all this, and I went "Hang on a minute."

- She actually said that?

- Yeah.

I don't know what they want.

I don't know what they want from you.

Like do they want you to sit there

and do knitting with them?

I don't understand what they want.

You're not 12 anymore.

They've got to let go.

[Mark sighs]

- Lauren, what are you talking about?

- That's the thing, I completely understand.

- When you was 18 years of age,

you used to cry to her and say,

"He's done this." - I didn't.

'Cause you were sitting up at four in the morning.

- Okay, I've seen texts.

Yous used to text her when we weren't together.

Don't start cause, I'll just say it all, alright?

- I haven't.

- You have.

I've seen text you're sent saying,

"Carol, I'm in bits.

"Has he said anything about me?"

- You're just being out of order now.

Cause you've, if anything,

this is where me and you won't last

because they will come between us.

- All I'm making,

all I'm making the point is there's been stages

when everyone in the world who knows us

would say, "Mark and Lauren are definitely

"not right for each other."

When we're at each others throat, when we hate each other,

when we used to split up when we was younger, right?

Then we expect them to turn around.

Oh, well we're happy again now.

Can you be happy about it?

Yes, I think they should support us more

but what I'm trying to say is I was you to have a chat

with my mum and say, "Look Carol,

"I want us all to get along."

They are a big part of my life

and you being close to them is a very big thing for me.

If you're not close to them it's a problem.

[upbeat music]

[phone ringing]

- Yo, yo, yo, yo, my name is Joe.

Hello?

[laughs]

What's going on, you alright?

- I'm just out with my sister.

- Yeah, what you doing?

- Well, I'm ringing you up because I wanna take you

on an adventure, like you took me on one.

- What sort of adventure?

- Well, I've actually got a really good idea.

I think we should go glamping.

- What's glamping?

- What, you don't know what glamping is?

- No, what's glamping?

Never heard it in my life.

- It's like glamorous camping.

So, like being all glam, like we are

and then we go camping.

- [Joe] Camping?

- No, with a "G", glamping.

Yeah?

So, shall we do it?

[laughing]

- Yeah, of course.

So we're gonna share the same tent, yeah?

- Yeah.

Yeah, we get to share a tent.

[laughing]

- Yeah, and the same sleeping bag?

- If you're lucky.

- Yeah?

Yes!

- Hey, girls.

- Hello.

- Hello. - Hello.

- I haven't seen you in ages. - How are you though?

- You okay? - Yeah, good thank you.

- How are you girls?

- Good.

- I haven't spoke to you since the whole Joey--

- No, I haven't seen you, yeah.

- How is it?

- Well, I'm not looking for like a serious relationship,

so it's just like

enjoying each others company. - You're just having fun.

- Just some fun.

- Yeah.

- He makes us laugh, doesn't he?

- Yeah, he's so funny.

- He's hilarious.

- He's hilarious.

So yeah, no, it's cool and then

although I felt a bit sorry for him yesterday

cause I spoke to Mark and that

then we left together. - I'm just gonna

go to the toilet. - Okay.

- Okay, then.

See you in a minute.

Yeah, so I was a bit like when we left the party

I felt a bit sorry for him

cause I just thought "Aw..."

- He's alright.

- [Sam] Yeah, he'll be fine.

- It's only a party.

I feel so sorry for Lyds.

- Oh, yeah.

- She's like trying to convince herself she's happy,

but she's not really, like when I'm sitting

talking to her she's really seem like it.

- Does Lydia think that,

does Lydia thing that Arg is faithful?

- He doesn't seem like that sort of boy.

- I like Arg, I'm not saying this being mean

but, you know, things that we've heard about him,

that he's cheated on her and this and that,

that's he's nasty to her like I don't know if Lydia--

- Who says he's cheating?

- Just like,

I dunno.

A few people have.

- Just like rumours in Essex do you know what I mean?

- Do you think it's got enough truth to tell her though?

Does it have enough backbone to it?

- Well, I don't know.

I think we should be her friends though.

I know that if I was in her situation...

- [Billie] I would want to know.

- I would want to know.

- [Sam] And we're sitting here talking about it

you'd want to know.

[theme music]

- Do you think I should tell her?

- I think we should.

Not, I think we should like --

Hello.

- Girls.

Sorry about that.

[silverware clinking]

- So, back to what you were saying about Arg.

- Oh, what?

- Are things not good?

- Not good at all.

- We were saying, we haven't really spoken to you,

I don't think we know what's going on.

I just know that you two at the moment

are going through a really bad stage.

- Do you actually trust him?

- No, I don't think I do.

- We have sort of heard, haven't we,

that Argent has cheated on you.

- Oh, right.

- But, I dunno if it's

just like rumour or something.

- It's Essex, you just hear rumours

you don't know. - Do you know what I mean?

We've heard rumours but we don't know.

- [Sam] No one knows.

It's like getting to the point where

he's gotta stop being a child hasn't he?

- [Billie] And like we say, we all, you know,

we all hear like rumours.

We just, that's the thing--

- We wouldn't expect it.

That's why we think, like, "Oh Argent wouldn't do that?"

People say it and we're like, "Would he do that?

"No."

- Lyds, you need to find out.

- Do you know what I love about you?

You're a mirror as well as a hair dryer.

[laughing]

Are you actually gonna take that with you to camping?

- Yeah.

- Shut up.

- Gotta, haven't I?

- Where you gonna pug it into?

- When I get up in the morning my hairs

gonna be all over the place, ain't it?

- Bouffant.

- Yeah, that's what I mean.

- What are the boomerangs for?

- The boomerangs.

This ones fun.

This is a fun boomerang.

Can have a laugh at it, like

come back to you and you can have a little laugh at it.

- Does it really come back if you throw it?

- Yeah, like this one does.

But this one, it'll just chop a kangaroo's head off.

[laughing]

Seriously.

So we gonna see any kangaroos?

I don't think we will.

- You could take the one that doesn't kill animals

because like, that might be banned.

And the other ones impressive.

You can show her your trick when it comes back.

Cause I'd be impressed. - That's what I'm saying.

I'm gonna take me fridge.

I've got a portable fridge.

Wait.

[laughing]

- Joey you are not taking a fridge camping.

- Yeah, look.

- Oh my God.

- How good is this?

Look, and you can put it on hot or cold.

- You're only gonna fit like one drink in there.

- I know.

I'm actually getting scared now, seriously.

- Yeah.

You should be scared for the nutters.

- What nutters?

- Cause like camping, is like free innit?

So you get like all like the nutters.

[laughing]

Shaking the tent.

[both roaring]

- Alright, mate.

About time you was in here tidying up

the place up for me a little bit, innit?

- It's a bit messy.

- Bit messy, that's cause you're not here to tidy it enough.

- I know you've been hitting the gym, mate,

but are you taking the piss trying to bit into my clothes?

- You must have left that here.

- You've been borrowing my clothes, have ya?

- Got meself a new denim one the other day.

- You ain't wearing that!

- Why not?

- You're not a teenager.

- I'll try it on later and see what you think.

- I know what we can get with it, like matching denim jeans.

- Come and fold the rest of these up.

Put all them belts away.

You know I don't like it messy in here.

How you doing anyway, you alright?

- Good, really good.

- How you gettin' on with Lauren?

- Yeah, no, it's going really good now.

Like, I dunno, like I've found a girl that,

I dunno it's weird.

I feel like I wanna spend the rest of my life with her.

- That's what I should be doing really, eh?

Finding a girl and taking her and doing all those things.

- You won't find a girl at SugarHut.

- Cause I work all the time.

That's the only place I ever go to mate, SugarHut innit?

- Tell me the type of girl you're looking for,

and then I'll tell you where to look for her.

- Just like a normal looking girl.

- What do you mean normal?

What does even an un-normal girl look like?

- Just not over the top.

Just like nice normal girls.

Well you won't be able to get them.

You're not me.

[laughing]

- Hello, darling.

You alright?

- Yeah, sit down.

Been quiet today, darling.

- I know, it's been a bit of a hard day.

- Why?

- I went, you know I told you I was going

for like a drink to meet Lucy.

- Yeah. - We met up at lunch time.

We met up and Sam and Billie came and met us as well

and then we got onto the topic about James.

They turned 'round and they said,

"We're heard that James has, like,

"got with another girl."

That's what they just said, mum.

- Well, you need to get to the bottom of this Lydia.

- I think the way that they said it, it's like

they know.

- They're trying to warn you.

- Yeah, they're trying to warn me

but they don't wanna put James in it.

- You either gotta accept and challenge those rumours

or just forget about it.

One or the other.

- It I found out that it was 100% true, then that's it.

That's closure and I'll walk away

and never ever touch him again.

[car engine]

- Hello.

- Hello.

You okay?

- Yeah, you alright?

- You look smart.

- You look nice.

- For glamping, you excited?

- Yeah, well excited.

- Are you?

- What's all this?

- All my stuff.

Oh my God.

What?

[laughing]

What have you got on your feet?

- Boots.

I thought we was going glamping.

- Yeah, but you've got orange Ugg boots on.

- Yeah, but you're feet are gonna be freezing.

- They look stupid.

You do, and your jeans are really really, tight.

You can see your willy.

- Yeah, I know.

Bulging out ain't they?

Need to put it away.

- They're like leggings.

[laughing]

- So what's all this stuff then?

- Well, I've got the tent obviously.

- What happened about the sleeping bags?

- There's not a sleeping bag.

I've just got a big quilt.

And this is your pillow now seeing as you look more

like a girl than me.

[laughing]

- Shut up, you love 'em.

- How are we gonna fit all this in your car?

- I know it's tiny innit?

It's a small version of a Range Rover, innit?

- A small?

Kind of.

Right.

Have you even got a boot?

- Yeah.

- Let's see.

Oh my God, are you joking?

Nothings gonna fit in there.

There's not even room for my suitcase.

- What you talkin' about?

Look, we'll have to put it on top of us

or put it on top of here.

- Isn't that illegal?

- No, it's alright.

It's fine.

- How you gonna look out your wing mirror?

- I ain't gotta.

I can use these things.

Come on, let's get this packed up.

We need to leave now.

- I'm gonna sit in there and then wrap

the quilt around me.

- This ain't gonna fit.

- I told you.

It's glamping.

Glamourous camping.

What did you think I was gonna come with?

Just a toothbrush?

Right, I think we're gonna be okay.

- Yeah, we'll be fine.

- Just as long as you drive slowly.

- Alright.

[chuckles]

- You're funny.

[phone ringing]

- Hello.

You alright, Lyd?

Yeah, sure no problem.

Meet you at the club, yeah?

Alright then, I'll see you there.

Bye.

- Oh my God, hello.

- What's all that stuff?

- I know, look how much stuff we got.

- I can't believe you can get all that stuff

in your bus of a car.

Oh my God.

- Oh my God, what have you got on your feet?

- [Sam] Hello!

- Reem.

- Look at all our stuff.

- No, look at his orange boots.

- I know.

- Are they orange?

- Yeah.

I didn't know you lot was all coming.

- Yeah, of course we're coming.

- It was my idea, it was.

- No, 'course we were coming.

- She didn't tell me.

She just told me it was me her.

- He's all jeal.

I rang him up to say, "Oh yeah,

"Do you wanna go glamping?

"I'll take you on a little adventure."

And he's like, "Oh yeah." - I bet you

thought yous two thought we was going

away for a little romantic adventure.

- No, I knew it was us lot, but he thought

it was gonna be some nice romantic little getaway.

Oh, well all the girls are coming!

- I don't mind anyway.

I don't mind.

As long as me and Sam have got our own tent,

then everything's good, yeah?

- I'm not being funny though,

let's get this show on the road now.

- The thing is though,

shall we all try and get into one car?

- Yeah, definitely.

- [Gemma] Oh my God, I'm gonna kill my mom.

- [Harry] Whereabouts is it?

- She's given us a postcode and we're like Dogsville land.

Where the hell are we?

- It's like we're in a desert full of fairies.

- There's definitely monkeys around here.

- [Sam] There's flies everywhere.

- Stinging nettles.

This is Sickvilles.

There's not even a toilet or anything.

- [Harry] Are we not allowed to spot this?

- Oh my God, imagine is a croc comes out?

This is sick.

- [Joe] Don't say that.

- [Harry] A cock comes out?

- Not a cock Harry, a croc.

- [Joey] Whose idea was this?

- [Gemma] Oh my God.

[laughing]

Look at the brambles.

- I'm so jeal, I got a cup of tea in the car.

- I'm staying in here.

- Think I wore the wrong shoes for today.

- Where am I gonna plug my fridge and my hair dryer.

- You're not gonna be.

Hair dryer?

- Yeah.

- You're not gonna be able to.

- There's a tree over there.

Go and plug it in that, darling.

- What's that noise?

- I think there's a farm here.

It's chickens. - That's monkeys mate.

- There's chickens.

- What the fuck is that?

- There's not monkeys here.

- Are you sure?

- They're so loud, ain't they?

- Guy, will you build us a toilet?

- Yeah, I'll build one.

- How do you build a toilet?

- Just dig like a,

a hole or something and then we's all can shit in it.

- Joey would know.

- Oh, that's disgusting.

- We'll get the tent and get some stuff out the car.

- We'll try and find somewhere to put it up

and you make the toilet.

- Come on then, let's go.

- You got toilet tissues?

- [Gemma] You got wipes.

- [Amy] I've got wipes.

Alright, then.

- [Sam] I've got wipes.

- [Gemma] Yeah, we're gonna be alright, girls.

I think all we need to do is get all our comforts

and luxuries around us and then I think we can start

having fun cause at the minute I feel like going home.

[theme music]

[upbeat music]

- Have either of you ever put a gazebo up before?

- I thought it was a tree.

[paper rips]

[laughing]

- Oh my God.

Right, you ready?

Step one, lay out side frames three and four.

Right, so, see these poles that say three and four on them?

Get all the threes and fours together.

- This is number five.

- And this is four.

- I'm sorry, number three.

- So we've got a four and three there.

Who's got four and a three?

- I've got four.

I've got three.

- I've got a three and a four laying next to each other

like in a line.

I'm moving out the way first.

- It's confusing me already.

- Right.

So basically,

it's in that.

But look.

- [Amy] You know what?

- Maybe that's it.

- I give up.

I ain't got a clue.

- Don't you think it should click, like?

- Can I just sit down Sam and what you lot?

I can't do it.

Sam?

- No, I want you to help us.

- [Gemma] We need to pay someone.

- I can't do it.

- What is glamorous about this?

I wonder how the boys are getting on building the toilet?

- This is so shit.

[laughing]

- Do I just like...

- It's gonna be full of shit later.

- So, what?

Are we just making a hole?

So basically I just gotta go...

[slams wood on ground]

- No.

- But that's making a hole?

- Well, yeah that'll make it.

- That's making a hole

then if I keep doing that.

- Let me try this.

- Joe, this ain't gonna work.

Listen, like I just think we gotta like

keep whacking.

- That ain't gonna work, look.

- Shit, I just got a splinter.

- [Joey] Shut up.

- Do you know what?

We should just let the girls do it, but then,

then again they would have been pointless at it.

- Yes.

Sam and them all would never do this.

Ever.

- Can you imagine Amy digging a hole?

- Oh my God.

I reckon you'll be able to fit at least

two, three poos in there, seriously.

Don't you reckon?

- Just fit, just about one in there.

You know what?

Just leave it.

- Just leave it and shit everywhere?

- Just go.

If they wanna shit that bad, they can have a plastic bag.

[heavy sigh]

- [Amy] Here they are.

- Girls, girls.

- 'Bout time.

- Right, that tent is hilarious.

- Hilarious?

It's not joke, it's taken us hours.

- [Amy] Hilarious?

- It's looks like my nan,

what my nan used to have in her kitchen.

- So, what's our toilet like?

- Proper, you'll see it in a minute.

- I'm busting, so is it done?

- Yeah, it's done go and have one.

- Let's get the thing,

let's get the tent sorted then come on.

- I'm not doing anymore work, you know that?

- Alright, well I'll put our tent up then.

- Joey, you're the only man here.

- Why don't we time Joey and see how long he takes?

- That took you five hours?

Watch this.

Fuckin' hell.

[tent rustling]

[laughing]

Looks like it's gonna fly away.

- Done.

[foot steps]

- You alright?

- Hello, you alright?

- Good, you?

- Yeah.

- So, how comes you've got me here then?

- Cause I need to talk to you.

- Okay, what do you want to say?

- Recently a few people have just basically been telling me

that you've been cheating on me.

- Who told you that?

Who would tell you that?

- I knew that's what you were gonna ask, first question.

- I'm asking you, who, who would say that?

- It doesn't matter who told me, James.

- Of course it does.

- No, it doesn.t

- How do you know it's not just people gossiping?

I've been trying to be nothing but nice to you

the past two weeks.

- Oh my God, no you haven't.

- I have.

If you don't want to be with me, you don't wanna be with me.

Don't start accusing me of cheating on you.

- James, why don't I wanna be?

Why?

Everyone is telling me.

- Don't start accusing me of cheating on you.

- I just want to get to the bottom of this.

- Don't start accusing me of being a bad boyfriend,

cause I do love you.

I do try to see you. - No, you don't.

- I try my best to come and see you

and you haven't want to know.

The reason you don't want to be with me is because

maybe you're bored and you don't want to be with me.

Not because I've done anything bad, or whatever.

- Because I'm bored?

- I've tried my best.

I'm genuinely a good boyfriend.

- Are you serious?

You're a good boyfriend, yeah?

- I've admitted I've made mistake.

I'm trying to sort things out,

but you haven't given me a chance to.

- I can't be bothered to argue about this anymore.

At the end of the day, I just think after three years

you should just sit down and tell me straight

if you cheated on me.

- No, I haven't.

- If you're cheated on me, you cheated on me

and have enough respect for me and just tell me straight.

- Come on, let's see what this is all about.

- Where 'bouts is it?

- Oh piss off!

Is that a joke?

- I am busting for the toilet and that's what they've made?

- [Amy] That's like they've been making sandcastles.

- We spent hours or however long it took to put

that gazebo up.

All that hard work and that's what they've done?

Between them?

- Actually, I'm not shocked though

cause that's what they'll do anyway.

- Are we actually gonna do this?

- I've gotta though, I need to go wee so bad.

- I'm busting but seriously, look.

- Well, I'll go first.

Just go after, yeah?

- I just don't know what you want from me?

I can't win.

- I don't want anything anymore.

I don't want anything anymore.

- Then why are you here now?

Why am you asked to meet me?

- Because I wanted closure.

I wanted you to tell me the truth.

- You don't want closure, you just want another excuse.

Or I don't know what you want, but [heavy sigh]

you're fucking with my head at the moment.

- Are you joking, James?

- [James] Yeah, because I'm--

- I don't do anything.

I sit at home, I go out with my friends,

and I behave myself.

How can you say I'm fucking with your head when I haven't

done anything wrong? - [James] I know.

- I don't know why you've don't this.

- [James] Why are we in this position now?

- Because of you, you've done this James.

- [James] I know. - I can't go forward.

- [James] But I've give you two weeks to try

and calm things down. - But I can't go forward

with it, James.

I can't go forward. - Why not?

Because girls?

Cause they're saying bits of gossip.

- I just hate you so much, James.

You've just fucked my life up so much.

- You're not giving me a chance to sort things out.

- Cause you're had too many.

[heavy sigh]

- This is just stupid.

You're not even giving me the chance to explain.

- I don't.

- You're not even giving me the chance

to prove to you that I ain't don't nothing wrong.

- You don't deserve my time anymore.

[sighs]

- Let's get this glamping off to a wild start

cause so far we are as sober as judges

and we need to right get on it.

- I really fancy a glass of champagne.

[cork pops]

[all cheering]

- Here's to glamping, guys!

I'm not being funny though.

We have like done a million days work in like

a couple of hours.

- Yous have done nothing.

I've done everything.

- Joey, what have you done, darling?

You've popped a tent up and now are making a barbecue?

- Yeah.

[tea kettle falls]

[laughing]

- Joey, do a cartwheel in those skinny jeans.

- Ready?

[laughing]

- Hurray! - Yay!

- Joe, why don't you get that kick at the end?

- It's like something Harry would do.

- I'm bored, come on something else now.

- Why don't we tell everyone our biggest fears in life?

Right, my worst fear in life,

is never getting married.

- You want to get married?

- Yeah.

Not now, Joe, but I want the love and the romance.

I want like Mick to walk out the woods and like,

impregnate me.

- Do you?

- How do you spell impregnate?

- The only word I know how to spell is because.

- Shut up.

- When I spell it, I say, "Big elephants can't always

"use small exits."

That's how I spell it.

- [Sam] You're joking me.

Where'd you get that from?

- Big elephants, yeah?

"B", "E".

Can't, "C".

Use, "U".

- Listen, I reckon you must have a little bit of dyslexia.

- Yeah, I used to have it but I ain't got it no more.

- [Sam] But you must.

- He's still got it.

- I'm not being horrible, but if you can't spell now

you might still have a little bit of it.

- But people that got dyslexia, are really clever people.

- Yeah, the cleverest man in the world was dyslexic.

- Who was that, then?

- Albert Einstein.

- He weren't dyslexic.

- He was a stientist.

[laughing]

- A steintist?

What's a stientist?

- He was a stientist!

- Alright, Carol?

- Alright.

- How are ya?

Thanks for coming.

- Where you been?

- Just at home.

I just wanted to talk about basically, just about like

the engagement party and stuff

and I felt that we should have been a lot closer, you know?

It's my big day and I felt like I was attending

someone else's party.

- It was very hard for me to come and congratulate you

because I don't still know how I feel.

It's been hard, Lauren.

I actually feel like I don't really know you.

- Yeah.

- And I've known you for ten years.

- [laughs] It's weird.

- It's really weird to feel.

I really can't relax in front of you.

I dunno, it's just a

very weird situations. - That's how I feel.

I love you as a mother, you know.

And you've been like a mum to me.

I want everyone to support us, you know?

And I know it's hard.

- And I think they do.

Everyone does support you.

We all support you.

And I don't see where we're doing anything wrong.

Me and Jessica, we've done nothing wrong.

We've always been there for you and for Mark.

- Maybe I've got the wrong impression.

I just felt that you didn't want him to be with me

and that I wasn't good enough.

- No, I never felt that at all.

- That's how I felt.

- It's just as soon as he goes back with you,

it's like a distance.

He's like, distant from the family as well.

I'm not an over protective nothing, but it's just like,

why are you changing Mark?

We're here.

Why are you not coming to us now?

I've been through hell.

I've been through ten years of hell with you two.

And now all of a sudden, you're back together,

you just expect of me that I'm gonna come straight back in

and loving you in a way.

It's really hard. - Yeah, yeah.

- It's just expecting too much.

All of a sudden.

Too much.

[cheerful music]

- It's nice, isn't it?

The other day, alright?

I was talking to my mate and I was just talking to him

like in general, and I come across that I was talking

about you and I was like, "blah, blah, my girlfriend."

- That's nice.

- What do you mean, that's nice?

- Well, we haven't made it official

so you've just said it, haven't you?

- So what do you wanna do?

- What?

Are you asking me out?

To be your girlfriend?

- Do you wanna be my girlfriend?

- On one condition.

- What?

- You don't wear them orange boots again.

- No, I won't.

Come here.

So you're my girlfriend now, yeah.

- You are sweet, Joey.

- You're my girlfriend?

- Yeah, you can say I'm your girlfriend.

You've got lip gloss on.

- Have I?

- Aren't you romantic asking me to be your girlfriend

in the forest?

Whilst camping.

- Fuck!

[laughing]

- Alright, guys.

- Alright, son.

- Alright.

- I just met up with Lydia.

To be honest with you, I'm absolutely fuming.

There's been rumours going around that I've been off

with other girls and all things like this.

To be honest, it's just bullshit

and it's not fair because

things are hard enough for me

and Lydia as it is at the moment.

- I know that you love her, but you're pushing away

cause you're saying things you shouldn't say.

- I know what I've done.

I know where this is all coming from.

But the only hope that I've got is the fact that

I know that she does still love me.

- Of course she does.

- If it was a case of she fell out of love

and an I'm sorry I just don't feel the same way,

then I'd be gutted, I'd be crying.

But the fact that I know that deep down she still

loves me and deep down that she does want us

to end up together, I just feel,

I don't know how I'm feeling.

- Arg!

Stop moping around.

Walking around in your cardigans like this,

with your head down thinking.

- It's getting a bit annoying now.

- You ain't cheated on her.

Let anyone in the world tell her you're cheated on her.

If you had, you'd say, "You know what?

"I have, I'm sorry.

"If you don't wanna get me back, then whatever."

You haven't cheated cause I know that you'd be honest

or you'd admit it.

So now you've gotta start turning 'round,

a new lease on life,

like you know what?

Fuck it.

Come on, Mark.

Let's go out and have a drink.

- I'm not being funny, but Sam and Joey have been gone ages.

- What are they doing?

- Where have they gone?

- I bet they're having a little love game, ain't they?

- They're having a little snog, ain't they?

- Well I have brought the bug stroke love muffs

so if they get down to naughties later,

we ain't got to put up with hearing it.

- You're alright.

We ain't alright cause we ain't got one.

- We'll share 'em.

- We'll share them.

- How can you share them?

[laughing]

- Alright. - Alright.

- Talking of devils.

- We had a really long walk.

- You look happy.

Romantic.

- Did you get lost or something?

Cause we just didn't know where you were.

- No.

- No, we went on a massive walk.

- We've been talking.

- Joey asked me a question.

- Oh my God, what?

- What was it?

- Would you marry me Sam?

- Oh my God, you're going all shy.

- I asked Sam to be my girlfriend.

[all exclaiming]

- Yay!

- Yay.

[clapping]

So glamping was good after all.

- You're on your honeymoon.

[laughing]

- Joe.

Are you happy.

- Yeah, of course.

- Right, let's all go to bed.

It's late and I'm freezing cold.

- Yeah.

- Yeah, I'm cold now.

- Come on.

- Goodnight Sam. - I love you.

- See you in the morning.

- Have a good night love birds.

- Keep the noise down!

[giggling]

- [Sam] Come on then.

- [Joey] Come on then, girlfriend.

Let's get under the covers, come on babe.

- [Harry] Night, everyone!

- [Sam] Night, night!

- [Joey] Gimme a kiss.

- [Sam] No, you just had one.

- [Joey] Shut up, give me another one.

- [Sam] You're too cold.

Night, night.

- [Joey] Night.

Stop touching my willy, Sam!

- [Sam] I'm not touching your willy!

- [Amy] Oh, shut up!

[laughing]

- [Narrator] Next time, on the only was is Essex.

Do Kirk and Mick really mean business with Joey Essex?

- Look I wanna be the face of one of your nights.

- [Narrator] Has it all ended in tears for Arg and Lydia?

- I just hate you so much, James.

You've just fucked my life up so much.

- [Narrator] Can Lauren ever prove to Mark's family

she is Mrs. Wright?

- I actually feel like I don't really know you.

- [Narrator] And will Joey and Sam remain happy glampers?

Who knows?

These people are real and anything can happen

on The Only Way is Essex.