All language subtitles for The.Only.Way.Is.Essex.S02E03.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-SLAG_track4_[eng]

- [Announcer] This programme
contains flash cars,

big watches, and moobs.

The tans you see might be fake
but the people are all real,

although some of what
they do has been set up

purely for your entertainment.

Previously on The Only Way is
Essex.

- I just wanna ask you
something, will you marry me?

- Shut up!

- Just don't sound right, does
it?

- I'm being deadly serious.

- Yeah.

- You having a fucking laugh?

[Arg laughing]

- You're mental.

- It's a joke.

- You enjoy fucking with girls'
heads.

[upbeat music]

♪ The only way is up

♪ Baby

♪ For you and me now

♪ Whoo, whoo,

♪ whoo

♪ Yeah

[upbeat music]

- You should have got one of
them sports bras. [laughs]

- [pants] I cant believe you've
got me wearing this stuff,

I feel like Catwoman.

I should be wearing this
sort of stuff once I'm fit.

Oh, how's Lauren feeling
after all the Lucy stuff?

- As long as nothing happens
now while I'm engaged to her,

that's all she cares about.

- Yeah.

So Lucy just done that 'cause
she wants

to upset the apple cart,

she's annoyed that I've
proposed to Lauren.

- And like Sam, she
didn't act like that way--

- Sam's got more of a right to
have a hump

with the situation than Lucy.

I was seeing Lucy for a couple
of weeks.

At least Sam,

there's been something going on
for years.

Do you know what I mean?

Lauren doesn't care,

as long as I don't do
nothing like that now,

that's all Lauren's interested
in.

We're moving forward,

she's bringing some stuff over
as well,

we're gonna start gradually,

you know, her moving
in mine as we go along.

♪ But I've wanted to walk away

♪ I just can't do it even though
I tried ♪

- What are you two doing?

- All right.
- Hello.

- What are you up to?

- Just packing.

- Packing?

- Taking some stuff to Mark's.

- Don't you think you've
still got a lot of issues

to sort out before you
go moving in his flat?

- No, I don't.

- You don't?

It was only a few days ago
you got your tattoo removed.

- Yeah.

What's that got to do with
anything?

- Well now you're moving in with
him.

Why don't you let him sort of
take you out

on dates for a little while or

wine you and dine you--
- We do that all the time.

What do you think we do?
- for a little while?

- Sit in?

You just have to--

- I just don't want you to rush
into it

and it all go wrong again that's
all.

I just want you to maybe
just take your time.

- Yeah 'course, no I am.

I am taking my time.

I've not rushed into anything.

- Yeah, I'll get a phone
call next week saying,

"Oh, I'm pregnant!"

- [laughing]
- No!

- I'm only joking.

Then I will kill you.

- Now Lucy's admitted to Lauren

that she slept with Mark two
weeks ago.

- What?
- No!

- The more I think about it,

the more I think oh
I'm bit upset about it,

but what can I do?

- You don't need somebody like
that.

- Yeah.

'Cause he's actually a nice boy.

- Yeah, he is actually quite
nice.

- He's nice but then when it

comes to girls or whatever it
just all--

- Can't help himself.
- He can't help it.

Yeah.

- He's like a kid in a sweet
shop.

- So how's things with you and
Kirk then?

- Yeah, really good.
- Oh, brilliant!

- They're so loved up,

it's like ugh, pass me
the bucket. [laughing]

- And are when you two
together you're always kissing?

- I know like, its been
straightaway from when we met.

Like first date probably we
were boyfriend and girlfriend.

- That's nice though isn't it?

I think you two will last a long
time.

- I hope so.

I love him.

- [Billie] Next thing you
know it'll be you and Kirk--

- He'll be doing the
proposal in Sugar Hut.

- Can you imagine.

- Now as you know,

I met Chloe the other night.

I've got a lot on this week

so I want you to meet up with
her,

and have a chat to her

and run her through a few
things,

what we do at the work, how we
do things.

- Is she gonna work in the
office with me?

- Yeah, she'll be working there.

- That'll be a bit fun won't it.

- I think so, yeah.

You be careful.

You got a girlfriend now, don't
you?

- I know, I know.

I've just gotta,

I don't know, it ain't really.

- What's going on with that
relationship?

I don't see Lauren about
much at the moment,

so what's going on?
- I don't know.

I still like her exactly the
same,

or I don't know, I like her
more,

a lot more than when I met her.

- You know why that is?

Absence makes the heart grow
fonder,

is that right?

You don't see her, do ya?

- No I don't.

- She's hardly ever here or
about.

- I don't know how to explain
it.

I'm like,

I don't want to be with her

but I don't know why I
don't want to be with her.

And we're just sort of like
mates.

I want to be single,

I want to,

I don't want to see other girls,

I want to go dating,

I feel like, not feeling
like I'm missing out.

But I want to be mates with
Lauren.

- Well you'll just have
to broach it with her.

You need to sort it out
'cause only you can do that.

No one else can do it for you.

- [sighing] I don't know.

- Let me question ya.
- What are you doing?

I'm trying to revise.

- Yeah well, I'm going to
ask you some questions,

see how far you've got with
this.

All right, let's start with the
Bobs.

Bob basics.

What does red mean?

- Stop.

- Amber?

- Wait.

- What do you mean wait?

- As in you can't go yet,

'cause it's not.

- Red means wait.

Amber means what?

- Um.

- It means get ready to go.

Come on Arg you've got your
driving theory test today.

If you ain't ready now you never
will be.

What do you do

if someone breaks down in a
tunnel?

- See ya later. [laughing]

Um.

Call up the AA.

- Yeah, what do you do?

You don't just sit there and
call the AA.

Do you get out the car?

Stay in the car?

- Um.

Oh, I don't know ask for help?

- See you've got about
as much chance of passing

your driving test as Mr. Darcy
has.

- I've got to pass this test.

I mean, if I do it it's one more
step in

moving in below you in the flat.

I've got to do it.

Anyway this is all stressing me
out,

this sort of stuff.

- You bitch.

Absolute bitch boy.

- How am I a bitch boy?

- Listen, start peddling
faster 'cause otherwise.

- You're the one that's
engaged. [laughing]

- What's that got to do with it?

You don't wanna lose weight,

you don't want to suck up to her
mom.

It's one of them couples when
you're walking on the street,

you know you get the public and
they go,

"how the hell did he get her?"

There's got to be something in
it.

That's what it's getting to.

- No because if they met
me then they'd realise

'cause I've got my personality.

- Yeah personality takes
you somewhere but--

- Yeah, well I look like a
young Dustin Hoffman anyway.

- You look more like Yogi bear.

- Babes, you are so tight.

You're all knotty.

- Aimes I've had so much stress
lately.

- I can imagine babe.

I'm so bloody stressed at the
minute.

- Are you?
- I need a bloody massage.

Do you know what I mean?

- Oh babes, should we go to
a health spa or something?

- Babes, it's like me
getting this assistant now.

It's just stressing me out, Gem.

The only person that
I've interviewed is Harry

and I'm proper nervous.

But babes, you've
interviewed so many people

so you can help me do it

because I ain't got a bloody
clue!

- Amy, I will give you all the
help I can.

When you interview someone Amy,

you need to be looking for you
know,

that person to be professional,

personable, someone
that is gonna be polite

to your customers.

And remember, the
customer is always right.

That is the best saying
someone ever made up.

And also when you're
interviewing,

you know look at the person,

look at their eye movements as
well Amy,

you can tell a lot from
someone's eye movements,

if they look left, if they look
right,

if they look up, if they look
down.

You need to be weighing that
person up.

- I don't want to scare them
though, Gem.

I don't wanna be like Simon
Cowell,

they're only coming to Amy's
Salon.

- No, I know.

We're not going to scare them,

but you just need to sort
of gauge their reactions

when you're speaking to them.

- You'll be picking up
everything.

You'll be picking up how they
move.

I'll be picking up how
much makeup they've got on

and how much lip liner they've
got on.

How's that pressure babes?

- Fabulous.

- Billie, we've got so
much stock coming in,

we've got a really busy day
today.

- Yeah, I know.

Oh yeah,

I spoke to Lydia

and apparently Lauren's
moving all of her stuff

into Mark's flat.

- No!

Already?

- [Billie] Already.

[door opening]

- Hey girly wirlys.

- Hey.
- Hi.

- Oh my God, Lucy the other
night.

- Oh, don't.

I know, I had to tell her Sam.

I had to.

- I can't believe it.

- I couldn't.

If I was in her position,

I'd want to know though.

I had to get it out.

- Do you not feel bad though,
like getting involved?

- Mark shouldn't have done it,
should he?

It was only a few weeks
ago and now he's engaged

and everything else with her.

He shouldn't have done
it if he didn't want

the backlash of it.

We can't keep forgiving
him for what he's done

to me, you, and Lauren.

He can't keep getting away with
it.

- I don't know why I'm defending
him

but I know what you're saying

but I just see this other side
to him.

- But is he really not
gonna cheat on her again?

And she's not gonna take him
back again?

It's just gonna be a big circle
again.

Over and over and over.

- He can't be trusted really can
he?

- I don't know.

We'll see won't we?

What happens.

- Mark, you gonna get
rid of these lucky pants.

What you reckon they are.

- Why would I ever get rid of
them?

- You're engaged now
so you won't want them,

will you anymore, they're
supposed to be your lucky pants.

- [Mark] Of course I'll keep
them.

- You've had all the luck you've
had

and now so you've just
got to get rid of them.

- I ain't gonna get rid of them
am I?

- Well you must do.

- Listen, they might be valuable
one day.

I can frame them.
- Who's gonna want

to frame them?
- Oh don't talk stupid.

- Well you know I can remember
my,

my hey-day and just put
them in a frame and go,

they were the days.

- For you not for the girls.
[laughing]

- That's it as well.

- [Mark] Trust me it
was their days as well.

- So what you gonna do?

- Keep them, definitely.

- They wouldn't fit you,

would they Arg?

You might get one leg in it.

- And you've got the girls
toilets here

so everyone can get changed in
there,

if they need to get changed.

- Yeah.
- And then obviously,

you put them on the table and
stuff there.

It's amazing, I love it!

- What the club or me?

Just joking.
- [laughing] The club.

- But um,

is everything all right
with the modelling show

and stuff like that?

- Yeah, I'm really excited about
it.

I'm flattered that you've asked
me.

I really want to get just stuck
into it.

It's an amazing venue.

- I want you to do the swimwear
bit.

- What so you can perv
out on me? [laughing]

- Maybe a little bit.

No, I'm terrible aren't I?

I'm bad.

Um, did you go on a date with my
dad?

- No.
- Was it not?

- No.
- I thought it was

a bit weird
- It was a business meeting!

- Oh no, 'cause he never dresses
up smart

and I was like?
- Oh really?

He did look smart.

- He looked good, did he?

- He made more of an effort than
you.

- Yeah.
- I promise you

it wasn't a date.
- That's all right.

- I'm not gonna be your stepmom.

- No that's all right.

Have you got a boyfriend?

- No.

- Are you gonna be looking
around and that for guys here?

- I'm ready to date.
- Good.

That's good to know.

- What about you?

- What about me?

- I've heard you've got a
girlfriend, Lauren Pope.

- Yeah, no.

I have.

I have, it's getting.

I don't know.

I'm gonna get myself in trouble
aren't I?

I am.

But I've, oh fuck.

I really am.

I'm not even mucking around.

We need to uh,

sort this out down in the
office,

don't we.

Not like that, just going into
the office.

Fucking hell.

But yeah, we'll sort it out

and we'll work together.

- Hello.

- Hi, you all right?

- Yeah, good, you?

- Yeah, good.

- Thanks for coming to meet me.

- No worries.

- I just, um

basically I wanted to speak to
you because

we've never had this
conversation before,

and I don't know why I'm telling
you now.

Now you're engaged to Lauren,

I think it's because

it's never come to the
point where I've felt

that I've had to tell you,

it's always sort of been
on/off or just mucking about.

Laughing, do you know what I
mean?

And I feel like now,

I don't know it's really
hard for me to say this.

- Just say it.
- Honestly,

I do honestly think that
I am in love with you.

- Is it since what's happened
that made you realise

you love me or you always
have but you just never

been able to say it?

- Yeah, I think I've always have

but I just didn't know how to
say it.

- Right.

Well I think that might be,

I mean obviously one of the
reasons why you've probably

told me is because you've
held it in for so long.

And I didn't ever know
that you're good at um,

what's the word, playing
it cool, shall I say.

You never really showed
that sort of emotion,

which is obviously a good thing,

but sometimes I think
obviously you realise

now you do need to kind of
confess

the way you feel about someone.

- I'm not here to break you and
Lauren up

or the engagement or anything.

I just feel like I need to tell
you now

otherwise when you marry Lauren,

it'll just play on my mind
that I didn't tell you,

so that's, that's basically
all I wanted to say.

- Well is there something
inside you that thinks,

maybe if I tell him now
maybe there could be

another chance before it's too
late?

And before he actually ties the
knot

and walks down the aisle sort of
thing?

- Probably that's why I feel
like I have to tell you.

- Well, I really appreciate it.

Your honesty, or whatever.

But obviously I moved,

you know, I've proposed to
Lauren now,

and have got to try and think
about that at the moment.

I'm going forward with Lauren,

I couldn't you know,

that's what I gotta do at the
moment.

- I just want you to
know that's how I feel

and I wanted to tell you.

- All right.

Thanks very much.

- See you later Sam.

- Bye.

- Sam.

[car door slamming]

- Hiya hun!

- Hello.

- Nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you.

- Sit down, I'm Amy.

- Hello, nice to meet you.

- I'm Gemma, pleased to meet you
darling.

- Harry.
- Nice to meet you.

- So my first very important
question is

what is your favourite colour?

- Um, pink.

- Oh my God!

- I do love pink.

- So Paloma, is there any
treatments that

you don't like doing?

- Um, well I'm a bit
touchy doing fiddily things

because I'm dyspraxic.

- Is like dyspraxia like
what old people get?

- No.
- That's dementia.

- Yeah, that's dementia.

[laughing]

- There was one time though,

I did eyelashes,

I did them all nice,

put them on my mate very nice.

She touched one them, they all
fell off.

I think it's the glue.

- The glue, yep.

- So honey,

we'd love you to practise.

Just do the eyelashes now,

is that okay?
- Yep.

- Your model is going to be
Harry.

- Right, I'm about to put it on.

If there's anything wrong,

just let me know.

- I will babe.

- So I can't believe
you actually went ahead

and met up with Mark.

- Now I've done it.

I just feel like everything
I had to say is off my chest,

do you know what I mean?

- Yeah, I'm just worried
that he was gonna, you know

say something that might
upset you even more.

It is hard, isn't it for you?

- He didn't really say anything
at all.

I think he was really shocked.

He didn't know what to
say or how to take it.

- He probably knows
there's something there

and there always will be,

and he just doesn't want to,

he can't physically say it, can
he?

- Ashley, come on in.

- Thank you.

- Take a seat.

A nice hot seat.

- Loving the hot pink top,
Ashley.

- Oh thanks, it matches
the salon. [laughing]

- Show me your nails.

He looks a bit like you Harry.

- I know, he walked in and I was
like,

oh he's got the same hair.

[laughing]

- So we're gonna do your
assessment at the minute,

is that okay?

- Yeah.
- And you're not scared

of like women's bits
or anything like that?

- Oh, no, certainly not.

- You're totally up for it?
- Yeah.

- You're up for doing vajazzles?

- Yeah, definitely.

- Harry wants one of them.

- Definitely not!

- So today, you're gonna
be vajazzling Harry,

did you know that?

- No I didn't realise that, no.

[laughing]

- Give Harry a little bit of
makeup,

whatever you think he needs,

do it, all right?

- All right, brilliant, I've
brought some

makeup with me just in case,
anyway.

- Oh, look at the brushes!
- Loving it!

- Well what I was thinking,

is um, 'cause he got
these lovely lashes on,

I was thinking maybe I
could put some eyeshadow on?

Like a brown and then
some gold or something?

- Lovely.

Do you that'll bring his eyes
out then?

- I think it really will, 'cause
he's got lovely blue eyes.

- Aw!

- Aw!

Sweet.

- One bag I told her.

One bag.

You've got to see how
much stuff she's got.

- How much stuff I've got,

you want to see how much stuff
I've got?

You're gonna need to buy me a
mansion.

- Arg, shouldn't you be
revising?

- Lyd, I've got it all covered.

Don't worry about it.

- So you're 100% gonna pass?

- I'm trying my best, Lyd.

God.
- Hang on.

Where's them macaroons gone?

You were sitting on a bike
talking about

how much food you want,

I said listen you got to
stop thinking about food,

training and you've gone
and ate five macaroons.

- James, do you realise
if you have five macaroons

it does kind of cancel out
the run that you did earlier?

- For starters I had four
macaroons,

and secondly you look
like a flamingo dancer.

- It's actually a flaminco
dancer, James. [laughing]

- So honey, thank you for coming
in.

So your favourite colour?

- Pink.

- I'm liking it.

What treatment don't you do?

- I cannot stand doing like
the Brazillian or Hollywood.

- Okay.
- Why?

- I just can't stand it.

One of the girls got on all
fours,

just to wax her and that,

and she farted in her face.

And I just can't be
doing anything like that.

I think that's just so
disgusting.

- That's vile.
- I know.

- I'm a professional but
I don't think I really

would've had a little laugh
'cause it is--

- But no, fair play to that
girl being professional.

- Yeah, definitely.

- So like, how would you
react then if I was just like,

you know left it a little bit
untidy,

the wax was a little bit dirty--

- I would have the hump and
throw a bit of a tantrum

because obviously you're
not doing anything

so I would have the hump.

- Even though she's your boss,
darling?

- I can't believe it.

He's left his theory test book
here, Arg.

- How do you think he's gonna
do?

- What do you think?

He can't even remember to take
his book.

Geezer is absolutely brain dead.

- Ah, leave him alone.

He's all right.

- What's this?

- All my clothes.

- How many have you
actually brought, Lauren?

- Loads but the thing is,

I need to have like loads
of room to hang them all up.

I need to hang everything up so,

I'm gonna have to take some of
your stuff

out of the wardrobe.

- [laughing] Listen,

stop making me laugh.

You know what this is a
great opportunity for me now,

to search your clothes,
search your wardrobe

to throw away the stuff I don't
like.

- But you like it all.

- So I ain't got to say to you,

that dress is too short.

I can throw it all away, clean
slate.

- I don't really wear short
things.

- Yeah, but you used to.

- Not really.

This is quite short.

- I'll be seeing that on,

if it's too short it'll be
going straight in the bin.

- You love it.

We'll be passing it down to our
daughter.

[laughing]

- Paloma was really sweet,
right.

- She needs some spray tan.

- Babe, she needs a what's it
called,

a beauticians top with
a bit of cleavage out,

do you know what I mean?

I still think that's
professional.

Gem, do you?

- I truly do,

she's like a butterfly
that's in a chrysalis

but once that shell is cracked
baby,

her wings are gonna fly.

- Demi Jo.

She was too orange.

Hello, I like orange,

but blimey.

She was like,

she was all patchy, I'm sorry.

I'm never patchy.

Right, let's get off this
subject.

I like Ashley's individuality.

But I don't think his
standards are up to technology.

- No that don't make sense.

You don't think his standards

are up to scratch.
- Are up to scratch.

- I think that's a big cross.

- The funny thing is about
Ashley,

I thought it was a girl
walking in the salon,

did you?
- So did I.

I just got the or, is it oral?

- Aura.

The vibe.

But listen at the end of the
day,

you will be the only gay in the
village.

- I don't wanna be the
only gay in the village.

I wanna find someone but--

- We will never take that
crown away from you, Harry.

- So babes, I'm gonna
do a big summary now.

Three people.

I liked them all.

But there's only one person
that can have this job.

- So, we're gonna do the
beauty show in the main room.

- Yeah, I'm fine with that.

- Do you need to know anything?

- Um, no.

Not at the moment.

- No.

Do you need my number to
ring me up so you can uh,

I was joking, I'm terrible.

I'm very terrible.

- You can take me on a
business meeting if you want.

- No!

No.
- Fill me in.

- No, I can't do that.

- All right guys.
- Hello, mate.

- Hello.
- Everything going all right?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

What's that little smile about?

- No little smiles.

No, it's been good.

- Everything is all right though
yeah?

Sorted out for the beauty?

Thanks for having this meeting.

- Yeah, I love the place.

It's amazing.

- I thought you were
gonna say you love Kirk.

I thought Christ what's that all
about?

It's a lovely place isn't it?

- Yeah, it's perfect.
- I think it'll really

work here, the show.

- Yeah, it's gonna be good.

I can't wait.

Whoo! I'm joking.

[laughing]

- Easy, you've got a girlfriend,
son.

- I know, I know.

- Be careful.

- Yeah, well thank you very
much for showing me around.

- Thank you for coming.
- Thank you.

- It's good to see you again.

- Lovely, nice to see you.

- Speak to you soon.
- And shall see you again.

- Thank you very much.

Speak to you soon.

Bye bye.

- See you later.

- All right sit down, I'm
freezing.

- Am I sitting down?

Is there something you
wanna be telling me?

- No.

- How did that go all right?

- Yeah it was good.

Really good.

- A little bit touchy,
feely when I come there.

A little bit flirty weren't ya?

- No, that's how I am.

- Just don't be mixing
business and pleasure will ya.

- Look I'm not gonna do nothing
anyway.

I've got a girlfriend, but I
won't.

I gonna um..

- What's going on with
the girlfriend thing?

We keep having this conversation
don't we?

We keep coming back to it.

- I'm gonna, I'm gonna end it.

- You are?
- Yeah.

I feel like such a prick though.

- Why?

- Just do.

I wouldn't feel a prick, mate.

It's life, it's what
happens in life, isn't it.

- I don't know but I'm gonna end
it.

- You'll be fine, son.

- It's gonna be bad.

- It's not gonna be bad.

She'll understand I'm sure.

- She won't.
- She's a woman,

when all's said and done
she knows all about it.

- I wouldn't understand,

it would give me the right hump.

- Would it?

It's making me feel
sick thinking about it.

Like, really does make me feel
sick.

- Ah, Lyd I'm so nervous.

- Why?

- It's just if I don't pass
it's just gonna stop us

from another step to moving in
together

underneath the flat below Mark

and I just want it so much but--

- Yeah well, don't be negative.

If you know that you're gonna
pass,

if you think I'm gonna
pass, I'm gonna pass,

and you think about all
the things you've learnt

then you're gonna pass.

Come here. You're gonna be fine.

I love you.

Go, James. Go.

- I'm gonna do this.

- I love you lots.

- I love you too.

- Good luck!

- Thank you!

[phone ringing]

- Hi.

- All right, babe.
- I'm all right, thanks.

How are you?

- What was I gonna say?

Do you wanna come to the
Sugar Hut later tonight?

Just later while I'm working,

um I just want to talk to ya.

- Yeah, I'll come in a little
bit.

- All right, I'll see you soon.

- All right, bye.

- Was that Kirk?

- M-hmm.
- What's he want?

- Just said go to Sugar
Hut later to speak to him.

He wants to speak to me.

- Oh, do you think he's
gonna pop the question?

- Oh God, I don't know about
that.

- Hiya, babe how are you?

I'm just giving you a call

just to say that thank you for
coming in,

I've loved seeing you today.

You've done really well,

I loved your way.

Um, the other two people
that I interviewed,

I still really like them,

they have really good qualities,

but I've got to say that
I absolutely loved you

and I'd love you to come work
with me.

- Oh that's great! Thanks!

- Are you happy?
- I'm really happy!

Yeah, I'm really pleased.

- All I was gonna say to you
babe.

- I was well nervous.

- Babes, don't be silly.

When you come in the salon,

you know, glamorous, you know
eyelashes,

fake tan, you know we're gonna
make you

look like Amy Childs babe.

- All right then.

Thank you.

I'm so happy!

- Babes, that's fine.

Lovely speaking to you, all
right.

Bye babes.

- Bye!

I got it, yeah.

- Well done!

- Finally!

- Okay.

I'm happy.

Go Paloma!

Woohoo!

- How did you do?

- Got the results here.

- So haven't you opened them
yet?

- No.
- Oh my God.

Sit down.

How do you think you did?

- I don't know.

- You don't know.

- The hazard perception part was
fine,

I think but multiple choice out
of 50,

I just don't know,

I really don't know.

- I'm sure you'll be all right,
James.

Fingers crossed, James.

Oh no.

Aw, James.

I'm so sorry.

- Ah.

- Oh James, it doesn't matter.

You did well anyway.

- Let's get a bus home then,
aye.

I'm fucking fuming, I can't
believe how close I was.

- [laughing]

- It's not funny, Lyd.

I was so close.

[upbeat dance music]

- All right, babe you all right?

- Yeah, good thanks, you?

- Yeah, good.

I like your eyes by the way.

- Thanks.

What brings you to Sugar Hut
tonight?

- It's quite a good night ain't
it?

I come here quite a lot.

I know the geezer who owns it
and that.

Do you know him?

- Oh, Kirk.
- Yeah.

- Oh yeah, I love Kirk.

- How much you love him?

[laughing]

- Not like that.

So do you have any interests,

things you like doing?

- What I'm into?

I'm into politics.

- Politics?
- Yeah.

- Who's the prime minister
at the moment then?

- What of Essex?

- No, not of Essex.

Of England.

- I don't know.

- So you don't know who
the prime minister is?

- No, 'cause I used to
do politics at school,

when I was in school.

But they didn't teach
me the prime ministers.

They taught me stuff like.

- I think you should know
though.

- They taught me stuff like,

things like.

Like city, I don't know,
like things about the city.

Is that politics?

- Hm. Kind of.

So who's the prime minister?

- Who's the prime minister?

I think it's that geezer,

what's his name, um.

I don't know.

- Now you're here,

I will get a few more
homemade dinners hopefully.

Will I?

- Yeah, maybe.

- I'm not saying you've got to
cook

and it's a rule you've got to do
it.

But if you don't you get one of
them.

I'm joking, I wound you up.

- I'll punch you right in the
face.

We'll have to get a table in.

- I ain't getting a big
dining table in here.

- You're gonna have to.

- We'll eat it in our laps
watching telly.

- What like east enders?

No thanks.

- So far you've moved your gear
in,

you're talking about
turning the bathroom pink,

and now you wanna get
a dining table in here.

Listen, I told you I
wanna keep it a little bit

how it is now, a little bit
boisterous.

- No, I don't want it
boisterous.

It's horrible, it's depressing,
it's like a brothels house.

Shut up.

I spent a lot of time on this.

- It just needs a woman's touch.

And I want a dog, I told you.

- I've got enough dogs breath
in the bed on your end.

[laughing]

- Oh, cheek.
- Especially after you

start cooking these garlic
meatballs.

- Yeah, it'll be your ass.

- What do you do for a living?

- I do fashion.

- Fashion, yeah.
- Yeah.

- What about you?
- That's good.

I'm a dolphin trainer.

- A dolphin trainer?
- Yeah, no, I'm only joking.

- I was gonna say, that's not
something you hear everyday.

- No, I'm a promoter.

- Oh are you.

Another promoter.
- Yeah.

- There's a lot of promoters in
Essex.

- What other promoters do you
know?

- I've got a few exes who were
promoters.

- You know Mark Wright?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- Yeah.

- Well obviously I look
up to him 'cause he's 24.

I'm only 20 years old.

So I sorta look up to him.

- You look up to Mark Wright?

Why would you look up to him?

- Yeah 'cause he's a promoter
ain't he?

He's been promoting for years,

since he was like what 19.

- I don't think he's the sort of
person

you want to look up to.

- Why not?
- 'Cause he's not.

- Yeah, but he's my pal.

- Just be yourself, don't
look up to Mark Wright.

- Yeah, but he's in a
bigger position than me.

Like obviously 'cause by the
time I'm 24

I wanna be bigger and better
than him.

- Yeah.
- Or as good as him

'cause he's doing well.

- Okay well I don't want
another Mark Wright,

so have a good night Joey.

Nice to meet you.

- What happened there?

- I don't know.

I mentioned Mark and she just
said like,

she was like, I don't
want another Mark Wright

blah, blah, blah, she must think
I'm like

one of them don't she?

- Oh, baby!

- I don't give a fuck.

- I think it's good that you're
here

but, I mean the stuff
that's coming with it,

I'm just getting a bit nervous
about it.

- Stop moaning.

- It's gonna end up
looking like a dolls house

within about a week.

- Yeah, will do.

Gonna bring in flowers and
pictures and--

- We are not having
pictures all over the flat.

- Pink mats in the bathroom.

- Yeah, you've got no chance.

They'll be burnt trust me, on
the balcony.

No pink is coming into the flat.

- Why?
- 'Cause it ain't.

- Yeah, whatever.

- The only thing pink
coming into this flat

is the bit of bacon for my bacon
sandwich

the next morning.

- [laughing] Oh God.

- I've never seen you sit here

and get cookery books out,

what's all this about?

- Well, I want to make a
nice meal for your family

to like break the ice and.

- Look at you getting up their
arse.

Aye.

- No, I just think it'd be nice.

Why not cook a nice meal?

- Yeah.
- Have everyone over,

we've never done it before.

- Do you want to prove to my
family

that you're the perfect
daughter-in-law.

- Yeah.

And I want you to prove

that you're a good husband.

- Husband, fucking hell,

slow down.

I'm only your fiance at the
moment.

- Well obviously it
does mean that we can't,

we can't move underneath Mark,
don't it?

Because,

oh, I don't want to upset you,

but it's just because of,

by the time you will pass it,

the flat will be gone won't it?

Don't you think?

Anyway,

good news.

Look at me brighten up the day.

Turning a negative into a
positive.

Um.

I've got you signed up to
something.

- What do mean signed up to
something?

- Well the reason I've treated
you today,

not only was to obviously
make you feel better,

because I know you really are
upset.

But because I'm treating
you to your last supper

until

you start a diet.

I've signed you up to
Ellie's Slimming Club.

- That's for girls.
- No, it's not.

- It's not for boys like me.

- You could be the first boy
member.

Start a trend.

What do you think?

- What kind of diet?

- We go there,

she weighs us,

measures everything.

She measures your bingo wings

and your love handles,

and then she'll give us our diet
plan,

so it tells us what
sort of thing to follow,

what we can eat.

You're not happy about it?

- I don't know.
- I thought you'd like it,

I thought you wanted to get
started?

Yeah?

- Yeah.

Well as it's my last supper,

can I have dessert?

- James!

[dubstep music]

- This is it, innit?

Fucking hell.

- You feeling silly?

- I feel sick.

- Do ya?
- M-hmm.

- It's gotta be done mate,

if that's what you need
to do you have to do it.

- I know.

- You need to be an adult
about it, aren't ya?

- Yeah, I'm trying but--
- Hi.

How are you?
- I'm good, how are you?

- You look very smart.
- Thank you.

- Why are you all dressed up?

- I'm working.

- What's up?

- Nothing, I'm just chilling,

working.

- Lets grab a drink.

Lets go over here and
leave these to have a chat.

You gonna have a chat?

- Yeah.

- What?

- Nothing, I just, fucking hell.

- You look well stressed.

- Yeah, I am.

- Why?
- I don't know.

I just,

honestly I feel such a prick.

- Why?

- Nothing.

- What, you're scaring me?

- Yeah, I know.

I just, I feel like, I don't
know.

I haven't been really like
a boyfriend, have I lately?

I ain't been seeing ya,

that's my choice you've
done nothing wrong.

You know.

I just feel,

honestly I feel so bad.

- Right?

- I don't know what,

I really can't.

[sighing]

I think we should be single.

Oh, honestly.

I can't do this.

I really can't.

- What did he say?

- That he hasn't got
time for a girlfriend.

That's so shit.

I can't breath.

- He's not a man, he hasn't
got the balls to actually

say how he feels, so he
leads you on and leads you on

and leads you on.

- He just like completely
humiliated me

in a fucking club in
a room full of people.

- Why would he tell you to come
here?

So he can moan upstairs to his
dad?

- I told her but.

I couldn't do it.

- Come on.

Come on, let's go.

- [Announcer] Next time
on The Only Way is Essex.

Will it be pink curtains
for Mark's bachelor pad?

And will Lauren cook up a storm?

Will Amy's new assistant prove
to be

a beautician or a beast?

Will Kirk trade Lauren
in for a newer model?

Will it be tough love for Sam?

Will Joey Essex fill
Mark Wrights lucky pants?

- They wouldn't fit you, would
they Arg?

- [Announcer] And will Lydia
manage

to lighten the load on Arg?

- I was so close!

- [Announcer] Who knows?

These people are real.

And anything can happen
on The Only Way is Essex.

♪ The only way is up

♪ Baby

♪ For you and me now

♪ The only way is up

♪ Baby

♪ For you and me now

♪ The only way is up

♪ Baby

♪ For you and me now