Original subtitles

- [Announcer] This programme contains flash cars,

big watches, and moobs.

The tans you see might be fake but the people are all real,

although some of what they do has been set up

purely for your entertainment.

Previously on The Only Way is Essex.

- I just wanna ask you something, will you marry me?

- Shut up!

- Just don't sound right, does it?

- I'm being deadly serious.

- Yeah.

- You having a fucking laugh?

[Arg laughing]

- You're mental.

- It's a joke.

- You enjoy fucking with girls' heads.

[upbeat music]

♪ The only way is up

♪ Baby

♪ For you and me now

♪ Whoo, whoo,

♪ whoo

♪ Yeah

[upbeat music]

- You should have got one of them sports bras. [laughs]

- [pants] I cant believe you've got me wearing this stuff,

I feel like Catwoman.

I should be wearing this sort of stuff once I'm fit.

Oh, how's Lauren feeling after all the Lucy stuff?

- As long as nothing happens now while I'm engaged to her,

that's all she cares about.

- Yeah.

So Lucy just done that 'cause she wants

to upset the apple cart,

she's annoyed that I've proposed to Lauren.

- And like Sam, she didn't act like that way--

- Sam's got more of a right to have a hump

with the situation than Lucy.

I was seeing Lucy for a couple of weeks.

At least Sam,

there's been something going on for years.

Do you know what I mean?

Lauren doesn't care,

as long as I don't do nothing like that now,

that's all Lauren's interested in.

We're moving forward,

she's bringing some stuff over as well,

we're gonna start gradually,

you know, her moving in mine as we go along.

♪ But I've wanted to walk away

♪ I just can't do it even though I tried ♪

- What are you two doing?

- All right. - Hello.

- What are you up to?

- Just packing.

- Packing?

- Taking some stuff to Mark's.

- Don't you think you've still got a lot of issues

to sort out before you go moving in his flat?

- No, I don't.

- You don't?

It was only a few days ago you got your tattoo removed.

- Yeah.

What's that got to do with anything?

- Well now you're moving in with him.

Why don't you let him sort of take you out

on dates for a little while or

wine you and dine you-- - We do that all the time.

What do you think we do? - for a little while?

- Sit in?

You just have to--

- I just don't want you to rush into it

and it all go wrong again that's all.

I just want you to maybe just take your time.

- Yeah 'course, no I am.

I am taking my time.

I've not rushed into anything.

- Yeah, I'll get a phone call next week saying,

"Oh, I'm pregnant!"

- [laughing] - No!

- I'm only joking.

Then I will kill you.

- Now Lucy's admitted to Lauren

that she slept with Mark two weeks ago.

- What? - No!

- The more I think about it,

the more I think oh I'm bit upset about it,

but what can I do?

- You don't need somebody like that.

- Yeah.

'Cause he's actually a nice boy.

- Yeah, he is actually quite nice.

- He's nice but then when it

comes to girls or whatever it just all--

- Can't help himself. - He can't help it.

Yeah.

- He's like a kid in a sweet shop.

- So how's things with you and Kirk then?

- Yeah, really good. - Oh, brilliant!

- They're so loved up,

it's like ugh, pass me the bucket. [laughing]

- And are when you two together you're always kissing?

- I know like, its been straightaway from when we met.

Like first date probably we were boyfriend and girlfriend.

- That's nice though isn't it?

I think you two will last a long time.

- I hope so.

I love him.

- [Billie] Next thing you know it'll be you and Kirk--

- He'll be doing the proposal in Sugar Hut.

- Can you imagine.

- Now as you know,

I met Chloe the other night.

I've got a lot on this week

so I want you to meet up with her,

and have a chat to her

and run her through a few things,

what we do at the work, how we do things.

- Is she gonna work in the office with me?

- Yeah, she'll be working there.

- That'll be a bit fun won't it.

- I think so, yeah.

You be careful.

You got a girlfriend now, don't you?

- I know, I know.

I've just gotta,

I don't know, it ain't really.

- What's going on with that relationship?

I don't see Lauren about much at the moment,

so what's going on? - I don't know.

I still like her exactly the same,

or I don't know, I like her more,

a lot more than when I met her.

- You know why that is?

Absence makes the heart grow fonder,

is that right?

You don't see her, do ya?

- No I don't.

- She's hardly ever here or about.

- I don't know how to explain it.

I'm like,

I don't want to be with her

but I don't know why I don't want to be with her.

And we're just sort of like mates.

I want to be single,

I want to,

I don't want to see other girls,

I want to go dating,

I feel like, not feeling like I'm missing out.

But I want to be mates with Lauren.

- Well you'll just have to broach it with her.

You need to sort it out 'cause only you can do that.

No one else can do it for you.

- [sighing] I don't know.

- Let me question ya. - What are you doing?

I'm trying to revise.

- Yeah well, I'm going to ask you some questions,

see how far you've got with this.

All right, let's start with the Bobs.

Bob basics.

What does red mean?

- Stop.

- Amber?

- Wait.

- What do you mean wait?

- As in you can't go yet,

'cause it's not.

- Red means wait.

Amber means what?

- Um.

- It means get ready to go.

Come on Arg you've got your driving theory test today.

If you ain't ready now you never will be.

What do you do

if someone breaks down in a tunnel?

- See ya later. [laughing]

Um.

Call up the AA.

- Yeah, what do you do?

You don't just sit there and call the AA.

Do you get out the car?

Stay in the car?

- Um.

Oh, I don't know ask for help?

- See you've got about as much chance of passing

your driving test as Mr. Darcy has.

- I've got to pass this test.

I mean, if I do it it's one more step in

moving in below you in the flat.

I've got to do it.

Anyway this is all stressing me out,

this sort of stuff.

- You bitch.

Absolute bitch boy.

- How am I a bitch boy?

- Listen, start peddling faster 'cause otherwise.

- You're the one that's engaged. [laughing]

- What's that got to do with it?

You don't wanna lose weight,

you don't want to suck up to her mom.

It's one of them couples when you're walking on the street,

you know you get the public and they go,

"how the hell did he get her?"

There's got to be something in it.

That's what it's getting to.

- No because if they met me then they'd realise

'cause I've got my personality.

- Yeah personality takes you somewhere but--

- Yeah, well I look like a young Dustin Hoffman anyway.

- You look more like Yogi bear.

- Babes, you are so tight.

You're all knotty.

- Aimes I've had so much stress lately.

- I can imagine babe.

I'm so bloody stressed at the minute.

- Are you? - I need a bloody massage.

Do you know what I mean?

- Oh babes, should we go to a health spa or something?

- Babes, it's like me getting this assistant now.

It's just stressing me out, Gem.

The only person that I've interviewed is Harry

and I'm proper nervous.

But babes, you've interviewed so many people

so you can help me do it

because I ain't got a bloody clue!

- Amy, I will give you all the help I can.

When you interview someone Amy,

you need to be looking for you know,

that person to be professional,

personable, someone that is gonna be polite

to your customers.

And remember, the customer is always right.

That is the best saying someone ever made up.

And also when you're interviewing,

you know look at the person,

look at their eye movements as well Amy,

you can tell a lot from someone's eye movements,

if they look left, if they look right,

if they look up, if they look down.

You need to be weighing that person up.

- I don't want to scare them though, Gem.

I don't wanna be like Simon Cowell,

they're only coming to Amy's Salon.

- No, I know.

We're not going to scare them,

but you just need to sort of gauge their reactions

when you're speaking to them.

- You'll be picking up everything.

You'll be picking up how they move.

I'll be picking up how much makeup they've got on

and how much lip liner they've got on.

How's that pressure babes?

- Fabulous.

- Billie, we've got so much stock coming in,

we've got a really busy day today.

- Yeah, I know.

Oh yeah,

I spoke to Lydia

and apparently Lauren's moving all of her stuff

into Mark's flat.

- No!

Already?

- [Billie] Already.

[door opening]

- Hey girly wirlys.

- Hey. - Hi.

- Oh my God, Lucy the other night.

- Oh, don't.

I know, I had to tell her Sam.

I had to.

- I can't believe it.

- I couldn't.

If I was in her position,

I'd want to know though.

I had to get it out.

- Do you not feel bad though, like getting involved?

- Mark shouldn't have done it, should he?

It was only a few weeks ago and now he's engaged

and everything else with her.

He shouldn't have done it if he didn't want

the backlash of it.

We can't keep forgiving him for what he's done

to me, you, and Lauren.

He can't keep getting away with it.

- I don't know why I'm defending him

but I know what you're saying

but I just see this other side to him.

- But is he really not gonna cheat on her again?

And she's not gonna take him back again?

It's just gonna be a big circle again.

Over and over and over.

- He can't be trusted really can he?

- I don't know.

We'll see won't we?

What happens.

- Mark, you gonna get rid of these lucky pants.

What you reckon they are.

- Why would I ever get rid of them?

- You're engaged now so you won't want them,

will you anymore, they're supposed to be your lucky pants.

- [Mark] Of course I'll keep them.

- You've had all the luck you've had

and now so you've just got to get rid of them.

- I ain't gonna get rid of them am I?

- Well you must do.

- Listen, they might be valuable one day.

I can frame them. - Who's gonna want

to frame them? - Oh don't talk stupid.

- Well you know I can remember my,

my hey-day and just put them in a frame and go,

they were the days.

- For you not for the girls. [laughing]

- That's it as well.

- [Mark] Trust me it was their days as well.

- So what you gonna do?

- Keep them, definitely.

- They wouldn't fit you,

would they Arg?

You might get one leg in it.

- And you've got the girls toilets here

so everyone can get changed in there,

if they need to get changed.

- Yeah. - And then obviously,

you put them on the table and stuff there.

It's amazing, I love it!

- What the club or me?

Just joking. - [laughing] The club.

- But um,

is everything all right with the modelling show

and stuff like that?

- Yeah, I'm really excited about it.

I'm flattered that you've asked me.

I really want to get just stuck into it.

It's an amazing venue.

- I want you to do the swimwear bit.

- What so you can perv out on me? [laughing]

- Maybe a little bit.

No, I'm terrible aren't I?

I'm bad.

Um, did you go on a date with my dad?

- No. - Was it not?

- No. - I thought it was

a bit weird - It was a business meeting!

- Oh no, 'cause he never dresses up smart

and I was like? - Oh really?

He did look smart.

- He looked good, did he?

- He made more of an effort than you.

- Yeah. - I promise you

it wasn't a date. - That's all right.

- I'm not gonna be your stepmom.

- No that's all right.

Have you got a boyfriend?

- No.

- Are you gonna be looking around and that for guys here?

- I'm ready to date. - Good.

That's good to know.

- What about you?

- What about me?

- I've heard you've got a girlfriend, Lauren Pope.

- Yeah, no.

I have.

I have, it's getting.

I don't know.

I'm gonna get myself in trouble aren't I?

I am.

But I've, oh fuck.

I really am.

I'm not even mucking around.

We need to uh,

sort this out down in the office,

don't we.

Not like that, just going into the office.

Fucking hell.

But yeah, we'll sort it out

and we'll work together.

- Hello.

- Hi, you all right?

- Yeah, good, you?

- Yeah, good.

- Thanks for coming to meet me.

- No worries.

- I just, um

basically I wanted to speak to you because

we've never had this conversation before,

and I don't know why I'm telling you now.

Now you're engaged to Lauren,

I think it's because

it's never come to the point where I've felt

that I've had to tell you,

it's always sort of been on/off or just mucking about.

Laughing, do you know what I mean?

And I feel like now,

I don't know it's really hard for me to say this.

- Just say it. - Honestly,

I do honestly think that I am in love with you.

- Is it since what's happened that made you realise

you love me or you always have but you just never

been able to say it?

- Yeah, I think I've always have

but I just didn't know how to say it.

- Right.

Well I think that might be,

I mean obviously one of the reasons why you've probably

told me is because you've held it in for so long.

And I didn't ever know that you're good at um,

what's the word, playing it cool, shall I say.

You never really showed that sort of emotion,

which is obviously a good thing,

but sometimes I think obviously you realise

now you do need to kind of confess

the way you feel about someone.

- I'm not here to break you and Lauren up

or the engagement or anything.

I just feel like I need to tell you now

otherwise when you marry Lauren,

it'll just play on my mind that I didn't tell you,

so that's, that's basically all I wanted to say.

- Well is there something inside you that thinks,

maybe if I tell him now maybe there could be

another chance before it's too late?

And before he actually ties the knot

and walks down the aisle sort of thing?

- Probably that's why I feel like I have to tell you.

- Well, I really appreciate it.

Your honesty, or whatever.

But obviously I moved,

you know, I've proposed to Lauren now,

and have got to try and think about that at the moment.

I'm going forward with Lauren,

I couldn't you know,

that's what I gotta do at the moment.

- I just want you to know that's how I feel

and I wanted to tell you.

- All right.

Thanks very much.

- See you later Sam.

- Bye.

- Sam.

[car door slamming]

- Hiya hun!

- Hello.

- Nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you.

- Sit down, I'm Amy.

- Hello, nice to meet you.

- I'm Gemma, pleased to meet you darling.

- Harry. - Nice to meet you.

- So my first very important question is

what is your favourite colour?

- Um, pink.

- Oh my God!

- I do love pink.

- So Paloma, is there any treatments that

you don't like doing?

- Um, well I'm a bit touchy doing fiddily things

because I'm dyspraxic.

- Is like dyspraxia like what old people get?

- No. - That's dementia.

- Yeah, that's dementia.

[laughing]

- There was one time though,

I did eyelashes,

I did them all nice,

put them on my mate very nice.

She touched one them, they all fell off.

I think it's the glue.

- The glue, yep.

- So honey,

we'd love you to practise.

Just do the eyelashes now,

is that okay? - Yep.

- Your model is going to be Harry.

- Right, I'm about to put it on.

If there's anything wrong,

just let me know.

- I will babe.

- So I can't believe you actually went ahead

and met up with Mark.

- Now I've done it.

I just feel like everything I had to say is off my chest,

do you know what I mean?

- Yeah, I'm just worried that he was gonna, you know

say something that might upset you even more.

It is hard, isn't it for you?

- He didn't really say anything at all.

I think he was really shocked.

He didn't know what to say or how to take it.

- He probably knows there's something there

and there always will be,

and he just doesn't want to,

he can't physically say it, can he?

- Ashley, come on in.

- Thank you.

- Take a seat.

A nice hot seat.

- Loving the hot pink top, Ashley.

- Oh thanks, it matches the salon. [laughing]

- Show me your nails.

He looks a bit like you Harry.

- I know, he walked in and I was like,

oh he's got the same hair.

[laughing]

- So we're gonna do your assessment at the minute,

is that okay?

- Yeah. - And you're not scared

of like women's bits or anything like that?

- Oh, no, certainly not.

- You're totally up for it? - Yeah.

- You're up for doing vajazzles?

- Yeah, definitely.

- Harry wants one of them.

- Definitely not!

- So today, you're gonna be vajazzling Harry,

did you know that?

- No I didn't realise that, no.

[laughing]

- Give Harry a little bit of makeup,

whatever you think he needs,

do it, all right?

- All right, brilliant, I've brought some

makeup with me just in case, anyway.

- Oh, look at the brushes! - Loving it!

- Well what I was thinking,

is um, 'cause he got these lovely lashes on,

I was thinking maybe I could put some eyeshadow on?

Like a brown and then some gold or something?

- Lovely.

Do you that'll bring his eyes out then?

- I think it really will, 'cause he's got lovely blue eyes.

- Aw!

- Aw!

Sweet.

- One bag I told her.

One bag.

You've got to see how much stuff she's got.

- How much stuff I've got,

you want to see how much stuff I've got?

You're gonna need to buy me a mansion.

- Arg, shouldn't you be revising?

- Lyd, I've got it all covered.

Don't worry about it.

- So you're 100% gonna pass?

- I'm trying my best, Lyd.

God. - Hang on.

Where's them macaroons gone?

You were sitting on a bike talking about

how much food you want,

I said listen you got to stop thinking about food,

training and you've gone and ate five macaroons.

- James, do you realise if you have five macaroons

it does kind of cancel out the run that you did earlier?

- For starters I had four macaroons,

and secondly you look like a flamingo dancer.

- It's actually a flaminco dancer, James. [laughing]

- So honey, thank you for coming in.

So your favourite colour?

- Pink.

- I'm liking it.

What treatment don't you do?

- I cannot stand doing like the Brazillian or Hollywood.

- Okay. - Why?

- I just can't stand it.

One of the girls got on all fours,

just to wax her and that,

and she farted in her face.

And I just can't be doing anything like that.

I think that's just so disgusting.

- That's vile. - I know.

- I'm a professional but I don't think I really

would've had a little laugh 'cause it is--

- But no, fair play to that girl being professional.

- Yeah, definitely.

- So like, how would you react then if I was just like,

you know left it a little bit untidy,

the wax was a little bit dirty--

- I would have the hump and throw a bit of a tantrum

because obviously you're not doing anything

so I would have the hump.

- Even though she's your boss, darling?

- I can't believe it.

He's left his theory test book here, Arg.

- How do you think he's gonna do?

- What do you think?

He can't even remember to take his book.

Geezer is absolutely brain dead.

- Ah, leave him alone.

He's all right.

- What's this?

- All my clothes.

- How many have you actually brought, Lauren?

- Loads but the thing is,

I need to have like loads of room to hang them all up.

I need to hang everything up so,

I'm gonna have to take some of your stuff

out of the wardrobe.

- [laughing] Listen,

stop making me laugh.

You know what this is a great opportunity for me now,

to search your clothes, search your wardrobe

to throw away the stuff I don't like.

- But you like it all.

- So I ain't got to say to you,

that dress is too short.

I can throw it all away, clean slate.

- I don't really wear short things.

- Yeah, but you used to.

- Not really.

This is quite short.

- I'll be seeing that on,

if it's too short it'll be going straight in the bin.

- You love it.

We'll be passing it down to our daughter.

[laughing]

- Paloma was really sweet, right.

- She needs some spray tan.

- Babe, she needs a what's it called,

a beauticians top with a bit of cleavage out,

do you know what I mean?

I still think that's professional.

Gem, do you?

- I truly do,

she's like a butterfly that's in a chrysalis

but once that shell is cracked baby,

her wings are gonna fly.

- Demi Jo.

She was too orange.

Hello, I like orange,

but blimey.

She was like,

she was all patchy, I'm sorry.

I'm never patchy.

Right, let's get off this subject.

I like Ashley's individuality.

But I don't think his standards are up to technology.

- No that don't make sense.

You don't think his standards

are up to scratch. - Are up to scratch.

- I think that's a big cross.

- The funny thing is about Ashley,

I thought it was a girl walking in the salon,

did you? - So did I.

I just got the or, is it oral?

- Aura.

The vibe.

But listen at the end of the day,

you will be the only gay in the village.

- I don't wanna be the only gay in the village.

I wanna find someone but--

- We will never take that crown away from you, Harry.

- So babes, I'm gonna do a big summary now.

Three people.

I liked them all.

But there's only one person that can have this job.

- So, we're gonna do the beauty show in the main room.

- Yeah, I'm fine with that.

- Do you need to know anything?

- Um, no.

Not at the moment.

- No.

Do you need my number to ring me up so you can uh,

I was joking, I'm terrible.

I'm very terrible.

- You can take me on a business meeting if you want.

- No!

No. - Fill me in.

- No, I can't do that.

- All right guys. - Hello, mate.

- Hello. - Everything going all right?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

What's that little smile about?

- No little smiles.

No, it's been good.

- Everything is all right though yeah?

Sorted out for the beauty?

Thanks for having this meeting.

- Yeah, I love the place.

It's amazing.

- I thought you were gonna say you love Kirk.

I thought Christ what's that all about?

It's a lovely place isn't it?

- Yeah, it's perfect. - I think it'll really

work here, the show.

- Yeah, it's gonna be good.

I can't wait.

Whoo! I'm joking.

[laughing]

- Easy, you've got a girlfriend, son.

- I know, I know.

- Be careful.

- Yeah, well thank you very much for showing me around.

- Thank you for coming. - Thank you.

- It's good to see you again.

- Lovely, nice to see you.

- Speak to you soon. - And shall see you again.

- Thank you very much.

Speak to you soon.

Bye bye.

- See you later.

- All right sit down, I'm freezing.

- Am I sitting down?

Is there something you wanna be telling me?

- No.

- How did that go all right?

- Yeah it was good.

Really good.

- A little bit touchy, feely when I come there.

A little bit flirty weren't ya?

- No, that's how I am.

- Just don't be mixing business and pleasure will ya.

- Look I'm not gonna do nothing anyway.

I've got a girlfriend, but I won't.

I gonna um..

- What's going on with the girlfriend thing?

We keep having this conversation don't we?

We keep coming back to it.

- I'm gonna, I'm gonna end it.

- You are? - Yeah.

I feel like such a prick though.

- Why?

- Just do.

I wouldn't feel a prick, mate.

It's life, it's what happens in life, isn't it.

- I don't know but I'm gonna end it.

- You'll be fine, son.

- It's gonna be bad.

- It's not gonna be bad.

She'll understand I'm sure.

- She won't. - She's a woman,

when all's said and done she knows all about it.

- I wouldn't understand,

it would give me the right hump.

- Would it?

It's making me feel sick thinking about it.

Like, really does make me feel sick.

- Ah, Lyd I'm so nervous.

- Why?

- It's just if I don't pass it's just gonna stop us

from another step to moving in together

underneath the flat below Mark

and I just want it so much but--

- Yeah well, don't be negative.

If you know that you're gonna pass,

if you think I'm gonna pass, I'm gonna pass,

and you think about all the things you've learnt

then you're gonna pass.

Come here. You're gonna be fine.

I love you.

Go, James. Go.

- I'm gonna do this.

- I love you lots.

- I love you too.

- Good luck!

- Thank you!

[phone ringing]

- Hi.

- All right, babe. - I'm all right, thanks.

How are you?

- What was I gonna say?

Do you wanna come to the Sugar Hut later tonight?

Just later while I'm working,

um I just want to talk to ya.

- Yeah, I'll come in a little bit.

- All right, I'll see you soon.

- All right, bye.

- Was that Kirk?

- M-hmm. - What's he want?

- Just said go to Sugar Hut later to speak to him.

He wants to speak to me.

- Oh, do you think he's gonna pop the question?

- Oh God, I don't know about that.

- Hiya, babe how are you?

I'm just giving you a call

just to say that thank you for coming in,

I've loved seeing you today.

You've done really well,

I loved your way.

Um, the other two people that I interviewed,

I still really like them,

they have really good qualities,

but I've got to say that I absolutely loved you

and I'd love you to come work with me.

- Oh that's great! Thanks!

- Are you happy? - I'm really happy!

Yeah, I'm really pleased.

- All I was gonna say to you babe.

- I was well nervous.

- Babes, don't be silly.

When you come in the salon,

you know, glamorous, you know eyelashes,

fake tan, you know we're gonna make you

look like Amy Childs babe.

- All right then.

Thank you.

I'm so happy!

- Babes, that's fine.

Lovely speaking to you, all right.

Bye babes.

- Bye!

I got it, yeah.

- Well done!

- Finally!

- Okay.

I'm happy.

Go Paloma!

Woohoo!

- How did you do?

- Got the results here.

- So haven't you opened them yet?

- No. - Oh my God.

Sit down.

How do you think you did?

- I don't know.

- You don't know.

- The hazard perception part was fine,

I think but multiple choice out of 50,

I just don't know,

I really don't know.

- I'm sure you'll be all right, James.

Fingers crossed, James.

Oh no.

Aw, James.

I'm so sorry.

- Ah.

- Oh James, it doesn't matter.

You did well anyway.

- Let's get a bus home then, aye.

I'm fucking fuming, I can't believe how close I was.

- [laughing]

- It's not funny, Lyd.

I was so close.

[upbeat dance music]

- All right, babe you all right?

- Yeah, good thanks, you?

- Yeah, good.

I like your eyes by the way.

- Thanks.

What brings you to Sugar Hut tonight?

- It's quite a good night ain't it?

I come here quite a lot.

I know the geezer who owns it and that.

Do you know him?

- Oh, Kirk. - Yeah.

- Oh yeah, I love Kirk.

- How much you love him?

[laughing]

- Not like that.

So do you have any interests,

things you like doing?

- What I'm into?

I'm into politics.

- Politics? - Yeah.

- Who's the prime minister at the moment then?

- What of Essex?

- No, not of Essex.

Of England.

- I don't know.

- So you don't know who the prime minister is?

- No, 'cause I used to do politics at school,

when I was in school.

But they didn't teach me the prime ministers.

They taught me stuff like.

- I think you should know though.

- They taught me stuff like,

things like.

Like city, I don't know, like things about the city.

Is that politics?

- Hm. Kind of.

So who's the prime minister?

- Who's the prime minister?

I think it's that geezer,

what's his name, um.

I don't know.

- Now you're here,

I will get a few more homemade dinners hopefully.

Will I?

- Yeah, maybe.

- I'm not saying you've got to cook

and it's a rule you've got to do it.

But if you don't you get one of them.

I'm joking, I wound you up.

- I'll punch you right in the face.

We'll have to get a table in.

- I ain't getting a big dining table in here.

- You're gonna have to.

- We'll eat it in our laps watching telly.

- What like east enders?

No thanks.

- So far you've moved your gear in,

you're talking about turning the bathroom pink,

and now you wanna get a dining table in here.

Listen, I told you I wanna keep it a little bit

how it is now, a little bit boisterous.

- No, I don't want it boisterous.

It's horrible, it's depressing, it's like a brothels house.

Shut up.

I spent a lot of time on this.

- It just needs a woman's touch.

And I want a dog, I told you.

- I've got enough dogs breath in the bed on your end.

[laughing]

- Oh, cheek. - Especially after you

start cooking these garlic meatballs.

- Yeah, it'll be your ass.

- What do you do for a living?

- I do fashion.

- Fashion, yeah. - Yeah.

- What about you? - That's good.

I'm a dolphin trainer.

- A dolphin trainer? - Yeah, no, I'm only joking.

- I was gonna say, that's not something you hear everyday.

- No, I'm a promoter.

- Oh are you.

Another promoter. - Yeah.

- There's a lot of promoters in Essex.

- What other promoters do you know?

- I've got a few exes who were promoters.

- You know Mark Wright?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

- Yeah.

- Well obviously I look up to him 'cause he's 24.

I'm only 20 years old.

So I sorta look up to him.

- You look up to Mark Wright?

Why would you look up to him?

- Yeah 'cause he's a promoter ain't he?

He's been promoting for years,

since he was like what 19.

- I don't think he's the sort of person

you want to look up to.

- Why not? - 'Cause he's not.

- Yeah, but he's my pal.

- Just be yourself, don't look up to Mark Wright.

- Yeah, but he's in a bigger position than me.

Like obviously 'cause by the time I'm 24

I wanna be bigger and better than him.

- Yeah. - Or as good as him

'cause he's doing well.

- Okay well I don't want another Mark Wright,

so have a good night Joey.

Nice to meet you.

- What happened there?

- I don't know.

I mentioned Mark and she just said like,

she was like, I don't want another Mark Wright

blah, blah, blah, she must think I'm like

one of them don't she?

- Oh, baby!

- I don't give a fuck.

- I think it's good that you're here

but, I mean the stuff that's coming with it,

I'm just getting a bit nervous about it.

- Stop moaning.

- It's gonna end up looking like a dolls house

within about a week.

- Yeah, will do.

Gonna bring in flowers and pictures and--

- We are not having pictures all over the flat.

- Pink mats in the bathroom.

- Yeah, you've got no chance.

They'll be burnt trust me, on the balcony.

No pink is coming into the flat.

- Why? - 'Cause it ain't.

- Yeah, whatever.

- The only thing pink coming into this flat

is the bit of bacon for my bacon sandwich

the next morning.

- [laughing] Oh God.

- I've never seen you sit here

and get cookery books out,

what's all this about?

- Well, I want to make a nice meal for your family

to like break the ice and.

- Look at you getting up their arse.

Aye.

- No, I just think it'd be nice.

Why not cook a nice meal?

- Yeah. - Have everyone over,

we've never done it before.

- Do you want to prove to my family

that you're the perfect daughter-in-law.

- Yeah.

And I want you to prove

that you're a good husband.

- Husband, fucking hell,

slow down.

I'm only your fiance at the moment.

- Well obviously it does mean that we can't,

we can't move underneath Mark, don't it?

Because,

oh, I don't want to upset you,

but it's just because of,

by the time you will pass it,

the flat will be gone won't it?

Don't you think?

Anyway,

good news.

Look at me brighten up the day.

Turning a negative into a positive.

Um.

I've got you signed up to something.

- What do mean signed up to something?

- Well the reason I've treated you today,

not only was to obviously make you feel better,

because I know you really are upset.

But because I'm treating you to your last supper

until

you start a diet.

I've signed you up to Ellie's Slimming Club.

- That's for girls. - No, it's not.

- It's not for boys like me.

- You could be the first boy member.

Start a trend.

What do you think?

- What kind of diet?

- We go there,

she weighs us,

measures everything.

She measures your bingo wings

and your love handles,

and then she'll give us our diet plan,

so it tells us what sort of thing to follow,

what we can eat.

You're not happy about it?

- I don't know. - I thought you'd like it,

I thought you wanted to get started?

Yeah?

- Yeah.

Well as it's my last supper,

can I have dessert?

- James!

[dubstep music]

- This is it, innit?

Fucking hell.

- You feeling silly?

- I feel sick.

- Do ya? - M-hmm.

- It's gotta be done mate,

if that's what you need to do you have to do it.

- I know.

- You need to be an adult about it, aren't ya?

- Yeah, I'm trying but-- - Hi.

How are you? - I'm good, how are you?

- You look very smart. - Thank you.

- Why are you all dressed up?

- I'm working.

- What's up?

- Nothing, I'm just chilling,

working.

- Lets grab a drink.

Lets go over here and leave these to have a chat.

You gonna have a chat?

- Yeah.

- What?

- Nothing, I just, fucking hell.

- You look well stressed.

- Yeah, I am.

- Why? - I don't know.

I just,

honestly I feel such a prick.

- Why?

- Nothing.

- What, you're scaring me?

- Yeah, I know.

I just, I feel like, I don't know.

I haven't been really like a boyfriend, have I lately?

I ain't been seeing ya,

that's my choice you've done nothing wrong.

You know.

I just feel,

honestly I feel so bad.

- Right?

- I don't know what,

I really can't.

[sighing]

I think we should be single.

Oh, honestly.

I can't do this.

I really can't.

- What did he say?

- That he hasn't got time for a girlfriend.

That's so shit.

I can't breath.

- He's not a man, he hasn't got the balls to actually

say how he feels, so he leads you on and leads you on

and leads you on.

- He just like completely humiliated me

in a fucking club in a room full of people.

- Why would he tell you to come here?

So he can moan upstairs to his dad?

- I told her but.

I couldn't do it.

- Come on.

Come on, let's go.

- [Announcer] Next time on The Only Way is Essex.

Will it be pink curtains for Mark's bachelor pad?

And will Lauren cook up a storm?

Will Amy's new assistant prove to be

a beautician or a beast?

Will Kirk trade Lauren in for a newer model?

Will it be tough love for Sam?

Will Joey Essex fill Mark Wrights lucky pants?

- They wouldn't fit you, would they Arg?

- [Announcer] And will Lydia manage

to lighten the load on Arg?

- I was so close!

- [Announcer] Who knows?

These people are real.

And anything can happen on The Only Way is Essex.

♪ The only way is up

♪ Baby

♪ For you and me now

♪ The only way is up

♪ Baby

♪ For you and me now

♪ The only way is up

♪ Baby

♪ For you and me now