Original subtitles

Can you hear me, my dear?

Well, if you can, wave.

She's circling around again, Mr. Waverly.

Coming to the home stretch now?

The time's a little better, too.

You're not clocking a highness race, Mr. Slate. What are those people doing to

her?

Well... They've just released an eagle from the house.

It's hovering.

Don't be afraid. There's nothing to fear.

Just activate the electronic lure. As instructed.

You see, my mighty count, the eagle reacts at once.

Any moment now it will plummet from the sky.

On to the girl.

Tearing the pretty face to pieces.

I'm quite taken with the performance so far.

Particularly with the casting.

The Eagle's descending rapidly, sir.

I think it's about to attack Miss Dancer.

Well, don't do anything foolish.

Madame Verlander's up to something, and I doubt if it's murder.

The car's making about 70 kilometers.

The Eagle's doing a whole lot better, sir. Have I your permission to fire?

No, Mr. Slade, you have not.

It took Uncle several months to get April Dancer into their employ.

Your job is to observe.

You understand?

Observe. And nothing else.

If you fail in this, Gita, the experiment is unsuccessful.

You're going to have to explain an awfully public murder.

Franz, activate the molecular reorganizer.

We've seen enough.

Madame.

Madame, the switch is stuck. I can't adjust it.

For heaven's sake.

Don't shout.

I...

No.

No, you hit the girl.

has disappeared.

On the contrary.

I saw it disappear with my own eyes.

Not disappear.

We have simply reorganized its molecules.

The eagle, by the account, as I promised you, is over there.

Look.

thing transported the eagle?

From mid -air, over the car, and into that cage in the twinkling of an eye,

yes.

Now do you say that Rita Verlander is so passe she can no longer function

effectively the thrush? That machine, my dear Count, can transport

anything anywhere.

You mean to say you could transport humans?

People?

One molecule is much like another molecule.

At least to this. Why not?

Why not?

No, no, madame.

Believe me, you can't. We're still in the experimental stage with this.

We have cases unestablished who fail to survive the translation in space.

It's far, far too early even to think of using it.

On a human. Shut up, Franz.

You have no sense of adventure.

Sometimes I wonder why I didn't leave your tusk and sitting bootlaces.

Imperato here survived.

And as you see, in the best of health.

Gita, if you can show me a human transported that way.

And you can do it right now, today.

Today? No, that's not possible. No, we need... Before I must return to Paris, I

guarantee you that Thrush Council will supply you with anything and everything

you want.

I want what the council took from me.

For years I was the head of Thrush Baltic. They had no reason to retire me

except for jealousy, backbiting, and envy of my accomplishments.

Cheetah, if you can arrange this kind of miracle, you've never relinquished that

position.

It is I.

It's going to be the late I if one of the guards turns up.

Do try and look more like a sycamore, will you?

While I am known for my superior impersonations, trees so far have eluded

However... Waverley wants to know what happened to the eagle.

So would I.

One minute it was so close to me I thought I was Liza with the bloodhounds

her. The next, psh, nothing.

Thrush gets hold of whatever that machine is. Wow.

I'm afraid the bald -headed eagle may be doomed to extinction, not to mention

the rest of us.

Well, then I suppose purely in my capacity as a bird lover, I must

the house, liberate Madame's terrible toy, and make the world safe for the

Audubon Society.

Mark, how do you think she got mixed up in all of this?

You know, she's really quite a nice lady.

A great lady, even.

You've fallen under her spell already.

How long have you known her? Three weeks?

As at the Mozart Festival in Salzburg.

She tripped over my cello, which I very conveniently shoved under her.

She might as well have tripped over your corpse.

If you fail, she may.

You're very brave, my dear.

Almost as brave as you're beautiful.

Dankeschön, Garth.

Who's the glamour boy?

Our competition, dear.

Thrush.

My darling.

You were magnificent. So courageous.

And so very, very...

Pretty. Exactly what we wanted to capture the attention of the counter.

An exciting girl risking her life with a monstrous eagle and the

thrilling, last -minute, miracle escape.

Oh, it was opera.

Straight out of the magic flute, yeah?

Yeah. Well,

if this is not Salzburg, at least with me, if you are not attending the opera,

you are living it.

Yeah, you were terrified.

But terrified, yes, yes. But I trusted you, madame.

Oh, good.

I knew we should be friends from the first moment that we met.

Now, where was that, my dear?

In the funiculum, on the way to lunch.

Oh, yes.

I stepped on your cello. I was so clumsy.

But truthfully.

It was the boys.

The boys? The boys that surrounded you everywhere.

That first caught my eye. Or did you know that?

Nein, madame.

Now, my dear, I have a special favor that I want you to do for me.

Franz and I are going to repeat this morning's experiment.

At the express request of Count Egon.

Now, I want you to find me a young man.

Young, strong, strong to stand up to the experiment. I want no after effects

because of the effect on Count Egon.

He must give a good report of me to Thrush.

And you want me to find you a young man?

At least to tell me where to look.

She's a... This is not fair.

She's a nice girl.

Of course, she's a nice girl.

But nice girls like to look for nice boys.

There must be some place they go.

Yeah.

There is a little tea dance under Crosstown where they have telephones at

tables. Oh, is that still there?

You remember it, Mother?

Oh, vividly.

But I have not thought of it for so long.

The young men telephone, then they come to your table, and then you dance and

dance and dance.

And he must be attractive.

Yeah. And you want me to be the human guinea pig in this experiment, sir?

eagles disappear and reappear, it's extremely important for us to find out

would happen to a person under the same circumstances.

Oh, yes, quite, sir.

And, uh, again, let me caution you.

Be at this thé danseant on time.

Telephone Miss Dancer the moment she arrives at her table.

I'm on my way to Vienna now to help in any way I can.

Yes, sir.

Oh, and Mr. Slate, whatever you do, don't bungle this.

I'll try not to, sir.

Perfect. In life.

Good afternoon, dearly beloved. Good afternoon. Good afternoon.

Good afternoon. Good afternoon.

Good afternoon. Good afternoon.

Good afternoon.

Well, how can one be expected to dance to that?

I wish them to play a bewitching little tango.

Madame, I doubt if this orchestra knows.

Oh, ridiculous.

Of course they do. Wait here for me, Madame.

across the room at table four.

Table four?

Listen,

be sure and telephone me the minute I sit down.

Then come rushing over to the table and pretend not to know me.

Madam is waiting for you over there. May I show you?

The band leader claims he is only 20 and has never heard of a tango. It was

deliberate to make me feel old.

No.

Well, that is unimportant. This is what we came for.

Hello? Oh, no.

But the young lady would be enchanted to dance with you.

Oh, do join us immediately.

My dear, it was so simple one of his gifts.

How are they going to persuade him to come with us?

Oh, so naive. Of course, you could do it yourself, I know, but I always employ

this.

Old -fashioned, but as effective as it was when Lucrezia Borsio used it.

Cellini was a master of these things.

My dear boy and friend.

Do join us for a glass of wine.

Prost.

I had not expected it to work so soon.

I haven't used it in so long. It must have grown stronger with age.

Head over.

Our friend has been taken in.

Would a couple of your boys help you with the car?

Chanting little place you have here. Thank you. Such a pity they no longer

That table, sir? Yes, just over there.

It looks like they're laying extra power cables into the house.

No doubt it takes a good deal of electricity to make a man disappear.

I still don't understand why you're not that man.

I made a slight error, sir.

I'll get in the house.

I'll see that you do.

Mr. Slate.

Stop bungling. Start handling.

Sir?

No, no, no, no. Gita.

Gita?

There you are.

I hope I haven't delayed anything. I was detained unavoidably.

What was her name?

Why, Gita, such a thought.

Are we nearly ready?

Certainly. And we have our human subject. He is upstairs in the

We'll be regaining consciousness soon.

I'll tell Madame.

Yes, sir.

Make sure the bonds remain fastened.

Mark?

Where are you?

At the tree.

What on earth happened in that dance hall?

Doesn't matter right now. I need help as soon as possible.

As soon as I get my disguise.

Of course, frontline immediately.

How did I get here?

What is this place?

Your apartment?

You're a hi -fi addict, and you collect op art.

I assure you, I have the least bit of interest in hi -fi, and it's not pop

Your head's spinning.

Lie back and relax.

What happened now?

The game?

Do you kiss me?

No. I just want to get out of this thing.

What is it?

Well, it's a... It's a cage with a false bottom.

No home's complete without one.

I do hope you're mechanically minded.

What's it for?

I think it's a bit of slate of hands designed to convince us that Madame

Volander's reorganizing machine.

Really works.

When it doesn't.

I beg your pardon.

What?

Well, you see, there was this bird trying to attack me. An eagle.

A madam turned a ray on it and it disappeared. It was supposed to reappear

here. But as you can see with this false bottom, it's obviously another bird.

Never mind.

Just get me loose and I'll explain it to you once I get you out of here.

Out? Why should I want to leave?

This is charming, your flag.

Such a unique approach to interior decoration.

Also, there's you, too.

Alone at last.

Please!

What happened?

You drugged the wine and brought me here to have your way with me?

Oddly enough, you're not too far off the mark.

Very well.

I surrender.

What's your name?

Dieter.

Listen, Dieter.

I'm sure you surrendered divinely. And I may take you up on a later date right

now. I don't have the time.

You're in terrible danger.

We must get you out of here as quickly as possible.

The Sultan's returned unexpectedly and is about to slay everyone in the harem.

No, no.

Just you.

Now listen to me.

Somewhere in this room is a death ray.

And by unanimous consent, you've been chosen as its first human subject.

Now look, it's only a story and a half drop.

Once you get down, run like a bunny for the wall. Over the wall and go. Just go

anywhere and hide.

You are serious?

Certainly. There is danger?

Yes. What about yourself?

Don't worry about me. I'll manage.

But if you're in danger, what kind of a man am I to leave a young girl like

yourself here undetected?

A very wise man. Now, go, please.

Here, you.

Put that down.

Come in here.

Move the piano.

I want this entire side of the wall clear. Put it over there.

Of course.

Uncle Agent, house!

Good, good.

No, this will fail there.

Madame! Madame!

There is a non -collision!

What? I'm in here. What is it?

There is a non -collision, madame. Not France allowed to store his uniform.

There he is!

What?

gone. Someone has got into the house.

He's knocked out one of the guards.

Stole his uniform.

Oh, only to be expected, I suppose.

Uncle generally hears of interesting developments.

Blue alert.

Electrify all entrances and exits.

April.

April.

Wait. Too late. Back in with you.

April, dear.

I beg you not to overexcite him.

Feeling better, huh?

Ja, danke schön.

Ja, well enough to join the rest of us.

Bring him into the drawing room quickly, my dear.

Ja.

Bring the machines down from upstairs.

What is it? The machines.

We must begin immediately.

They take time even to move.

They're heavy.

But we have no time.

Uncle has ruined too many things for me to run any chance of now.

Perhaps we should postpone. Why?

Surely you're not afraid of one little uncle agent?

Anyway, we have no time. The head of Flash Council is coming his way here.

You see, whatever happened, We must not alarm the boy.

Slate. Mr. Slate, where are you?

The piano.

Well, get out at once.

We've learned that Thrush is sending a gang of operatives disguised as Uncle

Ben. You must get that machine before they do.

Shh, sir. The place is swarming with guards.

I'm sending assistance and...

Here it is.

Ah, here it is.

Mr. Slade.

Mr. Slade.

Oh, how unfortunate that you have no longing at all, my dear. We could have

impromptu musicale.

I do so enjoy the impromptu in life, don't you? The happy accident. Well,

is how we met our dear April, or how we met you.

Oh, now do play, please.

The piano is like France.

An old instrument, but I think in tune.

Not that kind of pianist, madame. I play in a nightclub. It's mostly umpapa,

umpapa. Oh, how refreshing.

Well, I'm sure whatever you do, you do it most artistically.

Now, I insist you must play.

You're very kind, madame, but it's time I returned. We start early at the club.

Oh, no.

No, no, no, no. You can't leave. Not now.

No, the Count has many interests in nightclubs. It could be helpful to you.

Now, so start, I insist.

Oh, any little thing.

Well, I see what France is up to.

I don't know what to play.

I'm not used to such a beautiful instrument.

Play.

It sounds like they're very something.

Oh! There he goes!

I'm here!

I'm here!

An uncle communicator.

I have not heard in years.

You hear it, Egon?

Someone has an uncle communicator.

There is an uncle agent in this room.

Who is it?

Don't be ridiculous, Gita. What will I be doing with an uncle communicator?

I don't know.

But I find out.

Which of you has it?

Don't try to hide it, you can't.

Me. Impossible.

You cannot be an uncle agent. I picked you up myself in the darn wall.

What is your name?

Mark Slade.

Tell me all the instructions that you have from Uncle.

Uncle.

Uncle Puzzi on Mama's side?

Or Uncle Fritz on Papa's?

Uncle. The secret organization, Alexander Waverly.

Who?

Something is wrong with the truth here. The very deepest, Uncle.

I'm sure I've been told to forget everything under this kind of drug.

But he has never heard of Uncle.

He told us more when he was conscious.

Personally, I can no longer even take bicarbonate of soda.

A little pineapple juice, please.

That's the extent of my medication.

It doesn't matter.

The experiment will be completed in a few moments.

And whatever Uncle has planned, now we are in guard against him.

Keep an eye on him. He gives no trouble. I get the men to take the last of the

machines. We should proceed, huh, Egon?

Oh, I'm very anxious, too. As soon as the Thrive Council arrives, of course

there must still be the other uncle agent somewhere, the one who took care

the guard outside.

Oh, I'm not afraid.

I have you, I have the guards, I have France here, and I have my dear

April.

Well, we are a match for anything uncle can do, huh?

Open Channel D, please.

Channel D.

Come in, Miss Dancer.

Where's Mr. Slade?

I don't know, sir.

They almost caught him. They got his communicator. He's somewhere hiding in

house.

I thought as much.

Well, delay things as long as you can.

I'm here in Vienna myself now with a crew of uncle men all ready to seize the

equipment. With any luck at all, your friend the Count will mistake us for his

men disguised as uncle agents.

And what about the thrush operatives, sir? When will they be here?

Well, they'll be delayed.

Or stopped altogether.

Oh, don't worry.

We'll be there before them.

Seize the machine.

Right.

Were you talking to somebody?

I heard voices.

To the boy, sir. I was trying to find out some information about Uncle.

Doctor, you cannot go through with this experiment.

It's not science. It's murder.

Have you been trying?

I am not ashamed.

I found out about the cage and the eagle. This is not the same eagle we

outside. Your great invention, Doctor, is a fake.

If you tell this to a living soul...

I will not have to tell anyone. They will find out soon enough when you fail

reorganize him.

I have had no choice.

I have none now.

Madam is going to find out this is all an illusion, a trick.

She can't help but find out.

She won't find out.

I'll tell her it was a power failure, mechanical failure, anything.

For years I've been deceiving her, lying to her.

The one thing that's kept her alive is her hope that she could rejoin the

organization.

I didn't count on her calling Egan so soon.

She always liked him even in the old days.

I might have guessed she wanted to show him she could still be powerful.

And even perhaps persuade him to go back with her.

And what about the boy?

You're going to continue with this charade knowing he will be killed?

He's an uncle agent, isn't he?

Why shouldn't he die?

I have no sympathy.

They've tried to get rid of us often enough.

Let him die.

One less in the world, I say.

Now, take down that computer, that amplifier.

And I want those batteries too, hurry.

Is that where you've been?

I've been climbing all over the house looking for you.

I wonder if the old girl knows the whole place is full of dry rot, termites and

rats.

If you ask me, they're all a bunch of rats.

Did you hear that, Doctor?

He didn't seem to take to him much, did he?

Mark, we can't let them kill him. We've got to get him out of here.

What, and give the game away before the boys come and grab the prize apple?

Look, if they don't get the death ray, there are going to be a lot more corpses

lying around than that kid, believe me.

Sometimes I think you're as inhuman as they are.

Sometimes you're right.

Well?

Take your clothes off.

I beg your pardon?

You, my dear friend and associate, are going to take his place on the cot.

Well, you'll look enough alike if you lie on your face.

Well, I'm game.

What do we do with the piano player?

In there.

In the cage?

Right. Isn't that a rather obvious place to hide anyone?

I don't think so.

Especially when the cage has a trick bottom.

Well, something tells me.

But when he comes to, he ain't gonna like it.

April?

April?

Why do you lock the door?

It's the other agent.

I didn't like being left alone here with the door open.

I was frightened.

My poor girl.

When you have been at this business as long as I, these little things do not

frighten you. The act of stimulants.

Oh, don't tell poor Franz Josef or Egon. But with all the mess and the muddle

and everything, I have not felt so well as this in years.

He's still sleeping. I cannot understand.

And why the theorem did not work.

It's baffling. In here, hurry.

Be careful.

Give it to Dr. von Schoenberg in the drawing room. Take the man on the

also.

Don't drop him.

I'd better keep a hand on him, April.

Oh, yes, take the cage down, too.

It's a cage.

Oh, yes.

When we reorganize his molecules, it's better he keep under restraint.

One never knows in these things, you know.

We may not reorganize all of him.

For instance, his brain.

The men are all here, Count.

Ready to move in and seize the equipment. On your signal.

I'll use this.

We must be sure Madame Volander thinks you're uncle agents.

And rather she blame Alec Waverly than Trash.

That should do it.

Obvious but effective.

And don't hurt anyone, especially me.

Tie us up and get out with the machine.

Yes, sir.

Oh, Egon.

Egon. Count Egon, where are you?

Right here, right here. We are ready to begin.

Oh, good.

Gentlemen.

I've located the master switch.

When Madame presses the molecular reorganizer, I'll pull the switch. You

under the settee.

You do here is to obey your sultan and you live ten thousand years.

Personally, I'll settle for three score and ten.

Are you ready?

April, get out of the way. You're too close to the machine.

Count the demonstration that you asked for.

That will prove everything.

We trust so.

The molecular reorganizer will make the man disappear from there and

reappear in that cage, just as we did with the eagle this morning.

We can't ask for more than that, can we?

All right.

Put on your underbatches. Come on.

We've blown a fuse. I told you. The circuits are overloaded. But I can't

the machine has worked or not. The auxiliary power.

Hurry. Hurry.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh, Frank.

Frank. I can't.

I've done it!

I've done it!

Poor Jeta Verlander.

Have they taken her away yet?

Yes, sir.

She still doesn't quite know what happened.

Now I suppose she never will.

I don't know that I will either, nor that I want to.

I don't understand anything.

Oh, yes, you do.

At least now you know better than to pick up girls in dance halls.

I work in one.

And I never did play for you.

You must come and hear me.

We're leaving on the ten o 'clock plane.

Such a beautiful instrument.

If only the rest of it were here.

And you had your cello. You could make beautiful music together.

I doubt it, the cello business was a gambit.

Actually, she's turned it.

Untrue.

I can hum practically everything.

Love songs?

Especially love songs.

I wonder what became of the rest of it.

I believe the theory is, sir, that it's not actually been destroyed, simply

pushed into the fourth dimension.

Fourth dimension?

What is that?

It means it still exists, but you can't see it.

If only it did.

The piano concerto came to you on Armed Forces Radio through the cooperation

of... Mark's communicated there.

Ever since the piano lid hit it, it's been receiving short waves.