Original subtitles

Direct hit. Target destroyed.

It works.

It works!

It works!

Magnificent shooting, Professor.

Very easy. The submarine was only 200 miles away.

Nevertheless, it proves that Spud can destroy anything in the water. From a

guppy to an entire nuclear fleet.

It is the ultimate marine weapon.

Silent, swift, virtually undetectable.

It is perfect.

Not exactly.

In approximately five seconds, today is an off -scene.

Tomorrow... What happened? Why did it do that?

It happens every time.

And it will keep on happening until I get the rest of the clans for the power

regulator module.

Without them, the unit will eventually store up enough millivolts to blast us

into orbit.

Why those clans at Techlectro did not build it directly into the circuitry?

My dear professor, you forget. It was those clods at Techlectro who invented

SPAT. We merely borrowed their plans.

And may I remind you, the test for the evaluating committee is only four days

off. I suggest you get the plans to me no later than the day after tomorrow.

Calm yourself, my dear professor.

Our agent at Techlectro assures me he has the situation well in hand.

I don't care if it's a man or a woman doing the job, if the job gets done. Do

you understand? Ah, good. Thank you. Wonderful. Have coffee. Coffee, please.

Which one of you miserable magpies touched that blue cheese?

Well, I did.

We were out of blue cheese dressing, so I made some.

What's wrong with that? Fool.

The cheese is in fury. I was sending it back to my importer.

How many people did you serve it to?

Only one.

Table 12.

I am working on a paper now that will absolutely prove the red -shift quasar

posture is compatible with Al's theory.

Al?

Einstein. Then you did your undergraduate work in astrophysics, Dr.

Wiggins. No, no.

Medicine. I wanted to be a doctor. That is, until I met Al.

Einstein.

Schweitzer. What would Al Einstein be doing in the Congo?

Please accept my deepest apologies, Mr... Dr.

Vicken. Thank you, Dr. Vicken.

Wrong salad.

That's the salad I started and that's the salad I will finish.

But the blue cheese dressing, sir, it's not up to our usual high standards. I

started, I ordered this, I will finish it. My mother always said. I don't care

what your mother says. Now let go. Let go yourself.

Let go. Let go.

Let go.

Let go.

Let go. Let go.

Let go.

Let go.

Let go.

Let go. Let go.

Let go.

Let go.

Don't think I won't report this to personnel.

Shut up.

I'll blow his head off.

Yesterday's unfortunate incident at the Techlectro Corporation had at least one

residual benefit.

We now know that Thrush has infiltrated to the very top of our secret defense

planning. Our records show that every Techlectro employee has a current top

security clearance, sir.

Including the chef.

That's a fact our Thrush friends would find most amusing, I'm sure.

Do you notice anything peculiar about their cheese?

Well, it's a bit gamey for my taste, sir.

Hmm. Seems like an ordinary piece of Danish blue.

Anything special about it?

I'll leave you to be the judge, Miss Stanton.

A micro -duct?

The missing wedge was riddled with them.

But as the waiter didn't slice it exactly on the mark, there are a few

that we've been able to salvage.

A light speed is supposed to kill me.

Seems the chef divided his talents between the culinary and the

arts.

This is the same micro dot.

It's the final blueprint for Spud's power regulator module.

What exactly is a Spud, sir?

It stands for Sonic Propulsion Underwater Demolition. A weapon of

potential. The chef microfilmed each Spud plan.

then secreted the microdots in wedges of blue cheese.

Each week, he found an excuse to return one or two of the wedges to the

importer, who in turn shipped it back to Denmark and Thrush.

Do you think it's possible that Thrush has already built a spud unit?

Yes, I do.

We believe it's the explanation of yesterday's submarine disaster.

From the position of the wreckage, I venture to say the spud unit is located

somewhere about here.

Without the power regulator module, the spud unit could prove quite difficult

and dangerous to operate.

We have the cheese.

Thrush is only hope now of building a module, as in Wickens' digestive tract.

So you want us to get to Wickens before Thrush gets the microdots?

In addition to locating and destroying the spud unit.

By the way, it might interest you to know that your Dr. Wickens is an

imposter.

His real name, as far as we can make out, is Stanley Umlaut.

His tech -lectro colleagues are quite upset.

He had the lead in their amateur theatrical production.

Well, I'm afraid dear old Stanley has just lost his amateur status.

Oh,

none of that, sir.

I hope you forgive me.

And please enjoy your vacation.

Goodbye.

Anton?

That was very awkward of you.

Hand it over, you blatant throwback.

Hand what over, Connie?

It's in his cup, Connie.

Oh, thank you, Gretel, dear.

Hansel.

Heck, I never fun.

No, I'll show you fun.

How many times have I told you we don't want the police around here anymore

looking for lost bullets?

You're a bad boy, Hansel.

And you know what Granny does with bad boys?

Granny, I want Hansel and Gretel to pick up our usual parcel at the train

station. And don't dawdle on the way. There is not a moment to waste.

children.

Now go.

Fresh from the oven. Used the way you used to like them as a boy.

I'm still the same boy you found wandering in the woods, Granny.

Everything I am today, I owe to you.

I always knew you as different from the others.

You had ambition.

True. While most of my playmates were content to remain mere soup stains on

vest of time, I strove to engrave my thumbprint on the eyeglass of eternity.

Oh, you do have a way with words.

Well, I must be off.

I just received a message from Central.

There was a slip -up at the tech -lectro end. Our man narrowly escaped.

What about the plants?

Safe.

Fortunately, the bungling fool managed to ship them. You'll have them within

hour. And then, Professor, nothing can stop us.

Oh, really?

Why don't you go get the rental car, huh? Right -o.

I hope it doesn't lead up another blind alley.

I'll wait here. I'll be right back.

Good God.

Oh, Hansel.

I hope you're feeling strong today.

Why today?

Instead of your usual parcel of one or two cheeses, this time Granny's got a

whole plate on her hands.

You sure this is ours?

Yeah.

Oh.

Really better shape up. There are so many refugees coming back from the

States. The government will be after her to get an import license.

How are you? How do you feel?

How do I feel?

I went numb over Halifax. Oh, it's pressure. Terrible.

Come on. Wait a minute.

Stanley.

Stanley. Here.

Here. Let me get your feet.

I can't believe it.

Would you mind telling me what is going on?

It's time to not make her.

We've got to try and get out of here.

company. Let's give them a rousing welcome.

Well, here's another fine mess you got me into, Stanley.

Uh, no, sir.

I checked out the railway station after I found a cosmetic bag, but nobody

remembers seeing a lead.

Uh, Mr. Stanley Umler.

Any progress to report there?

I haven't picked up his trail yet, sir. At the moment, I'm in... At the moment,

Mr. Slade.

Uh, is that a message from me, Mr. Covington? Not exactly, sir. I was on

the newsroom when this came over the Scandinavian wire. I thought you'd want

see it.

Mr. Slade, I have a report to hear that a sudden rash of dead fish have turned

up in the water's old harbour.

Local fishing association claim that the fish have been poisoned.

Oh, it might just be a spud unit.

It's an interesting correlation, dead fish and thrush.

Check it out.

Here's a two.

As for Miss Dancer, I'm certain we'll hear from her before long.

That girl has an uncanny knack for survival.

Yes, sir.

I'd feel a lot better if I knew where she was.

Why did I order that salad?

Who was it that said, there's something there is that doesn't love a walk?

My mother.

Your mother said that?

No, no, no. I mean, I ordered that salad because of my mother.

Look, she starts squirming around. I almost had it that time.

She worries a lot about my health.

Who does?

Oh, brother. My mother. Oh, I got it.

Now, careful, careful.

Yeah. Careful. Don't drop it.

Like the time I was in Alaska, she used to send me a crate of lemons.

You know, my mother's very big on vitamin C, the sunshine vitamin.

Uh -huh.

What were you doing in Alaska?

Practicing law. But then things got kind of slow, you know, so I switched over

to oral surgery.

By the way, you've got a very nice bike.

Thank you.

No wonder your mother worries.

She gave birth to a cast of thousands.

Why do you do it, Stanley?

Repersonating lawyers and dentists. No, oral surgeon.

There's a big difference between general dentistry and oral surgery, according

to the American Dental Association.

This is hardly the time or place for a toothpaste test.

Oh,

plastic explosives.

You didn't... Yes, I was the demolition expert on the S1 dam project. Well,

this project's just a little smaller. The theory's the same.

Yeah? Now, when this door blows, you just put your head down and follow me,

right? Yeah.

Here you go.

Hello?

Now I'll have to get a new door for my key.

Another moment you could have saved yourselves the trouble, Miss Stanza.

It's that time.

What time?

Time to operate.

On Stanley.

Huh? I simply must have those micro -dots.

After you.

No.

They're mad, all of them.

Now, now, Stanley, there's no need to carry on this way.

I assure you Granny knows exactly what she's doing.

It will all be over before you know it. That's exactly what I'm afraid of.

Look, can't we talk this over before it's too late? But there's nothing to

about. The micro dots are here. The only way to get them out is there.

Elementary, wouldn't you say, my dear Stanley?

Oh, yes.

Stanley! Get back!

Yeah.

wouldn't you, Miss Dancer?

You both must be exhausted after so much exercise.

A nice invigorating dip should fix that up properly.

Enjoy your swim while it lasts.

Glasses. Everything is blurry.

One thing's clear. If we don't drown, we'll freeze to death.

Well, wait a minute.

They have to let the water out of here somehow. Did you see anything that

like a drain?

I wasn't looking.

But I will now. Here goes.

Did you find anything?

We have the hatch down there. It's that door. Can you help me?

Wait a minute. I've got some water in my ear.

Come on.

Look, you're making a bad mistake. I'm not who you think I am.

Our friend here says we're making a bad mistake.

Is that right?

Right.

He also says that he's not who we think he is. Right again.

You pompous carp.

You think I'm going to stand here while you lie your guilt away?

We caught you red -handed poisoning our fish and grounds.

Can you deny that?

Vigorously, if you only let me.

Who do you work for?

An organization called Uncle.

Why are they poisoning our fish?

They're not thrushes.

It's very simple. If you'll just let me explain.

There's no use being gentle with your kind.

There's only one language you clizlings understand.

You're perfectly right, Oli.

Why didn't they let you know sooner?

The evaluating committee apparently couldn't care less about my schedule.

They just up and tell you they're arriving a day sooner because their

demands it.

Will you be ready for the test?

I'll have to be.

After you finish the autumn, please, and have the my products, Wotan assures me

he can build the regulator module in eight hours.

Of course, the new schedule means I'll have to select a new... A new test

to coincide with their change of plans.

Have there been any further intercepts of fresh messages this evening?

Uh, no, sir, just that one.

At least we know the date of the spud test.

And that the evaluating committee is arriving a day earlier than expected.

Yes, we know that, all right.

What we don't know, that pains me.

Where the test will be held.

What the new target will be.

Mr. Kovacs, if you were the head of Danish Thrush and you were faced with

problem of finding a new test target, which of these vessels would you select?

They'll all be within a thousand miles radius of Denmark by tomorrow noon.

Uh, this one, sir, the Remus.

Why so certain?

Playing a hunch?

No, sir. If I were about to launch a new weapon, I'd look for a target worthy of

its powers.

The Remus will be approximately 600 miles off Denmark tomorrow on her maiden

voyage. She's been publicized as the fastest and safest ship ever built. Yes.

We'll be in keeping with rush methods.

If only we'd be certain.

The older I grow, the more I realize that life is one gigantic series of

compromises. Don't fret about it, Ori.

I'm sure that the Remus will be a lovely target for the test.

I was really looking forward to that nuclear carrier.

What a bang she would have made.

I hope the committee will understand.

for some searching parties, Mr. Beckman? What do you think, you stupid lout?

I want every man we have into the field. I want you to tear up the countryside,

do anything you have to, but find them, and when you do, kill them on

sight.

Bergman's men must be crawling all over the place. We'll be safer in the forest.

That sounds like a motorcycle.

It only sounds like a motorcycle. It is a motorcycle.

Come on, Sam.

Throughout a dangerous road, someone should put a stop sign here.

you could find some way to attract his attention.

Sure.

Excuse me, my good man.

I say,

old chap, is that absolutely necessary?

Accosting people in the streets?

All I want to know is the directions to the town square.

The square?

I mean, really.

Good.

I used to teach karate in Tokyo.

What is the delay? Why do we not stop the test at once?

Budman, are you having trouble?

No trouble, sir. What makes you think we have trouble?

No, I shall tell Volkan to start immediately.

Hansel.

This is Bradley calling.

Do you read me?

Some disastrous habit.

I can feel it in my bones.

Anywhere again?

Nothing.

Perhaps we should postpone the test until the uncle agents are found.

Impossible.

My entire future in trash depends on this test.

If I fail now, I may never have another opportunity to prove my leadership

ability. But this is sheer folly.

Once I bring the spy unit up to full power, we're doomed.

You saw yourself what happens with only partial power.

We must have the regulator module.

Remus will be less than 500 miles off the coast.

Half power should more than do the job.

Start warming up the units now, Professor.

Someone has broken the electric bi -beam in the main tunnel.

is what I call a determined woman.

Foolish, but determined.

Have Stanley placed in a maximum security cell.

What about her?

I shall look after her personally.

Exactly. You see, we start the test immediately.

I demand to know what is the delay.

My dear Sendall, what are a few extra moments when you learn of the surprise I

have planned for you?

Surprise? What kind of surprise?

Have you heard of April Dalton?

The Uncle Agent? The very pretty Uncle Agent.

What about her?

In addition to the test, gentlemen, it will give me great pleasure to present

for your edification and entertainment her demise.

Now, if you'll follow me, please.

This gentleman is the Remus.

In a few minutes, she'll be entering our target zone.

And now, for a preview of the entertainment I promised you.

Excellent, Bergman.

Excellent.

I knew you'd appreciate it, gentlemen.

The instant the spud beam comes up to full power, as it streaks toward the

liner,

Bye -bye, little uncle girl.

I told you your way wouldn't work.

He has a strong bag, that one.

What if he was stealing the tooth?

Oh, it all starts up again.

It's as guilty as they come.

He's worth more to us dead than alive.

Let's string up his miserable body in the town square as a warning to his team

and friends.

machine gun.

Ah, I invented it. The Stanley Mark IV.

That's my gun.

You invented this?

Yes, my son, which is why I must warn you. Do not try to fire that particular

weapon under any circumstances.

The firing pin?

Defective. Yes, that could be one of the earlier models with the weak recoil

spring, which caused a lot of them to blow up right in your face.

Here. Let me look at that, my son.

Yeah.

Uh -huh.

Take off your clothes.

Faster. The test, gentlemen, will begin in exactly

ten seconds.

is zero minus one minute of time.

Zero minus 55 seconds.

Bergman wants you. He asked me to take over.

Tell me, Bergman, is there any way for the spud beam to unlock itself from its

target?

Virtually impossible.

The only thing that could possibly make it deviate from the target would be a

close -range signal on the same frequency.

The likelihood of that ever happening is most remote.

Zero minus 30 seconds.

The unit.

Have we left the signal?

No, we're still on dock with it.

Do something. The unit is out of control.

We'll pick up and have the signal in our favor. I can't jam it out.

Take her to port.

Back to tarmac.

Half speed.

Reverse your engines.

assassin from the thief.

First poison, then we'll wreck Channel Market.

Gentlemen, I don't have a clue as to what you're talking about.

But I'd be absolutely delighted to come on board and listen to whatever you have

to say.

The signal must be coming from the communications room.

Guards! Guards!

Someone is using a transmittal in the communications room. Get it!

I can't bring you back to the position.

It's out of control.

I say, I think we've popped off at the wrong time. Good job.

It's going to blow up.

I want to get through.

I've got a chance of a lifetime on my hands, and you wipe it away.

I won't do that, Mark.

I didn't go to the downfall.

You did.

makes you think I would believe anything you say?

Look, John, you can always shoot us later, but unless you turn this boat

and get it moving fast... We'll blow up.

Both of you try my patience with your lies. I think I'll kill you now.

We tried to warn him.

At least now he won't be on our cut.

You're telling the truth?

Yes.

Happens to the best of us, everyone, so what?

Look, not a quarter to two.

Are you sure you told Stanley to meet us here?

Twice. He said he had to go off and buy a souvenir for his mother.

Mark. Hmm?

You don't think he could be off on one of those?

No, I think he's cured of that for good. I hope you two aren't waiting for this

train here.

Shouldn't we be?

Well, it has been chartered by the Prime Minister of Rupi. No passengers

allowed. Now look here, I've got to be in Copenhagen by 6 .30. I have a plane

catch. I'm sorry, but the Prime Minister has taken over the entire train.

He's giving a private party.

Your names wouldn't be...

Dance and say good day. Yes, yes. Why didn't you tell me? Here are your names

from the Prime Minister's VIP list.

Thank you.

Check this out.

I don't believe it.

If you knew Stanley like I know Stanley, you'd believe anything.

Well, shall we?

Mustn't keep the Prime Minister away.