Original subtitles

Hmm.

Let's lock in...

..frustrated.

Bingo! Great job, Xen.

Neurotypical humans are confusing,

but since I coexist in a world with them,

it seems wise to make an effort to understand them.

You're smashing it!

But we've got to get these toys to Chaos before the fete today.

You know what he's like when he's bored.

I do hope our haunted house raises the funds required for school camp.

I've given a Bert-clad guarantee!

People are going to have their bums scared off.

BILLIE SCREAMS Billie, what is it?!

What the heck is this nightmare?

What is it doing in our house?

CLOWN LAUGHS MENACINGLY This is Sir Chuckles Magoo III.

I thought Chaos might want to play with him.

No! Clowns are terrifying and should be cancelled.

Get rid of it, and let's go.

CLOWN LAUGHS MENACINGLY

CHUCKLES LAUGHS MENACINGLY

See you, Chaos!

Have fun with the toys! DOOR CLOSES

CHAOS CHIRPS

Oo-o-oh.

CLOWN LAUGHS MENACINGLY Argh!

Epic entrance, D-Train.

So tell me, how scary IS this haunted house...

..on a scale of one to ten?

Um, a billion.

Boss! Be even more boss if we could put Chaos Spooky in there.

We still don't know what that feral furball actually is.

There's no way we want it out in public again. Hmm.

Bert, did we just make you feel hopeless?

Nah, why?

Your body language suggested so. WATCH BEEPS

Time's up. Engaging "Undercover Sports Cat" mode. Really?

Robina makes it her business to know stuff.

And if she knew about spooky stuff... OK. OK. Got it.

All the stuffs. Derek out.

So Robert Rodriguez - my dad -

has generously agreed to match-fund the gross profit

from today's haunted house. Yay!

Basically, he'll double any of the money we make for school camp.

Hopefully this haunted house is tres scary so that our school camp

can get its glamp on.

Haunted houses aren't scary. I don't reckon clowns are scary,

but you nearly pooped your pants when YOU saw one.

Sadie, Khaled, time to get your scary on.

Don't forget, we got a Bert-clad guarantee -

crazy scared or get your cash back.

Ha-ha-ha-ha!

Ha-ha-ha-ha! What's so funny?

It's not scary at all! Ha-ha-ha-ha!

Feedback is vital. Talk to me.

Ha-ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha-ha!

Bert, what happened to scary? You promised scary.

Why are you guys laughing?

The clown! Clowns everywhere, so funny!

Clowns? Aren't any clowns in there.

Money back, please.

This is on you, Guarantee Guy.

If we have to give everyone their money back,

this school camp is not going to happen.

Bert, fix it! Let's bounce.

Got it. I'm leaning into scary big time.

Righto, students, this arvo's prezo with Robert Rodriguez

from Rodriguez Realty's really got to rock, you read me?

Loud and clear, Miss Norris.

Righto. Hold your purse, it's time to rehearse.

Derek, do us a favour, go grab the cheque, will you? Yo!

Miss Norris, just a question...

MENACING LAUGHTER

Earth to Derek!

What is it? Nothing. Sorry.

Let's do this.

Good.

Robina, you be you.

Derek, you're Mr Rodriguez.

What are you waiting for, a written invite?

Hurry the heck up.

Derek, what are you doing? Macaroni cheese, Derek, better freeze!

HONK!

That's not fine! Derek, you've crossed a line.

Something's up with that haunted house.

My Bert-stinct's pinging.

There's something spooky, I can feel it.

So some kids laughed at a clown? But Derek confirmed there were no

clown items on his inventory. There's a Spooky in there.

We got to get in there with the Spooky Detector

and do a clown sweep. Fine.

Do your sweep. I'll wait. Billie, are you feeling...

..scared?

As if!

No, you're completely right, Xen. No!

I just...

I don't do clowns. Urgh!

Ri-i-i-ight.

You stay here. We got you covered!

WHISPERS ECHO

MENACING LAUGHTER

Anything?

Alas.

MENACING LAUGHTER

A-a-a-argh! A-a-a-rgh!

BERT EXHALES Ta, Xen.

MENACING LAUGHTER, SCREAMING

Sorry should've warned you about that.

WOLF HOWLS A-a-a-argh!

And that.

There's definitely nothing funny about this haunted house.

Quite the contrary.

It's creepy.

Thanks, Xen!

What's that?

I think it's some sort of handkerchief.

Urgh! It's like something's holding it! Whoa!

Bert! Status report?

I'm OK, Xen.

This isn't right.

We didn't put this stuff here.

It's a clownfest. So it is.

In fact, it's almost a...

..clown nest?

Bert? It HAS to be a Spooky.

This supports your clown hypothesis.

It's clown-taminated.

Shall we use the Spooky Detector? Unwise. Too many civilians.

Plus, we don't need it.

You found clown stuff, right?

Obviously, there's a pranking human clown on the loose,

so all we have to do is...

Clown! Where?!

Clowns, show yourselves!

False alarm.

Hmm, maybe not. Been in the haunted house today?

Pfft, no, I've been busy selling these bad boys.

Yeah, moving tonnes of product.

How many's "tonnes"? Loads.

How many's "loads"? Heaps. How many's "heaps"?

Two.

Let's find the buyers.

THEY EXHALE

Let's not make this go for a second longer than it needs to.

Take them off.

So, which one of you was in the haunted house this morning?

Who's been in at all?

Billie, if I'm reading our suspects correctly,

they look...mildly terrified.

Might I suggest some "good cop"?

I'll take that as a "yes".

Greetings. Compliments on the mask.

Might you be so kind as to tell us whether you've been

near the haunted house today?

Ah-ha! I knew it! Spill, kid.

So we walked past a haunted house

that had been closed for maintenance all morning -

we didn't go in there!

You can't keep us here just cos you don't like masks.

Apologies. I'm not sure what's gotten into my colleague.

You're free to leave.

Enjoy the festivities.

Yeah, beat it, kid. Scram!

Yo, forget whatever path you're going down,

it's definitely the wrong path because there's a Spooky.

Let me guess - this is based on a feeling with no proof?

CHUCKLING

Derek, what happened? ..and the clown's nose was spinning

and I was all, "Whoa."

Then it blinked and I was all, "Ha-ha!"

Cos everyone got a clown face and now I can't stop laughing.

Still reckon it's not a Spooky?

There you are! Ready for a picnic?

We got a seriously serious haunted house sitch.

Perhaps Derek and Xena could deal with the "sitch"

and you could spare a tight ten with us? I made vegan scones?

Sure. We can spare ten, Ed.

We'll assess the situation and report back.

Ha-ha-ha-ha! Oh, they're everywhere! Everyone's a clown.

Too much fairy floss? Something like that.

All the cattle escaped,

but Chewie - my blue cattle dog - rounded up all the cattle

before they could destroy the fete

and I won a chip on a stick. Ha-ha-ha-ha!

You really love a chip on a stick. Hmm!

Shall I jam you a vegan scone, Billie?

I guess.

More jam, Billie?

Um...

Billie, what are you doing? Actually, don't want it.

It's OK. More vegan scones for me!

No, Billie, no. Jane made vegan scones specially.

You asked for a vegan scone, have a vegan scone.

I don't want a stupid vegan scone, OK?!

Bill!

I got this, Ed.

What was that about, BB?

My name's, Billie, Cheez Doodle.

I saw the floaty clown head thingy.

Did it do that nose spinny thing?

Don't know. Couldn't look at it.

Urgh!

DEREK GIGGLES

Well, at least YOU'RE having a good time. Not really.

Turns out laughing all the time isn't that much fun.

My ribs ache and I'm pretty sure I hurt Miss Norris's feelings before.

Can't be as bad as what I did to Jane.

She was trying to be nice and I freaked.

Why are you so afraid of clowns?

They just don't make sense.

They look human, but also sort of not.

Like, with their faces, you can't tell what they're really thinking.

Welcome to my world.

You're all clowns to me.

No matter what shapes your features make,

it's like...a Year 10 maths test

trying to figure out what feelings are going on underneath.

If Xena can learn to deal with our faces,

then maybe Billie can learn to deal with CLOWN faces.

Yeah, no, thank you. We got to catch it.

It's not going to stop till everyone's laughing.

But not funny "ha-ha".

Fine. What's the plan?

Make you clown-proof!

This is a terrible idea.

Hit it, Johns!

DANCE MUSIC PLAYS

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Look at me, Billie! Whoop whoop!

Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha! That's it, Billie. Clowns aren't scary!

Funny, right?

I'd go with embarrassing, but, yeah, not scary.

Shapooly! Let's do this.

Let's catch that Spooky.

SCREAMING AND LAUGHING

SPOOKY DETECTOR BEEPS AND WHIRS

Brace yourselves, Spooky Crew.

MENACING LAUGHTER

I'm coming for you, clown face. Show yourself!

And I'm out. CLOWN LAUGHS

Billie! Nope. Mm-mm. Nuh-uh. Not happening.

OK, on three. One...

..two...

What happened to three?! Got excited!

Watch out, Bert! Don't look at it!

LAUGHING, WHIRRING

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Oh, no! It's got Bert!

What do we do?

We do this.

DISTORTED LAUGHTER

Derek, you did it!

You nailed it, D-Train, ha-ha! Clown down! Yo!

DISTORTED WHIRRING

Xena, no!

Oh, dear.

This is a whole new level of face-reading challenge.

Are you...bewildered?

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Surprised? Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Hopeful? Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Can't help it. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Think we're laughing at it. It's getting away!

THEY ALL LAUGH

Oi, clown face!

You're even grosser up close.

You're not going anywhere.

Billie, it worked!

I'm not laughing.

No more clown faces. You rock, Billie.

Still hate clowns.

That was scarier than that scary movie.

Or Miss Norris in the morning.

Hey, dudes. Sorry about the stuff-up before.

We were trying this kind of circus thing, but...

Whatever! We're going again! Yay!

Cash for camp should be fine. Never in doubt.

Just wanted to say, Miss Norris, I'm super sorry about before.

Do not find you funny.

Unless you make a funny, then I'd laugh. Mm. But only then.

Ball intercepted, apology accepted.

Also, stop your mouth mash, I'm counting cash.

Hey, Mr Rodriguez, good to see you. Is this is going to take long?

I need to see a man about a dog.

Nice one. Something funny?

No. I just...

We're getting a Newfoundland. Big dog, great swimmers.

The waiting lists are extremely long. I missed out

on the last two litters. I do not want to miss out on the third.

Keep your rooms neat, count's complete.

Not being funny, double our money.

Did you have fun today? I did. Yeah. Good.

Oh. Hey, kids.

You all done? Sure. After this.

Look, I want to say sorry about the vegan scone incident.

Just didn't feel like one.

Suddenly, randomly and not cool.

So...chip on a stick?

Thanks, Billie. You really love a chip on a stick! Sure do.

I think Ed is proud and Jane is ecstatic.

I think you're right.

Now, Miss Norris has shown me the final figures...

..and unfortunately... CHILDREN GROAN

..for my bank balance,

Sunny Valley Primary has raised more than enough money

for their school camp.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Woo! Thanks to Robina and her

5-6 comp class for making the haunted house

THE most successful Sunny Valley Fete venture in history.

Except the home improvement stall I ran in '93.

CHILDREN LAUGH

Anyway, another round of applause for the kids, hey!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

We got to get this bad boy back to Spooky HQ.

CLOWN LAUGHS

I wonder what Spooky we'll have next.

Anything is possible.

Except it isn't.

You'll come around.

Today nearly got out of hand.

We can't simply wait around to see what Spooky will appear next.

True, that. Was a close call with Sadie and Khaled.

We must do our utmost to spare any other members of the public.

Spooky Crew must be on their front foot!

Ready for action, any time.

Yah!