Original subtitles

It comes with this 500ml cup if you're making a smoothie or a milkshake for

yourself. But there's also an additional 2 litre glass jug for larger amounts.

It's a great option to have, isn't it, Tony? Yeah, absolutely, Val. And with

crushed ice feature, you can even knock yourself up a batch of margaritas.

Oh, yes.

And you do know how I love my 6 o 'clock cocktail, don't you, darling?

Blenders like this normally retail at over £100, but today we're selling this

for only £59 .99.

£59 .99. Now, Maria, I can tell this is going to be very popular.

Absolutely, Valentina. We've already sold an amazing 35 units, and that's

you've demonstrated how quiet it is.

Yes, and I was just about to do that.

Listen to this.

And stay tuned after the break for more amazing bargains on the World

Shopping Channel.

And Tina, I'm so sorry.

I was on the phone to the channel. What happened?

The snap lock seal is broken, but I checked it myself earlier.

I told you, Andrew.

I told you someone's out to get me. Now either you sort this out or you bring

someone else that can. Or else... Oh, God. Come on, come on. No, I can't.

clean it up. I can't.

Oh. Oh. Oh!

Come on, let's watch it again.

Just so that we can get a full picture of the incident, yeah.

It's been going on for a while now.

Items Valentina's been using for the live demos have been misbehaving.

Last week, a massaging mattress topper went rogue. A rogue massaging mattress?

Ah, yeah, that's a bestseller, isn't it? It's perfect for easing your aching

muscles at the end of a working day.

Well, this one nearly threw her to the floor, and today's been the final straw.

I come bearing tea. Thank you.

So tell us, what is Valentino Orsino really like?

She always looks so fabulous. Not so much there, but usually.

You know who this is?

Yes. It's Valentino Orsino, and this is her husband, Tony.

They're the face of WSV.

The World Shopping Channel.

Obvs. They have shows every weekday morning at lunchtime.

It's the network's primetime slot.

And your company... Escalus Studios.

You make these shows?

For the past 20 years.

Oh, right. Oh, it's your big birthday bargain bonanza this week, isn't it?

which is what I could do without the headache.

Our contract with the channel's up for renewal.

We really need to smash our sales target.

So who has access to the product before they're demonstrated?

Well, I do perceive here a divided duty. I should get that. Excuse me.

You've really got no idea who might be trying to humiliate Valentina.

She's my star talent, but with any great talent comes high expectations.

Bit of a diva. She just knows what she wants.

Yeah. I can't go back to her without real answers.

So I need results and fast.

Well, we would need full access to the studios.

Yes, we'd probably need to meet Tony and Maria and just, like, the whole team.

So, yes, we'd love to take the job. Thank you.

And I can count on you to be discreet.

We can't have Valentina any more disturbed than she already has been.

Disquestion is my middle name.

Right. Are our covers in place?

Yes.

I am called Coco.

I am makeup artist extraordinaire, darling.

I'm going to be doing Valentina's hair and makeup. I'm so excited.

All right, me old turners. I'm Simeon Bardolph, just moved down from Acne.

Starting today as a junior product fluffer, which I pray means that I'll be

sorting out the merchandise before it goes on screen.

I'm Frank, facilities maintenance, here to do a service on the alarms, which are

in fact...

I think we've got all angles covered.

Couldn't have chosen a different name.

Excuse me, Frank is way more discreet than Simeon and Caw -Caw.

Oh.

Yes, I can see why you like her.

Very Sophia Loren.

I know, right?

Sorry, darling.

We don't want Maria to be late, do we?

Right,

come on.

Let's get to work.

What's up? I was told to speak to Jane. I'm Simeon. Oh, you and your fluffer.

Nice to meet you. Andrew.

Hi, I'm Maria.

I know. Seen you on screen.

Tucked away in my booth.

Not for much longer.

It's the 20th birthday Bonanza launch later, and we've just heard that Maria

going to be with Valentina and Tony doing some proper presenting.

Oh, yeah?

Congratulations. That's mint, that is.

You're asking Andrew for months.

He even offered to make a cake for the show.

Well, that clearly swung it.

I don't know, he hasn't seen it yet.

He certainly didn't use anything as fancy as all this stuff.

Oh, it'll be great, and so will you.

Right, I need a top -up.

I'm on the honey, ginger and lemon.

Ah, for the old obstin.

Your obstin's choice?

Your voice?

Yes. Yes. Oh, I did a little bit of amdram back home in Acne.

Well, I'll leave you in Jane's capable hands. She's a legend.

Been here since day one. Knows literally everything about all our products. Oh,

get away with you.

I'm serious.

And remember what I said.

You shouldn't let Valentina speak to you like that.

I've still seen her to dress, that's all.

Yeah, I saw that blender thing. That was mad.

Any idea what happened there? Oh, I wish I had.

I hate it when the products look bad on screen.

It reflects poorly on me.

Oh, Maria.

We've managed to misplace the menopause expert for this morning's show. Can you

help me check them now?

A little dusting on the T -zone there.

I know it's not very professional of me to say this, but I think you're amazing.

Do you know, a viewer once called me the Elizabeth Taylor of television

shopping. Who am I to argue?

Well, exactly, darling.

Shame, isn't it? That will be...

Recent accidents on air?

No, they were not accidents.

That was sabotage.

And I think I know who's behind it.

Who?

Maria.

Maria Squire? That jumped -up admin girl had been angling for my job.

As if that's ever going to happen.

That's not argan oil, is it?

No, I was told no cosmetics containing nuts.

Tree nuts, specifically.

We're ready for you.

It's on an OK job, I suppose.

Thanks.

Val, darling. Hello.

I'm the new make -up artist, Coco. I was just admiring these beautiful flowers.

Yes, they were a gift from me.

Burton, that's a pet name. Inside joke, you know.

Are you needed back on set?

Oh, no, no, Val's doing the morning show solo. It's a special on the menopause,

so I'm served as requirements.

Actually, while you're here, could I get a touch -up? I want to look perfect for

the 20th birthday bargain bonanza launch.

Yes, definitely.

I mean, maybe I could redo your base.

Do you have any breathtaking bronze? That's my usual colour.

Oh, I was thinking of something a bit more neutral.

Oh, no, no, no. I always use that shade. It gives such a subtle glow.

Not to worry. I'll find my usual girl.

Yes?

Andrew asked me to find you.

Sorry, you're not quite what I expected.

Yeah, I get that a lot. But rest assured, I'm very good at what I do.

Wouldn't have been booked otherwise.

Exactly.

Should we go to set?

Does Andrew want me to set up there as well?

Of course, that's where Valentina is.

OK.

Aren't you going to bring that with you?

What?

Er... Yeah, I guess so.

It's... called the Femifan and it works a treat. You just press the power

button, decide on the power that you want and voila, you're good to go. It

all those hot flushes and it's a bargain at only £4 .99.

So, pick up the phone now because you do not want to miss out.

Apparently Valentina bullies all the stars, especially poor Jane over there.

I'm delighted to welcome Frankie Cannon

of Femme Change UK.

It's lovely to meet you, Frankie. Please, take a seat.

That is not Frankie Cannon.

That is not Frankie Cannon. Frankie?

A femisqueeze? A femi -what?

Femisqueeze. Oh, yes, yes.

Unfortunately, urinal incontinence is a reality for so many women experiencing

peri or menopausal changes.

But the unique pelvic floor muscle trainer, only £9 .99, is designed to

that. Why don't you show us how the femisqueeze works, Frankie?

There you go.

Easy peasy.

Oh, hello.

Squeeze.

Squeeze.

I think my pelvic floor must already be shot.

So every family squeeze bought today. I'm really sorry about that.

For every Femi Screen Sports Day, a donation will be made to Femi Change UK,

with more exclusive offers after the break.

And we're out.

Valentina, I am so sorry. Sorry?

Who the hell is this host?

Hey! Oh, it really wasn't that bad. Honestly, you were still great.

Who are you? This is Frank and Lou. They're the people I hired to find your

saboteur.

I thought you'd engage experienced undercover investigators, not a second

make -up artist and an incompetent fool.

She had people spying on us.

You did this on purpose, didn't you?

No, it was a genuine mistake, I swear.

We just got our wires crossed.

If you think that you're going to help me with the birthday bargain bonanza

after that stunt, you can think again.

And you promised he'd give me a shot at pretending.

Did he now?

spoken about that perhaps you should stay in your booth maria just for the

time being i am so sick of being surrounded by talentless and

dreary people

remind me again

which one

Darling, give me a moment.

Get away from all the riffraff.

She's more worked up than ever. And you have been lied to the nation as a

menopause expert.

Is this what Shakespeare and Hathaway class is discreet?

Oh, here you are.

You feeling all right?

I'm getting there, thanks.

I shouldn't let her get to me.

I mean, there's only TV, right?

Mm.

It just... My fiancé broke up with me a couple of months ago.

Oh. It's been really hard.

I just thought maybe this was my chance to, you know, show him what he's

missing. Hmm.

It's really sad, isn't it? No.

Breakups are rough.

Thanks, Simeon.

Come on, girl.

It's just, it's frustrating, because there's loads of audience research that

shows that viewers like me almost as much as Valentina, but every time Andrew

says he'll give me a chance, she intervenes.

That's out of order.

So, you know, I'd understand if you wanted to cause a bit of Barney rubble.

get your own back.

What, the sabotage?

No, that's not me.

Today was a genuine mix -up.

I would like to buy whoever it is a drink, though.

I'm really sorry about earlier.

I will find Valentina and I will try and smooth things over.

I think the best thing you can do is solve this case and fast.

Yes, well... I'm sorry, Valentina. I won't do it again, I promise.

Now, I'm sorry, Jane, because I don't believe you.

And we're live in five, four...

as part of our 20th birthday bargain bonanza, we'll be giving you an

20 % discount. Am I right? Oh, good. Jane, can you make this up?

However it is, there won't be another time to investigate the obvious, will

there? I don't know that I have. Can you believe that we've been doing this for

20 years now? I know, I know. It's just flown by. But I think we should

celebrate properly.

Don't worry, it's about to happen.

Oh, that does look tasty. It really does.

I just want to thank all you loyal viewers for your support. We really

nothing without you.

Now, stick around as we're going to be showing you the latest tools and gadgets

to make baking five showstoppers like this. A doddle, starting with our deluxe

icing bundle with 15 different nozzles for a professional finish.

I reckon she's having an emergency reaction. With her EpiPen. Professional.

been her bag.

So Val's not feeling well, so here are the ads.

It's not in here.

There's a spare one in her dressing room.

I can't find it. Just keep looking.

I mean, what do they look like anyway?

Oh, I think I've got it.

Got it.

I've got it.

It's still there. She's dead.

Yes.

Can you get me the police, please?

Come on, Gillian, this is not something we could have anticipated. You lot,

again.

I might have to arrest you for obstruction.

I think they'll find we were here first.

Yeah, so actually, technically, you're the one that's obstructing us?

No, I'm doing my job.

Not there's much to it.

Mrs. Orsino had a known nut allergy.

Obviously, she went into anaphylaxis when she ate that cake.

What about the missing EpiPen?

Yeah, we're looking into that.

But if I was her husband...

I'd be suing the bakery that made that cake.

Actually, Maria made it for her.

Who's Maria?

Now, I understand you held Mrs. Orsino responsible for thwarting your career.

I think that's a bit of an overstatement. Still, maybe you

a cake with nuts, hoping she'd have a reaction.

No, I knew how serious her allergy was.

And cleaned my kitchen like three times to make sure it was safe before I

started baking.

There's no way that you'll find traces of nuts in that cake.

Well, we'll know soon enough.

Forensics are testing it as we speak.

Well, thanks so much for coming out.

It's quite busy out there. You're not thinking of going on air again, are you?

The lunchtime show.

What? But Valentina only died yesterday.

I know fans might need a little bit more time to process things.

The channel are refusing to budge on the sales targets my hands are tied.

However, I'd also like to rehire you.

Why? No one's going to sabotage Valentina now, are they?

I mean, it's right, though. Why would you still need her?

To find her killer?

Hi, Simeon.

Or should I say Sebastian?

Sorry.

Last night I was called to the station for a formal interview.

Forensics found the cake had traces of nuts in it.

Why didn't they let you go?

They found it had been injected with a hand cream that contained nut oil after

I'd made it. We think it might be the same person who tampered with old

Valentina's other items.

So you want us to find a saboteur and put Maria in the clear?

Please. The channel are on my back to resolve this fast, and I can't have

New presenter under suspicion.

New presenter?

I know me and Valentina didn't see eye to eye, but Tony's given me his

Who's going to be in the booth?

Oh, how about Jane Foll?

The product fluffer.

Well, Maria, you said it. She really knows the stuff.

Jane's great. It's just she's a bit ordinary. I'm not sure she has that

capable flair we're looking for.

Hang on.

You said that you did Amdram.

Me? Or was that just part of your cover?

Oh, no, no. I have done some Amdram and a three -year classical training at the

Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts. And he's worked at the RAC.

Perfect. How do you fancy resuming your undercover role only this time live on

camera?

Only whatever the case requires.

7, 9, 2, cheers. And tell Will at the Mallard that your next pint is on my

So, my contact at the station reckons it's not just the EpiPen that's gone

missing.

Valentina's mobile's gone walkabout too.

Hello, your call cannot be taken at the moment.

Turned off.

With me, we can't trace it.

Are we getting all the footage?

Yeah, I think so.

Here comes Maria, she brings the cake, she pops it on the trolley there, and

then she wheels it out of sight.

You don't think she could have tampered with it?

Yeah, maybe. I mean, with Valentina out of the picture, she does become the lead

presenter, doesn't she? But it's a bit risky, isn't it, poisoning a cake you

made yourself?

Yeah, I suppose.

And it puts her right in Keelan's line of sight.

Anybody else come in? Yeah.

Andrew? Yeah.

Goes out of sight.

And then, a few minutes later, Tony.

Hmm.

And then, oh, yeah, it's Jane.

So they all could have had opportunity.

Stop it there.

Have you got something in your apron pocket?

So this gives you the latest sales figures, and this shows you who's

the phone. But don't worry, they vet all the calls before they go on air. Thank

you. And, um...

I'm sorry again for lying about who I was.

I won't hold it against you.

Much.

So? How does it feel, finally getting to present?

Well, I'd feel better if it wasn't under such horrible circumstances.

It doesn't feel real. I mean, me, a television presenter.

Marriage and kids with Fabian was all I ever wanted.

This was taken the day he opened his garage.

I was supposed to be head of admin and sales.

Funny how things change.

Well, it's his loss.

Because you are about to become the new star of shopping TV.

Lou, with an update.

You haven't seen Jane about, have you?

She didn't come in today.

I think she's too upset.

Hello. Hello.

Well, you're the investigator, aren't you? Yes, I am, Lou. This is Frank.

We just wanted to see how you were. We heard you weren't in work.

Yeah, I couldn't face it.

No, not after.

You murdered Valentino Orsino.

What? No.

I got footage of you by the cake in the prep room, and you definitely had

something in your apron pocket.

That's not what you think.

You can't believe that...

You'd better come in.

Oh!

Wow. I bet you're a nightmare to buy from for Christmas, eh?

Once an item's been demoed on the street, it can't be sold.

They just sit, gathering dust in the storeroom. So you thought you'd bring

a couple of things home?

I was only borrowing them.

I was going to put it all back eventually.

I spent hours researching these products.

So... The thing that was in your apron, is that what you were around with

Valentina about?

She saw me slipping it into my bag.

She said she'd tell Andrew I was a thief and get me sacked.

But you never got a chance.

I didn't kill Valentina, I swear.

So why didn't you go into work today, then?

Yeah, I mean, it did make you look a little bit guilty.

Well, look around you.

I am guilty.

I didn't think it was stealing, not really, but...

When Valentina caught me like that, I realised I was lying to myself.

I'm going to have to quit.

Maybe not.

It's never too late to make things right.

You've got the electric foot warmer with detachable fur muff.

I really wanted one of these. I nearly got one, actually.

Sorry.

Oh.

Is that the...

The massage mat that Andrew said went rogue.

Yeah, I bought it back to try and figure out what went wrong with it.

And, um, to give it a go, of course.

Vindaloo? No, I recognise that shade.

That's breathtaking bronze.

I had a bit of a thing for Tony back in the day, you know.

When he was, er, on Good Morning Stratford.

Spray on hair.

Fake tan and, er... Ooh, haemorrhoid cream.

Yeah, I can see why you liked him. Stop it.

Yeah, that's definitely a match.

Breathtaking bronze. That's what was on the mattress.

Do you think he was sabotaging his wife because she treated him like a doormat?

I don't know. I feel like it was something more than that.

What do you think you're doing?

We're doing our job, Mr Orsino.

It was you, wasn't it?

You were the one that was meddling with Valentina.

Well, that's ridiculous. Why would I do that?

Because Burton isn't really your pet name, is it?

It's the name of her lover. She was having an affair and you found out,

you?

Oh, yeah.

You don't know what it's like when you're married to such a...

She's a vibrant and beautiful woman. I mean, I've tried to hold the years back,

but she's hardly aged since we were married.

I suspected she was seeing someone, so I bought some spyware for her phone. I'm

not proud.

But I've tracked her to a local hotel multiple times.

And did you confront her?

What? Enrica leaving me? No.

No, I decided to...

play some practical jokes, always childish and stupid, and I hate myself

So isn't that what the cake was about?

Maybe you didn't mean to kill her, but you just wanted her to swell up on live

TV. But that wasn't me.

I'd never written that. I might have wanted to humiliate her, but I never

her to come to any harm, much less die.

This spyware, was it a location sharing app?

No, it was much more sophisticated than that. I mean, I could... I could track

Val's phone to within centimetres, even when it was turned off.

13 calories.

Right, Lozenge.

You've got to protect that voice now.

Thanks.

So do the viewers have to pay extra for the workouts with this, or is there some

kind of monthly fee?

I don't know.

I wish Jane was here. She always knows that stuff.

There's a contents library of over a thousand workouts.

Tune your pack.

And with that model, you can connect your phone via Bluetooth and exercise to

all your favourite tunes.

Hey, you ever thought about presenting, Jane?

Oh, heavens no.

Who'd want to see me on screen?

I'm not exactly glamorous.

Now,

I don't suppose you could help me put this lot back on the shelves?

Tony was a saboteur.

Wait. Is he the killer, then? We don't think so.

I know this is your studio, but it seems like you did everything that Valentina

demanded.

Why? I told you, she was our big star.

We needed her. But audience research showed that Maria was nearly as popular.

You could have replaced Valentina with her. Made your life a lot easier.

Maybe there was another reason you didn't.

Maybe it's because you and Valentina were having an affair.

Are you crazy?

She'd eat me alive.

Then why do you have her phone?

I don't know what you're talking about.

I turned it off.

State of the art spyware.

Confirmed phone's on remote, you know.

You murdered Aunt Tina.

No.

I took her phone after she died, yes, but that's it.

She had a video of me. I needed to make sure no one saw it.

...corporate tax. This significantly reduces our liability.

That's right.

Then let's establish an LLC and get started.

Okay.

You talk about dull.

Why was Andrew so desperate to get his hands on theirs?

Because they're discussing some dodgy tax avoidance scheme.

Apparently...

He got some massive end -of -year bill that he couldn't afford to pay.

So he hired an investment to do a bit of creative accounting.

I hoped he'd save the studio.

Yeah, Valentina got wind of it.

Recorded one of the meetings.

Yeah, and then Valentina threatened to tell the taxman if Andrew didn't do

everything she asked of him. So with her dead, he's free.

Yeah.

Was there anything else on there?

Oh, no, just lots and lots of messages from other men that she'd been seeing.

No wonder Tony was upset. She had, like, more than five of them on the go with

proper racy stuff as well.

And all you showed me was some boring tax video. Listen, I know we know about

Burton, but there's also Hilton, Todd, Fisher, Wilding.

How do you know that?

Elizabeth Taylor's husband.

Valentina must have named her lovers after them. She did.

Icon. We need to have another look on here. We must be missing something.

Actually, I need to go and prepare for my live television debut.

Wish us some fryer.

Huh? Friar tuck.

What? Good luck. Oh, very good.

Oh, I'm just getting a call from the chocolate factory.

One of their Oompa Loompas gone missing.

Oh, Frank.

Can't let him go on telly like that. He's supposed to be giving a tribute to

Valentina.

Hey, Tony.

Hi. Hello.

I have a little word about your make -up. Oh, do I need a bit more?

Um...

Many

of you, like me, saw Valentina as a true friend.

She was an integral part of the WRC family, and we will all miss her

Looks much better. Well done. As you know, my wife was extremely excited

our 20th birthday bonanza promotion.

Our best -selling items were the whopping 20 % off.

Valentina was passionate about bringing you the best possible deal.

So in her memory, we're going to knock another 5 % off all prices and throw in

one of these Valentina tribute candles with every purchase.

Really?

We've lost the whole morning and we need to hit the channel's target.

Besides, that's what she would have wanted. Now, in my office, the place to

your calls is the lovely Simeon. Say hello, Simeon. Hello, Simeon.

He's going to do great, isn't he?

Absolutely.

First up is this state -of -the -art exercise bike. Tony, would you like to

the honours?

Now, this model has access to an online library of over 1 ,000 workouts.

Or you can simply connect your phone via Bluetooth so you can work out to your

favourite tunes.

Tony, what do you fancy, some soft rock?

Always, Maria.

Oh, that is so smooth. Just like the music.

Now, this bike normally retails at...

£199. And we're offering it for £199 .99. But today, with your £25

,000 discount, it can be your... I think Simeon wants them to go over.

No, no, you can't. We're live.

Okay, stay tight.

Just over £12 a month.

I mean, that's cheaper than a gym membership, isn't it? I'm sold.

I've got to get one of these.

I think I know who the killer is.

We're also throwing in the park book wallet and matching luggage tags. Is

bargain or what? Well, especially with that extra discount.

Now, our next item isn't just a razor. It's a 15 in 1 total grooming system.

Remember, it comes with...

What are they doing now?

We need to talk to you about Valentina's death.

I'm about to be on camera.

What?

You think I killed her?

Well, she did destroy your dream.

What, been a presenter on a low -budget shopping channel?

No, I'm not the same.

And the team, of course, over to another of our bestsellers and a favourite for

all you campers out there. Isn't that right, Maria?

Maria, you look very different. Have you changed your hair?

I'm just having a joke with you.

Maria's had to step off for a moment, so joining us now for the next item is my

good friend, Lou.

Read it.

Oh, a bestseller for sure.

Let's talk about wearable...

Sleeping bags.

What does Fabian have to do with Valentina's death?

He's the mysterious Burton she was having an affair with.

Yeah, at first we were having trouble making the connection, but luckily

Sebastian here is as much a fan of the silver screen as Valentina was.

She named her lovers after the husbands of Elizabeth Taylor, and Richard Burton

famously starred in the film Cleopatra, which is also the name of Fabian's

garage. I think that's a bit of a stretch.

Yeah, that's what I thought until we found this.

Valentina's phone?

Yeah, we called up Burton on it and guess who answered?

Fabian. He had a lot to say about you. How he couldn't accept the fact you'd

split up. How you became obsessed with finding out why he left you.

And then you realised he was seeing Valentina, didn't you?

And you decided she needed to pay.

It's a great theory, but unless you have any hard evidence, I really need to get

back to that.

You know, for someone who takes such good care of their vocal cords, I

it was strange to see you in the smoking shed the other day.

So I asked Frank and Lou to take a look at the cigarette thing. Yeah.

They did, didn't they?

And it's not the nicest place to root around, but then with all these,

I wonder what the police will find when they check them for DNA and prints.

We've been planning our wedding since school, me and Fabian.

The only reason I took this job, so we could save more.

Then a few months ago, he just went cold, called off the engagement, moved

Wouldn't even take my calls.

I knew it was another woman, but I never imagined... It was after the menopause

segment disaster.

I went to Valentina's dressing room and I was going to beg her...

To let me help with the birthday bonanza launch.

I found her on the phone.

Fabian. You can look under my hood any day.

My Fabian. I couldn't believe it.

So you're the other woman.

How could you?

Well, you tried stealing my presenting job.

So I stole your man.

This is about work.

Do you even love him? Of course not, darling.

It's just a bit of fun.

You know what he meant to me. We were getting married.

Oh, no, no.

I didn't tell him to leave you.

That was all him.

He realised he didn't want to be stuck with you for the rest of his life.

Not once he knew what he was missing.

I'm looking forward to trying your cake.

See you on set.

Valentina had a problem with her stupid car and I gave her Fabian's details just

to be nice.

Valentina spotted my hand cream when I first started and she went mad because

had almond oil in it.

Banned it from the building.

But I still had it in my car.

You knew someone at the studio was sabotaging

Valentina? You hoped they'd also be blamed for tampering with the cake.

Which is why he begged Andrew to keep us on the case.

I was going to retrieve it after we finished today.

Dispose of them properly.

So I will need them back.

Oh, I don't think so.

That just looks so comfy.

And it's practical too, isn't it?

Yes, Tony.

And it's actually very lightweight.

Tony. It doesn't have to be for camping.

You can wear this around the house, on the school run, even for popping out of

the shop.

Well, I don't know about the shop, Tony. It's a bit warm in here and can't

actually move much.

But I love the colour.

Oh, Lou, you're a hoot. I bet you can't wait to take one of these home, can you?

Here we go, back.

Over my dead body. Don't give her ideas.

Maria.

You saw them, Maria.

No!

Valentina was an evil cow. She bullied everyone. She slept with anything that

moved. She didn't care who she hurt. I did the world a favour by getting rid of

her.

And,

thank goodness, this model comes with an automatic shut -off.

It's actually much more practical than it looks, Tony.

Giving it a thumbs up.

Don't know if you can see that.

I honestly don't know how you lot do it.

It's a mixture of sheer stupidity and dumb luck. I think you'll find it's

good old -fashioned detective work.

Isn't that right, Sebastian?

Yes.

And actually, it was pretty obvious if you knew where to look.

You too now, is it?

Just what I need.

Hey, Keeler, need any pointers? Just give us a call.

Oh,

I'm so sorry about ruining your programme.

Are you kidding?

The sales figures have been off the chart.

The channel are thrilled.

Hey, forget promotions. She just unveiled Killers live on air.

Oh,

hey, guys.

Guys.

I'm going to need some help getting out of this.

I can't believe you've got it on again.

It's actually really comfy.

It's just enough to be a little bit faint.

A bit creative if you need a wee, you know.

Oh, it's Tom.

Seb, turn it up.

Many of you, like me, can't function without a coffee in the morning. Ah, he

looks different.

Not just the make -up.

Yeah. Did I tell you? He sold Valentina's fancy car, gave the money to

pay the tax bill.

Here she comes.

Jane, this looks like a complicated bit of kit.

Oh, actually, Tony, it's so easy.

Even you could do it. Oh, look, she's a natural.

I like you.

You know, we may nearly have been head -strimmed to death, but I'm so glad

Andrew's finally recognised Jane's potential.

Yeah, according to the forums, the viewers are really enjoying seeing

like them on screen, somebody real.

Still got no one to stand in the booth, though, have they? No.

It's, um, funny you should say.

I've actually been offered that job.

Full time.

Oh. Oh.

Well, we have been talking.

Yeah. And we were thinking maybe we could pay for you to do the professional

investigator course.

Really? Yeah.

You did really well on this case. We wouldn't have cracked it without you. We

just thought you might like the chance to hone your skills.

I mean, we can't pay you any more money, but we can hire someone to cover the

phones and that while you're studying.

Would I, um, get a new job title?

Yeah!

Executive.

Investigative.

Assistant.

Joven, my stars be praised. I'd be honoured.

You know, I think my place might always be with Shakespeare and Hathaway and

Brugnell.

We don't need to talk about billing now. I need to work out where I'll put my

desk. Switch that.

Buy some business cards.

I think we've created a monster.

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