Original subtitles

Gotcha. Peeping Tom! Peeping Tom!

You complete and utter very turd!

Look at this. Another busy night for the swans.

Thank you.

And what's this?

It's the Stratford Star.

Stratford's mysterious Kate Crusader was out again last night, proving he's swan

in a million, tackling foul play of all kinds. That's very good.

Frank, I think you met him.

Lucky you.

Last night, the swan prevented five phone thefts, stopped three graffiti

taggers... And screwed up a job we really needed.

I hope that Featherbrain realises what he's cost us.

It was one mistake, Frank, and sometimes you can look a little bit... A little

bit what?

What happened to that tracker you put in the parcel? How's that doing?

It's not connecting.

Is that because it was a cheap piece of kit?

We're being frugal.

Did you turn it on, Frank?

It's frugal.

That's what I said.

Have you updated the client?

Yes, I have.

He said... Where is it?

We are, quote, no better than the useless police, end quote.

And then he sacked us with immediate effect.

On the bright side, we saved him the embarrassment of wearing that watch he

out for us.

One of a kind.

Thank goodness.

Interesting. One local resident, Thea William, 24, barrister at Willow

Warbler Coffee.

Barista. at Willow Warbler Coffee, is so keen to meet this one that she's

offering a significant reward for anyone who can unmask him.

How significant?

Thanks for meeting with us. No, thank you. If anyone can unmask him, PI can,

right? Well, we'll try.

For the reward.

Oh, of course. You're professional.

Well, I am.

So am I.

So, tell us about your experience then. Apparently, according to the local

newspaper, you met him. Yeah.

I was walking home one day down by the river and then some kid cycled past and

grabbed my phone. I screamed for help and then suddenly this one appeared.

Any distinguishing features?

Long neck?

Feathers? He had his mask on. I did see him smile though.

That's when I knew.

Knew what?

Every superhero needs a love interest.

Yeah.

Tell us, do you know anyone else who's been helped by him?

There's Vernon at our LCS, a local comic shop. Comic timing.

I love it there.

It's such a nerdy, happy place.

What are you talking about?

You're a liar.

I have reliable sources saying you know him.

Like Clark Kent knows Superman. April, that's ridiculous.

Oh, are you like the sad old butler guy then?

Or the doobie gadget man?

Ugh, it's all so tragic.

I thank you not to come into my shop and insult the magnificent universes that

we love. Yes, again.

Yeah, yeah, insulted, etc.

Can we hurry up? I've got a deadline.

Oh, sorry.

It's a lovely scarf.

It wouldn't suit you.

I've got customers.

I'll be with you in a minute.

Look, love.

Don't passionise me. I'm not one of your damsel in distress.

Look, you can tell this swan that he, like you, can run, but he can't hide.

Ah, hello.

You looking for a story?

I can give you a call.

Hey, bub. What's up, my man? You're the man.

New editions?

Yeah. You're going to open them right now, aren't you?

Zach! Snoozing.

Mate, wake up! We've got new additions!

My son.

Rather more somnolent these days. Even my art student standards.

Like some Frank Miller.

Is there anything I can help you with, or are you just perusing, as Beetleboot

said to Captain Diatom?

Did he?

I'm Frank Shakespeare, this is Lou Hathaway.

Oh, I'm Frank Hathaway. I'm Frank Hathaway.

Lou Shakespeare.

And we're private investigators. Yeah, and our current client is really keen

us to identify the swan. They thought you might be able to help with that.

Doesn't everyone?

I can't, I'm afraid.

He helped tackle some thieves that were stealing my bag once, that's it. Where

was that?

The river path.

And Zach saw him stop some kids from graffitiing our shutters. Haven't so

as spoken to him, I'm afraid.

I knew Barbell Boy would get it.

Any

joy

with Vern?

Well, there's a rumour going round.

It's him.

No way.

I mean, he's a nice guy, but I don't think hero, you know?

Oh,

hello.

Oh, we meet again.

Did we meet before?

April Affair. I'm a freelance journalist and investigative.

Oh. I need a coffee.

Service.

Oh.

Hello. What would you like?

Oh. Well, I think you know.

The usual, then.

Coming up.

So, um, you're looking for the Swan 2.

2? Oh, perfect.

I love competition.

Which paper?

Oh, no, we're not journalists. We are private investigators.

Investigating for a client.

Intriguing. Well, it seems they were chasing the same prize. How about we

leads?

Can I have your card?

No.

Yes. Oh, I've got one.

There you go. Here's mine.

I dare say I'd appreciate professional help.

Professional help? The cheek.

We'll work this out ourselves, thank you very much. Yeah, too right.

So did you notice Vernon's son in the shop?

Zach? Yeah.

Yeah, he had all the hero moves. And Vernon said he's always tired, which he

would be if you were out catching criminals at night, wouldn't you? Or if

work in a second job.

I've seen him in the mucky, my lad, collecting glasses.

He's new.

Rubbish. Hmm, OK.

Well, what about Van Man? He was mad about heroes and he was, you know, quite

musty. Oh, was he?

Didn't notice. I'm just saying, you know, he's... Oh!

Hello, April.

Progress? Well, you know, I... pros don't waste time i found out who the

how who who is it oh frank

are you getting this yeah

terrible line anyway look my sword is coming to tell all about the swan my

office 6 p .m do join us

You're welcome.

You'll be there then.

What? Where? Sorry?

My office.

6pm.

She wants a cut of the reward, we're not going.

Well, if April finds him first, we'll get nothing.

Her meeting is not till six.

We've got a few hours to find him ourselves.

And you've got that photo of him.

You saw this one?

Yeah.

Well, no, I didn't really get a chance to zoom in. I think I can see if that a

pigeon.

Photos won't help us anyway. If he's in disguise, we need to get closer.

Yes, we need to lure him out.

Yes, and I have an idea.

Go on, Penny.

Hooray!

It's a dipply doker, surely.

Looks like the cheering shroud.

Or a llama.

Oh.

Come on, Frank.

It's been three hours.

We're not going anywhere yet.

All right.

If you had a superpower, what would it be?

I don't know.

That's the big question.

See, flying, strong possibility.

Very good.

Got it.

Necromancy. What?

With dead people?

Yeah. And talking to them. Talking to dead people.

Oh, right.

Yeah.

It's a bit morbid, but I suppose you'd solve the murders faster.

Well, you could get the answer off the corpse, you know.

What about you?

Me? I've already got one.

Yeah?

I'm a mind reader.

What? I am.

Come on, then. Go on.

You're wondering if I'm going to offer you the last one of these? Sure. Wrong.

Do you want the last one of these? Yes, please.

You're also thinking it's never a great idea to cut off your nose just by your

face. Especially when there's money to lose. Money you need.

Shall we go and see April?

I've got the address.

You've got it for me?

Oh, yeah.

over.

Stupid temporary traffic lights. I'll tell you what you should have done. All

town, hang a left. That's one way.

All right, down Bridge Street to the roundabout. Well, I'll tell you what,

time, why don't you drive? Oh, no, you can't. You're banned.

Call an ambulance.

Hello? Ambulance, please.

And police.

And a white cape.

Yeah, but it could have been anyone.

Yeah. Tons of men running around strapped, putting feathers in tights.

Right, put a call out, walk out.

Anyone sees a swan, arrest him.

Meddling idiot's gone too far this time.

Well, actually, that idiot has done some really good things.

So I'm just saying, why would he want to murder someone?

Protect his identity.

Obviously, Miss Lefevre was on to him, and now will be too.

He thinks the police are so inept.

I'll show him how epped we really are.

Him and his black -and -white buddy. Black -and -white what?

His what?

Ah, you haven't heard about him? The magpie.

He's this one's sidekick.

No, no, we heard.

It was the leather -mastachioed great kid.

You really are quite the twitcher, aren't you, Frank?

Leave the proper bird hunting to the big boys, yeah?

What now?

Do we still want to try and unmask this one?

We need to talk to Thea.

Cheers.

Well?

The reward still stands.

I'd still be able to pay the bill this month. Did you tell her he's now a

murderer? A suspected murderer.

This one's a superhero, not a villain.

Uh, come on.

We saw someone in a white cape running away.

Oh? What about the magpie?

Well, there's someone called the magpie now.

Oh, like that tag on the bus stop.

Who is the magpie?

For all we know, it could be a figment of Keelan's imagination.

We definitely know there's a swan.

Because the swan is who April was trying to unmask. Are there we? Should we be

asking for danger money?

No.

I don't know why you think he would murder to stay anonymous. Why does he

want to stay anonymous? Everybody loves him.

So maybe he had another beef with April?

True. Either way, we find the murderer, we find the swan.

But who didn't like April?

Maybe she'd written something about someone.

Yeah.

Maybe he'd upset somebody.

What about that row she was having in the comic shop?

Yeah, she really leered into Vernon, didn't she?

Maybe we should check where he was that afternoon.

Do you mean super -speedy runner Vernon McMorris, who won the Arden Marathon

dressed as Batman?

That poor woman.

Horrible. You've heard them.

Yeah, we drove past her office this morning. Yes.

We were wondering where you were yesterday afternoon.

Good Lord, you can't think that I'd want to hurt April.

Well, you were having that big argument yesterday.

That was simply frustration on her part, cos I couldn't help.

Really? It did seem like it was a little bit... something a bit bigger, maybe.

She and I had, like, a long -standing spat.

April thought that superhero stories were full of pathetic girls waiting to

rescued, and I told her, I said, you know, there's plenty of powerful female

characters, but it wasn't an argument I'd have murdered her for.

Can you think of anyone that might have had issues with her?

Well, most of the people she wrote about.

And she did mention me rather favourably, though, when I won the

Oh, lovely.

Congratulations. Yeah, well, I don't really like to talk about it because it

come across like you're boasting when you've got a personal best and you raise

£10 ,000 for a kid's charity.

So you like to run, you like to help people, and you like to dress in skin

-tight lycra. But you're definitely not the swan.

No, no.

I'm always here.

I couldn't just swan off every time there was a crime.

Pun intended.

And I'll ask you a question.

Yesterday afternoon, I was here.

I was working.

Er, customer.

There's a lot of red bills around the place.

Doesn't prove anything.

He was right about April's job, though.

She must have met a lot of enemies.

Yes.

We ought to have a look in her office.

Do you think the police have finished in there yet?

Maybe she was moving house.

Three pound signs.

Someone's got a big budget.

And a secret admirer. Look at this, right?

April, you're a top bird.

Let's start again.

Marty.

Ooh, you old romantic Marty.

Oh, you've got something on you.

Yeah. No, you have, just on the... And get off us, you dirty devil.

Do we?

There's a bit of oil on the... No, it's a bit on me.

Not my mum.

It's off.

Well, I'm not your mum.

So, there's 34 Martys in the Stratford area and 750 Martins.

Wow, that knows it down.

I wonder if anyone called Marty works for the newspaper.

My fam.

Well, we might not have found the swan, but at least Sebastian's discovered the

fountain of youth.

All in a morning's work, as was a little impromptu surveillance.

I overheard some youth outside the chippy talking about the bike -riding

Oh, did they know them?

Mm -hm, and the word on the street is they're planning a flurry of phone texts

tonight, and they'll meet up and share spoils at a place called the Pipes.

And the swan might turn up. That's what I'm thinking.

Also, they mentioned the magpie.

Oh, right, so that is actually a thing.

Mm -hm, but he's not a sidekick. He's some kind of supervillain, and he's

responsible for our client losing all those doorstep parcels.

So we're going to catch the magpie and the swan.

One bird, two stones, huh?

Hey. Hi, Zach.

Oh, Zach, do you know of a place called The Pipes?

Do you mean the skateboard ramp?

Spent half my childhood there.

Ah, thank you.

Right, we've got to make sure we're ready if the swan turns up.

Which is why I took the liberty of buying this.

The tracker.

Wasn't the cheapest, but you get what you pay for.

You do.

It's coming out of your wages.

Thanks either one monochrome when I bet that's the magpie

Oh, wait, wait, look.

I was like watching one of those wildlife documentaries.

Good work, Seb.

What about you?

Well, this can't be right.

Where is he then?

And where are we?

We're right next to our warmest, comfiest nest.

And I know who the swan is.

Are you okay?

You can take the mask off now.

How did you find me?

You'll tell everybody it's me now, won't you?

That is a stupid, stupid thing. Hey, on the bright side, that is a spectacular

costume.

Where did you get it?

ZeroToHero .com.

Well, you look great.

I don't do this for fun.

I got mugged a few months ago on my way home from college.

Those kids, they chucked all my sketchbooks in the river.

And the police did nothing.

And then it happened to other people in the exact same spot. I mean, somebody

had to do something.

How do you know where the trouble's going to be?

I patrol.

I hear stuff at the pub.

And the other day, on your phone.

You heard April saying that she knew your true identity?

I went to her office. She was already dead.

But I knew what it would look like, so when I heard you come in, I ran.

You do need to go to the police.

They're looking for you. But I didn't kill her. I swear, on Dad's life, I

just... I wanted to know if she was really on to me.

You just need to tell them that, and then they can eliminate you from the

inquiries.

It'll give them a chance to find the truth.

Comic timing, Zach.

I want to see him.

He's in the police station.

What? Yes, and a little uniformed birdie tells me now in a cell, Kilo's arrested

him for the murder.

Zach wouldn't murder anyone.

And after all he's done for this town, you need to find out who actually did

Look, Theo... No, look, I can pay you.

Not just the reward.

I'll hire you.

My dad's loaded and he'll always support a good cause.

Sorry.

Just out of interest, what is that?

It's just fanfic.

I write fanfiction.

About this one.

Let's try and help that, shall we?

Last time we were in here, it seemed like you already knew April.

Is that right?

I thought I was just a regular customer.

Do you ever say anything about her boyfriends?

Someone called Marty?

Marty? No.

Are you sure?

Because we found this in her office.

That's not Marty.

It's Morty.

Morty? Not Marty?

Who's Morty?

Mortimer. He's a delivery driver.

His company's called Knock and Deliver. All of the shops around here use him.

Right, we need to speak to him.

And I know exactly how we can find him.

I've got one more.

You're so strong.

Hey, I saw you guys at P .I.'s.

Yeah. Never realised you'd need so many... Disguises, yeah. No, we do a lot

undercover work. I've actually got quite a bit on at the moment.

Oh,

not with these.

I'll grab the last one.

I told you to order three pairs.

Yeah, I probably added an extra zero or two by accident. Sorry, I was in a rush.

That's the last one.

Can I trouble you for...

It's all right.

Do you want my landline or my mobile?

Oh, no, a signature.

For the parcels?

Yeah, obviously.

Yeah, obviously.

There's my mobile signature. Yeah. Can I trouble you to ask you a few questions?

Did you ever have a relationship with April LaFerre?

What is this?

Nothing. We just want to know the truth.

I know what happened. I'm sure you feel the same.

Okay, right.

Six months ago, we went out for like a month.

And then she just called it quits.

I wanted her back. I sent her gifts and everything.

Yeah, but when you bumped into her in the comic shop, she didn't even want to

talk to you.

And I might have tried harder if I'd known.

That was the last time you were going to see her.

Must have made you angry, you know, when she rejected you.

Not angry enough to murder her, if that's what you mean.

Look...

Tuesdays at six, I'm at the church youth group.

I'm a volunteer leader.

You can ask the kids, I never miss a week.

That's my warehouse calling.

I've got deliveries.

Good luck, yeah?

Yeah, sorry.

Sorry.

Oh.

Captivating.

Five stars.

You promised not to take the mic. Well, I'm not.

Obviously, this wouldn't be my usual thing, but it's quite the feather

You should show Zach.

Do you think?

Mm -hmm.

I'm just a waitress, and he's like this super kind, super hot actual hero.

Oh, and he might be super flattered.

It's Vernon.

Zach's out.

I have to find out what happened.

My son.

The swan. He could have knocked me down with a feather.

Zach.

Did they charge you?

Insufficient evidence.

I fear.

Did they say what evidence they do have?

It was one of the muggers that did it, I'm sure. Zach said they'd been going

crazy. I heard people at the station saying that the bike gang have set

up.

Does the whole town hate me?

What? Why?

I got arrested just before everybody needed me.

And I couldn't help poor April.

Nobody hates you. As you'll see at our special event.

Meet the swan. Dad, no.

The police have said no more heroes, though.

But it'd be great for your self -esteem.

And business.

All right, then.

Two for you.

And one for the swan boy. Me?

From a fan, surely?

Open it.

Trapped in my town now. From the magpie.

Oh, wait, no. Stop!

We're missing something.

Or someone.

Another story she was writing.

What about that post -it note that was on her computer? What does that say?

Is it Towton Properties?

Are you looking it up?

Mm -hm.

No, it's a company all the way up north. Why would a journalist from here be

digging up dirt on them?

It's flour, the magpie's a thief and a practical joker.

Oh, no.

There's another Towton Properties in Stratford -upon -Avon.

And it's owned by Thea's dad.

So maybe those pound signs weren't about her moving budget, but about their

company finances.

So April was investigating Thea's family business.

Looks like it.

Mate, this is incredible.

I can just picture it in panels.

Yeah? Totally. I was thinking a big splash page where the swan fights the

magpie. Totally.

Like... I can get them.

So clumsy. It's fine. I'm the idiot.

No.

You've never been.

You're... Sorry.

Sorry to interrupt. I just... Could we have a quick word, dear?

I should suit up.

Dad's paranoid somebody's going to pinch his pike for night.

There's probably some welcome gods.

Pebbles are colour.

What's up?

Well, we were wondering if you knew that April was investigating your dad.

Oh, yeah. So what?

Does that make me a suspect?

I never would have murdered her over that.

Although I was annoyed she'd got my number.

Well, she rang you. What for?

My dad's company made this big corporate donation to Vernon's fundraising when

he won that marathon. But the charity told April that they never got the

She wanted me to ask my dad if he'd actually paid it.

As if he was some sort of swindler.

Ladies and gentlemen.

It's time. Come on.

Thank you for coming, everyone, to meet a true local hero.

We're very proud of him and everything you've done.

Please welcome Zach, a .k .a. The Swan.

That purple stuff.

Pychronite? Yeah, was that when his dad had some?

It's a film prop from the actual 80s movie.

They only made three of them and one of them's here.

I know, right?

Vern hardly ever puts it out on display because it's worth like a thousand.

But Zach made him get it out today.

Where is it?

Why are you geeking out over pychronite?

Next to everyone's body there are little bits of purple crystal.

What murder weapon?

Over here.

It's beautiful, isn't it?

Wow. Hey, Vern.

You've got two budding Wednesday warriors here.

Show them the crystal.

Oh, I'm sure they're not interested.

No, we really are.

Okay. Well, it is stunning.

It's quite the customer magnet. Do you mind if we... Well, I'd rather not...

Come on. Come on.

So, Thea says you can almost feel the force coming off it.

Who broke it?

I'm just a clumsy cleaner, that's all.

So, if the police were to check this crystal for traces of April's blood,

they find any?

Of course not.

Thea's right, though. I should probably take better care of it.

April was on to you, wasn't she?

You kept all the marathon money you raised.

You received the donations, but you just didn't pass them on to the charity.

Yeah, the shop was struggling, you needed the cash, and April had found out

were a thief.

I'm not.

I always intended to send that money.

Yeah, not how April would have written it, though, is it?

When the police search that laptop, they're going to find an article about

She just wouldn't listen.

So what happened?

What... She rang after she'd been here, and she was demanding I tell her who the

swan was, but I had no idea.

But she said if I didn't give her a name, then she'd publish that horrible

story.

So I went to see her. With the crystal?

I didn't have any money to bribe her.

What even is that?

I don't want your pathetic geek to haunt you.

It's worth 20 grand.

I've even got the certificate of authentication.

Yeah, as much said.

Love to hear more.

I've got a story to deliver.

If it can't be this one scoop, it'll have to be this juicy tale.

Local hero.

In charity.

Theft. Shame. And I'll see if the inn.

Arden.

Constabulary.

What about all those other thefts?

Did April know you were the magpie?

What? No, I'm... Oh, come on.

You needed the money. I get it. The shop was the perfect front for you to

launder the proceeds.

And you knew all the kids? They were in here all the time.

What? So I'm the only person that talks to teens in Stratford? I'm... No.

I mean, look, you've got to understand, right?

I never ever meant to hurt her.

Hurt who?

You.

Son.

I did it to protect this place.

Our shop. I'm sorry.

Keep

dusting

the collectibles.

I'll see you soon.

Come on then, Mr Magpie.

I've told you, that's not me.

Funny how some murderers really don't like being called thieves.

Shut up.

I think we should stay with that.

Hopefully he'll be all right for now.

And Marty's got the youth club kids sorted.

He's great with them, isn't he? They love him.

They certainly do.

Yes.

Isn't that the watch that our client got, Nick? The magpie, yeah.

Just act casual, guys, and raise the key, love.

So's Marty. Oh, thank you.

What's happening?

Marty's the magpie.

What? But... Go on. They need you.

Sorry, chicks.

Can't fly.

He's made my cooter.

We love them.

Hang on.

Is your tracker still on the back of it?

Great idea, Zach.

To the loomobile!

It's a car, not a mobile toilet.

He's definitely in here.

Shall we split up?

I'll go to the office.

Zach, you go that way. No, that way.

You go that way.

Don't tell me we're locked in.

So what do we do now?

Zach. Where's Zach?

Zach! Zach!

Zach!

Zach! We're locked in!

Zach!

I thought we were friends, Morty.

How could you?

Friends? You haven't got any friends, Zach.

You're scared?

What, like when my boys picked your sketchbook?

They said you were too chicken to even fight back!

Yes sir!

Well done!

Let it out!

Can you let us in? We can't...

Thank you.

Great news.

The police have found all the parcels our clients had nicked.

So they're our client again, are they? Yes, since they agreed to pay up every

penny for the job.

We have visitors.

Oh, hi there. Hello, Zach.

How are you doing?

I'm not exactly super, but I'm OK.

And have you visited your dad?

He just keeps saying he's sorry.

I believe him.

And what about the shop? Are you going to take it over?

Well, we might not actually have time.

We're working on a graphic novel together.

Story by Thea.

Artwork by me.

Publishers read it. That's amazing.

I think you'll make a great team. Oh, thank you.

We actually came by to give you a thank you gift.

Here's an original Zach McMorris. Oh, wow.

Loose hair is a thing of wonder.

As in real life. And Frank, your pecs are magnificent.

Yeah, as in real life.

Look at the size of your... As in real life.

Aren't we quite the super squad? We are.

You know what a super squad needs, huh?

A catchphrase.

Something like, we fight for truth. For honour.

And for cake.

What? You totally fight for cake?

No, you're right. You would. Yeah.

We fight for truth.

For honour. And for cake.

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