Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

( Match strikes )

Eh... being back here reminds me of... When we met.

Dude, we met at that, um... No, man.

Friggin'... Jessica?

Yeah, Jessica. D'uh.

Dude, I just think you need to stop going out to bars.

I think you need to shut the fuck up, sit down, relax,

and listen to my shit.

So you gonna listen to my shit or what?

All right, all right.

Let's hear this shit. Please, tell me.

Okay.

Well... It started...

Over there.

I was, uh...

Hanging out with a couple of logging buddies, right?

It had been a long day.

Lookin' around, seein' couples,

single girls, single guys, all on a mission.

Okay, so...

How many more beers before the girl walks in?

Oh, plenty.

Many, many, many, many beers.

(Chuckles)

Anyway, this girl...

She was...

Not from around here.

She was classy.

Elegant.

Mnh. There's not many of those around here.

No shit, Sherlock.

And if I wasn't ice-skating uphill enough already,

I didn't have a fuckin' dollar to my name, man.

I mean, I couldn't buy my own drink,

much less buy this girl a drink.

It was impossible. But when has that ever stopped you?

Yeah, you're right. I'm a bold motherfucker, right?

I don't have a problem with this kind of thing. This is my thing.

But I was... I was scared, man.

Something about this girl really intimidated me.

Something... something turned me to slush.

I didn't know what I was going to say to this girl.

Right then, my guardian angel flew in.

The bartender. He's my buddy, Joe.

Okay.

He knows I have flies in my wallet...

But he also sees that I want to work some magic on this girl.

So he winks at me and says, "Matt, what'll it be?"

And I say, "I'll take a pike",

"and for this pretty girl sittin' over here,

"whatever pretty girls drink.

Put it on my tab."

Ho ho ho! Bullshit! Bullshit!

( Laughing ) I'm not lying!

I'm telling you the truth. Why would I lie?

Wow.

Dude, and her voice, dude, was so sexy.

She says thank you. She asked my name.

Before I can ask her her name, she says her name's Jessica.

We talked for about 15 minutes,

and then her friend came and picked her up.

In the blink of an eye... She's gone.

Typical.

Yeah.

My... Heart... Sank.

My throat was in knots.

( Sighs )

Started heading home.

'Bout a mile away...

Lo and behold... What do I see?

Jessica and her friend. No shit.

My heart starts going bup-bup, bup-bup, bup-bup.

I start running towards 'em fast as I can...

And right before I get there,

this fucking truck comes, swoops 'em up!

Man, I've known this girl for less than an hour,

and I'm already, like, heartbroken.

I mean, how pathetic is that?

And as I'm standing there in my little pity party,

what do I see? The truck is heading right back to here.

So what do I do? I start running right back.

I'm not even joking.

I burst through the door.

I literally almost run her over.

She looks at me. She says, "I thought you left."

And I said, "I went for you."

She grabs me, she hugs me.

Mnh.

Damn!

She says, "I came back for you."

I...

I was in love.

Fuck.

What?

( Sighs )

I hate this story.

I hate it.

It consumes me.

I want to be... Rid of it.

No, Matt, this is a good story, man.

This is a good story. This...

You know what? This is a love story.

Oh. That's how it always begins.

Yeah? And in the end?

T.B.D.

Love is just the beginning.

Cataclysm.

A match.

A spark of flame.

Male vocalist: ♪ I feel it on my face ♪

♪ the sun is in your smile ♪

♪ there is no second place ♪

♪ I'm burning down these gates ♪

♪ I feel the pressure fade ♪

♪ if I'm coming undone, will you ♪

♪ pray for me? ♪

♪ If I'm crawling along, will you ♪

♪ will you cradle me? ♪

And if you stumble upon the truth ♪

♪ will you stay with me? ♪

♪ And if we happen to find our youth ♪

♪ will it set US free? ♪

♪ I feel it on my face ♪

♪ there is no second place ♪

♪ I'm burning down these gates ♪

( Heavy sigh )

Wow.

Hello?

Hello?

Is there anyone here?

Hello, Matt.

Hi.

Hey, can you do me a favor and speak up?

I mean, quiet as fuck.

What?

Oh.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I won't say "fuck." I'm sorry. My bad.

Tell me about... her.

About her? Um, well, I guess

you could say things weren't going that great.

I didn't really think about it much,

to tell you the truth.

I wasn't suspicious or anything.

What? I wasn't! I'm not a jealous guy!

I'm not!

Okay, fine.

Fine!

Whatever. Maybe the night before my birthday...

I was a little miffed.

I'll give you that.

Fuck.

Mother fucking!

God damn!

What, can I help you with something?

Yeah.

Dick. ( Cellphone rings )

( Cellphone rings )

Yeah, what?

Dave: Whassup, playa?

Happy birthday, son!

My birthday's tomorrow, genius.

And you know what? Can you please,

please start talking like a white person?

Your "G" voice is really triggering my gag reflex.

( Over-enunciating ) Okay. All right.

Um, what are you up to?

I'm at king's.

Oh, yeah? Just gettin' a cold one?

Uh, you know what, man? Right now's not a very good time.

Why? What's going on?

Jessica's here. Oh, sorry!

Didn't mean to interrupt the date.

No, she's laughing it up with Bruce Willis.

What's she doin' with Bruce Willis?

No, not really.

Oh, my god, man!

They just keep laughing!

Fuck! I mean, what's so fuckin' funny?

She's, uh... She's with another guy?

Yep.

Well, I'm sure there's an explanation.

I'm sure there is.

Well, I doubt it's that, man.

You guys are gettin' married.

I know. Not to mention, she's carrying my baby.

Heavenly father.

I still can't imagine you as a dad.

Dude, I'm gonna be the best dad

in the whole, wide world, motherfucker.

Oh, let's not get carried away.

You gonna talk to Jessica?

Yeah.

( No audible dialogue )

Babe, hi.

Hi, what's crack-a-lackin'?

Um, this is Tyler swift.

He's the new manager at the bank.

Matt. Heard so much about you.

Wow. You must be really, really new,

'cause I have not heard about you. At all.

I was just getting Tyler acquainted

with the specifics of the bank and... Mmm.

Say your name's Tyler swift?

Yeah, that's right.

Well, that's a good name.

Yeah. Why don't you sit down and join US for a few?

Well. That's so thoughtful.

Nice guy.

Would you care for a slice?

No.

I'm trying to watch my figure.

You know how it is.

Hey, baby, you know what?

We should invite him to my birthday party.

Wouldn't that be awesome?

Yeah, we have an after-hours staff meeting.

I'm sorry, baby. I just found out today.

You're not gonna come to my birthday party?

No. I'm sorry, sweetie.

I'll make it up to you.

Dang.

What do you mean, when did it start?

How many times do I have to tell you,

I'm not a jealous guy.

You son of a bitch!

Hey! What are you doing?

Stuart and I are going to see Aladdin tomorrow.

Can your friends do this?

Can your friends do that?

( Shrieks )

Bitch!

Come on, man.

I was, like, 9 years old.

Gimme a break.

Stuart? Man, he was a tool.

They have an appointment coming up.

They?

Wow.

Did Jennie really marry that tool bag Stuart?

What is happiness, Matt?

What is happiness?

I don't know. I thought we were happy.

Now you're making me think about shit.

What?

Oh, man! Look!

I'm gonna say "shit." I can't help it.

It's like a force of nature.

I fell in love with her for a reason. I mean, right?

I mean... We were happy.

We were happy for a minute.

( Chuckles ) Probably exactly a minute.

Oh, you!

Such a winner.

And the winner also brought you dinner.

Tacos!

I love tacos!

( Televised monsters shrieking )

( Man screams )

( Various televised screams and roars )

Get in the boat! Come on, get into the...

I can't... no. I can't believe you're wearing that.

You're not even wearing it right.

( Playful growl )

Well, you know I don't like the water, man.

Honey, breathe.

I love you. I love you, too.

Whoa! No!

Aaahhh!

Oh my god!

I'm gonna kill you!

( Shrieking )

Purdy damn good ice cream.

Ice cream eating contest?

Really? Really.

You wanna do this? I wanna do this.

All right, I'm gonna kick your ass.

Ready, set, go.

( Chuckling ) Yeah.

Oh my god. This is good!

Oh, god, did you get brain freeze?

Ha ha ha ha! You pussy!

Ah, fuck!

( Laughing )

Hi, please press "send" when you're ready.

Will you marry me?

Yay!

Oh, my god!

All good things must come to an end, right?

I just wish it wasn't on my fuck...

I mean freakin' birthday.

Know what I mean?

( Boisterous shouts )

Dave: Happy birthday!

Go bang yo' bay-bay! Go bang yo' bay-bay!

Whoo! Don't forget to pray!

♪ Happy birthday to me... ♪

( Faint chuckle )

Thank you, baby.

( Jessica shrieks passionately )

Hm.

Fuck.

What the fuck?

The fuck...?

( Passionate moans and shrieks )

( Passionate moans and shrieks )

Matt, stop!

Shut the fuck up!

Right now!

Is that my jacket?!

That's my girl, asshole!

You can keep your fuckin' mom's house!

How's that for a come shot, bitch?!

Why didn't you walk away? All I wanted to do was leave that dirty bitch...

And her boy toy behind, believe me.

I couldn't.

Fuck!

Literally.

( Mirthless chuckle )

( Indistinct remark )

What?

She did it to herself.

Mind your own business.

Where's my cash?

I'm sorry, is there something I can do for you?

Where's the ring?

What did you do with the ring?

Jessica.

Sir. Why are you doing this?

Sir. Why?

Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to step into my office, bud.

You broke my heart.

Let's take a walk.

Sit down, please.

Cute.

Look, pal, you're a fuckin' loser.

I know you know it, Ashe knows it.

So what do you got to say for yourself?

All I want to know

is what the fuck is going on with my account.

Let's take a look.

Well... Looks like there were some pretty big purchases

made this morning at the mall.

Special occasion?

I can tell by the look you're not happy,

so we'll have to open a fraud claim

to start an investigation

to see what happened, of course.

That could take a while.

But after further review, mutt,

your account barely had a dollar in it anyways.

So here's what we're gonna do:

You've still got my wallet and jacket. Keep 'em.

Hell, pawn 'em.

I guarantee you, they're worth more

than your account balance was anyways.

( Groans )

( Groans )

Look, fuck.

I'll see you on the other side of the field.

Have a nice day.

( Mirthless laughter )

See ya.

What? What advice? You mean that guy bill?

That guy was a loon.

( Bill groaning )

( Small object clatters )

( Gargles )

Yi-yi-yi.

Hey!

Gabor!

I don't have anything for you yet.

But I'm doin' the best I can.

Y-You gotta remember that this business is forever slow.

And that's it. Slow? Yeah.

( Eastern European accent ) Oh, slow.

You know what I'm gonna do? What?

I'm going to fuck you real slow

if we don't get our money, Billy boy!

You gonna fuck me real slow?

Why the fuck you wanna do that?

Why don't you do something professional,

like snapping my fingers or breaking my knee?

Shut up.

Enough of your shit. Okay?

'Nuff of my shit?

You get me? Yeah, I get ya.

( Passionate shriek ) I got news for ya.

You don't even know my sexual orientation!

What if all I wanted to do in the world is get fucked real slow?

Are you gonna reward me for not paying you?

Shut the fucking fuck up, Billy, fuck!

I want the money... By next Tuesday...

Or I'm going come back in here

and shovel all this junk in your ass.

Now, why would you want to shove all this junk in my ass?

My ass isn't that big.

Do you fuckin' get me?

Yeah, I can see right through you, buddy.

You're transparent like a dead scorpion.

I can turn this thing into a combat zone

just like that.

And you won't have a chance.

You tell your father I'm gonna pay him back in full,

I just don't want to be taken out by your mob.

We ain't no "mob."

We are eastern European organization.

( Laughing ) That was a good answer.

Are you gonna leave or something, or...?

I... been looking for an antique lampshade.

Something, uh, colorful but still elegant.

Okay, well, back in the corner there,

I've got some... Tons of lampshades.

Why don't you go pick one out?

Perfect. Thanks, bill.

Hi. ( Chuckles )

You surprised me. I should keep my eyes

on the perimeter better.

Welcome to my pawn shop. Good to see you here.

There's lots of interesting things to buy.

Cool. Your name's bill, huh? I'm Matt.

Yeah.

How did you know my name?

Uh, nothing. Well, look, I was hoping

to sell this wallet to you.

Oh, shit. Shit what?

Let me tell you, kid, owning a pawn shop sucks balls.

I've been open for three months.

I haven't sold anything.

Oh, man, I could see how that would suck.

Wait!

What?

Oh! Thank you!

I am going to focus more on selling than I am buying.

You know, part of the problem might be

that you're selling all this junk.

You should buy this beautiful billfold wallet.

Leather.

Two bill compartments.

Six card slots.

Voila!

Does it have a 4-leaf clover on it?

Um, no. No, it doesn't.

Does it have bugs bunny on it?

No, no bugs bunny.

A yin-Yang sign?

Could paste one on, maybe.

Nah, I can't take it.

This is all I got, man. Come on.

Wait. Is that a Bentley- Ettiger billfold wallet?

Yeah!

I can't use it.

Well, you know what?

This is all I have.

Looks like you're having fun with this,

so, uh, thanks for nothin', dick.

Hey, wait, I'll buy the wallet. You will?

Yeah, I'll give you twenty dollars for it.

Twenty bucks? Yeah.

Oh, come on, man.

This wallet is worth way more than that.

I mean, look, a rich douchebag manager

had to pay well over a hundred dollars for a wallet like this.

That wallet's stolen!

I could tell by the way you walked in here,

you're desperate and confused.

You're nothin' but a fuckin' stink man.

Look, I'm gonna level with you:

I've been through a lot lately, okay?

This guy, he took my girl.

He took my money. I don't even have enough gas to get home.

All I have... Is this wallet.

Please help me.

You're a fuckin' crack head.

I've heard these stories before.

What you're gonna do, you're gonna take

the money I give you for that wallet,

you're gonna go out and get high

with your buddies behind the dumpster,

come back in here and Rob the store.

A crack head virus, robbing pawnshop after pawnshop.

That's what you're gonna do.

All right, look.

Believe it or not, this guy actually gave me this wallet.

Okay? How do I prove to you I'm not a crack head?

I'll tell you how you can prove it.

I won't take the wallet, but I'll take your coat,

and a crack head doesn't want to part with something that keeps him warm.

Sixty dollars, and that should fill your tank.

Here you go. Let me be fatherly to you.

I want you to use that to better your life.

And get out of the past, quit carrying that baggage with you

because your future begins right now.

And this isn't your last chapter.

And remember these four words:

It could be worse.

So you're not done.

You're just beginning again.

I got this thing I repeat in my head.

It just repeats over and over again.

It's... it's not music, it's... sweet revenge.

You gotta be nice.

Ha ha! Yeah, nice don't cut it no more.

Wow! You meet all kinds of people here.

I mean, seriously, how was I supposed to have

the foresight to know that some old pawnshop keeper

would have prophesied things to come?

I mean, you tell me.

How's a mere mortal supposed to see that one coming?

Yeah, you think you know everything, don't you?

Trust me, that was just the beginning of the spiral.

Things got a whole lot weirder after that.

( Engine won't start )

Fuck!

You have bad luck.

What?

What do you want, man?

You have bad luck.

I on the other hand have amazing luck.

I'm so lucky.

Okay, well, you know what? Mine's infectious,

so, uh, maybe you should do yourself a favor

and fuck off.

Oh, but I have so much, I want to share it!

Look, I don't really have time for a luck-off right now,

and you're weird.

You're kind of freakin' me out.

What do you want?

Why you in such big hurry?

You have big hot date?

What?

Yeah. Big hot date.

You've never heard this phrase before?

No, I don't have a date. Why?

Oh.

You are the guy who plays on wrong side of ball team.

I don't get it. You know... Bat from behind the plate.

It's been fun, man.

You take care.

Your story in there, I heard it.

It hurt my heart.

Look... I want to help.

My heart, uh, it hurts, too.

You got cheated on, too?

Ni! Cheated.

But I... I feel bad.

You know, I... go out, I party too hard one night,

make love to this beautiful woman,

then I put it in too long, and... now I have baby.

Well...

Ah, well, fuck it. I guess it's been one of those days.

Hey. Step into my office.

Hey! You're gonna make my day.

( Clears throat )

In return, I give you money.

What? Very exciting!

What, like a job?

Yes! Yes, yes.

Very small job, very soon.

That's very charitable of you, man.

Chair-table? What is this? I have no need for a chair-table.

No, no, no, no.

"Charitable." you know, like, one word.

It means "giving," you know.

It's a joke!

Come on, man! I'm funny like you.

Not fucking retard.

Okay. I get it, I guess, man.

What do you want, man? Okay.

Shit! Fuck, man!

( Laughing ) Hold gun!

Hold gun. I want to see.

Okay.

All right, big boy, put it in your pocket

and pull out fast, like cowboy.

Is this like a test? All right. Fast, huh?

Oh! Wow, man!

Very fast! Very exciting!

Okay, give me gun.

You look strong.

You punch hard?

Only way I know how, motherfucker.

All right. Punch my hand.

I am big boy, too.

I want to feel how strong you are.

What? Why?

No time for second-guessing.

You must do what I tell you, when I tell you!

Ohh! Oh, wow, man, that's very painful.

Oh my god, are you okay?

Ah. This is going to bruise so much.

Oh, no.

Okay! I take you!

What is your name?

Matt. Hey, Matt, I'm gab... Aah! Gabor.

Gabor, I'm so sorry. This is fine.

Well, where do you want... Where do you want to go?

I take you for ice cream. We talk more. Go.

What? Now we're discriminating?

Oh, come on. Seemed like a nice guy.

Mobsters are cool, too.

How the hell was I supposed to know what was going to happen?

I'll tell you, I'll never look at bunnies the same way again.

Gabor: I said no clowns! ( Clown horn toots )

You make the kids cry!

You think this is funny? ( Clown horn toots )

What? Very not professional!

We will not forget this!

Sorry. I had business to take care of.

Okay, Matt. Are you ready?

( Chuckles )

You must not be scary like clown.

Yeah, I think I got that.

Matt, my father is very powerful.

Do not disappoint.

Okay.

Well, what do you want me to do?

Put on rabbit suit.

What, a birthday party?

Yes. Put on suit.

Hop, hop, hop, make kids happy.

I have to make balloon animals and shit?

Can you?

No, not really.

Fine. But you must learn for other times,

which there will be many of.

Are you sure you don't want me to, like,

I don't know, deliver something,

guard a door, drive a getaway car?

I mean, this is lame, man...!

How can I trust you if you can't even make kids laugh?

This is easy.

Hop hop, and I give you money.

I gotta take a piss.

Good.

And take the suit.

Okay.

Okay.

( Sudden chuckle )

Finally the day is getting a little better.

Gonna get a lot better.

Aw, shit...!

Huh! Oh, shit!

Okay, guys, come on. Come to daddy.

Oh, crap.

Whew.

Tyle you're a fucking loser.

( Gasps )

( Distorted voices )

Was that Vicodin?

( Passionate scream )

Just... chill out.

All right.

I'll be right out!

Ohh! Oh, boy.

Okay. Party time.

I just need to rest.

I'm coming!

( Laughing )

I can do this. All right.

Kids' party.

Okay. Okay, man.

Pull yourself together.

Shit.

Where is he? I don't see him!

Hi!

( All screaming and shouting )

Shit!

Aaahhh!

Aah!

Aah! Aah!

Oh, shit!

Everyone is asking for you.

Think you'll make it down to the party?

Eh.

I got rid of scary clown.

( Chuckling )

I got candy!

This new guy is good.

The kids love to play with the rabbit.

Hey!

And your grandchildren... Help!

...are laughing!

Yes!

( Matt shouting )

Oh, no.

Uh, Gabor... hey.

Matt.

My father... He likes you.

Oh. You will work many parties.

Why, uh... You know what?

Birthday parties aren't really my thing.

Listen to me.

That was amazing.

I don't know where you get this energy from,

but... this is your destiny.

Well, I hope not.

Matt.

I am not lying.

This is most very lucky.

Children love you.

You will be great father one day.

Hey, um...

Hey, do you have a doctor here, by any chance?

Why, you don't get hard?

What?

Your dick. It is always soft?

What the hell?

No.

No. You know what?

I think you left some pills in the bathroom,

the kids might have gotten into.

Oh.

Oh, shit.

Okay, I call doc.

But now, we party.

We drink and forget about the girl.

Okay.

I never turn down a free drink.

Let's go to my club.

You know what? What was that stuff, anyway, do you know?

I mean, the bottle said Vicodin,

but, uh, yeah. It's just... no way.

You know what, too?

Thinking back, I really should have peaced outta there

with that 300 bucks, but I was just...

I was really compelled.

I was compelled. I just wanted to see where the day would take me.

And by god, did it fuckin' take me somewhere.

Welcome to Jurassic park.

Ohh! Man!

Just kidding.

Always wanted to say that shit.

Good fucking movie.

Dinosaurs. Scary shit.

It was all right. I don't know.

I was always more of an e.Man, personally.

What are you, fucking pussy?!

Hey.

Let's go get drink and discuss how pussy you are.

For the record,

Jurassic paryes, it's a much better movie.

Okay? I mean, it's got Jeff Goldblum. Cool.

Dinosaurs. Rad!

But E.T.'s a tender movie.

I was feeling tender.

Looking beautiful, baby.

Hi, darlin'. Hi.

What will it be, boys?

Li'l I.P.A.?

Lemon drop.

Sure.

So, you got a girl at home, Gabor?

Mnh. Not right now. Fucking bitches are crazy.

They're all crazy. Must be the weather here.

Yeah, tell me about it.

Yeah. So what happened with your bitch?

She fucked Tyler swift.

She fucked Taylor swift?

Holy shit! That is sexy, man!

( Laughing ) Why you so pissed?

No, no, no. Tyler swift.

As in attractive asshole bank manager,

not attractive goddess singer.

You know what I'm saying?

Shit, is that a shitty name to have.

Yeah, well. Not like she cared.

So what happened? She told you?

No, I caught her.

His dick was still in her

when I started kicking his fucking ass.

( Sighs ) That fucked, man.

Stupid bitches.

I wish I could watch her burn alive, man.

I wish... I wish I could turn on the news

and see a fuckin' story about a terrible fuckin' accident

involving her.

You are angry motherfucker, man.

Baby pie, can you turn on the news for me?

Sure thing, hot lips.

I love it when she calls me that.

I don't think that's a chick.

What? What do you mean? Of course it's a chick.

The woman, believed to be in her mid-20s

with brunette hair has just been identified.

She and another motorist were killed tragically in a high-speed collision...

No fucking way.

Holy shit.

We've just confirmed with police that the identity

of the female victim is local waitress Kate strange.

Her family could not be reached for comment.

( Snaps fingers ) So close.

( Chuckles ) Thanks, honey.

Ah, well.

She sounded like a bitch anyway.

You know what you need, my friend? What's that?

You need love companion.

Love companion? Mm-hmm.

Hm.

Why, you got, like,

pussy flying around this place or what?

Yes. I. Do.

Please don't judge me.

I not judge.

Holy Moses!

Who? No, Matt, that's Mabel.

Moses is, like, from Bible or some shit.

Hm.

Welcome to Gabor's international house of pussy.

( Chuckles )

It's on the house tonight, honey bunny.

Do with him as you wish.

Mmm!

Who is this big hunk of steaming love, hmm?

Whoa. You sound... strong.

I'm stronger than any man can handle.

( Phonograph needle scratches record )

What's your name, cowboy?

I'm Matt. I was actually gonna go.

Oh, no you're not.

Yeah, I am. I'm tired.

( Laughing )

Mmm.

So, uh... Yeah, you're Mabel, right?

Mm-hmm. So what do you like?

Uh, I guess I like that.

Ahh.

What?

Are you a naughty boy?

No, I'm not a naughty boy.

Oh, I think you are!

No... I think you were naughty today!

( Laughing )

Hey, hey, hey, hey. Can we just talk, please?

Yeah, okay. Okay.

What's wrong?

I don't know, I'm nervous.

I haven't been around such a mature, beautiful woman like you.

Ohh.

You don't have to be shy around me, you know.

Mother Mabel is here to help you,

so just... spit it out.

Well. Yeah.

Okay.

Well... Uh...

Whew.

Well, that's quite the story.

Yeah.

You're telling me. Now I'm the father

of this baby that's being carried inside of this whore,

and...

I'm sorry, but... I can't think of anything else,

just frickin' wringing her throat.

Have you really thought about this?

Of course I have. I mean...

No, I mean about why this happened.

What?

I think what you've got to do

is you have to focus on what really matters here.

I don't know if I articulated this clearly...

Hey. Look.

I've been there. I've made my mistakes.

God knows I have paid for them.

But if you don't figure out why she did

what she did, you're in big trouble.

No. I'm sorry.

Unh-unh. There's no excuse...

No excuse for what she's done whatsoever.

If you don't understand, then you can't let it go.

You can't move on, so you've got to understand why.

Why does a woman fall for a man?

She falls for the whole package.

She chooses how much money he earns, what his job is.

That's what it is.

I know. I know.

I've been where you are.

I-I-I blamed the whole world for all my problems.

Boo hoo! Sob, sob, sob. Poor me, poor me!

It was not easy just... Climbing myself back up

to some good place.

So... you're in a good place?

Couldn't be happier.

Really?

Of course I'm not happy! Life is shit!

I'm 65 years old, and I sleep with drunken fools for a living.

And Gabor only keeps me here because I look enough like a man

so he can get his rocks off from time to time.

Aha! I knew there was something with that guy, man.

I knew it.

Look.

You have to walk away while you still can,

while you can get out of it.

She's gonna regret that decision.

You know, you can be sure of that.

But if you don't get up and get out of here,

you're gonna end up a 65-year-old barmaid

begging for crack and making tips.

You beg for crack?

Sometimes.

Wow. Trust me, honey.

Just take those sexy legs of yours

and just march on out of here.

Why don't you?

Where am I gonna go?

Well, I don't know.

Anywhere could be better than here, right?

Look at you, turning the tables on me!

Ha ha ha!

I'm kind of institutionalized within the family.

I used to work for Gabor's dad.

You don't just walk away from that.

Oh, that's not true.

Everyone gets a second chance, right?

If you want it bad enough.

Even Jessica?

Even you?

I'll tell you what. What?

I'll make you a deal. Okay.

If you get out of here...

If you woon getting out of here,

I'll work on forgiving her.

Ooh! ( Laughing )

You're quite the negotiator here.

Well...

All right.

Thank you for your insight, miss Mabel.

Ah. Mother Mabel.

Mother Mabel.

Well, thank you.

( Chuckles )

Uh, wa... um.

Before you go, on your way out, could you just...

Could you... Tell... Gabor...

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You were the ride of my life.

Right. Thank you.

Good luck!

Thank you.

Yeah, you know what?

That really was good advice.

It really was.

Yep.

Too bad.

Had to go out and drink four pink panty droppers.

I forgot every word.

( Laughing )

Ohh.

Ahh!

Fuck!

Fuck!

Hey!

Hey!

Voices: Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt!

Let's do it! To Vegas again!

Let's do this again. Memories, let's do it.

Matt.

What the shit?

Chill out, man.

Here.

Drink vodka.

Thank you.

By the way... That's the douchebag, over there.

Who?

Ahh.

That fuck, he's the one that ploughed my girlfriend.

The fuck is in my club?

The fuck is in your club.

Next time we go to Vegas, you guys need to...

Excuse me.

( Swift continues chattering )

Hey!

Something I can help you with, friend?

Your name is...?

Tyler.

Tyler swift.

Your name is Tyler swift?

So?

What?

Do you fuck mothers?

( Chuckling ) Excuse me?

Do. You.

Fuck. Mothers?

My boy Matt here is expecting a baby

from that mother you fucked.

No. No, he isn't.

What the fuck did you say, bitch boy?

I said, she sold that cheap-ass

fuckin' engagement ring and aborted the bastard.

You fuckin' ass!

That was fucking mistake, buddy.

She needed help, so I helped.

Eh... more like encouraged.

Hell.

I just told her to do it.

What you lookin' at, ugly?

( Sniffing )

Smell like... Smell like pussy!

Fuck no! Motherfucker!

Take him out!

Looks like you all fucked with the wrong guy in the wrong club.

( Indistinct grunts ) Shut the fuck up.

( Tyler grunts )

He's all yours, Matt.

Aah! Look at me!

You think she could ever love a loser like you?

You were a seat-filler, pal!

What'd you fuckin' say to me? You heard me.

This motherfucker!

( Tyler grunting )

...the fuck down there.

I'm gonna rip your fuckin' head off.

You hear me?

Gabor: Okay. Okay, buddy.

Cool off, cool off, cool off.

Go cool off.

Ahhh!

Fuck!

Now.

Listen to me, swift.

Hey!

Hey, buddy.

You're an asshole. I get it.

But there's some shit you just don't joke about.

So I'm gonna ask you one time...

And don't fucking lie to me...

His girl really get an abortion?

You fucking punk.

Hear me.

When your fucking wife is pregnant,

I'm going to find you, I'm going to fuck her, then...

Then I'm going to cut out the little bastard

and fuck him, too!

You're going to fuck my unborn son?

What the fuck? Want to die?

Get out of here!

Get out of here! Piece of shit!

Is it hard to understand me or something?

Oh, shit, man!

Buttfucking! Buttfucking!

That's all they hear, is "buttfucking"!

What kind of world do we live in?

It's not about fucking the butts.

It's about fucking killing people!

She killed my... kid.

With your engagement ring. Don't forget that part.

That sort of makes it really juicy, you know?

( Sighs )

What do you want to do?

You want to kill her?

We could like, uh, crucify her.

You know, like Jesus.

I need to talk to Dave.

Hey, I know. What about, uh, Dave?

I mean, he's one of your bros. He'll vouch for me, right?

Is vouching for you.

Oh.

Oh, I get it.

You guys are just pickin' on me

'cause I'm the one that took the bullet.

Did you guys talk to that prick Tyler yet?

Tyler had his appointment.

He's gone.

Where did he go?

( Chortling )

Sucker.

( Chortling )

I... sorry.

♪ Pop their melons, I'm poppin' pills ♪

♪ bangin' that puddin' like a dewalt drill ♪

♪ now, let's go ♪

♪ awol ♪

♪ on that, drywall ♪

♪ 'cause purdies come cheap at the home depot ♪

♪ with the groupie groupon coupon ♪

♪ 'cause I go on and on ♪

♪ on and on, on and on ♪

♪ on and on, like the energizer ♪

♪ I spill inside her ♪

♪ deep and hard, till her eye hurts ♪

♪ then I get my iPhone, call another gal's phone ♪

♪ 'cause tonight is goin' down... ♪

( Wet bowel movement )

♪ Say come kitty-kitty, while I'm rubbin' that kitty ♪

♪ come kitty-kitty, when I'm rubbin' that kitty ♪

♪ come kitty-kitty, when I'm rubbin' the kitty ♪

♪ come kitty, kitty, kitty ♪

♪ kitty, kitty, kitty, yeah ♪

Yo yo day-Dave.

Shoot, playa, what's up?

Oh, for real?

A'ight, a'ight.

One sec.

There. Now.

Poop in peace.

Take care of that now.

What up, playa?

Desperate times truly do call for desperate measures.

What brings you to my sanctum?

Come on, man, just let me in.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Maybe the question is...

Who brings you here?

Really? Your best friend, Matt.

Remember me?

All right. Good answer.

Come in.

Quickly.

We're all hurting.

I can feel this is something beyond what you can handle.

Where is your strength, your faith?

You have not visited for some time, and yet the church remains here,

always here... for you.

Still rambling gospel rants I see, Dave.

Dude, don't mock my sh...

Stuff.

My stuff is legit.

Because I have seen the unknown

in your unblinking eyes,

I have felt the shadows forming into your childhood fears,

your heart, like a war drum,

beating frantically to a distant, dying army,

the smell of... ( Laughing )

See? It's gettin' to ya.

( Exhales )

All right.

Jessica cheated on me.

With her boss.

Rich douchebag.

She took all my money.

Now I've got mixed up working for some mob boss's son.

To top it off, she aborted my child.

She aborted my... Child, man!

( Heavy sigh )

( Laughing )

Well. Well... at least she didn't pay for the abortion

with the ring you got her. I mean... ( Chuckling )

No.

She couldn't.

O-Okay. This Princess needs to die. Let's go.

No, let's just... Just sit for a minute.

Okay.

( Breathing deeply )

I need a shot.

Nope. want a shot. Do you want a shot?

Yeah, I would love one. Thank you.

Is this kosher?

Why do you think we're always turning away?

We're doing shots, son.

Bottoms up.

My glass is broken.

♪ Aaahhh ♪

Fixed!

Aah!

You know what? I really...

I swear to god, I fantasize.

I fantasize about killing her, man.

Like, over and over and over again in my head.

It's like thosaw movies.

I want her to be every character that dies in those movies.

Well, one thing's for sure.

I know.

She needs to die.

No!

( Scoffs ) Come on, man!

Do you want to be the villain?

She's the villain! She killed your child!

We gotta do something that's gonna last forever.

A tattoo for the soul,

always reminding her to watch her back.

Fear is an amazing art, my friend.

Very difficult to master, but when done right,

can give you complete control.

And really make somebody's life crappy.

( Laughs )

What the hell do you know about fear?

Everything. I studied... Religion.

Good point.

Got any ideas?

Not much. Damn.

Well, you know, you said you were working for that mafia boss.

That's a good place to start.

Yeah, except Jessica's not having any birthday parties.

Birthday parties?

Just forget about it.

Are you friends with him?

I don't know, man.

I guess.

Well, you know who is.

Money.

We gotta get some.

And no, Matt, we're not gonna take money

out of the donation box, okay? That is...

I know, I know, I know. It's yours.

Ha.

You hungry?

No.

Want a pizza?

No.

Okay.

Wh... what is it?

It's a vault code.

A vault code?

A vaul... a vault code?

It's... it's a vault code. Holy crap!

( Both laughing )

Yup. The plot thickens.

Bee-itch.

So, Peter cottontail,

my boys told me you really needed to talk.

What's up?

Did he just call me a rabbit?

Gabor, how you doin', man?

Been good and bad.

But mostly okay.

What... What does that mean?

So, basically, you're saying you're everything?

It okay, Matt.

Like woman's period.

You go with flow.

Dude, like, seriously,

I mean, why can't you just say river?

Yes, like river.

And right now, I am big fat beaver making tampon dam.

( Laughing ) Like, what the fuck?

Where do you get this shit from, man?

Who's this?

This is my buddy Dave.

Uh... Pleasure to meet you.

I... I...

Pleasure to meet you.

Um...

Matt's told me so much about you.

Uh... Well, nothing incriminating, you know.

He just mentioned you, uh, to me.

Uh, only me, because I'm his best friend,

you know, and... and I wouldn't say anything.

And... I'm not wired.

If that's what you're thinking. Jesus, Dave!

( Stammering ) Dave! Mellow out, man! Come on!

Calm down, man.

God!

Relax.

What are you worried about?

Going to heaven?

Well, uh...

I just hear the lines are pretty long this time of year.

( Laughing ) Hey, this guy's funny!

Like you. Maybe we put him in suit.

Yeah, he loves Easter, too, you know?

Um, again, with the rabbit?

Um, is this some sort of mafia code?

Not mafia!

Eastern European organization.

O... Kay.

Okay, clowns, what are you doing here?

Tell him.

All right, look.

I, uh, came across something that might interest you,

and I thought we could trade for it.

Matt, you are like full-time employee already.

I didn't know who else to go to.

Okay.

Before we get going, you need to know:

If you fuck me, I fuck you. Harder.

I don't want to fuck you.

No, you don't, because I fuck everyone in this city

who tries to fuck me.

Understood.

Good. Now what the fuck do you guys want?

Look.

What is this?

It's a code to a vault in a bank,

and since I'm not a bank robber,

I thought it might interest you.

I have plenty of money.

I have no need to Rob bank.

Listen. Gabor, this isn't robbing a bank, okay?

This is winning the lotto.

It's a cakewalk.

You're not dealing with panicked managers fumbling keys.

There's no hero guards ready to shoot.

The place barely has any employees.

We don't even want the money.

So, why?

We want you

to scare the living daylights out of his girl.

Trauma!

So the bitch works in the bank, huh, bunny boy?

And you want big, scary eastern European organization

to make her sorry.

Yeah. Let her know that you'll always be watching.

Make her question every decision in her life,

and then tell her one day,

finally, you will come for her.

And what religion are you?

It's a progressive branch.

We call it... If you fuck my friend, I fuck you!

This I understand.

The urban dictionary defines

the modern use of the word "clusterfuck"

as any situation with a large scale of disarray.

Yup.

Yo, what time is it, man?

( Sighs ) Guess he must be stuck in traffic or something.

I don't know.

I don't know. I'm worried, man.

Look, they're only two minutes late. It'll be all right.

Okay.

Ohh!

Here we go!

I can't believe this is happening, man.

I swear to god, I hope that bitch has a heart attack.

I'm gonna have a heart attack, okay?

( Chuckling )

Hey, hey.

No problem.

Glad I'm here.

You remember that time we robbed that video store

and we stole those pogs?

God! ( Both laughing )

I've never seen you so scared, man.

I've never. I wasn't that scared. Come on.

Dude, I've never seen you more scared in my life.

You were about to shit your pants.

You were being such a little bitch!

I think that's when I decided to become a priest.

( Both laughing )

Pogs!

Pogs were cool.

Oh, they were swell, weren't they?

( Gunshots ) Holy mother of god!

Holy...! ( Screaming )

Wha...?

( Screams and gunfire )

( Cellphone rings ) Who's that?

Gabor: Matt! What?

The shit's going real bad! Matt? What?

Fuck! Matt!

Matt!

Holy...!

Father, forgive me.

Ohh...!

Oh, god.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

What the fuck? Fuck!

Gabor: God! Shit!

I'm not fucking!

Calm down, please, Gabor. Let's think about this.

Everyone is gonna get fucked!

Gabor. Gabor.

( Indistinct shouts )

Get outta here, man. Go, go.

I told you! I told you if you fuck me,

I will fuck you harder!

Dave: Please, forgive them. Gabor: You understand me?

What am I gonna tell my father? Huh?!

( Indistinct remark )

Matt: We can get out of this!

Gabor: What am I gonna tell my father?

Gabor, please! I don't wanna die!

Jesus! What the fuck is going on here?

Please.

Are you part of this, Matt?

Drop the gun, bitch!

Dave: Please, Gabor! Gabor!

Matt: Please... Please...

Drop the fucking gun! Please.

Jessica, just drop the gun, okay?

Jessica: ...Fuck up, Dave! Shut up, Dave!

I'm not waiting.

I will fuckin' kill you.

No! No.

Please.

Please, not her.

Matt.

What?

You gave up!

What did you expect? Huh?

Love.

Respect.

Baby, you loved me.

I loved you so much.

You know what I wanted?

Was a little fucking loyalty.

I.. I'm done.

I'm done.

Okay?

It's over, it's over. It's done. Just...

Fuck you, Dave! Fuck you!

Go, quietly. Go.

No!

( Gunshots )

( Gunshots )

Dave: Matt? Matt?

Matt!

Dave: Oh, my god!

Dave: Come on!

Wow.

I guess this is the part

where I'm supposed to ask for forgiveness,

say I'm sorry for all the things I've done

and all the people I've hurt?

I didn't want her dead, okay?

I didn't.

But... The world... Will be a much, much better place

without people like her walking around.

( Gasps ) Holy shit!

Matt, I don't think I've introduced myself.

Michael.

Hi.

I'm fucked.

Well, my colleagues, they aren't charmed about you.

( Mirthless chuckle ) No kidding.

The ruling suggests that we sentence you to eternal damnation.

( Clicks tongue ) Fantastic.

But I have a proposition I'd like to discuss with you.

I got plenty of time.

That's cute. That's funny.

They've been watching you from upstairs,

and, well, they were particularly taken

by what you said at the end there.

Mm-hmm?

That the world would be a better place

without women like Jessica.

We agree with you.

You do?

We do.

We'd like you to work for US.

Matt, the world has become infected:

Adultery, lies, greed, corruption.

The lands are overrun with sin.

We considered taking away life altogether.

But while we all agree that mankind has been corrupted,

there are a lot of good people left trying to hold it all together.

It isn't fair to them.

So for them, we'd like to help clean up the mess.

Matt, we need someone to act on our behalf.

So... You want me to be your hit man?

Exactly.

And you want me to get rid of the liars

and cheats and whores?

Exactly, Matt. Clean house.

What if I don't?

Eternal damnation.

( Chuckling )

That's a tough choice.

When do I start?

Right away. With Jessica.

What?

She survived her wounds.

If she recovers, if she enters the world again,

she'll hurt others.

May I ask you a question?

Why did you step in front of her?

You protected her. Why did you do that?

I trust it will not be an issue.

We'll be watching.

What?!

I know, man.

I mean, it's hard for me to believe, too.

No, no. Bullshit!

Look, man, they gave me a list.

This thing's long.

How long?

Oh, boy.

About two bloody murderous years.

I mean, if you think about it, I had to die...

To figure out what I was supposed to do.

Guess... better late than never, right?

Jesus, man.

Nah, nah, he already did his thing.

Between you and me...

I don't think he really thought it through the first time.

Well, if he had, I'd be out of a job, right?

Hold on. Jessica isn't dead.

Yeah.

She's last on my list.

I guess you could say she's...

Kinda what keeps me goin'.

Why are you telling me this?

Well... let me see.

Oh, this... This fucking thing.

Just bear with me for a second. It's...

( Muttering softly )

Ah.

Okay.

What the fuck is that? Hey, hey, hey.

No, no, no, no, no. What the fuck is that?

Calm down.

Calm down. Listen.

I kinda heard you been up to some bad shit lately.

I didn't want to do this... What the fuck?!

Hold on. I didn't want to do this to a friend.

No! No, fuck this!

What are you gonna do?

You're just gonna fuckin' kill me right here

at this bar? ( Laughing )

I'm sorry, I already kind did.

I mean...

I dropped it in your glass while you were taking a piss.

Should be taking effect already, actually.

I mean... it's kinda weird.

Oh, shit. There we go.

Whoops.

Okay.

Rest in peace, buddy.

♪ Well, I'm a great crowd-pleaser ♪

♪ when I'm doin' events ♪

( Indistinct lyric )

When are you gonna realize

that the role of the white famous rapper

has been filled?

Whoa, whoa!

We all have dreams, 'Kay?

Hmm.

I don't think I'm ever gonna settle comfortably into boy wonder.

I hate Robin.

I know. That's what I'm sayin'.

Robin's a boob, man. I don't wanna be...

I don't wanna be Robin.

This is why Superman works alone.

What? What?!

Hey, did you really just quote that movie?

Dude, I have no idea what you're talking about.

Aw, man, are you serious, man?

Hey, seriously, hey,

when we get done killing all these people,

I'm gonna teach you some taste, my friend.

Yeah. Hey, daddy dig, do me a favor and get in the truck.

( Humorless chuckle ) Funny. Hilarious.

We need to work on our communication.

Okay, now who's quoting shitty movies, huh?

What? Are you...? What?! What?!

Oh, man, are you... Did you really just...?

Holy ffffuck!

( Rock music playing )

Vocalists: ♪ ooohhh ♪

Male vocalist: ♪ if I'm coming undone ♪

♪ will you ♪

♪ pray for me? ♪

♪ If I'm crawling along ♪

♪ will you, will you cradle me? ♪

♪ And if you stumble upon the truth ♪

♪ will you stay with me? ♪

♪ And if we happen to find our youth ♪

♪ will it set US free? ♪

♪ I feel it on my face ♪

♪ the sun is in your smile ♪

♪ there is no second place ♪

♪ no living in denial ♪

♪ I'm burning down these gates ♪

♪ we'll make it all worthwhile ♪

♪ I feel the pressure fade ♪

♪ if I'm walking along, will you ♪

♪ walk with me? ♪

♪ If I Bury myself in you ♪

♪ will you uncover me? ♪

♪ And if you happen to hear my call ♪

♪ will you wait for me? ♪

♪ And if we're corrupted by it all ♪

♪ we can be redeemed ♪

♪ I feel it on my face ♪

The sun is in your smile ♪

There is no second place ♪

♪ no living in denial ♪

I'm burning down these gates ♪

♪ we'll make it all worthwhile ♪

♪ I feel the pressure fade ♪

♪ I feel it on my face ♪

The sun is in your smile ♪

♪ there is no second place ♪

♪ no living in denial ♪

I'm burning down these gates ♪

♪ we'll make it all worthwhile ♪

♪ the pressure fades ♪

♪ The pressure fades away ♪

♪ the pressure fades away ♪

♪ Pressure fades away ♪