Original subtitles

Being back here reminds me of when we met.

Dude, we met at that, um... No, man.

Fucking... Jessica?

Yeah, Jessica, duh.

Dude, I just think you need to stop going out to bars.

I think you need to shut the fuck up, sit down, relax, and listen to my shit.

So you gonna listen to my shit or what? All right, all right, all right.

Let's hear this shit, please.

Tell me.

Okay.

Well, it started over

there. I was hanging out with a couple of logging buddies, right? It had been

a long day, looking around, and couples, single girls, single guys,

all on a mission.

Okay, so how many more beers were the girl watching?

Oh. Plenty.

Many, many, many, many beers.

Anyway,

this girl... She was...

Not from around here.

She was classy.

Elegant.

Not many of those around here. No shit, Sherlock.

And if I wasn't ice skating uphill enough already...

I didn't have a fucking dollar in my name, man.

I mean, I couldn't buy my own drink, much less buy this girl a drink. It was

impossible. But when did that ever stop you? Yeah, you're right. I'm a bold

motherfucker, right?

I don't have a problem with this kind of thing. This is my thing.

But I was scared, man. Something about this girl really intimidated me.

Something turned me to slush.

I didn't know what I was going to say to this girl.

Right then, my guardian angel flew in.

Bartender. With my buddy, Joe.

Okay. He knows I have flies in my wallet.

But he also sees that I want to work some magic on this girl.

So he winks at me.

Says, Matt, what it'll be?

I say, I'll take a pike. And for this pretty girl sitting over here, whatever

pretty girls drink.

Put it on my tab.

Bullshit.

Bullshit.

I'm not lying. I'm telling you the truth. Why would I lie?

Wow. It was so sexy.

She goes, thank you. She asked my name. Before I could ask her her name, she

says her name is Jessica.

We talked for about 15 minutes.

And then her friend came and picked her up.

I blinked my eye.

She's gone.

Typical. Yeah.

My heart sank.

My throat went to knots.

I started heading home.

I'm about a mile away.

Lo and behold.

I look out in front.

Oh, shit. My heart starts going bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop. I

running towards them as fast as I can. And right before I get there, this

fucking truck comes, swoops them all up. Man, I've known this girl for less than

an hour.

And I'm already, like, heartbroken.

I mean, how pathetic is that?

And as I'm standing there in my little pity party, what do I see? The truck.

It's heading right back to here.

What do I do?

I start running right back. I'm not even joking.

I burst through the door.

I literally almost run her over.

She looks at me.

She says, I thought you left.

I said, I went for you.

She grabs me. She hugs me.

Damn.

She says, I came back.

I... I was in love.

What?

I hate this story.

I hate it.

It consumes me.

I want to be... rid of it.

No, Matt.

This is a good story, man. This is a good story.

You know what? This is a love story.

No.

So it always begins.

Yeah, and in the end?

TBD.

Love is just the beginning.

Catechism.

I feel it on my face.

The rage of catching fire.

I'm burning down each day.

I feel the passion.

If I'm coming down, will you pray

for me?

If I'm crying,

Will you stay with me?

And if we happen to fight, I'll leave you with...

I'm burning down.

Hello?

Hello?

Is there anyone here?

Hello, Matt.

Hi.

Hey, can you do me a favor and speak up? I mean, it's quiet as fuck.

I'm sorry.

I won't say fuck. I'm sorry.

My bad.

Tell me about her.

About her?

Um, well, I guess you could say things weren't going that great.

I didn't really think about it much, to tell you the truth.

I wasn't suspicious or anything.

What? I wasn't. I'm not a jealous guy.

I'm not.

Fine. Whatever.

Maybe the night before my birthday.

I was a little miffed.

I'll give you that.

Motherfucking... Goddamn.

What, can I help you with something?

Yeah.

Yeah,

what?

My birthday's tomorrow, genius.

And you know what, King? Please, please start talking like a white person.

Your G voice is really triggering my gag reflex.

Okay, all right.

What are you up to?

I'm at King's.

Oh, yeah?

Just getting a cold one?

You know what, man? Right now is not a very good time.

Why? What's going on?

Jessica's here.

Oh, sorry.

Didn't mean to interrupt the date.

No, she's laughing it up with Bruce Willis.

Not really.

Oh, my God, man. They just keep laughing.

Fuck. I mean, what's so fucking funny?

She's with another guy? Yep.

Well, I'm sure there's an explanation.

I'm sure there is.

Well, I doubt it's that man.

You guys are getting married.

I know.

Not to mention she's carrying my baby.

I'm gonna be the best dad in the whole wide world, motherfucker.

Oh, let's not get carried away.

You gonna talk to Jessica?

Yeah.

Hi. Hi. What's crack -a -lackin'? Um, this is Tyler Swift.

He's the new manager at the bank.

Matt. Heard so much about you.

Wow. You must be really, really new, because I have not heard about you at

I was just getting Tyler acquainted with the specifics of the bank.

So your name is Tyler Swift?

Yeah, that's right.

That's a good name.

Yeah. Why don't you sit down and join us for a few?

Wow.

It's so thoughtful.

You know how it is.

Hey, baby, you know what?

We should invite him to my birthday party. Wouldn't that be awesome?

Oh.

Yeah, we have an outdoor staff meeting.

I'm sorry, baby. I just found out today.

You're not going to come to my birthday party?

No. I'm sorry, sweetie. I'll make it up to you.

What do you mean, when did it start?

I mean, how many times do I have to tell you? I'm not a jealous guy.

You son of a bitch.

Hey, what are you doing?

Stuart and I are going to see Aladdin tomorrow. Can your friend do this?

Can your friend do that?

Come on, man. I was like nine years old. Give me a break.

Stewart, he was a tool.

They have an appointment coming up.

They?

Wow.

Did Jenny really marry that tool bag, Stewart?

What is happiness, Matt?

What is happiness?

I don't know. I thought we were happy.

Now you're making me think about shit.

What? Oh, man, look.

I'm going to say shit.

I can't help it.

It's like a force of nature.

Fell in love with her for a reason. I mean, right?

I mean, we were happy.

We were happy for a minute.

That'll be exactly a minute.

Yep, and the winner also brought you dinner.

Hmm.

I can't believe you're wearing that. You're not even wearing it right.

Well,

you know I don't like the water, man. Trust me, honey.

I love you.

I'm gonna kick your ass brain

freeze

All right, people are standing ready.

All good things must come to an end, right?

Just wish it wasn't on my fucking freaking birthday.

You know what I mean?

Hey, baby.

Ah!

Ah! Ah!

Why didn't you walk away? All I wanted to do was leave that dirty bitch and her

boy toy behind. Believe me, I couldn't.

She did it to herself.

Mind your own business.

Where's my cash?

I'm sorry, is there something I can do for you?

Where's the ring?

What did you do with the ring?

Why are you doing this?

Sir. What?

Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to step into my office, bud.

My door.

Take a walk.

Sit down, please.

Look, pal.

You're a fucking loser.

I know it.

You know it.

And she knows it.

What do you got to say for yourself?

All I want to know is what the fuck is going on with my account.

Looks like there were some pretty big purchases made this morning at the mall.

Special occasion?

I can tell by the look you're not happy, so we'll have to open a fraud claim to

start an investigation to see what happened, of course.

That could take a while.

But after further review, much, your account barely had a dollar in it

So here's what we're going to do.

You've still got my wallet and jacket.

Keep them.

Hell, pawn them.

I guarantee they're worth more than your account balance was anyway.

I'll see you on the other side of the field.

On a night day.

See ya.

What advice?

You mean that guy Bill?

That guy was a loon.

Good boy.

I don't have anything for you yet, but I'm doing the best I can.

You got to remember that this business is forever slow.

Slow? Yeah.

Oh, slow.

You know what I'm going to do? What?

I'm going to fuck you real slow.

If we don't get our money, Billy boy.

You're gonna fuck me real slow? Why the fuck you wanna do that?

Why don't you do something professional like snapping my fingers or breaking my

knee?

Shut up.

Enough of your shit, okay?

Enough of my shit.

Did you get me?

Yeah, I get you.

I got news for you.

You don't even know my sexual orientation.

What if all I want to do in the world is get fucked real slow?

Are you gonna reward me for not paying you?

Shut the fucking fuck up, Billy. Fuck!

I want the money by next Tuesday.

Or I'm going to come back in here and shove all this junk in your ass.

Why would you want to shove all this junk in my ass? My ass is not big.

Do you fucking get me?

Yeah, I can see right through you, buddy. You're transparent like a dead

scorpion. I can turn this thing into a combat zone.

Just like that.

You won't have a chance.

You tell your father. I'm going to pay him back in full.

I just don't want to be taken out by your mob.

We ain't no mob.

We are Eastern European organization.

That's a good answer.

Are you going to leave or something?

I've been looking for an antique lampshade.

Something...

colorful, but still elegant.

Okay. Well, back in the corner there, I got some tons of lampshades.

Why don't you go pick one out?

Perfect. Thanks, Bill.

Hi.

You surprised me. I should keep my eyes on the perimeter better.

Welcome to the Mopan shop.

Good to see you here.

There's lots of interesting things to buy.

Cool. Your name's Bill, huh?

I'm Matt.

Yeah.

How do you know my name?

I don't know. Well, you know what? Look, I was hoping to sell this wallet to

you. Shit.

Shit what?

Let me tell you, kid.

Owning a pawn shop sucks balls.

I've been open for three months. I haven't sold anything.

Oh, man, I could see how that would suck.

Wait!

What? Wait!

Oh!

Thank you!

I am going to focus more on selling than I am buying.

You know, part of the problem might be, if you're selling all this junk, you

should buy this beautiful billfold wallet.

Leather.

Two -bill compartment.

Six cards.

Voila!

Does it have a four -leaf clover on it?

Um, no. No, it doesn't.

Does it have Bugs Bunny on it?

No, no Bugs Bunny.

A yin -yang sign.

You can paste one on, maybe.

No, I can't take it.

This is all I got, man. Come on.

Wait, is that a Bentley Edinger billfold wallet?

Yeah. I can't use it.

Well, you know what?

This is all I have. Looks like you're having fun with this, so, uh, thanks for

nothing, Dave.

Hey, wait, I'll buy the wallet. You will?

Yeah, I'll give you $20 for it.

20 bucks?

Yeah. Oh, come on, man. This wallet is worth way more than that. I mean, look,

rich douchebag manager had to pay well over $100 for a wallet like this.

That wallet's stolen.

I could tell by the way you walked in here.

You're desperate and confused.

You're nothing but a fucking stink man.

Look, I'm gonna level with you.

I've been through a lot lately, okay?

This guy, he took my girl.

He took my money.

I don't even have enough gas to get home.

All I have is this wallet.

Please help me.

You're a fucking crackhead.

I've heard these stories before.

What you're going to do, you're going to take the money I give you for that

wallet, you're going to go out and get high with your buddies behind a dumpster

and come back in here and rob a store.

A crackhead virus robbing pawn shop after pawn shop. That's what you're

do.

All right, look.

Believe it or not, this guy actually gave me this wallet.

Okay? How do I prove to you I'm not a crackhead?

I'll tell you how you can prove it. I won't take the wallet, but I'll take

coat. And a crackhead doesn't want to part with something that keeps him warm.

$60.

And that should fill your tank.

There you go.

Let me be fatherly to you.

I want you to use that to better your life.

And get out of the past. Quit carrying that baggage with you.

Because your future begins right now.

And this isn't your last chapter.

And remember these four words.

It could be worse.

So you're not done.

You're just beginning again.

I got this thing on repeat in my head.

Just repeats over and over again. It's not music. It's sweet revenge.

You gotta be nice.

Yeah, nice don't cut it no more.

Wow, you meet all kinds of people here.

Seriously, how was I supposed to have the foresight to know that some old pawn

shop keeper would have prophesied things to come?

I mean, you tell me.

How's a mere mortal supposed to see that one coming?

Yeah, you think you know everything, don't you?

Trust me, that was just the beginning of the spiral.

Things got a whole lot weirder after that.

You have bad luck.

What?

What do you want, man?

You have bad luck.

I, on the other hand, have amazing luck.

I'm so lucky.

Okay, well, you know what? Mine's infectious, so maybe you should do

favor and fuck off.

But I have so much. I want to share it.

Look, I don't really have time for a luck off right now.

And you're weird.

You're kind of freaking me out.

What do you want?

Why are you in such big hurry?

You have big hot date?

What? Yeah, big hot date.

You've never heard this phrase before?

No, I don't have a date. Why?

Oh,

well, the guy who plays on the wrong side of ball team.

I don't get it. You know, back from behind the plate.

It's been fun, man.

You take care.

Your story in there, I heard it.

It hurt my heart.

Look, I want to help.

My heart, it hurts, too.

You got cheated on, too? No, I cheated.

But I feel bad. You know, I go out, I party too hard one night.

Make love to this beautiful woman.

Then I put it in too long, and now I have baby.

Well?

Oh, well, fuck it. I guess it's been one of those days.

Hey.

Hey, you can make my day.

In return, I give you money.

What's that exciting?

What, like a job?

Yes, yes, yes. Very small job, very soon.

That's very charitable of you, man.

Chair table?

What is this? I have no need for a chair table.

No, no, no, no, no, no. Charitable, you know, like one word that means giving,

you know? I joke! Come on, man, I'm funny like you.

Not fucking retard.

Okay, get it, I guess, man.

What do you want, man?

Okay.

Shit! Fuck, man!

I'm just, I just... Hold gun.

Hold gun, I want to see.

Okay.

All right, big boy. Put it in your pocket and pull out fast like cowboy.

Just like a test?

All right.

Fast, huh?

Oh, wow, man.

Very fast. Very exciting.

Okay, give me that.

You look strong.

You punch hard?

Only way I know how, motherfucker.

All right.

Punch my hand.

I am big boy, too.

I want to feel how strong you are.

God, why?

No time for second -guessing. You must do what I tell you when I tell you. Oh,

oh, Val, man, that's very painful.

Oh, my God, are you okay?

This is going to bruise so much.

Oh, no.

Okay, I take you.

What is your name?

Matt. Hey, Matt, I'm go... I'm so sorry.

This is fine.

Well, where do you want? I take you for ice cream. We talk more. Go.

What? Now we're discriminating? Come on. You seem like a nice guy.

The monsters are cool, too.

How the hell was I supposed to know what was going to happen?

I'll tell you.

I'll never look at bunnies the same way again.

I said no clowns.

You make the kids cry.

You think this is funny?

What?

Very not professional.

We will not forget this.

Sorry, I had business to take care of.

Okay, Matt, are you ready?

You must not be scary like clown.

Yeah, I think I got that.

Matt, my father is very powerful.

Do not disappoint.

Okay.

What do you want me to do?

Put on the rabbit suit.

Want a birthday party?

Yes. Put on a suit. Hop, hop, hop. Make kids happy.

I don't have to make balloon animals and shit.

Can you?

No, not really. Fine.

But you must learn for other times, which there will be many of. Are you

you don't want me to, like, I don't know, deliver something, guard a door,

a getaway car?

I mean, this is lame, man.

How can I trust you if you... Can't even make kids laugh.

This is easy.

Hop, hop, and I give you money.

I gotta take a piss.

Good. And take the suit.

They're getting a little better.

A lot better.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

Okay, guys, come on.

Come to daddy.

You're gonna fucking lose it.

need to rest.

Bye.

I think one is asking for you.

Do you make your way down to the party?

I got rid of scary clown.

I got candy.

This new guy is good.

The kids love to play with the rabbit.

And your grandchildren are laughing.

Yes

Gabor. Hey. Matt.

My father, he likes you. Oh.

You will work many parties.

Why, you know what?

Birthday parties aren't really my thing. Listen to me.

That was amazing.

I don't know where you get this energy from, but this is your destiny.

I hope not.

Matt, I am not lying.

This is most very lucky.

Children love you.

You will be a great father one day.

Hey, do you have a doctor here by any chance?

Why, you don't get hard?

What? Your dick, it is always soft.

What the hell? No.

No. You know what? I think you left some pills in the bathroom.

The kids might have gotten into.

Oh.

Oh, shit.

Okay, I called Doc. But now we party.

We drink and forget about the girl.

Okay. I never turn down a free drink.

Let's go to my club.

Sweet.

You know what? What's that stuff anyway? Do you know?

I mean, the bottle said Vicodin.

But, uh, yeah.

It's just no way.

I don't want to.

Thinking back, I really should have peaced out of there with that 300 bucks.

But I was just, I was really compelled.

I was compelled. I just wanted to see where the day would take me.

Boy, God, did it fucking take me somewhere.

Welcome to Jurassic Park.

Oh, man.

Just kidding.

All we wanted to say is that shit.

Good fucking movie.

Dinosaurs.

Scary shit.

That was all right. I don't know. I was always more of an E .T. man, personally.

What are you, fucking pussy?

Hey, let's go get a drink and discuss how pussy you are.

For the record, Jurassic Park, yes, it's a much better movie, okay?

It's got Jeff Goldblum, cool, dinosaurs, rad.

But E .T.'s a tender movie.

I was feeling tender.

Looking beautiful, baby.

Hi, darling.

Hi.

How will it be, boy?

An IPA?

Lemon drop.

Sure.

So you've got a girl at home, Gabor?

Not right now.

The fucking bitches are crazy. They're all crazy.

Must be the weather here.

Yeah, tell me about it. Yeah.

So what happened with your bitch?

She fucked Tyler Swift.

She fucked Tyler Swift?

Holy shit.

Is that the sexy man?

Why are you so pissed? No, no.

Tyler Swift.

As an attractive asshole bank manager.

Not attractive goddess singer.

You know what I'm saying?

Shit. That's the shit he named her.

Yeah, well, not like she cared.

So what happened? She told you?

No, I caught her.

Dick was still in her and I started kicking his fucking ass.

That's fucked, man.

Stupid bitches.

I wish I could watch her burn alive, man. I wish I could turn on the news and

see a fucking story about a terrible fucking accident involving her.

You are angry motherfucker, man.

Baby pie, can you turn on the news for me?

Sure thing, hot lip.

I love it when she calls me that.

I'm a chick.

tragically in a high -speed collision... Oh, fucking hell.

Shit.

We've just confirmed with police that the identity of the female victim is

waitress Kate Strange. Her family would not be... So close.

Thanks, honey.

Oh, well.

She sounded like a bitch anyway.

You know what you need, my friend?

What's that?

You need love, companion.

Love companion?

Mm -hmm. Hmm.

Why, you got, like, pussy flying around this place, or what?

Yes, I do.

Please don't judge me.

I not judge.

Holy Moses.

Who? No, not that table.

Moses is, like, from Bible or some shit.

Welcome to Gabor's International House of... What's he?

Gone to the house tonight, honey bunny.

Do with him as you wish.

Who is this big hunk of stingy love?

Oh, you sound strong.

Stronger than any man can handle.

What's your name, cowboy?

I'm Matt. Matt's actually going to go. I know you're not.

Yeah, I am.

So,

yeah,

you're Mabel, right?

Mm -hmm.

So what are you like?

I guess I'm like that.

What?

Are you?

a naughty boy?

No, I'm not a naughty boy.

Oh, I think you are.

No. I think you were naughty today.

Hey, can we just talk? Yeah,

okay.

Okay, what's wrong?

I don't know, I'm nervous.

I haven't been around such a mature, beautiful woman like you.

You don't have to be shy around me, you know.

Mother Mabel is here to help you. So just spit it out.

Really? Yeah.

Okay.

Well...

That's

quite the story.

Yeah.

You know what you're telling me? Now I'm the father of this baby that's being

carried inside of this whore.

I mean, I'm sorry, but I can't think of

anything else.

She's wrangling her throat.

Have you really thought about this?

Of course I have. No, I mean about why this happened.

What?

I think what you've got to do is you have to focus on what really matters

I don't know if I articulated this clearly. Hey.

Look.

I've been there. I've made my mistakes.

God knows I have paid for them.

But if you don't figure out why she did what she did, you're in big

trouble.

No. I'm sorry.

There's no excuse.

No excuse for what she's done whatsoever.

If you don't understand, then you can't let it go.

You can't move on. So you've got to understand why.

Why does a woman fall for a man? She falls for the whole package. She chooses

how much money he earns, what his job is.

That's what it is. I know.

I know.

I've been where you are.

I blamed the whole world for all my problems.

Boo, stop, stop, stop. Poor me, poor me.

It was not easy just climbing myself back up to some

good place.

So, you're in a good place?

Couldn't be happier.

Really? Of course I'm not happy. Life is shit.

I'm 65 years old and I sleep with drunken fools for a living.

And Gabor only keeps me here because I look enough like a man so he can get his

rocks off from time to time. Aha!

I knew there was something with that guy, man.

I knew it.

Look.

You have to walk away while you still can.

Well, you can get out of here. She's going to regret that decision.

You know, you can be sure of that.

But if you don't get up and get out of here, you're going to end up a 65 -year

-old barmaid begging for crack and making tips.

You beg for crack?

Sometimes. Wow. Trust me, honey, just take the sexy legs of yours and just

on out of here.

Why don't you?

Where am I going to go?

Well, I don't know.

Anywhere could be better than here, right?

Look at you, turning the tables on me.

I'm kind of institutionalized within the family.

I used to work for Gabor's dad.

You don't just walk away from that.

That's not true.

Anyone gets a second chance, right?

If you want it bad enough.

Even Jessica?

Even you?

I'll tell you what.

What? I'll make you a deal.

Okay.

If you get out of here, if you work on getting out of here,

I'll work on forgiving her.

You're quite the negotiator here.

Well, all right.

Thank you for your insight, Miss Mabel. Ah, Mother Mabel.

Mother Mabel.

Well, thank you.

Before you go, on your way out, could you just, could you...

Tell Gabor... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're the ride of my life.

All right.

Thank you.

Mwah.

Mm.

Good luck.

Thank you.

Yeah, you know what?

That really was good advice.

It really was.

Yeah.

Too bad.

I had to go out and drink four pink panty droppers.

I forgot every word.

Bye -bye.

Big fuck.

Thank you.

By the way, that's the douchebag over there. Who?

That fuck?

He's the one that plopped my girlfriend.

The fuck is in my club?

The fuck is in your club.

Hey! Someone I can help you with? Friend?

Your name is... Your

name is

Tyler Swift?

So?

What?

Do you fuck mothers?

Excuse me?

Do you fuck mothers?

My boy Matt here is expecting a baby from that mother you fucked.

No. No, he isn't.

What the fuck did you say, bitch boy?

I said...

She sold that cheap ass fucking engagement ring and aborted the bastard.

Fucking ass!

That was fucking sick, buddy.

She needed help, so I helped.

Yeah, more like encouraged.

Hell, I just told her to do it.

What are you looking at, ugly?

Smell like... Smell like... Fuck!

What the fuck?

Take him out!

Look like you fucked with the wrong guy in the wrong club.

He's all yours, Matt.

You think she'd get her a love loser like you?

You're a sea filler, pal.

Did you fucking save me?

Me?

Fuck down there.

Rip your fucking head off.

Listen to me, Swift.

Hey!

Hey, buddy.

You're an asshole. I get it.

But there's some shit you just don't joke about.

So I'm gonna ask you one time.

And don't fucking lie to me.

Is this girl really getting an abortion?

Fucking dunk.

Hear me.

When your fucking wife is pregnant, I'm going to find you. I'm going to fuck

her.

Then... Then I'm going to

cut out the dope bastard.

Fucking dope.

You're going to fuck my unborn son.

What the fuck? You want to die?

Get out of here, you... Get out of here.

Piece of shit.

hard to understand me or something?

Shit, man.

Butt -fucking. Butt -fucking. That's all they hear is butt -fucking.

What kind of world do we live in?

It's not about fucking. It's about... It's about fucking.

Killing people.

With your engagement ring.

Don't forget that part.

That's what makes it really juicy, you know?

What do you want to do?

Want to kill her?

Like, uh, crucify her.

You know, like Jesus.

I need to talk to Dave.

Hey, I know. What about, uh, Dave?

I mean, he's one of your bros. He'll vouch for me, right?

He is vouching for you.

Oh. Oh, I get it.

You guys are just picking on me because I'm the one that took the bullet.

Did you guys talk to that prick Tyler yet?

Tyler had his appointment.

He's gone.

Where did he go?

Sucker.

I...

Pop them melons, I'm popping pills, banging that pudding like a D -Wall

Now let's go, A -Wall, on that drywall, cause pretties come cheap at the Home

Depot. It's a groupie, groupon, coupon, cause I go on and on, on and on, on and

on, on and on. Like the Energizer, I spill inside her, deep and hard, till

eye hurts. Then I get my iPhone, call another gal's phone, cause tonight is

going down.

Come kitty kitty when I'm rubbin' that kitty.

Come kitty kitty when I'm rubbin' that kitty.

Come kitty kitty when I'm rubbin' that kitty.

Come kitty kitty kitty.

Kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty, yeah.

Yo, yo, Dave, Dave.

Shoot, player, what's up?

All for real?

All right, all right.

One sec.

What up, Leia?

Desperate times truly do call for desperate measures.

What brings you to my sanctum?

Come on, man. Just let me in. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Maybe the question is, who brings you here?

Really? Your best friend, Matt.

Remember me?

All right.

Good answer.

Come in.

We're all hurting.

Many are weak.

I can feel that this is something beyond what you can handle.

Where is your strength?

Your faith?

You have not visited for some time, and yet the church remains here.

Always here.

For you.

You're rambling gospel rants, I see, Dave.

Dude.

Don't mock my sh...

Except it's legit.

Because I have seen the unknown in your unblinking eyes. I have felt the shadows

forming into your childhood fears. Your heart like a war drum beating

frantically to a distant dying army. The smell of... See?

It's getting to you.

Jessica cheated on me.

With her boss.

Rich.

Douchebag.

Took all my money.

And then I got mixed up working for the mob boss's son.

On top of that, she, uh, afforded my job.

She afforded my child!

Well... At least she didn't pay for the abortion with the ring you got her. I

mean... No.

She couldn't.

Okay.

This princess needs to die. Let's go. No, let's just...

I need a shot.

No, I want a shot.

Do you want a shot?

Yeah, I would love one. Thank you.

Is this kosher?

Why do you think we're always turning away?

We're doing shots son!

Bottoms up.

My glass is broken.

I swear to God, I fantasize.

I fantasize about killing her, man.

Like, over and over and over again in my head.

It's like those Saw movies.

I want her to be every character that dies in those movies.

Well, one thing's for sure.

She needs to die.

No.

Come on, man.

Do you want to be the villain?

She's the villain.

I mean, she killed your child.

We got to do something that's going to last forever.

You know, like a tattoo for the soul.

Always reminding her to watch her back. Fear.

It is amazing art, my friend.

Very difficult to master, but when done right, it can give you complete control.

It really makes somebody's life crappy.

What the hell do you know about fear?

Everything.

I studied religion.

Good point.

Got any ideas?

Not much.

Damn.

Well, you know, you said you were working for that Mafia boss, right?

That's a good place to start.

Yeah, except Jessica's not having any birthday parties.

Birthday parties?

Just forget about it.

What, are you friends with him?

I don't know, man.

I guess.

You know who it is.

Money. We gotta get some.

And no, Matt, we're not going to take money out of the donation box, okay?

is... I know, I know, I know. It's yours.

You

hungry?

Want a pizza?

What is it?

It's a vault code.

A vault code?

A vault code?

It's a vault code. Holy crap.

Yup. The plot thickens.

So, Peter Cottontail, my boys told me you really needed to talk.

What's up?

Are you just calling a rabbit?

Boy, how you doing, man?

Been good and bad, but mostly okay.

What does that mean? Like, so basically you're saying you're everything?

It's okay, Matt. Like, woman's period. You go with flow.

Dude, like, seriously, I mean, why can't you just, like, say river?

Yes, like river.

And right now I am Big Fat Beaver making tampon dam.

Like, what the fuck?

Where do you get this shit from, man?

Who's this?

This is my buddy Dave.

Pleasure to meet you.

Pleasure to meet you.

Matt has told me so much about you, you know.

Well, nothing incriminating, you know. He just mentioned you to me.

Only me, because I'm his best friend, you know, and I wouldn't say anything.

I'm not wired, you know. If that's what you're thinking, okay, please. Please? I

just... Dave! Mellow out, man. Okay. Come on.

Calm down, man.

God!

What are you worried about?

Going to heaven.

Well, uh...

I just

hear the lines are pretty long this time of year.

Hey, this guy's funny.

Like you. Maybe we put him in suit.

Yeah, he loves Easter, too, you know.

Again, with the rabbit, is it sort of mafia code?

Not the mafia.

Eastern European organization.

Oh.

Okay.

Okay, clowns. What are you doing here?

Tell him.

I came across something that might interest you, and I thought we could

for it.

Do you have a full -time employee already?

I didn't know who else to go to.

Okay.

Before we get going, you need to know, if you fuck me, I fuck you.

Harder.

I don't want to fuck you.

Oh, no, you don't, because I fuck everyone in this city who tries to fuck

Understood. Good.

Now, what the fuck do you guys want?

Look.

What is this?

It's the code to a vault and a bank.

And since I'm not a bank robber, I thought it might interest you.

I have plenty of money. No need for a bank.

Listen, Lamar, this isn't robbing a bank, okay?

This is winning the lotto.

It's a cakewalk.

You're not dealing with panic managers fumbling keys. There's no hero guards

ready to shoot. I mean, the place barely has any employees.

We don't even want the money.

So why?

We want you to scare the living daylights out of his girl.

Trauma. Yeah.

Yeah.

Let her know that you'll always be watching. Make her question every

her life, and then tell her one day, finally, you will come for her.

It's a progressive branch.

We call it...

If you fuck my friend, I fuck you.

Yes.

This I am going to expound.

The Urban Dictionary defines the modern use of the word clusterfuck as any

situation with a large scale of disarray.

Yo, what time is it, man?

Must be stuck in traffic or something.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I'm worried, man.

You're only two minutes late.

You'll be alright.

Okay.

Okay.

Here we go.

I can't believe this is happening, man.

I swear to God, I hope that bitch has a heart attack.

I'm gonna have a heart attack, okay?

Thank you.

No problem.

Let him be.

Remember that time when we robbed that video store and we stole those

pogs? Yeah.

God.

I've never seen you so scared, man. I'm not scared. Come on. Dude, I... never

seen you more scared in my life. You were about to shit your pants.

You were being such a little bitch. I think that's when I decided to become a

priest.

Pogs.

Pogs were cool.

Well, they were swell, weren't they?

Father, forgive me.

Oh, God.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

What the fuck? Fuck!

Shit! Shit!

Oh, my God.

Motherfucker!

Calm down, please, Gabor.

Think about this. Everyone is gonna get fucked!

Gabor. Get out of here, man. Go, go.

I told you! I told you if you fuck me, I will fuck you harder.

Please forgive me. Why do I have to tell my father?

Drop the gun, bitch. Drop the fucking

gun! Please, Jessica, just drop the gun, okay?

Just... Fuck off, Dick!

I'm not vaping.

I will fucking kill you. No! No.

Please.

Please, not her.

to me.

I loved you so much.

You know what I wanted?

A little loyalty.

I'm done.

I'm done.

Okay?

It's over.

Let's go.

Fuck you, Dave! Fuck you!

Go. Quiet. Go.

Well... I guess this is the part where I'm supposed to ask for forgiveness.

Say I'm sorry for all the things I've done and all the people I've hurt.

I didn't want her dead.

Okay.

I did it.

But the world...

It would be a much, much better place without people like her walking around.

Matt, I don't think I've introduced myself.

Michael.

Hey.

I'm fucked.

Well, my colleagues, they aren't charmed by you.

No kidding.

The ruling suggests that we sentence you to eternal damnation.

I have a proposition I'd like to discuss with you.

I got plenty of time.

That's cute.

That's funny.

They've been watching you from upstairs.

And, well, they were particularly taken by what you said at the end there.

Mm -hmm.

That the world would be a better place without women like Jessica.

We agree with you.

We do?

We do.

We'd like you to work for us.

Matt, the world has become infected.

Adultery, lies, greed, corruption.

The lands are overrun with sin.

We considered taking away life altogether.

But while we all agree that mankind has been corrupted, there are a lot of good

people left trying to hold it together.

It isn't fair to them.

For them, we'd like to help clean up the mess.

Matt, we need someone to...

Act on her behalf.

So... You want me to be your hitman?

Exactly.

And you want me to get rid of the liars and cheats and whores?

Exactly, Mad. Clean house.

What if I don't?

Eternal damnation.

Uh -huh.

That's a tough choice.

When do I start?

Right away.

With Jessica.

What? She survived her wounds.

If she recovers, if she enters the world again, she'll hurt others.

May I ask you a question?

Why did you step in front of her?

You protected her. Why did you do that?

I trust it will not be an issue.

We'll be watching.

What?

I know, ma 'am. I mean, it's hard for me to believe, too.

Bullshit.

Look, ma 'am, they gave me a list.

This thing's long.

How long?

Oh, boy.

About two bloody murderous years.

I mean, if you think about it, I had to die to figure out what I was supposed to

do.

Better late than never, right?

Jesus, man.

Nah, nah, he already did his thing.

Between you and me.

I don't think they really thought it through the first time.

Well, they had.

I'd be out of the job, right? Hold on.

Jessica isn't dead.

Yeah.

She's last on my list.

I guess you could say she's kind of what keeps me going.

Why are you telling me this?

I'm a fucking baby.

Bear with me for a minute.

Ah.

Okay.

What the fuck is that?

Hey, hey, hey.

No, no, no, no, no. What the fuck is that?

Calm down.

Calm down.

Listen.

I don't know how you've been up to some bad shit lately.

I didn't want to do this. What the fuck? Hold on. I didn't want to do this to a

friend. No. No. Fuck this.

What are you going to do? What are you going to do? You're just going to

kill me right here at this bar?

I'm sorry. I already kind of did. I mean, I dropped it in your glass while

were taking a piss.

Should be taking effect already, actually.

Kind of weird.

Oh, shit.

There we go.

Whoops.

I don't want to be... I don't want to be Robin.

It's why Superman works alone.

What?

What?

Hey, did you really just quote that movie?

Dude, I have no idea what you're talking about. Oh, man. Are you serious, man?

Hey, well, if you get done killing all these people, I'm going to teach you

taste, my friend.

Yeah. Hey, Daddy Dick, do me a favor. Get in the truck.

Funny.

We need to work on our communication.

Okay.

Nouns grown in shitty movies, huh?

What? I... What?

Oh, man, are you... Did he really just... Holy...

Father.

If I'm coming down with you, label me.

If I'm crawling along with you, will you cradle

me? And if you stumble upon the truth, will you

daybreak me?

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank

you.

We can be.

Thank you.