Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:09,377 --> 00:00:11,112
-hot in cleveland
Is recorded in front of
2
00:00:11,112 --> 00:00:12,680
A live studio audience.
3
00:00:12,680 --> 00:00:16,684
- the moment we've all been
Waiting for is finally here.
4
00:00:16,684 --> 00:00:19,420
Tonight,
On the most dramatic episode
5
00:00:19,420 --> 00:00:22,323
In the history of this series--
6
00:00:22,323 --> 00:00:25,893
- you don't have to shout.
I'm right here.
7
00:00:25,893 --> 00:00:27,895
- I'm sorry, joy.
Um, look...
8
00:00:27,895 --> 00:00:30,431
You're about to embark
On an incredible journey.
9
00:00:30,431 --> 00:00:31,799
Tell us about it.
10
00:00:31,799 --> 00:00:34,268
- well, every year,
For our fake birthdays,
11
00:00:34,268 --> 00:00:36,137
My friends and I fix
Each other up.
12
00:00:36,137 --> 00:00:40,007
- four women, four dates.
There's a chance no one's heart
13
00:00:40,007 --> 00:00:42,476
Is gonna be broken here.
Where's the fun in that?
14
00:00:42,476 --> 00:00:45,646
- oh, there's always plenty
Of heartbreak.
15
00:00:45,646 --> 00:00:47,248
But this year's going
To be different.
16
00:00:47,248 --> 00:00:49,117
- do you say that every year?
17
00:00:49,117 --> 00:00:50,384
- yes.
18
00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:52,720
But this year really
Is going to be different.
19
00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:55,656
- do you also say that
Every year?
20
00:00:55,656 --> 00:00:57,658
- yes.
21
00:00:57,658 --> 00:00:59,193
- just tell me about the dates.
22
00:00:59,193 --> 00:01:03,030
- well, elka wanted us to track
Down stan, her first love,
23
00:01:03,030 --> 00:01:05,633
Who she left behind in poland
70 years ago.
24
00:01:05,633 --> 00:01:09,503
- he was mr. Sour cream
When I was miss teen potato.
25
00:01:12,873 --> 00:01:15,776
When the villagers
Laid him on top of me
26
00:01:15,776 --> 00:01:18,146
And wrapped us in tinfoil...
27
00:01:18,146 --> 00:01:23,584
Well,
One thing led to another.
28
00:01:23,584 --> 00:01:25,886
- so, what kind of ritual
Is that?
29
00:01:25,886 --> 00:01:30,258
- well, it was supposed
To keep the germans away.
30
00:01:30,258 --> 00:01:34,195
In hindsight,
We should've invested in tanks.
31
00:01:36,330 --> 00:01:39,267
- victoria wanted us to set
Her up with a male model
32
00:01:39,267 --> 00:01:41,335
She saw in cleveland magazine.
33
00:01:41,335 --> 00:01:44,972
- well, I don't care about
Romance. All I want is beauty.
34
00:01:44,972 --> 00:01:46,907
- you say that every year.
35
00:01:46,907 --> 00:01:49,510
- yeah, well, I have yet
To get it.
36
00:01:49,510 --> 00:01:52,946
I have put up with man boobs,
Conjoined twins...
37
00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:56,484
Webbing, and tails.
38
00:01:56,484 --> 00:01:58,419
- what's so weird about a guy
With a tail?
39
00:01:58,419 --> 00:02:02,456
You know, many prominent, sexy
Entertainment personalities
40
00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:05,359
Have tails.
- oh, my god, do you mean you--
41
00:02:05,359 --> 00:02:07,595
- hey, you know, uh,
Why don't you just tell me about
42
00:02:07,595 --> 00:02:08,862
The date with melanie.
43
00:02:08,862 --> 00:02:12,300
- well, she wanted a guy
Who called into her radio show,
44
00:02:12,300 --> 00:02:15,068
Looking for advice for
His shyness with women.
45
00:02:15,068 --> 00:02:16,937
- so, I told him to see
A counselor.
46
00:02:16,937 --> 00:02:19,640
And then, a week later,
He calls back off the air
47
00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:21,975
And he was just so grateful
And sweet,
48
00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:23,511
And incredibly perceptive.
49
00:02:23,511 --> 00:02:25,112
- what exactly did he say?
50
00:02:25,112 --> 00:02:26,747
- he said I was beautiful
And smart.
51
00:02:26,747 --> 00:02:28,949
[murmurs of agreement]
52
00:02:28,949 --> 00:02:31,852
- well, I wish you luck
With your desperate
53
00:02:31,852 --> 00:02:33,987
Little dating capers.
54
00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:35,823
I, of course,
Will be with mitch,
55
00:02:35,823 --> 00:02:38,726
The man I love, and who,
In an unusual twist,
56
00:02:38,726 --> 00:02:40,761
Loves me back.
57
00:02:40,761 --> 00:02:42,496
So, don't even bother
Wishing me luck,
58
00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:46,234
Because, for once in my life,
I don't need it.
59
00:02:46,234 --> 00:02:48,236
- so you rubbed it in
Your friends' faces
60
00:02:48,236 --> 00:02:50,137
By saying you had
The perfect date.
61
00:02:50,137 --> 00:02:51,972
And then you tempted fate
By saying
62
00:02:51,972 --> 00:02:54,842
Nothing could possibly
Go wrong for you.
63
00:02:54,842 --> 00:02:58,546
In retrospect,
You wish you hadn't done that?
64
00:02:58,546 --> 00:03:02,616
- I do.
I really do.
65
00:03:02,616 --> 00:03:04,985
[upbeat music]
66
00:03:04,985 --> 00:03:07,255
- * ba-ba, ba-ba
67
00:03:07,255 --> 00:03:10,157
* ba-ba, ba-ba
68
00:03:10,157 --> 00:03:12,125
* hey!
69
00:03:12,125 --> 00:03:14,262
- so you're an actual
Rocket scientist?
70
00:03:14,262 --> 00:03:15,663
Why didn't you tell me?
71
00:03:15,663 --> 00:03:17,831
- well, when you tell people
You're a rocket scientist,
72
00:03:17,831 --> 00:03:21,369
They assume you're brilliant.
It's a lot to live up to.
73
00:03:21,369 --> 00:03:23,103
- so are you brilliant?
- I kind of am, yeah.
74
00:03:23,103 --> 00:03:24,672
- oh.
[both laugh]
75
00:03:24,672 --> 00:03:26,440
Brian,
I'm having such a good time.
76
00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:29,677
- oh, me too. The world...
77
00:03:29,677 --> 00:03:31,545
Disappears when I look at you.
78
00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:33,547
- oh, brian.
79
00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:35,549
Someone's gotten
Over their shyness, huh?
80
00:03:35,549 --> 00:03:36,817
- [laughs]
81
00:03:36,817 --> 00:03:39,587
- oh, sorry I'm late.
How are things going?
82
00:03:39,587 --> 00:03:42,423
- uh, great, I think. Uh,
Things are going great, right?
83
00:03:46,327 --> 00:03:48,529
- I--yeah.
Um, brian, who is this?
84
00:03:48,529 --> 00:03:50,331
- I'm sorry,
Melanie, this is marcy.
85
00:03:50,331 --> 00:03:54,335
- oh, so nice to meet you.
Have you touched her yet?
86
00:03:54,335 --> 00:03:58,205
- I've held her hand. Mm-hm.
- good, good, that's very good.
87
00:03:58,205 --> 00:03:59,940
Any compliments?
- well, I did the one about
88
00:03:59,940 --> 00:04:02,175
The world disappearing.
- oh, excellent.
89
00:04:02,175 --> 00:04:03,644
- yeah.
90
00:04:03,644 --> 00:04:06,414
- uh, sorry, I still don't know
Who marcy is.
91
00:04:06,414 --> 00:04:09,717
- oh, oh. When you advised
Me to get professional help,
92
00:04:09,717 --> 00:04:11,084
Marcy is the person I called.
93
00:04:11,084 --> 00:04:13,120
- oh, she's your therapist.
94
00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:15,756
- mm, in a way.
I'm his sex surrogate.
95
00:04:21,962 --> 00:04:24,131
- what?
- yeah, yeah.
96
00:04:24,131 --> 00:04:26,834
We've had sex enough times
That, uh, I'm...
97
00:04:26,834 --> 00:04:30,103
I'm ready to do it
With a woman I'm dating.
98
00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:33,841
- and if tonight goes well,
Melanie, that could be you.
99
00:04:33,841 --> 00:04:37,545
And let me tell you,
You're in for a treat.
100
00:04:44,084 --> 00:04:46,654
- elka?
- yes?
101
00:04:46,654 --> 00:04:50,924
- it's me, stan!
102
00:04:50,924 --> 00:04:54,462
Your first love?
103
00:04:54,462 --> 00:04:58,031
- stan?
- well, olga, now.
104
00:04:58,031 --> 00:05:01,869
But you haven't changed
A bit.
105
00:05:01,869 --> 00:05:05,606
- you, on the other hand...
106
00:05:05,606 --> 00:05:08,642
- I just happened upon a picture
Of you on the internet,
107
00:05:08,642 --> 00:05:12,380
In a bathing suit,
And I have to ask...
108
00:05:12,380 --> 00:05:14,181
Was there any photoshopping
Done,
109
00:05:14,181 --> 00:05:17,918
Or are you actually...
Perfect from head to toe?
110
00:05:17,918 --> 00:05:21,622
- I actually am.
111
00:05:21,622 --> 00:05:24,392
But that's so superficial.
The thing that made me
112
00:05:24,392 --> 00:05:26,594
Want to go out with you was
When I read that you donated
113
00:05:26,594 --> 00:05:30,598
A kidney.
- that makes me glad I did it.
114
00:05:30,598 --> 00:05:33,834
- it inspired me. Gave me
The courage to take a break
115
00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:35,202
From modeling,
Help someone out.
116
00:05:35,202 --> 00:05:37,438
- are you donating a kidney
To someone?
117
00:05:37,438 --> 00:05:39,907
- no, uh, my brother
Was in a car accident
118
00:05:39,907 --> 00:05:43,176
And his nose
Was irreparably damaged.
119
00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:47,180
Well, forehead skin is the best
Match for nose skin.
120
00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:51,184
- so...You're donating
Some of your perfect
121
00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:54,054
Forehead skin to your brother?
- even better.
122
00:05:54,054 --> 00:05:58,726
This is really gonna
Make you happy.
123
00:05:58,726 --> 00:06:01,228
Impressive, huh?
124
00:06:08,301 --> 00:06:12,172
- well, it's nothing
To sneeze at.
125
00:06:12,172 --> 00:06:16,043
- it was so romantic of you
To reserve the whole patio
126
00:06:16,043 --> 00:06:18,712
Just for us.
127
00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:21,782
Mitch, are you okay?
128
00:06:21,782 --> 00:06:24,985
- joy, I've been thinking a lot
About the two of us
129
00:06:24,985 --> 00:06:28,822
And about how much we love each
Other and about our future.
130
00:06:28,822 --> 00:06:32,760
- future? Are you saying
What I think you're saying?
131
00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:34,361
- please, I want to get this
Just right.
132
00:06:34,361 --> 00:06:38,365
- sorry, go ahead.
133
00:06:38,365 --> 00:06:41,535
- okay, uh, where was I?
134
00:06:41,535 --> 00:06:42,903
Thinking about the two of us...
135
00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:44,672
Love each other, future...
Oh, uh, yeah.
136
00:06:44,672 --> 00:06:48,542
Deep breath.
Take a knee.
137
00:06:48,542 --> 00:06:50,844
Joy, I love you so much.
138
00:06:50,844 --> 00:06:54,648
Will you--will you...
139
00:06:54,648 --> 00:06:56,383
- joy, will you marry me?
140
00:06:59,219 --> 00:07:02,222
- what the hell?
141
00:07:02,222 --> 00:07:05,258
- simon, did you
Just propose to me?
142
00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:06,860
- yes, I did.
- well, so did I.
143
00:07:06,860 --> 00:07:08,529
I w--I mean, I was going to.
144
00:07:08,529 --> 00:07:11,699
Joy, will you marry me?
145
00:07:11,699 --> 00:07:14,635
And not him?
146
00:07:14,635 --> 00:07:17,571
- mine's bigger.
147
00:07:22,510 --> 00:07:26,814
- he brought his sex surrogate.
This is the worst date ever.
148
00:07:26,814 --> 00:07:30,283
- is it, melanie?
149
00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:32,620
How many noses
Does your date have?
150
00:07:32,620 --> 00:07:35,923
Because mine has two.
151
00:07:35,923 --> 00:07:38,626
- that's nuts.
152
00:07:38,626 --> 00:07:40,528
And speaking of nuts,
153
00:07:40,528 --> 00:07:43,363
My date doesn't have any
Anymore.
154
00:07:45,899 --> 00:07:48,135
- two men just proposed to me.
155
00:07:48,135 --> 00:07:50,337
First mitch, and then simon!
156
00:07:50,337 --> 00:07:53,106
- oh, my god, joy!
- I know!
157
00:07:53,106 --> 00:07:55,643
Two wonderful, handsome men
Who want to spend
158
00:07:55,643 --> 00:07:57,344
The rest of their lives
With me.
159
00:07:57,344 --> 00:07:59,547
Oh, this is all so complicated.
160
00:07:59,547 --> 00:08:02,716
- there's only one thing
More complicated.
161
00:08:02,716 --> 00:08:04,618
A third such man
Who wanted to propose
162
00:08:04,618 --> 00:08:07,755
But...Missed his bus.
163
00:08:07,755 --> 00:08:08,756
- bob?
164
00:08:08,756 --> 00:08:11,391
- joy...
165
00:08:11,391 --> 00:08:12,793
Will you marry me?
166
00:08:12,793 --> 00:08:14,795
[all gasp]
167
00:08:14,795 --> 00:08:17,565
- it was my grandmother's ring.
She loved it so much,
168
00:08:17,565 --> 00:08:20,934
She was buried with it.
169
00:08:20,934 --> 00:08:24,838
Please...Don't ask
The next logical question.
170
00:08:27,140 --> 00:08:29,442
- joy. Three bachelors,
171
00:08:29,442 --> 00:08:31,478
One final rose.
172
00:08:31,478 --> 00:08:33,581
Two of these men
Will leave tonight,
173
00:08:33,581 --> 00:08:35,916
Utterly devastated.
174
00:08:35,916 --> 00:08:39,820
This is more like it.
175
00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:41,955
- I needed some time to think,
176
00:08:41,955 --> 00:08:44,024
So my friends went back
To their dates.
177
00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:56,436
- [clears throat]
178
00:08:56,436 --> 00:08:59,740
- sorry, [laughs]
Last minute cram session.
179
00:08:59,740 --> 00:09:03,744
So, how were my hands?
- oh, terrific.
180
00:09:03,744 --> 00:09:05,378
- mm-hmm?
- you really painted the entire
181
00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:07,615
Canvas of my back beautifully.
- [exhales] Well.
182
00:09:07,615 --> 00:09:12,720
- when we started, brian was
A little same-spot-sally.
183
00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:15,155
- you know what? I think the two
Of us can take it from here.
184
00:09:15,155 --> 00:09:17,791
- oh! Okay.
- uh...
185
00:09:17,791 --> 00:09:20,694
- don't be nervous.
I'll be at the bar.
186
00:09:20,694 --> 00:09:24,665
- um...
187
00:09:24,665 --> 00:09:26,934
Oh, this is gonna be weird,
188
00:09:26,934 --> 00:09:30,638
Doing it without marcy.
189
00:09:30,638 --> 00:09:34,174
- it was a little weird doing it
With marcy.
190
00:09:34,174 --> 00:09:36,443
So, are you originally
From cleveland?
191
00:09:36,443 --> 00:09:37,510
- I love her, melanie!
192
00:09:37,510 --> 00:09:41,214
- what?
- I love marcy!
193
00:09:41,214 --> 00:09:43,951
I started having sex with her
Because I wanted to be with you,
194
00:09:43,951 --> 00:09:46,519
But, then
The strangest thing happened.
195
00:09:46,519 --> 00:09:49,222
I started having feelings
For the person
196
00:09:49,222 --> 00:09:50,858
I was having sex with.
197
00:09:50,858 --> 00:09:54,094
Yeah, but,
Beggars can't be choosers.
198
00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:58,098
I'm on a date with you, so--
199
00:09:58,098 --> 00:09:59,900
Do you have any hobbies?
200
00:09:59,900 --> 00:10:01,034
- yeah, don't even.
201
00:10:01,034 --> 00:10:04,337
- all right.
202
00:10:04,337 --> 00:10:05,472
- so, in a few weeks,
203
00:10:05,472 --> 00:10:09,476
The nose will be harvested,
204
00:10:09,476 --> 00:10:13,146
And, you'll be
Your hot self again.
205
00:10:13,146 --> 00:10:16,917
- actually, I've decided I, uh,
I have a responsibility
206
00:10:16,917 --> 00:10:20,020
To let my fertile forehead
Serve humanity.
207
00:10:22,489 --> 00:10:24,457
- I--I'm sorry, what?
208
00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:26,927
- yeah, see this little guy
Right here?
209
00:10:28,996 --> 00:10:30,430
- in 18 months,
That's gonna be
210
00:10:30,430 --> 00:10:33,701
A full-grown ear.
211
00:10:40,607 --> 00:10:43,711
- the more I drink,
The less crazy it seems
212
00:10:43,711 --> 00:10:46,279
That you became a woman!
- both: [laugh]
213
00:10:46,279 --> 00:10:49,282
- well, you remember
Our town's motto...
214
00:10:49,282 --> 00:10:52,385
"Drink until it makes sense."
215
00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:56,724
- mmm...Ah.
216
00:10:56,724 --> 00:11:00,127
- I can't believe you're
My stanislaus.
217
00:11:00,127 --> 00:11:04,197
- oh, I am. The same person
That sat in the ox cart with you
218
00:11:04,197 --> 00:11:07,735
In the moonlight.
- both: [laugh]
219
00:11:07,735 --> 00:11:09,837
- that's where we shared
Our first kiss!
220
00:11:09,837 --> 00:11:13,473
- you were the only woman
I ever loved.
221
00:11:17,310 --> 00:11:19,880
- I guess you were
The only "Voman"
222
00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:22,482
I ever loved, too.
223
00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:30,758
- look, you're three
Amazing men, and, hopefully
224
00:11:30,758 --> 00:11:33,193
We can get through this without
Too many hurt feelings.
225
00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:35,996
- obviously this situation is
A potential minefield,
226
00:11:35,996 --> 00:11:37,931
So let's agree from the start...
227
00:11:37,931 --> 00:11:41,769
Separate checks?
228
00:11:41,769 --> 00:11:45,338
- look, joy, this is insane.
I'm your boyfriend.
229
00:11:45,338 --> 00:11:47,507
I invited you here
To propose to you.
230
00:11:47,507 --> 00:11:49,810
From the moment we met,
You said I was the man
231
00:11:49,810 --> 00:11:51,044
You wanted to marry.
232
00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:53,513
- yes, and then you immediately
Started cavorting
233
00:11:53,513 --> 00:11:55,615
With her friend, melanie.
- that's true.
234
00:11:55,615 --> 00:11:58,618
- but, I proposed first.
- actually, I proposed first.
235
00:11:58,618 --> 00:12:00,888
We have a child, and a
Grandchild, together.
236
00:12:00,888 --> 00:12:03,056
And--and you always said that
I'm the love of your life.
237
00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:05,292
If anyone's destined
To be with you forever, it's me.
238
00:12:05,292 --> 00:12:08,128
- yeah, you'd better move fast.
Knowing simon, you'll say "Yes,"
239
00:12:08,128 --> 00:12:12,132
And he'll be on the first plane
To can't-commit-istan.
240
00:12:12,132 --> 00:12:15,969
- mitch makes an excellent point
About how awful simon is.
241
00:12:15,969 --> 00:12:18,505
- can we just get rid of bob,
And narrow the field
242
00:12:18,505 --> 00:12:20,173
To the real contenders?
- agreed.
243
00:12:20,173 --> 00:12:22,442
- hey, I thought we had
An alliance.
244
00:12:22,442 --> 00:12:24,511
- why would we have an alliance?
245
00:12:24,511 --> 00:12:26,814
- all right, fine.
If the gloves are off,
246
00:12:26,814 --> 00:12:30,550
I suggest you kick scotty
And fatso, here, to the curb.
247
00:12:30,550 --> 00:12:33,586
- hey, I'm not fat anymore.
- oh, I don't know,
248
00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:36,023
Those pounds are coming back.
249
00:12:36,023 --> 00:12:37,290
- shut up.
- you shut up!
250
00:12:37,290 --> 00:12:39,827
- both of you shut up.
Right, joy?
251
00:12:39,827 --> 00:12:42,830
- okay.
252
00:12:42,830 --> 00:12:45,899
Obviously this
Group date was a terrible idea.
253
00:12:45,899 --> 00:12:49,269
Why don't I talk to each one
Of you separately?
254
00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:52,239
- may the best man win.
- or the funniest.
255
00:12:52,239 --> 00:12:56,143
- or the tallest and smartest
And handsomest.
256
00:12:56,143 --> 00:12:59,412
Or, just the tallest
And smartest.
257
00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:07,921
- so, you're still considering
All three of them, even bob?
258
00:13:07,921 --> 00:13:11,158
- yes, even bob.
I like him.
259
00:13:11,158 --> 00:13:15,095
- and he likes you.
Which puts him ahead of my date,
260
00:13:15,095 --> 00:13:17,330
Who's in love
With his sexual surrogate.
261
00:13:17,330 --> 00:13:18,631
It's so strange!
262
00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:22,135
- is it, melanie?
263
00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:23,937
Stranger than a man
With two noses,
264
00:13:23,937 --> 00:13:27,474
And an extra ear?
265
00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:31,879
I am on a date
With mr. Potato head.
266
00:13:31,879 --> 00:13:34,014
- well, I'd better
Get back out there,
267
00:13:34,014 --> 00:13:36,149
And make the biggest decision
Of my life.
268
00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:40,120
- joy? Choose a good one.
You deserve it.
269
00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:43,991
- okay, I'm waiting.
Where's the insult?
270
00:13:43,991 --> 00:13:46,626
I've got no boobs, I'm old,
I'm skanky...
271
00:13:46,626 --> 00:13:49,629
- I'm saving those
For your wedding toast.
272
00:13:54,301 --> 00:13:57,337
- bob, you're a terrific guy.
But, we've never even been
273
00:13:57,337 --> 00:14:00,073
On a date.
Marriage seems quite the leap.
274
00:14:00,073 --> 00:14:04,144
- fine, forget me.
Focus on your other two suitors.
275
00:14:04,144 --> 00:14:05,812
Let's face it,
Both mitch and simon
276
00:14:05,812 --> 00:14:08,248
Are gonna lose their looks.
Where as I?
277
00:14:08,248 --> 00:14:11,284
Will look like this forever.
278
00:14:11,284 --> 00:14:13,620
Well, as long as
Shoppers drug mart continues
279
00:14:13,620 --> 00:14:17,624
To make "Apricot kiss foam-in
Hair color, for men."
280
00:14:17,624 --> 00:14:21,161
- stop making me laugh.
- why, joy? You love to laugh.
281
00:14:21,161 --> 00:14:24,597
I could guarantee you
A lifetime of laughter.
282
00:14:24,597 --> 00:14:28,601
Joy, I've been in love with you
From the first moment I met you.
283
00:14:28,601 --> 00:14:31,671
- but, what about
Your girlfriend in canada?
284
00:14:31,671 --> 00:14:33,773
Are you sure that's over?
285
00:14:33,773 --> 00:14:35,508
- her last words to me were,
286
00:14:35,508 --> 00:14:39,279
"Get out of here, you big dick."
287
00:14:39,279 --> 00:14:40,647
- I'm sorry.
288
00:14:40,647 --> 00:14:43,951
- focus on the last two words,
Joy.
289
00:14:43,951 --> 00:14:47,520
- [laughs]
290
00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:50,623
- I love joy so much.
She should be with me.
291
00:14:50,623 --> 00:14:52,325
It's as plain the nose on my--
292
00:14:52,325 --> 00:14:55,095
Holy crap!
293
00:14:55,095 --> 00:14:58,465
- you obviously recognize me
From cleveland magazine.
294
00:14:58,465 --> 00:15:02,469
- yeah, that's it.
295
00:15:04,537 --> 00:15:06,473
- what do I do if joy doesn't
Pick me?
296
00:15:06,473 --> 00:15:08,208
I'll be lost,
I'll be devastated,
297
00:15:08,208 --> 00:15:10,010
I--I won't be able to go on.
298
00:15:10,010 --> 00:15:12,980
- let me ask you something.
Were you always a man?
299
00:15:16,083 --> 00:15:18,218
- you could always
Make me smile.
300
00:15:18,218 --> 00:15:20,988
- oh, elka.
If only you were a man.
301
00:15:20,988 --> 00:15:24,157
- I was just about to say
The same thing.
302
00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:31,364
- what the hell is going on,
Here?
303
00:15:31,364 --> 00:15:35,235
- joy, you mean the world to me.
We're soul mates.
304
00:15:35,235 --> 00:15:39,006
Even after I lost 300 pounds,
I would look at myself
305
00:15:39,006 --> 00:15:41,508
In the mirror,
And I would see a fat guy.
306
00:15:41,508 --> 00:15:44,677
But your love has given me
The confidence to see myself
307
00:15:44,677 --> 00:15:46,446
For who I truly am...
308
00:15:46,446 --> 00:15:48,548
A very handsome man.
309
00:15:48,548 --> 00:15:49,782
- mitch.
310
00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:53,753
- I'm very handsome, joy.
311
00:15:53,753 --> 00:15:56,323
Borderline pretty.
312
00:15:58,525 --> 00:16:01,028
- you really are.
- and you are...
313
00:16:01,028 --> 00:16:04,831
A little shallow, right?
- more than a little.
314
00:16:04,831 --> 00:16:07,334
- then picture waking up
For the next 50 years
315
00:16:07,334 --> 00:16:11,038
Next to simon, or bob,
Or, waking up...
316
00:16:11,038 --> 00:16:15,042
Next to this.
317
00:16:15,042 --> 00:16:17,077
- you make a lot of sense,
Mitch.
318
00:16:17,077 --> 00:16:20,147
A lot of sense.
319
00:16:20,147 --> 00:16:23,583
- so, marcy. Brian and I have
Been, um, talking,
320
00:16:23,583 --> 00:16:25,618
And he has something that
He would like to say to you.
321
00:16:25,618 --> 00:16:26,719
Brian?
322
00:16:26,719 --> 00:16:30,357
- yes. Marcy, uh, I, you see--
323
00:16:30,357 --> 00:16:32,392
- sorry to interrupt. Melanie?
- what?
324
00:16:32,392 --> 00:16:34,561
- I need your help to win joy.
Anything that will make her
325
00:16:34,561 --> 00:16:35,928
Want me over all other men.
326
00:16:35,928 --> 00:16:37,964
- maybe I can help.
By having sex with me,
327
00:16:37,964 --> 00:16:39,199
You'll become a better lover.
328
00:16:39,199 --> 00:16:42,402
-you have my attention.
329
00:16:42,402 --> 00:16:45,805
- no, I--I--I don't want you
Having sex with anybody but me.
330
00:16:45,805 --> 00:16:49,342
- I'm flattered, but--
331
00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:51,811
- not you, her.
332
00:16:51,811 --> 00:16:54,314
He's in love with her.
333
00:16:54,314 --> 00:16:57,084
- is this true?
- yes, marcy.
334
00:16:57,084 --> 00:16:59,919
- so, when I taught you to
Call out melanie's name,
335
00:16:59,919 --> 00:17:01,921
You--you actually wanted
To call out mine?
336
00:17:01,921 --> 00:17:04,557
- [laughing] Yes.
No, I only thought of melanie
337
00:17:04,557 --> 00:17:07,360
When I needed to distract myself
To make it last longer.
338
00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:10,730
- oh!
339
00:17:10,730 --> 00:17:13,266
- sometimes I'd think of
Her radio show, and...
340
00:17:13,266 --> 00:17:16,336
I could last all night.
341
00:17:16,336 --> 00:17:19,939
- I'm gonna need tape
Of your show.
342
00:17:19,939 --> 00:17:22,809
- so, trevor, you're a model.
How do good-looking guys,
343
00:17:22,809 --> 00:17:25,412
Like us, win a woman?
344
00:17:25,412 --> 00:17:29,116
- it's not about the looks.
If you really wanna capture
345
00:17:29,116 --> 00:17:31,518
Joy's heart,
Do something humanitarian.
346
00:17:31,518 --> 00:17:34,387
Women love that.
- do they?
347
00:17:34,387 --> 00:17:38,391
- well, yeah. And you only know
About the ear and the nose.
348
00:17:38,391 --> 00:17:40,660
You won't believe what I got
349
00:17:40,660 --> 00:17:43,230
Growing on my back.
350
00:17:43,230 --> 00:17:46,266
You'll see.
351
00:17:46,266 --> 00:17:48,535
- will it see me?
352
00:17:48,535 --> 00:17:51,338
Tell me now.
353
00:17:51,338 --> 00:17:54,607
- you did a good thing, melanie.
- yeah, I did, didn't I?
354
00:17:54,607 --> 00:17:57,710
- why are we still sitting here?
355
00:17:57,710 --> 00:17:59,912
And where's mitch going?
It's not his turn.
356
00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:03,350
- can I get you another drink?
357
00:18:03,350 --> 00:18:05,518
- what do you think?
358
00:18:09,389 --> 00:18:13,326
- joy. When I look at you,
I see the teenage girl
359
00:18:13,326 --> 00:18:17,063
I fell in love with. And that's
Who I'm always gonna see.
360
00:18:17,063 --> 00:18:19,966
- really?
361
00:18:22,635 --> 00:18:24,471
- dancing?
362
00:18:24,471 --> 00:18:27,940
I didn't know
There'd be a dancing portion.
363
00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:31,844
- let go of her.
- no, you let go of her.
364
00:18:31,844 --> 00:18:33,380
- she's mine.
- she's mine!
365
00:18:33,380 --> 00:18:35,014
- stop it! All of you!
366
00:18:39,852 --> 00:18:41,621
- oh my god.
367
00:18:46,893 --> 00:18:50,397
- this has been quite a journey
For you, joy.
368
00:18:50,397 --> 00:18:54,301
Have you made your decision?
- I think I have.
369
00:18:54,301 --> 00:18:56,203
I choose--
370
00:18:56,203 --> 00:18:59,639
I choose...
371
00:18:59,639 --> 00:19:02,309
Wait a minute,
372
00:19:02,309 --> 00:19:03,743
You're not chris harrison.
373
00:19:03,743 --> 00:19:05,712
- you've had a bad bump,
Sweetie.
374
00:19:05,712 --> 00:19:09,048
You need to lie
Quiet for a while.
375
00:19:09,048 --> 00:19:12,385
- I feel terrible.
I've never hit a woman before.
376
00:19:12,385 --> 00:19:15,722
- me either...
Except the time an elbow
377
00:19:15,722 --> 00:19:19,726
Got away from me in zumba class.
378
00:19:19,726 --> 00:19:21,228
- cheer up, simon.
379
00:19:21,228 --> 00:19:23,630
If joy doesn't pick you...
380
00:19:23,630 --> 00:19:26,933
I'm right here.
381
00:19:26,933 --> 00:19:29,135
- you know bob, I've always
Thought you were kinda cute.
382
00:19:29,135 --> 00:19:30,303
I'd go out with you.
383
00:19:30,303 --> 00:19:32,972
- keep it in your pants,
Melanie.
384
00:19:32,972 --> 00:19:34,941
I'm in love with joy.
385
00:19:34,941 --> 00:19:38,845
- what a nice night it's been.
386
00:19:38,845 --> 00:19:41,914
- it was great to see stan
Again, but...
387
00:19:41,914 --> 00:19:44,016
I really had a feeling
I was gonna
388
00:19:44,016 --> 00:19:45,885
Meet a special man tonight.
389
00:19:49,121 --> 00:19:50,723
- elka?
390
00:19:50,723 --> 00:19:54,494
- max! What are you doing here?
391
00:19:54,494 --> 00:19:56,028
- I thought I was
Having heart trouble.
392
00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:59,266
But it was nothing.
Although, now,
393
00:19:59,266 --> 00:20:01,534
It's starting to race again.
394
00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:03,770
- [laughs] Is it?
395
00:20:03,770 --> 00:20:07,407
- you know, I'm just visiting
From florida,
396
00:20:07,407 --> 00:20:10,610
I'm not staying very long, but,
Uh, would you, uh--
397
00:20:10,610 --> 00:20:13,713
- yes!
- and maybe tomorrow?
398
00:20:13,713 --> 00:20:16,983
- yes.
- and there was something else
399
00:20:16,983 --> 00:20:19,552
I wanted to ask you...Uh...
400
00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:22,188
- when you remember it, yes.
401
00:20:24,424 --> 00:20:28,227
- okay, she's doing fine.
She just needs to rest.
402
00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:29,696
- did she say anything about
Which man
403
00:20:29,696 --> 00:20:31,097
She was going to marry?
404
00:20:31,097 --> 00:20:33,566
- she's in no condition to be
Making life decisions.
405
00:20:33,566 --> 00:20:37,504
- then, I...Guess everyone
Is just gonna have to wait.
406
00:20:46,045 --> 00:20:48,415
- * ba-ba, ba-ba
407
00:20:48,415 --> 00:20:50,350
* ba-ba, ba-ba
408
00:20:55,655 --> 00:20:57,990
* ba-ba, ba-ba
409
00:20:57,990 --> 00:21:00,527
* ba-ba, ba-ba
410
00:21:00,527 --> 00:21:06,333
*
411
00:21:08,335 --> 00:21:09,201
* hey!
30674
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof