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1
00:00:09,277 --> 00:00:10,478
- hot in cleveland is recorded
2
00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:12,346
In front
Of a live studio audience.
3
00:00:12,380 --> 00:00:13,714
- excuse me.
Do you know how much longer
4
00:00:13,747 --> 00:00:14,715
Our order's gonna be?
5
00:00:14,748 --> 00:00:16,217
I have a radiation appointment
6
00:00:16,250 --> 00:00:17,251
That I can't be late for.
7
00:00:17,285 --> 00:00:18,919
- oh, I'm so sorry.
8
00:00:18,952 --> 00:00:20,988
My sister just
Went through that.
9
00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:23,724
Look, there are a bunch
Of orders ahead of yours,
10
00:00:23,757 --> 00:00:26,260
But I'll push yours through,
And it's on the house.
11
00:00:26,294 --> 00:00:27,895
- wow, thank you.
12
00:00:27,928 --> 00:00:31,232
- she'd like a pitcher
Of beer too.
13
00:00:31,265 --> 00:00:33,501
One glass.
14
00:00:35,803 --> 00:00:36,937
- you know, melanie,
15
00:00:36,970 --> 00:00:38,772
If you weren't
Such a nice person--
16
00:00:38,806 --> 00:00:40,374
- but I am a nice person.
17
00:00:40,408 --> 00:00:42,643
- I'm not, tell me.
18
00:00:42,676 --> 00:00:44,812
- well, I'm just saying,
Melanie's not capitalizing
19
00:00:44,845 --> 00:00:47,081
On all the brain tumor perks
Out there.
20
00:00:47,115 --> 00:00:48,916
- victoria,
That's terrible.
21
00:00:48,949 --> 00:00:50,118
- no, no, she's right.
22
00:00:50,151 --> 00:00:51,352
You should see the way
My mother
23
00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:54,422
Milked her breast cancer.
24
00:00:55,989 --> 00:00:58,226
Maybe there's a better way
To put that.
25
00:00:58,259 --> 00:01:00,728
- yeah, but if I use my tumor
To get stuff,
26
00:01:00,761 --> 00:01:02,463
Doesn't that make me
A bad person?
27
00:01:02,496 --> 00:01:04,665
- did you see the smile
On that woman's face?
28
00:01:04,698 --> 00:01:06,634
You made her day.
29
00:01:06,667 --> 00:01:09,770
You're being a bad person
If you're not a bad person.
30
00:01:09,803 --> 00:01:11,038
- yeah, but, you know,
31
00:01:11,139 --> 00:01:12,340
I don't even know
What I'd use it for.
32
00:01:12,373 --> 00:01:14,142
- what about
Those chase jackson tickets
33
00:01:14,142 --> 00:01:15,743
You've been going on
And on about?
34
00:01:15,776 --> 00:01:17,245
- but it's sold out.
35
00:01:17,278 --> 00:01:19,280
[gasps]
Hey, do you think
36
00:01:19,313 --> 00:01:21,415
If I wrote him
About my condition,
37
00:01:21,449 --> 00:01:22,916
I could maybe
Get some tickets?
38
00:01:22,950 --> 00:01:25,953
- now you're using
Your brain tumor.
39
00:01:28,189 --> 00:01:30,991
- you know,
I wonder if the tumor
40
00:01:31,024 --> 00:01:32,160
Could be a good thing
For all of us,
41
00:01:32,193 --> 00:01:33,427
Not just melanie.
42
00:01:33,461 --> 00:01:34,562
- well, it hasn't exactly
Been a good thing.
43
00:01:34,595 --> 00:01:36,164
- no, no, no,
My social media consultant
44
00:01:36,197 --> 00:01:38,566
Says that my tweets
Are too self-involved.
45
00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:41,702
But what if I asked
All my followers
46
00:01:41,735 --> 00:01:43,704
To send
All their thoughts and prayers
47
00:01:43,737 --> 00:01:45,173
To my sick friend melanie?
48
00:01:45,173 --> 00:01:46,174
And then they'd know
That I was
49
00:01:46,207 --> 00:01:47,975
A caring, sympathetic friend.
50
00:01:48,008 --> 00:01:49,243
- victoria, thank you--
51
00:01:49,277 --> 00:01:52,246
- not now, melanie,
I'm tweeting.
52
00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:53,447
- I wonder
If there's something
53
00:01:53,481 --> 00:01:55,783
In that tumor swag bag
For me.
54
00:01:55,816 --> 00:01:59,820
Ooh, look
At that cute young guy.
55
00:01:59,853 --> 00:02:01,755
I'm gonna try something.
56
00:02:01,789 --> 00:02:02,956
Melanie,
When I point to you,
57
00:02:02,990 --> 00:02:05,193
Look sad and pathetic.
58
00:02:05,193 --> 00:02:06,627
Perfect.
59
00:02:09,263 --> 00:02:11,699
- but I wasn't
Doing it yet.
60
00:02:12,833 --> 00:02:14,468
- oh, pardon me.
61
00:02:14,502 --> 00:02:17,605
I'm just a little distracted
And out of it.
62
00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:21,675
I'm worried
About my friend.
63
00:02:21,709 --> 00:02:24,111
She has a brain tumor.
64
00:02:24,212 --> 00:02:25,813
- wow, I'm sorry.
65
00:02:25,846 --> 00:02:28,316
Is she gonna be okay?
66
00:02:28,349 --> 00:02:30,551
- we don't know.
67
00:02:30,584 --> 00:02:33,587
If only something
Or someone
68
00:02:33,621 --> 00:02:36,890
Could help me forget,
Even for a moment.
69
00:02:38,392 --> 00:02:39,927
- [gasps]
I can't believe it.
70
00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:42,930
My melanie tweet has been
Favorited and retweeted.
71
00:02:42,963 --> 00:02:45,366
Oh, everyone's sending out
Their prayers.
72
00:02:45,399 --> 00:02:48,236
And those prayers are working,
Because I feel better already.
73
00:02:48,236 --> 00:02:50,971
[chuckles]
Oh, wait, wait.
74
00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:53,307
Ooh, here's a nasty one.
75
00:02:53,341 --> 00:02:55,476
Now who would write
Something like that?
76
00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:02,816
- I have a date.
77
00:03:02,850 --> 00:03:05,319
Who knew, "My friend
Has a brain tumor"
78
00:03:05,353 --> 00:03:06,887
Was such
A killer pickup line?
79
00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:09,089
- ahh, it's improved
My social media,
80
00:03:09,122 --> 00:03:10,558
Joy's got a date.
81
00:03:10,591 --> 00:03:12,125
Oh, it's a shame
That we didn't
82
00:03:12,159 --> 00:03:14,928
Catch this tumor
In its earlier stages.
83
00:03:14,962 --> 00:03:17,064
[phone buzzes]
84
00:03:17,097 --> 00:03:20,568
- oh, my god.
85
00:03:20,601 --> 00:03:21,569
It's back.
86
00:03:21,602 --> 00:03:23,471
- what's back?
87
00:03:23,504 --> 00:03:26,374
- the mcrib.
88
00:03:26,407 --> 00:03:28,909
The mcrib is back.
89
00:03:28,942 --> 00:03:31,479
- what the hell
Is a mcrib?
90
00:03:31,512 --> 00:03:33,681
- it's this sandwich
That's only available
91
00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:35,082
For a very limited time.
92
00:03:35,115 --> 00:03:36,950
And you never know
When it's coming back.
93
00:03:36,984 --> 00:03:38,286
- well, how did you know?
94
00:03:38,286 --> 00:03:40,521
- I have an app.
95
00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:43,524
- elka, I can't believe
That you've been suckered in
96
00:03:43,557 --> 00:03:45,426
By this ridiculous
Marketing ploy.
97
00:03:45,459 --> 00:03:47,160
Who cares
If the mcrib is back?
98
00:03:47,194 --> 00:03:48,762
- the mcrib is back?
99
00:03:48,796 --> 00:03:51,164
[excited chatter]
100
00:03:51,198 --> 00:03:52,800
- now see what you've done?
101
00:03:52,833 --> 00:03:54,802
Everybody knows.
102
00:03:54,835 --> 00:03:56,169
- well, I just
Don't understand
103
00:03:56,203 --> 00:03:57,438
How anybody can get excited
104
00:03:57,471 --> 00:04:00,308
About some sauced-up piece
Of cheap meat.
105
00:04:00,308 --> 00:04:02,142
- I can't either.
106
00:04:02,175 --> 00:04:04,545
But joy got the date.
107
00:04:08,181 --> 00:04:10,618
[upbeat music]
108
00:04:10,651 --> 00:04:12,820
- * ba-ba, ba-ba
109
00:04:12,853 --> 00:04:16,156
* ba-ba, ba-ba
110
00:04:16,189 --> 00:04:17,224
* hey!
111
00:04:17,325 --> 00:04:19,893
- melanie, your tumor
Is a godsend.
112
00:04:19,927 --> 00:04:21,595
Ah, the most wonderful man
113
00:04:21,629 --> 00:04:23,897
Responded
To my sympathy tweet.
114
00:04:23,931 --> 00:04:25,699
Oh, I was up
Half the night,
115
00:04:25,733 --> 00:04:26,967
Chatting with him online.
116
00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:28,536
His name is nick logan.
117
00:04:28,569 --> 00:04:29,870
He's a poetic cowboy
118
00:04:29,903 --> 00:04:31,572
Who lives on a ranch
In wyoming,
119
00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:34,975
Which--spoiler alert--
Is in america.
120
00:04:38,011 --> 00:04:39,347
- guess who's going out
121
00:04:39,347 --> 00:04:41,815
With cleveland's number one
Morning dj.
122
00:04:41,849 --> 00:04:44,352
- oh, the guy you picked up
With my brain tumor?
123
00:04:44,352 --> 00:04:45,919
- yeah, we had a great time
Last night.
124
00:04:45,953 --> 00:04:50,824
Turns out, he's the morning
Drive time guy for wjvb.
125
00:04:50,858 --> 00:04:52,092
Oh, it's so nice
To have a guy
126
00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:53,527
Sneak out of your bedroom
At 4:30
127
00:04:53,561 --> 00:04:55,996
Because he has an actual job
To get to.
128
00:04:58,699 --> 00:05:01,969
- wait, you're talking
About todd the bod
129
00:05:02,002 --> 00:05:03,103
From the jackass gang?
130
00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:04,738
- yeah.
You listen to that?
131
00:05:04,772 --> 00:05:07,375
- I'm a jackass junkie.
132
00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:10,878
- his show's on right now.
133
00:05:10,911 --> 00:05:13,381
- so this girl was hot?
134
00:05:13,381 --> 00:05:15,716
- smokin' hot.
Killer english accent.
135
00:05:15,749 --> 00:05:17,385
And her body...
[boing sound effect]
136
00:05:17,418 --> 00:05:19,019
- [laughs]
137
00:05:19,052 --> 00:05:21,389
That's me.
I'm causing the boner sound.
138
00:05:21,389 --> 00:05:23,123
- aw.
139
00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:24,658
- but check it,
When she went to the bathroom,
140
00:05:24,692 --> 00:05:26,193
I snuck a look
At her I.D.
141
00:05:26,226 --> 00:05:27,428
- oh, no.
142
00:05:27,461 --> 00:05:28,929
- I thought
I was banging a hot milf,
143
00:05:28,962 --> 00:05:31,799
Instead I was
Riding miss daisy.
144
00:05:34,435 --> 00:05:37,605
- todd the bod,
You are a dead man.
145
00:05:37,638 --> 00:05:39,440
- [deep breath]
It's my doctor.
146
00:05:39,473 --> 00:05:42,275
Ooh.
Well, this is the call.
147
00:05:42,309 --> 00:05:44,478
I had
My last radiation treatment,
148
00:05:44,512 --> 00:05:46,880
And now the test results
Are in.
149
00:05:46,914 --> 00:05:47,881
I'm scared.
150
00:05:47,915 --> 00:05:49,049
- okay, whatever happens,
151
00:05:49,082 --> 00:05:52,520
We're all here for you.
152
00:05:52,553 --> 00:05:55,956
- hello, dr. Delacorte.
153
00:05:55,989 --> 00:05:58,125
Oh, my god.
154
00:05:58,158 --> 00:05:59,427
Are you sure?
155
00:05:59,427 --> 00:06:00,594
- what? Tell us.
156
00:06:00,628 --> 00:06:02,430
- there's no sign
Of the tumor.
157
00:06:02,430 --> 00:06:04,264
My cat scan is clear!
158
00:06:04,297 --> 00:06:05,466
[all laughing]
159
00:06:05,499 --> 00:06:07,300
Thank you, doctor.
160
00:06:07,334 --> 00:06:09,870
Thank you so, so much.
161
00:06:09,903 --> 00:06:11,772
Oh, I can't believe it!
162
00:06:11,805 --> 00:06:14,207
No more radiation,
No more treatments,
163
00:06:14,241 --> 00:06:15,208
No more doctors.
164
00:06:15,242 --> 00:06:16,577
Oh, my god.
[laughs]
165
00:06:16,610 --> 00:06:19,680
- I'll get the champagne.
- I'll get glasses.
166
00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:20,948
- shoot,
We're out of champagne.
167
00:06:20,981 --> 00:06:23,951
I'll just shake up
A bottle of chardonnay.
168
00:06:23,984 --> 00:06:25,519
[phone chimes]
169
00:06:25,553 --> 00:06:27,254
- oh, well, this day
Just keeps getting better.
170
00:06:27,287 --> 00:06:29,857
I got an email
From chase jackson's assistant.
171
00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:31,892
Not only do I have tickets,
172
00:06:31,925 --> 00:06:33,527
But I have backstage passes!
173
00:06:33,561 --> 00:06:36,229
[laughs]
All thanks to my brain tumor.
174
00:06:36,263 --> 00:06:38,866
- you don't have
A brain tumor anymore.
175
00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:41,835
- oh, crap.
What am I gonna do?
176
00:06:41,869 --> 00:06:45,205
- well, you can still go.
Just tell him you're cured.
177
00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:46,607
- no, I can't
Tell him that.
178
00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:47,975
- why not?
179
00:06:48,008 --> 00:06:51,344
- I may have implied
That it was incurable,
180
00:06:51,378 --> 00:06:54,314
By using the word
"Incurable."
181
00:06:55,949 --> 00:06:56,950
Oh, I know I lied,
182
00:06:56,984 --> 00:06:58,619
But I really wanted
Those tickets.
183
00:06:58,652 --> 00:06:59,887
Oh, look.
184
00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:02,823
George clooney
Is disgusted with me.
185
00:07:02,856 --> 00:07:04,792
- no, no, no,
That's not his disgusted face.
186
00:07:04,825 --> 00:07:06,159
That's his
"Oh, it's okay.
187
00:07:06,193 --> 00:07:08,028
You can do whatever you want,
You deserve it" face.
188
00:07:08,061 --> 00:07:10,598
He gives it to me
All the time.
189
00:07:10,631 --> 00:07:14,301
- he gave it to me
When I drank all the champagne.
190
00:07:19,973 --> 00:07:21,575
- there you are.
191
00:07:21,609 --> 00:07:22,810
I did not
Give you permission
192
00:07:22,843 --> 00:07:25,078
To talk about my personal life
On the radio.
193
00:07:25,112 --> 00:07:27,080
- okay, calm down.
- calm down?
194
00:07:27,114 --> 00:07:28,081
You've got some nerve,
195
00:07:28,115 --> 00:07:30,183
Mister, telling me
To calm down.
196
00:07:30,217 --> 00:07:31,885
- look, if I go on air
And say I had a great date,
197
00:07:31,919 --> 00:07:33,186
It's not good radio.
198
00:07:33,220 --> 00:07:35,255
But if I make you out
To be a crazy psycho bitch--
199
00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:36,790
- but now
All of cleveland thinks
200
00:07:36,824 --> 00:07:38,125
I'm a crazy psycho bitch.
201
00:07:38,158 --> 00:07:39,593
- first of all,
All of cleveland?
202
00:07:39,627 --> 00:07:42,195
I wish.
We get a two-share.
203
00:07:42,229 --> 00:07:44,532
Second, I didn't
Use your name.
204
00:07:44,565 --> 00:07:46,166
- but I know
Who you're talking about,
205
00:07:46,199 --> 00:07:47,635
And so do my friends.
206
00:07:47,668 --> 00:07:49,837
My son and grandson
Could've heard.
207
00:07:49,870 --> 00:07:53,306
- grandson?
Really? Wow.
208
00:07:55,008 --> 00:07:58,045
Okay, look.
Maybe I got carried away.
209
00:07:58,078 --> 00:07:59,847
And I didn't mean to insult you
About your age.
210
00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:01,682
I like a woman
With tons of experience.
211
00:08:01,715 --> 00:08:03,150
- tons?
212
00:08:03,183 --> 00:08:05,185
You make it sound like I've
Slept with thousands of men.
213
00:08:05,218 --> 00:08:08,121
- look, I get it.
And I'm sorry, joy.
214
00:08:08,155 --> 00:08:10,157
- okay, then.
215
00:08:10,190 --> 00:08:12,893
It's not like I'm a prude
Or anything.
216
00:08:12,926 --> 00:08:16,096
And I was pleased to have
Inspired the boner boing.
217
00:08:16,129 --> 00:08:17,965
- oh.
218
00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:25,038
You get that, bro-man?
- all of it, bro.
219
00:08:25,072 --> 00:08:26,574
We got
Some killer sound bytes
220
00:08:26,574 --> 00:08:27,875
For our show tomorrow.
221
00:08:27,908 --> 00:08:29,442
- I'm a crazy psycho bitch.
222
00:08:29,476 --> 00:08:31,579
I've slept
With thousands of men.
223
00:08:31,579 --> 00:08:34,582
- that crazy chick
Is a gold mine.
224
00:08:38,586 --> 00:08:41,388
- [typing]
Tell me more about wyoming.
225
00:08:41,421 --> 00:08:43,657
- [gruff voice] Well,
It's true about the big skies.
226
00:08:43,691 --> 00:08:46,059
A man can get lost
And found here.
227
00:08:46,093 --> 00:08:48,996
- and how about a woman?
228
00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:51,431
- you'll have to come here
And find out.
229
00:08:51,464 --> 00:08:53,000
We'll go for a ride
At sunset.
230
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:56,236
We'll watch as the mountains
Sip the last drops of light
231
00:08:56,269 --> 00:08:57,671
From the sky.
232
00:08:57,705 --> 00:09:00,307
Well, this cowboy's
Got some work to do.
233
00:09:00,340 --> 00:09:03,143
Talk later, beautiful?
234
00:09:03,176 --> 00:09:06,614
- [sighs]
I miss you already.
235
00:09:06,647 --> 00:09:08,982
[exhales]
236
00:09:10,483 --> 00:09:12,185
Don't give me that look,
George clooney.
237
00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:15,288
I know what
You're thinking.
238
00:09:15,322 --> 00:09:17,357
Oh, you like the idea
Of me falling in love again,
239
00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:18,626
But you're worried
That I'm falling
240
00:09:18,626 --> 00:09:19,927
Too fast and too hard.
241
00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:23,196
Well, can you trust
That I know what I'm doing?
242
00:09:25,298 --> 00:09:28,468
Oh, thank you.
243
00:09:28,501 --> 00:09:30,037
- I'm gonna kill him!
244
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:33,273
- we'll talk later.
245
00:09:33,306 --> 00:09:34,908
What's going on?
246
00:09:34,942 --> 00:09:36,710
- that dj tricked me.
247
00:09:36,744 --> 00:09:38,178
I had it out with him,
And he recorded
248
00:09:38,211 --> 00:09:40,113
Every unflattering thing
I said.
249
00:09:40,147 --> 00:09:42,082
Now my voice
Is all over the radio
250
00:09:42,115 --> 00:09:43,984
In horrible little
Sound bytes.
251
00:09:44,017 --> 00:09:47,387
[over phone]
I'm a crazy psycho bitch!
252
00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:50,824
- it's also available
As a ringtone.
253
00:09:56,797 --> 00:09:58,065
- oh, my god.
254
00:09:58,098 --> 00:10:00,267
I'm the laughingstock
Of cleveland.
255
00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:02,803
[over phone] I've slept
With thousands of men.
256
00:10:02,836 --> 00:10:06,139
- it was two for a dollar.
257
00:10:12,312 --> 00:10:15,849
- what am I gonna do?
Why is this happening to me?
258
00:10:15,883 --> 00:10:17,617
- well, maybe we need
A man's opinion.
259
00:10:17,651 --> 00:10:18,852
I'll go and ask nick.
260
00:10:18,886 --> 00:10:21,354
He's so wise
About so many things.
261
00:10:21,388 --> 00:10:23,490
- you're really falling
For him, aren't you?
262
00:10:23,523 --> 00:10:26,827
- well, I've been so lonely
Since emmet, and--
263
00:10:26,860 --> 00:10:27,928
Oh, he makes me happy.
264
00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:29,562
I mean, I know it's new,
But I feel like
265
00:10:29,596 --> 00:10:31,799
We've known each other
For years.
266
00:10:31,832 --> 00:10:34,668
- well, we're happy
For you, victoria.
267
00:10:34,702 --> 00:10:38,105
I don't trust this guy.
268
00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:41,141
A night of meaningful
Conversation with victoria?
269
00:10:41,174 --> 00:10:44,044
It just doesn't add up.
270
00:10:44,077 --> 00:10:45,145
I'm gonna do some digging
271
00:10:45,178 --> 00:10:48,816
And get some intel on him.
272
00:10:48,849 --> 00:10:51,919
- joy is so cynical
About men.
273
00:10:51,952 --> 00:10:53,954
Love can be found online.
274
00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:55,689
- I agree.
275
00:10:55,723 --> 00:10:59,392
- I mean, why can't nick
Be victoria's soul mate?
276
00:10:59,426 --> 00:11:02,462
- only one reason
I can think of.
277
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:03,731
- yeah, that's what?
278
00:11:03,764 --> 00:11:06,767
- I'm nick logan.
279
00:11:09,970 --> 00:11:11,304
- what?
280
00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:15,042
- I'm victoria's lover.
281
00:11:19,312 --> 00:11:22,549
- you catfished victoria?
282
00:11:22,582 --> 00:11:26,286
You are the rugged,
Poetry-loving rancher?
283
00:11:26,319 --> 00:11:29,757
- [western accent]
Yes, ma'am.
284
00:11:31,158 --> 00:11:32,893
- why would you do that?
285
00:11:32,926 --> 00:11:34,361
- she called me a sucker
286
00:11:34,394 --> 00:11:37,264
For falling
For the mcrib hype.
287
00:11:37,297 --> 00:11:38,832
- so you seduced her
288
00:11:38,866 --> 00:11:40,467
To make her look like
A sucker?
289
00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:42,770
- yes, at first.
290
00:11:42,770 --> 00:11:44,071
- but then?
291
00:11:44,104 --> 00:11:46,106
- well, I've been
Kind of lonely too,
292
00:11:46,139 --> 00:11:49,777
And victoria's
Really taken with me.
293
00:11:49,777 --> 00:11:51,544
- as nick logan.
294
00:11:51,578 --> 00:11:56,149
- well, she makes me
Want to be a better man.
295
00:11:58,418 --> 00:12:01,121
- this could not
Get any weirder.
296
00:12:01,154 --> 00:12:04,825
- I think I'm in love
With victoria.
297
00:12:06,326 --> 00:12:08,495
- sure, why not?
298
00:12:10,363 --> 00:12:12,132
[doorbell rings]
299
00:12:12,165 --> 00:12:14,968
Just remember, elka,
Lies always have a way
300
00:12:15,002 --> 00:12:17,805
Of coming back and biting you
In the ass.
301
00:12:17,805 --> 00:12:20,340
[gasps]
Oh, my god!
302
00:12:20,373 --> 00:12:21,842
You're chase jackson.
303
00:12:21,875 --> 00:12:23,010
- yes, ma'am.
304
00:12:23,043 --> 00:12:24,577
I'm looking
For melanie moretti.
305
00:12:24,611 --> 00:12:26,279
- that's me,
I'm melanie moretti.
306
00:12:26,313 --> 00:12:27,447
- you're melanie?
307
00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:29,716
From your email,
I was expecting a little girl.
308
00:12:29,817 --> 00:12:32,886
- told you to lay off
The emoticons.
309
00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:36,223
- yeah. Please, come in.
This is my friend elka.
310
00:12:36,256 --> 00:12:37,324
- nice to meet you, ma'am.
311
00:12:37,357 --> 00:12:39,659
- uh, would you like
To sit down?
312
00:12:39,692 --> 00:12:41,528
- sure, but you should
Sit down too.
313
00:12:41,561 --> 00:12:43,296
You're probably weak.
314
00:12:43,330 --> 00:12:45,465
To quote your email,
"Sick-face emoticon,
315
00:12:45,498 --> 00:12:49,870
Hospital-bed emoticon,
Gravestone emoticon," right?
316
00:12:49,903 --> 00:12:51,905
- right, my brain tumor.
317
00:12:51,939 --> 00:12:54,041
- what you're going through
Is very close
318
00:12:54,074 --> 00:12:55,342
To my heart, melanie.
319
00:12:55,375 --> 00:12:57,710
My mom fought
The same battle twice.
320
00:12:57,744 --> 00:13:00,080
So I brought
These concert tickets in person,
321
00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:01,681
Hoping I could make
Whatever time
322
00:13:01,714 --> 00:13:03,951
You had left
Shine a little brighter.
323
00:13:03,984 --> 00:13:06,854
- thank you.
324
00:13:06,854 --> 00:13:10,023
- so, chase,
You live on a ranch?
325
00:13:12,025 --> 00:13:13,360
- I do.
326
00:13:13,393 --> 00:13:14,862
- my buddy nick logan
327
00:13:14,862 --> 00:13:18,866
Has a million acres
In wyoming.
328
00:13:18,866 --> 00:13:21,001
- a million acres?
329
00:13:21,034 --> 00:13:24,671
- uh...
Is that too much?
330
00:13:24,704 --> 00:13:26,006
- thank you so much
331
00:13:26,039 --> 00:13:27,941
For bringing these tickets
In person.
332
00:13:27,975 --> 00:13:30,210
But, you know,
I can't help but think
333
00:13:30,243 --> 00:13:32,512
That someone else
Could use these more than me.
334
00:13:32,545 --> 00:13:34,114
- listen to you,
Thinking about others
335
00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:38,118
When you've got
An incurable brain tumor.
336
00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:40,988
- 100,000 cows.
337
00:13:42,890 --> 00:13:45,158
Is that a lot?
338
00:13:45,192 --> 00:13:47,995
- not if you have
A million acres.
339
00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:51,498
Well, I should go.
I've got a sound check.
340
00:13:51,531 --> 00:13:52,900
Look, maybe after my show,
341
00:13:52,900 --> 00:13:54,935
We could get together
And have a drink or something--
342
00:13:54,968 --> 00:13:57,004
- oh.
- I'm sorry. Can you drink?
343
00:13:57,037 --> 00:13:59,339
- well, yes.
I am over 21.
344
00:13:59,372 --> 00:14:00,640
- no, I meant
With the brain tumor.
345
00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:02,442
- oh, yes.
346
00:14:02,475 --> 00:14:06,046
They allow it
When it's incurable.
347
00:14:07,514 --> 00:14:08,815
- well, then it's a date.
348
00:14:08,916 --> 00:14:10,550
Pleasure to meet you, ma'am,
And you, melanie.
349
00:14:10,583 --> 00:14:11,751
- okay.
350
00:14:11,784 --> 00:14:14,754
- hey, you know,
I've got a song in my head.
351
00:14:14,787 --> 00:14:17,290
It was gonna be
About tequila,
352
00:14:17,324 --> 00:14:20,727
But now I'm gonna
Make it about you.
353
00:14:25,832 --> 00:14:28,301
- I've discovered the identity
Of victoria's secret lover,
354
00:14:28,335 --> 00:14:30,938
And you are not
Gonna believe who it is.
355
00:14:30,938 --> 00:14:32,139
Both: it's elka.
356
00:14:32,172 --> 00:14:33,406
- hey.
357
00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:34,441
How'd you find out?
358
00:14:34,474 --> 00:14:35,475
- well, she told me.
359
00:14:35,508 --> 00:14:37,077
Apparently,
It started as a joke,
360
00:14:37,110 --> 00:14:40,613
But now they have feelings
For each other.
361
00:14:40,647 --> 00:14:43,951
- [western accent]
I just can't quit her.
362
00:14:46,619 --> 00:14:48,188
- oh, dear god.
363
00:14:48,221 --> 00:14:51,258
- elka, you have got
To tell victoria the truth.
364
00:14:51,291 --> 00:14:52,825
And you can't wait
365
00:14:52,859 --> 00:14:53,994
'cause it's just
Gonna make it worse.
366
00:14:54,027 --> 00:14:55,662
She's very vulnerable
Right now.
367
00:14:55,695 --> 00:14:58,265
- well, nick is going
Through some stuff too.
368
00:14:58,298 --> 00:15:00,467
It gets lonely
On that ranch,
369
00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:03,503
Just him and whitman.
370
00:15:03,536 --> 00:15:06,606
- who's whitman?
371
00:15:06,639 --> 00:15:09,576
- his trusty bald eagle,
372
00:15:09,609 --> 00:15:12,112
Who lays
A fresh breakfast egg
373
00:15:12,145 --> 00:15:15,748
For him every morning.
374
00:15:15,782 --> 00:15:19,186
- yeah, you gotta end this
For you too, elka.
375
00:15:23,390 --> 00:15:24,557
[playing guitar]
376
00:15:24,591 --> 00:15:29,029
- * and the angels cried
377
00:15:29,062 --> 00:15:31,064
- wow.
378
00:15:31,098 --> 00:15:34,167
That is
Such a beautiful song.
379
00:15:34,201 --> 00:15:35,802
- I wrote it for you.
380
00:15:35,835 --> 00:15:38,338
You're so brave
And so strong.
381
00:15:38,371 --> 00:15:39,872
- oh, listen.
382
00:15:39,906 --> 00:15:42,375
I am really
Not that brave.
383
00:15:42,409 --> 00:15:46,413
- that's what my mom
Used to say.
384
00:15:46,446 --> 00:15:48,581
I'm gonna donate the profits
From that song
385
00:15:48,615 --> 00:15:51,251
To my mom's charity,
To help people
386
00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:54,087
Going through what
You're going through.
387
00:15:54,121 --> 00:15:55,088
What do you think?
388
00:15:55,122 --> 00:15:59,559
- I think that I would hate
389
00:15:59,592 --> 00:16:00,860
For anybody to be
Going through
390
00:16:01,028 --> 00:16:03,830
What I'm going through
Right now.
391
00:16:03,863 --> 00:16:08,068
- victoria, I wanna
Talk to you about nick.
392
00:16:08,101 --> 00:16:09,336
- really?
393
00:16:09,369 --> 00:16:11,504
Oh, thank you.
394
00:16:11,538 --> 00:16:13,840
You know how it is
At the beginning of a romance.
395
00:16:13,873 --> 00:16:15,908
All you wanna do
Is talk about him.
396
00:16:15,942 --> 00:16:18,511
Ahh.
397
00:16:18,545 --> 00:16:20,213
What I wouldn't give
To feel his arms
398
00:16:20,247 --> 00:16:22,282
Around me right now.
399
00:16:22,315 --> 00:16:24,317
- I know.
400
00:16:26,286 --> 00:16:28,455
- I'm so glad
You understand.
401
00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:30,157
Melanie and joy
Think I'm being foolish
402
00:16:30,190 --> 00:16:31,391
And that I should
Just end it,
403
00:16:31,424 --> 00:16:34,061
But, oh, I can't.
404
00:16:34,061 --> 00:16:37,830
- oh, he's a hard man
To say good-bye to.
405
00:16:37,864 --> 00:16:40,867
- you know, I'm thinking
Of taking him to paris.
406
00:16:40,900 --> 00:16:44,371
- paris?
Oh, I've never been.
407
00:16:44,404 --> 00:16:48,475
I--
Has he ever been?
408
00:16:50,543 --> 00:16:53,813
- or maybe we should meet
On his ranch.
409
00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:57,184
Oh, the way
He describes the sunsets--
410
00:16:57,217 --> 00:16:59,652
The mountains sip the light
From the sky.
411
00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:02,122
- no, no,
412
00:17:02,155 --> 00:17:06,426
The last drops of light
From the sky.
413
00:17:06,459 --> 00:17:08,528
- yeah, that's it.
414
00:17:08,561 --> 00:17:10,763
"The mountains sip
The last drops
415
00:17:10,797 --> 00:17:13,800
Of light from the sky."
416
00:17:15,235 --> 00:17:17,937
Wait a minute.
417
00:17:17,970 --> 00:17:19,639
I never showed
Anyone that.
418
00:17:19,672 --> 00:17:24,611
How could you possibly know,
Unless you were--
419
00:17:24,644 --> 00:17:27,647
Oh, my god.
420
00:17:30,150 --> 00:17:32,152
- well, this is, you know,
Really kind of fun,
421
00:17:32,185 --> 00:17:34,187
Going around,
Doing these interviews with you.
422
00:17:34,221 --> 00:17:36,022
- well, you inspired
The song.
423
00:17:36,123 --> 00:17:37,957
You know, I got another song
About a woman
424
00:17:37,990 --> 00:17:40,560
Who's in prison for shooting
Her cheating husband.
425
00:17:40,593 --> 00:17:42,129
If I change a few words,
426
00:17:42,129 --> 00:17:44,931
That song could
Be about you too.
427
00:17:44,964 --> 00:17:46,933
[phone ringing]
428
00:17:46,966 --> 00:17:49,469
- oh, shoot,
My friend needs me.
429
00:17:49,502 --> 00:17:51,704
She just found out
Her sexy cowboy boyfriend
430
00:17:51,738 --> 00:17:54,474
Is a 92-year-old woman.
431
00:17:54,507 --> 00:17:57,043
I'll go take this outside.
432
00:17:57,144 --> 00:18:00,180
- hey, chase.
Todd elliot. Big fan.
433
00:18:00,213 --> 00:18:03,616
- okay, todd,
You're on in three, two--
434
00:18:03,650 --> 00:18:05,452
- hello, everybody,
Todd the bod here
435
00:18:05,485 --> 00:18:07,654
With country superstar
Chase jackson.
436
00:18:07,687 --> 00:18:09,922
Ooh, wait.
437
00:18:09,956 --> 00:18:11,591
Sorry, chase,
This crazy british chick
438
00:18:11,624 --> 00:18:13,393
I went out with is calling me
On my cell phone.
439
00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:14,861
But don't say anything.
440
00:18:14,894 --> 00:18:17,330
I don't want her to know
She's on the air.
441
00:18:17,364 --> 00:18:18,865
Hello, sweetheart.
442
00:18:18,898 --> 00:18:20,567
- [over phone]
Hello, scumbag.
443
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:24,171
Remember how you bragged that
You had a harley and a pool?
444
00:18:24,171 --> 00:18:27,174
Well, now you have a harley
In a pool.
445
00:18:27,174 --> 00:18:29,642
Who's the psycho bitch now?
446
00:18:29,676 --> 00:18:32,512
- oh, it's still you.
447
00:18:32,545 --> 00:18:34,414
- I only dated you
Because I was testing out
448
00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:37,384
My friend's tumor perks.
449
00:18:38,985 --> 00:18:40,553
Well, the joke's on you,
450
00:18:40,587 --> 00:18:44,224
Because melanie
Doesn't really have a tumor.
451
00:18:44,257 --> 00:18:45,658
- you don't have a tumor?
452
00:18:45,692 --> 00:18:50,563
- well,
Not in the medical sense.
453
00:18:50,597 --> 00:18:52,064
- melanie,
What are you doing there?
454
00:18:52,098 --> 00:18:53,200
- joy, shut up.
455
00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:54,501
You're on the air.
- I'm what?
456
00:18:54,534 --> 00:18:56,569
- can't you just go
To commercial or something?
457
00:18:56,603 --> 00:18:58,638
- are you kidding?
458
00:18:58,671 --> 00:19:00,307
- fine.
459
00:19:00,340 --> 00:19:02,041
Okay, my tumor is gone,
460
00:19:02,074 --> 00:19:05,378
But I only found out
After I sent the email.
461
00:19:05,412 --> 00:19:08,981
- your email
Said it was incurable.
462
00:19:09,015 --> 00:19:12,219
- maybe your song cured me.
463
00:19:12,219 --> 00:19:14,086
- melanie, darling,
Just get out of there.
464
00:19:14,120 --> 00:19:16,589
And don't do
That little wave thing.
465
00:19:16,623 --> 00:19:19,626
It's not as cute
As you think it is.
466
00:19:25,232 --> 00:19:27,234
- hello, elka.
467
00:19:27,234 --> 00:19:28,935
- you're still mad?
468
00:19:28,968 --> 00:19:30,703
- well, naturally,
I was upset,
469
00:19:30,737 --> 00:19:32,839
So I drove around
To get over it,
470
00:19:32,872 --> 00:19:36,476
And then I saw a sign
Advertising the mcrib.
471
00:19:38,144 --> 00:19:40,112
Well, I took the sign
For a sign,
472
00:19:40,146 --> 00:19:43,416
And I did something
That I've never done before:
473
00:19:43,450 --> 00:19:47,153
Placed an order for food
By yelling into a box.
474
00:19:49,322 --> 00:19:53,092
- well, thank you,
Victoria.
475
00:19:53,125 --> 00:19:54,160
- well, you know,
Something good
476
00:19:54,261 --> 00:19:56,296
Did come out of this.
477
00:19:56,329 --> 00:19:58,331
Now I know
That I am truly ready
478
00:19:58,365 --> 00:20:00,032
To move on from emmet.
479
00:20:00,066 --> 00:20:03,102
Although it's gonna
Be hard to find
480
00:20:03,135 --> 00:20:04,671
Someone as perfect
As nick.
481
00:20:04,704 --> 00:20:06,306
- ah.
482
00:20:06,339 --> 00:20:08,140
- I'm really
Gonna miss him.
483
00:20:08,174 --> 00:20:11,811
- I'm really
Gonna miss him too.
484
00:20:11,844 --> 00:20:13,913
- I think I liked
Our emails best
485
00:20:13,946 --> 00:20:15,648
In the middle
Of the night.
486
00:20:15,682 --> 00:20:18,184
- you, all warm and sleepy.
487
00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:19,886
- you, a little boozy.
488
00:20:19,919 --> 00:20:22,555
[both chuckle]
489
00:20:24,156 --> 00:20:26,058
- now it's getting weird.
490
00:20:26,092 --> 00:20:28,094
- mm.
491
00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:32,231
- here's to nick logan.
492
00:20:32,265 --> 00:20:36,235
- a man so perfect, only a woman
Could've invented him.
493
00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:46,012
[upbeat music]
494
00:20:46,045 --> 00:20:48,415
- * ba-ba, ba-ba
495
00:20:48,448 --> 00:20:50,750
* ba-ba, ba-ba
496
00:20:55,688 --> 00:20:57,957
* ba-ba, ba-ba
497
00:20:57,990 --> 00:21:00,427
* ba-ba, ba-ba
498
00:21:00,460 --> 00:21:06,699
*
499
00:21:08,735 --> 00:21:10,703
* hey!
34896
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