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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:09,210 --> 00:00:10,344 - hot in cleveland is recorded 2 00:00:10,378 --> 00:00:12,346 In front Of a live studio audience. 3 00:00:12,380 --> 00:00:14,048 Are we ready? 4 00:00:14,082 --> 00:00:15,283 Now, this is the red carpet 5 00:00:15,316 --> 00:00:16,817 For the cleveland rhapsody Premiere, 6 00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:18,386 And you are the press. 7 00:00:18,419 --> 00:00:20,554 - ms. Chase, who did you Bring with you tonight? 8 00:00:20,588 --> 00:00:22,623 - oh, I brought my daughter Emmy. 9 00:00:22,656 --> 00:00:24,392 And no, she's not my sister. 10 00:00:24,425 --> 00:00:28,062 [chuckles] 11 00:00:28,096 --> 00:00:29,363 - no one said that. 12 00:00:29,397 --> 00:00:31,965 - someone will. 13 00:00:31,999 --> 00:00:33,767 Emmy is an actress as well, 14 00:00:33,801 --> 00:00:37,205 Starring in the upcoming Tnt series cole's law. 15 00:00:37,238 --> 00:00:39,039 - coleslaw? 16 00:00:39,073 --> 00:00:41,775 - no, it's cole's law. 17 00:00:41,809 --> 00:00:44,578 She plays betthany cole, A miami beach lawyer. 18 00:00:44,612 --> 00:00:46,647 - oh, well, it'll be great To see emmy again. 19 00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:48,449 I don't know who I'm gonna ask To the premiere. 20 00:00:48,482 --> 00:00:49,483 Who are you asking, joy? 21 00:00:49,517 --> 00:00:51,385 - stone van buren. 22 00:00:51,419 --> 00:00:52,953 My boss' cousin. 23 00:00:52,986 --> 00:00:54,322 Well, at first I was skeptical, 24 00:00:54,355 --> 00:00:57,358 But then bob showed me His picture at the office. 25 00:00:57,391 --> 00:00:58,626 He's a model. 26 00:00:58,659 --> 00:01:01,595 I'm dating a model. 27 00:01:01,629 --> 00:01:03,397 We've been flirt texting, 28 00:01:03,431 --> 00:01:06,134 But I'm ready To officially invite him. 29 00:01:06,134 --> 00:01:07,335 - well, this is good. 30 00:01:07,368 --> 00:01:08,736 You're getting over simon. 31 00:01:08,769 --> 00:01:09,937 - well, not really. 32 00:01:09,970 --> 00:01:12,140 But you know how sometimes People are so hot 33 00:01:12,173 --> 00:01:14,242 They make you forget How much you love other people? 34 00:01:14,275 --> 00:01:15,909 - oh, I've been there. - [murmurs in agreement] 35 00:01:15,943 --> 00:01:16,977 [cell phone beeps] 36 00:01:17,010 --> 00:01:18,979 - oh, he texted back. 37 00:01:19,012 --> 00:01:20,448 "I'd love to go. 38 00:01:20,481 --> 00:01:23,351 "In fact, I've been wanting To ask you out for a while. 39 00:01:23,384 --> 00:01:25,653 #secretcrush, haha." 40 00:01:25,686 --> 00:01:29,022 Oh, no, why is he texting Like a loser? 41 00:01:29,056 --> 00:01:32,293 - no, this is my phone! 42 00:01:32,326 --> 00:01:34,928 I was in the middle of texting My dentist about my appointment. 43 00:01:34,962 --> 00:01:38,366 Now my dentist thinks I asked him to the premiere. 44 00:01:38,399 --> 00:01:39,367 [cell phone rings] 45 00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:41,269 Oh, it's him. 46 00:01:41,302 --> 00:01:44,004 Hi, dr. Wormser. 47 00:01:44,037 --> 00:01:45,706 Okay, larry. 48 00:01:45,739 --> 00:01:47,341 [chuckles uncomfortably] Oh, yes. 49 00:01:47,375 --> 00:01:48,609 About that text-- 50 00:01:48,642 --> 00:01:50,077 Uh, oh, no. 51 00:01:50,178 --> 00:01:53,981 I've never been told That I have foxy bicuspids. 52 00:01:54,014 --> 00:01:56,250 Okay, see you then. 53 00:01:56,284 --> 00:01:58,085 I hate you. 54 00:01:58,186 --> 00:01:59,453 - I'm sorry. 55 00:01:59,487 --> 00:02:01,955 I just don't feel sexy Wearing my reading glasses 56 00:02:01,989 --> 00:02:03,291 When I'm texting men. 57 00:02:03,324 --> 00:02:04,292 [cell phone beeps] 58 00:02:04,325 --> 00:02:06,627 - ugh, now he's texting me. 59 00:02:06,660 --> 00:02:08,829 Oh, he wants me To friend him on facebook, 60 00:02:08,862 --> 00:02:09,930 Follow him on twitter, 61 00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:11,865 And he just posted A photo of my mouth 62 00:02:11,899 --> 00:02:15,236 On instagram. 63 00:02:15,269 --> 00:02:16,637 Thanks to you, joy, 64 00:02:16,670 --> 00:02:19,940 I am dating A chronic status updater. 65 00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:22,042 - melanie, sweetie, I'm sorry, 66 00:02:22,075 --> 00:02:23,777 But there can only be So much happiness 67 00:02:23,811 --> 00:02:25,379 In the world at one time, 68 00:02:25,413 --> 00:02:28,749 And right now, It's mine. 69 00:02:28,782 --> 00:02:32,520 I'm going out with a model. 70 00:02:32,553 --> 00:02:35,022 - I have a major announcement To make. 71 00:02:35,055 --> 00:02:37,291 - hey, that's my thing. 72 00:02:37,325 --> 00:02:39,560 - I've taken a lover. 73 00:02:41,562 --> 00:02:44,298 - hey, that's my thing. 74 00:02:44,332 --> 00:02:48,035 - [clears throat] 75 00:02:48,068 --> 00:02:50,238 Sorry to interrupt. I'm luke. 76 00:02:50,238 --> 00:02:53,374 Hey, babe, um, 77 00:02:53,407 --> 00:02:56,744 What's the wi-fi password? 78 00:02:56,777 --> 00:03:00,581 - my measurements. 79 00:03:00,614 --> 00:03:02,115 - I've got those memorized. 80 00:03:02,149 --> 00:03:03,851 - [giggles] 81 00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:14,295 - okay, I'll say it. 82 00:03:14,328 --> 00:03:17,765 What the... [doorbell chimes] 83 00:03:17,798 --> 00:03:19,833 - that must be emmy. 84 00:03:22,970 --> 00:03:26,374 Emmy, my darling. Oh. 85 00:03:28,876 --> 00:03:30,311 - hi. 86 00:03:30,344 --> 00:03:32,012 The dry cleaner Was dropping this off. 87 00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:33,414 I said I'd bring it in. 88 00:03:33,447 --> 00:03:34,415 - oh, thank you. 89 00:03:34,448 --> 00:03:35,416 [both squeal] 90 00:03:35,449 --> 00:03:36,650 - congratulations! 91 00:03:36,684 --> 00:03:39,787 - it's beautiful, isn't it? 92 00:03:39,820 --> 00:03:40,788 - what a surprise. 93 00:03:40,821 --> 00:03:41,789 - I know. 94 00:03:41,822 --> 00:03:43,190 I usually shy away From this color, 95 00:03:43,291 --> 00:03:45,659 But I thought, it's a premiere, So why not? 96 00:03:45,693 --> 00:03:49,830 - not the dress, you idiot, Your daughter. 97 00:03:49,863 --> 00:03:52,165 - oh, my god. 98 00:03:52,199 --> 00:03:54,835 You--you got fat. 99 00:03:56,870 --> 00:03:59,340 [upbeat music] 100 00:03:59,373 --> 00:04:01,609 - * ba-ba, ba-ba 101 00:04:01,642 --> 00:04:04,912 * ba-ba, ba-ba 102 00:04:04,945 --> 00:04:05,913 * hey! 103 00:04:05,946 --> 00:04:07,348 - I'm eight months along. 104 00:04:07,381 --> 00:04:09,917 - well, you look beautiful, And I'm so happy for you. 105 00:04:09,950 --> 00:04:12,886 But I'm a little surprised. Why didn't you tell me? 106 00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:14,422 - because I didn't think You'd approve 107 00:04:14,455 --> 00:04:16,390 Of me getting pregnant While my career was taking off. 108 00:04:16,424 --> 00:04:17,758 - well, it's not ideal, 109 00:04:17,791 --> 00:04:22,095 But if the kardashians Have taught us anything, 110 00:04:22,129 --> 00:04:25,333 It's the value Of a baby bump. 111 00:04:25,333 --> 00:04:26,534 Now, obviously we missed 112 00:04:26,567 --> 00:04:28,869 The "Is she or isn't she" Cover stories, 113 00:04:28,902 --> 00:04:32,606 But we can still speculate On who the celebrity father is. 114 00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:34,775 - I know who the father is. 115 00:04:34,808 --> 00:04:36,777 His name is alan. He's a teacher. 116 00:04:36,810 --> 00:04:39,980 - oh, on what show? 117 00:04:41,014 --> 00:04:42,182 - he's not an actor. 118 00:04:42,215 --> 00:04:44,918 He's a fourth grade Social studies teacher. 119 00:04:44,952 --> 00:04:47,355 - darling, call me Old-fashioned, but in my day, 120 00:04:47,355 --> 00:04:51,359 An actress got knocked up By her director or costar. 121 00:04:53,361 --> 00:04:56,163 - and I'm not knocked up. I'm married. 122 00:04:56,196 --> 00:04:57,965 - oh, that's lovely. 123 00:04:57,998 --> 00:04:59,500 - you're--you're married? 124 00:04:59,533 --> 00:05:02,102 - we eloped after I found out That I was pregnant with melon. 125 00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:03,103 - and who is melon? 126 00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:04,972 - that's the baby's name. 127 00:05:07,207 --> 00:05:08,776 - melon? 128 00:05:08,809 --> 00:05:11,044 As in short for melanie? 129 00:05:11,078 --> 00:05:14,782 - no, melon as in the fruit. 130 00:05:14,815 --> 00:05:15,883 Melanie's such a dated name. 131 00:05:15,916 --> 00:05:17,217 It makes me think Of a sad, old woman 132 00:05:17,250 --> 00:05:19,453 Sitting in an armchair. 133 00:05:26,126 --> 00:05:28,862 - you do realize My name is melanie. 134 00:05:28,896 --> 00:05:31,064 - she may have forgotten That she met you before. 135 00:05:31,098 --> 00:05:34,201 She has a brain tumor. 136 00:05:34,234 --> 00:05:35,836 - oh, hi, melanie. 137 00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:38,271 I'm emmy. 138 00:05:40,207 --> 00:05:42,710 - hey, babe? Um... 139 00:05:47,581 --> 00:05:48,816 I'm running our bath. 140 00:05:48,849 --> 00:05:53,487 Are you feeling Jasmine or lavender? 141 00:05:53,521 --> 00:05:55,756 - surprise me, lover. 142 00:05:58,258 --> 00:06:01,028 - and on that delicious note, 143 00:06:01,061 --> 00:06:02,763 I need to be going. 144 00:06:02,796 --> 00:06:04,331 Don't want to be late For my lunch date 145 00:06:04,432 --> 00:06:05,866 With stone van buren. 146 00:06:05,899 --> 00:06:07,334 - ooh, he sounds sexy. 147 00:06:07,435 --> 00:06:09,803 - indeed he is. 148 00:06:09,837 --> 00:06:12,005 - and I don't want to be late For my dentist appointment 149 00:06:12,039 --> 00:06:13,841 With larry wormser. 150 00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:15,776 - ooh, he sounds less sexy. 151 00:06:15,809 --> 00:06:19,447 - indeed he is. 152 00:06:19,447 --> 00:06:22,916 - well, now that I'm over the shock of it, 153 00:06:22,950 --> 00:06:26,153 I do think that this baby Could be a blessing in disguise. 154 00:06:26,186 --> 00:06:29,089 Now, the first thing to do Is sit down with your publicist 155 00:06:29,122 --> 00:06:30,991 From cole's law. 156 00:06:31,024 --> 00:06:34,628 - it's cole's...Law. 157 00:06:34,662 --> 00:06:36,864 Anyway, I'm quitting the show. 158 00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:39,232 I have too much on my plate For cole's law. 159 00:06:39,266 --> 00:06:43,070 - well, now I'm just hungry. 160 00:06:43,103 --> 00:06:45,706 - what do you mean You're quitting the show? 161 00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:47,240 - I'm gonna be A stay-at-home mom. 162 00:06:47,274 --> 00:06:48,341 - a what? 163 00:06:48,375 --> 00:06:50,143 - oh, here we go. 164 00:06:50,177 --> 00:06:52,212 - look, I said nothing About the pregnancy. 165 00:06:52,245 --> 00:06:53,246 - you said it wasn't ideal. 166 00:06:53,280 --> 00:06:54,815 - I kept quiet About the marriage. 167 00:06:54,848 --> 00:06:56,717 - you said that I should have Gotten knocked up by a director. 168 00:06:56,750 --> 00:07:00,253 - but I can keep silent No longer. 169 00:07:00,287 --> 00:07:01,855 You can't quit. 170 00:07:01,889 --> 00:07:03,957 Being an actress Has always been our dream. 171 00:07:03,991 --> 00:07:07,060 Being other people Is who we are. 172 00:07:07,094 --> 00:07:09,096 - and being pregnant Changed all that. 173 00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:11,131 I don't want to raise my child In an environment 174 00:07:11,164 --> 00:07:12,800 That is so superficial And meaningless. 175 00:07:12,833 --> 00:07:14,067 - oh, you're saying That my life 176 00:07:14,101 --> 00:07:15,669 Is superficial And meaningless? 177 00:07:15,703 --> 00:07:17,137 - no, I'm saying That what we do 178 00:07:17,170 --> 00:07:18,506 Is superficial And meaningless. 179 00:07:18,539 --> 00:07:20,340 - oh, well, then, Maybe you don't need to go 180 00:07:20,373 --> 00:07:22,776 To something as superficial As a movie premiere. 181 00:07:22,810 --> 00:07:25,012 - oh, well, maybe I don't. 182 00:07:25,045 --> 00:07:27,180 Let's go, melon. 183 00:07:33,821 --> 00:07:37,691 And do not let this waddle Undermine my dramatic exit. 184 00:07:50,370 --> 00:07:51,672 - joy. 185 00:07:51,705 --> 00:07:54,374 - bob, what are you doing here? 186 00:07:54,407 --> 00:07:55,709 - well, I heard you had A lunch date 187 00:07:55,743 --> 00:07:56,710 With my cousin stone. 188 00:07:56,744 --> 00:07:58,111 Thought I'd introduce you, 189 00:07:58,145 --> 00:08:00,981 Smooth the way. 190 00:08:01,014 --> 00:08:03,183 - okay. 191 00:08:03,216 --> 00:08:04,552 Guess he's late, huh? 192 00:08:04,585 --> 00:08:06,286 - yeah. - I'll text him. 193 00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:07,821 - oh, that's not necessary. We could-- 194 00:08:07,855 --> 00:08:10,791 [cell phone beeps] 195 00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:11,992 - no. 196 00:08:12,025 --> 00:08:13,561 - let me explain. 197 00:08:13,561 --> 00:08:15,596 - you're stone van buren? 198 00:08:15,629 --> 00:08:19,633 - oh, I don't need to explain. 199 00:08:19,667 --> 00:08:23,136 - but we've been texting, Sometimes sexting. 200 00:08:23,170 --> 00:08:28,008 - yes, some of our exchanges Were quite racy. 201 00:08:28,041 --> 00:08:31,178 But perhaps a part of you knew You were texting me all along. 202 00:08:31,211 --> 00:08:33,914 - no part of me knew that. 203 00:08:33,947 --> 00:08:35,583 Wait, if you're stone, 204 00:08:35,583 --> 00:08:37,918 Who's this hot guy In the picture you texted me? 205 00:08:37,951 --> 00:08:39,820 - oh, that's a pic from gq. 206 00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:42,623 It's supposed to inspire me To eat better and exercise more. 207 00:08:42,656 --> 00:08:45,358 I guess we can both see It's been working. 208 00:08:45,392 --> 00:08:48,328 - so you just make up A fake cousin? 209 00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:50,998 - I had my reasons, joy. 210 00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:54,001 - look, I mentioned you To my parents in canada. 211 00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:55,102 They saw your picture, 212 00:08:55,135 --> 00:08:57,304 And, well, They made some assumptions. 213 00:08:57,337 --> 00:08:59,139 - what do you mean, "Assumptions"? 214 00:08:59,172 --> 00:09:00,674 - they assumed I was telling the truth 215 00:09:00,708 --> 00:09:04,244 When I said You were my fiancee. 216 00:09:04,277 --> 00:09:05,478 - your fiancee? 217 00:09:05,512 --> 00:09:08,616 - joy, my mom and dad Think I'm a huge loser, 218 00:09:08,649 --> 00:09:11,351 But since they found out I could Land a beautiful woman like you, 219 00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:12,620 Well, they're just dying To meet you. 220 00:09:12,620 --> 00:09:13,687 - [scoffs] 221 00:09:13,721 --> 00:09:15,355 Well, that's not going To happen. 222 00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:17,390 I will not be Part of this charade, 223 00:09:17,424 --> 00:09:18,458 Flying up to canada To meet your parents. 224 00:09:18,491 --> 00:09:20,027 - no need, They're right here. 225 00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:22,395 - what? 226 00:09:23,831 --> 00:09:25,332 This is insane. 227 00:09:25,365 --> 00:09:27,267 I have to tell them That you fabricated 228 00:09:27,300 --> 00:09:28,268 This entire thing. 229 00:09:28,301 --> 00:09:30,838 - oh, joy, no, wait. 230 00:09:30,871 --> 00:09:32,640 - hi. - uh... 231 00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:35,676 - listen, bob and I-- We're not engaged, 232 00:09:35,709 --> 00:09:37,277 And we're not a couple. 233 00:09:37,310 --> 00:09:42,149 And sorry to disappoint, But we never will be. 234 00:09:42,182 --> 00:09:43,283 Oh, look. 235 00:09:43,316 --> 00:09:44,317 They've taken the news Quite well. 236 00:09:44,351 --> 00:09:46,286 They don't seem upset at all. 237 00:09:46,319 --> 00:09:49,156 - my parents are deaf, joy. 238 00:09:49,189 --> 00:09:50,423 They don't read lips. 239 00:09:50,457 --> 00:09:52,525 They didn't understand A word you just said. 240 00:09:54,662 --> 00:09:56,196 - yeah, uh-huh. 241 00:09:56,229 --> 00:09:57,665 - what's he saying? 242 00:09:57,665 --> 00:09:59,132 - he says he can't believe You're real. 243 00:09:59,166 --> 00:10:01,702 He was sure I'd made you up. 244 00:10:01,735 --> 00:10:04,371 - well, I've seen sign language Before, and that didn't look-- 245 00:10:04,404 --> 00:10:06,807 - oh, we don't use Standard sign language 246 00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:10,778 Because, well, I never really Got the hang of it. 247 00:10:10,811 --> 00:10:13,781 It's hard. 248 00:10:13,814 --> 00:10:15,082 - no. No, mom. 249 00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:18,786 I don't think she's too old. 250 00:10:20,487 --> 00:10:22,555 - bob, your parents Aren't very nice. 251 00:10:22,589 --> 00:10:24,524 - oh, and you just assumed They'd be nice 252 00:10:24,557 --> 00:10:27,094 Because they're deaf. 253 00:10:27,127 --> 00:10:30,764 - no, Because they're canadian. 254 00:10:30,798 --> 00:10:32,900 - well, if you think They're mean here, 255 00:10:32,933 --> 00:10:34,601 You should see What comes out of their hands 256 00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:37,170 When we're at home. 257 00:10:38,672 --> 00:10:41,641 - oh, you poor thing. 258 00:10:41,675 --> 00:10:46,113 Just tell them that I care for their son very much. 259 00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:47,547 - joy, they're deaf. 260 00:10:47,580 --> 00:10:48,949 If we really want To convince them, 261 00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:51,151 I'm afraid they'll have to 262 00:10:51,184 --> 00:10:53,186 Read our lips. 263 00:10:55,355 --> 00:10:57,357 - oh, fine. 264 00:11:08,101 --> 00:11:09,737 - mom says-- - yeah. Yeah. 265 00:11:09,737 --> 00:11:11,972 I know what that one means. 266 00:11:14,541 --> 00:11:17,044 - ah. Hold on. 267 00:11:17,077 --> 00:11:19,179 Quick shot. 268 00:11:21,648 --> 00:11:24,084 I'm posting this on twitter. 269 00:11:24,117 --> 00:11:27,988 #ivebeeninhermouthallmorning. 270 00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:32,192 - because he's my dentist. 271 00:11:34,895 --> 00:11:36,897 So what is it you do, luke? 272 00:11:36,930 --> 00:11:42,235 - oh, Live, learn, love. 273 00:11:43,603 --> 00:11:46,339 I'm a bit Of a renaissance man. 274 00:11:46,373 --> 00:11:49,576 Renaissance faire man. 275 00:11:49,609 --> 00:11:50,944 Elka and I role-play. 276 00:11:50,978 --> 00:11:54,014 She's the village milkmaid. 277 00:11:57,184 --> 00:12:01,855 - my milk churns bring All the boys to the yard. 278 00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:06,894 - did you patch things up With emmy? 279 00:12:06,927 --> 00:12:09,496 - no, I made it worse. 280 00:12:09,529 --> 00:12:12,032 She's packing And booking a flight home, 281 00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:13,801 And the hardest part is, I know her. 282 00:12:13,834 --> 00:12:16,269 She'll be miserable If she gives up acting. 283 00:12:16,303 --> 00:12:18,538 - that is the tough part About having adult children. 284 00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:21,241 You have to let them make Their own choices and mistakes. 285 00:12:21,274 --> 00:12:25,245 - you know, As the man of the house, um... 286 00:12:26,814 --> 00:12:29,316 I don't know, I feel like I need to weigh in here. 287 00:12:29,349 --> 00:12:31,451 Um, you know, My grandfather was critical 288 00:12:31,484 --> 00:12:33,553 Of the way my mom Was living her life, 289 00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:36,924 So she never let me see him, And I never got to know him. 290 00:12:36,957 --> 00:12:39,626 - elka's lover is right. 291 00:12:42,295 --> 00:12:43,931 I want to see my grandchild. 292 00:12:43,964 --> 00:12:46,366 I want to be A part of emmy's life. 293 00:12:46,399 --> 00:12:51,238 So I've just got to apologize And keep my opinions to myself. 294 00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:53,506 - oh, well, sometimes A little fighting 295 00:12:53,540 --> 00:12:56,009 Can be a positive thing In a relationship too. 296 00:12:56,043 --> 00:12:57,610 Elka and I have gone A few rounds, 297 00:12:57,644 --> 00:12:59,913 Haven't we, babe? 298 00:12:59,947 --> 00:13:02,382 But then again, Things are bound to turn hot 299 00:13:02,415 --> 00:13:06,987 When fire meets fire. 300 00:13:15,028 --> 00:13:16,429 - you sure you can keep Your opinions 301 00:13:16,463 --> 00:13:17,865 To yourself, victoria? 302 00:13:17,865 --> 00:13:21,234 - I'm doing it now. 303 00:13:25,906 --> 00:13:27,507 Oh, my beautiful daughter, 304 00:13:27,540 --> 00:13:29,877 So plump with child. 305 00:13:29,910 --> 00:13:31,444 I'm so happy You stayed in cleveland 306 00:13:31,478 --> 00:13:32,880 To be with me On my big night. 307 00:13:32,913 --> 00:13:34,247 - I'm glad we made up. 308 00:13:34,281 --> 00:13:36,616 Thank you for saying that You agreed with all my choices. 309 00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:38,886 - well, it's easy When your choices are so great 310 00:13:38,919 --> 00:13:43,056 And carefully thought out. 311 00:13:43,090 --> 00:13:45,492 - instagram time, people. 312 00:13:45,525 --> 00:13:46,559 I'm gonna tweet this photo. 313 00:13:46,593 --> 00:13:48,495 Hey, how about a retweet 314 00:13:48,528 --> 00:13:50,730 For cleveland's Most interactive dentist 315 00:13:50,763 --> 00:13:54,201 From the star of coleslaw? 316 00:13:54,234 --> 00:13:58,138 - it's cole's law. 317 00:13:58,171 --> 00:14:00,473 - what did I say? 318 00:14:00,507 --> 00:14:02,675 - and I closed my account now That I'm having the writers 319 00:14:02,709 --> 00:14:03,810 Kill off my character. 320 00:14:03,911 --> 00:14:04,811 - what? 321 00:14:04,912 --> 00:14:06,113 But, darling, 322 00:14:06,146 --> 00:14:08,115 If they kill off your character, You can't go back. 323 00:14:08,148 --> 00:14:09,482 - that's what I want. 324 00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:11,551 I mean, you can't really Be a good mom and keep acting. 325 00:14:11,584 --> 00:14:13,220 - oh, I kept acting. 326 00:14:13,253 --> 00:14:15,455 - yes, you did. 327 00:14:18,825 --> 00:14:21,929 - wow, a lot of unresolved Parent-child issues there, 328 00:14:21,962 --> 00:14:24,264 Eh, joy toy? 329 00:14:24,297 --> 00:14:25,532 - you're one to talk. 330 00:14:25,565 --> 00:14:27,667 A middle-aged man Pretending to have a fiancee 331 00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:29,269 To please His mean, deaf parents? 332 00:14:29,302 --> 00:14:32,372 Be a man and stand up to them. - I've tried. 333 00:14:32,405 --> 00:14:36,944 I just can never find The right gestures. 334 00:14:36,977 --> 00:14:39,046 - yes, I was a working mother, 335 00:14:39,079 --> 00:14:42,015 Working to provide you With anything you wanted. 336 00:14:42,049 --> 00:14:43,550 What, you think All the other children 337 00:14:43,583 --> 00:14:46,486 Had mandy patinkin come To their sixth birthday party? 338 00:14:46,519 --> 00:14:49,156 - I didn't know who he was, And I wanted urkel. 339 00:14:49,189 --> 00:14:52,225 - I still don't know What that is. 340 00:14:52,259 --> 00:14:53,360 - don't you understand? 341 00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:55,362 I don't want to be A mother like you. 342 00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:56,363 - take that back. 343 00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:58,531 - I won't. - fine. 344 00:14:58,565 --> 00:15:00,600 A dramatic pause then. 345 00:15:00,633 --> 00:15:03,336 - punctuated By an angry sigh. 346 00:15:03,370 --> 00:15:07,174 [both sigh angrily] 347 00:15:07,207 --> 00:15:10,210 - I'm sensing Kind of a bad vibe here. 348 00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:11,678 Maybe a drink would help? 349 00:15:11,711 --> 00:15:12,980 Can I freshen that for you, Babe? 350 00:15:12,980 --> 00:15:14,314 - I'm good, lover. 351 00:15:14,347 --> 00:15:15,882 - okay. 352 00:15:15,983 --> 00:15:17,584 - #confused. 353 00:15:17,617 --> 00:15:20,187 What exactly Is your guys' deal? 354 00:15:20,220 --> 00:15:23,690 - there's no deal, man. We just enjoy each other. 355 00:15:23,723 --> 00:15:25,725 - our souls touch. 356 00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:28,895 - and everything else. - [giggles] 357 00:15:28,996 --> 00:15:30,463 - oh, I feel sick. 358 00:15:30,497 --> 00:15:33,133 - we all do, honey. 359 00:15:33,166 --> 00:15:35,068 - it's not that. 360 00:15:35,102 --> 00:15:36,203 Something's happening. 361 00:15:36,236 --> 00:15:37,204 - what? - what? 362 00:15:37,237 --> 00:15:39,506 - emmy. - emmy, are you okay? 363 00:15:42,509 --> 00:15:44,344 - something's happening? - yes. 364 00:15:44,377 --> 00:15:47,080 Melon is telling me that He or she wants to come out. 365 00:15:47,114 --> 00:15:49,282 - no, no, no, no, no, no. Melon doesn't want that. 366 00:15:49,316 --> 00:15:50,583 What's that, melon? 367 00:15:50,617 --> 00:15:55,022 Oh, you want the red carpet To go on as scheduled? 368 00:15:55,022 --> 00:15:57,024 You can do this, emmy. 369 00:15:57,024 --> 00:15:58,858 Now, I went into labor When I was in the hot tub 370 00:15:58,891 --> 00:16:01,728 With don johnson Shooting a scene for miami vice, 371 00:16:01,761 --> 00:16:05,798 And I held you in Until they yelled "Cut." 372 00:16:05,832 --> 00:16:08,235 - you held back labor And stayed in a hot tub? 373 00:16:08,268 --> 00:16:12,172 - with don johnson! 374 00:16:12,205 --> 00:16:14,207 - [groaning] 375 00:16:14,241 --> 00:16:16,309 - oh, wait a minute. Wait, wait a minute. 376 00:16:16,343 --> 00:16:18,578 You just allowed your face To become unattractive. 377 00:16:18,611 --> 00:16:21,081 It's real pain. 378 00:16:21,114 --> 00:16:22,349 You're really in labor. 379 00:16:22,382 --> 00:16:25,052 I thought you were just trying To pull focus. 380 00:16:25,052 --> 00:16:27,254 - I was at first, but then The real thing kicked in. 381 00:16:27,287 --> 00:16:28,755 Even I'm not that good Of an actress. 382 00:16:28,788 --> 00:16:30,657 - she's not wrong. I've seen cole's law. 383 00:16:30,690 --> 00:16:33,326 - it's cole's...Law. 384 00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:34,327 Ooh! 385 00:16:34,361 --> 00:16:35,728 - it's okay, honey. 386 00:16:35,762 --> 00:16:37,930 All right, we're gonna go Straight to the hospital. 387 00:16:37,964 --> 00:16:38,931 - what about the premiere? 388 00:16:38,965 --> 00:16:41,768 - emmy, My baby is having a baby. 389 00:16:41,801 --> 00:16:44,071 Now, that's all that matters. 390 00:16:44,071 --> 00:16:46,206 - but there's no time. This baby is coming out. 391 00:16:46,239 --> 00:16:48,075 - you're a doctor. Do something. - me? 392 00:16:48,075 --> 00:16:50,710 All I could do is tell her She's brushing her teeth wrong. 393 00:16:50,743 --> 00:16:53,246 I could tell all of you that. 394 00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:54,881 - I know what to do. 395 00:16:54,914 --> 00:16:56,283 Look, her contractions Are coming 396 00:16:56,316 --> 00:16:57,484 Less than a minute apart, 397 00:16:57,517 --> 00:16:59,552 So she's in the second stage Of labor. 398 00:16:59,586 --> 00:17:02,322 My mother was a midwife. 399 00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:04,691 The only porn I saw as a kid Was birthing videos, 400 00:17:04,724 --> 00:17:06,593 But stop them In the right place, 401 00:17:06,626 --> 00:17:09,496 They get you there. 402 00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:11,664 - squeeze my hand and breathe. 403 00:17:11,698 --> 00:17:13,633 - let's get ready For that beautiful baby. 404 00:17:13,666 --> 00:17:15,102 - [groaning] - don't you worry, emmy. 405 00:17:15,135 --> 00:17:16,103 I know what I'm doing. 406 00:17:16,136 --> 00:17:18,771 You just try to relax. 407 00:17:18,805 --> 00:17:21,174 - luke, sing our bath time song. 408 00:17:21,208 --> 00:17:22,575 - [clears throat] 409 00:17:22,609 --> 00:17:26,879 * in silken robes Of scarlet * 410 00:17:26,913 --> 00:17:29,849 * scarlet fringed With blue * 411 00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:31,684 - thanks, we're good. 412 00:17:31,718 --> 00:17:35,522 - no, I like it. 413 00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:39,926 - * my elka love Comes a-riding * 414 00:17:39,959 --> 00:17:46,499 Both: * charging through the dew 415 00:17:52,004 --> 00:17:54,241 - oh, my. - she's adorable. 416 00:17:54,274 --> 00:17:56,309 - aw. - she's so beautiful. 417 00:17:56,343 --> 00:18:00,380 - #thathappened. 418 00:18:00,413 --> 00:18:02,715 - emmy, she is so beautiful. 419 00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:05,185 - I know. She looks like you. 420 00:18:05,218 --> 00:18:08,155 - oh, honey. 421 00:18:08,155 --> 00:18:11,158 - mom, I'm sorry about All those things I said to you. 422 00:18:11,191 --> 00:18:12,825 I was scared just now, But I kept thinking, 423 00:18:12,859 --> 00:18:15,295 My mom's here, And she's gonna know what to do. 424 00:18:15,328 --> 00:18:18,531 - well, I'm sorry too. 425 00:18:18,565 --> 00:18:20,433 Look, I was just Feeling guilty 426 00:18:20,467 --> 00:18:23,603 About not being there As a mom and-- 427 00:18:23,636 --> 00:18:24,871 But when you became An actress, 428 00:18:24,904 --> 00:18:29,008 I was just so happy Because we had that connection. 429 00:18:29,041 --> 00:18:32,812 But I understand That you are a separate person, 430 00:18:32,845 --> 00:18:36,183 And I respect the choices You've made. 431 00:18:36,183 --> 00:18:37,184 - I love you, mom. 432 00:18:37,184 --> 00:18:39,319 - I love you too. 433 00:18:39,352 --> 00:18:42,088 And you are A very lucky little girl. 434 00:18:42,189 --> 00:18:43,456 - [chuckles] 435 00:18:43,490 --> 00:18:45,091 Bob, thanks for everything. 436 00:18:45,192 --> 00:18:46,759 You were a real rock. - oh, really. 437 00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:49,196 - yes, that was Very impressive, bob. 438 00:18:49,229 --> 00:18:51,097 Maybe there's A little stone van buren 439 00:18:51,198 --> 00:18:52,199 In you after all. 440 00:18:52,199 --> 00:18:54,501 - oh, well, Maybe I could arrange 441 00:18:54,534 --> 00:18:56,703 To put a little Stone van buren in you. 442 00:18:56,736 --> 00:19:00,240 - and you had to ruin it. 443 00:19:00,273 --> 00:19:02,074 - we're at the theater, Ms. Chase, 444 00:19:02,108 --> 00:19:04,110 And your daughter's ambulance Should be here soon. 445 00:19:04,211 --> 00:19:05,778 - forget the premiere. 446 00:19:05,812 --> 00:19:07,914 I'm going to the hospital With emmy 447 00:19:07,947 --> 00:19:09,916 And my grand-- 448 00:19:09,949 --> 00:19:11,951 My daughter-daughter. 449 00:19:14,020 --> 00:19:16,523 - oh, my gosh, I have to call my husband. 450 00:19:16,556 --> 00:19:17,724 - oh, oh, of course. 451 00:19:17,757 --> 00:19:19,792 I keep forgetting That you're married. 452 00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:21,428 Can't wait to meet-- 453 00:19:21,461 --> 00:19:22,962 That's alan? 454 00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:24,231 He's gorgeous. 455 00:19:24,264 --> 00:19:25,232 - he was a model. 456 00:19:25,265 --> 00:19:27,567 - oh, my god. 457 00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:30,670 That's stone van buren. 458 00:19:30,703 --> 00:19:33,105 That's who I thought he was. 459 00:19:33,139 --> 00:19:35,475 - yeah, well, you got to admit There is kind of a resemblance. 460 00:19:35,508 --> 00:19:38,778 I mean, I used to do A little modeling in my day. 461 00:19:38,811 --> 00:19:40,046 Huskeralls: 462 00:19:40,079 --> 00:19:42,982 Overalls for the portly child. 463 00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:45,252 - in his defense, He's still gorgeous. 464 00:19:45,285 --> 00:19:46,619 - yes, he is. 465 00:19:46,653 --> 00:19:49,256 I didn't marry him Just because he was a teacher. 466 00:19:49,289 --> 00:19:51,524 - oh, you're still A little shallow, aren't you? 467 00:19:51,558 --> 00:19:53,860 - little bit. - that's my girl. 468 00:20:00,099 --> 00:20:02,101 - what's that, melon? 469 00:20:02,134 --> 00:20:04,571 You want to hear Another glowing review. 470 00:20:04,604 --> 00:20:07,106 Well, I can't say no to you. 471 00:20:07,139 --> 00:20:10,910 Oh, here's one From the hawaii tribune herald. 472 00:20:10,943 --> 00:20:12,579 "Victoria chase stuns 473 00:20:12,612 --> 00:20:14,581 In a layered Heartfelt performance." 474 00:20:14,614 --> 00:20:20,086 Wow, that holo kamehameha Really knows his cinema. 475 00:20:21,087 --> 00:20:24,357 Oh, look at you. 476 00:20:24,391 --> 00:20:27,860 The camera Is gonna love you. 477 00:20:29,161 --> 00:20:34,501 Oh, I see you have Emmy's original nose. 478 00:20:34,534 --> 00:20:39,572 Well, I know what I'm gonna Get you for your 16th birthday. 479 00:20:44,143 --> 00:20:45,478 [upbeat music] 480 00:20:45,512 --> 00:20:47,880 - * ba-ba, ba-ba 481 00:20:47,914 --> 00:20:50,216 * ba-ba, ba-ba 482 00:20:55,154 --> 00:20:57,424 * ba-ba, ba-ba 483 00:20:57,457 --> 00:20:59,892 * ba-ba, ba-ba 484 00:20:59,926 --> 00:21:06,198 * 485 00:21:08,234 --> 00:21:10,202 * hey! 34034

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