Original subtitles

Hello, I'm alex trebek, host

Of america's favorite game

Show.

>> wheel of fortune.

[ laughter ]

>> that's right.

Jeopardy.

I want to welcome all of you

To the greatest night of

Television you will ever

Witness.

First off, and performing

Live four women who have at

The very peak of their

Craft.

One of them is drunk.

[ laughter ]

Now, when we last saw our

Ladies, we had left them in

A number of cliff hangers

But don't worry.

We are going to resolve all

Of that for you right here

But on next week's episode.

[ laughter ]

So be sure to tune in next

Week for that.

But, for tonight, without

Any further ado.

Live from studio city, this

Is "Hot in cleveland."

[cheers and applause]

>> I can't believe this.

Emmet and I finally get

Married and now he has

Escaped from prison wearing

My clothes.

>> victoria's husband is a

World class actor.

[ laughter ]

And as such, a master of

Disguise.

[ laughter ]

>> we got this, trebek.

[ laughter ]

>> even though you didn't

Help him escape, you are an

Accessory.

Maybe you should turn

Yourself in to the police.

Or maybe I should wait to

Hear from emmet.

I just need time to think.

If only there were a hideout

I could go to where the

Police couldn't find me.

If only someone among us had

A criminal past.

>> it was once married to

The mob.

And is right here and old

Enough to remember where she

Was when caesar was

Assassinated.

[ laughter ]

>> okay.

But you have got to put a

Bag over your head.

>> we don't know where we

Are going.

>> yeah, that's what I said.

♪

♪

>> ladies, I got the cabin

Ready, but I have some bad

News.

The store didn't have

Fat-free half and half so I

Had to get full fat.

[gasp]

>> do you know how many

Calories are in that?

>> as long as there is

Vodka, I'm good.

>> I really cannot deal with

One more bad thing happening

Today.

>> then you might want to

Close your eyes.

There are some other

Criminals that are needing a

Hideout.

May I present mr. And

Mrs. Robinson, ruthless

Thieves who just pulled over

A jewelry heist.

>> genius here thought this

Would be a good place to

Hide out.

>> he doesn't seem like a

Genius but she keeps calling

Him that.

[ laughter ]

>> victoria chase, I believe

We know each other.

>> oh, do we?

>> yes.

We had a blind date a couple

Of years ago.

[cheers and applause]

>> I'm chester.

>> chester, of course.

>> of course, I feel like

Such a boob.

[ laughter ]

>> I bet you wish you could

Fill up a top like that.

>> all right, ladies,

Everybody sit down.

You too.

Lily grab their phones.

>> get comfortable.

We're going to be here a

Little while.

>> genius here dropped his

Mask during a heist so now

We have got to change his

Face.

A plastic surgeon is on his

Way.

>> a plastic surgeon you

Say?

>> no rule that says you

Can't combine kidnapping

With a little touchup.

>> botox.

>> I'm the only one getting

Plastic surgery and no one

Is going anywhere until I'm

Done and it's all healed up.

>> that could take weeks.

>> settling and still go to

Lunch with your best

Friends.

>> or shoot you right now.

Make yourself useful and fix

Me something to eat.

>> oh, you are going to wish

You had shot him.

[ laughter ]

>> excuse me, maime sue

First time hostage, long

Time fearer of being a

Hostage.

I was just wondering if we

Could be out by tomorrow

Because it's our senior

Center book club meeting.

We're reading 50 shades of

Grey; again.

>> you're not going anywhere

And don't try anything

Clever.

>> oh, don't worry, she

Never does anything clever.

[ laughter ]

>> thank you, elka.

>> oh my god!

What are we going to do?

We are too young to die!

Okay, we look too young to

Die.

>> I I have a plan.

When the plastic surgeon

Puts chester under, we will

Overpower lily call the

Police.

>> oh, that must be the

Plastic surgeon now.

>> we will go and you put

Some food together for

Lunch.

>> I did once play a chef in

The lifetime original movie.

"I'll have what she's

Having."

[gasp]

>> oh my god, it's bob.

[ applause ]

>> who are you?

You are my 100th customer,

Congratulations.

[ applause ]

>> wait a second.

I'm the one who needs

Plastic surgery.

>> yes, I see.

>> hey, my face is up here.

>> oh?

>> as a surgeon, I'm sure

You need to scrub up before

You do anything else.

>> and I'm sure from what

You just said you must be a

Nurse and I will need you to

Assist me.

All right.

What the hell is going on

Around here?

>> bob, give me your phone,

I need to call the police

And tell them we are being

Held hostage by the thieves.

>> I left my phone in the

Car.

>> what are you doing here?

>> I got joy's sexy text.

>> my text says I needed a

Few days off.

>> my text said you wanted

Me to get you off for a few

Days.

[ laughter ]

>> stupid auto correct.

>> well, maybe auto correct

Knows us better than we know

Ourselves, joy.

>> but how did you know we

Were here?

>> lucky guess.

Or maybe I put a g.P.S. On

Joy's car.

I'm going to go with lucky

Guess.

>> well, get back out there

And find an excuse to go to

Your car call the police.

>> I need to go to my car

And get some equipment,

Knives and other surgical

Cutlery.

[ laughter ]

>> greetings.

[cheers and applause]

I'm dr. Jen ho cane.

>> no, I'm dr. Geho kang

Much.

>> perhaps we will never

Know who it.

>> it's so obvious that it's

Me.

[ laughter ]

>> well, that's just racist.

[ laughter ]

>> lunch is served.

[gasp]

Oh my god, I know how are.

>> yes, I'm victoria chase.

Star of stage screen.

>> you are mrs. Ladypants.

[ laughter ]

>> dear god.

>> oh my god!

I can't breathe!

I can't breathe!

>> wait a second, what is

Mrs. Ladypants?

>> it's a commercial that

Victoria did in asia.

It's about a product -- how

Can I put this delicately?

>> she models diapers.

>> it's an absorbent pant.

>> I wear mrs. Ladypants for

Him when I do long

Surgeries.

>> you perform surgery in

Diapers?

>> it's an be a absorbent pant.

>> get him aloan and steal

His phone.

>> dr. Kang.

[gasp]

>> oh my god, she knows my

Name.

Be cool.

Be cool.

Yes.

>> how about I help you get

The surgery room ready and

Share some hot gossip from

The mrs. Ladypants set.

>> how about I die.

[ laughter ]

I love you so much.

>> okay.

Come on.

[knocking at the door]

>> who the hell is that?

>> it's 3:00 on wednesdays.

What do we do at 3:00 on

Wednesdays?

>> you had the counselor

Come to our hideout?

>> you promised every week

And we still have issues to

Work on.

>> but we are doing things

Together.

We robbed the jewelry store

Together.

[sigh]

>> hello chester.

>> hi reverend boyce.

>> wow, a lot of people

Here.

You know, usually like to by

My couples counseling with

Just the couple.

>> you can go to the tv

Room, elka.

It's 3:00, steve harvey is

On.

>> oh, nobody is funnier

Than steve harvey.

>> really?

No one?

[ laughter ]

>> he is like the original

King of comedy.

>> yeah.

You know, there were other

Kings of comedy.

>> he was the funny one.

>> oh, the way rue

Mcclanahan was the funny one

On "The golden girls."

[.

[ laughter ]

>> I never saw that show.

[ laughter ]

>> this is ridiculous.

Follow my lead.

>> all right.

>> it is so great for

Chester and lily that help.

>> yeah, especially help

From a reverend who is in

The business of saving

People.

>> because sometimes being

Married is like having a gun

To your head.

And you just need to get

Away.

Maybe they could find a

Hobby they both like.

>> oh, wow.

I got to be in st. Louis,

When?

Oh, I got to go.

>> what about our marriage?

>> well, like she said, get

A hobby, guys.

>> what about us?

>> well, maybe you can get

Steve harvey to help you.

I mean, he is so funny, you

Know.

Survey said: cottage

Cheese.

Yeah, that's funny.

[ laughter ]

[cheers and applause]

>> well, there goes our last

Hope.

>> oh joy.

Sometimes when people are

Facing certain death, sex

Helps them to live those

Last moments to the fullest.

You know, it's the things

And people you don't do that

You regret.

>> what part of you can't

Understand that we are never

Going to sleep together?

>> oh, I think you know

Which part.

[ laughter ]

>> we have got to think

Quickly, okay?

Maime sue is distracting

Them but there is only so

Long she can talk about

Scrapbooking.

>> that's where you're

Wrong.

>> I wish there was some way

We could call for help.

>> there is a fireplace.

I learned to make smoke

Signals when I was a child.

>> oh.

Did you learn that on your

Playdate with sitting bull?

[ laughter ]

>> what was your indian

Name?

Sleeps with everyone?

[ laughter ]

>> as much as I enjoy a

Spicy catfight, we need to

Get out of here.

All right.

Well, maybe if I would take

Off all my clothes and you

Were to slather my naked

Body with oil I could slip

Through that window.

>> or I could try getting

Out of it.

>> all right, but still

Might help if you slathered

My body with oil.

>> just give me a hand.

>> fine.

Here we go.

Careful.

There we go.

>> what's going on in here?

>> joy and I are making

Love.

[ laughter ]

>> and they are timing us.

Come on, you are trying to

Get her out of that window.

>> not to escape.

See, she likes to do it

Outdoors and I enjoy doing

It indoors.

>> this way we are both

Satisfied and we are done.

Melanie, did you see

Anything you liked?

[ laughter ]

Well,.

>> you look amazing in my

Ladypants.

Now, do the commercial.

>> okay.

It's my wedding day, and I

Turn to the camera and say

"My groom doesn't know it,

But I'm going right now."

Thank you, mrs. Ladypants.

>> okay now do my favorite

Commercial where you are at

The theater and there is a

Long line for the ladies

Room and you just wink at

The camera.

You just -- wink.

>> look, you know something?

I already did as you asked,

I put on your ladypants, I

Did the commercial.

Now you said I could use

Your phone.

>> please, give me a sneak

Peek at the next one?

>> I can't.

There is not going to be

Another one.

>> what?

>> well, I'm ending my

Contract with the ladypants

People.

>> yeah.

I don't think so.

[ laughter ]

>> you are doing it wrong.

Blow one, then two.

One, then two.

>> elka, you are being as

Demanding and bossy as

Christian grey.

I am not your submission.

[ laughter ]

>> just do it.

>> okay.

>> all right.

New plan.

We drive a wedge between

Chester and lily and get one

Of them on our side.

>> hear you.

You want me to use my

Devastating charm to seduce

Lily?

>> chester is the one with

The wandering eye.

Someone needs to flirt with

Chester.

>> I need a pair of short

Shorts and couple of sips of

Rum.

>> I will flirt with

Chester.

>> awe.

>> you know lily, we were

Just saying how amazing you

Are and how chester doesn't

Really appreciate that.

>> let me look at him right

Now, shamelessly flirting

With melanie.

[ laughter ]

>> you are so funny.

[ laughter ]

>> I order you to untie me.

>> not until you swear you

Will find a new contract

With the ladypants people.

>> oh my god.

This is just like that movie

With cathy bates.

Based on the steven king

Novel of the same name.

>> friday green tomatoes?

Oh, sorry.

That's wrong.

The response we wanted was

"What is misery?"

Everybody knows friday green

Tomatoes is from the novel

Fanny flag.

>> stop breaking the fourth

Wall, trebek.

>> easy.

>> he is such a know it all.

>> tell me about it.

>> although, that misery

Movie had some good ideas.

I bet there is a mallett in

The kitchen and I am going

To leave this gun

Tantalizing out of your

Reach.

Oh my god I feel like a bond

Villain.

[maniacal laugh]

>> wait, if is he a bond

Alan that would make me

Bond.

What would daniel craig do

If he were tied up in

Ladypants?

With a pitcher of water

>> it's like he doesn't even

See me.

Sometimes I just feel like

His employee and not his

Wife.

>> well, mixing business and

Pleasure rarely ends well.

I have a co-worker who is

Attracted to me like a

Desperate moth to an

Enchanting gingered-haired

Flame.

>> is it a guy?

[ laughter ]

>> no.

Joy is not a guy.

>> I am just saying should

The police come and take

Chester away, you could

Definitely find someone

Better.

Like on eharmony.Com they

Have a patented system that

Ensures compatibility.

[ laughter ]

>> you are right.

I deserve better.

Chester, it's over.

>> oh, come on, baby babe.

Will you stop it, please?

She means nothing to me.

>> prove it.

>> what do you want me to

Do?

Kill her?

>> it would be a nice

Gesture.

I mean, you would do that

For me?

>> sweety, if it will help

Us get past this, I will

Shoot that woman right now.

[whistle]

>> what's that?

It's the cops and you are if

Big trouble.

>> you all thought I was

Just tending the fire while

Elka picked my technique but

I was making smoke signals

While elka picked my

Technique.

That must be the swat team.

>> I saw your smoke signals.

Are you in distress?

[ laughter ]

>> you are not the swat

Team.

You're a little boy.

>> that's right, ma'am.

[ laughter ]

>> oh, no.

Who is going to save us now?

>> drop your guns!

[ laughter ]

>> name is pants.

Ladypants.

>> how did you escape?

>> I doused myself with

Water and used the expanding

Powers of mrs. Ladypants to

Break my ropes.

>> shut up!

You're an evil genius.

>> he's the bad guy.

[ laughter ]

>> no she's not.

I'm the bad guy.

>> well, I guess that makes

Me the good guy.

Drop your weapon.

You too, lady.

[ applause ]

>> oh my god, alex trebek?

>> that's right.

But on weekends, I'm park

Ranger.

Alex trebek.

I'm here to save you.

I read your smoke signals,

Telling me that there were

Women here in jeopardy.

[ laughter ]

The police will be here

Soon.

>> we'll be home in time to

Watch "Family feud."

[ laughter ]

>> steve harvey is the best

Game show host.

>> really?

[ laughter ]

Isn't that a little bit like

Saying cloris leachman was

The best actress on the mary

Tyler moore show?

>> we never saw that show.

[ laughter ]

>> well, america won't get a

Chance to see the show, man,

If we don't wrap things up

Here.

So why don't we all just