Original subtitles

This is my desk, my chair.

A picture of Grover, Gemma, and me and my best friend, of course.

Dave...

You took a picture of me while I was asleep?

Is that drool?

You never pose for selfies.

Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

Then I gotta do this.

You know, it's exciting to have a visitor at my J-O-B.

Well, I'm excited you offered to take me out to E-A-T.

Not out, down.

Cafeteria's in the basement. Today is Brunswick stew.

Brunswick stew in a basement.

Well, I'm glad I drove across town.

I'm just kidding, man. I'm actually happy for you.

Ooh. There's my boss, Gregory.

I'm up for a promotion

and he's the one who decides whether or not I get it, so be nice.

I'm always nice.

Be nicer than that.

Hey, Gregory!

Uh, brought a friend in for Stews Day Tuesday.

This is Cal...

Where's his ID?

It's in my pocket.

Yeah, it needs to be on your person.

My pocket is on my person.

Civilians, am I right? Come on, Calvin.

That Brunswick stew's not going to eat itself.

It was nice to meet you, Greg.

Oh, God...

Not "Greg." Gregory.

Greg is my son. He goes by Greg to spite me.

Doesn't work.

Well, how you feel about "G-Money"?

Not good.

All right. Ha! I'm starving. Come on, Calvin.

Let's go. Now. Let's go. Come on.

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So this is what a teachers' lounge looks like.

- Hmm. Is it everything you imagined? - Oh, yes, Gemma.

Smells like bad coffee, sensible shoes and low pay.

Oh, by the way, you should probably call me Mrs. Johnson.

If the other teachers know you're my friend,

they might think that that's how you got the job.

Oh, yeah.

Because everybody knows you don't get to be

a part-time after-school music teacher

unless you know people in high places.

Good afternoon, brilliant educators!

Ms. Davis, Mr. Ryan,

meet our new after-school music teacher, Mrs. Butler.

Ooh. Bus duty. Tootles!

Welcome. Please call me Tammy.

- And I'm Scott. - Oh. And I'm Tina.

But Ms. Butler, if you're nasty.

Oh, I see you.

You're fun.

First thing you need to know:

bring your own toilet paper.

It might as well be sandpaper up in here.

And if you know what's good for you, stay away from the baked goods.

Coach Spits has to touch every one of them

and he never washes his hands.

Ooh, damn.

- That is so wrong. - Mm-hmm.

Well, I'm excited to be here.

I'm so happy that Gemma...

Mrs. Johnson... Gave me the opportunity.

Oh, isn't she great?

So great.

Oh, yeah. Absolutely.

But, like, come on. No one can be that sunny all of the time.

"Good afternoon, brilliant educators!

"Remember, if we inspire these kids,

they'll inspire us back!"

She is all sunshine and rainbows.

No one can really be that perky. It's gotta be fake.

And could she be more uptight?

"Ooh!

"Remember, everybody.

If you're not early, you're late."

Well, I-I think Principal Johnson...

Oh, when she's not around, it's "Principal Barbie."

We're high-fiving that?

All right.

Ooh, hey, Calvin.

I got it.

Well, I'm sure there's an ointment out there to get rid of it.

No, I'm saying I got the promotion.

Well, all right!

Next lunch is on you, Mr. Big Shot.

And we're going to a restaurant with cloth napkins.

Okay, sure, but the new job pays the same as the old one.

And with all my new responsibilities,

I don't think I'm gonna have the time to slip out for lunch as often.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on.

More work? Same pay?

Do you know what a promotion is?

Yes, but it's not about the money.

Look, when I was a conflict mediator, yes, I got paid well.

But listening to rich people fight

over who gets which yacht was...

I don't know, kind of soul-crushing.

Now I get to counsel veterans.

And helping people has always been my passion.

Dave, fixing cars is my passion,

but you know what my other passion is?

Getting paid to fix cars.

Yes, okay, a bit more money would be nice,

but it's the government. There's not a lot of wiggle room.

There's always wiggle room in any negotiation.

Houses, cars,

even those guys selling fruit on the side of the highway.

They gotta make a deal before that light changes.

I don't know. Gregory just gave me the promotion.

Okay, would you stop being such a people pleaser?

- Well, if it makes you happy... - Stop it.

Look, you don't want to be taken advantage of.

Speak up for yourself. Closed mouths don't get fed.

Now come on.

I'm going to show you how to negotiate to get results.

All right? Let's act this out.

You be your boss, I'll be you.

Ooh, role-play.

Second time this week.

I really didn't need to know that.

- Come on, now, let's focus. - Okay.

Hi!

I'm Dave Johnson.

I like kittens, matcha and really short shorts.

Ooh.

That was good. I do like kittens.

Okay, Dave, would you get into character?

Well, now you sound just like Gemma.

So the teachers at school didn't know Gemma was my friend.

And they just started talking trash about her.

Really? What'd they say?

How she's so nice.

Those monsters.

You weren't there.

And they said she was all sunshine and rainbows.

Okay, Mom, help me out here. What's the problem?

They clowned the way she talks.

Ooh, and they called her "Principal Barbie."

Okay, that was rude.

So I gotta tell her, right?

Yes, you do. She has got to know.

What's wrong with you? I can't do that. That'll just hurt her feelings.

You're right. Just keep it to yourself.

Are you out of your damn mind?

And not let her know what people are saying right under her nose?

- Yeah? - No?

You two are no help.

What did...

If you want me to take this job,

there are some things you're gonna have to understand, Greg.

He doesn't like the name Greg. He prefers Gregory.

No, Dave.

You don't like the name Greg. You're Greg.

Oh. Yeah, yeah, right. Uh...

I like to be called Gregory. Where's your badge?

Okay. Forget my badge, G-Money.

I'm going to need a raise to go along with that promotion.

More work, more money, my good man.

No can do. We don't have it in the budget.

Hmm. Well,

it has been nice working with you. Good day, sir.

What's Dave doing?

Dave is walking away.

Uh...

Dave is walking away from the job that Dave loves?

Yes.

Walking away is your superpower.

They've invested too much time and money into you.

Once they know you're willing to walk,

that's when you got all the leverage.

I don't know, Calvin. Are you sure?

Trust me.

There's no way Gregory is ever gonna let you walk.

You see these oranges?

Four dollars.

The man wanted five.

Well, if that's the way you feel,

I guess I have no other choice but to...

walk away.

Just to be clear, I am walking away...

from this job.

Actually, hang on.

Yes? What's that?

Do you want your last check mailed to your home address?

I'll have you know that I have direct deposit.

Still walking.

Here I go.

Out the door.

Across... the threshold.

Walking through the hallway.

Past reception.

I'm now... now making it towards the stairs.

I begin my descent!

Good afternoon, brilliant educators!

How are you liking the staff? Aren't they great?

Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I, um, I need to talk to you about something.

Can it wait? I've got to deal with a situation.

Jaden brought his mom's "microphone" to show-and-tell today.

Turns out, it has three different settings and is not a microphone.

Oh! Wow.

Oh. Okay.

- Sure, sure. I-It can wait. - Okay. See you later.

Oh, Principal Johnson.

Love, love, love your dress.

Oh, thank you. It's an oldie but a goodie.

So, how's everybody doing today?

Oh, fine.

Or, as Principal Barbie would say, "I'm super-duper great."

It's an oldie but a goodie.

I'm so sunny and bright in my peasant dresses

and I have glitter coming out of my butt.

Well, howdy-doody!

I know how to milk cows because I'm from Wyoming.

Michigan!

She's from Michigan.

Are you sure?

Oh, yes, I'm sure.

Because she's my best friend,

and she can rock a peasant dress, thank you.

Are you spying on us?

Ain't nobody spying on you.

But if you think I'm going to stand here

and let you talk about my best friend, you got another think coming.

And Tammy, I wouldn't be talking about people

with those eyelashes looking like a spider

took a dump on my eyelids.

Mm...

Mm-mm.

Ah. Aha.

Please don't.

Do you want to sit here and play your brother?

I'm already playing my brother.

Yeah. Here we go.

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, hey, Dave.

Hey. Hey, how'd it go with Gregory?

Well, I did exactly what you told me to do. I walked.

My man!

I walked out the door, down the hall,

out to my car and now I'm here.

Without a job.

Wait. What?

Dave, you quit your job?

Oh, no, no, no. I thought I was negotiating.

It wasn't until I got to my car that I realized...

I had quit.

But the "walk" always works.

Hey, Dave, man. Uh, I know how you feel. Not that long ago,

I had quit my job, but now I have my dream job.

Yeah, look, I got my dream job.

And now I've lost it.

I don't know what I'm gonna tell Gemma.

Look, hold on, hold...

No one's gonna say anything to anybody.

I'll think of something.

All right. Well, I'm gonna walk home.

Because that's what I do now.

I walk.

David...

Oh, man, I got to fix this.

I feel horrible.

I really blew this for Dave.

Hey, Pop?

I know this isn't a good time, but, uh...

Oh.

...checkmate.

You boys are not going to believe this.

Mom!

- You know, you could knock. - Why?

We could have been doing anything in here.

Like what?

And "we"?

Will you two be quiet?

Look, I need your help.

Oh, no, Mama. What did you do?

Well, those teachers started talking about Gemma again

and I kind of went off on them.

What level of "kind of"?

I couldn't help it.

And now Gemma sent me a text. "See me."

She's going to want me to apologize.

Well, Ma, kind of sounds like an apology is in order.

After what they said? Whose side are you on?

They were talking smack about Gemma.

You got to stick to your guns.

Stick to my guns? You sound crazy.

You want me to lose my job? I love working with those kids.

You know what? I don't know why I come to y'all for help.

When are we going to learn?

Never get in the middle of an argument

between our mama and our mama.

Let me begin by saying I'm sorry for not telling you

that Mrs. Butler was a personal friend.

She objected to things that were said about me.

I get it, people need to blow off steam.

I don't know what was said, and I don't need to know.

Now, Mrs. Butler, would you like to say something?

- Um, yeah, thanks. - Mm-hmm.

Sorry.

Could you elaborate?

So sorry.

Tina. If you can't be sincere, what are we doing here?

Sincerity would be nice.

Oh, you want sincere?

Oh, oh. Okay. That's what we're doing? Okay.

Well, in that case, I sincerely apologize

for losing it when I heard y'all talking trash about my best friend,

saying that she had glitter coming out of her ass.

That's what you said? That's what, that's what it was.

We accept your apology.

- He-he said the glitter thing. - Oh...

And I apologize,

from the bottom of my heart, for going off on y'all

when y'all called her "Principal Barbie"

behind her back, like little two-faced cowards.

You know, Gemma, you're right. I like being sincere.

Principal Barbie?

I'm sorry.

We didn't mean anything by it.

You know what? I embrace it.

Barbie's been an astronaut, a veterinarian,

a Mountie, and lives in a Malibu dream house.

As far as I'm concerned, she's a boss.

Like me.

Your boss.

You have bus duty all next week.

Tootles!

Now that was a read.

- It was? Like a Tina read? - Mm-hmm.

No, no. A Gemma read.

But still, admit it: you feel better.

- I guess I do. - See?

But Tina, we can't do this again.

How about we agree, "What happens in the teachers' lounge

stays in the lounge"?

Oh, that's fine.

Because now that I told them off,

they're gonna keep your name out of their mouths.

You learned nothing, but thank you.

Well, hello, fellow coworkers.

It's the taco bar down at the cafeteria.

Yummy.

Has anybody seen Gregory?

He's in his office.

Oh, good.

Other way.

Oh, of course.

Tacos on the brain, man.

Wait... How'd you get in here?

Where's your badge? Oh!

Uh, uh, have it on my person this time.

That's David Johnson's.

Uh, yeah, but the scanner downstairs doesn't know that.

Had all the privileges of a white man.

Got right on in.

Phillip! Deactivate David Johnson's badge.

No, hold on. Look, hear me out first.

But before you do that,

why don't you enjoy this nice mocha latte? It's on me.

I'm lactose intolerant.

Bit I bet you're not allergic to $2 million.

Is that a winning ticket?

Who knows? I mean, could be.

But you gotta be in it to win it.

Now, let me put this on your person.

What do you want?

Look, I want you to give my friend Dave his job back.

Oh, I didn't fire David.

He was the one who, to use his own word, walked.

Well, actually, you know, that was my word.

Which, in my defense, is usually a pretty good strategy.

You ever try to buy fruit from the side of the highway?

I'm a diabetic.

Uh... Listen,

Dave didn't want to walk. He loves this job,

and I know you'll never find

a better man for it.

- I just gave him some bad... - See? See?

- Calvin, will you show him my ID? - It's fine, Maurice.

Yeah, that's right, it is fine, Maurice.

And next time, don't be so quick with the Taser.

Malcolm told me you were coming down here.

But, Calvin, this is something I need to do myself.

Well, good luck getting your job back.

This guy's allergic to everything.

Hey, Gregory.

Uh, look, my friend here...

he means well.

Gives me a hard time for being too much of a people pleaser,

which I know some people find annoying.

I'm "some people."

Look, Gregory, I love this job.

I care about vets because I am a vet, which makes me more qualified

than anyone else in this department.

I deserve this job

and I think I deserve the raise

that should have come with it.

David, I would love

to give you the raise, but you know the government...

I-I do, I do know the government.

And I also know that there is wiggle room in any negotiation.

I mean, that's why the taco bar

now offers flour and corn tortillas.

That's true. A lifesaver for the gluten-sensitive.

I suppose I could free up some money

if I reclassify your position.

Make you liaison to the assistant division director

instead of assistant to the divisional director's liaison.

Is that not the same thing?

Not even close.

I'll take that promotion.

- Thank you. - Well, hey, uh,

Gregory? Since you're in such a giving mood,

how about giving my man here a better parking spot?

If you leave, I will do that.

Then I am walking.

What would you do without me, man?

- Mic drop! Mic... - No!

Oh. Oh.

Sorry.

Aw, there's lactose everywhere.

Ah, look at this.

Thanks, man. Picture of me and my bestie.

Oh, yeah.

Actually, I want Gregory

to see this every time he comes in here.

That way he knows if he messes with Dave,

he messes with me.

Oh, good. Your friend's back.

With his pass on his person.

I need those reports, David.

- Yeah. - You know, actually, he prefers Dave.

I prefer David.

I respond to both.

No, Dave.

You do not have to please anyone but yourself.

You're right.

Um, Gregory, I prefer Dave.

Fine.

Dave.

Cal.

What the hell that man just call me?

You heard me, C-Money!

Oh, this is not about to be a thing.

I think he's warming up to you. Cal.

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