Original subtitles

I understand that, Larry.

Okay, well, I haven't advised the physical inventory.

You do.

I'm not going to dispute that. I'm not disputing that.

Okay, well, who does advise the inventory?

Exactly.

Well, how am I the asshole?

Okay, well, you can call Dennis, and I'm going to have to explain to him the

exact same thing that I had to explain to you, and he's going to have to

it to you again.

No, well, Larry, because I've done your job, and you're not the first one of you

that I've dealt with.

Yeah, that's right.

Okay.

Fucking call him, then.

Tomorrow.

Yeah.

Yeah, I know, that's what I told him.

Well, two things could have happened.

Well, he might have received some POs they didn't register.

Exactly.

And he could have just fat -fingered it.

Well, no, those things happen, but he doesn't need to... That's what I said.

Okay, yeah, no, no problem.

Yeah Larry.

I know.

No, it's fine.

Okay, bye.

Oh, my soul, it's been broken.

I never, never, I never needed it more.

Oh, my heart, oh, my heart, it ain't working.

It's laying in tiny pieces on the floor.

Cause you left me To keep on thinking

Welcome to Cops Stop Donut Shop, where the cops come to shop and the donuts

never stop. How can I help you?

Yes, I have a pickup order for the Mighty Oak.

Okay, so your order isn't quite ready yet?

Will you pull around to the next window?

Sorry for the delay, sir. It'll be about five more minutes.

This is outrageous!

The entire purpose of ordering online is so that I do not have to wait!

I understand that, sir, and I apologize, but if you'll just pull around... I

will... Do not pull around.

My order has been placed.

I can't have you hold up the line. You can come inside.

Do you see the size of me?

There is no door that can contain the mighty oak.

I'm sorry, sir. I can't have you wait in the drive -thru.

Hooray, honk, at the mighty oak.

Shanghai!

Hey, what's up?

Nothing. What's going on?

Nothing's got a fork hanging out.

Hey, there's a restaurant tonight.

You want to come over? I'll order some pizza.

Sure, what time?

Like, 8?

Alright, let me shit in the shower and I can head over in like 20 minutes. You

need anything?

No, I'm good.

I thought you were the

pizza.

I'm not the pizza.

You ordered already, though?

Yeah, could be here soon.

All right, well, let me go back out and smoke real quick, then.

Really? You gotta get high just so you can eat? Yeah, man, I got an appetite

problem from the stress thing.

All right, whatever.

Just hurry up. You should be here any minute. Don't have, like, a track wrap

whatever? I don't know, man. Just fucking smoke.

Oh, hey, what's up? Hey.

Nice shirt.

Oh, thanks.

You like pork and rowdy?

Yeah, that shit's funny.

You more of a pork dork or a roundhound?

I wouldn't really use either one of those to describe myself.

I don't mean either.

But I'm probably more of a roundhound.

But I'm mostly a Mighty Oak kind of guy.

Oh, me too, dude.

What the fuck is going on out here?

You Ivan?

So why were you talking to the pizza guy?

Oh, he commented on my shirt.

Oh. Stupid fucking show.

No, it's stupid.

It's a talking pig and a basketball that smoke weed and fart all the time. Wow,

it is not a talking pig and basketball that smoke weed and fart all the time.

It's a talking pig and basketball who work in a donut shop.

Oh yeah, okay. That's way less fucking dumb.

Yeah, they smoke weed sometimes.

It's not like it's a bunch of fucking stoner jokes.

It may not be stoner jokes, but it's definitely stoner humor.

I don't know what that means.

It's surreal and absurd.

Why? Because they have a...

talking tree and a tomato.

You've heard of fucking Alice in Wonderland? You're saying Pork Run

Alice in Wonderland.

I'm saying Alice in Wonderland is the best example of literary nonsense.

Like, the characters and settings don't have to have meaning unto themselves.

You can still project commentary onto them and, like, make your comments via

absurdity.

So, they make a lot of comments about the geopolitical ramifications of an

inflamed butthole? Inflamed butthole? Where do you get this shit, man? Yeah.

There's satire, parody, social commentary, and sure, some fart jokes

they didn't even make comments about that.

Dude, just because a show addresses their own shitty writing on the show

make the writing any less shitty.

In fact, it's kind of like a slap in the face.

Like, they're aware of how much they suck.

You just don't get it.

What is there to get?

I'm sorry.

It's not your style.

Yeah, I guess crap isn't my style.

Sorry they can all be in the line of duty.

Are you going to sit there and tell me that's not a great show?

It's fine. It's a good show.

Yeah, it's considered one of the best of all time. Yeah, it's considered a

really good show, but it's the only series you've ever seen. Yeah, but it's

best one.

Yeah, but your opinion on best is irrelevant.

You have no frame of reference.

Yeah, but it's considered really good. Yeah, it's basically universally

acclaimed as one of the great early prestige shows, but again, you wouldn't

the difference.

And even if it wasn't critically acclaimed... you'd still be defending it

it was the greatest show of all time. You're only using critical acclaim in

single instance to justify your opinion.

Yeah, I'm using fact to back up my opinion, thus making it a fact.

We gotta change the fucking subject.

I have to stop talking to you. We gotta fucking... I'm supposed to come over

here to relax after work. What relax?

I thought you work from home now.

I do, but it's still stressful.

How can that be stressful?

You know, the deal with people is bullshit all day. Oh, no.

I'm still dealing with people's fucking bullshit all day. Now I'm just limited

in what I can do about it.

Oh, that's a shame.

Isn't it still better, though?

Working from home? Yeah, it's better.

It still sucks ass.

But it's better.

I've just been fucking really stressed out lately. I don't know what the fuck

do about it. Dude, that reminds me. A guy at work gave me some mushrooms.

You should totally do some with me. I don't know, man. I ain't never done no

fucking mushrooms.

Perfect time to start?

I don't know. I don't think so.

Oh, I'm sorry. You only take legal drugs.

It's not a matter of legality. It's a matter of health and safety.

What fucking health and safety?

You drink beer.

You smoke weed. You eat junk food all the time.

Yeah, but those things aren't going to kill me tonight.

If you go drinking and driving.

Okay, yeah, sure.

But if I go drinking and driving, I made a choice. The alcohol didn't kill me. I

killed me.

I'm not going to put something in my body if I have no fucking clue what it's

going to do to me. Dude, they're just mushrooms. You'll be alright.

I know they're just mushrooms.

I've thought about taking mushrooms.

I'm so afraid of them.

Nothing to be afraid of, man. You'll be alright.

Yeah, you say that, but it's still fucking with your brain.

Yeah, but it's not like acid.

You're not gonna freak out.

Shit will get all wavy, you'll lose track of time, you'll laugh a lot.

Kind of like smoking weed.

And you don't even gotta start with a bunch at one time. You just microdose

them. Yeah, I thought about that. Is that what you're doing? Yeah, that's

I'm doing.

First night though, I ate like an entire ace.

Just had to make sure they were legit.

They're pretty legit?

Oh, they're legit.

They're not psilocybin, though. They're similar, but they're something

different.

All right, well, what kind of mushrooms are there? I'll look them up.

Oh, I don't know what they're called, but they're pretty much the same thing.

I don't even know what kind of fucking mushrooms they are. I don't know, man.

I'm not going to... I'm more just going to fuck with my anxiety.

No, dude, it'll actually help with your anxiety.

It's like a cure -all.

Anxiety, depression, PTSD, whatever you've got, it'll make that shit feel

better. If it was a cure -all, everyone would be doing it. Dude, everybody is

doing it.

Besides, the pharmaceutical companies, they want to keep this shit illegal.

Keep selling you their bullshit drugs. If it was a cure -all, the

companies would be the ones selling it. Why would they want to market something

that's actually going to make you feel better?

They want to keep you sick, keep you addicted to their pills.

Weed is still illegal, but there's actually a synthetic weed they can get

prescribe nationwide called dronabinol.

This. has no side effects.

There are no side effects because it's all natural.

All those pills, they have side effects.

You know why?

To sell you more pills? To sell you more fucking pills.

You take pills.

Yeah, I take pills.

Okay.

Regardless of what you say, and certainly not because of it,

I might be down to try the mushrooms.

Fuck yeah, you might be.

All right.

So I'm just going to pop these bad boys up in a tiny little chunk.

What exactly is the dose?

It's approximately that much.

One chunk.

Yeah, but how much is that?

It's a fucking chunk, man. It's a mushroom. It's not going to be a meter

Well, that's for inhalers, so of course not.

Look, dude, the whole point is you're taking a psychedelic mushroom.

Consistently. For a couple of weeks.

You're going to start to feel like you have more energy.

You're feeling more positive.

You'll fucking shit better.

Everything. Fucking colors will look brighter.

What about negative effects?

None.

Fucking judge of that.

How long do I have to take it?

Take one every day.

Consistently. For a couple of weeks.

After that, you should be pretty good for a while.

How long is a while? Why is everything so fucking vague?

Because it's a fucking plant, man. It comes from the ground.

Results may vary.

I'll probably just keep taking them as long as my guy can keep getting them.

Is it safe to just take them non -stop?

I don't know.

But I take Kratom every day.

Adderall.

Whatever's gonna get me going.

It's probably fine.

I don't really give a shit.

So what do I do? Just eat one?

Yeah. Yeah, you should eat one now.

Take the rest home, throw them in the freezer, take them out and eat it every

day.

I don't know, man.

Are they gross?

Do you like mushrooms?

No. Yeah, then they're fucking gross.

Chew it up real quick, chug a beer afterwards.

Okay.

Here we go.

Di adios a manana.

Haga daga.

Agadaga.

I bet you wake up tomorrow feeling fucking amazing.

See about that.

Until then, you want to drink some beer and watch some wrestling?

Well, that ain't nothing new. I think my words need to prove that I'm a fool.

Look at her.

She's sitting there.

Eating that fucking branch.

Hey! You can't have outside food in here!

It's not food.

It's a fucking branch.

Well, you're eating it. So what's your food?

I'm a quality cocksucker.

This is all I can eat.

Don't give me that shit. What's your milk drinking odds?

We sell salads.

First of all...

I'm lactose intolerant.

Bitch.

Second of all, fuck you.

You know what? I'm gonna take this shit. Ma 'am, if you don't throw that branch

back in the fucking forest where it belongs, I'm gonna have to ask you to

Excuse me?

This branch is part of my culture.

Are you fucking kidding me? Do you see me eating slop and rolling around in

shit?

I don't see it.

But I sure as shit smell it.

Bitch.

Did you call me a bitch?

Hey, I'll cause him like I seize him.

I'll tell you what.

After I eat these leaves, I'll show this branch so far up his fucking ass he'll

be having a luau tonight.

See, that's fucked up.

That's appropriation. You try to take physical violence, it's a little

aggressive for an uptight intellectual bitch.

Man, Puck, what the hell's going on out here?

Nothing. She's went crazy. I don't know, man.

Sorry I'm late. I overslept.

That's okay. It was just a couple minutes.

Did you have a late night last night?

I don't think so. Not really. Not that I can remember.

Must have been sleeping good or something.

What would you like to talk about today?

I don't know.

Nothing on my mind. I haven't really thought about it.

Oh, well, I had a nightmare last night.

Do you want to tell me about it?

Yeah, it was nothing crazy. I just was brushing my teeth, and then when I

to leave the bathroom, I ran into this ghost thing or whatever, and then I woke

up. And that was right before I came over here.

Have you ever had a dream about ghosts before?

I don't think so. Not that I can remember.

I don't really have nightmares, though.

And you haven't had any dreams in a long time, right?

Yeah, no, not really.

Have you cut back on your drinking?

No, not really.

So you were drinking last night?

Yeah.

Well, why else do you think you would have had a dream?

Or a nightmare?

I don't know.

I don't think I've done anything any different.

Well, I mean, maybe.

For the past two days, I started microdosing some mushrooms.

You've been taking psychedelic mushrooms the past two days?

Yeah,

okay, yes, but just like little tiny pieces, just like one a day.

Okay, well, it is possible that this is stimulating something in your mind.

Where did you get these mushrooms?

From my brother.

Do you think I should be taking them?

I'm not going to tell you to take illegal drugs.

I don't recommend it.

But I do understand that there have been some studies on psychedelics that

suggest that there are benefits for people with mental health issues.

But I can't fully recommend you try anything like that without talking to

doctor first.

Yeah, I know. I understand.

Still gonna try them.

I don't think that was some kind of mushroom -induced nightmare or anything.

I think I've just been eating and sleeping like shit.

What do you hope to achieve by taking these mushrooms?

I guess I'm hoping that they're going to get rid of my anxiety or at least

help with it.

Just be careful.

And be sure to reach out to me if the anxiety gets to be, you know...

Too much to handle.

How has your anxiety been generally?

I don't know. I mean, it was better, but not like 100 % better. I feel like I'm

down significantly from my maximum stress level from a few months ago, but

lately I feel like I've been exhibiting all

the symptoms of my depression and anxiety, like not eating well or

Everything's just kind of all fucked up.

When was the last time you created anything?

It's been a few weeks.

Well, I'm not going to tell you to stop taking those mushrooms.

But I do want you to cut back on your drinking.

And I want you to try and create something this week. I think it will

feel better.

That's why I started taking the mushrooms.

My brother was like, that's going to make you feel better.

Look, there's no cure -all.

There's not one thing that makes everyone feel good.

exercise, meditation, healthy eating, and everyone needs a way to cope,

that's a hobby or a vice or whatever it is.

I have plenty of those.

You do.

And I just wish you would use some of your more healthy ones when in times of

increased stress.

Hey, what's up?

Nothing. What are you doing?

Painting.

Hey, what's up?

Nothing.

Hey, you want to come over? Play some video games or something?

Yeah, I guess.

What time?

I don't know, man.

Whatever.

I got nothing going on.

Okay, yeah.

Give me a few minutes. I'll head over.

How long have you been out here?

I don't know.

Are you hungry?

I'm not.

Not hungry.

Actually,

I'm not really even sure what that is.

It's augmented reality.

I don't know what that means.

Okay, so like... You know what virtual reality is?

Right. It's like a virtual...

Reality. Well, this is augmented reality.

So, like, you look through a camera lens and see the real world, but they'll

change it or augment it in real time.

It's mostly used for, like, mobile games or, like, furniture stores.

So AR is something for furniture -based mobile games?

No.

Okay, so you hold up your camera and you, like, see everything in the room,

right?

And there's like a ghost there or something.

All right, never mind.

Okay, so the couch. So you have a couch, and you see it in the space, and you

can move the camera around, and the couch will like stick to the 3D space if

it's actually there. Okay.

And that's what AR is.

Fucking dumb.

Okay, well, that's not all I can do.

Okay, so say we all wear AR glasses all the time, like AR goggles. Right.

Then you'll create like your...

like the way you're going to look in the game or in the world or whatever, and

your friends will all do it too, then you could meet up with your friends from

Argentina or Japan or whatever, and you could talk to them, and it'll be like

they're sitting in the same room with you.

Yeah, that's kind of cool, I guess.

Yeah, and it's used for virtual cafes and concerts, wrestling events, things

like that, real -life gaming, social networking. That's what they consider

metaverse.

All right.

Yeah, that's kind of cool. Yeah, it's pretty cool. There's some shitty stuff

that can happen there, too. Like what?

Well, I mean, other than the obvious.

Yeah, other than the obvious.

Okay, so say you're wearing your AR glasses all day, like walking down the

street in the real world, and I'm offended by guns. I don't want to see

stores. So anytime I walk by one, I'll change it to a candy store or something.

Or like turn...

Abortion clinics in the churches or something like that. Exactly. So

that offends or you want to be shielded from, you can, like, narrow your view in

that way.

Wow, that's kind of already a problem, though, isn't it?

Exactly. That's what really kind of exacerbates that whole echo chamber

I'm not sure how I feel about that.

Yeah, no shit. All right, think about it this way.

Like, all these companies have, like, all your data and stuff, right? So

they just want to make an app that, like, puts all your public data out

Nothing crazy.

Just like your voting history, sexual orientation, things like that.

Imagine having that shit floating above your head like it's a goddamn video game

or something.

Oh, dude.

People are going to be talking shit about my taste in music.

Exactly. It just makes it way easier to prejudge people.

Fuck.

This is why we have to do something.

What do you mean?

Oh, no, I'm just... I mean, like, if humans don't slow down...

They are going to be the death of themselves.

I don't think there's a lot we can really do about it other than hope for

best.

Yeah.

Unfortunately, when left to their own devices, humans have not always turned

their brightest and best.

You haven't made it this far.

Yeah, I guess that's something.

Again, not a lot we can really do about it.

Yeah.

Yeah, maybe.

Maybe not.

Oh, hey, speaking of which.

How are the mushrooms treating you?

All right, I guess. I mean, I don't really notice anything different. I'm

like, sick or anything, but, you know, haven't noticed any significant changes.

It's only been, like, what, four days?

Something like that.

I think you'll be feeling it pretty soon.

Okay, cool.

But until then, you want to get smashed?

Yeah, I mean, I think we could probably do that.

Oh, man.

That's real knee slapping.

It's not funny.

Oh, fuck.

How does that even work?

Shut up. Would you just help me? Sure. Yeah. You want me to blow you?

Being real, Corker. Seriously.

Fuck. Was it a woman?

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Corker, you stop messing around. Go in the closet and get my fucking pump.

You have a pump?

Oh my god. I swear to fucking god, if I go flat, I fucking die.

Are you serious?

Do you really want to find out?

I don't know. Maybe.

Eat it.

Fucking eat it.

Might as well.

Be careful.

Why? Because it's not too late. Too late for what?

To stop them.

Stop who from what?

We are alive.

We are alive.

We are alive.

We are alive.

We are alive.

I'm ready for a lost task, driven off into the storm.

We're on our way.

We emerge from the depths of winter like none

before.

This is our island.

Give me a call.

Later.

Hey, what's up?

Just give me a call back.

All right.

Coming back.

Later.

Hey, what's up?

Hey, what's going on?

Nothing. Call me. What's up?

Oh, you called me.

What's going on?

Nothing. Just calling back. I didn't have my phone with me.

Okay. Well, what's going on?

Nothing. I was just painting.

What's up?

I'm actually driving.

Hey, I'm close by.

I'm going to pick you up.

I've got to do a couple of things.

Yeah, sure. I guess.

Are you feeling it yet?

I don't know. I mean, I guess.

Like, today I feel great. I didn't even fuckin' smoke and I feel like a fuckin'

million bucks.

Yeah, man.

After the first few days, it really starts to work its magic.

I feel like a whole new guy.

Anything weird happen?

Like what?

I don't know, like any weird dreams?

Weird dreams?

No.

My sleep is usually pretty fucked up anyway.

Insomnia.

Sleep apnea.

Sleep paralysis.

But the past few days have been amazing.

I didn't even drink last night.

Damn. It's awesome.

Wow, you've been having weird dreams or something?

Yeah, I mean, I guess.

They're just dreams.

It's only weird because I haven't dreamt in a long time, you know?

But, uh, I don't know. Maybe I've also been hearing stuff.

Mm, that could be normal.

I mean, you've never taken mushrooms before, right?

Probably just getting some fringe hallucinatory effects, you know?

But what are we talking about here?

An indiscernible rustling?

A beep?

Voices? I don't know, not voices, but like, yeah, I don't know, man, like I'll

hear something in the other room, or like maybe I'll feel like there's

in the room.

Oh, that definitely sounds normal, man. It's like being high as fuck.

Yeah, I know, but I don't feel high.

That's supposed to be different, you know?

I wouldn't worry about it until there's something to worry about.

And right now, I don't think you have anything to worry about.

Are you about to tell me to trust the washrooms?

No, but that's actually good advice.

Alright, give me a minute. I gotta ship a couple things.

Really, man?

I wasn't even there that long.

You want to get some coffee or something?

Yeah, sounds good.

Thanks, man. What else you got going on?

Nothing, really.

I was actually supposed to swing by my buddy's house and pick something up, but

he just texted me and said he's not home or something. I don't know.

You want to get fucked up?

You know I do.

I really do.

But, um, I don't know. I feel good for once. Maybe I should go into my work

without a hangover.

See if the mushrooms really do solve all my fucking problems.

Mmm. It's probably a good idea.

Let the mushrooms proceed unfettered.

You know, probably get high, have a couple beers.

That's not a big deal.

You don't think it's going to get any worse, do you?

What? Like the dreams and stuff?

Nah, man.

If anything, it's going to get better.

Much, much better.

That guy at work, the one who gave him to you, did he take him?

That's a good question.

You know what? Just give it like three more days.

I think you're right there.

Right where?

Right on the precipice.

The precipice of what?

Of becoming and being.

Hey, what's shaking, Butterbean? You want to rip this bowl?

Fuck you.

Give me a second.

What the hell are you doing?

Selling some stuff online.

What kind of stuff, man? You ain't got no stuff.

I have stuff.

I sold a couple old records, some comic books, t -shirts. I didn't know you had

any comic books.

Me neither.

I found them in the closet.

Motherfucker, those are mine.

Oh, no wonder.

Well, selling pretty good.

Man, you piece of shit. What else you got for sale on there? Nothing really.

Just like some socks or whatever. Use basketball.

Okay. Now, I see how you might take this the wrong way.

It's a fucking picture of me. Well, yeah, but it's not what it looks like.

It looks like you want to sell me to some motherfucker on the internet.

Okay, well, then, yeah, that's exactly what it looks like.

Yeah, Larry, that's fine.

Can I help you?

I certainly hope so. I've traveled an awful long way to see you.

Oh yeah, I don't know why is that.

You don't recognize me.

No. Should I?

I'm Agent Green.

But I guess if you weren't expecting me... No.

I wasn't expecting you.

I don't know who the fuck you are. What do you want?

You don't have a message for me.

Okay, it's time for you to go.

So sorry to have bothered you.

I'm sure you're a busy man.

A well -oiled machine like yourself.

What's that supposed to mean?

Can I ask just one question before I go?

Sure, what?

Are you in control?

What?

You should take my card.

So what would you like to talk about today?

I guess the mushrooms.

You're still taking them.

Have you had any more strange dreams?

Yeah.

Would you like to tell me about them?

No.

Okay.

You don't want to tell me about them.

Can you tell me why you don't want to tell me about them?

They're too real.

How do you know you're dreaming?

I wake up.

So they're pretty vivid dreams, huh?

Incredibly vivid.

And like... I don't know, maybe sometimes I wake up and I don't even

I've fallen asleep.

What do you mean? Do you lose time?

I don't know if I lost time, but... It's like when you wake up from an

unexpected nap, completely disoriented. You don't know where you are or what

time it is.

And then you start to remember.

It's kind of been like that.

And then with the dreams being so vivid, it's just been scary.

Okay.

I want you to do two things.

Okay. What do I have to do?

First, I want you to stop taking the mushrooms.

See if the nightmares clear up.

Okay. I think I can do that.

And then I want you to write a note in your phone.

I'm writing it every two hours.

Just set an alarm for every two hours and then add to the note. And if you

up and you don't know where you are, you just check the time and see if you made

all your checks.

Okay. I think I can do that.

I do want to talk to you about the dreams a little bit.

Have you been confronted with yourself in any of these dreams?

Yeah.

How'd you know that?

Are you familiar with Young's theory of the shadow self?

No.

Well, his theory is that the negative parts of our personality that we don't

want to see, we shove them down into our subconscious, into the most primal

parts of our brain.

So our fears, our anxieties, dark fantasies.

greed, anything that we might see as negative in another person.

Only if we don't confront these feelings, we run the risk of falling

them. So the idea is that we need to integrate these negative parts of our

personalities into ourselves and accept that anger, sadness, fear, anxiety,

these are all natural feelings.

And once we learn to do that, we can address what's causing these problems

rather than feeling guilty.

about having the feelings in the first place.

So you think it's possible that these dreams are a manifestation of my shadow

self because I'm not dealing with my anxiety?

I think that's a possibility, yeah.

You can also start to write a dream diary and we can talk about it in your

session.

I can tell these haven't been pleasant experiences for you, and I don't want to

make you relive them if you don't have to.

But they're only dreams.

And even if they are hallucinations, and I understand that those can be very

frightening, but when you understand that these feelings and these images are

only in your mind, you can confront them the same way you can learn to confront

your anxiety.

You tell yourself, yes, I am feeling anxious.

Yes, I am feeling scared.

And that's okay.

It's okay to have these feelings.

They will pass.

Our bodies have these triggers for a reason. And when we learn to accept the

symptoms, you can address what causes them, and you can tell yourself, these

things aren't going to hurt you.

You aren't in immediate danger.

And you can start to live with the anxiety, and hopefully the nightmares

away as well.

Well, that all sounds great in theory.

I understand it sounds like a lot of homework, and you don't have to do it

at once.

First, I just want you to stop taking the mushrooms. Do you think you can at

least do that?

I think I could probably do that.

You know you can get the door.

Yeah, you know you can get the door. Yeah, but I'm doing something.

Oh, and I'm not.

You're watching TV and you're right by the door. I'm watching a movie.

And so what?

It's not for me anyway.

Well, I can see they didn't order food, so you know it's not for you.

Exactly.

Goddamn motherfucker came out with a goddamn door in his own fucking

Do you have a moment to talk about Corn God?

I don't.

He's not any worse for you than normal God.

Sorry, I gotta go.

Just because faith in him is processed differently doesn't mean your soul

any differently to him.

No thanks, man.

Told you it wasn't for me. I don't even like corn.

Yes, you do.

Yeah, I do.

Fat fuck.

Man, that Agent Green sure is a well -oiled machine.

He likes to keep his chassis clean.

It's a clean machine.

Yeah, that's what I read.

Do you think he's ready?

It's our job to make him ready.

end of its line

Hey, buddy.

What the fuck are you?

Well, I'm a teratoma.

Like a tumor with hair and teeth?

Yeah.

And eyes, and a mouth, and vocal cords? Come on, that's fucking ludicrous.

Then what am I?

Well, you can't be real.

This is either a dream or a hallucination.

So you think this is a dream?

It would have to be.

Okay, then change something.

Alright, like what?

I don't know.

Make me go away.

Okay. I don't believe in you. You're just a fucking figment of my

Go away.

Am I still here?

Yeah.

Why won't you believe me?

Because you're a figment of my imagination.

Okay, fine. You're a tumor.

Why are you thenian? Are you an old twin that I absorbed?

Let's say I'm not what I say I am.

Then what am I?

I don't know. Some kind of mix of like a distorted view of myself

and like a depiction of my messed up guts and stuff because of how shitty I

Okay. Do you think I'm some sort of manifestation of your poor health in a

or a hallucination?

Yeah.

Yeah, I think that's probably what you are.

Why? What do you think you are?

Why would you ask me?

What information could I possibly have if I'm just a figment of your

imagination?

Okay.

Well, let's say you're not a figment of my imagination.

What would you think you are?

If I wasn't a figment of your imagination, well... Well, I don't know.

I guess I could be a lot of things, like you said.

I could be a manifestation of your stress and anxiety, mounting health

it's possible.

I could be an alien spore growing inside of you that you pulled out.

Like an invasion of the body snatchers type thing?

Yeah.

Is that what you think you are?

No. Then what do you think you are? I don't know.

I just know you pulled me out of your fucking head, and here I am.

So I might be a dream or a hallucination from the mushrooms.

From your poor health, lack of fresh air, all the pollutants and toxins in

air.

So what are you implying? That since I've been working at home all this

time, there's chemicals in here that are making me sick? Is that what you're

saying? No.

I'm not saying that.

I'm just saying, don't blame the mushrooms.

I'm just saying, there are other things that might possibly be at play.

I think that's a fucking stretch.

Maybe.

Yeah. Did you know that acetone can erase your memory?

Did you know that?

No. Like when people have paint.

Well, imagine inhaling that same stuff little by little over a long period of

time. Imagine the long -term effects.

So what are you saying? That you're some kind of acetone hallucination?

No, I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that at all.

I'm just saying, ask Kel.

Ask Ivan.

Did they have these fucked up dreams when they took the mushrooms? Well, so

what? Just because nothing happened to them doesn't mean shit. What about bad

trips? What if I have some kind of undiagnosed mental disorder? You know,

I'm bipolar or maybe I have early signs of schizophrenia.

There you go.

Why are you blaming it on the mushrooms when you have schizophrenia?

I'm not saying I have schizophrenia. I'm just saying different things affect

people differently.

So don't say it's not the fucking mushrooms, okay? You know, I could find

Just stop taking them.

Okay.

Is that what you're going to do?

I don't know.

First, I have to wake up from this fucking dream.

Okay, I tell you what.

Why don't you just leave this bathroom and see if it's a dream?

Just go about your day and see if I'm real.

You tell me when you wake up.

Yeah.

That is what I'm going to do. Don't try to fucking scare me.

I'm going to wake up as soon as I walk out of this fucking bathroom.

I'm going to walk out of here. Another kind of weird shit is going to fucking

happen.

See, you are a fucking dream.

He's trying to give me the fucking runaround.

Don't scare me.

Hey, what's up?

Nothing.

It's been a couple days. What's going on?

Does everything look drawn to you?

What?

Nothing.

So what's up, man?

You been all fucked up or what?

Yeah. Fucked up how?

Like, going out of my mind.

Are your dreams creeping into your waking life?

Yeah.

Is that supposed to happen?

I don't know about supposed to, but yeah, it happened with me the first few

days. Why would you say there's no side effects?

Because I wouldn't call that a side effect. That's more like the primary

You said nothing fucking weird happened to you.

I didn't want to scare you.

I thought if I was microdosing them, I wasn't supposed to feel any of the

hallucinogenic effects.

I didn't say that.

Yeah, but everything I've read... Yeah, but everything you've read has been

about psilocybin. You said these are pretty much the same thing. Yeah,

basically.

I mean...

They're both hallucinogenic mushrooms, so technically that is true.

Well, fuck you, man. I'm not taking them anymore. It'll pass.

No, fuck that. Kel said the same thing.

Ah, yes.

Kel. Yeah, he took them too, and he didn't warn me either. Because there's

nothing to warn you about.

You're not going insane.

As a matter of fact, I think you're going to find that you are considerably

sane after this ordeal. So you're still taking the mushrooms?

Me? No.

No, I don't need them anymore.

I feel great without them.

And you're not hallucinating right now.

Dude, my mind is as clear as it's ever been. You know, there's a joke to be

there. But regardless, I don't think I can do this anymore.

Think about it this way.

Let me tell you what you're experiencing.

When you sleep, your brain is running through all this shit that happened to

throughout the day, right? Your dreams kind of filter that stuff.

Help you work through traumatic events, fears, things like that.

But what's happening here is you're actually being confronted with your

in your waking life.

And yeah, it's vivid, it's intense, but it's still just a dream.

Think about yogis and Taoist monks that meditate and transcend consciousness.

They're reaching a level of focus and concentration that's akin to sleep.

They're entering a dream state while awake.

You're basically receiving supercharged enlightenment.

And yeah, I understand how that can be scary, but you just got to keep it in

perspective.

It's all in your mind.

It's not real.

It's too real.

I'm not ready for fucking enlightenment.

Hey, if you are, what are you going to do?

How long will they be in my system?

I don't know.

But I'm telling you, you're almost there.

I don't think I can do this anymore.

Do you want my advice?

Not really.

Can you help me?

Is it done?

Excuse me?

Do you remember me?

Yeah, you're that weird fucking guy.

Get the fuck away from me.

WER138.

CRM114.

Listen, man, I don't know who the fuck you are, and I don't know what the fuck

you want, but if you say one more stupid fucking code, I'm gonna punch you in

the other eye.

There he is.

There's that figure.

Listen, man.

If you don't fucking leave, I'm going to make you leave.

As you wish.

Oh yeah, and by the way...

It's not real.

It's not real.

It's not real.

What's not real?

You. You're not real.

Did you ever wake up?

No.

That's because you were never asleep.

Or, well...

You're currently experiencing an irregular sleep pattern.

That's kind of what my brother said.

Well, he's right.

Great. So when's that going to stop?

When I learn to embrace my shadow self and reach enlightenment?

What?

My brother said the mushrooms are basically supercharging my subconscious

bringing me face to face with my anxieties.

Is that what he said?

That's...

Interesting.

You don't think that's what's happening?

I shouldn't be saying this, but it's the mushrooms.

They're not right.

The spores have started to fester in your brain.

What?

They've started growing and burrowing into your temporal parietal junction.

You're stuck between your sleep cycles to a point where you don't even notice

when you're falling asleep and waking up. I bet you haven't even realized how

much time you've lost.

I'm surprised you're not in a crippling state of dread and confusion.

I am.

I'm just trying to convince myself that it's all in my mind and that it's going

to go away.

Well, it is in your mind, but it's not going to go away.

Why should I suddenly believe anything that you're saying?

Because I came from your brain, and that's what I think is going on in

Well, then why didn't you say any of this before?

I had time to think about it after we talked.

So if all this is caused by the fungus, then what are you?

I think I'm you.

Maybe what's left of you.

So what now?

I don't know.

So I'm definitely dreaming right now.

I wouldn't say you're definitely anything.

And I wouldn't say that I'm definitely anything either.

Well, what am I supposed to do?

I don't know, man.

I think we just gotta face what's coming.

And what do you think that is?

I think you need to go down the hall.

And find out.

Okay, this is a pretty good one.

Welcome to Cops Stop Donut Shop. When the cops come to shop and the donuts

stop, how can I help you?

Uh... Hey, isn't it that dumb bald motherfucker that's always watching us?

What? Hey, yeah.

I guess it is.

What do you know?

Am I in the cartoon?

What the fuck are you talking about?

Like, did I somehow get sucked into the Porker and Roundy show?

Um, Mr. D?

What the fuck is it?

That weird ass homeless guy is always staring at us and talking all funny.

Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to leave. No.

This isn't real.

This is just a cartoon. I'm not supposed to be here. This is just a dream.

If you know it's a dream, then why don't you change something?

Like what?

Anything. Stop Mr. Destructive Populous from blasting your ass.

Okay.

Did it work?

Nope.

How are you feeling?

That's a difficult question to answer.

Have you stopped taking the mushrooms?

Yeah. I think it was too late.

What do you mean by that?

Yeah. What do you mean by that? Who let you out the house?

What was that?

What? You said something.

What? You said something.

I think I'm okay.

What? I think I'm okay.

You think you're okay?

Yeah. Have you tried looking in the mirror?

on a trip that I can only describe as fantastically terrifying.

Is, uh, is that a medical term?

It means something.

But not everything has to mean something.

What about your fucking story?

I wouldn't say it takes anybody to the dark depths of their minds as much.

No, I admit it was scary at first.

But now I feel like a whole new man.

Why'd they take the mushroom?

Time gives us everything, including the space to be.

Gravity all around you and me, holding each moment in place.

As the sun shines into the void like a jewel at the bottom of a grand world,

eternity is so...

Rolling.