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I understand that, Larry.

Okay.

Well, I don't have eyes on the physical inventory.

You do.

I'm not going to dispute that.

I'm not disputing that.

Okay.

Well, ..

Exactly.

Well, how am I the asshole?

Okay.

Well..

and I'm gonna have to explain to him the exact same thing

that I just explained to you.

And he's gonna have to explain it to you again.

No, Larry-- I've done your job.

And you're not the first one of you

that I've dealt with.

Yeah, that's right.

Okay.

Fucking call him then.

Moron.

[phone vibrates]

Yeah.

Yeah, no, that's what I told him.

Well, two things could of happened.

Well, we might received some P.O.s that didn't register.

Exactly.

He could have just fat fingered it.

Well, no, those things happen

but he doesn't need to--

That's what I said.

Okay.

Yeah.

No, ..

[phone vibrates]

Yeah, Larry?

I know.

No, it's fine.

Okay. Bye.

[Microdosing theme plays]

["My Soul" by Moody plays]

Welcome to Cop Stop Donut Shop,

Where the cops come to shop and the donuts never stop.

How can I help you?

Yes. I have a pickup order for the Mi..

Okay, so your order isn't quite ready yet.

Will you pull around to the next window?

Sorry for the delay sir, it'll be about five more minutes.

This is outrageous!

The entire purpose of ordering online is so that I do not have to wait.

I understand that, sir, and I apologize.

But if you'll just pull around--

I will not pull around!

My order has been placed.

I can't have you hold up the line.

You can come inside.

Do you see the size of me?

There is no door that can contain the Mighty Oak!

I'm sorry. Sir. I can't have you wait in the drive thru.

Who dare honk at the Mighty Oak?!

Shung-Hai!

[phone vibrates]

Hey. What's up?

Nothing. What's going on?

Nothing. Just got off work, hanging out.

Hey, there's wrestling on tonight.

if you want to come over, I'll order some pizza?

Sure, what time?

Like, eight?

All right, let me shit and shower

and I can be over in, like, 20 minutes. You need a..

No, I'm good.

I thought you were the pizza.

I'm not the pizza.

You order already though?

Yeah. Should be soon.

All right, well, let me go back out and smoke real quick.

Really? You got to get high just so you can eat?

Yeah, man, I got an appetite problem from the stress thing.

All right, whatever. Just hurry up. Should be here any minute.

They don't have like a tracker app or whatever?

I don't know, man, just fucking smoke.

Oh, hey, what's up?

Hey, nice shirt.

Oh, thanks.

You like Porker and Roundy?

Yeah. That shit's funny.

You're more of a "Prok Dork", or a "Round Hound"?

I wouldn't really use either one of those to describe myself.

Oh, me neither.

But... I'm probably more of a "Round Hound".

But I'm mostly a Mighty Oak kind of guy.

Oh, me too, dude.

[both] Who dare?!

The fuck is going on out here?

You Ivan?

So why were you talking to the pizza guy?

Oh, he commented on my shirt.

Oh. That's stupid fucking show.

It's not stupid.

It's a talking pig and a basketball that smoke weed and fart all the time.

Wow.

It is not a talking pig and basket..

that smoke weed and fart all the time.

It's talking pig and basketball who work in a donut shop.

Oh, yeah. Okay.

That's way less fucking dumb.

Yeah, they smoke weed sometimes...

It's not like it's a bunch of fucking stoner jokes.

It may not be stoner jokes, but it's definitely stoner humor.

I don't know what that means.

It's surreal and absurd.

Why?

Because they have a ..

Ever heard of fucking, "Alice in Wonderland"?

You're saying Porker and Roundy is "Alice in Wonderland"?

I'm saying, "Alice in Wonderland" is the best example of literary nonsense.

Like the characters and settings don't have to have meaning unto themselves,

you can still project commentary onto them

and then, like, make your comments via the absurdity.

So...

they make a lot of comments

about the geopolitical ramifications of a..

Inflamed butthole?! Where do you get this shit, man?

Yeah, they're satire, parody, social commentary and sure, some fart jokes too.

But they even made comments about that.

Dude, just because a show addresses their own shitty writing

on the show, doesn't make the writing any less shitty.

In fact, it's kind of like a slap in the face.

Like they're aware of how much they suck.

You just don't get it.

What is there to get?

I'm sorry.

It's not your style.

Yeah. I guess crap isn't my style.

Sorry they can't all be, "In the Line of Duty".

Are you going to sit there and tell me,

that's not a great show?

It's fine. It's a good show.

Yeah, it's considered one of the best of all time.

Yeah,

it's conside..

Yeah, but it's the best one.

Yeah, but your opinion on best is irrelevant.

You have no frame of reference.

Yeah, but it's considered really good.

Yeah, it's basically universally acclaimed as one of the great early prestige

shows, but again, you wouldn't know the difference.

And even if it wasn't critically acclaimed,

you'd still be defending it like it was the greatest show of all time.

You're only using critical acclaim in this single instance to justify your opinion.

Yeah, I'm using facts to back up my opinion, thus making it a fact.

We got to change the fucking subject. I have to stop talking to you.

We gotta fucking--

I'm supposed to come over here to relax after work.

What relax?

I thought you work from home now?

I do, but it's still stressful.

How can that be stressful?

You don't have to deal with people's bullshit all day.

Oh, no, I'm still dealing with people's fucking bullshit all day,

now I'm just limited in what I can do about it.

Oh, that's a shame.

Isn't it still better, though, working from home?

Yeah it's better.

Still sucks ass, but its better.

Just been fucking really stressed out lately

and I don't know what the fuck to do about it.

Dude that reminds me, a guy at work gave me some mushrooms.

You should totally do some with me.

I don't know man, I never done no fucking mushrooms.

Perfect time to start.

Nah, I don't think so.

Oh, I'm sorry.

You only take legal drugs.

Not a matter of legality,

its a matter of health and safety.

What fucking health and safety?

You drink beer, you smoke weed, you eat junk food all the time.

Yeah, but those things aren't going to kill me tonight.

If you go drinking and driving.

Okay.

Yes, sure.

But if I go drinking and driving, I made a c..

The alcohol didn't kill me.

I killed me.

Not going to put something in my body

if I have no fucking clue what it'..

Dude, there just mushrooms. You'll be alright.

I know they're just mushrooms.

I've thought about taking mushrooms.

I'm still afraid of them.

It's nothing to be afraid of, man.

You'll be all right.

You say that.

But it's still fucking with your brain.

Yeah, but it's not like acid.

And you're not going to freak out.

Shit will get all wavy, you'll lose track of time.

You'll laugh a lot.

It's kind of like smoking weed

and you don't even got to start with the bunch at one time.

You just microdose it.

Yeah, thought about that. Is that what you're doing?

Yeah, that's what I'm doing. First night, though,

I ate like an entire eighth.

Just had to make sure they were legit.

They're pretty legit?

Oh, they're legit.

They're not psilocybin, though.

They're similar, but

there's something different.

All right, well, what kind of mushrooms are they?

I look them up.

Oh, I don't know what they're called, ..

You don't even know what kind of fucking mushrooms they are?

I don't know, man. I'm not gonna--

I'm worried its going to fuck with my anxiety.

No, dude, it'll actually help with your anxiety.

It's like a cure-all for anxiety, depression,

PTSD- whatever you got, it will make that shit feel better.

If it was a cure all, everyone would be doing it.

Dude.

Everybody is doing it.

Besides the pharmaceutical companies, they want to keep this shit illegal.

Keep selling you their bullshit drugs.

If it was a cure all the pharmaceutical companies would be the ones selling it.

Why would they want to market something that's actually going

to make you feel better?

They want to keep you sick, keep you addicted to their pills.

Weed is still legal, but there's actually a synthetic weed

they can get to prescribe nationwide called Dronabinol.

This has no side effects.

There are no side effects because it's all natural.

All those pills, they have side effects.

You know why?

To sell you more pills?

To sell you more fucking pills!

You take pills.

Yeah, I take pills.

Regardless of what you say,

and certainly not because of it...

Might be down to try the mushrooms.

Fuck, yeah you might be!

All right.

So I'm going to chop these bad boys up i..

So what exactly is the dose?

It's approximately

that much.

One chunk.

Yeah, but how much is that?

Its a fucking chunk, man. It's a mushroom.

It's not going to be a metered dose.

Well, that's for inhalers, of course not.

Look, dude, the whole point is you're taking

a psychedelic mushroom consistently for a couple of weeks.

You're going to start to feel like you have more energy, you're feeling

more positive, you'll fucking shit better.

Everything.

Fucking colors will look brighter.

What about negative effects?

None.

I'll be the fucking judge of that.

How long do I have to take it?

Just take one every day, consistently

for a couple of weeks.

After that,

you should be pretty good for a while.

How long is a while? Why is everything so fucking vague?

Because it's a fucking plant, man. It comes from the ground.

Results may vary.

I'll probably just keep taking them as long as my guy can keep getting them.

Is it safe to just take them nonstop?

I don't know.

But I take Kratom every day.

Adderall, whatever is going to get me going. It's probably fine.

I don't really give a shit.

So what do I do just eat one?

Yeah. Yeah, you should eat one now,

take the rest home, throw them in the freezer,

take one out and eat one every day.

I don't know man.

Are they gross?

Do you like Mushrooms?

No.

Yeah, then they're fuc..

Just chew it up real quick.

Chug a beer afterwards.

Okay.

Here we go.

Gilladios al mañana.

Haga Daga!

Haga Daga!

I bet you wake up tomorrow feeling fucking amazing.

We'll see about that.

Until then, you want to drink some beer and watch some wrestling?

["If Drinkin' Too Much Means I Love You" by The Wanderers plays]

Little...

shit.

Just eating a fucking branch.

Hey, you can't have outside food in here.

Its not food.

Its a fucking branch.

Well you're eating it, so its food.

I'm a Koala you cock sucker.

This is all I can eat.

Don't give me that shit. You oat milk drinking ass

We sell Salads.

First of all, I'm lactose intolerant.

Bitch.

Second of all,

Fuck You.

You know what?

I don't have to take thi..

Ma'am, if you don't throw that branch back into the fucking fore..

it belongs. I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.

Excuse me?

This branch is part of my culture.

You fucking kidding me?

Do you see me eating slop and rolling around in shit?

I don't see it,

but I sure as shit smell it

BITCH!

Did you just call me a bitch?!

Hey, I call them like I see them.

I'll tell you what...

After I eat these leaves, I'll shove this branch

so far up your fucking ass you'll be having a luau tonight.

See, that's fucked up. That's appropriation.

Threatening physical violence?

Its alittle aggressive for an uptight intellectual bitch!

Man, Porker, what the hell's going on over here?

Nothing. She just went crazy. I don't know man!

Fuck.

Sorry I'm late.

I overslept.

That's okay.

It was just a couple of minutes.

Did you have a late night last night?

I don't think so. Not really.

Not that I can remember.

Must have just been...

sleeping good or something?

So what would you like to talk about today?

I don't know.

Nothing really on my mind. I haven't really thought about it.

Oh, I had a nightmare last night.

Do you want to tell me about it?

Yeah, there's nothing crazy.

I just, uh...

I was brushing my teeth,

and then when I turned to leave the bathroom I ran into like this

ghost thing or whatever, and then I, uh

And then I woke up.

And that was like, right before I came over ..

Have you ever had a dream about ghosts before?

Don't think so.

Not that I can remember.

I don't really have nightmares, though.

And you haven't had any dreams for a long time, right?

Yeah. No, not really.

Have you cut back on your drinking?

No, not really.

So you were drinking last night?

Yeah.

Well, why else do you think you would have had a dream?

or a nightmare?

I don't know.

I don't think I've done anything any different.

Well.

Maybe...

what?

Well,

for the past few days, I started...

microdosing some mushrooms.

You've been taking psychedelic mushrooms the past two days?

No...

Yeah. Okay.

Yes, but just like little tiny pieces, just..

Okay, well,

it is possible that this is stimulating something in your mind.

Where did you get these mushrooms?

From my brother.

Do you think I should be taking them?

I'm not going to tell you to take illegal drugs.

I don't recommend it.

But, I do understand that there have been some studies on psychedelics

that suggest that there are benefits for people with mental health issues.

But I can't fully recommend you try anything like that

without talking to your doctor first.

Yeah, I know. I understand.

Still going to try them.

But I don't think that was some kind of mushroom induced nightmare ..

I think I've just been eating and sleeping like shit.

What do you hope to achieve by taking these mushrooms?

I guess I'm hoping that they're going to get rid of my anxiety

or at least help with it.

Just be careful.

And be sure to reach out to me if the anxiety gets to be a, you know,

just too much to handle.

How has your anxiety been generally?

I don't know, I mean, its better, but not like 100% better.

I mean, I feel like I'm down significantly from my maximum stress

level from a few months ago, but

lately I feel like I've been exhibiting

all the symptoms of my depression and anxiety.

Like not eating well or sleeping.

Everything's just kind of all fucked up.

When was the last time you created anything?

It's been a few weeks.

Well, I'm not going to tell you to stop taking those mushrooms,

but I do want you to cut back on your drinking.

And I want you to try and create something this week.

I think it will help you feel better.

That's why I started taking the mushrooms.

My brother was like, "That's going to make you feel better."

And look, there's no cure-all.

There's not one thing that makes everyone feel good.

Exercise, meditation, healthy

eating, and everyone needs a way to cope, whether that's a hobby

or a vice or whatever it is.

I have plenty of those.

You do.

And I just wish you would use some of your more healthy ones,

when in times of increased stress.

[phone vibrates]

Hey, wha..

Nothing. What are you doing?

Painting.

Why, what's up?

Nothing.

Do you want to come over, play some video games or something?

Yeah, I guess.

What time?

I don't know, man. Whenever.

I got nothing going on.

Okay. Yeah.

Give me a few minutes, I'll head over.

How long have you been out here?

I don't know.

Are you hungry?

I'm not, not hungry.

Mm. Actually, I'm not even sure what that is.

It's a

augmented reality.

I don't know what that means.

So like,

you know what virtual reality is?

Right.

So its like a virtua..

Well this is augmented reality.

So I could look through a camera lens and see the real world, but they'll change it

or augment it in real time.

It's mostly used for, like

mobile games or like furniture stores.

So AR is something for furniture based mobile games?

No.

Okay.

So y..

And there's a ghost there or something.

All right, never mind.

Okay.

So, the co..

So you have a couch and you see it in the space.

Then you can move the camera around and the couch will like

stick to the 3D space if it's actually there.

Okay.

And that's what AR is.

That's fucking dumb.

Okay, well that's not all it can do.

Okay, so

say we all wear AR glasses all the time.

Okay, goggles?

Right.

So then you'll create, like, yo..

you're going to look in the game or in the world or whatever.

And your friends all do it too, so then you can like, meet up with your friends

from like Argentina or Japan or whatever.

And you could talk to them and would be like,

they're sitting in the same room with you.

Well, yeah it's kind of cool, I guess.

Yeah. And it's, you know, it's used for, like,

virtual cafes and concerts, wrestling events, things like that.

Real life gaming, social networking.

That's what they consider the metaverse.

All right.

Yeah, that's kind of cool.

Yeah, that's pretty cool.

There's some shitty stuff ..

Like what?

Well, I mean, like, other than the obv..

Yeah, other than the obvious.

Okay.

So say..

in the real world.

And I'm like, I'm offended by guns.

I don't wanna see gun stores.

So any time I walk by one, I'll change it to, like, a candy store or ..

Or, like, turn abortion clinics into churches or something like that.

Exactly.

So anything that o..

narrow your view in that way.

That's kind of already a problem, though, isn't it?

Exactly.

And this rea..

I'm not sure how I feel about that.

That, no shit. Or think about this way.

So like all these companies have like all your data and stuff, right.

So imagine they just want to make an app that like puts all your public data

out there.

No..

just like your boring history, sexual orientation, things lik..

Imagine having that shit floating above your head

like it's a goddamn video game or something.

Oh dude, people are going to be talking shit about my taste in music.

Exactly.

Just makes it way..

Fuck.

This is why we have to do something.

What do you mean?

Oh, no, I'm just.

I mean, like, if humans don't slow down,

they are going to be the death of themselves.

I don't think there's a lot we can really do about it other than hope for the best.

Yeah.

Unfortunately, when left to their own devices,

humans have not always turned to their brightest and best.

We made it this far.

Yeah, I guess that's something.

Again, not alot we can really do about it.

Yeah, yeah, maybe.

Maybe not.

Oh, hey, speaking of which, how are the mushrooms treating you?

All right I guess.

I don't really notice anything di..

anything, but...

you know, haven't noticed any significant changes.

It's only been like, what, four days?

Something like that.

I think you'll be feeling it pretty soon.

Okay, cool.

But until then, you want to get smashed?

Yeah, I think we probably do that.

[Microdosing theme plays]

Porker.

Porker!

PORKER!

Oh man. That's a real knee slapper.

It's not funny.

Fuck. How does that even work?

Shut up. Would you just help me?

Sure. Yeah.

You want me to blow you?

I'm being real Porker.

I mean, seriously. Fuck,

was it a woman?

Oh, jesus christ.

Porker would you quit messing around and go into my closet and get my fucking pump?

You have a pump?!

Oh, jesus fuck.

Porker, I swear to fucking God

If I go flat, I fucking die.

Are you serious?

Do you really want to find out?

I don't know, maybe.

[disembodied voice] Eat it.

[disembodied voice] Fucking eat it.

Might as well.

Be careful.

Why?

Because it's not too late.

Too late for what?

To stop them.

Stop who from what?

[alarm chimes]

["TikTaalik" by Arrange For Use plays]

[Ivan voicemail] Hey, Ig

Just calling to see what's going on, man.

I know you're off today, so give me a call. Later.

Hey, what's up?

Just giving you a call back.

All right, call me back. Later.

[phone vibrates]

Hey, what's up?

Hey, what's going on?

Nothing. You called me.

What's up?

No, you called me.

What's going on?

No nothing, just calling back. Didn't have my phone with..

Okay.

Well, what..

Nothing.

I was just pai..

What's up?

I'm actually driving. I'm close by.

You want me to pick you up?

I got to do a couple of things.

Yeah, sure, I guess.

So you feeling it yet?

I don't know, I mean, I guess.

Like, today I feel great.

I didn't even fucking smoke, and I feel like a fucking ..

Yeah, man.

After the first few days it really starts to work its magic.

I feel like a whole new guy.

Anything weird happen?

Like what?

I don't know. Like any weird dreams?

Weird dreams? No.

My sleep is usually pretty fucked up anyway.

Insomnia,

sleep apnea, sleep paralysis.

But the past few days have been amazing.

I didn't even drink last night.

Damn.

That's awes..

Why you having weird dreams or something?

Yeah, I mean, I guess.

They're just dreams.

It's only weird cause I haven't jumped in a long time, you know?

But I don't know.

Maybe I've also been hearing stuff.

Mm. That could be normal.

I mean, you've never taken mushrooms before, right?

Probably just getting some, some fringe hallucinatory effects, you know?

What are we talking about here?

An indiscernible rustling? A beep?

Voices?

Oh, no, not voices. But like. Yeah, I don't know, man. Like, I'..

hear something in the other room

or, like, maybe feel like there's somebody in the room.

That definitely sounds normal, man.

It's like being high as fuck.

Yeah, I know, but, like I don't feel high.

It's different.

That's supposed to be different, you know?

I wouldn't worry about it

until there's something to worry about,

and right now I don't think you have anything to worry about.

You about to tell me to trust the mushrooms?

No, but that's actually good advice.

All right, give me a minute.

I gotta ship a couple of things.

Really, man, I wasn't even there that long.

You want to get some coffee or something?

Yeah, that sounds good.

Thanks, man.

What else yo..

Nothing, really.

I was actually supposed to swing by my buddy's house

and pick something up, but he just texted me and said he's not home or something.

I don't know.

You want to get fucked up?

You know, I do.

I really do, but um,

I don't know, I feel good for once.

Maybe I should go into my work week without a hangover.

See if the mushroom really do solve all my fucking problems.

It's probably a good idea.

Let the mushrooms proceed unfettered.

You know I'll probably get high, have a couple of beers.

Ah, it's not a big deal.

You don't think it's going to get any worse, do you?

What?

Like the dreams and stuff?

Nah, man. If anything, it's going to get better.

Much, much better.

The guy at work...

The one who gave them to you, did he take them?

That's a good question.

You know what?

Just give it, like, three more da..

I think you're right there.

Right where?

Rght on the precipice.

The precipice of what?

Of...

becoming and being.

[Microdosing theme plays]

[microwave beeps]

Hey, what's shakin' butter bean? You wanna rip this bowl?

Fuck you. Give me a second.

What the hell you doing?

Selling some stuff online.

What kind of stuff?

Man, we ain't got no..

I have stuff.

Sold a couple old records, some comic books, t shirts.

I didn't know you had any comic books.

Me neither. Found them in the closet.

Motherfucker those are mine!

Oh, no wonder.

Well, selling pretty good.

Man, you piece of shit. What else you got for sale on there?

Nothing really.

Just like some socks or..

Used basketball?

Okay.

Now, I see how you might take this the..

It's a fucking picture of me.

Well, yeah but it's not what it looks like.

It looks like you want to sell me to some motherfucker o..

Okay, well then, yeah, it's exactly what it looks like.

Now come here.

Not gonna hurt you.

[Microdosing theme plays]

Yeah, Larry, that's fine.

Can I help you?

I certainly hope so,

I've traveled an awful long way to see you.

Oh, yeah?

And why is t..

You don't recognize me?

No. Should I?

I'm Agent Green?

But I guess if you weren't expecting me...

No, I wasn't expecting you.

I don't know who the fuck you are.

What do you want?

You don't have a message from me?

Okay? It's time for you to go.

So sorry to have bothered you.

I'm sure you're a

busy man.

A well...

oiled...

machine, like yourself.

What the fuck's that supposed to mean?

Can I ask just one question before I go?

Sure. What?

Are you in control?

What?

You should take my card.

[Therapist] What would you like to talk about today?

I guess the mushrooms.

You're still taking them?

Have you had any more strange dreams?

Yeah.

Would you like to tell me about them?

No.

That's okay.

You don't have to tell me about them.

Can you tell me why you don't want to tell me about them?

They're too real.

How do you know you're dreaming?

I wake up.

So they're pretty vivid dreams, huh?

Incredibly, vivid.

And like

I don't know, maybe sometimes I wake up and don't even realize I've fallen asleep.

What do you mean? Do you lose time?

I don't know if I lost time, but

it's like when you wake up from an unexpected nap, completely disoriented.

You don't know where you are or what time it is.

And then you start to remember.

It's kind of been like that.

And then with the dreams being so vivid,

it's just been scary.

Okay.

I want you to do two things.

Okay? What do I have to do?

First, I want you to stop taking the mushrooms,

see if the nightmares clear up.

Okay? Okay, I can do that.

And then I want you to

write a note in your phone,

writing it every 2 hours.

Just set an alarm for every 2 hours and then add to the note.

And if you wake up and you don't know where you are,

you just check the time and see if you made all your checks.

Okay?

Yeah, I can do that.

I, I do want to talk to you about the dreams

a little bit.

Okay, I'll try.

Have you been confronted with yourself in any of these dreams?

Yeah.

How'd you know that?

Are you familiar with Jung's theory of

The Shadow Self?

No.

Well, his theory is that

the negative parts of our personality that we don't want to see

we shove down into our subconscious, into the most primal parts of our brain.

So our fears, our anxieties,

dark fantasies, greed,

anything that we might see as negative in another person.

Only, if we don't confront these feelings,

we run the risk of falling victim to them.

So the idea is that we need to integrate these negative parts of our personalities

into ourselves and accept that that anger, sadness, fear, anxiety...

These are all natural feelings.

And once we learn to do that, we can address what's causing these problems

rather than feeling guilty about having the feelings

in the first place.

So you think it's possible that

these dreams are a

manifestation of my shadow s..

I'm saying that's a possibility. Yeah.

You can also start to write a dream diary

and we can talk about it in your next session.

Or not.

I can tell these haven't been pleasant experiences for you

and I don't want to make you relive them if you don't have to.

But they're only dreams.

And even if they are hallucinations

and I understand that those can be very frightening.

But when you understand that these feelings and these images

are only in your mind, you can confront them

the same way you can learn to confront your anxiety.

You tell yourself, yes, I am feeling anxious.

Yes, I am feeling scared, and that's okay.

It's okay to have these feelings.

They will pass.

Our bodies have these triggers for a reason.

And when we learn to accept the symptoms, you can address what causes them

and you can tell yourself these things aren't going to hurt you,

you aren't in immediate danger,

and you can start to live with the anxiety and hopefully the nightmares

will go away as well.

Well, that all sounds great in theory.

I understand it sounds like a lot of homework

and you don't have to do it all at once.

First, I just want you to stop taking the mushrooms.

Do you think you can at least do that?

I think I could probably do that.

[knocking at door]

You know, you can get the door.

Yeah, you know you can get the door.

- Yeah, but I'm doing something. - Oh, and I'm not?

You're watching TV and you're right by the door.

I'm watching a movie.

And so what? It's not for me anyway.

Well I guess you didn't order food, so you know it's not for you.

Exactly.

God damn motherfucker can't open the godamn door ..

Do you have a moment to talk about Corn God?

I don't.

He's not any worse for you than normal God.

Sorry. I got to go.

Just because faith in him is processed differently doesn't mean your soul reacts

any differently to him.

No, thanks, man.

Told you it wasn't for me.

I don't even like corn.

Yes, you do.

Yeah, I do.

Fat fuck.

[Porker] Hey, that Agent Green sure

Who likes to keep his chassis clean.

It's a clean machine.

[Roundy] Yeah, that's what I read.

[Porker] You think he's ready?

It's our job to make him ready.

["TikTaalik" by Arrange For Use plays]

[alarm chimes]

[Terry the Tumor] Hey, buddy.

What the fuck are you?

I'm a teratoma.

Like, a tumor with hair and teeth.

Yeah.

And eyes, and a mouth, and vocal cords?

Come on. That's fucking ludicrous.

Then what am I?

Well, you can't be real.

So you're either a dream or a hallucination.

So you think this is a dream?

It would have to be.

Okay, then change something.

All right. Like what?

I don't know.

Make me go away.

Okay. Um...

I don't believe in you.

You're just a fucking figment of my imagination.

Go away.

Am I still here?

Yeah.

Why won't you believe me?

Because you're a figment of my imagination.

Okay, fine.

You're a tumor.

Why are you sentient?

Are you an old twin that I absorbed?

Let's say I'm not what I say I am.

Then what am I?

I don't know.

Some kind of

mix of, like, a distorted view of myself

and, like, a depiction of my messed up guts and stuff,

because of how shitty I eat.

Okay, so you think I'm some sort of manifestation of your poor health

in a dream or a hallucination?

Yeah.

Yeah, I think that's part of what you are.

Why?

What do you think you are?

Why would you ask me?

What information can I possibly have

if I'm just a figment of your imagination?

Okay.

Let's say you're not a figment of my imagination.

What would you think you are?

If I wasn't a figment of your imagination?

Well. Well, I don't know.

I guess I could be a lot of things.

Like you said, I could be a manifestation of your stress and anxiety.

Mounting health problems.

It's possible.

I could be an alien spore growing inside of you that you pulled out.

Like an Invasion of the Body Snatchers type thing.

Yeah.

Is that what you think you are?

No.

And what do you think you are?

I don't know.

I just know

you pulled me out of..

So I might be a dream or hallucination from the mushrooms, from your poor health,

lack of fresh air, all the pollutants and toxins in the air.

So what are you implying?

That since I've been working at home all this f..

there's chemicals in here that are making me sick.

Is that what you're saying?

No, I'm not saying that.

I'm just saying, don't blame the mushrooms

I'm just saying, there are other things that might possibly be in play.

I think that's a fucking stretch.

Maybe.

Yeah.

Did you know..

Did you know that?

No.

Lke when people huff paint?

Well, imagine inhaling that same stuff little by little

over a long period of time.

Imagine the long term effects.

So what are you saying?

That you're some kind of acetone halluc..

No I'm not saying that.

I'm not saying that at all.

I'm just saying, ask Kel, ask Ivan.

Did they have these fucked up dreams when they took the mushrooms?

So what? just because nothing happened to them doesn't mean shit.

What about bad trips?

What if I have some kind of undiagnosed mental di..

You know, maybe I'm bipolar or maybe have early signs of schizophrenia.

There you go.

Why are you blaming it on the mushrooms when you have schi..

I'm not saying I have schizophrenia, I'm just saying different things affect

people differently.

So let's say it's not the fucking mushrooms.

Okay, you know how I can find out?

Just stop taking them.

Okay.

Is that what you're going to do?

I don't know.

First, I have to wake up from this fucking dream.

Okay, I'll tell you what,

why don't you just leave this bathroom and see if it's a dream?

Just go about your day and see if I'm real.

You tell me when you wake up.

Yeah.

That is what I'm going to do.

Don't try to fucking..

I'm gonna wake up as soon as I walk out of this fucking bathroom.

I'm gonna walk out of here, some other kind of weird shit's

going to fucking happen.

See you are a fucking dream.

Just trying to give me the fucking runaround.

You don't scare me.

[phone vibrates]

Hey, what's up?

[Ivan] -Nothing.

It's been a couple of days.

What's going on?

Does everything look drawn to you?

What?

Nothing.

So what's up, man?

You've been all fucked up or what?

Yeah.

Fucked up how?

Like, going out of my mind.

Are your dreams creeping into your waking life?

Yeah.

Is that supposed to happen?

I don't know about supposed to, but, yeah, it happened with me

the first few days.

Why would you say there is no side effects?

Because I wouldn't call that a side effect.

That's more like the primary effect.

You said nothing fucking weird happened to you.

I didn't want to scare you.

I thought if I was microdosing, I wasn't supposed to feel any of

the hallucinogenic effects.

I didn't say that.

Yeah, but everything I've read.

Yeah, but everything you read has been about psilocybin.

You said these are pretty much the same thing.

Yeah, basically.

I mean, they're both hallucinogenic mushrooms, so technically that is..

Well, fuck you, man.

I'm not taking them anymore.

It'll pass.

No. Fuck that. Kel said the same thing.

Ah yes, Kel.

Yeah, he took them too.

And he didn't warn me either.

Because there's nothing to warn you about.

You're not going insane.

As a matter of fact, I think you're going

to find that you are considerably more sane after this ordeal.

So you're still taking the mushrooms?

Me? No, no, I don't need them any more.

I feel great without them.

And you're not hallucinating right now?

Dude, my mind is as clear as it's ever been.

You know, there's a joke to be made there, but regardless,

I don't think I can do this anymore.

Think about it this way.

Let me tell you, when you're experiencing. When you sleep,

your brain is running through all this shit

that happened to you throughout the day, right?

Your dreams kind of filter that stuff, help you work

through traumatic events, fears, things like that.

What's happening here

is you're actually being confronted with your dreams in your waking life.

And yeah, it's vivid, it's intense, but it's still just a dream.

Think about

yogis and Taoist monks that meditate ..

They're reaching a level of focus and concentration that's akin to sleep.

They're entering a dream state while awake.

You're basically receiving supercharged enlightenment.

And yeah, I understand how that can be scary,

but you just got to keep it in perspective.

It's all in your mind.

It's not real.

It's too real.

I'm not ready for fucking enlightenment.

Hey, few are.

But what are you going to do?

How long will they be in my system?

I don't know.

But I'm telling you, you're almost there.

I don't think I can do this anymore.

Do you want my advice?

Not really.

[dialog becomes white noise]

Can you help me?

["If Drinking Too Much Means I Love You" by The Wanderers plays on radio]

[Agent Green] -Is it done?

Excuse me?

Do you remember me?

Yeah. You're that weird fucking guy.

Get the fuck away from me.

W-E-R-138.

C-R-M-114.

Listen, man, I don't know who the fuck you are

and I don't know what the fuck you want,

But if you say one more stupid fucking code I'm gonna

punch you in the other eye.

There he is...

There's that VIGOR.

Listen, man, if you don't fucking leave, I'm going to make you leave.

As you wish.

Oh, yeah,

and ..

It's not real.

It's not real.

It's not real.

[Terry the tumor] -What's not real?

You. You're not real.

Did you ever wake up?

No.

See, that's because you were never asleep.

Or, well, you're currently experiencing an irregular sleep pattern.

That's kind of what my brother said.

Well, he's right.

Great.

So when is that going to stop?

When I learn to embrace

my shadow self and reach enlightenment?

What?

My brother said, the mushrooms are basically supercharging

my subconscious and bringing me face to face with my anxieties.

Is that what he said?

That's...

interesting.

You don't think that's what's happening?

I shouldn't be saying this,

but it's the mushrooms.

They're not right.

The spores are starting to fester

in your brain.

What?

They've started growing and burrowing into your temporal parietal junction.

You're stuck between your sleep cycles to a point

where you don't even notice when you're falling asleep and waking up.

I bet you haven't even realized how much time you've lost.

I'm surprised you're not in a crippling state of dread and confusion.

I am.

I'm just trying to convince myself

that, it's all in my mind and that it's going to go away.

Well, it is in your mind, but it's not going to go away.

Why should I suddenly believe anything that you're saying?

Because I came from your brain,

and that's what I think is going on in there.

Well, then, why didn't you saying this before?

I had time to think about it after we talked.

So if all of this is

caused by the fungus,

then what are you?

I think I'm you.

Maybe what's left of you.

So what now?

I don't know.

So I'm definitely dreaming right now.

I wouldn't say you're definitely anything. And I wouldn't say that

I'm definitely anything either.

Well, what am I supposed to do?

I don't know, man.

I think we just got to face what's coming.

And what do you think that is?

I think you need to go down the hall

and find out.

Okay, this is a pretty good one.

Welcome to Cops Stop Donut shop.

Where the cops come to shop and the donuts never stop.

How can I help you?

Uh...

Hey, isn't this that dumb bald motherfucker that's always watching us?

What?

Hey, yeah.

I guess it is.

What do you know?

Am I in the cartoon?

What the fuck are you talking about?

Like, did I somehow get sucked into the Porker and Roundy Show?

Um... Mr. D?

What the fuck is it?

That weird ass homeless guy that's always staring at us is talking all ..

Sir. I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

This isn't real.

This is just a cartoon.

I'm not supposed to be here. This is just..

If you know it's a dream, why don't you change something?

Like what?

Anything.

Stop Mr. Destructopopolis from ..

Okay.

Did it work?

Nope.

How are you feeling?

That's a difficult question to answer.

Have you stopped taking the mushrooms?

Yes.

I think it was too late.

What do you mean by that?

Yeah.

What do you mean by that?

Who let you out the house?

-What was that?

What?

You said something.

What?

You said somet..

I think I'm okay.

What?

I think I'm okay.

You think you're okay?

Yeah.

Have you tried looking in the mirror?

[Microdosing theme plays]

[flames crackling]

It sent me on a trip that I can only describe as

pants-shittingly terrifying.

Is uh, Is that a medical term?

It means something.

But not everything has to mean something.

What about your fucking story?

I wouldn't say it takes anybody to the dark depths of their minds as much--

No, I admit, it was scary at first,

but now it's like I'm a whole new man.

So I say, take the mushrooms.

Trust the mushrooms.

Be the Mushrooms.

["Grand Well" by Push to Shove plays]

[Burps and belches] Rolling, rolling, rolling...