Original subtitles

From time immemorial, poets have sung the praises of nature, the

fleecy softness of clouds.

Graceful birds in flight, gliding, soaring and dipping, mocking poor

mortals earthbound and clumsy.

Ferny dells and mossy banks, inviting the parched traveller with their

shade and shelter.

murmuring streams, playfully finding their way to the eternal sea.

But one subject has inspired poets above every other.

Woman, motherly, shrewd.

Woman, unworldly, loving, faithful.

Woman, fascinating, fervent, savage.

Woman.

Innocent.

Childlike.

Sensitive.

Woman.

Till we are built like angels with hammer and chisel and pen, we

will work for ourselves and a woman forever and ever.

Amen.

How do you do, ladies and gentlemen?

My name is Tommy Atkins. That isn't my real name, of course, but that is the

name by which we British soldiers were called many years ago.

Tommy Atkins, soldier, traveler, adventurer, and former lover, now a lot

retired.

But let me begin at the beginning as a young, inexperienced soldier.

Four fingers, my dear.

Thank you.

Not too much soda.

Thank you, my sweet.

But let me begin at the beginning as an inexperienced young soldier in the

service of Her Majesty, Queen Victoria.

God bless her.

Now I never achieved fame on the field of battle, but it was through a chance

meeting with a young man by name of Rudyard Kipling, who was destined to

the greatest poet and storyteller of the British Empire.

One night I told Rudyard Kipling some of my adventures, and many years later a

poem appeared which spoke of a young soldier and his ladies.

I was that young soldier, and here is the story of my four.

young ladies, as I told it to Kipling many years ago.

It happened in India.

India, land of mysticism, steeped in tradition, primitive,

slow, resisting all change.

Home of the Maharajas.

and the untouchables.

India, land of plenty.

India, land of famine.

Ancient land of exotic dance and song.

India, enchanting land of young love.

I've taken my fun where I've found it.

I've rogued and I've ranged in me time.

I've had me picking and sweet -heart, and four of the lot was prime.

One was an half -caste widow, one was a woman at prone.

One was the wife of a head -groom, and one is a girl at home.

Now I aren't no hand with the ladies, for taking them all along, you never can

say till you've tried them, and then you are like to be wrong.

There's times when you'll think that you mightn't. There's times when you'll

know that you might.

But the things you will learn from these ladies, they'll help you a lot with a

wife.

The Teeming Millions of the Subcontinent of India have built up a most complex

economy many and varied other goods displayed for the edification of the

visitor stroll down any of a thousand streets or alleys and you will be

astonished and intrigued by the variety of the wares offered at prices within

the means of every person

um

There are very strict caste systems to which India has long adhered and only

under unusual circumstances or periods of national stress do the western and

eastern races mingle socially and with any degree of freedom.

There's times when you'll think that you mightn't.

There's times you'll have trouble and strife.

But the things you will learn from these ladies, they'll help you

a lot.

With your wife?

I was a youngin' at Oogly, shy as a girl to begin.

Aggie de Castro, she made me, and Aggie was clever as sin.

Older than me, but my firstin', more like a mother she were, showed me the

to promotion and pay, and I learned about women from her.

Some of the more desirable social European habits have become firmly

in India.

Almost never do social contacts progress beyond the simplest courtesies, and

anyone, Indian or European, who dares to flout the social taboos will bring upon

him or herself problems of insurmountable magnitude.

As Rudyard Kipling himself said in words that have been quoted over the years,

East is east, and west is west, and never the twain shall meet.

Thank you.

Aggie DeCastra, she made me, and Aggie was clever as thin.

Older than me, but my first, and more like a mother she were.

Showed me the way to promotion and pay, and I learned about women from her.

There's times when you'll think that you mightn't. There's times when you'll

know that you might.

But the things you will learn from these ladies, they'll help you a lot with the

wife.

Many parts of India present scenes somewhat similar to the English

Peaceful streams, wooded dells, grassy slopes abound.

But the dangers that often lurk in a seemingly placid wooded glade can be

deadly. Poisonous snakes, vicious man -eating tigers, fierce wild boars are a

constant menace to the unsuspecting traveler.

Particularly great is the danger to single explorers.

and some who have strayed too far from camp have been attacked and devoured

never a trace found thereafter.

Such tragedies, however, are rare, for expeditionary troops are trained to be

wary wherever danger is imminent.

All soldiers know their way about.

Noteworthy in this regard is mention of the Atkins' capability in trading

advantageously with powerful, often unpredictable princes of commerce.

Driving hard bargains with foreigners would at first seem unfriendly or

undignified, but such is not the case.

Traders respect a man for his shrewdness and conservatism at the Oriental

Bazaar. But Mr. Kipling did not seem greatly interested in this matter.

Women, he insisted, tell me about the ladies.

Well, he was so informed.

When I was ordered to Burma, Acting in charge of bazaar, I got me a tidy live

even through buying supplies off her par.

Funny and yeller and faithful, dull in a teacup she were, but we lived on the

square like a true married pair, and I learned about women from her.

It must be confessed that this was a most advantageously concluded trade

Dolls in teacups are rarely negotiated by so -called GIs for less than five

sacks of grain and two or three laying hens. In this case, the pact was

finalized for five sacks of grain alone.

I'd like to be a lady, a pretty

dress for me.

We go along the road,

the people smile.

we go along the road my gentlemen

India and Burma have lived contentedly with their ancient customs.

Fortunately, the natives took to the modern way without too much objection.

In their peculiar manner, they somehow seem to realize that one must move along

with the times.

Modernization has its own rewards.

They are almost too numerous to mention.

Better communication system, higher standards of education,

and improve transportation in remote areas.

Yes, with pride these countries display their new faith and announce advances

beckoned to none in the world.

Now I haunt no end with the ladies for taking them all along.

You never can say till you tried them and then you are like to be wrong.

There's times when you think that you mightn't.

There's times when you'll know that you might.

But the things you will learn from these ladies, they'll help you a lot with the

world.

Down in Derry

Wet my body.

Please take me, make my heart go

Funny and yellow and faithful, dull in a teacup she were, but we lived on the

square like a true married pair, and I learned about women from her.

Now I aren't no end to the ladies for taking them all along.

You never can say, oh, blimey, till you try them, and then you are right to be

wrong. There's times when you'll think that you might be.

There's times when you'll know that you might.

But the things you will learn from these ladies, they'll help you a lot with the

way.

Then we was shifted to Nemutch, or I might have been keeping her now.

And I took with a shiny she -devil, the wife of a native at Mall.

Taught me the gypsy folk's lingo, kind of volcano she were.

For she knifed me one night, for she thought she was right.

And I learned about women from her.

The popules of the majestic Himalayas and the Khyber path in particular have

found a permanent place in the romance of the exploits of the British army in

India. Many a bitter battle has been fought against fierce border tribes who

defended their freedom and sovereignty with courage, cunning, and commendable

martial strategy.

Even after being conquered by superior forces, These proud people of the hills

have never been known to subject themselves willingly to the domination

European power.

When not engaged in border wars with European invaders, the natives of these

regions are peaceful, law -abiding and industrious.

The home is the center of village activities, and the domestic life of the

people is peaceful and serene.

British troops in India have always had an irresistible urge to carry with them

from garrison to garrison and bivouac to bivouac the trophies

of their more successful campaigns in the field.

Again and again has the sentimental soldier endeared himself to natives in

all parts of the land

by casual and often unintentional displays of his cherished

mementos.

What would seem a most personal souvenir, something with a hidden

to its proud owner alone, is often fully comprehended by the simplest, most

isolated primitive.

I took with a shiny she -devil, the wife of a native at Mal, taught me the

gypsy folk's lingo, kind of volcano she were, for she knifed me one night,

cause I wished she was white.

And I learned about women from her.

Man's timid heart is bursting with the things he must not say.

For the woman that God gave him isn't his to give away.

When men meet with men, each confirms the other's tale.

The female of the species is more deadly than the male.

Then I come home on a trooper, long of a kid of sixteen.

Girl from a convent at Meerut, the straightest I ever have seen.

Love at first sight was her trouble.

She didn't know what it were.

And I wouldn't do such, because I liked her too much. But I learned about

women from her.

Now I aren't no hand with the ladies.

for taking them all along.

You never can say till you've tried them, and then you are like to be wrong.

There's times when you'll think that you mightn't. There's times when you'll

know that you might.

But the things you will learn from these ladies, they'll help you a lot with the

wife.

Thank you.

Bye.

Hello.

Girl from a convent at Meara, the straightest I ever have seen.

Loved for fight was her trouble.

She didn't know what it were.

And I wouldn't do such, because I liked her too much. But I learned about women

from her.

What did the colonel's lady think?

Nobody never knew.

Somebody asked the sergeant's wife and she told him true.

When you get to a man in the case, they're like as a row of skins.

For the colonel's lady and Judy O 'Grady are sisters under their skins.

What did the colonel's lady think?

Better, perhaps, what did the colonel himself think? Or did he think? He must

have. Particularly when he was alone and off to the wars.

Ah, the sad thought of his wife alone on a huge estate, echoing and re -echoing

the doleful sounds of solitude. No one to share one's experiences with, except

strange silent servants.

What did the colonel sometimes think?

No.

Well, maybe the thought did cross his mind. After all, it has happened to

men before.

Here's a warning that's meant for men, especially those who are wed.

Don't stay away from your wife.

too long lest she find a strange man in your stead for if you leave

your wife too long no she won't forget your face

sooner or later she may find someone else to

take your place so

don't rush into marriage you have to work hard To keep wife in tattens and

silk.

And end like a man who may own a nice cow.

While some other chap drinks all the milk.

Let me point up the moral some other way.

I hope my advice you'll be heeding.

Lest you be the one who pays for the book.

That another is having fun reading.

Now I aren't no hand to the ladies for taking them all along.

You never can say till you've tried them, and then you are like to be wrong.

There's times when you'll think that you mightn't. There's times when you'll

know that you might.

But the things you will learn from these ladies, they'll help you a lot with

your wife.

i have made for you a song and it may be right or wrong but only you can tell me

if it's true i have tried for to explain both your player and your pain and

tommy atkins here's my best respects to you oh there'll surely come a day when

they'll give you all your pay and treat you as a gentleman ought to do so until

that day comes around heaven keep you safe and sound Tommy Atkins, here's my

best respects to you.

I've taken my fun where I found it, and now I must pay for my fun.

For the more you have known of the others, the less will you settle the

And the end of it's sitting and thinking, and dreaming hell fires to

So be warned by my lot, which I know you will not.

and learn about women from me?