All language subtitles for Hot in Cleveland (2010) - S01E03 - Birthdates (1080p AMZN WEB-DL x265 Silence).eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,186 --> 00:00:02,297 - hot in cleveland is recorded 2 00:00:02,321 --> 00:00:04,365 In front of a live Studio audience. 3 00:00:06,024 --> 00:00:08,068 - huh. I wonder What that's about. 4 00:00:08,092 --> 00:00:10,738 - I'm not here. 5 00:00:10,762 --> 00:00:14,475 - wait, the police Are looking for you? 6 00:00:18,436 --> 00:00:20,747 - what police? 7 00:00:20,771 --> 00:00:24,252 - hey, guys, guess what. It's Our birthday in two weeks. 8 00:00:24,276 --> 00:00:25,353 - you're kidding. 9 00:00:25,377 --> 00:00:28,389 - you all have birthdays On the same day? 10 00:00:28,413 --> 00:00:29,724 - no, no, no, but We decided that, 11 00:00:29,748 --> 00:00:31,925 Seeing that birthdays are So generally unpleasant... 12 00:00:31,949 --> 00:00:33,394 - depressing, scary... 13 00:00:33,418 --> 00:00:35,730 - drunken, hazy... 14 00:00:35,754 --> 00:00:38,465 - we decided that we'd just Celebrate ours all together 15 00:00:38,489 --> 00:00:39,701 On a neutral day. 16 00:00:39,725 --> 00:00:42,103 And that way we don't Have to acknowledge 17 00:00:42,127 --> 00:00:44,272 The day that we Actually get older. 18 00:00:44,296 --> 00:00:45,606 - it works great. 19 00:00:45,630 --> 00:00:48,409 I really don't Know how old I am. 20 00:00:48,433 --> 00:00:50,078 - so what do you guys Want for your birthday? 21 00:00:50,102 --> 00:00:51,879 - a wonderful man Who worships me. 22 00:00:51,903 --> 00:00:54,716 - two of those. - oh, that sounds nice. 23 00:00:54,740 --> 00:00:56,383 - why don't you all Get each other dates 24 00:00:56,407 --> 00:00:57,819 For your birthday? 25 00:00:57,843 --> 00:01:00,120 - now, that is an Intriguing idea. 26 00:01:00,144 --> 00:01:02,556 I mean, we're terrible at Picking men for ourselves. 27 00:01:02,580 --> 00:01:04,892 I have five Divorces to prove it. 28 00:01:04,916 --> 00:01:06,660 - I wish I had a divorce. 29 00:01:06,684 --> 00:01:09,764 I have animals that die. 30 00:01:09,788 --> 00:01:11,398 - let's do it. 31 00:01:11,422 --> 00:01:12,666 Everyone's gonna pick a name, 32 00:01:12,690 --> 00:01:14,401 And then get a date For that person. 33 00:01:14,425 --> 00:01:17,171 It'll be our new cleveland Birthday celebration. 34 00:01:17,195 --> 00:01:19,107 - and where are we Going to find these men? 35 00:01:19,131 --> 00:01:21,209 - they do seem to be All over this town. 36 00:01:21,233 --> 00:01:23,944 I get disgusting comments And lewd gestures, 37 00:01:23,968 --> 00:01:25,546 Like, ten times a day. 38 00:01:25,570 --> 00:01:28,783 It is fantastic! 39 00:01:28,807 --> 00:01:31,586 - elka, are you in? - sure. 40 00:01:31,610 --> 00:01:34,655 But if you're picking for me, 41 00:01:34,679 --> 00:01:37,413 I don't do fatties. 42 00:01:40,952 --> 00:01:43,419 - okay, elka, you go first. 43 00:01:46,658 --> 00:01:47,635 - victoria. 44 00:01:47,659 --> 00:01:49,570 - melanie. - elka. 45 00:01:49,594 --> 00:01:50,938 - oh, great that Means victoria got me. 46 00:01:50,962 --> 00:01:52,140 - so? 47 00:01:52,164 --> 00:01:53,941 - so you're terrible At picking gifts. 48 00:01:53,965 --> 00:01:56,343 I'm gonna get screwed. - oh, stop it! 49 00:01:56,367 --> 00:01:58,445 I'm a wonderful gift giver. 50 00:01:58,469 --> 00:02:00,447 - see, look at this Beautiful pre-birthday gift 51 00:02:00,471 --> 00:02:01,715 I just gave myself. 52 00:02:01,739 --> 00:02:05,018 - wow, cartier. My favorite. 53 00:02:05,042 --> 00:02:07,288 but you didn't even Remember it was our birthday. 54 00:02:07,312 --> 00:02:09,078 - still, it's a great gift. 55 00:02:13,918 --> 00:02:16,397 - ♪ buh buh buh buh ♪ 56 00:02:16,421 --> 00:02:19,667 ♪ buh buh buh buh ♪ 57 00:02:19,691 --> 00:02:22,570 - can I get a refill, please? 58 00:02:22,594 --> 00:02:24,705 - I wonder when our Presents will arrive. 59 00:02:24,729 --> 00:02:26,040 - yours will be here soon. 60 00:02:26,064 --> 00:02:28,042 - I wish the same Could be said for mine. 61 00:02:28,066 --> 00:02:30,244 I'm sure victoria Didn't find me anyone. 62 00:02:30,268 --> 00:02:32,980 - oh, don't be so negative. I got elka a great date. 63 00:02:33,004 --> 00:02:34,982 - I'm a little nervous. 64 00:02:35,006 --> 00:02:38,152 Or maybe it's just Staring at that rat's nest 65 00:02:38,176 --> 00:02:39,942 That joy calls a hairdo. 66 00:02:41,713 --> 00:02:43,891 It's so unsettling. 67 00:02:43,915 --> 00:02:47,761 - your nerves are Making you unpleasant. 68 00:02:47,785 --> 00:02:50,765 - yes, but I can fix that By finishing this wine. 69 00:02:50,789 --> 00:02:53,434 You're still stuck With that hair. 70 00:02:53,458 --> 00:02:55,770 - that's not your joke, elka. 71 00:02:55,794 --> 00:02:57,338 That's winston churchill's. 72 00:02:57,362 --> 00:03:00,196 - it's not stealing If you were there. 73 00:03:02,367 --> 00:03:05,268 - elka, your date's here. 74 00:03:07,305 --> 00:03:09,583 - he's handsome! 75 00:03:09,607 --> 00:03:11,819 Where did you find him? - at a senior center. 76 00:03:11,843 --> 00:03:13,020 I emailed your photo over 77 00:03:13,044 --> 00:03:14,355 To see if anybody Would be interested. 78 00:03:14,379 --> 00:03:17,225 He was the only one who Knew how to email back. 79 00:03:17,249 --> 00:03:19,493 Hey, max. 80 00:03:19,517 --> 00:03:23,331 - melanie, so nice to Officially meet you. 81 00:03:23,355 --> 00:03:25,233 And you must be elka. 82 00:03:25,257 --> 00:03:27,368 - I am. 83 00:03:27,392 --> 00:03:29,170 - may I say that You're even lovelier 84 00:03:29,194 --> 00:03:30,204 Than in your picture? 85 00:03:30,228 --> 00:03:32,740 - yes, you may. 86 00:03:32,764 --> 00:03:34,808 - shall we? 87 00:03:34,832 --> 00:03:37,445 To be fair, in my computer, 88 00:03:37,469 --> 00:03:39,614 Your picture is Displayed in 200%. 89 00:03:39,638 --> 00:03:44,841 I've seen all of you, But not all at once. 90 00:03:59,624 --> 00:04:03,036 - uh, excuse me. - yeah. 91 00:04:03,060 --> 00:04:05,505 - I'm victoria chase. - hi. 92 00:04:05,529 --> 00:04:08,309 - how would you like to Pretend to be my friend's date? 93 00:04:08,333 --> 00:04:10,411 - uh, what's the Matter with her? 94 00:04:10,435 --> 00:04:12,280 - nothing, really. She's quite attractive. 95 00:04:12,304 --> 00:04:15,116 She's sitting right over There with the long brown hair. 96 00:04:15,140 --> 00:04:16,817 - oh... - I'll give you 200 bucks. 97 00:04:16,841 --> 00:04:18,986 - great! - wait, wait, wait. 98 00:04:19,010 --> 00:04:20,788 But you can't be yourself. 99 00:04:20,812 --> 00:04:22,156 I mean, I'm sure you're great, 100 00:04:22,180 --> 00:04:25,293 But I was supposed to find Her a specific type of guy. 101 00:04:25,317 --> 00:04:27,194 - well, why didn't you if You said you were going to? 102 00:04:27,218 --> 00:04:30,464 - well, I ran out of time, Or I didn't prioritize, or... 103 00:04:30,488 --> 00:04:34,201 I don't know, I just... Get off my back! 104 00:04:34,225 --> 00:04:35,770 What do you do? 105 00:04:35,794 --> 00:04:37,939 - well, with the Economy and everything... 106 00:04:37,963 --> 00:04:40,341 - okay, I'm bored already. 107 00:04:40,365 --> 00:04:42,977 You are an architect. She goes crazy for them. 108 00:04:43,001 --> 00:04:44,811 - okay... 109 00:04:44,835 --> 00:04:46,814 - and you have three Dogs, but not purebreds. 110 00:04:46,838 --> 00:04:50,083 She'd never go for That. Let's see, what else? 111 00:04:50,107 --> 00:04:52,720 Oh, compliment her Earlobes. Don't ask me why. 112 00:04:52,744 --> 00:04:54,588 Favorite color, celadon. 113 00:04:54,612 --> 00:04:57,224 Don't order beets, and do Not mention helen mirren. 114 00:04:57,248 --> 00:04:59,627 What's your name? - uh, steve. 115 00:04:59,651 --> 00:05:03,798 - no, no, I think that You are an alistair. 116 00:05:03,822 --> 00:05:05,266 - then I think I Need another 50. 117 00:05:05,290 --> 00:05:08,135 - okay, steve's good. 118 00:05:08,159 --> 00:05:09,736 - well, I'll be damned. 119 00:05:09,760 --> 00:05:11,505 - these are my friends Melanie and joy. 120 00:05:11,529 --> 00:05:13,641 - hi. - and this is steve. 121 00:05:13,665 --> 00:05:16,409 He's an architect. 122 00:05:16,433 --> 00:05:19,013 - I am. 123 00:05:19,037 --> 00:05:21,415 And I like dogs. 124 00:05:21,439 --> 00:05:24,217 - I love dogs. 125 00:05:24,241 --> 00:05:25,353 You have dogs? 126 00:05:25,377 --> 00:05:27,955 - yes, yes. Uh, mutts. 127 00:05:27,979 --> 00:05:29,857 I mean I love all dogs, 128 00:05:29,881 --> 00:05:32,993 But I just don't see the Point of buying a dog 129 00:05:33,017 --> 00:05:36,297 From an industry that promotes Inbreeding and puppyvilles 130 00:05:36,321 --> 00:05:37,831 When there are so many Mixed breeds out there 131 00:05:37,855 --> 00:05:38,866 In need of a home. 132 00:05:38,890 --> 00:05:41,602 - I feel exactly the same way. 133 00:05:41,626 --> 00:05:43,570 - well, should I try to Go round us up a table? 134 00:05:43,594 --> 00:05:45,472 - sounds great. - all right. 135 00:05:45,496 --> 00:05:47,141 So... 136 00:05:47,165 --> 00:05:50,044 - I owe you an apology. 137 00:05:50,068 --> 00:05:52,112 You truly are a wonderful friend 138 00:05:52,136 --> 00:05:54,614 Who seems to have Found me a great guy. 139 00:05:54,638 --> 00:05:56,917 I'm sorry. I really Underestimated you. 140 00:05:56,941 --> 00:06:00,321 - oh, well, I accept Your apology. 141 00:06:00,345 --> 00:06:02,185 You are free to enjoy him now. 142 00:06:04,482 --> 00:06:06,494 - I can't believe you Went to that much work 143 00:06:06,518 --> 00:06:07,762 To find joy's date. 144 00:06:07,786 --> 00:06:11,120 - but you do believe it, right? 145 00:06:12,957 --> 00:06:15,569 - oh, happy birthday. 146 00:06:15,593 --> 00:06:17,270 - do you think he's Here for one of us? 147 00:06:17,294 --> 00:06:19,040 - oh, he's looking over Here. How do I look? 148 00:06:19,064 --> 00:06:22,209 - freakishly young. What About me? How's my hair? 149 00:06:22,233 --> 00:06:23,978 - like god re-touched it. 150 00:06:24,002 --> 00:06:26,446 Good luck. - you too. 151 00:06:26,470 --> 00:06:28,782 - uh, victoria? - yes! 152 00:06:28,806 --> 00:06:30,017 - sorry I'm late. 153 00:06:30,041 --> 00:06:31,218 I had to jog the last Couple of blocks 154 00:06:31,242 --> 00:06:34,588 Just to get here, but It was worth it... Wow. 155 00:06:34,612 --> 00:06:37,258 Are all actresses as Beautiful in person as you? 156 00:06:37,282 --> 00:06:39,648 - sadly, no. 157 00:06:41,486 --> 00:06:44,131 - glenn miller or tommy dorsey? 158 00:06:44,155 --> 00:06:46,367 - oh, miller all the way. 159 00:06:46,391 --> 00:06:47,901 - yeah, that was real music. 160 00:06:47,925 --> 00:06:50,304 I don't go for that stuff That's out there now. 161 00:06:50,328 --> 00:06:54,107 Michael buble. 162 00:06:54,131 --> 00:06:56,243 Have you heard this yahoo? 163 00:06:56,267 --> 00:06:59,179 - please! You mean Wannabe sinatra. 164 00:06:59,203 --> 00:07:00,581 - exactly. 165 00:07:00,605 --> 00:07:04,285 Go back to the second Floor at nordstrom's, I say. 166 00:07:04,309 --> 00:07:07,154 Okay, another question: 167 00:07:07,178 --> 00:07:10,591 Favorite medication. 168 00:07:10,615 --> 00:07:14,694 - oh, that's a tough one. 169 00:07:14,718 --> 00:07:17,798 All things considered, I Think I'm gonna have to say 170 00:07:17,822 --> 00:07:20,167 Celebrex. 171 00:07:20,191 --> 00:07:22,035 - celebrex. Nice. 172 00:07:22,059 --> 00:07:25,539 I'm an allopurinol man myself. 173 00:07:25,563 --> 00:07:27,808 - ooh, gout! 174 00:07:27,832 --> 00:07:32,279 Somebody likes to party. 175 00:07:32,303 --> 00:07:36,517 Ever go to canada for Your discount rates? 176 00:07:36,541 --> 00:07:39,219 - do I? I'm on a First-name basis 177 00:07:39,243 --> 00:07:40,821 With all the border guards. 178 00:07:40,845 --> 00:07:46,060 - me too. We should Carpool next time. 179 00:07:46,084 --> 00:07:49,830 - is it possible that you Are the perfect woman? 180 00:07:49,854 --> 00:07:55,068 - well, I'd say It's very possible. 181 00:07:55,092 --> 00:07:56,369 - will you be eating alone? 182 00:07:56,393 --> 00:07:57,537 I can bring over A place setting. 183 00:07:57,561 --> 00:07:59,807 - oh, no, no, no, No. I... I have a date. 184 00:07:59,831 --> 00:08:01,308 It's a blind date. He Should be here soon. 185 00:08:01,332 --> 00:08:03,143 - I'm sure he will. Anything else? 186 00:08:03,167 --> 00:08:04,845 - I'm really nervous. 187 00:08:04,869 --> 00:08:07,013 I haven't been on a blind Date in, like, oh, gosh, forever. 188 00:08:07,037 --> 00:08:08,315 I just got divorced. 189 00:08:08,339 --> 00:08:10,217 I'm totally over it. It's just, you know, 190 00:08:10,241 --> 00:08:12,553 Sometimes it still feels A little fresh and raw. 191 00:08:12,577 --> 00:08:14,154 But this is just the Type of adventure 192 00:08:14,178 --> 00:08:15,823 I signed up for when I Moved to cleveland, isn't it? 193 00:08:15,847 --> 00:08:19,748 - uh, I was just wondering if You need a fork or something. 194 00:08:21,485 --> 00:08:22,997 Melanie? 195 00:08:23,021 --> 00:08:24,064 - yes? 196 00:08:26,557 --> 00:08:29,559 I think I'm gonna be sick. 197 00:08:33,865 --> 00:08:35,009 - I'm so sorry. That Didn't come out right. 198 00:08:35,033 --> 00:08:40,281 It's just your face Is kind of... Oh... 199 00:08:40,305 --> 00:08:42,483 Sorry, I'm feeling queasy again. 200 00:08:42,507 --> 00:08:45,486 - why don't we just leave It at I'm not your type? 201 00:08:45,510 --> 00:08:47,387 - no, no, no, actually, You're totally my type. 202 00:08:47,411 --> 00:08:50,324 You look exactly Like my dead wife. 203 00:08:50,348 --> 00:08:53,160 - uh... Thank you? 204 00:08:53,184 --> 00:08:54,628 - yeah. 205 00:08:54,652 --> 00:08:56,163 - listen, this is obviously Upsetting for you, 206 00:08:56,187 --> 00:08:58,064 So let's just not do The whole date thing. 207 00:08:58,088 --> 00:09:01,034 - oh, listen, I really need To move on with my life, 208 00:09:01,058 --> 00:09:03,838 And this is the first actual Date I've had since the funeral. 209 00:09:03,862 --> 00:09:06,907 And joy said so many nice things About you in line at the deli. 210 00:09:06,931 --> 00:09:09,243 - you know what, I don't Know if this is a real good idea. 211 00:09:09,267 --> 00:09:10,477 - please? 212 00:09:10,501 --> 00:09:11,979 If I have to spend Another night alone, 213 00:09:12,003 --> 00:09:15,082 I don't know what I'll do. 214 00:09:15,106 --> 00:09:18,986 - uh... Why not? 215 00:09:19,010 --> 00:09:21,488 Life's too short, right? 216 00:09:21,512 --> 00:09:25,860 - I'm so sorry. 217 00:09:25,884 --> 00:09:27,728 - so where were we? 218 00:09:27,752 --> 00:09:29,596 - you were telling me How you all picked dates 219 00:09:29,620 --> 00:09:30,597 For each other. 220 00:09:30,621 --> 00:09:31,598 That's fun. 221 00:09:31,622 --> 00:09:33,133 - oh, it is fun. 222 00:09:33,157 --> 00:09:35,269 Especially when it Looks like I got the prize. 223 00:09:35,293 --> 00:09:37,237 - oh, I'm flattered. 224 00:09:37,261 --> 00:09:38,638 You'll have to excuse Me, I'm still sweating. 225 00:09:38,662 --> 00:09:41,208 That run over here was a Bit further than I anticipated. 226 00:09:41,232 --> 00:09:42,408 - oh. - do you mind? 227 00:09:42,432 --> 00:09:43,677 - no, not at all. 228 00:09:43,701 --> 00:09:46,368 You just take off as Much clothing as you like. 229 00:09:56,214 --> 00:10:00,427 - you know, I never Formally introduced myself. 230 00:10:00,451 --> 00:10:02,551 I'm chester. 231 00:10:05,289 --> 00:10:06,700 - chester. 232 00:10:06,724 --> 00:10:11,205 Well, that'll be Easy to remember. 233 00:10:11,229 --> 00:10:14,408 - the truth is I'm A great driver, 234 00:10:14,432 --> 00:10:17,378 But sometimes I like To drive real slow 235 00:10:17,402 --> 00:10:20,980 Just to mess with people. 236 00:10:21,004 --> 00:10:24,585 - I am having such a good time. 237 00:10:24,609 --> 00:10:26,220 - me too. 238 00:10:26,244 --> 00:10:29,289 - I think we should get married. 239 00:10:29,313 --> 00:10:32,526 - me too. Pass the salt. 240 00:10:32,550 --> 00:10:35,229 - really? You'd marry me? 241 00:10:35,253 --> 00:10:37,063 - yeah, I would. 242 00:10:37,087 --> 00:10:41,235 I mean, why dance around? We're perfect for each other. 243 00:10:41,259 --> 00:10:43,503 - I'm glad to hear that. 244 00:10:43,527 --> 00:10:46,473 Oh, here's your salt. 245 00:10:46,497 --> 00:10:49,109 I'm impressed you Can still use that. 246 00:10:49,133 --> 00:10:52,145 - oh, I know how to Shake what I've got. 247 00:10:52,169 --> 00:10:54,737 - ha ha! 248 00:10:56,808 --> 00:11:00,287 I've been wanting To do that all night. 249 00:11:00,311 --> 00:11:02,589 - oh... Well... 250 00:11:02,613 --> 00:11:06,993 - now I can get Back to my rigatoni. 251 00:11:07,017 --> 00:11:08,495 - celadon? 252 00:11:08,519 --> 00:11:10,631 Most men don't even Know what that is. 253 00:11:10,655 --> 00:11:14,000 - well... I do. 254 00:11:14,024 --> 00:11:16,837 - so becoming an architect Was like a calling? 255 00:11:16,861 --> 00:11:20,306 - yes. Yes, it was like someone Tapped me on the shoulder 256 00:11:20,330 --> 00:11:22,264 And said, "You're an architect." 257 00:11:24,669 --> 00:11:27,547 - and I'll start with The caesar salad. 258 00:11:27,571 --> 00:11:30,150 - hey, have you ever thought About wearing your hair, 259 00:11:30,174 --> 00:11:32,552 I don't know, back a little bit? 260 00:11:32,576 --> 00:11:34,555 - excuse me? 261 00:11:34,579 --> 00:11:37,424 - just push it Back on the sides. 262 00:11:37,448 --> 00:11:40,027 That... That's too Much. A little less. 263 00:11:40,051 --> 00:11:42,629 Oh, god, it's uncanny! 264 00:11:42,653 --> 00:11:45,966 This is gonna sound crazy, But you look so much like her. 265 00:11:45,990 --> 00:11:49,670 I gotta show you a picture. 266 00:11:49,694 --> 00:11:51,204 - how's your pasta? 267 00:11:51,228 --> 00:11:56,510 - fine. How's your breast? 268 00:11:56,534 --> 00:11:57,811 - it's a meatloaf. 269 00:11:57,835 --> 00:12:00,747 - I'll say it is. 270 00:12:00,771 --> 00:12:02,649 Victoria. 271 00:12:02,673 --> 00:12:04,018 - excuse me, my friend... 272 00:12:04,042 --> 00:12:05,122 - needs me at the bar. 273 00:12:08,746 --> 00:12:09,990 You're not gonna believe this, 274 00:12:10,014 --> 00:12:12,092 But my date is trying to Turn me into his dead wife. 275 00:12:12,116 --> 00:12:13,227 - okay, that's nothing. 276 00:12:13,251 --> 00:12:16,018 You seen the cans on chester? 277 00:12:23,694 --> 00:12:27,941 - and his name is "Chester"? 278 00:12:27,965 --> 00:12:29,609 - would you ask our Waitress to bring us 279 00:12:29,633 --> 00:12:31,211 A bottle of champagne, please? 280 00:12:31,235 --> 00:12:34,514 - champagne! You Really came through. 281 00:12:34,538 --> 00:12:36,850 You're a good friend. - aren't I? 282 00:12:36,874 --> 00:12:39,586 - oh, hey, hey, Victoria, thanks again. 283 00:12:39,610 --> 00:12:41,490 Best blind date I have ever had. 284 00:12:48,052 --> 00:12:51,553 I am not gonna let This one get away. 285 00:12:54,925 --> 00:12:58,294 - oh, boy. 286 00:13:01,233 --> 00:13:02,943 - you set joy up With a murderer? 287 00:13:02,967 --> 00:13:04,812 - well, to be fair, at The time I just thought 288 00:13:04,836 --> 00:13:06,880 He was a complete stranger. 289 00:13:06,904 --> 00:13:08,015 Now, can we just Focus and figure out 290 00:13:08,039 --> 00:13:09,250 What we should do next? 291 00:13:09,274 --> 00:13:11,252 - there's a tip line Number on the screen. 292 00:13:11,276 --> 00:13:13,687 It's ringing. Oh, my god, How did this happen? 293 00:13:13,711 --> 00:13:16,490 - well, I kinda sorta picked Him when I came in here tonight. 294 00:13:16,514 --> 00:13:20,261 I gave him 200 bucks and told Him to show her a good time. 295 00:13:20,285 --> 00:13:23,931 - so he's a murderer And a hooker! 296 00:13:23,955 --> 00:13:26,434 Oh, hello, hello! Yes, This is melanie moretti. 297 00:13:26,458 --> 00:13:28,569 The suspect that You're looking for 298 00:13:28,593 --> 00:13:30,337 Is at stormy's on euclid. 299 00:13:30,361 --> 00:13:32,740 - and the only thing I Hate more than beets 300 00:13:32,764 --> 00:13:36,343 Is helen mirren. 301 00:13:36,367 --> 00:13:39,012 - kiss me. 302 00:13:39,036 --> 00:13:41,181 - hurry! Hurry! He's kissing her! 303 00:13:41,205 --> 00:13:43,150 Okay, thank you. 304 00:13:43,174 --> 00:13:45,686 Okay, he said to stay Calm and act normal. 305 00:13:45,710 --> 00:13:47,221 And we have to try And keep him here 306 00:13:47,245 --> 00:13:48,488 Until they arrive. 307 00:13:48,512 --> 00:13:49,556 - okay, well, let's just Get rid of our dates 308 00:13:49,580 --> 00:13:50,725 So that we can focus. 309 00:13:50,749 --> 00:13:52,226 - oh, gosh, you know, Considering everything, 310 00:13:52,250 --> 00:13:54,283 Maybe my date's not so bad. 311 00:13:57,589 --> 00:14:01,302 - oh, who am I kidding? 312 00:14:01,326 --> 00:14:03,471 - everything okay? - wow... 313 00:14:03,495 --> 00:14:05,806 That jacket really Does wonders for you. 314 00:14:05,830 --> 00:14:07,541 - yeah, I got it Right off the rack. 315 00:14:07,565 --> 00:14:11,512 - don't say rack. 316 00:14:11,536 --> 00:14:12,980 Listen, chester, 317 00:14:13,004 --> 00:14:15,081 I don't think it's gonna Work out between us. 318 00:14:15,105 --> 00:14:17,618 - but we didn't even Finish dinner yet. 319 00:14:17,642 --> 00:14:18,919 Sorry for whatever It is I did wrong. 320 00:14:18,943 --> 00:14:21,388 - wait, wait. Come here. 321 00:14:21,412 --> 00:14:26,560 Um, excuse me, do you Find this man attractive? 322 00:14:26,584 --> 00:14:27,728 And she's cute, right? 323 00:14:27,752 --> 00:14:29,063 - yeah. - good. Great. 324 00:14:29,087 --> 00:14:30,530 Why don't you sit down And buy her a drink. 325 00:14:30,554 --> 00:14:31,732 - really? - really. 326 00:14:31,756 --> 00:14:33,567 - well, okay. - no, no, no. 327 00:14:33,591 --> 00:14:37,604 Keep that on... Forever. 328 00:14:37,628 --> 00:14:40,073 - let's go. 329 00:14:40,097 --> 00:14:41,308 - I suppose you're right. 330 00:14:41,332 --> 00:14:42,343 I guess I wasn't really ready 331 00:14:42,367 --> 00:14:43,410 To get out there after all. 332 00:14:43,434 --> 00:14:44,645 - you know what, it's okay. 333 00:14:44,669 --> 00:14:45,712 It's okay. It was Very nice to meet you, 334 00:14:45,736 --> 00:14:46,714 And I wish you Nothing but the best. 335 00:14:46,738 --> 00:14:48,582 - you know, I think why 336 00:14:48,606 --> 00:14:50,250 My wife's death is so hard on me 337 00:14:50,274 --> 00:14:52,452 Is that I never got a Chance to say good-bye. 338 00:14:52,476 --> 00:14:54,755 I got to the hospital Ten minutes too late. 339 00:14:54,779 --> 00:14:56,924 - oh, you poor thing. 340 00:14:56,948 --> 00:14:59,426 - I know this is Gonna sound odd, 341 00:14:59,450 --> 00:15:01,562 But with you being So much like her, 342 00:15:01,586 --> 00:15:03,296 I feel like it would Help give me closure 343 00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:05,398 If I could say good-bye To you in the way 344 00:15:05,422 --> 00:15:06,967 That I wanted to Say good-bye to her. 345 00:15:06,991 --> 00:15:10,271 - oh, you know, That's... I don't know. 346 00:15:10,295 --> 00:15:12,239 - yeah, it's too much. - yeah. 347 00:15:12,263 --> 00:15:16,143 - I get it. I'll go. - okay. Okay. 348 00:15:16,167 --> 00:15:18,879 Oh, go ahead, say good-bye. 349 00:15:18,903 --> 00:15:21,336 - oh, thank you. 350 00:15:24,508 --> 00:15:27,788 Honey, you're the most Amazing woman I've ever met. 351 00:15:27,812 --> 00:15:30,424 Your strength, Grace, and courage 352 00:15:30,448 --> 00:15:32,159 Will be with me always. 353 00:15:32,183 --> 00:15:33,627 I love you. 354 00:15:33,651 --> 00:15:38,099 - okey-dokey! 355 00:15:38,123 --> 00:15:40,835 - may I give her a little kiss? 356 00:15:40,859 --> 00:15:44,159 - it's me, not her. But whatever. 357 00:15:46,664 --> 00:15:51,478 - I'd give anything to make Love to her one last time. 358 00:15:51,502 --> 00:15:54,604 - and we're done here. 359 00:15:56,775 --> 00:15:58,518 - guess what happened to me! 360 00:15:58,542 --> 00:16:00,153 - elka, not now. We're In the middle of a crisis. 361 00:16:00,177 --> 00:16:01,822 - I got engaged. 362 00:16:01,846 --> 00:16:06,160 Both: aah! 363 00:16:06,184 --> 00:16:08,328 - I knew you'd like him! - he's amazing. 364 00:16:08,352 --> 00:16:09,996 - oh, no, he's paying the bill! 365 00:16:10,020 --> 00:16:11,065 He's gonna go. We Have to keep him here. 366 00:16:11,089 --> 00:16:12,066 - oh, my god, what Are we gonna do? 367 00:16:12,090 --> 00:16:13,667 - who cares about joy? 368 00:16:13,691 --> 00:16:16,002 What about me? I'm getting married. 369 00:16:16,026 --> 00:16:19,039 I'm, like, 100! 370 00:16:19,063 --> 00:16:24,433 - listen, victoria accidentally Set joy up with a murderer. 371 00:16:26,537 --> 00:16:29,471 - I'm conflicted. 372 00:16:31,909 --> 00:16:34,522 - I am on a great date For once in my life, 373 00:16:34,546 --> 00:16:35,856 And you guys are Acting like idiots. 374 00:16:35,880 --> 00:16:37,024 What's going on? 375 00:16:37,048 --> 00:16:41,361 - uh, well, I waited Until the last minute, 376 00:16:41,385 --> 00:16:43,063 And I just grabbed the first guy 377 00:16:43,087 --> 00:16:44,164 I could find a the bar, 378 00:16:44,188 --> 00:16:46,566 And I gave him $200 To be your date. 379 00:16:46,590 --> 00:16:50,204 - what? You paid steve To go out with me? 380 00:16:50,228 --> 00:16:52,639 This is all fake? 381 00:16:52,663 --> 00:16:53,907 Oh, my god, this is, Like, the worst thing 382 00:16:53,931 --> 00:16:55,009 You've ever done to me. 383 00:16:55,033 --> 00:16:59,412 - well, there's more. 384 00:16:59,436 --> 00:17:03,350 Uh, he's kind of a... Murderer. - what? 385 00:17:03,374 --> 00:17:06,253 - but the police Are on their way. 386 00:17:06,277 --> 00:17:07,521 - guys, he's coming. 387 00:17:07,545 --> 00:17:09,189 - okay, listen, we have To try and keep him here, 388 00:17:09,213 --> 00:17:10,257 So just act natural. 389 00:17:10,281 --> 00:17:12,392 - how do I act natural With a murderer? 390 00:17:12,416 --> 00:17:14,561 - just do the opposite of that. 391 00:17:14,585 --> 00:17:17,865 - so, joy, are you ready to go? 392 00:17:17,889 --> 00:17:21,268 My van's parked out front. 393 00:17:21,292 --> 00:17:22,736 - your van? 394 00:17:22,760 --> 00:17:25,639 he has a van! 395 00:17:25,663 --> 00:17:26,707 - are you okay? 396 00:17:26,731 --> 00:17:27,708 - why don't you Join us for dessert? 397 00:17:27,732 --> 00:17:28,709 - yes. 398 00:17:28,733 --> 00:17:31,011 - you know, to be honest, 399 00:17:31,035 --> 00:17:32,178 I was just, uh, hoping To get joy alone. 400 00:17:32,202 --> 00:17:34,682 - no! I mean... Tell Me what I mean! 401 00:17:34,706 --> 00:17:37,418 - she has a rare disease. - joy's a lesbian. 402 00:17:37,442 --> 00:17:39,420 - hey. 403 00:17:39,444 --> 00:17:42,811 - oh, god! 404 00:17:44,916 --> 00:17:48,617 - now can we talk About my engagement? 405 00:17:56,260 --> 00:17:58,471 - as soon as he was on The floor writhing in pain, 406 00:17:58,495 --> 00:17:59,840 I could see that 407 00:17:59,864 --> 00:18:03,110 The sketch really didn't Look that much like him. 408 00:18:03,134 --> 00:18:05,479 - then why did you kick him? 409 00:18:05,503 --> 00:18:07,814 - the police did say That these mistakes 410 00:18:07,838 --> 00:18:09,116 Happen all the time. 411 00:18:09,140 --> 00:18:11,718 - joy, I am so sorry About everything. 412 00:18:11,742 --> 00:18:14,488 - you should be. I knew This would happen. 413 00:18:14,512 --> 00:18:17,657 - listen, of all the things That happened tonight, 414 00:18:17,681 --> 00:18:20,394 The one thing that I Can't get out of my mind 415 00:18:20,418 --> 00:18:22,262 Is the look on your Face when you thought 416 00:18:22,286 --> 00:18:25,098 I had finally done this Great thing for you. 417 00:18:25,122 --> 00:18:28,935 And then all I did Was disappoint you. 418 00:18:28,959 --> 00:18:30,270 I wasn't a good friend, 419 00:18:30,294 --> 00:18:31,771 And I will never Forgive myself for that. 420 00:18:31,795 --> 00:18:36,943 - of course you Will. And I will too. 421 00:18:36,967 --> 00:18:39,012 I thought steve Was the perfect guy 422 00:18:39,036 --> 00:18:40,480 Because everything He said were things 423 00:18:40,504 --> 00:18:42,382 You knew I would love. 424 00:18:42,406 --> 00:18:45,519 Things only a best Friend would know. 425 00:18:45,543 --> 00:18:48,388 You know me well. 426 00:18:48,412 --> 00:18:53,093 - still, I... 427 00:18:53,117 --> 00:18:55,217 I would like you to have this. 428 00:18:57,255 --> 00:19:00,868 - you know me very well! 429 00:19:00,892 --> 00:19:05,338 - at least joy's date Didn't have a dead wife. 430 00:19:05,362 --> 00:19:08,474 - or boobs. 431 00:19:08,498 --> 00:19:10,744 - my date had both. 432 00:19:10,768 --> 00:19:14,581 - so, elka, when are you Gonna make it official? 433 00:19:14,605 --> 00:19:17,484 - oh... That's over. 434 00:19:17,508 --> 00:19:19,253 We started having problems. 435 00:19:19,277 --> 00:19:21,388 - oh... - what happened? 436 00:19:21,412 --> 00:19:24,557 - well, we got along fine, 437 00:19:24,581 --> 00:19:29,184 But he wouldn't go downtown, If you know what I mean. 438 00:19:33,124 --> 00:19:34,801 What? 439 00:19:34,825 --> 00:19:37,237 I mean, there are so Many good restaurants 440 00:19:37,261 --> 00:19:40,674 And shops down there. 441 00:19:40,698 --> 00:19:43,043 I can't give that up. 442 00:19:43,067 --> 00:19:45,913 Of course you do. 443 00:19:45,937 --> 00:19:48,348 - what'd you think I Was talking about? 444 00:19:48,372 --> 00:19:50,973 - nothing. Nothing at all. 445 00:19:53,277 --> 00:19:56,056 - hi. - max... 446 00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:59,126 - listen, elka, I don't Want to lose you. 447 00:19:59,150 --> 00:20:00,960 So if you're still up for it, 448 00:20:00,984 --> 00:20:04,452 I'm willing to try Going downtown. 449 00:20:07,825 --> 00:20:10,270 - you are? - yes. 450 00:20:10,294 --> 00:20:12,661 I just hope I won't Get lost down there. 451 00:20:16,233 --> 00:20:17,877 - oh, you won't. 452 00:20:17,901 --> 00:20:21,881 I have no problem Telling you where to go. 453 00:20:21,905 --> 00:20:26,987 - it's just that it's so Dark and scary there. 454 00:20:27,011 --> 00:20:28,455 - happy birthday. - happy birthday! 32544

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