All language subtitles for Friday.Night.Dinner.S05E06.Wilson.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-ACK_track3_[eng]

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:37,440 Hmm. I think I'll have that. 2 00:00:37,480 --> 00:00:39,280 Jonny! 3 00:00:39,320 --> 00:00:40,520 JONNY CHUCKLES 4 00:00:40,560 --> 00:00:42,080 Just give it back! Sorry? 5 00:00:42,120 --> 00:00:44,960 Give me my phone back. Oh, you mean this? 6 00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:46,960 Whoo, butterfingers! 7 00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:49,120 Jonny, you dick! You could have broken it. 8 00:00:49,160 --> 00:00:50,840 I've got my call later. 9 00:00:50,880 --> 00:00:53,560 What's the stuff in this bag? Er, what are they doing in there? 10 00:00:53,600 --> 00:00:55,240 Jackie, just put it down. 11 00:00:55,280 --> 00:00:57,760 What are these bits for? Jackie, just leave them, will you? 12 00:00:57,800 --> 00:01:00,880 I'm just looking. Oh, hi, boys. All right? 13 00:01:00,920 --> 00:01:03,640 But what are they for? Intergalactic bloody space travel. 14 00:01:03,680 --> 00:01:06,480 Just leave the bleeding things! All right! 15 00:01:06,520 --> 00:01:09,520 What's going on? We're trying to put together this storage unit thing 16 00:01:09,560 --> 00:01:12,240 for my... All her old crap. Thank you. 17 00:01:12,280 --> 00:01:14,880 I've only been asking your dad to do it for the last three months. 18 00:01:14,920 --> 00:01:16,200 It's not been three months. 19 00:01:16,240 --> 00:01:20,120 Martin, it's been sitting in this stupid garage for three months. 20 00:01:20,160 --> 00:01:22,840 Before you go on, just to say, we're not helping. 21 00:01:22,880 --> 00:01:24,760 Definitely not helping. Shitbags. 22 00:01:24,800 --> 00:01:28,440 Oh, come on, boys. Your dad's injured himself, OK? 23 00:01:28,480 --> 00:01:30,680 Really? My bloody bursitis. 24 00:01:30,720 --> 00:01:31,760 Your bloody what? 25 00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:33,760 Bursitis. Don't you know what bursitis is? 26 00:01:33,800 --> 00:01:34,960 Funnily enough, no. 27 00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:37,160 No? Martin, no-one knows what bursitis is! 28 00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:39,840 Didn't they go to school? Um, not to medical school. 29 00:01:39,880 --> 00:01:41,560 Well, bursitis, thickos, 30 00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:44,640 is inflammation of the fluid-filled sac under the skin. 31 00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:46,960 Oh, yes! That doesn't sound revolting. 32 00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:50,800 It's a bleeding nightmare. Really? What are the symptoms? 33 00:01:50,840 --> 00:01:51,960 Pain. 34 00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:53,280 Right. Farewell. 35 00:01:53,320 --> 00:01:56,880 Oh, boys, please help. There's spiders everywhere. 36 00:01:56,920 --> 00:01:59,680 Mum! You won't get your crumble. 37 00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:02,320 Ugh, OK. OK, later. God. 38 00:02:04,440 --> 00:02:05,760 Oh, hello, boys. 39 00:02:05,800 --> 00:02:07,480 Jim? What are you...? 40 00:02:07,520 --> 00:02:09,880 Shh! Wilson's just finishing his... 41 00:02:09,920 --> 00:02:13,280 Oh, Jim! ..dollops. Lovely. Dollops. 42 00:02:13,320 --> 00:02:14,880 That's it, Wilson? 43 00:02:14,920 --> 00:02:19,000 Why are you doing it there? I'm not doing it there. 44 00:02:19,040 --> 00:02:21,840 Wilson is. Never mind. 45 00:02:21,880 --> 00:02:24,160 Jim, do you have to keep doing that there? 46 00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:28,640 I'm not doing it there, Jackie. Wilson is. 47 00:02:28,680 --> 00:02:32,520 Yeah, I know that... I do my dollops in my house. 48 00:02:32,560 --> 00:02:35,000 Him and his bloody dollops. 49 00:02:35,040 --> 00:02:37,080 Don't worry. I've got a bag. 50 00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:38,680 He won't have a bag. 51 00:02:38,720 --> 00:02:41,320 Oh, actually, Jackie, do you have a bag? See? 52 00:02:41,360 --> 00:02:42,960 Or maybe five. 53 00:02:44,880 --> 00:02:47,040 All week in that bloody flowerbed. 54 00:02:47,080 --> 00:02:50,600 Every time I open that door, there's Jim and Wilson, dolloping. 55 00:02:50,640 --> 00:02:53,760 What's he feeding him, for Christ's sake? Other dogs? 56 00:02:53,800 --> 00:02:56,800 He can't be well. Who, Wilson or Jim? 57 00:02:56,840 --> 00:02:59,040 I think we should put a trap down for the bleeding thing. 58 00:02:59,080 --> 00:03:01,280 A trap for a dog? A dog trap? 59 00:03:01,320 --> 00:03:04,240 Yeah, snap its arse off. JACKIE CACKLES 60 00:03:04,280 --> 00:03:06,680 What is for dinner? Dollops. 61 00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:08,920 Meatballs. Dollops! 62 00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:11,400 Very good. Oh, I'm boiling! 63 00:03:11,440 --> 00:03:14,520 Oh! Put your bosoms away. 64 00:03:14,560 --> 00:03:17,720 Oh, Mum, big night for Adam tonight. 65 00:03:17,760 --> 00:03:21,560 Is it? Yeah, I've sort of got this important phone call later. 66 00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:24,680 Get off! From a girl? Please say it's from a girl. 67 00:03:24,720 --> 00:03:26,720 It's from a girl. It's not from a girl! 68 00:03:26,760 --> 00:03:29,720 Oh! It's a work call. I was all excited then. 69 00:03:29,760 --> 00:03:31,640 From America. From America? 70 00:03:31,680 --> 00:03:34,920 Oh, my God, my son's got an important work call from America! 71 00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:37,440 Mum! Martin! 72 00:03:37,480 --> 00:03:40,400 It's to tell me if I got this job. Which he hasn't. 73 00:03:40,440 --> 00:03:42,400 Ow! Ooh, America! 74 00:03:42,440 --> 00:03:44,880 Yeah, it's doing the music for this car commercial thing. 75 00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:46,960 Be amazing if I do get it. I mean, I probably won't. 76 00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:49,240 He definitely won't. I am down to the last two, so... 77 00:03:49,280 --> 00:03:55,000 Will you shut up? The last two? Oh, my Bobble the composer! 78 00:03:55,040 --> 00:03:56,280 Of crap. 79 00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:59,920 Martin, Adam's getting an important phone call from America later. 80 00:03:59,960 --> 00:04:02,800 From a female? Yeah! No, Dad, about a job. 81 00:04:02,840 --> 00:04:06,280 Oh, never mind. Great. Well, I'm getting champagne. 82 00:04:06,320 --> 00:04:08,720 Champagne? They haven't even called me yet! 83 00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:10,960 Exciting, though, working in America. 84 00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:13,920 It's not IN America, it's FOR America. 85 00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:17,320 You're getting a job FOR America? Yes. 86 00:04:17,360 --> 00:04:19,840 For America what? Sorry? 87 00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:21,960 Bubbly wubbly! 88 00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:23,640 Let me get the job first. 89 00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:25,920 You'll still be working in the hospital, though? Yes? 90 00:04:25,960 --> 00:04:29,280 Hospital? Martin, have you met your son before? 91 00:04:29,320 --> 00:04:31,760 What? That's his job. Hospital radio. 92 00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:35,320 Fantastic. No, Dad, I write music for adverts and stuff, 93 00:04:35,360 --> 00:04:38,880 one of which was used once - once! - on hospital radio. 94 00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:43,000 Ah, yes. # Femeron, say goodbye to thrush! # 95 00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:46,320 Well, I thought he worked in a hospital. Really? Did you? 96 00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:48,680 I was actually going to ask you if you could get some 97 00:04:48,720 --> 00:04:50,800 new bandages for my bursitis. Right. 98 00:04:50,840 --> 00:04:52,960 But since you don't work in a hospital... I don't. 99 00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:55,120 ..you can't. Nope. Useless. 100 00:04:55,160 --> 00:04:56,440 PHONE RINGS 101 00:04:56,480 --> 00:04:58,440 Oh, my God. Is that them? 102 00:04:58,480 --> 00:05:01,000 I don't know. Erm... I don't know. 103 00:05:02,640 --> 00:05:05,000 Hello, Adam Goodman. 104 00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:06,200 Oh, hi. 105 00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:07,880 WHISPERS: It's them! 106 00:05:07,920 --> 00:05:11,600 AMERICAN ACCENT: And I just wanted to say we loved your music so much, 107 00:05:11,640 --> 00:05:12,840 we want to give you the job. 108 00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:15,120 Oh, wow. That's amazing. 109 00:05:15,160 --> 00:05:17,280 I got it! JACKIE SCREAMS 110 00:05:18,560 --> 00:05:20,600 Thank you. Thank you so much. 111 00:05:20,640 --> 00:05:22,400 You're welcome, Pusface! 112 00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:25,480 We are so excited to be working with you! 113 00:05:25,520 --> 00:05:27,640 NORMAL VOICE: Unknown number! Got you! 114 00:05:27,680 --> 00:05:29,280 Jonny, you little shit! 115 00:05:29,320 --> 00:05:31,520 That was a horrible thing to do! 116 00:05:31,560 --> 00:05:33,440 I know! I can't believe you! 117 00:05:33,480 --> 00:05:35,960 Was that Jonny pretending to call from the hospital? 118 00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:37,880 I don't work in a hospital. Yes, he does. 119 00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:39,640 # Femeron, say goodbye to thrush! # 120 00:05:39,680 --> 00:05:42,680 Right! 121 00:05:42,720 --> 00:05:44,000 DOORBELL RINGS 122 00:05:44,040 --> 00:05:46,200 Go on, boys! Ugh, really? 123 00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:53,800 Such a sod. Your face! Your face! 124 00:05:53,840 --> 00:05:57,320 All right? Yes. Wilson might need... 125 00:05:59,720 --> 00:06:01,880 Well, you know. 126 00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:04,680 Go on, Pusface. Ugh! 127 00:06:04,720 --> 00:06:06,640 The local dog toilets. 128 00:06:06,680 --> 00:06:10,000 Jim, sorry, but is Wilson all right at the moment? 129 00:06:10,040 --> 00:06:12,440 Actually, Jackie, I'm not sure that he is. 130 00:06:12,480 --> 00:06:13,920 He keeps going... 131 00:06:15,440 --> 00:06:17,160 ..to the loo. Really. 132 00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:20,120 Yes. In your flowerbed, right over there. 133 00:06:20,160 --> 00:06:21,840 We do know, Jim. 134 00:06:21,880 --> 00:06:24,520 Which is strange, because he hasn't been eating for days. 135 00:06:24,560 --> 00:06:26,840 Oh! And yesterday, he didn't even want to watch his 136 00:06:26,880 --> 00:06:30,040 favourite television programme. OK... 137 00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:32,080 University Challenge. 138 00:06:33,280 --> 00:06:34,720 Maybe you should... 139 00:06:34,760 --> 00:06:37,720 Have him put down. ..take him to the vet's. 140 00:06:37,760 --> 00:06:41,160 No, Jackie. Wilson never lets me take him to the vet's, never. 141 00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:43,080 Right, bags. 142 00:06:45,240 --> 00:06:46,840 BagS. 143 00:06:51,800 --> 00:06:54,200 It really can't be well, that creature. 144 00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:56,680 I know, poor Wilson. Plate, please, Jonny. 145 00:06:56,720 --> 00:07:00,280 I mean, it must have dumped half its body weight in our drive. 146 00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:02,200 Oh, Dad! Thank you! We're eating. 147 00:07:02,240 --> 00:07:04,080 Could be tapeworm. 148 00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:06,280 Adam, pass me your plate so we can start eating, 149 00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:08,840 and your dad can shut his face. Gladly. 150 00:07:08,880 --> 00:07:11,200 And you really don't want one of those buggers 151 00:07:11,240 --> 00:07:12,920 tunnelling through to your bowels. 152 00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:15,080 Do you want to eat in another room? 153 00:07:15,120 --> 00:07:17,880 In another house? On another planet? 154 00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:21,560 Here. Dollops. Dollops. 155 00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:25,000 Just eat your food. Remember, Jackie, when we had a dog? 156 00:07:25,040 --> 00:07:28,080 A dog? Ignore him. Martin, we've never had a dog in our lives. 157 00:07:28,120 --> 00:07:32,880 Really? What about Sam? Sam? Who's Sam? Who's Sam? 158 00:07:32,920 --> 00:07:35,280 You're right. We've never had a dog in our lives. 159 00:07:35,320 --> 00:07:38,240 Mum, please can we have Dad put down? I'll call the vet's. 160 00:07:39,360 --> 00:07:41,840 Mm! I remember who Sam was now. 161 00:07:41,880 --> 00:07:45,520 Do you? He wasn't a dog, he was a man! Bit of a difference. 162 00:07:45,560 --> 00:07:47,520 Mm? Oh, you mean Sam, our old neighbour? 163 00:07:47,560 --> 00:07:50,160 Sam, our old neighbour! Sam, your old neighbour? 164 00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:53,680 That's right. He had a dog, also called Sam. Sam! 165 00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:57,640 What, the man was called Sam, and he also had a dog called Sam? 166 00:07:57,680 --> 00:08:00,720 He once tried to wipe his bum on our fence. 167 00:08:00,760 --> 00:08:02,400 Which Sam? The man or the dog? 168 00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:03,960 You don't want to know. 169 00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:07,440 Oh, God. Talking of a man and his bloody dog... 170 00:08:07,480 --> 00:08:11,840 Where you going? Just seeing if they're still dolloping. 171 00:08:11,880 --> 00:08:15,120 Yep, still dolloping. Again?! Again. 172 00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:18,960 Jesus! It's ridiculous. It's definitely an arse worm. 173 00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:23,240 Oh, hurry up and phone! So you'll do it, then? My storage thing? 174 00:08:23,280 --> 00:08:26,240 Oh, my God! You won't get your crumble... 175 00:08:26,280 --> 00:08:28,840 Mum! We'll do it, OK? Dad made it. 176 00:08:28,880 --> 00:08:31,520 What?! Dad made it?! Dad's never made crumble before. 177 00:08:31,560 --> 00:08:33,000 Yeah, why did Dad make the crumble? 178 00:08:33,040 --> 00:08:35,000 He wanted to. It was bloody easy. 179 00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:37,800 You just get all the ingredients you need, you mix them up 180 00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:40,680 in the correct quantities, then you put the mixture in the oven. 181 00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:45,080 Do you? And the action of the heat causes the molecules to vibrate, 182 00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:48,160 which causes the food to cook, so when you take it all out, 183 00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:51,040 it's all done. Right! Piece of piss. 184 00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:54,240 PHONE RINGS 185 00:08:54,280 --> 00:08:56,280 Very good. I know it's you. 186 00:08:56,320 --> 00:09:01,120 Jonathan! What, unknown, again? Very clever! 187 00:09:01,160 --> 00:09:04,240 It's not me. Oh! So... 188 00:09:04,280 --> 00:09:05,680 Shit! That's them! 189 00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:10,360 Oh! Good luck, my little Mozart! 190 00:09:10,400 --> 00:09:11,480 Is that the hospital? 191 00:09:11,520 --> 00:09:13,480 Yes, to take you away. 192 00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:18,280 Hello, Adam Goodman. 193 00:09:18,320 --> 00:09:20,160 AMERICAN ACCENT: Hello, Mr Pusface! 194 00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:22,000 Jonathan! 195 00:09:22,040 --> 00:09:24,480 Jonny, you bloody...! It works with Mum's phone, too! 196 00:09:24,520 --> 00:09:26,320 Oh! MARTIN LAUGHS 197 00:09:26,360 --> 00:09:28,040 Right, you dollophead! Oi! 198 00:09:28,080 --> 00:09:29,960 Not a meatball! Oh! 199 00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:34,680 Oh, my God! Shit! Not on the carpet! Not on the carpet! 200 00:09:34,720 --> 00:09:38,320 You shitting berk! Ow! I told you not to throw meatballs! 201 00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:41,000 Mum! And you! Me? Me?! 202 00:09:41,040 --> 00:09:42,720 Bloody idiot! Dad! 203 00:09:42,760 --> 00:09:44,280 Bloody idiot! Dad! 204 00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:46,320 How am I going to get red wine out of my carpet? 205 00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:50,280 Oh, my God. Martin, go and get the white wine. Get the white wine. 206 00:09:50,320 --> 00:09:53,800 White wine? Gets rid of red wine stains. Bleeding hell. 207 00:09:53,840 --> 00:09:56,760 Ow! Can everyone stop hitting me? I'm covered in meat. 208 00:09:56,800 --> 00:09:59,360 Oh, look what you've done! 209 00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:02,000 Please! I'm sorry, Mum, OK? I'm sorry. 210 00:10:02,040 --> 00:10:05,960 Right, white wine. OK, pour it on the stain. Pour it on the stain. 211 00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:07,760 Oh, shit, that's the red wine! 212 00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:11,120 More red wine! Oh, my God. Right, all of you, out. 213 00:10:11,160 --> 00:10:12,600 Get out! Jackie! Mum! 214 00:10:12,640 --> 00:10:17,240 Go on, go to the garage, and finish making my bloody thing. 215 00:10:17,280 --> 00:10:19,600 What, your brain? I heard that! 216 00:10:19,640 --> 00:10:21,360 Come on, then. 217 00:10:21,400 --> 00:10:23,760 Well done, Pusface. No, well done, Pissface. 218 00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:28,560 So many dollops. 219 00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:35,440 Where these two bits go, I have no bloody idea. 220 00:10:35,480 --> 00:10:37,800 Yeah. Once again, just look at the instructions. 221 00:10:37,840 --> 00:10:39,760 I heard you the first time! 222 00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:42,320 Oi, Adam! What? 223 00:10:42,360 --> 00:10:45,040 Ow! Jonny! 224 00:10:45,080 --> 00:10:46,280 Dick! 225 00:10:47,680 --> 00:10:51,040 Dad, can we please just get on with it? They must go somewhere! 226 00:10:51,080 --> 00:10:53,320 You do have the instructions? 227 00:10:53,360 --> 00:10:55,040 Pardon? 228 00:10:55,080 --> 00:10:57,360 Oh, Dad! You didn't throw them away, did you? 229 00:10:57,400 --> 00:10:59,720 Erm... You threw them away?! Why did you do that? 230 00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:01,640 Well, I didn't know what they were, did I? 231 00:11:01,680 --> 00:11:03,320 Well, what did you think they were? 232 00:11:03,360 --> 00:11:07,040 You know, general information about the company, profit, turnover. 233 00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:09,720 Sorry? Well, what was the name of the unit? 234 00:11:09,760 --> 00:11:11,160 Don't you dare phone me again! 235 00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:13,640 I'm not phoning you again. What was the name? 236 00:11:13,680 --> 00:11:16,520 Maybe there's something online. Er, it was written on the box. 237 00:11:16,560 --> 00:11:18,280 Which you threw away. Which I threw away. 238 00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:20,640 Oh, excellent. And might it still be in the bins? 239 00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:23,760 Binmen came this morning. Of course they did. Fantastic. 240 00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:26,320 So we're now putting together a massive wooden thing 241 00:11:26,360 --> 00:11:28,360 with absolutely no instructions whatsoever. 242 00:11:28,400 --> 00:11:30,480 Lucky both your sons are qualified carpenters. 243 00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:33,280 Stupid babies! You don't need the instructions. 244 00:11:33,320 --> 00:11:36,800 Look, there's the wood, there's the screws. What else do you need? 245 00:11:36,840 --> 00:11:38,280 Er, the instructions. 246 00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:43,000 Look, that bit there must be one of the doors... 247 00:11:43,040 --> 00:11:46,120 Oh, bloody bursitis! Bloody burSHITEis. 248 00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:48,240 Where are my sodding painkillers? 249 00:11:50,520 --> 00:11:53,000 OK, I've got a door. Now what? 250 00:11:53,040 --> 00:11:55,520 Well, just connect it to another bit. 251 00:11:55,560 --> 00:11:58,760 Connect it? I'll do it, then! 252 00:11:58,800 --> 00:12:02,200 God! Such a fuss. 253 00:12:02,240 --> 00:12:05,000 Go on, Jonny! Mm? 254 00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:08,040 Erm, you'll be pleased to know the carpet's ruined. 255 00:12:08,080 --> 00:12:09,400 Oh, really? 256 00:12:09,440 --> 00:12:13,000 Hello, all. Oh, Jim, not another bag. 257 00:12:13,040 --> 00:12:17,760 Oh, no, Jackie. I just wanted to say that if you do need any help 258 00:12:17,800 --> 00:12:20,920 in here, I am very good with my hands. 259 00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:25,120 Right. I've actually been making something back at the house. 260 00:12:25,160 --> 00:12:28,120 Have you? Yes, a little ladder. 261 00:12:28,160 --> 00:12:30,640 OK, well... For our bunk beds. 262 00:12:30,680 --> 00:12:32,200 Wilson's on top. 263 00:12:33,160 --> 00:12:37,160 Actually, I will take... 264 00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:39,320 ..another bag. 265 00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:41,120 That should be big enough for the... 266 00:12:43,440 --> 00:12:44,720 You know. 267 00:12:47,640 --> 00:12:49,520 They sleep in bunk beds? 268 00:12:49,560 --> 00:12:52,280 Right, well, I'll leave you all to get on, then. 269 00:12:52,320 --> 00:12:54,720 So you're not helping us at all? 270 00:12:54,760 --> 00:12:56,840 What? No. Just hurry up! 271 00:12:56,880 --> 00:13:00,480 Hurry up? Hurry up? 272 00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:02,240 Right. 273 00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:05,240 Jonny? 274 00:13:06,880 --> 00:13:08,360 Adam? WEBVTT 275 00:13:11,680 --> 00:13:13,240 Hold still! 276 00:13:13,280 --> 00:13:14,680 It's not fair! 277 00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:16,360 Well, life's not fair, Jackie. 278 00:13:16,400 --> 00:13:19,000 If it was, God wouldn't have invented bursitis. 279 00:13:19,040 --> 00:13:21,080 Aah! Eugh! Spider! 280 00:13:21,120 --> 00:13:23,200 Aagh! Stop doing that! 281 00:13:23,240 --> 00:13:25,640 Oh, just keep bleeding still, Jackie! 282 00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:27,080 God! 283 00:13:27,120 --> 00:13:28,400 Now the other door. 284 00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:30,200 Can't we just leave it like this? 285 00:13:30,240 --> 00:13:32,320 MOBILE PHONE RINGS 286 00:13:32,360 --> 00:13:34,000 "Unknown". 287 00:13:34,040 --> 00:13:36,640 Oh, you're unbelievable, Jonny! 288 00:13:36,680 --> 00:13:38,320 Oh, not again! 289 00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:41,320 OK, this time, I promise it's not me. Look. 290 00:13:41,360 --> 00:13:43,320 It's not my phone. Well, it's not my phone. 291 00:13:43,360 --> 00:13:46,120 PHONE CONTINUES TO RING I don't care, I'm not answering it. 292 00:13:46,160 --> 00:13:49,160 I think you should, Adam, it might be the... Don't you dare say hospital! 293 00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:50,560 Go on! 294 00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:53,400 I swear, if this is you, piss face... 295 00:13:54,920 --> 00:13:56,080 Hello, Adam Goodman. 296 00:13:56,120 --> 00:13:57,960 Hello again, pus face! 297 00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:00,920 JONATHAN AND MARTIN LAUGH Jonathan! 298 00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:02,280 Dad's phone! 299 00:14:02,320 --> 00:14:04,040 Right! You... 300 00:14:04,080 --> 00:14:05,360 No! 301 00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:06,640 Ohh! Ooh! 302 00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:08,320 You bloody bastard! 303 00:14:08,360 --> 00:14:10,840 Nutcase! I'm going to kill you! Get off me! 304 00:14:10,880 --> 00:14:12,400 Boys... Boys! 305 00:14:12,440 --> 00:14:15,240 You are so dead! Get off me! 306 00:14:15,280 --> 00:14:18,160 Adam! Bye! Pus face! 307 00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:19,440 Boys! 308 00:14:19,480 --> 00:14:21,720 JIM: Quick! Not now, Jim! 309 00:14:21,760 --> 00:14:24,320 Something terrible's happened. 310 00:14:24,360 --> 00:14:26,400 Wilson's not moving. 311 00:14:26,440 --> 00:14:30,360 What? Wilson, he's not moving. Not moving? 312 00:14:30,400 --> 00:14:32,800 We... We were just on our way home, 313 00:14:32,840 --> 00:14:35,600 and he suddenly just... 314 00:14:35,640 --> 00:14:37,880 ..just stopped. 315 00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:39,720 Oh, God! 316 00:14:39,760 --> 00:14:41,240 Why isn't he moving? 317 00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:43,840 ADAM: Maybe give him a little shake? 318 00:14:43,880 --> 00:14:46,120 Wilson? Sh, sh! 319 00:14:48,440 --> 00:14:49,720 Well, Martin? 320 00:14:52,680 --> 00:14:53,920 Jim... 321 00:14:55,200 --> 00:14:57,120 ..I think he's dead. 322 00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:04,200 Wilson's... 323 00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:05,520 ..dead? 324 00:15:05,560 --> 00:15:07,640 He can't... He can't be. 325 00:15:07,680 --> 00:15:09,280 Not Wilson. 326 00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:11,280 Not Wilson! 327 00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:15,600 Wilson, it's me. 328 00:15:15,640 --> 00:15:17,640 It's Jim. 329 00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:21,000 Oh, Wilson! 330 00:15:22,280 --> 00:15:24,600 SOBBING: Wilson! 331 00:15:24,640 --> 00:15:28,360 Come back, Wilson. Don't leave me! 332 00:15:28,400 --> 00:15:30,160 HE SOBS 333 00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:31,960 Aww, Jim. 334 00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:34,880 Say it's not true, Jackie. Say it's not true! 335 00:15:34,920 --> 00:15:37,600 Jim! Oh, Jim. 336 00:15:37,640 --> 00:15:40,360 How could you leave me, my friend? 337 00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:43,120 My only friend! 338 00:15:43,160 --> 00:15:45,320 HE SOBS 339 00:15:46,720 --> 00:15:48,440 Jim! 340 00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:50,120 No more Wilson. 341 00:15:51,440 --> 00:15:53,120 No more Wilson! 342 00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:56,200 Jim, we should really call the vet. 343 00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:59,720 No, Jackie, Wilson never has been taken to the vets, never! 344 00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:04,920 We'll bury him. 345 00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:07,760 Really, Jim? Yes, we'll bury Wilson. 346 00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:09,840 Yeah. 347 00:16:09,880 --> 00:16:11,400 We'll bury him. 348 00:16:11,440 --> 00:16:16,000 Yeah, and we'll give him the best send-off any dog's ever had. 349 00:16:16,040 --> 00:16:18,800 TEARFULLY: Thank you, Martin. 350 00:16:18,840 --> 00:16:23,680 Is there anywhere special, Jim, you'd like to lay Wilson to rest? 351 00:16:23,720 --> 00:16:25,880 What? Oh, yes, Jackie, there is... 352 00:16:26,960 --> 00:16:32,080 ..one place, actually, somewhere that meant a lot to Wilson. 353 00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:34,320 Of course. Wherever! 354 00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:38,480 Would you mind carrying him? 355 00:16:38,520 --> 00:16:40,520 Oof! Go on, lads. 356 00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:48,840 THEY GRUNT AND STRAIN Thank you, boys. 357 00:16:48,880 --> 00:16:50,360 This way. 358 00:16:54,120 --> 00:16:55,560 Here we are. 359 00:16:59,760 --> 00:17:01,480 Ashes to ashes, 360 00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:02,800 dust to dust... 361 00:17:04,560 --> 00:17:07,000 Sorry, I don't really know the rest of it. 362 00:17:07,040 --> 00:17:09,800 Wilson to Wilson. 363 00:17:15,480 --> 00:17:20,040 Um, Jim, maybe you'd like to say a little something about Wilson? 364 00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:21,400 Oh, yes. 365 00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:27,360 Maybe I could make up a little poem about him. 366 00:17:29,080 --> 00:17:30,840 O Wilson, 367 00:17:30,880 --> 00:17:34,520 You were a great animal 368 00:17:34,560 --> 00:17:38,600 Who was also a mammal. 369 00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:43,920 You loved to drink water from your bowl 370 00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:47,600 With your tongue, until you were... 371 00:17:49,080 --> 00:17:50,560 ..foal. 372 00:17:52,520 --> 00:17:55,480 But now, you are gone 373 00:17:55,520 --> 00:17:57,520 And I am... 374 00:17:59,520 --> 00:18:01,280 ..alonn. 375 00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:09,960 Why don't you come inside now, have some crumble? 376 00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:13,040 Crimble crumble... 377 00:18:13,080 --> 00:18:14,200 Come on. 378 00:18:16,240 --> 00:18:17,360 Goodbye, Wilson. 379 00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:19,320 JONNY SIGHS Yeah. 380 00:18:19,360 --> 00:18:21,000 Goodbye, mate. 381 00:18:22,040 --> 00:18:23,640 Fill it up, then. 382 00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:29,000 Thanks! 383 00:18:31,440 --> 00:18:34,640 Here we are, Jim. Crimble crumble! 384 00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:36,320 Crimble crumble! 385 00:18:36,360 --> 00:18:37,760 Thank you, Jackie. 386 00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:42,160 I've never had your famous apple crumble before. 387 00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:45,440 Well, actually... Wilson would have been so proud. 388 00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:46,760 I made it, Jim. 389 00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:48,200 Oh. Did you? 390 00:18:48,240 --> 00:18:49,440 ALL: Ye-e-s. 391 00:18:49,480 --> 00:18:51,480 There's some champagne, if you fancy? 392 00:18:51,520 --> 00:18:53,040 No, thank you, Martin. 393 00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:54,640 My dog has just died. 394 00:18:54,680 --> 00:18:56,560 Oh, yes. Anyone else? 395 00:18:58,560 --> 00:19:02,440 Well, um, tuck in. Ohh! Aahh! 396 00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:06,520 You all right, Jim? 397 00:19:06,560 --> 00:19:09,600 There's no fruit. What? 398 00:19:09,640 --> 00:19:12,240 It's just crumble. 399 00:19:12,280 --> 00:19:13,760 Yeah, where's the fruit? 400 00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:15,120 Martin, what crumble is this? 401 00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:17,080 Er, apple crumble. 402 00:19:17,120 --> 00:19:18,560 But without the apples? 403 00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:22,000 Oh, I forgot to put them in! 404 00:19:22,040 --> 00:19:24,360 Oh, Martin! 405 00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:26,800 So we're just eating crumble? Just a mass of crumble? 406 00:19:26,840 --> 00:19:28,200 Crumble crumble? 407 00:19:28,240 --> 00:19:29,480 Oh, sorry! 408 00:19:29,520 --> 00:19:31,120 I obviously just... 409 00:19:31,160 --> 00:19:32,680 ..shitted it out. 410 00:19:32,720 --> 00:19:35,360 I'm so sorry, Jim. 411 00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:38,400 I...think I need to be alone. 412 00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:46,600 Oh, did you ever finish your cupboard? 413 00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:48,640 Er, no, Jim. 414 00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:53,480 I suppose nothing is ever really finished. 415 00:19:55,360 --> 00:19:56,640 Come on, Wilson... 416 00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:02,280 He's... 417 00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:07,840 Aww! 418 00:20:07,880 --> 00:20:09,800 Yeah. 419 00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:11,920 You forgot the apples?! All right! 420 00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:15,240 What's he going to do without Wilson? 421 00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:17,400 He'll be OK, Jackie, he'll be OK. 422 00:20:17,440 --> 00:20:19,560 Well, that's definitely how I want to go - 423 00:20:19,600 --> 00:20:21,600 being buried in my own toilet! 424 00:20:21,640 --> 00:20:22,800 Adam! 425 00:20:22,840 --> 00:20:25,160 HAMMERING SOUNDS What's that banging? 426 00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:32,640 Jim? 427 00:20:32,680 --> 00:20:34,840 Jesus! Er, Jim? 428 00:20:34,880 --> 00:20:36,480 What's he doing?! 429 00:20:39,960 --> 00:20:41,200 Jim? 430 00:20:43,120 --> 00:20:44,440 Where's he... 431 00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:54,480 Sorry, Jim, you're not thinking of putting that, um, thing 432 00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:56,560 in front of our house? 433 00:20:56,600 --> 00:20:58,640 HE GRUNTS 434 00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:02,960 This cross will stand 435 00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:06,960 as a permanent reminder 436 00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:09,000 for the whole community 437 00:21:09,040 --> 00:21:14,000 to the memory of the great Wilson. 438 00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:17,120 And it will stand here 439 00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:21,040 for all eternity. 440 00:21:21,080 --> 00:21:23,400 Er, right... 441 00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:32,200 Sorry, is it Sunday tomorrow? 442 00:21:32,240 --> 00:21:35,320 Er, no, Jim, it's Saturday tomorrow. 443 00:21:35,360 --> 00:21:36,800 Oh, yes. 444 00:21:36,840 --> 00:21:38,600 I'll get another dog tomorrow, then. 445 00:21:38,640 --> 00:21:40,640 Bye, all. 446 00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:45,280 Great, so, now what? 447 00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:47,760 That just stays there, does it? Yup. 448 00:21:47,800 --> 00:21:50,000 A massive, terrifying cross. 449 00:21:50,040 --> 00:21:51,600 For all eternity. 450 00:21:51,640 --> 00:21:53,760 We're supposed to be Jewish! 451 00:21:53,800 --> 00:21:56,320 Well, we can't just take it down, can we? 452 00:21:56,360 --> 00:21:58,640 Well, what are people going to think?! 453 00:21:58,680 --> 00:22:02,680 MOBILE PHONE RINGS Oh, not now, Jonny! 454 00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:04,520 Er, remember this? 455 00:22:05,680 --> 00:22:06,880 Oh, God! 456 00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:09,160 So...that's them. 457 00:22:09,200 --> 00:22:10,760 I mean, it's got to be them. 458 00:22:10,800 --> 00:22:14,280 Well, answer it! Is that the Americans? 459 00:22:14,320 --> 00:22:15,760 Where's my... 460 00:22:15,800 --> 00:22:17,920 PHONE CONTINUES TO RING 461 00:22:17,960 --> 00:22:19,880 Wait a minute... 462 00:22:19,920 --> 00:22:22,240 PHONE CONTINUES TO RING 463 00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:25,640 You didn't! 464 00:22:25,680 --> 00:22:27,120 I did! 465 00:22:46,760 --> 00:22:49,800 Subtitles by Red Bee Media 33135

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