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1
00:00:44,060 --> 00:00:47,340
Sorry, what kind of name is
Nadby and Penlock Properties?
2
00:00:47,380 --> 00:00:49,820
What? I don't know, it's just what
the company's called.
3
00:00:49,860 --> 00:00:51,260
Nadby and Penlock.
4
00:00:51,300 --> 00:00:53,660
They sound like a couple
of paedophiles. Very good.
5
00:00:54,900 --> 00:00:57,180
Er, why is Dad just
sitting in his car?
6
00:00:57,220 --> 00:00:59,940
Oh, yeah.
No top. Obviously.
7
00:00:59,980 --> 00:01:01,940
Is he asleep or just dead?
8
00:01:03,740 --> 00:01:05,540
Shall we? Mm.
9
00:01:08,020 --> 00:01:11,420
Argh! Argh!
CAR HORN HONKS
Bleeding hell!
10
00:01:11,460 --> 00:01:13,220
Morning!
Rise and shine!
11
00:01:13,260 --> 00:01:15,500
Bloody shits! You could've given me
a heart attack!
12
00:01:15,540 --> 00:01:17,020
Idiots.
13
00:01:17,060 --> 00:01:19,140
Well, get in, then...
Really? Go on.
14
00:01:23,900 --> 00:01:26,900
Eurgh! What've you been eating in
here? Jesus!
15
00:01:26,940 --> 00:01:30,140
Oxtail soup.
Oxtail soup? In your car?
16
00:01:30,180 --> 00:01:32,660
Well, I couldn't eat soup
in the house any more.
17
00:01:32,700 --> 00:01:34,100
Oh, you wouldn't understand.
18
00:01:34,140 --> 00:01:36,020
She's driven you that mad,
then, has she?
19
00:01:36,060 --> 00:01:39,620
Bloody Val! Ten days that bloody
woman's been with us.
20
00:01:39,660 --> 00:01:41,220
Ten days! God.
21
00:01:41,260 --> 00:01:42,980
Parking her car on our drive,
22
00:01:43,020 --> 00:01:46,300
taking over the whole
bleeding house.
23
00:01:46,340 --> 00:01:47,660
HE SLURPS NOISILY
24
00:01:47,700 --> 00:01:50,140
She's only been rearranging all
the bloody furniture
25
00:01:50,180 --> 00:01:52,540
and chucking
all my stuff in the bin...
26
00:01:54,740 --> 00:01:58,380
Do you know what she threw away
today? What?
27
00:01:58,420 --> 00:01:59,900
This.
28
00:01:59,940 --> 00:02:01,900
What is it? No idea.
29
00:02:01,940 --> 00:02:04,020
But would you throw that away?
30
00:02:05,540 --> 00:02:08,660
Er, don't you think you've had
enough to drink tonight, Dad?
31
00:02:08,700 --> 00:02:12,460
Yes, I know she's going through a
divorce, but does she have to
come and live with us?
32
00:02:12,500 --> 00:02:14,380
Can't she just...
..live in her car?
33
00:02:14,420 --> 00:02:15,540
Yes!
34
00:02:15,580 --> 00:02:17,020
Or in the sea.
35
00:02:17,060 --> 00:02:19,100
Martin? Ooh, here we go.
36
00:02:21,620 --> 00:02:25,100
Can you please stop sitting in your
car all the time! Val's here.
37
00:02:25,140 --> 00:02:27,140
Is she? I hadn't noticed.
38
00:02:27,180 --> 00:02:29,580
Hi, boys.
BOTH: Hi, Mum.
39
00:02:29,620 --> 00:02:31,900
Come on, now. It's rude.
40
00:02:31,940 --> 00:02:34,380
Aren't you cold? I'm boiling.
41
00:02:34,420 --> 00:02:36,700
Boys, me and Auntie Val have been
having such a giggle.
42
00:02:36,740 --> 00:02:38,660
Yeah, Dad was just saying.
43
00:02:40,660 --> 00:02:43,300
Stick this in the bin for Auntie,
would you? No, you don't!
44
00:02:43,340 --> 00:02:44,500
Dad!
45
00:02:44,540 --> 00:02:47,780
My slippers! That bloody woman!
46
00:02:47,820 --> 00:02:49,100
Martin, they're revolting.
47
00:02:49,140 --> 00:02:50,980
They're like tramp's shoes!
48
00:02:51,020 --> 00:02:52,500
See what I'm talking about?!
49
00:02:52,540 --> 00:02:54,460
Not really.
They're here.
50
00:02:54,500 --> 00:02:56,900
Oh, yeah, Val's been so funny.
51
00:02:56,940 --> 00:02:58,180
In the head!
52
00:02:58,220 --> 00:02:59,780
Hello, boys.
53
00:02:59,820 --> 00:03:01,060
BOTH: Hello, Auntie Val.
54
00:03:01,100 --> 00:03:03,460
Well, aren't you going to give me
a kiss, then? Honestly!
55
00:03:03,500 --> 00:03:05,900
Uh-uh-uh! Shoes first! Then kiss.
56
00:03:05,940 --> 00:03:07,980
Pardon?! Take your shoes off.
57
00:03:08,020 --> 00:03:09,980
Um, we never take our shoes
off in this house.
58
00:03:10,020 --> 00:03:11,940
Well, now we do. Since when?
59
00:03:11,980 --> 00:03:13,220
Just obey.
60
00:03:15,420 --> 00:03:16,700
There.
61
00:03:16,740 --> 00:03:18,100
Now you can kiss Auntie.
62
00:03:19,380 --> 00:03:21,940
Good boys.
63
00:03:24,380 --> 00:03:26,500
Remember the rules, Martin...?
64
00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:28,180
Ja, mein Fuhrer.
65
00:03:29,300 --> 00:03:30,980
Sorry, which one's our mum again?
66
00:03:31,020 --> 00:03:32,020
Ow!
67
00:03:32,060 --> 00:03:34,420
Right! 20 seconds of freedom.
68
00:03:34,460 --> 00:03:35,620
PHONE RINGS
69
00:03:37,820 --> 00:03:40,340
Hey, Nick. Always your bloody phone.
70
00:03:40,380 --> 00:03:42,300
Shh, Mum. It's my boss!
71
00:03:44,100 --> 00:03:45,740
No, no, it's cool, Nick. It's cool.
72
00:03:45,780 --> 00:03:48,060
ADAM MIMICS: "No, it's cool, Nick.
It's cool."
73
00:03:48,100 --> 00:03:51,180
Yeah, yeah. I think I've got
the keys.
74
00:03:51,220 --> 00:03:57,060
Ow! Sorry. Glendale Road.
Glendale Road.
75
00:03:57,100 --> 00:03:59,220
Bloody go away!
76
00:03:59,260 --> 00:04:02,500
Not you. Got 'em.
I'll see you later.
77
00:04:02,540 --> 00:04:04,420
What are you doing? Bye, Nick.
78
00:04:04,460 --> 00:04:06,860
ADAM MIMICS: "Bye, Nick!"
You're such a dick!
79
00:04:06,900 --> 00:04:09,020
I know. He's coming to pick up some
keys later,
80
00:04:09,060 --> 00:04:10,860
so you better not be
even more of a dick.
81
00:04:10,900 --> 00:04:13,260
Hmm. I'm not sure that's possible.
82
00:04:13,300 --> 00:04:15,180
Your new boss is coming here?
83
00:04:15,220 --> 00:04:17,700
What? Yeah.
84
00:04:17,740 --> 00:04:19,460
Freedom over.
85
00:04:19,500 --> 00:04:22,140
Martin, we're going to meet Nick
later!
86
00:04:22,180 --> 00:04:23,260
Nick Slater?
87
00:04:23,300 --> 00:04:27,580
Sorry? How exciting!
Meeting Jonnyboo's boss.
88
00:04:27,620 --> 00:04:29,300
Mum! You're not meeting Nick.
89
00:04:29,340 --> 00:04:31,140
He's just picking up some
keys for a flat.
90
00:04:31,180 --> 00:04:33,740
Yeah, I know.
He'll come in and say hello.
91
00:04:33,780 --> 00:04:35,780
What? No way! Sorry?
92
00:04:35,820 --> 00:04:39,500
You mean you don't want your boss to
meet your mother and father?
93
00:04:39,540 --> 00:04:41,540
Why don't you want him to meet us?
94
00:04:41,580 --> 00:04:42,900
Er...
95
00:04:42,940 --> 00:04:44,980
Martin! Dirty!
96
00:04:45,020 --> 00:04:47,220
Course he'll meet us...
97
00:04:47,260 --> 00:04:49,060
Is he dishy? Urgh, Auntie!
98
00:04:49,100 --> 00:04:50,500
Cos I'm availabubble!
99
00:04:50,540 --> 00:04:52,340
"Availabubble"!
100
00:04:53,540 --> 00:04:56,620
Great. Do you think Nick Slater
would know what this is?
101
00:04:57,980 --> 00:05:00,020
Are you availabubble for some more,
madam?!
102
00:05:00,060 --> 00:05:01,300
Most availabubble!
103
00:05:04,540 --> 00:05:05,660
Well, come in, then.
104
00:05:05,700 --> 00:05:08,340
You sure we're allowed, or do
we have to take our socks off first?
105
00:05:08,380 --> 00:05:10,820
Uh. Funny, boys! Come in.
106
00:05:10,860 --> 00:05:13,660
Oh, and wash your hands. What!
We have to wash our hands now!
107
00:05:13,700 --> 00:05:17,020
Yes. You've come in from outside,
so now you wash your hands.
108
00:05:17,060 --> 00:05:19,140
Are we in some kind of prison camp?
109
00:05:20,580 --> 00:05:23,380
I'm excited about meeting your boss.
And so am I!
110
00:05:23,420 --> 00:05:24,780
So dead!
111
00:05:24,820 --> 00:05:27,780
Val's made the crumble tonight,
boys. Has she?
112
00:05:27,820 --> 00:05:29,940
Oh, we'll be having a lovely dinner.
113
00:05:29,980 --> 00:05:31,740
And will we be allowed to
sit at the table?
114
00:05:31,780 --> 00:05:34,220
Only after we've wiped your bottoms!
115
00:05:34,260 --> 00:05:35,660
Oh, please!
116
00:05:35,700 --> 00:05:38,300
Oh, Val, can't you come
and live here forever?
117
00:05:38,340 --> 00:05:39,460
Sorry, just got to...
118
00:05:39,500 --> 00:05:41,180
We'd have so much fun!
119
00:05:47,340 --> 00:05:48,660
Oh, yes.
120
00:05:53,060 --> 00:05:55,860
All right?
Yeah, just...
121
00:05:55,900 --> 00:05:58,180
..checking the keys,
for Nick and...er...
122
00:05:59,420 --> 00:06:01,220
..going to the loo.
123
00:06:03,100 --> 00:06:04,940
Argh! Argh!
124
00:06:04,980 --> 00:06:06,980
Just doing my bits.
125
00:06:09,940 --> 00:06:14,380
So this sofa, it stayed where it
was, but the other sofa, your sofa,
126
00:06:14,420 --> 00:06:16,140
that moved from there to...
127
00:06:16,180 --> 00:06:17,980
..there.
128
00:06:18,020 --> 00:06:20,460
Right. When's dinner? Yeah.
129
00:06:20,500 --> 00:06:22,060
Stop it!
130
00:06:22,100 --> 00:06:24,500
Hasn't Auntie done a fabulous job?
131
00:06:24,540 --> 00:06:26,660
Have you seen my stapler collection?
132
00:06:26,700 --> 00:06:28,700
Stapler collection?
133
00:06:28,740 --> 00:06:29,860
BOTH: Um...
134
00:06:29,900 --> 00:06:34,900
Oh, I don't believe it!
The bloody bins, again!
135
00:06:34,940 --> 00:06:37,420
Someone's not happy!
136
00:06:37,460 --> 00:06:39,220
Boys, since Auntie Val's been here
137
00:06:39,260 --> 00:06:41,660
she's really helped make the
house, you know...
138
00:06:41,700 --> 00:06:43,700
Worse? Thank you, Jonathan.
PHONE RINGS
139
00:06:43,740 --> 00:06:46,300
No, I love making a place all nice
and...
140
00:06:46,340 --> 00:06:49,060
No, you're not getting the car!
Now, piss off!
141
00:06:49,100 --> 00:06:51,060
Larry? Larry.
142
00:06:51,100 --> 00:06:53,900
Your poor auntie's having
such a hard time.
143
00:06:53,940 --> 00:06:56,940
Is she? Larry won't move out the
house. Won't he?
144
00:06:56,980 --> 00:06:59,700
But I've still got his car, so...
145
00:06:59,740 --> 00:07:02,140
Yeah, you tell him, Val!
146
00:07:02,180 --> 00:07:03,860
Yeah, the filthy, effing pig!
147
00:07:03,900 --> 00:07:05,420
Leave room? Yup!
148
00:07:05,460 --> 00:07:07,340
Right, look what I found, Valerie!
149
00:07:07,380 --> 00:07:09,100
My stapler collection.
150
00:07:09,140 --> 00:07:10,940
Your broken stapler collection.
151
00:07:10,980 --> 00:07:13,820
Will you please stop chucking
my stuff in the bloody bin!
152
00:07:13,860 --> 00:07:15,540
Oh, shut up, Martin!
153
00:07:15,580 --> 00:07:17,260
Why do you need all your broken
staplers?
154
00:07:17,300 --> 00:07:18,780
Cos they're mementoes, you moron.
155
00:07:18,820 --> 00:07:21,300
Of what? All your exciting
stapling adventures?
156
00:07:21,340 --> 00:07:25,020
Precisely. Now I told that woman
not to go up to my office.
157
00:07:25,060 --> 00:07:26,420
Stop it!
158
00:07:26,460 --> 00:07:29,540
Don't you dare go near my
bloody shed!
159
00:07:29,580 --> 00:07:32,540
Oh, yeah, the bloody shed. Shhh!
160
00:07:32,580 --> 00:07:34,740
I forgot about the bloody shed!
161
00:07:35,700 --> 00:07:36,900
SHE LAUGHS
162
00:07:38,060 --> 00:07:40,380
Have fun! She's not going to the
shed now, is she?
163
00:07:40,420 --> 00:07:41,700
I'm sorry...?
164
00:07:42,780 --> 00:07:44,260
BOTH: Dad!
165
00:07:44,300 --> 00:07:46,220
I said to her, "Don't go in
my shed."
166
00:07:46,260 --> 00:07:48,220
Where's she bloody gone? In my shed!
167
00:07:48,260 --> 00:07:50,300
Calm down! She's just making it...
168
00:07:50,340 --> 00:07:51,580
..nice.
169
00:07:51,620 --> 00:07:53,340
Jackie, my shed is already nice.
170
00:07:53,380 --> 00:07:54,900
It's definitely not nice.
171
00:07:54,940 --> 00:07:56,220
You pillocks coming or what?
172
00:07:56,260 --> 00:07:57,740
Oh, we're not missing this!
173
00:07:57,780 --> 00:07:59,020
Martin, calm down.
174
00:07:59,060 --> 00:08:01,260
What?! I am calmed down.
Shoes on, Pusface.
175
00:08:01,300 --> 00:08:03,300
Bloody Val. Martin!
176
00:08:03,340 --> 00:08:04,700
CRUNCH
177
00:08:04,740 --> 00:08:06,460
JONNY LAUGHS
Oh, God...
178
00:08:06,500 --> 00:08:08,020
What is...?! Boys?
179
00:08:08,060 --> 00:08:09,420
Oh, yes. Oh, yes...!
180
00:08:09,460 --> 00:08:11,140
What has he...?
JONNY CACKLES
181
00:08:11,180 --> 00:08:14,140
An egg?! An egg?! Bloody halfwits.
182
00:08:14,180 --> 00:08:16,020
See you later, Pusface! Jonny!
183
00:08:16,060 --> 00:08:19,140
Oh, my God, that better come out!
That better come out!
184
00:08:19,180 --> 00:08:20,540
You bloody...
185
00:08:20,580 --> 00:08:21,980
I can't believe you, Jonathan.
186
00:08:22,020 --> 00:08:23,340
Classic! Classic!
187
00:08:23,380 --> 00:08:24,500
Oh...
188
00:08:24,540 --> 00:08:26,780
Tramp shoes...
HE GROANS
189
00:08:30,460 --> 00:08:31,740
One minute...
190
00:08:38,780 --> 00:08:39,980
HE GIGGLES
191
00:08:47,340 --> 00:08:48,340
Mwah!
192
00:08:50,340 --> 00:08:51,380
Oh, yes!
193
00:08:51,420 --> 00:08:53,940
Carpet emergency! CARPET EMERGENCY!
194
00:08:55,620 --> 00:08:57,060
OK, Valerie.
195
00:08:57,100 --> 00:08:58,660
Get out of my sodding shed!
196
00:08:58,700 --> 00:09:00,100
Um, sorry, don't you knock first?
197
00:09:00,140 --> 00:09:02,460
What?! Martin, your shed is a
pigsty.
198
00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:03,820
I'm tidying up, OK?
199
00:09:03,860 --> 00:09:06,820
Look, leave it! Everything is in
here for a reason!
200
00:09:06,860 --> 00:09:08,900
Is it..? Shut up!
201
00:09:08,940 --> 00:09:11,740
Right, and what's the reason
for this disgusting old sandwich?
202
00:09:11,780 --> 00:09:13,540
Erm... Haven't you met
Professor Germs?
203
00:09:15,020 --> 00:09:16,460
Oh-ho-ho, cool shoes!
204
00:09:16,500 --> 00:09:17,820
Er, first of all...
205
00:09:17,860 --> 00:09:19,100
Ow! There.
206
00:09:19,140 --> 00:09:20,420
You're in my slippers.
207
00:09:20,460 --> 00:09:21,860
I thought I'd thrown them away...
208
00:09:21,900 --> 00:09:23,740
Aha! You thought wrong,
didn't you, Valerie?
209
00:09:23,780 --> 00:09:26,700
Well, there's one thing I'm
definitely throwing away.
You just try.
210
00:09:28,180 --> 00:09:29,980
Seen this, boys?
Give that to me, now!
211
00:09:30,020 --> 00:09:32,020
What is it? A tin of beef.
212
00:09:32,060 --> 00:09:33,380
You are not throwing that away!
213
00:09:33,420 --> 00:09:36,980
Really? "Best before September
1996."
214
00:09:37,020 --> 00:09:38,860
What?! 1996?
215
00:09:38,900 --> 00:09:40,020
But that's, like, over...
216
00:09:40,060 --> 00:09:41,420
Correct - 20 years old.
217
00:09:41,460 --> 00:09:43,140
Dad! 20-year-old meat?!
218
00:09:43,180 --> 00:09:44,300
And?
219
00:09:44,340 --> 00:09:47,060
"And?!" Why are you keeping
20-year-old meat?!
220
00:09:47,100 --> 00:09:49,860
Cos it's my good luck meat,
isn't it? Now, give!
221
00:09:49,900 --> 00:09:52,780
Sorry, your "good luck" meat?
Your "good luck" meat...?
222
00:09:52,820 --> 00:09:55,060
It was in the shed when we moved in,
so I just kept it.
223
00:09:55,100 --> 00:09:57,380
Thought it might bring me luck.
Right...
224
00:09:57,420 --> 00:09:59,540
And has it brought you luck?
225
00:09:59,580 --> 00:10:00,660
JACKIE: Val...?
226
00:10:00,700 --> 00:10:02,700
Well, she's still alive. Huh?
227
00:10:02,740 --> 00:10:05,860
Jackie, Martin has been keeping
this tin of meat in here.
228
00:10:05,900 --> 00:10:07,300
Yes, his "good luck" meat.
229
00:10:07,340 --> 00:10:09,260
Pardon?
It's 20 years old.
230
00:10:09,300 --> 00:10:11,260
You've been keeping rotten food?
231
00:10:11,300 --> 00:10:13,660
What? How can it be rotten
if it's in a tin?
232
00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:15,500
And you were going to eat it,
were you?
233
00:10:15,540 --> 00:10:16,940
Well, I don't know, do I?
234
00:10:16,980 --> 00:10:19,220
Oh, God. I told him it's going
in the bin.
235
00:10:19,260 --> 00:10:20,940
Of course it's going in the bin!
236
00:10:20,980 --> 00:10:24,740
I am telling you now,
that meat is going nowhere!
237
00:10:24,780 --> 00:10:26,060
Martin!
238
00:10:26,100 --> 00:10:28,140
No, Jackie, I've bloody well had it!
239
00:10:28,180 --> 00:10:30,660
How would you like it, Valerie,
if I came round your house
240
00:10:30,700 --> 00:10:32,980
and chucked all your bloody
stuff in the bin, hmm?
241
00:10:33,020 --> 00:10:34,860
Well, I really wouldn't know,
Martin,
242
00:10:34,900 --> 00:10:37,100
because I don't have a house
at the moment, do I?!
243
00:10:37,140 --> 00:10:38,140
SHE SOBS
244
00:10:38,180 --> 00:10:39,460
ADAM WHISPERS: Nice one, Dad.
245
00:10:39,500 --> 00:10:41,620
Yes, thank you for upsetting
my friend.
246
00:10:41,660 --> 00:10:43,020
VALERIE SOBS
247
00:10:43,060 --> 00:10:44,900
In the bin! Goodbye!
248
00:10:44,940 --> 00:10:46,740
Jackie! Give me my meat!
249
00:10:48,340 --> 00:10:49,860
Give me my meat!
250
00:10:49,900 --> 00:10:51,100
"Give me my meat."
251
00:10:51,140 --> 00:10:53,100
Now we know what to write on his
tombstone.
252
00:10:53,140 --> 00:10:55,780
JACKIE: I'm not arguing about it
any more, it's going in the bin.
253
00:10:55,820 --> 00:10:57,780
Right, well, you just try...
I will just try.
254
00:10:57,820 --> 00:10:59,940
Good, you just try.
I will just try.
255
00:10:59,980 --> 00:11:01,780
Hello, Jackie. You look nice!
256
00:11:01,820 --> 00:11:04,020
You gave me a fright! Excuse me...
257
00:11:04,060 --> 00:11:05,140
Huh?
258
00:11:05,180 --> 00:11:07,060
Go on, Jackie, you just try.
259
00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:10,300
I can't believe it. You've taped up
all the bins?! Yep!
260
00:11:10,340 --> 00:11:13,220
I couldn't get the dustbins to
open either, Jackie.
261
00:11:13,260 --> 00:11:15,020
Er, why were you trying to
open our bins?
262
00:11:15,060 --> 00:11:18,260
Oh, well, I'd just bought myself
a brand-new dustbin,
263
00:11:18,300 --> 00:11:21,020
and I didn't want to get it all
dirty, so I thought I'd...
264
00:11:21,060 --> 00:11:22,460
..use ours? Hmmm?
265
00:11:22,500 --> 00:11:23,500
DOG WHINES
266
00:11:23,540 --> 00:11:25,700
Sorry, has your dog got
fleas or something?
267
00:11:25,740 --> 00:11:29,100
Oh, no, he's just wearing that
to stop him from reaching his...
268
00:11:29,140 --> 00:11:30,180
..you know.
269
00:11:30,220 --> 00:11:31,220
What..?
270
00:11:31,260 --> 00:11:33,860
Sexualised parts.
271
00:11:33,900 --> 00:11:34,900
Right...
272
00:11:34,940 --> 00:11:37,620
Well, Jackie, Valerie, what are you
going to do now, then, hmm?
273
00:11:39,940 --> 00:11:41,100
Jackie?
274
00:11:42,500 --> 00:11:43,500
Jackie!
275
00:11:44,820 --> 00:11:46,020
Open the door!
276
00:11:46,060 --> 00:11:47,140
Um, Jonny?
277
00:11:47,180 --> 00:11:48,340
Open the bloody door!
278
00:11:48,380 --> 00:11:49,980
Oh, look, your boss is here for
his keys!
279
00:11:50,020 --> 00:11:52,460
Open the door! Jackie!
280
00:11:52,500 --> 00:11:54,340
Give me my meat!
281
00:11:54,380 --> 00:11:56,740
Hello, Nick! Um... Hi, Jonny.
282
00:11:56,780 --> 00:11:59,860
He keeps chewing his winky.
283
00:11:59,900 --> 00:12:01,980
Give me my shitting meat!
284
00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:06,360
You could have at least brought him
in to say hello...
285
00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:09,200
Mum - before I strangle you
and myself -
286
00:12:09,240 --> 00:12:11,240
he just came to pick up
some keys to a property.
287
00:12:11,280 --> 00:12:13,640
Yeah, Jonny had to give him
the right keys to the property.
288
00:12:13,680 --> 00:12:16,120
Exactly. What? Hm?
289
00:12:16,160 --> 00:12:20,360
Adam, was he dishy? Oh, very dishy.
Please!
290
00:12:20,400 --> 00:12:22,800
Where is your dad? Martin?
291
00:12:22,840 --> 00:12:24,840
He's not still looking for
his tin of bloody meat.
292
00:12:24,880 --> 00:12:27,320
Obviously he's still looking
for his tin of bloody meat.
293
00:12:27,360 --> 00:12:28,880
There you are.
294
00:12:28,920 --> 00:12:30,840
Well, Martin. Did you find it?
295
00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:33,880
OK, Valerie,
did you hide it in the attic?
296
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:36,160
The attic?!
Dad, have you gone insane?
297
00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:39,240
Yes. Look, can we just eat?
298
00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:41,240
Did you bury it in the garden?
What?!
299
00:12:41,280 --> 00:12:43,240
Yes, she buried it in the garden.
300
00:12:43,280 --> 00:12:44,920
Along with her faeces.
301
00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:47,520
Adam! Sorry, Val.
302
00:12:47,560 --> 00:12:50,800
You know, Jackie, maybe I should
stay at my sister's tonight.
303
00:12:50,840 --> 00:12:53,160
Great, I'll take you now! Martin!
304
00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:55,800
No, Val, you are staying here
tonight and that's that.
305
00:12:55,840 --> 00:12:57,760
Oh, thanks, love...
Ugh! Where's the gin?
306
00:12:57,800 --> 00:13:00,760
DOORBELL
Oh! Go on, Pusface.
307
00:13:00,800 --> 00:13:02,400
OK, Pissface.
308
00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:03,440
Ugh!
309
00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:08,440
Oh, hello.
310
00:13:08,480 --> 00:13:10,320
Sorry, is Jonny there? Erm...
311
00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:14,440
Hello, everyone, may I introduce...
312
00:13:14,480 --> 00:13:15,480
It's not Jim, is it?
313
00:13:15,520 --> 00:13:17,320
Er, hi. Sorry to interrupt.
314
00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:18,680
Nick?
315
00:13:18,720 --> 00:13:22,080
Oh, the famous Nick!
Lovely to meet you.
316
00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:24,560
Jackie - Jonny's mum.
Lovely to meet you too.
317
00:13:24,600 --> 00:13:26,800
Um, Jonny..?
You're the man from before.
318
00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:29,720
What? Yeah. I still haven't
found my sodding meat.
319
00:13:29,760 --> 00:13:31,600
Thanks, Dad. Everything OK?
320
00:13:31,640 --> 00:13:32,960
Valerie Lewis.
321
00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:34,360
PHONE RINGS
322
00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:36,240
Just piss off!
323
00:13:36,280 --> 00:13:38,680
Ah! Er, yeah, sorry.
324
00:13:38,720 --> 00:13:41,640
Jonny, those keys you gave me -
Glendale Road - they didn't work.
325
00:13:41,680 --> 00:13:43,520
They didn't work?
Didn't they?
326
00:13:43,560 --> 00:13:45,800
What? No, we couldn't
get into the flat.
327
00:13:45,840 --> 00:13:48,680
The customers are still in the car.
It's actually quite embarrassing.
328
00:13:48,720 --> 00:13:52,200
But I gave you the right ones.
Yeah, you gave him the right ones.
329
00:13:52,240 --> 00:13:54,120
Er, let me check. One sec.
330
00:13:55,360 --> 00:13:56,960
Excuse me a moment.
331
00:14:02,480 --> 00:14:04,320
I don't get it.
332
00:14:04,360 --> 00:14:06,040
They were the right keys.
333
00:14:06,080 --> 00:14:10,200
They had the right address on them.
Maybe they just got a bit mixed up.
334
00:14:10,240 --> 00:14:13,040
"Mixed up"? Pusface?
335
00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:18,840
Maybe these are the ones
they got mixed up with?
336
00:14:18,880 --> 00:14:21,800
You bloody shit!
337
00:14:21,840 --> 00:14:25,240
Sorry, Nick. Bit of a mix-up.
But these are the ones. Right.
338
00:14:25,280 --> 00:14:28,040
Are you sure?
Yeah, absolutely.
339
00:14:28,080 --> 00:14:32,240
OK, well, sorry again, everyone.
Not at all.
340
00:14:32,280 --> 00:14:35,440
Wonderful to meet you. Wonderful.
341
00:14:35,480 --> 00:14:39,880
Erm, yeah, and thank you, Jonny.
342
00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:40,920
I'll see you out.
343
00:14:42,640 --> 00:14:45,440
Oooh, wasn't he dishy?
Wasn't he dishy?!
344
00:14:45,480 --> 00:14:47,320
We're availabubble!
345
00:14:47,360 --> 00:14:48,480
Christ!
346
00:14:48,520 --> 00:14:51,360
He swapped my keys!
He swapped my bloody keys!
347
00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:53,120
Ow! What?!
PHONE RINGS
348
00:14:53,160 --> 00:14:55,320
Oh, Larry again.
349
00:14:55,360 --> 00:14:57,600
Oh, Jackie, I can't keep telling him
to piss off.
350
00:14:57,640 --> 00:14:58,800
I can.
351
00:14:58,840 --> 00:15:01,320
He's probably sitting there
all alone in his pyjamas,
352
00:15:01,360 --> 00:15:05,120
having a takeaway curry for one.
Poor Larry.
353
00:15:05,160 --> 00:15:07,760
Do you want me to speak to him,
love? Thanks, sweetie.
354
00:15:07,800 --> 00:15:09,680
He's never really liked you.
355
00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:11,880
Adam, have a word with your uncle,
would you?
356
00:15:11,920 --> 00:15:12,920
Auntie!
357
00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:20,440
Hi, Uncle Larry. It's Adam,
Jackie Goodman's son.
358
00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:24,320
Yep. Her.
359
00:15:24,360 --> 00:15:25,520
What do you want me to say?
360
00:15:25,560 --> 00:15:28,040
Tell him we'll pay him anything
to take her back. Sh!
361
00:15:28,080 --> 00:15:31,360
What's he saying?
He says, "Thanks for the car."
362
00:15:31,400 --> 00:15:33,520
"Thanks for the car"?
363
00:15:33,560 --> 00:15:36,120
He's saying, "Have a look
out the window."
364
00:15:36,160 --> 00:15:38,960
What?
365
00:15:41,280 --> 00:15:42,600
CAR HORN HONKS
366
00:15:42,640 --> 00:15:45,960
He's taking my car! Bloody bastard!
367
00:15:50,240 --> 00:15:51,520
Bloody bastard!
368
00:15:51,560 --> 00:15:53,440
Yeah, you have said that
quite a lot now.
369
00:15:53,480 --> 00:15:55,120
Shall we see you back
at Mum's, then?
370
00:15:55,160 --> 00:15:56,640
No, you wait here.
371
00:15:56,680 --> 00:15:58,080
What? Why?
372
00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:02,640
Did you bring a flame thrower?
373
00:16:04,280 --> 00:16:05,480
What is she...?
374
00:16:09,120 --> 00:16:12,880
Is that our crumble?
What's she doing with our crumble?
375
00:16:12,920 --> 00:16:15,120
Oh, that's what's she's doing
with our crumble.
376
00:16:15,160 --> 00:16:18,200
Oh, God! What if Uncle Larry
sees her?
377
00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:22,200
And now he's seen her.
378
00:16:22,240 --> 00:16:24,920
Hey! Wait! Come back!
And now he's chasing her.
379
00:16:24,960 --> 00:16:27,160
Come back! And now we go.
380
00:16:28,480 --> 00:16:30,520
Drive! Drive!
381
00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:35,080
Come back! God! You bloody nutcase!
382
00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:40,000
Thank you again, love.
Did you really like it, Jackie?
383
00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:43,200
Oh, it was wonderful custard.
Wasn't it, boys?
384
00:16:43,240 --> 00:16:47,080
Wonderful! Much more wonderful
than custard WITH crumble. Sh!
385
00:16:47,120 --> 00:16:50,760
Yeah, well, I'm sorry again about
the crumble, but, you know.
386
00:16:50,800 --> 00:16:53,640
We know. Yes, you smeared it
all over your own car.
387
00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:56,880
Where is my bloody meat?
388
00:16:56,920 --> 00:16:59,160
It's probably not up
the chimney, Dad.
389
00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:02,560
Jackie, I did speak to my sister,
and I am going to stay there.
390
00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:05,200
Really? Joy!
Tomorrow. Shit!
391
00:17:05,240 --> 00:17:07,600
Don't worry, Martin, you'll be
rid of me in the morning.
392
00:17:07,640 --> 00:17:09,560
Three o'clock in the morning?
393
00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:11,200
Oh, before I forget...
394
00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:13,720
Will you stop it?
395
00:17:13,760 --> 00:17:17,040
Jackie, I cannot last another minute
with that bloody woman in our house.
396
00:17:17,080 --> 00:17:20,040
Martin, it's just one more night,
OK? One more.
397
00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:21,920
It's like living with
a demented ape.
398
00:17:23,440 --> 00:17:25,600
Here, love.
399
00:17:25,640 --> 00:17:29,400
Oh, thanks! What is it?
400
00:17:29,440 --> 00:17:32,480
But these are my clothes.
401
00:17:32,520 --> 00:17:34,200
I just thought...
402
00:17:34,240 --> 00:17:37,240
Well, you never really looked nice
in any of them, so,
403
00:17:37,280 --> 00:17:38,560
charity shop!
404
00:17:40,360 --> 00:17:42,800
MARTIN IMITATES MONKEY
405
00:17:45,280 --> 00:17:49,960
DOORBELL
Your go!
406
00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:53,800
What the hell are you
playing, at Jonny? Sorry?
407
00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:55,720
The wrong keys - again.
408
00:17:55,760 --> 00:18:00,320
What? Again?! Right.
409
00:18:00,360 --> 00:18:02,480
Hold on a minute. Who is it?
410
00:18:02,520 --> 00:18:04,680
You gave him the wrong keys again?!
What?
411
00:18:04,720 --> 00:18:06,720
They're the wrong fucking keys!
412
00:18:06,760 --> 00:18:09,760
Really?! Honestly,
I thought they were the right ones.
413
00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:12,880
Well, which ones are they, then?
Huh?
414
00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:16,160
These ones?
415
00:18:17,320 --> 00:18:19,240
These ones?
416
00:18:19,280 --> 00:18:20,960
These ones? Brilliant.
417
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:22,000
Jonny?
418
00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:28,320
Nick, I'm really sorry, but you
better just take the whole lot.
419
00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:32,440
And your car? Your company car?
420
00:18:32,480 --> 00:18:33,640
My car?
421
00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:36,320
Why's it covered in curry...?
422
00:18:36,360 --> 00:18:37,640
Curry?
423
00:18:37,680 --> 00:18:39,040
Oh, my God.
424
00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:41,480
Larry.
425
00:18:41,520 --> 00:18:43,880
The bloody bastard!
426
00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:47,040
Shit on it, he's done mine too!
427
00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:49,720
Oh! Where's my phone?
428
00:18:50,960 --> 00:18:54,280
I'm guessing you'll be wanting
to speak to me on Monday, then?
429
00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:56,440
Oh, yeah. First thing.
430
00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:07,400
Jonnyboo... Sorry,
but that woman is going right now!
431
00:19:07,440 --> 00:19:08,840
What? Martin!
432
00:19:08,880 --> 00:19:09,960
She is out!
433
00:19:11,160 --> 00:19:14,040
Boys? OK, Valerie, that's it!
434
00:19:14,080 --> 00:19:16,200
Er, can you let go of me, please?
Come on, out!
435
00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:19,120
Martin! Come on!
Get off! Get off!
436
00:19:19,160 --> 00:19:21,360
CLANK
437
00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:23,320
Is that what I think it is?
438
00:19:23,360 --> 00:19:24,920
Let go! Give it!
Let go!
439
00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:26,560
Bloody give it to me,
give me my meat!
440
00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:28,160
Give me my meat! Give me my meat!
441
00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:29,960
Martin! Dad!
442
00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:34,360
Ah-ha! Oh, yes, well done,
Martin. You found it.
443
00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:36,000
Now give it back. No way, Valerie.
444
00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:39,000
Martin, give it to me,
will you? I'll throw it away.
445
00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:41,640
Throw it away?
But this is my lucky meat.
446
00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:44,680
Now, we'll see if it's
all "rotten", shall we?
447
00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:48,120
Dad. Seriously?
448
00:19:49,800 --> 00:19:50,920
Rotten meat...
449
00:19:56,240 --> 00:19:57,720
THEY GROAN
450
00:19:57,760 --> 00:19:58,800
God!
451
00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:01,320
It's fine.
It's perfectly good meat.
452
00:20:01,360 --> 00:20:03,800
Perfectly good meat?
453
00:20:03,840 --> 00:20:06,320
Er, you're not actually going
to eat that, are you?
454
00:20:06,360 --> 00:20:09,280
No - let him, boys.
Let your father poison himself.
455
00:20:09,320 --> 00:20:11,240
Come on, Martin,
you've proved your point.
456
00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:12,960
Not yet, I haven't.
457
00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:14,080
THEY GROAN
458
00:20:14,120 --> 00:20:15,880
Martin!
459
00:20:15,920 --> 00:20:19,160
It's fine.
It's absolutely fine.
460
00:20:19,200 --> 00:20:20,760
Enough, now. please!
461
00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:22,440
THEY GRIMACE
462
00:20:22,480 --> 00:20:24,560
Actually, it's very nice.
463
00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:25,880
It's delicious.
464
00:20:27,880 --> 00:20:29,760
It's OK, Martin.
You're going to be just fine.
465
00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:31,960
Oh, God!
It's all right, Dad.
466
00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:34,240
I've untaped your bins.
467
00:20:34,280 --> 00:20:36,120
Great, Jim.
Yeah, we are a little busy.
468
00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:37,160
Is he dead?
469
00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:39,320
Sadly, no - not yet.
470
00:20:39,360 --> 00:20:41,400
What happened?
471
00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:44,160
He ate some meat from a tin
that was 20 years old.
472
00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:46,440
I have that sometimes.
473
00:20:46,480 --> 00:20:49,600
Really?
Meat that's 20 years old?!
474
00:20:49,640 --> 00:20:52,320
What about meat
that's 30 years old?
475
00:20:52,360 --> 00:20:54,040
I also eat a lot of that.
476
00:20:56,240 --> 00:20:58,000
Any room for another one?
477
00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:04,640
What?
478
00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:05,720
Where am I?
479
00:21:05,760 --> 00:21:08,520
It's OK, Martin.
You're all right.
480
00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:10,960
Am I... Am I still at home?
481
00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:12,440
Don't worry, Dad.
It's OK.
482
00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:13,760
You're just in the hospital.
483
00:21:13,800 --> 00:21:16,400
The hospital? Thank God.
484
00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:20,120
I escaped!
485
00:21:20,160 --> 00:21:22,360
I escaped!
486
00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:24,720
Lovely. He's over there.
487
00:21:24,760 --> 00:21:26,200
Oh, shit. She's here.
488
00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:27,840
Thank you, Martin.
489
00:21:27,880 --> 00:21:30,040
Oh, hello, doctor. Hi.
490
00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:32,880
How are you feeling now,
Mr Goodman? Bloody lousy.
491
00:21:32,920 --> 00:21:36,320
Like my stomach's
made out of toilets. Yeah.
492
00:21:36,360 --> 00:21:39,400
There's probably some pretty
nasty bacteria in this.
493
00:21:39,440 --> 00:21:43,040
What was he doing eating it?
It's over 20 years old!
494
00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:44,440
Oh, and I'm sorry, Mrs Goodman,
495
00:21:44,480 --> 00:21:47,360
but we will need to keep
your husband in overnight.
496
00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:51,160
Really? Oh, thank you, doctor!
Thank you so much!
497
00:21:51,200 --> 00:21:52,680
Martin!
PAGER VIBRATES
498
00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:53,720
One minute.
499
00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:58,240
Sorry, Jackie, I just spoke
to my sister again and,
500
00:21:58,280 --> 00:22:02,080
well, she was very rude actually -
she called me an annoying cow.
501
00:22:02,120 --> 00:22:03,160
Can you believe it?
502
00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:05,000
Ahem!
503
00:22:05,040 --> 00:22:07,960
Well, I can't stay there
tomorrow now, can I?
504
00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:11,280
Would you mind if I
stayed at yours instead? Erm...
505
00:22:11,320 --> 00:22:13,480
And maybe for a few more days
after that?
506
00:22:13,520 --> 00:22:16,240
Like, maybe another week..?
507
00:22:16,280 --> 00:22:18,200
Er...
508
00:22:18,240 --> 00:22:20,320
What do you think, Martin?
Martin?!
509
00:22:20,360 --> 00:22:22,000
Dad?
510
00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:23,040
Dad!
511
00:22:24,840 --> 00:22:26,160
You better call the nurse.
512
00:22:41,560 --> 00:22:43,960
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