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1
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[♪ theme music playing]
2
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[seat belts click]
3
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Thank God, I can breathe again!
4
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-It's not that bad.
-You sure you were playing football,
5
00:00:40,680 --> 00:00:42,560
and not just lying in a pool
of your own BO?
6
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-Mm, lovely!
-[groans]
7
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[chuckles]
8
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What?
9
00:00:46,960 --> 00:00:49,040
-[Jonny] What?
-What?
10
00:00:49,480 --> 00:00:50,720
-No way.
-[Jonny] No way.
11
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No way!
12
00:00:52,280 --> 00:00:53,840
-Dad!
-Hello, bambinos.
13
00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:55,560
-[Jonny] Is this for real?
-Is what for real?
14
00:00:55,680 --> 00:00:59,000
-Uh... The "For Sale" sign!
-Is the "For Sale" sign for real?
15
00:00:59,080 --> 00:01:01,960
-Yes!
-Well, it exists.
16
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-Right.
-No way!
17
00:01:04,440 --> 00:01:06,360
-No way!
-No way!
18
00:01:06,480 --> 00:01:08,880
There is no way you are
selling this house! Oh.
19
00:01:10,760 --> 00:01:12,680
-Hello.
-Uh...
20
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I do beg your pardon,
Paul and Melissa.
21
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This is Adam and Jonny.
22
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-Hi.
-Hello.
23
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Our sons. Boys, would you mind
taking your shoes off, please?
24
00:01:26,680 --> 00:01:28,920
We were just saying
what a lovely house your parents have.
25
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[Paul] Yeah, really lovely.
26
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Well, thanks for showing us around.
27
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No, thank you for coming.
28
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[Melissa] Not at all.
29
00:01:38,600 --> 00:01:40,920
-So, do they want to buy the house?
-Martin!
30
00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:42,960
Has she told you about
the bodies in the basement yet?
31
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[laughs]
32
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-Uh...
-Uh... Well, thanks again, then.
33
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-Good night.
-Good night.
34
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-Good night.
-Bodies everywhere!
35
00:01:52,440 --> 00:01:54,840
-Really!
-The woman smelt of pencils.
36
00:01:55,160 --> 00:01:56,440
-[both] I can't believe--
-Shh!
37
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[both] I can't believe
you're selling the house.
38
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-Without telling us!
-Boys--
39
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[both shouting]
40
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[Jackie] Boys!
41
00:02:05,040 --> 00:02:07,680
-We are not selling the house.
-What?
42
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-Aren't we?
-No!
43
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So?
44
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We're not selling, we're just seeing.
45
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-Seeing?
-Seeing?
46
00:02:15,120 --> 00:02:19,320
Yes, we're just seeing if anyone
might be interested in one day, maybe,
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thinking of buying the house.
48
00:02:23,680 --> 00:02:24,680
[Adam] Right.
49
00:02:24,760 --> 00:02:26,080
I thought we were selling the house.
50
00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:27,320
Martin, we've been through this.
51
00:02:28,040 --> 00:02:30,320
Oh, yes, we're definitely not
selling the house.
52
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Definitely not at all.
53
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-Well, you've convinced me!
-You do know I'm an estate agent?
54
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-Hmm.
-A terrible, terrible estate agent.
55
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[screams]
56
00:02:38,360 --> 00:02:40,280
Jonny, can you go
and have a shower, please?
57
00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:43,520
So, I do know when people
put a "For Sale" sign outside their house,
58
00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:45,440
and other people come to see
inside their house,
59
00:02:45,520 --> 00:02:47,360
it usually means
they're selling their house.
60
00:02:47,560 --> 00:02:49,280
-Jonny--
-So, why didn't you ask me to help?
61
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I think I can answer that one.
Because you're shit at your job.
62
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[screams]
63
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No, boys! Oh!
64
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[Adam] I've got crisps in my eyes!
65
00:02:57,600 --> 00:02:59,680
We were going to ask you,
honestly, we were,
66
00:02:59,760 --> 00:03:02,480
but we thought you'd get really upset.
67
00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:05,400
-So, you are selling the house!
-Yeah!
68
00:03:05,480 --> 00:03:08,240
Oh, all right.
We're just having a little look around.
69
00:03:08,320 --> 00:03:10,600
God, what's so wrong with that?
70
00:03:10,680 --> 00:03:13,360
-Aren't we allowed to have a life?
-[both] No!
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00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:15,440
We can't be expected to stay here forever.
72
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-Why not?
-Because we've been here 28 bloody years.
73
00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:20,240
Do you know how long
28 bloody years is?
74
00:03:20,320 --> 00:03:23,640
I do. 10,220 bloody days.
75
00:03:23,760 --> 00:03:25,280
-[Jackie sighs]
-Oh.
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00:03:25,880 --> 00:03:26,880
So?
77
00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:29,680
So, maybe now's the time
for your father and me to think about,
78
00:03:29,760 --> 00:03:32,400
you know, moving somewhere
maybe a little smaller.
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00:03:32,560 --> 00:03:34,200
-Smaller?
-What about us?
80
00:03:34,440 --> 00:03:36,800
You don't live here, remember,
you only come on Friday nights.
81
00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:37,960
Thank God.
82
00:03:38,120 --> 00:03:40,880
-But it's the family home.
-Yeah, Mum, the family home.
83
00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:43,320
-You can't sell the family home.
-The family home!
84
00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:45,480
-Boys...
-Don't be so sentimental,
85
00:03:45,560 --> 00:03:47,760
it's just a building with walls
and doors in it.
86
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What do you mean, "It's just a building
with walls and doors in it"?
87
00:03:50,760 --> 00:03:52,040
All right, and windows.
88
00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:54,680
-Is that all it means to you?
-What?
89
00:03:55,080 --> 00:03:57,120
Doesn't this house mean anything to you?
90
00:03:58,920 --> 00:04:01,600
-I suppose it keeps me dry.
-That'll be the roof.
91
00:04:01,680 --> 00:04:04,120
Well, they do say the roof
is the most important bit.
92
00:04:04,520 --> 00:04:08,120
Look, if it makes you any happier,
no one's made us an offer, okay?
93
00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:09,240
[both] An offer!
94
00:04:09,320 --> 00:04:12,560
I said, "No one's made an offer".
No one's made an offer on the house.
95
00:04:12,640 --> 00:04:15,840
Now, can we all just have a nice
Friday night dinner?
96
00:04:15,920 --> 00:04:18,240
-The Last Supper, you mean.
-Adam!
97
00:04:18,320 --> 00:04:21,280
-Yeah, the Last Supper.
-That's a shocking thing to say!
98
00:04:21,480 --> 00:04:23,280
-Tell them, Martin.
-What?
99
00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:24,920
The Last Supper!
100
00:04:25,240 --> 00:04:29,080
Oh, yes. Um...
I think we had lamb and potatoes.
101
00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:34,160
-Spanner.
-I just can't believe you and Mum.
102
00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:36,360
-Spanner.
-You do know I was born here?
103
00:04:36,440 --> 00:04:38,280
-Don't you even care?
-Spanner.
104
00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:41,560
-Is this a spanner?
-Does it look like a spanner?
105
00:04:42,040 --> 00:04:43,120
It's spanner-ish.
106
00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:46,200
-That's a wrench, you simpleton.
-Yeah, simpleton.
107
00:04:47,560 --> 00:04:48,560
Spanner.
108
00:04:50,280 --> 00:04:51,840
-What are you even doing?
-[Martin sighs]
109
00:04:51,920 --> 00:04:54,040
If it's something boring,
you don't need to tell us.
110
00:04:54,120 --> 00:04:55,240
Tightening the fan belt.
111
00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:59,160
-You don't need to tell us.
-There. All done.
112
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I don't know why I did that.
113
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Dinner!
114
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-Ooh, squirrel!
-Dad?
115
00:05:09,480 --> 00:05:10,480
What?
116
00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:15,360
[sighs] You know what your mum's like
when she gets a new idea in her skull.
117
00:05:15,520 --> 00:05:18,120
-Meaning?
-Meaning, it's just one of her silly fads.
118
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Last week it was needlepoint.
This week, selling the house.
119
00:05:21,480 --> 00:05:22,480
You think?
120
00:05:22,560 --> 00:05:24,280
Well, she's probably bored
of the idea already.
121
00:05:24,360 --> 00:05:26,640
I mean, have you ever seen any
of your mum's needlepoint?
122
00:05:26,720 --> 00:05:27,720
Uh... No.
123
00:05:27,800 --> 00:05:29,720
That's because she didn't buy
any bloody needles.
124
00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:33,800
Jonny, can you have
your shower now, please?
125
00:05:33,880 --> 00:05:35,000
Now, really?
126
00:05:35,080 --> 00:05:36,960
Jackie, the boy doesn't need a shower.
127
00:05:37,080 --> 00:05:38,800
-Uh... He definitely does.
-[groans]
128
00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:40,520
Can't he just do his bits in the sink?
129
00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:42,600
Mum, I'll have one after dinner,
I'm starving.
130
00:05:42,680 --> 00:05:44,960
-After dinner will be too late.
-[Jonny] Too late for what?
131
00:05:45,120 --> 00:05:47,520
[sniffs] We'll all be dead from the fumes?
132
00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:48,840
Too late for what?
133
00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:51,280
Okay, someone else is coming
to look at the house.
134
00:05:51,480 --> 00:05:52,520
[both] Someone else?
135
00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:54,760
-Calm down!
-But, Dad, you said--
136
00:05:54,840 --> 00:05:58,120
Sorry, I thought it was, you know,
another needlepoint scenario.
137
00:05:58,200 --> 00:05:59,640
-[sighs]
-[both] Mum!
138
00:05:59,920 --> 00:06:02,160
Just to let you know, we will be
doing everything in our power
139
00:06:02,240 --> 00:06:04,080
-to stop you selling this place.
-Very good.
140
00:06:04,240 --> 00:06:06,240
-Starting with this.
-Jonny!
141
00:06:06,320 --> 00:06:08,320
-Followed by this.
-In that shower!
142
00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:10,040
God!
143
00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:11,160
[Jonny shrieks]
144
00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:12,480
Bad luck, Pissface.
145
00:06:13,360 --> 00:06:14,360
[Jackie and Adam gasp]
146
00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:16,040
-Bad luck, Pusface!
-[Adam] Beetroot!
147
00:06:16,120 --> 00:06:17,520
-Jonny!
-[Jackie] Jonathan!
148
00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:20,440
Oh, my God, beetroot's on the carpet!
Blot it, Adam. Blot it!
149
00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:22,000
-Blot it?
-Blot it!
150
00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:23,240
[moans]
151
00:06:23,320 --> 00:06:26,240
-Martin! A cloth, quickly!
-How do I know how to blot it?
152
00:06:26,320 --> 00:06:28,040
-[Jackie] Beetroot on the carpet!
-[Martin] What?
153
00:06:28,120 --> 00:06:29,560
-[Jackie] The boys got beetroot...
-Wait.
154
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-...on the bloody carpet!
-[chuckles] So dead.
155
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Adam!
156
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Martin, blot.
157
00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:43,520
Hmm?
158
00:06:53,840 --> 00:06:54,960
[Adam] I'm a genius.
159
00:06:56,240 --> 00:06:58,320
-[knocking on door]
-One moment!
160
00:06:58,520 --> 00:06:59,920
[Jonny] What are you doing in there?
161
00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:01,280
[Adam] Coming!
162
00:07:02,040 --> 00:07:03,040
[Jonny] Pusface?
163
00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:05,600
[toilet flushes]
164
00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:07,440
All right?
165
00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:09,000
What's wrong with the loo downstairs?
166
00:07:09,400 --> 00:07:10,440
Hmm?
167
00:07:17,800 --> 00:07:18,840
[lock clicks]
168
00:07:20,320 --> 00:07:21,720
[shower runs]
169
00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:23,520
Five seconds?
170
00:07:26,400 --> 00:07:29,720
[Jonny] Huh? What?
Oh, my God!
171
00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:31,400
Scrub-a-dub-dub!
172
00:07:31,520 --> 00:07:33,800
[Jonny] What is happening?
What is happening?
173
00:07:34,680 --> 00:07:37,560
Why is it all red?
Why is it all red?
174
00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:40,680
[whimpers]
175
00:07:44,200 --> 00:07:47,080
But how did the beetroot end up
in the shower head?
176
00:07:47,160 --> 00:07:50,440
All over Jonny, all over the walls,
all over the carpet.
177
00:07:50,520 --> 00:07:54,680
I'm telling you, I'm not doing any more
bloody blotting tonight.
178
00:07:54,760 --> 00:07:58,040
-Yeah, it's a real mystery.
-Just eat your bloody dinner.
179
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The Last Supper.
180
00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:01,280
Will you please stop saying that?
181
00:08:01,520 --> 00:08:03,640
To think, I was born in this house.
182
00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:07,000
-I was probably conceived here.
-Ugh, Adam, I'm eating!
183
00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:08,480
What do you mean, "Ugh, I'm eating"?
184
00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:10,800
Well, I really don't want to
think about you and Dad
185
00:08:10,880 --> 00:08:13,120
doing your conceiving business
in this house.
186
00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:14,760
Not while I'm also in this house.
187
00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:17,160
Who said your brother was
conceived in this house?
188
00:08:18,640 --> 00:08:19,680
Sorry?
189
00:08:19,880 --> 00:08:21,760
Maybe he was conceived somewhere else.
190
00:08:22,720 --> 00:08:23,720
Was he?
191
00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:25,960
If it wasn't in the house,
where was it?
192
00:08:26,040 --> 00:08:27,160
-The car.
-[laughs]
193
00:08:27,360 --> 00:08:28,400
The car?
194
00:08:28,480 --> 00:08:30,480
-That's where you were formed.
-"Formed"!
195
00:08:30,560 --> 00:08:32,680
Your mother's egg, my spermatozoa.
196
00:08:32,760 --> 00:08:34,840
-Dad!
-All right, Martin.
197
00:08:34,920 --> 00:08:37,640
What were you doing,
doing it in Dad's car?
198
00:08:37,720 --> 00:08:39,920
I don't know, we were young,
weren't we, and--
199
00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:42,360
-Randy.
-[Jackie and Martin laughing]
200
00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:44,320
What's the matter, Pusface?
Don't you want to know
201
00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:45,840
where you were "formed"?
202
00:08:45,920 --> 00:08:48,160
All right then,
where was Pissface "formed"?
203
00:08:48,240 --> 00:08:49,920
-I really don't wanna know.
-I do!
204
00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:52,960
I don't remember.
Martin, where was it?
205
00:08:53,240 --> 00:08:54,720
-The cemetery?
-[laughs]
206
00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:55,840
The cemetery?
207
00:08:55,920 --> 00:08:59,200
I'm only joking, you berk! [laughs]
208
00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:00,920
I can't remember where it was either.
209
00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:02,920
-Shame.
-Who cares where we did it?
210
00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:04,000
"Did it"?
211
00:09:04,080 --> 00:09:06,520
The main thing is,
you're here now, you're alive.
212
00:09:06,600 --> 00:09:08,560
-Yeah.
-And wishing we'd never been born.
213
00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:13,680
Oh, don't be so ungrateful!
You two had a wonderful childhood.
214
00:09:13,760 --> 00:09:15,560
In this house,
which you're now flogging.
215
00:09:15,640 --> 00:09:18,120
-Yeah, flogging.
-We are not flogging the house!
216
00:09:18,320 --> 00:09:19,880
-Whatever.
-Yeah, whatever.
217
00:09:20,120 --> 00:09:21,200
Boys!
218
00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:26,040
Oh! Are we having an argument?
219
00:09:27,880 --> 00:09:32,560
Are we not talking? Great!
Then I'm going to get that thing.
220
00:09:33,200 --> 00:09:34,960
-Really?
-What thing?
221
00:09:35,120 --> 00:09:38,360
-Oh, this bloody thingy.
-Lads, remember this?
222
00:09:38,760 --> 00:09:41,000
-[Adam] What is it?
-You don't remember?
223
00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:43,480
It's not something
from the inside of the toilet, is it?
224
00:09:43,560 --> 00:09:44,600
[laughs] No!
225
00:09:44,680 --> 00:09:46,160
I found it in the shed last night.
226
00:09:46,240 --> 00:09:48,400
-It's the conversation spindle.
-The what?
227
00:09:48,480 --> 00:09:49,760
You remember, when you were little,
228
00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:52,000
if you'd had an argument,
or you weren't speaking--
229
00:09:52,080 --> 00:09:53,360
Like every five seconds.
230
00:09:53,440 --> 00:09:55,120
I made this for you,
the conversation spindle.
231
00:09:55,400 --> 00:09:59,040
-Which is...
-First, give the thing a spin.
232
00:10:00,160 --> 00:10:02,840
And it lands on a number
from one to ten. Four.
233
00:10:02,920 --> 00:10:06,080
And then four is... "Bridges."
234
00:10:06,320 --> 00:10:08,080
So, then we have a conversation
about bridges.
235
00:10:08,640 --> 00:10:09,640
Bridges?
236
00:10:09,720 --> 00:10:12,520
Or if it lands on a different number,
there's, uh...
237
00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:16,840
Oh! "My family,
capital cities, horses..."
238
00:10:17,320 --> 00:10:19,800
-Fascinating subjects!
-Go on, Adam. You have a spin.
239
00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:22,520
Okay. [sighs]
240
00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:27,320
-Number six!
-Number six.
241
00:10:27,400 --> 00:10:31,040
-"The future of space travel."
-"The future of space travel"?
242
00:10:31,120 --> 00:10:33,320
So, now you talk about
the future of space travel.
243
00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:34,400
Seriously?
244
00:10:34,480 --> 00:10:35,800
[Martin] All right, I'll help you.
245
00:10:36,320 --> 00:10:39,760
Adam, what do you think...
246
00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:42,480
is the future of space travel?
247
00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:44,320
I've no idea!
248
00:10:44,400 --> 00:10:46,320
I know that.
We're just having a conversation.
249
00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:48,040
Okay.
250
00:10:48,840 --> 00:10:51,080
The future of space travel. Uh...
251
00:10:51,560 --> 00:10:53,800
We'll all be living on the Moon.
252
00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:55,800
Rubbish!
253
00:10:56,320 --> 00:10:57,360
All right, I was only--
254
00:10:57,440 --> 00:11:01,440
How are you going to fly
seven billion bloody people,
255
00:11:01,520 --> 00:11:04,600
even more if it's in the future,
to the bloody Moon?
256
00:11:04,680 --> 00:11:06,120
-Martin!
-Idiot!
257
00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:07,920
Oh, I remember this game now.
258
00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:10,080
And what about all the stuff
you'd have to bring up there?
259
00:11:10,160 --> 00:11:13,160
-Honestly?
-The food, the building material.
260
00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:15,240
Where are we going to get
bleeding water from?
261
00:11:15,320 --> 00:11:17,480
-All right, Dad!
-Living on the Moon!
262
00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:20,040
Right, you need to get that head of yours
263
00:11:20,120 --> 00:11:22,400
out your backside and get real!
264
00:11:23,120 --> 00:11:24,520
God, the Moon!
265
00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:29,080
What a lovely game.
May I have a go?
266
00:11:29,240 --> 00:11:30,320
[doorbell rings]
267
00:11:30,400 --> 00:11:33,120
-Oh, that'll be him. James.
-[Adam] James?
268
00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:34,800
-Right.
-To see the house.
269
00:11:34,960 --> 00:11:37,080
-Mum!
-And no more mess, please!
270
00:11:37,720 --> 00:11:39,400
-Please, don't get it.
-Jonny!
271
00:11:40,040 --> 00:11:41,200
[Jackie] Coming!
272
00:11:43,560 --> 00:11:46,040
-Oh, hi, Jim.
-James.
273
00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:48,200
-Sorry?
-James.
274
00:11:48,280 --> 00:11:50,440
I've come about the house.
275
00:11:56,360 --> 00:11:58,120
Yes. [tuts]
276
00:11:58,200 --> 00:12:02,120
Wilson and I would make
a lot of changes to this house.
277
00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:04,080
-I think... a lot.
-Right.
278
00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:06,520
And will you be here much longer?
279
00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:10,920
-This bit is the upstairs?
-That's right, Jim.
280
00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:14,640
Hmm. I think I'd make it the downstairs.
281
00:12:16,080 --> 00:12:17,160
And this...
282
00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:21,520
-I'd probably burn.
-Terrific.
283
00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:25,840
Your bedroom's very nice, Jackie.
It's very nice.
284
00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:28,040
Uh... You have seen
in here before, Jim.
285
00:12:28,120 --> 00:12:32,200
I think I would preserve this room
for all eternity.
286
00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:34,480
I'm going downstairs
to stare at my hands.
287
00:12:34,560 --> 00:12:35,600
[Jackie] Thank you!
288
00:12:35,720 --> 00:12:38,800
Does your bed
come with the house, Jackie?
289
00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:40,440
-Yes, it does, Jim.
-No, it doesn't.
290
00:12:40,520 --> 00:12:43,200
Well, might you be prepared to--
to sell the bed?
291
00:12:43,320 --> 00:12:45,160
-Sorry, Jim.
-Hire out the bed?
292
00:12:45,360 --> 00:12:46,920
-Jim--
-No, of course.
293
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:49,280
I suppose I could always
fashion a replica.
294
00:12:49,360 --> 00:12:50,400
Yes.
295
00:12:52,560 --> 00:12:54,440
-[groans]
-[camera clicks]
296
00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:01,520
[grunts]
297
00:13:03,040 --> 00:13:05,120
Well, thanks for coming.
Good night.
298
00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:09,400
One minute, Jackie.
I don't think I got to see the roof.
299
00:13:09,480 --> 00:13:11,040
He's right.
Jim didn't see the roof.
300
00:13:11,480 --> 00:13:14,280
Um... I don't think
that'll be necessary, Jim.
301
00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:16,680
But they do say the roof's
the most important bit.
302
00:13:16,840 --> 00:13:19,120
-[Jim] Yes, I heard that.
-Rotten git.
303
00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:21,880
-Well, good night.
-Roof.
304
00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:28,320
Your Last Supper's getting cold.
305
00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:44,200
Look, I know you're both upset,
but nothing is happening with the house.
306
00:13:44,280 --> 00:13:47,400
No one else is coming,
no one's going to buy it, okay?
307
00:13:47,480 --> 00:13:49,280
-Unless, of course, Jim does.
-Thank you.
308
00:13:50,760 --> 00:13:54,120
Imagine this was the last time
we ever ate crumble in this house.
309
00:13:54,240 --> 00:13:56,200
-Crimble crumble.
-Okay.
310
00:13:56,280 --> 00:13:57,280
In this room...
311
00:13:57,360 --> 00:13:59,000
-Very good.
-At this table.
312
00:13:59,080 --> 00:14:00,680
-Seriously--
-[crashing]
313
00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:02,880
What the bloody hell?
314
00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:09,240
[gasps] Oh, God!
315
00:14:09,360 --> 00:14:12,920
Shitting, shitting, shitting!
316
00:14:14,800 --> 00:14:17,120
-Shit on it!
-Oh, Martin!
317
00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:19,680
My car! My shitting car!
318
00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:22,920
-How did that happen?
-Uh... I think I know.
319
00:14:25,320 --> 00:14:26,960
Hello, all!
320
00:14:27,880 --> 00:14:29,720
Just checking the roof.
321
00:14:31,160 --> 00:14:32,280
Uh...
322
00:14:32,560 --> 00:14:36,160
Uh... Okay, Jim.
I'll tell him. Mm-hm.
323
00:14:36,840 --> 00:14:37,880
Goodbye.
324
00:14:38,880 --> 00:14:42,400
Jim said to tell Dad he's really
very sorry about Dad's car,
325
00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:44,600
and he's offered to make him a lasagna.
326
00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:45,800
What, with wheels?
327
00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:49,400
Three hundred bloody quid
to tow the bloody thing!
328
00:14:49,480 --> 00:14:51,760
Oh, Martin. Come and sit down.
329
00:14:51,840 --> 00:14:53,800
-I don't wanna sit down.
-Have some tea.
330
00:14:53,880 --> 00:14:55,360
-I don't want tea.
-Have some crumble.
331
00:14:55,440 --> 00:14:57,440
-I don't want crumble.
-Have some lasagna.
332
00:14:58,000 --> 00:14:59,120
What? [sighs]
333
00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:03,080
-My bloody, bloody car!
-Oh, sweetheart.
334
00:15:03,160 --> 00:15:05,440
I guess it's lucky
you weren't inside it at the time.
335
00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:07,920
You know, hammering away at Mum.
336
00:15:08,200 --> 00:15:11,280
Thank you, Adam.
You going to be okay, sweetheart?
337
00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:13,800
Yeah, I just don't want to talk
to anyone right now, all right?
338
00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:15,280
[Jackie] Of course.
339
00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:17,360
No. I know!
340
00:15:18,080 --> 00:15:19,080
What?
341
00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:20,680
What?
342
00:15:21,360 --> 00:15:22,760
Dad?
343
00:15:23,240 --> 00:15:24,240
[Martin] What?
344
00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:27,080
Remember when we were kids,
and we weren't talking?
345
00:15:27,240 --> 00:15:29,280
-No, thank you.
-[Jonny] It'll cheer you up.
346
00:15:29,360 --> 00:15:30,520
I don't need cheering up.
347
00:15:30,640 --> 00:15:33,480
-[all] You do!
-[Martin] Oh, go on, then.
348
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:35,800
The whole vehicle, buggered.
349
00:15:37,840 --> 00:15:40,240
-Number nine.
-"Horses."
350
00:15:40,320 --> 00:15:43,400
-What?
-Horses. You talk about horses.
351
00:15:44,560 --> 00:15:46,360
Um... [exhales] Okay.
352
00:15:46,440 --> 00:15:49,600
Um... Well, horses, they're, um...
353
00:15:50,600 --> 00:15:51,640
They're animals.
354
00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:54,760
-That's it, is it?
-Mm.
355
00:15:55,600 --> 00:15:58,640
-It's okay. I'll play for him.
-Oh, thank you, sweetie.
356
00:15:59,280 --> 00:16:02,840
Horses are mammals,
and they live in stables.
357
00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:05,800
-Not wild ones, they don't.
-Okay, not wild ones.
358
00:16:06,480 --> 00:16:10,920
Horses run very fast,
and like being ridden by people.
359
00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:12,840
You have to break them in first!
360
00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:14,400
Okay, all right.
361
00:16:14,680 --> 00:16:20,600
Uh... They eat... What do horses eat?
Carrots? Some meat?
362
00:16:20,760 --> 00:16:23,320
-Horses don't eat meat!
-Well, I don't know, do I?
363
00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:26,080
Have you ever seen a horse
tucking into a steak?
364
00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:27,800
You stupid thicko!
365
00:16:27,880 --> 00:16:29,880
-Martin!
-I was only trying to cheer you up!
366
00:16:29,960 --> 00:16:30,960
Cheer me up?
367
00:16:31,040 --> 00:16:33,880
How is talking bollocks about
flesh-eating horses going to...
368
00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:35,920
Wait! Jackie.
369
00:16:36,320 --> 00:16:37,480
-Meat!
-[Jackie] What?
370
00:16:37,560 --> 00:16:38,560
The butcher's.
371
00:16:39,680 --> 00:16:43,000
That's where we did it.
In the alley, behind the butcher's.
372
00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:44,840
Oh, yes!
373
00:16:45,320 --> 00:16:47,280
-What?
-Where we formed you.
374
00:16:47,360 --> 00:16:48,440
I'm sorry?
375
00:16:48,520 --> 00:16:50,560
-In the alley, behind the butcher's.
-Butcher's.
376
00:16:50,640 --> 00:16:52,960
-The alley behind the butcher's?
-We were quite drunk.
377
00:16:53,040 --> 00:16:54,360
[chuckles] Very drunk!
378
00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:56,200
[laughing]
379
00:16:56,280 --> 00:16:58,920
The Last Supper just gets
better and better.
380
00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:00,080
[phone rings]
381
00:17:00,280 --> 00:17:02,000
-[Jonny] I can't believe it.
-Hello?
382
00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:05,080
That's okay. It's not too late.
383
00:17:05,160 --> 00:17:07,960
That's where I was conceived?
Behind the butcher's?
384
00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:11,000
Martin, could you come here
for a sec?
385
00:17:12,880 --> 00:17:15,160
Your mum was practically unconscious.
386
00:17:16,040 --> 00:17:17,120
Unconscious.
387
00:17:17,560 --> 00:17:20,240
Well, it must be nice to know
how you came about,
388
00:17:20,320 --> 00:17:24,080
some good, old-fashioned,
non-consensual sex... very near some meat.
389
00:17:25,600 --> 00:17:27,120
-[groans]
-Thank you.
390
00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:29,840
God.
391
00:17:32,160 --> 00:17:33,200
What?
392
00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:35,160
I think they want to buy the house.
393
00:17:35,240 --> 00:17:37,520
-Who wants to buy the house?
-The couple from before.
394
00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:40,320
-What, the man and the pencil lady?
-Yes, the pencil lady.
395
00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:43,520
The estate agent said they want to drop
round in a minute and have another look.
396
00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:45,680
-Right.
-Martin.
397
00:17:46,520 --> 00:17:48,040
They're going to make an offer.
398
00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:52,280
-Oh, okay.
-That's good, isn't it?
399
00:17:52,680 --> 00:17:53,760
Yeah, yeah.
400
00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:56,760
-The boys.
-The boys.
401
00:17:57,480 --> 00:17:58,560
You know they'll go mad.
402
00:17:58,640 --> 00:18:01,480
Don't worry, love.
I'll be gentle with them.
403
00:18:12,720 --> 00:18:13,760
Everything okay?
404
00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:15,680
The couple from before
are buying the house.
405
00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:16,960
-What?
-Martin!
406
00:18:17,080 --> 00:18:18,560
No way are they buying the house!
407
00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:20,320
Why did you tell them like that?
408
00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:22,720
-Like what?
-I can't believe this is happening!
409
00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:24,120
You just said no one will buy it!
410
00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:26,840
Well, I'm sorry, okay?
I didn't know they would want to!
411
00:18:26,920 --> 00:18:29,360
-I knew it!
-Boys, they'll be here in a minute--
412
00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:31,280
-Okay, I'm off!
-Me, too.
413
00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:32,440
[Jackie] Adam! Jonny!
414
00:18:32,640 --> 00:18:33,680
And just so you know,
415
00:18:33,760 --> 00:18:36,000
you won't be seeing us
for a long, long time.
416
00:18:36,080 --> 00:18:38,000
Yeah, a long, long, long, long time.
417
00:18:38,080 --> 00:18:39,360
Boys, please, please!
418
00:18:39,480 --> 00:18:43,120
Right, that is it.
I've had enough of all this shit!
419
00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:44,240
Martin!
420
00:18:44,320 --> 00:18:47,600
The arguing, the shouting,
the endless blotting!
421
00:18:48,200 --> 00:18:49,560
Jackie, your go.
422
00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:50,880
What?
423
00:18:50,960 --> 00:18:52,600
Well, you're the only one
who hasn't played.
424
00:18:52,720 --> 00:18:54,920
What, now?
But they'll be here in a minute!
425
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:56,480
-Spin it. Spin!
-But--
426
00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:57,600
Just do it, Mum.
427
00:18:58,840 --> 00:19:02,160
Oh, God! [sighs]
428
00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:05,040
Two.
429
00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:08,760
Two, "My family".
430
00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:11,560
-What?
-That's your subject, "My family".
431
00:19:11,680 --> 00:19:13,640
Sure it doesn't say "My horrible family"?
432
00:19:14,040 --> 00:19:15,360
We're waiting.
433
00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:18,840
What am I supposed to say?
434
00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:21,920
You know about my family.
You're in my family!
435
00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:24,440
Jackie, just play it properly
for bleedin' hell's sake!
436
00:19:24,760 --> 00:19:26,360
-Yeah, Mum.
-[sighs]
437
00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:28,400
All right. My family.
438
00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:32,160
My family...
439
00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:38,080
[sighs]
440
00:19:42,040 --> 00:19:45,520
Well, my family...
441
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:48,560
Yes?
442
00:19:50,600 --> 00:19:51,640
[sobs]
443
00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:55,080
-My family--
-Mum...
444
00:19:56,440 --> 00:19:59,280
-Mum...
-[whimpers] I'm sorry.
445
00:20:00,680 --> 00:20:01,880
That's okay, Mum.
446
00:20:02,040 --> 00:20:03,520
Is that your go over?
447
00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:07,280
'Cause, technically,
all you've said is the subject title.
448
00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:12,840
I'm going to miss this place.
449
00:20:13,320 --> 00:20:15,360
-Me, too.
-And me.
450
00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:21,200
Maybe it is more than just
a building with walls and doors.
451
00:20:23,080 --> 00:20:24,760
And windows. [chuckles lightly]
452
00:20:26,240 --> 00:20:27,400
It's the family home.
453
00:20:28,880 --> 00:20:30,000
The family home.
454
00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:32,800
[sighs]
455
00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:35,400
[doorbell rings]
456
00:20:37,800 --> 00:20:39,760
-They're here.
-Right.
457
00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:51,760
-Boys, wait.
-What?
458
00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:53,560
Martin, can you get the bin bag, please?
459
00:20:53,640 --> 00:20:54,880
-Bin bag?
-The one in the bin.
460
00:20:54,960 --> 00:20:56,000
-The one in the--
-Quickly!
461
00:20:56,120 --> 00:20:57,680
-Why do you want the bin bag?
-Yeah?
462
00:20:57,760 --> 00:20:59,480
-[doorbell rings]
-One minute!
463
00:21:00,320 --> 00:21:02,200
It's very full, so be careful.
464
00:21:04,760 --> 00:21:07,080
If you think I'm blotting all that...
465
00:21:07,440 --> 00:21:10,200
Well, don't just stand there.
Help me!
466
00:21:13,680 --> 00:21:14,960
[laughing]
467
00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:25,760
[doorbell ringing]
468
00:21:26,760 --> 00:21:27,840
Coming!
469
00:21:31,720 --> 00:21:33,600
-Okay.
-Jackie, wait!
470
00:21:38,920 --> 00:21:39,920
That's better.
471
00:21:40,720 --> 00:21:43,760
[chuckles] My horrible family.
472
00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:52,120
Oh, hello again.
Do have another look around.
473
00:21:57,280 --> 00:22:00,280
[♪ theme music playing]
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