All language subtitles for Friday.Night.Dinner.S03E04.The.Anniversary.1080p.NF.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.x264-NTb_track3_[eng]

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek Download
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:41,704 --> 00:00:42,984 Um. Pissface... 2 00:00:43,224 --> 00:00:44,624 -No! -Baby. 3 00:00:48,944 --> 00:00:50,184 -Bye! -Jonny! 4 00:00:54,184 --> 00:00:55,904 -Such a cockhole. -Well, you would know. 5 00:00:56,304 --> 00:00:58,344 -What's the matter, you idiot? 6 00:00:58,424 --> 00:00:59,944 Nothing. Don't! 7 00:01:00,024 --> 00:01:01,024 What? 8 00:01:01,904 --> 00:01:03,104 Hello? 9 00:01:03,184 --> 00:01:04,504 Happy anniversary! 10 00:01:04,944 --> 00:01:06,064 Where are they? 11 00:01:06,504 --> 00:01:08,424 -Double suicide? -Fingers crossed. 12 00:01:08,504 --> 00:01:10,544 -Mum? 13 00:01:13,344 --> 00:01:14,344 What's going... Oh, my God! 14 00:01:16,984 --> 00:01:18,704 Hurry up, lover boy! 15 00:01:19,744 --> 00:01:22,344 What are you two bleeding idiots doing here? 16 00:01:22,584 --> 00:01:24,504 -Er. It's Friday night. -You feed us. 17 00:01:24,584 --> 00:01:26,224 I told you to come later, remember? 18 00:01:26,544 --> 00:01:27,984 -No. -Who is it? 19 00:01:28,184 --> 00:01:29,744 The bloody boys are here. 20 00:01:30,064 --> 00:01:32,384 The boys? I thought they were coming at eight. 21 00:01:33,344 --> 00:01:35,024 Didn't you tell them? Hi, boys. 22 00:01:35,704 --> 00:01:38,544 -Um. Hi, Mum. -Happy anniversary. 23 00:01:38,624 --> 00:01:40,864 Thanks. Aw! Lovely flowers. 24 00:01:40,944 --> 00:01:42,384 You were meant to tell them to come later. 25 00:01:42,504 --> 00:01:45,104 -What? - Hurry up. 26 00:01:49,184 --> 00:01:50,784 - It's a good look. -Thank you. 27 00:01:50,984 --> 00:01:52,304 -What's going on? - What? 28 00:01:52,384 --> 00:01:56,104 Oh, your mother and I were having a bit of time to ourselves. 29 00:01:56,784 --> 00:01:58,664 -Okay. -We were just making love. 30 00:01:58,744 --> 00:02:00,064 Oh, God! 31 00:02:00,144 --> 00:02:02,104 Right. We're going to go and sit in the car for 20 minutes, 32 00:02:02,184 --> 00:02:03,904 then come back in again and pretend this never happened. 33 00:02:04,064 --> 00:02:05,704 -Good idea. -Yes, good idea. 34 00:02:06,664 --> 00:02:08,544 Actually, better make it half an hour. 35 00:02:15,344 --> 00:02:16,824 They still have sex. 36 00:02:16,904 --> 00:02:18,744 Sorry, how many times will you be saying that tonight? 37 00:02:18,824 --> 00:02:20,784 Er... Two more times. 38 00:02:20,864 --> 00:02:23,344 They still have sex. They still have sex. 39 00:02:24,104 --> 00:02:25,904 Why couldn't they have just stopped when they had you? 40 00:02:25,984 --> 00:02:27,944 -They're so selfish. -So selfish! 41 00:02:29,664 --> 00:02:31,304 Uh-oh! Here comes lover boy. 42 00:02:31,424 --> 00:02:32,424 Yup. 43 00:02:34,984 --> 00:02:36,264 All done! 44 00:02:43,504 --> 00:02:45,304 Oh, hi, boys. 45 00:02:45,624 --> 00:02:47,144 -Hello. -Hello again. 46 00:02:47,944 --> 00:02:50,744 -Aren't you going to give me a kiss? -Yeah, give your mother a kiss. 47 00:02:50,824 --> 00:02:53,104 Um... Okay. 48 00:02:56,424 --> 00:02:58,544 What's the matter with you two? 49 00:02:58,664 --> 00:02:59,704 What? Nothing. 50 00:03:00,744 --> 00:03:03,264 Oh, you're embarrassed! 51 00:03:03,344 --> 00:03:04,624 -No, we're not! -We're not embarrassed. 52 00:03:04,704 --> 00:03:06,544 You are! Martin, look at them. 53 00:03:06,624 --> 00:03:09,744 They're all embarrassed! 54 00:03:09,824 --> 00:03:13,544 Lads, there is nothing wrong with your mother and I enjoying 55 00:03:13,624 --> 00:03:15,664 a deeply physical relationship. 56 00:03:16,624 --> 00:03:18,144 Okay. Shall we go and sit in the car again? 57 00:03:18,224 --> 00:03:19,304 Or under the car. 58 00:03:19,384 --> 00:03:23,984 Aw, they're so cute. Come on! 59 00:03:25,864 --> 00:03:29,304 Ah, the pleasures of the flesh. 60 00:03:32,544 --> 00:03:37,304 Boys, look at the beautiful flowers Dad got me. 61 00:03:38,024 --> 00:03:39,984 Okay, we're looking at them. 62 00:03:40,344 --> 00:03:42,144 -Then what happens? 63 00:03:42,304 --> 00:03:43,784 So, 26 years. 64 00:03:43,864 --> 00:03:45,664 -What do you think of that, eh? -Mm. 65 00:03:45,944 --> 00:03:48,104 We think can you please stop kissing Mum now. 66 00:03:48,184 --> 00:03:49,544 Yeah, it's getting spooky. 67 00:03:49,624 --> 00:03:51,384 -Spooky? -It is spooky. 68 00:03:51,464 --> 00:03:54,224 How could it be spooky? 69 00:03:54,424 --> 00:03:55,824 Your mother's not a corpse. 70 00:03:58,224 --> 00:04:00,824 You know, if your mother and I had never met all those years ago, 71 00:04:00,904 --> 00:04:02,864 you two would never have been produced. 72 00:04:02,944 --> 00:04:05,064 -"Produced". -Those two acts of penetration... 73 00:04:05,144 --> 00:04:07,944 Martin! "Penetration"? 74 00:04:08,024 --> 00:04:09,704 Okay, we're just going to be sick on the floor. 75 00:04:09,784 --> 00:04:10,904 And the walls. 76 00:04:10,984 --> 00:04:13,304 Don't be ridiculous, it's just biology. 77 00:04:13,384 --> 00:04:14,744 Lovely way of putting it. 78 00:04:18,744 --> 00:04:21,304 -Right. When do I get my present? -Not again. 79 00:04:21,384 --> 00:04:23,184 -Dad, how old are you? -Twelve. 80 00:04:23,264 --> 00:04:25,624 We do presents after dinner. Remember? 81 00:04:25,824 --> 00:04:28,224 -Yes. -He won't stop asking me. 82 00:04:28,584 --> 00:04:30,864 Well, it's just that I got you something special. 83 00:04:30,944 --> 00:04:33,144 -Really? -Well, I made you something special. 84 00:04:33,224 --> 00:04:35,304 -You made me something? -That's not worrying. 85 00:04:35,504 --> 00:04:37,664 -What did you make me? -Oh, you'll have to wait and see. -What is it? A shoe? -An electric chair? 86 00:04:40,064 --> 00:04:42,584 -Oh, God, am I going to hate it? 87 00:04:42,744 --> 00:04:44,904 Of course you won't hate it. 88 00:04:45,264 --> 00:04:46,904 Would I really make you something horrible? 89 00:04:46,984 --> 00:04:49,464 I don't know. Are you able to make me something nice? 90 00:04:50,384 --> 00:04:52,504 -Please stop. 91 00:04:52,704 --> 00:04:54,104 Right, I'm going to get it! 92 00:04:54,504 --> 00:04:56,864 No one come out until I say. 93 00:05:00,384 --> 00:05:01,424 Blimey. 94 00:05:02,664 --> 00:05:05,624 -I wonder what it is. 95 00:05:05,704 --> 00:05:07,064 Great. He's nailing us in. 96 00:05:07,544 --> 00:05:09,944 -Martin? - Okay, come out now. 97 00:05:10,024 --> 00:05:11,304 With our hands up? 98 00:05:14,904 --> 00:05:16,104 What you doing? 99 00:05:17,704 --> 00:05:19,064 Da-na! 100 00:05:20,264 --> 00:05:21,864 - What is it? - Well, go on. 101 00:05:28,824 --> 00:05:30,664 -I painted it myself. -Did you? 102 00:05:31,064 --> 00:05:33,144 - Who is it? - Who is it? Your mother. 103 00:05:33,344 --> 00:05:34,824 -Is it? -That's Mum? 104 00:05:35,224 --> 00:05:36,784 The woman standing next to us right now? 105 00:05:36,904 --> 00:05:38,304 -Yes. -That's me? 106 00:05:38,384 --> 00:05:39,624 That's you. Do you like it? 107 00:05:39,824 --> 00:05:42,304 - Um... -Did you paint it from memory? 108 00:05:42,384 --> 00:05:44,064 Yes, a really bad memory? 109 00:05:44,144 --> 00:05:45,704 Or a terrible nightmare? 110 00:05:45,784 --> 00:05:47,704 -Thank you. -No, a photograph. 111 00:05:47,824 --> 00:05:50,344 -Of a different woman? - Shut up. 112 00:05:50,704 --> 00:05:51,784 Do you like it? 113 00:05:51,944 --> 00:05:54,144 Of course, I like it. 114 00:05:54,224 --> 00:05:57,704 It's a really original anniversary present. 115 00:05:57,784 --> 00:05:59,744 See, I knew you'd like it. I'll get the champagne. 116 00:06:02,344 --> 00:06:03,904 Boys, do I really look like that? 117 00:06:03,984 --> 00:06:06,024 'Course you do. Look. 118 00:06:09,264 --> 00:06:10,704 I seriously can't tell which one's which. 119 00:06:10,784 --> 00:06:11,784 Mm. 120 00:06:12,304 --> 00:06:13,944 Oh, God. 121 00:06:14,544 --> 00:06:17,984 I can't have that thing hanging there looking at me. 122 00:06:18,984 --> 00:06:20,824 I think the champagne's in there. Still like it? 123 00:06:20,904 --> 00:06:22,064 Of course! 124 00:06:23,264 --> 00:06:26,424 -It's got to go. -Really, but it's so beautiful! 125 00:06:26,504 --> 00:06:27,904 -Jonny! 126 00:06:28,264 --> 00:06:30,384 -You all right? -Yeah, no, it's nothing. 127 00:06:30,584 --> 00:06:32,984 Can't find it anywhere. There's some flat cola. 128 00:06:34,104 --> 00:06:35,584 Hold on a minute... 129 00:06:37,024 --> 00:06:38,384 You're such a turd! 130 00:06:39,264 --> 00:06:41,664 -Adam! -What is the matter with him? 131 00:06:41,744 --> 00:06:43,024 - Boys? 132 00:06:43,104 --> 00:06:44,144 Boys! 133 00:06:45,464 --> 00:06:46,584 What's going on? 134 00:06:46,664 --> 00:06:48,304 You're acting like your arm's about to drop off. 135 00:06:48,664 --> 00:06:50,024 -Tell me. -No. 136 00:06:50,104 --> 00:06:51,864 -Jonny! 137 00:06:51,944 --> 00:06:54,064 All right, but don't say anything. 138 00:06:54,424 --> 00:06:55,664 You've got leprosy? 139 00:06:55,904 --> 00:06:57,184 I've got a tattoo. 140 00:06:57,784 --> 00:06:59,344 -What? -I got a tattoo. 141 00:06:59,584 --> 00:07:00,744 Rubbish! When? 142 00:07:00,824 --> 00:07:02,784 Last week. It bloody kills. 143 00:07:02,904 --> 00:07:03,904 Last week? 144 00:07:04,184 --> 00:07:05,424 Oh, my God! Let me see. 145 00:07:05,504 --> 00:07:07,464 -No way. -What do you mean "no way"? 146 00:07:07,744 --> 00:07:09,544 -I want to see your tattoo! -Shh! 147 00:07:10,504 --> 00:07:11,384 You'll tell Mum. 148 00:07:11,464 --> 00:07:13,744 'Course I won't tell Mum. Just show me it. 149 00:07:13,904 --> 00:07:16,344 -You'll take the piss. -No, I won't! 150 00:07:16,744 --> 00:07:19,264 Unless it's of a man with giant cocks all over his face. 151 00:07:19,344 --> 00:07:20,344 Very good. 152 00:07:20,624 --> 00:07:22,904 Is it of a man with giant cocks all over his face? 153 00:07:22,984 --> 00:07:25,664 No, it's more sort of words. 154 00:07:25,904 --> 00:07:27,104 -Words? -Mm. 155 00:07:27,264 --> 00:07:28,944 What, like, "I am a twat"? 156 00:07:29,024 --> 00:07:30,144 -Mm. 157 00:07:30,344 --> 00:07:31,584 Are you all right in there? 158 00:07:31,664 --> 00:07:33,544 -Yes, Mum. -What are you doing? 159 00:07:33,984 --> 00:07:34,984 Coming! 160 00:07:36,184 --> 00:07:37,424 Don't tell Mum. 161 00:07:38,944 --> 00:07:40,984 -Sorry, we were just-- -Jonny's got a tattoo! 162 00:07:41,064 --> 00:07:42,304 -What? -You shit! 163 00:07:42,384 --> 00:07:43,424 Ow! 164 00:07:43,744 --> 00:07:45,584 -Sorry! 165 00:07:45,664 --> 00:07:47,304 -Please can I see it? -You bastard! 166 00:07:47,424 --> 00:07:49,344 A tattoo? You got a tattoo? 167 00:07:49,944 --> 00:07:51,824 Martin, Jonny's got a tattoo! 168 00:07:51,904 --> 00:07:54,024 What? You mustn't get tattoos! 169 00:07:54,104 --> 00:07:55,184 Christ! 170 00:07:55,264 --> 00:07:57,344 Will everyone please stop hitting my tattoo? 171 00:07:57,424 --> 00:07:58,784 He said it again! He's got a tattoo! 172 00:07:58,864 --> 00:08:00,384 -I can't believe it. -Excuse me. 173 00:08:00,464 --> 00:08:02,064 I can't believe you, Jonathan! 174 00:08:03,824 --> 00:08:05,424 You know how much I hate tattoos. 175 00:08:05,504 --> 00:08:06,904 Yes, you know how much Mum hates tattoos. 176 00:08:06,984 --> 00:08:08,064 Shut up! 177 00:08:08,144 --> 00:08:11,624 It's not, like, a naked lady or something, is it? 178 00:08:11,704 --> 00:08:12,784 Please leave me alone. 179 00:08:12,864 --> 00:08:14,344 It's basically just porn all over his body. 180 00:08:14,424 --> 00:08:16,064 -Seriously? -What is it? An ape? 181 00:08:16,144 --> 00:08:18,224 What? Why would I get a tattoo of an ape? 182 00:08:18,464 --> 00:08:20,384 To remind you of where you came from originally. 183 00:08:20,744 --> 00:08:21,824 Not a bad answer, actually. 184 00:08:21,904 --> 00:08:23,624 Why did you go and get a tattoo? 185 00:08:23,984 --> 00:08:25,424 -I just felt like it. -You felt like it? 186 00:08:25,664 --> 00:08:26,544 Everyone does it. 187 00:08:26,704 --> 00:08:28,104 Yeah, Grandma's got an eagle on her tits. 188 00:08:28,184 --> 00:08:29,704 - Adam! -Or a bear? 189 00:08:29,784 --> 00:08:31,424 -An angry bear? -What? 190 00:08:31,504 --> 00:08:33,624 Your tattoo. It could be of an angry bear. I knew a bloke, he had one of an angry bear. 191 00:08:35,904 --> 00:08:37,664 He was an optician, but he drowned. 192 00:08:37,824 --> 00:08:39,704 You see what can happen when you get a tattoo? 193 00:08:39,784 --> 00:08:41,504 -You are so dead. -Well, show us then. 194 00:08:42,344 --> 00:08:44,024 God. All right. I'm sure you'll really like it, Mum. 195 00:08:48,944 --> 00:08:50,584 -There. 196 00:08:50,664 --> 00:08:51,984 Oh, my God. It's a skull. 197 00:08:52,864 --> 00:08:55,384 My son has a skull on his arm. A skull! 198 00:08:55,464 --> 00:08:56,864 It looks a bit like you, Jackie! -Thank you. -The hair. 199 00:08:59,024 --> 00:09:00,304 That is pretty terrible. 200 00:09:00,384 --> 00:09:03,024 -Shut up. It's art. -It's really not art. 201 00:09:03,104 --> 00:09:05,544 Why did you have to get this done on our anniversary? 202 00:09:05,624 --> 00:09:07,304 I didn't get it done on your anniversary. It doesn't say, "Happy anniversary, Mum and Dad" on it. 203 00:09:09,304 --> 00:09:10,664 Well, at least that would have been something nice. 204 00:09:10,824 --> 00:09:11,824 What are those words? 205 00:09:11,904 --> 00:09:14,584 It's Latin. "Vive celer, adulescens morere." 206 00:09:14,744 --> 00:09:18,304 I think I can translate. "I am a massive penis." 207 00:09:18,384 --> 00:09:20,704 -Very good. -Well, what does it mean? 208 00:09:21,464 --> 00:09:25,024 Um, it means "Family comes first." 209 00:09:25,104 --> 00:09:26,544 -Bollocks. -It does. 210 00:09:26,784 --> 00:09:28,184 -Does it? -Yes. 211 00:09:28,504 --> 00:09:30,824 'Cause, you know, I love my family. 212 00:09:34,784 --> 00:09:38,304 Well, at least you were thinking of us when you had it done. 213 00:09:38,384 --> 00:09:41,024 -Yeah. -It's horrible. 214 00:09:41,744 --> 00:09:45,504 Are you absolutely sure it definitely means, "Family comes first"? 215 00:09:45,624 --> 00:09:47,024 Yes, I am sure, thank you. 216 00:09:48,024 --> 00:09:50,224 Right, can we stop talking about my tattoo now? 217 00:09:51,064 --> 00:09:53,824 You know Grandma's popping in after her bridge evening. 218 00:09:53,904 --> 00:09:55,824 You better not show her. She'll have a bloody stroke. 219 00:09:56,504 --> 00:09:58,064 She will if she speaks Latin. 220 00:09:58,144 --> 00:09:59,984 Um. Internet language translator. 221 00:10:00,064 --> 00:10:01,224 Adam... 222 00:10:01,304 --> 00:10:04,064 Translation, "Live fast and die young." 223 00:10:04,144 --> 00:10:05,344 -What? -Jonny's tattoo. 224 00:10:05,424 --> 00:10:07,024 -"Live fast. Die young." -Mum... 225 00:10:07,104 --> 00:10:09,584 Is that really what it means, "Live fast, die young?" 226 00:10:09,704 --> 00:10:10,824 What? 227 00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:11,944 You want to die young? 228 00:10:12,224 --> 00:10:13,624 No, it's just a... 229 00:10:13,944 --> 00:10:15,064 Look, can we stop now, please? 230 00:10:15,144 --> 00:10:16,984 Martin, Jonathan wants to die young. 231 00:10:17,064 --> 00:10:18,464 -Does he? -Yes. He wants to die young. 232 00:10:18,544 --> 00:10:20,864 -Tell him! -You're not to die young! 233 00:10:20,944 --> 00:10:23,344 God! I hate you all! 234 00:10:23,584 --> 00:10:24,784 Jonny! 235 00:10:25,144 --> 00:10:27,584 Go and finish the table! Jonnyboo! 236 00:10:27,744 --> 00:10:28,744 Sorry. 237 00:10:29,144 --> 00:10:30,544 -Oh, dear. -Yeah. 238 00:10:30,864 --> 00:10:32,144 It did look a bit like your mum. 239 00:10:32,224 --> 00:10:33,224 I know! 240 00:10:33,984 --> 00:10:35,784 Not as much as your excellent painting. 241 00:10:36,224 --> 00:10:37,904 -Thank you. -Maestro. 242 00:10:38,904 --> 00:10:40,864 -Right, down there. -Sir. 243 00:10:43,104 --> 00:10:44,424 -Um. Adam? -What? 244 00:10:44,864 --> 00:10:47,104 -Can I talk to you? -Really? 245 00:10:48,624 --> 00:10:51,224 What, on the stupid posh chairs that no one in this family 246 00:10:51,304 --> 00:10:53,504 -has ever sat on? -Just sit, you moron. 247 00:10:54,064 --> 00:10:55,744 -An audience with the Pope. -What? 248 00:10:56,504 --> 00:10:57,944 If this is about females... 249 00:10:58,024 --> 00:11:02,064 You know, if there's ever anything you want to ask me, you can always-- 250 00:11:02,144 --> 00:11:04,544 -Ask you? -You know, sex things. 251 00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:06,144 Sex things? 252 00:11:06,224 --> 00:11:07,264 Thank you, Dad. 253 00:11:07,704 --> 00:11:09,424 -So dead. -Pissface? 254 00:11:10,304 --> 00:11:12,584 There's nothing to be embarrassed about. 255 00:11:13,344 --> 00:11:16,184 -Your mother and I do sex things. -Please, kill me now. 256 00:11:16,264 --> 00:11:19,504 You shouldn't be scared of sex. It's just simple biology. 257 00:11:19,624 --> 00:11:21,464 Seriously, if you could just shoot me in the mouth. 258 00:11:21,544 --> 00:11:23,584 For example, did you know that a man's erection-- 259 00:11:24,704 --> 00:11:26,424 Well, you know what a man's erection is, don't you? 260 00:11:26,504 --> 00:11:28,144 'Course I know what a man's erection is! 261 00:11:28,224 --> 00:11:30,944 Yeah, well, a man's erection is basically just 262 00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:32,504 capillary action of the blood. 263 00:11:32,624 --> 00:11:33,784 Capillary action? 264 00:11:33,864 --> 00:11:35,424 Yeah, so next time you're with a lady, 265 00:11:35,544 --> 00:11:37,344 you're thinking about penetration... 266 00:11:37,544 --> 00:11:39,144 Please not the P word again. 267 00:11:39,224 --> 00:11:41,504 ...you can tell her from me, it's just capillary action of the blood. 268 00:11:41,584 --> 00:11:44,224 Okay, I'll definitely tell her, from you. Thanks. 269 00:11:46,864 --> 00:11:48,784 -You shitting clot! - Stop it! Stop it! 270 00:11:49,224 --> 00:11:51,704 That's it, bath-time for baby Pusface. 271 00:11:53,464 --> 00:11:55,664 - Stop it! 272 00:11:58,464 --> 00:12:00,064 I'm really not happy with you. 273 00:12:01,344 --> 00:12:02,504 Adam! 274 00:12:03,264 --> 00:12:05,304 -My lovely chairs. -Sorry, Mum. 275 00:12:07,624 --> 00:12:10,224 -Thanks for the cool clothes, Dad. -Pleasure. 276 00:12:10,304 --> 00:12:11,704 I really don't look ridiculous. 277 00:12:11,784 --> 00:12:14,304 No, you really do look ridiculous. Pull your trousers up! 278 00:12:17,784 --> 00:12:19,624 -Don't you dare! - Just sit down. 279 00:12:21,224 --> 00:12:26,104 Right, can we all try and make this a special anniversary dinner, please? 280 00:12:27,424 --> 00:12:31,144 Okay, so, there's steak tonight. 281 00:12:31,224 --> 00:12:35,584 Ooh! Lovely bit of squirrel beef! 282 00:12:35,904 --> 00:12:39,184 -Oh, not now. 283 00:12:42,824 --> 00:12:44,184 -Meat! 284 00:12:47,504 --> 00:12:49,264 Um, hi, Jim. 285 00:12:49,344 --> 00:12:53,024 Hello, Jackie. Can I come in? We don't have long. 286 00:12:53,704 --> 00:12:56,184 Um... Are you drunk? 287 00:12:56,264 --> 00:12:58,984 Not drunk, more sedated. 288 00:12:59,544 --> 00:13:01,824 -Sedated? -Yes. Heavily. 289 00:13:02,264 --> 00:13:03,944 -Um... -Thank you, Jackie. 290 00:13:04,264 --> 00:13:05,784 Wilson, come on. 291 00:13:05,944 --> 00:13:07,784 Come on. Come on, Wilson. 292 00:13:07,864 --> 00:13:09,784 -Good boy. That's it. 293 00:13:09,864 --> 00:13:11,504 Come on... Wilson... 294 00:13:16,144 --> 00:13:18,144 Boys? Martin? 295 00:13:19,544 --> 00:13:21,744 Are you okay? What happened? 296 00:13:21,824 --> 00:13:24,144 -Everything all right? - Hello, boys. 297 00:13:25,144 --> 00:13:26,704 Man. 298 00:13:26,824 --> 00:13:29,224 -Jim's sedated. -Sedated? 299 00:13:29,504 --> 00:13:34,664 Yes, you see I went to take my special pills for my... 300 00:13:34,744 --> 00:13:36,744 -We don't need to know. -...funny bottom. 301 00:13:37,744 --> 00:13:43,024 The thing is, they look just like Wilson's sleepy pills. 302 00:13:43,704 --> 00:13:45,104 You took Wilson's sleeping pills? 303 00:13:45,184 --> 00:13:49,184 Yes, Martin, I opened Wilson's bottle, 304 00:13:49,264 --> 00:13:52,744 put a couple of pills in my hand 305 00:13:52,824 --> 00:13:55,304 and then swallowed them. 306 00:13:57,384 --> 00:13:58,384 Jim? 307 00:13:58,464 --> 00:14:00,664 Oh, dear. I've done it again. 308 00:14:00,744 --> 00:14:04,264 -We should call an ambulance. -No ama-lama-lance. 309 00:14:04,584 --> 00:14:07,104 Okay, then, let's get you back home. 310 00:14:07,184 --> 00:14:08,264 Home. 311 00:14:08,944 --> 00:14:10,504 We can't send him home like that. 312 00:14:11,104 --> 00:14:12,984 What? What about our steaks? 313 00:14:13,944 --> 00:14:15,504 Come on, Jim. 314 00:14:15,904 --> 00:14:17,944 Come... Come through. 315 00:14:18,504 --> 00:14:21,184 -Help me! -Come on, Jim. 316 00:14:25,704 --> 00:14:27,304 Margaret Thatcher? 317 00:14:27,384 --> 00:14:28,904 -Fantastic. -What? 318 00:14:28,984 --> 00:14:31,744 -No, it's Jackie. -Oh, Jackie... Jackie. 319 00:14:31,824 --> 00:14:33,344 Wonderful anniversary. 320 00:14:34,464 --> 00:14:36,824 Come on, come on, Jim, let's get you in the living room. 321 00:14:39,024 --> 00:14:40,264 Please, Jim. 322 00:14:40,984 --> 00:14:42,024 Jim? 323 00:14:42,744 --> 00:14:46,464 I'm fading. I'm fading. 324 00:14:47,064 --> 00:14:48,584 - Jim? - Jim! 325 00:14:49,464 --> 00:14:50,464 Jim. 326 00:14:52,464 --> 00:14:54,024 Night-night, Mummy. 327 00:15:01,744 --> 00:15:03,264 Oh, God. 328 00:15:07,584 --> 00:15:08,624 Some more chippies. 329 00:15:09,144 --> 00:15:10,464 How's sleeping beauty? 330 00:15:11,824 --> 00:15:14,064 Are you sure we shouldn't call an ama-lama-lance? 331 00:15:14,144 --> 00:15:15,944 -He'll be fine. -Will he? 332 00:15:16,224 --> 00:15:18,344 Well, if he does die, we can just bury him under the drive! 333 00:15:20,584 --> 00:15:22,824 Our special anniversary dinner... 334 00:15:22,904 --> 00:15:25,104 -Aw. Come on, Mum... -When are we doing my present? 335 00:15:26,464 --> 00:15:27,624 All right, I'm 12. 336 00:15:29,024 --> 00:15:30,464 -Nice steak? -Lovely. 337 00:15:30,704 --> 00:15:32,904 Yeah, not as lovely as Jonny's tattoo. 338 00:15:33,624 --> 00:15:35,864 -Or Adam's beef water. 339 00:15:36,024 --> 00:15:37,464 You pair of inbreds! 340 00:15:38,544 --> 00:15:40,864 Why did you have to get that horrible tattoo? 341 00:15:41,104 --> 00:15:43,264 All right! Pass me the wine. 342 00:15:43,384 --> 00:15:44,424 More wine? 343 00:15:44,504 --> 00:15:46,304 -Do you want to die young? -Mum, tell him. 344 00:15:46,384 --> 00:15:48,224 Are you really unhappy or something? 345 00:15:48,464 --> 00:15:51,464 You must be to write, "I want to die young" on your arm. 346 00:15:51,544 --> 00:15:52,944 - Jackie. - Actually, it was 347 00:15:53,024 --> 00:15:54,024 "Live fast, die young." 348 00:15:54,104 --> 00:15:55,904 -Shut up. -My brother the Hell's Angel. 349 00:15:56,024 --> 00:15:57,224 Sorry, local estate agent. 350 00:15:57,304 --> 00:15:59,984 All right, I lost my job, okay? 351 00:16:02,624 --> 00:16:03,624 I lost my job. 352 00:16:05,544 --> 00:16:07,224 -Oh, Jon-- -Arm! 353 00:16:07,304 --> 00:16:09,184 -Sorry. -You lost your job? Yeah. I lost it. 354 00:16:12,184 --> 00:16:13,184 Stealing, were you? 355 00:16:15,264 --> 00:16:16,304 When? 356 00:16:17,024 --> 00:16:19,984 A couple of weeks ago. "Staff restructuring." 357 00:16:20,304 --> 00:16:21,784 I.e. you were crap. 358 00:16:22,784 --> 00:16:25,344 Why didn't you say, Jonnyboo? 359 00:16:25,504 --> 00:16:26,704 I didn't want to upset you. 360 00:16:28,104 --> 00:16:29,664 Say something, Martin. 361 00:16:30,224 --> 00:16:32,304 Well, if he's lost his job, he might as well die young. 362 00:16:32,424 --> 00:16:34,544 -Have you seen the economy? -Thank you, Dad. 363 00:16:34,904 --> 00:16:36,944 Is that why you went out and got the... 364 00:16:38,224 --> 00:16:39,464 Yeah, I guess. 365 00:16:43,664 --> 00:16:45,224 It's not the nicest tattoo in the world, is it? 366 00:16:45,304 --> 00:16:46,464 -Well... -It's really horrible. 367 00:16:46,544 --> 00:16:49,024 -Revolting. 368 00:16:51,064 --> 00:16:52,104 Jim? 369 00:16:52,424 --> 00:16:54,824 -Oh, fabulous. -Where is he? 370 00:16:54,904 --> 00:16:56,344 - Jim? -Where's my painting? 371 00:16:58,224 --> 00:17:02,824 My horse is in the hospital! 372 00:17:03,224 --> 00:17:04,704 -Jim? -Come on, Jim! 373 00:17:05,384 --> 00:17:06,984 Wait, you don't think he's... 374 00:17:08,064 --> 00:17:09,184 Sleepwalking? 375 00:17:09,864 --> 00:17:12,744 Seriously, it's meant to be really dangerous, you cannot wake him. 376 00:17:12,824 --> 00:17:14,784 -Yeah, it could kill him. -Right, let's wake him then! 377 00:17:15,624 --> 00:17:16,704 Where is he? 378 00:17:17,024 --> 00:17:19,304 Oh, please don't say he's in our bedroom. 379 00:17:19,384 --> 00:17:21,704 - He's not in your bedroom. 380 00:17:24,504 --> 00:17:25,664 He is in your bedroom. 381 00:17:29,504 --> 00:17:30,504 Jim. 382 00:17:31,984 --> 00:17:34,224 -Jim. - Come on, Jim. 383 00:17:34,744 --> 00:17:36,544 -What is he doing? -Shh! 384 00:17:36,824 --> 00:17:37,984 You can't wake him. 385 00:17:40,104 --> 00:17:41,664 Hello, Elsie. 386 00:17:43,024 --> 00:17:44,904 -Excellent! 387 00:17:47,824 --> 00:17:49,544 Oh, there. 388 00:17:50,824 --> 00:17:53,144 - God. -Dad's sex pants. 389 00:17:53,344 --> 00:17:54,704 -Capillary action, eh, Dad? - Yes. -What? -Nothing. 390 00:17:56,504 --> 00:17:58,464 Not my bed. 391 00:17:59,344 --> 00:18:02,784 I'm completely made of bosoms! 392 00:18:07,344 --> 00:18:09,944 Oh, God! What are we going to do? 393 00:18:10,024 --> 00:18:11,864 -Burn the bed? -Burn the house? 394 00:18:11,944 --> 00:18:13,184 -I know! -What? 395 00:18:13,464 --> 00:18:14,464 My present! 396 00:18:17,144 --> 00:18:18,544 Oh, Jackie, I love it. 397 00:18:18,624 --> 00:18:21,504 It's absolutely terrific. 398 00:18:21,584 --> 00:18:23,424 -Really? -Come here... 399 00:18:23,504 --> 00:18:24,784 Please! 400 00:18:26,704 --> 00:18:30,024 See, what it does is, it makes small things, far away, 401 00:18:30,104 --> 00:18:32,064 look much closer, much bigger. 402 00:18:32,144 --> 00:18:33,144 Really, Dad? 403 00:18:33,584 --> 00:18:35,424 -Well? -Still snoring away. 404 00:18:35,544 --> 00:18:37,584 -Still in our bed? -Actually, he's under your bed. 405 00:18:37,744 --> 00:18:40,384 Great. You really don't think we should call someone? 406 00:18:40,464 --> 00:18:42,424 Who are we going to call? Robert Mugabe? 407 00:18:44,304 --> 00:18:45,944 Good boy, Wilson. 408 00:18:46,144 --> 00:18:48,144 Um. Hello, Jim. 409 00:18:48,264 --> 00:18:50,064 Sleep tight, Wilson. 410 00:18:51,864 --> 00:18:53,304 -Jim? 411 00:18:54,344 --> 00:18:55,344 Jim? 412 00:18:56,344 --> 00:18:58,344 He's locked us in! Shit on it! 413 00:18:58,424 --> 00:19:00,024 Jim! 414 00:19:06,904 --> 00:19:08,104 Bloody hell! 415 00:19:08,224 --> 00:19:10,104 I told you, you can't open them without the key. 416 00:19:10,184 --> 00:19:11,944 -Which you lost. -Which I lost. 417 00:19:12,944 --> 00:19:15,104 An hour and 20 minutes? 418 00:19:15,184 --> 00:19:16,384 Jim! 419 00:19:16,464 --> 00:19:17,744 Seriously, no one has a phone on them? 420 00:19:17,864 --> 00:19:18,864 No! 421 00:19:18,944 --> 00:19:20,744 And you're absolutely sure there isn't a computer in here? 422 00:19:20,824 --> 00:19:22,984 -There's a printer. -Great, we'll print our way out. 423 00:19:23,264 --> 00:19:24,744 So, what, we just die in here then? 424 00:19:24,824 --> 00:19:27,064 -Live fast, die young. -Very clever. 425 00:19:28,184 --> 00:19:30,184 Grandma will be here soon, so... 426 00:19:30,264 --> 00:19:31,984 Oh, yes, Supergran will save us. 427 00:19:32,064 --> 00:19:33,144 All right! 428 00:19:33,224 --> 00:19:34,664 What happens if Grandma doesn't come round, 429 00:19:34,744 --> 00:19:35,824 or Jim doesn't wake up? 430 00:19:35,904 --> 00:19:37,344 Yeah, we could starve to death. 431 00:19:37,584 --> 00:19:38,984 -Don't be silly. -We could. 432 00:19:39,064 --> 00:19:41,784 All right, well if we were really that hungry, we'd just have to... 433 00:19:42,504 --> 00:19:43,504 eat Dad. 434 00:19:43,744 --> 00:19:44,824 -Eat me? -Yes. 435 00:19:44,904 --> 00:19:46,344 -Why me? -What? 436 00:19:46,424 --> 00:19:48,464 You wouldn't sacrifice your own life for your sons? 437 00:19:48,544 --> 00:19:50,184 Those two pillocks? No way! 438 00:19:50,264 --> 00:19:51,344 Oh, that's nice. 439 00:19:51,464 --> 00:19:53,144 So, the boys could be dying of starvation in here, 440 00:19:53,224 --> 00:19:55,104 and you wouldn't let them eat you? Charming. 441 00:19:55,224 --> 00:19:57,704 -Yes, charming, Dad. -Why can't they eat you? 442 00:19:57,944 --> 00:19:59,704 Because I'm their mother. 443 00:19:59,784 --> 00:20:01,584 -Definitely makes sense. 444 00:20:02,104 --> 00:20:03,424 Oh, my God! Grandma. 445 00:20:03,504 --> 00:20:05,464 Grandma! 446 00:20:09,624 --> 00:20:12,304 The Goodman residence. 447 00:20:13,624 --> 00:20:14,784 Jacqueline? 448 00:20:15,264 --> 00:20:16,544 We're in here! We're in here! 449 00:20:17,744 --> 00:20:19,704 - You're in there? -Yes! 450 00:20:19,784 --> 00:20:21,144 What are you doing in there? 451 00:20:21,224 --> 00:20:22,944 It's a bit complicated. 452 00:20:23,624 --> 00:20:24,984 Do you want me to let you out? 453 00:20:25,064 --> 00:20:26,824 - Oh, for fuck sake! - Jonny! 454 00:20:29,664 --> 00:20:32,384 -Yay! - It's Supergran! 455 00:20:32,464 --> 00:20:33,624 -Thanks, Nelly. 456 00:20:33,704 --> 00:20:35,304 -What happened? -You saved us. 457 00:20:35,384 --> 00:20:36,544 From eating each other. 458 00:20:36,624 --> 00:20:38,784 I am waking that man up now, and I do not care 459 00:20:38,864 --> 00:20:41,144 -if it bloody well kills him! -Careful, Jackie. 460 00:20:41,224 --> 00:20:42,664 Grandma, have you seen Jonny's tattoo? 461 00:20:42,744 --> 00:20:44,384 -Don't. -Adam! 462 00:20:44,984 --> 00:20:46,184 Very pretty. 463 00:20:46,784 --> 00:20:47,784 Hmm. 464 00:20:48,424 --> 00:20:50,024 -Show us your eagle. -What? 465 00:20:50,344 --> 00:20:51,384 Nothing. 466 00:20:53,624 --> 00:20:56,504 Okay, Jim, time to wake up now! 467 00:20:56,584 --> 00:20:57,744 Oh, my God! 468 00:20:58,584 --> 00:21:00,864 -Oh, dear! -That's better. 469 00:21:00,944 --> 00:21:03,624 Jim, wake up. Wake up! 470 00:21:03,704 --> 00:21:06,624 Actually, no, Martin, no. We shouldn't wake him. 471 00:21:06,704 --> 00:21:08,504 -What? -It's too dangerous. 472 00:21:08,584 --> 00:21:11,464 But... But he's weeing on your face! 473 00:21:11,544 --> 00:21:14,824 Aw! Come on. Shh! Shh! 474 00:21:14,904 --> 00:21:16,144 Jackie! 475 00:21:16,224 --> 00:21:18,584 Quick, quick, quick! Shh! 476 00:21:21,544 --> 00:21:23,624 But, Jackie, your lovely painting. 477 00:21:23,704 --> 00:21:25,144 I know, Martin. 478 00:21:25,224 --> 00:21:27,384 And it really was lovely, wasn't it, boys? 479 00:21:27,464 --> 00:21:30,864 -Yeah. -I'm sorry, darling. 480 00:21:30,944 --> 00:21:32,464 I spent hours on that. 481 00:21:34,504 --> 00:21:35,504 I... 482 00:21:36,104 --> 00:21:37,864 Happy anniversary, anyway. 483 00:21:38,064 --> 00:21:39,304 Yeah. 484 00:21:40,104 --> 00:21:42,904 Ah, isn't that nice? 485 00:21:45,224 --> 00:21:46,104 Jackie? 486 00:21:46,504 --> 00:21:47,464 What? 487 00:21:48,664 --> 00:21:49,744 Penetration? 33827

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.