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1
00:00:00,733 --> 00:00:02,900
[upbeat pop music]
2
00:00:35,233 --> 00:00:37,867
[door slamming]
3
00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:43,000
[Adam] Oh.
4
00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:44,500
[Dad] Wait, I'm busy.
5
00:00:47,267 --> 00:00:48,767
Well can you move?
6
00:00:48,767 --> 00:00:50,300
Alright, come in then.
7
00:00:51,933 --> 00:00:52,733
Thank you.
8
00:00:54,833 --> 00:00:55,667
What you doing?
9
00:00:55,667 --> 00:00:56,633
Hm?
10
00:00:56,633 --> 00:00:57,567
What are you doing?
11
00:00:57,567 --> 00:00:59,100
Looking for trilobites.
12
00:00:59,100 --> 00:01:00,267
Trilobites?
13
00:01:00,267 --> 00:01:01,833
You know, marine arthropods.
14
00:01:01,833 --> 00:01:03,700
I found my old
fossil collection.
15
00:01:03,700 --> 00:01:05,900
Wow, every night's a
party night round here.
16
00:01:05,900 --> 00:01:06,733
Pardon?
17
00:01:06,733 --> 00:01:07,633
Alright Pusface!
18
00:01:07,633 --> 00:01:08,467
Pissface.
19
00:01:08,467 --> 00:01:09,300
Hi mum.
20
00:01:09,300 --> 00:01:10,133
[Mum] Hi.
21
00:01:10,133 --> 00:01:10,967
Where's grandma?
22
00:01:10,967 --> 00:01:11,900
Is she coming?
23
00:01:11,900 --> 00:01:12,933
Oh, she's coming alright.
24
00:01:12,933 --> 00:01:14,567
And you'll never guess who with?
25
00:01:14,567 --> 00:01:16,267
How do I know who
grandma's coming with?
26
00:01:16,267 --> 00:01:17,100
Hi mum.
27
00:01:17,100 --> 00:01:17,933
Hi Bobble.
28
00:01:19,733 --> 00:01:21,533
One minute, you don't mean...?
29
00:01:21,533 --> 00:01:22,800
Her new boyfriend.
30
00:01:22,800 --> 00:01:23,933
Oh my god.
31
00:01:23,933 --> 00:01:25,700
We're gonna meet
grandma's new boyfriend!
32
00:01:25,700 --> 00:01:28,933
Oh, I told you, Mister Morris
is not grandma's boyfriend,
33
00:01:28,933 --> 00:01:29,767
he's her...
34
00:01:29,767 --> 00:01:30,600
[All] Male companion.
35
00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:31,433
Exactly.
36
00:01:31,433 --> 00:01:32,267
Male prostitute.
37
00:01:32,267 --> 00:01:33,533
Stop it.
38
00:01:33,533 --> 00:01:35,233
Jackie, I found a trilobite.
39
00:01:35,233 --> 00:01:36,167
Muzzletopf.
40
00:01:36,167 --> 00:01:37,500
When are they getting here?
41
00:01:37,500 --> 00:01:38,733
Yeah good question.
42
00:01:38,733 --> 00:01:40,433
They were meant to
be here about...
43
00:01:40,433 --> 00:01:43,533
Martin you do know that's
butter you're eating?
44
00:01:43,533 --> 00:01:44,367
What?
45
00:01:44,367 --> 00:01:45,933
They're cubes of butter.
46
00:01:45,933 --> 00:01:47,800
Oh I thought it was cheese.
47
00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:49,333
Oh, and put a top on.
48
00:01:49,333 --> 00:01:51,467
Mister Morris really won't
wanna see your hairy udders.
49
00:01:51,467 --> 00:01:52,700
Well he sees grandma's.
50
00:01:52,700 --> 00:01:54,067
Very nice.
51
00:01:54,067 --> 00:01:55,767
God, grandma with a man, ugh!
52
00:01:56,800 --> 00:01:58,100
Yeah, ugh!
53
00:01:59,167 --> 00:02:00,967
What do you mean ugh?
54
00:02:00,967 --> 00:02:03,500
Yeah, what's wrong with
your grandma going with men?
55
00:02:03,500 --> 00:02:05,400
Oh, lovely way of putting it.
56
00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:08,700
Well, she obviously went
with a man to form you.
57
00:02:08,700 --> 00:02:09,500
Nice image.
58
00:02:09,500 --> 00:02:10,433
Thank you, Martin.
59
00:02:10,433 --> 00:02:13,433
No, thank you all very much.
60
00:02:14,867 --> 00:02:16,333
Tastes like cheese.
61
00:02:16,333 --> 00:02:19,400
[upbeat funky music]
62
00:02:21,433 --> 00:02:22,400
Sorry mum.
63
00:02:22,400 --> 00:02:23,333
Yeah.
64
00:02:24,900 --> 00:02:27,567
It's alright, it's just...
65
00:02:27,567 --> 00:02:28,800
Since granddad died,
66
00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:31,167
I've never seen my
mum with another man.
67
00:02:31,167 --> 00:02:32,500
I'm sure he'll be really nice.
68
00:02:32,500 --> 00:02:33,467
Yeah mum.
69
00:02:33,467 --> 00:02:34,400
Do you think so?
70
00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:35,900
Well, if he's not,
71
00:02:35,900 --> 00:02:37,167
we'll just strangle him and
dissolve his body in acid.
72
00:02:37,167 --> 00:02:38,100
[laughing]
73
00:02:38,100 --> 00:02:38,833
Or chop him up and burn him.
74
00:02:38,833 --> 00:02:39,667
[laughing]
75
00:02:39,667 --> 00:02:40,700
Ah, that's my boys.
76
00:02:41,900 --> 00:02:43,533
[dinging]
77
00:02:43,533 --> 00:02:46,800
Oh, oh, text from grandma.
78
00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:48,133
Grandma can text?
79
00:02:48,133 --> 00:02:50,067
That's debatable.
80
00:02:50,067 --> 00:02:51,333
"Dear Jackie"--
81
00:02:51,333 --> 00:02:52,500
Dear, that's a good start.
82
00:02:52,500 --> 00:02:55,400
"Sorry we are late, late.
83
00:02:55,400 --> 00:02:57,100
"Now we are, we here.
84
00:02:57,100 --> 00:02:59,733
"seven, seven, seven, seven."
85
00:03:01,100 --> 00:03:01,933
Huh?
86
00:03:01,933 --> 00:03:03,067
So that means?
87
00:03:03,067 --> 00:03:03,867
It means they're here.
88
00:03:03,867 --> 00:03:05,700
Oh my god, they're here!
89
00:03:05,700 --> 00:03:06,533
They're here!
90
00:03:06,533 --> 00:03:07,367
When are they coming?
91
00:03:07,367 --> 00:03:08,967
They're here!
92
00:03:10,133 --> 00:03:11,567
[Jonny] He's got a cool car.
93
00:03:11,567 --> 00:03:13,900
[Mum] God, it's in pieces.
94
00:03:13,900 --> 00:03:15,867
Did grandma say if Mister
Morris had any eyes,
95
00:03:15,867 --> 00:03:17,267
'cos I'm not sure he
knows there's a house
96
00:03:17,267 --> 00:03:18,400
right in front of him.
97
00:03:18,400 --> 00:03:19,400
[Mum] Stop, stop!
98
00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:20,433
[All] Stop!
99
00:03:20,433 --> 00:03:23,200
[crashing]
100
00:03:23,200 --> 00:03:24,633
Jesus!
101
00:03:27,167 --> 00:03:29,400
Hello Mister Morris.
102
00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:31,467
Your bloody house
just broke my light.
103
00:03:33,333 --> 00:03:36,300
There, drink mum?
104
00:03:36,300 --> 00:03:37,833
Two sherries please.
105
00:03:37,833 --> 00:03:38,867
One for you and one for?
106
00:03:38,867 --> 00:03:40,067
Both for me.
107
00:03:40,067 --> 00:03:41,767
Two sherries please.
108
00:03:41,767 --> 00:03:44,900
Okay, two sherries.
109
00:03:44,900 --> 00:03:46,733
Delightful bathroom.
110
00:03:46,733 --> 00:03:50,233
Oh thank you, a drink
Mister Morris, er, Lou?
111
00:03:50,233 --> 00:03:51,900
There was no hand towel.
112
00:03:51,900 --> 00:03:53,100
Oh I am sorry.
113
00:03:53,100 --> 00:03:56,067
I had to dry my hands
on the curtains.
114
00:03:56,067 --> 00:03:57,333
What else could I do?
115
00:03:57,333 --> 00:03:58,833
Not dry your hands
on the curtains.
116
00:03:58,833 --> 00:04:00,133
He's very clean.
117
00:04:00,133 --> 00:04:01,867
Hygienical.
118
00:04:01,867 --> 00:04:03,500
Um, would you like a drink?
119
00:04:03,500 --> 00:04:05,367
I think I'll have champagne.
120
00:04:05,367 --> 00:04:06,767
Champagne?
121
00:04:06,767 --> 00:04:08,700
For this wonderful occasion.
122
00:04:08,700 --> 00:04:10,900
Lou does like his champagne.
123
00:04:10,900 --> 00:04:14,600
Um, I don't think
we've got any cham--
124
00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:16,233
Yes we do, there's a
bottle in the fridge.
125
00:04:16,233 --> 00:04:18,933
No, that's the special bottle.
126
00:04:18,933 --> 00:04:22,400
Even better, the special
bottle of champagne.
127
00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:26,833
You know, your mother
makes me very happy, look.
128
00:04:26,833 --> 00:04:28,167
Oh!
129
00:04:28,167 --> 00:04:30,333
[moaning]
130
00:04:32,067 --> 00:04:33,633
I'm gonna get the drinks.
131
00:04:33,633 --> 00:04:35,200
[Adam] So am I.
132
00:04:35,200 --> 00:04:36,800
And so am I.
133
00:04:36,800 --> 00:04:37,633
Martin.
134
00:04:42,500 --> 00:04:43,700
I'm all randy.
135
00:04:44,967 --> 00:04:48,067
[light upbeat music]
136
00:04:49,833 --> 00:04:51,300
He likes the loo.
137
00:04:51,300 --> 00:04:52,233
What?
138
00:04:52,233 --> 00:04:55,700
He likes the loo, your friend.
139
00:04:55,700 --> 00:04:56,700
The male.
140
00:04:56,700 --> 00:04:57,967
The male.
141
00:04:57,967 --> 00:04:59,633
Stop it, he'll be
here in a minute.
142
00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:01,233
After he's wiped his
cock on the curtains.
143
00:05:01,233 --> 00:05:02,067
Jonny!
144
00:05:02,067 --> 00:05:03,200
Pow.
145
00:05:03,200 --> 00:05:05,667
[knocking]
146
00:05:05,667 --> 00:05:06,500
What's that?
147
00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:09,667
[Mum] Mister Morris?
148
00:05:15,067 --> 00:05:16,300
[Jonny] Well go on.
149
00:05:16,300 --> 00:05:17,733
Bit scared?
150
00:05:17,733 --> 00:05:19,967
[knocking]
151
00:05:21,700 --> 00:05:22,633
Hello boys.
152
00:05:22,633 --> 00:05:24,767
Oh, hi Jim, what are you?
153
00:05:24,767 --> 00:05:25,600
[Mum] Who is it?
154
00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:27,067
[Jonny And Adam] Jim.
155
00:05:27,067 --> 00:05:28,267
[Mum] Oh.
156
00:05:28,267 --> 00:05:30,300
Hello Jackie, um,
something smells nice!
157
00:05:30,300 --> 00:05:31,700
Why didn't you use
the front door?
158
00:05:31,700 --> 00:05:33,200
Well, that's the thing.
159
00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:35,100
I couldn't get
there, because, well,
160
00:05:35,100 --> 00:05:39,067
did you know there's a car
parked right up against it?
161
00:05:39,067 --> 00:05:40,433
Yes, we know.
162
00:05:40,433 --> 00:05:41,633
Joy-rider is it?
163
00:05:41,633 --> 00:05:42,900
Um, sort of the opposite.
164
00:05:42,900 --> 00:05:44,233
The guy's about a hundred.
165
00:05:44,233 --> 00:05:46,700
I'm 82 thank you very much.
166
00:05:46,700 --> 00:05:47,833
Hello Mister Morris.
167
00:05:47,833 --> 00:05:49,300
Something wrong with my driving?
168
00:05:49,300 --> 00:05:51,700
Um, not specifically
your driving,
169
00:05:51,700 --> 00:05:55,400
it's more specifically
your parking.
170
00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:57,267
Who is this man?
171
00:05:57,267 --> 00:05:59,567
Oh a dog, I don't like dogs.
172
00:05:59,567 --> 00:06:00,767
Dirty.
173
00:06:00,767 --> 00:06:02,533
No, not Wilson, he's very clean.
174
00:06:02,533 --> 00:06:04,067
Aren't you lovely?
175
00:06:04,067 --> 00:06:06,067
You shouldn't allow dogs
near food preparation areas.
176
00:06:06,067 --> 00:06:06,867
Dirty.
177
00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:07,800
He's not dirty
178
00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:08,533
They're riddled with nits.
179
00:06:08,533 --> 00:06:09,367
No, not Wilson.
180
00:06:09,367 --> 00:06:11,133
I had him de-riddled.
181
00:06:11,133 --> 00:06:12,267
Dirty, ugh.
182
00:06:14,067 --> 00:06:15,067
Who's that man?
183
00:06:15,067 --> 00:06:17,233
Sorry Jim, just ignore him.
184
00:06:17,233 --> 00:06:18,433
He looked like Hitler.
185
00:06:21,067 --> 00:06:23,067
It's, it's not Hitler is it?
186
00:06:26,600 --> 00:06:27,933
Everything okay?
187
00:06:27,933 --> 00:06:28,867
Er.
188
00:06:28,867 --> 00:06:31,233
The man didn't like my driving?
189
00:06:31,233 --> 00:06:32,867
We'll show him what
a real driver is.
190
00:06:32,867 --> 00:06:34,100
Will we?
191
00:06:34,100 --> 00:06:35,667
If you're lucky, you
can come with me later
192
00:06:35,667 --> 00:06:37,867
to get a new bulb
for my indicator.
193
00:06:37,867 --> 00:06:39,333
And if we're unlucky?
194
00:06:39,333 --> 00:06:41,600
[shushing]
195
00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:42,933
Have you ever worked?
196
00:06:44,367 --> 00:06:45,367
Have I ever worked he asks?
197
00:06:45,367 --> 00:06:46,400
What am I, a layabout?
198
00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:47,967
Of course I've worked.
199
00:06:47,967 --> 00:06:49,133
Martin.
200
00:06:49,133 --> 00:06:50,933
Actually I had a
very exciting career.
201
00:06:50,933 --> 00:06:51,867
[Mum] Did you?
202
00:06:51,867 --> 00:06:53,300
I worked with the armed forces.
203
00:06:53,300 --> 00:06:54,567
So you were in the army?
204
00:06:54,567 --> 00:06:57,067
No, we put the buttons
on the uniforms.
205
00:06:57,067 --> 00:06:57,833
[snickering]
206
00:06:57,833 --> 00:06:58,667
What?
207
00:06:58,667 --> 00:06:59,667
Is that a thing?
208
00:06:59,667 --> 00:07:00,533
Course it's a thing.
209
00:07:00,533 --> 00:07:01,367
We had a machine.
210
00:07:01,367 --> 00:07:03,167
Oh he had a big machine.
211
00:07:03,167 --> 00:07:04,967
A very big machine.
212
00:07:04,967 --> 00:07:07,200
[laughing]
213
00:07:08,667 --> 00:07:10,067
What did he do again?
214
00:07:10,067 --> 00:07:11,367
A button company.
215
00:07:11,367 --> 00:07:12,767
Mutton company?
216
00:07:12,767 --> 00:07:15,767
Just go and get the
pickled cucumber would you?
217
00:07:15,767 --> 00:07:18,533
Mutton company?
218
00:07:18,533 --> 00:07:22,233
Yes, I had the biggest
button sewing company around.
219
00:07:22,233 --> 00:07:24,333
That is until
Rutherford's came along.
220
00:07:24,333 --> 00:07:25,667
He doesn't like Rutherford's.
221
00:07:25,667 --> 00:07:27,100
Rutherford's!
222
00:07:27,100 --> 00:07:28,533
They wouldn't know a button
from a monkey's anus!
223
00:07:29,433 --> 00:07:31,200
Very succulent chicken, my love.
224
00:07:32,433 --> 00:07:33,267
Thank you.
225
00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:35,700
You, little legs.
226
00:07:35,700 --> 00:07:36,633
Me?
227
00:07:36,633 --> 00:07:37,633
Excellent.
228
00:07:37,633 --> 00:07:38,700
Have a guess how
many staff I had
229
00:07:38,700 --> 00:07:40,500
in London and the South East?
230
00:07:40,500 --> 00:07:42,700
Um, four?
231
00:07:42,700 --> 00:07:43,900
Four?
232
00:07:44,767 --> 00:07:45,933
Four?
233
00:07:45,933 --> 00:07:47,267
No, not you.
234
00:07:47,267 --> 00:07:48,700
Don't listen to him.
235
00:07:48,700 --> 00:07:50,167
You, Beanstalk.
236
00:07:50,167 --> 00:07:52,167
How many staff do you
think I had working for me
237
00:07:52,167 --> 00:07:53,400
in London and the South East?
238
00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:54,933
And the South East?
239
00:07:54,933 --> 00:07:56,167
[Mister Morris]
And the South East.
240
00:07:56,167 --> 00:07:57,600
I dunno, a thousand?
241
00:07:57,600 --> 00:07:58,700
A thousand!
242
00:07:58,700 --> 00:07:59,767
A thousand!
243
00:07:59,767 --> 00:08:00,733
Alright a hundred.
244
00:08:00,733 --> 00:08:01,600
Less.
245
00:08:01,600 --> 00:08:02,400
Ninety?
246
00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:03,333
Much less.
247
00:08:03,333 --> 00:08:04,433
Five?
248
00:08:04,433 --> 00:08:05,267
More.
249
00:08:05,267 --> 00:08:06,333
Five!
250
00:08:06,333 --> 00:08:08,067
Six?
251
00:08:08,067 --> 00:08:09,933
Eleven, alright.
252
00:08:09,933 --> 00:08:14,933
I had eleven damned loyal people
all working for me, right.
253
00:08:15,667 --> 00:08:16,900
And do you know what?
254
00:08:16,900 --> 00:08:18,233
Not one of them
ever slandered me.
255
00:08:18,233 --> 00:08:19,067
Really?
256
00:08:19,067 --> 00:08:19,967
Did they Nellie?
257
00:08:19,967 --> 00:08:21,067
What?
258
00:08:21,067 --> 00:08:22,233
I was never
slandered, tell them.
259
00:08:22,233 --> 00:08:23,633
He was never slandered.
260
00:08:25,433 --> 00:08:26,267
Pickle anyone?
261
00:08:26,267 --> 00:08:27,400
Thank you Melvin.
262
00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:29,500
Oh it's Martin.
263
00:08:29,500 --> 00:08:32,067
[growling]
264
00:08:34,567 --> 00:08:36,467
Calm down, you'll
have a heart attack.
265
00:08:36,467 --> 00:08:37,767
Oh, bloody thing.
266
00:08:37,767 --> 00:08:39,500
You know that one doesn't open.
267
00:08:40,633 --> 00:08:42,667
Do you know how many
heart attacks I've had?
268
00:08:42,667 --> 00:08:44,200
Oh good, more guessing.
269
00:08:44,200 --> 00:08:46,500
Um, none?
270
00:08:46,500 --> 00:08:48,767
Oh no, I've had some, not none.
271
00:08:48,767 --> 00:08:49,800
You, your go.
272
00:08:51,233 --> 00:08:54,700
Oh it's a horrible thing to
have to guess, Mister Morris.
273
00:08:56,667 --> 00:08:57,900
Um, one?
274
00:08:59,067 --> 00:09:01,333
Why does everyone guess
so low in this house?
275
00:09:01,333 --> 00:09:03,067
You, Tiny Tim.
276
00:09:03,067 --> 00:09:04,067
Thank you.
277
00:09:04,067 --> 00:09:06,700
Um, a million.
278
00:09:06,700 --> 00:09:08,600
A million heart attacks?
279
00:09:08,600 --> 00:09:10,233
You, Skyscraper?
280
00:09:10,233 --> 00:09:11,933
Um, four?
281
00:09:11,933 --> 00:09:13,267
No, three.
282
00:09:13,267 --> 00:09:15,300
Three heart attacks.
283
00:09:15,300 --> 00:09:17,067
Is that a lot?
284
00:09:17,067 --> 00:09:18,567
Have you ever had
a heart attack?
285
00:09:18,567 --> 00:09:19,800
No.
286
00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:20,833
Would you like to
have a heart attack.
287
00:09:20,833 --> 00:09:22,067
Not really.
288
00:09:22,067 --> 00:09:23,133
How do you think it
feels to have had three,
289
00:09:23,133 --> 00:09:24,800
three heart attacks?
290
00:09:24,800 --> 00:09:26,200
Er, I wouldn't really know.
291
00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:28,600
[groaning]
292
00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:33,067
Is he having a real?
293
00:09:33,067 --> 00:09:34,500
Mister Morris?
294
00:09:34,500 --> 00:09:35,733
Mum?
295
00:09:35,733 --> 00:09:36,700
Don't worry, he
always does this.
296
00:09:36,700 --> 00:09:37,533
Argh.
297
00:09:38,933 --> 00:09:40,067
That's how it feels.
298
00:09:41,100 --> 00:09:43,633
-[phone ringing]
-Oh, please excuse me.
299
00:09:45,500 --> 00:09:47,500
Lou Anthony Morris?
300
00:09:51,167 --> 00:09:52,900
Shall I get the acid?
301
00:09:52,900 --> 00:09:54,400
[shushing]
302
00:09:54,400 --> 00:09:55,633
[Mister Morris] Why are you
calling men now, I've ...
303
00:09:55,633 --> 00:09:56,733
Mum?
304
00:09:56,733 --> 00:09:57,667
Yes.
305
00:09:57,667 --> 00:10:00,067
Mr Morris, er, he seems...
306
00:10:00,067 --> 00:10:01,200
-Horrible.
-Hitlerish.
307
00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:02,567
Nice.
308
00:10:02,567 --> 00:10:03,500
What?
309
00:10:03,500 --> 00:10:06,367
Oh yes, and er, he's very kind.
310
00:10:06,367 --> 00:10:11,367
Well maybe not kind, but
er, well, you know...
311
00:10:13,500 --> 00:10:14,700
Yeah.
312
00:10:14,700 --> 00:10:15,500
[Mister Morris]
What bloody business
313
00:10:15,500 --> 00:10:17,000
is it of yours anyway?
314
00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:18,167
Who's he on the phone to?
315
00:10:18,167 --> 00:10:19,200
Mussolini?
316
00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:23,033
I think I know who
he's talking to.
317
00:10:23,033 --> 00:10:23,867
Who?
318
00:10:24,933 --> 00:10:26,333
His wife.
319
00:10:26,333 --> 00:10:27,200
His what?
320
00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:28,100
His wife?
321
00:10:28,100 --> 00:10:29,333
I thought she was dead.
322
00:10:29,333 --> 00:10:30,900
No, she's still alive.
323
00:10:30,900 --> 00:10:32,600
She's ninety three.
324
00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:33,867
[Mister Morris] What?
325
00:10:33,867 --> 00:10:36,400
That's slander that
is, you bony old hag!
326
00:10:36,400 --> 00:10:38,800
Yes that's definitely his wife.
327
00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:41,600
But they're divorced, yeah, mum?
328
00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:42,467
Um...
329
00:10:44,367 --> 00:10:46,333
[Mister Morris] Don't let's
go through all that again.
330
00:10:46,333 --> 00:10:47,233
Mum?
331
00:10:47,233 --> 00:10:48,167
Grandma?
332
00:10:48,167 --> 00:10:49,000
Grandma?
333
00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:51,833
Alright, alright.
334
00:10:51,833 --> 00:10:56,800
You mustn't say anything,
but we're having an affair.
335
00:11:00,767 --> 00:11:02,733
Do you know what you are?
336
00:11:02,733 --> 00:11:04,100
You're a big bag of shit.
337
00:11:07,533 --> 00:11:10,600
Your bloody wall
just broke my phone.
338
00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:17,167
Here, Pusface!
339
00:11:17,167 --> 00:11:18,067
Oh.
340
00:11:19,067 --> 00:11:20,067
Thank you.
341
00:11:20,067 --> 00:11:20,933
[Jonny] Pleasure.
342
00:11:20,933 --> 00:11:22,200
I can't believe it.
343
00:11:22,200 --> 00:11:24,467
My 78 year old mother
having an affair with
344
00:11:24,467 --> 00:11:25,967
an 82 year old man.
345
00:11:25,967 --> 00:11:28,200
Behind the back of
his 93 year old wife.
346
00:11:28,200 --> 00:11:29,700
That could definitely
be a porno.
347
00:11:29,700 --> 00:11:32,400
Sorry, I just have to um...
348
00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:33,400
Where you going?
349
00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:34,800
His usual hiding place no doubt.
350
00:11:34,800 --> 00:11:37,667
Thank you, Martin,
leave me in it!
351
00:11:37,667 --> 00:11:39,667
Oh hello love.
352
00:11:39,667 --> 00:11:41,667
Er, Lou wondered if there
was any more champagne?
353
00:11:41,667 --> 00:11:44,067
Oh, did he?
354
00:11:44,067 --> 00:11:47,800
Yes, he said you were a bit
mean with his first glass.
355
00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:49,900
I was, was I?
356
00:11:49,900 --> 00:11:52,233
Apparently, it was all froth.
357
00:11:52,233 --> 00:11:53,067
Here grandma.
358
00:11:53,067 --> 00:11:53,900
No, Jonny.
359
00:11:53,900 --> 00:11:55,400
Let her get it herself.
360
00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:57,133
Froth.
361
00:11:57,133 --> 00:12:00,333
Is there something
the matter dolly?
362
00:12:00,333 --> 00:12:01,933
What do you think mum?
363
00:12:01,933 --> 00:12:03,467
I don't know what you mean.
364
00:12:03,467 --> 00:12:05,200
Okay, well, perhaps
you can tell me
365
00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:08,700
what are Mister
Morris's intentions?
366
00:12:08,700 --> 00:12:10,267
His intentions?
367
00:12:10,267 --> 00:12:13,233
Oh come on mum,
adultery, at your age?
368
00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:14,867
Adultery?
369
00:12:14,867 --> 00:12:18,233
No Jackie, it's not like that.
370
00:12:18,233 --> 00:12:19,500
Well, what is it like then?
371
00:12:19,500 --> 00:12:20,767
Excuse me.
372
00:12:22,333 --> 00:12:24,900
I can't wait all night.
373
00:12:24,900 --> 00:12:25,733
Oh.
374
00:12:27,700 --> 00:12:31,567
Well, perhaps it's
a bit like that.
375
00:12:32,967 --> 00:12:34,100
[funky music]
376
00:12:34,100 --> 00:12:36,267
[gagging]
377
00:12:39,667 --> 00:12:41,167
Found you!
378
00:12:41,167 --> 00:12:42,067
What you doing?
379
00:12:42,067 --> 00:12:43,933
God, that bloody man.
380
00:12:43,933 --> 00:12:44,767
Tell us about it.
381
00:12:44,767 --> 00:12:45,967
I had to get away.
382
00:12:45,967 --> 00:12:46,667
And you had to
take your top off?
383
00:12:46,667 --> 00:12:48,633
Er, yes I did.
384
00:12:48,633 --> 00:12:49,900
Promise me when I get old
385
00:12:49,900 --> 00:12:52,767
you'll just take me
out and shoot me.
386
00:12:52,767 --> 00:12:54,367
[Adam and Jonny] We promise.
387
00:12:54,367 --> 00:12:56,433
Having fun with your stones?
388
00:12:56,433 --> 00:12:57,700
Not really.
389
00:12:57,700 --> 00:12:59,233
I can't find any more
wretched trilobites.
390
00:12:59,233 --> 00:13:00,167
That is a shame.
391
00:13:00,167 --> 00:13:00,933
A big shame.
392
00:13:02,500 --> 00:13:04,500
Why thank you for abandoning me.
393
00:13:04,500 --> 00:13:06,067
I just had to
watch Mister Morris
394
00:13:06,067 --> 00:13:08,100
feed my mother pieces of apple.
395
00:13:08,100 --> 00:13:09,433
From his own mouth.
396
00:13:09,433 --> 00:13:11,067
Sexy.
397
00:13:11,067 --> 00:13:12,967
Go on, Mr Morris
wants Little and Large
398
00:13:12,967 --> 00:13:16,067
to get a new headlight
thingy with him.
399
00:13:16,067 --> 00:13:16,867
What?
400
00:13:16,867 --> 00:13:17,700
Really?
401
00:13:17,700 --> 00:13:18,933
Yes really.
402
00:13:18,933 --> 00:13:19,867
And anyway I want
you to go with him.
403
00:13:19,867 --> 00:13:21,367
Er, because?
404
00:13:21,367 --> 00:13:23,067
Because I want you to ask
him what his intentions
405
00:13:23,067 --> 00:13:24,200
are towards your grandmother.
406
00:13:24,200 --> 00:13:25,833
Ask him his intentions?
407
00:13:25,833 --> 00:13:27,767
Sorry, are we in
the 17th century?
408
00:13:27,767 --> 00:13:32,600
Oh, just do it for me, thanks.
409
00:13:32,600 --> 00:13:34,900
[crashing]
410
00:13:34,900 --> 00:13:36,467
Shitting arthropods!
411
00:13:42,633 --> 00:13:44,400
Pass us that book would you?.
412
00:13:44,400 --> 00:13:45,233
[Adam] What book?
413
00:13:45,233 --> 00:13:46,167
This one?
414
00:13:46,167 --> 00:13:47,400
No not that one, the big one.
415
00:13:54,733 --> 00:13:56,367
And the other one.
416
00:13:56,367 --> 00:13:57,200
Er.
417
00:13:57,200 --> 00:13:58,333
Come on, come on.
418
00:14:01,167 --> 00:14:02,700
Oh that's better.
419
00:14:02,700 --> 00:14:04,067
First things first.
420
00:14:04,067 --> 00:14:06,067
One rule I have when
I'm in the vehicle.
421
00:14:06,067 --> 00:14:06,900
Okay.
422
00:14:06,900 --> 00:14:08,133
Complete silence.
423
00:14:08,133 --> 00:14:09,633
-Complete.
-Not a word.
424
00:14:09,633 --> 00:14:10,467
Er.
425
00:14:10,467 --> 00:14:12,400
[shushing]
426
00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:14,467
[ignition starting]
427
00:14:14,467 --> 00:14:16,333
[crashing]
428
00:14:16,333 --> 00:14:17,400
Er, Mister Morris.
429
00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:18,467
Silence!
430
00:14:22,333 --> 00:14:25,133
Where are they, stupid shop.
431
00:14:26,533 --> 00:14:28,467
Adam, his intentions.
432
00:14:28,467 --> 00:14:30,200
Why don't you do it?
433
00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:31,633
Go on Little legs.
434
00:14:31,633 --> 00:14:32,900
These are the ones.
435
00:14:35,467 --> 00:14:40,467
Um, Mister Morris, can
I ask you something?
436
00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:42,133
Four pound forty four?
437
00:14:42,133 --> 00:14:43,500
Well aren't you gonna pay?
438
00:14:43,500 --> 00:14:44,333
For what?
439
00:14:44,333 --> 00:14:45,800
For the bulbs of course.
440
00:14:45,800 --> 00:14:47,167
Why do we have to pay?
441
00:14:47,167 --> 00:14:49,067
Because if your grandmother
had never existed,
442
00:14:49,067 --> 00:14:52,067
I'd never had driven
into your doorstep.
443
00:14:52,067 --> 00:14:54,533
And that's actual logic is it?
444
00:14:54,533 --> 00:14:55,500
Four pound forty four.
445
00:14:55,500 --> 00:14:56,600
Yes alright.
446
00:14:56,600 --> 00:14:57,433
Jonny, wallet.
447
00:14:57,433 --> 00:14:58,467
I don't have any money.
448
00:14:58,467 --> 00:14:59,667
Oh.
449
00:14:59,667 --> 00:15:00,833
Thank you.
450
00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:05,367
Oh um, Mister Morris.
451
00:15:05,367 --> 00:15:10,067
Sorry, um, can I
ask you something?
452
00:15:10,067 --> 00:15:11,300
What?
453
00:15:11,300 --> 00:15:16,300
Um, we just want to
know, what are your, um,
454
00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:24,400
what are your
inten...sive interests?
455
00:15:25,067 --> 00:15:26,700
My what?
456
00:15:26,700 --> 00:15:28,933
Your intensive interests.
457
00:15:28,933 --> 00:15:30,400
Four pound forty four.
458
00:15:30,400 --> 00:15:31,767
Kindly pay the man.
459
00:15:34,467 --> 00:15:36,300
Intensive interests?
460
00:15:36,300 --> 00:15:38,433
Oh, I forgot something.
461
00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:40,967
Well come on, give
a man a bit of room.
462
00:15:40,967 --> 00:15:42,400
Get out the way.
463
00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:46,500
Can I also get um,
a packet of those?
464
00:15:46,500 --> 00:15:47,600
These?
465
00:15:47,600 --> 00:15:49,333
Let me have a look at them.
466
00:15:49,333 --> 00:15:52,067
No, I've used these
before, they're too loose.
467
00:15:52,067 --> 00:15:53,267
Too loose?
468
00:15:53,267 --> 00:15:55,700
Adam, why is Mister
Morris buying condoms?
469
00:15:55,700 --> 00:15:56,933
They're more hygienical?
470
00:15:56,933 --> 00:15:58,433
You do know he's gonna
use them on grandma?
471
00:15:58,433 --> 00:15:59,667
Well, technically he's gonna use
472
00:15:59,667 --> 00:16:00,900
them on himself and then--
473
00:16:00,900 --> 00:16:01,867
Please don't finish
that sentence.
474
00:16:01,867 --> 00:16:03,700
Oh yes, those are the ones.
475
00:16:03,700 --> 00:16:04,833
Nice and tight.
476
00:16:06,933 --> 00:16:08,067
You may pay now.
477
00:16:08,067 --> 00:16:08,967
I'll be outside.
478
00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:14,067
Hm, so those are his
intensive interests.
479
00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:17,067
Take this.
480
00:16:18,767 --> 00:16:19,700
You're welcome.
481
00:16:19,700 --> 00:16:21,233
Hi all, everything alright?
482
00:16:21,233 --> 00:16:22,467
No, I'm worn out.
483
00:16:22,467 --> 00:16:25,200
I'm having a lie down upstairs.
484
00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:27,500
Er, are you um, okay?
485
00:16:27,500 --> 00:16:29,667
I trust you have clean sheets?
486
00:16:32,500 --> 00:16:34,467
Well, what are his?
487
00:16:34,467 --> 00:16:35,300
Honourable.
488
00:16:35,300 --> 00:16:37,067
Definitely honourable.
489
00:16:37,067 --> 00:16:40,133
[upbeat funky music]
490
00:16:47,367 --> 00:16:49,633
He has been a long time mum.
491
00:16:49,633 --> 00:16:50,700
Shall I wake the man?
492
00:16:50,700 --> 00:16:52,367
I wouldn't if I were you.
493
00:16:52,367 --> 00:16:54,600
He doesn't like being woken.
494
00:16:54,600 --> 00:16:56,067
I'm sure he'll be fine.
495
00:16:56,067 --> 00:16:58,867
He once tore a light
out of the wall.
496
00:16:58,867 --> 00:17:00,333
Right.
497
00:17:00,333 --> 00:17:02,267
Go on, go and check
on Mister Morris.
498
00:17:02,267 --> 00:17:03,100
Us?
499
00:17:03,100 --> 00:17:04,333
Go on.
500
00:17:04,333 --> 00:17:05,900
But what if he does that
thing with the light?
501
00:17:05,900 --> 00:17:08,467
Oh, just see that he's okay.
502
00:17:12,600 --> 00:17:13,433
Boys.
503
00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:16,433
Be careful.
504
00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:20,700
[funky music]
505
00:17:28,267 --> 00:17:29,867
He's still breathing.
506
00:17:29,867 --> 00:17:31,067
We could smother him?
507
00:17:32,467 --> 00:17:34,067
Adam, pocket.
508
00:17:34,067 --> 00:17:35,333
The condoms.
509
00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:37,233
Go on then.
510
00:17:37,233 --> 00:17:38,167
Go on then what?
511
00:17:38,167 --> 00:17:39,267
I think we should take them.
512
00:17:39,267 --> 00:17:40,100
What?
513
00:17:40,100 --> 00:17:40,933
Before mum sees them.
514
00:17:40,933 --> 00:17:41,767
Don't be ridiculous.
515
00:17:41,767 --> 00:17:42,833
She'll be really upset.
516
00:17:42,833 --> 00:17:44,167
Go on, take them.
517
00:17:44,167 --> 00:17:45,067
Me?
518
00:17:45,067 --> 00:17:45,833
Again?
519
00:17:45,833 --> 00:17:46,667
Go on.
520
00:17:53,300 --> 00:17:54,500
This isn't good.
521
00:17:54,500 --> 00:17:55,333
Hurry up.
522
00:17:55,333 --> 00:17:56,533
I mean really.
523
00:17:56,533 --> 00:17:58,400
This really isn't good.
524
00:17:58,400 --> 00:17:59,767
-Got you!
-[screaming]
525
00:17:59,767 --> 00:18:02,067
You had your hand
in my trousers.
526
00:18:02,067 --> 00:18:02,867
No I didn't.
527
00:18:02,867 --> 00:18:03,700
It was an accident!
528
00:18:03,700 --> 00:18:04,533
An accident?
529
00:18:04,533 --> 00:18:05,433
Yes, I slipped and--
530
00:18:05,433 --> 00:18:07,067
He did, he slipped and--
531
00:18:07,067 --> 00:18:08,433
-Crap and rubbish!
-[crashing]
532
00:18:08,433 --> 00:18:09,533
Jesus!
533
00:18:09,533 --> 00:18:10,900
What's going on?
534
00:18:10,900 --> 00:18:12,167
What happened to the light?
535
00:18:12,167 --> 00:18:14,467
Your son was fiddling
with my private parts.
536
00:18:14,467 --> 00:18:15,300
What?
537
00:18:15,300 --> 00:18:16,533
What?
538
00:18:16,533 --> 00:18:17,800
He had his hand
down my trousers.
539
00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:18,833
No I didn't, I was--
540
00:18:18,833 --> 00:18:20,100
Adam.
541
00:18:20,100 --> 00:18:21,800
That makes you either
a thief or a molester.
542
00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:22,633
Which one are you?
543
00:18:22,633 --> 00:18:23,533
-Er...
-Thief's better
544
00:18:23,533 --> 00:18:24,467
Say thief.
545
00:18:24,467 --> 00:18:25,400
What were you doing in here?
546
00:18:25,400 --> 00:18:26,600
Nothing, it was a mistake.
547
00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:28,233
I am sorry, Mister Morris.
548
00:18:28,233 --> 00:18:31,200
No, this is worse
than Rutherford's!
549
00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:35,433
What were you doing in there?
550
00:18:35,433 --> 00:18:36,700
He just tore the
light out of the--
551
00:18:36,700 --> 00:18:38,633
And what were you
doing to the man?
552
00:18:38,633 --> 00:18:39,633
I wasn't doing anything.
553
00:18:39,633 --> 00:18:41,400
You weren't, you know?
554
00:18:43,733 --> 00:18:44,833
Of course I wasn't.
555
00:18:44,833 --> 00:18:45,700
He was a bit.
556
00:18:45,700 --> 00:18:47,533
Adam, tell me.
557
00:18:47,533 --> 00:18:48,833
Mum, I can't okay.
558
00:18:48,833 --> 00:18:51,367
Um, you can, and you will.
559
00:18:51,367 --> 00:18:52,733
Ah, alright, god!
560
00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:56,833
You know his intentions?
561
00:18:57,733 --> 00:18:59,067
Yes.
562
00:18:59,067 --> 00:19:03,233
Well, he bought a packet of--
563
00:19:11,933 --> 00:19:13,167
Right, that's it.
564
00:19:13,167 --> 00:19:14,633
Mum!
565
00:19:14,633 --> 00:19:15,767
Mummy!
566
00:19:15,767 --> 00:19:17,300
Never would I believe that
567
00:19:17,300 --> 00:19:20,267
I'd be subjected to such
a brutal sexual attack.
568
00:19:20,267 --> 00:19:21,433
Mister Morris, it
really wasn't a sexual--
569
00:19:21,433 --> 00:19:23,467
Move out of my way please.
570
00:19:24,633 --> 00:19:26,733
Nellie, we're going.
571
00:19:26,733 --> 00:19:28,500
I've been sexually assaulted!
572
00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:32,067
Get your coat Nellie,
it's an outrage.
573
00:19:32,067 --> 00:19:34,900
An absolute outrage,
an absolute bloody, oh!
574
00:19:34,900 --> 00:19:39,067
[crashing and thumping]
575
00:19:39,067 --> 00:19:40,067
-Oh my god!
-Shit!
576
00:19:40,067 --> 00:19:40,900
[Mum] Oh my god!
577
00:19:40,900 --> 00:19:41,733
Lou?
578
00:19:41,733 --> 00:19:42,567
Lou?
579
00:19:42,567 --> 00:19:43,400
Mister Morris!
580
00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:44,233
What's going on?
581
00:19:44,233 --> 00:19:45,133
I'm sorry, I'm sorry!
582
00:19:45,133 --> 00:19:46,733
-Is he dead?
-Lou!
583
00:19:46,733 --> 00:19:48,100
[Adam] Sorry.
584
00:19:48,100 --> 00:19:49,067
Oh.
585
00:19:52,067 --> 00:19:53,167
Think you're tough do you?
586
00:19:53,167 --> 00:19:54,067
I didn't mean to.
587
00:19:54,067 --> 00:19:55,867
You filthy slanderer!
588
00:19:55,867 --> 00:19:57,367
It's okay Mister Morris.
589
00:19:57,367 --> 00:19:58,333
Let's see what you've got then.
590
00:19:58,333 --> 00:20:00,067
Come on, put 'em up.
591
00:20:00,067 --> 00:20:01,000
What?
592
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:02,367
Put 'em up half pint, come on.
593
00:20:02,367 --> 00:20:03,600
Put 'em up?
594
00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:04,500
Come on, come on, put 'em up!
595
00:20:04,500 --> 00:20:05,333
Lou, stop it.
596
00:20:05,333 --> 00:20:06,267
Mister Morris, please.
597
00:20:06,267 --> 00:20:08,033
Oh, your top's come off has it?
598
00:20:08,033 --> 00:20:10,067
You want some as well do you?
599
00:20:10,067 --> 00:20:10,900
[Dad] Pardon.
600
00:20:10,900 --> 00:20:11,800
Right.
601
00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:13,333
-Mister Morris.
-Lou.
602
00:20:13,333 --> 00:20:15,700
Come on, put 'em up, put 'em up.
603
00:20:15,700 --> 00:20:18,400
[Jonny] Mister Morris,
you've had a nasty fall.
604
00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:19,300
A thousand eh?
605
00:20:19,300 --> 00:20:20,500
What?
606
00:20:20,500 --> 00:20:21,800
A thousand workers
at my factory?
607
00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:24,467
Even Rutherford's
didn't have a thousand!
608
00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:27,667
And where do you think
you're going Mister Molester?
609
00:20:29,900 --> 00:20:32,200
Fiddling in an old
man's undergarments!
610
00:20:32,200 --> 00:20:33,200
Get off me!
611
00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:34,500
[Grandma] Stop it Lou.
612
00:20:34,500 --> 00:20:36,200
Pull your trousers up
and fight like a man.
613
00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:37,367
You're a lunatic!
614
00:20:37,367 --> 00:20:38,333
Come on then.
615
00:20:38,333 --> 00:20:39,833
Fight the lunatic!
616
00:20:39,833 --> 00:20:40,800
Right you, enough!
617
00:20:40,800 --> 00:20:41,733
Get off me!
618
00:20:41,733 --> 00:20:43,033
[Mum] Careful Martin!
619
00:20:43,033 --> 00:20:44,000
It's alright.
620
00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:44,933
Move, move, move, Jackie.
621
00:20:44,933 --> 00:20:46,167
Let me go you vermin!
622
00:20:46,167 --> 00:20:47,233
-Come on, out!
-No!
623
00:20:48,667 --> 00:20:49,800
Slanderers!
624
00:20:51,933 --> 00:20:52,933
Right, change of plan.
625
00:20:52,933 --> 00:20:54,167
Everyone else out!
626
00:20:54,167 --> 00:20:56,933
Go on that's it,
run away, run away.
627
00:20:56,933 --> 00:20:58,100
Sissies!
628
00:20:58,100 --> 00:20:58,933
Slanderers!
629
00:20:58,933 --> 00:20:59,767
Perverts!
630
00:20:59,767 --> 00:21:00,833
[Adam] Dad!
631
00:21:01,967 --> 00:21:04,267
[Mister Morris] Come
back you coward!
632
00:21:04,267 --> 00:21:06,600
[Mum] Lock the
door, lock the door.
633
00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:07,967
[Mister Morris] Let me out!
634
00:21:07,967 --> 00:21:09,333
Christ!
635
00:21:09,333 --> 00:21:10,567
He's a lunatic.
636
00:21:10,567 --> 00:21:11,767
[Mister Morris] Slanderers!
637
00:21:11,767 --> 00:21:13,900
Lou, please!
638
00:21:13,900 --> 00:21:15,967
Rutherford lovers.
639
00:21:15,967 --> 00:21:16,933
So what are we gonna do?
640
00:21:16,933 --> 00:21:18,233
I don't know.
641
00:21:18,233 --> 00:21:19,833
Martin, what are we gonna do?
642
00:21:19,833 --> 00:21:21,133
Um, sell the house?
643
00:21:21,133 --> 00:21:22,067
Oh very good.
644
00:21:22,067 --> 00:21:23,067
[Mister Morris] Filthy...
645
00:21:23,067 --> 00:21:25,367
Mum, what are we gonna do?
646
00:21:25,367 --> 00:21:27,333
I'll tell you what
we're going to do.
647
00:21:27,333 --> 00:21:29,067
We're going to stand out here
648
00:21:29,067 --> 00:21:32,867
and wait till he has
another bloody heart attack.
649
00:21:32,867 --> 00:21:34,533
Bunch of penises!
650
00:21:36,400 --> 00:21:39,400
* I change shapes just
to hide in this place *
651
00:21:39,400 --> 00:21:43,833
* But I'm still, I'm
still an animal *
652
00:21:43,833 --> 00:21:46,633
* Nobody knows it
but me when I slip, *
653
00:21:46,633 --> 00:21:51,200
* Yeah I slip I'm
still an animal *
654
00:21:51,200 --> 00:21:54,500
* I change shapes just
to hide in this place *
655
00:21:54,500 --> 00:21:59,067
* But I'm still, I'm
still an animal *
656
00:21:59,067 --> 00:22:01,733
* Animal
657
00:22:01,733 --> 00:22:03,900
[popping]
40541
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