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1
00:00:32,280 --> 00:00:34,800
-Oh, my God!
-What is he wearing?
2
00:00:35,920 --> 00:00:37,520
Hi, Dad!
3
00:00:37,560 --> 00:00:40,040
[GASPS] Nearly gave
me a heart attack.
Hello, bambinos.
4
00:00:40,080 --> 00:00:42,480
Um, why are you
dressed like that?
5
00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:44,600
-Like what?
-Like a sex attacker.
6
00:00:44,640 --> 00:00:47,080
Oh, yeah, for my sex attacks.
[CHUCKLES]
7
00:00:47,120 --> 00:00:48,440
And what are those?
8
00:00:48,480 --> 00:00:50,840
My old wellies.
I just cut them down a bit.
9
00:00:50,880 --> 00:00:52,680
Because...?
10
00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:54,520
Yeah, I think there
was a reason. Uh...
11
00:00:55,560 --> 00:00:57,320
Well, take a box.
12
00:00:57,360 --> 00:00:59,680
-Really?
-Come on.
13
00:00:59,720 --> 00:01:01,840
Bone idle.
14
00:01:01,880 --> 00:01:04,400
-What are you doing?
-I'm doing a bonfire.
15
00:01:04,440 --> 00:01:06,280
-A bonfire?
-A bonfire?
16
00:01:06,320 --> 00:01:07,880
-What are you burning?
-Your mother. [CHUCKLES]
17
00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:09,360
I'm not quite dead yet.
18
00:01:09,400 --> 00:01:11,200
-Hi, boys.
-Hi, Mum.
19
00:01:12,040 --> 00:01:14,000
Just put them down over there.
20
00:01:15,640 --> 00:01:17,440
No, not there. There.
21
00:01:20,960 --> 00:01:22,600
No, there.
22
00:01:22,640 --> 00:01:23,960
[MARTIN SIGHS]
23
00:01:30,880 --> 00:01:32,080
You're welcome.
24
00:01:32,120 --> 00:01:33,480
Dad looks nice.
25
00:01:33,520 --> 00:01:35,800
Doesn't he?
Martin,
can you please not wear
26
00:01:35,840 --> 00:01:37,720
your Little Miss Muffet boots
in the house?
27
00:01:37,760 --> 00:01:39,120
Yes, mein Fuhrer.
28
00:01:39,160 --> 00:01:42,160
Ah! Can you
please stop doing that?
29
00:01:42,200 --> 00:01:44,280
And Jonny,
can you please
stop eating cream?
30
00:01:44,320 --> 00:01:47,040
-What?
-Right. I'm going outside.
31
00:01:47,080 --> 00:01:49,640
Good idea.
Try not to burn
the house down.
32
00:01:49,680 --> 00:01:52,640
-So what's he burning, then?
-His old science magazines.
33
00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:53,920
I thought he'd
thrown them all away?
34
00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:56,280
So did I, until I found him
moving them back
35
00:01:56,320 --> 00:01:57,920
into the attic at
three in the morning.
36
00:01:57,960 --> 00:01:59,320
-Excellent.
-It was excellent.
37
00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:00,960
I made him sleep up there.
38
00:02:03,520 --> 00:02:05,240
-So, excited?
-About what?
39
00:02:05,280 --> 00:02:06,920
-The wedding, silly.
-What wedding?
40
00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:08,200
-The wedding!
-What wedding?
41
00:02:08,240 --> 00:02:10,840
I can't believe you two.
Neil's wedding.
42
00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:13,000
-Neil...?
-Oh, you mean boring Neil?
43
00:02:13,040 --> 00:02:15,200
-He's not boring.
-And ugly Karen.
44
00:02:15,240 --> 00:02:16,520
Karen's not ugly.
45
00:02:16,560 --> 00:02:18,960
-Mum,
she's got a face like a foot.
-Stop it.
46
00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:21,600
She does.
She definitely has a footface.
47
00:02:21,640 --> 00:02:23,240
Well, maybe her face does look
a bit like a foot,
48
00:02:23,280 --> 00:02:24,960
-but still,
she's a lovely girl.
-For a foot.
49
00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:26,520
"I now pronounce
you man and foot."
50
00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:28,760
"You may kiss the foot."
51
00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:30,920
Do we have to go?
No one's going to notice.
52
00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:34,000
Shut up. It's Val's son.
She's my best friend.
You're going.
53
00:02:34,040 --> 00:02:36,240
Why can't it be a funeral?
At least it'd be over quickly.
54
00:02:36,280 --> 00:02:38,040
Yeah, Neil and
Karen's double funeral.
55
00:02:38,080 --> 00:02:40,880
Very nice. And you wonder
why you're both single.
56
00:02:40,920 --> 00:02:42,560
Excuse me.
I've got a girlfriend.
57
00:02:42,600 --> 00:02:44,400
Hmm. That's never been proved.
58
00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:47,000
Alison is coming on Sunday,
isn't she?
59
00:02:47,040 --> 00:02:49,320
-Hmm?
-Don't tell me we
have to wear a suit.
60
00:02:49,360 --> 00:02:50,840
No, you go naked.
61
00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:52,480
Cool. Wedding orgy.
62
00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:55,200
Jonny, do me a favour, shut up
and put
the crumble in the oven.
63
00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:57,280
Oh,
Adam, can you look at this?
64
00:02:57,320 --> 00:02:59,640
It's stuck on speaker phone
the whole time.
65
00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,560
-Is it?
-Mmm,
Dad dropped it in the loo.
66
00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:02,680
[GROANS IN DISGUST]
67
00:03:02,720 --> 00:03:04,160
[PHONE RINGING]
68
00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:06,360
Um... Hello?
69
00:03:06,400 --> 00:03:07,960
Hello, it's only Val.
70
00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:09,360
Oh, Val, Val.
71
00:03:10,600 --> 00:03:12,120
-Hi, Val.
-Hello.
72
00:03:12,160 --> 00:03:14,280
-It's Val.
-BOTH: Hello, Aunty Val.
73
00:03:14,320 --> 00:03:18,160
Hi, boys. Looking forward
to meeting your girlfriend
on Sunday, Jonny.
74
00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:19,320
Right.
75
00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:21,040
-Well? Well?
-It's here!
76
00:03:21,080 --> 00:03:22,680
Oh! And how does it look?
77
00:03:22,720 --> 00:03:24,720
Well, you'll soon find out,
'cause I'm bringing it round.
78
00:03:24,760 --> 00:03:25,840
Oh, Val!
79
00:03:25,880 --> 00:03:27,600
-See you soon!
-Bye!
80
00:03:27,640 --> 00:03:30,200
-What's she bringing round?
-Her dress.
She's had it altered.
81
00:03:30,240 --> 00:03:31,560
It's so exciting!
82
00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:33,560
Ooh, I must get my camera.
83
00:03:33,600 --> 00:03:35,120
There's fox shit everywhere.
84
00:03:35,160 --> 00:03:37,600
Thank you, Martin.
Val's popping
round with her dress.
85
00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:39,800
-What?
-Val's bringing
round her dress.
86
00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:41,680
-Oh.
-Aren't you excited?
87
00:03:41,720 --> 00:03:43,840
Very.
Uh, boys, can you help me
with the fire?
88
00:03:43,880 --> 00:03:45,560
[SIGHS] Do we have to?
89
00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:47,240
Yes, I really need you.
90
00:03:47,280 --> 00:03:49,480
All right. We'll get her arms,
you get her legs.
91
00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:50,600
Hmm.
92
00:03:54,320 --> 00:03:55,720
It's not very big.
93
00:03:55,760 --> 00:03:57,840
-What?
-You said it was a bonfire.
94
00:03:57,880 --> 00:04:00,120
Well, it is a bonfire.
What did you expect?
95
00:04:00,160 --> 00:04:01,960
Um, maybe a bonfire?
96
00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:04,000
Yeah, where are all the flames
and stuff?
97
00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:07,600
-Right, so do we just...
-Wait! Wait.
98
00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:11,200
Okay.
99
00:04:11,240 --> 00:04:12,360
What?
100
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:14,200
Come on.
101
00:04:14,920 --> 00:04:16,800
And mind the fox shit.
102
00:04:23,840 --> 00:04:26,440
-What are we...
-Put them there.
103
00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:27,920
Not there. There!
104
00:04:28,640 --> 00:04:30,200
[ADAM SIGHS]
105
00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:33,880
MARTIN: Sit down.
106
00:04:33,920 --> 00:04:36,000
Sorry, why are all
your boxes in here?
107
00:04:36,040 --> 00:04:37,320
And why aren't we burning
all your stuff?
108
00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:38,600
-What?
-The magazines,
109
00:04:38,640 --> 00:04:39,840
-why aren't we burning them?
-Because I'm not
110
00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:41,520
really burning anything.
111
00:04:41,560 --> 00:04:42,800
-What?
-Sorry?
112
00:04:42,840 --> 00:04:45,000
What, you're just pretending
to burn things?
113
00:04:45,040 --> 00:04:47,440
-Correct.
-You're having
a pretend bonfire?
114
00:04:47,480 --> 00:04:50,360
-Yes.
-Because you've got
a mental disorder?
115
00:04:50,400 --> 00:04:52,880
No. Because Mum will think
I'm burning all my things.
116
00:04:52,920 --> 00:04:55,720
Right. But wouldn't it
be better to actually burn
all your things?
117
00:04:55,760 --> 00:04:58,200
Don't be an idiot!
I'm not burning
all my old magazines.
118
00:04:58,240 --> 00:04:59,840
They're collectibles.
119
00:04:59,880 --> 00:05:01,960
Um, they're really not.
120
00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:03,600
You do know Mum will
do a mental on you?
121
00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:05,200
Well, you're not going
to tell Mum, are you?
122
00:05:05,240 --> 00:05:06,640
-Yeah, but what if
she comes in here?
-She won't.
123
00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:09,200
-But what if she does?
-Your mum hates it in here.
124
00:05:09,240 --> 00:05:11,320
The last time
she came in my shed
was 9/11.
125
00:05:11,360 --> 00:05:13,800
-9/11?
-She was scared.
126
00:05:13,840 --> 00:05:15,560
No, this way,
I get your mum off my back
127
00:05:15,600 --> 00:05:18,120
and I get to spend
lots of lovely time
in my lovely shed.
128
00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:20,680
"Lovely"?
129
00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:22,520
So I take a box from
the garage, I do a bit of
a walk through the house,
130
00:05:22,560 --> 00:05:25,000
I pretend to
dump it in the fire,
then I come in here
131
00:05:25,040 --> 00:05:27,120
and have a nice sit down.
Lovely. [SIGHS]
132
00:05:28,560 --> 00:05:30,720
-Shall we see what's on, then?
-What?
133
00:05:33,920 --> 00:05:35,520
-You've got a telly in here?
-Shh!
134
00:05:36,560 --> 00:05:37,800
-Beer?
-[CHUCKLES]
135
00:05:37,840 --> 00:05:41,120
Sorry, TV? Beer?
136
00:05:41,160 --> 00:05:43,120
-When did our dad become cool?
-What do you mean?
137
00:05:43,160 --> 00:05:45,840
-I'll have a beer.
-Yeah, all right.
138
00:05:45,880 --> 00:05:47,440
So, what do you think, lads?
Good plan?
139
00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:49,240
-Yeah. It's a good plan.
-A very good plan.
140
00:05:49,280 --> 00:05:50,920
-Cheers!
-BOTH: Cheers!
141
00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:55,280
[BOYS GRUNT]
142
00:05:55,320 --> 00:05:58,320
Oh, yes.
It's non-alcoholic lager.
I bought the wrong one, so...
143
00:06:02,560 --> 00:06:05,000
-So it's all
happening out there?
-What?
144
00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:06,440
You got all your
stuff out there?
145
00:06:06,480 --> 00:06:07,840
Yeah,
it's all happening out there.
146
00:06:07,880 --> 00:06:09,720
-All your old newspapers?
-Yep.
147
00:06:09,760 --> 00:06:12,000
And all your horrible
New Scientistmagazines?
148
00:06:12,040 --> 00:06:15,160
Yep. All on the fire.
All burning away out there.
149
00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:17,440
Still got a lot
more to do, though,
haven't we?
150
00:06:19,040 --> 00:06:21,480
-What?
-No. Yes. Lots more to do.
151
00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:24,400
No, don't worry, Jackie,
it's all going to plan.
152
00:06:24,440 --> 00:06:25,680
It's a good plan,
isn't it, lads?
153
00:06:25,720 --> 00:06:27,920
-A very good plan.
-A very, very good plan.
154
00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:31,080
Wow, well done.
Here,
have another bit of chicken.
155
00:06:31,120 --> 00:06:34,160
Mmm. Actually, I'd rather have
a lovely bit of squirrel!
156
00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:35,440
[BOTH LAUGH]
157
00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:37,000
[KISSING]
158
00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:38,760
[GRUNTS] Oh, you bastard!
159
00:06:38,800 --> 00:06:40,240
Yes! One-nil!
160
00:06:40,280 --> 00:06:41,480
Adam!
161
00:06:41,520 --> 00:06:43,800
-Arsewipe.
-Jonny!
162
00:06:43,840 --> 00:06:47,040
Oh, where is she?
I can't wait much longer.
163
00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:49,440
-For what?
-The dress, of course.
Val's dress!
164
00:06:49,480 --> 00:06:50,920
And the bride's hat,
which is a shoe.
165
00:06:50,960 --> 00:06:53,080
And the veil, which is a sock.
166
00:06:53,120 --> 00:06:55,360
So, she is coming
on Sunday, isn't she?
167
00:06:55,400 --> 00:06:57,960
-Who?
-Alison. Your girlfriend.
168
00:06:58,000 --> 00:06:59,600
-You know,
the one that doesn't exist.
-Ha ha.
169
00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:02,120
Sorry, no, she does exist.
She just goes out with Simon.
170
00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:03,920
-Shut up.
-Yes, shut up, Adam.
171
00:07:03,960 --> 00:07:05,760
-To the wedding,
she is coming?
-Of course.
172
00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:07,200
She isn't coming.
173
00:07:07,240 --> 00:07:09,520
Well, it's a shame
you're not bringing a girl.
174
00:07:09,560 --> 00:07:12,800
Yes,
it is a shame, isn't it, Mum?
No females?
175
00:07:12,840 --> 00:07:15,040
-You know,
you could have asked Tanya.
-Mum!
176
00:07:15,080 --> 00:07:17,920
What a good idea.
Why don't you ask Tanya?
177
00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:19,920
Why would I ask Tanya Green
to come to a wedding
178
00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:21,320
when I don't
even know the girl?
179
00:07:21,360 --> 00:07:23,360
She's meant to be very clever.
She works for Coca-Cola.
180
00:07:23,400 --> 00:07:26,160
-Ooh, Coca-Cola!
-Oh, yes, please.
181
00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:28,240
Um, what's Alison wearing
for the wedding?
182
00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:30,440
-I'm sure Mum
would love to know.
-[SIGHS]
183
00:07:30,480 --> 00:07:32,240
-Bet he doesn't know.
-Thank you.
184
00:07:32,280 --> 00:07:34,440
-Well, what is she wearing?
-Jesus.
185
00:07:34,480 --> 00:07:35,520
Well?
186
00:07:36,400 --> 00:07:39,440
-Well, it's a sort of...
-Hmm?
187
00:07:39,480 --> 00:07:40,920
-Sort of a...
-[DOORBELL RINGS]
188
00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:42,240
-I'll get it.
-Good timing.
189
00:07:42,280 --> 00:07:44,640
-Oh, it's Val.
It's Val with the dress!
-BOTH: Oh.
190
00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:48,360
[SIGHS] Well,
I'll go, then, shall I?
191
00:07:49,920 --> 00:07:53,520
# I'm getting
married in the morning
192
00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:55,680
# Ding dong,
the bells are going to... #
193
00:07:55,720 --> 00:07:58,640
# Chime #
194
00:07:58,680 --> 00:08:01,320
Oh, hi, Jim.
No, I thought it was...
195
00:08:01,360 --> 00:08:03,960
You're getting remarried?
196
00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:06,280
No, not quite.
197
00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:09,400
It's not Val, everyone.
It's not Val!
198
00:08:13,280 --> 00:08:14,400
Um...
199
00:08:20,360 --> 00:08:22,120
[GRUNTING]
200
00:08:22,160 --> 00:08:24,160
There. That's a bit shiny.
201
00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:27,000
Right.
202
00:08:28,840 --> 00:08:30,200
So...
203
00:08:30,240 --> 00:08:31,920
Yes, um, your scales.
204
00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:35,360
Remember I
borrowed your scales
for my special diet?
205
00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:37,520
Did you?
Oh, yes! Great. Thanks.
206
00:08:37,560 --> 00:08:39,840
Aw, how's Wilson?
207
00:08:39,880 --> 00:08:42,720
Very naughty, actually,
he's been very
naughty this week.
208
00:08:42,760 --> 00:08:44,280
Oh, dear.
209
00:08:44,320 --> 00:08:46,480
Haven't you? Haven't you?
210
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:49,280
He did poos all in my bed.
211
00:08:50,520 --> 00:08:52,320
Thanks for these, Jackie.
212
00:08:52,360 --> 00:08:53,880
Oh, you're wel...
213
00:08:55,040 --> 00:08:58,000
I lost three
pounds in two weeks.
214
00:08:58,360 --> 00:08:59,440
Did you?
215
00:08:59,480 --> 00:09:03,760
Um, I was 13 stone 2 and...
216
00:09:06,040 --> 00:09:07,400
And...
217
00:09:07,440 --> 00:09:09,960
And now I'm...
218
00:09:11,160 --> 00:09:12,360
Ta-da!
219
00:09:13,040 --> 00:09:14,720
Salad. Alfalfa.
220
00:09:15,360 --> 00:09:16,560
Well.
221
00:09:18,520 --> 00:09:19,760
Oh, Jim.
222
00:09:22,080 --> 00:09:23,280
Wilson!
223
00:09:24,120 --> 00:09:26,280
-These?
-Hmm...
224
00:09:27,920 --> 00:09:30,880
-These?
-Um...
225
00:09:30,920 --> 00:09:33,440
JACKIE:
Are you going to be long?
We've got crumble.
226
00:09:33,480 --> 00:09:34,840
Are you going to be long?
We've got crumble.
227
00:09:34,880 --> 00:09:36,400
Are you going to be long?
We've got crumble.
228
00:09:36,440 --> 00:09:38,320
Oh, crumble!
229
00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:40,000
Are they even going to fit?
230
00:09:40,040 --> 00:09:42,560
Well,
yes, if I curl my toesies up.
231
00:09:44,440 --> 00:09:46,280
Uh, shouldn't you be
looking for your dog?
232
00:09:46,320 --> 00:09:47,360
-What?
-These?
233
00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:52,680
To be honest, Martin,
I prefer a softer leather.
234
00:09:52,720 --> 00:09:54,560
[SIGHS]
235
00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:56,720
Right. How about these ones?
236
00:10:02,360 --> 00:10:03,640
[MUMBLING]
237
00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:06,520
[GRUNTING]
238
00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:09,920
Yeah, yeah, I'll take them.
239
00:10:11,680 --> 00:10:14,480
-Are you sure you
can walk in those?
-Yes, absolutely, Jonny.
240
00:10:14,520 --> 00:10:15,800
-Adam.
-I'm Jonny.
241
00:10:15,840 --> 00:10:18,520
Oh, yes.
No, they're fine. Really.
242
00:10:18,560 --> 00:10:20,520
They fit me like a glove.
Right.
243
00:10:23,680 --> 00:10:25,920
No, they're fine. Wilson?
244
00:10:28,120 --> 00:10:29,600
Has he gone?
245
00:10:29,640 --> 00:10:31,920
-JIM: Wilson!
-Uh, sort of.
246
00:10:31,960 --> 00:10:33,760
Wilson?
247
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:35,720
Martin,
can you get the ice cream
from the outside freezer?
248
00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:38,520
-What?
-The ice... [SIGHS]
249
00:10:38,560 --> 00:10:40,120
Help your dad
with the freezer,
will you?
250
00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:41,600
He'd only fall in
it or something.
251
00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:42,920
Or we could just push him in.
252
00:10:46,360 --> 00:10:48,400
What does she keep in here?
253
00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:51,080
Dad, I think you should
at least put some of this
old crap on the fire.
254
00:10:51,120 --> 00:10:52,760
Found it!
255
00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:53,880
-[SCREAMS]
-Jesus!
256
00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:55,200
Shit, Dad!
257
00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:57,080
Where did you get that?
258
00:10:57,120 --> 00:11:00,240
-A joke shop.
It's good, isn't it?
-No. It's bloody horrible.
259
00:11:00,280 --> 00:11:02,120
Yes,
your mum hates it as well.
260
00:11:02,160 --> 00:11:04,680
Sometimes I put it on
just to annoy her. [CHUCKLES]
261
00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:07,360
Actually... [LAUGHING]
262
00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:09,280
[SIGHS] Dad.
263
00:11:11,320 --> 00:11:12,640
Dad!
264
00:11:12,680 --> 00:11:13,880
Shush.
265
00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:22,880
Hello, Jackie!
266
00:11:22,920 --> 00:11:24,440
Ooh! [SCREAMS]
267
00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:27,120
God, what's...
268
00:11:28,680 --> 00:11:29,880
Um, hello, Val.
269
00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:37,040
Here we are, Valerie.
I'm so sorry, really.
270
00:11:37,080 --> 00:11:39,360
Oh, it's all right, Martin.
It's okay.
271
00:11:39,400 --> 00:11:41,120
How did you get
us two mixed up?
272
00:11:41,680 --> 00:11:42,760
What?
273
00:11:42,800 --> 00:11:45,040
How did you get us mixed up?
274
00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:47,320
Well, your hair.
275
00:11:47,360 --> 00:11:48,400
What about our hair?
276
00:11:50,280 --> 00:11:51,760
It's similar.
277
00:11:51,800 --> 00:11:53,440
-Is it?
-No, it's not.
278
00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:55,080
All right then,
similar bottoms.
279
00:11:55,120 --> 00:11:56,800
Right. Thanks, Martin.
280
00:11:56,840 --> 00:12:00,640
Go outside and set
fire to something.
Preferably yourself.
281
00:12:00,680 --> 00:12:02,280
[BOTH LAUGHING]
282
00:12:03,720 --> 00:12:06,200
Oh, hello, boys,
you looking
forward to the wedding?
283
00:12:06,240 --> 00:12:08,280
-Yes, Aunty Val.
-Yes, Aunty Val.
284
00:12:08,320 --> 00:12:09,640
Get off!
285
00:12:09,680 --> 00:12:12,080
Oh, Karen's going to make
a beautiful bride.
286
00:12:12,120 --> 00:12:14,760
-Oh,
she's such a beautiful girl.
-Oh, yes.
287
00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:17,560
Yeah,
she has a beautiful face,
doesn't she, Jonny?
288
00:12:17,600 --> 00:12:21,400
Oh, yeah, beautiful foot...
Face.
289
00:12:21,440 --> 00:12:25,040
Val's going to try her dress
on later. You're excited to
see it, aren't you?
290
00:12:25,080 --> 00:12:27,280
And I hear the famous Alison
is coming on Sunday.
291
00:12:27,320 --> 00:12:28,560
Famous for being invisible.
292
00:12:28,600 --> 00:12:29,800
Mum, when are we going
to have our crumble?
293
00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:32,400
-Changing the subject.
-Uh...
294
00:12:32,440 --> 00:12:34,680
Actually, Aunty Val,
I've got to be honest.
She, um...
295
00:12:34,720 --> 00:12:36,120
-She...
-Can't come?
296
00:12:36,160 --> 00:12:37,320
-She...
-Can't come.
297
00:12:37,360 --> 00:12:39,080
-Shut up. She...
-Can't come?
298
00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:40,600
-She can't come.
-Can't come.
299
00:12:40,640 --> 00:12:43,120
-Oh, what a surprise.
-What do you mean,
she can't come?
300
00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:45,280
I'm going outside now, boys.
301
00:12:45,320 --> 00:12:47,360
Yeah, very good, Martin.
What do you mean
she can't come?
302
00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:48,480
Alison can't come.
303
00:12:48,520 --> 00:12:50,360
-Alison can't orgasm?
-Ha ha.
304
00:12:50,400 --> 00:12:51,960
-Adam!
-Who's had an orgasm?
305
00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:53,160
-Alison.
-Mmm.
306
00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:55,440
So she can't
come to the wedding?
307
00:12:55,480 --> 00:12:57,080
No. She's got
another wedding to go to.
308
00:12:57,120 --> 00:12:59,000
-Really? Bit of a coincidence.
-It's true.
She's got a wedding.
309
00:12:59,040 --> 00:13:02,600
Honestly, Val. I had no idea.
Why didn't you
tell Aunty ages ago?
310
00:13:02,640 --> 00:13:04,200
I didn't know ages ago, did I?
311
00:13:04,240 --> 00:13:06,840
What, you just found out
about this emergency wedding?
312
00:13:06,880 --> 00:13:08,400
Anyway, now Alison can't go,
313
00:13:08,440 --> 00:13:10,480
why doesn't Adam invite
Tanya Green instead?
314
00:13:10,520 --> 00:13:12,280
-JACKIE: Oh, yeah!
-Shut up!
315
00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:14,880
Oh, no, you can if you want.
She's a lovely girl.
316
00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:16,040
You know she
works for Coca-Cola?
317
00:13:16,080 --> 00:13:17,320
Hmm, Coca-Cola.
318
00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:19,040
Thank you,
but I'm going outside
to help Dad.
319
00:13:19,080 --> 00:13:21,880
Oh, that reminds me,
I've got to call Tanya's mum.
320
00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:23,360
I told you Joan did
all the alterations.
321
00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:25,600
-Yeah, of course.
-Oh.
322
00:13:25,640 --> 00:13:28,080
You haven't got the number,
have you? I've left my
silly phone at home.
323
00:13:28,120 --> 00:13:30,480
No, use ours.
Adam, pass the address book.
324
00:13:32,920 --> 00:13:35,640
Oh, I am so sorry, Val,
I really had no idea.
325
00:13:35,680 --> 00:13:37,200
Seriously, Jonny!
326
00:13:37,240 --> 00:13:39,720
Actually,
just call her for Val,
would you?
327
00:13:39,760 --> 00:13:41,040
Little slaves.
328
00:13:41,080 --> 00:13:44,080
Do you know, I hate my sons.
329
00:13:44,120 --> 00:13:46,600
-Here, Aunty Val.
-Oh, it's on loudspeaker.
330
00:13:46,640 --> 00:13:48,800
-Yeah, it's been down the loo.
-GIRL: Hello?
331
00:13:48,840 --> 00:13:50,960
-Hello, who's that?
-It's Tanya.
332
00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:53,520
Oh, hi, Tanya,
it's Valerie Lewis here.
Is your mother there?
333
00:13:53,560 --> 00:13:55,040
Um, no, sorry,
she's not here at the moment.
334
00:13:55,080 --> 00:13:56,840
-Oh right,
will you tell her I called?
-Sure.
335
00:13:56,880 --> 00:13:59,080
Oh, hang on a minute.
336
00:13:59,120 --> 00:14:02,800
-Tanya,
it's Jackie Goodman here.
-Oh, no.
337
00:14:02,840 --> 00:14:05,600
-Do you remember me?
-Um, hello, yes.
338
00:14:05,640 --> 00:14:06,920
-Hi.
-Mum!
339
00:14:06,960 --> 00:14:08,560
[LAUGHING]
340
00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:11,760
Um,
I think your mum might have
mentioned my son to you.
341
00:14:11,800 --> 00:14:13,360
Adam? The musician?
342
00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:15,120
-Failed musician.
-Oh, yes.
343
00:14:15,160 --> 00:14:18,200
Well, he just wondered
what you were
doing this Sunday?
344
00:14:18,240 --> 00:14:19,800
-Mum!
-Sunday?
345
00:14:19,840 --> 00:14:22,120
Actually, Adam's right here
at the moment
346
00:14:22,160 --> 00:14:23,960
and he'd love to say hello.
347
00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:25,840
Really? Um, okay.
348
00:14:28,280 --> 00:14:29,800
-Go on.
-You bloody...
349
00:14:29,840 --> 00:14:31,280
Hello?
350
00:14:31,320 --> 00:14:33,920
-Hello.
-Hi.
351
00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:37,800
-Um, is that Tanya?
-Yes.
352
00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:41,120
-Um, I'm Adam.
-I know.
353
00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:47,680
-This is a bit embarrassing,
isn't it?
-It is a bit.
354
00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:49,200
So, um...
355
00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:52,040
Can you just go away?
356
00:14:52,080 --> 00:14:53,560
Ask her to the wedding!
357
00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:55,960
I hear you work for Coca-Cola?
358
00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:58,480
That's right.
Yeah, I've been there
for about three years now.
359
00:14:58,520 --> 00:15:00,200
Four years. Wow.
360
00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:02,640
-Three years.
-Four years!
361
00:15:02,680 --> 00:15:04,320
No. Three years.
362
00:15:04,360 --> 00:15:07,240
Um, sorry, Tanya.
Can you hold on
for just one sec?
363
00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:08,840
Piss off!
364
00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:11,160
-So you've been
there for three years?
-Yes.
365
00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:14,160
Cool. And do you drink
a lot of Coca-Cola, then?
366
00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:15,680
Just fuck off!
367
00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:16,920
Are you okay?
368
00:15:17,640 --> 00:15:20,320
What? No, no, I'm fine.
369
00:15:20,360 --> 00:15:22,520
Look, your mum mentioned
something about Sunday?
370
00:15:22,560 --> 00:15:24,840
Sunday? Um...
371
00:15:24,880 --> 00:15:27,360
-What...
-You're not in the bathroom,
are you?
372
00:15:27,400 --> 00:15:31,280
The bathroom?
No, I'm in the living room.
373
00:15:31,320 --> 00:15:33,720
-Uh, what's that sound?
-What sound?
374
00:15:33,760 --> 00:15:36,640
-The toilet sound.
-What toilet sound?
375
00:15:36,680 --> 00:15:37,960
You're not,
like, on the loo, are you?
376
00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:40,720
[STRAINING] No,
of course I'm not on the loo!
377
00:15:40,760 --> 00:15:41,840
[FLUSHING]
378
00:15:41,880 --> 00:15:44,160
-[DIALLING TONE]
-Hello? Hello?
379
00:15:44,960 --> 00:15:47,120
You bloody shit!
380
00:15:47,160 --> 00:15:50,960
You shitting
bloody shitting shit!
381
00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:52,240
One-all?
382
00:15:53,360 --> 00:15:54,600
[SIGHS] One-all.
383
00:15:57,120 --> 00:15:59,520
Well?
Is she coming to the wedding?
384
00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:01,520
Probably not.
385
00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:08,120
I wish she'd hurry up
and show us this stupid dress,
386
00:16:08,160 --> 00:16:09,360
then we can just go.
387
00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:12,240
-Um, Jonny.
-What?
388
00:16:13,240 --> 00:16:16,080
Um, Join the Dots Sex Book.
389
00:16:16,120 --> 00:16:20,000
"101 naughty sex positions
in easy-to-join dots."
390
00:16:20,040 --> 00:16:21,800
Oh, my God.
Where did he get that?
391
00:16:21,840 --> 00:16:24,400
-He's filled half of these in!
-Over half.
392
00:16:25,320 --> 00:16:27,400
Our Dad's masturbatorium!
393
00:16:28,600 --> 00:16:30,560
-What are you doing?
-Nothing.
394
00:16:30,600 --> 00:16:32,840
Leave my special
crossword book alone.
395
00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:34,440
Special crosswords?
396
00:16:34,480 --> 00:16:36,680
-JACKIE: Martin?
-Shit! Mum.
397
00:16:37,640 --> 00:16:38,720
Mum!
398
00:16:39,640 --> 00:16:41,560
-Hi, Mum.
-Hi.
399
00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:42,680
What are you doing?
400
00:16:42,720 --> 00:16:44,440
-The bonfire.
-The bonfire.
401
00:16:44,480 --> 00:16:48,960
-In there?
-Hello, Jackie.
Oh, you look nice.
402
00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:51,840
-[LAUGHS] Thank you, Martin.
-Yeah,
can I help you, my love?
403
00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:54,720
Val's ready.
Come and have
a look at the dress.
404
00:16:54,760 --> 00:16:56,920
-Great.
-Yeah, what are we doing?
405
00:16:56,960 --> 00:16:59,760
Ten minutes of
pretend smiling.
406
00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:02,320
-JACKIE: It's nice, isn't it?
-Very nice.
407
00:17:02,360 --> 00:17:03,560
Yeah, very nice.
408
00:17:03,600 --> 00:17:04,720
Ooh, do you think so?
409
00:17:04,760 --> 00:17:07,520
-Yeah, it's really nice.
-It's lovely!
410
00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:09,040
Mum,
can we have the crumble now?
411
00:17:09,080 --> 00:17:10,480
In a minute!
412
00:17:10,520 --> 00:17:13,120
You don't think it's too...
Oh, I don't know.
413
00:17:13,160 --> 00:17:17,360
-Oh, no.
It's not, is it, boys?
-BOTH: No.
414
00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:19,400
-Really?
-BOTH: Really.
415
00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:22,240
-Martin, do you like it?
-What?
416
00:17:22,280 --> 00:17:23,680
Do you like my dress?
417
00:17:23,720 --> 00:17:25,880
Yes, it's much
nicer than Jackie's one.
418
00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:28,320
-Oh, thank you.
-Yes, thank you.
419
00:17:28,360 --> 00:17:30,560
Oh, Jackie.
420
00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:32,920
I can't tell you how I feel
at this minute.
421
00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:35,120
JACKIE: Oh, love.
422
00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:37,080
[CRYING] I just
think it's all got...
423
00:17:37,120 --> 00:17:39,000
It's all got
a bit too much for me.
424
00:17:39,040 --> 00:17:40,440
-Uh...
-[SOBBING]
425
00:17:40,480 --> 00:17:42,840
JACKIE: Boys, go and get
the crumble out, would you?
426
00:17:42,880 --> 00:17:44,520
And Martin,
go and do your burning.
427
00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:47,120
Oh, It's all right, Val.
428
00:17:47,160 --> 00:17:49,200
-Sorry, it's so silly.
-Oh...
429
00:17:49,240 --> 00:17:52,880
Come on,
let's get you changed.
430
00:17:54,280 --> 00:17:55,360
Aww.
431
00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:56,640
[LAUGHS]
432
00:17:57,400 --> 00:17:58,760
Silly.
433
00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:00,240
Why's she crying?
434
00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:01,840
Because she's very,
very happy.
435
00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:03,640
I'm very, very happy!
436
00:18:05,920 --> 00:18:07,400
Emotions!
437
00:18:07,440 --> 00:18:08,560
[DOORBELL RINGING]
438
00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:11,000
JACKIE: [GROANING] Who's that?
439
00:18:11,040 --> 00:18:13,280
One second,
love, I won't be long.
440
00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:17,400
And no one else has seen him?
441
00:18:17,440 --> 00:18:19,600
No one.
I've been looking
everywhere for him.
442
00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:22,120
I even looked in your bins.
443
00:18:22,160 --> 00:18:24,320
Did you? Right.
444
00:18:24,360 --> 00:18:26,520
I'm very worried, Jackie.
Very worried.
445
00:18:26,560 --> 00:18:29,720
I'm sure he'll turn up, Jim.
446
00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:32,080
But what if
someone's raped him?
447
00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:36,440
Um, he's a dog.
448
00:18:36,480 --> 00:18:37,720
Well, exactly.
449
00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:44,040
Have you tried calling him?
450
00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:47,760
Yes, it's no good.
I've been shouting
his name for hours.
451
00:18:48,640 --> 00:18:51,040
[SOFTLY] Wilson! Wilson!
452
00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:54,800
-You see?
-Well, maybe I could try.
453
00:18:54,840 --> 00:18:56,480
You can have a go, Jackie,
but I promise you...
454
00:18:56,520 --> 00:18:58,600
Wilson!
455
00:19:01,840 --> 00:19:03,360
[GASPS] Wilson!
456
00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:07,240
Thank you, Jackie!
457
00:19:08,360 --> 00:19:09,520
Thank you!
458
00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:11,920
Oh, good boy. [LAUGHS]
459
00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:15,840
Thank you so
much again, Jackie.
460
00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:20,040
Do thank Martin for these.
461
00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:23,400
I'm afraid they might need
a bit of a polish.
462
00:19:23,440 --> 00:19:25,120
Thanks, Jim.
463
00:19:25,880 --> 00:19:26,920
[SQUISHING]
464
00:19:27,880 --> 00:19:29,640
-Oh, dear.
-What?
465
00:19:31,360 --> 00:19:36,280
I think someone's
left me a little present.
466
00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:39,960
Uh...
467
00:19:47,080 --> 00:19:49,000
VAL: Oh, I don't know.
468
00:19:49,040 --> 00:19:51,040
I think I found
the whole thing
just too overwhelming.
469
00:19:51,080 --> 00:19:54,040
[LAUGHS] I know.
470
00:19:54,080 --> 00:19:57,000
-Martin,
can you hurry up, please?
-What?
471
00:19:57,040 --> 00:19:58,720
Well, Val wants to go.
472
00:19:58,760 --> 00:20:00,320
-Where's she going?
-Home.
473
00:20:00,360 --> 00:20:02,840
-What, a mental home?
[LAUGHING]
-Oh, thanks, Martin.
474
00:20:02,880 --> 00:20:04,760
Put you in a mental home.
475
00:20:04,800 --> 00:20:07,680
Where's the crumble? Boys?
476
00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:10,080
Oh, they haven't
been eating it already.
477
00:20:10,120 --> 00:20:12,240
Oh, my bag!
478
00:20:12,280 --> 00:20:14,520
-You greedy pigs!
-Sorry, Mum.
479
00:20:14,560 --> 00:20:15,640
-Sorry!
-JACKIE: Oh!
480
00:20:15,680 --> 00:20:19,040
-Oh, Dad!
-Bleedin' bloody idiots!
481
00:20:19,080 --> 00:20:21,200
-Dad!
-Martin!
482
00:20:21,240 --> 00:20:25,960
Oh. Look, all of you,
just go outside, will you?
[GROANS]
483
00:20:28,280 --> 00:20:30,360
Stupid morons!
484
00:20:32,760 --> 00:20:34,040
Bloody...
485
00:20:35,840 --> 00:20:37,800
moron heads!
486
00:20:39,760 --> 00:20:40,800
Lads?
487
00:20:41,760 --> 00:20:42,960
[SIGHS]
488
00:20:44,120 --> 00:20:47,040
-Children's lager?
-Yeah, children's lager.
489
00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:51,760
Really? Sure you won't stay
for a nice bit of crumble?
490
00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:54,480
-What, crimble crumble?
-[BOTH LAUGHING]
491
00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:56,400
No, I'd love to, but Larry's
going to be here in a minute.
492
00:20:56,440 --> 00:20:58,040
Oh, of course. Oh, one sec.
493
00:20:58,080 --> 00:21:01,040
I'm sure my horrible boys
will want to say goodbye.
494
00:21:02,600 --> 00:21:05,640
Give that to me. Bastard!
Get off! [LAUGHING]
495
00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:11,160
What are they...
496
00:21:12,880 --> 00:21:14,040
[ALL SIGH]
497
00:21:14,080 --> 00:21:15,120
[DOOR OPENING]
498
00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:17,800
-Shit!
-Shit!
499
00:21:17,840 --> 00:21:19,560
-Shit!
-So,
this is where you've all been
500
00:21:19,600 --> 00:21:20,960
hanging out, then, is it?
501
00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:24,440
-It's all right, Jackie.
-All you men together...
502
00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:27,160
-Drinking.
-Well, not really drinking...
503
00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:29,840
Wait a minute,
what are all these boxes?
Why...
504
00:21:31,560 --> 00:21:32,920
You haven't got rid
of any of them, have you?
505
00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:35,240
You haven't burnt anything!
506
00:21:35,280 --> 00:21:36,320
You've been...
507
00:21:37,640 --> 00:21:41,160
-You've been lying to me.
-Sorry?
508
00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:45,040
Right, take all those
boxes out and throw them in
the bloody fire!
509
00:21:45,080 --> 00:21:47,000
-But Jackie!
-Now!
510
00:21:47,040 --> 00:21:48,840
Jackie, I've got to go.
511
00:21:51,360 --> 00:21:52,800
Where's my...
512
00:21:54,960 --> 00:21:57,440
In the fire. Go on.
Like you said. In the fire!
513
00:21:57,480 --> 00:21:59,920
-But they're my magazines...
-I'm not interested any more.
514
00:21:59,960 --> 00:22:02,360
-In the fire!
-Go on, Dad. You'd better.
515
00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:03,920
-Yeah.
-Oh, God!
516
00:22:03,960 --> 00:22:07,160
Jackie?
You seen my dress anywhere?
517
00:22:07,200 --> 00:22:09,280
What? It was on the door.
518
00:22:09,320 --> 00:22:10,840
VAL: It's not there.
JACKIE: Isn't it?
519
00:22:10,880 --> 00:22:13,000
Wait, isn't that Aunty's...
520
00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:15,040
-Oh, my God.
-What?
521
00:22:16,600 --> 00:22:21,040
Oh, shit!
Shit on it! Shit on it!
522
00:22:21,080 --> 00:22:23,880
Martin,
have you seen Val's dress?
523
00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:26,000
-What?
-Do you know
where my dress is?
524
00:22:26,040 --> 00:22:27,760
Um, yes.
525
00:22:29,040 --> 00:22:30,920
-Well?
-Where is it?
526
00:22:32,080 --> 00:22:33,920
Well, it's, um...
527
00:22:33,960 --> 00:22:35,160
Uh, sort of...
528
00:22:36,520 --> 00:22:37,800
in there.
529
00:22:45,760 --> 00:22:47,960
[SCREAMING]
37581
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