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1
00:00:02,999 --> 00:00:03,201
Hey, baby.
2
00:00:03,234 --> 00:00:05,203
Hey. How was Tony's
birthday party?
3
00:00:05,237 --> 00:00:07,339
Well, it was a lot better
than last year.
4
00:00:07,373 --> 00:00:09,509
The stripper had all her teeth
and no one got arrested.
5
00:00:11,377 --> 00:00:12,745
That's nice.
6
00:00:12,778 --> 00:00:14,614
Hey, did you know
that estrogen
7
00:00:14,647 --> 00:00:16,516
increases blood flow
to the uterus,
8
00:00:16,548 --> 00:00:19,251
thereby helping the lining
to thicken and expand?
9
00:00:21,253 --> 00:00:23,088
Honey, if this is
your idea of foreplay,
10
00:00:23,121 --> 00:00:24,757
it's very technical.
11
00:00:25,557 --> 00:00:27,492
But I can work with it.
12
00:00:27,525 --> 00:00:29,562
Oh, what's that smell?
13
00:00:29,594 --> 00:00:32,531
What?
14
00:00:29,594 --> 00:00:32,531
You had cigars
and beer.
15
00:00:32,564 --> 00:00:35,100
Ah! And Polish sausage
with kraut.
16
00:00:36,402 --> 00:00:39,439
So what?
You smell like books.
17
00:00:39,472 --> 00:00:42,642
Honey, you know
we're trying
to get pregnant.
18
00:00:42,674 --> 00:00:44,342
I mean, remember
what the doctor said
19
00:00:44,375 --> 00:00:45,378
about trying
to raise your
sperm count?
20
00:00:45,411 --> 00:00:46,646
No drinking,
no smoking.
21
00:00:46,679 --> 00:00:48,381
I know, but you know,
it's not every day
22
00:00:48,414 --> 00:00:50,850
Tony turns 47.
23
00:00:50,883 --> 00:00:52,819
Come on, it was
a once-in-a-lifetime thing.
24
00:00:52,851 --> 00:00:54,653
Oh, yeah?
What about last week
when you came home from work
25
00:00:54,686 --> 00:00:56,121
smelling like cigars?
26
00:00:56,155 --> 00:00:57,657
I thought that was
a once-in-a-lifetime
thing.
27
00:00:57,689 --> 00:00:59,826
Cheryl, a guy on my crew
had a baby.
28
00:00:59,859 --> 00:01:02,228
It was either smoke the cigar
or buy him a present.
29
00:01:04,162 --> 00:01:06,531
Okay, okay,
what about the hot tub?
30
00:01:06,564 --> 00:01:07,867
I don't know.
I'm not in the mood.
31
00:01:07,900 --> 00:01:10,403
Frankly, I don't like
your tone.
32
00:01:10,436 --> 00:01:12,605
No! You're sitting
in there every night
33
00:01:12,638 --> 00:01:15,541
cooking your swimmers.
34
00:01:15,573 --> 00:01:17,343
Cheryl, look at me.
Do I have wings?
35
00:01:18,444 --> 00:01:19,579
I'm not a saint.
36
00:01:19,611 --> 00:01:22,814
I'm not perfect.
I have flaws.
37
00:01:22,847 --> 00:01:24,450
Are you waiting
for me to disagree?
38
00:01:25,718 --> 00:01:26,719
Would it
kill you?
39
00:01:28,554 --> 00:01:30,756
Honey,
I know it's not easy,
40
00:01:30,789 --> 00:01:31,957
but if we're gonna have
another baby,
41
00:01:31,989 --> 00:01:33,759
you're gonna have
to give up some
of the things you like.
42
00:01:33,792 --> 00:01:34,826
(SIGHS)
43
00:01:34,859 --> 00:01:36,462
I thought we were
in agreement.
44
00:01:36,495 --> 00:01:38,364
I thought you were
gonna commit to this.
45
00:01:38,397 --> 00:01:40,700
All right,
fine.
46
00:01:40,733 --> 00:01:42,435
No more smoking,
no more drinking,
47
00:01:42,468 --> 00:01:45,737
no more hot-tubbing,
no more fun whatsoever
of any kind.
48
00:01:47,506 --> 00:01:49,808
Aw, honey,
we can still have fun.
49
00:01:49,841 --> 00:01:51,810
Come on. Come on.
50
00:01:52,878 --> 00:01:54,680
(CHUCKLING)
51
00:01:54,712 --> 00:01:56,681
No, after
you brush your teeth
and take a shower.
52
00:01:56,715 --> 00:01:59,519
Fine. But just remember,
if it wasn't for liquor,
53
00:01:59,552 --> 00:02:01,754
we wouldn't have
two of the three kids.
54
00:02:09,328 --> 00:02:10,729
JIM: Oh, baby!
55
00:02:12,764 --> 00:02:14,266
(EXCLAIMING)
56
00:02:14,300 --> 00:02:15,835
Hey, you
know what?
57
00:02:15,867 --> 00:02:18,336
You carry your
own golf clubs
and you walk,
58
00:02:18,370 --> 00:02:20,573
golf is almost
like exercise.
59
00:02:20,605 --> 00:02:22,375
Hey, Jim,
you want a beer?
60
00:02:22,407 --> 00:02:24,576
Ah, no, thanks.
61
00:02:24,610 --> 00:02:25,678
What?
62
00:02:25,711 --> 00:02:27,747
Yeah, Jim's on
a big health kick.
63
00:02:27,780 --> 00:02:29,348
He can't
have a beer
because...
64
00:02:29,381 --> 00:02:31,616
Because
if I drink,
65
00:02:31,650 --> 00:02:34,353
I may accidentally
wrap this club
around your neck!
66
00:02:34,385 --> 00:02:36,389
Oh, right.
Mum's the word.
67
00:02:38,790 --> 00:02:39,859
Hey, Jim,
you're up.
68
00:02:39,891 --> 00:02:41,359
And make
it quick.
69
00:02:41,393 --> 00:02:43,663
My wife's having surgery
in 30 minutes.
70
00:02:45,230 --> 00:02:46,365
It's elective.
71
00:02:49,668 --> 00:02:50,569
Good luck,
pally.
72
00:02:50,603 --> 00:02:52,872
I'm having a good day.
I'm having a good day.
73
00:02:55,674 --> 00:02:56,776
MAN: Sweet.
74
00:02:56,808 --> 00:02:58,644
Man, look
at her go.
75
00:02:58,676 --> 00:03:00,812
Be right,
baby. Come on.
76
00:03:00,846 --> 00:03:02,282
Oh!
77
00:03:00,846 --> 00:03:02,282
Hey, that's
on the green.
78
00:03:03,282 --> 00:03:04,284
It's still
going!
79
00:03:03,282 --> 00:03:04,284
Wow!
80
00:03:04,949 --> 00:03:07,252
(ALL SCREAMING)
81
00:03:07,286 --> 00:03:08,987
A hole in one!
82
00:03:09,020 --> 00:03:10,655
MAN: Oh, my God!
83
00:03:10,688 --> 00:03:13,592
A hole in one!
A hole in one!
84
00:03:13,626 --> 00:03:14,961
A hole in one!
A hole in one!
85
00:03:14,993 --> 00:03:17,597
Hey, hey.
Hole in one!
86
00:03:19,465 --> 00:03:20,932
♪ I'm the king of the road
87
00:03:20,966 --> 00:03:22,868
♪ A Coupe de Ville
is my throne
88
00:03:24,870 --> 00:03:26,938
♪ As long as I get the ball
89
00:03:26,972 --> 00:03:28,540
♪ It is going, going
90
00:03:28,574 --> 00:03:30,977
♪ Going in the hole ♪
91
00:03:31,009 --> 00:03:34,312
(ALL LAUGHING)
92
00:03:34,346 --> 00:03:36,949
Hey, hey, who's
the one that hit
the hole in one?
93
00:03:36,981 --> 00:03:38,283
Oh, let me see.
94
00:03:38,317 --> 00:03:39,685
Uh... You didn't.
95
00:03:38,317 --> 00:03:39,685
Nope.
96
00:03:39,717 --> 00:03:41,519
You didn't.
And you didn't.
97
00:03:41,552 --> 00:03:42,687
Must have been
little ol' me!
98
00:03:42,721 --> 00:03:44,590
(LAUGHING)
99
00:03:44,622 --> 00:03:45,790
All right,
you want
my autograph?
100
00:03:45,824 --> 00:03:47,260
Actually, no.
101
00:03:47,293 --> 00:03:48,828
My manager sent
me in here
to tell you
102
00:03:48,860 --> 00:03:49,995
to put
your trunks
back on.
103
00:03:50,028 --> 00:03:51,396
Oh...
104
00:03:52,865 --> 00:03:54,700
Well, that ship
has sailed,
my friend.
105
00:03:54,733 --> 00:03:56,701
(ALL LAUGHING)
106
00:03:56,735 --> 00:03:58,838
People, we are
in the presence
of greatness.
107
00:03:58,871 --> 00:04:00,039
Yes!
108
00:04:00,072 --> 00:04:03,009
Yes, sir, I feel honored
to soak in your filth.
109
00:04:03,741 --> 00:04:05,510
To Jim!
110
00:04:03,741 --> 00:04:05,510
ALL: To Jim!
111
00:04:11,516 --> 00:04:13,019
Oh...
112
00:04:13,051 --> 00:04:16,555
Man, I partied
way too hard
last night.
113
00:04:16,588 --> 00:04:19,725
My head feels
like you sat on it.
114
00:04:19,757 --> 00:04:23,495
Oh, like you sitting on my
head would be such a
sweet summer breeze.
115
00:04:25,497 --> 00:04:27,932
Hey, girls.
Have fun at school.
116
00:04:27,966 --> 00:04:30,502
Daddy, I don't want
to go to school.
I want to stay home.
117
00:04:30,536 --> 00:04:32,905
Yeah, we want
to play all day
like Mommy.
118
00:04:32,937 --> 00:04:34,740
Hey!
119
00:04:34,773 --> 00:04:37,877
Mommy does not
stay at home
and play all day.
120
00:04:37,910 --> 00:04:39,712
Sometimes she
goes to the mall.
121
00:04:39,745 --> 00:04:41,314
Oh...
122
00:04:41,346 --> 00:04:42,614
Come here, girls.
Give me a kiss.
123
00:04:42,648 --> 00:04:43,915
Andy, would you
do me a favor
124
00:04:43,949 --> 00:04:45,651
and put the kids
in the car?
I'll be right out.
125
00:04:45,684 --> 00:04:47,887
No problem.
Hey, buddy.
126
00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:50,355
So, what are you
gonna do all day,
little guy?
127
00:04:50,389 --> 00:04:52,358
Eat ice cream
and take a nap.
128
00:04:52,391 --> 00:04:54,727
Oh, man,
you are livin'
the dream.
129
00:04:57,829 --> 00:05:00,365
Honey,
here's your
sample cup.
130
00:05:03,067 --> 00:05:04,971
For the lab.
It's the second
Monday of the month.
131
00:05:08,107 --> 00:05:09,942
Right.
Sample cup.
132
00:05:10,942 --> 00:05:12,377
Finally.
133
00:05:12,411 --> 00:05:13,978
Yeah, I know.
134
00:05:14,012 --> 00:05:16,716
So just, you know,
do your thing,
drop it off at the lab,
135
00:05:16,749 --> 00:05:18,651
and I'll get
the results
this afternoon.
136
00:05:19,084 --> 00:05:20,485
Oh! Honey,
137
00:05:20,519 --> 00:05:21,987
I feel so good about this.
138
00:05:22,019 --> 00:05:24,356
I mean, you've been
so good these
past couple weeks,
139
00:05:24,389 --> 00:05:26,658
and the doctor said
if you stayed away
from all that bad stuff...
140
00:05:26,692 --> 00:05:27,994
Which I did.
141
00:05:29,495 --> 00:05:30,930
...which you did,
142
00:05:30,963 --> 00:05:32,730
that your count
should really
be up this time.
143
00:05:36,802 --> 00:05:38,838
Cheryl, does it have
to be today?
144
00:05:38,870 --> 00:05:40,906
Yeah, why?
145
00:05:40,939 --> 00:05:45,411
Well, I'm feeling
a little bloated,
and...
146
00:05:45,444 --> 00:05:48,547
I just don't find
myself very
attractive right now.
147
00:05:48,579 --> 00:05:52,752
God, are you nuts?
You are beautiful.
148
00:05:52,785 --> 00:05:54,721
In fact,
have you
lost weight?
149
00:05:56,954 --> 00:05:58,056
Really?
150
00:05:58,089 --> 00:05:59,091
Fill the cup.
151
00:06:00,793 --> 00:06:04,430
Cheryl, I don't know.
I mean, I'm not
a machine.
152
00:06:04,463 --> 00:06:06,466
I can't just perform
at the drop of a hat.
153
00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:09,999
Since when?
154
00:06:10,836 --> 00:06:11,804
Jim, just go out
to the garage
155
00:06:11,836 --> 00:06:13,872
and stare at
that tramp on
your tool calendar.
156
00:06:16,108 --> 00:06:18,511
That tramp
has a name,
Cheryl.
157
00:06:19,511 --> 00:06:20,546
Her name
is Misty.
158
00:06:21,012 --> 00:06:22,714
I see.
159
00:06:22,747 --> 00:06:24,916
Well, try not
to call out my name
when you're with her.
160
00:06:24,949 --> 00:06:26,853
Even tramps
hate that.
161
00:06:27,485 --> 00:06:28,687
Love you.
162
00:06:31,189 --> 00:06:32,492
Crap!
163
00:06:34,526 --> 00:06:36,829
Okay, kids
are in the car.
164
00:06:36,862 --> 00:06:39,632
Any other
demeaning job
I can do for you?
165
00:06:49,908 --> 00:06:51,444
You know, Andy,
there is one thing.
166
00:06:54,045 --> 00:06:55,680
What do you think
about that girl
167
00:06:55,713 --> 00:06:58,016
on that tool calendar
in the garage?
168
00:06:58,884 --> 00:07:00,019
Misty?
169
00:07:00,786 --> 00:07:03,588
Oh, she's fantastic.
170
00:07:03,622 --> 00:07:07,026
I don't know, there's
something about a gal in a
bikini holding a belt sander.
171
00:07:07,059 --> 00:07:09,595
Mmm-hmm.
172
00:07:09,627 --> 00:07:11,798
She sure could smooth
my rough edges.
173
00:07:14,165 --> 00:07:15,701
Hey...
174
00:07:15,733 --> 00:07:17,637
Why don't you let her?
175
00:07:18,237 --> 00:07:19,504
Huh?
176
00:07:19,538 --> 00:07:21,473
Why don't you
go in the garage,
177
00:07:21,507 --> 00:07:22,942
let your mind wander
a little bit,
178
00:07:22,975 --> 00:07:25,177
and let nature
take its course?
179
00:07:26,677 --> 00:07:29,247
What the hell
are you saying?
180
00:07:29,281 --> 00:07:32,117
I'm saying, you know,
life is short.
181
00:07:33,151 --> 00:07:35,621
Treat yourself.
Have a little fun.
182
00:07:37,956 --> 00:07:39,725
You want me
to go in your
garage and...
183
00:07:39,757 --> 00:07:41,259
Yeah,
you know,
184
00:07:41,293 --> 00:07:43,663
badger the witness
a little, you know.
185
00:07:45,297 --> 00:07:46,765
What's this?
186
00:07:46,798 --> 00:07:49,968
Oh, yeah,
and, you know,
while you're doing it,
187
00:07:50,002 --> 00:07:51,704
maybe you could
put it in this
little cup for me.
188
00:07:54,172 --> 00:07:56,075
It's for the
fertility doctor.
189
00:07:56,108 --> 00:07:58,610
Oh, God.
That's sick.
No way!
190
00:07:58,644 --> 00:08:00,946
Andy, Andy, Andy, Andy.
Come here, come here.
191
00:08:00,978 --> 00:08:02,781
You know, after
all that partying
we did yesterday,
192
00:08:02,814 --> 00:08:04,917
I'm afraid
my count's gonna
be really low.
193
00:08:04,949 --> 00:08:05,950
I need your
help here.
194
00:08:05,983 --> 00:08:08,086
Okay, Jim,
you're my brother-in-law
195
00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:09,822
and my friend,
but I'm gonna tell you
196
00:08:09,855 --> 00:08:11,891
the same thing I told
Mike Franks in ninth grade.
197
00:08:11,923 --> 00:08:13,558
Do your own
homework.
198
00:08:13,591 --> 00:08:14,894
No, no, no,
no, no, no, no!
199
00:08:14,927 --> 00:08:17,963
Come on, come on.
Andy, listen,
200
00:08:17,995 --> 00:08:20,198
I just need
a little time for
my body to recover.
201
00:08:20,232 --> 00:08:22,034
I'd do it
for you.
202
00:08:22,067 --> 00:08:23,701
The fact
that you're
even offering
203
00:08:23,735 --> 00:08:25,971
raises a lot
of red flags.
204
00:08:26,004 --> 00:08:28,974
Andy, look,
I could easily go down
to the bus depot
205
00:08:29,007 --> 00:08:31,110
and get a runaway
to do it for a sandwich.
206
00:08:32,344 --> 00:08:33,778
But no,
207
00:08:33,812 --> 00:08:36,081
I want
to honor you,
my best friend,
208
00:08:37,215 --> 00:08:38,551
with this
opportunity.
209
00:08:38,583 --> 00:08:41,620
Jim, I'm not saying
I'm not flattered.
210
00:08:42,888 --> 00:08:44,657
I'm just completely
weirded out.
211
00:08:44,690 --> 00:08:46,125
Andy, Andy!
212
00:08:46,158 --> 00:08:48,826
Bottom line...
You give it to me,
213
00:08:48,860 --> 00:08:50,229
or I take it!
214
00:09:00,605 --> 00:09:02,073
Go ahead.
215
00:09:08,245 --> 00:09:09,915
All right,
you called my bluff.
216
00:09:11,783 --> 00:09:13,085
All right,
what's it gonna take?
217
00:09:13,118 --> 00:09:15,621
Uh, let me think here.
Uh...
218
00:09:15,653 --> 00:09:17,856
Get in Cheryl's nightgown,
run down to the Post Office.
219
00:09:19,791 --> 00:09:21,260
Absolutely not!
220
00:09:21,293 --> 00:09:22,894
Well, then great!
Let's go to work.
221
00:09:22,927 --> 00:09:24,629
Oh, wait, wait,
wait, wait!
222
00:09:24,663 --> 00:09:26,331
To the end
of the block.
223
00:09:26,365 --> 00:09:28,067
Around the block.
224
00:09:29,999 --> 00:09:30,602
With lipstick.
225
00:09:32,837 --> 00:09:34,072
Lip balm.
226
00:09:35,106 --> 00:09:36,140
Tinted gloss.
227
00:09:36,173 --> 00:09:37,242
Deal.
228
00:09:40,678 --> 00:09:42,347
You, uh...
229
00:09:42,380 --> 00:09:43,682
You may want
to leave the house.
230
00:09:43,715 --> 00:09:45,685
I'm a bit of a screamer.
231
00:09:57,763 --> 00:10:00,065
Okay, I'm not
seeing any wives,
any kids.
232
00:10:00,097 --> 00:10:02,168
He skis,
and he's cute.
233
00:10:03,802 --> 00:10:05,336
I can't believe
you ditched work
234
00:10:05,370 --> 00:10:08,340
just to cruise
my fertility doctor.
235
00:10:05,370 --> 00:10:08,340
Oh!
236
00:10:08,373 --> 00:10:11,076
Cheryl, I am here to give
you emotional support...
237
00:10:11,109 --> 00:10:13,245
Ooh, appointment book.
238
00:10:14,379 --> 00:10:16,949
Hey, he's free
Saturday night.
239
00:10:16,981 --> 00:10:18,082
That's good.
240
00:10:18,115 --> 00:10:20,119
Sunday brunch with Mom.
241
00:10:20,152 --> 00:10:21,320
That's sweet.
242
00:10:21,352 --> 00:10:22,954
Mmm.
243
00:10:22,988 --> 00:10:23,990
In moderation.
244
00:10:25,456 --> 00:10:26,991
Oh! Look at this,
look!
245
00:10:27,024 --> 00:10:28,793
CHERYL: Aww.
246
00:10:27,024 --> 00:10:28,793
Ooh!
247
00:10:28,826 --> 00:10:30,663
(DOOR OPENS)
248
00:10:30,696 --> 00:10:32,297
Hey, Dr. Murphy!
249
00:10:30,696 --> 00:10:32,297
Hi, Cheryl.
250
00:10:32,330 --> 00:10:34,734
This is my sister Dana.
251
00:10:35,767 --> 00:10:37,236
Hi. It's nice to meet you.
252
00:10:37,269 --> 00:10:38,971
Nice to meet you.
253
00:10:39,004 --> 00:10:41,740
I'm just here
supporting my sister.
254
00:10:41,773 --> 00:10:43,808
Canceled a big ski trip
to be here.
255
00:10:44,408 --> 00:10:47,312
Oh, how I love to ski.
256
00:10:47,345 --> 00:10:51,050
Ski, ski, ski, ski, ski.
257
00:10:51,082 --> 00:10:53,752
Anyway, Dr. Murphy,
I brought you
some more cookies.
258
00:10:54,985 --> 00:10:56,154
Cheryl,
that is very sweet.
259
00:10:56,187 --> 00:10:57,389
I think
I told you
that cookies
260
00:10:57,422 --> 00:10:59,892
will not affect
the results
of Jim's test.
261
00:11:01,225 --> 00:11:03,729
I know you have
to say that.
262
00:11:03,761 --> 00:11:05,664
Just see what
you can do.
263
00:11:07,732 --> 00:11:09,200
All right, well,
I do have the results
264
00:11:09,234 --> 00:11:10,903
from that sample
that Jim dropped off
earlier.
265
00:11:10,936 --> 00:11:12,971
I put some
extra chips
in there, so...
266
00:11:15,173 --> 00:11:16,808
Okay, go ahead.
267
00:11:18,043 --> 00:11:19,845
Okay, well, uh,
268
00:11:19,878 --> 00:11:21,714
Jim's count
is off the charts.
269
00:11:21,746 --> 00:11:24,248
Oh! You see?
You see?
270
00:11:24,282 --> 00:11:27,186
That's because he's been
following your regimen.
271
00:11:27,219 --> 00:11:29,121
It's so far
off the charts,
in fact,
272
00:11:29,153 --> 00:11:30,755
that I was
concerned,
273
00:11:30,788 --> 00:11:33,259
so I had
the lab run
some extra tests.
274
00:11:35,860 --> 00:11:36,894
Oh, God. Hand.
275
00:11:36,927 --> 00:11:38,362
Hand!
276
00:11:38,395 --> 00:11:40,298
Go ahead, Cheryl. Squeeze
as hard as you want.
277
00:11:40,331 --> 00:11:42,333
It's not gonna hurt, because
there's no wedding ring.
278
00:11:42,366 --> 00:11:44,069
(MOUTHING) Ow! Ow!
279
00:11:46,203 --> 00:11:48,272
Cheryl, there's, uh...
280
00:11:48,306 --> 00:11:50,475
There's no good way
to say this.
281
00:11:51,176 --> 00:11:52,478
What?
282
00:11:52,510 --> 00:11:55,714
Is it possible that you
and Jim are somehow...
283
00:11:56,081 --> 00:11:57,283
Related?
284
00:12:06,024 --> 00:12:08,927
No! Of course not.
What are you talking about?
285
00:12:08,960 --> 00:12:10,929
Well, what I mean is,
do you and Jim
286
00:12:10,961 --> 00:12:12,364
share a parent?
287
00:12:15,933 --> 00:12:16,935
Or two?
288
00:12:18,803 --> 00:12:21,038
What?
No, no, of course...
289
00:12:21,072 --> 00:12:23,109
Jim and I are not related!
290
00:12:23,942 --> 00:12:25,510
Well,
291
00:12:25,543 --> 00:12:27,211
according to
these test results,
292
00:12:27,245 --> 00:12:29,981
you and Jim share
50% of the same DNA.
293
00:12:32,583 --> 00:12:34,152
Which would make you
brother and sister.
294
00:12:36,086 --> 00:12:37,221
Oh!
295
00:12:37,254 --> 00:12:39,491
Oh! No, no, no, no.
296
00:12:40,357 --> 00:12:41,526
Your tests are wrong.
297
00:12:41,559 --> 00:12:44,028
That's impossible.
Jim and I are not related.
298
00:12:44,062 --> 00:12:46,230
Yeah, yeah, because then
Jim and I would be related,
299
00:12:46,264 --> 00:12:47,466
and I cannot allow that.
300
00:12:49,067 --> 00:12:50,802
It's bad enough I have
to cop to Andy.
301
00:12:50,836 --> 00:12:52,837
Oh...
Andy's our brother.
302
00:12:52,870 --> 00:12:54,472
Our only brother.
303
00:12:56,441 --> 00:12:57,843
Is it possible
304
00:12:57,875 --> 00:12:59,477
that somehow
I tested his sample
305
00:12:59,510 --> 00:13:01,514
instead
of your husband's?
306
00:13:06,083 --> 00:13:09,053
With Jim,
anything's possible.
307
00:13:09,086 --> 00:13:11,490
No, no, no.
That's insane.
308
00:13:11,523 --> 00:13:13,591
Why would Jim
have Andy's sample?
309
00:13:13,625 --> 00:13:15,994
Why would Andy
be giving
out samples?
310
00:13:16,027 --> 00:13:18,030
What the hell
do those two
do all day?
311
00:13:26,037 --> 00:13:27,339
Come on,
I got the
chicken wings.
312
00:13:27,371 --> 00:13:28,873
Oh, hey,
all right.
313
00:13:28,907 --> 00:13:30,843
So, how's tomorrow
look for you?
314
00:13:30,875 --> 00:13:32,009
For what?
315
00:13:32,043 --> 00:13:32,977
You know,
get in Cheryl's
nightgown
316
00:13:33,010 --> 00:13:35,146
and run
around the block.
317
00:13:35,179 --> 00:13:37,448
Oh, yeah, that.
That's not happening.
318
00:13:38,450 --> 00:13:40,919
Hey!
We had a deal.
319
00:13:40,951 --> 00:13:42,321
Well, you just
learned your
first lesson
320
00:13:42,354 --> 00:13:43,422
in the sex trade...
321
00:13:43,455 --> 00:13:44,456
Get paid up front.
322
00:13:46,191 --> 00:13:48,160
But, Andy,
I do want
to thank you.
323
00:13:48,192 --> 00:13:50,129
Oh, it was
my pleasure.
324
00:13:53,365 --> 00:13:54,600
Really.
325
00:13:53,365 --> 00:13:54,600
Yeah, okay.
326
00:13:56,333 --> 00:13:59,337
Hey!
327
00:13:56,333 --> 00:13:59,337
Oh, hey!
How are you?
328
00:13:59,370 --> 00:14:00,972
How you doing?
How did it go?
329
00:14:01,005 --> 00:14:04,409
It went great.
Your count is
through the roof.
330
00:14:05,210 --> 00:14:07,646
Yes!
331
00:14:07,678 --> 00:14:09,514
Yeah,
thank you, Andy,
for helping me
332
00:14:09,547 --> 00:14:10,983
with all that
clean living
and stuff.
333
00:14:11,015 --> 00:14:12,183
CHERYL: Thank you.
334
00:14:12,216 --> 00:14:13,885
I mean,
your sacrifices
really paid off.
335
00:14:13,918 --> 00:14:14,886
Oh, it's true.
336
00:14:14,919 --> 00:14:18,189
Dr. Murphy even
used the phrase
"super sperm."
337
00:14:18,222 --> 00:14:20,458
Whoo! I'm
getting myself
a vanity plate.
338
00:14:23,028 --> 00:14:24,930
I mean,
how great
for Jim,
339
00:14:24,962 --> 00:14:28,099
whose seed is
so unbelievably
awesome.
340
00:14:30,501 --> 00:14:32,203
And do you
want to hear
the best news?
341
00:14:32,236 --> 00:14:34,338
What could
be better than
hearing that someone
342
00:14:34,371 --> 00:14:36,975
in this family
is intensely
fertile?
343
00:14:38,442 --> 00:14:41,612
Well, because
your count
was so high,
344
00:14:41,645 --> 00:14:43,481
and I'm in
my ovulation
window,
345
00:14:43,514 --> 00:14:45,449
they went ahead
and artificially
inseminated me
346
00:14:45,482 --> 00:14:46,985
right there!
347
00:14:55,192 --> 00:14:56,895
CHERYL: Isn't that great?
348
00:15:00,230 --> 00:15:02,000
I mean, honey,
that's so great!
349
00:15:02,033 --> 00:15:04,370
And you know,
I just know
it took.
350
00:15:07,471 --> 00:15:10,074
A woman knows
these things.
351
00:15:07,471 --> 00:15:10,074
Mmm-hmm.
352
00:15:10,107 --> 00:15:11,375
You know,
I hope this one
looks like
353
00:15:11,408 --> 00:15:12,677
our side
of the family.
354
00:15:12,711 --> 00:15:14,013
Oh...
355
00:15:16,081 --> 00:15:17,481
So do I.
So do I.
356
00:15:17,514 --> 00:15:20,217
You know,
if it's a boy,
357
00:15:17,514 --> 00:15:20,217
JIM: Uh-huh?
358
00:15:20,250 --> 00:15:21,252
I want to
name him Andy.
359
00:15:21,285 --> 00:15:22,420
Oh...
360
00:15:24,022 --> 00:15:25,391
Oh, dear God!
361
00:15:28,192 --> 00:15:29,461
(VOMITS)
362
00:15:31,028 --> 00:15:32,663
Cheryl, Cheryl, Cheryl,
363
00:15:32,697 --> 00:15:35,133
you know what?
I wish you would have
checked with me!
364
00:15:35,166 --> 00:15:37,035
Well, I wanted
to surprise you.
365
00:15:37,067 --> 00:15:38,669
Oh, he looks
surprised to me,
Cheryl.
366
00:15:38,702 --> 00:15:39,737
You're
surprised,
right?
367
00:15:39,770 --> 00:15:41,139
Yes,
I am.
368
00:15:41,172 --> 00:15:43,041
Honey, go on,
have a drink.
369
00:15:43,073 --> 00:15:45,576
Drink, smoke,
go nuts!
Because, baby,
370
00:15:45,610 --> 00:15:47,079
your work
is done.
371
00:15:47,111 --> 00:15:48,279
No!
372
00:15:48,312 --> 00:15:49,380
Cheryl,
this is...
373
00:15:49,413 --> 00:15:50,682
This is
not good.
374
00:15:50,715 --> 00:15:52,149
Actually,
this is bad.
375
00:15:52,182 --> 00:15:54,686
This is actually
the kind of Bible bad...
376
00:15:54,719 --> 00:15:56,655
In the Bible bad.
377
00:15:56,687 --> 00:15:59,323
Cheryl, I think
I've gone too far
this time.
378
00:15:59,356 --> 00:16:00,658
You think!
379
00:16:02,626 --> 00:16:05,229
Well, no, honey,
I don't understand.
380
00:16:05,263 --> 00:16:07,699
Baby, this is
the miracle
of life,
381
00:16:07,731 --> 00:16:09,767
and it's
growing
inside me.
382
00:16:09,801 --> 00:16:12,170
No!
383
00:16:12,202 --> 00:16:14,105
Cheryl, it's not
the miracle of life!
384
00:16:14,139 --> 00:16:17,109
That's your brother's freaky
mutant kid in there!
385
00:16:19,744 --> 00:16:22,114
We're all going to hell!
386
00:16:23,148 --> 00:16:24,582
Cheryl...
387
00:16:24,615 --> 00:16:26,451
Well, how
could that be?
388
00:16:26,484 --> 00:16:28,754
Unless you
dropped off
Andy's sample
389
00:16:28,787 --> 00:16:31,089
instead of
your own!
390
00:16:31,121 --> 00:16:33,458
You knew that
and you did it anyway?
391
00:16:35,125 --> 00:16:36,794
Cheryl,
you don't understand!
392
00:16:36,827 --> 00:16:40,164
Yes, Jim, she is
going to have
Andy's baby
393
00:16:40,197 --> 00:16:41,667
just to
teach you
a lesson.
394
00:16:44,235 --> 00:16:45,770
Okay, so...
395
00:16:45,803 --> 00:16:49,473
There was no insemination
whatsoever, right?
396
00:16:49,506 --> 00:16:52,076
Here's a sentence
I never thought
I'd have to say.
397
00:16:52,110 --> 00:16:54,446
I am not
having my
brother's baby.
398
00:16:56,648 --> 00:17:00,552
Sis, I just
want you to know
if it had been true,
399
00:17:00,585 --> 00:17:03,088
I would have done
the right thing
by you.
400
00:17:03,822 --> 00:17:06,223
Get out! Get out!
Go, go!
401
00:17:06,257 --> 00:17:08,626
That was some
good, clean fun.
402
00:17:10,161 --> 00:17:11,229
Come on,
let's go
get dinner.
403
00:17:11,261 --> 00:17:13,597
Oh, what a day.
404
00:17:13,631 --> 00:17:15,700
I thought I sired
my own nephew.
405
00:17:15,732 --> 00:17:18,102
I threw up
on the porch,
406
00:17:18,135 --> 00:17:20,271
and I loved myself
on Jim's riding mower.
407
00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:24,543
Where have you not
loved yourself?
408
00:17:28,680 --> 00:17:29,782
Ahem.
409
00:17:33,518 --> 00:17:35,386
All right, Cheryl,
410
00:17:35,420 --> 00:17:36,488
I forgive you.
411
00:17:38,789 --> 00:17:39,724
What?
412
00:17:39,758 --> 00:17:43,295
Well, you almost gave me
a heart attack there.
413
00:17:43,327 --> 00:17:44,528
Jim!
414
00:17:44,561 --> 00:17:47,365
You cheated
on a fertility test!
415
00:17:47,397 --> 00:17:49,266
Come on, you act
like I'm the only guy
in the world
416
00:17:49,299 --> 00:17:51,403
who's ever done that.
417
00:17:51,435 --> 00:17:53,237
What is going on
in that knot
418
00:17:53,270 --> 00:17:54,772
that keeps
your spine
from falling apart?
419
00:17:54,806 --> 00:17:56,740
Cheryl...
420
00:17:56,773 --> 00:18:00,744
Cheryl, when I went
golfing yesterday,
421
00:18:00,778 --> 00:18:02,547
I hit a hole in one,
all right?
422
00:18:02,579 --> 00:18:04,816
It's a once-in-a-lifetime
thing, baby.
423
00:18:04,848 --> 00:18:07,519
I mean, come on.
I had to celebrate.
424
00:18:07,551 --> 00:18:09,620
Any guy
would have
celebrated.
425
00:18:09,653 --> 00:18:12,156
Any guy is not
trying to have
a baby with me!
426
00:18:12,190 --> 00:18:13,557
Uh, Cheryl...
427
00:18:13,590 --> 00:18:15,193
Jim...
428
00:18:13,590 --> 00:18:15,193
Well, I...
429
00:18:17,662 --> 00:18:18,663
Jim...
430
00:18:19,597 --> 00:18:21,732
Are you serious
about having
another baby?
431
00:18:21,766 --> 00:18:24,369
What? Of course I am.
432
00:18:24,402 --> 00:18:25,569
Then why do you keep
doing things
433
00:18:25,603 --> 00:18:26,805
that might keep it
from happening?
434
00:18:26,837 --> 00:18:28,706
I'm not.
435
00:18:26,837 --> 00:18:28,706
You are.
You're sabotaging,
436
00:18:28,740 --> 00:18:29,907
and I want
to know why.
437
00:18:29,941 --> 00:18:32,544
Oh, come on. Okay,
let's analyze Jim now.
438
00:18:32,576 --> 00:18:34,378
What would Dr. Phil say?
439
00:18:34,412 --> 00:18:36,882
(IMITATING DR. PHIL)
"Well, Jim, it seems like
440
00:18:36,914 --> 00:18:38,916
"your father didn't
hug you enough.
441
00:18:38,950 --> 00:18:41,153
"That's why you love cigars!"
442
00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:45,423
I'm serious.
443
00:18:45,455 --> 00:18:47,725
Come on, is it because
of the doctors
444
00:18:47,759 --> 00:18:49,260
and the cups and all
that technical stuff?
445
00:18:49,294 --> 00:18:50,862
No!
446
00:18:49,294 --> 00:18:50,862
Is it money?
447
00:18:50,894 --> 00:18:52,463
Are you afraid of
having another mouth
to feed?
448
00:18:52,497 --> 00:18:54,733
No, no, no. Will you
back off a little bit?
449
00:18:55,633 --> 00:18:56,634
Is it me?
450
00:18:56,667 --> 00:18:57,868
No, it's not...
451
00:18:56,667 --> 00:18:57,868
Then what is it?
452
00:18:57,902 --> 00:18:59,238
What if it doesn't work?
453
00:19:01,405 --> 00:19:03,207
Is that it?
454
00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:04,808
I don't know.
455
00:19:04,842 --> 00:19:07,913
Well, is that
what you're afraid of?
456
00:19:10,214 --> 00:19:11,916
I'm not afraid, Cheryl.
457
00:19:13,550 --> 00:19:15,787
But if I were,
that would be it.
458
00:19:18,388 --> 00:19:21,458
Are you worried that
you might do
everything right
459
00:19:21,491 --> 00:19:23,761
and your count
will still be low?
460
00:19:25,762 --> 00:19:27,532
(MUMBLES)
461
00:19:28,967 --> 00:19:30,769
Do you think that,
462
00:19:30,801 --> 00:19:33,838
like, as a man,
it's your job
to get me pregnant?
463
00:19:35,272 --> 00:19:36,541
(MUMBLES)
464
00:19:39,309 --> 00:19:41,445
And what if I don't
get pregnant, huh?
465
00:19:41,479 --> 00:19:42,514
Mmm.
466
00:19:44,281 --> 00:19:45,383
Honey.
467
00:19:45,415 --> 00:19:46,617
What?
468
00:19:46,651 --> 00:19:48,452
Honey!
469
00:19:48,486 --> 00:19:51,456
If I don't get pregnant,
then I still have you
470
00:19:51,489 --> 00:19:53,225
and the three
beautiful kids
471
00:19:53,258 --> 00:19:55,427
that you
have already
given me.
472
00:19:56,928 --> 00:19:58,597
Honey...
473
00:19:58,630 --> 00:20:02,401
Come on, another baby...
It's just like a bonus.
474
00:20:05,636 --> 00:20:06,671
Really?
475
00:20:06,703 --> 00:20:07,873
Really.
476
00:20:09,874 --> 00:20:11,476
Really really?
477
00:20:12,309 --> 00:20:13,412
Eh...
478
00:20:14,612 --> 00:20:16,514
(LAUGHING)
479
00:20:16,547 --> 00:20:18,482
Oh, Cheryl,
you're the best.
480
00:20:16,547 --> 00:20:18,482
Oh, honey.
481
00:20:20,384 --> 00:20:22,420
(SIGHS)
482
00:20:22,452 --> 00:20:23,821
I don't know
how I found you.
483
00:20:26,657 --> 00:20:27,825
You know what
the worst part is?
484
00:20:27,858 --> 00:20:29,026
Hmm?
485
00:20:29,059 --> 00:20:31,963
I didn't get to tell you
about my hole in one.
486
00:20:37,468 --> 00:20:40,772
So, you think
that's the
worst part?
487
00:20:42,406 --> 00:20:43,442
(LAUGHS)
488
00:20:43,974 --> 00:20:45,009
No.
489
00:20:46,943 --> 00:20:48,312
(LAUGHING)
490
00:20:48,346 --> 00:20:49,480
So you're really
ovulating?
491
00:20:49,513 --> 00:20:50,681
Yeah.
492
00:20:50,714 --> 00:20:51,916
And it's
my own egg.
493
00:20:53,550 --> 00:20:56,020
Show-off.
494
00:20:53,550 --> 00:20:56,020
I know.
495
00:20:56,054 --> 00:20:58,556
Hey, you want
to go upstairs?
496
00:20:56,054 --> 00:20:58,556
Sure.
497
00:20:58,588 --> 00:20:59,691
Yeah?
498
00:20:58,588 --> 00:20:59,691
Yeah.
499
00:20:59,723 --> 00:21:00,991
Hey, you want
to put on a bikini
500
00:21:01,025 --> 00:21:02,861
and hold
a belt sander?
501
00:21:04,528 --> 00:21:06,565
And the foreplay
begins.
31368
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