Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,332 --> 00:00:02,672
And then Jim tried to set
her up with the cable guy
2
00:00:02,673 --> 00:00:04,434
because he wanted to get
free pay-per-view.
3
00:00:04,435 --> 00:00:05,775
Yeah, and on our first date,
4
00:00:05,776 --> 00:00:07,207
he said he'd pick me up
on Saturday
5
00:00:07,208 --> 00:00:08,338
between 12:00 and 4:00.
6
00:00:08,339 --> 00:00:09,580
Didn't show up till 5:00.
7
00:00:11,282 --> 00:00:13,443
Isn't that so funny,
Dr. Gibson?
8
00:00:13,444 --> 00:00:16,046
Please, Cheryl, I've been
dating your sister now for a month.
9
00:00:16,047 --> 00:00:17,347
You can call me Ryan.
10
00:00:17,348 --> 00:00:19,389
Oh, oh, yeah, I know,
but it's weird.
11
00:00:19,390 --> 00:00:21,691
I mean, 'cause you're
my fertility doctor,
12
00:00:21,692 --> 00:00:23,353
and you've seen my...
13
00:00:23,354 --> 00:00:24,395
Hey-nonny-hey-hey?
14
00:00:26,397 --> 00:00:28,529
Well, I was gonna say
medical records, but...
15
00:00:29,530 --> 00:00:30,730
Okay.
16
00:00:30,731 --> 00:00:32,062
Hey, where have you been?
17
00:00:32,063 --> 00:00:33,533
I had some business
to square away
18
00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:34,734
with the maitre d'.
19
00:00:34,735 --> 00:00:36,466
Oh, no, did you lie
and say it's your birthday
20
00:00:36,467 --> 00:00:37,808
to get free cake?
21
00:00:39,070 --> 00:00:41,141
Cheryl, give me some credit.
22
00:00:41,142 --> 00:00:42,582
I lied and said
it was your birthday.
23
00:00:43,674 --> 00:00:45,476
Uh, happy 50th, by the way.
24
00:00:46,677 --> 00:00:48,448
You told them I was 50?
25
00:00:48,449 --> 00:00:50,721
Honey, it was a tough sale.
I had to make it a milestone.
26
00:00:52,723 --> 00:00:54,724
Don't worry, Cheryl.
You do not look 50.
27
00:00:54,725 --> 00:00:56,727
And he's seen your
hey-nonny-hey-hey, so...
28
00:00:58,529 --> 00:01:00,090
How's everyone's meal so far?
29
00:01:00,091 --> 00:01:01,591
Oh, it's delicious.
And thank you so much
30
00:01:01,592 --> 00:01:03,433
for recommending this wine.
31
00:01:03,434 --> 00:01:04,734
It's one of my favorites.
32
00:01:04,735 --> 00:01:06,197
Well, it's perfect.
Thank you, Greg.
33
00:01:12,603 --> 00:01:13,744
Greg?
34
00:01:16,107 --> 00:01:18,308
How do you know his name?
35
00:01:18,309 --> 00:01:20,410
He introduced himself
when he came to the table.
36
00:01:20,411 --> 00:01:21,712
And you remembered it?
37
00:01:23,454 --> 00:01:25,315
I didn't remember it.
38
00:01:25,316 --> 00:01:27,118
Of course, I don't want
to sleep with him.
39
00:01:27,618 --> 00:01:29,289
What?
40
00:01:29,290 --> 00:01:30,460
You just flirted with that guy.
41
00:01:30,461 --> 00:01:32,592
You just hit on that guy
right in front of me.
42
00:01:32,593 --> 00:01:34,564
Right in front of the world!
43
00:01:34,565 --> 00:01:35,765
What are you talking about?
44
00:01:35,766 --> 00:01:37,497
All she did was say
"dinner is delicious."
45
00:01:37,498 --> 00:01:39,470
Don't make me relive it.
46
00:01:40,331 --> 00:01:41,731
Honey!
47
00:01:41,732 --> 00:01:44,304
I am not interested
in the waiter.
48
00:01:44,305 --> 00:01:46,877
Oh, you didn't watch his tight
little ass as it walked away?
49
00:01:48,179 --> 00:01:49,509
No!
50
00:01:49,510 --> 00:01:50,641
Obviously you did.
51
00:01:52,283 --> 00:01:54,285
I don't know...
Oh, my God!
52
00:01:55,346 --> 00:01:56,786
You had the salmon!
53
00:01:56,787 --> 00:01:58,489
He recommended the salmon!
54
00:01:59,390 --> 00:02:01,891
I'm a fool!
55
00:02:01,892 --> 00:02:04,123
Hey, Doc, you were here.
You witnessed the whole thing.
56
00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:06,356
What's your take on it?
57
00:02:06,357 --> 00:02:08,259
I'm a little confused right now,
58
00:02:09,460 --> 00:02:11,762
because I ordered
the salmon, too.
59
00:02:15,506 --> 00:02:18,368
No, you know what?
It's insane. It's insane.
60
00:02:18,369 --> 00:02:19,769
Honey, I'm gonna give
you some time to calm down.
61
00:02:19,770 --> 00:02:20,840
Yeah.
62
00:02:20,841 --> 00:02:22,312
Dana, ladies' room?
63
00:02:22,313 --> 00:02:25,545
Yeah. Yeah. Say hi
to sexy Greg for me!
64
00:02:25,546 --> 00:02:28,318
Oh, oh, and here, here.
How about this?
65
00:02:28,319 --> 00:02:30,751
Here's a quarter you can
bounce off his tight, young ass!
66
00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:34,824
You know what?
And there's another thing!
67
00:02:34,825 --> 00:02:36,105
Are you gonna eat
those potatoes?
68
00:02:37,428 --> 00:02:38,429
Excuse me?
Too late.
69
00:02:40,231 --> 00:02:41,661
Okay, Jim, what just
happened here?
70
00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:42,862
I asked if you wanted
your potatoes.
71
00:02:42,863 --> 00:02:45,365
You didn't say anything,
so I took them.
72
00:02:45,366 --> 00:02:46,936
No, I'm talking about Cheryl.
73
00:02:46,937 --> 00:02:48,598
You just went off on
her about the waiter.
74
00:02:48,599 --> 00:02:50,941
Oh, that? Oh, yeah,
I was faking jealousy.
75
00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:53,403
What?
76
00:02:53,404 --> 00:02:56,276
Yeah, every couple months
or so, I fake jealousy.
77
00:02:56,277 --> 00:02:58,578
Makes her feel good.
Makes her happy.
78
00:02:58,579 --> 00:03:00,810
Usually when I see happy,
the smile goes this way.
79
00:03:00,811 --> 00:03:01,812
"What's up?"
80
00:03:03,414 --> 00:03:05,885
I know, I know.
She acts all mad,
81
00:03:05,886 --> 00:03:07,917
but trust me, deep down inside,
82
00:03:07,918 --> 00:03:09,459
she's loving it.
83
00:03:09,460 --> 00:03:11,321
Yeah, you know,
it's real easy to do.
84
00:03:11,322 --> 00:03:12,962
I mean, sometimes you can
do it with just one word.
85
00:03:12,963 --> 00:03:14,265
Watch. Watch this.
86
00:03:16,297 --> 00:03:17,668
(SIGHS) Forgot my lipstick.
87
00:03:18,429 --> 00:03:19,470
Lipstick?
88
00:03:20,971 --> 00:03:22,303
Lipstick?
89
00:03:23,434 --> 00:03:24,675
Lipstick!
90
00:03:26,977 --> 00:03:28,279
See how easy it is?
91
00:03:29,780 --> 00:03:32,582
Oh, my cake!
92
00:03:32,583 --> 00:03:33,844
Thank you.
My cake!
93
00:03:41,352 --> 00:03:42,923
JIM: Oh, baby!
94
00:03:47,428 --> 00:03:48,928
(CARTOONS ON TV)
95
00:03:48,929 --> 00:03:50,330
Ha ha ha!
96
00:03:50,331 --> 00:03:52,403
Oh, that's stupid.
I love it.
97
00:03:54,905 --> 00:03:57,607
Oh, my snack!
98
00:03:57,608 --> 00:03:59,539
Thank you so much, girls.
99
00:03:59,540 --> 00:04:01,571
This is really
gonna hit the spot.
100
00:04:01,572 --> 00:04:03,413
So can we stay up
till 10:00?
101
00:04:03,414 --> 00:04:04,475
How's that now?
102
00:04:05,546 --> 00:04:07,347
You said if we
brought you snacks,
103
00:04:07,348 --> 00:04:08,748
you'd let us stay up
till 10:00.
104
00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:10,981
No, Uncle Andy said
he'd think about it.
105
00:04:12,283 --> 00:04:13,883
And he has.
106
00:04:13,884 --> 00:04:14,925
And you're not.
107
00:04:16,487 --> 00:04:17,727
Nighty-night.
108
00:04:17,728 --> 00:04:18,888
Come on!
109
00:04:18,889 --> 00:04:20,330
You promised!
110
00:04:20,331 --> 00:04:21,831
Yeah, I know, and that's
tonight's lesson.
111
00:04:21,832 --> 00:04:23,463
Grown-ups are liars.
112
00:04:23,464 --> 00:04:25,034
(LAUGHING)
113
00:04:25,035 --> 00:04:26,637
We got that water
out of the toilet.
114
00:04:30,641 --> 00:04:31,871
Let's do this!
115
00:04:31,872 --> 00:04:33,943
(GIRLS SCREAMING)
116
00:04:33,944 --> 00:04:36,646
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
What's going on?
117
00:04:36,647 --> 00:04:40,510
Just, uh, a little
game of tag. Yeah.
118
00:04:40,511 --> 00:04:43,384
These mint juleps
here are just pure joy.
119
00:04:44,485 --> 00:04:46,055
Aw, aren't they?
120
00:04:46,056 --> 00:04:47,657
All right, my baby girls,
go up and get into bed
121
00:04:47,658 --> 00:04:49,659
and I'll be right up
to tuck you in.
122
00:04:49,660 --> 00:04:51,492
All in good fun, right, girls?
123
00:04:52,593 --> 00:04:53,894
(SCREAMING)
124
00:04:55,566 --> 00:04:56,667
What? They're weird.
125
00:04:58,329 --> 00:05:00,029
Oh, man, thanks a lot
for dinner.
126
00:05:00,030 --> 00:05:02,672
I just don't know
what happened to my wallet.
127
00:05:02,673 --> 00:05:03,804
It's in your back pocket.
128
00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:08,538
I'll be damned.
129
00:05:08,539 --> 00:05:10,381
Always the last place you look.
130
00:05:11,542 --> 00:05:13,544
All right, showtime.
131
00:05:14,915 --> 00:05:16,947
(SADLY) Cheryl,
you're killing me!
132
00:05:18,619 --> 00:05:20,551
(ANGRILY) Cheryl,
you're killing me!
133
00:05:22,553 --> 00:05:24,625
Cheryl, you're killing me!
134
00:05:25,926 --> 00:05:27,527
Are you still on that?
135
00:05:27,528 --> 00:05:29,859
You bet I am. What's that
waiter got that I don't have?
136
00:05:29,860 --> 00:05:31,031
All his chromosomes.
137
00:05:33,063 --> 00:05:34,435
(LAUGHING) Nice.
138
00:05:35,806 --> 00:05:38,708
You totally get me.
139
00:05:38,709 --> 00:05:41,070
I can't believe after all these
years, you're still so jealous.
140
00:05:41,071 --> 00:05:42,712
Yeah, and I can't believe
after all these years,
141
00:05:42,713 --> 00:05:44,113
you're still shaking it
for any punk
142
00:05:44,114 --> 00:05:45,676
who will fill your water glass!
143
00:05:47,478 --> 00:05:49,979
You're getting all worked
up over nothing. Yeah.
144
00:05:49,980 --> 00:05:51,721
Greg wasn't even the
best-looking waiter there.
145
00:05:51,722 --> 00:05:53,683
All right, that's it.
That's it.
146
00:05:53,684 --> 00:05:55,485
No, I'm going down there.
Andy, get some bail money,
147
00:05:55,486 --> 00:05:56,626
'cause I'm gonna need it.
148
00:05:56,627 --> 00:05:58,858
Honey, I'm kidding!
149
00:05:58,859 --> 00:06:01,130
I'm kidding. Oh, you
are so misguided.
150
00:06:01,131 --> 00:06:02,862
And so sweet.
151
00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:04,894
Really?
Yes.
152
00:06:04,895 --> 00:06:06,996
You know you're
the only man for me,
153
00:06:06,997 --> 00:06:07,998
Greg.
154
00:06:09,670 --> 00:06:12,141
Very funny! Very funny!
Cheryl, that's very funny!
155
00:06:12,142 --> 00:06:13,603
(LAUGHING) I know.
156
00:06:13,604 --> 00:06:15,144
Dana, you want to
help me make coffee?
157
00:06:15,145 --> 00:06:16,876
Sure.
158
00:06:16,877 --> 00:06:19,749
If my jealous husband will let
me out of his sight for that long.
159
00:06:19,750 --> 00:06:21,110
Yeah, yeah.
Go make coffee.
160
00:06:21,111 --> 00:06:23,052
It's not like I'm gonna
sleep anyway!
161
00:06:23,053 --> 00:06:25,154
I'm gonna be up all night!
162
00:06:25,155 --> 00:06:26,987
Greg, Greg, Greg!
163
00:06:29,560 --> 00:06:30,760
Nicely done, Jim.
164
00:06:30,761 --> 00:06:32,062
Thank you.
Nicely done.
165
00:06:33,464 --> 00:06:35,394
Wait a minute.
166
00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:37,635
Andy, you know about this
whole fake jealousy thing, too?
167
00:06:37,668 --> 00:06:38,968
Fake jealousy?
168
00:06:38,969 --> 00:06:40,730
Who said anything
about fake jealousy?
169
00:06:40,731 --> 00:06:42,001
Why, I've never heard such a...
170
00:06:42,002 --> 00:06:43,503
Andy, I told him.
171
00:06:43,504 --> 00:06:44,735
Yeah, I know a thing or two.
172
00:06:46,707 --> 00:06:48,177
Okay, here's what
I don't understand.
173
00:06:48,178 --> 00:06:49,679
You're lying to your wife.
174
00:06:49,680 --> 00:06:51,911
Just morally speaking,
aren't you on shaky ground?
175
00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:53,943
(BOTH LAUGH)
176
00:06:53,944 --> 00:06:55,846
Andy, were we ever that young?
177
00:06:57,187 --> 00:07:00,520
Listen up, Gibson.
The doctor of love is in.
178
00:07:00,521 --> 00:07:01,721
Okay...
179
00:07:01,722 --> 00:07:03,893
He's got a Ph.D.
in wifeology.
180
00:07:03,894 --> 00:07:05,054
Okay, listen...
181
00:07:05,055 --> 00:07:07,196
You're gonna get a shot
of cassanova-caine.
182
00:07:07,197 --> 00:07:08,198
Andy!
183
00:07:11,532 --> 00:07:12,932
All right, listen, Doc.
184
00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:15,165
See, a good friend of mine,
Stevie B., once told me,
185
00:07:16,136 --> 00:07:17,206
you know what?
186
00:07:17,207 --> 00:07:19,939
You can never take
a relationship for granted.
187
00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:22,912
So every once in a while,
I go, you know, nuts.
188
00:07:22,913 --> 00:07:24,013
Jealousy nuts.
189
00:07:24,014 --> 00:07:26,045
You know, crazy jealousy,
you know?
190
00:07:26,046 --> 00:07:29,579
I mean, I'll stomp my feet,
I'll yell, I'll make a scene,
191
00:07:29,580 --> 00:07:31,551
I'll throw something
sometimes...
192
00:07:31,552 --> 00:07:33,392
But nothing of value.
Nothing that's breakable.
193
00:07:34,685 --> 00:07:38,828
See, it lets Cheryl know
that I still care for her.
194
00:07:38,829 --> 00:07:40,790
You know, just because
she's my wife,
195
00:07:40,791 --> 00:07:42,662
it doesn't mean
she doesn't deserve
196
00:07:42,663 --> 00:07:44,034
to be treated like a girlfriend.
197
00:07:49,640 --> 00:07:51,440
Couldn't you just tell
her you appreciate her?
198
00:07:51,742 --> 00:07:53,073
(LAUGHS)
199
00:07:54,845 --> 00:07:57,577
This one gets a girlfriend
and I'm drinking toilet water.
200
00:07:57,578 --> 00:07:58,749
Where's the justice?
201
00:08:01,051 --> 00:08:02,752
I'm still not buying it.
202
00:08:02,753 --> 00:08:03,983
Jim?
203
00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:05,214
Honey, you seem
kind of worked up.
204
00:08:05,215 --> 00:08:06,717
Can I get you a glass of wine?
205
00:08:07,818 --> 00:08:09,619
Yeah, yeah...
206
00:08:09,620 --> 00:08:11,791
Whatever.
207
00:08:11,792 --> 00:08:13,863
All right, I'm just gonna call Greg
and see what he recommends.
208
00:08:13,864 --> 00:08:14,865
Hey!
209
00:08:17,868 --> 00:08:19,069
I'm mad!
210
00:08:19,930 --> 00:08:22,132
I'm crazy jealous right now!
211
00:08:23,133 --> 00:08:24,204
Woo!
212
00:08:28,639 --> 00:08:30,279
My God, she loves it.
213
00:08:30,280 --> 00:08:31,581
Mm-hmm.
214
00:08:31,582 --> 00:08:32,982
You really know what
you're talking about.
215
00:08:32,983 --> 00:08:34,283
Come on, tell me more.
Let's go.
216
00:08:34,284 --> 00:08:36,115
Oh...
217
00:08:36,116 --> 00:08:38,517
All in good time, my friend.
218
00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:40,950
Hey, but this is just
the tip of the iceberg.
219
00:08:40,951 --> 00:08:44,894
Yeah, he once got Cheryl to
do yardwork on her birthday.
220
00:08:44,895 --> 00:08:46,196
And she thanked him.
221
00:08:48,228 --> 00:08:49,929
You know what, Doc?
222
00:08:49,930 --> 00:08:51,961
You're in the in crowd now.
223
00:08:51,962 --> 00:08:54,604
But there's a responsibility
that comes with that.
224
00:08:54,605 --> 00:08:55,705
Like what?
225
00:08:55,706 --> 00:08:56,967
Keeping your yap shut.
226
00:08:57,868 --> 00:08:59,068
Dana can't know
227
00:08:59,069 --> 00:09:01,070
because then Cheryl will know,
228
00:09:01,071 --> 00:09:02,212
and that will be bad...
229
00:09:03,914 --> 00:09:06,176
Really bad for everybody.
230
00:09:07,277 --> 00:09:08,318
I got it.
231
00:09:15,325 --> 00:09:17,187
Real bad.
232
00:09:20,130 --> 00:09:21,991
I got it.
233
00:09:21,992 --> 00:09:23,833
All right! Welcome
to the inner circle.
234
00:09:23,834 --> 00:09:25,194
That's right.
Sweet, isn't it?
235
00:09:25,195 --> 00:09:27,337
It's nice.
Three Musketeers now.
236
00:09:28,799 --> 00:09:30,269
Damn it!
237
00:09:30,270 --> 00:09:31,841
I drank toilet water again!
238
00:09:31,842 --> 00:09:33,003
What is wrong with me?
239
00:09:36,246 --> 00:09:37,807
Yeah, so a colleague
of mine gave me tickets
240
00:09:37,808 --> 00:09:39,348
to Le Nozze di Figaro.
241
00:09:39,349 --> 00:09:41,711
Oh! Is that opera?
242
00:09:41,712 --> 00:09:43,883
Kinda hoping you'd know.
243
00:09:43,884 --> 00:09:46,616
Why don't we just scalp them
and tie one on at a steakhouse?
244
00:09:46,617 --> 00:09:47,718
You totally get me.
245
00:09:49,359 --> 00:09:50,960
Hey, Chip, I'll have
the usual, please.
246
00:09:50,961 --> 00:09:52,792
You got it, Dana.
And for you?
247
00:09:52,793 --> 00:09:54,263
Decaf latte.
248
00:09:54,264 --> 00:09:56,896
By the way, we got those
maple scones you like.
249
00:09:56,897 --> 00:09:58,829
Oh, I've got to have
one of those. Thanks, Chip.
250
00:10:04,304 --> 00:10:06,176
Chip.
(LAUGHS) Chip.
251
00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:09,809
How do you know his name?
252
00:10:09,810 --> 00:10:12,111
Oh, I come in here
almost every day.
253
00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:14,152
Do you hit on him every day,
or just in front of me?
254
00:10:15,946 --> 00:10:18,087
What? All I did was
order coffee and a scone.
255
00:10:18,088 --> 00:10:19,388
Scone?
256
00:10:19,389 --> 00:10:20,920
Scone!
257
00:10:20,921 --> 00:10:22,693
Scone! (CHUCKLES)
258
00:10:24,755 --> 00:10:26,126
Did you want one, too?
259
00:10:27,227 --> 00:10:28,928
How long has this been
going on, huh?
260
00:10:28,929 --> 00:10:30,259
How long have I been your patsy?
261
00:10:30,260 --> 00:10:32,261
Ryan, you're making a scene.
262
00:10:32,262 --> 00:10:33,863
Scene? You want a scene?
I'll give you a scene. Ha ha!
263
00:10:33,864 --> 00:10:36,405
'Cause I'm jealous.
I'm crazy jealous!
264
00:10:36,406 --> 00:10:38,208
I'm crazy scone jealous!
265
00:10:44,214 --> 00:10:46,415
(MAKES SPLASHING NOISE)
Ha ha!
266
00:10:46,416 --> 00:10:48,879
Yeah!
Walk away, walk away!
267
00:10:52,382 --> 00:10:55,756
Now, imagine if that had been
like, a real mug full of coffee.
268
00:10:56,426 --> 00:10:57,828
That'd have been a scene.
269
00:11:04,334 --> 00:11:05,394
(BARKS)
270
00:11:05,395 --> 00:11:07,666
Sit. Sit. Sit.
271
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:08,869
Good boy.
272
00:11:12,943 --> 00:11:14,174
Daddy, look at our new dog.
273
00:11:16,206 --> 00:11:17,947
Are you having fun, doggy?
274
00:11:17,948 --> 00:11:19,309
I pooped in the tub.
275
00:11:22,152 --> 00:11:23,913
Can we get a real dog?
276
00:11:23,914 --> 00:11:25,054
Well, you're gonna
have to show me
277
00:11:25,055 --> 00:11:26,957
that you can clean up after
your brother first.
278
00:11:32,723 --> 00:11:33,924
Come on.
279
00:11:37,467 --> 00:11:39,268
(SOBBING)
Hey, Dana, what's up?
280
00:11:39,269 --> 00:11:40,801
(WHINING
INCOMPREHENSIBLY)
281
00:11:48,338 --> 00:11:51,080
Dana, Dana, we had a deal!
We had a deal!
282
00:11:51,081 --> 00:11:53,883
Dana, we had a deal
about these hugs! Cheryl!
283
00:11:53,884 --> 00:11:56,185
Cheryl! Your sister's here!
284
00:11:56,186 --> 00:11:57,947
She's a little upset.
285
00:11:57,948 --> 00:12:00,219
Shut up! Turn around!
Come on! Come on!
286
00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:01,350
Come on! Come on!
Come on! Come on!
287
00:12:01,351 --> 00:12:02,923
Oh, my God!
288
00:12:04,094 --> 00:12:08,097
Oh, honey, what's wrong?
289
00:12:08,098 --> 00:12:11,000
(CRYING) Ryan is a total
psycho, that's what's wrong!
290
00:12:11,001 --> 00:12:12,201
CHERYL: What?
291
00:12:12,202 --> 00:12:15,264
Well, well, sounds like
girl talk now.
292
00:12:15,265 --> 00:12:18,107
Just let me know
how it turns out.
293
00:12:18,108 --> 00:12:20,810
He said I was flirting with
this guy in the coffee shop,
294
00:12:20,811 --> 00:12:23,843
and he flew into this
jealous rage for no reason.
295
00:12:23,844 --> 00:12:24,975
I'm here for you.
296
00:12:27,848 --> 00:12:30,179
He was just ranting and raving.
297
00:12:30,180 --> 00:12:31,380
It was really weird.
298
00:12:31,381 --> 00:12:34,224
He just kept saying,
"Scone, scone, scone."
299
00:12:36,256 --> 00:12:37,828
That idiot!
I'm gonna kill him!
300
00:12:39,860 --> 00:12:40,891
For hurting you.
301
00:12:42,192 --> 00:12:43,762
My family.
302
00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:46,235
Oh, you know, sweetie, I'm
sure he just had a bad day.
303
00:12:46,236 --> 00:12:47,536
You know what you need to do?
304
00:12:47,537 --> 00:12:48,968
You need to just call him.
305
00:12:48,969 --> 00:12:50,539
I'm sure there's an explanation.
306
00:12:50,540 --> 00:12:53,472
That is the worst thing
you could do!
307
00:12:53,473 --> 00:12:55,845
Don't call him!
He's a jerk!
308
00:12:55,846 --> 00:12:58,207
Well...
Come on, he upset you!
309
00:12:58,208 --> 00:12:59,778
Forget him.
Make a clean break.
310
00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:01,280
Move to another town.
I'll help you pack.
311
00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:02,852
Jim...
312
00:13:02,853 --> 00:13:04,413
Cheryl, for once Jim is right.
313
00:13:04,414 --> 00:13:06,285
When I left the coffee shop,
314
00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:08,087
I called Ryan and I broke up
with him on his answering machine.
315
00:13:08,088 --> 00:13:09,358
We are over.
316
00:13:09,359 --> 00:13:11,320
I am proud of you, girl.
317
00:13:11,321 --> 00:13:12,892
I am so proud of you.
318
00:13:12,893 --> 00:13:14,423
That took so much courage.
319
00:13:14,424 --> 00:13:16,325
Listen to me.
Men are really trouble.
320
00:13:16,326 --> 00:13:17,566
They're bad.
321
00:13:17,567 --> 00:13:19,870
I always thought you'd make
a better lesbian anyway.
322
00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:22,932
(DOORBELL RINGS)
323
00:13:22,933 --> 00:13:24,904
All right, I'll get
that, all right?
324
00:13:24,905 --> 00:13:26,976
But I'm gonna take this with
me in case you feel weak.
325
00:13:26,977 --> 00:13:27,978
And your cell phone.
326
00:13:29,179 --> 00:13:30,980
Dana...
327
00:13:30,981 --> 00:13:32,182
I'm all about you.
328
00:13:38,889 --> 00:13:41,390
Baby, I'm sorry.
329
00:13:41,391 --> 00:13:42,821
But you know,
look at the bright side.
330
00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:44,393
At least you found out early.
331
00:13:44,394 --> 00:13:46,514
It's not like you went out
and bought a wedding dress.
332
00:13:52,132 --> 00:13:53,332
I want to talk to Dana.
I know she's here!
333
00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:54,363
Calm down, calm down!
334
00:13:54,364 --> 00:13:56,435
(EXCLAIMING IN FRUSTRATION)
335
00:13:56,436 --> 00:13:59,338
Okay, I know what happened,
and we're gonna work on it.
336
00:13:59,339 --> 00:14:01,010
Let me cover this first.
337
00:14:01,011 --> 00:14:02,611
(YELLING) What's that?
338
00:14:02,612 --> 00:14:06,946
Oh, you're conducting a
door-to-door survey on sandwiches?
339
00:14:06,947 --> 00:14:10,319
Absolutely. You can have
all the time you need with me.
340
00:14:10,320 --> 00:14:11,520
(WHISPERING) What is
wrong with you?
341
00:14:11,521 --> 00:14:12,922
What's wrong with me?
342
00:14:12,923 --> 00:14:14,083
I took your advice,
and Dana broke up with me.
343
00:14:14,084 --> 00:14:15,224
Well, of course she did!
344
00:14:15,225 --> 00:14:16,485
What?
345
00:14:16,486 --> 00:14:18,027
Look, when you act jealous
when you're married,
346
00:14:18,028 --> 00:14:19,188
it's romantic.
347
00:14:19,189 --> 00:14:20,329
When you act jealous
when you're dating,
348
00:14:20,330 --> 00:14:22,231
you're a psycho!
349
00:14:22,232 --> 00:14:23,432
You never told me that!
350
00:14:23,433 --> 00:14:25,094
It was implied!
351
00:14:25,095 --> 00:14:26,996
You never treat a girlfriend
like a girlfriend!
352
00:14:26,997 --> 00:14:29,039
You treat a girlfriend
like a wife!
353
00:14:31,201 --> 00:14:33,302
Oh, man, I've ruined the best
thing that's ever happened to me.
354
00:14:33,303 --> 00:14:35,976
Damn right. I don't think our
relationship's gonna recover.
355
00:14:40,250 --> 00:14:42,351
I'm talking about Dana.
356
00:14:42,352 --> 00:14:43,652
I'm just gonna go in there
and tell her the truth.
357
00:14:43,653 --> 00:14:45,155
The truth!
358
00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:49,158
Come on, Doc.
359
00:14:49,159 --> 00:14:51,090
How many points do you think
you're gonna score with Dana
360
00:14:51,091 --> 00:14:53,023
telling her that I
gave you this advice?
361
00:14:54,264 --> 00:14:55,424
I'm screwed.
362
00:14:55,425 --> 00:14:56,895
Yeah.
363
00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:58,027
What am I supposed to do?
364
00:14:58,028 --> 00:14:59,398
Well, just don't panic,
all right?
365
00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:01,130
You're new at this. I'm
gonna walk you through it.
366
00:15:01,131 --> 00:15:03,572
You just gotta listen to me,
listen to me.
367
00:15:03,573 --> 00:15:05,274
But taking your advice got
me here in the first place...
368
00:15:05,275 --> 00:15:06,405
But, but, but, but,
beep, beep, beep,
369
00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:07,607
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
370
00:15:08,638 --> 00:15:09,939
You want to argue with me?
371
00:15:09,940 --> 00:15:12,181
You're gonna be doing
10 push-ups.
372
00:15:12,182 --> 00:15:13,382
But I just feel like...
But, but, but...
373
00:15:13,383 --> 00:15:15,115
I think I found someone
who likes push-ups!
374
00:15:15,545 --> 00:15:16,685
You!
375
00:15:16,686 --> 00:15:19,148
That's 20 for you now.
376
00:15:19,149 --> 00:15:21,120
Come on, let me see 'em.
377
00:15:21,121 --> 00:15:22,552
Hey, you want Dana back or not?
378
00:15:23,353 --> 00:15:25,055
Come on, hump it.
379
00:15:28,298 --> 00:15:29,559
All right.
380
00:15:30,360 --> 00:15:32,161
Here's the plan.
381
00:15:32,162 --> 00:15:33,203
Nice form, by the way.
382
00:15:35,235 --> 00:15:38,037
Who was the guy that you
pretended to be jealous over?
383
00:15:38,038 --> 00:15:39,608
Chip, the guy that works
at the coffee shop
384
00:15:39,609 --> 00:15:40,970
she always goes to.
385
00:15:40,971 --> 00:15:42,042
Chip.
386
00:15:42,572 --> 00:15:44,573
Yeah, that's good.
387
00:15:44,574 --> 00:15:46,116
We're gonna need Chip.
388
00:15:47,277 --> 00:15:48,377
Why?
389
00:15:48,378 --> 00:15:49,679
That "why?"
Just cost you 40.
390
00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:52,322
Don't you mean 30?
Fifty!
391
00:15:53,323 --> 00:15:54,554
Keep that butt down!
392
00:16:02,562 --> 00:16:04,334
Hmm. Look at her.
393
00:16:05,235 --> 00:16:06,666
There's my future.
394
00:16:08,498 --> 00:16:09,738
Old and alone.
395
00:16:09,739 --> 00:16:11,001
Oh...
396
00:16:13,043 --> 00:16:14,243
All right, well,
maybe not alone,
397
00:16:14,244 --> 00:16:15,475
but childless.
398
00:16:19,309 --> 00:16:21,150
Damn it!
399
00:16:21,151 --> 00:16:23,412
Honey.
Look, I know this is hard.
400
00:16:23,413 --> 00:16:24,713
You know what you need to do?
401
00:16:24,714 --> 00:16:26,455
You need to talk to Mom.
402
00:16:26,456 --> 00:16:28,417
(SCOFFS) Why would I do that?
403
00:16:28,418 --> 00:16:30,319
'Cause I already told her
and she's calling you later.
404
00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:31,620
Cheryl!
405
00:16:31,621 --> 00:16:33,622
She was riding me about
not circumcising Kyle.
406
00:16:33,623 --> 00:16:34,693
I had to change the subject.
407
00:16:34,694 --> 00:16:36,565
(DANA SIGHS)
408
00:16:36,566 --> 00:16:38,427
Here are your coffees, ladies.
409
00:16:38,428 --> 00:16:40,169
This one's on me, Dana.
410
00:16:40,170 --> 00:16:41,470
Aw, thank you.
411
00:16:41,471 --> 00:16:42,671
My pleasure.
412
00:16:42,672 --> 00:16:44,134
That'll be
$2.25, ma'am.
413
00:16:46,636 --> 00:16:48,507
So, where's your guy?
414
00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:49,779
Oh, we broke up.
415
00:16:50,610 --> 00:16:51,781
Yeah...
416
00:16:54,244 --> 00:16:56,345
I had a feeling when
you were flirting with me
417
00:16:56,346 --> 00:17:00,019
that you two just
weren't gonna make it.
418
00:17:01,521 --> 00:17:03,222
No, I wasn't flirting with you.
419
00:17:03,223 --> 00:17:04,323
(CHUCKLES)
420
00:17:04,324 --> 00:17:06,125
Dana...
421
00:17:06,126 --> 00:17:09,428
If there's one thing I've
learned in the coffee game,
422
00:17:09,429 --> 00:17:12,332
it's when a lovely lady
is looking for company.
423
00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:16,536
Okay, I've officially
hit rock bottom.
424
00:17:18,138 --> 00:17:21,571
By the way, raging
kegger Saturday night.
425
00:17:23,213 --> 00:17:25,244
The Chipster hates flying solo.
426
00:17:25,245 --> 00:17:26,246
(CLICKS TONGUE)
427
00:17:29,679 --> 00:17:33,422
Okay, now I'm looking up
at rock bottom.
428
00:17:33,423 --> 00:17:34,683
No, no, no, wait, wait.
429
00:17:34,684 --> 00:17:36,586
If this kid thinks
you were flirting with him,
430
00:17:37,287 --> 00:17:38,627
maybe you were.
431
00:17:38,628 --> 00:17:40,460
Oh, my God, maybe I was.
432
00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:43,792
That means Ryan is not
a complete psycho!
433
00:17:43,793 --> 00:17:45,394
Right! And I'm
just a pathetic flirt
434
00:17:45,395 --> 00:17:47,796
who has to attract men to
validate her own self-worth.
435
00:17:47,797 --> 00:17:50,139
That's just what Mom said!
436
00:17:50,140 --> 00:17:51,770
Oh, my God!
437
00:17:51,771 --> 00:17:53,102
I've got to go find Ryan!
438
00:17:53,103 --> 00:17:54,503
Thank you, Cheryl.
439
00:17:54,504 --> 00:17:57,377
Oh, no problem.
That's what sisters are for.
440
00:17:59,249 --> 00:18:00,579
Hey, Mom, it's me.
441
00:18:00,580 --> 00:18:02,712
You were right!
She is a pathetic flirt!
442
00:18:04,454 --> 00:18:08,287
No, Kyle is too old
to have it done now.
443
00:18:08,288 --> 00:18:09,759
Well, that was Dad's generation.
444
00:18:14,224 --> 00:18:15,764
And in closing,
445
00:18:15,765 --> 00:18:19,428
I urge you to consider
dumping the purple horseshoes
446
00:18:19,429 --> 00:18:21,331
from your otherwise fine cereal.
447
00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:26,104
Blah, blah, blah.
Blah, blah, blah.
448
00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:27,536
Yours truly.
449
00:18:27,537 --> 00:18:29,439
Cc the governor?
As always.
450
00:18:31,541 --> 00:18:32,741
Hey!
451
00:18:32,742 --> 00:18:34,883
ANDY: Ah,
there's the happy couple.
452
00:18:34,884 --> 00:18:36,745
Yeah. Cheryl told me
the good news.
453
00:18:36,746 --> 00:18:38,617
You guys are back together, huh?
454
00:18:38,618 --> 00:18:40,149
Yeah, it was all
a silly misunderstanding.
455
00:18:40,150 --> 00:18:41,220
You want to hear all about it?
456
00:18:41,221 --> 00:18:42,751
Nah.
Not really.
457
00:18:42,752 --> 00:18:44,823
I was just being polite.
458
00:18:44,824 --> 00:18:46,225
Cheryl in the kitchen?
459
00:18:46,226 --> 00:18:48,897
Yeah, she has to
clean up after the dog.
460
00:18:48,898 --> 00:18:50,200
You don't have a dog.
461
00:18:51,431 --> 00:18:52,832
It's a long story.
462
00:18:58,208 --> 00:18:59,868
(CHUCKLES)
Hey!
463
00:18:59,869 --> 00:19:01,640
JIM: How about it, huh?
464
00:19:01,641 --> 00:19:04,873
Didn't I tell you slipping the
Chipster 50 bucks was gonna fix it?
465
00:19:04,874 --> 00:19:06,275
Yeah, you were right.
466
00:19:06,276 --> 00:19:07,716
Of course he was right, Harvard.
467
00:19:07,717 --> 00:19:09,478
Went to Columbia.
468
00:19:09,479 --> 00:19:12,751
Whatever, Harvard.
Just thank the man.
469
00:19:12,752 --> 00:19:15,784
No, no, no thanks is necessary.
470
00:19:15,785 --> 00:19:18,487
You're on the inside now,
and we take care of our own.
471
00:19:18,488 --> 00:19:19,489
(ANDY CHUCKLING)
472
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:21,831
Yeah.
473
00:19:26,596 --> 00:19:27,897
Yeah, what?
474
00:19:29,339 --> 00:19:30,739
You didn't say anything,
did you?
475
00:19:30,740 --> 00:19:31,741
No.
476
00:19:33,343 --> 00:19:34,443
Not at first.
477
00:19:34,444 --> 00:19:36,605
What?
What did you say?
478
00:19:36,606 --> 00:19:37,676
Everything.
I told her everything.
479
00:19:37,677 --> 00:19:39,208
What?
Everything everything?
480
00:19:39,209 --> 00:19:41,250
Yeah, I don't want to start a
relationship based on deceit.
481
00:19:41,251 --> 00:19:42,712
What a wussy thing to say!
482
00:19:44,214 --> 00:19:45,754
My God! Oh, my God!
483
00:19:45,755 --> 00:19:47,185
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
Hey!
484
00:19:47,186 --> 00:19:48,957
I made her promise not to say
anything to Cheryl.
485
00:19:48,958 --> 00:19:51,291
Oh, my God, oh, my God,
oh, my God!
486
00:19:52,322 --> 00:19:54,693
Hey, girls, how you doing?
Bad dog!
487
00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:56,765
Dana, come here,
I want to show you something!
488
00:19:56,766 --> 00:19:57,967
I want to show you this.
489
00:19:59,569 --> 00:20:01,330
Okay, how much?
How much what?
490
00:20:01,331 --> 00:20:03,572
How much to keep your
yap shut and not tell Cheryl?
491
00:20:03,573 --> 00:20:04,933
Why, Jim, for the life of me,
492
00:20:04,934 --> 00:20:06,775
I have no idea
what you're talking about.
493
00:20:06,776 --> 00:20:08,407
How much, Dana?
494
00:20:08,408 --> 00:20:10,509
$20,000.
What!
495
00:20:10,510 --> 00:20:12,441
I could have you killed for $5.
496
00:20:12,442 --> 00:20:13,742
Oh!
497
00:20:13,743 --> 00:20:16,546
Relax, you jackass.
I'm not gonna tell her.
498
00:20:17,817 --> 00:20:19,419
You're not?
No!
499
00:20:20,650 --> 00:20:21,721
What's the catch?
500
00:20:22,492 --> 00:20:25,294
There is no catch.
501
00:20:25,295 --> 00:20:29,458
Look, I don't get it,
but for some strange reason,
502
00:20:29,459 --> 00:20:31,700
Cheryl loves it
when you get jealous.
503
00:20:31,701 --> 00:20:34,363
And I know in your own
twisted way,
504
00:20:34,364 --> 00:20:36,905
you're just trying to show
your wife that you love her.
505
00:20:36,906 --> 00:20:38,568
Why would I ruin that for her?
506
00:20:40,470 --> 00:20:41,511
Wow.
507
00:20:42,612 --> 00:20:43,813
That's...
508
00:20:44,614 --> 00:20:45,714
Really nice?
509
00:20:45,715 --> 00:20:46,816
Yeah.
510
00:20:47,777 --> 00:20:49,318
Don't get used to it.
511
00:20:49,319 --> 00:20:51,350
And listen, if you ever
give Ryan advice again,
512
00:20:51,351 --> 00:20:53,482
unless it's secretly
coming from me,
513
00:20:53,483 --> 00:20:55,825
I will come down on you
like the hammer of God.
514
00:20:58,628 --> 00:20:59,958
Deal.
515
00:20:59,959 --> 00:21:01,560
Uh, hold on.
516
00:21:01,561 --> 00:21:03,692
I'd like you to drop and
give me 20 push-ups. What?
517
00:21:03,693 --> 00:21:05,634
Yeah, Ryan told me that, too.
518
00:21:05,635 --> 00:21:07,497
Well, he's a little
chatterbox, isn't he?
519
00:21:08,698 --> 00:21:10,369
Make it 30.
520
00:21:10,370 --> 00:21:11,800
I'm not doing that!
521
00:21:11,801 --> 00:21:13,503
Oh, Cheryl...
Okay, okay, count 'em off.
522
00:21:14,704 --> 00:21:16,044
And one, and two.
523
00:21:16,045 --> 00:21:17,646
Keep your back straight, Sally.
524
00:21:17,647 --> 00:21:19,047
(JIM GRUNTS)
525
00:21:19,048 --> 00:21:21,410
Four, and five...
Put some love in it.
526
00:21:21,411 --> 00:21:24,684
Six, there we go.
Seven, and eight.
33922
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof