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1
00:00:00,771 --> 00:00:02,232
All right.
2
00:00:02,233 --> 00:00:05,235
Is everybody ready
for some winter fun?
3
00:00:05,236 --> 00:00:07,707
Yay!
Yay!
4
00:00:07,708 --> 00:00:10,140
Let's go sledding!
(CHUCKLES)
5
00:00:10,141 --> 00:00:11,342
Oh, God!
6
00:00:13,484 --> 00:00:15,215
Daddy, it's really cold.
7
00:00:15,216 --> 00:00:17,118
I know, it's colder
than a witch's...
8
00:00:18,049 --> 00:00:19,120
Nose.
9
00:00:20,421 --> 00:00:22,722
All right. Let's go to Plan B.
10
00:00:22,723 --> 00:00:24,554
Yay! I get
to go first!
11
00:00:24,555 --> 00:00:26,026
All right.
12
00:00:28,329 --> 00:00:31,401
All right, a little
lecture on safety.
13
00:00:31,402 --> 00:00:33,404
Not a word to your mother.
14
00:00:34,365 --> 00:00:35,436
Whoo!
15
00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:40,371
Andy, you all right?
16
00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:42,543
Andy?
17
00:00:44,345 --> 00:00:45,445
Whew.
18
00:00:45,446 --> 00:00:46,716
You okay?
19
00:00:46,717 --> 00:00:48,549
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm fine.
20
00:00:50,481 --> 00:00:52,352
So we going to go to
the park and go sledding?
21
00:00:52,353 --> 00:00:54,154
No, it's too cold out.
22
00:00:54,155 --> 00:00:56,456
Sounds like Plan B.
I get to go first!
23
00:00:56,457 --> 00:00:58,289
All right, all right!
24
00:01:00,561 --> 00:01:02,332
All right, go get
your bike helmets.
25
00:01:02,333 --> 00:01:04,765
And again, not a word
of this to your mother.
26
00:01:12,173 --> 00:01:13,174
JIM: Oh, baby!
27
00:01:15,576 --> 00:01:18,578
Gordon's got Earnhardt
boxed in. He can't make a move.
28
00:01:18,579 --> 00:01:20,780
Come on, junior,
pass up that pretty boy.
29
00:01:20,781 --> 00:01:24,184
MAN ON TV: We'll be right back with
more NASCAR action right after this.
30
00:01:24,185 --> 00:01:26,786
All right, kids,
pit stop. Let's move.
31
00:01:26,787 --> 00:01:28,458
Move it, move it, move it!
32
00:01:28,459 --> 00:01:30,460
Big man says let's go now!
33
00:01:30,461 --> 00:01:32,463
JIM: Come on, come on,
come on!
34
00:01:33,624 --> 00:01:35,166
JIM: Hustle, hustle!
35
00:01:36,727 --> 00:01:38,368
I need a wipe down!
36
00:01:38,369 --> 00:01:40,731
Come on! Races are won
in the pits!
37
00:01:43,674 --> 00:01:45,775
Eighteen seconds. Better.
38
00:01:45,776 --> 00:01:47,508
But you don't
wipe the lips. You pat!
39
00:01:49,480 --> 00:01:51,141
You know, Andy,
it's times like these
40
00:01:51,142 --> 00:01:53,343
I'm glad I had that extra child.
41
00:01:53,344 --> 00:01:55,545
You're a good father, Jim.
42
00:01:55,546 --> 00:01:57,547
Hey, guys, where's Cheryl?
43
00:01:57,548 --> 00:01:59,419
She's on the
couch. No, she's not.
44
00:01:59,420 --> 00:02:00,890
Then I don't know.
45
00:02:00,891 --> 00:02:03,793
Well, she wanted to borrow
this dress for your date tonight.
46
00:02:03,794 --> 00:02:05,895
Speaking of which, when
you're babysitting tonight,
47
00:02:05,896 --> 00:02:07,897
can you get the kids to bed
a little earlier?
48
00:02:07,898 --> 00:02:09,299
They're way off
their times today.
49
00:02:09,300 --> 00:02:11,501
Actually, Jim,
I can't babysit tonight.
50
00:02:11,502 --> 00:02:14,634
I have another date
with Dr. Gibson. My 17th.
51
00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:18,137
Eighteenth if you count the
time he caught me following him.
52
00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:20,640
So my loser days are over.
53
00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:23,473
All right, guess I got to go
to the loser bullpen.
54
00:02:23,474 --> 00:02:24,745
You're up.
55
00:02:25,916 --> 00:02:27,517
Yeah, sorry, I'm busy, too.
56
00:02:27,518 --> 00:02:29,450
The sci-fi film club
meets tonight.
57
00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:31,251
Damn it!
58
00:02:31,252 --> 00:02:33,723
I forgot my cape
at the dry cleaners.
59
00:02:33,724 --> 00:02:35,686
Now my wizard hat's
just going to look stupid.
60
00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:38,688
Cheryl, Cheryl, guess what.
61
00:02:38,689 --> 00:02:40,890
We got no babysitter
for tonight.
62
00:02:40,891 --> 00:02:43,533
The selfish twins here have
decided to have a social life
63
00:02:43,534 --> 00:02:45,795
instead of helping us
get away from our kids.
64
00:02:45,796 --> 00:02:47,737
Don't worry.
I got a sitter.
65
00:02:47,738 --> 00:02:49,239
Who?
66
00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:51,441
I met this great woman at
the park. She'll be here at 7:00.
67
00:02:51,442 --> 00:02:53,273
The park?
Yeah.
68
00:02:53,274 --> 00:02:54,805
Oh, are the dog tracks closed?
69
00:02:56,277 --> 00:02:58,278
Honey, she's a nice woman.
70
00:02:58,279 --> 00:02:59,749
She'll take good care
of our kids.
71
00:02:59,750 --> 00:03:01,951
What happened to Mrs. Bishop?
I liked her.
72
00:03:01,952 --> 00:03:04,254
She died.
73
00:03:04,255 --> 00:03:05,685
Remember? We couldn't
go to her funeral
74
00:03:05,686 --> 00:03:07,417
'cause we couldn't
find a sitter.
75
00:03:07,418 --> 00:03:09,659
Cheryl, I'm not going
to let someone I've never met
76
00:03:09,660 --> 00:03:10,960
babysit our kids.
77
00:03:10,961 --> 00:03:12,622
I've watched Mrs. Nelson
at the park
78
00:03:12,623 --> 00:03:15,695
with the kids she takes
care of, and she is wonderful.
79
00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,367
She is.
It's going to be fine.
80
00:03:17,368 --> 00:03:18,428
Would you just trust me on this?
81
00:03:18,429 --> 00:03:19,829
Trust?
Yes.
82
00:03:19,830 --> 00:03:21,971
Okay, Cheryl, I'll trust you.
83
00:03:21,972 --> 00:03:24,505
We'll use your hobo
from the park.
84
00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:27,577
But I don't want
to hear you complain
85
00:03:27,578 --> 00:03:28,808
when we get home
and Ruby's kidney
86
00:03:28,809 --> 00:03:31,311
is in a cooler off to Mexico.
87
00:03:31,312 --> 00:03:32,582
Okay, Jim.
88
00:03:32,583 --> 00:03:33,943
Hey, Dana, let's go see
how this looks on me.
89
00:03:33,944 --> 00:03:36,215
Oh, I'm sure you'll
be the prettiest girl
90
00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:37,848
in the bowling alley snack bar.
91
00:03:40,951 --> 00:03:42,992
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
92
00:03:42,993 --> 00:03:44,624
"Ooh, look at me.
93
00:03:44,625 --> 00:03:48,598
"I'm Cheryl. I trust
everybody. I'm so nice.
94
00:03:48,599 --> 00:03:50,730
"Yeah, I don't push cars
into intersections
95
00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:52,762
"when they cut me off."
96
00:03:52,763 --> 00:03:55,004
Yeah, she got mom's kind heart,
97
00:03:55,005 --> 00:03:56,637
and I got
dad's enlarged prostate.
98
00:03:58,339 --> 00:03:59,869
You know what, Andy?
I'm telling you,
99
00:03:59,870 --> 00:04:01,941
I don't feel good
about this babysitter.
100
00:04:01,942 --> 00:04:03,943
You know what I'm going to do?
101
00:04:03,944 --> 00:04:06,416
Ah, I'm just spitballing
here, but, uh...
102
00:04:06,417 --> 00:04:08,318
Something sneaky
and underhanded?
103
00:04:08,319 --> 00:04:09,649
Bingo.
104
00:04:09,650 --> 00:04:12,322
I'm going to get
one of those little cameras,
105
00:04:12,323 --> 00:04:14,624
those little hidden cameras
that I see on the news.
106
00:04:14,625 --> 00:04:17,627
Oh, yeah, those nanny
cams. I've seen those.
107
00:04:17,628 --> 00:04:19,028
They put them in stuffed
animals and in pop cans.
108
00:04:19,029 --> 00:04:21,030
Yeah, yeah. What do you
think that'll set me back,
109
00:04:21,031 --> 00:04:22,592
10, 15 bucks?
110
00:04:22,593 --> 00:04:24,534
Oh, I don't...
Closer to 100.
111
00:04:24,535 --> 00:04:25,635
100?
Yeah.
112
00:04:25,636 --> 00:04:27,537
Come on!
113
00:04:27,538 --> 00:04:29,038
What?
114
00:04:29,039 --> 00:04:32,672
All right, no price too
high to protect my kids.
115
00:04:32,673 --> 00:04:34,774
Want to go halfsies with me?
116
00:04:34,775 --> 00:04:36,476
They're not my kids.
117
00:04:36,477 --> 00:04:39,609
I said halfsies!
Come on.
118
00:04:39,610 --> 00:04:40,810
Fine.
119
00:04:40,811 --> 00:04:43,513
Good. All right, let's
go get ourselves a camera.
120
00:04:43,514 --> 00:04:44,984
Hey, you going to tell Cheryl?
121
00:04:44,985 --> 00:04:47,457
Yeah, right, right. And
then have to listen to her
122
00:04:47,458 --> 00:04:50,390
right to privacy and
civil liberties nonsense?
123
00:04:50,391 --> 00:04:51,461
Forget it.
124
00:04:51,462 --> 00:04:53,463
Yeah, where are
the civil liberties
125
00:04:53,464 --> 00:04:54,924
for the guy parked
outside the yoga studio
126
00:04:54,925 --> 00:04:56,597
taking a few tasteful pictures?
127
00:04:59,730 --> 00:05:01,300
You know, Andy,
128
00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:03,433
if I am wrong about
this babysitter thing,
129
00:05:03,434 --> 00:05:04,674
and I hope that I am,
130
00:05:04,675 --> 00:05:06,806
Cheryl will never know
that I spied on her.
131
00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:08,608
And if the babysitter's no good?
132
00:05:08,609 --> 00:05:10,810
Then I can throw that
whole naive trusting thing
133
00:05:10,811 --> 00:05:12,543
back in her face.
134
00:05:13,544 --> 00:05:15,785
And protect the kids.
135
00:05:15,786 --> 00:05:17,618
Right, right, yeah.
Protect the kids, yeah.
136
00:05:25,496 --> 00:05:27,326
Hey, what are you doing?
137
00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:29,829
I'm just looking at the
videos of the babysitter.
138
00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:32,001
Ooh, anything good?
139
00:05:32,002 --> 00:05:34,003
Nah. For a moment there,
140
00:05:34,004 --> 00:05:36,065
I thought I saw Mrs. Nelson
popping pills.
141
00:05:36,066 --> 00:05:37,738
Turned out it was just fiber.
142
00:05:39,610 --> 00:05:41,871
Oh, you put it in the kitchen?
143
00:05:41,872 --> 00:05:42,913
Yeah. Why?
144
00:05:43,574 --> 00:05:45,445
No reason.
145
00:05:45,446 --> 00:05:46,746
I'm just thinking we got
a lot of work to do, Jim,
146
00:05:46,747 --> 00:05:48,448
so why don't we hop
to it? I mean, let's...
147
00:05:48,449 --> 00:05:50,481
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
wait, what's this?
148
00:05:54,585 --> 00:05:57,557
Master Yoda speaks highly
of your abilities,
149
00:05:57,558 --> 00:05:59,730
but I will be the final judge.
150
00:06:00,731 --> 00:06:02,893
(IMITATING LIGHT SABER SOUNDS)
151
00:06:06,937 --> 00:06:08,439
(PANTING)
152
00:06:12,673 --> 00:06:14,143
(LAUGHS)
153
00:06:14,144 --> 00:06:15,406
Whoa!
154
00:06:18,779 --> 00:06:20,711
(LAUGHING)
155
00:06:22,553 --> 00:06:24,584
(IMITATES LASER FIRE)
156
00:06:24,585 --> 00:06:25,756
(GLASS BREAKING)
157
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:30,421
Jim, Gracie broke your teapot!
158
00:06:32,162 --> 00:06:33,923
I was gonna tell you.
159
00:06:33,924 --> 00:06:35,394
I was looking for
the right moment.
160
00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:36,796
Uh-huh.
Don't worry about it.
161
00:06:36,797 --> 00:06:38,499
Gracie studies more
when she's grounded.
162
00:06:40,501 --> 00:06:43,833
All right, here. Here's
the babysitter again.
163
00:06:43,834 --> 00:06:45,775
Hey, look it.
164
00:06:45,776 --> 00:06:48,037
It looks like she's teaching
'em how to gamble.
165
00:06:48,038 --> 00:06:50,680
Got any threes?
Go fish.
166
00:06:50,681 --> 00:06:52,742
I just love you kids.
167
00:06:52,743 --> 00:06:54,685
We love you, too,
Mrs. Nelson.
168
00:06:55,846 --> 00:06:57,447
ANDY: Whoa, whoa, Jim.
169
00:06:57,448 --> 00:06:59,149
Is she hugging or
feeling for that kidney?
170
00:07:00,521 --> 00:07:02,021
Nah.
171
00:07:02,022 --> 00:07:04,153
The babysitter's spotless.
172
00:07:04,154 --> 00:07:06,656
Cheryl's right.
The kids are safe.
173
00:07:06,657 --> 00:07:07,758
Crap!
174
00:07:09,900 --> 00:07:11,531
Wait, wait,
wait, wait. Stop.
175
00:07:11,532 --> 00:07:14,504
It's Cheryl and Dana. I want
to see what they say about me.
176
00:07:14,505 --> 00:07:16,566
I don't know, Andy. Do you
think you're strong enough?
177
00:07:16,567 --> 00:07:19,610
Jim, please, I grew up with
them. I've heard all the teasing.
178
00:07:21,872 --> 00:07:23,474
Andy's a jerk.
179
00:07:25,045 --> 00:07:26,676
Why would you say that?
180
00:07:26,677 --> 00:07:28,078
Because he is.
181
00:07:29,179 --> 00:07:32,121
Yeah. He kinda is.
182
00:07:32,122 --> 00:07:34,223
I'm not gonna lie to
you. That one stings.
183
00:07:34,224 --> 00:07:35,556
Mmm-hmm.
184
00:07:36,957 --> 00:07:39,759
Hey, what happened to that
porcelain teapot I gave you?
185
00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:41,831
Oh, Gracie broke it.
186
00:07:41,832 --> 00:07:44,695
Yeah. Jim grounded her
because she wouldn't 'fess up.
187
00:07:47,838 --> 00:07:50,099
So, how much do you have
in your secret stash now?
188
00:07:50,100 --> 00:07:53,073
This makes it
a little over $400.
189
00:07:54,104 --> 00:07:56,576
DANA: $400?
That's impressive.
190
00:07:56,577 --> 00:07:59,078
I know. You'd be surprised
how much a little extra change
191
00:07:59,079 --> 00:08:01,552
from groceries and
stuff builds up. Yeah.
192
00:08:03,714 --> 00:08:05,585
Oh, my God.
193
00:08:05,586 --> 00:08:06,816
You didn't know.
194
00:08:06,817 --> 00:08:09,559
No! I can't believe it.
195
00:08:09,560 --> 00:08:12,722
My own wife's keeping
secret money from me.
196
00:08:12,723 --> 00:08:14,664
What the hell's going on?
197
00:08:14,665 --> 00:08:15,795
What are you going to do?
198
00:08:15,796 --> 00:08:17,166
I don't know, I don't know.
199
00:08:17,167 --> 00:08:18,568
I don't know how to play this.
200
00:08:18,569 --> 00:08:21,601
Wait, what's to play, man?
You take the money,
201
00:08:21,602 --> 00:08:24,104
we go get us some lap dances
down at the oval office.
202
00:08:25,606 --> 00:08:28,107
That, my friend, is
how you check your woman.
203
00:08:28,108 --> 00:08:29,839
Yeah, well, when
I'm checking her,
204
00:08:29,840 --> 00:08:33,543
should I be wearing my
cape or my wizard hat?
205
00:08:33,544 --> 00:08:35,685
If I had my charm amulet,
I'd put a whammy on you.
206
00:08:35,686 --> 00:08:36,887
Oh, stop.
207
00:08:38,819 --> 00:08:41,290
This is important, Andy.
208
00:08:41,291 --> 00:08:43,022
I got it. You know
what I'm gonna do?
209
00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:44,293
Ha!
210
00:08:44,294 --> 00:08:46,626
I'm gonna crawl up
there, open that thing,
211
00:08:46,627 --> 00:08:48,998
take a little money
out every day,
212
00:08:48,999 --> 00:08:51,801
and then let's watch her go
crazy on our hidden camera.
213
00:08:51,802 --> 00:08:52,902
Oh, that's genius.
214
00:08:52,903 --> 00:08:54,003
Yes.
215
00:08:54,004 --> 00:08:56,766
Ha ha!
Serves her right, man.
216
00:08:56,767 --> 00:08:58,167
It's like I say, Jim,
you can't trust anybody...
217
00:08:58,168 --> 00:08:59,869
Except me.
218
00:08:59,870 --> 00:09:01,611
What do you mean?
You just sold out
219
00:09:01,612 --> 00:09:04,614
a 7-year-old girl
to cover your own ass.
220
00:09:04,615 --> 00:09:06,646
And now you don't need
to take her to the circus.
221
00:09:06,647 --> 00:09:08,047
You're welcome.
222
00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:09,049
Oh, please.
223
00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:14,183
Hey.
224
00:09:14,184 --> 00:09:16,185
Hey. Aren't you
supposed to be working?
225
00:09:16,186 --> 00:09:18,958
I'm supposed to be
doing a lot of things.
226
00:09:18,959 --> 00:09:20,790
I'm glad you're here.
Come here, sit down.
227
00:09:20,791 --> 00:09:22,061
What?
228
00:09:22,062 --> 00:09:24,764
I think Mrs. Nelson has
been stealing from my stash.
229
00:09:24,765 --> 00:09:27,667
You're kidding.
That sweet old lady?
230
00:09:27,668 --> 00:09:29,599
I know, I know,
I thought the same thing,
231
00:09:29,600 --> 00:09:31,070
but it just started happening
when we hired her.
232
00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:32,301
How much did she take?
233
00:09:32,302 --> 00:09:34,073
Well, first I thought it was 50,
234
00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:36,606
but I just checked,
and there's more gone.
235
00:09:36,607 --> 00:09:39,308
I know. I just don't know
how to prove it.
236
00:09:39,309 --> 00:09:40,750
I'll fill a sock with oranges.
237
00:09:40,751 --> 00:09:42,082
We'll get the truth out of her.
238
00:09:43,183 --> 00:09:45,254
No. We can't beat up
an old lady.
239
00:09:45,255 --> 00:09:46,256
Can't or won't, Cheryl?
240
00:09:47,918 --> 00:09:49,218
I know, I know.
241
00:09:49,219 --> 00:09:50,760
You should get one
of those little cameras
242
00:09:50,761 --> 00:09:52,962
that people use to check up
on their nannies and boyfriends.
243
00:09:52,963 --> 00:09:54,124
I mean, nannies.
244
00:09:55,666 --> 00:09:57,126
No, I couldn't do that
to Mrs. Nelson.
245
00:09:57,127 --> 00:09:58,597
That's an invasion
of her privacy.
246
00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:01,130
I wouldn't want to violate
her civil liberties.
247
00:10:01,131 --> 00:10:03,703
Come on, Cheryl,
a lot of people do that.
248
00:10:03,704 --> 00:10:06,075
They had a whole series
on it in the news last week.
249
00:10:06,076 --> 00:10:11,380
Well, I guess if people on TV
are doing it, it must be okay.
250
00:10:11,381 --> 00:10:12,982
But you can't tell Jim,
251
00:10:12,983 --> 00:10:14,784
because I made such a big
deal about how great she is.
252
00:10:14,785 --> 00:10:16,115
Oh, please,
253
00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:17,087
I didn't tell him when
he set his shirt on fire.
254
00:10:17,088 --> 00:10:18,988
Why would I tell him this?
255
00:10:18,989 --> 00:10:20,750
Okay, let's go get
one of those cameras.
256
00:10:20,751 --> 00:10:22,291
Cool!
257
00:10:22,292 --> 00:10:24,724
Hey, and if I'm wrong
about Mrs. Nelson stealing,
258
00:10:24,725 --> 00:10:26,656
Jim never needs to know.
259
00:10:26,657 --> 00:10:28,057
Okay. And what
if you're right?
260
00:10:28,058 --> 00:10:30,259
Well, then, I'll find a way
to fire her and save face.
261
00:10:30,260 --> 00:10:32,131
Yeah, and protect the kids.
262
00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:33,363
Right, right, the kids.
263
00:10:42,042 --> 00:10:43,412
All right, girls, outside.
264
00:10:43,413 --> 00:10:45,074
Mama needs the VCR.
265
00:10:45,075 --> 00:10:47,276
But it's Annie.
We love her.
266
00:10:47,277 --> 00:10:49,477
Well, it's a hard knock life.
Come on, beat it, beat it.
267
00:10:50,681 --> 00:10:52,221
Why don't you guys
go play orphanage
268
00:10:52,222 --> 00:10:53,753
and you can sing
and dance like Annie?
269
00:10:53,754 --> 00:10:54,884
Can we scrub the floors?
270
00:10:54,885 --> 00:10:56,887
Well, that's
what orphans do. Go.
271
00:10:57,988 --> 00:10:59,428
Okay, I'm just
gonna fast-forward
272
00:10:59,429 --> 00:11:01,031
till we see something we want.
273
00:11:01,762 --> 00:11:02,893
Oh, that's you.
274
00:11:11,842 --> 00:11:14,044
(HUMMING WEDDING MARCH)
275
00:11:18,148 --> 00:11:19,209
I do.
276
00:11:26,456 --> 00:11:28,218
Wait till we get to the hotel.
277
00:11:29,760 --> 00:11:31,321
I'm kidding.
Take me now!
278
00:11:39,870 --> 00:11:42,932
Dana, what were you doing?
You knew the camera was there.
279
00:11:42,933 --> 00:11:44,234
Oh, aren't we adorable?
280
00:11:48,939 --> 00:11:50,940
Oh! There's
Jim and Andy.
281
00:11:50,941 --> 00:11:53,182
No, Andy.
End of discussion. No!
282
00:11:53,183 --> 00:11:55,314
Jim, all I'm saying is if
you have the Three Stooges
283
00:11:55,315 --> 00:11:57,817
in a haunted house,
why throw in a gorilla?
284
00:11:57,818 --> 00:11:59,448
That's a whole other movie!
285
00:11:59,449 --> 00:12:01,821
Will you keep an eye out? Fine.
286
00:12:01,822 --> 00:12:02,953
I'm going up.
287
00:12:04,154 --> 00:12:07,296
Yes, yes, yes.
(LAUGHS)
288
00:12:07,297 --> 00:12:11,230
I think I'm just gonna
take $25 out this time.
289
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:14,333
You know what? It's enough
to drive Cheryl nuts,
290
00:12:14,334 --> 00:12:16,366
but not distract her
from making dinner.
291
00:12:18,368 --> 00:12:21,811
Once again, kudos on
your healthy marriage.
292
00:12:21,812 --> 00:12:24,043
You know what? I just
love my nanny cam.
293
00:12:24,044 --> 00:12:26,816
It is so great to see
Cheryl count the money
294
00:12:26,817 --> 00:12:28,778
over and over again.
295
00:12:28,779 --> 00:12:30,980
It's like a chicken pecking
at herself in a mirror.
296
00:12:30,981 --> 00:12:33,422
(LAUGHING)
297
00:12:33,423 --> 00:12:34,985
She can't figure it out.
298
00:12:36,356 --> 00:12:39,789
I figured it out now,
didn't I, smartass?
299
00:12:39,790 --> 00:12:41,991
I can't believe it.
Jim is spying on you
300
00:12:41,992 --> 00:12:44,033
with a nanny cam.
That is so dishonest.
301
00:12:44,034 --> 00:12:46,796
I know. Well, he wants
to drive me crazy?
302
00:12:46,797 --> 00:12:49,268
Two can play at that game.
Really? How?
303
00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:52,041
We are going to put on a
little show for his nanny cam.
304
00:12:52,042 --> 00:12:54,144
Okay, but I'm not gonna
do anything embarrassing.
305
00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:58,407
Dana, you kissed my mop.
306
00:12:58,408 --> 00:13:00,150
No, I kissed back.
307
00:13:15,225 --> 00:13:16,495
Cheryl...
308
00:13:16,496 --> 00:13:19,268
You sure saved a bundle
at the store today, Cheryl.
309
00:13:19,269 --> 00:13:22,032
Yeah, I saved a bundle
by buying expired meat.
310
00:13:25,906 --> 00:13:28,537
Uh, Cheryl, if you're
gonna skim off the top,
311
00:13:28,538 --> 00:13:30,410
you've got to cut costs
somewhere, Cheryl.
312
00:13:32,182 --> 00:13:33,342
I know my name, Dana.
313
00:13:33,343 --> 00:13:34,984
Right, right.
314
00:13:34,985 --> 00:13:36,916
Right, right, Cheryl, you do.
315
00:13:36,917 --> 00:13:38,587
(WHISPERING)
Sorry.
316
00:13:38,588 --> 00:13:42,821
Hey, this week's take
brings me up to $500.
317
00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:45,955
(GASPS) Time to
put it in the big jar!
318
00:13:45,956 --> 00:13:47,997
Yeah. The big jar.
319
00:13:47,998 --> 00:13:49,999
With this, plus
what's in the big jar,
320
00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:51,400
it brings me up to my goal,
321
00:13:51,401 --> 00:13:54,304
$15,000, baby!
322
00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:57,466
$15,000!
323
00:13:57,467 --> 00:13:59,138
Oh, my God, I can't believe it.
324
00:13:59,139 --> 00:14:00,469
Congratulations.
325
00:14:00,470 --> 00:14:03,312
Thanks. It took me
12 years, but I did it.
326
00:14:03,313 --> 00:14:05,614
Now I can put that down
payment down on Monday.
327
00:14:05,615 --> 00:14:08,177
Oh, yes!
The down payment.
328
00:14:08,178 --> 00:14:10,249
Oh, boy, do I envy you.
329
00:14:10,250 --> 00:14:12,851
That thing that you're
putting the down payment on
330
00:14:12,852 --> 00:14:14,084
is great!
331
00:14:15,155 --> 00:14:16,526
What a thing!
332
00:14:18,488 --> 00:14:21,860
And the best part is
Jim will never know.
333
00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:23,633
(BOTH LAUGHING)
334
00:14:26,196 --> 00:14:28,137
Okay, now, let's go take this
335
00:14:28,138 --> 00:14:29,368
and bury it in the backyard
336
00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:31,141
in the secret place
with the other money.
337
00:14:33,203 --> 00:14:36,106
The best part is
Jim will never know.
338
00:14:37,177 --> 00:14:38,648
I already said that, Dana.
339
00:14:40,410 --> 00:14:42,511
Right, right, Cheryl, you did.
340
00:14:42,512 --> 00:14:43,653
(WHISPERING)
Sorry.
341
00:14:45,415 --> 00:14:47,287
15,000 bucks?
342
00:14:49,619 --> 00:14:50,990
Lies!
343
00:14:50,991 --> 00:14:52,661
The deceit!
344
00:14:52,662 --> 00:14:56,066
Good thing you spied on her. You never
would've found out how sneaky she is.
345
00:14:57,367 --> 00:14:58,998
And what about the down payment?
346
00:14:58,999 --> 00:15:00,199
What's that about?
347
00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:01,530
I don't know. I don't...
348
00:15:01,531 --> 00:15:04,434
Hey, would Cheryl have any use
for a personal submarine?
349
00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:06,605
No.
350
00:15:06,606 --> 00:15:08,277
Hovercraft?
No.
351
00:15:08,278 --> 00:15:09,508
Jet pack?
352
00:15:09,509 --> 00:15:11,481
Andy, she's a thief, not a nerd!
353
00:15:12,582 --> 00:15:15,044
Come on, let's go
dig up that $15,000
354
00:15:15,045 --> 00:15:16,445
before she does
something stupid with it!
355
00:15:16,446 --> 00:15:19,688
Wow, 15 grand.
Man, if I had that,
356
00:15:19,689 --> 00:15:22,152
I'd learn Italian
and get calf implants.
357
00:15:31,561 --> 00:15:34,163
Whoo, that was fun!
I haven't been drinking
358
00:15:34,164 --> 00:15:36,565
in the middle of the day
in a long time!
359
00:15:36,566 --> 00:15:38,338
Yeah, have a few kids.
360
00:15:41,041 --> 00:15:42,611
(MACHINERY WHIRRING)
361
00:15:42,612 --> 00:15:44,714
What's that noise? It
sounds like a hackjammer.
362
00:15:48,278 --> 00:15:51,280
You mean a jackhammer?
That's what I said.
363
00:15:51,281 --> 00:15:53,253
Yeah, but why would
someone have a jack...
364
00:15:54,024 --> 00:15:55,325
Oh, my God!
365
00:16:02,262 --> 00:16:04,164
Another dry hole, Jim.
366
00:16:05,565 --> 00:16:08,168
The only thing we found
are eight years of kids' pets.
367
00:16:09,239 --> 00:16:11,700
Jim, what are you doing?
368
00:16:11,701 --> 00:16:13,302
What does it
look like I'm doing?
369
00:16:13,303 --> 00:16:16,045
I'm digging up $15,000
that you buried here,
370
00:16:16,046 --> 00:16:17,676
you thieving pirate!
(GROANS)
371
00:16:17,677 --> 00:16:20,279
Oh, my God, this is great.
372
00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:21,981
I hope I remember it tomorrow.
373
00:16:22,612 --> 00:16:24,083
Oh, come on, Cheryl,
374
00:16:24,084 --> 00:16:27,616
we know all about
your dirty submarine money.
375
00:16:27,617 --> 00:16:32,191
Now, we demand an
explanation and the first ride.
376
00:16:32,192 --> 00:16:35,024
There is no $15,000!
377
00:16:35,025 --> 00:16:37,026
Please! Enough
with the lies!
378
00:16:37,027 --> 00:16:39,068
I know. I saw it
with my own eyes.
379
00:16:39,069 --> 00:16:40,769
I had a nanny cam
up there in the kitchen!
380
00:16:40,770 --> 00:16:43,772
I know, because I
saw you on my nanny cam!
381
00:16:43,773 --> 00:16:46,375
What? You have
a nanny cam, too?
382
00:16:46,376 --> 00:16:48,377
Yeah, because I thought
someone was stealing from me.
383
00:16:48,378 --> 00:16:50,409
And it was you!
384
00:16:50,410 --> 00:16:52,611
Two nanny cams
and no smoke detectors.
385
00:16:52,612 --> 00:16:54,084
What does that say
about your family?
386
00:16:55,145 --> 00:16:56,215
All right, I'm outta here.
387
00:16:56,216 --> 00:16:57,716
Oh, me, too.
388
00:16:57,717 --> 00:16:59,618
You can kiss
this frozen butt goodbye.
389
00:16:59,619 --> 00:17:02,020
Hey, Andy,
can I have a ride home?
390
00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:04,123
Why should I?
You called me a jerk.
391
00:17:04,124 --> 00:17:05,724
Well, you are a jerk.
392
00:17:05,725 --> 00:17:07,427
Yeah, I kinda am.
Come on.
393
00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:12,101
So you're telling me
there's no $15,000?
394
00:17:12,102 --> 00:17:13,402
No, no.
395
00:17:13,403 --> 00:17:15,504
Just the 400 bucks
in the cabinet.
396
00:17:15,505 --> 00:17:19,438
Aha! So you admit to having
a secret stash of money!
397
00:17:19,439 --> 00:17:20,669
Yeah.
398
00:17:20,670 --> 00:17:22,811
Cheryl... I don't know.
399
00:17:22,812 --> 00:17:24,644
It's those damn
desperate housewives.
400
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:31,049
Ever since you started watching
that show, you've changed!
401
00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:32,321
Why are you hiding the money?
402
00:17:32,322 --> 00:17:33,682
I do it to keep the peace
around here.
403
00:17:33,683 --> 00:17:35,284
What are you
talking about, peace?
404
00:17:35,285 --> 00:17:38,227
Jim, have you noticed we don't
fight about money anymore?
405
00:17:38,228 --> 00:17:40,789
Yeah, because you stopped
spending so much of it.
406
00:17:40,790 --> 00:17:43,662
No, no, I spend the same
as I always did.
407
00:17:43,663 --> 00:17:45,594
You just don't know about it.
408
00:17:45,595 --> 00:17:48,437
Cheryl, I need to know
where the money goes here.
409
00:17:48,438 --> 00:17:50,299
What are you spending it on?
410
00:17:50,300 --> 00:17:52,700
Oh, good God, woman, you're
not giving it to charity, are ya?
411
00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:57,346
I spend it on ordinary
things we use every day
412
00:17:57,347 --> 00:17:59,248
like shoes and clothes
and stuff for the kids.
413
00:17:59,249 --> 00:18:00,709
Oh, Cheryl, I don't
care about that.
414
00:18:00,710 --> 00:18:02,411
I never cared about that.
415
00:18:02,412 --> 00:18:05,254
Jim, you go crazy if anything
costs more than it did in 1940.
416
00:18:05,255 --> 00:18:07,856
(SCOFFS)
I do not.
417
00:18:07,857 --> 00:18:10,088
Yeah, you do.
You overreact.
418
00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:12,422
Tell me one time
I've overreacted.
419
00:18:16,226 --> 00:18:19,468
All right.
Besides today.
420
00:18:19,469 --> 00:18:21,430
Cheryl, Cheryl, I need to know
421
00:18:21,431 --> 00:18:23,472
how every penny is spent
in this household.
422
00:18:23,473 --> 00:18:25,304
All right, then we're
gonna fight.
423
00:18:25,305 --> 00:18:27,376
No, we're not,
we're not gonna fight.
424
00:18:27,377 --> 00:18:30,209
All right, fine. I got my
hair done the other day.
425
00:18:30,210 --> 00:18:31,810
What do you think that cost?
426
00:18:31,811 --> 00:18:33,612
You're toying with
me, aren't you? Uh-huh.
427
00:18:33,613 --> 00:18:36,245
You think
I'm gonna say... 20...
428
00:18:36,246 --> 00:18:38,147
25?
429
00:18:38,148 --> 00:18:40,349
35?
430
00:18:40,350 --> 00:18:41,891
Please don't make it $40!
431
00:18:43,223 --> 00:18:44,353
85.
432
00:18:44,354 --> 00:18:46,325
85 bucks?
433
00:18:46,326 --> 00:18:48,297
Andy cuts my hair for 5 bucks
434
00:18:48,298 --> 00:18:50,729
and throws in a delightful
scalp massage.
435
00:18:50,730 --> 00:18:52,861
Well, since you're
handling that so well,
436
00:18:52,862 --> 00:18:55,304
Kyle's shoes cost $45.
437
00:18:55,305 --> 00:18:56,605
45 bucks?
Yeah.
438
00:18:56,606 --> 00:18:59,308
His feet are this big! Uh-huh.
439
00:18:59,309 --> 00:19:02,241
Ruby's soccer uniform? 60 bucks!
440
00:19:02,242 --> 00:19:03,642
60?
Yeah.
441
00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:05,644
She stinks!
442
00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:07,616
She hasn't scored a goal
in three years!
443
00:19:07,617 --> 00:19:08,777
Well...
444
00:19:08,778 --> 00:19:10,919
Well, why can't you
just make her a uniform?
445
00:19:10,920 --> 00:19:12,851
Oh, you know,
that's a great idea.
446
00:19:12,852 --> 00:19:14,853
Hey, and I'll make
Kyle's shoes, too.
447
00:19:14,854 --> 00:19:16,525
I'm just gonna
go on down to the mall
448
00:19:16,526 --> 00:19:18,687
and pick me up one of
them there cobbler's benches.
449
00:19:18,688 --> 00:19:21,430
Yeah, that'll
probably be about $600.
450
00:19:21,431 --> 00:19:23,332
And you know what?
We'll get a cow,
451
00:19:23,333 --> 00:19:25,264
'cause then the leather
will be free.
452
00:19:25,265 --> 00:19:27,196
You know, we're gonna need
hay for the cow,
453
00:19:27,197 --> 00:19:28,897
so we're gonna need to get
a combine. That'll be about,
454
00:19:28,898 --> 00:19:31,240
ooh, I'd say a quarter
of a million dollars.
455
00:19:31,241 --> 00:19:33,342
I don't have a quarter of a
million dollars, Cheryl!
456
00:19:33,343 --> 00:19:35,545
We don't need a quarter
of a million dollars.
457
00:19:36,576 --> 00:19:38,176
Jim!
458
00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:39,479
We're fine.
459
00:19:41,781 --> 00:19:42,881
Hey...
460
00:19:42,882 --> 00:19:45,455
We are more than fine.
461
00:19:47,287 --> 00:19:49,619
Ii just don't think
I'll ever believe that.
462
00:19:51,221 --> 00:19:52,861
I know.
463
00:19:52,862 --> 00:19:54,693
But just 'cause
you don't believe it
464
00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:57,596
doesn't mean it's not true.
465
00:19:57,597 --> 00:20:00,569
Come on, you gotta trust me.
466
00:20:00,570 --> 00:20:02,201
You playing
the trust card again?
467
00:20:04,504 --> 00:20:07,277
See, wasn't it better when
you didn't know anything?
468
00:20:08,238 --> 00:20:10,579
The good old days.
469
00:20:10,580 --> 00:20:12,582
I wish I could be
that ignorant again.
470
00:20:13,583 --> 00:20:14,613
Aw, baby...
471
00:20:14,614 --> 00:20:15,945
You will be.
472
00:20:17,617 --> 00:20:19,988
Thanks for believing in me.
473
00:20:19,989 --> 00:20:21,990
All right,
here's what we're gonna do.
474
00:20:21,991 --> 00:20:24,222
I'm gonna hide my stash
in a new place,
475
00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:25,954
and you are not
gonna look for it.
476
00:20:25,955 --> 00:20:27,256
(SIGHS)
477
00:20:27,257 --> 00:20:29,759
All right.
All right.
478
00:20:30,830 --> 00:20:32,502
Is that the cat?
479
00:20:36,336 --> 00:20:37,607
No. It's the gerbil.
480
00:20:39,269 --> 00:20:41,370
Hey, you know what? We
gotta get that nanny cam
481
00:20:41,371 --> 00:20:42,611
out of the kitchen.
It's weird.
482
00:20:42,612 --> 00:20:43,872
I already took mine out.
483
00:20:43,873 --> 00:20:45,243
Really? Where is it?
484
00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:46,415
I can't remember.
485
00:20:46,416 --> 00:20:47,946
Hey, you know what?
486
00:20:47,947 --> 00:20:50,279
You should take a shower and
suds up a little bit more this time.
487
00:20:50,280 --> 00:20:51,620
Oh, okay.
488
00:20:51,621 --> 00:20:53,582
And use that shower massager...
489
00:20:53,583 --> 00:20:54,583
CHERYL: Oh!
32682
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