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1
00:00:02,333 --> 00:00:03,773
(JIM GROANS)
2
00:00:03,774 --> 00:00:06,406
Come on, come on, come
on, come on, come on!
3
00:00:06,407 --> 00:00:08,078
You know, this is what I
hate about the holidays.
4
00:00:08,079 --> 00:00:10,310
There's no
parking spaces anywhere.
5
00:00:10,311 --> 00:00:13,243
Sounds like somebody could
use a little Christmas spirit.
6
00:00:13,244 --> 00:00:14,444
Oh, Cheryl.
7
00:00:14,445 --> 00:00:17,148
(SINGING WE WISH YOU
A MERRY CHRISTMAS)
8
00:00:20,391 --> 00:00:23,553
Okay, okay, okay, I got
the stupid spirit now.
9
00:00:23,554 --> 00:00:25,024
Can you stop singing?
10
00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:26,626
Oh, look, there's a lady
with some bags.
11
00:00:26,627 --> 00:00:27,727
Ask her if she's leaving.
12
00:00:27,728 --> 00:00:29,499
Cheryl, I'm not gonna
ask her anything.
13
00:00:29,500 --> 00:00:32,262
She's old. She's gonna
want to talk.
14
00:00:32,263 --> 00:00:33,803
(WE WISH YOU A MERRY
CHRISTMAS PLAYING)
15
00:00:33,804 --> 00:00:36,766
All right, shut it off.
Shut it off. I'll ask her.
16
00:00:36,767 --> 00:00:38,408
Excuse me, ma'am?
17
00:00:38,409 --> 00:00:40,171
Alan, is that you?
18
00:00:42,343 --> 00:00:45,045
That birdhouse you
built me fell down!
19
00:00:46,077 --> 00:00:47,817
Well, don't worry.
20
00:00:47,818 --> 00:00:49,098
I'll be over tomorrow to fix it.
21
00:00:50,421 --> 00:00:53,124
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas to you.
22
00:00:55,256 --> 00:00:58,428
I don't know why I ever
listen to anyone but me!
23
00:00:58,429 --> 00:01:00,160
Oh, look! There's a
spot. That guy's leaving.
24
00:01:00,161 --> 00:01:02,433
Oh, good eye,
good eye, good eye.
25
00:01:05,566 --> 00:01:08,098
Hey! Hey,
did you see that?
26
00:01:08,099 --> 00:01:09,569
That jerk just took
my parking spot!
27
00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:11,271
I know, I know. We'll
find another one.
28
00:01:11,272 --> 00:01:13,143
No, but I found it first!
It's mine, it's mine!
29
00:01:13,144 --> 00:01:14,604
It's my spot! Mine!
30
00:01:14,605 --> 00:01:17,648
Jim, it's Christmas.
Let it go.
31
00:01:18,479 --> 00:01:19,849
(SIGHS)
32
00:01:19,850 --> 00:01:21,711
Fine.
33
00:01:21,712 --> 00:01:23,632
But next Halloween, you're
egging houses with me.
34
00:01:25,186 --> 00:01:26,586
Hey!
(GASPS)
35
00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:28,858
Hey! He just
hit my car!
36
00:01:28,859 --> 00:01:30,290
He's a dead man!
37
00:01:30,291 --> 00:01:32,192
No, no. No, honey,
count to 10. Count to 10.
38
00:01:32,193 --> 00:01:33,323
Ten!
39
00:01:33,324 --> 00:01:35,265
Jim! Jim!
40
00:01:35,266 --> 00:01:36,626
My territory.
My territory, Cheryl.
41
00:01:36,627 --> 00:01:38,168
Let's not make this
the Christmas
42
00:01:38,169 --> 00:01:39,599
I have to bail you out of jail.
43
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:41,231
Cheryl, that jerk just
backed right into us.
44
00:01:41,232 --> 00:01:43,203
I know, I know, honey.
Honey, it's the holiday season.
45
00:01:43,204 --> 00:01:45,275
This is the time of year
to be our better selves.
46
00:01:45,276 --> 00:01:48,738
Cheryl, why is it always
my job to be the better self?
47
00:01:48,739 --> 00:01:50,740
Why can't it be his job?
Why can't it be the season
48
00:01:50,741 --> 00:01:52,412
for him not to be
a sucky driver?
49
00:01:52,413 --> 00:01:54,614
Jim, I want you to be nice
50
00:01:54,615 --> 00:01:56,747
because it's important to me.
51
00:01:57,788 --> 00:01:59,389
Fine.
52
00:01:59,390 --> 00:02:00,750
I'll be nice.
53
00:02:00,751 --> 00:02:02,223
Thank you.
54
00:02:06,357 --> 00:02:07,657
Merry Christmas...
55
00:02:07,658 --> 00:02:10,160
Idiot! You backed
into my van! Oh... Jim!
56
00:02:10,161 --> 00:02:11,661
Hey, I'm sorry.
57
00:02:11,662 --> 00:02:13,363
I was listening to Howard Stern.
58
00:02:13,364 --> 00:02:14,835
He's got two strippers kissing.
59
00:02:15,906 --> 00:02:17,307
You guys okay?
60
00:02:17,308 --> 00:02:18,638
Do we look okay?
Yeah, you look fine.
61
00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:20,170
Well, then we're fine.
62
00:02:20,171 --> 00:02:21,441
But my car's not fine.
63
00:02:21,442 --> 00:02:22,612
You just banged
the hell out of it.
64
00:02:22,613 --> 00:02:23,813
Well, I'll have a look-see.
65
00:02:23,814 --> 00:02:25,315
Come have a look-see.
66
00:02:25,316 --> 00:02:26,416
Okay. You look, and you'll see.
67
00:02:26,417 --> 00:02:27,448
I'll see.
68
00:02:27,848 --> 00:02:29,819
Right there.
69
00:02:29,820 --> 00:02:31,381
Oh, yeah, you're right.
Looks like I kind of
70
00:02:31,382 --> 00:02:32,882
tagged you a little bit
there, didn't I?
71
00:02:32,883 --> 00:02:35,154
Cheryl, that's
an admission of guilt.
72
00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:36,856
Note the time.
Got it.
73
00:02:36,857 --> 00:02:38,688
I'll just write out my
insurance information for you.
74
00:02:38,689 --> 00:02:39,759
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
75
00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:41,792
Insurance is for
having, not for using.
76
00:02:42,463 --> 00:02:43,533
I want cash.
77
00:02:43,534 --> 00:02:44,794
CHERYL: No, no, no, no!
Now!
78
00:02:44,795 --> 00:02:46,466
Jim, that is not how
it works. Cheryl...
79
00:02:46,467 --> 00:02:48,198
But we'll take your
insurance information,
80
00:02:48,199 --> 00:02:49,769
and we'll be on our way.
81
00:02:49,770 --> 00:02:52,442
Well, thanks for being
so understanding.
82
00:02:52,443 --> 00:02:55,305
And, hey, that's a really swell
Christmas scarf you got there.
83
00:02:55,306 --> 00:02:57,607
Oh, thank you. You
know, I knitted it myself.
84
00:02:57,608 --> 00:02:59,509
And wait, my brooch...
My brooch, it plays...
85
00:02:59,510 --> 00:03:00,511
Cheryl, don't.
86
00:03:01,782 --> 00:03:03,353
Okay, so, uh,
87
00:03:03,354 --> 00:03:05,755
you guys have a
super-duper Christmas.
88
00:03:05,756 --> 00:03:07,557
Aw, thank you.
89
00:03:07,558 --> 00:03:09,359
"Super-duper Christmas"?
90
00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:10,860
Who says something like that?
91
00:03:10,861 --> 00:03:12,191
"Super..."
92
00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:14,294
It's "Merry Christmas"
or "Happy holidays."
93
00:03:14,295 --> 00:03:15,695
Have a little respect
for Christmas,
94
00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,228
you jackass!
95
00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:24,935
JIM: Oh, baby!
96
00:03:30,341 --> 00:03:32,312
So, Jacob Marley
said to Scrooge,
97
00:03:32,313 --> 00:03:34,944
"I am here this
night to warn you.
98
00:03:34,945 --> 00:03:38,948
"You will be haunted
by three spirits."
99
00:03:38,949 --> 00:03:40,420
What are spirits?
100
00:03:40,421 --> 00:03:41,521
You know, ghosts.
101
00:03:41,522 --> 00:03:42,853
(ALL GASP)
102
00:03:45,926 --> 00:03:47,727
We don't like ghosts.
103
00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:48,999
No ghosts!
104
00:03:51,001 --> 00:03:53,463
Okay, um...
What do you like?
105
00:03:53,464 --> 00:03:54,504
Hilary Duff.
106
00:03:54,505 --> 00:03:55,605
Lil' Romeo.
107
00:03:55,606 --> 00:03:56,867
Ice cream.
108
00:03:59,470 --> 00:04:02,813
Okay, you will be
haunted by Hilary Duff,
109
00:04:03,474 --> 00:04:05,445
Lil' Romeo,
110
00:04:05,446 --> 00:04:06,477
and ice cream.
111
00:04:06,977 --> 00:04:08,618
What flavor?
112
00:04:08,619 --> 00:04:10,351
Oh! Do you guys want
me to read this or not?
113
00:04:10,981 --> 00:04:13,753
We told you we didn't.
114
00:04:13,754 --> 00:04:18,428
Fine! A two-year old
Christmas tradition is dead.
115
00:04:18,429 --> 00:04:21,031
Well, the tradition of you boring
people out of the room is alive.
116
00:04:22,993 --> 00:04:25,895
Well, well, well,
Cheryl, I hope you're happy.
117
00:04:25,896 --> 00:04:27,967
Well, how could I
not be? It's Christmas.
118
00:04:27,968 --> 00:04:30,269
Although, I can't find
my musical brooch.
119
00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:31,602
Did you look
underneath my hammer?
120
00:04:32,943 --> 00:04:36,506
Cheryl, I just got off the
phone with the insurance agent.
121
00:04:36,507 --> 00:04:38,047
You know that guy that
hit us in the parking lot?
122
00:04:38,048 --> 00:04:39,909
He gave me fake information.
123
00:04:39,910 --> 00:04:41,851
No!
Yes, Cheryl.
124
00:04:41,852 --> 00:04:43,784
Isn't that super-duper?
125
00:04:44,655 --> 00:04:45,855
Yeah, Cheryl.
126
00:04:45,856 --> 00:04:47,917
Once again, your
blind faith in humanity
127
00:04:47,918 --> 00:04:49,789
has bitten us in
the ass! Well...
128
00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:52,422
I should have just handled it
the way I wanted to handle it.
129
00:04:52,423 --> 00:04:54,425
Throw his shirt over
his head and pants him?
130
00:04:56,327 --> 00:04:57,597
Yes!
131
00:04:57,598 --> 00:04:58,698
I should have married you.
132
00:04:58,699 --> 00:05:01,070
Oh!
133
00:05:01,071 --> 00:05:03,933
Now, Cheryl, it's gonna
cost us five big ones to fix it.
134
00:05:03,934 --> 00:05:05,575
$5,000?
135
00:05:05,576 --> 00:05:07,977
Well, 5 medium ones.
136
00:05:07,978 --> 00:05:10,940
$500, Cheryl!
We're out 500 bucks.
137
00:05:10,941 --> 00:05:12,542
Well, I hope you like love,
138
00:05:12,543 --> 00:05:15,615
because that's all
I can afford this year.
139
00:05:15,616 --> 00:05:18,548
Well, it's better than that
lawnmower you got her last year.
140
00:05:18,549 --> 00:05:20,621
She got a lot of use
out of that lawnmower!
141
00:05:22,753 --> 00:05:24,524
Look, Jim, you're right, okay?
142
00:05:24,525 --> 00:05:26,456
I am right. That guy was a jerk.
143
00:05:26,457 --> 00:05:28,498
That guy was a jerk, and I'm
really sorry about the money.
144
00:05:28,499 --> 00:05:30,099
Money... But you know what?
145
00:05:30,100 --> 00:05:32,832
I am not gonna let him or you
146
00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:34,764
or anybody else ruin
Christmas for this family.
147
00:05:34,765 --> 00:05:36,736
Cheryl, I'm sorry, that's already
happened. It's already done.
148
00:05:36,737 --> 00:05:39,069
Hey, hey, hey! It's never
too late for Christmas.
149
00:05:41,011 --> 00:05:43,943
Now, I want you to take
your kids down to the mall,
150
00:05:43,944 --> 00:05:45,445
put them in Santa's lap,
151
00:05:45,446 --> 00:05:49,579
and get some frickin'
Christmas spirit, now!
152
00:05:49,580 --> 00:05:52,682
You know, I'm the last
one to point fingers here,
153
00:05:52,683 --> 00:05:54,824
but it's pretty stupid of you
154
00:05:54,825 --> 00:05:56,826
not to write down that
joker's license plate.
155
00:05:56,827 --> 00:05:58,989
I mean, what were you thinking?
156
00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:03,063
Hey! Hey!
157
00:06:12,743 --> 00:06:15,144
Uh...
158
00:06:15,145 --> 00:06:17,747
That reminds me, I
got to go order my ham.
159
00:06:17,748 --> 00:06:19,108
Yeah.
160
00:06:19,109 --> 00:06:25,616
(GOOD KING WENCESLAS PLAYING)
161
00:06:27,988 --> 00:06:30,159
Daddy, how come we
saw Santa outside the store
162
00:06:30,160 --> 00:06:32,623
ringing the bell,
and now he's here, too?
163
00:06:35,526 --> 00:06:37,166
That's a good question, honey.
164
00:06:37,167 --> 00:06:38,998
And even though I've
explained it three times
165
00:06:38,999 --> 00:06:41,831
since the parking lot,
166
00:06:41,832 --> 00:06:43,133
I'm gonna tell you again.
167
00:06:44,605 --> 00:06:47,637
All the Santas you
see are Santa's helpers,
168
00:06:47,638 --> 00:06:50,139
and they report to
the real Santa,
169
00:06:50,140 --> 00:06:52,942
because he signs their paycheck.
170
00:06:52,943 --> 00:06:54,715
Is his pen a candy cane?
171
00:06:57,417 --> 00:06:58,648
Honey, why don't you
give Daddy a break
172
00:06:58,649 --> 00:07:00,020
and just stand over there, huh?
173
00:07:01,522 --> 00:07:02,592
JIM: Where you been?
174
00:07:02,593 --> 00:07:04,455
Cruisin' the food
court for hot moms.
175
00:07:05,796 --> 00:07:07,156
And?
176
00:07:07,157 --> 00:07:09,729
No bites, just some nibbles.
177
00:07:09,730 --> 00:07:12,062
It's okay. I got
nothing but time.
178
00:07:14,204 --> 00:07:16,806
I wouldn't bet on it.
179
00:07:16,807 --> 00:07:20,070
SANTA: Ho ho ho! Have
a super-duper Christmas!
180
00:07:24,875 --> 00:07:26,445
Super-duper Christmas?
181
00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:27,517
That's him.
182
00:07:27,518 --> 00:07:28,548
Who?
183
00:07:28,549 --> 00:07:29,649
Santa!
184
00:07:29,650 --> 00:07:31,622
No, it's Santa's helper.
185
00:07:32,883 --> 00:07:35,024
No, no, that's the
guy that hit our car
186
00:07:35,025 --> 00:07:37,186
in the parking lot!
He owes me money!
187
00:07:37,187 --> 00:07:40,090
Well, you best handle
your business, my man.
188
00:07:41,662 --> 00:07:43,593
You watch the kids.
I'm gonna talk to him.
189
00:07:43,594 --> 00:07:45,835
Okay, next!
Ho ho!
190
00:07:45,836 --> 00:07:47,697
Whoa!
191
00:07:47,698 --> 00:07:49,900
You're a little big to
be sitting in Santa's lap.
192
00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:52,702
Yeah, well, you're a little big
193
00:07:52,703 --> 00:07:54,204
to be wearing
those fruity shoes!
194
00:07:56,176 --> 00:07:57,578
Beat it!
195
00:08:00,551 --> 00:08:03,152
Ho ho ho!
196
00:08:03,153 --> 00:08:05,185
Well, remember me, Santa?
197
00:08:06,617 --> 00:08:08,588
Or do you need the
sound of scraping metal
198
00:08:08,589 --> 00:08:10,090
to jog your memory?
199
00:08:11,091 --> 00:08:12,922
Ho ho ho!
200
00:08:12,923 --> 00:08:14,724
Santa doesn't know what
the hell you're talking about.
201
00:08:14,725 --> 00:08:17,927
(CHUCKLING)
I think you do.
202
00:08:17,928 --> 00:08:20,970
You owe me five big ones to
fix my minivan. Now come on!
203
00:08:20,971 --> 00:08:23,173
Five... $5,000?
204
00:08:25,876 --> 00:08:28,208
Five hundred. Since when
did "big" mean 1,000?
205
00:08:29,209 --> 00:08:30,509
Come on, cough it up.
206
00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:31,781
Okay, okay.
207
00:08:31,782 --> 00:08:33,112
Fake information!
Give me my money!
208
00:08:33,113 --> 00:08:34,544
I got my checkbook right here.
209
00:08:34,545 --> 00:08:36,917
Give me the check!
It better not bounce!
210
00:08:37,918 --> 00:08:38,949
Oh!
211
00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:46,025
Elves, attack!
212
00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:47,827
Attack!
213
00:08:47,828 --> 00:08:49,900
(IT CAME UPON
A MIDNIGHT CLEAR PLAYING)
214
00:08:58,839 --> 00:09:01,311
Uncle Andy, Daddy's
fighting with Santa!
215
00:09:02,643 --> 00:09:03,943
Anyway, I...
216
00:09:03,944 --> 00:09:05,976
Wouldn't mind unwrapping
you Christmas morning.
217
00:09:10,320 --> 00:09:11,751
Wow.
218
00:09:11,752 --> 00:09:13,724
My Christmas kitty plays rough.
219
00:09:21,131 --> 00:09:23,132
Dana, would you give
me some help here?
220
00:09:23,133 --> 00:09:24,894
I don't know.
You gonna knit me
221
00:09:24,895 --> 00:09:27,055
one of your handmade
Christmas scarves again this year?
222
00:09:28,198 --> 00:09:29,670
Yes, I am.
223
00:09:33,974 --> 00:09:35,606
I'll be inside.
224
00:09:38,048 --> 00:09:40,810
Hey! How
was Santa?
225
00:09:40,811 --> 00:09:42,783
Daddy punched him
and the cops came.
226
00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:45,154
What?
227
00:09:45,155 --> 00:09:46,355
Security guards.
228
00:09:46,356 --> 00:09:48,188
Not any real authority,
you know.
229
00:09:49,820 --> 00:09:51,160
Now Santa's mad at us,
230
00:09:51,161 --> 00:09:53,292
and we're not going
to get any presents.
231
00:09:53,293 --> 00:09:55,594
'Cause Santa's helpers
are gonna tell him.
232
00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:57,967
Now we're gonna get
coal in our stockings.
233
00:09:57,968 --> 00:10:00,199
What's coal?
234
00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:02,601
Oh, honey, don't
even worry about that.
235
00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:04,834
Mommy and Daddy are
gonna take care of everything.
236
00:10:04,835 --> 00:10:06,676
Now why don't you go
inside and see if Aunt Dana
237
00:10:06,677 --> 00:10:07,777
will make you some cocoa, okay?
238
00:10:07,778 --> 00:10:08,838
(UNENTHUSIASTICALLY)
Yay!
239
00:10:08,839 --> 00:10:10,980
Go ahead, yeah.
240
00:10:10,981 --> 00:10:13,383
That's a girl, that's a boy.
241
00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:17,346
You punched Santa
in front of the kids?
242
00:10:17,347 --> 00:10:20,089
Yes, I did.
I certainly did.
243
00:10:20,090 --> 00:10:21,851
You know who Santa
turned out to be?
244
00:10:21,852 --> 00:10:23,252
The guy who ran his
car into our minivan.
245
00:10:23,253 --> 00:10:25,194
What? Yeah, that
crook, the criminal,
246
00:10:25,195 --> 00:10:27,296
the guy who
ripped us off. But...
247
00:10:27,297 --> 00:10:29,158
Your macho man
got five big ones.
248
00:10:29,159 --> 00:10:31,000
Oh, honey.
249
00:10:31,001 --> 00:10:32,101
Five medium ones, baby,
250
00:10:32,102 --> 00:10:33,933
and I'm gonna go celebrate.
251
00:10:33,934 --> 00:10:35,404
I'm gonna go celebrate
and wait in line
252
00:10:35,405 --> 00:10:37,037
for a little hot cocoa.
253
00:10:38,268 --> 00:10:39,739
(CHUCKLES)
254
00:10:39,740 --> 00:10:41,741
Have you heard
nothing I've said?
255
00:10:41,742 --> 00:10:43,973
Jim, this is a special
time of year when
256
00:10:43,974 --> 00:10:46,916
maybe we don't
get into fistfights!
257
00:10:46,917 --> 00:10:49,018
How about him? He should
have the Christmas spirit!
258
00:10:49,019 --> 00:10:51,381
He's Santa!
I'm just a civilian.
259
00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:55,024
Come on, Cheryl,
give me a break.
260
00:10:55,025 --> 00:10:56,726
Do you know that the kids
think Christmas is ruined?
261
00:10:56,727 --> 00:10:58,187
No, they don't. Maybe
they think that... Yes.
262
00:10:58,188 --> 00:11:00,931
...their father doesn't take
crap from anyone, even Santa.
263
00:11:02,793 --> 00:11:04,263
They don't care about that!
264
00:11:04,264 --> 00:11:05,935
They care about Christmas.
265
00:11:05,936 --> 00:11:07,967
Come on, don't you love
seeing their little faces
266
00:11:07,968 --> 00:11:11,300
light up with excitement when
they think Santa's on his way?
267
00:11:11,301 --> 00:11:12,972
Honey, their face
lights up with excitement
268
00:11:12,973 --> 00:11:15,145
when they pull a little
toy out of their cereal box.
269
00:11:16,747 --> 00:11:18,008
So does yours!
270
00:11:18,909 --> 00:11:20,009
Jim...
271
00:11:20,010 --> 00:11:21,150
You need to get in the car,
272
00:11:21,151 --> 00:11:22,351
take those kids
down to the mall,
273
00:11:22,352 --> 00:11:23,984
and make nice in front of Santa.
274
00:11:24,755 --> 00:11:25,956
Oh, Cheryl!
275
00:11:27,788 --> 00:11:29,388
You know what?
276
00:11:29,389 --> 00:11:31,691
That kind of thinking is
why you married down.
277
00:11:34,224 --> 00:11:35,464
Come on.
278
00:11:35,465 --> 00:11:37,166
Come on.
279
00:11:37,167 --> 00:11:40,801
I know Christmas Jim
is in there somewhere!
280
00:11:46,106 --> 00:11:47,107
All right.
281
00:11:48,278 --> 00:11:49,338
I got to go down there anyway.
282
00:11:49,339 --> 00:11:50,539
I left Andy in the food court.
283
00:11:59,089 --> 00:12:00,719
A bit of a dust-up
at the card shop.
284
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:02,251
Long story short,
285
00:12:02,252 --> 00:12:03,492
if a big, angry husband
comes over here,
286
00:12:03,493 --> 00:12:05,955
you and I are a couple.
287
00:12:05,956 --> 00:12:07,857
What happened to combing
the newspaper for widows?
288
00:12:07,858 --> 00:12:09,959
That seemed to work for a while.
289
00:12:09,960 --> 00:12:11,961
Not really. They
always cried during sex,
290
00:12:11,962 --> 00:12:13,103
and that's kind of my thing.
291
00:12:15,405 --> 00:12:16,867
Hey, kids!
292
00:12:19,209 --> 00:12:20,469
You excited about seeing Santa?
293
00:12:20,470 --> 00:12:22,071
Yeah, because Daddy and Santa
294
00:12:22,072 --> 00:12:23,442
are gonna be friends again.
295
00:12:23,443 --> 00:12:25,114
That's right, and you guys
296
00:12:25,115 --> 00:12:27,146
are gonna get all your presents.
297
00:12:27,147 --> 00:12:30,049
ALL: Yay!
298
00:12:30,050 --> 00:12:31,851
ELF: Okay, next!
299
00:12:31,852 --> 00:12:33,612
Okay, I'm gonna go talk
to Santa. Watch them.
300
00:12:34,524 --> 00:12:35,825
Hey.
301
00:12:35,826 --> 00:12:37,156
Oh, no!
It's you again!
302
00:12:37,157 --> 00:12:38,387
No, no, I...
303
00:12:38,388 --> 00:12:39,959
I'm gonna call security!
304
00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:41,090
No, no, no, wait a minute.
You don't have to do that.
305
00:12:41,091 --> 00:12:43,262
I just want to talk
to Santa, okay?
306
00:12:43,263 --> 00:12:45,264
All I want to do is
shake hands with him
307
00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:47,466
and make everything
cool for the kids.
308
00:12:47,467 --> 00:12:49,999
Yeah, kids are great.
309
00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:51,540
Mine need new shoes,
310
00:12:51,541 --> 00:12:53,103
and they run about 20 bucks.
311
00:12:55,005 --> 00:12:57,276
All right, 20 bucks.
312
00:12:57,277 --> 00:13:00,279
You're short, mean, and cheap.
313
00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:02,352
You must be catnip
for the ladies.
314
00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:07,056
Hey, Santa.
315
00:13:07,057 --> 00:13:10,059
Oh, no, not you.
Just go away.
316
00:13:10,060 --> 00:13:11,560
Where's my elf?
Elf, to the throne.
317
00:13:11,561 --> 00:13:13,292
No, no, no, no,
no! Wait a minute.
318
00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:14,293
Please, please, I
don't want any trouble.
319
00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:16,325
I don't want any trouble at all.
320
00:13:16,326 --> 00:13:19,268
Okay, I just want to shake hands
321
00:13:19,269 --> 00:13:20,469
and wave to the kids,
322
00:13:20,470 --> 00:13:22,071
and we'll be on our way.
323
00:13:22,072 --> 00:13:23,572
Well, forget it. I'm
not shaking your hand.
324
00:13:23,573 --> 00:13:25,804
Santa's on a five.
325
00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:27,436
Wait a minute, come on.
326
00:13:27,437 --> 00:13:29,078
Dig down a little deeper, huh?
327
00:13:29,079 --> 00:13:30,809
Try to find your better
self. It's Christmas.
328
00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:33,883
I'll find my better self at happy
hour. Now get out of here.
329
00:13:33,884 --> 00:13:35,314
Not until you shake my hand.
330
00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:38,048
Hey, kids, look it. I
fixed things with Santa.
331
00:13:39,089 --> 00:13:40,149
Oh!
332
00:13:40,150 --> 00:13:41,892
Ooh, ooh, my nose!
333
00:13:43,393 --> 00:13:45,394
Oh...
334
00:13:45,395 --> 00:13:47,397
(WE WISH YOU A MERRY
CHRISTMAS PLAYING)
335
00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:51,932
Andy, get rid of the kids!
336
00:13:54,064 --> 00:13:55,364
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Come on, kids.
337
00:13:55,365 --> 00:13:57,336
Oh, crap!
338
00:13:57,337 --> 00:13:59,468
It's the big guy
from the card shop!
339
00:13:59,469 --> 00:14:00,940
Um...
340
00:14:00,941 --> 00:14:03,413
Hey, you!
Get off my man!
341
00:14:11,381 --> 00:14:12,422
Oh.
342
00:14:13,954 --> 00:14:16,256
False alarm. Wrong
guy. As you were.
343
00:14:27,397 --> 00:14:28,867
Hey, Jim, just think,
344
00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:31,068
in a few months, you get to
kick the Easter Bunny's ass.
345
00:14:32,502 --> 00:14:34,203
I got no problem with the bunny.
346
00:14:34,204 --> 00:14:37,007
He drops off the chocolate,
leaves, nice and quiet.
347
00:14:38,949 --> 00:14:40,879
Jim, it's not funny.
348
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,581
It's Christmas Eve, and you
got into a fight with Santa.
349
00:14:42,582 --> 00:14:44,114
You went to mall jail.
350
00:14:45,415 --> 00:14:47,256
Look, I tried
everything with the guy.
351
00:14:47,257 --> 00:14:48,287
I tried talking with him,
352
00:14:48,288 --> 00:14:49,488
I bribed his elf,
353
00:14:49,489 --> 00:14:51,391
I even swapped spit
with your brother.
354
00:14:53,063 --> 00:14:55,265
Next time, no garlic
pretzels for you.
355
00:14:57,297 --> 00:14:58,598
Next time?
356
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:02,271
CHERYL: Hey, what are
you guys doing up?
357
00:15:02,272 --> 00:15:03,503
RUBY: Drinking coffee.
358
00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:06,535
No, you can't have coffee!
359
00:15:06,536 --> 00:15:08,907
Coffee's for grown-ups.
Give me that.
360
00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:10,079
You're gonna be up all night.
361
00:15:10,080 --> 00:15:13,282
But we have to stay
up and talk to Santa.
362
00:15:13,283 --> 00:15:16,085
If we don't, he'll leave
coal in our stockings.
363
00:15:16,086 --> 00:15:18,387
I did not make my bed
every day this month
364
00:15:18,388 --> 00:15:19,448
for coal!
365
00:15:19,449 --> 00:15:21,251
What's coal?
366
00:15:23,223 --> 00:15:24,693
Guys, you don't
have to worry about it.
367
00:15:24,694 --> 00:15:26,695
Santa's gonna come,
he's gonna give you gifts.
368
00:15:26,696 --> 00:15:29,198
You'll have plenty of
presents in the morning.
369
00:15:29,199 --> 00:15:30,459
We can't risk it.
370
00:15:30,460 --> 00:15:31,660
Give me that.
371
00:15:31,661 --> 00:15:33,501
Yeah, Jim, you're right.
They're gonna be fine.
372
00:15:35,235 --> 00:15:36,515
But at least you got your money.
373
00:16:02,332 --> 00:16:04,064
Merry Christmas.
Aah!
374
00:16:05,365 --> 00:16:07,136
Oh, God, it's you.
375
00:16:07,137 --> 00:16:09,168
Hi. Yeah,
just relax, okay?
376
00:16:09,169 --> 00:16:10,669
All I want are your clothes.
377
00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:12,341
What?
378
00:16:12,342 --> 00:16:14,373
I mean your Santa suit. I
mean, it's Christmas Eve.
379
00:16:14,374 --> 00:16:16,305
I couldn't find one
anywhere in town.
380
00:16:16,306 --> 00:16:19,078
I don't care! I already
gave you your dough,
381
00:16:19,079 --> 00:16:20,209
so get out of my car!
382
00:16:20,210 --> 00:16:22,281
Listen to me.
It's for the kids.
383
00:16:22,282 --> 00:16:24,184
Oh, for the kids.
Yeah.
384
00:16:24,654 --> 00:16:25,685
I hate kids.
385
00:16:27,017 --> 00:16:28,417
Look, I'll tell you what.
386
00:16:28,418 --> 00:16:31,491
I'll give you the Santa
suit for 500 bucks.
387
00:16:32,762 --> 00:16:35,364
Are you crazy? I don't
have 500 bucks on me.
388
00:16:35,365 --> 00:16:37,126
You still got my check.
389
00:16:37,127 --> 00:16:38,128
(CHUCKLES)
390
00:16:43,633 --> 00:16:45,034
There you go.
391
00:16:45,035 --> 00:16:46,735
It's a pleasure doing
business with you.
392
00:16:46,736 --> 00:16:48,477
Hey, I hope you and the fat guy
393
00:16:48,478 --> 00:16:51,580
and your three kids have
a super-duper Christmas.
394
00:16:51,581 --> 00:16:53,642
We will.
Excuse me.
395
00:16:53,643 --> 00:16:54,784
Oh! Oh!
396
00:16:55,645 --> 00:16:57,447
Pardon me.
Oh, sorry.
397
00:16:59,219 --> 00:17:00,490
(GROANS)
398
00:17:01,651 --> 00:17:03,252
I'll tell you what.
399
00:17:03,253 --> 00:17:05,054
I'll put in a good word
with Santa for you.
400
00:17:05,055 --> 00:17:07,096
Yeah. And while
you're talking to him,
401
00:17:07,097 --> 00:17:10,160
you might want to ask him
for a new distributor cap!
402
00:17:11,231 --> 00:17:13,202
(LAUGHS GLEEFULLY)
403
00:17:13,203 --> 00:17:15,405
(SINGING WE WISH YOU
A MERRY CHRISTMAS TAUNTINGLY)
404
00:17:19,109 --> 00:17:20,670
Ho ho ho ho!
405
00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:26,216
Ho ho ho ho!
406
00:17:27,277 --> 00:17:28,418
Ho ho!
407
00:17:29,219 --> 00:17:30,350
Ho ho!
408
00:17:31,481 --> 00:17:32,822
Ho ho!
409
00:17:34,624 --> 00:17:36,785
Crap!
410
00:17:36,786 --> 00:17:39,629
500 bucks for a Santa
suit, and they're asleep!
411
00:17:43,363 --> 00:17:45,063
Ah!
412
00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:46,696
This thing is itchy.
413
00:17:48,498 --> 00:17:51,571
I swear, if there's something
crawling around in this thing...
414
00:17:54,174 --> 00:17:55,575
Whoo hoo hoo!
415
00:17:57,247 --> 00:17:59,749
A little leftover
roast beef for Santa.
416
00:18:01,111 --> 00:18:03,183
Isn't he lucky?
417
00:18:03,753 --> 00:18:05,585
(HUMS)
418
00:18:07,187 --> 00:18:08,218
Mmm.
419
00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:11,420
Santa!
420
00:18:11,421 --> 00:18:12,792
Oh! (SPITS)
421
00:18:14,324 --> 00:18:16,595
Ho ho ho!
422
00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:19,398
You caught Santa between
bites there. Ha ha ha ha.
423
00:18:19,399 --> 00:18:22,171
Don't you want milk and cookies?
424
00:18:22,172 --> 00:18:25,404
Well, Santa's
on Atkins right now.
425
00:18:25,405 --> 00:18:28,277
Come on over here.
Sit on Santa's lap.
426
00:18:28,278 --> 00:18:29,709
Ho ho ho ho ho.
427
00:18:30,480 --> 00:18:33,712
Now, Santa knows you,
428
00:18:33,713 --> 00:18:35,144
and Ruby and, uh...
429
00:18:35,145 --> 00:18:36,215
The little one?
430
00:18:36,216 --> 00:18:37,347
Gracie.
Gracie.
431
00:18:38,818 --> 00:18:41,421
I know that you think you're
not getting any presents this year.
432
00:18:42,152 --> 00:18:43,652
Here's the deal.
433
00:18:43,653 --> 00:18:45,194
That's not true.
434
00:18:45,195 --> 00:18:46,756
You are getting presents.
435
00:18:47,357 --> 00:18:48,458
Okay?
436
00:18:49,199 --> 00:18:50,499
So...
437
00:18:50,500 --> 00:18:51,761
Go upstairs now
438
00:18:52,462 --> 00:18:53,463
and go to bed.
439
00:18:56,236 --> 00:18:57,906
What?
440
00:18:57,907 --> 00:19:00,569
What are you waiting for? I
told you you're getting presents.
441
00:19:00,570 --> 00:19:03,773
But could you give some
of my presents to my daddy?
442
00:19:05,515 --> 00:19:07,145
Your daddy?
Why?
443
00:19:07,146 --> 00:19:09,478
'Cause he got in a
fight with your helper,
444
00:19:09,479 --> 00:19:11,551
and I don't think he's
getting any presents.
445
00:19:14,924 --> 00:19:18,327
You mean you're willing
to give up your toys
446
00:19:18,328 --> 00:19:20,659
so your daddy
has a good Christmas?
447
00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:23,662
Yeah, but not
the walkie-talkies.
448
00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:25,395
I was pretty good.
449
00:19:29,899 --> 00:19:32,942
Well, Santa's starting to
get that better self thing.
450
00:19:36,276 --> 00:19:39,177
You don't worry
about your daddy.
451
00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:40,810
He's the luckiest
man in the world.
452
00:19:42,582 --> 00:19:44,383
He's gonna get presents.
453
00:19:44,384 --> 00:19:46,255
He won't get coal in
his stocking this year.
454
00:19:46,256 --> 00:19:47,557
What's coal?
455
00:19:48,918 --> 00:19:52,491
Well, it's like a
rock that burns.
456
00:19:52,492 --> 00:19:54,963
Cool!
I want coal!
457
00:19:54,964 --> 00:19:57,467
(CHUCKLES)
458
00:19:59,469 --> 00:20:01,230
Wow, who's this?
459
00:20:01,231 --> 00:20:04,773
Mommy, this is Santa Claus.
460
00:20:04,774 --> 00:20:07,776
Wow! It's very nice
to meet you, Santa.
461
00:20:07,777 --> 00:20:09,708
Nice to meet you.
462
00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:12,542
You know, I named one
of my reindeer after you.
463
00:20:13,443 --> 00:20:14,544
Foxy!
464
00:20:17,747 --> 00:20:18,817
Vixen?
465
00:20:18,818 --> 00:20:20,520
Yeah, Vixen, Foxy, whatever.
466
00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:26,255
Listen, sweetheart, Santa
has a lot of work to do.
467
00:20:26,256 --> 00:20:27,656
I really think you
need to go to bed.
468
00:20:27,657 --> 00:20:30,329
No, I want to hang
out with Santa.
469
00:20:30,330 --> 00:20:32,901
Did I just hear you
say no to your mommy?
470
00:20:32,902 --> 00:20:34,463
Where's my naughty list?
471
00:20:34,464 --> 00:20:36,406
Okay, I'm going, I'm going!
472
00:20:39,569 --> 00:20:40,770
(SIGHS)
473
00:20:41,611 --> 00:20:42,642
Wow.
474
00:20:43,773 --> 00:20:45,514
That kid is really good.
475
00:20:45,515 --> 00:20:46,516
Yeah.
476
00:20:47,877 --> 00:20:49,319
Where did that come from?
477
00:20:51,421 --> 00:20:52,422
Me.
478
00:20:55,585 --> 00:20:57,487
And his amazing father.
479
00:20:58,558 --> 00:20:59,629
Mmm...
480
00:21:00,830 --> 00:21:01,891
Well,
481
00:21:02,992 --> 00:21:04,893
little girl...
Hmm?
482
00:21:04,894 --> 00:21:06,695
Would you like to
sit on Santa's lap?
483
00:21:06,696 --> 00:21:08,837
Oh, I would.
484
00:21:08,838 --> 00:21:10,700
How would you like to
be naughty and nice?
485
00:21:12,672 --> 00:21:14,873
You know, Santa, my
husband's gonna be pretty upset
486
00:21:14,874 --> 00:21:16,945
when he sees you've
eaten his roast beef.
487
00:21:16,946 --> 00:21:20,049
He's gonna be more upset when
he sees Santa in bed with his wife.
488
00:21:22,782 --> 00:21:25,615
(WE WISH YOU A MERRY
CHRISTMAS PLAYING)
31579
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