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1
00:00:00,501 --> 00:00:02,001
Daddy?
2
00:00:02,002 --> 00:00:03,503
Yes, my son?
3
00:00:03,504 --> 00:00:05,306
What color is God?
4
00:00:07,108 --> 00:00:09,239
Blue.
5
00:00:09,240 --> 00:00:12,043
That's why America
put the blue in the flag.
6
00:00:13,244 --> 00:00:14,584
What are you drawing?
7
00:00:14,585 --> 00:00:17,647
A picture of me and God
playing soccer.
8
00:00:17,648 --> 00:00:19,519
Oh, that's cute, honey.
9
00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:21,592
But God doesn't play
soccer. He plays football.
10
00:00:23,694 --> 00:00:25,255
Who's that?
11
00:00:25,256 --> 00:00:27,328
That's God's best
friend Mike Ditka.
12
00:00:34,735 --> 00:00:36,167
JIM: Oh, baby!
13
00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:40,070
All right, kids,
14
00:00:40,071 --> 00:00:43,343
you get whatever
costume you want. Go on.
15
00:00:43,344 --> 00:00:44,814
ALL: Yay!
16
00:00:44,815 --> 00:00:47,447
Under three dollars.
Jim...
17
00:00:47,448 --> 00:00:49,449
You can't get a
costume for three dollars.
18
00:00:49,450 --> 00:00:51,581
Oh, what are you talking about?
19
00:00:51,582 --> 00:00:53,683
Here, look at this.
20
00:00:53,684 --> 00:00:56,486
I'm a sheriff! Look
at my shiny tin star.
21
00:00:56,487 --> 00:00:58,489
Oh! And it only cost me...
22
00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:01,431
Five bucks?
See?
23
00:01:01,432 --> 00:01:03,163
Yeah, well, not if it's broken.
24
00:01:03,164 --> 00:01:04,834
Give me that!
25
00:01:04,835 --> 00:01:08,438
Oh, Jim, look, an electronic
talking Gollum head.
26
00:01:08,439 --> 00:01:11,801
We must haves it!
We must haves it!
27
00:01:11,802 --> 00:01:13,603
Come on, you're
creeping me out. Stop it.
28
00:01:13,604 --> 00:01:15,345
Why does it hurts us?
29
00:01:15,346 --> 00:01:16,676
Stop it!
30
00:01:16,677 --> 00:01:19,309
Oh, I hate this. I never
know what to wear.
31
00:01:19,310 --> 00:01:21,412
Dana, do we really
have to do this?
32
00:01:21,852 --> 00:01:23,483
What?
33
00:01:23,484 --> 00:01:25,255
It's Halloween. You
don't have a boyfriend.
34
00:01:25,256 --> 00:01:26,857
You know you're gonna
show the goods.
35
00:01:27,558 --> 00:01:29,519
What?
36
00:01:29,520 --> 00:01:33,594
Yeah, yeah, you're thinking French
maid, go-go dancer, or cheerleader.
37
00:01:35,266 --> 00:01:37,197
It's Catwoman.
Mmm-hmm.
38
00:01:37,198 --> 00:01:39,600
I wore it in the shower,
and now it fits purrfect.
39
00:01:41,602 --> 00:01:43,803
What did Mom do to you?
40
00:01:43,804 --> 00:01:46,406
JIM: Hey, Cheryl,
check it out.
41
00:01:46,407 --> 00:01:47,708
I got a giant ass.
42
00:01:49,210 --> 00:01:53,112
(FAKE LAUGHS) Then
again, who am I to talk?
43
00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:57,187
I don't know, Andy. Should we
be two guys with giant asses?
44
00:01:57,188 --> 00:01:59,619
I don't know, Jim.
It's almost too clever.
45
00:01:59,620 --> 00:02:01,151
Yeah.
46
00:02:01,152 --> 00:02:04,424
We need something that rocks.
47
00:02:04,425 --> 00:02:07,527
Hey, I got it. Why
don't we go as Kiss?
48
00:02:07,528 --> 00:02:09,829
Yeah, I'll be Gene Simmons,
and you'll be Paul Stanley.
49
00:02:09,830 --> 00:02:12,462
Liking it...
No, loving it.
50
00:02:12,463 --> 00:02:14,604
Yes, yes. I'll do
the tongue thing
51
00:02:14,605 --> 00:02:16,906
and I'll blow fire
and I'll spit blood.
52
00:02:16,907 --> 00:02:18,238
What do I do?
53
00:02:18,239 --> 00:02:19,539
You throw a sock in your pants
54
00:02:19,540 --> 00:02:22,242
and enjoy being the second
most popular guy in the band.
55
00:02:22,243 --> 00:02:23,643
BOTH: Sweet.
56
00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:26,716
Daddy, look at our costumes.
I'm gonna be a cowgirl.
57
00:02:26,717 --> 00:02:29,749
Wow, look at that.
And on sale.
58
00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:31,481
Wow.
59
00:02:31,482 --> 00:02:33,483
I am going to be Lady Liberty.
60
00:02:33,484 --> 00:02:34,525
Look at you.
Oh...
61
00:02:36,527 --> 00:02:38,289
I'm Cinderella.
62
00:02:47,438 --> 00:02:48,439
Cheryl,
63
00:02:49,540 --> 00:02:50,700
I'll be at the bar.
64
00:02:50,701 --> 00:02:53,443
What bar?
Any bar.
65
00:02:53,444 --> 00:02:55,706
Here. I can't really
enjoy this now.
66
00:03:06,557 --> 00:03:08,418
Is Daddy gonna be okay?
67
00:03:08,419 --> 00:03:09,519
Yes, honey.
68
00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:10,960
Yeah, he didn't talk
the whole way home,
69
00:03:10,961 --> 00:03:12,863
even when that lady
showed him the bad finger.
70
00:03:14,825 --> 00:03:16,196
I told you, she was just waving.
71
00:03:17,398 --> 00:03:19,629
She thinks Daddy's name
is Richard,
72
00:03:19,630 --> 00:03:20,830
because she kept calling him...
73
00:03:20,831 --> 00:03:23,403
Okay! Who wants
a snack, huh?
74
00:03:23,404 --> 00:03:25,975
I think Mama may have left
some cookies in the kitchen.
75
00:03:25,976 --> 00:03:28,238
All right, you guys,
remember, just take one.
76
00:03:28,239 --> 00:03:29,440
Thank you.
77
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:31,511
Okay, Jim.
78
00:03:31,512 --> 00:03:33,713
Jim.
Mmm-mmm. Mmm-mmm.
79
00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:36,215
Don't worry about it.
It's a Halloween costume.
80
00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:39,289
It's a dress.
81
00:03:39,290 --> 00:03:43,553
And I can't believe that I stood
there and watched you buy a dress
82
00:03:43,554 --> 00:03:45,795
for my only son!
83
00:03:45,796 --> 00:03:50,560
Well, technically, you were on
time-out in the car at that point.
84
00:03:50,561 --> 00:03:53,603
Honey, we told him, get
whatever costume you want.
85
00:03:53,604 --> 00:03:55,335
Why Cinderella?
86
00:03:55,336 --> 00:03:57,938
He has two sisters. He
watches that video with them.
87
00:03:58,609 --> 00:03:59,610
The video.
88
00:04:01,412 --> 00:04:02,472
What are you doing?
89
00:04:02,473 --> 00:04:04,914
No more tapes.
Tapes make girls.
90
00:04:04,915 --> 00:04:06,516
Oh!
91
00:04:06,517 --> 00:04:09,319
Look at this.
Free To Be... You And Me.
92
00:04:09,320 --> 00:04:10,750
Not anymore.
93
00:04:10,751 --> 00:04:11,951
Jim...
94
00:04:11,952 --> 00:04:14,354
Here. Cinderella.
95
00:04:14,355 --> 00:04:16,786
I can't believe you keep
this garbage in the house
96
00:04:16,787 --> 00:04:21,591
while you make me hide my
tapes in the upstairs closet.
97
00:04:21,592 --> 00:04:25,865
Yeah, Jim, we're all really fooled
by that big box marked "Tax returns."
98
00:04:25,866 --> 00:04:27,467
Well, I'm throwing them out.
99
00:04:27,468 --> 00:04:29,499
What? No, no,
the girls love this.
100
00:04:29,500 --> 00:04:32,972
That's my point, Cheryl.
The girls. Exactly.
101
00:04:32,973 --> 00:04:35,375
My boy hangs out
with all the girls.
102
00:04:35,376 --> 00:04:37,006
You, Ruby, the
little one... Gracie.
103
00:04:37,007 --> 00:04:38,008
Gracie!
104
00:04:39,009 --> 00:04:41,411
You girls are very cliquish.
105
00:04:41,412 --> 00:04:42,852
In order to feel like
he's in the in crowd,
106
00:04:42,853 --> 00:04:44,454
he's gotta put on a dress!
107
00:04:44,455 --> 00:04:47,657
Oh! Would you rather
he picked a violent costume
108
00:04:47,658 --> 00:04:51,060
like a killer ninja or
a soldier with a machine gun?
109
00:04:51,061 --> 00:04:53,963
I would be very proud of my son
110
00:04:53,964 --> 00:04:57,397
if he were to honor our
brave men in uniform
111
00:04:57,398 --> 00:04:58,998
or the killer ninjas!
112
00:04:58,999 --> 00:05:00,700
Oh, okay, you know what?
113
00:05:00,701 --> 00:05:02,672
You know what?
I get it. I get it.
114
00:05:02,673 --> 00:05:05,505
You're worried that if he puts on a
dress, he's gonna turn out to be gay.
115
00:05:05,506 --> 00:05:06,536
No, Cheryl.
Yeah.
116
00:05:06,537 --> 00:05:08,007
Wrong, Cheryl.
Yeah, well...
117
00:05:08,008 --> 00:05:09,379
If he turns out to be gay,
118
00:05:09,380 --> 00:05:10,680
there's nothing
I can do about it.
119
00:05:10,681 --> 00:05:12,612
But I can still raise
him to be a man,
120
00:05:12,613 --> 00:05:14,083
and men don't wear dresses!
121
00:05:14,084 --> 00:05:16,015
Oh, come on.
122
00:05:16,016 --> 00:05:19,256
You know, Dana and I put Andy in girl's
clothes all the time, and he turned out...
123
00:05:23,053 --> 00:05:25,095
Anyway, it's not a big deal.
124
00:05:26,357 --> 00:05:27,997
Cheryl...
(KIDS SCREAMING)
125
00:05:27,998 --> 00:05:31,501
Hey, hey, hey! Okay,
okay, hey, hey, hey! Kyle!
126
00:05:31,502 --> 00:05:33,633
Come on, honey, you know
you have to play nice, right?
127
00:05:33,634 --> 00:05:35,435
No monsters, no chasing.
128
00:05:35,436 --> 00:05:36,536
Yes, Mommy.
129
00:05:36,537 --> 00:05:38,108
Okay.
No, no, no, no, no.
130
00:05:39,810 --> 00:05:40,941
Don't listen to her.
131
00:05:41,772 --> 00:05:43,112
You listen to me, okay?
132
00:05:43,113 --> 00:05:46,377
You, you hunt
those girls down, okay?
133
00:05:47,017 --> 00:05:48,978
You catch those girls,
134
00:05:48,979 --> 00:05:50,619
and you stick boogers
all over their face!
135
00:05:51,482 --> 00:05:52,852
You understand me?
136
00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:54,123
That a boy.
Go get 'em!
137
00:05:54,124 --> 00:05:55,985
(ROARING)
138
00:05:55,986 --> 00:05:57,927
And sometimes
they hide in the dryer.
139
00:05:57,928 --> 00:05:58,929
Oh.
140
00:06:00,030 --> 00:06:01,561
Okay.
141
00:06:01,562 --> 00:06:03,132
I finally see what
the problem is.
142
00:06:03,133 --> 00:06:04,394
You?
143
00:06:04,395 --> 00:06:06,466
Yes, you.
144
00:06:06,467 --> 00:06:09,469
Cheryl, come on, you're
not letting the boy be a boy.
145
00:06:09,470 --> 00:06:11,741
You tell him, "Kyle, no yelling.
146
00:06:11,742 --> 00:06:13,403
"Kyle, no running.
147
00:06:13,404 --> 00:06:15,745
"Kyle, watch Oprah with me.
It's about diets."
148
00:06:15,746 --> 00:06:17,376
Oh!
149
00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:18,878
Yes. What are you talking about?
150
00:06:18,879 --> 00:06:21,481
Just 'cause I don't want
him to terrorize his sisters?
151
00:06:21,482 --> 00:06:23,813
Cheryl, that's what boys do.
152
00:06:23,814 --> 00:06:25,985
And when they grow up,
they play sports,
153
00:06:25,986 --> 00:06:28,488
and they hit each other for fun
154
00:06:28,489 --> 00:06:31,592
and throw big things off
the roof for no reason at all.
155
00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:34,625
Is that what happened
to that watermelon?
156
00:06:36,567 --> 00:06:39,629
No, Cheryl, we blew that
up with illegal fireworks.
157
00:06:39,630 --> 00:06:40,700
What?
158
00:06:40,701 --> 00:06:43,473
Why? Because we're men.
159
00:06:43,474 --> 00:06:44,935
And we had illegal fireworks.
160
00:06:46,877 --> 00:06:49,178
Yeah, honey, you're
an excellent male role model.
161
00:06:49,179 --> 00:06:51,741
I can't believe I didn't pick
up on what you've been doing.
162
00:06:51,742 --> 00:06:52,882
What?
163
00:06:52,883 --> 00:06:56,516
You let these little
girls paint his toenails.
164
00:06:56,517 --> 00:06:58,788
You ask him to bake
cookies with you.
165
00:06:58,789 --> 00:07:00,450
He loves that!
166
00:07:00,451 --> 00:07:02,992
What do you mean... (GASPS) I
even got him his own little apron.
167
00:07:02,993 --> 00:07:04,794
It's so cute.
168
00:07:04,795 --> 00:07:06,856
Cheryl, that is
not cute! Yes, it is.
169
00:07:06,857 --> 00:07:08,699
No, that is sick!
170
00:07:10,060 --> 00:07:13,032
Cheryl, you have
one job as a mother.
171
00:07:13,033 --> 00:07:16,136
Keep the girls off the pole
and the boy out of a dress.
172
00:07:17,167 --> 00:07:18,769
Is that so hard?
173
00:07:20,541 --> 00:07:22,872
Now I'm gonna go
upstairs, drink,
174
00:07:22,873 --> 00:07:24,545
and go over some tax returns.
175
00:07:32,082 --> 00:07:33,223
(DOORBELL RINGS)
176
00:07:38,228 --> 00:07:39,859
KIDS: Trick or treat.
177
00:07:39,860 --> 00:07:42,131
Wow, what do we have here?
178
00:07:42,132 --> 00:07:44,564
A soldier, a monkey, and...
179
00:07:44,565 --> 00:07:45,866
Warren G. Harding.
180
00:07:47,898 --> 00:07:51,871
I presided over the
Teapot Dome Scandal.
181
00:07:51,872 --> 00:07:54,975
Well, I hope you don't
veto my lollipop.
182
00:07:59,550 --> 00:08:02,752
All right, why don't you guys put this
on the porch, 'cause we're gonna go out,
183
00:08:02,753 --> 00:08:04,784
so we're gonna use
the honor system.
184
00:08:04,785 --> 00:08:06,957
Yeah, the honor system.
185
00:08:08,559 --> 00:08:10,591
That always works.
186
00:08:12,523 --> 00:08:13,724
Excuse me. Hi.
187
00:08:14,565 --> 00:08:15,566
Me-ow!
188
00:08:16,927 --> 00:08:19,499
Yeah, kid, like I'm dating
10-year-olds these days.
189
00:08:20,270 --> 00:08:21,631
I have an older brother.
190
00:08:21,632 --> 00:08:25,174
How old? Never mind.
Just beat it, kid.
191
00:08:25,175 --> 00:08:28,277
So, what do you think? I'm
a little worried it's kinda too...
192
00:08:28,278 --> 00:08:29,640
Slutty?
193
00:08:31,682 --> 00:08:33,884
I was gonna say shiny, but okay.
194
00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:37,787
Oh, you guys look so adorable.
195
00:08:37,788 --> 00:08:39,188
We should take some pictures.
196
00:08:39,189 --> 00:08:40,750
Yeah, we already did.
197
00:08:40,751 --> 00:08:42,892
Oh.
198
00:08:42,893 --> 00:08:46,956
Okay, great, well, I guess I'll
just remember how I look in this.
199
00:08:46,957 --> 00:08:48,957
Okay, I'm gonna go use
the litter box before we go.
200
00:08:51,301 --> 00:08:53,764
Hey, ooh.
Whoa! Yes!
201
00:08:54,565 --> 00:08:56,636
Wow, look at you.
202
00:08:56,637 --> 00:08:58,969
Remind me later to
turn my head and cough.
203
00:09:00,641 --> 00:09:02,072
Oh, hey, come on in, come on in.
204
00:09:03,073 --> 00:09:04,914
(IMITATING FANFARE)
Aw.
205
00:09:04,915 --> 00:09:06,215
JIM: Look at that, huh?
206
00:09:06,216 --> 00:09:07,747
Isn't it nice?
Yes.
207
00:09:07,748 --> 00:09:09,118
We all went to the store,
208
00:09:09,119 --> 00:09:11,320
and obviously, under
a man's tutelage,
209
00:09:11,321 --> 00:09:13,883
Kyle picked a great costume.
210
00:09:13,884 --> 00:09:15,625
Not cheap, by the way.
211
00:09:15,626 --> 00:09:17,326
Hey, show her
what a T. rex does.
212
00:09:17,327 --> 00:09:18,859
(ROARS)
213
00:09:20,090 --> 00:09:21,260
The kid.
214
00:09:21,261 --> 00:09:23,192
(ROARS)
215
00:09:23,193 --> 00:09:24,834
Oh, wow!
That a boy!
216
00:09:24,835 --> 00:09:25,935
And how about this?
217
00:09:25,936 --> 00:09:28,599
On the way home he let one rip,
218
00:09:29,740 --> 00:09:31,341
and he yelled,
"Fire in the hole!"
219
00:09:32,943 --> 00:09:34,674
I think we're back on track.
220
00:09:34,675 --> 00:09:37,948
Wow, yeah, but, honey, why did
you get him a girl T. rex costume?
221
00:09:43,213 --> 00:09:44,685
I'm kidding!
222
00:09:46,056 --> 00:09:48,719
Cheryl, nobody likes
a funny nurse.
223
00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:51,721
Well, honey, you look great.
224
00:09:51,722 --> 00:09:54,764
And if he's happy, I'm
happy. Come on, girls.
225
00:09:54,765 --> 00:09:56,666
Honey, I'm taking them
to their school party,
226
00:09:56,667 --> 00:09:58,267
so we're meeting in front
of the Miller's in an hour.
227
00:09:58,268 --> 00:09:59,899
Hour.
Right?
228
00:09:59,900 --> 00:10:01,230
Okay, Miller. All
right, Dana, let's go.
229
00:10:01,231 --> 00:10:02,371
Coming!
230
00:10:02,372 --> 00:10:05,335
Is it me, or am I looking
extra hot tonight?
231
00:10:08,038 --> 00:10:09,980
You're gonna turn
some heads, honey.
232
00:10:10,981 --> 00:10:12,182
Come on, young man, let's go.
233
00:10:23,994 --> 00:10:26,696
Hello, Chicago!
234
00:10:26,697 --> 00:10:30,931
Are you ready to rock
and roll all night? Whoo!
235
00:10:33,864 --> 00:10:34,865
Are you all right?
236
00:10:36,707 --> 00:10:38,007
You all right?
237
00:10:38,008 --> 00:10:39,308
Yeah.
238
00:10:39,309 --> 00:10:40,910
Fix your sock, would you?
239
00:10:40,911 --> 00:10:42,713
Oh. Thanks.
240
00:10:43,113 --> 00:10:44,373
Ah, man.
241
00:10:44,374 --> 00:10:47,116
I used two cans of talcum
powder to fit in these pants.
242
00:10:47,117 --> 00:10:49,118
Yeah. I know
how you feel.
243
00:10:49,119 --> 00:10:51,120
These are really tight, too.
244
00:10:51,121 --> 00:10:54,253
If I spot a dollar on the ground, bend over
to get it, all hell's gonna break loose.
245
00:10:54,254 --> 00:10:56,786
Come on, my little T. rex,
let's go trick-or-treating!
246
00:10:56,787 --> 00:10:59,889
Hee hee! Halloween, baby! Yeah!
247
00:10:59,890 --> 00:11:03,063
We're gonna rock and roll
all night and part of every day.
248
00:11:06,436 --> 00:11:09,068
Did you say "part of every day"?
249
00:11:09,069 --> 00:11:10,940
Yeah, those are the lyrics.
250
00:11:10,941 --> 00:11:13,443
"Rock and roll all night
and part of every day."
251
00:11:15,405 --> 00:11:17,707
So you're telling me Kiss
252
00:11:17,708 --> 00:11:19,880
sets aside part of every day
253
00:11:21,081 --> 00:11:22,382
not to rock and roll?
254
00:11:33,163 --> 00:11:35,294
Kyle,
255
00:11:35,295 --> 00:11:38,067
(STAMMERING) where's
the dinosaur outfit?
256
00:11:38,068 --> 00:11:40,399
I want to be Cinderella.
257
00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:45,074
Ooh... No, no, Kyle, no,
you can't be Cinderella.
258
00:11:45,075 --> 00:11:48,938
Don't you remember I went to the
store and bought you a dinosaur outfit
259
00:11:48,939 --> 00:11:52,441
because that's what you wanted when we could
have gotten a perfectly fine zombie mask
260
00:11:52,442 --> 00:11:53,744
for half the price?
261
00:11:54,484 --> 00:11:56,715
I like Cinderella.
262
00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:58,988
What do you mean,
you like Cinderella?
263
00:11:58,989 --> 00:12:01,220
Cinderella doesn't spit fire.
264
00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:03,292
Cinderella doesn't eat Tokyo.
265
00:12:03,293 --> 00:12:05,054
Actually, that's Godzilla.
266
00:12:05,055 --> 00:12:06,226
Andy...
267
00:12:08,799 --> 00:12:11,901
Kyle, Daddy would prefer it
if you went upstairs
268
00:12:11,902 --> 00:12:13,462
and put your dinosaur outfit on.
269
00:12:13,463 --> 00:12:15,034
Cinderella!
270
00:12:15,035 --> 00:12:16,906
Cinderella is a girl!
271
00:12:16,907 --> 00:12:21,941
Cinderella!
Cinderella! Cinderella!
272
00:12:21,942 --> 00:12:25,474
All right, now you either go upstairs
and put your dinosaur outfit on
273
00:12:25,475 --> 00:12:27,316
and we can go trick-or-treating,
274
00:12:27,317 --> 00:12:30,220
or you stay in that dress and
we stay home. Your choice.
275
00:12:30,881 --> 00:12:31,882
Stay home.
276
00:12:34,785 --> 00:12:35,986
(PROTESTING)
277
00:12:38,428 --> 00:12:39,859
Fine.
278
00:12:39,860 --> 00:12:42,292
You want to play
that game, I can play.
279
00:12:44,995 --> 00:12:46,036
I'm a player!
280
00:12:52,042 --> 00:12:54,143
Oh, come on, guys.
281
00:12:54,144 --> 00:12:58,047
I painted my chest hair black and
shoved Jim's socks down my pants.
282
00:12:58,048 --> 00:13:01,812
If I don't end the night with a pillowcase
full of candy, someone's gonna freakin' pay!
283
00:13:08,358 --> 00:13:10,290
(PLAYING BLUES ON PIANO)
284
00:13:13,363 --> 00:13:15,025
(DOORBELL RINGS)
285
00:13:17,828 --> 00:13:20,169
I got it.
Don't get up.
286
00:13:20,170 --> 00:13:21,972
At least someone's
trick-or-treating tonight.
287
00:13:25,205 --> 00:13:27,407
Oh, Star Wars, huh?
288
00:13:28,138 --> 00:13:29,179
Yeah.
289
00:13:30,981 --> 00:13:33,182
First of all, you're a Jedi
with a red lightsaber,
290
00:13:33,183 --> 00:13:34,914
which was only
used by the dark side.
291
00:13:34,915 --> 00:13:36,916
Secondly, that's
a Mace Windu tunic
292
00:13:36,917 --> 00:13:39,219
with Anakin's signature
brown trousers.
293
00:13:40,050 --> 00:13:41,191
You're a fraud.
294
00:13:42,552 --> 00:13:45,594
These are not the
candies you're looking for.
295
00:13:45,595 --> 00:13:46,596
Move along.
296
00:13:52,933 --> 00:13:56,305
Come on, you guys, I don't
want to stay here all night.
297
00:13:56,306 --> 00:14:00,240
This body was built by candy,
and they're giving it away out there.
298
00:14:03,043 --> 00:14:04,974
All right, that's it.
299
00:14:04,975 --> 00:14:07,577
You go upstairs right now, and
you put that dinosaur outfit on.
300
00:14:08,178 --> 00:14:09,219
No.
301
00:14:13,423 --> 00:14:14,623
You like candy?
302
00:14:14,624 --> 00:14:15,986
Mmm-hmm.
303
00:14:16,626 --> 00:14:18,127
What kind do you like?
304
00:14:18,128 --> 00:14:19,489
Chocolate.
305
00:14:20,931 --> 00:14:21,992
Kyle!
306
00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:25,365
You know, I did not know that.
307
00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:30,169
You know, this neighborhood
is lousy with chocolate.
308
00:14:30,170 --> 00:14:33,102
Oh, yeah, yeah, Kyle.
The Egans next door?
309
00:14:33,103 --> 00:14:35,474
They have a swimming
pool full of chocolate.
310
00:14:35,475 --> 00:14:38,178
And their Jacuzzi
is full of marshmallows.
311
00:14:38,909 --> 00:14:40,279
You're a liar!
312
00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:42,952
You're a liar!
Andy!
313
00:14:42,953 --> 00:14:45,955
Fine. You know what?
I don't need to stay here.
314
00:14:45,956 --> 00:14:47,056
He's not my kid.
315
00:14:47,057 --> 00:14:49,289
I'm gonna go
trick-or-treating on my own.
316
00:14:52,192 --> 00:14:55,525
Actually, without the kid I'm just a
creepy old guy with a sock in my pants.
317
00:14:58,328 --> 00:15:02,501
All right, I was hoping
it wouldn't come to this,
318
00:15:02,502 --> 00:15:04,634
but I'm gonna have to
call the Halloween police.
319
00:15:06,276 --> 00:15:08,177
That's right, Kyle.
320
00:15:08,178 --> 00:15:09,679
What you're doing is illegal.
321
00:15:11,141 --> 00:15:12,982
And they're not
gonna arrest you.
322
00:15:12,983 --> 00:15:15,185
No, they're gonna come
and take Daddy away.
323
00:15:16,086 --> 00:15:17,686
Is that what you want?
324
00:15:17,687 --> 00:15:19,989
I want to be Cinderella!
325
00:15:19,990 --> 00:15:23,292
All right! That's it. I need
a break. You want a beer?
326
00:15:23,293 --> 00:15:28,028
Nah, drinking makes me sweat, and the talcum
powder in these pants is gonna cake up.
327
00:15:29,960 --> 00:15:32,701
See if you can get Cinderella
to take that dress off.
328
00:15:32,702 --> 00:15:36,236
If I do, it'll be the first time I
ever got anyone out of a dress.
329
00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:51,982
Kyle!
330
00:15:54,184 --> 00:15:56,325
So, this is how you turn out?
331
00:15:56,326 --> 00:16:00,329
Yep. I never take the dress off again,
I have no confidence with women,
332
00:16:00,330 --> 00:16:01,561
everybody hates me.
333
00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:05,335
I knew it!
334
00:16:05,996 --> 00:16:07,496
Dad, I'm kidding.
335
00:16:07,497 --> 00:16:09,738
I'm four. Why are you getting
so bent out of shape?
336
00:16:09,739 --> 00:16:13,272
Because you're a boy, and
boys don't wear dresses.
337
00:16:13,273 --> 00:16:14,743
Mom says it's okay.
338
00:16:14,744 --> 00:16:18,207
Yeah, let me tell you
something about your mom.
339
00:16:18,208 --> 00:16:20,609
Okay, I mean, your mom
is a wonderful woman,
340
00:16:20,610 --> 00:16:23,753
and I really love her,
but she is a woman.
341
00:16:25,585 --> 00:16:29,258
And women sometimes
send some crazy messages.
342
00:16:29,259 --> 00:16:31,590
Like "Your sleeve
is not a Kleenex."
343
00:16:31,591 --> 00:16:33,762
Exactly!
344
00:16:33,763 --> 00:16:35,564
I'm damn lucky you're here
to set me straight.
345
00:16:35,565 --> 00:16:37,696
I know! That's what I've
been telling your mother!
346
00:16:37,697 --> 00:16:41,571
Well, you know, I'm a figment of your
imagination, so it makes sense that we'd agree.
347
00:16:46,236 --> 00:16:47,507
Touche, self.
348
00:16:50,540 --> 00:16:52,641
Look, Kyle,
349
00:16:52,642 --> 00:16:55,544
I've got one job as a father,
and that's to make you a man.
350
00:16:55,545 --> 00:16:57,646
And I don't want to see
you get pushed around.
351
00:16:57,647 --> 00:16:59,348
I won't.
352
00:16:59,349 --> 00:17:01,690
But if you put on a dress, they're
gonna push you around a lot.
353
00:17:01,691 --> 00:17:03,492
I know.
354
00:17:03,493 --> 00:17:07,025
Yeah, but are you strong
enough to push back?
355
00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:08,797
I mean, it's pretty
scary out there.
356
00:17:08,798 --> 00:17:10,399
Well, I've been scared before.
357
00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:12,201
When?
358
00:17:12,202 --> 00:17:14,664
Well, one night when I was
two, I thought you might eat me.
359
00:17:20,410 --> 00:17:23,010
Well, keep your fingers off my
plate, and you won't have to worry.
360
00:17:25,475 --> 00:17:27,617
How do I know you're
gonna be strong enough?
361
00:17:28,678 --> 00:17:30,479
Well,
362
00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:33,683
I'm out there on that couch
right now standing up to you,
363
00:17:34,384 --> 00:17:35,385
aren't I?
364
00:17:39,829 --> 00:17:41,391
Well, that's true.
365
00:17:43,433 --> 00:17:46,235
So can we go trick-or-treating?
366
00:17:46,236 --> 00:17:49,198
I don't know, Kyle. It's
gonna be so brutal out there.
367
00:17:49,199 --> 00:17:51,571
Yeah, but you're my dad.
368
00:17:52,542 --> 00:17:54,444
You got my back, right?
369
00:18:07,157 --> 00:18:08,218
Yeah.
370
00:18:09,389 --> 00:18:10,390
Right.
371
00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:14,624
Right.
372
00:18:17,497 --> 00:18:19,329
KIDS: Trick or treat!
373
00:18:23,503 --> 00:18:25,604
(LAUGHTER)
374
00:18:25,605 --> 00:18:27,736
What?
375
00:18:27,737 --> 00:18:32,181
What, you've never seen Cinderella
and his ugly stepsisters before?
376
00:18:32,182 --> 00:18:33,482
Walk proud, men.
377
00:18:33,483 --> 00:18:35,785
We are as God made
us. Walk proud.
378
00:18:38,488 --> 00:18:39,489
Damn heels.
379
00:18:47,227 --> 00:18:48,357
All right, girls, go ahead.
380
00:18:48,358 --> 00:18:50,629
Hey, don't forget
to say "Thank you."
381
00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:53,402
Hey, Dad, there she is.
382
00:18:53,403 --> 00:18:55,565
"Me-ow" is right.
383
00:18:57,507 --> 00:18:58,668
Good call, Son.
384
00:19:00,170 --> 00:19:02,141
I haven't been fixed yet.
385
00:19:03,243 --> 00:19:04,913
Ooh, wow, this is...
386
00:19:04,914 --> 00:19:06,345
They are something.
387
00:19:06,346 --> 00:19:07,416
They're winning this year.
388
00:19:07,417 --> 00:19:08,647
Oh, yeah, for sure.
389
00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:12,181
Hey, sailor, watch
where you're grabbing!
390
00:19:12,182 --> 00:19:14,502
You know, that's the third
time you've been groped tonight.
391
00:19:14,784 --> 00:19:16,155
Jealous?
392
00:19:17,227 --> 00:19:19,528
Oh, my God.
393
00:19:19,529 --> 00:19:22,791
You went from Kiss to Cher.
394
00:19:22,792 --> 00:19:25,664
Well, look, if my son
is gonna put on a dress,
395
00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:27,396
I gotta have his back.
396
00:19:27,397 --> 00:19:29,898
Hey, I like that color.
It's slimming.
397
00:19:29,899 --> 00:19:32,801
I like your outfit, too. I guess
skank was on back order.
398
00:19:32,802 --> 00:19:35,173
That's funny.
So when are you due?
399
00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:36,245
All right, bring it.
400
00:19:36,246 --> 00:19:37,946
JIM: Hey, hey, hey,
come on, come on!
401
00:19:37,947 --> 00:19:39,808
Hey, do you mind
taking this one?
402
00:19:39,809 --> 00:19:40,949
Come on, Kyle.
403
00:19:40,950 --> 00:19:42,381
MAN: Hey, nice rack.
404
00:19:42,382 --> 00:19:44,183
BOTH: Thank you.
405
00:19:45,515 --> 00:19:47,316
So...
406
00:19:47,317 --> 00:19:49,488
What happened to the dinosaur?
407
00:19:49,489 --> 00:19:51,490
Well, he changed his mind.
408
00:19:51,491 --> 00:19:52,691
Come on, he's four years old.
409
00:19:52,692 --> 00:19:53,862
Will you just let it go, Cheryl?
410
00:19:53,863 --> 00:19:55,964
(CHUCKLES) So you're
okay with it?
411
00:19:55,965 --> 00:19:59,299
Well, I wouldn't have put a
bra on if I wasn't okay with it.
412
00:20:00,430 --> 00:20:01,600
I don't know if I ever told you,
413
00:20:01,601 --> 00:20:03,232
but you make a beautiful bride.
414
00:20:03,233 --> 00:20:04,303
Oh, yeah?
415
00:20:04,304 --> 00:20:05,374
And a hell of a father.
416
00:20:05,375 --> 00:20:08,437
(LAUGHS)
You make a hot nurse.
417
00:20:08,438 --> 00:20:10,679
Oh, honey, I don't
think I can flirt with you.
418
00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:12,720
You're wearing my Great
Aunt Bertha's wedding dress.
419
00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:16,315
I'm not wearing underwear.
420
00:20:16,316 --> 00:20:18,287
You're not wearing underwear
but you're wearing a bra?
421
00:20:18,288 --> 00:20:19,448
Makes me feel pretty.
422
00:20:19,449 --> 00:20:20,719
Huh.
423
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:21,850
MAN: Hey, nice rack.
424
00:20:21,851 --> 00:20:22,922
Hey!
425
00:20:26,996 --> 00:20:27,997
Thank you.
426
00:20:28,598 --> 00:20:29,858
No.
427
00:20:29,859 --> 00:20:30,930
Thank you.
428
00:20:43,543 --> 00:20:44,613
(DOORBELL RINGS)
429
00:20:44,614 --> 00:20:45,745
Yours.
430
00:20:46,516 --> 00:20:47,517
Knitting.
431
00:20:48,778 --> 00:20:49,979
Reading.
432
00:20:57,627 --> 00:20:59,488
(STAMMERS)
Can I help you?
433
00:20:59,489 --> 00:21:01,561
Yeah! We're, like, your
daughters, Gracie and Ruby.
434
00:21:02,892 --> 00:21:04,593
No!
435
00:21:04,594 --> 00:21:06,296
Except we're all grown up now.
436
00:21:07,367 --> 00:21:08,797
No!
437
00:21:08,798 --> 00:21:11,370
Bye, Daddy. We gotta
go dance on poles
438
00:21:11,371 --> 00:21:13,473
while men throw money at us!
439
00:21:15,705 --> 00:21:17,607
Nooo! (ECHOING)
440
00:21:18,748 --> 00:21:20,048
No, no! No!
441
00:21:20,049 --> 00:21:22,381
What?
442
00:21:22,382 --> 00:21:25,354
No more dance lessons
for the girls.
443
00:21:25,355 --> 00:21:27,387
Jim, chili dogs give
you stripper dreams.
29268
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