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1
00:00:00,731 --> 00:00:02,372
ALL: Oh...
How old is he now?
2
00:00:02,373 --> 00:00:04,003
Almost five months.
3
00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:05,635
Oh, he's five... Is he
the cutest baby, Dana?
4
00:00:05,636 --> 00:00:07,137
He is so adorable.
5
00:00:07,138 --> 00:00:08,609
He's adorable. Oh!
6
00:00:13,244 --> 00:00:14,414
You know what?
7
00:00:14,415 --> 00:00:16,586
I don't like those
self-flushing toilets either.
8
00:00:16,587 --> 00:00:17,647
Why not?
9
00:00:17,648 --> 00:00:19,450
Because I like
to make the decision.
10
00:00:21,122 --> 00:00:24,054
Hey, hey, honey.
You know Sheila.
11
00:00:24,055 --> 00:00:25,425
We were talking about her
last night, remember?
12
00:00:25,426 --> 00:00:27,128
Remember? Remember?
13
00:00:28,159 --> 00:00:29,559
Of course!
14
00:00:29,560 --> 00:00:32,302
Hey, Sheila!
Hi, Jim.
15
00:00:32,303 --> 00:00:33,364
Well, hello, Sheila.
16
00:00:35,136 --> 00:00:36,206
Mmm.
17
00:00:36,207 --> 00:00:37,667
Husband still in the picture?
18
00:00:37,668 --> 00:00:39,239
Uh, yes.
19
00:00:39,240 --> 00:00:40,570
Ah. Really?
20
00:00:40,571 --> 00:00:42,572
'Cause when I walked in
here and looked at you,
21
00:00:42,573 --> 00:00:44,145
you seemed kinda flirty.
22
00:00:45,746 --> 00:00:47,148
I'm just sayin'...
23
00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:51,381
Well, Sheila, Sheila, Sheila,
24
00:00:51,382 --> 00:00:53,052
will you look at you?
25
00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:54,254
You look great.
26
00:00:54,255 --> 00:00:55,425
Doesn't she?
27
00:00:55,426 --> 00:00:57,687
Yes, she does.
28
00:00:57,688 --> 00:00:59,560
So, when's the baby due?
29
00:01:02,833 --> 00:01:04,534
Huh? Ooh, look at you.
30
00:01:04,535 --> 00:01:06,836
Looks like it's
gonna be a big one!
31
00:01:06,837 --> 00:01:08,668
Oh, yeah!
Look at you!
32
00:01:08,669 --> 00:01:11,502
Yes, you are!
Yes, you are!
33
00:01:12,143 --> 00:01:13,243
Jim. Jim.
34
00:01:13,244 --> 00:01:15,175
I'm trying to bond
with the baby, Cheryl.
35
00:01:15,176 --> 00:01:18,279
Baby, baby, baby, doo,
doo, doo, doo, doo!
36
00:01:19,380 --> 00:01:20,781
I think it's gonna be twins.
37
00:01:22,413 --> 00:01:23,553
Actually, Jim,
38
00:01:23,554 --> 00:01:25,316
I already had the baby.
39
00:01:27,388 --> 00:01:29,820
Five months ago. Hey.
40
00:01:36,627 --> 00:01:37,668
Are you sure?
41
00:01:42,803 --> 00:01:44,505
I thought I felt a kick.
42
00:01:47,308 --> 00:01:48,779
Oh, you will later.
43
00:01:56,617 --> 00:01:57,818
JIM: Oh, baby!
44
00:01:59,620 --> 00:02:01,521
Okay, Sheila, we'll see
you at the charity auction,
45
00:02:01,522 --> 00:02:02,892
which is gonna be great.
46
00:02:02,893 --> 00:02:04,494
And you know why?
'Cause you're great.
47
00:02:04,495 --> 00:02:06,226
And you look great!
48
00:02:06,227 --> 00:02:09,499
Okay! Bye-bye.
Uh-huh, okay.
49
00:02:09,500 --> 00:02:11,262
What the hell is
the matter with you?
50
00:02:11,762 --> 00:02:13,233
What?
51
00:02:13,234 --> 00:02:14,904
I told you last night
how depressed Sheila is
52
00:02:14,905 --> 00:02:16,466
'cause she hasn't
lost her baby weight.
53
00:02:16,467 --> 00:02:17,767
Don't you remember?
54
00:02:17,768 --> 00:02:20,410
All I remember hearing was,
"Sheila," "weight," "baby,"
55
00:02:20,411 --> 00:02:21,541
so when I saw her,
56
00:02:21,542 --> 00:02:23,173
I figured "Sheila's
waiting for her baby."
57
00:02:23,174 --> 00:02:25,245
Oh!
58
00:02:25,246 --> 00:02:28,219
In Jim's defense, she could
use a few more crunches.
59
00:02:36,187 --> 00:02:37,788
Do you have mirrors
in your house?
60
00:02:38,889 --> 00:02:40,790
Yes, I do.
61
00:02:40,791 --> 00:02:42,951
'Cause I'm a player, and I
gots to know how fly I look.
62
00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:45,335
CHERYL: No, no, no, no.
JIM: Cheryl...
63
00:02:45,336 --> 00:02:46,436
Cheryl, no.
64
00:02:46,437 --> 00:02:48,268
Jim, answer me this.
Cheryl...
65
00:02:48,269 --> 00:02:51,401
How come you can
remember every sports statistic
66
00:02:51,402 --> 00:02:53,803
in history, but you can't
remember one simple thing
67
00:02:53,804 --> 00:02:55,275
I told you last night?
68
00:02:55,276 --> 00:02:58,378
Because men are programmed
to remember certain stuff
69
00:02:58,379 --> 00:02:59,479
and not remember other stuff.
70
00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:00,610
Oh, come on.
71
00:03:00,611 --> 00:03:02,712
Come on, Cheryl, it's
just simple biology.
72
00:03:02,713 --> 00:03:05,456
Where'd you read that, The New
England Journal of Stupid Excuses?
73
00:03:06,717 --> 00:03:08,788
Just admit you weren't
listening to me!
74
00:03:08,789 --> 00:03:12,262
I was listening, Cheryl.
I just didn't take it in.
75
00:03:12,263 --> 00:03:14,394
Like I don't when
you go yammering on
76
00:03:14,395 --> 00:03:16,496
about, you know, I don't know,
77
00:03:16,497 --> 00:03:18,569
drapes and hairdressing or Dana.
78
00:03:21,272 --> 00:03:25,435
All I hear is this
kind of whooshing sound.
79
00:03:25,436 --> 00:03:26,676
You know, like when
you're at the beach
80
00:03:26,677 --> 00:03:28,778
and you put a shell
up to your ear.
81
00:03:28,779 --> 00:03:30,740
Okay, okay, you know...
If it's biology,
82
00:03:30,741 --> 00:03:33,383
how come Andy hears me
when I talk about that stuff?
83
00:03:33,384 --> 00:03:35,515
Actually, I don't.
Mmm-mmm.
84
00:03:35,516 --> 00:03:37,517
I just smile and
nod, but all I hear
85
00:03:37,518 --> 00:03:38,889
is this hellish buzzing.
86
00:03:40,721 --> 00:03:42,422
I really wish I had
the beach thing.
87
00:03:42,423 --> 00:03:43,793
Yeah.
88
00:03:43,794 --> 00:03:45,925
Well, when I was your age,
I had the buzzing,
89
00:03:45,926 --> 00:03:47,297
but the beach thing is coming.
90
00:03:47,298 --> 00:03:48,758
Oh.
91
00:03:48,759 --> 00:03:49,999
That is a load.
92
00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:51,931
You made a conscious
decision not to listen.
93
00:03:51,932 --> 00:03:55,635
Cheryl, the male brain
is wired for, like,
94
00:03:55,636 --> 00:03:58,007
sports stats and
technical stuff.
95
00:03:58,008 --> 00:04:00,440
And the female brain
is wired to take in
96
00:04:00,441 --> 00:04:02,742
feelings and
recipes and fashion.
97
00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:04,744
You know, Cheryl, he's right.
98
00:04:04,745 --> 00:04:06,846
Like today, when I met with the CEO
of the First Union Bank of Chicago,
99
00:04:06,847 --> 00:04:09,720
all I could think was, "My belt
matches my shoes. Hooray!"
100
00:04:11,352 --> 00:04:13,283
Cheryl, think about it, will ya?
101
00:04:13,284 --> 00:04:16,326
Okay, for example, how
many times have I told you
102
00:04:16,327 --> 00:04:18,328
how to reset the garage door
103
00:04:18,329 --> 00:04:19,889
when the circuit
breaker trips? Well...
104
00:04:19,890 --> 00:04:22,662
Mmm-hmm. Or how to program
your own cell phone.
105
00:04:22,663 --> 00:04:24,834
Or, let us not forget about
106
00:04:24,835 --> 00:04:28,368
the very super-complicated
fire extinguisher.
107
00:04:28,369 --> 00:04:30,440
I saved your life that day!
108
00:04:30,441 --> 00:04:31,942
You set that fire that day!
109
00:04:33,774 --> 00:04:35,875
Hey, you said get
rid of the old tires.
110
00:04:35,876 --> 00:04:38,508
You did not say how.
111
00:04:38,509 --> 00:04:42,382
Cheryl, it's not your fault
that you can't hear me.
112
00:04:42,383 --> 00:04:44,053
It's just like I can't hear you
113
00:04:44,054 --> 00:04:46,015
when you yammer on
about some fat broad
114
00:04:46,016 --> 00:04:47,387
and her postpartum depression.
115
00:04:47,388 --> 00:04:49,389
Oh!
116
00:04:49,390 --> 00:04:52,022
Okay, now I understand
about the hellish buzzing sound.
117
00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:55,565
You know what, Jim?
Now because of you,
118
00:04:55,566 --> 00:04:57,026
we're gonna have to buy
something really expensive
119
00:04:57,027 --> 00:04:58,469
at Sheila's charity dinner.
120
00:04:59,330 --> 00:05:01,671
Sorry, all I heard was,
121
00:05:01,672 --> 00:05:02,903
whoosh...
122
00:05:03,674 --> 00:05:05,435
Whoosh...
123
00:05:05,436 --> 00:05:07,538
(IMITATES SEAGULL)
124
00:05:08,439 --> 00:05:09,539
"Dinner!"
125
00:05:09,540 --> 00:05:10,581
Oh!
126
00:05:16,617 --> 00:05:18,548
BOTH: (IN A SING-SONG
VOICE) We're going on a sleepover!
127
00:05:18,549 --> 00:05:20,720
We're going on a sleepover!
128
00:05:20,721 --> 00:05:24,424
Not soon enough!
Not soon enough!
129
00:05:24,425 --> 00:05:25,695
All right, you guys, come on,
130
00:05:25,696 --> 00:05:27,056
everybody in the car.
We're gonna be late.
131
00:05:27,057 --> 00:05:28,858
Come on, let's go. We got
to drop the kids off,
132
00:05:28,859 --> 00:05:30,700
and help Sheila set up the
auction in like 20 minutes.
133
00:05:30,701 --> 00:05:33,863
Yeah, that's why I said
the running late part.
134
00:05:33,864 --> 00:05:36,667
Oh, man, I left my purse
and keys on the counter.
135
00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:40,810
Oh, shoot!
What?
136
00:05:40,811 --> 00:05:42,442
Oh, the door's locked.
But it's okay.
137
00:05:42,443 --> 00:05:43,713
I can get in through the front,
138
00:05:43,714 --> 00:05:45,875
'cause Jim keeps a
spare key in a secret spot.
139
00:05:45,876 --> 00:05:46,917
Under the mat?
140
00:05:48,048 --> 00:05:49,049
Yeah.
141
00:05:50,581 --> 00:05:51,881
(CLICKS)
142
00:05:51,882 --> 00:05:53,923
Whoa! What was that?
143
00:05:53,924 --> 00:05:55,825
Oh, nothing. The
circuit just blew.
144
00:05:55,826 --> 00:05:57,957
Oh, no!
No, no, no, it's fine.
145
00:05:57,958 --> 00:06:00,461
I just have to
flip a switch. See?
146
00:06:02,833 --> 00:06:05,865
Okay, still not moving. I think
it's supposed to be moving.
147
00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:07,897
Oh... That's the problem.
148
00:06:07,898 --> 00:06:09,600
It's not moving.
Thank you, Dana.
149
00:06:10,601 --> 00:06:11,801
We're gonna be late.
150
00:06:11,802 --> 00:06:14,475
No, no, I just have
to reset the system.
151
00:06:15,976 --> 00:06:17,708
Like Jim showed me.
152
00:06:19,610 --> 00:06:21,651
Yeah, you just got to, um...
153
00:06:21,652 --> 00:06:23,713
The buttons...
154
00:06:23,714 --> 00:06:25,515
You were there when Jim
explained it, weren't you?
155
00:06:25,516 --> 00:06:27,587
Yeah, but all I heard
was "keypad, buttons,"
156
00:06:27,588 --> 00:06:28,818
and then that all faded away,
157
00:06:28,819 --> 00:06:30,779
and I heard Donna Summer
singing "MacArthur Park."
158
00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:33,623
Oh, oh, I know.
159
00:06:33,624 --> 00:06:34,864
(STUTTERS)
160
00:06:34,865 --> 00:06:36,026
And we're out!
161
00:06:37,568 --> 00:06:39,969
And we're not.
162
00:06:39,970 --> 00:06:41,601
We're locked in the
garage. (GROANS)
163
00:06:41,602 --> 00:06:43,633
Are we gonna die, Mommy?
164
00:06:43,634 --> 00:06:45,075
I never even kissed a boy.
165
00:06:46,176 --> 00:06:47,807
No, no, no.
Honey, no, no, no.
166
00:06:47,808 --> 00:06:49,138
Mommy's gonna figure it out.
167
00:06:49,139 --> 00:06:50,640
Mommy!
CHERYL: Yeah?
168
00:06:50,641 --> 00:06:53,614
I have to go pee-pee!
169
00:06:55,946 --> 00:06:57,587
Mommy's gonna
figure it out fast.
170
00:06:57,588 --> 00:06:59,989
(SIGHS) Yeah, because
we only have 20 minutes.
171
00:06:59,990 --> 00:07:01,951
No, no, no, no.
172
00:07:01,952 --> 00:07:04,654
Because Jim can't be right
about men's and women's brains.
173
00:07:04,655 --> 00:07:05,825
Because if Jim is
right about this,
174
00:07:05,826 --> 00:07:07,056
he'll think he's right
about everything,
175
00:07:07,057 --> 00:07:08,658
and I cannot sit
there and listen
176
00:07:08,659 --> 00:07:09,759
to how we're 10 years away
177
00:07:09,760 --> 00:07:10,920
from the great ape rebellion.
178
00:07:12,963 --> 00:07:14,504
Now come on, I need
you to help me.
179
00:07:14,505 --> 00:07:16,536
All right.
We can do this.
180
00:07:16,537 --> 00:07:17,667
Yes.
181
00:07:17,668 --> 00:07:19,138
(SIGHS)
182
00:07:19,139 --> 00:07:21,772
I think the secret
is in these buttons.
183
00:07:24,675 --> 00:07:26,175
You know, the
green one's pretty,
184
00:07:26,176 --> 00:07:27,578
and green means go...
185
00:07:28,549 --> 00:07:29,680
Ha-ha!
186
00:07:30,921 --> 00:07:31,952
No.
187
00:07:33,654 --> 00:07:36,225
Oh, green and blue together,
188
00:07:36,226 --> 00:07:38,088
'cause green and
blue makes teal.
189
00:07:39,990 --> 00:07:42,963
(SINGING MACARTHUR PARK)
190
00:07:50,541 --> 00:07:53,143
(BOTH SINGING LOUDLY)
191
00:08:00,551 --> 00:08:03,783
Mom! Mom! Mom!
192
00:08:03,784 --> 00:08:05,254
I want to go to our sleepover!
193
00:08:05,255 --> 00:08:08,258
I still have to go pee-pee!
194
00:08:09,820 --> 00:08:11,260
When Jimmy Burke pulled my hair,
195
00:08:11,261 --> 00:08:14,594
I should have kissed
him! I'm such an idiot!
196
00:08:14,595 --> 00:08:16,596
You know what, Dana?
This is ridiculous.
197
00:08:16,597 --> 00:08:18,267
We should be able
to get out of a garage.
198
00:08:18,268 --> 00:08:20,099
We are two highly
intelligent women.
199
00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:21,731
Right.
200
00:08:21,732 --> 00:08:23,634
Let's go bang on the door
and scream for help.
201
00:08:26,176 --> 00:08:28,608
Help! Let us out!
202
00:08:28,609 --> 00:08:30,941
We're sexy and grateful!
203
00:08:31,942 --> 00:08:33,512
We're gonna die!
204
00:08:33,513 --> 00:08:35,745
We're gonna starve to death!
205
00:08:35,746 --> 00:08:37,516
No, we won't.
We can eat Kyle.
206
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:40,720
No, I'm going to eat you!
207
00:08:40,721 --> 00:08:43,022
Okay, okay, nobody's
gonna eat anybody.
208
00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:44,924
There's enough Corn Flakes
on the floor of the minivan
209
00:08:44,925 --> 00:08:46,626
to keep us fed for a month.
210
00:08:46,627 --> 00:08:47,657
(GRUNTS)
211
00:08:47,658 --> 00:08:48,928
What are you doing?
212
00:08:48,929 --> 00:08:50,860
I am making a command decision.
213
00:08:50,861 --> 00:08:52,161
Your leadership
is getting us nowhere.
214
00:08:52,162 --> 00:08:53,963
I'm gonna bust
a hole in this door.
215
00:08:53,964 --> 00:08:57,006
You are not gonna
destroy my garage door!
216
00:08:57,007 --> 00:08:58,638
All right, fine. Then
we can just sit here
217
00:08:58,639 --> 00:09:00,269
and wait for someone
to discover us.
218
00:09:00,270 --> 00:09:01,642
Like Jim.
219
00:09:04,174 --> 00:09:06,145
Give me that.
220
00:09:06,146 --> 00:09:07,917
All right, kids, stand back.
221
00:09:07,918 --> 00:09:10,681
Mommy's got...
Some kind of hammer.
222
00:09:11,922 --> 00:09:15,184
KIDS: Mommy!
Mommy! Mommy!
223
00:09:15,185 --> 00:09:17,757
Mommy! Mom...
224
00:09:17,758 --> 00:09:19,228
DANA: All right.
225
00:09:19,229 --> 00:09:22,592
Okay. All right, girls.
226
00:09:22,593 --> 00:09:24,664
Go out front, get the spare
key, open the front door,
227
00:09:24,665 --> 00:09:25,695
and come back around here.
228
00:09:25,696 --> 00:09:26,896
Got it?
Got it.
229
00:09:26,897 --> 00:09:29,338
Ha! This is how
a woman takes charge.
230
00:09:29,339 --> 00:09:31,300
Yeah.
231
00:09:31,301 --> 00:09:32,842
Okay, but how are we gonna
get the car out of the garage?
232
00:09:32,843 --> 00:09:34,674
We'll take your car.
233
00:09:34,675 --> 00:09:36,075
Well, what about when
Jim comes home from work?
234
00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:37,346
He's gonna see the hole.
235
00:09:37,347 --> 00:09:40,309
Dana, Jim is going right
to the auction from work.
236
00:09:40,310 --> 00:09:41,681
So we'll come home early,
237
00:09:41,682 --> 00:09:43,052
park your car in
front of the hole.
238
00:09:43,053 --> 00:09:45,716
I'll get it fixed tomorrow.
Jim will never know.
239
00:09:46,316 --> 00:09:48,057
Wow.
240
00:09:48,058 --> 00:09:49,619
Living with Jim has really
taught you a lot. Mmm-hmm.
241
00:09:49,620 --> 00:09:51,221
All bad, but a lot.
242
00:09:52,963 --> 00:09:54,694
That stupid garage door!
243
00:09:54,695 --> 00:09:57,226
You know, this has nothing to
do with men's and women's brains.
244
00:09:57,227 --> 00:09:58,327
Mmm-mmm. Nobody
could figure that out.
245
00:09:58,328 --> 00:09:59,368
No way. No.
246
00:09:59,369 --> 00:10:00,370
(BUTTONS BEEPING)
247
00:10:01,071 --> 00:10:02,702
What?
248
00:10:02,703 --> 00:10:04,334
All fixed, Mommy.
249
00:10:07,377 --> 00:10:08,839
Oh, my God.
250
00:10:10,781 --> 00:10:12,682
A 4-year-old.
251
00:10:12,683 --> 00:10:16,615
No, a 4-year-old boy.
252
00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:18,848
If he knew how to do that,
why didn't he tell us?
253
00:10:18,849 --> 00:10:21,891
Typical man.
Can't communicate.
254
00:10:21,892 --> 00:10:24,995
Jim can never find out
we were let out by a boy.
255
00:10:26,396 --> 00:10:28,328
Who's now peeing
in the driveway.
256
00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:31,361
Wow, he really had to go.
257
00:10:32,863 --> 00:10:34,404
Yeah. Still going.
258
00:10:35,936 --> 00:10:37,637
Hi, Mrs. Johnson.
259
00:10:43,243 --> 00:10:45,314
JIM: Oh, I can't believe
I got to wear a tie
260
00:10:45,315 --> 00:10:46,416
to this stupid fundraiser.
261
00:10:48,278 --> 00:10:49,849
Why didn't Cheryl tell me?
262
00:10:49,850 --> 00:10:51,151
She did. I was
right there.
263
00:10:52,022 --> 00:10:53,322
You actually heard her?
264
00:10:53,323 --> 00:10:55,024
Yeah.
265
00:10:55,025 --> 00:10:57,025
She was holding a cookie.
Somehow it made me focus.
266
00:10:57,858 --> 00:10:59,088
Right, right.
267
00:10:59,089 --> 00:11:01,331
And I had already had my cookie.
268
00:11:05,135 --> 00:11:08,438
Whoa, whoa, Jim.
Check it out.
269
00:11:11,241 --> 00:11:13,002
What the hell is this?
270
00:11:13,003 --> 00:11:15,204
Looks like someone
broke into your garage.
271
00:11:15,205 --> 00:11:17,176
Who'd wanna break
into the garage?
272
00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:19,979
Apparently someone very small.
273
00:11:19,980 --> 00:11:22,081
Did you get in a fight
with a little person?
274
00:11:22,082 --> 00:11:24,153
Yeah, but that was years ago.
275
00:11:24,154 --> 00:11:27,386
And in my defense,
it was St. Patrick's Day.
276
00:11:27,387 --> 00:11:30,189
Like if you're gonna be
that sensitive, stay home.
277
00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:31,961
Hey!
What?
278
00:11:31,962 --> 00:11:33,793
Don't, don't, don't...
Don't touch the panel.
279
00:11:33,794 --> 00:11:35,765
You wanna contaminate
the crime scene?
280
00:11:35,766 --> 00:11:36,966
Oh, Andy, it's not a...
281
00:11:36,967 --> 00:11:38,267
No, no, no. What
we need to do...
282
00:11:38,268 --> 00:11:41,070
Take pictures before
anything's disturbed.
283
00:11:41,071 --> 00:11:42,873
Hey! Get one of me
with the evidence.
284
00:11:47,738 --> 00:11:49,879
(SNIFFING)
285
00:11:49,880 --> 00:11:52,081
Is it me, or...
286
00:11:52,082 --> 00:11:54,343
It smells like
somebody peed out here.
287
00:11:54,344 --> 00:11:56,817
Oh, that's pee.
Yeah. And it's fresh.
288
00:11:58,488 --> 00:12:00,349
A criminal always
has a signature, Jim,
289
00:12:00,350 --> 00:12:01,851
and he's trying
to tell us something.
290
00:12:01,852 --> 00:12:04,153
What? What? What? What?
What is it?
291
00:12:04,154 --> 00:12:06,226
Whiz, tinkle... Urine!
292
00:12:07,798 --> 00:12:08,929
Urine.
293
00:12:09,960 --> 00:12:11,902
You're in trouble.
294
00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:15,034
You're in deep.
295
00:12:15,035 --> 00:12:17,237
You're in... sane.
296
00:12:24,274 --> 00:12:25,514
Well, everything
looks all right.
297
00:12:25,515 --> 00:12:26,877
They didn't get
the band equipment.
298
00:12:27,277 --> 00:12:28,477
Hold it.
299
00:12:28,478 --> 00:12:30,880
Maybe we've been asking
ourselves the wrong question
300
00:12:30,881 --> 00:12:32,451
all this time.
301
00:12:32,452 --> 00:12:35,254
Maybe we've been off the
scent from the very beginning.
302
00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:37,858
Andy, the very beginning
was two minutes ago.
303
00:12:39,830 --> 00:12:41,992
I see you're gonna be no
help in this investigation.
304
00:12:43,133 --> 00:12:44,894
Come on, that's what
they want you to think.
305
00:12:44,895 --> 00:12:45,995
Well, come on,
what do you want...
306
00:12:45,996 --> 00:12:47,766
(WITH BRITISH ACCENT)
Oh. Hello!
307
00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:49,169
Well, looky what we have here.
308
00:12:50,871 --> 00:12:52,471
(NORMAL VOICE) Sometimes
the most obvious clues
309
00:12:52,472 --> 00:12:54,004
are the ones that
aren't even there.
310
00:12:57,547 --> 00:12:59,148
What are you trying to say?
311
00:12:59,149 --> 00:13:00,950
Damn it, Jim, open your eyes!
312
00:13:00,951 --> 00:13:02,351
What? They're open!
313
00:13:02,352 --> 00:13:04,453
Someone didn't break
into your garage, man.
314
00:13:04,454 --> 00:13:06,185
Someone broke out of it.
315
00:13:06,186 --> 00:13:07,456
Observe.
316
00:13:07,457 --> 00:13:09,889
See all the particles?
They're on the outside.
317
00:13:09,890 --> 00:13:12,262
But yet the garage floor
is completely clean.
318
00:13:16,897 --> 00:13:18,468
(GASPS) And look at this.
319
00:13:19,529 --> 00:13:21,570
Your sledgehammer isn't
stored in its place
320
00:13:21,571 --> 00:13:23,572
with its fellow tools.
321
00:13:23,573 --> 00:13:25,574
It was an inside job, man!
322
00:13:25,575 --> 00:13:28,938
So let's stop playing
these silly games!
323
00:13:28,939 --> 00:13:30,539
Well, if somebody wanted
to get out of the garage,
324
00:13:30,540 --> 00:13:32,942
why didn't they just
open the garage door?
325
00:13:32,943 --> 00:13:36,045
Come on, son. Put
the pieces together.
326
00:13:36,046 --> 00:13:37,917
Take the training wheels off.
327
00:13:37,918 --> 00:13:40,049
Lose the diaper. Put on
the big boy pants.
328
00:13:40,050 --> 00:13:41,251
All right.
329
00:13:44,194 --> 00:13:45,255
Think.
330
00:13:46,456 --> 00:13:48,597
Well, unless the
garage door... Come on.
331
00:13:48,598 --> 00:13:51,100
The garage door was... was
broken! Uh-huh. You want it.
332
00:13:51,101 --> 00:13:52,331
It didn't work.
333
00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:53,263
Let's do it.
And then they would just...
334
00:13:53,264 --> 00:13:54,503
Say it!
335
00:13:54,504 --> 00:13:55,465
They would just
reset the system,
336
00:13:55,466 --> 00:13:57,106
unless they couldn't!
337
00:13:57,107 --> 00:14:01,110
Because... Because
"they" was a woman!
338
00:14:01,111 --> 00:14:03,142
And they never listen
to your instructions
339
00:14:03,143 --> 00:14:04,914
no matter how many
times you repeat it!
340
00:14:04,915 --> 00:14:05,975
Who?
341
00:14:05,976 --> 00:14:07,077
Cheryl!
342
00:14:08,949 --> 00:14:10,149
Cheryl.
343
00:14:10,150 --> 00:14:11,381
Hickory dickory right.
344
00:14:14,224 --> 00:14:17,856
Ha, ha. Well, well, well.
(CHUCKLES)
345
00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:20,489
Well, watching all those
cop shows paid off, huh?
346
00:14:20,490 --> 00:14:23,462
Oh, yeah. And if I
meet a lucky lady,
347
00:14:23,463 --> 00:14:25,634
maybe watching the Spice
channel will pay off, too.
348
00:14:25,635 --> 00:14:27,266
Yeah.
349
00:14:27,267 --> 00:14:30,039
I got a lot of techniques.
350
00:14:30,040 --> 00:14:31,341
I'm tired of using
'em on myself.
351
00:14:39,509 --> 00:14:41,110
SHEILA: Going once...
352
00:14:41,111 --> 00:14:42,511
Going twice...
353
00:14:42,512 --> 00:14:44,253
$200!
$200!
354
00:14:44,254 --> 00:14:46,255
(AUDIENCE GASPS)
SHEILA: Once?
355
00:14:46,256 --> 00:14:48,087
Twice?
356
00:14:48,088 --> 00:14:50,059
Sold for $200!
357
00:14:50,060 --> 00:14:51,290
Thank you.
358
00:14:51,291 --> 00:14:53,122
Dana, Dana, sit down.
359
00:14:53,123 --> 00:14:54,563
What are you going to
do with a sea kayak?
360
00:14:54,564 --> 00:14:56,025
But, Cheryl, don't you get it?
361
00:14:56,026 --> 00:14:58,197
Now instead of just
being boring old Dana,
362
00:14:58,198 --> 00:15:00,529
I'm gonna be the
intriguing girl with a kayak.
363
00:15:00,530 --> 00:15:01,600
Oh...
364
00:15:01,601 --> 00:15:04,273
Excuse me.
Do you kayak?
365
00:15:04,274 --> 00:15:05,434
I do.
366
00:15:05,435 --> 00:15:06,476
Go on.
367
00:15:07,978 --> 00:15:09,238
Hey, babe!
368
00:15:09,239 --> 00:15:11,941
Hey! Hi!
369
00:15:11,942 --> 00:15:14,143
So, so, everything cool at home?
370
00:15:14,144 --> 00:15:15,244
Cool as a cucumber.
371
00:15:15,245 --> 00:15:16,485
Yeah, and the kids...
372
00:15:16,486 --> 00:15:17,516
They got to their
sleepover okay?
373
00:15:17,517 --> 00:15:19,618
No problem. S'all good.
374
00:15:19,619 --> 00:15:21,250
Oh, honey.
375
00:15:21,251 --> 00:15:23,522
Look at you. You
remembered your tie.
376
00:15:23,523 --> 00:15:26,325
Well, I felt so bad about
that unfortunate incident
377
00:15:26,326 --> 00:15:27,556
with our good
friend Charlotte...
378
00:15:27,557 --> 00:15:29,358
Sheila.
Sheila.
379
00:15:29,359 --> 00:15:31,260
That I have decided
that, you know what?
380
00:15:31,261 --> 00:15:33,162
I'm gonna focus
on listening to you,
381
00:15:33,163 --> 00:15:34,603
because that's
what you do for me.
382
00:15:34,604 --> 00:15:36,535
I mean, honey,
I was way off base
383
00:15:36,536 --> 00:15:39,238
with all that poppycock
about women and men
384
00:15:39,239 --> 00:15:40,669
not hearing each other.
385
00:15:40,670 --> 00:15:42,271
There you go again, Jim,
386
00:15:42,272 --> 00:15:44,144
with one of your
crackpot theories.
387
00:15:45,075 --> 00:15:47,246
Lock this man up.
388
00:15:47,247 --> 00:15:49,718
I'm telling you, when the apes
take over the planet in 10 years,
389
00:15:49,719 --> 00:15:51,981
they're gonna keep me
around just for the laughs!
390
00:15:51,982 --> 00:15:54,283
Oh, honey. Really,
you know what?
391
00:15:54,284 --> 00:15:57,726
It's not a problem. And in
honor of tonight's charity event,
392
00:15:57,727 --> 00:16:00,959
I'm gonna take the high
road and not rub it in.
393
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:03,592
Well, I can rub it in. I'm
a low road kind of person.
394
00:16:03,593 --> 00:16:07,136
Next we have a last-minute
item from our very good friends
395
00:16:07,137 --> 00:16:09,598
Jim and Andy at
Ground Up Design.
396
00:16:09,599 --> 00:16:11,370
CHERYL: Honey!
397
00:16:11,371 --> 00:16:12,741
I didn't know you
donated something.
398
00:16:12,742 --> 00:16:14,043
That is so sweet.
399
00:16:14,044 --> 00:16:15,174
Well, I felt so bad
400
00:16:15,175 --> 00:16:16,445
about what happened with Sheila.
401
00:16:16,446 --> 00:16:20,179
I mean, so
she's fat. Right?
402
00:16:20,180 --> 00:16:23,112
Why should the
community center suffer?
403
00:16:23,113 --> 00:16:27,316
Wow, that's... That's
very sensitive of you.
404
00:16:27,317 --> 00:16:30,419
Hey, Sheila, do you mind
if Andy and I take this one?
405
00:16:30,420 --> 00:16:31,620
We can do this one, right, Andy?
406
00:16:31,621 --> 00:16:32,991
Yeah.
407
00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:34,093
Hey, Sheila, thank you.
408
00:16:34,094 --> 00:16:36,496
Hey, how about it
for Sheila here, huh?
409
00:16:37,527 --> 00:16:39,268
Doesn't she look great?
410
00:16:39,269 --> 00:16:41,101
She just had a baby last week.
411
00:16:41,731 --> 00:16:43,032
It was five months ago.
412
00:16:43,033 --> 00:16:45,374
Yeah, work with me
here, will you?
413
00:16:45,375 --> 00:16:47,036
All right, all right, all right,
414
00:16:47,037 --> 00:16:48,407
we're gonna raise some
money right now, aren't we?
415
00:16:48,408 --> 00:16:50,639
Aren't we gonna
raise some money?
416
00:16:50,640 --> 00:16:52,681
All right, let's get
right to the bidding
417
00:16:52,682 --> 00:16:54,243
on one of the best
items this evening.
418
00:16:54,244 --> 00:16:58,218
It is a fantastic
automatic garage door!
419
00:16:59,619 --> 00:17:01,019
JIM: Yes, yes.
420
00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:02,521
And along with this
421
00:17:02,522 --> 00:17:05,254
goes a lifetime guarantee,
422
00:17:05,255 --> 00:17:08,797
so if for some reason the
door should fail on you,
423
00:17:08,798 --> 00:17:11,330
you can either call me,
424
00:17:11,331 --> 00:17:13,333
like a normal person...
425
00:17:16,666 --> 00:17:20,339
Or, you can break out
with this nifty little
426
00:17:20,340 --> 00:17:22,242
emergency exit device!
427
00:17:24,714 --> 00:17:26,576
'Cause this is
what my wife uses.
428
00:17:28,318 --> 00:17:29,678
Right, Cheryl?
429
00:17:29,679 --> 00:17:31,350
JIM: Honey?
430
00:17:31,351 --> 00:17:33,823
Can we put a light on
my lovely wife, please?
431
00:17:35,455 --> 00:17:36,685
JIM: Cheryl?
432
00:17:36,686 --> 00:17:38,487
Can you hear me?
433
00:17:38,488 --> 00:17:41,261
Because I can repeat it
if you want me to.
434
00:17:41,731 --> 00:17:43,092
JIM: Cheryl?
435
00:17:43,093 --> 00:17:43,833
Dana, you got to
get me out of here.
436
00:17:43,834 --> 00:17:45,294
Dana? Dana?
437
00:17:45,295 --> 00:17:46,835
Like most girls
right out of college,
438
00:17:46,836 --> 00:17:48,838
I kayaked through Europe.
439
00:17:49,639 --> 00:17:52,102
And it's so much fun.
440
00:17:54,574 --> 00:17:56,146
(DANA SIGHS)
441
00:17:59,449 --> 00:18:01,180
What are you doing?
442
00:18:01,181 --> 00:18:02,611
I'm tripping the whatchamacallit
443
00:18:02,612 --> 00:18:04,853
so I can reset the thingamajig.
444
00:18:04,854 --> 00:18:06,555
If Kyle can do it, so can I.
445
00:18:06,556 --> 00:18:07,856
I refuse to be
shown up by someone
446
00:18:07,857 --> 00:18:09,359
who's afraid of the vacuum.
447
00:18:14,264 --> 00:18:16,426
(GRUNTING)
448
00:18:18,828 --> 00:18:20,300
So, this cool here?
449
00:18:22,132 --> 00:18:23,872
My condo doesn't
allow us to have pets
450
00:18:23,873 --> 00:18:25,605
or giant things we'll
never use, so...
451
00:18:26,506 --> 00:18:27,737
Yeah, whatever.
452
00:18:29,479 --> 00:18:30,809
What's she doing?
453
00:18:30,810 --> 00:18:32,581
We're having a
lesbian pillow fight.
454
00:18:32,582 --> 00:18:33,743
What else does it look like?
455
00:18:38,748 --> 00:18:40,589
Cheryl...
456
00:18:40,590 --> 00:18:42,151
Cheryl...
No!
457
00:18:42,152 --> 00:18:44,293
Cheryl, please, will
you just let it go?
458
00:18:44,294 --> 00:18:46,695
Jim, go to bed. I'm
gonna figure this out.
459
00:18:46,696 --> 00:18:48,257
Honey, I love you to death,
460
00:18:48,258 --> 00:18:49,598
I really do, but you know what?
461
00:18:49,599 --> 00:18:51,760
You're never gonna
figure it out.
462
00:18:51,761 --> 00:18:54,433
Well, maybe if you'd
shine a spotlight on me.
463
00:18:54,434 --> 00:18:56,705
Oh, please, honey.
464
00:18:56,706 --> 00:18:58,807
Jim, it's in my brain.
465
00:18:58,808 --> 00:19:00,369
I just need to access it.
466
00:19:00,370 --> 00:19:02,271
Cheryl, Cheryl, listen to me.
467
00:19:02,272 --> 00:19:04,373
You're not gonna
be able to access it.
468
00:19:04,374 --> 00:19:07,316
Actually, if I give you
the instructions right now,
469
00:19:07,317 --> 00:19:09,379
you still won't
be able to open it.
470
00:19:10,220 --> 00:19:11,581
That is crap.
471
00:19:12,782 --> 00:19:14,152
All right, fine.
472
00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:15,754
I'll give you the
instructions right now.
473
00:19:15,755 --> 00:19:16,825
Okay.
474
00:19:16,826 --> 00:19:17,926
All right.
475
00:19:17,927 --> 00:19:20,459
Press the reset button
down for three seconds,
476
00:19:20,460 --> 00:19:21,890
press pound,
477
00:19:21,891 --> 00:19:24,633
6, star, pound,
478
00:19:24,634 --> 00:19:27,596
then press the
garage door button,
479
00:19:27,597 --> 00:19:28,798
and then it'll open.
480
00:19:30,870 --> 00:19:31,941
Got it.
481
00:19:34,904 --> 00:19:35,945
Go on.
482
00:19:36,876 --> 00:19:38,177
Go.
483
00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:48,317
Know what it is? No, what
is it? What is it? What is it?
484
00:19:48,318 --> 00:19:49,618
You went too fast!
It was a trap!
485
00:19:49,619 --> 00:19:50,959
'Cause you are a trapper.
486
00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:52,891
I am not a trapper! No!
You are!
487
00:19:52,892 --> 00:19:54,723
Why can't you just
admit that I'm right?
488
00:19:54,724 --> 00:19:57,696
No, no, no, Jim, because
you can't be right. Why?
489
00:19:57,697 --> 00:19:59,328
Because...
Because my brain
490
00:19:59,329 --> 00:20:02,571
can't just be full of
recipes and fabric swatches.
491
00:20:02,572 --> 00:20:03,732
All right, let me ask you this.
492
00:20:03,733 --> 00:20:05,404
When I was giving you
the instructions,
493
00:20:05,405 --> 00:20:07,807
what were you
hearing? Be honest.
494
00:20:09,639 --> 00:20:11,310
Something about a pound cake.
495
00:20:11,311 --> 00:20:12,612
(LAUGHS)
496
00:20:14,384 --> 00:20:16,214
A-ha!
Damn it!
497
00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:17,417
Damn it!
498
00:20:21,451 --> 00:20:22,992
Well, that works, too.
499
00:20:24,454 --> 00:20:25,854
That is so depressing.
500
00:20:25,855 --> 00:20:26,995
What?
501
00:20:26,996 --> 00:20:28,997
Cheryl, come on,
what's the big deal?
502
00:20:28,998 --> 00:20:31,900
Men hear things differently
than women hear things.
503
00:20:31,901 --> 00:20:34,363
Why do you have to
make it into a negative?
504
00:20:34,364 --> 00:20:35,734
Half the time
I'm talking to you,
505
00:20:35,735 --> 00:20:37,266
you're hearing the ocean.
506
00:20:37,267 --> 00:20:38,967
How is that a positive?
507
00:20:38,968 --> 00:20:42,411
There is so much crap
that goes on during the day,
508
00:20:42,412 --> 00:20:45,474
it's impossible for one
person to take that all in.
509
00:20:45,475 --> 00:20:48,477
That's why you and I
are good for each other.
510
00:20:48,478 --> 00:20:51,750
So, that's your big
advertisement for marriage?
511
00:20:51,751 --> 00:20:55,624
Get married so someone will
catch all the crap you miss?
512
00:20:55,625 --> 00:20:58,628
Yeah, that and, uh,
the sex part, too.
513
00:21:00,490 --> 00:21:02,031
Oh, honey...
514
00:21:02,592 --> 00:21:04,493
What?
515
00:21:04,494 --> 00:21:06,365
All right, I guess it's not
so bad that we're different.
516
00:21:06,366 --> 00:21:07,496
No.
517
00:21:07,497 --> 00:21:08,637
I'll tell you this, though.
518
00:21:08,638 --> 00:21:09,938
I'm happy I'm the
woman. Mmm-hmm.
519
00:21:09,939 --> 00:21:12,501
I really am, because,
you know, as a woman,
520
00:21:12,502 --> 00:21:14,573
I rely on my inner
resources... Mmm-hmm.
521
00:21:14,574 --> 00:21:16,645
...my inner beauty,
my inner strength.
522
00:21:16,646 --> 00:21:18,607
(WAVES CRASHING)
523
00:21:18,608 --> 00:21:20,479
You know what it is? I think
it's because I'm a life-giver.
524
00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:21,980
(SEAGULLS CALLING)
525
00:21:21,981 --> 00:21:24,314
(CHERYL TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
34216
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