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1
00:00:04,505 --> 00:00:06,005
How much longer?
2
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:07,577
You just asked me that
10 seconds ago.
3
00:00:07,578 --> 00:00:08,609
Oh.
4
00:00:09,480 --> 00:00:10,541
How about now?
5
00:00:12,613 --> 00:00:15,246
Jim, it's a pregnancy test,
not a meat loaf.
6
00:00:16,647 --> 00:00:18,549
Great. Now I'm hungry, too.
7
00:00:20,421 --> 00:00:22,322
Cheryl, what if it's positive?
8
00:00:22,323 --> 00:00:24,654
Well, I mean, it wouldn't be the worst
thing in the world to have another kid.
9
00:00:24,655 --> 00:00:27,297
No, no, no, no,
it would be great!
10
00:00:27,298 --> 00:00:29,359
Great to... (SCOFFS) Come on!
11
00:00:29,360 --> 00:00:32,202
You know what? I don't
even care if it's a boy or a girl,
12
00:00:32,203 --> 00:00:34,505
as long as it's healthy
and a boy.
13
00:00:36,667 --> 00:00:38,608
(EXHALES)
14
00:00:38,609 --> 00:00:39,709
How much longer?
15
00:00:39,710 --> 00:00:42,041
I don't know.
16
00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:44,314
(STAMMERS) And I don't care,
because if it is positive...
17
00:00:44,315 --> 00:00:45,415
It would be great! Yeah!
18
00:00:45,416 --> 00:00:47,377
Absolutely fantastic!
Yeah!
19
00:00:47,378 --> 00:00:49,719
Can you imagine Christmas
with four kids opening presents?
20
00:00:49,720 --> 00:00:53,123
(BOTH GUFFAWING)
21
00:00:53,124 --> 00:00:55,255
(STAMMERS) You know,
I hope it's twins!
22
00:00:55,256 --> 00:00:57,127
Oh!
23
00:00:57,128 --> 00:00:58,228
That would be
twice the blessing.
24
00:00:58,229 --> 00:00:59,330
Yeah.
25
00:01:00,261 --> 00:01:01,362
(BELL DINGING)
26
00:01:10,841 --> 00:01:12,302
(EXHALES) Negative!
27
00:01:12,303 --> 00:01:14,144
Oh, thank god!
28
00:01:14,145 --> 00:01:15,805
(BOTH CHEERING)
29
00:01:15,806 --> 00:01:18,848
Oh, we're not having
a baby! Oh, thank god!
30
00:01:18,849 --> 00:01:20,110
Oh, that was close!
31
00:01:20,111 --> 00:01:21,811
Oh, too close!
Okay, let's do it!
32
00:01:21,812 --> 00:01:24,614
Oh! Whoa!
Don't... Jim! Wait!
33
00:01:24,615 --> 00:01:25,855
What?
34
00:01:25,856 --> 00:01:27,687
Well, we just had
a pregnancy scare.
35
00:01:27,688 --> 00:01:29,759
Don't you think we should,
you know, talk about it?
36
00:01:29,760 --> 00:01:32,362
Why! We just dodged a
bullet! You're not pregnant.
37
00:01:32,363 --> 00:01:34,224
No 2:00 a.m. feedings,
no diapers.
38
00:01:34,225 --> 00:01:36,326
Come on, baby.
It's naked time!
39
00:01:36,327 --> 00:01:37,528
Come on.
40
00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:39,829
Jim...
41
00:01:39,830 --> 00:01:43,703
If we're this happy about not having
another baby, don't you think we should...
42
00:01:43,704 --> 00:01:46,206
Take precautions to make sure
it doesn't happen again?
43
00:01:46,207 --> 00:01:48,308
Yes, I completely agree.
44
00:01:48,309 --> 00:01:50,240
You do whatever it takes and I'll
pick you up at the doctor's office.
45
00:01:50,241 --> 00:01:51,411
Come on! Come on! Come on!
46
00:01:51,412 --> 00:01:53,283
No, no!
47
00:01:53,284 --> 00:01:56,316
For me, it's major surgery
and a hospital stay.
48
00:01:56,317 --> 00:01:58,388
For you, it's quick
and simple. Snip, snip.
49
00:01:58,389 --> 00:01:59,790
(GROANS) Ouch!
50
00:02:01,422 --> 00:02:02,522
Snip, snip?
51
00:02:02,523 --> 00:02:04,624
Yeah.
No, no. Ow, ow!
52
00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:06,226
No, no!
53
00:02:06,227 --> 00:02:07,897
No way "Snip, snip" with that...
54
00:02:07,898 --> 00:02:10,560
Ooh, the sound of that.
55
00:02:10,561 --> 00:02:13,263
Come on.
It's not happening.
56
00:02:13,264 --> 00:02:15,265
God doesn't like it when you...
57
00:02:15,266 --> 00:02:16,907
Mess around with his handiwork.
58
00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:19,709
It's in the bible.
59
00:02:19,710 --> 00:02:20,870
Oh, come on.
60
00:02:20,871 --> 00:02:22,472
It is so!
61
00:02:22,473 --> 00:02:25,416
"Thou shalt not
commit vasectomy."
62
00:02:27,478 --> 00:02:29,279
Do you really want
to go through this again?
63
00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:33,383
Oh, come on, Cheryl, do you know
why men wear cups at sporting events?
64
00:02:33,384 --> 00:02:36,556
To protect
what's precious to them.
65
00:02:36,557 --> 00:02:38,688
Why would I pay some guy
to take a knife to it?
66
00:02:38,689 --> 00:02:43,564
Because for you,
it's safer, faster...
67
00:02:44,635 --> 00:02:45,636
And cheaper.
68
00:02:46,837 --> 00:02:48,199
Cheaper.
69
00:02:49,540 --> 00:02:50,701
Damn it!
70
00:02:53,604 --> 00:02:55,375
Honey, we can be
so much more spontaneous.
71
00:02:55,376 --> 00:02:57,347
I mean, there's no more
stopping what we're doing
72
00:02:57,348 --> 00:02:58,848
to fumble around
for birth control.
73
00:02:58,849 --> 00:03:02,682
Well, you're the one fumbling.
I'm just waiting.
74
00:03:02,683 --> 00:03:04,814
Yeah, and there's nothing more
romantic than hearing you say,
75
00:03:04,815 --> 00:03:07,687
"Cheryl, let's go,
tick tock."
76
00:03:07,688 --> 00:03:11,392
I say it a little more
romantically than that, thank you.
77
00:03:12,363 --> 00:03:13,523
Jim.
What?
78
00:03:13,524 --> 00:03:17,727
If you do this,
we can do whatever we want
79
00:03:17,728 --> 00:03:18,968
whenever you want.
80
00:03:18,969 --> 00:03:21,331
Oh, come on, I've heard
that song and dance before
81
00:03:21,332 --> 00:03:22,772
when you wanted me
to eat more roughage.
82
00:03:22,773 --> 00:03:24,904
Uh-uh.
I'm not buying it.
83
00:03:24,905 --> 00:03:28,679
Okay, okay. But did I offer
you "Wherever you want"?
84
00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:34,845
You're bluffing.
85
00:03:35,516 --> 00:03:36,846
Am I?
86
00:03:36,847 --> 00:03:38,718
You know, at the new movie
theater down at the mall
87
00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:41,391
they have armrests that
fold up so that a person...
88
00:03:41,392 --> 00:03:42,822
Or two...
89
00:03:42,823 --> 00:03:44,755
Can lie down flat.
90
00:03:47,358 --> 00:03:50,000
Wow, sex and a movie.
91
00:03:53,534 --> 00:03:55,765
But I get to pick the movie.
92
00:03:55,766 --> 00:03:58,369
Oh, I don't care. We
just had sex. I'll be asleep.
93
00:04:08,919 --> 00:04:10,681
JIM: Oh, baby!
94
00:04:27,638 --> 00:04:29,370
Jim, good morning.
95
00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:31,801
Hi, Dr. Schulman.
96
00:04:31,802 --> 00:04:34,544
So, you all prepped
and ready to go?
97
00:04:34,545 --> 00:04:36,275
Yeah.
98
00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:38,836
Yeah, it was a little weird
trimming the infield there, you know.
99
00:04:39,950 --> 00:04:41,381
But after it was done,
100
00:04:41,382 --> 00:04:44,284
it felt quite comfortable
and breezy.
101
00:04:45,916 --> 00:04:47,887
Well, you're not
the first one to say that.
102
00:04:47,888 --> 00:04:51,362
You know, once you trim the
shrubbery, the tree looks bigger.
103
00:04:55,826 --> 00:04:57,828
You are the first one
to say that.
104
00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:01,571
So, uh, if you wouldn't mind
just laying back,
105
00:05:01,572 --> 00:05:03,303
put your feet in the stirrups.
106
00:05:06,677 --> 00:05:08,678
Come on, doc, I mean,
107
00:05:08,679 --> 00:05:10,999
aren't you going to at least
buy me a drink first? (LAUGHS)
108
00:05:14,715 --> 00:05:16,786
Okay, I'm going to
talk you through this.
109
00:05:16,787 --> 00:05:20,049
It's really
a very simple procedure.
110
00:05:20,050 --> 00:05:21,991
I'll begin by
manipulating the scrotum
111
00:05:21,992 --> 00:05:23,693
so I can locate
the vas deferens.
112
00:05:23,694 --> 00:05:26,496
And, uh, then I will
grip it firmly
113
00:05:26,497 --> 00:05:28,999
and inject this local
anesthetic into your testicles.
114
00:05:31,732 --> 00:05:33,963
Then you're going to feel a little
pinch, and I'll make the incision.
115
00:05:33,964 --> 00:05:35,605
Once I cut and cauterize it,
116
00:05:35,606 --> 00:05:37,066
you'll be completely sterile.
117
00:05:37,067 --> 00:05:40,770
Back off, back off, back off
with the needle!
118
00:05:40,771 --> 00:05:42,972
Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh. There's
going to be no cauterizing,
119
00:05:42,973 --> 00:05:45,846
no sterilizing,
no "Izing" whatsoever!
120
00:05:47,047 --> 00:05:48,378
Jim, just relax.
121
00:05:48,379 --> 00:05:49,879
No, no, no,
you don't understand.
122
00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:52,482
What if, god forbid,
something happened to my wife,
123
00:05:52,483 --> 00:05:55,885
or she finally wises up
and leaves me?
124
00:05:55,886 --> 00:05:58,758
I mean, I've got a
responsibility to my second wife,
125
00:05:58,759 --> 00:06:01,060
you know, and her being 25,
126
00:06:01,061 --> 00:06:03,363
she's going to want
to have another kid!
127
00:06:04,795 --> 00:06:06,636
Jim, I met Cheryl
at the consultation.
128
00:06:06,637 --> 00:06:07,897
You're not doing any better.
129
00:06:07,898 --> 00:06:10,139
Trust me, you're done.
130
00:06:10,140 --> 00:06:11,771
Now, just lay back on the table.
131
00:06:11,772 --> 00:06:13,903
You know, you're having
a normal reaction.
132
00:06:13,904 --> 00:06:16,045
(STAMMERS) Normal?
133
00:06:16,046 --> 00:06:19,610
Is it normal for you to be slapped
by a shaved man in a paper dress?
134
00:06:20,751 --> 00:06:22,682
Because that's what
is going to happen!
135
00:06:22,683 --> 00:06:23,914
Back off!
136
00:06:26,787 --> 00:06:28,889
What kind of a man
does this for a living?
137
00:06:29,920 --> 00:06:31,822
You should be ashamed
of yourself!
138
00:06:33,724 --> 00:06:36,066
Oh, and by the way,
I broke your nutcracker.
139
00:06:41,532 --> 00:06:44,775
Oh, you brave, brave man.
140
00:06:47,077 --> 00:06:48,608
Are you in a lot of pain?
141
00:06:48,609 --> 00:06:50,079
No, not really, Cheryl,
but I need to tell you...
142
00:06:50,080 --> 00:06:52,913
(SHUSHING) You know what?
You can tell me about it later.
143
00:06:53,784 --> 00:06:55,084
I'm sure that wasn't fun.
144
00:06:55,085 --> 00:06:57,688
(SIGHS) No.
145
00:06:58,819 --> 00:06:59,919
No, It wasn't.
146
00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:01,691
(SIGHS)
147
00:07:01,692 --> 00:07:03,623
You don't even realize
how strong you are.
148
00:07:03,624 --> 00:07:05,555
Oh, no, Cheryl,
I'm not strong at all.
149
00:07:05,556 --> 00:07:06,826
Yes.
150
00:07:06,827 --> 00:07:08,558
Yes, you are.
151
00:07:08,559 --> 00:07:10,700
I am so proud of you.
152
00:07:10,701 --> 00:07:12,101
Do you know,
the nurse was telling me
153
00:07:12,102 --> 00:07:13,863
that some men chicken out
at the last minute
154
00:07:13,864 --> 00:07:15,435
and run out like little girls?
155
00:07:18,108 --> 00:07:20,570
But not you, no.
156
00:07:20,571 --> 00:07:22,713
You were willing
to go through this for me...
157
00:07:23,574 --> 00:07:24,745
For us.
158
00:07:25,576 --> 00:07:27,447
You are my hero.
159
00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:31,722
Well, Cheryl...
160
00:07:32,653 --> 00:07:34,224
That's what heroes do.
161
00:07:35,926 --> 00:07:37,126
Well, let's get you home,
162
00:07:37,127 --> 00:07:39,158
because I am going to take
such good care of you.
163
00:07:39,159 --> 00:07:40,891
(LAUGHING) Okay.
164
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:46,466
Cheryl, listen.
165
00:07:47,868 --> 00:07:49,739
I'm feeling a little weak.
Can you pull the car up?
166
00:07:49,740 --> 00:07:52,171
Of course.
You sit right there.
167
00:07:52,172 --> 00:07:54,043
Oh, oh, baby, okay.
Just sit right there.
168
00:07:54,044 --> 00:07:55,175
(GROANS)
169
00:08:12,893 --> 00:08:14,894
Daddy, we made you
a get-well hat.
170
00:08:14,895 --> 00:08:16,495
Put it on.
171
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:18,899
Oh, girls,
it's so lovely, but...
172
00:08:21,071 --> 00:08:23,232
It's much too beautiful to wear.
173
00:08:23,233 --> 00:08:24,705
Put it on!
174
00:08:30,841 --> 00:08:32,542
Do you feel better now, daddy?
175
00:08:32,543 --> 00:08:33,844
I know I do.
176
00:08:36,717 --> 00:08:38,217
Okay, you girls ready?
177
00:08:38,218 --> 00:08:39,689
Where are you taking them?
178
00:08:39,690 --> 00:08:41,090
Cheryl asked me to take
the kids out of the house
179
00:08:41,091 --> 00:08:43,293
so you could heal up from
that favor you did the world.
180
00:08:46,126 --> 00:08:47,857
Where are we going, Aunt Dana?
181
00:08:47,858 --> 00:08:50,099
We are going to return the dress
that Aunt Dana wore last night,
182
00:08:50,100 --> 00:08:52,732
and if they give me a problem,
you get to throw a tantrum.
183
00:08:52,733 --> 00:08:54,063
Can we swear like last time?
184
00:08:54,064 --> 00:08:56,136
Only if you want ice cream.
185
00:08:57,307 --> 00:08:58,708
Dana!
186
00:08:58,709 --> 00:09:00,710
Hey, sweetie,
how are you feeling?
187
00:09:00,711 --> 00:09:02,743
Well, that foot fungus is back.
188
00:09:05,676 --> 00:09:07,146
I was talking to Jim.
189
00:09:07,147 --> 00:09:09,279
And get those mushroom
farms off my couch.
190
00:09:10,621 --> 00:09:13,222
Hey, honey,
I brought you some nachos.
191
00:09:13,223 --> 00:09:15,685
Mmm! Something's missing.
192
00:09:15,686 --> 00:09:17,657
(GASPS SARCASTICALLY)
A kiss.
193
00:09:17,658 --> 00:09:19,088
(BOTH MOANING)
(LAUGHING)
194
00:09:19,089 --> 00:09:21,931
Yes, that was it.
And sour cream.
195
00:09:21,932 --> 00:09:22,963
Oh.
196
00:09:24,294 --> 00:09:26,035
Boy, if I ever get a vasectomy,
197
00:09:26,036 --> 00:09:27,897
I hope my wife
treats me this well.
198
00:09:27,898 --> 00:09:29,198
Look, if you ever get a wife,
199
00:09:29,199 --> 00:09:30,871
don't worry about
how she treats you.
200
00:09:31,942 --> 00:09:33,803
I've got to hand it to you, Jim.
201
00:09:33,804 --> 00:09:35,805
You got guts, man.
202
00:09:35,806 --> 00:09:39,009
I'd never let anyone near Fred
and Ginger with a sharp object.
203
00:09:41,181 --> 00:09:43,784
You named one of your guys
after a girl?
204
00:09:44,855 --> 00:09:46,687
Yeah, the pretty one.
205
00:09:49,219 --> 00:09:52,361
You realize what a
sacrifice you made?
206
00:09:52,362 --> 00:09:55,164
All right, all right.
Just stop it, okay?
207
00:09:55,165 --> 00:09:56,996
Listen...
208
00:09:56,997 --> 00:09:59,128
If I tell you something,
can you be cool about it?
209
00:09:59,129 --> 00:10:01,031
Baby, I was born cool.
210
00:10:03,133 --> 00:10:04,674
I didn't get a vasectomy.
211
00:10:04,675 --> 00:10:05,875
Oh, my god!
212
00:10:05,876 --> 00:10:07,737
(SHUSHING)
213
00:10:07,738 --> 00:10:08,979
Will you stop it!
214
00:10:10,380 --> 00:10:12,012
I got a secret.
215
00:10:14,785 --> 00:10:16,085
I feel so alive!
216
00:10:16,086 --> 00:10:18,187
Oh!
217
00:10:18,188 --> 00:10:21,190
Will you stop it? Wait,
whoa, no, no, wait.
218
00:10:21,191 --> 00:10:24,224
You went to the doctor.
You're icing your crotch.
219
00:10:25,826 --> 00:10:27,356
No, this is just potato chips
220
00:10:27,357 --> 00:10:29,259
with rocks to weigh it down.
221
00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:31,131
You want one?
222
00:10:33,934 --> 00:10:35,304
I'm not eating chips
out of your...
223
00:10:35,305 --> 00:10:36,967
Ooh, Cool Ranch!
224
00:10:38,769 --> 00:10:40,270
So what happened?
225
00:10:41,341 --> 00:10:43,072
I don't know.
226
00:10:43,073 --> 00:10:44,874
I've got to tell you...
227
00:10:44,875 --> 00:10:49,018
When that doctor came at me and
told me that I was going to be sterile,
228
00:10:49,019 --> 00:10:50,920
I just freaked out.
229
00:10:50,921 --> 00:10:53,222
I started thinking, when
we're walking down the street,
230
00:10:53,223 --> 00:10:56,226
people are going to say, "Hey,
there goes Cheryl and sterile!"
231
00:10:59,389 --> 00:11:01,991
Hey, honey, I made your
follow-up appointment.
232
00:11:01,992 --> 00:11:03,963
What? Why?
233
00:11:03,964 --> 00:11:05,765
You know, at the lab?
234
00:11:05,766 --> 00:11:07,096
They have to make sure
the operation worked
235
00:11:07,097 --> 00:11:10,039
and your little swimmers
aren't swimming.
236
00:11:10,040 --> 00:11:12,772
It was in that brochure they
gave us at the consultation.
237
00:11:12,773 --> 00:11:14,844
Oh, great, you're reading
the brochures now.
238
00:11:14,845 --> 00:11:16,275
Yeah.
239
00:11:16,276 --> 00:11:18,007
And when you're all healed up,
240
00:11:18,008 --> 00:11:19,449
I'll make it worth your while.
241
00:11:24,284 --> 00:11:26,086
What is the matter with you?
242
00:11:26,717 --> 00:11:27,888
Nothing.
243
00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:31,121
Just feeling alive.
244
00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:35,766
Andy!
245
00:11:36,166 --> 00:11:37,696
Wow.
246
00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:38,968
I can't believe I didn't
see this coming,
247
00:11:38,969 --> 00:11:41,431
but it looks like one of
your lies backfired on you.
248
00:11:42,933 --> 00:11:44,834
I know, I know.
249
00:11:44,835 --> 00:11:47,306
When we go to the lab and
the test comes back normal,
250
00:11:47,307 --> 00:11:49,208
Cheryl's going to find out.
251
00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:53,283
It's like I got three billion little stool
pigeons swimming around inside me.
252
00:11:54,915 --> 00:11:57,016
Hold on. I got it.
253
00:11:57,017 --> 00:11:59,920
Colonel Andy in the living
room with the answer.
254
00:12:02,923 --> 00:12:05,855
I was watching a movie
on lifetime the other day.
255
00:12:05,856 --> 00:12:08,858
What? You watch lifetime? Why?
256
00:12:08,859 --> 00:12:11,461
'Cause I have no life
and plenty of time.
257
00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:18,208
The same thing happened to
Perry King and Joan Van Ark.
258
00:12:19,009 --> 00:12:20,209
What?
259
00:12:20,210 --> 00:12:22,171
Perry goes in for a vasectomy,
260
00:12:22,172 --> 00:12:24,314
four months later,
Joan's knocked up.
261
00:12:25,816 --> 00:12:26,946
Wow, what happened?
262
00:12:26,947 --> 00:12:28,477
Well, according to lifetime...
263
00:12:28,478 --> 00:12:30,420
And they are
the women's channel...
264
00:12:31,922 --> 00:12:33,883
With some guys,
it just doesn't take,
265
00:12:33,884 --> 00:12:36,485
and their business
grows back together.
266
00:12:36,486 --> 00:12:38,889
Jim, you could be
one of those guys.
267
00:12:40,230 --> 00:12:42,161
Andy...
268
00:12:42,162 --> 00:12:45,134
I just became one of those guys!
269
00:12:45,135 --> 00:12:46,996
So you keep your
appointment at the lab,
270
00:12:46,997 --> 00:12:48,898
and when the results
come back normal...
271
00:12:48,899 --> 00:12:51,801
I just tell Cheryl
that it's a sign
272
00:12:51,802 --> 00:12:55,045
that God didn't want me
to withhold my seed.
273
00:12:58,949 --> 00:13:00,109
You think that's going to work?
274
00:13:00,110 --> 00:13:01,981
Oh, yeah, I can pretty
much sell her anything
275
00:13:01,982 --> 00:13:03,253
if God's attached.
276
00:13:07,117 --> 00:13:08,787
What is taking so long?
277
00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:11,560
Cheryl, it's a sperm count,
not a meat loaf.
278
00:13:11,561 --> 00:13:14,423
(LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY)
279
00:13:14,424 --> 00:13:16,966
(LAUGHS) This is funny.
What?
280
00:13:16,967 --> 00:13:19,428
Well, it says here that...
281
00:13:19,429 --> 00:13:22,201
You know, this operation
isn't 100% effective.
282
00:13:22,202 --> 00:13:23,302
Hmm.
283
00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:25,174
But it'll be fine.
284
00:13:25,175 --> 00:13:26,506
God willing.
285
00:13:27,838 --> 00:13:29,538
Okay, sorry to keep you,
286
00:13:29,539 --> 00:13:31,080
but I have your results
right here.
287
00:13:31,081 --> 00:13:33,382
And? Well,
everything looks good.
288
00:13:33,383 --> 00:13:35,916
Your sperm count
is very low. Well!
289
00:13:36,586 --> 00:13:37,918
CHERYL: Great!
290
00:13:39,019 --> 00:13:40,449
What?
291
00:13:40,450 --> 00:13:42,993
You now have a nice
low sperm count.
292
00:13:44,094 --> 00:13:45,955
I heard you the first time.
293
00:13:45,956 --> 00:13:48,297
What is wrong with you?
This was supposed to happen.
294
00:13:48,298 --> 00:13:50,360
No, no, I demand a recount!
295
00:13:53,133 --> 00:13:55,364
Give me a cup and the keys
to the fun room. Come on.
296
00:13:55,365 --> 00:13:56,906
Jim!
297
00:13:56,907 --> 00:13:59,038
Sir, sir, these results
are highly accurate
298
00:13:59,039 --> 00:14:01,010
and consistent
with your vasectomy.
299
00:14:01,011 --> 00:14:02,942
See? Low sperm count...
300
00:14:02,943 --> 00:14:04,613
Stop saying that!
301
00:14:04,614 --> 00:14:06,115
Jim!
What?
302
00:14:06,116 --> 00:14:08,077
Why are you acting like this?
This is what we wanted.
303
00:14:08,078 --> 00:14:10,449
No, I can't have
a low sperm count!
304
00:14:10,450 --> 00:14:12,121
You get a vasectomy,
you get a low sperm count.
305
00:14:12,122 --> 00:14:13,883
No, but it's impossible!
306
00:14:13,884 --> 00:14:17,187
The only way it's impossible
is if you didn't get a vasectomy.
307
00:14:21,261 --> 00:14:22,562
Oh, my god.
308
00:14:23,263 --> 00:14:25,194
You didn't get it.
309
00:14:25,195 --> 00:14:27,466
You've been lying to me
this whole time?
310
00:14:27,467 --> 00:14:28,637
Well, I was...
(GROANS)
311
00:14:28,638 --> 00:14:31,200
Cheryl, Cheryl...
No, no, Jim.
312
00:14:31,201 --> 00:14:32,441
When were you going
to tell me the truth,
313
00:14:32,442 --> 00:14:34,404
after the birth
of our fourth child?
314
00:14:36,947 --> 00:14:39,009
I don't think
there'll be a fourth child.
315
00:14:41,211 --> 00:14:42,381
You've got a low sperm count...
316
00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:44,354
Okay, now I'm going
to kick your ass!
317
00:14:56,226 --> 00:14:57,526
Hi.
Hey.
318
00:14:57,527 --> 00:15:00,129
I am so sorry to make you
leave work to be down here.
319
00:15:00,130 --> 00:15:03,202
Oh, please, Jim lied to you
about getting a vasectomy.
320
00:15:03,203 --> 00:15:06,205
This is going to be the
mother of all trash sessions.
321
00:15:06,206 --> 00:15:08,908
I am so angry I don't even
know what to do about it.
322
00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:11,611
Mmm.
Thank you.
323
00:15:13,213 --> 00:15:15,214
Oh, you're cake angry.
324
00:15:15,215 --> 00:15:18,347
You didn't sound
cake angry on the phone.
325
00:15:18,348 --> 00:15:21,250
Why do we even bother making
these great big life decisions together
326
00:15:21,251 --> 00:15:23,323
if he's just going
to ignore everything?
327
00:15:23,994 --> 00:15:25,925
Hey, sweetie!
328
00:15:28,098 --> 00:15:30,559
You should see
how he's milking this.
329
00:15:30,560 --> 00:15:32,301
It's like he's constantly
complaining about being in pain
330
00:15:32,302 --> 00:15:35,104
from an operation
he never even had.
331
00:15:35,105 --> 00:15:38,367
And who has the cutest
little apple cheeks?
332
00:15:38,368 --> 00:15:41,010
Yes, you do.
Yes, you do. Dana!
333
00:15:41,011 --> 00:15:43,212
Sorry.
334
00:15:43,213 --> 00:15:46,515
I mean, he and I agreed we don't
want another pregnancy scare.
335
00:15:46,516 --> 00:15:49,248
We agreed! It's like
he just can't be trusted!
336
00:15:49,249 --> 00:15:52,522
Oh! Peek-a-boo! Peek-a-boo!
337
00:15:54,384 --> 00:15:55,654
You know what I think?
338
00:15:55,655 --> 00:15:58,227
That you might want
to have another baby?
339
00:15:58,228 --> 00:15:59,628
Where did that come from?
340
00:15:59,629 --> 00:16:01,460
Cheryl, look at you.
341
00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:03,532
You're going crazy for a
kid you don't even know.
342
00:16:03,533 --> 00:16:04,663
What are you talking about?
343
00:16:04,664 --> 00:16:06,735
Oh, please, you...
(BABY SQUEALS)
344
00:16:06,736 --> 00:16:08,738
You're ovaries are ringing
like church bells.
345
00:16:11,301 --> 00:16:12,671
That is not...
That is not true.
346
00:16:12,672 --> 00:16:15,004
(STAMMERS) I know
you think you know me,
347
00:16:15,005 --> 00:16:17,646
but I don't want another baby.
348
00:16:17,647 --> 00:16:21,381
I don't want another Little
miracle to hold. (CRYING)
349
00:16:22,552 --> 00:16:25,455
I do, I do! I want a baby!
350
00:16:26,156 --> 00:16:27,256
I do!
351
00:16:27,257 --> 00:16:28,387
Cheryl, don't cry.
352
00:16:28,388 --> 00:16:30,189
If you're going to cry
for anyone, cry for me.
353
00:16:30,190 --> 00:16:32,421
I'm the one who might have to
baby-sit a fourth kid for free someday.
354
00:16:32,422 --> 00:16:33,423
(LAUGHS)
355
00:16:34,224 --> 00:16:37,526
Oh, thank you, thank you.
356
00:16:37,527 --> 00:16:38,627
I'm going to go talk to Jim.
357
00:16:38,628 --> 00:16:40,599
Okay.
358
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:43,673
Thank god I'm married to the
least reliable man in the world.
359
00:16:46,576 --> 00:16:48,437
(SQUEALS)
360
00:16:48,438 --> 00:16:52,782
I could have a little cutie like
you, but instead I have a career.
361
00:16:54,114 --> 00:16:55,715
It's fulfilling.
It really is.
362
00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:01,291
Hey! You're not
better than me!
363
00:17:05,055 --> 00:17:07,057
(PLAYING BLUES ON HARMONICA)
364
00:17:12,762 --> 00:17:14,033
Hey.
365
00:17:14,404 --> 00:17:15,405
Hey.
366
00:17:18,308 --> 00:17:20,069
Where are the kids?
367
00:17:20,070 --> 00:17:22,541
Oh, they're okay.
Don't worry about them.
368
00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:26,475
They're fed and homework's
done, and they had their baths.
369
00:17:26,476 --> 00:17:28,577
Wow. You did all that?
370
00:17:28,578 --> 00:17:30,150
No, Andy did.
371
00:17:31,621 --> 00:17:33,223
They're all over at his place.
372
00:17:35,325 --> 00:17:36,655
We need to talk.
373
00:17:36,656 --> 00:17:38,827
(STAMMERS) Yeah, let me
get this out first, okay?
374
00:17:38,828 --> 00:17:41,090
I want to tell you why I
didn't get the vasectomy.
375
00:17:41,091 --> 00:17:42,331
No, no, it's not important.
376
00:17:42,332 --> 00:17:44,463
No, no, no, no,
it is really important.
377
00:17:44,464 --> 00:17:46,195
It really is, and I want
to tell you, I mean.
378
00:17:46,196 --> 00:17:48,397
I was going to tell you when
I got out of the doctor's office,
379
00:17:48,398 --> 00:17:51,440
but you were just
so damn proud of me, and...
380
00:17:51,441 --> 00:17:55,244
I mean, it was like you put me up
on a pedestal, and you know me,
381
00:17:55,245 --> 00:17:57,347
I like being up on a pedestal.
382
00:18:01,381 --> 00:18:03,452
(STAMMERING)
Cheryl, I just...
383
00:18:03,453 --> 00:18:05,184
I don't know.
384
00:18:05,185 --> 00:18:07,516
When that...
I panicked.
385
00:18:07,517 --> 00:18:09,388
When that doctor came toward me,
386
00:18:09,389 --> 00:18:11,390
I just started thinking that,
387
00:18:11,391 --> 00:18:13,492
you know, my knees are bad,
388
00:18:13,493 --> 00:18:16,195
I'm losing my hair,
I got this gut.
389
00:18:16,196 --> 00:18:17,766
I mean, sure,
my ass turns heads,
390
00:18:17,767 --> 00:18:19,529
but how long
is that going to last?
391
00:18:22,532 --> 00:18:23,702
I don't know.
392
00:18:23,703 --> 00:18:26,306
I know this
may sound stupid to you,
393
00:18:26,806 --> 00:18:28,577
but...
394
00:18:28,578 --> 00:18:30,410
It's all I got left!
395
00:18:32,282 --> 00:18:35,284
You know,
it's what makes me a man,
396
00:18:35,285 --> 00:18:38,887
and I am just not willing
to give that up.
397
00:18:38,888 --> 00:18:41,291
Honey, I don't want
you to give it up.
398
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:43,693
What?
399
00:18:44,424 --> 00:18:45,525
(SIGHS)
400
00:18:47,427 --> 00:18:48,628
(STAMMERING)
401
00:18:49,799 --> 00:18:52,362
I think I might
want another baby.
402
00:18:54,664 --> 00:18:55,705
You're serious!
403
00:18:57,437 --> 00:18:59,568
Yeah.
I mean, not right now,
404
00:18:59,569 --> 00:19:03,442
but I just don't think I
want to close that door yet.
405
00:19:03,443 --> 00:19:05,714
(CHUCKLING) Didn't
you hear that lab guy?
406
00:19:05,715 --> 00:19:09,248
That door has been closed,
locked, and sealed.
407
00:19:09,249 --> 00:19:11,450
Honey, if this is
something we want to do,
408
00:19:11,451 --> 00:19:13,723
there are ways
to raise your sperm count.
409
00:19:15,455 --> 00:19:17,727
Is this something
you want to do?
410
00:19:18,888 --> 00:19:20,830
Well, Cheryl, I mean...
411
00:19:22,362 --> 00:19:23,863
Wow, another kid?
412
00:19:24,864 --> 00:19:26,596
That would...
Make it...
413
00:19:27,797 --> 00:19:28,798
Four.
414
00:19:30,870 --> 00:19:32,742
And we already have...
415
00:19:33,473 --> 00:19:34,604
Three.
416
00:19:36,346 --> 00:19:38,308
Yeah, I know, Jim.
I was there.
417
00:19:43,883 --> 00:19:45,555
Well, I do like you.
418
00:19:48,318 --> 00:19:49,388
You're really cute.
419
00:19:49,389 --> 00:19:50,720
(CHUCKLES)
420
00:19:51,621 --> 00:19:53,223
We get along.
421
00:19:54,564 --> 00:19:56,495
You do make beautiful babies.
422
00:19:56,496 --> 00:19:58,467
Well, you help.
423
00:19:58,468 --> 00:20:00,668
Oh, come on, Cheryl, look
at me. You're the beauty part.
424
00:20:01,371 --> 00:20:02,972
I'm the batter, you're the oven.
425
00:20:06,436 --> 00:20:07,807
What do you say?
426
00:20:08,808 --> 00:20:10,379
I don't know.
427
00:20:10,380 --> 00:20:12,881
It's just that it's
the first time in seven years
428
00:20:12,882 --> 00:20:15,485
we haven't had a baby
in this house.
429
00:20:18,918 --> 00:20:20,219
Let's do it.
430
00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:22,791
Really?
431
00:20:22,792 --> 00:20:24,553
Yeah, why not?
432
00:20:24,554 --> 00:20:27,396
I mean, you do
most of the work anyway.
433
00:20:27,397 --> 00:20:29,658
I mean, all I gotta do
is just learn another name.
434
00:20:29,659 --> 00:20:31,461
Oh, honey!
435
00:20:33,563 --> 00:20:34,963
We're going to make a baby.
436
00:20:34,964 --> 00:20:36,665
Well, we're going to try.
It might not happen,
437
00:20:36,666 --> 00:20:38,438
but I sure do like
the trying part.
438
00:20:40,910 --> 00:20:43,472
Hey, you want to try some of
that spontaneous lovin' right now?
439
00:20:43,473 --> 00:20:45,644
Yes! Let's go
to the movies!
440
00:20:45,645 --> 00:20:47,976
Ok, no, no, no.
441
00:20:47,977 --> 00:20:49,818
What? Let's just
go to the bedroom.
442
00:20:49,819 --> 00:20:52,721
What's so spontaneous
about the bedroom?
443
00:20:52,722 --> 00:20:54,453
We're not going to
make it to the bed.
444
00:20:54,454 --> 00:20:56,385
Oh...
445
00:20:56,386 --> 00:20:57,956
(LAUGHS)
Hot, hot.
446
00:20:57,957 --> 00:20:59,257
I'm gonna get the camera.
447
00:20:59,258 --> 00:21:00,590
No, no, no, no, no.
448
00:21:01,691 --> 00:21:02,931
Too spontaneous.
449
00:21:02,932 --> 00:21:05,464
Yeah, yeah, fair enough.
450
00:21:05,465 --> 00:21:06,696
Mmm...
29959
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