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1
00:00:01,032 --> 00:00:04,003
Daddy, we found a
quarter in the dryer!
2
00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:05,475
Oh, really?
3
00:00:05,476 --> 00:00:08,008
Does it have a guy with
a ponytail on the front?
4
00:00:08,409 --> 00:00:09,510
Yeah.
5
00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:11,682
That's mine.
6
00:00:14,415 --> 00:00:16,116
Hey, come on, no sad faces.
7
00:00:16,117 --> 00:00:17,317
Why don't you go
check in the couch.
8
00:00:17,318 --> 00:00:19,349
Maybe there's some money there.
9
00:00:19,350 --> 00:00:21,621
You know, if it's not mine.
10
00:00:21,622 --> 00:00:22,793
Oh.
11
00:00:23,424 --> 00:00:24,724
Hi.
12
00:00:24,725 --> 00:00:26,526
Hey, stranger, where you been?
13
00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:30,700
Oh, working. God, I
miss unemployment.
14
00:00:30,701 --> 00:00:34,165
That's funny. That's what I used
to call you, Miss Unemployment.
15
00:00:35,236 --> 00:00:36,806
RUBY: I found a dollar!
16
00:00:36,807 --> 00:00:38,568
Isn't that funny?
17
00:00:38,569 --> 00:00:40,441
I just lost a dollar.
18
00:00:42,743 --> 00:00:46,746
So, guess who I bumped
into? An old beau of yours.
19
00:00:46,747 --> 00:00:49,249
Who?
Doug Stevens.
20
00:00:49,250 --> 00:00:51,381
Doug? Get out!
21
00:00:51,382 --> 00:00:53,823
Yeah! How is he?
How does he look?
22
00:00:53,824 --> 00:00:57,357
The truth, or you just
want to feel superior?
23
00:00:57,358 --> 00:00:59,589
Oh, come on, I'm not like that.
24
00:00:59,590 --> 00:01:02,193
Fat, bald, in rehab?
Give me anything.
25
00:01:03,664 --> 00:01:06,065
He looks fantastic.
Ugh.
26
00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:09,100
In fact, he kind
of, well, sort of...
27
00:01:09,670 --> 00:01:11,172
Asked me out.
28
00:01:12,203 --> 00:01:13,504
Oh, my God!
29
00:01:15,576 --> 00:01:17,508
Well, isn't that something?
30
00:01:19,850 --> 00:01:24,083
So, uh, it wouldn't
be too weird for you?
31
00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:26,756
Please. We broke up,
like, a million years ago.
32
00:01:26,757 --> 00:01:28,877
Good, 'cause we've been
dating for the last two weeks.
33
00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:33,623
What?
Okay, a month.
34
00:01:33,624 --> 00:01:36,596
And I really, really like him.
35
00:01:36,597 --> 00:01:38,829
Oh, well, good for you.
36
00:01:41,232 --> 00:01:44,204
You know, we should have
him over here for dinner.
37
00:01:44,205 --> 00:01:46,837
Oh, yeah, totally.
You know, someday.
38
00:01:50,481 --> 00:01:51,841
You already invited
him, didn't you?
39
00:01:51,842 --> 00:01:54,113
Saturday.
40
00:01:54,114 --> 00:01:56,646
You know, Dana,
I just don't know
41
00:01:56,647 --> 00:01:58,448
if dinner's such a great idea.
42
00:01:58,449 --> 00:02:00,750
I mean, I'm
totally fine with it,
43
00:02:00,751 --> 00:02:03,323
but you know how jealous Jim
gets around my old boyfriends.
44
00:02:03,324 --> 00:02:04,894
Yeah, he does
that victory dance.
45
00:02:04,895 --> 00:02:06,656
♪ I got her, you didn't
46
00:02:06,657 --> 00:02:09,229
♪ I got her, you loser ♪
47
00:02:09,230 --> 00:02:10,660
Fine, I'll ask Jim.
48
00:02:10,661 --> 00:02:12,632
If he's okay with it,
then I'm fine.
49
00:02:12,633 --> 00:02:15,505
Great. Okay, girls,
third time's a charm.
50
00:02:15,506 --> 00:02:17,807
There might be some change
underneath Daddy's car seats.
51
00:02:17,808 --> 00:02:19,139
Go on.
52
00:02:20,541 --> 00:02:22,272
Jim!
What?
53
00:02:22,273 --> 00:02:25,545
They got tiny little hands.
I can't get under there.
54
00:02:25,546 --> 00:02:27,647
Um, honey?
What?
55
00:02:27,648 --> 00:02:31,821
Uh, well, Dana is dating
one of my old boyfriends,
56
00:02:31,822 --> 00:02:34,153
and she wants to have
him over here for dinner.
57
00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:36,286
And I'm fine with it,
58
00:02:36,287 --> 00:02:39,229
but, um, if you feel
weird about it at all,
59
00:02:39,230 --> 00:02:42,362
I totally, totally understand.
60
00:02:42,363 --> 00:02:45,196
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
61
00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:48,499
What's for dinner?
62
00:02:49,770 --> 00:02:51,402
Steak.
I'm good.
63
00:02:52,573 --> 00:02:54,344
♪ I got her, you didn't
64
00:02:54,345 --> 00:02:55,946
♪ I got her, you loser ♪
65
00:03:00,851 --> 00:03:01,852
(INAUDIBLE)
66
00:03:05,786 --> 00:03:06,787
JIM: Oh, baby!
67
00:03:15,826 --> 00:03:18,899
Here, here, here,
here, here. Try that.
68
00:03:20,601 --> 00:03:22,502
Amazing!
69
00:03:22,503 --> 00:03:23,603
You're an artist, you know that?
70
00:03:23,604 --> 00:03:25,505
Oh, well, thank you, Doug.
71
00:03:25,506 --> 00:03:29,979
I do know that, but it
never hurts to hear it.
72
00:03:29,980 --> 00:03:32,512
Here. Here, try another
piece. Oh, I'm sorry.
73
00:03:32,513 --> 00:03:33,743
BOTH: Five-second rule!
74
00:03:33,744 --> 00:03:34,915
Yeah, you can have that.
75
00:03:37,388 --> 00:03:39,519
Isn't he wonderful?
I think Doug's wonderful.
76
00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:40,620
Doug's wonderful, isn't he?
77
00:03:40,621 --> 00:03:43,653
Yeah, yeah, wonderful.
78
00:03:43,654 --> 00:03:46,997
Hey, Jim, did you know that Doug
has season tickets to the Cubs?
79
00:03:49,430 --> 00:03:50,660
No kidding!
80
00:03:50,661 --> 00:03:52,702
Yeah, right behind the dugout.
81
00:03:52,703 --> 00:03:54,664
Do you only have one seat?
82
00:03:54,665 --> 00:03:55,965
No, I have two seats.
83
00:03:55,966 --> 00:03:57,667
(BOTH LAUGHING)
84
00:03:57,668 --> 00:03:59,409
Try some of my famous
three-bean salad.
85
00:03:59,410 --> 00:04:01,472
Yeah, she gets it at the store.
86
00:04:01,972 --> 00:04:03,543
You know, uh...
87
00:04:03,544 --> 00:04:05,315
God, the Cardinals
are coming in next week.
88
00:04:05,316 --> 00:04:06,976
That's gonna be a
hell of a home stand.
89
00:04:06,977 --> 00:04:08,678
You know it, my friend.
90
00:04:08,679 --> 00:04:11,751
Hey, Cheryl, you want to
get my buddy here an ale?
91
00:04:11,752 --> 00:04:13,723
Oh, I'd love to.
92
00:04:13,724 --> 00:04:16,327
Whatever Doug wants. It is Doug's
world. (LAUGHS MOCKINGLY)
93
00:04:18,429 --> 00:04:19,789
Excuse me.
94
00:04:19,790 --> 00:04:21,791
Okay, fine, I buy the
three-bean salad at the store.
95
00:04:21,792 --> 00:04:24,034
But I add an extra bean.
That makes it four-bean salad.
96
00:04:30,601 --> 00:04:31,972
What's going on with you?
97
00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:35,475
Nothing.
98
00:04:35,476 --> 00:04:37,778
Is this about me not
letting you use the grill?
99
00:04:39,380 --> 00:04:40,810
Because we've
already been over this.
100
00:04:40,811 --> 00:04:44,614
Man tames fire, not woman.
101
00:04:44,615 --> 00:04:48,858
And yet you send me to relight
the pilot on the water heater.
102
00:04:48,859 --> 00:04:52,462
That's different. That
basement's crawling with spiders.
103
00:04:52,463 --> 00:04:54,764
You know what? You've been
acting weird with Doug all day.
104
00:04:54,765 --> 00:04:56,696
That's not true.
105
00:04:56,697 --> 00:04:57,928
Here's Doug's beer.
106
00:05:00,731 --> 00:05:02,872
I'm getting the feeling you're
having a problem with Doug.
107
00:05:02,873 --> 00:05:04,334
Well, maybe I do.
108
00:05:04,335 --> 00:05:06,005
Why?
Doug is awesome!
109
00:05:06,006 --> 00:05:08,008
I don't even know why
you broke up with the guy.
110
00:05:09,740 --> 00:05:11,581
I didn't break up
with him, okay?
111
00:05:11,582 --> 00:05:13,683
He broke up with me.
112
00:05:13,684 --> 00:05:16,746
Well, well, well.
113
00:05:16,747 --> 00:05:18,348
This all makes sense.
114
00:05:18,349 --> 00:05:19,890
Ken dumped Barbie.
115
00:05:20,991 --> 00:05:22,492
No.
Yes.
116
00:05:22,493 --> 00:05:25,495
No. I'm not upset that
he dumped me, Jim.
117
00:05:25,496 --> 00:05:27,627
I'm upset that he
never told me why.
118
00:05:27,628 --> 00:05:29,559
It was just over, like that.
119
00:05:29,560 --> 00:05:31,401
There was no closure.
120
00:05:31,402 --> 00:05:33,563
Oh, great. Closure.
121
00:05:33,564 --> 00:05:36,406
Do I have to stay for the
rest of this conversation?
122
00:05:36,407 --> 00:05:38,508
You know, everything
between us was going great.
123
00:05:38,509 --> 00:05:39,770
Yes, I do.
124
00:05:41,372 --> 00:05:43,643
And one day I asked him
when I was gonna see him again,
125
00:05:43,644 --> 00:05:47,577
and he just said, "Don't
worry about it. Life's long."
126
00:05:47,578 --> 00:05:49,919
And I never
heard from him again.
127
00:05:49,920 --> 00:05:52,652
Nothing! I had no
idea how to process.
128
00:05:52,653 --> 00:05:55,625
Cheryl, you women are
insane about processing.
129
00:05:55,626 --> 00:05:57,657
You know what?
Men just move on.
130
00:05:57,658 --> 00:05:59,589
Are you telling me that when
someone broke up with you,
131
00:05:59,590 --> 00:06:01,791
you didn't want to know why?
132
00:06:01,792 --> 00:06:05,665
I just figured it was some
personal failure on their part.
133
00:06:05,666 --> 00:06:09,869
Cheryl, men don't ask
why. They ask what.
134
00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:12,001
Like, "What's for dinner?"
135
00:06:12,002 --> 00:06:13,974
You never hear them
say, "Why dinner?"
136
00:06:15,776 --> 00:06:16,946
You just... You
don't understand.
137
00:06:16,947 --> 00:06:19,008
No, I do understand.
No, no, I do understand.
138
00:06:19,009 --> 00:06:20,810
You have to let it go.
139
00:06:20,811 --> 00:06:23,613
The guy dumped you
15 years ago, Cheryl.
140
00:06:23,614 --> 00:06:25,084
Come on.
Move on, baby.
141
00:06:25,085 --> 00:06:28,418
Okay, okay. Fine.
142
00:06:28,419 --> 00:06:30,860
Maybe Doug could be
good for Dana.
143
00:06:30,861 --> 00:06:32,763
Well, he'd be good for me, too.
144
00:06:35,025 --> 00:06:37,498
Doug's got box seats
at the Cubs games.
145
00:06:38,529 --> 00:06:40,800
Yeah. Yeah.
And you know what?
146
00:06:40,801 --> 00:06:43,132
If things keep going
the way they are,
147
00:06:43,133 --> 00:06:44,935
and I'm getting all the signals,
148
00:06:46,737 --> 00:06:48,909
I think he's gonna ask me
to the game this weekend.
149
00:06:50,641 --> 00:06:52,812
You know, honey,
Wrigley Field is pretty old.
150
00:06:52,813 --> 00:06:55,745
I hear those stands
are infested with spiders.
151
00:06:55,746 --> 00:06:57,588
Don't even joke like that!
152
00:07:02,723 --> 00:07:04,424
(HUMMING)
153
00:07:06,697 --> 00:07:07,728
Hey.
154
00:07:09,860 --> 00:07:10,960
What?
155
00:07:10,961 --> 00:07:13,002
Going to the game
with Doug, huh?
156
00:07:13,003 --> 00:07:14,964
Yeah, yeah, it's
gonna be a good game.
157
00:07:14,965 --> 00:07:16,736
Don't lend him any money
158
00:07:16,737 --> 00:07:18,709
'cause you'll never get it back.
159
00:07:19,740 --> 00:07:21,471
I think it's his treat.
160
00:07:21,472 --> 00:07:22,872
Okay, well, that's good.
161
00:07:22,873 --> 00:07:25,144
That's what I
thought 15 years ago.
162
00:07:25,145 --> 00:07:27,016
Good old Doug says, "Hey, Andy,
163
00:07:27,017 --> 00:07:28,578
"want to tag along
with me and Cheryl?
164
00:07:28,579 --> 00:07:31,521
"We're going to see
Driving Miss Daisy."
165
00:07:31,522 --> 00:07:33,152
I was gonna go
work out, but I figured,
166
00:07:33,153 --> 00:07:35,025
you know, what's the
harm in skipping one day?
167
00:07:36,927 --> 00:07:38,087
Andy, what is the point?
168
00:07:38,088 --> 00:07:40,890
The point, Jim,
169
00:07:40,891 --> 00:07:42,532
is we get to the box office,
170
00:07:42,533 --> 00:07:44,494
and guess who conveniently
forgets his wallet?
171
00:07:44,495 --> 00:07:46,697
Mr. Hair Product himself.
172
00:07:48,098 --> 00:07:50,069
He stiffed me!
173
00:07:50,070 --> 00:07:51,741
Do you realize how many times
I had to dance for my grandma
174
00:07:51,742 --> 00:07:53,043
to earn that 10-spot?
175
00:07:55,175 --> 00:07:58,078
You danced for your
grandmother for money?
176
00:07:59,179 --> 00:08:01,111
That's not the
point of the story.
177
00:08:05,886 --> 00:08:06,986
Hey.
178
00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:08,788
Hey, what's up?
179
00:08:08,789 --> 00:08:10,059
You know, I don't
know. I just got this
180
00:08:10,060 --> 00:08:12,091
really weird message from Doug.
181
00:08:12,092 --> 00:08:13,723
Really? What?
182
00:08:13,724 --> 00:08:15,695
Well, I haven't seen
him in a few days,
183
00:08:15,696 --> 00:08:17,727
and when I called to ask
what was up for this weekend,
184
00:08:17,728 --> 00:08:20,700
he left me this message back saying,
"Don't worry about it. Life's long."
185
00:08:20,701 --> 00:08:21,932
(GASPS)
186
00:08:23,704 --> 00:08:24,834
What?
What does that mean?
187
00:08:24,835 --> 00:08:26,506
It means he dumped you.
Jim!
188
00:08:27,608 --> 00:08:29,809
I mean, I don't know.
189
00:08:29,810 --> 00:08:31,611
Dana, honey, come here.
190
00:08:31,612 --> 00:08:34,083
Come here, sweetie, sit down.
191
00:08:34,084 --> 00:08:37,987
It seems that that's Doug's
way of breaking up with people.
192
00:08:37,988 --> 00:08:39,188
He did the same thing to me.
193
00:08:39,189 --> 00:08:41,791
Exact words.
"Life's long,"
194
00:08:41,792 --> 00:08:43,893
and I never heard
from him again.
195
00:08:43,894 --> 00:08:46,596
I don't believe it.
Doug dumped me?
196
00:08:46,597 --> 00:08:47,997
But he didn't even
give me a reason.
197
00:08:47,998 --> 00:08:49,259
(SCOFFS)
198
00:08:50,901 --> 00:08:52,802
Gee.
199
00:08:52,803 --> 00:08:54,034
I feel so awkward.
200
00:08:55,806 --> 00:08:57,937
I'm supposed to go to the game
201
00:08:57,938 --> 00:09:00,710
with a guy who broke your heart.
202
00:09:00,711 --> 00:09:02,613
You're not blocking
my car, are you?
203
00:09:10,220 --> 00:09:11,851
(LAUGHS)
204
00:09:11,852 --> 00:09:14,053
I had such a great time!
205
00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:18,557
You know, I've never been to
every game at a home stand before.
206
00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:20,160
You spoil me, Doug.
207
00:09:21,792 --> 00:09:24,964
Yeah, well, extra
innings, walk-off home run.
208
00:09:24,965 --> 00:09:26,065
Doesn't get
any better than that.
209
00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:30,139
Oh, good stuff.
Good stuff.
210
00:09:30,140 --> 00:09:33,272
But I got to say, you know,
last couple weeks,
211
00:09:33,273 --> 00:09:34,905
I've been really
having a great time.
212
00:09:35,646 --> 00:09:38,247
Me, too.
Yeah.
213
00:09:38,248 --> 00:09:42,151
It's just that, you know, I've
been to games with other guys,
214
00:09:42,152 --> 00:09:43,614
but it's different with you.
215
00:09:45,185 --> 00:09:46,987
Yeah, I mean, you get me.
216
00:09:47,988 --> 00:09:49,188
Hey, you want to come in?
217
00:09:49,189 --> 00:09:51,160
Oh, no, I got to get up early.
218
00:09:51,161 --> 00:09:52,662
Yeah, me, too, me, too.
219
00:09:52,663 --> 00:09:54,824
Very busy. Very,
very, very busy.
220
00:09:54,825 --> 00:09:56,195
Oh, yeah, thank you.
221
00:09:56,196 --> 00:09:57,767
Thanks.
222
00:09:57,768 --> 00:10:00,730
So, are we gonna go to the game
on Thursday, the Phillies game?
223
00:10:00,731 --> 00:10:02,231
I'll call you.
Yeah, when?
224
00:10:02,232 --> 00:10:04,003
Tuesday, Wednesday?
225
00:10:04,004 --> 00:10:07,077
Oh, hey, don't worry
about it. Life's long.
226
00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:20,349
Hey, how was the game?
227
00:10:20,350 --> 00:10:21,852
Oh, fine.
228
00:10:22,823 --> 00:10:24,194
How's Doug?
Hmm. Yeah.
229
00:10:25,796 --> 00:10:27,126
Good. Good.
230
00:10:27,127 --> 00:10:29,859
Couldn't be better.
He's a prince.
231
00:10:29,860 --> 00:10:31,630
Yeah.
232
00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:33,062
He doesn't owe you 10 bucks.
233
00:10:33,063 --> 00:10:34,764
Yeah.
Yeah.
234
00:10:34,765 --> 00:10:37,337
Hey, Daddy, I found
another one of your dollars.
235
00:10:38,408 --> 00:10:39,810
Keep it.
236
00:10:53,323 --> 00:10:55,254
Jim?
237
00:10:55,255 --> 00:10:57,057
Honey, are you okay?
238
00:11:05,035 --> 00:11:06,336
Hey.
239
00:11:09,099 --> 00:11:12,002
I'm fine. Why shouldn't I
be? It was a good game.
240
00:11:15,876 --> 00:11:18,077
Well, then, why aren't
you boring me senseless
241
00:11:18,078 --> 00:11:20,280
with all the details
I don't care about?
242
00:11:21,912 --> 00:11:25,014
No big deal.
It's just a ball game.
243
00:11:25,015 --> 00:11:28,417
They won in extra
innings. Walk-off home run.
244
00:11:28,418 --> 00:11:30,059
(SIGHS)
245
00:11:30,060 --> 00:11:32,162
Yeah, yeah.
246
00:11:33,794 --> 00:11:35,025
Whatever.
247
00:11:38,799 --> 00:11:40,330
(MOANS)
248
00:11:43,273 --> 00:11:45,975
Jim, did something happen
with you and Doug?
249
00:11:45,976 --> 00:11:48,407
What's with the third degree?
250
00:11:48,408 --> 00:11:51,081
Can't a guy just
unwind after a game?
251
00:11:51,942 --> 00:11:53,183
Fine.
252
00:11:54,915 --> 00:11:56,285
Fine, unwind.
253
00:11:56,286 --> 00:11:57,347
Fine.
254
00:11:58,789 --> 00:12:01,050
Excuse me.
255
00:12:01,051 --> 00:12:03,371
I'm gonna go be alone with
my thoughts and soak in the tub.
256
00:12:05,956 --> 00:12:09,059
Oh, my God!
Doug dumped you!
257
00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:12,231
He did not dump me!
258
00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:14,063
He said it, didn't he, Jim?
259
00:12:14,064 --> 00:12:15,966
He said,
"Life's long."
260
00:12:18,368 --> 00:12:20,440
Yes, yes, he did!
261
00:12:23,073 --> 00:12:25,214
It was awful!
262
00:12:25,215 --> 00:12:28,218
I don't understand it. He
didn't even give me a reason!
263
00:12:30,480 --> 00:12:33,823
Well, Jim, why don't
you just move on?
264
00:12:33,824 --> 00:12:35,324
Men do, right?
265
00:12:35,325 --> 00:12:37,858
I know, but, Cheryl...
266
00:12:38,358 --> 00:12:39,959
I just can't.
267
00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:41,961
Could it be that you're hurting?
268
00:12:41,962 --> 00:12:44,264
And maybe you need closure?
269
00:12:46,136 --> 00:12:47,337
No!
270
00:12:48,338 --> 00:12:49,499
Yes.
271
00:12:51,101 --> 00:12:52,502
I don't know!
272
00:12:54,144 --> 00:12:57,276
I'm just feeling a little
emotional right now, all right?
273
00:12:57,277 --> 00:12:58,849
Feels pretty terrible,
doesn't it?
274
00:12:59,980 --> 00:13:01,511
(IN HIGH-PITCHED TONE)
Mmm-hmm.
275
00:13:04,184 --> 00:13:06,115
Well, there's only one thing
276
00:13:06,116 --> 00:13:08,258
that can cure what you've
got. You need to process.
277
00:13:10,961 --> 00:13:11,992
Hug?
278
00:13:14,895 --> 00:13:15,896
Yeah.
279
00:13:21,171 --> 00:13:22,401
(SNIFFS)
280
00:13:22,402 --> 00:13:23,573
Tighter.
281
00:13:26,006 --> 00:13:28,107
I don't want an apple martini.
282
00:13:28,108 --> 00:13:29,338
Why can't I have a beer?
283
00:13:29,339 --> 00:13:31,842
You have to, honey.
This is how we process.
284
00:13:33,213 --> 00:13:34,844
But I said I...
(STUTTERING)
285
00:13:34,845 --> 00:13:36,916
Come on, come on, come
on, come on, come on.
286
00:13:36,917 --> 00:13:38,287
Ooh, it tastes like jelly beans.
287
00:13:38,288 --> 00:13:39,949
Uh-huh, see?
288
00:13:39,950 --> 00:13:41,350
Okay, now tell us your feelings.
289
00:13:41,351 --> 00:13:42,952
(SIGHS)
Do I have to?
290
00:13:42,953 --> 00:13:45,155
Yes. Sweetie,
what are you feeling?
291
00:13:45,896 --> 00:13:47,596
Well, all right.
292
00:13:47,597 --> 00:13:49,899
I feel like I've
been hit by a truck.
293
00:13:49,900 --> 00:13:51,300
Mmm-hmm.
294
00:13:51,301 --> 00:13:53,421
Do you have an overwhelming
urge to get a new haircut?
295
00:13:55,405 --> 00:13:57,606
A little.
Mmm-hmm.
296
00:13:57,607 --> 00:13:59,568
Andy, get him another martini.
297
00:13:59,569 --> 00:14:01,310
Coming right up.
298
00:14:01,311 --> 00:14:04,344
You don't get over a broken
heart without a little liver damage.
299
00:14:05,445 --> 00:14:07,176
I just don't get it.
300
00:14:07,177 --> 00:14:09,318
The guy takes me to six games,
301
00:14:09,319 --> 00:14:11,280
he pays for everything,
302
00:14:11,281 --> 00:14:14,553
then he just tosses me aside
like what we had meant nothing.
303
00:14:14,554 --> 00:14:16,555
You know what? You
are too good for him.
304
00:14:16,556 --> 00:14:18,587
Oh, I don't know, Cheryl.
305
00:14:18,588 --> 00:14:21,330
I might've pushed too hard.
306
00:14:21,331 --> 00:14:23,432
My God, at the first
game, I high-fived him.
307
00:14:23,433 --> 00:14:26,065
(IN HIGH-PITCHED TONE)
Stupid, stupid, stupid!
308
00:14:26,066 --> 00:14:27,596
What were you supposed to do?
309
00:14:27,597 --> 00:14:31,140
Guy buys you a hot dog,
you make assumptions.
310
00:14:31,141 --> 00:14:33,442
You know what? You want to
get over him? This is what you do.
311
00:14:33,443 --> 00:14:36,145
First you call him on the phone,
and when he answers, you hang up.
312
00:14:36,146 --> 00:14:39,408
Then you do it again
and again and again.
313
00:14:39,409 --> 00:14:41,350
And then when he finally
changes his number,
314
00:14:41,351 --> 00:14:44,313
you drive by his house,
and you spy on him.
315
00:14:44,314 --> 00:14:46,055
Isn't that stalking?
316
00:14:46,056 --> 00:14:47,387
No, no, it's healthy.
317
00:14:48,989 --> 00:14:51,461
Also you have to burn
something he gave you.
318
00:14:53,323 --> 00:14:54,493
My foam finger?
319
00:14:54,494 --> 00:14:55,895
Mmm-hmm. Yeah.
320
00:14:57,297 --> 00:14:59,498
All right.
May as well.
321
00:14:59,499 --> 00:15:02,402
It's not like I'm gonna be
going to the Phillies game now.
322
00:15:03,974 --> 00:15:05,604
Oh, yes, you are!
323
00:15:05,605 --> 00:15:07,306
You have to go to
that game to show him
324
00:15:07,307 --> 00:15:09,378
how well you're doing
without him! Mmm-hmm.
325
00:15:09,379 --> 00:15:11,081
Well, what if he's with...
326
00:15:11,611 --> 00:15:14,043
Someone else?
327
00:15:14,044 --> 00:15:15,684
Then you go with someone else.
328
00:15:15,685 --> 00:15:17,916
And then when you
accidentally bump into Doug,
329
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:19,418
you snub him in
front of the new guy.
330
00:15:19,419 --> 00:15:21,590
It'll drive him crazy.
331
00:15:21,591 --> 00:15:24,453
Hey, hey, hey, hey, I'll
go. I'll be your new friend.
332
00:15:24,454 --> 00:15:28,197
Oh, no, he'll recognize you.
333
00:15:28,198 --> 00:15:31,031
He won't recognize me.
I was a dork back then.
334
00:15:34,564 --> 00:15:36,235
The guy's got box seats.
335
00:15:36,236 --> 00:15:38,167
They're way too
expensive. I can't afford that.
336
00:15:38,168 --> 00:15:41,270
Oh, yes, you can. You get a
broker, and you pay what you have to.
337
00:15:41,271 --> 00:15:43,372
I once spent $300
on a pair of shoes
338
00:15:43,373 --> 00:15:45,714
'cause I knew I was gonna
see an ex with his new girlfriend.
339
00:15:45,715 --> 00:15:47,016
And then when I did,
340
00:15:47,017 --> 00:15:49,618
I made sure to compliment
her crappy shoes.
341
00:15:49,619 --> 00:15:50,949
That's good, that's good.
342
00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:52,421
Always compliment the shoes.
343
00:15:52,422 --> 00:15:54,683
It shows you're
the bigger person.
344
00:15:54,684 --> 00:15:57,626
You know what?
We should all go.
345
00:15:57,627 --> 00:15:59,158
Doug's burned all of us.
346
00:15:59,159 --> 00:16:00,689
Yeah, he did!
Yeah.
347
00:16:00,690 --> 00:16:02,331
Yeah.
You know what?
348
00:16:02,332 --> 00:16:05,434
We should all go and show
him he can't treat us like dirt.
349
00:16:05,435 --> 00:16:07,036
Yeah!
That's right.
350
00:16:07,037 --> 00:16:10,169
He can't take a prize like
me and just toss me away!
351
00:16:10,170 --> 00:16:11,671
Whoo! You go, girl!
352
00:16:15,345 --> 00:16:17,977
You know, I was really
into it till you said that.
353
00:16:19,309 --> 00:16:20,310
(INAUDIBLE)
354
00:16:37,467 --> 00:16:39,498
(CLEARS THROAT)
Pardon me, excuse me.
355
00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:41,470
My seats are
right... Oh!
356
00:16:41,471 --> 00:16:43,532
Oh, my God!
357
00:16:43,533 --> 00:16:44,703
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
358
00:16:44,704 --> 00:16:48,277
Doug Stevens,
as I live and breathe.
359
00:16:48,278 --> 00:16:50,279
What are you doing here?
360
00:16:50,280 --> 00:16:52,581
I have season tickets.
361
00:16:52,582 --> 00:16:54,012
That's right, that's right,
362
00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:56,585
'cause I came
with you, and I sat...
363
00:16:56,586 --> 00:16:58,287
Right there.
364
00:16:58,288 --> 00:17:00,249
Yeah. Hey, Dana, Cheryl.
365
00:17:00,250 --> 00:17:03,252
Hi, Doug. Uh, this
is one of my friends.
366
00:17:03,253 --> 00:17:05,795
Alexander.
Alexander Hamilton.
367
00:17:07,627 --> 00:17:09,629
(IN HUSKY VOICE)
Like on the $10 bill.
368
00:17:11,761 --> 00:17:13,632
Yeah, we're, uh,
we're very close.
369
00:17:13,633 --> 00:17:17,136
Best friends. Best
friends with this guy.
370
00:17:17,137 --> 00:17:19,568
Great.
This is Oliver.
371
00:17:19,569 --> 00:17:21,510
Hi, Oliver.
How are you, Oliver.
372
00:17:21,511 --> 00:17:23,142
Nice to see you, Oliver.
373
00:17:23,143 --> 00:17:24,643
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
374
00:17:24,644 --> 00:17:27,376
Whoo, good day at Wrigley
Field, the Friendly Confines.
375
00:17:27,377 --> 00:17:29,278
Yep.
376
00:17:29,279 --> 00:17:30,649
Hey, Ollie.
Yeah?
377
00:17:30,650 --> 00:17:32,122
Nice shoes.
378
00:17:33,283 --> 00:17:34,783
Thanks.
379
00:17:34,784 --> 00:17:36,055
You just stepped in gum.
380
00:17:39,129 --> 00:17:41,091
Yeah, I'm aware of that.
381
00:17:47,237 --> 00:17:48,397
Now what do we do?
382
00:17:48,398 --> 00:17:50,540
Hey, show me off.
I'm your boy toy.
383
00:17:51,541 --> 00:17:53,842
No, no, no!
384
00:17:53,843 --> 00:17:56,345
We have to show Doug we're
having a much better time without him.
385
00:17:56,346 --> 00:17:57,746
Yeah, yeah, Jim, say something,
386
00:17:57,747 --> 00:17:59,748
and we'll pretend it's
hilarious and laugh really loud.
387
00:17:59,749 --> 00:18:03,583
Okay, okay. Okay, I got
something. I got something.
388
00:18:05,255 --> 00:18:06,686
Blah, blah, blah.
389
00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:09,188
Blah, blah, blah!
390
00:18:09,189 --> 00:18:11,660
(ALL LAUGHING LOUDLY)
391
00:18:11,661 --> 00:18:15,124
Jim, you are such a raconteur!
392
00:18:15,125 --> 00:18:17,796
Cheryl, what a catch!
I'm jealous.
393
00:18:17,797 --> 00:18:20,269
You witty, witty man!
394
00:18:20,270 --> 00:18:21,501
(ALL LAUGHING)
395
00:18:23,233 --> 00:18:24,234
(ALL GROAN)
396
00:18:25,405 --> 00:18:26,775
It's not working.
397
00:18:26,776 --> 00:18:29,308
Look at them over there.
They make me sick!
398
00:18:29,309 --> 00:18:30,839
All chummy.
399
00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:32,741
What is he laughing
so hard about?
400
00:18:32,742 --> 00:18:35,244
I don't know, but I'm
guessing it was more clever
401
00:18:35,245 --> 00:18:38,217
than "blah, blah, blah."
402
00:18:38,218 --> 00:18:40,519
(BASEBALL BAT CRACKS)
Hey, head's up! Foul ball!
403
00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:42,151
I got it, I got it,
I got it, I got it!
404
00:18:42,152 --> 00:18:44,753
Oh, yeah!
Hey, hey, that's mine!
405
00:18:44,754 --> 00:18:46,325
Hey, that's my ball.
406
00:18:46,326 --> 00:18:48,757
Hey, new guy, that's my
ball. Give me my damn ball!
407
00:18:48,758 --> 00:18:50,299
Whoa, whoa, what
are you talking about?
408
00:18:50,300 --> 00:18:52,731
You know what I'm talking
about. I should be him.
409
00:18:52,732 --> 00:18:54,503
That should be me
sitting next to you.
410
00:18:54,504 --> 00:18:56,605
That should be me
that you gave the ball to,
411
00:18:56,606 --> 00:18:58,838
not the guy you dumped me for.
412
00:19:03,213 --> 00:19:05,614
I don't want you to get
the wrong idea here.
413
00:19:05,615 --> 00:19:08,478
Uh, this is my wife right here.
414
00:19:09,379 --> 00:19:12,321
We like to do it.
415
00:19:12,322 --> 00:19:15,254
Jim, why don't you just sit
down and chill out, okay?
416
00:19:15,255 --> 00:19:17,856
No, no, you know what?
He will not chill out.
417
00:19:17,857 --> 00:19:20,429
Not till everybody here
knows how you treat people.
418
00:19:20,430 --> 00:19:22,631
That's right, Ollie, you better
watch out 'cause you're next.
419
00:19:22,632 --> 00:19:25,394
That's right.
Today it's fun and peanuts.
420
00:19:25,395 --> 00:19:26,895
Tomorrow you'll be
drinking apple martinis
421
00:19:26,896 --> 00:19:28,497
with your wife
and sister-in-law.
422
00:19:28,498 --> 00:19:30,299
And you know what?
You'll want to know why.
423
00:19:30,300 --> 00:19:32,501
But you never will 'cause he's
too much of a wuss to tell you!
424
00:19:32,502 --> 00:19:34,673
All right!
425
00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:35,904
Do you want to know why
I ended things with you?
426
00:19:35,905 --> 00:19:37,206
Yeah, I do.
427
00:19:37,207 --> 00:19:38,447
Yeah, me, too.
Yeah, me, too!
428
00:19:38,448 --> 00:19:41,650
Oh, fine.
429
00:19:41,651 --> 00:19:46,515
Cheryl, I dumped you
because you never let things go.
430
00:19:46,516 --> 00:19:48,687
You overcompensate
for your insecurities
431
00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:52,261
with this obsessive
need for perfection.
432
00:19:52,262 --> 00:19:55,324
Dana. You never emerged
from your sister's shadow,
433
00:19:55,325 --> 00:19:59,298
and the lack of maturity comes
across as childish sarcasm.
434
00:19:59,299 --> 00:20:00,470
Cancels out your good looks.
435
00:20:00,970 --> 00:20:02,602
And, Jim...
436
00:20:03,403 --> 00:20:05,834
You never stop talking!
437
00:20:05,835 --> 00:20:07,976
I don't need to hear
your insane theories.
438
00:20:07,977 --> 00:20:10,279
I just want to watch the game.
439
00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:12,611
I don't need to know
the history of ham
440
00:20:12,612 --> 00:20:14,784
or why women are like oatmeal.
441
00:20:16,286 --> 00:20:17,817
You're a blowhard.
442
00:20:35,605 --> 00:20:38,237
And this is why
men just move on.
443
00:20:42,812 --> 00:20:47,446
Well, we all know
why Doug dumped us.
444
00:20:47,447 --> 00:20:49,719
And we've all had
time to process.
445
00:20:50,980 --> 00:20:52,722
Who feels better?
446
00:20:53,483 --> 00:20:54,654
Anyone?
447
00:20:55,455 --> 00:20:57,326
Anyone?
448
00:20:57,327 --> 00:20:59,358
I am far too pretty
to ever have to hear
449
00:20:59,359 --> 00:21:00,989
why someone breaks up with me.
450
00:21:00,990 --> 00:21:03,563
"Childish sarcasm."
Yeah, right.
451
00:21:04,734 --> 00:21:07,336
Am I insecure?
452
00:21:07,337 --> 00:21:11,770
Or is he insecure
because I'm perfect?
453
00:21:11,771 --> 00:21:13,272
I am, aren't I?
(SIGHS)
454
00:21:14,304 --> 00:21:16,705
I really wanted that $10.
455
00:21:16,706 --> 00:21:20,009
In Driving Miss Daisy money,
that's, like, three movies.
456
00:21:21,481 --> 00:21:22,751
Well, I think I've proven
457
00:21:22,752 --> 00:21:25,884
that this whole processing
thing's a bunch of crap.
458
00:21:25,885 --> 00:21:27,316
We'll do it my way.
459
00:21:27,317 --> 00:21:28,958
We'll forget about it
and move on.
460
00:21:31,791 --> 00:21:33,662
Let's egg his house.
Toilet paper!
461
00:21:33,663 --> 00:21:35,494
Rocks! And poo-poo
on his doorstep!
462
00:21:35,495 --> 00:21:36,796
Ooh, poo-poo!
30619
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