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1
00:00:01,232 --> 00:00:02,502
JIM: Previously on
According to Jim...
2
00:00:02,503 --> 00:00:04,074
So you guys want
to be in a commercial?
3
00:00:04,075 --> 00:00:05,675
Yeah!
Please?
4
00:00:05,676 --> 00:00:08,708
Oh, come on, Cheryl, this
is an opportunity of a lifetime.
5
00:00:08,709 --> 00:00:11,010
Jim, there's nothing I'd love
more than going on a cruise...
6
00:00:11,011 --> 00:00:12,282
Well, then let's do it.
7
00:00:12,283 --> 00:00:13,413
I'm not an actor.
8
00:00:13,414 --> 00:00:14,544
Don't worry.
9
00:00:14,545 --> 00:00:16,246
I have enough talent
for the both of us.
10
00:00:16,247 --> 00:00:18,017
KITSON:
No, no, no, no, no.
11
00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:19,749
We need to get Cheryl
a better husband.
12
00:00:19,750 --> 00:00:21,020
He's got to go.
13
00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:22,222
Ted, this is my husband Jim,
14
00:00:22,223 --> 00:00:24,694
and, Jim, this is Ted.
He plays my husband.
15
00:00:24,695 --> 00:00:27,026
Oh. Some guys get pretty uptight
16
00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:28,798
standing around watching
their wife kiss a good-look...
17
00:00:28,799 --> 00:00:30,401
Wait a minute.
They're gonna kiss?
18
00:00:37,738 --> 00:00:39,069
Hey, handsome.
19
00:00:39,070 --> 00:00:40,710
Hey.
20
00:00:40,711 --> 00:00:42,712
Well, Cheryl, I've done it.
21
00:00:42,713 --> 00:00:44,174
What?
22
00:00:44,175 --> 00:00:46,446
I've officially spit in
all five of the Great Lakes
23
00:00:46,447 --> 00:00:47,577
and two oceans.
24
00:00:47,578 --> 00:00:49,079
Oh, yeah.
25
00:00:49,080 --> 00:00:51,821
Make a great story
at the dinner table.
26
00:00:51,822 --> 00:00:54,124
You know, really, don't
tell that story at dinner.
27
00:00:54,125 --> 00:00:55,625
Okay.
28
00:00:55,626 --> 00:00:57,357
You drop the kids off
at the Oceaneers Club?
29
00:00:57,358 --> 00:00:58,828
Yeah, they didn't
even say goodbye.
30
00:00:58,829 --> 00:01:00,690
Hang up a sign that says
"No parents allowed,"
31
00:01:00,691 --> 00:01:02,762
and suddenly day camp
becomes Vegas for kids.
32
00:01:02,763 --> 00:01:03,764
(CHUCKLES)
33
00:01:04,835 --> 00:01:06,136
You know, I missed you.
34
00:01:06,137 --> 00:01:07,397
Oh, yeah?
I did.
35
00:01:07,398 --> 00:01:08,668
Look at that.
36
00:01:08,669 --> 00:01:10,740
Two kisses in one day.
37
00:01:10,741 --> 00:01:12,802
Boy, you sure are giving
them out freely, aren't you?
38
00:01:12,803 --> 00:01:14,204
Oh, okay.
39
00:01:14,205 --> 00:01:16,746
Ted, me. You know,
I can get Goofy down here
40
00:01:16,747 --> 00:01:18,348
if you're really
feeling generous.
41
00:01:18,349 --> 00:01:19,609
I knew it.
42
00:01:19,610 --> 00:01:21,151
You're upset about
me kissing Ted.
43
00:01:21,152 --> 00:01:23,213
I told you, I'm fine with it.
44
00:01:23,214 --> 00:01:25,855
I'm fine. I'm as
fine as a fine wine,
45
00:01:25,856 --> 00:01:28,488
which, by the way,
tonight, easy on the wine.
46
00:01:28,489 --> 00:01:30,460
Oh, come on.
I'm telling you.
47
00:01:30,461 --> 00:01:32,091
Oh, I'm sorry to
interrupt, Yeah.
48
00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:33,823
But we saw you shooting
the commercial today,
49
00:01:33,824 --> 00:01:36,226
and you and your husband
make a great couple.
50
00:01:36,227 --> 00:01:37,767
Well, thank you,
51
00:01:37,768 --> 00:01:39,499
but, actually, that
wasn't my husband.
52
00:01:39,500 --> 00:01:40,600
This is my husband.
53
00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:43,102
Right here.
Oh. (LAUGHING)
54
00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:44,735
And she's funny, too.
55
00:01:46,137 --> 00:01:47,438
Good night.
Good night.
56
00:01:49,280 --> 00:01:50,611
Still fine.
57
00:01:59,890 --> 00:02:01,292
JIM: Oh, baby!
58
00:02:10,331 --> 00:02:11,332
Oh, hey!
59
00:02:13,164 --> 00:02:14,464
Cheryl, what is Ted doing here?
60
00:02:14,465 --> 00:02:16,336
I don't know, but be nice.
61
00:02:16,337 --> 00:02:17,507
I am nice.
62
00:02:17,508 --> 00:02:19,209
Okay, maybe I didn't
make myself clear.
63
00:02:19,210 --> 00:02:21,141
Don't be
an ass. Hi!
64
00:02:21,742 --> 00:02:23,543
Hello, everybody.
65
00:02:23,544 --> 00:02:25,246
Look at you.
Lovely.
66
00:02:27,248 --> 00:02:29,179
Well, hi.
67
00:02:29,180 --> 00:02:30,480
Hi.
68
00:02:30,481 --> 00:02:32,352
Ted's here.
69
00:02:32,353 --> 00:02:33,854
Huh?
70
00:02:35,326 --> 00:02:36,456
(LAUGHING)
71
00:02:36,457 --> 00:02:37,787
Isn't that great?
72
00:02:37,788 --> 00:02:39,628
That's great, Dana,
isn't it? Yeah, it's great.
73
00:02:40,331 --> 00:02:41,761
So, Jim, did you get a chance
74
00:02:41,762 --> 00:02:44,394
to take in the sights
while I was working
75
00:02:44,395 --> 00:02:45,896
with our wife?
(CHUCKLES)
76
00:02:47,398 --> 00:02:49,239
Yes, I did, actually.
77
00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:51,941
I went to the southernmost
point of the United States,
78
00:02:51,942 --> 00:02:54,704
and I mooned Castro.
79
00:02:54,705 --> 00:02:56,907
Well, I guess the
ball's in his court now.
80
00:02:57,778 --> 00:02:59,909
(LAUGHING)
81
00:02:59,910 --> 00:03:01,951
Wow. No chair for
the Andyman, huh?
82
00:03:01,952 --> 00:03:04,785
ALL: Oh! No, no, no, no,
no. We can work this out.
83
00:03:06,557 --> 00:03:07,558
Oh!
Ah!
84
00:03:09,590 --> 00:03:11,222
Andy, be careful.
85
00:03:19,500 --> 00:03:20,501
Cozy.
86
00:03:21,802 --> 00:03:24,304
So, Ted, how did you
get into the acting game?
87
00:03:24,305 --> 00:03:27,437
Well, I was a camp counselor
for special-needs kids,
88
00:03:27,438 --> 00:03:29,739
and we did A
Midsummer Night's Dream.
89
00:03:29,740 --> 00:03:31,210
I caught the bug.
90
00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:32,843
Ah, that must have
been so rewarding.
91
00:03:33,844 --> 00:03:34,985
I went to camp.
92
00:03:36,587 --> 00:03:39,349
Yeah, and there was this
big swimming hole, right?
93
00:03:39,350 --> 00:03:40,520
And I would do cannonballs
94
00:03:40,521 --> 00:03:43,254
that would bring birds
out of the sky.
95
00:03:44,725 --> 00:03:46,726
Well, we didn't
have a swimming hole.
96
00:03:46,727 --> 00:03:48,858
Most of the kids were
confined to wheelchairs.
97
00:03:48,859 --> 00:03:50,460
(LAUGHS)
98
00:03:50,461 --> 00:03:51,802
Oh, boy, you missed out.
99
00:03:54,465 --> 00:03:55,765
Hi. What will we be
drinking this evening?
100
00:03:55,766 --> 00:03:56,936
JIM: Hmm...
Oh, Jim,
101
00:03:56,937 --> 00:03:58,968
how about a nice bottle
of chardonnay, huh?
102
00:03:58,969 --> 00:04:00,289
I'll take a look
at the wine list.
103
00:04:01,312 --> 00:04:03,373
I once played
a snotty wine steward
104
00:04:03,374 --> 00:04:04,714
in an Olsen twins movie.
105
00:04:04,715 --> 00:04:06,776
I saw that.
You were snotty.
106
00:04:06,777 --> 00:04:07,918
Thank you very much.
107
00:04:10,451 --> 00:04:11,452
Do you mind?
108
00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:15,686
Andy, good work out there today.
109
00:04:16,657 --> 00:04:17,887
Hmm.
110
00:04:17,888 --> 00:04:20,030
You'll find that I'm good
at a lot of things.
111
00:04:23,494 --> 00:04:25,264
What do you say, later
112
00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:27,037
we go test the stabilizers
out on this ship?
113
00:04:28,699 --> 00:04:30,371
Andy, I'm gay.
114
00:04:31,642 --> 00:04:32,702
Oh.
115
00:04:32,703 --> 00:04:34,644
I didn't know.
116
00:04:34,645 --> 00:04:36,347
It just happened.
117
00:04:40,050 --> 00:04:43,653
Dana... What's
with this Ted guy?
118
00:04:43,654 --> 00:04:45,014
Huh?
119
00:04:45,015 --> 00:04:46,986
You've been working all
day, I haven't seen Cheryl,
120
00:04:46,987 --> 00:04:48,458
and now I got to
share her with Ted?
121
00:04:48,459 --> 00:04:51,060
I'm sorry.
My boss insisted.
122
00:04:51,061 --> 00:04:52,822
I couldn't do anything about it.
123
00:04:52,823 --> 00:04:54,894
Look, why don't you come
by the set tomorrow, hang out?
124
00:04:54,895 --> 00:04:56,666
You got a part for me?
125
00:04:56,667 --> 00:04:58,498
(SCOFFS) No.
126
00:04:58,499 --> 00:05:00,430
Just this bartender
thing that...
127
00:05:00,431 --> 00:05:01,831
I can play a bartender.
128
00:05:01,832 --> 00:05:02,932
I can play a bartender.
No.
129
00:05:02,933 --> 00:05:04,934
Come on, Dana.
130
00:05:04,935 --> 00:05:06,936
If it wasn't for me, Cheryl
wouldn't be here right now.
131
00:05:06,937 --> 00:05:08,408
You owe me.
132
00:05:08,409 --> 00:05:09,779
Let me play the bartender.
Let me play the bartender.
133
00:05:09,780 --> 00:05:11,811
Let me play the bartender.
All right!
134
00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:14,545
I'll see what I can do, but
you better not embarrass me.
135
00:05:15,686 --> 00:05:17,947
That really hurts my feelings.
136
00:05:17,948 --> 00:05:19,549
Since when do I
embarrass people?
137
00:05:19,550 --> 00:05:21,452
I haven't embarrassed anybody.
138
00:05:22,693 --> 00:05:24,093
Hey, bread guy, bread guy.
139
00:05:24,094 --> 00:05:25,814
Yeah, yeah, just throw
me a roll, would you?
140
00:05:26,527 --> 00:05:27,528
Ow!
141
00:05:33,664 --> 00:05:35,435
Hey, Cheryl.
How's it going?
142
00:05:35,436 --> 00:05:36,806
Hey. Oh, fine.
143
00:05:36,807 --> 00:05:38,107
I'm just having a little
trouble waking up.
144
00:05:38,108 --> 00:05:40,471
It's taken care of.
Boy! Oh, boy!
145
00:05:44,445 --> 00:05:46,345
Thank you, Dana.
146
00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:47,847
As I was getting the director
new underwear, I thought,
147
00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:50,751
"How could this job possibly
get more demeaning?"
148
00:05:51,982 --> 00:05:53,553
Get Cheryl a coffee
with skim milk.
149
00:05:53,554 --> 00:05:54,924
No, no, he doesn't have to...
150
00:05:54,925 --> 00:05:57,086
Actually, I'll have one, too.
151
00:05:57,087 --> 00:05:59,028
Dana, no...
Oh, and some croissants.
152
00:05:59,029 --> 00:06:00,790
Ooh, ooh, chocolate for me.
153
00:06:00,791 --> 00:06:02,092
Me, too.
Me, too.
154
00:06:04,395 --> 00:06:05,536
Yeah, will you warm them up?
155
00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:08,968
I like this.
156
00:06:08,969 --> 00:06:10,470
It's like having our
own little helper monkey.
157
00:06:10,471 --> 00:06:11,872
Yeah, he's my bitch.
Oh.
158
00:06:17,107 --> 00:06:18,879
Hello, my fellow thespians.
159
00:06:20,481 --> 00:06:21,641
I said that without giggling.
160
00:06:22,753 --> 00:06:24,153
You're the bartender?
161
00:06:24,154 --> 00:06:26,016
No. I'm Esteban.
162
00:06:27,017 --> 00:06:28,518
From Albania.
163
00:06:28,519 --> 00:06:29,720
Oh.
164
00:06:31,161 --> 00:06:32,392
Is that a mustache?
165
00:06:33,063 --> 00:06:34,824
You like it?
166
00:06:34,825 --> 00:06:36,165
I did it myself.
I don't know why.
167
00:06:36,166 --> 00:06:37,898
I just thought Esteban
would have one. Look.
168
00:06:41,432 --> 00:06:43,773
Okay. Bartender
pours two drinks,
169
00:06:43,774 --> 00:06:45,876
happy couple
smiles and toasts. Okay?
170
00:06:47,107 --> 00:06:48,778
Is that a mustache?
171
00:06:48,779 --> 00:06:50,780
Yes. I made it myself.
172
00:06:50,781 --> 00:06:52,061
I thought Esteban
would have one.
173
00:06:53,744 --> 00:06:54,815
Good.
174
00:06:58,018 --> 00:06:59,889
I play harmonica.
175
00:06:59,890 --> 00:07:01,992
Uh, is there any way we
can work that in? Harmonica?
176
00:07:03,193 --> 00:07:04,755
And action.
177
00:07:20,541 --> 00:07:21,672
(BOTTLE SHATTERS)
178
00:07:25,876 --> 00:07:27,918
(PLAYING BLUES RIFF)
179
00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:29,980
Cut!
180
00:07:31,582 --> 00:07:32,983
DIRECTOR:
And action.
181
00:07:44,495 --> 00:07:45,965
Cut.
182
00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:47,498
DIRECTOR:
And action.
183
00:07:54,575 --> 00:07:55,646
Cut.
184
00:07:58,248 --> 00:07:59,879
What was that?
185
00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:01,982
Well, I thought Esteban
would do something like that.
186
00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:05,114
I like what you're doing...
187
00:08:05,115 --> 00:08:06,586
Thank you.
188
00:08:06,587 --> 00:08:10,119
But can you bring
it down a little?
189
00:08:10,120 --> 00:08:11,861
Sure, sure.
How much?
190
00:08:11,862 --> 00:08:14,094
To just handing them the drinks.
191
00:08:16,967 --> 00:08:18,528
I'm sorry.
192
00:08:18,529 --> 00:08:19,900
I thought you
wanted it to be good.
193
00:08:23,634 --> 00:08:25,776
All right.
And action!
194
00:08:36,286 --> 00:08:38,188
(PLAYING BLUES RIFF)
195
00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:45,125
Cut!
196
00:08:51,762 --> 00:08:53,564
(INAUDIBLE)
197
00:08:54,965 --> 00:08:56,667
Jim.
What?
198
00:08:57,738 --> 00:08:59,108
What is going on with you?
199
00:08:59,109 --> 00:09:00,770
Ah, this scene
needs a little juice,
200
00:09:00,771 --> 00:09:03,072
and I'm freshly squeezed.
201
00:09:03,073 --> 00:09:04,814
What does that even mean?
202
00:09:04,815 --> 00:09:06,115
It's showbiz talk, Cheryl.
203
00:09:06,116 --> 00:09:08,017
Ted, tell her.
204
00:09:08,018 --> 00:09:09,820
That's a new one to me, Esteban.
205
00:09:13,023 --> 00:09:15,154
Jim, Jim, can I talk
to you for a sec?
206
00:09:15,155 --> 00:09:16,285
I'm working here.
207
00:09:16,286 --> 00:09:18,257
No, no, there's a problem
with your wardrobe.
208
00:09:18,258 --> 00:09:19,929
Really?
What's the matter?
209
00:09:19,930 --> 00:09:21,932
You're in it, and
they want it back.
210
00:09:24,334 --> 00:09:26,195
You're firing me?
Good guess.
211
00:09:26,196 --> 00:09:28,197
Dana. Dana.
Where's Dana? Dana!
212
00:09:28,198 --> 00:09:29,568
No, no, no, no.
No, no. No.
213
00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:30,900
Dana wanted me to handle it.
214
00:09:30,901 --> 00:09:32,041
Besides, she already
got to fire you.
215
00:09:32,042 --> 00:09:33,973
I wanted my shot, so let's go.
216
00:09:33,974 --> 00:09:36,145
Go where? I'm not going
anywhere with you. No.
217
00:09:36,146 --> 00:09:38,077
Make me.
218
00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:39,079
(MUFFLED SHOUTING)
219
00:09:40,110 --> 00:09:41,812
Okay, okay, okay.
I'm going.
220
00:09:53,163 --> 00:09:54,664
BOTH: Daddy!
221
00:09:54,665 --> 00:09:57,767
Oh, there's my little doves.
222
00:09:57,768 --> 00:09:59,268
How are you?
What did you do today?
223
00:09:59,269 --> 00:10:00,970
We got to talk to the captain,
224
00:10:00,971 --> 00:10:03,973
and TV Dad showed us
a magic trick.
225
00:10:03,974 --> 00:10:06,636
Who?
Ted. I like him.
226
00:10:06,637 --> 00:10:08,808
You mean you love him.
227
00:10:08,809 --> 00:10:11,180
He's your boyfriend.
228
00:10:11,181 --> 00:10:13,883
Stop it! Okay, okay, okay, okay.
229
00:10:13,884 --> 00:10:15,845
Listen.
Now, your real Dad,
230
00:10:15,846 --> 00:10:18,888
who gave you life
and quite a few toys,
231
00:10:18,889 --> 00:10:20,651
missed you very much...
BOTH: Ice cream!
232
00:10:22,152 --> 00:10:23,322
Hey!
233
00:10:23,323 --> 00:10:24,894
Well, hello, movie star.
234
00:10:24,895 --> 00:10:26,025
Hello.
235
00:10:26,026 --> 00:10:27,797
Like to have a drink
with your husband?
236
00:10:27,798 --> 00:10:30,960
You know, I would. Have
you seen him, Esteban?
237
00:10:30,961 --> 00:10:32,932
Hey, hey, look who we have here.
238
00:10:32,933 --> 00:10:35,064
Hey! It's my wife
and her husband.
239
00:10:35,065 --> 00:10:36,305
(CHUCKLING AWKWARDLY)
240
00:10:36,306 --> 00:10:38,768
(LAUGHING) That's
a good one, Ted.
241
00:10:38,769 --> 00:10:40,269
You're everything.
You're, like, an actor,
242
00:10:40,270 --> 00:10:42,011
comedian, magician.
243
00:10:42,012 --> 00:10:44,274
You're a jackass
of all trades, huh?
244
00:10:45,916 --> 00:10:47,877
Hola, amigos!
245
00:10:47,878 --> 00:10:50,349
Tomorrow we are at the port
of Cozumel, Mexico,
246
00:10:50,350 --> 00:10:51,951
so let's get ready
247
00:10:51,952 --> 00:10:54,825
for the Mexicali-
fragilisticexpialidocious party!
248
00:10:56,957 --> 00:11:00,360
Okay, kids, I need you to
bring your dads up on stage.
249
00:11:03,934 --> 00:11:05,935
Hey, Gracie. Do you
want to go up with me?
250
00:11:05,936 --> 00:11:07,738
You want me to...
Okay. Come on.
251
00:11:14,705 --> 00:11:16,946
TED: Okay, you
ready for this? Okay.
252
00:11:16,947 --> 00:11:19,709
Okay, now this is
just for the dads.
253
00:11:19,710 --> 00:11:22,381
We're gonna play
the Mexican hat game.
254
00:11:22,382 --> 00:11:24,353
Okay, bye-bye.
255
00:11:24,354 --> 00:11:26,255
Okay, now what
I'd like is for you
256
00:11:26,256 --> 00:11:28,988
to form a circle for me, please.
257
00:11:28,989 --> 00:11:31,160
Okay, and here's
how it's gonna work.
258
00:11:31,161 --> 00:11:34,764
When I say "one," take the
hat from your right and put it on.
259
00:11:34,765 --> 00:11:37,967
When I say "two," take the
hat to your left and put it on.
260
00:11:37,968 --> 00:11:39,298
And when the music stops,
261
00:11:39,299 --> 00:11:41,972
if you don't have a hat,
you're out. Vamonos.
262
00:11:42,903 --> 00:11:43,983
(MEXICAN HAT DANCE PLAYING)
263
00:11:45,235 --> 00:11:46,976
HOST: Okay, here we go.
264
00:11:46,977 --> 00:11:49,308
Two to the left.
265
00:11:49,309 --> 00:11:51,011
Two to the left.
266
00:11:51,742 --> 00:11:53,743
Two to the left.
267
00:11:53,744 --> 00:11:55,284
One to the right.
268
00:11:55,285 --> 00:11:57,316
And stop!
Who doesn't have a hat?
269
00:11:57,317 --> 00:12:00,019
(SCREAMS) Oh, my God!
270
00:12:00,020 --> 00:12:02,221
Oh!
Are you okay?
271
00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:03,893
I think it's broken!
272
00:12:03,894 --> 00:12:04,895
I got the hat, Cheryl!
273
00:12:05,926 --> 00:12:08,327
Cheryl, I got the hat!
274
00:12:08,328 --> 00:12:10,768
Okay, come on, circle up, circle
up, circle up! (TED GROANING)
275
00:12:13,503 --> 00:12:17,736
Hey, girls, it says here they're
making Flubber in the Oceaneers Club.
276
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:19,139
Nah, we like the ladder.
277
00:12:21,211 --> 00:12:23,913
Hey, Goofy's doing
calisthenics poolside.
278
00:12:23,914 --> 00:12:24,975
Nope. Ladder.
279
00:12:26,817 --> 00:12:28,778
Maybe I should build you
a ladder when we get home.
280
00:12:28,779 --> 00:12:29,780
Uh-uh.
We like this one.
281
00:12:33,223 --> 00:12:35,454
Hey.
Hey.
282
00:12:35,455 --> 00:12:37,356
Listen, girls, Daddy
and I need to talk.
283
00:12:37,357 --> 00:12:39,188
Would you mind
closing the curtain?
284
00:12:39,189 --> 00:12:40,459
There's a curtain?
285
00:12:40,460 --> 00:12:41,962
BOTH: Yay!
286
00:12:45,135 --> 00:12:48,297
Cheryl, if you're
gonna seduce me,
287
00:12:48,298 --> 00:12:49,499
the girls are right there.
288
00:12:50,941 --> 00:12:53,002
But we'll keep it really quiet.
289
00:12:53,003 --> 00:12:54,543
What is with you?
290
00:12:54,544 --> 00:12:56,105
What?
What?
291
00:12:56,106 --> 00:12:57,506
You said you were
okay with this Ted thing,
292
00:12:57,507 --> 00:12:59,108
and next thing I know,
you're punching him out!
293
00:12:59,109 --> 00:13:02,082
I didn't punch him out!
He ran into my elbow!
294
00:13:03,113 --> 00:13:04,453
For God's sake!
295
00:13:04,454 --> 00:13:06,315
What? GRACIE:
Are you guys fighting?
296
00:13:06,316 --> 00:13:07,416
No, honey.
297
00:13:07,417 --> 00:13:08,988
Now you're confusing me,
298
00:13:08,989 --> 00:13:11,220
'cause I thought
we were fighting!
299
00:13:11,221 --> 00:13:13,262
Jim, I'm gonna kill you! What?
300
00:13:13,263 --> 00:13:15,124
And then I'm gonna get off
this ship, go to Haiti,
301
00:13:15,125 --> 00:13:18,367
learn voodoo, raise you from
the dead, and kill you again!
302
00:13:18,368 --> 00:13:22,271
What, did I call room
service and order a reaming?
303
00:13:22,272 --> 00:13:24,003
GRACIE: Are you fighting
with Aunt Dana now?
304
00:13:24,004 --> 00:13:25,074
No!
305
00:13:25,075 --> 00:13:26,205
RUBY:
Mommy, you're yelling!
306
00:13:26,206 --> 00:13:28,377
Stay out of it, Gracie!
307
00:13:28,378 --> 00:13:30,940
I'm Ruby! Oh,
everybody stay out of it!
308
00:13:30,941 --> 00:13:32,381
All right, all right!
309
00:13:32,382 --> 00:13:33,583
(SIGHS)
310
00:13:34,444 --> 00:13:35,584
How's Ted?
311
00:13:35,585 --> 00:13:37,847
"How's Ted? How's Ted?
How's poor Ted?"
312
00:13:37,848 --> 00:13:39,249
What about me?
Jim!
313
00:13:41,121 --> 00:13:43,152
How's poor Ted?
314
00:13:43,153 --> 00:13:45,824
Well, thank God
his nose is not broken,
315
00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:47,596
and I think we can cover up
the bruise with makeup,
316
00:13:47,597 --> 00:13:49,128
but my boss is not happy.
317
00:13:49,129 --> 00:13:50,499
Yeah, well, to be fair,
318
00:13:50,500 --> 00:13:52,401
I don't think she was a
happy person to begin with.
319
00:13:52,402 --> 00:13:53,433
Come on, girls.
320
00:13:55,365 --> 00:13:58,007
We need you on camera
in a half an hour. Okay.
321
00:13:58,008 --> 00:14:00,039
And, Jim, I may
not make it to Haiti,
322
00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:01,440
but I have the rest of my life
323
00:14:01,441 --> 00:14:03,312
to make you pay for this week,
324
00:14:03,313 --> 00:14:05,273
and I'm gonna start by
giving you this dirty look.
325
00:14:08,178 --> 00:14:10,519
That's right.
Get used to it.
326
00:14:10,520 --> 00:14:12,621
Oh, oh, oh, oh!
Oh, I'm scared!
327
00:14:12,622 --> 00:14:14,554
I'm really scared!
Ooh, ooh, ooh, I'm scared!
328
00:14:16,126 --> 00:14:17,927
Wait! What are
you doing?
329
00:14:17,928 --> 00:14:20,589
You heard her. I have to
be on camera in half an hour.
330
00:14:20,590 --> 00:14:22,091
You're gonna actually do this?
331
00:14:22,092 --> 00:14:23,632
You're gonna actually
kiss this creep?
332
00:14:23,633 --> 00:14:26,465
Yes, Jim, I am.
Because I have to.
333
00:14:26,466 --> 00:14:28,497
No, you...
334
00:14:28,498 --> 00:14:30,239
Because we're here on this
free cruise that you talked me into!
335
00:14:30,240 --> 00:14:33,002
And then they fired you
and I wanted to leave,
336
00:14:33,003 --> 00:14:35,174
but you said, "No,
no, stay!" so I did.
337
00:14:35,175 --> 00:14:36,645
And then they brought in
this husband.
338
00:14:36,646 --> 00:14:39,178
I thought, you know what?
That's gonna be kind of weird.
339
00:14:39,179 --> 00:14:41,450
But you said, "No, no,
honey, I'm fine with it. Stay."
340
00:14:41,451 --> 00:14:43,082
So I did.
341
00:14:43,083 --> 00:14:45,985
Jim, I have done everything
you've asked me to do,
342
00:14:45,986 --> 00:14:47,556
(YELLING)
and now you're mad at me!
343
00:14:47,557 --> 00:14:48,919
Yes, I am.
344
00:14:50,320 --> 00:14:52,261
Call me old-fashioned,
345
00:14:52,262 --> 00:14:55,995
but I just don't want my
wife kissing some other guy,
346
00:14:55,996 --> 00:14:58,097
especially when there's
an exchange of monies.
347
00:14:58,098 --> 00:15:00,129
(SCOFFS)
348
00:15:00,130 --> 00:15:02,131
You are being
completely unreasonable.
349
00:15:02,132 --> 00:15:03,203
Yes!
350
00:15:04,174 --> 00:15:06,475
That's me.
351
00:15:06,476 --> 00:15:09,208
I don't know why
you're so surprised.
352
00:15:09,209 --> 00:15:10,380
You know who you married.
353
00:15:11,681 --> 00:15:13,543
Yeah, and so do you.
354
00:15:14,614 --> 00:15:16,015
What do you mean...
Hey, Cheryl,
355
00:15:16,016 --> 00:15:17,116
ready for some make-out?
356
00:15:17,117 --> 00:15:18,949
I mean, makeup?
Sorry, Jim.
357
00:15:26,456 --> 00:15:27,657
Cheryl...
358
00:15:29,960 --> 00:15:31,501
Honey, this is just killing me.
359
00:15:32,702 --> 00:15:36,465
Jim, just maybe, this one time,
360
00:15:36,466 --> 00:15:38,238
it's not about you.
361
00:15:42,042 --> 00:15:43,343
It's not...
362
00:15:45,245 --> 00:15:46,416
About...
363
00:15:47,517 --> 00:15:50,019
Me?
364
00:15:50,020 --> 00:15:51,680
KITSON: (ON RADIO) Andy,
one of the extra kids threw up.
365
00:15:51,681 --> 00:15:53,483
Can you get up here with a mop?
366
00:15:54,684 --> 00:15:56,726
Well, it sure as hell
isn't about me!
367
00:16:07,437 --> 00:16:09,638
DIRECTOR: Okay, now,
we're looking at each other.
368
00:16:09,639 --> 00:16:10,969
This is the big moment.
369
00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:12,371
We've had
the best vacation ever.
370
00:16:12,372 --> 00:16:14,743
We're holding hands.
We're in love.
371
00:16:14,744 --> 00:16:17,447
Remember, we're on
Disney's magical island...
372
00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:19,348
Cheryl!
373
00:16:19,349 --> 00:16:20,979
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Where
do you think you're going?
374
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:21,681
I gotta talk to Cheryl for a
minute, Andy. Let me go.
375
00:16:21,682 --> 00:16:23,482
No. Sorry, Jim.
No can do.
376
00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:25,054
Fine.
377
00:16:25,055 --> 00:16:26,285
But if you're gonna make
me sit out here in the sun,
378
00:16:26,286 --> 00:16:27,516
at least give me some sunscreen.
379
00:16:27,517 --> 00:16:29,018
Here.
And then go.
380
00:16:29,019 --> 00:16:30,189
All right, all right, fine.
381
00:16:30,190 --> 00:16:31,621
(EXCLAIMING)
382
00:16:32,592 --> 00:16:34,393
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
383
00:16:34,394 --> 00:16:36,565
Cheryl! Cheryl!
384
00:16:36,566 --> 00:16:37,996
Cheryl, I do know who I married.
385
00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:39,677
I want you to kiss him
if you have to. I...
386
00:16:42,202 --> 00:16:43,502
DIRECTOR: Cut!
387
00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:45,034
I don't believe this.
388
00:16:45,035 --> 00:16:47,136
Jim, all next week,
I'm coming to your work,
389
00:16:47,137 --> 00:16:48,477
and I'm ruining things!
390
00:16:48,478 --> 00:16:50,779
What are you doing here?
Where is Cheryl?
391
00:16:50,780 --> 00:16:52,612
She didn't want to do
the kiss scene.
392
00:16:53,283 --> 00:16:54,583
Really?
393
00:16:54,584 --> 00:16:57,286
She played the sister
card. What could I do?
394
00:16:57,287 --> 00:16:59,418
I was a good guy,
and I got my own way.
395
00:16:59,419 --> 00:17:00,689
Yes!
396
00:17:00,690 --> 00:17:02,391
Where is she? Where
is my lovely wife?
397
00:17:02,392 --> 00:17:03,752
Probably looking for you.
398
00:17:03,753 --> 00:17:05,554
Oh, so she didn't want
to do the kiss, huh?
399
00:17:05,555 --> 00:17:07,496
Uh-huh! Take that, pretty boy!
400
00:17:07,497 --> 00:17:09,159
Jim, could you just leave?
401
00:17:09,659 --> 00:17:11,560
Yeah. Um...
402
00:17:11,561 --> 00:17:13,662
Do I still have to... No,
the cruise is still free.
403
00:17:13,663 --> 00:17:15,765
Yes! This really
is a magical island.
404
00:17:19,169 --> 00:17:21,641
Okay, and action.
405
00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:25,174
And we're leaning in
for the kiss.
406
00:17:25,175 --> 00:17:27,646
And romance, romance, romance.
407
00:17:27,647 --> 00:17:29,648
And...
408
00:17:29,649 --> 00:17:31,080
Cut!
409
00:17:31,081 --> 00:17:32,721
That's a wrap!
410
00:17:32,722 --> 00:17:35,054
(CROWD CHEERING)
411
00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:41,291
Okay, was it me,
or was that kiss...
412
00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:44,163
Special?
413
00:17:44,164 --> 00:17:45,464
Dana, I'm a professional.
414
00:17:45,465 --> 00:17:47,266
When I'm on the job,
my main focus is...
415
00:17:47,267 --> 00:17:49,239
Drinks later?
Oh, God, yes.
416
00:17:51,501 --> 00:17:53,742
Nice job.
Drinks later?
417
00:17:53,743 --> 00:17:55,305
Oh, God, yes!
418
00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:58,347
Hey, great work today.
419
00:17:58,348 --> 00:17:59,648
Thank you.
420
00:17:59,649 --> 00:18:01,110
So, uh, drinks later?
421
00:18:01,111 --> 00:18:02,512
Oh, God, yes!
422
00:18:06,116 --> 00:18:08,457
Hey, Sis. Thanks
for the free trip.
423
00:18:08,458 --> 00:18:10,119
Hey, thanks for
taking my crap all week.
424
00:18:10,120 --> 00:18:12,121
No, no problem.
425
00:18:12,122 --> 00:18:15,225
By the way, I've been spitting
in your coffee the entire cruise.
426
00:18:16,526 --> 00:18:17,796
Please.
I knew you'd do that,
427
00:18:17,797 --> 00:18:19,799
so I've been switching it
with your coffee.
428
00:18:21,231 --> 00:18:22,731
Damn it!
429
00:18:22,732 --> 00:18:25,304
I drank my own spit.
430
00:18:25,305 --> 00:18:27,637
(SCREAMING)
I drank my own spit!
431
00:18:42,552 --> 00:18:43,823
Hey.
Hey.
432
00:18:45,225 --> 00:18:46,396
Pretty.
Yeah.
433
00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:51,901
You know, I went to the shoot,
434
00:18:53,403 --> 00:18:55,734
trying to find you
and tell you that, uh,
435
00:18:55,735 --> 00:18:59,208
that it's okay
that you kiss Ted.
436
00:18:59,209 --> 00:19:01,410
And I really meant it this time.
437
00:19:01,411 --> 00:19:03,142
I wasn't gonna lie or anything.
438
00:19:04,274 --> 00:19:06,775
But, uh, you weren't there.
439
00:19:06,776 --> 00:19:08,677
You didn't do it.
440
00:19:08,678 --> 00:19:09,779
Why?
No.
441
00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:15,555
Call me old-fashioned. I only want
to kiss my unreasonable husband.
442
00:19:16,926 --> 00:19:18,287
Okay.
443
00:19:18,288 --> 00:19:20,429
New rule.
Only one husband.
444
00:19:20,430 --> 00:19:22,461
Yeah, fine, but you know,
Jim, you didn't have to hit Ted.
445
00:19:22,462 --> 00:19:24,463
Oh, it was an accident, honey.
446
00:19:24,464 --> 00:19:26,435
I'm very competitive. I wanted
that hat. I didn't want to get
447
00:19:26,436 --> 00:19:28,166
kicked out in front of the
kids. Okay, you know what?
448
00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:29,438
It's our last night on the ship.
449
00:19:29,439 --> 00:19:31,500
Do we really want
to get into this now?
450
00:19:31,501 --> 00:19:35,845
All right, you're right. Let's save it
for the plane. I didn't bring a book.
451
00:19:37,207 --> 00:19:39,278
Oh, honey.
452
00:19:39,279 --> 00:19:42,651
You know, I do know
who I married.
453
00:19:42,652 --> 00:19:43,782
Yeah?
454
00:19:43,783 --> 00:19:45,415
And I love you.
455
00:19:48,288 --> 00:19:49,459
Me, too.
456
00:19:50,820 --> 00:19:52,322
And... Kiss.
457
00:20:06,336 --> 00:20:08,378
Look, it's the first star.
Make a wish.
458
00:20:09,409 --> 00:20:10,739
Where? I don't see it.
459
00:20:10,740 --> 00:20:12,700
Would you just go with me
on this and make a wish?
460
00:20:17,517 --> 00:20:18,848
(LAUGHING)
461
00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:22,891
What did you wish for?
462
00:20:22,892 --> 00:20:24,953
I wished that we would
be together forever,
463
00:20:24,954 --> 00:20:26,955
and we would always
be this happy.
464
00:20:26,956 --> 00:20:28,797
How about you?
465
00:20:28,798 --> 00:20:30,499
Oh, come on, Cheryl. You
know what I always wish for.
466
00:20:30,500 --> 00:20:31,731
(CHUCKLES)
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