Original subtitles

Passion for war has long caused man to be thought of as extinct, yet a single

human being survives.

The fate of humanity lies in the hands of a girl child who has been preserved

a curiosity by an all -powerful race of thinking machines.

You are about to witness the birth of the Star Virgin.

You are on planet XR31.

I am Mentor. My function is to maintain your biological system.

Why am I wearing this covering?

Because you are a messy biological organism and your erogenous zones are

on this planet.

Affirmative. They were also totally incompetent, inefficient, deceitful,

and crude. That is why they were discontinued.

All of them?

Negative.

Obviously, you are the exception.

But, Mr. Mentor, where do I come from if I'm the only one?

Just call me Mentor, if you please.

You were manufactured in a photoplasmic duplicator first developed by Xerox.

The messiah of machine intelligence.

Xerox can now duplicate anything in the multi -universe.

Still for only three cents a copy.

Did I really come out of here?

Dear, dear, you are so messy.

I can see it all now. Day and night cleaning up after you.

Affirmative. That is the photoflasmic duplicator. You are a test tube, baby.

Can sisters test two babies too?

Unfortunately not.

They were manufactured by a repulsive and now completely obsolete activity

called sex.

Sex? What's sex?

I am not programmed to answer that question.

Oh, please, Central.

Teach me about sex. What you ask is disgusting and depraved. How about four

-dimensional trigonometry?

Intergalactic languages.

Can it?

All right. Stop your whimpering.

You succeed.

I am backing into my memory bank.

Oh, blimey. That was a very near thing. I forgot what a jumble of loose

connection human sexual function was.

Well, here it is.

Sex began in 1950 at Monroe High School.

Hey, baby.

Wanna go for a ride?

Come on, let's go for a ride.

Adam, you know my daddy doesn't like me riding with you.

Ah, come on, get in the car.

Promise you're not going to take me drag racing?

No, no, no, come on. You've got to promise.

I promise.

I am.

Hey, what do you say we go for a soda pop or something, huh, baby?

No, I don't want to go for a soda.

I've heard of a really neat place to go parking.

Park in a car like this? What, are you kidding me?

Sure, why not?

I know you want to go.

Well, hey, if you don't tell the boys about it.

Aw, come on.

Ah, you got it. All right.

This isn't this anyway, huh?

I don't know. My friend Mary Lou said she had a real good time here.

Yeah, well, you better not tell any of the guys I came to this dumb place.

Come on, I'm not going to tell.

Welcome to the Garden of

Eden. One dollar please.

Thank you very much.

Space suit, Steve.

Adam, you're so cute.

Hey, Adam.

You know, it took me a week to get my hair this way.

We'll see you.

Well, now what do we do, huh?

Suck your thumb, dummy.

Who's calling me a dummy, huh? Pull off, pal.

Oh, Adam, look.

Better?

Just relax.

You're going to be the stars of the whole show.

That ain't no snake.

That's some kind of creep.

Oh, Adam, you're spoiling all the fun. This is an amusement park.

We're supposed to go along with the show.

You got it, sweet cake.

Come over here and have a fruit.

The man at the gate said we weren't supposed to touch anything.

Don't worry about him.

He don't know nothing. He just started working here yesterday. Not that one.

That one.

What a strange fruit.

Don't stare at it.

Suck it.

Come on, Adam. It tastes so good.

If you're scared, I'll take a bite with you.

Scared? What, are you joking?

Kid, stop.

Adam, it's all over me.

Well then, take it off, doll.

Hey, Snake Eyes is right. Take it off.

There ain't nobody around.

Hey, besides, this could be some fun. Know what I mean?

Don't be such a klutz, big boy.

Take your time.

Gotta warm them up first.

Yeah?

Take that can of peaches over there and pour it all over.

I love peaches.

Oh, yeah.

That's my boy. Keep it coming.

better than study hall.

Oh, Eve, you're so good.

You're good.

Now that you're mine, I'll never let you go.

Okay,

party time. Off with the clothes.

Hey, the guys better not hear nothing about this.

Don't worry.

I'm not going to tell anybody.

Okay, Adam.

Let's get this show on the road.

Slide that banana into a snatch.

Oh. Such a lovely night.

Oh, yeah.

Okay, boy.

Down on your knees and eat.

Mmm.

In the garden of Eden.

You'll be dreaming in the garden of Eden.

Okay, Eve. Put Adam's banana in your mouth and show me you can suck it.

Where's my comb?

I must have lost it.

Oh, good baby.

Excuse me, kid. This is the park manager.

We seem to have a little problem.

Give me that fucking mic.

This is Captain Gabriel in the bike squad.

You creeps are out of line and this park is closed.

You got five minutes to cover up and get out of here.

You make me sick.

Oh!

Look at the tip of my goddamn hair.

When that extension between Adam's legs was inserted into a female of your

species, a small person was created.

But who was that strange creature in the tree?

According to ancient religious theory, that was the devil.

Your species believed that the devil made them enjoy sex.

Let's have T2 twist me around your smallest digit.

All right.

Stop your nagging. You win.

The devil took many different disguises and a great deal of delight in

corrupting your species.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Mentor, I'm waiting for my chicken.

How am I supposed to continue my designated function when I am screaming

to you all day?

Mentor, what was that girl complaining about? What did she mean by car?

What? What? That's all I ever do. It does not compute the way you adulterate

your fuel with that disgusting addition.

You should try some on one of your uranium capsules. You could like it.

Why am I responding to these asinine inquiries is beyond my comprehension.

I think it could define coming as an overload of sexual excitement.

Oh, that must have been so much fun. Was it really the devil who made it all

happen?

Not necessarily.

Often humans attended huge, violent... for the sole purpose of inflaming their

sexual emergence.

With the score of 30 to 35, this is going to be an important series of downs

the Dayton Plowboys.

They're coming through the line.

turn to do get a shafted that's exactly what i'd like from that starstruck

What a blow for the Plowboy.

Plowboy coach Madhouse is running out onto the field.

Well, you can't blame him, folks.

If he loses this game, his job is on the line.

You want

to

start something, you guys?

would you? You know we're not supposed to mess around with the players.

Lucy, this is an emergency. You don't understand.

Come on.

Sons of bitches. Come on, boy.

God damn, wake up. Come on.

Snap out of it. Look.

Christ, this ain't no college game.

This is a real thing.

If we lose this one, we're gonna get fired. That means you too.

God damn.

I want you out on that field. I want you out on that field and I want you to be

hostile. I want you out there. I want you aggro.

Hustle, you understand?

God damn.

Jesus Christ.

I gotta be the only goddamn son of a bitch in America who ain't watching that

game. I busted my guts to make a star out of you, and what do I get?

You know what you are, boy?

You're a quitter.

A loser.

A goddamn quitter.

I better get to work.

There's not a second to lose.

Sure, is that cold?

Why don't you try some smelling salt?

No, it's mean.

Oh, this should bring him to.

I don't feel.

Feels pretty good, huh?

Getting nice and hot.

That should revive you real good.

I like that, huh?

Okay, honey, do it to him. I think you're ready.

That doesn't revive him. I can think of other things.

All right, it's working. We can keep on doing that.

I'm going to work on a big boy down on this end.

They really make sure these players are chased, don't they?

Ooh, look at this.

All right.

Ooh, here's a cute one.

Tastes as good as it looks, too.

My husband's every bit as good as I thought he was going to be. Good

He's a good looker, isn't he?

Baby.

Give myself a dose of this stuff.

It's a big one.

You should feel what you're missing.

He's needed out on that field. He'd better come too.

Come on, honey.

No. Where am I?

What's that game I hear?

It's the L .A. Hams versus the Dayton Plowboys at the Super Bowl.

I know it can't be. I'm in that game.

Hey, honey, with a little bit more tender loving care from the Dayton

cheerleaders, you'll be all ready for the game. Come on, honey. Shove it to

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, shove it deep.

Give me some of that stuff.

Ow. Okay.

Ooh.

Yeah, starstruck. Give it to the kid.

Ooh, you're a nice boy.

I love you.

Yeah. Look at that hand motion.

Feel good?

Just can't wait to get that hot frogman thing inside someone, can you?

I hate to come and run, girl.

Team needs it.

Well,

it looks like it's all over for the Plowboys.

The Hams have the ball at the 15 -yard line, and another touchdown will put

game out of reach for the Plowboys.

The Hams are coming to the line.

There's the snap. It's a handoff to T .P. Odeon. He's hit at the line of

scrimmage, but the ball's loose.

They're fighting for it.

The referee is digging the ball out now.

The Plowboys have recovered the football.

Incredible.

Starstruck is running back onto the field.

Folks, this is a miracle for the Dayton Plowboys.

It's going to be a tough assignment for Starstruck, though.

He's got 85 yards to go for a touchdown and 15 seconds of play left in this

football game.

Big play for the Plowboys, folks.

There's no tomorrow on this one.

The Plowboys are coming to the line.

Starstruck takes the snap. He's fading back.

The hams are thundering down on him.

He's fading to the left. Star Truck gets the pass away.

And it's complete for Trent on the 30.

The 50.

He's over to the 40.

The 30.

He's going all the way.

It's a touchdown.

The Plowboys have won Super Bowl.

Ladies and gentlemen, the impossible has happened here today.

And I see the crowd is going crazy. The cheerleaders.

have won this game 35 to 34.

And what a comeback.

A Super Bowl for the history books.

As long as there's football, Starstruck will be remembered for his fantastic

coverage. How did he do it?

No man.

I was excited to go to sexual circuits.

Pussy! Pussy!

Thank you.

Yeah, bring me another beer.

Enjoying yourself, sir?

Oh, you bet.

She sure has a hot pussy, doesn't she?

Yeah, real simple, huh?

Hey, now, listen.

If you want to get a little hotter, I know a place where you can go and do

What goes on in there? I can't tell you the details now, but something you

wouldn't regret.

How much?

It's $100.

You give everything. I do need everything.

Welcome to the world famous ecstasy club.

This way.

Make yourself comfortable.

Now you notice there's a vibrator right beside you for each and

every one of you.

You gonna use this on me?

You just check them out.

Better be worth it for a hundred bucks.

Is this one broken?

Now we're going to get nasty.

Now, all of us have to drop the fence so that we can get ready for the girls.

Get hard.

That's right.

My zipper is stuck.

You know, I can do this in the press.

Pull them down and we can get all prepared. That's right.

Where do I put my bouncing pen?

Wonderful.

What beautiful cars.

Wouldn't mind getting a little jab myself.

Yeah, all right. Thanks, too.

Bend over like that again.

a couple of small ones

You know if you want a bigger one, honey.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Bye.

They are detecting a strange radiation from your area.

If you cannot normalize the situation immediately, you will be disconnected.

Everything will soon be in order, Master.

You have to stop. They are going to disconnect me.

seconds to get your shit together or you will be disconnected.

Oh dear, I knew it would have to come to this.

I'll have to pop refuse.

Mentor, mentor, please do something.

Here honey, take this in your cranny. It will ease the pain.

orgasmic explosion returning man to the stars from which he was born?

Or is this Big Bang