Original subtitles

[instrumental music]

[theme song]

? Waynehead Waynehead ?

? The party's just begun ?

? Waynehead Waynehead ?

? That's the 411 for fun ?

? Hey ho ?

? Hey ho ?

? Hey ho ?

? Waynehead Waynehead ?

? The party's just begun ?

? Waynehead Waynehead ?

? That's the 411 for fun ?

? Hey ho ?

? Hey ho ?

? Pa-pa-pa pa-pa-rup ?

Hi!

? Waynehead Waynehead ?

Yo, yo, yo.

? Waynehead Waynehead ?

? The party's just begun ?

? Waynehead Waynehead ?

? That's the 411 for fun ?

? Hey ho ?

? Hey ho ?

? Waynehead ??

[instrumental music]

[dog barking]

[clanking]

splat

(Mo) 'Yo, Marvin!'

Not now, man. I'm-I'm busy.

[bee buzzing]

Busy doing nothing.

Man, this ever happens to us.

- 'The St. Mary's guys.' - We're dead!

[all gasping]

Well, something finally happened.

Yeah. Maybe God was listening.

(Waynehead) 'Yo!'

- 'Hey, Waynehead.' - What's going on?

Just hangin'.

Meet my cousin, Three Hats.

Just moved here from LA.

Yeah. Malibu.

Check the tan.

Little cuz, looks like

your friends need some serious help here.

[thuds]

Fortunately, just being around me

is gonna solve all your problems

and make you the captains of cool.

- That's it? - Yeah.

We showed you the whole neighborhood.

Mm-hmm. I see a problem, little cuz.

This town is dead.

Hey, fool!

Is New York not "Mayberry RFD?"

Spock, identify.

Roz, this is my cousin Three Hats.

Just in from Los Angeles.

That's no excuse for ignorance.

- What's wrong with New York? - Nothin'.

But like my man Magic told me

'"New York's got pigeons. We got palm trees."'

Hm. You know Magic Johnson?

Just socially.

Yo, cuz, check this out.

[instrumental music]

You seen this yet? It's off the hook, bro. Come on!

(Waynehead) 'Sounds great, cuz, but..'

No money?

- No problem. - Ah!

Don't tell me, cuz, you're paying with this Esso Card.

What if I told you the studio's paying

'cause I'm in this movie?

Hah! You think we're dumb enough to believe..

Hey, fine stuff, I'm with the studio

conducting a survey with these young children here.

Here's my studio pass.

I'll need six free tickets, baby doll.

Make it seven, and you can sit with me.

Sorry, I'm working.

Now, that's a shame.

A fine-looking sister like you

shouldn't have to put up with that.

I'll talk to the manager.

(Roz) Figured. A fake.

Clown's clowning us.

[indistinct chatter]

Thanks.

That studio janitor pass sure fooled, huh?

[instrumental music]

[indistinct chatter]

Waynehead, we got out life on the right track, my brother.

He's tight with Spike. A real big Willy.

He's fat, he's cool, he's, uh

really, really, really..

[instrumental music]

Hey! Guess cooling is just in our blood. Right, cuz?

You might've got a drop of tea for me?

But don't think that's all it takes to be an actor.

See, in this movie, I had to--

Hold your breath.

I missed that part.

Mm-hmm.

Guess you were hiding your eyes during the scary parts.

I don't think so.

Yo, yo, yo. I got it!

The guy Spike pushed off the roof, right?

Screamin'. Ah!

All the way down.

That guy's scream is finished!

Oh, like you've never heard of makeup.

Hey, I'm hungry. Where to?

Home. Unless you're tight with Ronald McDonald.

[laughing]

Hoo-hoo! Ah, what a day!

Give me that five bucks, man.

Excuse me.

- No, man. You crazy? - Not them, cuz.

[coins clinking]

(Three Hats) 'Hi.'

I'm new in town. Can I play?

Yo, Waynehead, I know he's your cousin and all, but..

- But what? - Straight out?

I don't trust him.

Dang, Roz! The man just took you to the movies.

- Oh, man.. - Let me get in on the game.

[indistinct chatter]

Yo, do that again, and I'll bite it off.

But I got a quarter.

Heh! I got more than that in my teeth.

[groans]

What's up, cuz?

I think the brother hit his head.

Dang!

(all) Ooh!

This way, little brothers. Lunch is on them.

(boy #1) 'Hey, man, where's my five?'

- There, fool. - Man, that's a one.

Well, don't look at me.

[grunts]

? Wayne Wayne Wayne Wayne Waynehead ?

? Wayne Wayne Wayne Wayne Wayne Wayne Wayne Waynehead ??

[instrumental music]

[indistinct chatter]

[laughing]

[indistinct chatter]

Mm, mm. You said a mouthful, brother.

[clinking]

More ribs, more sauce, more ribs. Mm-mm-mm!

Scamming up fives right off those St. Mary's.

Now, that's what I call sweet revenge.

- Cuz, you scammed the money? - Mm-hmm.

This is great! You're dead.

Yo, I can take care of myself.

Learned karate, one on one, with Bruce Lee.

[speaking in foreign language]

[plate shatters]

Yeah, well, he's dead, too.

Long before you were born.

Dang! We seem to be fresh out of ribs.

We got a problem.

You mean Roz?

Hey, cuz, she's cool.

She's a little girl, bro.

And little girls got no business hanging with Three Hats.

'You dig?'

Yo, so far life's been pretty good hanging with me. Right?

All I'm asking for is one favor.

(man on radio) 'Another winner!'

'Five passes to the John Starks Summer Basketball Camp!'

'Rosco Howard called with the missing lyrics'

'to LA Noise Boys.'

[indistinct]

[indistinct chatter]

...'next chance to call in and win it.'

I can win those tickets. I know every rap star in LA.

But first, you gotta lose gargoyle girl.

- You got it. - Fine with me.

Okay, so who tells Roz she's out?

You the Mr. Big of this crew, right?

Yo, yo, yo. This is a democracy.

I say we vote on this.

All in favor of Waynehead tells her?

Uh-huh!

[instrumental music]

[chuckles] Got the..

Mm-mm-mm..

Life is sweet.

That's the way it is hanging with me.

I make things happen.

Peep it. It's Waynehead.

- Yo, bro, how'd it go? - Uh..

You did tell Roz she won't be hanging with us, right?

I told her, sorta.

What do you mean, "Sorta?"

- 'Man, that's lame.' - Coming through.

See, cuz, talking to Roz is one thing

but having her hear is another.

Man, all she has to hear is, "Get lost."

So, who tells?

You all scared of her or somethin'?

Well, guess you don't wanna share the wealth

when I win that rap lyric contest.

- Watch out! - Ah..

Hey!

Yo, what's with New York, man?

It's like a non-stop obstacle course.

Yo, yo, yo, I got it! We don't tell Roz she's out.

Just that she's gotta go through the same test we did

like an initiation, before she can hang with us.

Hey, I don't remember no test. Did I pass?

Toof, man. There was no test.

Alright. Make up some test.

Just make 'em hard, so she fails.

- Alright! - Good idea, man.

Good idea.

Yeah. Great idea.

[scatting]

? Waynehead mm ??

(Marvin) 'You're right, Mo. She's never gonna pass this test.'

'It's way too hard.'

[gasps]

How'd I do?

Dang, Roz. That was..

Too easy.

Next test, scavenger hunt.

'Roz versus crazy lab.'

Here's the list.

[dramatic music]

? Happy feet bara-para para happy feet ?

? All the children got ?

whoosh

Bupkis.

Hammer Man action figurehead.

DeLorean hubcap.

[clattering]

"Louis Rukeyser 50 Great Mutual Funds

For Psychotic Booms," 1992 edition.

[clattering]

And just one Shaq high top?

Sorry, Roz, but, uh..

[clattering]

[sighs]

Hey, no problem. The next one's impossible.

[dramatic music]

- Maybe she quit. - Maybe she fell.

Maybe she forgot to stop at the top.

[gasping]

These are the fast ones up there.

But I could get more.

[wings flapping]

[boys screaming]

Give it up, Roz. Time's running out!

[intense music]

[splashing]

(Marvin) 'Yo! Monster-girl.'

'Your ten seconds are almost up.'

[rumbling]

[water splashes]

Yo, come on down. There's more.

Just give it up, guys. She's unbeatable in everything.

A test would have to be rigged for Roz to fail it.

Yo, Waynehead's right. We gotta cheat.

- Good idea! - Alright!

Wait, that's not what I mean.

[sighs]

Okay. This is easy.

Just whip the ball to Marvin without hitting anything else.

- Piece of cake. - Blindfolded.

Yo, man, that's whack.

You've been taking Toof pills or something'?

(Marvin) 'Just throw to my voice!'

Man, this is low.

[intense music]

[gasps]

Huh?

[gasping]

[glass shatters]

Hey, who did this? Come here!

[siren wailing]

- Bye, peace out. - See you, Roz.

Yo, Waynehead, what happened? Am I in or what?

Uh, sorry, Roz. I gotta go.

[dog barking]

[instrumental music]

[indistinct chatter on radio]

Okay, champ, ten minutes to the radio contest.

Are you lose? We need to lose.

What's the matter with you, man?

This gonna be the greatest day of our lives

after that time I found that half a candy bar

in that medical waste dump.

I'm just wondering what Roz is up to

you know, by herself.

Yo, my brother, she's fine.

Making new friends, doing wh-whatever girls do together.

Trust me.

[indistinct chatter]

Hey, wanna play post office?

Silly. You need boys to play post office.

What you talking about? Look, I'll show you.

Wow.

Okay, these are the hostages, I'm the postal worker

with grenades and-and attitude.

SWAT's got six minutes to take me out.

Okay, it's time. You can do it. Be positive.

Win us tickets.

Or at least win me tickets.

(man on radio) 'Two o'clock, time to win passes'

'to the John Starks Summer Basketball Camp.'

'Just be the first to call with the missing lyrics to'

'"Chocolate Deluxe" by LLBJ.'

Wait a minute. That's not rap.

Come on. Give me room, man. I'm thinking.

[humming]

Uh, man.

Man, that's it!

[humming]

I believe in milking cows.

Or is it work the cow?

- Something like that. - It's miracles!

Now, stop messing with my concentration.

- Or you're the next one to go. - 'Hey!'

Oh!

[intense music]

Let's try something different.

First do this, right?

Then try to catch your own spit in it.

Like this.

[spits]

(all) Ew!

- 'Ooh!' - 'Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.'

- 'Yeah, yeah.' - 'Cool, man. Yeah!'

? And we won we cool we go to the b-ball school ?

? I say we won we cool ?

? We go to the b-ball school ? ? What? What? ??

Hey, Waynehead. What's up?

Hey! Uh, nothing much.

Oh, nothing, except his cuz

won us tickets to John Starks basketball camp.

Thanks to my coaching.

And he's going right now to pick 'em up.

- Look, Roz. - Have fun.

[instrumental music]

[watch ticking]

Two hours, man.

No Three Hats, no tickets.

Waynehead, your cuz must've run into a foul play.

[engine revving]

[engine revving]

[all coughing]

He got the tickets!

Life is sweeter than taffy.

Starks' a chump anyway.

My name's Three Hats.

I'm Roz.

Now you're three pieces!

(Toof) 'Three Hats shoots, Three Hats scores.'

He the man with the, uh

wide-front drawers.

[gasping]

Give me my prize. Come on.

Give it up for me. Let the whole world hear.

Oh, we heard. Congratulations.

You know, we'd like to buy those tickets from you

but we a little short on cash since someone ripped us off.

Yo, you better step off, bro.

My man here knows karate.

- Shut up, fool. - Well, Mr. Karate.

How about you give us those tickets on credit?

Sure.

Thing is, see

I don't have 'em. He does.

[screaming]

[intense music]

[truck honking]

I don't want 'em. You, you take 'em.. I don't..

No, don't give 'em to me. I don't want 'em.

Here, Toof, Toof.

[clamoring]

(Marvin) 'I don't want it.'

- Mom! - Mama!

Cut 'em off. This way!

[clanks]

Uh, I-I didn't tell you guys, but I got draino-phobia

ever since I surfed the pipeline with Coolio.

[rumbling]

[gasps]

Oh, man, what's wrong with you?

Cuz, we gotta chill. They'll catch us.

[rumbling]

Well, they're not gonna catch me.

Time for Three Hats to head up on out of here.

- Ah! - Just hate..

[gasping]

[gasping]

- Ah! Ah! - Ah! Help! Help!

- Help me! Please help! - Mama, help!

Man, we gonna die

and I've never even seen dolomite!

Hang on, man. My cuz is just gonna get help.

[coughs]

Stop bugging, bro. He ditched us!

I always knew he was a weasel.

He ain't no weasel, man. He's--

(Roz) A lowdown, lying, chicken-hearted weasel.

- 'Roz!' - Your cuz has split.

Now, hang on.

[panting]

[instrumental music]

? Tum-taka taka-tuku Waynehead ?

? Ting-taka taka-tuku Waynehead ?

[scatting]

? Waynehead ??

[instrumental music]

(Roz) So bad about those tickets.

Maybe I could fish 'em out later.

Don't bother.

You don't want into that basketball camp?

Not if I have to go with him.

- Oh! Your cuz? - The weasel.

Skinny-butt chicken weasel.

[both laughing]

- I wonder what happened to him. - Don't know.

Haven't seen him.

[instrumental music]

But I'm sure he's fine.

[laughing]

[theme music]

? Pa-pa-pa pa-pa-rup ?

? Pa-pa-pa pa-pa-rup ??

[music continues]

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