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1
00:00:00,898 --> 00:00:02,976
Lot of money in the pot, Dave.
2
00:00:03,085 --> 00:00:04,655
You thought you could come over here
3
00:00:04,680 --> 00:00:06,302
and play cards with the big dog?
4
00:00:06,987 --> 00:00:09,047
Well, you about to get bit.
5
00:00:12,601 --> 00:00:14,437
Go ahead, take your best shot.
6
00:00:14,462 --> 00:00:15,889
Do you have any nines?
7
00:00:15,914 --> 00:00:19,131
Go fish. Ha, ha!
8
00:00:20,552 --> 00:00:21,901
Ooh.
9
00:00:21,983 --> 00:00:24,881
Will you look at that? I hooked a nine.
10
00:00:25,268 --> 00:00:26,631
Booyah!
11
00:00:28,072 --> 00:00:29,884
Uh-oh, big dog, you got smoked
12
00:00:29,909 --> 00:00:31,999
by a dude who says "booyah."
13
00:00:33,103 --> 00:00:34,801
Hey, guys. Whatcha doing?
14
00:00:34,840 --> 00:00:37,626
Oh, hey, Hon. I just beat
Calvin and Malcolm in Go Fish.
15
00:00:37,713 --> 00:00:39,406
Booyah!
16
00:00:40,351 --> 00:00:42,109
Malcolm, I'm glad you're here.
17
00:00:42,134 --> 00:00:44,179
How do you feel about blind dates?
18
00:00:44,204 --> 00:00:46,265
Oh, to be honest, Gemma,
I'm not really into bl...
19
00:00:46,290 --> 00:00:47,715
Great!
20
00:00:48,209 --> 00:00:50,802
Because there's this wonderful
new English teacher at school,
21
00:00:50,827 --> 00:00:54,135
Sofia, and I think you two
have a lot in common.
22
00:00:54,242 --> 00:00:57,465
Oh, so she also lives at home
and takes the bus to work?
23
00:00:59,521 --> 00:01:01,351
Thank you, Gemma, but I don't think so.
24
00:01:01,376 --> 00:01:03,715
My last blind date turned
out to have three children.
25
00:01:03,935 --> 00:01:05,215
Well, you like kids.
26
00:01:05,240 --> 00:01:07,320
Yeah, but she brought
all of them to dinner.
27
00:01:08,321 --> 00:01:10,336
And one of them was older than me.
28
00:01:11,665 --> 00:01:14,093
I promise you, you have
nothing to worry about.
29
00:01:14,141 --> 00:01:16,098
I'm kind of known for
my matchmaking skills.
30
00:01:16,123 --> 00:01:18,273
I have a perfect track record.
31
00:01:18,298 --> 00:01:19,734
Well...
32
00:01:21,496 --> 00:01:23,140
What about the Parkers?
33
00:01:23,165 --> 00:01:25,808
Oh, so he has a secret family
in Winnipeg and that's on me?
34
00:01:26,779 --> 00:01:27,995
Anyway,
35
00:01:28,020 --> 00:01:31,683
back in Kalamazoo, they called me Dr.
Wedding Bells.
36
00:01:31,931 --> 00:01:33,722
Hey, look, I appreciate it, Gemma,
37
00:01:33,747 --> 00:01:35,394
but I'm not that desperate yet.
38
00:01:35,605 --> 00:01:37,120
You're not?
39
00:01:38,387 --> 00:01:41,206
You're playing Go Fish
with two married men.
40
00:01:41,587 --> 00:01:44,558
And last night I caught you
slow-dancing with a mop.
41
00:01:45,595 --> 00:01:46,901
He'll take it.
42
00:01:47,202 --> 00:01:49,487
Okay, fine. I guess we
can go for a drink.
43
00:01:49,512 --> 00:01:51,628
Here you go, man.
44
00:01:51,770 --> 00:01:53,120
Whoa, what's this, Pop?
45
00:01:53,145 --> 00:01:56,315
Uh, just some extra cash in
case she brings her kids.
46
00:01:58,326 --> 00:02:01,478
- Corrected by martythecrazy -
- www.addic7ed.com -
47
00:02:03,968 --> 00:02:06,686
Calvin, I just heard that
Terrence Walker died.
48
00:02:06,711 --> 00:02:07,706
Can you believe that?
49
00:02:07,854 --> 00:02:10,814
Absolutely. The man was on his last leg.
50
00:02:11,002 --> 00:02:13,015
He lost the first one in Korea.
51
00:02:14,862 --> 00:02:16,646
Well, apparently, he
didn't leave a will,
52
00:02:16,671 --> 00:02:19,586
and now his whole family is
fighting over his estate.
53
00:02:19,822 --> 00:02:21,336
What estate?
54
00:02:21,361 --> 00:02:24,843
He had an '81 Buick and a
closet full of left shoes.
55
00:02:30,243 --> 00:02:31,825
I don't know, Calvin.
56
00:02:31,878 --> 00:02:33,685
We're not as young as we used to be.
57
00:02:33,710 --> 00:02:35,943
Maybe we should be thinking
about making our will.
58
00:02:36,056 --> 00:02:39,427
Oh, no. Baby, we're not old
enough to need a will.
59
00:02:39,542 --> 00:02:41,505
I just got carded last week.
60
00:02:41,860 --> 00:02:43,340
That's because the waiter
61
00:02:43,365 --> 00:02:45,474
was trying to give you
a senior discount.
62
00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:47,872
Which I did not qualify for.
63
00:02:49,427 --> 00:02:51,567
Calvin, God forbid you died.
64
00:02:51,592 --> 00:02:53,677
I mean, the last thing you
would want is for the boys
65
00:02:53,702 --> 00:02:55,521
to have to fight over your stuff.
66
00:02:55,807 --> 00:02:59,341
I'm dead and you're
worried about the boys?
67
00:03:01,042 --> 00:03:02,458
Wow, Tina.
68
00:03:03,795 --> 00:03:04,840
Wow.
69
00:03:10,921 --> 00:03:12,294
Hey, brother,
70
00:03:12,319 --> 00:03:14,743
I am meeting a blind date for a drink.
71
00:03:14,768 --> 00:03:16,509
And I really don't want to be here.
72
00:03:16,569 --> 00:03:18,441
So can you call my cell
in, like, half an hour?
73
00:03:18,466 --> 00:03:21,739
Say no more. Grandma's in the
hospital or fire at home?
74
00:03:21,764 --> 00:03:24,264
Let's not take chances.
75
00:03:24,289 --> 00:03:27,568
Grandma's in the hospital
because of the fire at home.
76
00:03:28,282 --> 00:03:29,778
Here's my number.
77
00:03:30,656 --> 00:03:32,177
Hi. Malcolm?
78
00:03:32,321 --> 00:03:33,864
Oh, damn.
79
00:03:34,290 --> 00:03:35,726
Sofia?
80
00:03:38,262 --> 00:03:41,122
Let me guess. You were
about to have a sick aunt?
81
00:03:41,356 --> 00:03:43,403
What?
82
00:03:44,622 --> 00:03:45,786
How did you know?
83
00:03:45,811 --> 00:03:47,871
Because I'm getting
84
00:03:47,896 --> 00:03:49,872
a call from my sick aunt.
85
00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:52,888
Never mind, he's cute.
86
00:03:56,521 --> 00:03:57,973
Hey, wait.
87
00:03:58,426 --> 00:04:00,428
We only need a table for
the two of us, right?
88
00:04:00,585 --> 00:04:02,239
Yeah. Why?
89
00:04:02,264 --> 00:04:03,896
I'm just checking.
90
00:04:08,099 --> 00:04:11,232
Hey, babe. Whatcha doing?
91
00:04:11,407 --> 00:04:12,888
Just getting some fresh air.
92
00:04:12,913 --> 00:04:14,263
It's a beautiful night.
93
00:04:14,342 --> 00:04:15,771
- The stars are out.
- Yeah...
94
00:04:15,796 --> 00:04:16,943
You're waiting for Malcolm.
95
00:04:16,968 --> 00:04:18,568
Where the hell is he?!
96
00:04:19,474 --> 00:04:20,793
Well, if they're not home yet,
97
00:04:20,818 --> 00:04:22,388
the date must have gone well, right?
98
00:04:22,413 --> 00:04:25,763
Not just well. Sofia texted
me and said it went great.
99
00:04:25,957 --> 00:04:27,903
Looks like Dr. Wedding Bells
100
00:04:27,928 --> 00:04:29,724
hasn't lost a patient yet.
101
00:04:30,339 --> 00:04:31,732
Well...
102
00:04:32,566 --> 00:04:34,435
I don't know if the Cahills would agree.
103
00:04:34,460 --> 00:04:36,387
Again, not my fault.
104
00:04:36,412 --> 00:04:38,966
If he didn't know he was
gay, how was I supposed to?
105
00:04:40,229 --> 00:04:41,927
- Hey, guys.
- Enough with the chitchat.
106
00:04:41,952 --> 00:04:43,562
Tell me everything.
107
00:04:43,587 --> 00:04:45,380
Look, there's not much to tell.
108
00:04:45,651 --> 00:04:47,068
It was okay.
109
00:04:47,336 --> 00:04:48,473
Wha...
110
00:04:48,498 --> 00:04:50,505
- Just okay?
- Oh.
111
00:04:50,998 --> 00:04:53,552
Time of death: 9:32.
112
00:04:54,881 --> 00:04:57,684
Wha... But Sofia said it went great.
What happened?
113
00:04:57,709 --> 00:04:59,319
All right, here's the truth.
114
00:04:59,344 --> 00:05:01,021
She has got this annoying laugh.
115
00:05:01,046 --> 00:05:03,044
A-And I mean, it's really annoying.
116
00:05:03,314 --> 00:05:04,505
How bad is it?
117
00:05:04,530 --> 00:05:06,325
People around us were
checking their phones
118
00:05:06,350 --> 00:05:08,169
to see if there was a Amber Alert.
119
00:05:09,849 --> 00:05:11,309
Look, I'm sorry, Gemma,
120
00:05:11,334 --> 00:05:13,293
but that's a deal breaker
for me, all right?
121
00:05:13,419 --> 00:05:14,911
Thank you for trying, though.
122
00:05:16,662 --> 00:05:18,161
I can't believe it.
123
00:05:18,186 --> 00:05:21,799
I-It's crazy for something like
that to be a deal breaker.
124
00:05:22,139 --> 00:05:25,357
Catching your husband in a
Jacuzzi with the mailman I get.
125
00:05:27,118 --> 00:05:29,208
But this? No.
126
00:05:29,487 --> 00:05:32,318
Well, look, Gemma, everyone
has their deal breakers.
127
00:05:32,555 --> 00:05:34,716
You know, when I was
single, I could never date
128
00:05:34,741 --> 00:05:36,138
someone who littered
129
00:05:36,163 --> 00:05:39,294
or had the same haircut as my mom.
130
00:05:40,491 --> 00:05:43,232
Or lived east of Highway 43.
131
00:05:43,257 --> 00:05:45,896
It is bumpkin central over there.
132
00:05:46,660 --> 00:05:49,380
Dave, I lived east of Highway 43.
133
00:05:49,687 --> 00:05:51,653
Oh, I know.
134
00:05:53,549 --> 00:05:55,849
But once I got to know you better,
135
00:05:55,976 --> 00:05:58,219
I discovered so many of your deal makers
136
00:05:58,244 --> 00:06:00,403
that I forgot about my one deal breaker.
137
00:06:00,431 --> 00:06:02,200
Aw.
138
00:06:02,661 --> 00:06:04,681
Plus, you were the only
girl I met from over there
139
00:06:04,706 --> 00:06:06,302
who wasn't in a fight club.
140
00:06:08,928 --> 00:06:10,425
Maybe if I can get Malcolm to see
141
00:06:10,450 --> 00:06:12,045
more of Sofia's good qualities,
142
00:06:12,070 --> 00:06:14,522
he'll get over his deal
breaker, just like you did.
143
00:06:14,675 --> 00:06:15,763
I guess.
144
00:06:15,788 --> 00:06:17,460
How long did it take you?
145
00:06:17,568 --> 00:06:19,592
Like, two or three dates?
146
00:06:20,468 --> 00:06:22,694
Yeah, let's go with that.
147
00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:27,936
- Oh, hey, Dad.
- Hey, hey.
148
00:06:28,123 --> 00:06:30,733
Oh, y'all watching YouTube videos again?
149
00:06:30,758 --> 00:06:33,483
Play the one where the monkey
steals the baby's ice cream.
150
00:06:34,288 --> 00:06:36,630
No, Calvin, I asked Marty to come over
151
00:06:36,655 --> 00:06:37,975
and help us do our wills.
152
00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:39,217
Yeah, I found this website
153
00:06:39,242 --> 00:06:40,733
that does almost all the work for you.
154
00:06:40,758 --> 00:06:43,350
So basically, all you have to do is die.
155
00:06:43,511 --> 00:06:46,085
Boy, I survived black Michael Jackson,
156
00:06:46,110 --> 00:06:47,545
white Michael Jackson
157
00:06:47,570 --> 00:06:50,678
and "Damn, I ain't know he did
all that" Michael Jackson.
158
00:06:51,295 --> 00:06:52,874
I ain't going nowhere.
159
00:06:53,048 --> 00:06:55,241
Okay, fine. I'll do it without you.
160
00:06:55,327 --> 00:06:57,013
So leave his truck with Dave.
161
00:06:57,269 --> 00:06:59,061
Over my dead body.
162
00:07:00,330 --> 00:07:02,061
- Exactly.
- Exactly.
163
00:07:02,697 --> 00:07:03,872
Fine.
164
00:07:03,897 --> 00:07:05,327
Come on. Let's do this, then.
165
00:07:05,352 --> 00:07:06,825
- Let's-let's do it.
- Aw.
166
00:07:06,850 --> 00:07:08,946
Thank you, baby. And I promise
you, when we're done,
167
00:07:08,971 --> 00:07:10,277
you can watch your monkey video.
168
00:07:10,302 --> 00:07:11,565
How does that sound?
169
00:07:12,770 --> 00:07:14,075
Good.
170
00:07:15,743 --> 00:07:17,295
Okay, let's get started.
171
00:07:17,320 --> 00:07:19,757
- Hmm.
- Uh, "Names, ages..."
172
00:07:19,782 --> 00:07:21,654
Oh, do you want to be
buried or cremated?
173
00:07:21,679 --> 00:07:22,764
- Buried.
- Buried.
174
00:07:22,789 --> 00:07:25,093
Okay, great. Uh, moving
on to the estate.
175
00:07:25,118 --> 00:07:26,850
"In the event that one of
you gets remarried..."
176
00:07:26,875 --> 00:07:29,397
Ha! Next question, man.
177
00:07:29,422 --> 00:07:31,803
Whoa. Hold on.
178
00:07:32,135 --> 00:07:33,701
Why is that funny?
179
00:07:33,830 --> 00:07:36,964
'Cause I would never be with
another woman after you.
180
00:07:38,487 --> 00:07:41,687
And you definitely couldn't
be with another man.
181
00:07:43,837 --> 00:07:46,120
So, Calvin, if you up and die tomorrow,
182
00:07:46,145 --> 00:07:49,015
you would expect me to be
single for the rest of my life?
183
00:07:49,186 --> 00:07:50,622
Uh, yeah.
184
00:07:52,145 --> 00:07:53,712
Winnie Mandela did it.
185
00:07:53,812 --> 00:07:56,093
Coretta Scott King did it.
186
00:07:56,871 --> 00:07:59,109
Tina Butler can do it, too.
187
00:08:00,142 --> 00:08:02,000
Mandela, Dr. King.
188
00:08:02,025 --> 00:08:04,288
Why don't you just compare
yourself to Jesus?
189
00:08:04,416 --> 00:08:05,779
Well, fine. When I die,
190
00:08:05,804 --> 00:08:08,211
you got three days, and I'm coming back.
191
00:08:10,082 --> 00:08:11,866
Stop playing with me, Tina.
192
00:08:11,891 --> 00:08:14,797
I forbid you to remarry after I die.
193
00:08:15,094 --> 00:08:17,812
Well, if you keep it
up, you won't have to.
194
00:08:20,335 --> 00:08:22,508
Hey, who wants to watch a monkey video?
195
00:08:25,340 --> 00:08:26,726
So, you see, Grover,
196
00:08:26,751 --> 00:08:28,992
even though Charlotte dies in the end,
197
00:08:29,057 --> 00:08:31,289
the sacrifices she made
for Wilbur the pig
198
00:08:31,314 --> 00:08:33,476
show us what true friendship really is.
199
00:08:33,798 --> 00:08:36,211
All it did was make me want bacon.
200
00:08:37,589 --> 00:08:40,625
Remind me to never let
you read Old Yeller.
201
00:08:42,902 --> 00:08:44,382
Hey, Malcolm.
202
00:08:44,407 --> 00:08:46,226
Oh, hey, Dave. Uh, Gemma
asked me to come over
203
00:08:46,251 --> 00:08:48,187
and help Grover out
with his book report.
204
00:08:48,358 --> 00:08:50,640
Huh. That's usually my job.
205
00:08:50,665 --> 00:08:52,101
It was...
206
00:08:52,299 --> 00:08:54,609
until I got a C on the last one.
207
00:08:57,331 --> 00:08:59,768
I don't care what Ms. Sweeney says.
208
00:08:59,963 --> 00:09:03,492
Charlie did nothing to deserve
that chocolate factory.
209
00:09:09,639 --> 00:09:11,032
Hi, I'm...
210
00:09:11,057 --> 00:09:12,785
- Sofia?
- Sofia?
211
00:09:12,810 --> 00:09:14,539
Sofia!
212
00:09:20,298 --> 00:09:23,224
So, Sofia, what languages
do you speak again?
213
00:09:23,566 --> 00:09:26,419
Well, English, Spanish, French...
214
00:09:26,444 --> 00:09:31,028
Ooh, French. As in fries,
toast and kissing.
215
00:09:32,150 --> 00:09:34,456
Gemma, you're embarrassing me.
216
00:09:34,481 --> 00:09:35,981
Sorry.
217
00:09:36,006 --> 00:09:38,005
She also graduated cum
laude from Berkeley.
218
00:09:38,030 --> 00:09:41,255
Yeah, she mentioned that
219
00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:42,474
at the restaurant.
220
00:09:42,789 --> 00:09:44,878
You know who else went to Berkeley?
221
00:09:45,328 --> 00:09:47,888
Frank M. Business.
222
00:09:48,218 --> 00:09:51,302
The "M" stands for Mindyourown.
223
00:09:53,229 --> 00:09:54,419
Um,
224
00:09:54,444 --> 00:09:56,055
Gemma, uh, where's the bathroom?
225
00:09:56,146 --> 00:09:58,224
Oh, uh, through the door
next to the stairs.
226
00:10:01,323 --> 00:10:02,629
Really?
227
00:10:02,654 --> 00:10:04,192
I can't believe y'all did this.
228
00:10:04,367 --> 00:10:06,927
Hey, don't look at me. I had
nothing to do with this.
229
00:10:06,952 --> 00:10:09,981
I've been upstairs brushing
up on Charlotte's Web.
230
00:10:10,916 --> 00:10:12,575
Like a sucker.
231
00:10:13,974 --> 00:10:15,896
It's true. This is all on me.
232
00:10:15,921 --> 00:10:18,567
I just wanted you to
give Sofia another shot.
233
00:10:18,627 --> 00:10:20,302
Once you spend some more time with her,
234
00:10:20,327 --> 00:10:22,161
you'll forget all about
her silly little laugh.
235
00:10:22,186 --> 00:10:23,614
Gemma, this is not cool. I told you
236
00:10:23,639 --> 00:10:26,161
I'm not interested in her or the
fact that she speaks French.
237
00:10:26,186 --> 00:10:29,169
Bon-Bonjour!
238
00:10:29,383 --> 00:10:30,646
Oh!
239
00:10:32,826 --> 00:10:34,060
Bonjour.
240
00:10:42,224 --> 00:10:44,146
I'd take my mom's haircut
over that any day.
241
00:10:44,171 --> 00:10:45,966
Ooh.
242
00:10:48,064 --> 00:10:50,864
So, who gets the house... me or Malcolm?
243
00:10:50,889 --> 00:10:52,412
Whichever one of you promises
244
00:10:52,437 --> 00:10:55,122
not to let your new stepdaddy move in.
245
00:10:56,753 --> 00:10:58,458
Oh, come on, Calvin.
246
00:10:58,483 --> 00:11:00,746
You know, look, if I die tomorrow,
247
00:11:00,771 --> 00:11:03,497
I would want you to do what
you have to to be happy.
248
00:11:03,659 --> 00:11:04,677
Oh, really?
249
00:11:04,702 --> 00:11:08,005
So you'd be okay if I
married Monique Baker?
250
00:11:08,280 --> 00:11:10,388
That skank ho?!
251
00:11:11,188 --> 00:11:14,669
Don't you talk about Marty's
stepmother like that.
252
00:11:15,073 --> 00:11:16,199
Wait.
253
00:11:16,224 --> 00:11:17,411
Wait, who is Monique Baker?
254
00:11:17,436 --> 00:11:19,622
She's a skank ho, that's who!
255
00:11:20,826 --> 00:11:22,701
She used to sing in the choir
256
00:11:22,726 --> 00:11:24,708
with your mother, and
I ain't gonna lie...
257
00:11:24,908 --> 00:11:26,736
She was pretty easy on the eyes.
258
00:11:28,054 --> 00:11:29,560
What?
259
00:11:29,585 --> 00:11:31,628
You wouldn't want me to be
with somebody ugly now,
260
00:11:31,653 --> 00:11:35,536
would you? I mean, that would
be disrespecting your legacy.
261
00:11:36,849 --> 00:11:40,411
So you been cheating on me in
your mind all these years?
262
00:11:40,682 --> 00:11:43,036
Come on, Tina. You know my mind.
263
00:11:43,061 --> 00:11:44,825
You know I don't think.
264
00:11:45,956 --> 00:11:48,692
Well, you thought her
name up pretty quick.
265
00:11:48,717 --> 00:11:50,420
Yeah, it was pretty quick, Dad.
266
00:11:50,445 --> 00:11:51,837
You just lost the house.
267
00:11:51,862 --> 00:11:53,208
Damn it.
268
00:11:53,233 --> 00:11:55,747
And I'm not understanding
why you're so upset.
269
00:11:55,906 --> 00:11:58,575
'Cause I was ready to mourn
for the rest of my life,
270
00:11:58,600 --> 00:12:01,106
but no...
271
00:12:01,459 --> 00:12:03,911
you want us to be happy.
272
00:12:05,497 --> 00:12:07,671
Okay, fine. Maybe you're right.
273
00:12:07,696 --> 00:12:10,482
Maybe I shouldn't get
remarried when you're gone.
274
00:12:10,507 --> 00:12:12,248
See? Now, that's what I'm talking about.
275
00:12:12,305 --> 00:12:14,364
I mean, why tie myself down to one man
276
00:12:14,389 --> 00:12:16,099
when I can date a whole bunch of 'em?
277
00:12:16,124 --> 00:12:17,617
Oh, oh, oh, oh!
278
00:12:17,642 --> 00:12:19,013
W-What'd you just say?
279
00:12:19,038 --> 00:12:21,062
Uh, maybe now's a good time
for me to get a snack.
280
00:12:21,087 --> 00:12:22,566
Or, you know, leave forever.
281
00:12:22,591 --> 00:12:24,435
- Oh.
- Yeah.
282
00:12:24,664 --> 00:12:26,187
You heard me.
283
00:12:26,212 --> 00:12:27,735
Maybe I should play the field,
284
00:12:27,760 --> 00:12:29,284
you know, even go back to Jamaica,
285
00:12:29,309 --> 00:12:31,419
get my groove back.
286
00:12:32,555 --> 00:12:33,810
Or maybe
287
00:12:33,835 --> 00:12:35,599
I should date a younger guy.
288
00:12:35,624 --> 00:12:38,255
I hear Monique's son is
really good-looking.
289
00:12:38,412 --> 00:12:41,411
You stay away from my future wife's son.
290
00:12:42,442 --> 00:12:44,575
Wait, uh, time-out.
291
00:12:44,600 --> 00:12:47,833
You do realize that means you
would be dating my stepbrother?
292
00:12:47,858 --> 00:12:49,997
Ooh, you are so smart.
293
00:12:50,095 --> 00:12:52,380
I wonder if you get it
from your late father.
294
00:12:52,405 --> 00:12:54,302
What's his name again?
295
00:12:55,652 --> 00:12:57,325
You know what, that's it.
296
00:12:57,350 --> 00:12:59,395
If I die, I'm coming back as a ghost.
297
00:12:59,430 --> 00:13:01,301
Let's see you keep a boyfriend
298
00:13:01,326 --> 00:13:03,739
when I'm poltergeisting his ass.
299
00:13:07,794 --> 00:13:09,567
Oh, and you know what else?
300
00:13:09,592 --> 00:13:12,769
Sofia was telling me about
how much she loves to read.
301
00:13:12,830 --> 00:13:14,355
Malcolm's a big reader, too.
302
00:13:14,389 --> 00:13:15,669
What are you reading these days?
303
00:13:15,694 --> 00:13:17,515
- Oh, all kinds of stuff.
- Mm.
304
00:13:17,540 --> 00:13:19,333
E-mails,
305
00:13:19,714 --> 00:13:22,130
text message...
306
00:13:22,155 --> 00:13:23,356
takeout menus.
307
00:13:28,039 --> 00:13:30,747
Guys, I think the cat
from the alley is back.
308
00:13:31,875 --> 00:13:33,746
And it sounds like she's having babies.
309
00:13:33,771 --> 00:13:36,399
Uh, go back upstairs
310
00:13:36,424 --> 00:13:38,345
and finish your book report, Sweetie.
311
00:13:38,370 --> 00:13:40,546
Well, I guess I should be getting home.
312
00:13:40,571 --> 00:13:42,267
Well, but it's still early.
313
00:13:42,292 --> 00:13:44,273
Yeah, well, when you're a
security guard, you need
314
00:13:44,298 --> 00:13:45,414
a lot of rest.
315
00:13:45,439 --> 00:13:46,540
Otherwise you might fall
316
00:13:46,572 --> 00:13:48,095
for a sneak attack.
317
00:13:49,546 --> 00:13:51,017
Oh, okay.
318
00:13:51,042 --> 00:13:52,626
It was nice to see you.
319
00:13:52,651 --> 00:13:54,261
It was nice to see you, too.
320
00:13:54,632 --> 00:13:57,040
Malcolm, before you leave, can
I see you in the kitchen?
321
00:13:57,065 --> 00:13:58,806
I have an important...
322
00:13:58,831 --> 00:14:01,556
security guarding question.
323
00:14:05,370 --> 00:14:07,149
Sofia, uh...
324
00:14:07,174 --> 00:14:08,696
you're an English teacher.
325
00:14:08,959 --> 00:14:11,267
You tell me those Oompa
Loompas didn't deserve
326
00:14:11,292 --> 00:14:13,165
the chocolate factory.
327
00:14:13,992 --> 00:14:15,736
Malcolm, don't leave now.
328
00:14:15,761 --> 00:14:17,103
You're not giving her a chance.
329
00:14:17,128 --> 00:14:19,314
That's because I told
you I'm not interested.
330
00:14:19,549 --> 00:14:21,368
Just because of her laugh?
331
00:14:21,393 --> 00:14:23,798
Which, by the way, I
happen to think is cute.
332
00:14:31,554 --> 00:14:32,903
Okay, Grover's right.
333
00:14:32,928 --> 00:14:35,329
It's like a catfight in her throat.
334
00:14:37,315 --> 00:14:38,621
But...
335
00:14:38,646 --> 00:14:41,048
she's so great in every other way.
336
00:14:41,073 --> 00:14:43,064
She's just not for me, okay?
337
00:14:43,546 --> 00:14:45,712
Fine. I guess I'm just disappointed.
338
00:14:45,737 --> 00:14:47,610
I didn't think you were so superficial.
339
00:14:47,670 --> 00:14:50,412
No, look, Gemma, I'm not
superficial, all right?
340
00:14:51,072 --> 00:14:52,970
It's just...
341
00:14:53,510 --> 00:14:55,251
It's just what?
342
00:14:55,806 --> 00:14:57,320
All right, you want the truth?
343
00:14:57,345 --> 00:14:59,228
The problem is not her laugh.
344
00:14:59,364 --> 00:15:01,946
- I actually like it.
- Really?
345
00:15:02,585 --> 00:15:04,876
I mean, really?
346
00:15:06,431 --> 00:15:08,228
Yes, okay? It's got character.
347
00:15:08,253 --> 00:15:10,204
She doesn't hold back, and...
348
00:15:10,229 --> 00:15:12,032
I think that's cool.
349
00:15:12,618 --> 00:15:14,540
Okay, so then what's the deal breaker?
350
00:15:14,565 --> 00:15:15,814
It's me.
351
00:15:16,424 --> 00:15:17,946
I'm the deal breaker.
352
00:15:18,426 --> 00:15:19,735
I-I got to go.
353
00:15:21,456 --> 00:15:23,181
Hey, it was really great to see you.
354
00:15:23,206 --> 00:15:24,985
Um, good night.
355
00:15:30,199 --> 00:15:31,853
What just happened?
356
00:15:32,125 --> 00:15:34,095
I don't know.
357
00:15:35,159 --> 00:15:37,978
It's definitely not
something to laugh about.
358
00:15:39,736 --> 00:15:42,657
Oh, yeah? Well, me and
my boy toy, Winston,
359
00:15:42,682 --> 00:15:44,845
we gonna lie on the beach in Jamaica
360
00:15:44,870 --> 00:15:47,696
and listen to reggae music all day.
361
00:15:47,966 --> 00:15:49,257
Yeah, well, that's all right.
362
00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:50,761
Because I'm gonna be on the couch
363
00:15:50,786 --> 00:15:52,314
while Monique feeds me
364
00:15:52,339 --> 00:15:55,157
the best macaroni and
cheese I've ever had.
365
00:15:55,689 --> 00:15:58,524
You said that I made the
best macaroni and cheese.
366
00:15:58,549 --> 00:15:59,608
You did.
367
00:15:59,633 --> 00:16:00,895
But you dead.
368
00:16:01,375 --> 00:16:02,556
Guys, please.
369
00:16:02,581 --> 00:16:04,392
No, no, no, no, no, no!
That-That's all right.
370
00:16:04,417 --> 00:16:05,938
'Cause I don't even cook anymore.
371
00:16:05,963 --> 00:16:08,357
Yeah, me and Winston...
We hired a private chef
372
00:16:08,382 --> 00:16:11,431
with the money that we got
from selling your shop!
373
00:16:11,521 --> 00:16:12,957
Marty, when I die,
374
00:16:12,982 --> 00:16:14,603
burn down my shop.
375
00:16:15,756 --> 00:16:18,063
Okay! Before I get arrested for arson
376
00:16:18,088 --> 00:16:21,774
and have to be bailed out
by my stepbrother/dad,
377
00:16:22,079 --> 00:16:24,150
can you both sit down and be quiet?
378
00:16:25,157 --> 00:16:26,367
Fine.
379
00:16:26,392 --> 00:16:28,353
I was gonna sit down anyway.
380
00:16:30,069 --> 00:16:32,485
I can't believe you guys
are arguing about this.
381
00:16:32,634 --> 00:16:34,549
Do you know how lucky you are?
382
00:16:34,850 --> 00:16:36,689
People my age can't find
somebody to be with
383
00:16:36,714 --> 00:16:38,454
for more than two weeks.
384
00:16:38,860 --> 00:16:40,593
If it weren't for you two, I...
385
00:16:40,685 --> 00:16:42,939
I wouldn't even believe in love anymore.
386
00:16:45,358 --> 00:16:46,642
I mean, look at you.
387
00:16:46,667 --> 00:16:49,048
After 30 years, you're both still
so in love with each other
388
00:16:49,073 --> 00:16:51,712
that you're jealous of people
that don't even exist.
389
00:16:55,217 --> 00:16:57,306
Monique Baker exists.
390
00:16:57,474 --> 00:16:59,837
You know, I would've never
even brought her up
391
00:16:59,862 --> 00:17:03,149
if you weren't so ready to
move on and forget about me.
392
00:17:04,289 --> 00:17:06,603
I could never forget about you.
393
00:17:06,628 --> 00:17:08,295
Calvin, you're my soul mate.
394
00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:10,595
If I lost you, I would be devastated.
395
00:17:13,091 --> 00:17:15,126
How devastated?
396
00:17:16,376 --> 00:17:19,399
Calvin, why are we even
talking about this?
397
00:17:20,002 --> 00:17:22,595
I don't want to imagine
life without you.
398
00:17:23,179 --> 00:17:24,626
I know.
399
00:17:25,055 --> 00:17:26,939
I'd miss me, too.
400
00:17:31,856 --> 00:17:33,876
Give me a kiss, you big old...
401
00:17:33,901 --> 00:17:36,134
sexy honey bear, you.
402
00:17:36,159 --> 00:17:38,181
Come here.
403
00:17:38,206 --> 00:17:40,181
Okay, okay. If you guys are good,
404
00:17:40,206 --> 00:17:42,103
- let's get this over with.
- You know what, Marty,
405
00:17:42,128 --> 00:17:43,436
we're gonna have to
do this another time.
406
00:17:43,461 --> 00:17:46,259
Your mother and I have
some making up to do.
407
00:17:47,851 --> 00:17:50,853
Okay, that is it. Malcolm is
definitely inheriting the couch.
408
00:17:52,602 --> 00:17:53,868
Well, in that case,
409
00:17:53,893 --> 00:17:55,993
you ain't gonna want the truck either.
410
00:18:00,643 --> 00:18:02,122
Hey, Malcolm.
411
00:18:02,147 --> 00:18:04,134
I was just coming over
to see how you're doing.
412
00:18:04,159 --> 00:18:05,188
I'm fine.
413
00:18:05,213 --> 00:18:06,954
Just went for a little walk.
414
00:18:07,342 --> 00:18:09,634
So, how'd the rest of the
night with Sofia go?
415
00:18:09,862 --> 00:18:10,994
Kind of weird.
416
00:18:11,019 --> 00:18:12,509
Dave tried to keep her from laughing
417
00:18:12,534 --> 00:18:14,024
by talking about the opioid crisis
418
00:18:14,049 --> 00:18:15,720
and how all the bees are dying.
419
00:18:18,746 --> 00:18:22,228
Hey, what did you mean when you
said you're the deal breaker?
420
00:18:22,409 --> 00:18:25,369
Look, Sofia is amazing.
421
00:18:25,412 --> 00:18:28,407
She's beautiful, she's sophisticated,
422
00:18:28,432 --> 00:18:29,837
she's successful.
423
00:18:29,862 --> 00:18:31,071
But look at me, Gemma.
424
00:18:31,096 --> 00:18:34,079
I'm still living at home,
trying to get my life together.
425
00:18:34,254 --> 00:18:36,579
That's not how anyone sees you.
426
00:18:36,604 --> 00:18:38,345
You're a great guy.
427
00:18:38,597 --> 00:18:41,454
Well, maybe, but what
do I have to offer her?
428
00:18:41,605 --> 00:18:44,999
Aside from watching Netflix
on my parents' couch
429
00:18:45,024 --> 00:18:47,735
while my pops rubs lotion on his feet.
430
00:18:49,885 --> 00:18:52,368
Yeah, he's done that on our couch, too.
431
00:18:54,614 --> 00:18:56,876
Look, the fact is,
432
00:18:57,039 --> 00:18:59,267
Sofia's out of my league right now.
433
00:18:59,918 --> 00:19:01,329
Malcolm...
434
00:19:01,579 --> 00:19:04,625
where you are now in your
life is gonna change.
435
00:19:05,270 --> 00:19:06,665
What's not gonna change
436
00:19:06,690 --> 00:19:08,470
is who you are.
437
00:19:09,244 --> 00:19:11,595
And Sofia likes who you are.
438
00:19:12,585 --> 00:19:14,838
She said that?
439
00:19:14,863 --> 00:19:17,376
Why don't you read the text yourself?
440
00:19:20,722 --> 00:19:22,071
Oh.
441
00:19:22,125 --> 00:19:24,087
Well, she talks a lot about my butt.
442
00:19:26,375 --> 00:19:28,845
Kind of makes me feel
like a piece of meat.
443
00:19:29,912 --> 00:19:31,603
I like that.
444
00:19:33,534 --> 00:19:35,493
Look, Sofia's a total catch,
445
00:19:35,518 --> 00:19:37,477
and you shouldn't let her get away.
446
00:19:37,967 --> 00:19:41,001
And I would tell her the
exact same thing about you.
447
00:19:42,391 --> 00:19:43,931
Thank you, Gemma.
448
00:19:44,018 --> 00:19:45,368
I'm gonna go give her a call.
449
00:19:48,022 --> 00:19:51,892
Just like that, Dr. Wedding
Bells saves another patient.
450
00:19:52,925 --> 00:19:54,765
Shut the damn door!
451
00:19:58,456 --> 00:20:00,414
Was he putting lotion on his feet?
452
00:20:00,439 --> 00:20:02,173
Yeah, let's just go with that.
453
00:20:05,467 --> 00:20:07,774
So, before you married
Tina and were dating,
454
00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:09,472
did you have any deal breakers?
455
00:20:09,497 --> 00:20:11,308
I only had two rules, Dave.
456
00:20:11,462 --> 00:20:14,465
Pretty feet and a big ole butt.
457
00:20:15,945 --> 00:20:17,590
Well, what about with friends...
458
00:20:17,615 --> 00:20:18,808
Any rules there?
459
00:20:18,833 --> 00:20:19,925
A bunch.
460
00:20:19,950 --> 00:20:21,603
No one from Michigan,
461
00:20:21,733 --> 00:20:23,169
no optimists
462
00:20:23,385 --> 00:20:26,207
and definitely no one named Dave.
463
00:20:27,058 --> 00:20:28,369
Well, you know,
464
00:20:28,394 --> 00:20:30,769
I happen to have a few rules of my own.
465
00:20:31,117 --> 00:20:33,183
All right. Let's hear 'em.
466
00:20:33,208 --> 00:20:34,605
They have to be grumpy,
467
00:20:34,724 --> 00:20:36,335
they have to know everything
468
00:20:36,360 --> 00:20:39,793
and they definitely have
to be able to fix a car.
469
00:20:41,401 --> 00:20:43,417
Dave, if those are your rules,
470
00:20:43,625 --> 00:20:45,612
that would mean we
would be best friends.
471
00:20:45,637 --> 00:20:47,160
You said it, not me.
472
00:20:47,185 --> 00:20:48,808
Booyah!
473
00:20:52,639 --> 00:20:57,996
- Corrected by martythecrazy -
- www.addic7ed.com -
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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