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- ♪ MTV
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00:00:08,855 --> 00:00:12,207
[theme music]
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- ♪ I'm goin' down
to South Park ♪
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♪ Gonna have myself a time
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00:00:15,514 --> 00:00:16,950
- ♪ Friendly faces
everywhere ♪
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♪ Humble folks
without temptation ♪
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- ♪ I'm goin' down
to South Park ♪
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♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
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00:00:21,999 --> 00:00:23,740
- ♪ Ample parking day
or night ♪
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♪ People spouting,
"Howdy, neighbor" ♪
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00:00:25,655 --> 00:00:26,743
- ♪ I'm headin' on down
to South Park ♪
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00:00:26,873 --> 00:00:28,875
♪ Gonna see
if I can't unwind ♪
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- ♪ [mumbling] ♪
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- ♪ Come on down
to South Park ♪
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♪ And meet some friends
of mine ♪
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[school bell rings]
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- OK, kids,
let's take our seats.
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00:00:45,109 --> 00:00:47,894
Before we get started,
we have a guest speaker today.
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00:00:47,981 --> 00:00:51,550
Please give your undivided
attention to Kipling.
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00:00:51,681 --> 00:00:53,552
- Thank you, sir.
Hey. What's up, guys?
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My name's Kipling.
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00:00:54,771 --> 00:00:56,425
I'm with the Webelos
of America.
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00:00:56,468 --> 00:00:58,601
I want to talk you guys about
the exciting opportunity
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00:00:58,731 --> 00:01:00,385
to join the Webelos.
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00:01:00,516 --> 00:01:02,692
- Is that a chick or a dude?
- Shut up.
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00:01:02,779 --> 00:01:04,302
- I'm sure some of you were in
Scouts before.
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00:01:04,346 --> 00:01:06,261
Webelos are an extension
of Scouts,
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00:01:06,391 --> 00:01:08,132
specifically for fifth
and sixth graders.
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00:01:08,219 --> 00:01:09,568
- You guys, is that a chick
or a dude?
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00:01:09,612 --> 00:01:11,788
- It's a chick.
- Nah, that's a dude, bro.
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00:01:11,918 --> 00:01:13,572
- [muffled speech]
- ...part of it as well.
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00:01:13,616 --> 00:01:15,357
Now, I know what y'all
might be thinking--
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00:01:15,487 --> 00:01:17,359
Webelos used to be
only for boys.
34
00:01:17,489 --> 00:01:19,187
Well, now
they also allow girls,
35
00:01:19,316 --> 00:01:21,754
and I myself, as a...
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00:01:21,798 --> 00:01:23,408
Webelo,
can tell you
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it's a great organization
for everyone.
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00:01:28,935 --> 00:01:30,589
- I don't know, guys,
I'm like 60% sure
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00:01:30,633 --> 00:01:31,808
that was a fucking dude.
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00:01:31,938 --> 00:01:33,375
- I'm definitely betting
it's a chick.
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00:01:33,505 --> 00:01:34,637
What are the odds at?
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00:01:34,767 --> 00:01:36,072
- Looks like about
40 kids betting now,
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00:01:36,204 --> 00:01:38,510
55% saying the Webelo
is a dude.
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00:01:38,641 --> 00:01:40,643
- So I'd only win, like,
five bucks on a $2 bet?
45
00:01:40,773 --> 00:01:42,035
- What are you guys
talking about?
46
00:01:42,166 --> 00:01:43,602
- Prediction market app, dude.
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00:01:43,646 --> 00:01:45,517
You know,
online peer to peer betting.
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00:01:45,604 --> 00:01:46,822
- Yeah, it's social platform
betting.
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00:01:46,953 --> 00:01:48,041
People can make any bet
they want,
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00:01:48,085 --> 00:01:49,347
and then other users
take them up on it.
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00:01:49,391 --> 00:01:51,435
- Really?
- Yeah, it's pretty sweet, dude.
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00:01:51,480 --> 00:01:53,264
People bet on anything,
even stuff here at the school.
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00:01:53,395 --> 00:01:55,527
See? Will the girls' soccer team
win on Friday?
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00:01:55,614 --> 00:01:56,833
Will there be a snow day
this month?
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00:01:56,875 --> 00:01:58,268
Will Kyle's mom strike Gaza
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00:01:58,313 --> 00:01:59,661
and destroy
a Palestinian hospital?
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00:01:59,792 --> 00:02:01,359
Will school lunch have
tater tots next week?
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00:02:01,403 --> 00:02:02,752
- Wait, what was that?
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00:02:02,839 --> 00:02:04,536
- Will school lunch
have tater tots next week?
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00:02:04,623 --> 00:02:06,843
- No, the one about my mom!
- Oh. Uh...
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00:02:06,886 --> 00:02:08,322
Will Kyle's mom strike Gaza
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and destroy
a Palestinian hospital?
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00:02:10,020 --> 00:02:12,457
- Why the hell would my mom
destroy a Palestinian hospital?
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00:02:12,588 --> 00:02:15,330
- 'Cause she's a Jew?
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00:02:15,417 --> 00:02:17,288
JESUS: Boys, put 'em away.
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You know the rules--no cell
phones during school time.
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00:02:19,856 --> 00:02:21,205
Both: Sorry, Jesus.
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00:02:21,336 --> 00:02:22,641
[whistle trills]
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00:02:22,685 --> 00:02:24,252
- No phones, guys!
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00:02:25,644 --> 00:02:27,864
- Take that bet down right now,
fat ass!
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00:02:27,907 --> 00:02:29,126
- I didn't put it up, Kyle.
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00:02:29,213 --> 00:02:30,649
I'm not even betting on it.
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00:02:30,780 --> 00:02:32,999
It's 9:1 odds your mom won't
do it--those are terrible odds.
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00:02:33,043 --> 00:02:34,436
- This is such bullshit!
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00:02:34,566 --> 00:02:35,785
I'm gonna find out
who started this
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00:02:35,872 --> 00:02:39,049
and I'm gonna fucking
rip them a new asshole!
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00:02:39,092 --> 00:02:42,095
- Man, you just bring up Gaza
to a Jew and they flip out.
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00:02:42,139 --> 00:02:44,620
Maybe these are
pretty good odds.
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[dynamic news theme]
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ANNOUNCER:
You're watching Fox News!
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- They're called
prediction market apps--
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controversial online betting
that's found a loophole
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00:02:55,499 --> 00:02:57,546
around normal gambling laws.
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00:02:57,676 --> 00:03:00,549
And, of course, the number one
trending bet on the apps:
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00:03:00,592 --> 00:03:04,379
Will President Trump and Satan's
baby be a boy or a girl?
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00:03:04,509 --> 00:03:06,076
- That's right,
prediction market apps
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00:03:06,207 --> 00:03:07,860
are going crazy right now.
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00:03:07,904 --> 00:03:11,603
On Kalshi, 54% are betting
it's gonna be a boy,
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00:03:11,690 --> 00:03:14,954
while bettors on Polymarket
are at nearly 60%
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00:03:15,085 --> 00:03:18,219
the demonic butt baby's
gonna be a girl.
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00:03:27,489 --> 00:03:28,881
- Hello, boss.
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00:03:28,925 --> 00:03:31,884
Another gift for the baby.
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00:03:31,928 --> 00:03:33,843
- Another present for the baby?
94
00:03:33,930 --> 00:03:35,671
What about me?
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00:03:35,713 --> 00:03:38,282
- Everyone is so excited
for the baby, boss.
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00:03:38,326 --> 00:03:41,503
You must be so excited as well.
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00:03:41,633 --> 00:03:43,374
- Uh, yeah, sure.
Real excited.
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00:03:43,505 --> 00:03:47,857
- It is going to completely
change your life, though.
99
00:03:47,944 --> 00:03:48,901
- What are you talking about?
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00:03:48,945 --> 00:03:50,990
- Well, when the baby comes,
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00:03:51,121 --> 00:03:54,385
you will have to give it
all your attention.
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00:03:54,429 --> 00:03:57,083
No more dinner parties
in the Rose Garden.
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00:03:57,170 --> 00:04:00,522
No more baseball games.
No more travelling.
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00:04:00,652 --> 00:04:03,655
No more long nights
at Mar-a-Lago.
105
00:04:06,832 --> 00:04:07,877
- Oh.
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00:04:08,007 --> 00:04:09,357
Ooh.
107
00:04:10,923 --> 00:04:13,186
- Hey, Satan!
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00:04:13,230 --> 00:04:16,407
You wanna get in the hot tub
and smoke some cigarettes?
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00:04:16,538 --> 00:04:19,715
- Hot tubs and cigarettes
are really bad for the baby.
110
00:04:19,758 --> 00:04:21,629
- Yeah, I know.
Let's do it anyway.
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00:04:21,759 --> 00:04:24,415
- Wait, do you want to get rid
of the baby?
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00:04:24,459 --> 00:04:26,330
I don't think your followers
would be very happy
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00:04:26,374 --> 00:04:28,767
if we got an abortion.
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00:04:28,811 --> 00:04:30,987
- Hey, relax, guy!
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00:04:31,030 --> 00:04:32,945
I don't want to get rid
of the baby.
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00:04:32,989 --> 00:04:34,730
- Good,
'cause we're not going to.
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00:04:34,860 --> 00:04:36,471
- Great!
118
00:04:41,911 --> 00:04:43,042
- Jimmy!
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00:04:43,129 --> 00:04:44,087
- Oh, hey, Kyle.
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00:04:44,130 --> 00:04:45,784
- What the hell is this?
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00:04:45,828 --> 00:04:47,873
- That's a prediction
market app.
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00:04:47,917 --> 00:04:51,529
- I'm asking why did you bet yes
that my mom would strike Gaza?
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00:04:51,573 --> 00:04:52,835
- Oh, yeah,
I put some money on that.
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00:04:52,965 --> 00:04:54,793
I know it's not very likely,
but I like to bet on
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00:04:54,837 --> 00:04:56,708
l-longshots.
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00:04:56,795 --> 00:04:58,493
- Why are you betting on it
at all?
127
00:04:58,623 --> 00:05:00,582
Israel and Gaza is
a very serious matter.
128
00:05:00,712 --> 00:05:02,061
- Oh, I know, Kyle.
129
00:05:02,192 --> 00:05:03,715
I told a joke about Gaza
on a Zoom meeting yesterday
130
00:05:03,802 --> 00:05:04,934
and nobody laughed.
131
00:05:05,021 --> 00:05:07,066
I guess it's not even
remotely funny.
132
00:05:08,546 --> 00:05:10,418
Wow. What a terrific audience.
133
00:05:10,548 --> 00:05:12,028
- What is wrong with you people?
134
00:05:12,071 --> 00:05:13,682
Do you even know what Gaza is?
135
00:05:13,725 --> 00:05:15,510
Do you seriously just care about
making a couple bucks?
136
00:05:15,640 --> 00:05:17,425
You know what my mom would do
if she found out about this?
137
00:05:17,468 --> 00:05:19,165
She would absolutely
lose her shit!
138
00:05:19,252 --> 00:05:21,603
There's been a conflict in
Israel for thousands of years,
139
00:05:21,690 --> 00:05:23,648
and Jews and Palestinians
are not football teams
140
00:05:23,779 --> 00:05:24,736
that you bet on.
141
00:05:24,823 --> 00:05:26,303
- Guys, phones.
142
00:05:26,390 --> 00:05:28,653
all: Sorry, Jesus.
143
00:05:28,697 --> 00:05:30,263
- Kyle, if you think
the bet isn't fair,
144
00:05:30,394 --> 00:05:31,395
then you can just take it up
with the company
145
00:05:31,439 --> 00:05:33,092
that manages the app.
- I can?
146
00:05:33,179 --> 00:05:34,616
- Sure thing.
147
00:05:34,703 --> 00:05:36,835
These apps aren't
r-run of the mill, rinkydink.
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00:05:36,966 --> 00:05:38,315
They're all run by
highly professional
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00:05:38,402 --> 00:05:41,318
strategic advisors.
150
00:05:41,405 --> 00:05:44,321
[dramatic music]
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00:05:44,408 --> 00:05:48,107
♪ ♪
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00:05:48,194 --> 00:05:51,110
[phone ringing]
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00:05:55,245 --> 00:05:57,465
- Hello?
154
00:05:57,508 --> 00:06:01,904
- Yeah, is this the "Strategic
Advisor for Predictive Markets?
155
00:06:02,034 --> 00:06:04,297
- Yes, it is.
156
00:06:04,428 --> 00:06:05,821
- Well, there's a bet
on one of your apps
157
00:06:05,864 --> 00:06:07,039
that's incredible insensitive,
158
00:06:07,083 --> 00:06:09,128
and it needs to be taken down
now!
159
00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:14,873
- Oh, uh, all our bets are
actually regulated by the CFTC.
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00:06:15,004 --> 00:06:16,832
You need to talk to them.
161
00:06:16,875 --> 00:06:19,008
- What's the CFTC?
162
00:06:19,095 --> 00:06:22,359
- It's the Commodity Futures
Trading Commission.
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00:06:22,446 --> 00:06:24,187
It's the federal government.
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00:06:24,230 --> 00:06:27,277
They have to approve all bets
and deal with discrepancies.
165
00:06:27,408 --> 00:06:29,627
- Fine! I'll call the CFTC then.
166
00:06:29,671 --> 00:06:31,063
So stupid.
167
00:06:31,107 --> 00:06:33,022
Commodity Futures Trading
Commission--here we go.
168
00:06:35,241 --> 00:06:38,201
[line ringing]
169
00:06:41,857 --> 00:06:44,512
- Hello?
170
00:06:44,555 --> 00:06:46,252
- Yeah, I'm calling about
a prediction market bet
171
00:06:46,339 --> 00:06:47,950
that's offensive
to Jewish people.
172
00:06:48,079 --> 00:06:50,474
- Ooh, that sounds really bad.
173
00:06:50,561 --> 00:06:53,738
If it's offensive, you probably
need to speak with the FCC.
174
00:06:53,869 --> 00:06:55,566
- The FCC?
175
00:06:55,697 --> 00:06:57,916
- Yeah, they're dealing with
all the offensive stuff now.
176
00:06:58,047 --> 00:07:00,092
Here, let me connect you.
177
00:07:00,223 --> 00:07:03,052
[phone ringing]
178
00:07:10,059 --> 00:07:12,148
Hello?
179
00:07:12,191 --> 00:07:14,106
- This is the same fucking guy!
180
00:07:14,150 --> 00:07:16,152
- Who is it?
- Uh, apparently,
181
00:07:16,195 --> 00:07:18,371
there's a really offensive bet
on an app
182
00:07:18,415 --> 00:07:20,504
that the government is sort of
in charge of,
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00:07:20,591 --> 00:07:22,419
and I'm like
the strategic advisor.
184
00:07:22,506 --> 00:07:24,290
- An offensive government app?
185
00:07:24,377 --> 00:07:26,641
I better go speak with
the president right away.
186
00:07:30,514 --> 00:07:33,430
[humming happily]
187
00:07:35,127 --> 00:07:36,259
[rope boings]
188
00:07:36,302 --> 00:07:39,262
[humming happily]
189
00:07:44,093 --> 00:07:45,877
Hey, Satan!
190
00:07:48,010 --> 00:07:49,968
Hey, Satan!
191
00:07:50,099 --> 00:07:51,927
Can you come downstairs?
192
00:07:54,320 --> 00:07:55,930
- What do you want?
193
00:07:55,974 --> 00:07:57,759
- Just come down the stairs
real quick.
194
00:07:57,889 --> 00:07:59,108
- For what?
195
00:07:59,195 --> 00:08:00,631
- For just real quick.
196
00:08:00,762 --> 00:08:02,241
- Oh, there you are,
Mr. President!
197
00:08:02,372 --> 00:08:03,634
I need to talk to you.
198
00:08:03,678 --> 00:08:05,375
- No, no, no, no!
Brendan Carr, don't--
199
00:08:05,506 --> 00:08:08,334
- Whoa!
[grunting]
200
00:08:10,772 --> 00:08:12,208
- [laughing]
201
00:08:12,251 --> 00:08:14,906
The FCC guy must have
shitty ankles.
202
00:08:21,783 --> 00:08:23,654
- You guys! You guys!
203
00:08:23,698 --> 00:08:25,047
Have you checked out
the betting app lately?
204
00:08:25,177 --> 00:08:26,831
- No.
- Ever since Kyle got
205
00:08:26,962 --> 00:08:28,353
all pissed off,
the odds are going up
206
00:08:28,441 --> 00:08:30,008
on his mom attacking Gaza.
207
00:08:30,052 --> 00:08:31,880
- No way.
- Yeah, check it out!
208
00:08:31,923 --> 00:08:34,230
Now 17% of people are betting
she's gonna do it.
209
00:08:34,272 --> 00:08:36,232
We gotta get in on this, guys.
210
00:08:36,362 --> 00:08:38,450
- Dude, Kyle's mom isn't going
to strike Gaza.
211
00:08:38,495 --> 00:08:40,541
- Yes, exactly.
We know that.
212
00:08:40,584 --> 00:08:42,454
And we can also influence Kyle
213
00:08:42,586 --> 00:08:44,457
to get the odds raised
even more.
214
00:08:44,588 --> 00:08:45,936
It's called a conflict
of interest, you guys.
215
00:08:46,024 --> 00:08:47,243
It's a way to make free money.
216
00:08:47,286 --> 00:08:48,592
- Isn't that illegal?
217
00:08:48,679 --> 00:08:50,159
- Yes!
All we have to do is make sure
218
00:08:50,202 --> 00:08:52,030
Kyle stays angry,
219
00:08:52,117 --> 00:08:53,815
and at the same time, go talk
antisemitic shit about his mom
220
00:08:53,945 --> 00:08:55,425
to goose the odds up even more.
221
00:08:55,468 --> 00:08:57,035
- What are you guys
talking about?
222
00:08:57,079 --> 00:08:58,254
- Nothing.
Just talking about
223
00:08:58,297 --> 00:09:00,038
how messed up it is
everyone hates Jews now.
224
00:09:00,125 --> 00:09:02,475
- You think it's messed up?
- Yes, I do, Kyle.
225
00:09:02,519 --> 00:09:04,390
Why would an app allow a bet
like that to exist?
226
00:09:04,477 --> 00:09:05,696
It's obvious race bait.
227
00:09:05,827 --> 00:09:07,829
- Yeah,
that's exactly how I feel!
228
00:09:07,916 --> 00:09:09,221
- Dude, you might just want to
let it go.
229
00:09:09,265 --> 00:09:10,832
- See? "Just let it go."
230
00:09:10,919 --> 00:09:12,573
That's how people want you
to deal with a crisis
231
00:09:12,616 --> 00:09:13,878
that they don't even understand.
232
00:09:14,009 --> 00:09:15,663
- Yes!
Thank you!
233
00:09:15,793 --> 00:09:17,316
- You can't give up, Kyle.
234
00:09:17,447 --> 00:09:19,318
It's not cool people would say
this stuff about your mom.
235
00:09:19,449 --> 00:09:21,973
And honestly, if you don't have
her back, who will?
236
00:09:26,064 --> 00:09:29,111
Hey, have you guys heard about
Kyle's mom?
237
00:09:29,154 --> 00:09:32,680
Man, that bitch has it out
for Palestine, let me tell you.
238
00:09:32,723 --> 00:09:33,985
Well, I don't know,
I would just hate to be
239
00:09:34,116 --> 00:09:36,118
a Palestinian hospital,
that's all I can say.
240
00:09:36,248 --> 00:09:37,902
Well, anyway,
good to talk to you guys.
241
00:09:38,033 --> 00:09:39,077
Hey, guys!
Guys, have you heard about
242
00:09:39,121 --> 00:09:40,949
my friend Kyle's mom?
243
00:09:45,561 --> 00:09:47,999
[laughter]
244
00:09:48,130 --> 00:09:50,567
- Oh, my goodness, can you
believe all the crazy apps
245
00:09:50,654 --> 00:09:52,308
our kids are on these days?
246
00:09:52,438 --> 00:09:54,745
- Ugh!
Who can keep track anymore?
247
00:09:54,789 --> 00:09:56,921
- Kyle comes to me every day
with a new app
248
00:09:57,052 --> 00:09:58,357
that he just has to have.
249
00:09:58,488 --> 00:10:00,882
I tell him,
"That app costs money, Kyle.
250
00:10:00,925 --> 00:10:02,274
"Then it charges you money.
251
00:10:02,318 --> 00:10:03,885
Where you gonna get this money?"
252
00:10:03,928 --> 00:10:05,538
- Yeah, you know what'd be nice?
253
00:10:05,669 --> 00:10:07,845
Is an app where you can actually
make some money.
254
00:10:07,889 --> 00:10:08,890
- [laughs]
Yes.
255
00:10:08,933 --> 00:10:10,326
That'd be great, wouldn't it?
256
00:10:10,456 --> 00:10:12,676
- [giggling]
Yes, it certainly would.
257
00:10:12,720 --> 00:10:13,677
[clears throat]
258
00:10:13,721 --> 00:10:16,158
So, Sheila,
259
00:10:16,201 --> 00:10:20,379
how have you been feeling about
the current situation in Gaza?
260
00:10:22,904 --> 00:10:24,470
- What?
- Uh, yeah,
261
00:10:24,557 --> 00:10:27,038
just--just thought we'd sort of
take your temperature.
262
00:10:27,125 --> 00:10:29,954
Which way are you thinking about
going with that?
263
00:10:30,085 --> 00:10:32,043
- Well,
I think it's all horrible.
264
00:10:32,130 --> 00:10:35,220
A lot of people are dying.
- Uh-huh.
265
00:10:35,351 --> 00:10:38,615
- And do you feel like you need
to do anything about it?
266
00:10:38,702 --> 00:10:40,748
- What would I do about it?
267
00:10:40,791 --> 00:10:42,575
- I mean, probably nothing,
right?
268
00:10:42,706 --> 00:10:44,795
You're going to do nothing
about it.
269
00:10:44,839 --> 00:10:47,493
- Are you implying
the Jews in America
270
00:10:47,580 --> 00:10:49,974
have some kind of obligation
to do something about it?
271
00:10:50,018 --> 00:10:52,716
- Whoa, whoa!
- You want to vilify my faith!
272
00:10:52,803 --> 00:10:54,370
Is that it?
- Sheila, it's OK.
273
00:10:54,500 --> 00:10:56,502
- It's not
Jews versus Palestine!
274
00:10:56,589 --> 00:10:58,548
It's Israel versus Palestine!
275
00:10:58,591 --> 00:11:00,376
- Here we go with
the Palestinian stuff again.
276
00:11:00,419 --> 00:11:01,943
- And maybe if you read books
277
00:11:02,030 --> 00:11:04,162
instead of everything
Hollywood actors say,
278
00:11:04,206 --> 00:11:06,512
you'd know the difference!
279
00:11:09,167 --> 00:11:10,603
- What are you putting
your money on?
280
00:11:10,734 --> 00:11:14,433
- I mean, it's a ridiculous bet,
but she seems pretty pissed off.
281
00:11:14,564 --> 00:11:17,175
- There's really no money to be
made on betting she won't.
282
00:11:17,219 --> 00:11:18,873
- Yeah, let's take
the long odds.
283
00:11:18,960 --> 00:11:20,570
That makes these apps more fun.
284
00:11:20,701 --> 00:11:21,527
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
285
00:11:21,571 --> 00:11:22,964
[laughter]
286
00:11:23,094 --> 00:11:25,967
[stately music]
287
00:11:26,010 --> 00:11:29,318
♪
288
00:11:29,405 --> 00:11:32,234
- [humming happily]
289
00:11:32,364 --> 00:11:39,241
♪ ♪
290
00:11:41,112 --> 00:11:43,767
[mischievous music]
291
00:11:43,811 --> 00:11:45,769
♪
292
00:11:45,813 --> 00:11:48,772
[humming happily]
293
00:11:48,816 --> 00:11:55,779
♪
294
00:11:57,825 --> 00:12:00,610
Hey, Satan!
295
00:12:00,741 --> 00:12:02,568
♪ ♪
296
00:12:02,699 --> 00:12:04,396
I made you some soup!
297
00:12:04,527 --> 00:12:06,007
♪ ♪
298
00:12:06,050 --> 00:12:10,228
- I don't like carrots.
299
00:12:10,272 --> 00:12:12,448
- Hey, relax, guy!
300
00:12:12,491 --> 00:12:13,841
Carrots are good for you.
301
00:12:13,971 --> 00:12:16,060
- I don't want carrots.
302
00:12:16,191 --> 00:12:18,671
I ordered cheesecake
on DoorDash.
303
00:12:18,802 --> 00:12:21,065
- Mr. President, I really need
to speak with you.
304
00:12:21,196 --> 00:12:22,458
- Not now, Brendan Carr!
305
00:12:22,501 --> 00:12:23,894
Satan won't eat his carrots.
306
00:12:24,025 --> 00:12:26,027
- Oh, come on, Satan,
you're eating for two now.
307
00:12:26,157 --> 00:12:27,768
Carrots are good for you, see?
308
00:12:27,811 --> 00:12:30,248
- Ah, Brendan Carr, don't do it!
309
00:12:30,379 --> 00:12:32,773
- Whoa, this is the best soup
ever. I--
310
00:12:32,816 --> 00:12:34,426
[gagging]
311
00:12:34,557 --> 00:12:35,601
Oh, God!
312
00:12:35,645 --> 00:12:36,820
[farting, screaming]
313
00:12:36,864 --> 00:12:37,995
- Whoa!
314
00:12:38,039 --> 00:12:39,867
- Whoo!
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
315
00:12:39,997 --> 00:12:42,652
[farting, screaming]
316
00:12:44,262 --> 00:12:46,438
Wow-wow-wow-wow!
317
00:12:48,876 --> 00:12:50,181
- [laughs]
318
00:12:50,268 --> 00:12:52,967
Those carrots must have been
from Erewhon.
319
00:12:55,926 --> 00:12:57,623
SHEILA:
Everywhere I went today,
320
00:12:57,667 --> 00:12:59,190
it was the same thing.
321
00:12:59,321 --> 00:13:01,497
What are you going to do
about Gaza?
322
00:13:01,540 --> 00:13:03,760
Like us Jews in America
have any control
323
00:13:03,891 --> 00:13:05,501
over what's going on in Israel.
324
00:13:05,544 --> 00:13:07,459
Why is everyone suddenly
confronting us
325
00:13:07,503 --> 00:13:09,157
about the politics?
326
00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:12,856
Have people been asking what you
think about Gaza, Gerald?
327
00:13:12,943 --> 00:13:14,902
- No, for some reason,
they were just asking
328
00:13:15,032 --> 00:13:17,078
what you think about it.
- You see?
329
00:13:17,208 --> 00:13:19,384
It's just pure antisemitism!
330
00:13:19,428 --> 00:13:22,518
I'm so sick of being grilled
about my views on Palestine
331
00:13:22,561 --> 00:13:24,172
and my thoughts on Hamas!
332
00:13:24,215 --> 00:13:26,739
And being judged for things
that are centuries old
333
00:13:26,783 --> 00:13:29,307
and that non-Jews
know nothing about!
334
00:13:29,351 --> 00:13:30,656
Well, if they all think
we should do something--
335
00:13:30,743 --> 00:13:31,614
- You-- stop!
SHEILA: Then you better believe
336
00:13:31,657 --> 00:13:33,485
I'll do something!
337
00:13:33,529 --> 00:13:35,531
- You know, Mom, I'm starting
to think that us Jews
338
00:13:35,574 --> 00:13:36,924
should just lay low
for a little bit.
339
00:13:37,054 --> 00:13:40,318
- There!
Now my son is complacent.
340
00:13:40,405 --> 00:13:42,581
This is one Jewish household
that will not put up with it
341
00:13:42,712 --> 00:13:44,322
anymore!
- Ma, please.
342
00:13:44,453 --> 00:13:45,584
Don't make things any worse.
343
00:13:45,715 --> 00:13:48,761
- Worse?
How can it be any worse?
344
00:13:48,892 --> 00:13:51,329
I'm going to find out where
all this is coming from,
345
00:13:51,373 --> 00:13:54,680
and I'm going to give them
a piece of my mind!
346
00:13:56,117 --> 00:13:57,901
- No! Ma!
347
00:14:00,948 --> 00:14:02,384
[cat meows]
348
00:14:04,342 --> 00:14:06,649
- Look, boss, another present
for the baby!
349
00:14:06,692 --> 00:14:07,868
[cat meows]
350
00:14:07,911 --> 00:14:10,958
- Another present for the baby?
Right!
351
00:14:11,088 --> 00:14:12,568
- Isn't it cute, boss?
352
00:14:12,611 --> 00:14:14,309
We must be careful, though,
353
00:14:14,352 --> 00:14:17,703
cats can be very harmful
to a pregnancy.
354
00:14:17,834 --> 00:14:19,923
- Harmful to a pregnancy?
355
00:14:20,010 --> 00:14:23,709
- Well, yes, boss, it's a
parasite called toxoplasmosis.
356
00:14:23,796 --> 00:14:26,016
It can be transferred
from cats to humans
357
00:14:26,060 --> 00:14:27,713
and bring about
some complications.
358
00:14:27,844 --> 00:14:29,541
[cat meows]
359
00:14:29,585 --> 00:14:32,501
- Toxoplasmosis?
[cat yowls]
360
00:14:33,981 --> 00:14:36,940
[humming happily]
361
00:14:36,984 --> 00:14:39,900
[cats meowing]
362
00:14:42,859 --> 00:14:44,295
[humming happily]
363
00:14:44,382 --> 00:14:45,731
[alarm buzzes]
364
00:14:49,213 --> 00:14:52,086
[humming happily]
365
00:14:55,393 --> 00:14:58,527
Hey, Satan!
366
00:15:01,008 --> 00:15:04,794
Hey, Satan, you gotta come
see this, it's really great.
367
00:15:04,925 --> 00:15:06,665
- What?
368
00:15:06,796 --> 00:15:09,364
- Ay! I thought you were
napping in our room.
369
00:15:09,407 --> 00:15:11,801
- No, I had to go get
the ultrasound.
370
00:15:11,844 --> 00:15:13,803
I can't believe
you didn't show up.
371
00:15:13,846 --> 00:15:16,632
It really makes me feel like
you don't care about this baby.
372
00:15:16,762 --> 00:15:20,766
- Hey, relax, guy, of course
I care about the baby.
373
00:15:20,853 --> 00:15:22,768
- Mr. President,
I'm feeling much better--
374
00:15:22,812 --> 00:15:25,206
- No! Fuck! Brendan Carr!
375
00:15:25,336 --> 00:15:28,731
- [muffled groaning]
376
00:15:28,774 --> 00:15:31,255
[muffled scream]
377
00:15:31,386 --> 00:15:34,258
[crashing]
378
00:15:41,787 --> 00:15:44,616
- You guys.
You guys, I did it.
379
00:15:44,660 --> 00:15:45,878
- You did what?
380
00:15:46,009 --> 00:15:47,619
- I talked so much shit
about the Jews
381
00:15:47,663 --> 00:15:50,013
that I got the odds
on the bet up to 95%.
382
00:15:50,057 --> 00:15:51,014
- [muffled speech]
383
00:15:51,058 --> 00:15:52,276
- Yeah, check it out.
384
00:15:52,407 --> 00:15:54,191
I put 1,400 bucks on it
last night.
385
00:15:54,235 --> 00:15:55,627
I am locked in.
386
00:15:55,671 --> 00:15:57,107
- Where'd you get
1,400 bucks?
387
00:15:57,151 --> 00:15:58,630
- I just took my mom's
debit card,
388
00:15:58,674 --> 00:16:00,023
entered all the info
into the betting app,
389
00:16:00,110 --> 00:16:01,633
and put all the money
she has on it.
390
00:16:01,764 --> 00:16:02,895
- [muffled speech]
391
00:16:03,026 --> 00:16:04,549
- Isn't she gonna be
pissed off?
392
00:16:04,593 --> 00:16:07,509
- Yeah, not when I turn
her 1,400 bucks into 14,000.
393
00:16:07,639 --> 00:16:09,250
This is the safest investment
ever.
394
00:16:09,380 --> 00:16:10,816
Nothing can possibly
go wrong.
395
00:16:10,903 --> 00:16:12,818
JIMMY:
Hey, fellas. Fellas!
396
00:16:12,905 --> 00:16:14,255
Fellas, have you seen the news?
397
00:16:14,385 --> 00:16:16,039
Kyle's mom's in Israel.
398
00:16:17,867 --> 00:16:19,216
- Really?
- Oh, wow!
399
00:16:19,260 --> 00:16:20,435
- I just put money down!
400
00:16:28,008 --> 00:16:30,532
[dramatic music]
401
00:16:30,662 --> 00:16:33,448
- [speaking Arabic]
402
00:16:41,282 --> 00:16:43,066
- Dude, your mom's in Israel.
403
00:16:43,110 --> 00:16:44,328
- I know.
404
00:16:44,459 --> 00:16:45,329
- Well, you gotta call her.
405
00:16:45,460 --> 00:16:46,504
You gotta calm her down.
406
00:16:46,635 --> 00:16:48,071
- I've been trying to call her.
407
00:16:48,158 --> 00:16:49,507
Her phone's not working
over there.
408
00:16:49,638 --> 00:16:51,466
- Kyle this is no time
for weakness.
409
00:16:51,509 --> 00:16:52,945
Whatever your mom is doing,
410
00:16:53,076 --> 00:16:56,297
it is going to make kids here
even more anti-Semitic.
411
00:16:56,340 --> 00:16:57,428
- You're totally right.
412
00:16:57,515 --> 00:16:58,777
- Damn right, I'm right!
413
00:16:58,908 --> 00:17:00,127
You have to get ahold
of your mom
414
00:17:00,170 --> 00:17:01,650
and tell her to calm down,
Kyle.
415
00:17:01,737 --> 00:17:03,347
Call the Israeli government
if you have to.
416
00:17:03,391 --> 00:17:05,132
- How do I call
the Israeli government?
417
00:17:05,175 --> 00:17:07,308
- Call a diplomat.
Call an embassy.
418
00:17:07,395 --> 00:17:10,528
You just have to talk to
someone who works for Israel.
419
00:17:10,571 --> 00:17:13,444
[phone ringing]
420
00:17:15,619 --> 00:17:17,318
- Hello.
421
00:17:17,447 --> 00:17:19,363
- Oh, you have got to be
shitting me!
422
00:17:19,407 --> 00:17:20,930
- What?
- This is the strategic advisor
423
00:17:20,973 --> 00:17:22,497
for predictive market apps.
424
00:17:22,540 --> 00:17:23,498
- Tell him to take
the bet down.
425
00:17:23,628 --> 00:17:24,889
- What?
426
00:17:24,976 --> 00:17:26,022
- Make him take the bet down,
Kyle.
427
00:17:26,153 --> 00:17:27,067
It is anti-Semitic,
and you have to fight
428
00:17:27,110 --> 00:17:29,330
for what you believe in.
429
00:17:29,417 --> 00:17:31,027
- I called before
about an offensive bet,
430
00:17:31,158 --> 00:17:32,507
and I want that bet
taken down right now!
431
00:17:32,550 --> 00:17:33,682
- That's right!
432
00:17:33,769 --> 00:17:35,466
- Oh, yes, I believe
your complaint
433
00:17:35,553 --> 00:17:38,208
was being reviewed
by head of the FCC.
434
00:17:38,339 --> 00:17:39,905
- Well, then what's the head
of the FCC doing?
435
00:17:40,036 --> 00:17:41,385
Where the hell is he?
436
00:17:46,390 --> 00:17:49,132
- [groaning]
437
00:17:49,219 --> 00:17:52,483
- Mr. Carr?
Mr. Carr, can you hear me?
438
00:17:52,570 --> 00:17:54,224
- [groans]
439
00:17:54,355 --> 00:17:58,098
- We understand you're the head
of the FCC, is that correct?
440
00:17:58,141 --> 00:17:59,795
- Mm-hmm.
441
00:17:59,925 --> 00:18:01,362
- All right, well,
I'm very sorry,
442
00:18:01,449 --> 00:18:03,538
but you do appear
to have toxoplasmosis
443
00:18:03,581 --> 00:18:06,149
from exposure to cat feces.
444
00:18:06,193 --> 00:18:08,238
- Aww!
445
00:18:08,282 --> 00:18:12,416
- We need you to get some rest.
Try not to move.
446
00:18:12,547 --> 00:18:15,854
- Will the head of the FCC
be OK, Doctor?
447
00:18:15,941 --> 00:18:17,160
- His bones are healing,
448
00:18:17,247 --> 00:18:19,380
so he may regain
full range of motion.
449
00:18:19,467 --> 00:18:23,819
But if the toxoplasmosis
parasite gets to his brain...
450
00:18:23,949 --> 00:18:26,169
I'm afraid he may lose
his freedom of speech.
451
00:18:26,300 --> 00:18:28,867
- Oh, no!
452
00:18:28,998 --> 00:18:31,131
- We'll do everything we can.
453
00:18:33,959 --> 00:18:36,875
[sinister music]
454
00:18:36,962 --> 00:18:39,269
♪ ♪
455
00:18:39,313 --> 00:18:43,578
- Mr. Carr, why do you keep
meddling in my plans?
456
00:18:43,708 --> 00:18:45,014
- Huh?
457
00:18:45,057 --> 00:18:46,885
- I've been trying
to convince the boss
458
00:18:47,016 --> 00:18:50,628
to get rid of the baby.
459
00:18:50,672 --> 00:18:53,109
I am next in line
to be president.
460
00:18:53,196 --> 00:18:55,285
That baby cannot be born.
461
00:18:55,329 --> 00:18:58,070
And if you continue
to interfere,
462
00:18:58,114 --> 00:19:00,943
I will make things
very difficult for you.
463
00:19:00,986 --> 00:19:04,164
- [groaning]
464
00:19:04,207 --> 00:19:06,688
- We can do this the easy way,
465
00:19:06,818 --> 00:19:09,212
or we can do it the hard way.
466
00:19:09,256 --> 00:19:11,562
♪
467
00:19:17,873 --> 00:19:20,789
[phone ringing]
468
00:19:22,791 --> 00:19:24,488
- Hello.
469
00:19:24,532 --> 00:19:27,230
Uh, yes, is this the office
of the president?
470
00:19:27,274 --> 00:19:28,840
Yes, it is.
471
00:19:28,884 --> 00:19:30,712
I've got a young man
who's saying one of our
472
00:19:30,842 --> 00:19:33,497
predictive market bets
is offensive to Jews?
473
00:19:33,628 --> 00:19:35,456
Ooh, that sounds bad.
474
00:19:35,499 --> 00:19:37,153
Yeah, it sounds pretty bad.
475
00:19:37,284 --> 00:19:38,633
Well, the president isn't here,
476
00:19:38,676 --> 00:19:40,374
but I'm, like,
a special advisor,
477
00:19:40,504 --> 00:19:42,724
so I can probably
get the bet taken down.
478
00:19:42,854 --> 00:19:45,248
Ooh, I'm a special
advisor too!
479
00:19:45,379 --> 00:19:46,945
Oh, really? That's great.
480
00:19:47,076 --> 00:19:49,209
Can you email me
the bet in question?
481
00:19:49,252 --> 00:19:50,906
Yeah, I'm emailing it now.
482
00:19:50,949 --> 00:19:52,299
Oh, yeah, I see it.
483
00:19:52,342 --> 00:19:54,605
OK, I'll need to approve
with the financial company
484
00:19:54,736 --> 00:19:57,521
backing all the app since the
bet money needs to be returned.
485
00:19:57,652 --> 00:20:00,437
OK, thanks,
I'll let all the Jews know.
486
00:20:05,050 --> 00:20:07,183
- What the hell?
487
00:20:07,270 --> 00:20:08,619
- They took it down.
488
00:20:10,491 --> 00:20:13,189
We were all gonna win,
and they took down our bets.
489
00:20:13,320 --> 00:20:14,973
- How can the app company
do that?
490
00:20:15,104 --> 00:20:16,714
- I got in at nine-to-one odds.
491
00:20:16,758 --> 00:20:18,629
This is b-b-bullshit!
492
00:20:18,716 --> 00:20:20,544
- Yeah, these apps
are totally corrupt.
493
00:20:20,588 --> 00:20:24,287
[whistle blows]
- Guys! For the love of God!
494
00:20:24,331 --> 00:20:27,159
[laughter]
495
00:20:27,203 --> 00:20:30,946
- Well, Cartman,
I just wanna say thanks.
496
00:20:30,989 --> 00:20:33,340
You know, it's crazy,
but nobody else here
497
00:20:33,383 --> 00:20:36,081
gave a crap about how I was
feeling except for you.
498
00:20:36,168 --> 00:20:37,779
- Oh, that's all right, Kyle.
499
00:20:37,909 --> 00:20:40,216
I'm just happy the bet
got taken down.
500
00:20:40,347 --> 00:20:41,870
Now none of these sickos
can profit
501
00:20:41,957 --> 00:20:43,437
off of what your mom does.
502
00:20:43,524 --> 00:20:44,742
- Yeah, well, those people
503
00:20:44,873 --> 00:20:48,224
would have all lost the bet
anyway.
504
00:20:48,355 --> 00:20:50,095
- What do you mean they would
have all lost the bet?
505
00:20:50,182 --> 00:20:53,969
- Well, I know the reason
my mom went Israel.
506
00:20:54,099 --> 00:20:56,188
- It wasn't to bomb
a Palestinian hospital?
507
00:20:56,232 --> 00:20:57,581
- No, when my mom
left the house,
508
00:20:57,712 --> 00:20:58,756
she said she was gonna find
509
00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:00,018
the person responsible
for all this
510
00:21:00,149 --> 00:21:01,846
and give them
a piece of her mind.
511
00:21:11,595 --> 00:21:12,379
KYLE'S MOM [muffled]:
You are not going
512
00:21:12,509 --> 00:21:13,945
to talk to me like that!
513
00:21:13,989 --> 00:21:15,599
I am extremely upset,
514
00:21:15,643 --> 00:21:19,211
and I am not leaving
until I have said my piece!
515
00:21:19,255 --> 00:21:22,824
There you are,
Mr. Netanyahu!
516
00:21:22,954 --> 00:21:24,782
Just who do you think you are,
517
00:21:24,913 --> 00:21:27,263
killing thousands
and flattening neighborhoods,
518
00:21:27,394 --> 00:21:29,004
then wrapping yourself
in Judaism
519
00:21:29,047 --> 00:21:31,441
like it's some shield
from criticism?
520
00:21:31,572 --> 00:21:33,574
You're making life for Jews
miserable
521
00:21:33,661 --> 00:21:36,403
and life for American Jews
impossible!
522
00:21:36,446 --> 00:21:38,622
Oh, don't you roll your eyes
at me, mister.
523
00:21:38,753 --> 00:21:40,232
You know what you're doing,
524
00:21:40,363 --> 00:21:42,452
and you're doing it
on purpose!
525
00:21:42,496 --> 00:21:44,236
Well, now you can just sit
in that chair,
526
00:21:44,367 --> 00:21:46,500
'cause I'm not
going anywhere, buster!
527
00:21:46,630 --> 00:21:48,589
I've been to every
PTA meeting,
528
00:21:48,719 --> 00:21:50,199
every school board meeting,
529
00:21:50,242 --> 00:21:52,070
and I can go all day!
36111
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