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♪ MTV
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00:00:12,316 --> 00:00:13,491
♪ I'm goin' down
to South Park ♪
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♪ Gonna have myself a time
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00:00:15,493 --> 00:00:16,929
♪ Friendly faces
everywhere ♪
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♪ Humble folks
without temptation ♪
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♪ I'm goin' down
to South Park ♪
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♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
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♪ Ample parking day
or night ♪
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00:00:23,849 --> 00:00:25,503
♪ People spouting,
"Howdy, neighbor" ♪
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00:00:25,634 --> 00:00:26,722
♪ I'm headin' on down
to South Park ♪
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00:00:26,852 --> 00:00:28,854
♪ Gonna see
if I can't unwind ♪
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00:00:32,162 --> 00:00:33,337
♪ Come on down
to South Park ♪
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♪ And meet some friends
of mine ♪
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OK, kids,
let's take our seats.
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00:00:45,088 --> 00:00:47,873
Before we get started,
we have a guest speaker today.
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00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:51,529
Please give your undivided
attention to Kipling.
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00:00:51,660 --> 00:00:53,531
Thank you, sir.
Hey. What's up, guys?
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00:00:53,575 --> 00:00:54,663
My name's Kipling.
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00:00:54,750 --> 00:00:56,404
I'm with the Webelos
of America.
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00:00:56,447 --> 00:00:58,580
I want to talk you guys about
the exciting opportunity
21
00:00:58,710 --> 00:01:00,364
to join the Webelos.
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00:01:00,495 --> 00:01:02,671
- Is that a chick or a dude?
- Shut up.
23
00:01:02,758 --> 00:01:04,281
I'm sure some of you were in
Scouts before.
24
00:01:04,325 --> 00:01:06,240
Webelos are an extension
of Scouts,
25
00:01:06,370 --> 00:01:08,111
specifically for fifth
and sixth graders.
26
00:01:08,198 --> 00:01:09,547
You guys, is that a chick
or a dude?
27
00:01:09,591 --> 00:01:11,767
- It's a chick.
- Nah, that's a dude, bro.
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00:01:11,897 --> 00:01:13,551
...part of it as well.
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00:01:13,595 --> 00:01:15,336
Now, I know what y'all
might be thinking--
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00:01:15,466 --> 00:01:17,338
Webelos used to be
only for boys.
31
00:01:17,468 --> 00:01:19,166
Well, now
they also allow girls,
32
00:01:19,296 --> 00:01:21,733
and I myself, as a...
33
00:01:21,777 --> 00:01:23,387
Webelo,
can tell you
34
00:01:23,518 --> 00:01:26,260
it's a great organization
for everyone.
35
00:01:28,914 --> 00:01:30,568
I don't know, guys,
I'm like 60% sure
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00:01:30,612 --> 00:01:31,787
that was a fucking dude.
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00:01:31,917 --> 00:01:33,354
I'm definitely betting
it's a chick.
38
00:01:33,484 --> 00:01:34,616
What are the odds at?
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00:01:34,746 --> 00:01:36,052
Looks like about
40 kids betting now,
40
00:01:36,183 --> 00:01:38,489
55% saying the Webelo
is a dude.
41
00:01:38,620 --> 00:01:40,622
So I'd only win, like,
five bucks on a $2 bet?
42
00:01:40,752 --> 00:01:42,014
What are you guys
talking about?
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00:01:42,145 --> 00:01:43,581
Prediction market app, dude.
44
00:01:43,625 --> 00:01:45,496
You know,
online peer to peer betting.
45
00:01:45,583 --> 00:01:46,802
Yeah, it's social platform
betting.
46
00:01:46,932 --> 00:01:48,020
People can make any bet
they want,
47
00:01:48,064 --> 00:01:49,326
and then other users
take them up on it.
48
00:01:49,370 --> 00:01:51,415
- Really?
- Yeah, it's pretty sweet, dude.
49
00:01:51,459 --> 00:01:53,243
People bet on anything,
even stuff here at the school.
50
00:01:53,374 --> 00:01:55,506
See? Will the girls' soccer team
win on Friday?
51
00:01:55,593 --> 00:01:56,812
Will there be a snow day
this month?
52
00:01:56,855 --> 00:01:58,248
Will Kyle's mom strike Gaza
53
00:01:58,292 --> 00:01:59,641
and destroy
a Palestinian hospital?
54
00:01:59,771 --> 00:02:01,338
Will school lunch have
tater tots next week?
55
00:02:01,382 --> 00:02:02,731
Wait, what was that?
56
00:02:02,818 --> 00:02:04,515
Will school lunch
have tater tots next week?
57
00:02:04,602 --> 00:02:06,822
- No, the one about my mom!
- Oh. Uh...
58
00:02:06,865 --> 00:02:08,302
Will Kyle's mom strike Gaza
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00:02:08,432 --> 00:02:09,868
and destroy
a Palestinian hospital?
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00:02:09,999 --> 00:02:12,436
Why the hell would my mom
destroy a Palestinian hospital?
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00:02:12,567 --> 00:02:15,309
'Cause she's a Jew?
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00:02:15,396 --> 00:02:17,267
Boys, put 'em away.
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00:02:17,398 --> 00:02:19,791
You know the rules--no cell
phones during school time.
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00:02:19,835 --> 00:02:21,184
Sorry, Jesus.
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00:02:22,664 --> 00:02:24,231
No phones, guys!
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00:02:25,623 --> 00:02:27,843
Take that bet down right now,
fat ass!
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00:02:27,886 --> 00:02:29,105
I didn't put it up, Kyle.
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00:02:29,192 --> 00:02:30,628
I'm not even betting on it.
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00:02:30,759 --> 00:02:32,978
It's 9:1 odds your mom won't
do it--those are terrible odds.
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00:02:33,022 --> 00:02:34,415
This is such bullshit!
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00:02:34,545 --> 00:02:35,764
I'm gonna find out
who started this
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00:02:35,851 --> 00:02:39,028
and I'm gonna fucking
rip them a new asshole!
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00:02:39,071 --> 00:02:42,074
Man, you just bring up Gaza
to a Jew and they flip out.
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00:02:42,118 --> 00:02:44,599
Maybe these are
pretty good odds.
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00:02:46,905 --> 00:02:50,431
You're watching Fox News!
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00:02:50,474 --> 00:02:52,868
They're called
prediction market apps--
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00:02:52,998 --> 00:02:55,436
controversial online betting
that's found a loophole
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00:02:55,479 --> 00:02:57,525
around normal gambling laws.
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00:02:57,655 --> 00:03:00,528
And, of course, the number one
trending bet on the apps:
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00:03:00,571 --> 00:03:04,358
Will President Trump and Satan's
baby be a boy or a girl?
81
00:03:04,488 --> 00:03:06,055
That's right,
prediction market apps
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00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:07,839
are going crazy right now.
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00:03:07,883 --> 00:03:11,582
On Kalshi, 54% are betting
it's gonna be a boy,
84
00:03:11,669 --> 00:03:14,933
while bettors on Polymarket
are at nearly 60%
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00:03:15,064 --> 00:03:18,198
the demonic butt baby's
gonna be a girl.
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00:03:27,468 --> 00:03:28,860
Hello, boss.
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00:03:28,904 --> 00:03:31,863
Another gift for the baby.
88
00:03:31,907 --> 00:03:33,822
Another present for the baby?
89
00:03:33,909 --> 00:03:35,650
What about me?
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00:03:35,693 --> 00:03:38,261
Everyone is so excited
for the baby, boss.
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00:03:38,305 --> 00:03:41,482
You must be so excited as well.
92
00:03:41,612 --> 00:03:43,353
Uh, yeah, sure.
Real excited.
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00:03:43,484 --> 00:03:47,836
It is going to completely
change your life, though.
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00:03:47,923 --> 00:03:48,880
What are you talking about?
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00:03:48,924 --> 00:03:50,969
Well, when the baby comes,
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00:03:51,100 --> 00:03:54,364
you will have to give it
all your attention.
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00:03:54,408 --> 00:03:57,062
No more dinner parties
in the Rose Garden.
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00:03:57,149 --> 00:04:00,501
No more baseball games.
No more travelling.
99
00:04:00,631 --> 00:04:03,634
No more long nights
at Mar-a-Lago.
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00:04:06,811 --> 00:04:07,856
Oh.
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00:04:07,986 --> 00:04:09,336
Ooh.
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00:04:10,902 --> 00:04:13,165
Hey, Satan!
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00:04:13,209 --> 00:04:16,386
You wanna get in the hot tub
and smoke some cigarettes?
104
00:04:16,517 --> 00:04:19,694
Hot tubs and cigarettes
are really bad for the baby.
105
00:04:19,737 --> 00:04:21,609
Yeah, I know.
Let's do it anyway.
106
00:04:21,739 --> 00:04:24,394
Wait, do you want to get rid
of the baby?
107
00:04:24,438 --> 00:04:26,309
I don't think your followers
would be very happy
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00:04:26,353 --> 00:04:28,746
if we got an abortion.
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00:04:28,790 --> 00:04:30,966
Hey, relax, guy!
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00:04:31,009 --> 00:04:32,924
I don't want to get rid
of the baby.
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00:04:32,968 --> 00:04:34,709
Good,
'cause we're not going to.
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00:04:34,839 --> 00:04:36,450
Great!
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00:04:41,890 --> 00:04:43,021
Jimmy!
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00:04:43,108 --> 00:04:44,066
Oh, hey, Kyle.
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00:04:44,109 --> 00:04:45,763
What the hell is this?
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00:04:45,807 --> 00:04:47,852
That's a prediction
market app.
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00:04:47,896 --> 00:04:51,508
I'm asking why did you bet yes
that my mom would strike Gaza?
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00:04:51,552 --> 00:04:52,814
Oh, yeah,
I put some money on that.
119
00:04:52,944 --> 00:04:54,772
I know it's not very likely,
but I like to bet on
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00:04:54,816 --> 00:04:56,687
l-longshots.
121
00:04:56,774 --> 00:04:58,472
Why are you betting on it
at all?
122
00:04:58,602 --> 00:05:00,561
Israel and Gaza is
a very serious matter.
123
00:05:00,691 --> 00:05:02,040
Oh, I know, Kyle.
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00:05:02,171 --> 00:05:03,694
I told a joke about Gaza
on a Zoom meeting yesterday
125
00:05:03,781 --> 00:05:04,913
and nobody laughed.
126
00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:07,045
I guess it's not even
remotely funny.
127
00:05:08,525 --> 00:05:10,397
Wow. What a terrific audience.
128
00:05:10,527 --> 00:05:12,007
What is wrong with you people?
129
00:05:12,050 --> 00:05:13,661
Do you even know what Gaza is?
130
00:05:13,704 --> 00:05:15,489
Do you seriously just care about
making a couple bucks?
131
00:05:15,619 --> 00:05:17,404
You know what my mom would do
if she found out about this?
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00:05:17,447 --> 00:05:19,144
She would absolutely
lose her shit!
133
00:05:19,231 --> 00:05:21,582
There's been a conflict in
Israel for thousands of years,
134
00:05:21,669 --> 00:05:23,627
and Jews and Palestinians
are not football teams
135
00:05:23,758 --> 00:05:24,715
that you bet on.
136
00:05:24,802 --> 00:05:26,282
Guys, phones.
137
00:05:26,369 --> 00:05:28,632
all: Sorry, Jesus.
138
00:05:28,676 --> 00:05:30,242
Kyle, if you think
the bet isn't fair,
139
00:05:30,373 --> 00:05:31,374
then you can just take it up
with the company
140
00:05:31,418 --> 00:05:33,071
that manages the app.
- I can?
141
00:05:33,158 --> 00:05:34,595
Sure thing.
142
00:05:34,682 --> 00:05:36,814
These apps aren't
r-run of the mill, rinkydink.
143
00:05:36,945 --> 00:05:38,294
They're all run by
highly professional
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00:05:38,381 --> 00:05:41,297
strategic advisors.
145
00:05:55,224 --> 00:05:57,444
Hello?
146
00:05:57,487 --> 00:06:01,883
Yeah, is this the "Strategic
Advisor for Predictive Markets?
147
00:06:02,013 --> 00:06:04,276
Yes, it is.
148
00:06:04,407 --> 00:06:05,800
Well, there's a bet
on one of your apps
149
00:06:05,843 --> 00:06:07,018
that's incredible insensitive,
150
00:06:07,062 --> 00:06:09,107
and it needs to be taken down
now!
151
00:06:10,979 --> 00:06:14,852
Oh, uh, all our bets are
actually regulated by the CFTC.
152
00:06:14,983 --> 00:06:16,811
You need to talk to them.
153
00:06:16,854 --> 00:06:18,987
What's the CFTC?
154
00:06:19,074 --> 00:06:22,338
It's the Commodity Futures
Trading Commission.
155
00:06:22,425 --> 00:06:24,166
It's the federal government.
156
00:06:24,209 --> 00:06:27,256
They have to approve all bets
and deal with discrepancies.
157
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:29,606
Fine! I'll call the CFTC then.
158
00:06:29,650 --> 00:06:31,042
So stupid.
159
00:06:31,086 --> 00:06:33,001
Commodity Futures Trading
Commission--here we go.
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00:06:41,836 --> 00:06:44,491
Hello?
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00:06:44,534 --> 00:06:46,231
Yeah, I'm calling about
a prediction market bet
162
00:06:46,318 --> 00:06:47,929
that's offensive
to Jewish people.
163
00:06:48,059 --> 00:06:50,453
Ooh, that sounds really bad.
164
00:06:50,540 --> 00:06:53,717
If it's offensive, you probably
need to speak with the FCC.
165
00:06:53,848 --> 00:06:55,545
The FCC?
166
00:06:55,676 --> 00:06:57,895
Yeah, they're dealing with
all the offensive stuff now.
167
00:06:58,026 --> 00:07:00,071
Here, let me connect you.
168
00:07:10,038 --> 00:07:12,127
Hello?
169
00:07:12,170 --> 00:07:14,085
This is the same fucking guy!
170
00:07:14,129 --> 00:07:16,131
- Who is it?
- Uh, apparently,
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00:07:16,174 --> 00:07:18,350
there's a really offensive bet
on an app
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00:07:18,394 --> 00:07:20,483
that the government is sort of
in charge of,
173
00:07:20,570 --> 00:07:22,398
and I'm like
the strategic advisor.
174
00:07:22,485 --> 00:07:24,269
An offensive government app?
175
00:07:24,356 --> 00:07:26,620
I better go speak with
the president right away.
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00:07:44,072 --> 00:07:45,856
Hey, Satan!
177
00:07:47,989 --> 00:07:49,947
Hey, Satan!
178
00:07:50,078 --> 00:07:51,906
Can you come downstairs?
179
00:07:54,299 --> 00:07:55,910
What do you want?
180
00:07:55,953 --> 00:07:57,738
Just come down the stairs
real quick.
181
00:07:57,868 --> 00:07:59,087
For what?
182
00:07:59,174 --> 00:08:00,610
For just real quick.
183
00:08:00,741 --> 00:08:02,220
Oh, there you are,
Mr. President!
184
00:08:02,351 --> 00:08:03,613
I need to talk to you.
185
00:08:03,657 --> 00:08:05,354
No, no, no, no!
Brendan Carr, don't--
186
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:08,313
Whoa!
187
00:08:12,230 --> 00:08:14,885
The FCC guy must have
shitty ankles.
188
00:08:21,762 --> 00:08:23,633
You guys! You guys!
189
00:08:23,677 --> 00:08:25,026
Have you checked out
the betting app lately?
190
00:08:25,156 --> 00:08:26,810
- No.
- Ever since Kyle got
191
00:08:26,941 --> 00:08:28,333
all pissed off,
the odds are going up
192
00:08:28,420 --> 00:08:29,987
on his mom attacking Gaza.
193
00:08:30,031 --> 00:08:31,859
- No way.
- Yeah, check it out!
194
00:08:31,902 --> 00:08:34,209
Now 17% of people are betting
she's gonna do it.
195
00:08:34,252 --> 00:08:36,211
We gotta get in on this, guys.
196
00:08:36,341 --> 00:08:38,430
Dude, Kyle's mom isn't going
to strike Gaza.
197
00:08:38,474 --> 00:08:40,520
Yes, exactly.
We know that.
198
00:08:40,563 --> 00:08:42,434
And we can also influence Kyle
199
00:08:42,565 --> 00:08:44,436
to get the odds raised
even more.
200
00:08:44,567 --> 00:08:45,916
It's called a conflict
of interest, you guys.
201
00:08:46,003 --> 00:08:47,222
It's a way to make free money.
202
00:08:47,265 --> 00:08:48,571
Isn't that illegal?
203
00:08:48,658 --> 00:08:50,138
Yes!
All we have to do is make sure
204
00:08:50,181 --> 00:08:52,009
Kyle stays angry,
205
00:08:52,096 --> 00:08:53,794
and at the same time, go talk
antisemitic shit about his mom
206
00:08:53,924 --> 00:08:55,404
to goose the odds up even more.
207
00:08:55,447 --> 00:08:57,014
What are you guys
talking about?
208
00:08:57,058 --> 00:08:58,233
Nothing.
Just talking about
209
00:08:58,276 --> 00:09:00,017
how messed up it is
everyone hates Jews now.
210
00:09:00,104 --> 00:09:02,454
- You think it's messed up?
- Yes, I do, Kyle.
211
00:09:02,498 --> 00:09:04,369
Why would an app allow a bet
like that to exist?
212
00:09:04,456 --> 00:09:05,675
It's obvious race bait.
213
00:09:05,806 --> 00:09:07,808
Yeah,
that's exactly how I feel!
214
00:09:07,895 --> 00:09:09,200
Dude, you might just want to
let it go.
215
00:09:09,244 --> 00:09:10,811
See? "Just let it go."
216
00:09:10,898 --> 00:09:12,552
That's how people want you
to deal with a crisis
217
00:09:12,595 --> 00:09:13,857
that they don't even understand.
218
00:09:13,988 --> 00:09:15,642
Yes!
Thank you!
219
00:09:15,772 --> 00:09:17,295
You can't give up, Kyle.
220
00:09:17,426 --> 00:09:19,297
It's not cool people would say
this stuff about your mom.
221
00:09:19,428 --> 00:09:21,952
And honestly, if you don't have
her back, who will?
222
00:09:26,043 --> 00:09:29,090
Hey, have you guys heard about
Kyle's mom?
223
00:09:29,133 --> 00:09:32,659
Man, that bitch has it out
for Palestine, let me tell you.
224
00:09:32,702 --> 00:09:33,964
Well, I don't know,
I would just hate to be
225
00:09:34,095 --> 00:09:36,097
a Palestinian hospital,
that's all I can say.
226
00:09:36,227 --> 00:09:37,881
Well, anyway,
good to talk to you guys.
227
00:09:38,012 --> 00:09:39,056
Hey, guys!
Guys, have you heard about
228
00:09:39,100 --> 00:09:40,928
my friend Kyle's mom?
229
00:09:48,109 --> 00:09:50,546
Oh, my goodness, can you
believe all the crazy apps
230
00:09:50,633 --> 00:09:52,287
our kids are on these days?
231
00:09:52,417 --> 00:09:54,724
Ugh!
Who can keep track anymore?
232
00:09:54,768 --> 00:09:56,900
Kyle comes to me every day
with a new app
233
00:09:57,031 --> 00:09:58,336
that he just has to have.
234
00:09:58,467 --> 00:10:00,861
I tell him,
"That app costs money, Kyle.
235
00:10:00,904 --> 00:10:02,253
"Then it charges you money.
236
00:10:02,297 --> 00:10:03,864
Where you gonna get this money?"
237
00:10:03,907 --> 00:10:05,517
Yeah, you know what'd be nice?
238
00:10:05,648 --> 00:10:07,824
Is an app where you can actually
make some money.
239
00:10:07,868 --> 00:10:08,869
Yes.
240
00:10:08,912 --> 00:10:10,305
That'd be great, wouldn't it?
241
00:10:10,435 --> 00:10:12,655
Yes, it certainly would.
242
00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:16,137
So, Sheila,
243
00:10:16,180 --> 00:10:20,358
how have you been feeling about
the current situation in Gaza?
244
00:10:22,883 --> 00:10:24,449
- What?
- Uh, yeah,
245
00:10:24,536 --> 00:10:27,017
just--just thought we'd sort of
take your temperature.
246
00:10:27,104 --> 00:10:29,933
Which way are you thinking about
going with that?
247
00:10:30,064 --> 00:10:32,022
Well,
I think it's all horrible.
248
00:10:32,109 --> 00:10:35,199
A lot of people are dying.
- Uh-huh.
249
00:10:35,330 --> 00:10:38,594
And do you feel like you need
to do anything about it?
250
00:10:38,681 --> 00:10:40,727
What would I do about it?
251
00:10:40,770 --> 00:10:42,554
I mean, probably nothing, right?
252
00:10:42,685 --> 00:10:44,774
You're going to do nothing
about it.
253
00:10:44,818 --> 00:10:47,472
Are you implying
the Jews in America
254
00:10:47,559 --> 00:10:49,953
have some kind of obligation
to do something about it?
255
00:10:49,997 --> 00:10:52,695
- Whoa, whoa!
- You want to vilify my faith!
256
00:10:52,782 --> 00:10:54,349
Is that it?
- Sheila, it's OK.
257
00:10:54,479 --> 00:10:56,481
It's not
Jews versus Palestine!
258
00:10:56,568 --> 00:10:58,527
It's Israel versus Palestine!
259
00:10:58,570 --> 00:11:00,355
Here we go with
the Palestinian stuff again.
260
00:11:00,398 --> 00:11:01,922
And maybe if you read books
261
00:11:02,009 --> 00:11:04,141
instead of everything
Hollywood actors say,
262
00:11:04,185 --> 00:11:06,491
you'd know the difference!
263
00:11:09,146 --> 00:11:10,582
What are you putting
your money on?
264
00:11:10,713 --> 00:11:14,412
I mean, it's a ridiculous bet,
but she seems pretty pissed off.
265
00:11:14,543 --> 00:11:17,154
There's really no money to be
made on betting she won't.
266
00:11:17,198 --> 00:11:18,852
Yeah, let's take
the long odds.
267
00:11:18,939 --> 00:11:20,549
That makes these apps more fun.
268
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:21,506
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
269
00:11:57,804 --> 00:12:00,589
Hey, Satan!
270
00:12:02,678 --> 00:12:04,375
I made you some soup!
271
00:12:06,029 --> 00:12:10,207
I don't like carrots.
272
00:12:10,251 --> 00:12:12,427
Hey, relax, guy!
273
00:12:12,470 --> 00:12:13,820
Carrots are good for you.
274
00:12:13,950 --> 00:12:16,039
I don't want carrots.
275
00:12:16,170 --> 00:12:18,650
I ordered cheesecake
on DoorDash.
276
00:12:18,781 --> 00:12:21,044
Mr. President, I really need
to speak with you.
277
00:12:21,175 --> 00:12:22,437
Not now, Brendan Carr!
278
00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:23,873
Satan won't eat his carrots.
279
00:12:24,004 --> 00:12:26,006
Oh, come on, Satan,
you're eating for two now.
280
00:12:26,136 --> 00:12:27,747
Carrots are good for you, see?
281
00:12:27,790 --> 00:12:30,227
Ah, Brendan Carr, don't do it!
282
00:12:30,358 --> 00:12:32,752
Whoa, this is the best soup
ever. I--
283
00:12:34,536 --> 00:12:35,580
Oh, God!
284
00:12:36,843 --> 00:12:37,974
Whoa!
285
00:12:38,018 --> 00:12:39,846
Whoo!
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
286
00:12:44,241 --> 00:12:46,417
Wow-wow-wow-wow!
287
00:12:50,247 --> 00:12:52,946
Those carrots must have been
from Erewhon.
288
00:12:55,905 --> 00:12:57,602
Everywhere I went today,
289
00:12:57,646 --> 00:12:59,169
it was the same thing.
290
00:12:59,300 --> 00:13:01,476
What are you going to do
about Gaza?
291
00:13:01,519 --> 00:13:03,739
Like us Jews in America
have any control
292
00:13:03,870 --> 00:13:05,480
over what's going on in Israel.
293
00:13:05,523 --> 00:13:07,438
Why is everyone suddenly
confronting us
294
00:13:07,482 --> 00:13:09,136
about the politics?
295
00:13:09,179 --> 00:13:12,835
Have people been asking what you
think about Gaza, Gerald?
296
00:13:12,922 --> 00:13:14,881
No, for some reason,
they were just asking
297
00:13:15,011 --> 00:13:17,057
what you think about it.
- You see?
298
00:13:17,187 --> 00:13:19,363
It's just pure antisemitism!
299
00:13:19,407 --> 00:13:22,497
I'm so sick of being grilled
about my views on Palestine
300
00:13:22,540 --> 00:13:24,151
and my thoughts on Hamas!
301
00:13:24,194 --> 00:13:26,718
And being judged for things
that are centuries old
302
00:13:26,762 --> 00:13:29,286
and that non-Jews
know nothing about!
303
00:13:29,330 --> 00:13:30,635
Well, if they all think
we should do something--
304
00:13:30,722 --> 00:13:31,593
You-- stop!
Then you better believe
305
00:13:31,636 --> 00:13:33,464
I'll do something!
306
00:13:33,508 --> 00:13:35,510
You know, Mom, I'm starting
to think that us Jews
307
00:13:35,553 --> 00:13:36,903
should just lay low
for a little bit.
308
00:13:37,033 --> 00:13:40,297
There!
Now my son is complacent.
309
00:13:40,384 --> 00:13:42,560
This is one Jewish household
that will not put up with it
310
00:13:42,691 --> 00:13:44,301
anymore!
- Ma, please.
311
00:13:44,432 --> 00:13:45,563
Don't make things any worse.
312
00:13:45,694 --> 00:13:48,740
Worse?
How can it be any worse?
313
00:13:48,871 --> 00:13:51,308
I'm going to find out where
all this is coming from,
314
00:13:51,352 --> 00:13:54,659
and I'm going to give them
a piece of my mind!
315
00:13:56,096 --> 00:13:57,880
No! Ma!
316
00:14:04,321 --> 00:14:06,628
Look, boss, another present
for the baby!
317
00:14:07,890 --> 00:14:10,937
Another present for the baby?
Right!
318
00:14:11,067 --> 00:14:12,547
Isn't it cute, boss?
319
00:14:12,590 --> 00:14:14,288
We must be careful, though,
320
00:14:14,331 --> 00:14:17,682
cats can be very harmful
to a pregnancy.
321
00:14:17,813 --> 00:14:19,902
Harmful to a pregnancy?
322
00:14:19,989 --> 00:14:23,688
Well, yes, boss, it's a
parasite called toxoplasmosis.
323
00:14:23,775 --> 00:14:25,995
It can be transferred
from cats to humans
324
00:14:26,039 --> 00:14:27,692
and bring about
some complications.
325
00:14:29,564 --> 00:14:32,480
Toxoplasmosis?
326
00:14:55,372 --> 00:14:58,506
Hey, Satan!
327
00:15:00,987 --> 00:15:04,773
Hey, Satan, you gotta come
see this, it's really great.
328
00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:06,644
What?
329
00:15:06,775 --> 00:15:09,343
Ay! I thought you were
napping in our room.
330
00:15:09,386 --> 00:15:11,780
No, I had to go get
the ultrasound.
331
00:15:11,823 --> 00:15:13,782
I can't believe
you didn't show up.
332
00:15:13,825 --> 00:15:16,611
It really makes me feel like
you don't care about this baby.
333
00:15:16,741 --> 00:15:20,745
Hey, relax, guy, of course
I care about the baby.
334
00:15:20,832 --> 00:15:22,747
Mr. President,
I'm feeling much better--
335
00:15:22,791 --> 00:15:25,185
No! Fuck! Brendan Carr!
336
00:15:41,766 --> 00:15:44,595
You guys.
You guys, I did it.
337
00:15:44,639 --> 00:15:45,857
You did what?
338
00:15:45,988 --> 00:15:47,598
I talked so much shit
about the Jews
339
00:15:47,642 --> 00:15:49,992
that I got the odds
on the bet up to 95%.
340
00:15:51,037 --> 00:15:52,255
Yeah, check it out.
341
00:15:52,386 --> 00:15:54,170
I put 1,400 bucks on it
last night.
342
00:15:54,214 --> 00:15:55,606
I am locked in.
343
00:15:55,650 --> 00:15:57,086
Where'd you get
1,400 bucks?
344
00:15:57,130 --> 00:15:58,609
I just took my mom's
debit card,
345
00:15:58,653 --> 00:16:00,002
entered all the info
into the betting app,
346
00:16:00,089 --> 00:16:01,612
and put all the money
she has on it.
347
00:16:03,005 --> 00:16:04,528
Isn't she gonna be
pissed off?
348
00:16:04,572 --> 00:16:07,488
Yeah, not when I turn
her 1,400 bucks into 14,000.
349
00:16:07,618 --> 00:16:09,229
This is the safest investment
ever.
350
00:16:09,359 --> 00:16:10,795
Nothing can possibly
go wrong.
351
00:16:10,882 --> 00:16:12,797
Hey, fellas. Fellas!
352
00:16:12,884 --> 00:16:14,234
Fellas, have you seen the news?
353
00:16:14,364 --> 00:16:16,018
Kyle's mom's in Israel.
354
00:16:17,846 --> 00:16:19,195
- Really?
- Oh, wow!
355
00:16:19,239 --> 00:16:20,414
I just put money down!
356
00:16:41,261 --> 00:16:43,045
Dude, your mom's in Israel.
357
00:16:43,089 --> 00:16:44,307
I know.
358
00:16:44,438 --> 00:16:45,308
Well, you gotta call her.
359
00:16:45,439 --> 00:16:46,483
You gotta calm her down.
360
00:16:46,614 --> 00:16:48,050
I've been trying to call her.
361
00:16:48,137 --> 00:16:49,486
Her phone's not working
over there.
362
00:16:49,617 --> 00:16:51,445
Kyle this is no time
for weakness.
363
00:16:51,488 --> 00:16:52,924
Whatever your mom is doing,
364
00:16:53,055 --> 00:16:56,276
it is going to make kids here
even more anti-Semitic.
365
00:16:56,319 --> 00:16:57,407
You're totally right.
366
00:16:57,494 --> 00:16:58,756
Damn right, I'm right!
367
00:16:58,887 --> 00:17:00,106
You have to get ahold
of your mom
368
00:17:00,149 --> 00:17:01,629
and tell her to calm down,
Kyle.
369
00:17:01,716 --> 00:17:03,326
Call the Israeli government
if you have to.
370
00:17:03,370 --> 00:17:05,111
How do I call
the Israeli government?
371
00:17:05,154 --> 00:17:07,287
Call a diplomat.
Call an embassy.
372
00:17:07,374 --> 00:17:10,507
You just have to talk to
someone who works for Israel.
373
00:17:15,599 --> 00:17:17,297
Hello.
374
00:17:17,427 --> 00:17:19,342
Oh, you have got to be
shitting me!
375
00:17:19,386 --> 00:17:20,909
- What?
- This is the strategic advisor
376
00:17:20,952 --> 00:17:22,476
for predictive market apps.
377
00:17:22,519 --> 00:17:23,477
Tell him to take
the bet down.
378
00:17:23,607 --> 00:17:24,869
What?
379
00:17:24,956 --> 00:17:26,001
Make him take the bet down,
Kyle.
380
00:17:26,132 --> 00:17:27,046
It is anti-Semitic,
and you have to fight
381
00:17:27,089 --> 00:17:29,309
for what you believe in.
382
00:17:29,396 --> 00:17:31,006
I called before
about an offensive bet,
383
00:17:31,137 --> 00:17:32,486
and I want that bet
taken down right now!
384
00:17:32,529 --> 00:17:33,661
That's right!
385
00:17:33,748 --> 00:17:35,445
Oh, yes, I believe
your complaint
386
00:17:35,532 --> 00:17:38,187
was being reviewed
by head of the FCC.
387
00:17:38,318 --> 00:17:39,884
Well, then what's the head
of the FCC doing?
388
00:17:40,015 --> 00:17:41,364
Where the hell is he?
389
00:17:49,198 --> 00:17:52,462
Mr. Carr?
Mr. Carr, can you hear me?
390
00:17:54,334 --> 00:17:58,077
We understand you're the head
of the FCC, is that correct?
391
00:17:58,120 --> 00:17:59,774
Mm-hmm.
392
00:17:59,904 --> 00:18:01,341
All right, well,
I'm very sorry,
393
00:18:01,428 --> 00:18:03,517
but you do appear
to have toxoplasmosis
394
00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:06,128
from exposure to cat feces.
395
00:18:06,172 --> 00:18:08,217
Aww!
396
00:18:08,261 --> 00:18:12,395
We need you to get some rest.
Try not to move.
397
00:18:12,526 --> 00:18:15,833
Will the head of the FCC
be OK, Doctor?
398
00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:17,139
His bones are healing,
399
00:18:17,226 --> 00:18:19,359
so he may regain
full range of motion.
400
00:18:19,446 --> 00:18:23,798
But if the toxoplasmosis
parasite gets to his brain...
401
00:18:23,928 --> 00:18:26,148
I'm afraid he may lose
his freedom of speech.
402
00:18:26,279 --> 00:18:28,846
Oh, no!
403
00:18:28,977 --> 00:18:31,110
We'll do everything we can.
404
00:18:39,292 --> 00:18:43,557
Mr. Carr, why do you keep
meddling in my plans?
405
00:18:43,687 --> 00:18:44,993
Huh?
406
00:18:45,036 --> 00:18:46,864
I've been trying
to convince the boss
407
00:18:46,995 --> 00:18:50,607
to get rid of the baby.
408
00:18:50,651 --> 00:18:53,088
I am next in line
to be president.
409
00:18:53,175 --> 00:18:55,264
That baby cannot be born.
410
00:18:55,308 --> 00:18:58,049
And if you continue
to interfere,
411
00:18:58,093 --> 00:19:00,922
I will make things
very difficult for you.
412
00:19:04,186 --> 00:19:06,667
We can do this the easy way,
413
00:19:06,797 --> 00:19:09,191
or we can do it the hard way.
414
00:19:22,770 --> 00:19:24,467
Hello.
415
00:19:24,511 --> 00:19:27,209
Uh, yes, is this the office
of the president?
416
00:19:27,253 --> 00:19:28,819
Yes, it is.
417
00:19:28,863 --> 00:19:30,691
I've got a young man
who's saying one of our
418
00:19:30,821 --> 00:19:33,476
predictive market bets
is offensive to Jews?
419
00:19:33,607 --> 00:19:35,435
Ooh, that sounds bad.
420
00:19:35,478 --> 00:19:37,132
Yeah, it sounds pretty bad.
421
00:19:37,263 --> 00:19:38,612
Well, the president isn't here,
422
00:19:38,655 --> 00:19:40,353
but I'm, like,
a special advisor,
423
00:19:40,483 --> 00:19:42,703
so I can probably
get the bet taken down.
424
00:19:42,833 --> 00:19:45,227
Ooh, I'm a special
advisor too!
425
00:19:45,358 --> 00:19:46,924
Oh, really? That's great.
426
00:19:47,055 --> 00:19:49,188
Can you email me
the bet in question?
427
00:19:49,231 --> 00:19:50,885
Yeah, I'm emailing it now.
428
00:19:50,928 --> 00:19:52,278
Oh, yeah, I see it.
429
00:19:52,321 --> 00:19:54,584
OK, I'll need to approve
with the financial company
430
00:19:54,715 --> 00:19:57,500
backing all the app since the
bet money needs to be returned.
431
00:19:57,631 --> 00:20:00,416
OK, thanks,
I'll let all the Jews know.
432
00:20:05,029 --> 00:20:07,162
What the hell?
433
00:20:07,249 --> 00:20:08,598
They took it down.
434
00:20:10,470 --> 00:20:13,168
We were all gonna win,
and they took down our bets.
435
00:20:13,299 --> 00:20:14,952
How can the app company
do that?
436
00:20:15,083 --> 00:20:16,693
I got in at nine-to-one odds.
437
00:20:16,737 --> 00:20:18,608
This is b-b-bullshit!
438
00:20:18,695 --> 00:20:20,523
Yeah, these apps
are totally corrupt.
439
00:20:20,567 --> 00:20:24,266
Guys! For the love of God!
440
00:20:27,182 --> 00:20:30,925
Well, Cartman,
I just wanna say thanks.
441
00:20:30,968 --> 00:20:33,319
You know, it's crazy,
but nobody else here
442
00:20:33,362 --> 00:20:36,060
gave a crap about how I was
feeling except for you.
443
00:20:36,147 --> 00:20:37,758
Oh, that's all right, Kyle.
444
00:20:37,888 --> 00:20:40,195
I'm just happy the bet
got taken down.
445
00:20:40,326 --> 00:20:41,849
Now none of these sickos
can profit
446
00:20:41,936 --> 00:20:43,416
off of what your mom does.
447
00:20:43,503 --> 00:20:44,721
Yeah, well, those people
448
00:20:44,852 --> 00:20:48,203
would have all lost the bet
anyway.
449
00:20:48,334 --> 00:20:50,074
What do you mean they would
have all lost the bet?
450
00:20:50,161 --> 00:20:53,948
Well, I know the reason
my mom went Israel.
451
00:20:54,078 --> 00:20:56,167
It wasn't to bomb
a Palestinian hospital?
452
00:20:56,211 --> 00:20:57,560
No, when my mom
left the house,
453
00:20:57,691 --> 00:20:58,735
she said she was gonna find
454
00:20:58,779 --> 00:20:59,997
the person responsible
for all this
455
00:21:00,128 --> 00:21:01,825
and give them
a piece of her mind.
456
00:21:11,574 --> 00:21:12,358
KYLE'S MOM [muffled]:
You are not going
457
00:21:12,488 --> 00:21:13,924
to talk to me like that!
458
00:21:13,968 --> 00:21:15,578
I am extremely upset,
459
00:21:15,622 --> 00:21:19,190
and I am not leaving
until I have said my piece!
460
00:21:19,234 --> 00:21:22,803
There you are,
Mr. Netanyahu!
461
00:21:22,933 --> 00:21:24,761
Just who do you think you are,
462
00:21:24,892 --> 00:21:27,242
killing thousands
and flattening neighborhoods,
463
00:21:27,373 --> 00:21:28,983
then wrapping yourself
in Judaism
464
00:21:29,026 --> 00:21:31,420
like it's some shield
from criticism?
465
00:21:31,551 --> 00:21:33,553
You're making life for Jews
miserable
466
00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:36,382
and life for American Jews
impossible!
467
00:21:36,425 --> 00:21:38,601
Oh, don't you roll your eyes
at me, mister.
468
00:21:38,732 --> 00:21:40,211
You know what you're doing,
469
00:21:40,342 --> 00:21:42,431
and you're doing it
on purpose!
470
00:21:42,475 --> 00:21:44,215
Well, now you can just sit
in that chair,
471
00:21:44,346 --> 00:21:46,479
'cause I'm not
going anywhere, buster!
472
00:21:46,609 --> 00:21:48,568
I've been to every
PTA meeting,
473
00:21:48,698 --> 00:21:50,178
every school board meeting,
474
00:21:50,221 --> 00:21:52,049
and I can go all day!
34896
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