Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

Ladies, gentlemen,

look at your husband. Look at me.

Look at him, then at me.

No, he isn't me.

But we'll fix that.

Does your dream man smell like adventure? No problem.

Life can be full of surprises.

Do you want a tough yet sensitive guy who will iron your evening gowns

and make you a lovely candlelit dinner?

It can be done.

Do you want a man who can handle any danger?

Sorry, I think that's a snake.

A man

who'll take you to the ends of the Earth?

All the way to the farthest-flung reaches of the Earth.

If you dream of the real thing, charm and romance,

awaken his inner strength.

Wait no longer, ladies.

Give him…

Say "Je t'aime" to love.

And cut!

-Cut, thank you. Cut. -That looks great.

-Let's move out. -We got it.

-That was great. Okay. Super. -That's it, thanks. I think we're good.

-Good for you? -Yeah, perfect.

Great, thanks.

-Let's do the packshot. -Okay.

-The packshot, please. -Not the tracks.

Pack up the dolly.

-Come on, we're nearly done! -Props, please!

That was fantastic, Abel.

-The clients love it. -It's crap.

No way! You were amazing. No, really!

-Sexy. Just perfect! -Why'd I agree to this?

To earn in two days what I do in two years.

I'm an actor, not a shitty deodorant salesman!

-It smells nice. Plus, it's organic. -You stink, buddy!

It's like when you hit on Caroline in high school. Remember?

See! I'm a joke. Stop making me do this shit.

I know what's best, sweetie.

A good film is what's best. Not a crap commercial.

All the stars do it! Take DiCaprio in that lousy Fiat.

George Clooney sells coffee.

I don't mind cologne, but Dior or Chanel.

-Like Brad Pitt or Louis Latour. -Not again!

Stop with the comparisons. It's ridiculous.

-Nobody gives a damn. -Nobody?

What about his César awards?

No one has even heard of him.

-Everyone has, Camille! -Nonsense.

Outside of Paris, no one knows him! Go to Charente or Corrèze and see.

I think Latour was born in Corrèze.

Give me my meds.

-Here. -Thanks.

-How many's he on a day? -Way too many.

BASED ON A VERY IMPORTANT PERSON BY SHIRLY MOSHAIOFF

Look, it's Zakadi, the guy from the TV show.

I love that guy!

-Isn't that Abel Camara? -Yeah, get a photo!

What's up, Abel?

-He was this close to me! -That's insane!

Hi, what can I get you?

A whiskey.

Yamazaki.

Coming right up.

A Yamazaki, please.

SEX, DRUGS, BOOZE… ABEL CAMARA CONFRONTS HIS DEMONS

Actually, just a coffee. What are you doing?

Sorry, nothing. I'll get it right away.

Are you filming me?

Not at all.

You're filming me.

Who are you sending it to? Which magazine? Shameless, aren't you?

How's the lighting? Am I sad enough or do you want more?

-Sorry, you've lost it. -Tell me.

-Is there a problem, Abel? -Yes.

I can't sit and relax for five minutes without your staff papping me.

Know what? Look at me. I won't be back. Got that? Ever.

-What did you do? -Nothing! He's upset over nothing.

He's completely paranoid.

You can't take your problems out on others. Get some help.

-I'm fine. -Do you know who he is?

Yes, so what? I'm not going to grovel.

I'm sorry, Abel.

She's new and must be on her period.

-Excuse me? -It's simple. The customer is king.

Especially Abel.

Why "especially"?

-You don't get it. -I get it all right. I'm leaving.

-That's right. Get out. -Fuck this.

"Her period"?

Come on. You can't say anything these days.

-That's off limits. -Oh, look! Here's your Yamazaki.

Oops, sorry, I slipped.

Oops, sorry. Can I get past? Thanks.

Go on then. Get out! You're fired!

What a shame. Later, sexist pigs!

You went too far. You shouldn't have fired her.

Hold up!

I'm really sorry.

Come back with me. I'll sort it out.

Forget it. I don't want to work for that asshole.

Let me make it up to you.

How much does he pay?

Are you kidding? Put that away. It's embarrassing.

What can I do then? Tell me.

I could take you home?

No, that's weird. I don't know you.

You know who I am. Don't worry.

Come on, I'll take you home. Let me take you home. It'd be my pleasure.

No means no! We've had enough. We've put up with this for years.

Ma'am, I'm clearly apologizing.

-I'm not harassing her. -Whatever.

I'll say it again. I'm sorry.

-Twenty-six minutes. -Let me take you home.

-It's the least I can do. -Fine. Let's go.

There we go.

Some things never change.

-Want a ride too? -We'll never get there!

Goodbye, Ma'am.

Alone in Space

What's your name?

Marion.

Nice babe magnet.

1960s. Very nice.

1966.

I'm Abel.

Why's that funny?

You're easily riled.

You're so paranoid.

That's twice now. I'm going to get offended.

What are you afraid of? And who? People?

I'm afraid of being betrayed by people. That's different.

-You keep bad company then. -No.

I'm paranoid.

It's back there.

Thanks.

Are we good?

Can we be friends?

Well-- No.

But thanks. Bye.

What do you mean, "no"?

Manon!

-It's Marion. -Sorry.

Can I ask one last thing?

No.

Can I come in for a minute? I can't go to my meeting like this.

You have no boundaries.

Remember that you splashed me.

Fair point.

Come in then.

Eight floors, no elevator. Is that revenge?

Oh, shit! No, please, not that.

-Stop it. -You're scared of dogs too?

No, but I'd rather it was shut away.

-Okay. -Take it away.

-It's very close. -Come here.

Thanks.

-There. Bye, now. -Come on.

Nice place.

Stay here, okay?

I'm coming. I'll be right back.

Make yourself at home.

Yeah, thanks. Do you have an ashtray?

-Would you like coffee too? -I'd love one.

This is an occasional thing.

I don't do drugs.

Don't believe what they say.

I'm just not doing so great right now.

Do what you want. I don't care.

And I'm stressed about this TV show.

It's to promote a movie.

I'm meant to be funny, crack jokes and smile.

-Here. -Okay.

I don't have the energy.

I bet they'll ask about my girl.

Why?

She left me two months ago. It's all people talk about.

Now, the paparazzi won't leave me alone.

Following me around like a bad smell.

This is hard for me to say.

Oh, sorry.

I found out she was cheating from a Google alert.

-Me and the rest of the world. -Whoa. That's rough.

Yeah, it's rough.

I'm not that great either. I'm going through a divorce.

If it helps, he left me for my best friend.

-Double betrayal. -Yeah.

We just opened a restaurant, and he won't let me near it.

Bastard.

So, in a losers' contest, I win.

Yeah, you're in with a chance.

-Even the dog agrees. -She's called Claudine.

What?

Claudine? You can't call that Claudine.

Claudine is a nice name.

It's nice, but for little things.

Claudine!

You're insane.

Oh, hold on…

Strip then.

No, that's not what I meant. You're here so I can get that stain out.

Oh, yeah. That's right.

You can help me.

Oh, right. You can't do anything for yourself, can you?

I can, but it's difficult.

Oh, it is. Especially when you're high.

See? It's difficult.

There you go. Done.

Fuck…

-You have pretty eyes, you know? -Oh, I know.

I know.

I chose to give up my modeling career.

I mean it.

You're beautiful, but not like all those bimbos.

You're really…

Pretty for an ugly girl.

Sorry. Right. Can you take that off?

Oh, shit, hold on.

Fuck, it's my agent. I'm so late, she's gonna kill me.

-Stay quiet, okay? -Okay.

-Cam, what's up? -What the hell, Abel? We're waiting.

Yeah, well, I'm on my way. It's all good, so no need to worry.

Sure. See, I'm tracking you. I know you're not going anywhere.

Yeah. All right.

Yeah? Well, what are you doing?

Yeah, actually-- I'm meditating.

Meditating? In Villejuif? Is this a joke?

-Well… -Is it a new dealer?

No! It's nothing like that. Villejuif is great for meditation.

I'm on my way.

Enough. Leave now!

-Promise me! -Okay, bye.

Because I'm--

Okay, I'd better go.

I think you should.

-Bye. -Bye.

What was that?

Oops, I slipped.

You don't want to?

I do.

-Marion, it's me, open up! -Fuck, it's Antoine.

Who's Antoine?

My husband. My ex, I mean. You get the picture. Come on.

-Open up! -Is he FBI or what?

-He sounds crazy. -Hide!

-No. Why? -Don't make this harder.

I know you're there. Open up.

Banging like a lunatic.

-Come on. In here. -It's me. Open up!

-The dog! -No…

-I can't. Put me in there. -No, I can't.

-I know you're there. -Please.

-She's friendly. Get in. Shh! Stay! -Please.

Seriously? What's she up to?

Oh, right. Were you sleeping?

-No, why? -Looks like you were.

-Why are you even here? -It stinks. What are you doing?

Nothing.

-As usual. -I'm just sitting, okay?

You haven't paid the rent in ages.

Can't the restaurant profits get you off my back?

We agreed not to discuss that without our lawyers present. Where's Claudine?

-In there, why? -We're going to the beach this weekend.

-It's better than being cooped up in here. -Shit.

No, I'd rather keep her.

-To feel less lonely? -I felt lonely with you, Antoine, so…

Hey, are you on medication or something?

You've been smoking. That's why it stinks. You've let yourself go.

Leave me alone. I've had enough.

You'll never find a man like this. No guy would ever…

-Why's he here? -Won't you introduce us, honey?

-Who's this asshole? -Wait, you're…

Abel Camara, yes. And you are?

I own this apartment. What are you doing in my home?

What?

Something stinks.

-Can't you smell it? -Huh?

It's his breath.

-It is? -His mouth.

What the hell?

You can't just show up like this.

If you do, be presentable. This is not okay.

You match the hallway, man. Very '70s.

Outdated. And your hair looks thin.

Watch that forehead. It's too big.

Get some bangs. You could land a plane on it.

It's a freeway.

-You find that funny? -Yes, it is funny.

-Nothing to say? -What do you want her to say?

-You're intruding. -Oh, yeah?

So, go home, brush your teeth, and leave her alone.

-What the hell? -Great.

-Bye, Route 66. -Hey, that--

See ya!

Why would he mock you like that?

-Should I not have done that? -No, it was perfect.

Where's that sass from the restaurant?

I know. I can't when it's him.

Shit, I'd better leave. Sorry, I really have to go.

See you soon.

Don't. You know we won't see each other again.

Yeah, I guess. It's unlikely.

-But it was fun. -Yeah.

-Bye. -Bye.

You pulled a real vanishing act.

Where were you? What's her name? Do I know her?

Come on. We were supposed to record the interview but it's too late.

-It'll have to be live. -That's fine.

And you need to change.

Auntie Marion!

Jade!

-How are you, sweetie? -Good.

Granny! Auntie Marion's here!

-Auntie Marion's here! Hi, honey. -How are you?

-Hi! -Oh, you look lovely!

No, I look like shit. Antoine noticed straight away.

-Here, I made you a tagine. -Oh, great.

Thanks.

You saw him? We agreed you wouldn't. You suck.

He just showed up without warning. He's exhausting.

He cheats, leaves you, and now he's spying on you?

Well, that's harassment! That helps your case. Good, I like it.

Look what I bought, Mom.

-It's gorgeous. -For your daughter?

Jealous much? You can borrow it for your dates.

-I don't have a date. -But you will.

I gave your number to Pablo and Raphaël, my 23-year-old interns.

-You didn't. -Romain too. Nice guy.

"Nice guy"?

I'd rather die.

-Do you have a picture of Romain? -Hi, Dad.

Hey, how are you?

-…the hit show Zak A Dit… -How are you, Dad?

-Every film's a blockbuster… -I'm good.

You watch this now, do you?

After The Spy Who Rose From the Ashes and Hold-up on the Riviera,

he's here to talk about Alone in Space.

Another gem.

We'll discuss his unique career

and his setbacks, too.

And his antics that fill up the gossip columns.

He's one of a kind and we love him. Please welcome Abel Camara.

-Great to have you on, Abel. -Thank you.

-It's been a while. -Yes.

-You're a rare sight in the media. -A bit.

Okay, I have to do it. Zak said, how are you?

I'm fine. I've been through a rough patch.

-But it's in the past… -I'd screw him.

Excuse me? Are you serious?

-Come on! You would too. Look at him! -No way!

I wouldn't. What the hell?

I don't get what the fuss is about.

-No! Don't switch it off. -No!

Thank you! I don't know what you see in him.

-It's ridiculous. -He's irresistible.

-Irresistible? I don't get it. -Yeah!

There must be a celebrity you'd sleep with if I let you?

I don't know. Well…

I quite like Marilyn.

-She's dead, honey. I love you, you goof. -I mean when she was alive!

We loved the film.

Abel, we have a surprise for you.

Cool, he loves surprises.

I don't like this.

We ran into a friend of yours at the Balmain show this afternoon.

Play the video and we'll talk right after.

-Léna, over here! -Léna, you look incredible.

Abel Camara is on our show tonight. Do you have anything to say to him?

Honestly, I don't want to talk about Abel.

If I had any advice, with all the affection I have for him,

I'd tell him to move on, like I have.

-Thank you, Léna. -Louis!

-Louis, please! -Mr. Latour, please, over here.

-Over here. That's perfect. -Over here, please!

I'm sure you were aware.

Yes.

Would you like to respond?

No, but…

Let me tell you a secret.

I'm nearly 40.

That's it, Abel. Nice and easy, sweetie.

Things with Léna were complicated.

My time with her is in the past.

And that's just fine.

What's with the smile, Abel?

I'm not smiling.

-You are, you are. -I'm not.

You're hiding something.

-There's nothing to hide. -We want to know everything.

Yes!

Tell us, Abel.

Okay, I'll tell you.

I've actually met someone too.

Nice!

-An actress? -No.

He's good.

Yeah, I knew he was getting some.

-Can't you see he's just making it up? -Tell us!

A mysterious stranger who will be the envy of many.

When can we meet her?

Not just yet. I've already said too much. That's enough.

One thing is sure…

I'm in love. There.

-Great. Well done! -Fucking idiot. Why did I say that?

Huh? Are you kidding? You're trending. Everyone wants to know who she is.

Why do I do this shit? I hate myself.

Stop it. It was a great idea. Let me think. I'll find someone.

-I'm warning you, I won't pretend. -The Americans do it.

We need a girl to play along for a few bucks. Easy!

I can ask my cousin from Limoges.

-Sabrina? -Yeah!

-He's lost it. -Anyone!

Who cares? We'll find an actress to play a baker, a teacher, a beautician…

Sabrina is a beautician.

It's not about the girl. It's the story we tell.

There's a new girl at the agency who'd be great. Adeline Blaz.

Blaz! Is that her name?

-I won't screw just anyone. -You don't usually mind.

You don't have to screw her.

Just go to a few events. They'll all stop talking about Léna.

This is crazy. I don't want a fake girl to play my fake girl.

If it's too weird, find a broke chick. You'd be helping her out. Win-win.

-Yes. -When you put it that way…

I'm not saying that for Sabrina's sake.

Unbelievable.

-Great, I'll take care of it. -Wait a sec.

I think I have an idea.

What? Where are you going?

I can't take it. What are you doing?

Calm down!

God, please let it be your parents.

-Supwise! -What are you doing here?

You're busy.

It's my niece's birthday.

It's been three hours and my head's pounding.

Right, shit. Not a good time.

Not really. Sorry.

I have a favor to ask, but I didn't have your number, just your address.

Fuck, I can't take it anymore. Stop with the balloons!

I'm gonna lose it.

I can help if you want.

You can calm down ten rampaging kids?

Of course.

Let's go!

Join in!

And turn!

Let's do this one. Come on.

Just copy me, okay? Stick your butt out!

Come on! Shake it.

Don't pull that face! Look how much fun they're having.

Wait for it!

-Did you hire an entertainer? -That's…

Hands like this!

-Weird. He looks like that actor. -He isn't a look-alike. He's a friend.

-That's it! -A friend?

Go like this.

-Your friend's a great dancer. -How much does he cost?

Nothing. He offered to help.

Look how good he is with Jade. It's so cute.

Oh, yeah.

He's so cute.

And again!

Okay, right. Abel!

You rock. Carry on, kids. Keep going.

-Fuck me. -Right, it's really him.

-Hi. -Hello.

Hello, I'm Estelle, Marion's little sister.

-My sister and Cédric, her husband. -Hey, man.

-You good? -Hi. I'm good. Yeah.

-You're Jade's parents? -Yeah.

She's great.

-Yeah, she's cool. -My little girl!

She's a cool little girl.

Okay, well, I don't think they've met anyone famous before, so…

Oh, I have. I saw François Hollande in Tulle.

Cool.

-Who cares? -He was still president.

-That's the door. Could you…? -I'll go.

-Don't go anywhere. -Sure.

Hey! Could you calm down?

-Hello. -Hello.

-Come in. -Abel Camara?

You could've warned me. I would've gone to the salon.

The salon?

What? You look great as you are.

I didn't plan on him coming again.

"Again"? What did I miss?

You're screwing Abel Camara and didn't tell me?

Oh, wow. He's so fucking sexy!

-Hey! I'm right here. -Come on.

You're crazy. I haven't screwed anyone. He's just feeling down.

-He was lonely and needed to talk. -Oh, yeah?

No, he needs a fuck.

Hello! I'm still here!

You're so embarrassing. Anyway, I'm not interested.

-Are you kidding me? -No.

Honestly, Estelle, I have other priorities.

-I don't need shaky booty calls with… -Exactly!

With a circus freak!

You don't say.

I'm proud of you.

Oh, wow.

I don't know how you put up with it. You must have the patience of a saint.

When people are cool, it's nice. When they're annoying, I just pretend.

I'm too honest.

I can't lie. You'd see right through it.

Shit.

Could you cut a cucumber and make a salad?

I don't know how.

Don't be silly!

I'll try, but I'm not promising anything.

Wow! That's one hell of an omelet!

What are you doing?

That's a zucchini.

This is a cucumber.

You set me up. Look at them!

They're brothers. Look, they're the same! You tricked me.

And you put them next to each other.

-You're ridiculous. -Thanks.

-What is it? -It's so good.

Calm down. It's just an omelet.

It's out of this world!

If I ever get my restaurant, I'll put "Delect-Abel Omelet" on the menu.

Why are you back?

What favor did you want to ask?

Don't worry about it. It's not important.

What was that?

What?

That look. That is not allowed.

Why?

-You're acting. -I'm not!

I can tell. Yesterday, today, now.

Why do it?

I'm happy.

-I haven't been in a long time. -Stop. Something's going on.

Why is a guy who can get any girl he wants

in my kitchen flashing me those killer eyes?

Wait, which is weirder?

Me wanting to see you again or you asking why?

Honestly, both.

Cool. We're just two weirdos.

Can the weird guy ask the weird girl to dinner?

Or for a drink?

Sorry, but I don't think it's a good idea.

I have enough problems in my life.

Is that right?

-I didn't think I was a problem. -No, sorry. I--

I didn't mean it like that. You know what I mean.

It's okay. If you're not interested, you're not interested.

It is what it is. No big deal.

Damn it.

Well, anyway…

Take care. Thanks for the omelet.

Wait, are you mad at me?

No, not at all. I understand.

See you.

Bye then.

What? Are you serious?

He etched his number on a zucchini and you don't see how phallic that is?

You're a lost cause.

He's less of a show-off than I thought.

He's really nice.

Yeah, sure.

So you threw him out.

You're crazy!

Come on. Me and him, that would be ridiculous.

No, I don't see why.

He's a star. I'm just a normal girl.

No one would believe it. It'd never work.

It could.

No one's asking you to marry the guy.

Finally, something cool happens, so enjoy it, girl.

When I think about it, I had a great time with him.

Yeah.

So unlikely. Almost surreal, you know?

Back to reality, your asshole of a husband's here.

Hello.

Hi. Here, leash, kibble.

-Okay. We need to talk. -I don't have time.

I have my driving lesson and I'm with Estelle, see?

-I can't talk to her. She's your lawyer. -Shut up then.

Delightful as always.

So you can't pay the rent, but you can afford lessons?

-My parents helped me out. -Not your new man?

What man?

Don't play dumb. You're not pictured, but I know that building.

CAMARA IN LOVE SECRET MEETING

What the hell is this?

You do know he's slept with all of Paris? You fucking disgust me.

I'm noting everything you say, Antoine.

Get real. Nothing happened.

The naked guy in my apartment's just a friend?

He wanted it to look that way. It's how he is. He likes to goof around.

Honestly, this is ridiculous.

So how did you meet him? How long ago? Answer me. Tell me before I go insane!

Threats. Noted.

Don't get upset. We split up. I can do what I fucking want!

Too right, sis.

If you haven't paid by tomorrow, I'm taking back the apartment.

Is that clear? Okay, fine. Bye.

Bye.

Bye then.

How charming.

He waited until the divorce to get jealous.

Come on, sweetie.

See, I was right. You and Abel are believable. Look!

It's… it's your building. That's where you live.

"Has he found love at last?" This is insane!

It's nonsense.

This is fucking incredible!

Yes, a sensitive, loving, faithful man, who dreams of starting a family.

That's the stuff. They love it!

I'll tell him all that and call you right back.

What's going on?

They want to renew your French Lover contract.

-No, please. We said we'd stop that. -I know, but they saw the show.

Your story about your new mystery woman. Well, they loved it!

-They're pushing hard. -I don't care.

They'll triple your fee.

Triple?

Yes, triple.

And this?

Did you find someone?

Is she up for playing the part?

Oh, yes. It's all good.

All good. Just…

I have a few details to sort out.

-But it'll work. It's a done deal. -So you didn't find anyone?

-I did. -Well, I have a solution.

What solution?

Adeline Blaz. She's here. You're here.

I'll bring her in, and we'll see how it goes.

I don't have time to meet anyone.

Okay? Clear up this mess. I have meetings. I don't have time.

-You'll see. She's a sweetie. -I don't want a sweetie!

Hello, hi.

Can I come in?

Yes, of course, please do.

-Take a seat. -Thank you. Hello.

So, Adeline, this is Abel.

-Nice to meet you. -And you.

Abel, I told you about Adeline.

She was amazing in The Heart is a Sad Showman at the Avignon festival.

You're too kind.

That's cool. So, were you the sad showman?

No, I was the showman's heart, actually.

Oh, I see.

It was so fun because I was covered in steaks.

That's not the point. Adeline knows why she's here.

You two should go for a drink and get to know each other.

I'd love to.

But Abel can't, unfortunately.

No, it's okay, actually.

-I canceled everything. -Don't you have meetings?

No, I'm completely free.

Okay then.

And it's happy hour. Perfect for getting to know each other.

-Absolutely. -Yes.

This job would be perfect, actually.

I'd have steady hours, no temping.

Then-- I don't know. We could even sleep together if you want.

That's not the idea. Best not muddy the waters.

Of course. That's too bad.

We'll leave it to chemistry then.

Right.

-You're a Gemini, aren't you? -No, Taurus.

Really? Taurus?

-Yes. -I'm Pisces.

Earth and water, amazing sexual compatibility.

Hi, sweetie.

Why are you here, hon?

-I'm meeting some friends. Crazy, right? -Amazing!

How's it going?

-Well… -Nice to meet you. I'm Rose.

Nice to meet you. Abel.

I know.

What's up? Any plans for tonight?

We haven't thought about it.

That producer Séclier is having a party.

I know. It'll be amazing, but forget it. I'm not invited.

Well, me neither.

Too bad.

-I'm invited. -What? No way!

I'm always invited.

So? Will you pick me?

Forget the casting.

-What? -There's no job.

-Really? -No, I'd never do that.

Good news. Now we can sleep together.

Want some?

I'm filming tomorrow.

Who cares? We're having fun. Come on.

It's green. Move it!

-Marion, you're distracted today. -Yes, sorry.

Get a move on!

Too late.

ALONE IN SPACE

Makes you want to go into space, huh?

Bye.

CITY HALL DRIVING SCHOOL

HEY

STILL FANCY A DRINK WITH A WEIRD GIRL

SEE YOU OUTSIDE YOUR BUILDING AT 12

Miss! Hey, lady!

Ma'am. Marion!

Hey, Marion!

Come over here!

Are you talking to me?

Am I your dog? Who do you think you are?

Don't bark at girls. Get out and we'll talk.

You don't mess about. You're a funny chick.

I have a little something for you. Get in.

What do you mean?

A surprise. A big surprise actually, if you know what I mean.

No, I don't. If it's your cock, I think I'm gonna puke.

Huh? No, you got it wrong. My cock has nothing to do with it.

No, it's a real surprise.

What the hell are you doing, Abel?

I'm staying out of sight. Come on, get in.

Why are you acting like a pervert?

I'm not. I'm in secret agent mode to avoid the paparazzi.

Look, they're over there.

-I'm Sami. Nice to meet you. -Nice to meet you.

For a secret agent, you drive a piece of crap.

Are you kidding? She's sublime. Peugeot 309 GTI 16V.

She just got a tune-up. Plus, I changed her tires and put in a 205 gearbox.

You know nothing.

I know nothing?

Firstly, your 309 has a flat front-right tire.

As for shortening the shift,

I'm not sure a 205 gearset can handle the torque.

How do you know so much about my gearset?

My dad's a mechanic. He taught me a thing or two.

Great! I'm looking for someone to change my rocker panels.

All right, we'll go to Midas later, but we have an appointment, so let's go.

-Where? -Supwise!

Come on, drive.

CONDÉ MUSEUM

This is where we're shooting today.

Not bad, huh?

Is it really just us? Amazing.

Perks of the trade, huh?

Thanks to Abel, we've done some crazy stuff.

I've flown in zero gravity, had dinner at the Élysée Palace,

met Catherine Deneuve, and even hugged a bear.

-You're old friends then. -Since forever. Our mothers were friends.

Nelly raised Abel alone, and a few years later,

when I was born, my dad ran off,

so we grew up together. All four of us in an apartment in Charenton.

Us and our moms. It was great.

Then Abel got his first break, but Nelly got sick.

The series was a hit, but she didn't get to see it.

She passed away.

And Abel stayed with us.

And then came the film shoots,

fame, girls, all that, but we never grew apart.

So Abel's really like a brother to me.

One question and you're off!

Sorry, I got carried away.

I'm not used to being asked questions.

It's quite touching, actually.

And what don't you get asked?

I'm never asked how I am or what I do.

I'm not asked my name. I only get asked for Abel's phone number.

Don't worry. I've already got it.

You're not like the others. It's cool you said yes.

Said yes to what?

Lunch.

Lunch with us. I mean, with me. I'm so pleased. It's cool.

My pleasure!

Honestly, given where we are, I have no regrets.

-She doesn't know. -No.

-I haven't told her yet. -Nothing? You didn't ask her?

No, I haven't officially asked her,

but I will.

Do what you want.

Go ahead. I'm off to see my girl.

-Do you know everyone here? -Pretty much.

So you can relax? No paparazzi?

No, the crew's used to it.

But they still talk behind my back.

Like now, for example. They're talking about us.

-Really? -They want to know if we're doing it.

-Come off it. -Really.

-Really? -Yes.

-It doesn't bother you? -I don't care.

I'm used to it.

You know, people…

They judge me, criticize me, mock me. They don't know anything.

Loved one day, hated the next. That's how it is.

Stop, you'll make me cry.

See? You mock me too. It's not nice.

Sorry, Abel, we're a bit behind. We have to get going.

-Sorry, I have to go. -Okay.

-See you on set? -Yes.

-See you soon. -See you.

Will you be okay?

Excuse me. Sorry to bother you.

Could you pass me the salt, please?

Sure.

How kind. Are you new here? Are you an extra?

No, I'm just visiting.

Just visiting.

She's just visiting.

-Like the others. -No way. Gosh.

Excuse me. Sorry.

-Sorry. -Excuse me. You can't stay here.

Sorry. Excuse me.

-Coming through. -Oh, sorry.

Where's Abel's body double?

Come on, let's move!

My lady honors me with her presence.

You scared me, you idiot.

-So I see! -That's quite something.

Nice, right?

Shit, they went all out. The wig, the feather…

Abel, we'll do the stunt with JP. Then we'll do the scene with you.

Okay.

You don't do your own stunts?

I do. Of course I do.

Mathilde, what do you mean?

I didn't understand, but I'll do the shot.

But this is really dangerous.

Usually, you prefer to have JP do it.

JP who? I usually do my own stunts.

And I do them well.

-This is risky though. -How? It's just a horse running.

Chased by five armed riders.

-Over the fence. -Through the forest.

-Galloping into the distance. -At speed.

I did two months of riding lessons. It wasn't for nothing!

I said I'll do it, so I'll do the stunt.

Period. Come on, let's go.

As you wish. I don't care. Let's roll. I don't have time.

Okay, so actually, Abel is doing the stunt.

I repeat, Abel is doing the stunt.

Great. Right!

Where's my trusty steed?

Right, Abel, are you okay? Don't worry.

I've given you Tornado, a Rolls-Royce,

but also a sponge. Okay? She feels everything.

No fear, no worries.

Okay, I'm not scared.

Not scared at all. I'm raring to go.

Right, my little Tornado?

-Shit! Is that normal? -Just a test. She lives up to her name.

What's wrong with this damn horse? Has it had a Red Bull?

Roll camera!

Get ready to roll. Everyone set.

Camera rolling.

-I'll leave you to it, okay? -No!

The horse isn't happy. It's getting angry.

Quiet on set, please. Roll sound!

Scene 115/1, take one.

And action!

Fuck, no, not yet. I'm not ready.

I'm not ready!

Slowly now, Tornado. Nice and easy. That's it.

Oh, that's good.

He's good!

Come on, Tornado!

-Action. -Cue the horses.

Great!

He's really good.

Shit!

-Cut! -Cut, cut, cut!

Shit! Stupid fucking horse.

It's okay.

Tornado freaked out, but I'm fine.

It's okay. I'm fine!

It's okay.

-Okay, reset. -Fuck. No!

-Stop! -I said cut!

Stop them!

My pee-pee!

Oh, fuck!

-Call an ambulance. -Help!

Abel's had an accident.

-It hurts! Help! -We have a stunt double for a reason!

Loop me the beginning. It was great.

She felt something. She's a sponge.

-I'm dying! -Felt something?

Help!

Ambulance, medic. Call them all. Fuck!

EMERGENCY

My career's over.

I might never have kids.

No, Mr. Camara, I examined your balls and you're perfectly fine.

-You examined my balls? -Yes.

You passed out. I did my job.

Who does that?

-I'm sure it's fine. -Where are we?

Not a public hospital, I hope.

It was the nearest one. Green Windmill Hospital.

Green Windmill?

What the fuck's that? A pony club?

-Do you want me to die? -You're overreacting.

Just kill me now. I'm ready.

-Stop it! -I don't trust these strangers.

What if they take photos under my gown?

Who does that? Come on!

Well, actually, sometimes we do.

See?

-We love it! -Well, not this time.

It's not true. I'm joking. No one photographed your balls.

Mr. Camara, don't move. I'll be right back.

She was kidding!

Fuck, it's like skid row.

-Let's go. -Calm down.

Emergency of emergencies. Production called ahead.

You fell off a horse?

It's more like a horse fell on him.

Are you the doctor?

Yes, that's me. I can see the distrust, but yes.

I graduated school at 16 and passed my diploma in urology.

Barely.

Well, a pass is a pass.

Anyway! Your genitals are my bag, no pun intended!

A comedian. Great.

Let's take a look. Are you shy?

Extremely.

Right. Well, that's your little souvenir.

Nothing to worry about, you see?

Just a bit of a fright.

Are you sure? It's not more serious?

No, it's a groin strain.

A very bad strain.

It's a grade one strain.

It means a child could cope with it.

So, when I see you, I think, "What a big baby."

Well, I mean…

Right. Very important, no driving, no sport,

and no sex for three months.

-Three months? What the hell? -I'm just kidding.

Your man is a bit uptight.

Is the chair necessary?

Well, you heard him.

No, he said a child could bear it.

Wait. Stop.

What?

You're just amazing.

Shit. Wait.

-It's an honor… -What are you doing?

Come, you'll see.

-Abel? -Louis!

-Abel, what a surprise! -What a surprise!

-How are you? -Great, and you?

Good to see you.

Yeah. Great to see you too!

-Hi, there. -Hi.

Marion, this is Louis Latour.

I was shooting nearby. I got hurt doing a stunt, but I'm fine.

I can see that, you little daredevil!

Yeah. And you? Why are you here?

I've been in training for two weeks.

I'm preparing my audition for Renaud Léman's new film.

Oh, cool!

Total immersion. I love it.

-You don't do things by halves. -ER is not easy.

I see a lot of bad shit.

But I love it.

Why aren't you auditioning? Didn't Camille tell you?

She did. She told me.

She did, but actually, I'm shooting on those dates.

-Impossible. There is no schedule. -There isn't?

Léman can't decide between spring and fall.

You don't say.

I'm just busy all the time.

Summer, fall, winter, I'm not available.

Because I'm working on something huge.

Like an American film?

I can't say, Louis.

A series then?

I can't say, Louis.

It's confidential. I can't talk about it.

Good for me then. Less competition.

-Right! -On three, lift.

-Okay, got it. -I'll be two seconds.

Ma'am, can you hear me? Answer me.

Ma'am, talk to me.

She's struggling to talk. Give me ten seconds.

Facial paralysis on the left side. Suspected stroke.

She needs an MRI. Stat!

I'd better go. This looks bad. Good to see you.

-Yeah. -Oh, Abel!

I'll tell Léna I saw you. She'll find it funny.

Yes, it's so funny.

Bye, Louis. Good to see you.

-Fuck. -What?

What are the chances of running into him tonight at this hospital?

Am I jinxed or what?

At least he was on a break or he would've been examining you.

I'm seriously pissed.

Cam, can you tell me why I wasn't told about Léman's thing?

Well, I thought it wasn't really right for you.

This shit drives me crazy. Any other films you've been hiding?

I didn't say anything because it's not a sure thing.

There's no money, no script, nothing. It's up in the air.

And Léna's up for a role, so--

I don't care about Léna. You know I want to work with him.

And how come Latour's auditioning if it's so uncertain?

Latour can do what he wants. We agreed you wouldn't audition anymore.

And this one's weird.

He wants to write it while shooting. He says it's an experience.

-Seriously, it isn't worth it. -A Renaud Léman movie isn't worth it?

-But-- -Listen.

I'll work at a hospital if I must. I want to play a doctor.

I get your frustration,

but it isn't the time for a film like that.

But if you want to play a doctor, I got Van Houten's latest script this morning.

It's a funny story about a burned-out dentist who becomes a rapper.

The pitch is a bit wacky.

-Seriously? -The treatment was great and the dialo--

She pissed me off.

Do you really want this film, or is it just because that guy wants it?

It's my dream.

And all his films get César nominations.

So that's it!

You want a statuette for a film no one will ever see.

It might not mean much to others, but to me, it's everything.

Others? Normal people like me, you mean?

You know what I mean.

Sorry, but…

Isn't it weird that Camille gets to tell you what to do?

It's her job.

And she's right. I don't do auditions anymore.

That's so dumb.

-A quick one and I'll leave you alone. -Okay.

What's that?

It's my stuff.

-Antoine has thrown me out. -What?

I don't believe it. He changed the locks!

That's a real dick move.

I've had enough of him.

I've had enough of this shit life.

I've lost my man, my job, my apartment.

He's taken Claudine too.

This is too hard.

Don't worry.

-It'll be okay. -No, it won't.

I've said that for months and it just gets worse.

-I'm a fucking loser. -No, don't say that.

Don't say that.

I'm here.

I'll help you.

I'll take care of you.

Wait.

-You want to take care of me? -Yeah.

You can stay at mine if you like.

As friends.

I have a spare room.

If you have a spare room, I'd like that.

Welcome to my home.

Very cushy.

Is that a swimming pool?

-Heated. -No way!

Candy?

The stairs go up to the bedrooms.

Okay. Very nice. Small and cozy.

The kitchen!

Here's the best part.

Look.

Oh, yeah, not too shabby.

And this is my room.

Not bad, huh?

Yeah.

That's the walk-in closet.

Why not look at yourself?

Oh, my God!

Fuck, it's everywhere.

Fuck, it's cold too. So gross!

Fuck!

Is this why you're yelling? A little leak, really?

It's not a leak. It's the Titanic! It's everywhere!

-Should we call the fire department? -No, just find the shut-off valve.

I don't know where it is. I'll call Camille. She'll know.

Have you seen the time? She'll be asleep. Don't you have a mop?

I don't know where it is. I'll call Camille. She'll know.

No, here. Start mopping.

She's not picking up. Fuck, you know what?

Leave it. Let's go to a hotel. It'll get fixed tomorrow.

-Let's go. Leave it. -Don't worry. I'll be fine.

You'll be fine. We'll all be fine.

Yeah, you're right.

Take that!

Look up the word "mopping." What are you doing?

Stay out of this, please. If I hit it hard enough,

it might stop this son of a bitch!

Fuck!

There!

-I did it. -You're the best, Abel.

Fucking faucet.

Here.

See? No need to wake up Paris for this.

Enough. I'm exhausted.

What is it?

It's so easy with you.

Is that what that look's about?

It's because I like you.

Is the whole maid thing a turn-on?

No. Just you.

You're beautiful.

I want to kiss you.

ALONE IN SPACE

It's my dream to get one of these.

Go where I want, when I want, making food for people.

I can get it for you. How much is it?

No way. Not in a million years.

-Try again. -Enough.

Can I ask you a question? Who did you tell about us?

Me? No one.

Why not?

I don't know. It's not their business.

-What? -You're amazing.

So if I understand correctly, he wants to meet the parents,

but they don't know it's him.

Right.

I can't wait to see their faces. It'll be awesome.

-If he comes. I don't know where he is. -Any news?

No, but he won't be long.

We can always start without him.

Where'd you find him? He's over an hour late.

I hope he has a good excuse.

He said he was finishing up and was on his way, okay?

I can tell him not to come and we'll cancel.

-No! -I think he's here.

About time.

Right, well.

He's made a mess of that parking. He can't park for shit.

-Come on, Cedric. -No, really!

An hour and a half late.

You're seriously pushing it.

I didn't want to come empty-handed.

Fine, come in.

Look who it is.

-Who is it? -It's him, look.

Dad, Mom, this is…

Nice to meet you. Abel.

Yes, I know! But I didn't know that…

Anyway, it's certainly a…

Well, it is what it is.

Welcome.

Thanks. These are for you.

-They're beautiful. And enormous. -I hope you have a big vase.

-Hi. -Cedric?

-Yeah? -Could you find a vase?

-Sure, Cedric'll dump them in the tub. -Great.

This is for my buddy, Jade. Where is she?

That's so kind. She's not here. She's at a friend's.

But I'll take it. I love lollipops.

Okay, it's getting late. Shall we eat?

Sorry I'm late. I had an interview. I came as quick as I could.

We aren't sticklers for timekeeping. Don't worry.

Who cares?

Come on, let's eat!

-That was delicious. -She's good, huh?

Yes, the best.

I know her food truck will be a hit.

I need my license back, or it's just a truck that goes nowhere.

-Abel, what are you filming right now? -Nothing right now.

I have a film coming out in a few days.

But I'm waiting to hear about Renaud Léman's new film.

-Oh, very nice. -Great director.

-Never heard of him. -I hadn't either.

And who else is in it?

Well, it looks like…

Go on, you can say.

Léna Taïs.

-His ex. -Yes, I know.

Oh, that's tricky.

-Oh, stop it. -Would you let me work with my exes?

-Not in a million years! -Exactly.

Well, he might not get it. A few people are auditioning.

You're right.

I couldn't.

Just the thought of Nathalie working with that prick, Bernard, every day…

What? Is Bernard your ex, Mom?

That's beside the point.

What about love scenes? Isn't that risky?

Yes, it happens, but we pretend. It's work.

Yes, she's-- She's quite the babe, Léna Taïs.

Unbelievable.

-She's gorgeous. -Stop embarrassing me. Really.

I'm not into her. And I'm not having lunch with her parents today.

Mom, did you really bang Bernard?

It was a different time. Who cares about Bernard?

Forget about Bernard. And Jean-Pierre.

Jean-Pierre too?

-Well, I was a catch. -It was before!

Did you know?

-Who wants tiramisu? -Do their wives know?

See how she always changes the subject?

-I'm just asking about tiramisu. -I'm just asking if he's my dad!

Hey, Jacques, check this out.

-Hello. -Hello.

Hi.

What are you doing here?

-We need to talk. -Are you in love?

Stop it, I know you.

I can see it. It's obvious.

It's funny. I never would've guessed.

Yes. We got off on the wrong foot.

Well, that's love for you!

You go out, dance, make out in the pool,

and, whoops, you fall in love. This is what you needed.

-Wait, what? -She didn't tell me.

She didn't go into detail.

-Details? You mean Adeline? -Obviously. Who else would it be?

No way. That's nothing. It isn't her.

-Didn't you sleep with Adeline? -Forget Adeline.

It's not that.

I just met this great girl. A different one.

And?

And I'm not playing this time. I like her and that's it.

-Do I know her? Is she an actress? -No.

-A singer? -No.

-Is she a model? -No, she's nothing.

I mean, she's not nothing. She's…

She's great.

Well, that's good news.

-I invited her to the premiere. -Oh, yes! That's perfect. Wait.

I'll tell the press officer to add a plus-one tomorrow.

Careful, Cam. I really care about her.

-We do this right. -We always do, sweetie.

No, I mean it.

The premiere will be spectacular. Abel's so excited.

So, not too nervous?

No, but am I dressed appropriately?

Don't worry. We have the best stylist in Paris. It's taken care of.

Mélo, sweetie. Mélo?

This is Abel's plus-one.

Hello.

Hi, I'm Plus-One, but I prefer Marion.

Could you find her something nice, really nice?

There'll be paps everywhere.

No one told me. I don't know her size.

Never mind, we'll find something.

No, definitely not.

Let's not even bother with that.

That's a big bow.

-I look like a disco ball, right? -Not at all.

You look stunning. I don't agree.

Abel's waiting downstairs.

See you then.

You look gorgeous.

-Is that all you had? -Yeah.

Are you okay?

-Should I come with you? -Well, yes.

You can't stay here.

No, but what do I do?

It's easy. You get out,

twirl along the red carpet,

do a somersault for the photo call and you're done. Easy. But watch out.

Don't miss the trampoline at the end. It's the main event.

Idiot.

Go ahead. I'll get out after.

-Sure? -Yeah.

Up to you.

Thanks for coming.

I love you, Abel. Thanks! You're the best! Thanks!

Shit, I look like the Queen of England.

-Abel! -Hi. Hi, hi.

Ready to walk the red carpet?

Who's that woman?

Who are you, lady?

There you go.

Thanks, guys!

Ladies first.

You'll get used to it.

Everybody does.

Come inside! Come see the film!

-Abel! -On your right!

-To the right! -Abel!

-On the right! -Smile!

Come here.

Go on! Don't be scared. Go ahead.

This is Marion.

-Marion! -Marion!

Smile!

Get closer.

On the right! Yes!

-Great! -Thanks.

-Abel! Marion! -Thanks.

-You both look stunning. -Thanks.

I think I squinted.

No, not at all.

Léna, over here!

-Léna! This way, please. -Léna, over here!

-What's she doing here? -No idea.

-She'd better not come near me. -She wouldn't dare.

Abel, let me introduce you to someone.

-Come on. -Coming.

-Go sit down. I'll come find you. -Okay.

Over here! Great.

Wow! Look at you. Are you lost?

You could say that.

That row's reserved.

-Aren't you coming? -No, I never sit down.

I stay at the back, eat my Haribo, and enjoy.

My feet are killing me, so I'll sit down.

-Okay, see you later then. -See you.

Excuse me, may I get through?

Sorry, this row is reserved for VIPs.

Actually, I'm Abel Camara's partner, so…

Sorry, but you don't have a bracelet.

Yes, I do.

I do have a bracelet.

Very well.

-Thank you. -You're welcome.

You're too kind.

Josephine!

This is me.

I'm waiting for someone.

ALONE IN SPACE

Good evening.

Good evening, everyone.

Thanks for coming.

Thanks. We're thrilled to show you a film I love

and am very proud of.

Some very special people are here tonight, so it's a special evening.

So, I'm pretty emotional.

This brings back a lot of memories.

I came here with my buddy Sami over there when we were 13.

So seeing myself on this screen is a dream come true.

Thanks again for coming, and enjoy the film.

Thanks.

DON'T WE LOOK GOOD?

I'M SQUINTING LIKE AN OLD DRUNK

Sorry.

You're wanted for an interview.

Yes, okay.

-It wasn't a great film. -Awful, you mean.

I saw some sliders. Coming?

If they're as bad as the champagne…

It's my pleasure.

Whenever you like. I'm in.

It was great.

Good evening.

Have a good night.

-Everything okay? -Yeah, fine.

It's so busy, I didn't get to congratulate you.

But well done, you were great in the film.

I haven't believed anything you say for a while.

But thanks anyway.

But you took my advice. You met someone.

Yeah, I was lucky.

Everything's easy with her. Pure joy.

Isn't that boring?

I knew you'd say that.

I heard you auditioned for Léman. That's cool.

Not just me. Your boyfriend too, right?

Imagine us working together.

That's why he isn't with you.

No, he couldn't make it.

Right, he couldn't make it.

Why? Would you have come to his premiere?

-Sure. -Oh, really?

Yes! You know me, don't you?

I know you, yes.

I'm sorry! Let me clean that up.

Don't worry. I don't care about this awful dress.

-It's not even mine. -Mine either.

I don't know why I wore it. I'm sweating like hell in this Lycra.

-Nice to meet you. I'm Adeline. -Marion.

I know who you are.

-You do? -Girl, I'd kill to be in your shoes.

But well played, you got him.

You say it like it is, don't you?

Come on, he's the perfect guy.

But you know what? I don't think there was much in it.

I was this close to getting him.

What makes you say that?

When we met, I knew he kind of liked me, you know?

-Really? -Like crazy.

I felt the energy.

I even thought it could go beyond pretending. You know?

There's always a chance, right?

-Yeah. -But he chose you.

With auditions, you have to handle rejection.

Yeah, you have to handle rejection.

It's nothing personal.

I get it. You look like an average girl.

You don't look like an actress, but that's an advantage.

My agent pushed me into it. I'm struggling.

Being seen with Abel would've been a huge career boost, you know?

Take Léna. Before him, she was nobody. Now, she's everywhere.

But honestly, well done.

Nobody suspects a thing. It's so believable.

-Have you been acting long? -No, I'm new to it.

Okay.

So, girls, having fun?

-Everyone's having a great time. -Yeah.

But I'm leaving. I've had enough.

Tell Abel his fake girl left and has nothing to say to him.

You make me sick.

-Wait, it's not what you think! -She's actually his girlfriend?

-Adeline Blaz? -Yeah. You know who I am?

Oh, fuck.

Fuck, he knows who I am.

-What's up? -Camille, we have a big problem.

Lovely. Thanks a bunch!

Okay, I'll handle it. I'll find her and sort it out.

I know what you think.

"Why do I always fall for jerks?"

You think we manipulated you, took you for a fool.

That you're not made for this world of hypocrites,

and you don't want to speak to me. Am I wrong?

Look, I pretty much agree except for one thing.

-Abel isn't the jerk here. -He isn't?

He didn't audition girls?

He didn't pretend to flirt and parade me in front of everyone?

He wasn't pretending. The audition was my idea.

And when he met you, I took advantage of the situation.

Where are all the fucking cabs?

Wait, you can't just leave.

I swear he never meant to hurt you.

Well, it's too late.

But don't worry, he'll get a new girl like he gets a new car,

and stay his selfish self.

You're wrong. If he didn't care for you, you wouldn't be here.

It'd be a shame to throw it away when it wasn't his fault.

And you make a great couple. People are crazy about you two.

What?

You are all insane.

One last thing, then I promise to leave you alone.

I fell in love with someone famous too.

I even married him.

It didn't last because it felt too complicated.

When you're with someone like that, you have to share them with everyone.

And that scared me.

And I just left.

I left it all behind.

Thinking back, I lived the best years of my life with him.

I was in love, I was happy and…

And I don't regret one second of it. Not a single second.

-I'd do it all again. -Girls!

Don't be afraid. Don't repeat my mistakes.

He really loves you, you know.

Yeah?

-Where were you? I looked all over. -We needed some fresh air.

Yeah.

I just saw Renaud Léman.

-And? -You'll never guess what he said.

-You got the part? -Yeah!

-No way! You got it? -Yes, I got it!

-I can't believe it! -I'm so happy!

I got the part!

Thanks, Marion, it's thanks to you.

You're my lucky charm.

I'm happy for you.

That's amazing. Tell me more.

He'll call me next week, but it's confirmed. I'm in his next film.

-As the lead? -Léman's leading man.

-Isn't that amazing? -It's fantastic! It's insane.

Thank you.

-Thank you. -Stop!

Thank you. I'm so happy!

So happy!

Wonderful.

I hope this isn't a mistake.

It's the right thing. You lose the restaurant, but you're free.

But at what price?

-Look forward for once. -You're right, sis.

I know. Plus, I'm not done yet.

-Hi. -Hi.

Hi.

What can I get you, sir?

Nothing. He's not staying.

When my lawyer said you'd agreed, I didn't actually believe it.

What's next for you?

-Mrs. Camara? -Shut up and sign.

Antoine, you got what you wanted, so leave it at that.

So, this is how it ends?

What did you expect, champagne and confetti?

Love suits you.

That's the Marion I fell for. Pity.

Yes, what a pity. Just sign.

I don't get it.

How do you two work?

He's loaded and famous, but you don't care about that.

He makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world.

Just sign it.

Great. Here, a second one.

It's marked with a Post-it.

Right, are we done?

Thank you.

I'll always love you.

Sure, so will we. Very much.

Kisses. Talk soon. Maybe dinner?

See ya!

Fucking hell.

Come on, you're okay. It'll be fine.

I planned a little health inspection. He won't see it coming.

Two glasses of champagne, please.

Piece of shit!

What's wrong with you?

What's gotten into you?

He pissed me off.

-Who? -Léman.

He's offering me the supporting role.

It's humiliating.

He gave the lead to Léna.

"It hits harder the other way round."

What a fucking jerk.

Seriously, what an asshole.

Who cares? The main thing is you're in the film, right?

The guy was all over me at the premiere.

"You're the best. I love you. You deserve a César award, blah-blah."

Just to cast me as an extra? What does he take me for?

I think you're overreacting.

You have a part. You should be happy.

I shouldn't have listened to you.

I didn't make you do anything. I just wanted to help.

I don't need your help, okay?

Whoa. What happened to being your lucky charm?

Whatever.

I'll call and tell that jerk to shove it. I'll show him who I really am.

Wait.

Hold on. All this over a supporting role?

You can be such an idiot.

What?

What did you say? Are you talking to me?

Yes, I am. No one says it, so I will.

You're acting like an idiot.

But whatever, go ahead.

Throw a tantrum like an eight-year-old.

Meanwhile, Latour will make the film, and you'll regret it.

I had a think.

I called Léman.

I took the part.

You're ridiculous.

Now it's my turn to throw a tantrum since you're shooting with your ex.

That's irrelevant. It's like shooting with an old friend.

Who you'll be with all day, every day for two months.

Please tell me it's not a rom-com.

Okay, let's go, please. Roll camera!

Scene 57/1, take two.

Action!

Scene 21/4, take one.

-Roll camera. -First positions.

Scene 79/1, take two.

And cut. Okay, reset.

-Scene 16/1, take one. -Action.

-Copy that. -Extras. Action!

Cut. Tail slate.

Reset, please!

ABEL CAMARA IS LOVE BLIND?

WILL HE GET BACK WITH HIS EX, THE LOVELY LENA?

"Who is this tramp? She looks like a depressed sparrow."

Forget about it. It's crap.

"Abel should quit drugs. He doesn't know who he's sleeping with."

Stop reading that. We know who writes that stuff.

A 40-year-old virgin living with his mom who spends his time trolling.

It's not worth it. No good can come of it.

Switch it off.

I have a big scene tomorrow. Time to sleep.

I have my driving test.

All the more reason.

You didn't forget, did you? I need you to look after Claudine.

Yes, you're right. Don't worry, I've got it.

Bedtime?

Good night.

Do I look like a depressed sparrow?

Of course not.

-How are you? -Good, you?

I make films…

I came as fast as I could. I was at the doctor's,

so it took a while to reschedule the appointment.

Anyway, I'm here. I'm all yours. What's up?

Seen this?

-Well, yes. I saw it. -I'm usually warned when I've been papped.

-Why did no one tell me? I don't get it. -I really don't know. But look.

-Highest sales of the year. -"Is love blind?"

It isn't just me. They're insulting Marion.

-I know. It's disgusting. -I'm so pissed.

And I'm dreading my scene with Léna.

Okay. Right.

Stop. Give me that.

You're under a lot of pressure, but it'll be fine.

Come on. Come on.

Come on. Enjoy it, sweetie.

It's your last day, you know? Think of that.

Where's Claudine?

-Who? -Claudine.

Fuck! What a shitty day!

Say "Je t'aime" to love.

-I asked you to turn your phone off. -Sorry, it's my boyfriend--

Yes, that's enough. Pull over there.

-And switch it off. -Yes.

Say "Je t'aime" to love.

Abel, I'm in the middle of my test.

-Yes. -I can't talk now.

I have to tell you something. Claudine's missing.

-What? -I'm sorry.

Unbelievable.

It is unbelievable!

What-- Wait, I'm sorry.

I have to go. It's an emergency.

It's my dog.

No! You can't!

I ask you for one favor, and you can't even manage that?

Yeah, I'm sorry. She must be nearby. Don't worry.

But you need to come get her because I'm filming.

Sorry, Abel, we really have to go, like now.

I'm sorry, I have to hang up. Everyone's waiting for me.

We're by the house. You'll see the trailers.

That's across Paris! It'll take an hour.

Camille's looking for her. She can't be far. Don't worry.

Because of you, I've failed my test, and my dog's missing.

I'm sorry.

Let me know, okay? Love you, bye.

I said don't bother me when I'm on the phone.

Okay, got it.

-Hello? -Hello, Antoine?

I remember that tree like it was yesterday.

I've never been the same since.

May it rest in peace.

What? No, cut!

-Okay, cut! -What the hell?

"Rest in peace"? It's a tree!

-True. -The line is "Will you marry me?"

-Remember, she's everything you desire. -Yeah, she is.

You look like you're writing a shopping list.

Come on. Reset. Roll camera!

Starting positions and quiet on set. Thank you!

He questions every take.

Is something wrong?

No, I'm fine. Marion and I had a silly argument.

Roll camera.

I thought you were nervous about kissing me.

All good?

Not at all.

-Quiet on set. Roll sound! -You're crazy.

It's not as if we've never slept together.

-It's just a kiss. -Yeah.

Action!

I remember that tree like it was yesterday.

I've never been the same since.

Will you marry me?

What the--? Cut!

Abel, what was that? Kiss her!

-Yes, but-- -Where's your head?

It's not that. I thought that with the camera angle…

I love you, but that's my concern, okay?

-Got it. I'll do it. -Thank you.

I'll do it. I'm on it. Sorry, it's just--

Who has my water?

Hello?

You found her?

Oh, thank you!

Oh, Claudine!

Claudie, where were you, baby?

I found her hiding under a truck. What kind of idiot loses a dog?

Sorry, I didn't know who else to call.

Of course.

Claudine…

-She's like our baby. -Yes.

Okay, you've had a break and a drink. Let's not take all day.

Focus and give it everything.

Let's do a pick-up from the kiss.

-I want desire! -Yes.

-Desire! -You got it.

Right. Please.

-Cue extras, thank you. -Let's speed up!

Everyone, get ready, please.

Sorry. I don't know why I can't do it.

It must bring back good memories.

Let's get this shot. Come on.

-Let's move! -You know what? Just kiss me.

Don't pretend.

-Kiss me like you used to. -What?

-Roll camera! -Is everyone in position?

Scene 33/2, take 15, pick-up.

Camera set.

I want to. Don't you?

Abel, I'm counting on you.

And action!

Cut.

No, keep rolling. Don't cut.

Perfect.

-And cut! -Okay, cut!

Got it! I fucking got it!

That's cinema.

That's the stuff. It's exactly what I wanted.

See? You didn't believe me. Let's clear up and take a break.

Break for dinner!

How's the restaurant?

The chef's a pain. And I got a health inspection, but yeah…

How's Julie?

I don't know. We broke up. I haven't heard from her.

And you?

Are you… still happy?

I hate that I was such a jerk to you.

I wasn't good enough. It drove me crazy.

Please don't.

If you need anything,

if you want the apartment back, just let me know.

You can count on me.

It's over, Antoine.

Good girl.

Knowing how to say goodbye is knowing how to go on loving.

We must weep without tears and scream in silence.

-Cut! -Okay, cut!

Great. That's the one.

Scene 87/5, take 12, tail slate.

Guys, that was the final shot.

Well done, Abel!

Sorry, I don't know what's up with me.

Don't be sorry. It's normal.

This was quite something, but we did it. Well done.

I found her!

Well then, Claudine?

You went exploring just to play a trick on me, huh?

Such a big baby!

See, she's not mad. She's already forgiven me.

If you say so.

You'd better not leave without saying goodbye!

-Never! -Come here!

-Thanks, man. Really. You were awesome. -Thank you.

I'd be lost without you. Thank God you're here.

See you tomorrow at the party.

-Of course! -And we'll have a dance.

-You're not ready for me. -I was born ready.

-See you! -Bye.

She's script supervisor.

-She gets everyone going. She's funny. -Yeah, hilarious.

Hey, it's nothing.

I'm glad this shoot's over.

We can spend some time together.

Of course.

Good because I have a surprise.

Supwise!

SUPWISE

I planned a romantic getaway.

A getaway? Where and when?

We leave in the morning for a week away from it all in the Vosges Mountains.

The Vosges? Tomorrow?

You don't like it?

Yes, I do.

I just wasn't expecting it.

And tomorrow's the wrap party.

Yeah, I'm sorry. I didn't think about it.

You don't understand. We can't go. I can't miss that.

You can't miss a party?

Well, no. But we can postpone the trip.

Actually, we can't really.

You can always postpone. What's the big deal?

Big deal? Okay, fine.

-Never mind. I get it. -What?

I wanted to do something nice and I messed it up. Never mind.

It's not your surprise.

It's just this party matters.

And I want to go.

Sorry, but I'm the star of the film.

Everyone expects me. I can't let them down.

Is it Léna?

No, it's Sami.

If you're not happy to see me, just say so. It'll save us time.

Don't! I'm thrilled to see you. I'm really happy.

Screw you.

-What? -Enough.

You lose my dog. You make me fail my test.

I cross Paris to find you hugging your ex.

And when I surprise you, you're pissed?

I'm tired. Now is not the time.

It's never the right time!

Before the shoot, you were stressed, then you were never here.

And now, what? You're tired?

And you can't miss a party?

Fuck this. I was patient, I swear.

I thought, it's his job. It's normal.

Don't bring up my problems. Let him do his thing.

But it's done. This is real life.

Always complicating things.

I'm not complicating anything. You are!

I just need time to come back down to Earth.

-Is that so hard to understand? -I've fitted around you.

Around your life, your moods. I'm always adapting for you.

I used to believe in us, but honestly,

I know it'll never work.

You're too selfish.

You're unhappy with me?

Sometimes, I think you'd be better off with Léna or… someone else.

So, you're just jealous?

No, this won't work if you're forcing it.

I feel like you're ashamed, and you're bored with me.

You need to get over this inferiority complex.

-Snap out of it. -What I'm trying to say is--

What I like-- What I love the most…

I love you, Abel, not Abel Camara.

What's the difference between Abel and Abel Camara?

I don't get it. It's the same guy.

The difference is this fucking chaos inside you.

This need of yours to exist, to control everything,

and shine brighter than anyone else.

This thing that drives you to wreck it all in the hope of finding something better

when you can't even enjoy what you have.

Is that it? Are you done with your list?

So, I'm unbearable, selfish and I wreck everything?

I thought you were different, but you're just like them.

You judge me.

Is that all you heard after what I just said?

I heard that you're so perfect that you're right, once again.

We're too different, you and I.

It'll never work.

We agree on that.

-Hey. -Hi.

Thanks.

TOUGH YET SENSITIVE

You've reached Marion. Leave a message.

Hi, Marion, it's Abel. Call me back.

CITY HALL DRIVING SCHOOL

It's me again. Please pick up.

Marion, I just wanted to catch up. I hope you're well.

Yes, Marion, I know you hate me.

I'm really sorry.

Call me, please.

Marion, I want to hear your voice. I want to see you.

I need you.

CALL ME PLEASE I MISS YOU

The nominations for the César awards were announced this morning.

The big surprise is Abel Camara's first nomination

for Renaud Léman's film, Love Therapy.

The film is also nominated for set design, editing, best director,

and of course, best picture.

In less than two hours, we'll be at the 52nd César awards ceremony.

And the biggest names in cinema will walk the red carpet behind me.

Notably, Abel Camara, who has been this year's surprise,

featuring on the nominations list for the first time.

So, can he win the award for his role in the film by Renaud Léman,

the award-winning director and Academy favorite?

Check out my tux.

Handsome or what?

But there's disappointment for Léna Taïs…

Very handsome, especially the shoes.

Good evening. César for the best plus-one, right?

Without a doubt.

Got your speech ready?

-Don't jump the gun. -Of course you'll get it!

Hi, guys. Aren't you ready yet?

Yes, nearly.

And are you planning to go in a tracksuit?

No, I'll change. We have time.

No, we don't. Have you seen the time?

-Aren't you going to answer? -No, it's my mom. It's nothing.

It's not nothing.

Don't worry. It's her birthday, but it's okay. I couldn't miss this, so…

Right…

Thanks for being here.

-Well… -Always.

Of course.

There. It's perfect.

It's perfect!

Fold this over. Hold on.

There!

Great. You look amazing.

You look like a million dollars. Incredible.

Thank you. Do you know what I'd like?

No. Tell me. What?

I'd like to tie my bow tie myself from now on.

Sorry, but what are you saying?

-Do you want a new agent? -No.

Not at all.

Stop answering when I call at night or on weekends.

I don't want my problems ruining your family dinners.

Take more vacations.

Meet someone.

But I like taking care of you.

It doesn't mean you can't slow down.

I don't know how to.

If I slow down, I'll stop.

And if I stop, I'll realize I have nothing else.

You have to try.

-It's time you thought of yourself. -Okay.

I don't know if I can.

OPENING PARTY

I prepared something in case you win. Look, it's a list of people to thank.

Don't worry.

I won't forget anyone if I win.

Okay.

Let's get a selfie of us looking sharp.

Oh, yeah! Come on!

-Nice, right? -Oh, it's gorgeous!

I hope it goes well. He seems nervous.

-Don't worry. -You don't think so?

Abel!

-To the right! -Over here!

Give us a smile!

Hey! Abel, please!

Abel, we love you!

Thanks. Enjoy, Mom, it's free.

Excuse me.

Here we are, buddy. Well, here you are.

If your mom saw this, she'd be so proud.

A toast?

Here's to you.

You don't look happy.

-Is it that obvious? -No, but I can tell.

I don't know, it's-- Now that it's real, it seems…

It's lost its sheen.

Are you crazy?

Look at all this money, this gilded crap.

This is wild!

I just saw Margot Robbie.

I was going to the john, I held the door and she said...

Isn't that cool? I think I have a chance.

You're not in the mood. Something's wrong.

This doesn't happen every day. You realize that?

Yes, I do.

Well then, enjoy it! Yeah!

And in under an hour, it might be the best moment of your life.

You might be right.

I am right.

Wake up, for fuck's sake. It's happening now!

-Yes, I have to wake up. -Yeah.

I shouldn't be here.

-I'm going. -Huh? You didn't get it.

-Thanks, bro. -Wait.

Where are you going? Abel!

Abel!

Hey!

-Two rice with shrimp for…? -Me!

Thanks, enjoy.

-Thank you. -Who's next? Hello.

Hello! Three burgers, rare, and three truffle fries, please.

Right, there's a short wait, okay?

-Ten minutes. -Okay.

-Love you lots. -Bye!

-See you later. -Bye, my honeybun.

Look, it's Abel.

So it is.

Hey. Hi, Jade.

Hello.

-Hey. -Hi.

Look.

Why the hell is he here?

Good evening. An omelet, please.

PLAN B

Hello, Abel.

Hi.

Sorry, it's not a good time.

I've got seven orders to prepare and I don't know if I've got enough, so…

Can we talk later?

Oh, he's stripping.

Right then.

I'll help you. Tell me what to do.

But…

Can I slice the cucumbers?

No.

Stick to the steaks. Put this on.

-I'll grab this. -Be my guest.

Wow! Thank you so much. Thank you for this role…

Do you know where Abel is?

You don't know?

That's just great.

Abel, where are you? You can't just disappear.

You have to pick up. Just get here!

It's-- You can't miss this.

Thanks.

Why are you here, Abel?

I had to thank you.

The film, the nomination, it's thanks to you.

You got what you wanted.

You could say that.

But I lost the most important thing.

I'm sorry I didn't get in touch.

I just needed some time to get over you.

And did you?

Did you get over me?

It's not an easy thing to do.

You seem happy anyway.

Your dream came true.

I'm very happy for you.

Thanks.

How are you?

I haven't slept in six months.

Come on!

Life sucks without you.

I miss you.

Did you win the César?

I don't know or care.

What?

I left the ceremony to come see you.

-What? It's happening right now? -It sure is.

No. You're insane.

No, hold on. No way. You can't do that, Abel.

What are you doing?

I won't let you miss this because of me. So let's go get that award. Come on.

The nominees are

Stéphane Bourgoin for The Arrogant One.

Antoine Delaunay for The Bérigot Trial…

I don't get it.

He's nowhere to be found.

His phone's off.

-That's fast. -Too fast?

Yes, pretty fast. Maybe slow down?

We'll make it this way.

And the César for best director goes to…

Renaud Léman for Love Therapy.

Renaud won again.

Chill out!

-We almost killed them! -Do you want to make it in time?

Congratulations!

Renaud Léman joins the ranks of multi-César-winning directors.

It's a disaster.

-Tell me the truth. Where is he? -I don't know.

-Enough! -He may have gone to see Marion.

-That was red. -It was?

I see why you lost your license!

Hey! You hit it!

I'm so emotional I don't even know who to thank.

So I'll stop there.

Thank you. Long live cinema, and good night.

And the nominees for best actor are…

-Shit, is it now? -Yep.

…Josselin Panchout for Sophie's Bet, Yannick Ba…

Over to you.

Aren't you coming?

I'm not wearing the right dress.

Go on.

No, wait.

Go on. I'll be watching.

-I'm with you. -Okay.

Ma'am, you can't stop here. Move along.

Yes, sorry.

And the César for best actor goes to…

Abel Camara for Love Therapy.

It's the first César for Abel Camara with his very first nomination.

-He's here! -No way!

It's his first collaboration with Renaud Léman

in his role as a doctor haunted by his first love.

-Congratulations. -Thank you, Romain.

Wow. This is nuts.

Thanks to everyone

who told this big kid that life isn't over at 40.

It's only just beginning.

Camille, Sami,

thank you for always being there.

I love you so much.

And this is for you.

Thank you so much.

Whatever you do in life, you have to be bold.

You have to try. You have to screw up. It doesn't matter.

Even if others judge you or stop you from believing.

Tonight is confirmation.

I've often confused my own desires with other people's.

Then I met someone.

Someone who opened my eyes.

Who made me understand that success isn't a little statue sitting on a shelf.

She might not like me talking about her, but tonight, I can't help it.

Thank you, Marion.

Once again, you were right.

Now, I have to go. Someone's waiting for me. Thank you.

-Well done. -Thanks.

-Nice one, buddy! -Look after it.

Go!

You're nuts! You can't do this. Everyone's waiting for you.

I don't think I care.

Kiss me then.

We're not alone, you know.

I don't think I care.

Subtitle translation by: Mark Zucker